All language subtitles for One Foot in the Grave S04 E07 One Foot in the Algarve.DVD-Rip .English.HI.

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish Download
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:15,887 --> 00:01:17,923 (MOANING) 2 00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:31,242 (RHYTHMIC CREAKING) 3 00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,479 (MAN SCREAMING) 4 00:02:01,207 --> 00:02:03,084 Editor's office, please 5 00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:07,879 Well, tell him it's Martin Trout Then he may not be quite so busy 6 00:02:08,727 --> 00:02:11,685 Hello? Yeah, I've got it Yeah The lot, the works 7 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,567 Him and her together Yeah 8 00:02:14,807 --> 00:02:17,640 No, no By the pool at her place in the country 9 00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:21,564 Yeah Tongues in a reef knot 10 00:02:21,687 --> 00:02:25,475 Yeah At one point he had his tongue in her nose 11 00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:30,199 Yes Look, this is thermonuclear 12 00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,562 Profumo doesn't come into it 13 00:02:33,807 --> 00:02:38,756 My battery is getting a bit low so I'll give you a buzz back when I get to Victoria 14 00:02:39,407 --> 00:02:41,523 Okay Bye 15 00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:53,079 Sorry about this I know it must be in here somewhere 16 00:02:56,647 --> 00:02:58,365 Anyway, are you well? 17 00:03:01,287 --> 00:03:04,245 Here you are It must have slipped through a hole in the lining 18 00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:08,445 Here, cheer up I just earned myself 1 00,000 quid 19 00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:13,841 MAN: About time and all, eh? 20 00:03:18,007 --> 00:03:19,520 MARTIN: What do you mean, 80? 21 00:03:19,607 --> 00:03:22,280 80 nothing You agreed 1 00, sight unseen 22 00:03:22,647 --> 00:03:24,763 1 00 if the story checked out 23 00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:27,839 Don't mess me around, John 24 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,998 Look, I am holding in my hand 25 00:03:30,087 --> 00:03:33,875 a little stick of dynamite that will blow this country apart 26 00:03:34,927 --> 00:03:39,364 Look, if you're not interested, I have a little phone number in Wapping 27 00:03:39,727 --> 00:03:41,240 I'm sure they 28 00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:44,325 Yes That's more like it 29 00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:48,559 VICTOR: Hello, can you put me through to your customer complaints department please? 30 00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:51,923 MARTIN: right away and be over to you Yeah On your desk 31 00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:54,726 VICTOR: Your public-relations department, then MARTIN: Sorry, I 32 00:03:54,847 --> 00:03:57,156 No, I don't want Personnel! I want to talk to someone 33 00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,442 I want to complain about one of your products! 34 00:03:59,527 --> 00:04:01,563 Well, I can come to you directly or 35 00:04:01,647 --> 00:04:04,207 VICTOR: If he's there, I would Hello! MARTIN: Hang on a second 36 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,761 VICTOR: Hello? Yes, they were 37 00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:10,397 Fifty-five bloody pounds they cost me Ł55! 38 00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:14,243 Put them on brand-new this morning to go on holiday and what happens? 39 00:04:14,327 --> 00:04:16,636 I'll show you what bloody well happens 40 00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:19,045 Do you hear that? 41 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,042 Can you hear that? 42 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:24,483 It's like walking around with a dead halibut stuck to your foot 43 00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:29,118 I've never in all my life known such shoddy bloody work 44 00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:32,882 Oi, you, Superman's grandad 45 00:04:33,887 --> 00:04:39,041 Shut your bloody yap I can't hear myself think with you shrieking about like a rutting gibbon 46 00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:41,317 Shrieking like a Who the hell is shrieking? 47 00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:45,480 Who's shrieking? A hand grenade could go off in your mouth and no one would hear it! 48 00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:50,243 Show some consideration for the rest of the human race and shut your bleeding trap! 49 00:04:51,127 --> 00:04:55,882 -Have you quite finished? -No Your socks are too loud as well 50 00:04:56,447 --> 00:04:59,564 Here I am, trying to make an important phone call 51 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,559 Oi! Can't you see this booth is occupied? 52 00:05:02,647 --> 00:05:05,366 You trying to access my Mercury facility and use my 53 00:05:05,447 --> 00:05:09,201 There was no one here What was I supposed to Oh! 54 00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:11,440 Hello 55 00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:14,599 Hello? Are you still there? 