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One of the first things that Ricky
ever did as the David Brent character...
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00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,951
He had a couple of scenarios in his head
3
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,798
that he used to play out for me
when we worked together,
4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:08,989
one of which was
5
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,157
his character, his sort of seedy boss
character interviewing a woman
6
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,998
and his slightly lascivious,
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- lecherous manner.
- Yeah.
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Which is actually something we
downplayed in Brent.
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Brent in the original form was
a lot more
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00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,472
seedy, perhaps, than he later became.
11
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,398
But certainly that scene where he's
interviewing the girl...
12
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,397
GERVAIS: It shows another sideof David Brent
13
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,636
because he didn't really knowhow to act.
14
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,830
Right. The interview.
15
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,757
- (GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)
- Let's see
16
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,598
what we've got here.
17
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,990
Mmm... Karen Roper.
18
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,869
Curriculum vitae. Mmm.
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00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,436
Brent doesn't think that that's creepy.
He thinks that's romantic.
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00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,710
He thinks he's a bit of a lothario.
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00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,876
He's thinking he's setting
the mood for love.
22
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:52,311
He doesn't think this is seedy
or anything, does he?
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00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,830
So, he thinks she's going to go,
24
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,634
"You're the most interesting man
I've ever met.
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00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,758
"And you're handsome
with your little beard."
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00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,476
One of the things is it's a great
physical performance by Ricky,
27
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,115
you know, obviously, the gestures have
now become slightly over-well-known.
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00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,233
The tie, um, and the...
again, the looks to camera.
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00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,675
But he does a...
Sometimes every so often
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00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,552
he will do bigger stuff.
31
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,079
Paul Shepherd.Can you give us a call, mate? Cheers.
32
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,394
No!
33
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:19,589
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING)
34
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,109
Dave, it's Julian.Can you give us a ring, please?
35
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,468
Go away!
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00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,397
(MACHINE BEEPING)
Good bloke. Good laugh.
37
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,956
- David, it's Paul again, I think...
- Leave me alone!
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00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,111
(MESSAGE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)
39
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,598
It's fine. It is fine, that one.
40
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,353
There's loads and loads of moments,
41
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,118
just the way he'll be when
a woman's around
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00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,593
as opposed to the way he'll be
43
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,154
when someone who he is frightened of
will be around,
44
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,032
some higher-status person
will be around.
45
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,956
All that sort of stuff, yeah.
Just like take control of the body.
46
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,911
- And it's all that now, isn't it?
- Yeah, it's all...
47
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,837
- Busy?
- Yeah, just, uh,
48
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,313
keeping up the morale.
49
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,510
- Can we have a chat?
- Yeah.
50
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,350
One of the things that we were
exploring in The Office is that
51
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,789
cusp of blue collar to white collar,
52
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,433
regular guys working in an office
53
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,996
instead of a factory
or being a mechanic.
54
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,678
And what we did was
55
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,791
we showed the difference
between the two worlds.
56
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,717
The world upstairs and the world,
57
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,239
um, in the warehouse.
58
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,799
This is scary, David.
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00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,639
Don't tie any more cash up in stock
unless you have to.
60
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,990
I'm sure you could lose more people
from down here.
61
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,678
Who's the foreman?
62
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,635
Taffy!
63
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,272
Taffy! (GIGGLES)
64
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,517
- Glynn!
- What?
65
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,032
We all call him Taffy.
66
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,311
David Brent is caught between
those two worlds because
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00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,631
he wants to be a lad
68
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,232
but he wants to mix with management
as well.
69
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,670
And it comes to a head
when he's down there
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00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,915
with Jennifer Taylor-Clark.
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00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,075
What are you watching?
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00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,158
- It's my dog shagging his dog.
- Oh, yeah.
73
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,397
Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear
to you that you'll be losing personnel.
74
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,637
That's a funny bit.
Look at Gazza's face!
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00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,113
He's trying to be cool and a lad
76
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,912
but he knows it's wrong.
77
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,316
And he knows this thing, sexism.
He's heard of that
78
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,193
and he knows about misogyny.
He knows all those things.
79
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,594
He knows all the "isms".
80
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,870
He just doesn't really
fully understand them
81
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,319
or go along with them all.
82
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,438
Can you take this upstairs? We're busy.
83
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,074
- You don't look busy.
- Do you want me to get busy, love?
84
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,394
I'm sorry?
85
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,317
You can be next, Gazza likes some posh.
86
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,158
- A word with you. Now.
- Yep.
87
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,028
That was out of order in a way.
88
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,957
- Ooh!
