subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Splash (1984)-DVDRIp Xvid-THC

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,045 [Seagulls Cry, Ocean Waves Crash] 2 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:25,516 Uno, dos, one, two, tres, cuatro. 3 00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:28,361 ## ["Wooly Bully"] 4 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,863 # Hey, wooly bully # 5 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,943 # Watch it now, watch it # 6 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,863 # Here it comes Here it comes # 7 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,326 # Watch it now He gets you # 8 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,172 # Matty told Hatty # 9 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,762 # About a thing she saw # 10 00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,886 # It had two big horns # 11 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,805 # And a wooly jaw # 12 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,981 # Wooly bully # 13 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,608 # Wooly bully # 14 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,520 # That's right # 15 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,731 # Wooly bully, wooly bully # 16 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,314 # Wooly bully # 17 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,615 # Hatty told Matty # 18 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:23,537 # Let's don't take no chance # 19 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,579 # Let's not be L seven # 20 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,413 # Come and learn to dance # 21 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,625 # Wooly bully # 22 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,216 # Wooly bully # 23 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,470 # Wooly bully, wooly bully # 24 00:01:38,557 --> 00:01:39,837 # Wooly bully # 25 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,341 # Watch it now Watch it, watch it # 26 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,181 # Hey # 27 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,193 # Hey # 28 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,902 # That's right # 29 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,771 # Right, right, right # 30 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,532 [Ferry Whistle] 31 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,550 # Hey, wooly bully # 32 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,716 # Watch it now # 33 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,515 # Here it comes Here it comes # 34 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,007 [Indistinct Chatter] 35 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,812 # Matty told Hatty # 36 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,149 # About a thing she saw... ## 37 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:40,903 Freddie! 38 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,619 I dropped something. 39 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,195 Ralph, talk to him. 40 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,579 Listen to your father. 41 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,704 - From there we can see Cape Cod. - We were just there! 42 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,583 We could have stayed and saved $12.00. 43 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:58,252 Allen, don't you want to see Cape Cod? 44 00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,761 You know where we are if you change your mind. 45 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,398 Allen! 46 00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,030 [Alarm Bell, Whistle] 47 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,497 Oh, my God! 48 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,395 [Bell Ringing] 49 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,318 Thanks a lot. Thanks. 50 00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,820 You okay, Allen? Lend me a towel. 51 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,363 Why did you do that? 52 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,548 Come on, son. 53 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,895 [Ferry Whistle] 54 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,397 [Woman Over P.A. System] Augie, pick up line four, please. 55 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,323 - Where are my cherries? - Mr. McCulloch, 56 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,252 they came in, but there was a fog... 57 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:57,123 If I don't get my cherries in 5 minutes, 58 00:04:57,214 --> 00:05:00,334 you don't get your money and you starve and you die. 59 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:01,968 Jerry? 60 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,257 - Where are McCulloch's cherries? - They're here, 61 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,507 but you gotta take a look. 62 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:13,385 Ah, Mr. McCulloch, be right back. 63 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,307 Where are my cherries? 64 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,819 Augie, did you grow these under your arms? 65 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:22,359 Jesus, snails with stems. Get them outta here! 66 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,903 - George, get them out of here. - You got it. 67 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:29,404 Bauer. Thank you. Honey, what's up? 68 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:33,079 We get a lot of rain and cherries get slime. 69 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,918 - I can't hear ya. - You agreed to take these off our hands. 70 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,917 - When the hell did I agree to that? - Not you, your brother. 71 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,667 Ah, all right. 72 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,668 Victoria, I can't hear you. 73 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,465 What I'm doing is important, too. 74 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,298 My brother bought your slimy cherries? 75 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,596 Yeah. We were playing poker. 76 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,677 He had two pair. I had a flush. 77 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,936 He had no cash, so we worked this out. 78 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,316 [Tires Screech] 79 00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:02,901 ## [Car Radio] 80 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:07,070 Who put this goddam fruit here? 81 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:09,484 I'm all right, if anyone's concerned. 82 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,532 Good morning, Freddie. 83 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:13,785 Allen, Allen! 84 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,831 A simple "yes" or "no." 85 00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,587 I made it. I'm in Penthouse magazine. 86 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,710 They printed my letter! 87 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,335 Listen, I'm very happy. 88 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,299 I'm in the Forum section. 89 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,758 The story's entitled, "A Lesbian No More." 90 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,171 They printed every word. It's a beautiful story. 91 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,637 I want copies for everybody. 92 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,719 Augie, good to see you! 93 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,721 Great game. We gotta do that more. 94 00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:38,890 - Can we talk? - Great poker player. 95 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:42,102 - Cheats like a son of a bitch! - We have to talk. 96 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:45,894 - Missing petty cash? It was the cleaning girl. 97 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,148 You don't? I admit the whole thing. 98 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,318 I still don't care about it. 99 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,281 I love this guy! Do you hear me? 100 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,115 - Gimme a kiss. - Oh, Freddie. 101 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,283 Too big to kiss your older brother? 102 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:03,795 I love this guy's head. 103 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,338 Here's a buck. Wash my car. 104 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,458 Bauer! 105 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,629 Where are my... 106 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,465 Your cherries, yes. 107 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:14,890 Believe me, you won't be satisfied with what we have. 108 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,008 You're ruined! 109 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,179 Everyone's gonna know you left me dry. 110 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,430 You're finished, a ghost. 111 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,311 - How'd you like bananas at cost? - Deal! 112 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:26,153 Set up our friend with bananas at cost. 113 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:29,274 Allen, wait. I've got to get out early. 114 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,153 Gee, right. Today's the big day. 115 00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:34,569 Ushers have to be early, too. 116 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,620 - I'll be there. - Okay. 117 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:42,336 [Woman On P.A.] Will someone get those Jonathans off the truck? 118 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,498 Any messages, Mrs. Stimler? 119 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,999 Yes. 120 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,714 What are they? 121 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,722 Huh? Oh, 122 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:01,145 your father wants you to call him back. 123 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:05,443 Mrs. Stimler, our father passed away 5 years ago. 124 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,808 Remember? 125 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:12,029 Right. Should I get him for you? 126 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,949 No, no. We'll... I'll take care of it. 127 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,659 You just get back to work. 128 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,964 - What's with her? - A little accident over the weekend. 129 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,838 Got hit in the head by some lightning. 130 00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:35,758 It's not funny, Freddie! 131 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,720 I'm sorry. That's not funny. 132 00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:42,014 Besides, she can still do certain things. 133 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,643 Like jump-start a car? 134 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,608 [Laughing] Jump-start a car! 135 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,983 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 136 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,607 - What the hell are you doing down here? - Maybe I went... 137 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,904 - to the "Club A" last night. - Something new for you. 138 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,830 Maybe I met Mr. Buyrite, owner of Buyrite Markets. 139 00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:02,453 Maybe we had a few drinks. 140 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,793 And maybe, just maybe... 141 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,919 we're his new produce suppliers. 142 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,549 I'm proud of you. 143 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,756 That's great! Which store? 