56 00:05:14,687 --> 00:05:18,316 Yes Well, I can tell you now, you haven't heard the end of this 57 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,039 Who were you phoning anyway? 58 00:05:23,127 --> 00:05:27,120 Oh, it doesn't matter I forgot to cancel the Sunday papers, that's all 59 00:05:27,287 --> 00:05:31,166 Margaret! Mr Meldrew! 60 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:32,845 We're going to miss it! 61 00:05:32,927 --> 00:05:35,043 Yes, coming! 62 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,280 At least some of us can cancel the Sunday papers 63 00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:44,756 The sordid crap they keep filling them with, 64 00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:48,085 be a relief to get away from them for a couple of weeks 65 00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:55,085 Yeah, sorry about that Some goon shooting his mouth off 90 to the dozen 66 00:05:55,207 --> 00:05:56,720 Now, what was I saying? 67 00:05:56,807 --> 00:05:59,924 Oh, yeah If I bring the roll of film round to you 68 00:06:05,487 --> 00:06:07,000 Roll of 69 00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:36,558 -A Portuguese pen friend? Bet that's fun -Yes 70 00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,997 Of course, his English is a bit better than my Portuguese 71 00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:45,565 We've been writing to each other for 1 3 years it must be now, but never got round to meeting 72 00:06:46,247 --> 00:06:48,124 The engines have stopped 73 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:51,483 Why have they done that? Just completely cut out all together 74 00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:57,244 And then a couple of years ago he lost his wife, and I recently got divorced, 75 00:06:57,327 --> 00:07:00,797 and we both thought it was a good chance to take the plunge 76 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:02,684 Quite an adventure for you 77 00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,156 My godfathers, did you hear that? 78 00:07:05,247 --> 00:07:06,316 What is it now? 79 00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:10,958 I just overheard one of those stewardesses whispering to her colleague, ''We are all doomed'' 80 00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:13,686 I swear I did As they went by just then 81 00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:17,765 Why is no one else panicking? 82 00:07:17,847 --> 00:07:21,840 Of course, I'd be a bit nervous about going over there on my own 83 00:07:22,207 --> 00:07:27,804 So the three of us decided to rent a little villa and have a bit of a holiday for a couple of weeks 84 00:07:27,887 --> 00:07:30,765 What was that? Who heard that just then? 85 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:32,075 God spare us 86 00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:35,477 That noise, like the sound of a wing coming loose 87 00:07:35,887 --> 00:07:38,606 There'll be the sound of someone being hit over the head 88 00:07:38,687 --> 00:07:41,076 with a bottle of duty free scotch in a minute 89 00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,965 For God's sake, give over and try going to sleep or something 90 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,481 How can I go to sleep with all this turbulence? 91 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:50,480 How could we have turbulence? We haven't left the bloody runway yet! 92 00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:54,879 Yes, that's another thing It'll be a hundred times worse once we're in the air 93 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:37,839 Well, I'll be jiggered Look at that, a gear lever 94 00:08:38,007 --> 00:08:41,204 It's been here all the time just staring us in the face 95 00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:47,243 I wonder if we could use it at all to get to our villa before the dawn of the next ice age 96 00:08:48,607 --> 00:08:51,440 II can't drive fast, Mr Meldrew, 97 00:08:52,327 --> 00:08:55,046 not on these narrow mountain roads 98 00:08:55,127 --> 00:08:56,242 Fast? 99 00:08:57,407 --> 00:09:01,878 We didn't exactly crash through the sound barrier in that dual carriageway in Lisbon, did we? 100 00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:03,559 I mean, that was the ultimate insult 101 00:09:03,647 --> 00:09:06,764 Being overtaken by two blokes pushing a Transit van 102 00:09:09,407 --> 00:09:12,558 Still, it's nice to know that in temperatures of 1 00 degrees 103 00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:16,720 the car rental firm has thoughtfully provided us with this, isn't it? 104 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,844 I mean, don't they speak English at that place, for goodness sake? 105 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,521 Presumably not as they're all Portuguese 106 00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:27,318 Yes, everyone else may be melting to death on the roads, but not us, 107 00:09:27,407 --> 00:09:30,843 because we have a car with hair conditioner 108 00:09:30,927 --> 00:09:34,363 I mean, what in the name of sanity did they think we wanted it for? 109 00:09:34,447 --> 00:09:37,359 To make sure that the roof rack was more shiny and manageable? 