- No, I'm not in trouble.
89
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,310
What she needs is a good shagging!
90
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,318
I might bloody have to now.
See you later.
91
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,159
David Brent hates having
a woman as a boss.
92
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,435
Deep down he hates it.
93
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,592
And he hates being undermined anyway
by a woman.
94
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,395
He hates being undermined by anyone
in front of the camera.
95
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:50,310
So, his world
just implodes in that episode.
96
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,069
What do you want to know? Um...
97
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:27,159
See that?
A clock, calculator in one. So...
98
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,271
That's free. Thank you.
99
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,039
Oh, here we go.
100
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,479
- (ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS)
- Three.
101
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,909
Hello, David, it's Paul Shepherd here.Can you give us a call, mate? Cheers.
102
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,031
No!
103
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,869
Dave, it's Julian.Can you give us a ring, please?
104
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,752
- Go away!
- (ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS)
105
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,233
Good bloke. Good laugh.
106
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,716
- David, it's Paul again, I think...
- Leave me alone!
107
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,318
(MESSAGE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)
108
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,797
It's fine. It is fine, that one.
109
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,638
That's okay. It doesn't matter.
110
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,557
Take that there...
111
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,069
That's the old office. So...
112
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,589
Let's get you started. Ohh.
113
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,757
No one is going to lose their jobs.
114
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,639
Yes, Head Office are talking
of downsizing,
115
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,637
but they've said clearly
116
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,196
that the most efficient branch
will incorporate the other one.
117
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,992
We are the most efficient branch.
118
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,714
Cogito, ergo sum, we'll be fine.
119
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,834
DAVID: Why should they be worried, yeah?
120
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,428
They trust me implicitly.
121
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,757
I've said there's not going to be any
redundancies, so that becomes gospel.
122
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,553
Unconditional trust. It's nice.
123
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,511
Mutual. Likewise. Reciprocated.
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00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,076
My only worry is that the powers that be
don't come down here
125
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,272
and pop their head round the door
with their rule book
126
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,353
and go, "Oh, hold on,
what's going on here?
127
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,391
"These people are mucking around."
Right?
128
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,557
"Whilst getting the job done,
they're having a laugh at work
129
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,114
"with the Sword of Damocles
hanging over them." Right?
130
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,549
"This isn't in the rule book.
Who's in charge here?"
131
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,750
Guilty! Get a new rule book!
132
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,154
All right?
133
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,713
It works with the turtle.
134
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,319
(ALL LAUGH)
135
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,357
Okay. Good. Um...
136
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,029
Finally, this young lady is Donna.
137
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,593
DONNA: Hello.
ALL: Hello.
138
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,678
Daughter of my best friends
Ron and Elaine.
139
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,519
She's lodging with me,
so she's my responsibility,
140
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,155
and her dad's not only a copper
but he's a bloody big bugger, isn't he?
141
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,236
So, hands off.
142
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,356
I've got something
she could take down in evidence!
143
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,833
Oh, don't worry about this lot.
144
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,916
Do you want to receive
some swollen goods?
145
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,268
(ALL LAUGH)
146
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,197
Wouldn't mind escaping up her tunnel!
147
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,548
Get out.
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00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,638
Get out. I mean it.
149
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,069
(SIGHS)
150
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,589
It's a shame.
151
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,156
I will not have her tunnel
152
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,750
bandied around this office willy-nilly.
153
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,395
Right.
154
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,439
Okay. Help her to settle in.
155
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,790
If you do have any trouble
from the men...
156
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,798
- What does she do, Dawn?
- Kick them in the balls.
157
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,275
- Oh! Feminist.
- Get your bra off.
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00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,278
- Do you want to go out as well?
- Sorry. Burn your bra but... Feminists.
159
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,436
- Good point.
- Yeah. Right.
160
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,437
Obviously keep a T-shirt on,
like Charlie Dimmock.
161
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:27,754
- Okay.
- Women's libbers.
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00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,154
That's it.
163
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,236
(TAPPING)
164
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,750
What are you doing?
What are you doing? That's ridiculous.
165
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,394
(PHONE RINGING)
166
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,838
Hello. Wernham Hogg.
167
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,118
Yeah, hang on a minute.
I'll just put you through.
168
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,114
That is... You won't need to use that.
169
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,073
You've met this lot. Um, this is Gareth,
170
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,191
who you saw in the meeting.
171
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,311
Formal introductions.
172
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,438
Hi. Gareth. Welcome.
173
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,153
Just a handshake is fine.
174
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,312
- And Ricky.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
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00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,914
Even longer.