144 00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:15,462 Not which store, the whole chain. 145 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:18,889 I hope you are joking with me. 146 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,304 Think big, be big. 147 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,517 He was a colonel. I made up a story... 148 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:25,178 about you being wounded in Nam and he wants to do business. 149 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,183 He's coming this morning. 150 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:30,727 Great, Freddie. It's only chaos down here. 151 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,822 - Augie brings me slimy cherries. - So what? 152 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,442 - Jerry's getting married tomorrow. - So what? 153 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,694 I was drinking with this bum all night. 154 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,955 - I'm busting my buns. - East 77th Street. 155 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,660 - Come on, you can handle this deal. - Yeah, I'll handle it. 156 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:50,454 - Your desk looks like a pigsty. - I have a system. 157 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,791 - [Buzzer] - Phone for you. 158 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:56,752 Yes? All right. Thank you. 159 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,005 Hi, Victoria. I'm sorry. 160 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,008 I forgot to call you back. 161 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,770 What's the matter? Your voice sounds funny. 162 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,345 What? Now? 163 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,643 You're moving out of the apartment now? 164 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,652 While we're talking? 165 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:16,154 Yeah, I know we were going to talk about it. 166 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:19,942 Victoria, this is a little impulsive. 167 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:23,038 If we were married you wouldn't move out like this. 168 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,531 - She might. Sure. - Get off! 169 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,784 - Was that you? - Get off the phone! 170 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,123 I'm so sorry! 171 00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,375 Not you. 172 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:33,085 Why not tell a guy you're on the phone? 173 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,002 [Door Closes] 174 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,964 What do you mean, "Do I love you?" 175 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,261 Well, I... 176 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:45,299 Well, we met and... 177 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,934 You moved in, didn't you? 178 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:52,818 Well, it's... 179 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,774 it's just a very complicated thing. 180 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,616 Hey, do you love me? 181 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,452 Well, there you go. 182 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,492 There she went. 183 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,581 [Woman's Voice] What a huge wedding. 184 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,831 [Church Bells] 185 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,549 Cindy, hi. 186 00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,552 - How are you? - How are you? 187 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,094 Excuse me. 188 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,394 You look so pretty! 189 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:36,152 Darn! My flash never works! 190 00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,859 Figures. My mother-in-law gave it to me. 191 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,778 [Allen] Get up! 192 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,945 What? What? 193 00:11:45,164 --> 00:11:47,452 It was embarrassing when you were 10. 194 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,293 If something works for me, I stick with it! 195 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,002 I've been thinking. 196 00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:54,625 I intend to get more involved with business. 197 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:58,000 I mean that this time. I know the business. 198 00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,964 I was there at the beginning with Dad. 199 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:05,384 Do we sell fruit and vegetables or just fruit? 200 00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:09,176 By the time I came home, she was already gone. 201 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,596 - Victoria left, huh? - Yeah. 202 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,359 You know why she left me? 203 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:17,728 - Because I didn't love her. - That bitch. 204 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,026 Hi. Anywhere but the 1st three rows. 205 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,318 - Anywhere but the 1st three rows. - Hey! 206 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,199 Hi, Freddie. Allen, where's Victoria? 207 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,624 She's sick, and she can't make it. 208 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:32,706 I'm sorry. 209 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,419 Hey! 210 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,673 Can you answer me why I didn't love her, Freddie? 211 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,587 She had everything. 212 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,596 She was bright, sensitive, beautiful. 213 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,425 Hey, Allen! 214 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,141 - Hi. - Where's Victoria? 215 00:12:48,227 --> 00:12:52,011 She can't make it because of the flu. 216 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,643 - Give her my love. - You bet! Sure. 217 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:58,308 I can't even give her my love! 218 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,855 Something in here is not working. 219 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,522 There are worse organs not to be working. Ha! 220 00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,868 Hi, guys. Bauer, where's your pretty lady? 221 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,864 She's not coming! Okay? 222 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,329 Do you want your money back? 223 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:17,787 Well, I don't know. Maybe it's for the best. 224 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:21,048 - Hey, Allen. - She left me! My life's a shambles. 225 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,174 That's the news. Want the weather? 226 00:13:23,262 --> 00:13:25,753 Anywhere but the 1st three rows! 227 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,264 Lighten up on the guy. That's the bride's brother. 228 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,886 Drinking is a matter of algebraic ratios. 229 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,890 How drunk you get... 230 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,731 depends on how much alcohol you consume... 231 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,940 in relation to your total body weight. 232 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,107 It's not that you had too much to drink, 233 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,738 it's that you're too skinny! 234 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,986 - Marceau, more drinks here. - No. 235 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,912 - Freddie, I don't want to get drunk. - But you are. 236 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,752 A sober person would have reached for the pretzels. 237 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,292 - Is he going to be there long? - I don't know. 238 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,999 - Oh, I'm on the bar. - You're on the bar. 239 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:05,086 Come on, off the bar. 240 00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:08,014 This stool is in your way. Let me move it. 241 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,387 Oh, oh, you fell. 242 00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:14,978 That hurt. You're not having a good day. 243 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,981 - Wasn't that a beautiful wedding? - That was. 244 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,518 It was. It really was. 245 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:25,396 - The most gorgeous ceremony... - A lovely... 246 00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:27,033 [Growls] 247 00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:29,157 - How ya doing? - Fine. 248 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,570 The fabulous Freddie Bauer here. 249 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:34,664 - Where did you get those? - My grandmother. 250 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:37,455 - She left them to me. - She did? 251 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,869 - They're beautiful. - Thank you. 252 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,089 Hi. 253 00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:43,917 - Hi. - Hi. 254 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,381 You guys are in love, aren't you? 255 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,509 We just met. 256 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:51,931 That doesn't matter. I know about these things. 257 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,140 I can see. I can tell. 258 00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,386 You two guys, you're in love. 259 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,149 I think that's beautiful. 260 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,439 Thanks. 261 00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,777 I don't live too far. 262 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:10,281 Let's go to my place for a quiet drink. 263 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:14,153 Do I expect too much out of life? 264 00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:17,249 My dress! I can't believe this. 265 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,288 - I'm sorry. - Hey, what are you doing? 266 00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:23,499 Both of you. You're both crazy! 267 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,666 I'm sorry. Look... 268 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,586 I don't ask that much, do I? 269 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,754 I don't ask to be famous, rich, 270 00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:33,714 or play centre field for the Yankees. 271 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:36,561 I just want to meet a woman... 272 00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:39,183 and fall in love, and get married. 273 00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,349 And I want to have a kid, 274 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,692 and I want to see him play a tooth in the school play. 275 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,605 It's not much. 276 00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:49,402 But I'm kidding myself. 277 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,863 It's never going to happen. 278 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,360 I'm going to grow old... 279 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,705 and grow lonely, and I'm gonna die; 280 00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:01,456 and I'll be surrounded by a bunch of rotten fruit. 281 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,206 - No kidding! - Freddie? 282 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,842 Freddie? 