110 00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:42,840 Will you put a lid on it? We're supposed to be on holiday 111 00:09:43,687 --> 00:09:47,236 Just stop moaning and enjoy the scenery 112 00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:54,796 VICTOR: We're never going to get to that villa today with Nigel Mansell here at the wheel 113 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,526 At this rate, I shudder to think where we'll end up 114 00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:14,164 We're just saying whether it's wise to go any further before morning 115 00:10:15,007 --> 00:10:18,238 Jean's dog-tired I could do with some shut-eye 116 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,602 I wonder if they do rooms here for the night? 117 00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:23,476 Well, I suppose they must do 118 00:10:23,567 --> 00:10:27,606 Why don't I go and ask? Give me a chance to use my Portuguese 119 00:10:30,527 --> 00:10:33,803 Well, a fine start this has been to the proceedings 120 00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:38,644 Why is it whenever we go anywhere it's just one hideous catastrophe after another? 121 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,918 (SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE) 122 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,240 There we are All sorted apparently 123 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:06,605 I said would 5,000 escudos be a fair price, he seemed very happy 124 00:11:06,687 --> 00:11:11,397 So I gather he's got a room to show you first, Mrs Warboys, see if it's to your liking 125 00:11:11,887 --> 00:11:14,799 Oh, I get first pick, do I? 126 00:11:15,687 --> 00:11:16,756 -Oh! -Hello 127 00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:18,758 -I go with you? -Oh, yes 128 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,197 MAN: You look like very hot lady 129 00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:26,280 MRS WARBOYS: Oh, yes I'm not used to your climate, I'm afraid 130 00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:34,559 I just hope for your sake this villa is up to scratch when we finally get there 131 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:39,115 I said all along we should get a place from a proper holiday firm 132 00:11:39,607 --> 00:11:42,405 Not a classified ad in Zit magazine 133 00:11:42,487 --> 00:11:44,876 Jesus Christ Just have a bit of faith 134 00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:48,482 It said it was a charming little villa that would suit any couple down to the ground 135 00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,321 I'd have a bit of faith if the photograph they sent hadn't been touched up with Tipp-Ex 136 00:11:52,407 --> 00:11:55,877 I held it up to the light, I swear I could see a ''condemned'' sign underneath 137 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,084 Well, I'm telling you now, if we get to this place and it's a 138 00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,646 (MRS WARBOYS SCREAMING) 139 00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,001 (CRASHING) 140 00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:03,520 MARGARET: Jean? 141 00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:08,363 What's happened? What's the matter? 142 00:12:08,447 --> 00:12:10,438 (SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE) 143 00:12:11,967 --> 00:12:14,561 That man thought I was a 144 00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:17,161 Vocé acha que pode vir assim para o nosso paiís, com essas velhas putas? 145 00:12:17,247 --> 00:12:20,000 Whatever did you say to him, Mr Meldrew? 146 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,725 I'm sorry, Mrs Warboys 147 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,559 He wanted me to 148 00:12:23,647 --> 00:12:26,844 He wanted you to what? Jean? 149 00:12:26,927 --> 00:12:28,599 Something beginning with ''H'' 150 00:12:28,687 --> 00:12:31,042 Pensas que podes vir assim... 151 00:12:32,927 --> 00:12:35,157 Cinco mil escudos. 152 00:12:35,247 --> 00:12:37,886 -Something beginning with ''H'' -Victor 153 00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:42,997 (YELLING IN PORTUGUESE) 154 00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:47,117 (TYRES SCREECHING) 155 00:12:47,207 --> 00:12:48,799 MARGARET: Congratulations! 156 00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:51,682 I just don't be 157 00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:56,799 ''Give me a chance to try out my Portuguese'' 158 00:12:57,487 --> 00:12:59,842 You never ever learn, do you? 159 00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:03,923 It wasn't my fault He just got the wrong end of the stick 160 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:07,397 Oh, that's nothing to what Jean nearly got the wrong end of 161 00:13:08,727 --> 00:13:11,958 Poor woman will be having nightmares now every time she sees a zip 162 00:13:12,047 --> 00:13:14,686 -Sees what? -Look where you're going! 