176
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,234
And Tim.
177
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,713
- Hello.
- Good.
178
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,277
Okay. Settle her in. Get her started.
Show her the phones and everything.
179
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,834
But first, methink the lady
dost need a chair.
180
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,757
To sit down on.
181
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,277
Maybe she should sit down here
182
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,675
then I could teach her the ropes,
183
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,872
seeing that's my responsibility
as team leader.
184
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,673
David? I'm just saying, maybe...
185
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,554
When people say,
186
00:08:56,680 --> 00:09:00,434
"Oh, would you rather be thought of
as a funny man or a great boss?"
187
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,558
My answer's always the same.
To me, they're not mutually exclusive.
188
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,514
There's a weight of intellect
behind my comedy. Yeah?
189
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,109
If you were to ask me
to name three geniuses,
190
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:14,836
I probably wouldn't say, um,
Einstein, Newton...
191
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,316
You know.
I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett.
192
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,508
Sessions.
193
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,395
(TIM LAUGHS)
194
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,317
Gareth, have you got a licence
to carry that?
195
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,395
(CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY)
196
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,909
Portable phone. All right?
197
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,395
Can you swap places with Donna, please?
198
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,988
No... I'm not moving.
199
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,473
Do as you're told.
200
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,068
Why, what are you going to do, phone me?
201
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,553
- I am team leader.
- I don't give a monkey's.
202
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:45,635
You're so immature.
203
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:50,629
Gareth, if there's one thing
that I am not, it is immature.
204
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,229
You're an immature little tosser.
205
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,351
(MOBILE RINGS)
206
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,074
- Gareth Keenan.
- Cock.
207
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,597
- So...
- David, I was just saying to Tim...
208
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,637
Looks like a... Doesn't it?
209
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,950
- Gun holster.
- It's just my portable telephone.
210
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,869
- I was just saying to Tim maybe...
- Sorry, I just thought of something.
211
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,158
(IMITATING CLINT EASTWOOD)
I know what you're thinking,
212
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,350
did I make five or six calls?
213
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,756
The question is, do you feel lucky,
punk? Well, do ya?
214
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,315
- Clint Eastwood.
- Spot on.
215
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,869
Let's let them get on with it. Okay.
216
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,270
We're all online here. Hooked up
217
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,076
to the world wide web. Internet.
218
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,111
No shopping. All right?
219
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:49,791
Um, everyone's got email.
Have you used email before?
220
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,798
- Yeah.
- Yeah. It's easy, isn't it?
221
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,592
- I'll just show her on here.
- Yeah.
222
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,154
Oh, you got a new one.
See where it says "New mail"?
223
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,840
Just go to that. Just click on that.
224
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,712
(GASPS) No.
225
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,753
No, it's not... Yeah.
It's not funny because
226
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,871
Donna should not have to see me
227
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,468
as a woman with two men doing that
all over me.
228
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,589
You've got nice boobs.
229
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,395
No. It's just not, it's just my head.
They've put it on there to...
230
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,436
Who else has seen this filth?
231
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,314
You know what I'm talking about.
Who else has seen this filth?
232
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,678
You haven't even got email, Joan.
233
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,995
Someone printed it out for me.
234
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,718
Who printed this out for Joan?
235
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,315
Wow. I'm angry.
236
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,360
And not because I'm in it,
237
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,756
but because it degrades women,
238
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,831
which I hate.
239
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,996
And the culprit, whoever he is,
is in this room.
240
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,792
Or she. It could be a woman.
241
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,717
Women are as filthy as men.
242
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,831
Naming no names. I don't know any.
243
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,356
But women are dirty.
244
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,550
Good friend of mine
and a bloody good rep, Chris Finch,
245
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,831
IQ of 142,
one of the cleverest blokes I know.
246
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,234
Certainly the cleverest bloke you know,
isn't he?
247
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,588
Chris Finch, yeah.
248
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,631
He was in an argument once and he went,
249
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,354
"How can I hate women? My mum's one."
250
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,552
Yeah? There's a lot of truth in that.
251
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,673
And that's why when I see rubbish,
all right?
252
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,553
I'm not annoyed
'cause I'm in it or I'm a prude.
253
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,150
- It offends women.
- And our mums.
254
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:39,193
In a way. It's sexist, and I hate that.
255
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,356
- So do I.
- Yeah, but I've said it, haven't I?
256
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,232
We've both said it. We've had meetings
where we've both said it.
257
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,397
- Yeah, but I really hate it.
- I've always...
258
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,350
The point is this, yeah?