283 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,966 Allen! 284 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,675 I want you to meet some friends of mine. 285 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,556 This is Tawny, and this is Jill. 286 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,800 - I'm Tawny. - You're Tawny Tiger! 287 00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:19,182 And this is Jill, a four letter word. 288 00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:21,429 - My brother, Allen. - Hi. 289 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,061 - Freddie, can I talk to you? - Absolutely. 290 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,025 Excuse me. 291 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,400 I'll be right back. We'll whisper some more. 292 00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:31,062 I've got some whispering for you! 293 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,316 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 294 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,328 Pack your bags. We're going to Rio! 295 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,702 They have a timesharing condominium. 296 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:41,708 We're gonna share some time with them. 297 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,833 No, I'm going to Cape Cod. 298 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:46,209 What are you talking about? 299 00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,958 Why would you go to Cape Cod? 300 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,588 Because I like Cape Cod. 301 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,587 I feel better up there. 302 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,431 I look at the water and feel closer to something. 303 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:58,766 - Cape Cod over Rio? Are you all right? - Yeah. 304 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:02,221 - Let me drive you up there. - No, no. 305 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,223 - You got enough money? - I've got plenty. 306 00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:06,854 - Yeah? - Thanks. 307 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,770 Can I have some then? 308 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,571 [Tapping] 309 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:21,583 - Where to? - Cape Cod, Massachusetts. 310 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,955 [Tires Screech] 311 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,333 You break that, you pay for it. 312 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,292 Well, I'm sorry. I usually enjoy... 313 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,671 smashing the glass with my face. 314 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,628 That's about 300 miles. You got the cash? 315 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,427 What is this? 316 00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,395 [Crickets Chirp, Frogs Croak] 317 00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,986 [Walter] Careful of that. 318 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,493 Be careful with that! 319 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,956 What do you think you're loading? 320 00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:09,413 This is delicate scientific equipment. 321 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,841 Hold it. Put it down. 322 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,499 You see that? It says, "This end up." 323 00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,002 Know what that means? This end up! 324 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,596 Why don't you try holding that end up? 325 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,302 All right, get away! 326 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:25,103 I'll do it myself. Get away. 327 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:27,146 Give me a hand. 328 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,237 Easy. 329 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,901 - Move that... - Excuse me. 330 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:41,197 - Morning. - Morning. 331 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,948 Ah, 332 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,875 I was dropped off on the wrong side of the beach. 333 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,581 Could you take me over to the island? 334 00:18:50,214 --> 00:18:52,337 Well, ah, we're not... 335 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,215 We're not going... 336 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,551 We're taking the boat. We're not going out there! 337 00:18:57,638 --> 00:19:01,089 - Have you seen anyone else along this beach? 338 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,804 Just me and the moron twins. 339 00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:06,515 We're not twins. 340 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:12,234 - What is all this stuff? - I knew it! 341 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:15,439 Who sent you up here? Dr. Ross from Chicago? 342 00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:17,856 Who's Dr. Ross from Chicago? 343 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:20,951 Who's Dr. Ross? You're very good. 344 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:23,408 I suppose you're some harmless beachcomber... 345 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:26,284 who happens to wear a tuxedo! 346 00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:29,245 How dare you try and horn in on someone else's research! 347 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,711 I'm just a guy... 348 00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:33,666 Walter Kornbluth is not to be taken advantage of. 349 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,707 Just stay out of my way, sonny. 350 00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:41,638 All right, let's move out! 351 00:19:47,813 --> 00:19:51,478 A guy down the beach runs people out to the island. 352 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,725 What's the name? 353 00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:55,942 The guy or the island? 354 00:19:57,865 --> 00:19:59,323 I'll find him. 355 00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:01,157 [Boat Motor] 356 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,452 What's the matter? You look nervous. 357 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:08,291 Yeah. The truth is, Fat Jack, 358 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,996 I don't know how to swim. 359 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,209 - You can't swim? - No, sir. 360 00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:16,333 Then you wouldn't want me to do this. 361 00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:19,176 Stop! Ah, don't! 362 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,589 Please, cut it out! 363 00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,636 There's water coming in the boat! 364 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,048 I'm just having a little fun. 365 00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:26,636 Well, don't. 366 00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:28,766 [Motor Sputters] 367 00:20:28,854 --> 00:20:31,641 What is that? What's the matter? 368 00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:35,101 When I rocked the boat, I must have got water in the engine. 369 00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:38,148 I can fix it. I'm mechanical. 370 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,401 [Hammering] 371 00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:46,405 Did you fix it? 372 00:20:46,497 --> 00:20:49,663 No. I'll go back for the other boat. 373 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,410 What? 374 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,578 Where are you going, Mr. Fat Jack? 375 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:59,508 Back to the dock. It's only a few miles. 376 00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:03,009 I can swim it. I'll be back with the little boat. 377 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:06,263 The little boat? 378 00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:19,320 I knew it. 379 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,322 I knew that guy was spying on me. 380 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,780 I want to go down! 381 00:21:27,496 --> 00:21:29,619 Mr. Cornbeef? 382 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,995 Kornbluth! 383 00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:34,409 Whatcha looking for down there? 384 00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:36,709 Buried treasure? 385 00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:38,920 Want to know what I'm looking for? 386 00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,667 I'll tell ya. 387 00:21:41,844 --> 00:21:44,844 None of your goddam business, that's what! 388 00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:47,219 Get out of my way! 389 00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:55,434 Let's pee down his air hose. 390 00:21:55,524 --> 00:21:57,849 [Laughter] You get that. 391 00:22:15,544 --> 00:22:17,869 Piece of shit. 392 00:22:21,884 --> 00:22:22,963 [Scream] 393 00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,711 [Boat Motor] 394 00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:28,137 [Gasping] 395 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:30,216 [Boat Motor] 396 00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:32,716 Ahh! 397 00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:41,861 [Gasping] 398 00:22:44,615 --> 00:22:45,895 Ah, gee. 399 00:22:47,493 --> 00:22:48,738 [Bang] 400 00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:19,265 Ohhh! 401 00:23:22,152 --> 00:23:24,275 Ohh. 402 00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:27,987 [Spitting] 403 00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:33,450 Ouch! 404 00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:35,033 Ouch. 405 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,498 [Moans] 406 00:23:57,146 --> 00:23:58,308 Hello. 407 00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:02,264 You have any idea how I got here? 408 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,150 Did you save me? 409 00:24:09,408 --> 00:24:11,400 Ah, 410 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,865 do you speak English? 411 00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:54,575 Hey! Come back! 412 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:57,449 Hey, come back! Please? 413 00:24:57,539 --> 00:24:59,496 Just tell me who you are. 414 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:00,958 I've gotta talk to you. 415 00:25:01,043 --> 00:25:03,166 Can I call you? What's your number? 416 00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:05,791 I don't know how to swim. 417 00:25:05,881 --> 00:25:09,214 I don't know how to swim! Come back. 418 00:25:09,301 --> 00:25:11,922 Why didn't I learn how to swim? 419 00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:13,803 Please, just... 420 00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:16,235 [Gasp] 421 00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:18,996 It's a mermaid. It's her! 422 00:26:19,079 --> 00:26:21,404 [Shouts] Wait a minute. 423 00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:22,577 Wait a minute! 424 00:26:22,666 --> 00:26:24,540 Don't go. 425 00:26:25,419 --> 00:26:27,661 Come back. 426 00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:29,996 I gotta take your picture. 427 00:26:31,341 --> 00:26:32,670 Hold it. 428 00:28:03,475 --> 00:28:05,349 [Honking] 429 00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:08,009 [Indistinct Chatter] 430 00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:17,944 Hi, Mrs. Stimler. 431 00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:21,235 Hi, what happened to your head? 432 00:28:21,326 --> 00:28:24,612 - Lightning? - No, a boat hit me. 433 00:28:25,998 --> 00:28:28,868 - Mrs. Stimler? - Yes? 434 00:28:28,959 --> 00:28:32,660 - Nothing. - So nice to have you back. 435 00:28:35,007 --> 00:28:37,249 Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. 436 00:28:37,342 --> 00:28:39,715 The statue is a gift from French citizens... 437 00:28:39,803 --> 00:28:43,587 and symbolizes hope for oppressed people. 