163 00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:17,281 -Watch your speed -Yes, well 164 00:13:17,887 --> 00:13:21,675 Oh, I don't believe it That's all we need 165 00:13:23,007 --> 00:13:25,077 MARGARET: What is? 166 00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:53,563 Que é que o senhor está a pensar a fazer? Não viu eu fazer-lhe sinal ali atrás para parar-se? 167 00:13:53,727 --> 00:13:55,285 Sabe qual é o limite de velocidade nesta estrada? 168 00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,482 (STAMMERING) 169 00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:59,843 O automóvel quase que iía parar ali na valeta. Esteve a beber hoje â noite? 170 00:13:59,927 --> 00:14:02,316 I'm very sorry I didn't realise 171 00:14:02,407 --> 00:14:04,238 Ah! São ingleses, devia ter adivinhado. 172 00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:05,885 Someone very nearly assaulted our friend 173 00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:10,119 Yes He wanted her to do something beginning with ''H'' apparently 174 00:14:10,887 --> 00:14:13,321 -What was that? -You work it out 175 00:14:13,447 --> 00:14:15,403 Tem sorte eu não o multar desta vez. 176 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:17,318 No futuro, veja se tem mais cuidado. 177 00:14:17,447 --> 00:14:18,766 I'm sorry? 178 00:14:18,847 --> 00:14:22,522 English nau compriendo. 179 00:14:22,607 --> 00:14:24,882 We were on our way to a holiday villa 180 00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:31,157 Este é um siítio difiícil de encontrar a esta hora. E as estradas estão perigosas. 181 00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,397 -É melhor sair. -Bom, saiam por favor. 182 00:14:33,487 --> 00:14:36,081 Vamos. E o meu colega seguirá depois no vosso automóvel. 183 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,805 Vocés venham comigo. 184 00:14:58,007 --> 00:15:01,044 Bom, minhas senhoras e meu senhor, saiam por favor. 185 00:15:01,487 --> 00:15:05,036 -Saiam! -Bom. É aqui que vão ficar. 186 00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:17,918 Bem, isto parece estar vazio. Bom. Experimentem as vossas camas. 187 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:21,562 If it's about what happened at that pub, we didn't mean to cause any trouble 188 00:15:21,647 --> 00:15:24,081 If you could just call the British Council or anybody who speaks English? 189 00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:26,556 Tenho a certeza que são muito confortáveis. Experimentem-nas! 190 00:15:26,647 --> 00:15:30,560 E no futuro, vejam se tenham mais cuidado a conduzir. 191 00:15:31,127 --> 00:15:34,881 E se vão dormir aqui, mantenham a porta bem fechada. 192 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:38,357 Os ratos podem tornar-se muito esfomiados durante a noite. 193 00:15:58,127 --> 00:15:59,560 (CLANKING) 194 00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:01,160 (BUBBLING) 195 00:16:03,847 --> 00:16:05,565 (CLANKING) 196 00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:07,444 (BANGING) 197 00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:13,918 (FLUSHING) 198 00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:39,843 My watch has stopped 199 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,437 5:30 in the afternoon 200 00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:47,321 Eighteen hours, not a thing to eat 201 00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:50,397 Can't even have a bath 202 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,598 Sixty years old I'll be next month 203 00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:01,878 Sixty years 204 00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:06,799 of waiting for something nice to happen 205 00:17:08,887 --> 00:17:12,323 Will you let us out of here? We haven't done anything wrong! 206 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:16,719 Hello? Hello? Can you hear me out there or what? 207 00:17:17,967 --> 00:17:19,082 Hello? 208 00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:28,236 I realise now that the only thing that's kept me going 209 00:17:29,407 --> 00:17:32,763 is the hope that one day things might be different 210 00:17:33,647 --> 00:17:35,239 That one day 211 00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:38,162 well, I suppose it was being over romantic, 212 00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:41,886 I could go on a nice holiday to Portugal 213 00:17:43,247 --> 00:17:45,317 and come home again afterwards 214 00:17:47,047 --> 00:17:51,802 instead of being left to rot to death in the set of Midnight Express, 215 00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:55,761 charged with geriatric pimping 216 00:17:58,407 --> 00:18:00,921 Twitchy leg muscle is starting up 217 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,842 Need to stretch my legs, I think 218 00:18:04,607 --> 00:18:06,086 MARGARET: Yes 219 00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:11,639 Well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of time for that when they put us on the rack 220 00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:13,758 My God! You're not serious? 221 00:18:13,847 --> 00:18:16,680 Is it still legal to garrotte people over here? 222 00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:18,806 Well, let's hope so 223 00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:30,686 I can't believe I let you take us to that thing It was so cruel 224 00:18:30,767 --> 00:18:33,281 It was like something out of Roman times 225 00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:35,722 How can you say it was cruel? 