259
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,790
We've got access to the internet,
yeah? But it is not censored.
260
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,114
Is that a good or a bad thing?
261
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,674
- Bad.
- Well, it's not for us to say.
262
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,109
All I know is I can type in
263
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,518
"sex... fetish". Yeah?
264
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,870
It takes a little while.
265
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,993
2,230 matches. Yeah?
266
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,998
Just click on one at random.
267
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,599
Oh...
268
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,234
"Dutch girls must be punished
for having big boobs."
269
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,509
Now, you do not punish someone,
270
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,200
Dutch or otherwise,
for having big boobs.
271
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,469
If anything, they should be rewarded.
272
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,511
- They should be equal.
- Women are equal.
273
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,517
I've always said that, so...
274
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,638
- Do you want to play with my hair?
- Huh?
275
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,273
- Do you want to play with my hair.
- Play with your hair?
276
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,355
All right, then.
277
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,596
I've got kind of hot hands. Sorry.
278
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,718
That's all right.
Just don't touch my head.
279
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,272
All it is...
280
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,433
Well...
281
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,188
Donna.
282
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,470
Yeah? My responsibility.
283
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,553
Away from home.
I know boys will be boys.
284
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,632
Word from the top is...
285
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,079
- Hands off.
- Yeah.
286
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,395
- Out of bounds.
- Yeah.
287
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,239
- Look, but don't touch.
- What do you mean by look?
288
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,351
Talk to her, be friendly,
289
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,672
- don't get any ideas.
- Yeah. Good.
290
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,359
Fine.
291
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,878
What if she's up for it?
292
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,033
You want to get some of this
sorted out, mate.
293
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,513
- What can we play now?
- I don't know.
294
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,274
Ask around.
Find out who did the picture, yes,
295
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,470
- discreetly.
- Undercover.
296
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,070
Well, don't go steaming in,
accusing people.
297
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,633
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay?
298
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,513
No, I'm trained in this.
When I was in the army.
299
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,631
- Territorial.
- Territorial Army.
300
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,478
Yeah, whatever. Okay?
301
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,910
Okay. I will need some stuff.
302
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,553
Like what?
303
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,238
An office.
304
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,479
- Well, use the meeting room for now.
- Right. I can say it's my office, can I?
305
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,589
What?
306
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,359
I can say to people,
"Come into my office"?
307
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,597
- Well, while you're doing this, yeah.
- Right.
308
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,996
- I'll make a sign.
- You don't need to make a sign.
309
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,712
And if I need the meeting room
for a meeting,
310
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,319
it's the meeting room again, so...
311
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,954
- Right. I'll take the sign down.
- Don't need to make a sign.
312
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,719
- (MOBILE RINGS)
- Don't make a sign.
313
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,236
Gareth Keenan.
314
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,793
- So... Who was that?
- No one.
315
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,111
No, I'm sorry, you've got
the wrong number. Bye.
316
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,719
That's that, okay?
317
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,195
You go left, you go right, kick.
318
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,992
It's ding ding da!
319
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,156
Yeah, but I never said that was...
320
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,874
No, that was straight
from Thriller, though.
321
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,635
He goes... # Eeeh hee! Ah! Chamone! #
322
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,273
- It's that.
- Afternoon, Mr Jackson.
323
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,910
I know you're an international superstar
but have you sent that fax yet?
324
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,075
Have you heard, um...
Have you heard, uh...
325
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,599
Michael Jackson's new song he's doing?
326
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,792
He's teamed up with West Ham
football team, apparently.
327
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,720
Doing I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles!
328
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,033
The chimp.
329
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,948
She doesn't know about football.
Tell her later.
330
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,548
Have you heard George Michael's
latest release?
331
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,990
No. George Michael's latest song.
It's his release...
332
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,553
- Is it about blow jobs?
- Yeah, the thing in the toilet,
333
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:13,590
- it was a hand job.
- Right
334
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,517
DONNA: Is it Wank Me OffBefore You Go Go?
335
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,073
(ALL LAUGHING)
336
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,592
Um...
337
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,672
What's white
and slides down toilet walls?
338
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,631
- I don't know.
- Michael Jackson's latest release.
339
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,990
George Michael's.
340
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,032
Good, innit? Oh.
341
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,515
- Can you moonwalk?
- Probably not any more.
342
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,392
- Give it a go?
- Yeah. I used to...
343
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,319
- You got to drop your heels back.
- Not on this. You can't do it on this.
344
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,078
- Let me show you.
- I used to do it, yeah.
345
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,159
Oh, yeah, I know how to do it.