438 00:28:43,682 --> 00:28:47,383 Over the past century, she has seen the skyline, 439 00:28:47,478 --> 00:28:51,938 which once she dwarfed, rise in mountains of stone and steel. 440 00:28:52,024 --> 00:28:55,974 If you'll go inside, the tour will continue. 441 00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:58,358 Come on. Here we go. 442 00:28:58,447 --> 00:29:00,985 Let's go. We're backing up. 443 00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:03,565 You've got feet, use them! 444 00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:07,243 Don't touch my hat. Do not ever touch my hat. 445 00:29:07,331 --> 00:29:08,611 That's it. 446 00:29:08,707 --> 00:29:11,625 Up-up-up-up-up-up. Okay. 447 00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,833 Welcome to the Statue of Liberty. 448 00:29:13,921 --> 00:29:16,922 The statue is a gift from French citizens. 449 00:29:17,007 --> 00:29:20,423 It has come to symbolize hope for naked women everywhere. 450 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,420 Bocci balls! 451 00:29:22,513 --> 00:29:23,426 [Yell] 452 00:29:23,514 --> 00:29:24,759 Hey, hey. 453 00:29:24,848 --> 00:29:27,137 Come on. Don't be doing that. 454 00:29:27,226 --> 00:29:28,601 Take a picture... 455 00:29:28,685 --> 00:29:30,429 of me, Vinnie. 456 00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:32,762 Vinnie, take my picture. 457 00:29:32,856 --> 00:29:34,267 You get it? 458 00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:36,434 You get it! 459 00:29:36,527 --> 00:29:39,018 The statue... was a gift straight... 460 00:29:39,112 --> 00:29:40,772 from French people. 461 00:29:40,864 --> 00:29:42,987 Get out of the way. What's going on? 462 00:29:43,075 --> 00:29:44,652 Okay, miss. 463 00:29:44,743 --> 00:29:48,657 This ain't California. We don't go for this. 464 00:29:48,747 --> 00:29:51,950 [Booing] 465 00:29:57,965 --> 00:30:00,716 [Boat Whistle] 466 00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:09,343 - What's your name? - She don't speak no English. 467 00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:12,601 - And you do? - Here. She was carrying this. 468 00:30:12,688 --> 00:30:14,561 What's this? 469 00:30:16,733 --> 00:30:19,022 Who's this guy? 470 00:30:20,988 --> 00:30:23,479 Is that enough? Do you want some more? 471 00:30:23,574 --> 00:30:26,409 That's all we can handle. Let's talk terms. 472 00:30:26,493 --> 00:30:28,818 - He doesn't have a clue. - Don't worry. 473 00:30:28,912 --> 00:30:30,739 We'll move it out in the morning. 474 00:30:30,831 --> 00:30:33,322 Bauer. Your brother told me about... 475 00:30:33,417 --> 00:30:36,868 your unfortunate experience in Vietnam. 476 00:30:36,962 --> 00:30:38,670 Huh? 477 00:30:38,755 --> 00:30:41,840 The incident in Vietnam. Remember? 478 00:30:43,218 --> 00:30:47,263 The grenade still bother you? You're wearing a bandage. 479 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:49,589 Page him. Hey, Al? 480 00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:51,474 - Yeah? - Phone. 481 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,636 Um, excuse me. 482 00:30:55,481 --> 00:30:57,806 Thanks, Jerry. Yeah? 483 00:30:57,900 --> 00:31:00,473 Allen Bauer. Speaking. 484 00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:08,526 Yeah. On my way! 485 00:31:08,619 --> 00:31:10,327 I believe this... 486 00:31:11,830 --> 00:31:14,452 Allen, where are you going? 487 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,000 Allen! 488 00:31:18,003 --> 00:31:20,838 - What happened? - Telephone. 489 00:31:20,923 --> 00:31:24,042 He was on the phone in Nam when the grenade went off. 490 00:31:24,134 --> 00:31:27,088 Ever since then, he runs, 491 00:31:27,179 --> 00:31:29,385 gets in a car, and drives away. 492 00:31:29,473 --> 00:31:32,046 - Oh. - I don't know why. 493 00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:34,633 - It just happens. - Oh. 494 00:31:34,728 --> 00:31:36,187 Let's review this. 495 00:31:36,271 --> 00:31:39,106 [Siren] 496 00:31:57,709 --> 00:31:59,619 Pardon me. Excuse me! 497 00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:02,381 [Bell Rings] Mr. Police Officer? 498 00:32:02,464 --> 00:32:04,920 Hey! Take it easy. 499 00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:06,918 What do you want? 500 00:32:07,010 --> 00:32:09,418 My name's Allen Bauer. You guys called me. 501 00:32:09,513 --> 00:32:12,763 Any of you guys call for an Allen Bauer? 502 00:32:12,850 --> 00:32:16,799 Bauer. Yeah. That's for her. 503 00:32:16,895 --> 00:32:18,687 Right over there. 504 00:32:41,336 --> 00:32:42,451 Hi. 505 00:32:49,970 --> 00:32:52,543 I take it you know this girl? 506 00:32:54,391 --> 00:32:55,672 Yeah, I do. 507 00:32:55,767 --> 00:32:57,677 Who is she? 508 00:32:59,980 --> 00:33:01,640 I don't know. 509 00:33:01,732 --> 00:33:03,060 Of course. 510 00:33:16,538 --> 00:33:19,290 Afternoon. You're home early. 511 00:33:19,374 --> 00:33:21,450 Yeah. 512 00:33:28,258 --> 00:33:29,836 Uh, 513 00:33:29,927 --> 00:33:31,966 that doorway spins. 514 00:33:32,054 --> 00:33:34,627 Want to get this fixed, Timmy? 515 00:33:40,646 --> 00:33:43,018 - Hi. - Hello. 516 00:34:29,111 --> 00:34:31,780 ## [Allen Sings] 517 00:34:31,864 --> 00:34:34,651 # Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-a # 518 00:34:34,741 --> 00:34:38,027 # Mr. Bluebird's on my shoulder # 519 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,947 # It's the truth It's actual # 520 00:34:40,038 --> 00:34:41,663 # Everything is satisfactual # 521 00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:44,749 # Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-a # 522 00:34:44,835 --> 00:34:46,874 # My, oh, my What a wonderful day # 523 00:34:46,962 --> 00:34:49,833 Room service. I didn't know what you liked, 524 00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:53,707 so I got you a choice. Fruity Pebbles, pancakes... 525 00:34:53,802 --> 00:34:55,925 No. No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. 526 00:34:56,013 --> 00:34:58,005 I've got to get back to work. 527 00:34:58,098 --> 00:35:00,007 That will keep you company. 528 00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:03,932 When I come back from work, we'll get some dinner, 529 00:35:04,021 --> 00:35:06,393 and pick you up some clothes. 530 00:35:06,482 --> 00:35:09,482 Not that you don't look spectacular in my robe. 531 00:35:09,568 --> 00:35:12,189 Okay? Bye-bye. 532 00:35:14,865 --> 00:35:17,273 No. Please. 533 00:35:17,367 --> 00:35:19,574 You're gonna put me in the hospital. 534 00:35:19,661 --> 00:35:22,865 It's about 3 p.m. I really have to get back. 535 00:35:23,582 --> 00:35:25,658 You are wonderful. 536 00:35:25,751 --> 00:35:26,782 Bye-bye. 537 00:35:26,877 --> 00:35:28,288 Bye. 538 00:35:29,129 --> 00:35:32,545 [TV] 539 00:35:32,633 --> 00:35:36,132 Things don't get started again until 4 p.m. 540 00:35:42,476 --> 00:35:45,097 Let's not be so choosy with these onions. 541 00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:48,104 Some of these are perfectly good onions. 542 00:35:48,190 --> 00:35:51,475 [Allen] Everybody, zip-a-dee-doo-dah! 543 00:35:51,568 --> 00:35:54,569 # Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-a # 544 00:35:54,655 --> 00:35:57,940 # My, oh, my What a wonderful day # 545 00:35:58,033 --> 00:36:00,987 # Plenty of sunshine heading my way # 546 00:36:01,078 --> 00:36:04,198 # Zip-a-dee-doo-dah Zip-a-dee-a # 547 00:36:04,289 --> 00:36:07,160 # Mr. Mango on my shoulder # 548 00:36:07,251 --> 00:36:09,243 Freddie, dance with me! 549 00:36:09,336 --> 00:36:11,625 Please, not in front of the teamsters. 550 00:36:11,713 --> 00:36:14,501 - Come on, they're happy guys. - You're a rotten lead. 551 00:36:14,591 --> 00:36:17,261 I've got the Buyrite contracts ready. 552 00:36:17,344 --> 00:36:19,218 - Want to check them? - No. 553 00:36:19,304 --> 00:36:21,096 You check them. You know the business. 554 00:36:21,181 --> 00:36:22,841 - So I'm in charge? - Sure. 555 00:36:22,933 --> 00:36:24,807 What about the lawyer's meeting at 8:00? 556 00:36:24,893 --> 00:36:28,262 8 p.m.? That's too late for me. 557 00:36:28,355 --> 00:36:31,771 I'm going upstairs and take a nap. 558 00:36:31,859 --> 00:36:34,528 Wake me when it's time to go home. 559 00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:38,526 # Zip-a-dee... ## Jerry, handle those for me! 560 00:36:40,284 --> 00:36:42,360 [TV Announcer] Anne Klein. 561 00:36:42,452 --> 00:36:44,362 Bloomingdale's. 562 00:36:46,415 --> 00:36:47,992 Anne Klein. 563 00:36:50,752 --> 00:36:53,125 Bloomingdale's. 564 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,338 The Anne Klein Collection, available at... 565 00:36:59,428 --> 00:37:01,136 Bloomingdale's. 566 00:37:13,484 --> 00:37:15,523 Can I help you? 567 00:37:16,653 --> 00:37:19,227 Can't you talk? 568 00:37:20,782 --> 00:37:23,024 - Bloomingdale's? - Sure. 569 00:37:23,118 --> 00:37:24,067 Hey! 570 00:38:21,051 --> 00:38:23,507 Oh, my God. 571 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:26,466 Darling. Darling. 572 00:38:26,557 --> 00:38:30,506 Darling! That outfit, it's to die from. 573 00:38:30,602 --> 00:38:33,389 What happened? You saw Annie Hall 100 times? 574 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,102 That look is over. 575 00:38:36,191 --> 00:38:38,148 You want to try that on? 576 00:38:38,235 --> 00:38:40,643 Who knows? Maybe it's you. 577 00:38:40,737 --> 00:38:42,860 I couldn't get one leg in there. 578 00:38:42,948 --> 00:38:47,325 My daughter is lucky. She's anorexic. 579 00:38:50,497 --> 00:38:55,124 Please call again. Don't forget these. 580 00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:59,078 Do yourself a favor and stop in the lingerie department. 581 00:38:59,173 --> 00:39:02,838 A pretty girl like you shouldn't wear boxer shorts. 582 00:39:09,850 --> 00:39:11,842 [Boy] Let me try! 583 00:39:11,935 --> 00:39:14,687 [TV Announcer] Colgate Winter Fresh Gel... 584 00:39:14,771 --> 00:39:19,101 And now, we continue with Capitol. 585 00:39:19,193 --> 00:39:23,237 Wear the adjustable-angle mascara by Revlon. 586 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,035 Maximum protection in a great-tasting gel. 587 00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:31,824 It's Crazy Eddie's greatest clearance sale ever! 588 00:39:31,914 --> 00:39:33,953 Crazy Eddie's slashing prices... 589 00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,366 on stereo equipment, video equipment, 590 00:39:36,460 --> 00:39:38,785 color TV's, car stereos, CB's, phones, 591 00:39:38,879 --> 00:39:41,002 disco equipment and professional products, 592 00:39:41,089 --> 00:39:44,541 plus a selection of floor samples and demonstrators... 593 00:39:44,635 --> 00:39:46,343 priced at or below cost. 594 00:39:46,428 --> 00:39:48,088 It's Crazy Eddie's greatest sale ever, 595 00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:51,347 going on right now with prices that are insane! 596 00:39:51,433 --> 00:39:53,924 Crazy Eddie, 12 great locations. Manhattan, 597 00:39:54,019 --> 00:39:55,893 the Bronx, Brooklyn, Syosset, Paramus, 598 00:39:55,979 --> 00:39:58,731 East Brunswick, Union, Westchester, Westbury and Norwalk. 599 00:39:58,816 --> 00:40:02,398 ## [Humming] 600 00:40:02,486 --> 00:40:06,566 # Zip-a-dee-doo-dah # Hello? 601 00:40:07,866 --> 00:40:10,701 I'm home! 602 00:40:21,004 --> 00:40:22,380 [Ding] 603 00:40:27,761 --> 00:40:29,884 - I'm looking for a girl, Timmy. - $200. 604 00:40:29,972 --> 00:40:32,510 No, the blonde I came in with. 605 00:40:32,599 --> 00:40:35,386 - Oh, she left. - Any idea where? 606 00:40:35,477 --> 00:40:38,348 - I put her in a cab. - To where, Timmy? 607 00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:41,274 - Bloomingdale's. - Bloomingdale's. Great. Thanks. 608 00:40:41,358 --> 00:40:43,267 Yo! Hey, taxi! 609 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,902 Hey! 610 00:40:44,987 --> 00:40:46,611 Halt, taxi, please! 611 00:40:46,822 --> 00:40:49,111 # She works hard for the money # 612 00:40:49,199 --> 00:40:52,615 Come on, come on. Let's go! 613 00:40:52,703 --> 00:40:56,487 # She works hard for the money so you better treat her right # 614 00:40:56,582 --> 00:40:59,951 Excuse me, miss, we're getting ready to close. 615 00:41:00,043 --> 00:41:02,879 She's been here for 6 hours. 616 00:41:04,548 --> 00:41:06,873 Excuse me, miss. 617 00:41:06,967 --> 00:41:09,458 I'm going to insist that... 618 00:41:09,553 --> 00:41:13,136 that you stop doing that. 619 00:41:16,143 --> 00:41:18,930 She's exercising. 620 00:41:20,731 --> 00:41:23,601 Give her... a minute. 621 00:41:23,692 --> 00:41:25,685 Sir, we're closing. 622 00:41:25,777 --> 00:41:28,315 I know. Just give me 3 minutes. 623 00:41:28,405 --> 00:41:30,730 - Come back. - 3 minutes. You can time me! 624 00:41:33,202 --> 00:41:35,906 Oh, thank God. 625 00:41:35,996 --> 00:41:38,119 Excuse me. Do you know this woman? 