226 00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:40,961 The matador is in no real danger If the bull gets too close, they stab it to death with swords 227 00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:43,436 -How can it be cruel? -It's cruel to the bull 228 00:18:43,527 --> 00:18:45,916 Cruel to the bull? Man, whose side are you on? 229 00:18:46,007 --> 00:18:49,522 We're on the side of decency and human compassion, Dad, as it happens 230 00:18:49,607 --> 00:18:52,804 Oh, right Of course, I forgot 231 00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:56,846 My son, the compassionate welterweight with no taste for blood 232 00:18:57,127 --> 00:19:00,085 Can you wonder that he lost 1 1 of his last 1 2 fights? 233 00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:02,044 Does that surprise anyone in this car? 234 00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:05,085 I had a run of bad luck That's all it was 235 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:08,716 No The reason is Do you want to know the reason? 236 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,322 It's because you haven't got the killer instinct 237 00:19:11,407 --> 00:19:14,922 Thirty-five years in this business, I think I know what the game's about 238 00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:16,840 It's about hate 239 00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:19,603 You have to hate the person 240 00:19:19,687 --> 00:19:23,396 You have to physically want to beat the living crap out of the man you're boxing 241 00:19:23,487 --> 00:19:25,364 -What it's not about -Can we give this a rest? 242 00:19:25,447 --> 00:19:28,644 What it's not about is stopping halfway through round five 243 00:19:28,727 --> 00:19:31,195 to enquire about his mother's arthritis 244 00:19:31,927 --> 00:19:34,964 I promise, before this holiday is over 245 00:19:35,047 --> 00:19:37,800 we're going to work on this attitude problem of yours 246 00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:43,481 If I can make you dislike just one person, to bring out that hate and aggression, 247 00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,717 it may just give me hope for your future 248 00:19:45,807 --> 00:19:49,083 How many times, Dad? I don't have any hidden aggression 249 00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:51,158 because I never let people upset me 250 00:19:51,247 --> 00:19:56,685 See? Look at me I'm Mr Cool, which is something you should try sometime 251 00:19:56,967 --> 00:19:58,844 You might live a bit longer 252 00:20:14,207 --> 00:20:16,163 Would you believe it? 253 00:20:16,327 --> 00:20:19,046 -What's that? -That manky old dump across the road 254 00:20:19,127 --> 00:20:20,446 You know, the one the travel agent said 255 00:20:20,527 --> 00:20:23,041 was only being held together by cockroach droppings 256 00:20:23,127 --> 00:20:25,516 -What about it? -There's a car outside 257 00:20:25,607 --> 00:20:27,643 Must belong to them demolition people 258 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,116 No, look There's suitcases on the roof 259 00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:34,439 My God Do you know, I think they've actually conned someone into staying there 260 00:20:34,527 --> 00:20:36,722 Must be some serious brain damage 261 00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:40,836 (SCREAMING) 262 00:20:40,927 --> 00:20:42,519 VICTOR: You bastards! 263 00:20:43,727 --> 00:20:47,242 We'll see what the European Court of Human Rights has to say about this! 264 00:20:47,327 --> 00:20:50,922 Because I'm not letting it rest here, matey, and don't think I am! 265 00:20:51,407 --> 00:20:53,921 If Terry Waite can stick it, so can we! 266 00:20:55,327 --> 00:20:57,921 You haven't got the better of us yet! 267 00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:40,406 If I could just reach one of them 268 00:21:44,287 --> 00:21:45,436 Got it! 269 00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:48,280 -Oh, wonderful! -There 270 00:21:52,487 --> 00:21:54,876 -What's this? -A lemon? 271 00:21:55,287 --> 00:21:57,676 Is that all there is, Mr Meldrew? 272 00:21:57,767 --> 00:21:58,995 All there 273 00:22:00,607 --> 00:22:04,395 No, wait! I think I can see a string of bratwurst sausages 274 00:22:04,527 --> 00:22:07,200 just stringed up nicely in the next branch 275 00:22:07,487 --> 00:22:12,481 Of course it's all there is It's a bloody lemon tree What else do you expect to find on it? 276 00:22:12,887 --> 00:22:15,765 We haven't eaten in two days 277 00:22:16,207 --> 00:22:17,606 Give it here 278 00:22:19,487 --> 00:22:22,399 I suppose there's no sign of life out there still 279 00:22:23,407 --> 00:22:26,160 I can't make it out There's no officers, no vehicles 280 00:22:26,247 --> 00:22:29,045 The place is as quiet as a graveyard 281 00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:33,044 I can't see much through these trees at all if it comes to that 282 00:22:33,127 --> 00:22:36,597 I can just make out a sign on the gate 283 00:22:36,687 --> 00:22:41,442 Something ''da Queimada'' 