We used to do all that stuff as well.
346
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:49,193
All that sort of stuff, yeah.
Just like take control of the body.
347
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,117
- And it's all that now, isn't it?
- Yeah, and it's all...
348
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,912
- Busy?
- Yeah, just, uh...
349
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,439
keeping up the morale.
350
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,631
- Can we have a chat?
- Yeah.
351
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,398
Ooh!
352
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,470
Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith...
353
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,636
Thanks for coming in. Um...
354
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,389
Now, you know what this is about.
Obviously you've seen the picture,
355
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,476
- you know, of David on the computer...
- I saw it, I saw it.
356
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,830
Yeah. And we've all had
a bit of a laugh about it, haven't we?
357
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,916
- It was funny.
- Yeah.
358
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,316
There's a time when
the joking has to stop, though. Um...
359
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,511
Not only is it derogatory...
360
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,030
GARETH: David has trusted mewith this because
361
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,310
not only have I got people skills,
362
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,034
but I am trained in covert operations.
363
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,271
You know the phrase
"softly softly catchee monkey"?
364
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,958
I could catch a monkey.
If I was starving, I could.
365
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,755
I'd make poison darts
out of the poison off of deadly frogs.
366
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,919
One milligram of that poison
can kill a monkey, or a man.
367
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,520
Prick yourself,
you'll be dead within a day.
368
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,834
Or longer.
369
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,951
Different frogs, different times.
370
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,719
Do you know who done the picture?
371
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,159
Yeah.
372
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,430
No. I mean, no.
373
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,756
Right. Your first answer was "yeah".
374
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,189
- Wasn't it?
- I meant no.
375
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,869
- Well, why did you get...
- Uh... Don't know.
376
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,592
Am I making you nervous?
377
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,597
No. I mean, yeah.
378
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,148
Hmm, that's interesting.
379
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,675
I've just spent two days
in Swindon with Neil
380
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,392
and he's made some big changes.
381
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,238
Now, when we spoke on Friday,
382
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,510
you said you were going to instigate
some changes of your own.
383
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,552
I just wondered how that was going.
384
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,035
- Great.
- Good. What have you done?
385
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,358
Changed many things, really.
386
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,038
In a global sense,
387
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,436
streamlining the whole ongoing
enterprise of it.
388
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,835
I'm sorry, David, that sounds like
management-speak to me,
389
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,758
- and I know you hate that.
- Yeah, I do. So...
390
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,029
Well, can you give me, let's say,
391
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,833
five practical changes that you've
actually made?
392
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,349
- Five changes?
- Mmm.
393
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,278
I'll give you three,
and then another two if you need them.
394
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,469
Okay.
395
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,515
Efficiency. Turnover. Profitability.
396
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,915
I'm sorry, David,
that still sounds like management-speak.
397
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,235
- No, because...
- You hate that.
398
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,238
- Shall I tell you what Neil's done?
- Can do.
399
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,998
He's frozen any wage increases,
400
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,951
he's put a stop on all overtime.
401
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,356
And any purchases of £100 or more
now go through him.
402
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,870
Hundred? I was going to make it 90,
but 100's all right.
403
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,468
And he has started
making redundancies, David.
404
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,238
- That's only four.
- Yeah. Whatever, David.
405
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,271
Have you made any redundancies?
406
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,073
I gave a speech only this morning
to my staff,
407
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,156
assuring them there would not be
cutbacks in this branch
408
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,316
and that there certainly wouldn't be
redundancies, so...
409
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,716
- Why on earth would you do that?
- Why? Oh, don't know.
410
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,912
A little word that I think is important
in management called "morale".
411
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,315
Well, surely it's going to be worse
for morale in the long run
412
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,512
when there are redundancies
and you've told people there won't be?
413
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,275
They won't remember.
414
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,477
- With your arms...
- This way?
415
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:58,828
- Ah!
- And then...
416
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,679
- Ooh! Yeah, I know. Like a...
- More of a...
417
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,030
DONNA: Yeah.
RICKY: That is nice.
418
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,710
I'll be honest with you, David,
there have got to be cutbacks.
419
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,319
Now, if you can't manage that yourself,
420
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,431
that's why I'm your boss,
I can do that for you.
421
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,915
You're not the boss here.
And you don't have to do anything for me
422
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,314
'cause I've already made cutbacks.
423
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,317
- What, you've made cutbacks already?
- Yeah.
424
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,317
I didn't want to tell the staff,
but to you...
425
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,954
Cutbacks where?
426
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,308
Staff.