626 00:41:38,207 --> 00:41:40,994 Yeah. Just don't ask me her name. 627 00:41:41,084 --> 00:41:43,373 We've been trying to tell her it's closing time, 628 00:41:43,462 --> 00:41:45,787 but she doesn't seem to understand. 629 00:41:45,881 --> 00:41:48,668 That's because she doesn't speak English. 630 00:41:48,759 --> 00:41:50,336 Hello, Allen. 631 00:41:50,427 --> 00:41:52,550 How was your day? 632 00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:55,840 I never went to college, 633 00:41:55,933 --> 00:41:58,340 but wasn't that English? 634 00:41:58,435 --> 00:42:00,642 Thank you for letting me use your TV. 635 00:42:00,729 --> 00:42:03,350 It was very educational. 636 00:42:04,733 --> 00:42:06,773 It's all right, miss. 637 00:42:09,530 --> 00:42:11,487 What's your name? 638 00:42:11,573 --> 00:42:14,360 It's hard to say in English. 639 00:42:14,451 --> 00:42:17,488 Well, just say it in your language. 640 00:42:17,579 --> 00:42:20,035 All right. My name is... 641 00:42:20,123 --> 00:42:21,783 [Screech] 642 00:42:34,596 --> 00:42:37,799 Hey, how 'bout those Knicks? 643 00:42:37,891 --> 00:42:42,637 I'm confused why you haven't said anything until now. 644 00:42:42,729 --> 00:42:45,980 - I didn't know English. - I see. Now you do? 645 00:42:46,066 --> 00:42:48,901 I learned from TV. It's wonderful! 646 00:42:48,986 --> 00:42:51,192 I'll ask questions and if you answer correctly, 647 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,272 you can win one of these prizes. 648 00:42:53,365 --> 00:42:55,903 A wall clock, matching washer and dryer, 649 00:42:55,993 --> 00:42:58,069 or a brand new car! 650 00:42:58,162 --> 00:43:00,154 Let me go first, okay? 651 00:43:00,247 --> 00:43:02,405 Who are you? Where are you from? 652 00:43:02,499 --> 00:43:04,871 Begin when you were born... 653 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,127 and finish when you blew up the TV's. 654 00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:16,712 Pretty. 655 00:43:16,805 --> 00:43:20,803 Well, yeah. I've never thought about it before, 656 00:43:20,893 --> 00:43:23,894 but, yeah. Are you from Cape Cod? 657 00:43:26,523 --> 00:43:29,228 No, I'm from another place. 658 00:43:29,318 --> 00:43:32,852 Yeah? I've got a cousin from there. 659 00:43:32,946 --> 00:43:33,978 Ha-ha-ha. 660 00:43:36,617 --> 00:43:38,490 Are you an American? 661 00:43:38,577 --> 00:43:40,570 No. 662 00:43:40,662 --> 00:43:44,411 Then why were you in Cape Cod and now New York? 663 00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:46,907 How did the cops find you naked? 664 00:43:47,002 --> 00:43:48,282 What's that? 665 00:43:48,378 --> 00:43:50,537 What? The music? 666 00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:53,750 I like music! I heard some in the TV, 667 00:43:53,842 --> 00:43:55,467 Dance Fever. 668 00:43:55,552 --> 00:43:59,217 # Hey, I love you, girl # 669 00:43:59,306 --> 00:44:02,757 - # Darling # - Ah, hi, hi. 670 00:44:02,851 --> 00:44:05,389 We better go, hon, or else we'll be late. 671 00:44:05,479 --> 00:44:08,599 - You never heard music? - What's that? 672 00:44:08,690 --> 00:44:09,355 Ah... 673 00:44:09,441 --> 00:44:11,683 [Car Horn] 674 00:44:11,777 --> 00:44:13,354 - [Crash] - Oh, gosh! 675 00:44:13,445 --> 00:44:15,354 - What's that? - It's a movie theatre. 676 00:44:15,447 --> 00:44:17,736 What the hell you doin'? You coulda got me killed! 677 00:44:17,825 --> 00:44:20,113 Cut her some slack. She's from out of town. 678 00:44:20,202 --> 00:44:21,577 Keep her on a leash. 679 00:44:21,662 --> 00:44:23,571 Yeah, yeah. Have a nice day. 680 00:44:23,664 --> 00:44:25,039 Hello? 681 00:44:28,001 --> 00:44:30,623 Did you see this? 682 00:44:30,712 --> 00:44:34,580 It's wonderfully delicious and so good for you. 683 00:44:34,675 --> 00:44:38,174 While you're here, watch a little less TV. 684 00:44:40,055 --> 00:44:43,756 How long are you going to be in town? 685 00:44:44,852 --> 00:44:47,473 6 fun-filled days. 686 00:44:47,563 --> 00:44:49,769 Oh, 6 days. 687 00:44:49,857 --> 00:44:51,565 Is that all? 688 00:44:53,152 --> 00:44:55,393 6 days, 689 00:44:55,487 --> 00:44:58,025 and the moon is full. 690 00:44:58,115 --> 00:45:00,522 Oh. 691 00:45:02,119 --> 00:45:04,491 The moon is full. 692 00:45:08,250 --> 00:45:11,251 If I stay longer than that, 693 00:45:11,336 --> 00:45:13,827 I can't ever go back. 694 00:45:13,922 --> 00:45:15,666 Oh, I get... What? 695 00:45:15,757 --> 00:45:19,043 Is there some sort of immigration problem? 696 00:45:19,136 --> 00:45:21,010 Where did you get that? 697 00:45:21,096 --> 00:45:23,634 Where? Oh, for... 698 00:45:25,976 --> 00:45:27,601 Sir? 699 00:45:27,686 --> 00:45:29,513 Here you are, sir. There you go. 700 00:45:29,605 --> 00:45:33,139 I'm going to have to call you something in English, 701 00:45:33,233 --> 00:45:36,151 because I can't pronounce... What? 702 00:45:36,236 --> 00:45:38,229 What are English names? 703 00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:40,610 There's millions of them, I guess. 704 00:45:40,699 --> 00:45:42,692 Jennifer, Joanie, Hillary. 705 00:45:42,784 --> 00:45:45,073 Careful. Those are hot. 706 00:45:45,162 --> 00:45:47,569 Names, names. Linda, Kim... 707 00:45:47,664 --> 00:45:49,704 [Allen] Where are we? Madison. 708 00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:50,954 Elizabeth, Samantha... 709 00:45:51,043 --> 00:45:54,957 - I like Madison. - Madison's not a name. 710 00:45:56,465 --> 00:45:59,549 Well, all right. Madison it is. 711 00:45:59,635 --> 00:46:02,386 Good thing we weren't at 149th Street. 712 00:46:02,471 --> 00:46:05,223 Are we going back to where you live? 713 00:46:05,307 --> 00:46:08,225 Okay, um... Here's the thing. 714 00:46:08,310 --> 00:46:11,015 I was going to find you a hotel, 715 00:46:11,104 --> 00:46:15,351 but I figure that after this afternoon... 716 00:46:15,442 --> 00:46:18,776 Well, I just assumed that... 717 00:46:20,989 --> 00:46:24,654 Would you mind staying with me? 718 00:46:26,286 --> 00:46:28,445 I want to stay with you. 719 00:46:28,539 --> 00:46:31,077 You're the reason I came here. 720 00:46:41,301 --> 00:46:43,211 Ah, that was a kiss. 721 00:46:43,303 --> 00:46:45,213 I know. 722 00:48:57,187 --> 00:48:59,429 Madison? 723 00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:08,567 Madison? 724 00:49:08,657 --> 00:49:10,235 Allen? 725 00:49:10,325 --> 00:49:12,781 Yeah, of course, it's Allen. 726 00:49:12,870 --> 00:49:15,028 What are you doing, sweetheart? 727 00:49:15,122 --> 00:49:17,447 Taking a bath. 728 00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:20,708 Ooo, ooo. Can I come in? 729 00:49:21,170 --> 00:49:22,712 No! 730 00:49:22,796 --> 00:49:24,456 [Clunk] 731 00:49:24,548 --> 00:49:27,039 What was that? 732 00:49:27,134 --> 00:49:28,628 Madison, are you all right? 733 00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:31,673 - Everything's fine. - Then let me in. 734 00:49:31,763 --> 00:49:34,515 I'll be right there. I'm just changing. 735 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,517 Enough! Open the door. Something is wrong. 736 00:49:37,603 --> 00:49:40,307 Allen, can you make me some pancakes? 737 00:49:40,397 --> 00:49:42,057 Make you some... Madison! 738 00:49:42,149 --> 00:49:44,438 All right, Madison, this is getting scary. 739 00:49:44,526 --> 00:49:46,815 Either open this door, or I'll break it down! 740 00:49:46,904 --> 00:49:49,739 - No, Allen, please. - All right, that's it! 741 00:49:49,823 --> 00:49:51,104 Allen, no! 742 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,026 Ow. 743 00:50:04,379 --> 00:50:06,039 Hi. 744 00:50:06,131 --> 00:50:09,334 Hi. Are you okay? 745 00:50:09,426 --> 00:50:11,751 Yeah. 746 00:50:11,845 --> 00:50:14,087 Why wouldn't you let me in? 747 00:50:15,390 --> 00:50:18,012 I was... shy. 748 00:50:20,062 --> 00:50:21,971 You were shy? 749 00:50:22,064 --> 00:50:25,397 After the car, elevator, bedroom, 750 00:50:25,484 --> 00:50:28,687 and top of the refrigerator, you were shy? 751 00:50:30,030 --> 00:50:32,603 I was shy. 752 00:50:32,699 --> 00:50:34,491 She was shy. 753 00:50:43,460 --> 00:50:46,295 [Garbled Shouts] 754 00:50:59,226 --> 00:51:01,978 [Gasping] 755 00:51:05,357 --> 00:51:07,148 Hey, B.B. Brain! 756 00:51:07,234 --> 00:51:08,894 Yeah? 757 00:51:08,986 --> 00:51:11,025 See this hose? 758 00:51:11,113 --> 00:51:13,782 It's so I can breathe. 759 00:51:13,866 --> 00:51:14,980 Uh-huh. 760 00:51:15,075 --> 00:51:17,827 You want to get your chair off it? 761 00:51:17,911 --> 00:51:19,987 Huh? 762 00:51:26,879 --> 00:51:28,670 [Laughing] 763 00:51:28,755 --> 00:51:30,878 The Star Confidential? 764 00:51:31,633 --> 00:51:33,293 Yeah. 765 00:51:33,385 --> 00:51:36,552 - Why are you reading that? - I don't know. 766 00:51:36,638 --> 00:51:41,134 What possesses the uneducated to purchase these? 767 00:51:41,226 --> 00:51:42,507 Interesting. 768 00:51:42,603 --> 00:51:45,058 You're not helping yourself. 769 00:51:45,147 --> 00:51:46,641 You're not... 770 00:51:46,732 --> 00:51:48,274 This is not news. 771 00:51:48,358 --> 00:51:51,276 Give me this. You know what's in here? 772 00:51:51,838 --> 00:51:55,254 Nothing. You have sex, perversion. 773 00:51:55,342 --> 00:51:58,094 It's all fabrication. Look at this. 774 00:51:58,178 --> 00:52:01,214 A naked woman at the Statue of Liberty. 775 00:52:03,308 --> 00:52:05,764 Where would they find a girl to do that? 776 00:52:05,852 --> 00:52:07,644 [Laughing] 777 00:52:10,148 --> 00:52:12,818 - Ow, my head! - Let me see that. 778 00:52:20,992 --> 00:52:23,662 Take me back to shore. Now! 779 00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:29,323 Hello. 780 00:52:34,756 --> 00:52:36,749 Madison, what is it? 781 00:52:36,842 --> 00:52:38,751 What happened? 782 00:52:38,844 --> 00:52:40,836 [Horse Whinnying On TV Programme] 783 00:52:40,929 --> 00:52:43,800 It's the saddest thing I ever saw. 784 00:52:43,890 --> 00:52:45,598 [TV, Indistinct] 785 00:52:45,684 --> 00:52:48,222 It's Bonanza. 786 00:52:48,311 --> 00:52:51,680 The man killed another man and he died in the street. 787 00:52:51,773 --> 00:52:56,352 No, no. This is only TV. 788 00:52:56,445 --> 00:53:00,063 I thought you understood about TV being make-believe. 789 00:53:00,157 --> 00:53:03,490 It's pretend killing that's going on. 790 00:53:03,577 --> 00:53:05,534 This guy is an actor. 791 00:53:05,620 --> 00:53:08,372 Next week, he'll get shot on another show. 792 00:53:08,457 --> 00:53:09,999 It's kinda funny. 793 00:53:11,710 --> 00:53:14,746 I'm supposed to laugh? 794 00:53:14,838 --> 00:53:16,996 Yeah. 795 00:53:17,090 --> 00:53:18,917 There you go. 796 00:53:19,009 --> 00:53:21,381 Yeah. 797 00:53:21,470 --> 00:53:23,628 I got you something. 798 00:53:27,267 --> 00:53:29,260 [Sigh] 799 00:53:38,820 --> 00:53:42,070 It's beautiful. I love it. 800 00:53:44,076 --> 00:53:46,614 No, you open it. 801 00:53:46,703 --> 00:53:48,612 There's more? 802 00:53:58,673 --> 00:54:02,089 ## [Waltz] 803 00:55:04,781 --> 00:55:07,355 Do you like that? 804 00:55:07,451 --> 00:55:09,739 Yeah, I do. 805 00:55:11,329 --> 00:55:14,165 I don't know why. Just... 806 00:55:14,249 --> 00:55:16,040 something about it. 807 00:55:16,126 --> 00:55:18,664 It's always appealed to me. 808 00:55:20,172 --> 00:55:21,998 Do you like the sea? 809 00:55:22,090 --> 00:55:25,008 No. When I was about 8, 810 00:55:25,093 --> 00:55:27,501 I had this accident on a ship. 811 00:55:27,596 --> 00:55:29,802 I remember. 812 00:55:29,890 --> 00:55:31,681 What? 813 00:55:31,767 --> 00:55:34,258 Ah, I can't. 814 00:55:34,353 --> 00:55:36,013 I forget the words. 815 00:55:36,104 --> 00:55:39,354 What's..."I understand." 816 00:55:39,441 --> 00:55:41,434 [Chuckle] 817 00:55:42,152 --> 00:55:44,358 Did you get hurt? 818 00:55:45,739 --> 00:55:48,859 No, no, I didn't, 819 00:55:48,950 --> 00:55:53,862 but when I was underwater, I could have sworn I saw... 820 00:55:53,955 --> 00:55:56,281 What? 821 00:55:57,042 --> 00:55:58,916 - Nothing. - What? 822 00:55:59,002 --> 00:55:59,998 Nothing! 823 00:56:00,087 --> 00:56:02,957 I was just a stupid kid. 824 00:56:06,468 --> 00:56:10,051 - They're going to tear this park out. - Why? 825 00:56:10,138 --> 00:56:14,053 They're gonna build condos or some such nonsense. 826 00:56:14,142 --> 00:56:17,096 What are you gonna do, huh? 827 00:56:20,065 --> 00:56:22,271 You want to go home? 828 00:56:22,359 --> 00:56:24,316 No, I have 5 days left! 829 00:56:24,403 --> 00:56:25,945 No-no-no. 830 00:56:26,029 --> 00:56:28,236 My home! 831 00:56:28,323 --> 00:56:30,067 Oh. 832 00:56:30,158 --> 00:56:31,818 Yes. 833 00:56:42,527 --> 00:56:45,148 [Allen] Why do we want to go to a political dinner? 834 00:56:45,238 --> 00:56:48,357 - The president will be speaking. - President of what? 835 00:56:48,449 --> 00:56:50,821 President of the Three Stooges Fan Club. 836 00:56:50,910 --> 00:56:53,318 - The president of the United States! - Wow. 837 00:56:53,413 --> 00:56:55,405 We'll be rubbing elbows with the big boys. 838 00:56:55,498 --> 00:56:57,989 - You think big, you be big. - I guess so. 839 00:56:58,084 --> 00:57:00,076 Listen, 840 00:57:00,169 --> 00:57:03,455 would you mind if I took Madison... 