284 00:22:42,447 --> 00:22:44,278 Police station, is that? 285 00:22:44,367 --> 00:22:46,039 And some chickens 286 00:22:46,127 --> 00:22:51,565 I mean, it can't be so remote there's no one on duty in the whole 287 00:22:59,927 --> 00:23:01,155 Oh 288 00:23:02,207 --> 00:23:03,720 This isn't happening 289 00:23:16,847 --> 00:23:18,200 Come on! 290 00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,042 Oh! 291 00:23:22,727 --> 00:23:24,285 How did you do that? 292 00:23:25,127 --> 00:23:26,799 How did you unlock it? 293 00:23:26,887 --> 00:23:28,684 I didn't unlock it 294 00:23:28,767 --> 00:23:30,598 (STAMMERING) But how did 295 00:23:30,687 --> 00:23:32,484 It wasn't locked 296 00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:35,559 It was never locked It was just a bit stiff 297 00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:39,643 Oh, God Haven't you worked it out yet? 298 00:23:39,727 --> 00:23:41,399 Worked what out? 299 00:23:41,487 --> 00:23:45,924 Rua da Queimada Doesn't that ring any bells? 300 00:23:48,967 --> 00:23:51,561 This is our villa 301 00:23:54,687 --> 00:23:55,836 How 302 00:23:57,127 --> 00:23:59,595 You mean it isn't a police cell? 303 00:23:59,727 --> 00:24:02,195 I showed them the address Don't you remember? 304 00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:05,604 We thought they were arresting us They were just bringing us to the house 305 00:24:05,687 --> 00:24:09,077 That other officer must have picked up the keys on the way from 306 00:24:09,167 --> 00:24:15,925 Thirty-six hours we've spent wallowing in our own filth, sucking lemons 307 00:24:16,847 --> 00:24:21,921 ''A charming villa to suit any couple'' Such as who? Bill Sikes and Nancy? 308 00:24:23,607 --> 00:24:26,963 By the looks of it, we'll be lucky if it's got a bloody roof 309 00:24:36,727 --> 00:24:38,479 (STAMMERING) I 310 00:24:40,807 --> 00:24:44,243 I don't believe it 311 00:25:39,807 --> 00:25:41,604 Help! 312 00:26:20,967 --> 00:26:22,161 I know 313 00:26:23,207 --> 00:26:28,042 Anyway, we're over the worst now hopefully So 314 00:26:29,207 --> 00:26:32,040 Yes 6:30 315 00:26:32,287 --> 00:26:35,916 I'm looking forward to meeting you in the flesh at long last 316 00:26:37,607 --> 00:26:40,565 See you then, Alfonso Bye 317 00:26:55,087 --> 00:26:58,397 I suppose this new aftershave is going to be launched on the public again today 318 00:26:58,487 --> 00:27:00,717 like chemical warfare, is it? 319 00:27:00,807 --> 00:27:03,480 I'll be putting it on in just a second, yes 320 00:27:03,567 --> 00:27:06,081 The one that makes you smell like a donkey? 321 00:27:08,607 --> 00:27:11,326 I don't think I'm gonna risk this bed linen 322 00:27:11,407 --> 00:27:15,764 Just as well we brought some of our own Did you bring that other case? Oh, there it is 323 00:27:16,327 --> 00:27:20,445 I don't know where you get that from I mean, I'm hardly likely to pay Ł34 7 324 00:27:20,567 --> 00:27:23,877 for an aftershave that makes me smell like a donkey, am I? 325 00:27:23,967 --> 00:27:28,006 Perfectly good aftershave I don't know why you've such a downer on it 326 00:27:30,327 --> 00:27:31,885 What is all this? 327 00:27:35,007 --> 00:27:36,156 What the 328 00:27:36,247 --> 00:27:38,283 But didn't you 329 00:27:38,927 --> 00:27:40,679 You didn't 330 00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:43,998 Oh, for crying out loud 331 00:27:44,407 --> 00:27:46,602 I thought you were supposed to have emptied all this 332 00:27:46,687 --> 00:27:49,281 when you brought the case down from the attic 333 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:50,880 I thought you'd taken it out 334 00:27:50,967 --> 00:27:53,083 I said I hadn't taken it out 335 00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:56,876 You said you were going to do everything, pack all the sheets and towels in it on Friday 336 00:27:56,967 --> 00:28:02,041 I said, ''Why do I have to do everything?'' I asked you to pack all the sheets and 337 00:28:03,847 --> 00:28:06,281 I laid them all out on the spare bed ready 338 00:28:06,367 --> 00:28:10,485 You must have seen them when you took the bloody thing down to the car 339 00:28:12,127 --> 00:28:14,083 Well, I did see 340 00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:17,121 This is what I've got to lie on in bed now, is it? 341 00:28:17,207 --> 00:28:21,803 Ten years' worth of Access statements and 1 00 copies of the Beezer! 342 00:28:21,887 --> 00:28:25,277 We even had to pay excess baggage to bring it here 343 00:28:26,087 --> 00:28:32,003 Oh, stillI'm sure we can happily find a use for this while we're here 344 00:28:32,087 --> 00:28:35,079 I'll just go and see if there's some cheese 345 00:28:37,847 --> 00:28:39,439 (DOOR SLAMMING) 346 00:28:51,807 --> 00:28:53,445 (SNIFFING) 347 00:29:11,487 --> 00:29:13,876 Go on Get out of it 348 00:29:15,527 --> 00:29:17,995 Bugger off, the lot of you Did someone put you up to this? 349 00:29:18,087 --> 00:29:20,282 Go and sniff around someone else 350 00:29:20,367 --> 00:29:23,484 I don't think it's as strong as all that I'm getting sick of this 351 00:29:36,127 --> 00:29:37,685 I like those 352 00:29:39,047 --> 00:29:41,163 Look at that Italian calf leather 353 00:29:43,767 --> 00:29:48,079 I have looked for a pair like this at home Do you think I could find anything? 