427
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,278
- So there have been redundancies?
- Yeah.
428
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,755
- Well, have you let anyone go?
- Yeah.
429
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,030
Who?
430
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,639
Julie.
431
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,910
Where does Julie work?
432
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,351
Warehouse.
433
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,551
What does she do?
434
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,309
Just general warehouse
in the warehouse. She was, uh...
435
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,715
I'm sorry, David, I thought I knew
everyone in the warehouse.
436
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,398
What's her surname?
437
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,436
Second name?
438
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,239
Anderton.
439
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:58,431
Um... It's signs that Gareth's made
for the door of his office.
440
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,075
He started off with
"interrogation room".
441
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,311
He went to "interrogation office",
442
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,192
"investigation room",
443
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,515
"investigation office", just for the...
444
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,869
He really lost it here.
445
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,436
"Quiet, please!
Investigation in process!"
446
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,116
"Silence. Interrogation."
That's frightening.
447
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,437
That's the one he's gone for.
"Investigation and meeting room."
448
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,434
Makes sense. My personal favourite,
though, has to be...
449
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,791
"Gareth Keenan investigates!" Why?
450
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,839
So...
451
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,792
There's a lot of um...
452
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,956
- I'm trying to work in here.
- Sorry, mate, yeah.
453
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,913
- How is the investigation going?
- Good.
454
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,754
- Very good.
- Do you need a deputy at all?
455
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,078
No. I've already got one.
456
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,317
- All right, Sheila?
- All right?
457
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,396
Keep it down.
458
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,433
This is scary, David.
459
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,274
Don't tie any more cash up in stock
unless you have to.
460
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:10,310
I'm sure you could lose more people
from down here. Who's the foreman?
461
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,198
Taffy!
462
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,231
Taffy! (GIGGLES)
463
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,351
- Glynn!
- What?
464
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,311
We all call him Taffy.
465
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,717
The thing is, though,
no one's dispensable in my book. Yeah?
466
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,229
'Cause we're like one big organism,
one big animal.
467
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,398
Yeah? The guys upstairs on the phone,
they're the mouth.
468
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,591
And the guys down here, the hands.
469
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,075
- Mmm. And what part are you?
- Good question.
470
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,191
Probably the humour.
471
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,358
With responsibility comes harsh things.
472
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:50,839
Um... People look at me, they say,
"Oh, he's tough. He was in the army.
473
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,350
"He's going to be hard. By the book."
474
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,079
But...
475
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,078
I am caring and sensitive.
476
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,795
Isn't Schindler's List a brilliant film?
477
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,755
Um, yeah.
478
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,032
See? People think a strong man
can't be sensitive
479
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,549
but I'm thoughtful and caring...
480
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,273
Sorry, what's this about?
481
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,711
About the picture of David
with the two blokes jizzing on him.
482
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,678
Were they both jizzing on him?
483
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,235
I thought he was sucking
one of them off.
484
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,590
I don't think...
485
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,155
No, look, it's just jizzing.
486
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,952
Well, I didn't do it.
487
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,316
Good. Fine.
488
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,909
Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.
489
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,795
I don't want you to think
of me as your boss.
490
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,433
Well, you're not.
491
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,039
Well, I'm higher up than you, so I am.
492
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,595
What I'm saying is
don't think of me as a boss,
493
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,236
- but know that I am.
- I don't think you are.
494
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,113
Well, I'm team leader, so I am.
I'm higher up than you.
495
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,515
(MOBILE RINGS)
496
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,792
Gareth Keenan.
497
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,958
Right, seriously. Now, just stop it.
498
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,468
Yes, I've had office romances.
499
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,033
Loads.
500
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,117
Not here, another place I worked at.
501
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:12,878
Good-looking ones as well.
502
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,789
But they're not a good idea,
office romances.
503
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,229
It's like shitting on your own doorstep.
504
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,920
I've had loads of offers here,
but I go, "No way."
505
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,237
Distracting. And that's actually
one of the major arguments
506
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,316
against letting gay men into the army.
507
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,278
And I haven't got a problem with that.
508
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,153
You know, a gay man's not going to
put me off. I can handle myself.
509
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,589
But if we were in battle,
510
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,314
is he going to be looking
at the enemy or looking at me
511
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,670
going, "Oooh"?
512
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,998
You know? "He looks tasty
in his uniform."
513
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,553
And I'm not homophobic, all right?
514
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,193
Come round, look at my CD collection.
515
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,835
You'll find Queen, George Michael,
Pet Shop Boys.
516
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,077
They're all bummers.