841 00:57:03,548 --> 00:57:06,121 instead of going with you? 842 00:57:07,844 --> 00:57:09,421 What? 843 00:57:10,263 --> 00:57:12,670 - What? - What? 844 00:57:12,765 --> 00:57:15,303 Something in here not working? 845 00:57:15,393 --> 00:57:19,011 "Oh, I'll never fall in love, Freddie. 846 00:57:19,105 --> 00:57:21,726 I can't. It won't work with me." 847 00:57:21,816 --> 00:57:24,603 Who said anything about me being in love? 848 00:57:24,694 --> 00:57:27,149 You haven't been to work in two days. 849 00:57:27,238 --> 00:57:29,029 - So? - Admit it. 850 00:57:29,115 --> 00:57:30,692 - No. - Admit it! 851 00:57:30,783 --> 00:57:32,527 Eye gouge! 852 00:57:32,618 --> 00:57:34,611 [Scream] 853 00:57:34,704 --> 00:57:36,163 Ahhh. 854 00:57:36,247 --> 00:57:37,077 Ahhh! 855 00:57:37,165 --> 00:57:40,616 - Admit it. Bone crusher! - No. 856 00:57:45,298 --> 00:57:47,456 Son of a bi... 857 00:57:56,476 --> 00:57:57,970 Ow. 858 00:58:00,772 --> 00:58:02,681 How long we been playing? 859 00:58:02,774 --> 00:58:05,858 - About 5 minutes. - Oh, God. 860 00:58:05,943 --> 00:58:09,063 My heart's beating like a rabbit. 861 00:58:09,155 --> 00:58:11,148 You, uh, want a beer? 862 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,399 No, thanks. 863 00:58:27,090 --> 00:58:30,007 So, tell me this. 864 00:58:30,093 --> 00:58:32,418 If you're not in love with her, 865 00:58:32,512 --> 00:58:35,762 how come little things she does, drive you crazy? 866 00:58:35,848 --> 00:58:37,426 Little things? 867 00:58:37,517 --> 00:58:41,929 Freddie, the woman learned English in a single afternoon. 868 00:58:43,856 --> 00:58:46,478 She could probably speak English already. 869 00:58:46,567 --> 00:58:48,690 I think she was in shock from being arrested. 870 00:58:48,778 --> 00:58:50,936 What about that, huh? 871 00:58:51,030 --> 00:58:53,735 What about a woman showing up naked in a public place? 872 00:58:53,825 --> 00:58:55,485 I'm for it. 873 00:58:55,576 --> 00:58:57,450 You said... 874 00:58:57,537 --> 00:59:01,155 that she had some kind of immigration problem. 875 00:59:01,249 --> 00:59:05,081 She's on an ocean liner in international waters. 876 00:59:05,169 --> 00:59:09,084 She sees America. It looks good. 877 00:59:09,173 --> 00:59:12,756 So, she greases her body like a channel swimmer. 878 00:59:12,844 --> 00:59:17,137 She dives in. She has heavy trouble with sharks, 879 00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:20,058 she goes through the Coast Guard, minefields, 880 00:59:20,143 --> 00:59:23,843 and then she's on shore. She's okay. That's it. 881 00:59:25,565 --> 00:59:27,723 What about the bathtub? 882 00:59:27,817 --> 00:59:30,818 This moon stuff, and all those TV's? 883 00:59:30,903 --> 00:59:33,110 Look, I'm being serious. 884 00:59:33,197 --> 00:59:38,073 I admit to a few minor fiascos in my love life. 885 00:59:38,161 --> 00:59:42,110 Freddie, you took a date to one of your own weddings! 886 00:59:42,957 --> 00:59:45,199 I'm a free spirit! 887 00:59:45,293 --> 00:59:48,662 I'm extremely liberal, a freewheeling dude. 888 00:59:48,755 --> 00:59:53,582 You're in love with this girl. You're trying to convince yourself you're not. 889 00:59:55,178 --> 00:59:57,336 I just don't know, Freddie. 890 00:59:57,430 --> 00:59:59,719 Something about it isn't right. 891 00:59:59,807 --> 01:00:01,634 I'll serve. 892 01:00:01,726 --> 01:00:04,133 Hold the beer. That will be your handicap. 893 01:00:04,228 --> 01:00:06,802 - Oh, we're gonna play? - Yeah. 894 01:00:06,898 --> 01:00:10,148 - I'm gonna teach you a lesson in humility. 895 01:00:10,234 --> 01:00:12,393 Humility 101. 896 01:00:12,487 --> 01:00:14,230 - You all set? - Yeah. 897 01:00:14,322 --> 01:00:15,899 Here we go. 898 01:00:17,116 --> 01:00:18,279 Oh! 899 01:00:24,957 --> 01:00:27,531 This is what we came to hear? 900 01:00:29,712 --> 01:00:32,084 You call and tell us... 901 01:00:32,173 --> 01:00:36,218 you have stretched the frontiers of paleontology... 902 01:00:36,302 --> 01:00:38,342 and zoology. 903 01:00:38,429 --> 01:00:41,798 We interrupt important, serious work... 904 01:00:41,891 --> 01:00:44,049 to fly here at a moment's notice, 905 01:00:44,143 --> 01:00:46,634 and you give us mermaids! 906 01:00:46,729 --> 01:00:49,600 Don't call us. Call the comic book companies. 907 01:00:49,690 --> 01:00:53,605 Enough. We have a seminar in 3 weeks. Be ready. 908 01:00:55,655 --> 01:00:57,363 [Whistling] 909 01:00:58,950 --> 01:01:01,654 Allen, you're here! I got you a present. 910 01:01:01,744 --> 01:01:05,362 - Don't look. Close your eyes. - I gotta close the door. 911 01:01:05,456 --> 01:01:07,579 What are you doing? 912 01:01:07,667 --> 01:01:10,039 All right. 913 01:01:11,129 --> 01:01:13,536 Okay. Look. 914 01:01:19,971 --> 01:01:23,589 Ha-ha! Wha... You, ah... 915 01:01:23,683 --> 01:01:26,684 Well, that's big! 916 01:01:27,687 --> 01:01:30,723 Yeah, this is... 917 01:01:30,815 --> 01:01:33,388 This is very... big, 918 01:01:33,484 --> 01:01:35,940 and it's... really here. 919 01:01:36,028 --> 01:01:37,938 It's just so big! 920 01:01:38,030 --> 01:01:40,604 They were gonna tear it down, so I bought it for you. 921 01:01:40,700 --> 01:01:43,570 Where did you get the money to pay for it? 922 01:01:45,371 --> 01:01:48,574 Madison, where's your necklace? 923 01:01:48,666 --> 01:01:51,074 I traded it for the statue. 924 01:01:51,169 --> 01:01:52,248 Why? 925 01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,168 Because I love you. 926 01:01:57,759 --> 01:02:00,084 Oh, Madison. 927 01:02:04,307 --> 01:02:06,430 Madison, I love... 928 01:02:06,517 --> 01:02:08,724 this, ah, present. 929 01:02:08,811 --> 01:02:11,018 I love it. 930 01:02:13,858 --> 01:02:16,016 And I love you. 931 01:02:21,532 --> 01:02:23,441 [Dr. Zidell] What's happened to you? 932 01:02:23,534 --> 01:02:26,654 You were the brightest student in my class. 933 01:02:26,746 --> 01:02:29,996 True, emotionally, you were 12 years old. 934 01:02:30,083 --> 01:02:33,665 - I was 12 years old. - That's right. 935 01:02:33,753 --> 01:02:35,959 Look what you've become; 936 01:02:36,047 --> 01:02:38,253 a "schmuck." 937 01:02:38,341 --> 01:02:42,125 There is a mermaid in New York City. 938 01:02:42,220 --> 01:02:43,714 You mean this, this... 939 01:02:43,805 --> 01:02:46,296 naked girl? 940 01:02:46,390 --> 01:02:48,300 How come she's got legs? 941 01:02:48,392 --> 01:02:52,521 She has legs out of water and fins in the water. 942 01:02:52,605 --> 01:02:56,306 You taught me that, Dr. Zidell. Remember? 943 01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:59,271 You taught me all the legends. 944 01:02:59,362 --> 01:03:02,363 You used to show me charts on your office walls... 945 01:03:02,448 --> 01:03:06,197 where sailors had claimed they saw mermaids. 946 01:03:06,285 --> 01:03:09,203 Walter, that was for fun, for relaxation, 947 01:03:09,288 --> 01:03:12,539 not for you to build your whole life on. 948 01:03:13,793 --> 01:03:17,493 I'm gonna prove to you and everyone else that... 949 01:03:17,588 --> 01:03:20,625 that girl is a mermaid! 950 01:03:20,716 --> 01:03:23,254 How? You gonna get her wet... 951 01:03:23,344 --> 01:03:26,215 so everybody sees she has fins? 952 01:03:26,305 --> 01:03:27,716 [Chuckle] 953 01:03:32,478 --> 01:03:36,061 [Indistinct] 954 01:03:43,656 --> 01:03:45,150 [Honking] 955 01:03:52,165 --> 01:03:54,572 [Honking] 956 01:04:00,798 --> 01:04:02,506 [Man] Taxi? 957 01:04:05,511 --> 01:04:06,922 Oh! 958 01:04:07,013 --> 01:04:09,420 - Watch it! - Hey, watch it, buddy. 959 01:04:09,515 --> 01:04:11,757 [Walter] Excuse me. 960 01:04:15,271 --> 01:04:17,180 Look out. 961 01:04:19,609 --> 01:04:22,278 What does he think he's doing? 962 01:04:22,361 --> 01:04:25,362 Hey! Hey! 963 01:04:26,032 --> 01:04:29,864 [Crying] 964 01:04:38,878 --> 01:04:40,787 [Walter] Oh, my... 965 01:04:41,964 --> 01:04:44,965 - Ow, ohh, ooof! - [Punches Landing] 966 01:04:50,223 --> 01:04:52,927 ## [Piano] 967 01:05:09,242 --> 01:05:11,115 - [Grunt] - [Gasp] 968 01:05:11,202 --> 01:05:12,862 Oops. 969 01:05:14,414 --> 01:05:16,038 Nice earrings. 970 01:05:18,251 --> 01:05:21,584 - Is something the matter? - No, nothing at all. 971 01:05:21,671 --> 01:05:23,331 I was thinking. 972 01:05:23,423 --> 01:05:26,423 You don't have to leave the country. 973 01:05:28,261 --> 01:05:31,464 - I do. - You don't. There's stuff we can do... 974 01:05:31,556 --> 01:05:34,177 to get around the immigration laws. 975 01:05:34,267 --> 01:05:38,134 I could give you a job down at the market. 976 01:05:38,229 --> 01:05:40,850 You could get a work visa. 977 01:05:40,940 --> 01:05:45,567 Or, uh, you could, uh, 978 01:05:45,653 --> 01:05:48,109 marry, like, an American, 979 01:05:48,197 --> 01:05:50,688 and they have to let you stay. 980 01:05:50,783 --> 01:05:52,823 Our food is here! 981 01:05:52,910 --> 01:05:55,448 Oh. 982 01:05:55,538 --> 01:05:59,370 Well, we'll talk about it later. 983 01:05:59,459 --> 01:06:03,207 Do be careful, madam. The plate is very hot. 984 01:06:03,296 --> 01:06:05,502 Thank you. These look terrific. 985 01:06:27,361 --> 01:06:29,734 She's really hungry! 986 01:06:31,908 --> 01:06:34,659 ## ["Skater's Waltz"] 987 01:06:54,138 --> 01:06:57,139 You were very good. 988 01:06:57,225 --> 01:06:59,846 Come on. Oops. Come on. 989 01:07:01,604 --> 01:07:03,810 Let's sit down and talk. 990 01:07:05,483 --> 01:07:06,562 Ah. 991 01:07:08,194 --> 01:07:10,400 Your nose is cold. 992 01:07:10,488 --> 01:07:13,323 I don't want to talk about my nose. 993 01:07:13,407 --> 01:07:15,566 Your ears are all red! 994 01:07:15,660 --> 01:07:19,278 I don't want to talk about any part of my face. 995 01:07:19,372 --> 01:07:24,615 But I do want to talk about what happened in the restaurant. 996 01:07:24,710 --> 01:07:27,036 I'm sorry. 997 01:07:27,130 --> 01:07:30,166 That's how we eat lobster where I come from. 998 01:07:30,258 --> 01:07:34,469 Oh, no-no-no. I don't care about that. 999 01:07:34,554 --> 01:07:38,634 I was trying to do something in there... 1000 01:07:38,724 --> 01:07:41,346 and I guess I did it very badly. 1001 01:07:41,436 --> 01:07:43,309 I was trying... 1002 01:07:44,397 --> 01:07:48,560 to ask you if you wanted to get married. 1003 01:07:50,903 --> 01:07:53,275 Madison, will you marry me? 1004 01:07:59,745 --> 01:08:01,288 No. 1005 01:08:01,372 --> 01:08:03,993 What? No? Just no? 1006 01:08:04,083 --> 01:08:07,666 You don't want to think about it, kick it around? 1007 01:08:07,754 --> 01:08:09,663 - I can't. - Why? 1008 01:08:09,756 --> 01:08:12,293 I can't tell you. 1009 01:08:12,383 --> 01:08:14,625 I know you have some big secret you think... 1010 01:08:14,719 --> 01:08:16,842 you can't tell me, but you can. 1011 01:08:16,929 --> 01:08:18,839 - You're already married? - Allen. 1012 01:08:18,931 --> 01:08:21,090 You're dying? You were once a man? 1013 01:08:21,184 --> 01:08:23,722 - Whatever it is, you can tell me. - Allen. 1014 01:08:23,811 --> 01:08:27,263 I only have three days left. 1015 01:08:28,775 --> 01:08:31,479 Please make them wonderful. 1016 01:08:33,738 --> 01:08:35,647 Okay. 1017 01:08:42,955 --> 01:08:45,446 Want to skate some more? 1018 01:08:46,459 --> 01:08:48,617 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 1019 01:08:52,381 --> 01:08:54,208 Allen? 1020 01:09:10,650 --> 01:09:12,559 You know them? 1021 01:09:12,652 --> 01:09:16,270 No, I�ve just seen them before. 1022 01:09:16,364 --> 01:09:19,318 I guess they've come here for about 40 years. 1023 01:09:21,869 --> 01:09:23,778 They look very happy. 1024 01:09:23,871 --> 01:09:27,121 Why shouldn't they be happy, huh? 1025 01:09:27,208 --> 01:09:30,494 They get to spend their whole lives together. 1026 01:09:33,714 --> 01:09:37,415 Is this really what happens when water gets cold? 1027 01:09:37,510 --> 01:09:39,586 Yeah. 1028 01:09:39,679 --> 01:09:42,430 Where I come from, it never gets cold. 1029 01:09:42,515 --> 01:09:45,302 Well, hey, what a breakthrough! 1030 01:09:45,393 --> 01:09:48,678 You just really opened up to me there. 1031 01:09:51,190 --> 01:09:53,764 Your voice sounds funny. 1032 01:09:53,860 --> 01:09:55,899 It's called sarcasm. 1033 01:09:55,987 --> 01:09:58,857 They don't have that where you come from either? 1034 01:10:00,825 --> 01:10:02,616 No. 1035 01:10:02,702 --> 01:10:07,280 Well, they don't have anything, do they? 1036 01:10:07,373 --> 01:10:11,537 They don't have ice, or music, or clothes. 1037 01:10:11,627 --> 01:10:14,545 What kind of a place is this? 1038 01:10:15,715 --> 01:10:17,873 Madison? 1039 01:10:17,967 --> 01:10:20,968 - Madison! - Hey, those skates are rented! 1040 01:10:21,053 --> 01:10:23,260 Give me one second. Madison? 1041 01:10:23,347 --> 01:10:24,972 Ahh! Madison! 1042 01:10:27,101 --> 01:10:30,221 Madison, please? I'm sorry! 1043 01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:33,349 Let her go. Show some dignity. 1044 01:10:33,441 --> 01:10:34,900 Madison? 1045 01:10:37,737 --> 01:10:40,144 [Indistinct] 1046 01:10:44,368 --> 01:10:46,160 Thanks. 