354 00:29:50,247 --> 00:29:51,475 Thanks all the same 355 00:29:51,567 --> 00:29:52,636 (CHOKING) 356 00:29:52,727 --> 00:29:54,319 Is she all right? 357 00:29:57,567 --> 00:29:59,285 Slap her on the back or something 358 00:29:59,727 --> 00:30:02,036 Oh, God, it's something lodged in her throat 359 00:30:02,447 --> 00:30:04,324 Out of the way Here, let me 360 00:30:10,327 --> 00:30:13,524 Oh, thank you Obrigada. 361 00:30:13,887 --> 00:30:17,436 I don't know what happens Eat too fast, I think 362 00:30:17,527 --> 00:30:21,042 That's all right I mean, it's called the Heimlich manoeuvre 363 00:30:21,527 --> 00:30:23,916 I saw it demonstrated once by Susan Stranks on Magpie. 364 00:30:24,007 --> 00:30:25,281 MARGARET: Oh, did you? 365 00:30:25,367 --> 00:30:27,483 I've been waiting all these years for a chance to use it 366 00:30:27,567 --> 00:30:29,603 You sure you're all right now? 367 00:30:29,687 --> 00:30:31,279 I'm so grateful 368 00:30:31,727 --> 00:30:33,319 I don't know what to say 369 00:30:33,407 --> 00:30:35,204 Yes Well, it's getting on, I think, 370 00:30:35,287 --> 00:30:37,642 and we don't want to keep your friend Alfonso waiting, do we? 371 00:30:37,727 --> 00:30:41,083 Perhaps you'd like to put her down now, Victor You've just saved the woman from choking 372 00:30:41,167 --> 00:30:43,635 You don't want to kill her with the aftershave 373 00:31:07,607 --> 00:31:08,801 Ah, Victor 374 00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:13,726 The non-specific urethritis is not giving you too much trouble tonight, I hope 375 00:31:13,847 --> 00:31:17,999 The scalding sensation is now improving a little, yes? 376 00:31:19,407 --> 00:31:21,159 Slightly, yes 377 00:31:33,487 --> 00:31:36,285 I feel as if I'm walking through a dream 378 00:31:36,567 --> 00:31:40,355 To think that I'm actually here after all these years 379 00:31:43,847 --> 00:31:46,236 Shame we never got to meet Maria 380 00:31:47,847 --> 00:31:50,680 Two years is it now, since the accident? 381 00:31:51,647 --> 00:31:53,717 They never found her body presumably 382 00:31:54,487 --> 00:31:56,284 And I don't suppose they ever will 383 00:31:59,647 --> 00:32:02,320 My wife for 26 years 384 00:32:04,127 --> 00:32:09,155 Sometimes she would walk home from the town along the cliff tops 385 00:32:12,167 --> 00:32:14,442 It is a beautiful walk, 386 00:32:15,247 --> 00:32:17,886 but very dangerous close to the edge 387 00:32:20,007 --> 00:32:23,556 So many times I tell her to be careful, 388 00:32:24,247 --> 00:32:28,445 that the ground can so easily crumble beneath your feet like 389 00:32:29,727 --> 00:32:31,763 dry fruitcake, you know 390 00:32:32,967 --> 00:32:34,161 But 391 00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,717 one day she goes into town, 392 00:32:39,367 --> 00:32:40,925 she never came back 393 00:32:42,487 --> 00:32:46,878 They found one of her shoes on top of the cliffs, 394 00:32:48,327 --> 00:32:50,557 the other on the rocks below 395 00:32:52,527 --> 00:32:57,442 A torn piece of her dress caught on some driftwood 396 00:32:58,687 --> 00:33:02,475 The current must have swept her far out to sea 397 00:33:04,367 --> 00:33:07,677 Three weeks later, off the Estoril coast, 398 00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:11,957 two skin divers find an octopus 399 00:33:12,047 --> 00:33:14,277 holding a Gucci handbag 400 00:33:16,287 --> 00:33:19,563 But, you know, it is hopeless 401 00:33:20,927 --> 00:33:23,202 She is gone forever 402 00:33:28,567 --> 00:33:32,355 Three weeks' time would have been her 53rd birthday 403 00:33:37,727 --> 00:33:39,479 Just before yours, then 404 00:33:41,647 --> 00:33:43,285 She'll be 60 next month 405 00:33:44,767 --> 00:33:46,485 Can I ever forget it? 406 00:33:49,887 --> 00:33:51,718 Oh, I may have moved 407 00:33:54,767 --> 00:33:57,486 Lovely Now just one more Lean in 408 00:33:58,887 --> 00:34:00,286 (MOSQUITO BUZZING) 409 00:34:00,367 --> 00:34:01,686 Lovely 410 00:34:03,367 --> 00:34:05,562 Oh, that's another roll finished 411 00:34:06,607 --> 00:34:09,599 I seem to have a bag full of these things 412 00:34:09,887 --> 00:34:12,082 I don't know where they've all come from suddenly 413 00:34:12,167 --> 00:34:14,203 It's been a terrific evening, Alfonso 414 00:34:14,287 --> 00:34:15,640 (MOSQUITO BUZZING) 415 00:34:15,727 --> 00:34:19,481 I'm afraid I've fallen in love with your house 416 00:34:20,487 --> 00:34:22,478 May we take it back with us? 417 00:34:22,807 --> 00:34:24,035 Of course 418 00:34:24,967 --> 00:34:28,323 But you will find it is far too big for one person 419 00:34:29,847 --> 00:34:33,476 For two, perhaps not so bad 420 00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:41,885 (SLAPPING) 421 00:34:42,607 --> 00:34:45,326 How you stick it in this climate is beyond me 422 00:34:47,367 --> 00:34:51,918 Tomorrow you will ring me, Jean, and I show you the wonders of the Algarve 423 00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,001 And perhaps we take you scuba diving, Victor 424 00:34:55,087 --> 00:34:58,477 -Yes, have you got any concrete flippers? -ALFONSO: Sorry? 425 00:34:58,567 --> 00:35:00,205 Nothing Good night, Alfonso 426 00:35:00,287 --> 00:35:01,925 -Good night -Night 427 00:35:02,007 --> 00:35:04,282 Bye, Alfonso, and thank you again 428 00:35:16,967 --> 00:35:19,640 You two seem to get on like a house on fire 429 00:35:20,047 --> 00:35:21,241 Really? 