517
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,433
(DOG BARKS ON TV)
518
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,711
All right, lads? What are you watching?
519
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,793
- It's my dog shagging his dog.
- Oh, yeah.
520
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,231
Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear
to you that you'll be losing personnel.
521
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,960
That's a funny bit.
Look at Gazza's face!
522
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,512
I'm sorry to interrupt,
523
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,278
do you think you can lose any more staff
from down here?
524
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,277
- I know you lost Julie Anderton.
- Who?
525
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,119
- Opening a can of worms there.
- Julie Anderton. David fired her?
526
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,559
- Never heard of her.
- Oh, loyalty.
527
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,319
When someone goes from
this organisation, they no longer exist.
528
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,759
She never existed, did she?
529
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,916
- Well...
- You made her up.
530
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,997
Well, you backed me into a corner
and I...
531
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,395
- You lied.
- It's a form of acting.
532
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,192
Can you take this upstairs?
We're a bit busy.
533
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,789
- You don't look busy.
- Do you want me to get busy, love?
534
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,319
I'm sorry?
535
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,271
You can be next. Gazza likes some posh.
536
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,755
- A word with you. Now.
- Yep.
537
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,793
That was out of order in a way.
538
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,717
- Ooh!
- No, I'm not in trouble.
539
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,990
What she needs is a good shagging!
540
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,317
I might bloody have to now.
See you later.
541
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,519
Now, then. You two.
542
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,711
Dawn and Tim.
543
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,671
What do you want, Gareth?
544
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,316
I've been assigned to find out
who did the picture.
545
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:06,714
Right. Who was it?
546
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,757
- Well, I don't know.
- Will you get fired?
547
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,472
- Will I get fired?
- lf you don't know who did it.
548
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,239
Well, I'm finding out now.
I'm doing investigations now.
549
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,920
- Was it one of you two?
- Yes. Christ, you're good.
550
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,519
- Was it?
- No!
551
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,039
I knew it wasn't.
552
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,594
Listen. I'm not going to fire you
if you know anything
553
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,073
- because...
- You couldn't.
554
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,269
- I could.
- How would that work?
555
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,829
I would say, "You're fired.
Clear your desk and..."
556
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,518
I would say, "You don't have
the authority." But go on.
557
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,959
Not true, not true.
558
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,310
Because in this room, I have special...
559
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,715
- Needs?
- No. I am a special...
560
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,718
- Needs child?
- No, and that's not funny. All right?
561
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,910
- I won't have you fired because...
- You couldn't.
562
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,268
- Right, that's all.
- Thank you.
563
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,397
I just can't believe their total
lack of respect.
564
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,996
Yeah, yeah. Not only did they undermine
you in an authoritive sense...
565
00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,951
- (KNOCKING)
- Come in, Gareth.
566
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,196
...but they left an image in my mind
567
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,834
of you naked on all fours
568
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,872
being quite literally done doggie-style.
569
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,230
David!
570
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,670
- Carry on.
- What is it?
571
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,359
I've found the guilty man.
572
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,154
- Have you indeed, Mr Keenan?
- Can this wait, David?
573
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,594
Uh, yeah,
574
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,270
but if I tell you there's pornography,
sexist pornography, which I hate,
575
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,356
going round the office,
then do you want it to wait?
576
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:25,629
Pornography?
577
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,355
- Who was it?
- Surprise, surprise. It was Tim.
578
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,950
Shame. Good man. How can you be sure?
579
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,038
I found these pictures on his hard drive
downloaded from the internet.
580
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,713
After investigation,
581
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,389
licensed by, carried out by...
582
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,031
Oh, no.
583
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,915
Urgh. I don't want you to see this.
I don't want to see this. Urgh.
584
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,394
That's worse than the one before.
585
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,473
Oh, I hope there aren't any more.
There are more.
586
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,474
Well, he will have to be disciplined
587
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,478
because when the disciplining
has to be done,
588
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,717
then the laughter stops for
that amount of time, then continues,
589
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,115
rehabilitation notwithstanding.
590
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,595
It's everywhere. Oh.
591
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,279
How did you find out?
592
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,789
Well, I suspected the pictures
probably came off the internet,
593
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,638
so I checked everyone's computer.
594
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,593
'Cause there is a log of every
web page you've visited.
595
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,314
You just go to Internet Page
and then Net History.
596
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,671
- Well, it's not worth it...
- It only takes a second.
597
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,268
I don't want to even know how it's done,
in a way.
598
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:28,154
Can you delete the history thing
on the computer? We should, really.
599
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,954
- David, this is a meeting.