1047 01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:10,056 [Car Horn] 1048 01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:25,276 [Thunder] 1049 01:12:36,647 --> 01:12:38,557 Hey, Charlie. How's it goin'? 1050 01:12:43,529 --> 01:12:45,438 - Allen? - What? 1051 01:12:54,499 --> 01:12:56,041 Yes. 1052 01:13:09,889 --> 01:13:12,641 If we get our blood test today, 1053 01:13:12,725 --> 01:13:14,634 we can marry tomorrow! 1054 01:13:14,727 --> 01:13:17,681 Before the blood test, I have to tell you everything. 1055 01:13:17,772 --> 01:13:20,014 So, tell me. 1056 01:13:20,108 --> 01:13:22,147 - Not today. - But, see, 1057 01:13:22,235 --> 01:13:24,808 if we get the test today... no pressure, mind you... 1058 01:13:24,904 --> 01:13:28,902 then as soon as you tell me, we can get married. 1059 01:13:29,075 --> 01:13:31,198 Listen, you will love being married to me. 1060 01:13:31,285 --> 01:13:35,746 I was born to be married. Mom and Dad were married. 1061 01:13:35,832 --> 01:13:39,201 Their moms and dads were married, too. 1062 01:13:43,756 --> 01:13:46,923 [Panting] 1063 01:14:12,118 --> 01:14:13,945 [Camera Clicks] 1064 01:14:17,832 --> 01:14:20,288 Son of a bitch. 1065 01:14:20,376 --> 01:14:22,452 I thought we were going upstairs. 1066 01:14:22,545 --> 01:14:25,380 I love you. I'm not gonna lose you again. 1067 01:14:25,465 --> 01:14:27,872 We are getting married tonight. 1068 01:14:27,967 --> 01:14:31,550 We're gonna drive to Maryland. Freddie always marries there. 1069 01:14:31,637 --> 01:14:33,926 You don't need a blood test down there. 1070 01:14:34,015 --> 01:14:37,265 There's this dinner with the president. Damn! 1071 01:14:37,351 --> 01:14:41,052 Hey, that's okay! We'll go to Maryland after dinner. 1072 01:14:41,147 --> 01:14:43,720 - We'll already be dressed up! - I haven't told you... 1073 01:14:43,816 --> 01:14:46,390 You haven't told me this big secret. 1074 01:14:46,486 --> 01:14:48,562 Tell me on the way to Maryland. 1075 01:14:49,655 --> 01:14:51,565 Oooh! 1076 01:15:21,604 --> 01:15:24,938 I hope we have a boy and a girl. 1077 01:15:26,859 --> 01:15:30,727 - What kind? - Wha... What kind? 1078 01:15:30,822 --> 01:15:33,194 The young kind, I guess. 1079 01:15:33,282 --> 01:15:36,070 The older ones are a little hard to deliver. 1080 01:15:36,160 --> 01:15:38,069 We're getting married tonight. 1081 01:15:38,162 --> 01:15:40,285 - Wonderful. - Thank you. 1082 01:15:40,373 --> 01:15:43,623 Why is this bread in here instead of out there? 1083 01:15:43,709 --> 01:15:46,283 The butter is hard like a rock. 1084 01:15:46,379 --> 01:15:48,870 Do you have a broken arm? 1085 01:15:48,965 --> 01:15:52,464 No, it's fractured in 16 places. 1086 01:15:52,552 --> 01:15:54,378 Why are you here? 1087 01:15:55,721 --> 01:15:57,798 The union sent me. 1088 01:15:57,890 --> 01:16:00,132 ## ["Hail To The Chief"] 1089 01:16:00,226 --> 01:16:03,346 My God, the president is here! 1090 01:16:03,438 --> 01:16:06,807 The president's here. The president's here! 1091 01:16:24,709 --> 01:16:27,247 Hmm. 1092 01:16:42,268 --> 01:16:44,474 I'm just a corn-fed Kansas boy, 1093 01:16:44,562 --> 01:16:47,682 but you are the Big Apple of my eye. 1094 01:16:49,275 --> 01:16:50,817 Thank you. 1095 01:16:51,402 --> 01:16:53,359 Thank you. 1096 01:16:53,446 --> 01:16:55,485 Thank you very much. 1097 01:16:57,033 --> 01:17:00,698 Thank you. It's great to be back in New York. 1098 01:17:11,964 --> 01:17:13,874 Alert. Alert. Table 5. 1099 01:17:13,966 --> 01:17:16,089 Intercept busboy with suspicious hump. 1100 01:17:19,555 --> 01:17:21,465 He's reaching! Get him now! 1101 01:17:21,557 --> 01:17:24,511 - Sir, I'd like a word with you, please. - About what? 1102 01:17:24,602 --> 01:17:26,559 This has nothing to do with the president. 1103 01:17:26,646 --> 01:17:29,563 This has nothing to do with the president! 1104 01:17:29,649 --> 01:17:31,476 [Indistinct] 1105 01:17:31,567 --> 01:17:36,110 Well, I guess he just found out what his dinner cost. 1106 01:17:39,158 --> 01:17:41,281 I want to talk to the press. 1107 01:17:41,369 --> 01:17:43,527 I want to talk to the press. 1108 01:17:43,621 --> 01:17:45,993 I have a formal statement to make! 1109 01:17:46,082 --> 01:17:49,700 [President] In Bob Hollins, you have a candidate for Congress... 1110 01:17:49,794 --> 01:17:51,751 who is in touch with the people, 1111 01:17:51,838 --> 01:17:55,705 a man who built up the business left to him by his grandfather. 1112 01:17:55,800 --> 01:17:57,709 What was once a small pushcart on wheels... 1113 01:17:57,802 --> 01:18:00,756 - Allen? - Yeah? 1114 01:18:00,847 --> 01:18:03,088 It's time for me to tell you. 1115 01:18:03,182 --> 01:18:05,389 What? Now? 1116 01:18:05,476 --> 01:18:08,596 - Right now. - Okay. Great. 1117 01:18:08,688 --> 01:18:10,846 - Not here. - Fine. Fine. 1118 01:18:10,940 --> 01:18:15,187 [President] But more importantly, with fresh meat. 1119 01:18:15,278 --> 01:18:18,397 - I am not crazy. There's a mermaid in there. 1120 01:18:18,489 --> 01:18:20,316 - What mermaid? - I am a scientist! 1121 01:18:20,408 --> 01:18:22,899 Where's the goddam car! 1122 01:18:23,119 --> 01:18:25,788 The grey BMW. 1123 01:18:25,872 --> 01:18:27,781 [Shouting] 1124 01:18:27,874 --> 01:18:30,365 [Indistinct] 1125 01:18:30,460 --> 01:18:32,452 Hey, I know that guy. 1126 01:18:32,545 --> 01:18:35,581 I saw him on Cape Cod. He was crazy then. 1127 01:18:35,673 --> 01:18:39,208 There she is! There she is! 1128 01:18:41,345 --> 01:18:43,836 - Don't let him shoot that. - That a gun? 1129 01:18:43,931 --> 01:18:45,474 Hold it! 1130 01:18:45,558 --> 01:18:46,721 No! 1131 01:18:46,809 --> 01:18:49,051 Get that thing out of his hand. 1132 01:18:50,271 --> 01:18:52,145 Grab that hose! 1133 01:18:52,231 --> 01:18:55,398 Grab him! Get him! 1134 01:18:59,906 --> 01:19:00,855 No! 1135 01:19:00,948 --> 01:19:03,570 What's going on? 1136 01:19:20,927 --> 01:19:23,500 I was right! 1137 01:19:23,596 --> 01:19:27,463 Behold the mermaid! 1138 01:19:27,558 --> 01:19:30,429 [Crowd Gasps] 1139 01:19:34,107 --> 01:19:35,684 Let me outta here! 1140 01:19:35,775 --> 01:19:37,684 Who are you? What is your name? 1141 01:19:37,777 --> 01:19:39,437 Allen! 1142 01:19:40,655 --> 01:19:43,027 - What do we do? - Grab her. Grab everybody. 1143 01:19:43,116 --> 01:19:44,610 I want to see her. 1144 01:19:44,700 --> 01:19:47,274 Allen! Allen! 1145 01:19:47,370 --> 01:19:50,454 Get her! Get her! 1146 01:19:51,499 --> 01:19:53,123 Allen! 1147 01:19:57,713 --> 01:19:59,208 Please? 1148 01:19:59,298 --> 01:20:02,216 - Let's pick her up. - Allen. Allen! 1149 01:20:07,432 --> 01:20:09,508 Allen. Allen. 1150 01:20:14,605 --> 01:20:16,432 Allen! 1151 01:20:23,239 --> 01:20:26,323 Good afternoon, Dr. Ross. 1152 01:20:26,409 --> 01:20:29,161 [Man On P.A. System] Dr. Hill, line 5. Stat! 1153 01:20:31,622 --> 01:20:33,165 - Buckwalter. - Sir! 1154 01:20:34,250 --> 01:20:36,207 Gentlemen. 1155 01:20:36,294 --> 01:20:38,203 - Anything? - No change. 1156 01:20:49,015 --> 01:20:51,422 I am not a fish! 1157 01:20:51,517 --> 01:20:56,060 How many times do I have to tell you that? 1158 01:20:56,147 --> 01:20:59,183 Will you just let me out of here? 1159 01:20:59,275 --> 01:21:02,644 Please? Huh? People? 1160 01:21:02,737 --> 01:21:05,109 Let's try some interaction. 1161 01:21:05,198 --> 01:21:07,321 Fine. Jim? 1162 01:21:07,408 --> 01:21:10,113 [Hoist Motor] 1163 01:21:41,526 --> 01:21:43,399 [Beeping] 1164 01:21:59,669 --> 01:22:03,334 I guess they thought you might be one. 1165 01:22:04,882 --> 01:22:07,171 Yeah. 1166 01:22:07,260 --> 01:22:09,087 I guess so. 1167 01:22:10,847 --> 01:22:14,263 You said whatever my secret was, you'd understand. 1168 01:22:14,350 --> 01:22:17,304 I know. 1169 01:22:20,398 --> 01:22:24,016 You thought at least I was a human being. 1170 01:22:31,325 --> 01:22:33,117 Allen? 1171 01:22:49,177 --> 01:22:52,795 He's been in the water 12 hours. He's just a man. 1172 01:22:52,889 --> 01:22:55,759 Get him out so we can concentrate on her. 1173 01:23:06,652 --> 01:23:09,570 Greg Martin, W-M-E-T Radio, here with Allen Bauer. 1174 01:23:09,655 --> 01:23:13,071 - When did you meet the mermaid? - Tell me where. 1175 01:23:13,159 --> 01:23:15,780 Did you know she was a mermaid? 1176 01:23:15,870 --> 01:23:19,073 - Did you actually make love to her? - That's a stupid question. 1177 01:23:19,165 --> 01:23:21,074 Did she eat worms? 1178 01:23:21,167 --> 01:23:24,251 Would you have to make love to her in water? 1179 01:23:24,337 --> 01:23:26,211 That's none of your business. 1180 01:23:26,297 --> 01:23:28,918 Is she a mutant or missing link? 1181 01:23:29,008 --> 01:23:30,289 No, she's not. 1182 01:23:30,384 --> 01:23:33,635 I'm from People. Is she also seeing Burt Reynolds? 1183 01:23:33,721 --> 01:23:36,046 For crying out loud! 1184 01:23:39,769 --> 01:23:41,927 Leave him alone! 1185 01:23:42,021 --> 01:23:45,770 Leave him alone! Get out of the way! 1186 01:23:45,858 --> 01:23:47,815 - Let me through. - Out of the way. 1187 01:23:47,902 --> 01:23:50,986 - Allen, you all right? - Yeah. Get me out. 1188 01:23:51,072 --> 01:23:53,527 Is anyone here from Penthouse? 1189 01:23:53,616 --> 01:23:56,902 - [Everyone] No. - Then we ain't talking. 1190 01:23:58,162 --> 01:24:00,700 ## [Car Radio] 1191 01:24:17,557 --> 01:24:19,549 Hey, Allen? 1192 01:24:24,939 --> 01:24:27,691 What are you looking at? 1193 01:24:27,775 --> 01:24:30,100 You never saw a guy who slept with a fish? 1194 01:24:30,194 --> 01:24:32,768 Get back to work! 1195 01:24:33,990 --> 01:24:36,944 Mr. Bauer, you had a million messages. 1196 01:24:37,034 --> 01:24:39,157 I wrote them down. 1197 01:24:39,245 --> 01:24:41,534 You got calls from... 1198 01:24:41,622 --> 01:24:44,493 CBS, NBC, ABC, AP, 1199 01:24:44,584 --> 01:24:48,498 UPI, Ted Turner, Time, Newsweek, 1200 01:24:48,588 --> 01:24:51,375 Marineland, "Ripley's Believe It Or Not, " 1201 01:24:51,466 --> 01:24:53,873 and Mrs. Paul. 1202 01:24:53,968 --> 01:24:57,586 Not now, Mrs. Stimler. 1203 01:25:00,933 --> 01:25:03,056 "Fishman?" 1204 01:25:03,770 --> 01:25:05,679 Fishman! 1205 01:25:05,772 --> 01:25:08,772 That's what they're calling you on TV, too. 1206 01:25:08,858 --> 01:25:11,314 Personally, I think it's kinda cute. 1207 01:25:14,572 --> 01:25:16,612 So, how is she? 1208 01:25:16,699 --> 01:25:20,364 How is she? 1209 01:25:20,453 --> 01:25:22,778 She's... a mermaid. 1210 01:25:22,872 --> 01:25:26,786 I don't understand. All my life... 1211 01:25:26,876 --> 01:25:28,999 I've been waiting for someone... 1212 01:25:29,087 --> 01:25:31,542 and when I find her, 1213 01:25:31,631 --> 01:25:33,540 she's a fish. 1214 01:25:33,633 --> 01:25:35,921 Nobody said love's perfect! 1215 01:25:36,010 --> 01:25:40,637 Oh, Freddie, I don't expect it to be perfect, 1216 01:25:40,723 --> 01:25:43,724 but for God's sake, it's usually human! 1217 01:25:45,478 --> 01:25:48,645 Every day people meet and they fall in love. 1218 01:25:48,731 --> 01:25:50,142 Look what I got. 1219 01:25:52,235 --> 01:25:55,853 Look what you got. Yeah, let's look. 1220 01:25:56,989 --> 01:25:59,907 Let's take a good look at what you got. 1221 01:25:59,992 --> 01:26:02,697 - People fall in love every day, huh? - Yeah. 1222 01:26:02,787 --> 01:26:06,654 That's a crock! It doesn't work that way. 1223 01:26:06,749 --> 01:26:09,157 Do you realize how happy you were with her? 1224 01:26:09,252 --> 01:26:11,921 That is, when you weren't driving yourself crazy. 1225 01:26:12,004 --> 01:26:15,041 Every day? Come on. 1226 01:26:15,133 --> 01:26:18,133 Some people will never be that happy! 1227 01:26:18,219 --> 01:26:21,553 I'll never be that happy. 1228 01:26:22,890 --> 01:26:25,381 What am I talking to you for? 1229 01:26:25,476 --> 01:26:28,430 You don't know nothing. Mrs. Stimler? 1230 01:26:34,235 --> 01:26:36,275 [Beeping] 1231 01:27:01,429 --> 01:27:03,754 Does she look a little pale? 1232 01:27:05,641 --> 01:27:07,883 Ah, that's a good day's work. 1233 01:27:07,977 --> 01:27:11,476 Tomorrow, I want to see how she interacts... 1234 01:27:11,564 --> 01:27:17,187 with other marine life, then the internal examination. 1235 01:27:17,278 --> 01:27:18,986 Internal? 1236 01:27:19,071 --> 01:27:22,156 I want to study her pulmonary system, 1237 01:27:22,241 --> 01:27:25,860 - reproductive organs, everything! - Dr. Ross? 1238 01:27:25,953 --> 01:27:29,405 Are we considering... 1239 01:27:29,499 --> 01:27:33,164 how the subject is responding to the examination procedure? 1240 01:27:33,252 --> 01:27:35,044 I'm considering everything! 1241 01:27:35,129 --> 01:27:37,964 Ah, yes, 1242 01:27:38,049 --> 01:27:40,291 I'm sure you are, Dr. Ross. 1243 01:27:40,384 --> 01:27:42,958 How stupid of me. But let me ask, 1244 01:27:43,054 --> 01:27:45,260 are you considering the possibility... 1245 01:27:45,348 --> 01:27:47,839 that you might be a sadistic pig? 1246 01:27:52,522 --> 01:27:55,938 While we are baring our souls, Mr. Kornbluth, 1247 01:27:56,025 --> 01:27:59,643 I must honestly tell you I have never considered you a man of science. 1248 01:27:59,737 --> 01:28:02,821 You're not a member of my team. 1249 01:28:02,907 --> 01:28:07,783 Run along, Walter. See if you can't find a unicorn. 