- Yeah, yeah.
600
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,720
Okay. That's all. Anything else?
601
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,717
Um, oh, Taffy phoned from the warehouse.
602
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,512
- He's got another funny video for you.
- Thanks.
603
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,790
- This is just one big boys' club!
- Not really.
604
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,275
Seedy little men with
seedy little jokes.
605
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,277
This morning, perfect example!
606
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,397
I do not want to be put
in that position again.
607
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,953
Don't go down the warehouse.
608
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,958
David, don't tell me where I can
and can't go in my own company.
609
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,479
- Advice...
- You're on very thin ice as it is.
610
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,717
You've already lied to me today.
What's that?
611
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,559
You lied to me because you don't have
the guts to do your own job.
612
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,999
I don't have the guts?
613
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,238
If you're not man enough
to do your job, I will do it for you.
614
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,032
Not man enough?
615
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,752
Okay.
616
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,792
Come here.
617
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,273
Busy at work?
618
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,840
- Is there a problem?
- Yeah. That.
619
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,316
- I'm sorry. What's that?
- (CHUCKLES) "What's that?"
620
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,758
I don't know. A dirty picture
with my head on it, as a sex object.
621
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:35,158
And don't... You know I like
a laugh, Tim. I'm just...
622
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,670
Porno laughs are not funny, okay?
623
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,474
- I'm disappointed.
- You think I did this?
624
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,477
Case closed.
625
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,035
Hey, shouldn't I say that?
As it was my investigation.
626
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,437
What annoys me is you obviously
didn't do it in your own time...
627
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,279
Whoa, whoa. Colombo here
figured it out, did he?
628
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,832
Well, yeah, of... I must be guilty if
you've got your best man on the case!
629
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,793
Stop trying to be funny
for one second, Tim, okay?
630
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:02,639
And listen, okay? And stop taking
advantage of my good nature
631
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,718
'cause I could be like every other boss
in this situation.
632
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,148
Okay? Right?
633
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,557
You're taking the piss
and I'm getting sick of it.
634
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,196
David, it wasn't me, okay?
It was your good friend Chris Finch.
635
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,394
He used my computer.
636
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,518
He said he was your best mate
and you'd find it hilarious.
637
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:22,472
Oh...
638
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,672
No, it is. That was never in question.
639
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,469
I think it's bloody hilarious.
You're missing the...
640
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,314
Are you going to apologise to Tim?
641
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,075
I'll tell you about families.
You don't have to, in a way.
642
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:37,508
So...
643
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,790
Are you going to apologise to Tim?
644
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,752
I have, in a way...
645
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,031
- Are you going to apologise now?
- Yes!
646
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,870
S... sorry about that.
647
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,355
You weren't involved...
You covered for it so well, as well.
648
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,038
You were involved, but you covered,
that's what I like.
649
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,116
Well, I really wouldn't want to be here
when you bawl out Finchy.
650
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,196
You won't be. It's not fair.
Nor will you.
651
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,880
So it's not offensive
now it's Chris Finch?
652
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,358
Let's not dwell on whether
it is or isn't this or...
653
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,914
Let's stop degrading women,
shall we? Please.
654
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,634
Let's have a laugh with them,
not at them.
655
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,990
Let's have a laugh at work,
656
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,714
with women, at us.
657
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,991
So I trust you'll be telling Chris Finch
he won't be working with us any more?
658
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:25,758
Yeah, that's a good idea.
I'll get rid of a good rep
659
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,552
'cause he played a joke. Brilliant.
660
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,989
- David, don't even start.
- No, no, fine.
661
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,509
That's come from the top.
662
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,550
Yeah. Hi, Chris. It's David here.
Yeah. Bad news, mate.
663
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,638
We're going to have to let you go.
We can't use you any more. No. Yep.
664
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,034
'Cause of the joke.
665
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,277
No, I've got a sense of humour,
but that was offensive towards women,
666
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,353
and I can't tolerate that.
I'll have to pass on...
667
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:53,917
... the time sponsoredby Accurist will be 4:21
668
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,111
and 40 seconds.
669
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,958
- Pathetic.
- Is it?
670
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,197
At the third stroke,the time sponsored by Accurist
671
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:05,313
will be 4:21 and 50 seconds.
672
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,279
Sorry, has anyone got the right time?
673
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,954
# So what becomes of you, my love
674
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:35,158
# When they have finally stripped you of
675
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,035
# The handbags and the gladrags
676
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,470
# That your granddad had to sweat
677
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,477
# So you could buy #
678
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,911
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
52706
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