1250 01:28:11,290 --> 01:28:13,164 [Door Slams] 1251 01:29:02,842 --> 01:29:05,167 [Trickling Water] 1252 01:29:16,647 --> 01:29:20,431 - What's that? - Painkiller, Mr. Kornbluth. 1253 01:29:20,526 --> 01:29:22,934 Whoever punched you cracked your tooth. 1254 01:29:23,029 --> 01:29:25,567 We'll be very close to the nerve. 1255 01:29:25,656 --> 01:29:29,440 I don't deserve painkiller. Just drill. 1256 01:29:29,535 --> 01:29:33,450 Oh, you want pain. Well, we aim to please. 1257 01:29:33,539 --> 01:29:35,199 [Drill Motor Whirring] 1258 01:29:36,209 --> 01:29:38,248 Get out. 1259 01:29:38,336 --> 01:29:40,163 - What are you... - Get out! 1260 01:29:40,254 --> 01:29:43,588 - Ja, ja, ja. - Please stay. Ahh! 1261 01:29:44,884 --> 01:29:46,841 Let's talk. 1262 01:29:50,139 --> 01:29:52,262 Hey, put that down. 1263 01:29:52,350 --> 01:29:54,841 - Put that needle down. - Stay away from me. 1264 01:29:54,936 --> 01:29:58,435 - I said, "Let's talk." Put it down. - Stay away! 1265 01:30:03,569 --> 01:30:05,609 Ahhh! 1266 01:30:06,322 --> 01:30:08,030 Ahhh! 1267 01:30:08,116 --> 01:30:10,192 Ohhh! 1268 01:30:11,494 --> 01:30:12,774 Uh. 1269 01:30:14,622 --> 01:30:16,365 Ah! 1270 01:30:18,334 --> 01:30:21,454 Ah! 1271 01:30:21,546 --> 01:30:23,704 What a week I'm having! 1272 01:30:26,134 --> 01:30:28,803 You've destroyed my life, Kornbluth. 1273 01:30:28,886 --> 01:30:31,721 I didn't mean to. 1274 01:30:31,806 --> 01:30:35,139 I just had to prove that I wasn't crazy. 1275 01:30:35,226 --> 01:30:38,061 I'm a man of science. 1276 01:30:40,690 --> 01:30:44,273 I just didn't think about how it would affect you... 1277 01:30:44,360 --> 01:30:46,269 or her. 1278 01:30:46,362 --> 01:30:48,818 I'm really a nice guy. 1279 01:30:48,906 --> 01:30:51,444 If I had friends, you could ask them. 1280 01:30:51,534 --> 01:30:55,863 I've been on the phone to every employee of the government... 1281 01:30:55,955 --> 01:30:59,454 calling them sons of bitches. 1282 01:30:59,542 --> 01:31:02,876 Nobody could even get in to see her. 1283 01:31:05,047 --> 01:31:06,542 I can. 1284 01:31:09,552 --> 01:31:12,257 Come on. Come on! 1285 01:31:12,346 --> 01:31:14,553 - Ahh! - Come on. 1286 01:31:55,932 --> 01:31:59,182 Good afternoon, Dr. Kornbluth. I wasn't expecting you today. 1287 01:31:59,268 --> 01:32:01,344 These are Drs. Jarred and Johanssen... 1288 01:32:01,437 --> 01:32:03,430 from the Stockholm Institute. 1289 01:32:03,523 --> 01:32:06,061 I thought they were coming later with Dr. Ross. 1290 01:32:06,150 --> 01:32:10,148 No, no. That story was to fool the press. 1291 01:32:11,197 --> 01:32:14,530 You know, I'm half Swedish. 1292 01:32:19,122 --> 01:32:21,031 - Ja. - Ja. 1293 01:32:24,460 --> 01:32:28,043 - Ja. - Oh, ja. 1294 01:32:28,131 --> 01:32:29,755 Well! 1295 01:32:29,841 --> 01:32:31,917 Just a second. 1296 01:32:49,026 --> 01:32:50,984 Ah. 1297 01:33:02,081 --> 01:33:04,703 - How the hell did you do that? - Let me tell you. 1298 01:33:04,792 --> 01:33:07,366 Many nudie films come from Sweden. 1299 01:33:07,462 --> 01:33:11,673 After you see them 400 or 500 times, the stuff sinks in. 1300 01:33:11,758 --> 01:33:13,834 Afternoon, Buckwalter. 1301 01:33:13,926 --> 01:33:16,002 Sorry, no one comes in... 1302 01:33:16,095 --> 01:33:19,132 until Dr. Ross gets back with them Swede people. 1303 01:33:19,223 --> 01:33:21,216 These are the Swedish doctors. 1304 01:33:21,309 --> 01:33:24,345 These are... Swedes? 1305 01:33:24,437 --> 01:33:26,560 Ah, come here. 1306 01:33:26,647 --> 01:33:30,775 Isn't that one kinda dark? 1307 01:33:30,860 --> 01:33:33,149 He's dirty from the trip! 1308 01:33:33,237 --> 01:33:35,563 - Let us in. - I'm not supposed to. 1309 01:33:35,656 --> 01:33:37,696 What are you afraid of? 1310 01:33:37,784 --> 01:33:41,568 Do you think we're gonna steal the mermaid? 1311 01:33:41,662 --> 01:33:43,951 Steal the mermaid. Stealing the mermaid! 1312 01:33:44,040 --> 01:33:47,373 Are we gonna fold her in half and put her in a briefcase? 1313 01:33:47,460 --> 01:33:49,417 In a briefcase. In half. 1314 01:33:49,504 --> 01:33:52,208 I guess it's all right. 1315 01:33:52,298 --> 01:33:53,757 Go in. Go in. 1316 01:33:53,841 --> 01:33:55,834 - Good joke, there. - Yeah. 1317 01:33:58,221 --> 01:34:00,094 [Beeping] 1318 01:34:10,608 --> 01:34:13,181 [Faster Beeping] 1319 01:34:31,003 --> 01:34:33,411 - Hi. - Hi. 1320 01:34:33,506 --> 01:34:37,254 Is this the big secret you've been keeping, 1321 01:34:37,343 --> 01:34:40,095 that you're a mermaid, or is there something else? 1322 01:34:40,179 --> 01:34:42,255 No, that's it. 1323 01:34:45,518 --> 01:34:48,804 Allen, don't feel guilty. 1324 01:34:48,896 --> 01:34:51,055 Guilty? About what? 1325 01:34:51,149 --> 01:34:53,521 About not loving me any more. 1326 01:34:54,986 --> 01:34:57,607 Oh, Madison. 1327 01:34:57,697 --> 01:34:59,939 All the time we were together, 1328 01:35:00,032 --> 01:35:02,606 you always knew how I was feeling. 1329 01:35:02,702 --> 01:35:04,611 Can't you tell now? 1330 01:35:09,500 --> 01:35:11,125 [Faster Beeping] 1331 01:35:13,838 --> 01:35:17,456 # Well, left my wife in New Orleans # 1332 01:35:17,550 --> 01:35:19,756 # Forty-eight kids and a can of beans # 1333 01:35:19,844 --> 01:35:22,715 - # Left, right, one, two ## - Oh, my God! 1334 01:35:22,805 --> 01:35:24,845 - What? - Stand back, man. 1335 01:35:24,932 --> 01:35:28,348 Cover his face, for God's sake! 1336 01:35:28,436 --> 01:35:31,009 What happened? What's going on? 1337 01:35:31,105 --> 01:35:33,643 Dr. Johanssen bent down to examine that creature... 1338 01:35:33,733 --> 01:35:36,603 and suddenly these rays came out of her eyes! 1339 01:35:36,694 --> 01:35:39,861 Don't go in there! She'll melt your face off. 1340 01:35:39,947 --> 01:35:41,940 I knew something would happen. What should I do? 1341 01:35:42,033 --> 01:35:45,568 - Don't whine. Seal off the area. - I'll call the Pentagon. 1342 01:35:45,661 --> 01:35:48,497 You want to create a national panic? 1343 01:35:48,581 --> 01:35:51,997 - I don't want to die! - Pull yourself together. 1344 01:35:52,085 --> 01:35:54,124 Don't let anybody in that room. 1345 01:35:54,212 --> 01:35:57,545 I'll be back with nuclear weapons. Come on, Doctor. 1346 01:36:25,159 --> 01:36:27,366 Good afternoon, Dr. Ross. Who are your guests? 1347 01:36:27,453 --> 01:36:30,953 Drs. Jarred and Johanssen from the Swedish Institute. 1348 01:36:31,040 --> 01:36:32,997 Sir? 1349 01:36:33,084 --> 01:36:37,545 Dr. Kornbluth left with the Swedes a few minutes ago. 1350 01:36:43,761 --> 01:36:47,711 Hiya, boys. Come in. The water's fine. 1351 01:36:47,807 --> 01:36:49,681 [Laughing] 1352 01:36:50,810 --> 01:36:52,849 Let's get her back now! 1353 01:36:52,937 --> 01:36:54,811 And arrest him. 1354 01:36:58,109 --> 01:37:01,312 [Alarm] 1355 01:37:08,911 --> 01:37:13,123 [Helicopter] We have a blue BMW. Over. 1356 01:37:36,355 --> 01:37:38,348 [Honking] Come on. 1357 01:37:38,441 --> 01:37:42,141 Know something? I don't think we're being followed. 1358 01:37:42,236 --> 01:37:45,273 Wha... Well, that was easy. 1359 01:37:45,364 --> 01:37:47,274 That was simple! 1360 01:37:47,366 --> 01:37:48,777 We did it! [Laughing] 1361 01:37:48,868 --> 01:37:51,157 - [Walter] My plan. - You're a genius. 1362 01:37:51,245 --> 01:37:54,365 I am a genius, but you came in with the Swedish thing. 1363 01:37:54,457 --> 01:37:57,126 That was a brilliant touch. 1364 01:37:57,210 --> 01:37:59,997 I didn't even like you when we first met. 1365 01:38:00,088 --> 01:38:02,127 Nobody likes me when they first meet me. 1366 01:38:02,215 --> 01:38:03,709 [Laughing] 1367 01:38:03,800 --> 01:38:05,757 Allen? 1368 01:38:13,017 --> 01:38:15,473 - Move! - All right. Here we go! 1369 01:38:20,066 --> 01:38:21,774 [Honking] 1370 01:38:26,322 --> 01:38:28,279 [Honking] 1371 01:38:31,744 --> 01:38:33,903 Suspect heading south on Broadway. 1372 01:39:06,654 --> 01:39:10,699 [Helicopter] Unit One. Lost them in the Wall Street district. Over. 1373 01:39:13,911 --> 01:39:16,034 - Stop the car. - What? 1374 01:39:16,122 --> 01:39:18,613 Stop and let me out. I'll slow them down. Do it! 1375 01:39:24,922 --> 01:39:28,541 I caused all this. Now I'm gonna finish it. 1376 01:39:37,018 --> 01:39:39,176 Get the hell out of here. 1377 01:39:39,270 --> 01:39:41,144 Go! 1378 01:39:58,915 --> 01:40:00,658 Whoa! Oooh. 1379 01:40:03,669 --> 01:40:06,207 What a week I'm having! 1380 01:40:07,340 --> 01:40:08,917 [Honking] 1381 01:40:16,974 --> 01:40:19,726 [Honking] 1382 01:40:20,853 --> 01:40:23,605 Hey, mac, move that thing out of here. 1383 01:40:24,732 --> 01:40:27,401 Up yours, Gomer. I'm waitin' for a fare. 1384 01:40:27,485 --> 01:40:29,524 [Tires Screech] 1385 01:40:35,118 --> 01:40:36,232 Heave! 1386 01:40:39,539 --> 01:40:41,412 All right. Move out. 1387 01:40:42,917 --> 01:40:44,993 Come on, let's go! 1388 01:41:10,695 --> 01:41:14,028 - I was ready to stay with you forever. - I know. 1389 01:41:14,115 --> 01:41:16,570 They know who you are. They won't leave you alone. 1390 01:41:16,659 --> 01:41:19,115 I can't ever come back to you. 1391 01:41:19,203 --> 01:41:21,741 I wish I could go with you. 1392 01:41:21,831 --> 01:41:24,120 You can. 1393 01:41:24,208 --> 01:41:26,699 - How? - It can be done. 1394 01:41:26,794 --> 01:41:30,709 Remember when you were 8 and fell off the ship? 1395 01:41:30,798 --> 01:41:33,206 You were safe under the water, weren't you? 1396 01:41:33,301 --> 01:41:35,459 Yeah. 1397 01:41:35,553 --> 01:41:38,091 You were with me. 1398 01:41:38,181 --> 01:41:41,384 You mean, that was real? 1399 01:41:42,226 --> 01:41:44,848 That was you? 1400 01:41:44,937 --> 01:41:47,179 That was you! 1401 01:41:50,485 --> 01:41:53,154 This is great. This is great! 1402 01:41:53,237 --> 01:41:55,563 I can go with you and still come back... 1403 01:41:55,656 --> 01:41:58,408 and see Freddie at Christmas. 1404 01:41:58,493 --> 01:42:00,485 You can't ever come back. 1405 01:42:00,578 --> 01:42:03,698 [Sirens] 1406 01:42:14,217 --> 01:42:16,174 Madison. 1407 01:42:19,013 --> 01:42:20,922 I understand. 1408 01:42:30,233 --> 01:42:32,356 You on the dock, don't move. 1409 01:42:32,443 --> 01:42:34,483 You're under arrest. 1410 01:42:34,570 --> 01:42:36,646 Let the girl go. Step back. 1411 01:42:36,739 --> 01:42:38,946 You're under arrest. 1412 01:42:39,033 --> 01:42:40,824 You have to go. 1413 01:42:40,910 --> 01:42:43,318 Move out. Let's go! 1414 01:42:44,080 --> 01:42:46,238 I love you, Madison. 1415 01:42:47,917 --> 01:42:49,459 Go. 1416 01:42:51,337 --> 01:42:52,748 Go! 1417 01:43:00,179 --> 01:43:03,014 Get that guy on the dock. 1418 01:43:04,434 --> 01:43:06,141 Leave her alone! 1419 01:43:09,021 --> 01:43:10,765 Leave her alone! 1420 01:43:21,701 --> 01:43:23,361 Madison. 1421 01:43:30,251 --> 01:43:31,876 Madison! 1422 01:43:41,971 --> 01:43:45,803 Stay where you are. We'll get you out. 1423 01:43:48,644 --> 01:43:51,349 [Gasping] Madison! 1424 01:44:36,692 --> 01:44:38,851 [Garbled Shouts] 1425 01:44:38,945 --> 01:44:40,736 Ooo! 1426 01:45:08,808 --> 01:45:13,221 ## ["Love Came For Me"] 1427 01:45:13,312 --> 01:45:16,563 # One fine day # 1428 01:45:17,650 --> 01:45:22,893 # Love came for me # 1429 01:45:24,657 --> 01:45:28,737 # And love was rare # 1430 01:45:30,621 --> 01:45:34,701 # As love can be # 1431 01:45:36,544 --> 01:45:41,669 # I saw stars # 1432 01:45:41,758 --> 01:45:47,262 # Shining in clear blue skies # 1433 01:45:47,346 --> 01:45:52,803 # We flowed together # 1434 01:45:54,020 --> 01:45:57,519 # Once and forever # 1435 01:45:59,817 --> 01:46:03,945 # Love came for me # 1436 01:46:05,782 --> 01:46:09,530 # One fine night # 1437 01:46:11,454 --> 01:46:16,116 # Love let us see # 1438 01:46:17,460 --> 01:46:22,205 # How far we'll go # 1439 01:46:23,382 --> 01:46:27,001 # How good we'll be # 1440 01:46:29,639 --> 01:46:32,640 # We saw a world # 1441 01:46:34,143 --> 01:46:40,182 # No one ever saw before # 1442 01:46:40,274 --> 01:46:44,058 # It was the world # 1443 01:46:44,153 --> 01:46:47,439 # Love can start # 1444 01:46:47,532 --> 01:46:52,240 # With a beat of a heart # 1445 01:46:52,328 --> 01:46:56,492 # Love came for me # 1446 01:47:21,983 --> 01:47:26,063 # I saw stars # 1447 01:47:27,155 --> 01:47:33,109 # Shining in clear blue skies # 1448 01:47:33,202 --> 01:47:36,536 # We flowed together # 1449 01:47:38,958 --> 01:47:43,667 # Once and forever # 1450 01:47:44,881 --> 01:47:48,878 # Love came for me # 1451 01:47:50,803 --> 01:47:54,468 # One fine night # 1452 01:47:56,559 --> 01:48:00,391 # Love let us see # 1453 01:48:02,440 --> 01:48:05,939 # How far we'll go # 1454 01:48:08,237 --> 01:48:12,401 # How good we'll be # 1455 01:48:14,243 --> 01:48:18,905 # We saw a world # 1456 01:48:18,998 --> 01:48:25,665 # No one ever saw before # 1457 01:48:25,755 --> 01:48:29,088 # It was the world # 1458 01:48:29,175 --> 01:48:32,626 # Love can start # 1459 01:48:32,720 --> 01:48:37,631 # With a beat of a heart # 1460 01:48:37,725 --> 01:48:41,723 # Love came for me # 1461 01:48:43,314 --> 01:48:48,142 # Love came for me # 1462 01:48:49,237 --> 01:48:53,566 # Love came for me ## 101779