430 00:35:22,447 --> 00:35:26,281 Must have been a terrible ordeal for him, losing his wife like that 431 00:35:26,967 --> 00:35:29,242 He obviously loved her very much 432 00:35:30,367 --> 00:35:31,846 Did you think so? 433 00:35:33,127 --> 00:35:36,437 -What do you mean? -Just thought it was a bit odd, that's all 434 00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:38,324 Showed us around every room 435 00:35:38,407 --> 00:35:41,479 and there wasn't a single photograph of her in the house 436 00:35:44,007 --> 00:35:48,956 No No, I haven't actually managed to lay my hands on it again as such 437 00:35:50,007 --> 00:35:54,000 Well, it must be round here somewhere Yeah, ten to one it's in her handbag, 438 00:35:54,087 --> 00:35:56,726 in which case I'll have to pick my moment 439 00:35:57,087 --> 00:36:00,602 Listen, you get that front page ready for Sunday 440 00:36:00,687 --> 00:36:05,886 And you better wear asbestos gloves because these pictures are hot 441 00:36:06,007 --> 00:36:07,565 Talk to you soon 442 00:36:28,447 --> 00:36:30,199 (CAR APPROACHING) 443 00:36:34,607 --> 00:36:36,086 (CAR DOOR CLOSING) 444 00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:49,318 (SHOES SQUEAKING) 445 00:36:50,367 --> 00:36:54,440 MRS WARBOYS: Always worried that these things won't live up to your expectations 446 00:36:54,527 --> 00:36:58,805 But, if anything, I'd say he was even better looking in the flesh than his photographs 447 00:36:59,687 --> 00:37:02,042 I must have been a big disappointment 448 00:37:03,047 --> 00:37:05,277 Yes, I expect so 449 00:37:05,367 --> 00:37:07,562 What's that supposed to mean? 450 00:37:08,287 --> 00:37:09,436 Sorry? 451 00:37:09,527 --> 00:37:11,040 Go to bed 452 00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:20,442 My skin's gone all dry now I should've put something on my face 453 00:37:20,527 --> 00:37:22,085 Try a pillow 454 00:37:43,767 --> 00:37:46,679 Oh, be careful if you get up in the night without your shoes on 455 00:37:46,767 --> 00:37:49,884 I put that mousetrap down near the bathroom door 456 00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:51,639 (MOUSETRAP SNAPPING) 457 00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:52,876 Oh 458 00:37:55,527 --> 00:37:57,085 I wasn't, was I? 459 00:37:57,727 --> 00:38:00,446 -What? -A disappointment 460 00:38:01,447 --> 00:38:04,757 I think you know the answer to that as well as I do 461 00:38:08,927 --> 00:38:10,440 It's funny 462 00:38:10,527 --> 00:38:15,920 In the first few months after Chris left, I was almost ready to drink the Domestos 463 00:38:16,727 --> 00:38:19,321 It never occurred to me that one day I might 464 00:38:19,407 --> 00:38:22,080 (MRS WARBOYS GIGGLING) Just listen to me! 465 00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:25,364 Like some sort of silly schoolgirl 466 00:38:30,527 --> 00:38:32,722 Have a good night, Jean See you in the morning 467 00:38:32,807 --> 00:38:34,479 Night, Margaret 468 00:38:37,007 --> 00:38:40,602 You know, this place isn't as bad as all that really 469 00:38:44,447 --> 00:38:46,165 Once you get used to it 470 00:38:52,087 --> 00:38:54,043 (MARTIN GROANING) 471 00:38:55,367 --> 00:38:57,085 Sorry, Mr Meldrew? 472 00:38:57,407 --> 00:38:59,796 -Good night, Mrs Warboys -Night 473 00:39:03,167 --> 00:39:04,885 (DOOR CLOSING) 474 00:39:13,487 --> 00:39:16,877 Might get some of these developed today if we can find somewhere 475 00:39:17,367 --> 00:39:19,517 What time are you seeing Alfonso? 476 00:39:19,967 --> 00:39:21,923 We said 1 0:00 at the golf house, 477 00:39:22,007 --> 00:39:24,680 so if you just drop me at the bus stop, I'll be fine 478 00:39:25,447 --> 00:39:27,881 Well, here he comes, the Silver Surfer 479 00:39:28,327 --> 00:39:31,364 I don't think Tom Cruise has got anything to worry about, do you? 480 00:39:31,447 --> 00:39:32,766 You two ready? 481 00:39:32,847 --> 00:39:35,077 We've been ready for half an hour 482 00:39:35,567 --> 00:39:38,923 We were waiting for you to finish faffing about up there 483 00:39:39,007 --> 00:39:41,123 VICTOR: Faffing about up where? 484 00:39:43,007 --> 00:39:44,884 (CAR DEPARTING) 485 00:39:47,447 --> 00:39:48,846 (BANGING) 486 00:39:50,047 --> 00:39:51,605 (GRUNTING) 487 00:40:15,727 --> 00:40:17,877 (MUMBLING) 488 00:40:20,687 --> 00:40:23,201 (SCREAMING) 489 00:41:27,727 --> 00:41:30,878 Oh, what's this? For us? 490 00:41:32,647 --> 00:41:34,365 -What is it? -Soup 491 00:41:34,447 --> 00:41:35,596 Soup 492 00:41:36,807 --> 00:41:38,286 Mmm! Mmm! 493 00:41:38,367 --> 00:41:41,404 -Very tasty Did you make this yourself? -Yes 494 00:41:41,487 --> 00:41:42,920 It's lovely 495 00:41:48,607 --> 00:41:50,245 -Victor -What? 496 00:41:51,127 --> 00:41:52,685 Oh, yes 497 00:41:54,727 --> 00:41:56,046 Thank you 498 00:41:58,007 --> 00:41:59,884 Mmm Mmm Delicious 499 00:42:00,407 --> 00:42:02,045 MARGARET: Thank you very much 500 00:42:13,807 --> 00:42:16,719 Watch where you're going, you blundering great oaf 501 00:42:16,807 --> 00:42:20,436 Why don't you just bury me alive with a shovel and have done with it? 502 00:42:21,807 --> 00:42:24,719 I'm sorry Did a bit of sand go up your nose? 503 00:42:25,247 --> 00:42:27,807 I'll come and poke it out for you if you like 504 00:42:27,887 --> 00:42:29,878 Oh, no! Look at that now 505 00:42:29,967 --> 00:42:32,527 I've knocked over your bottle of embalming fluid 506 00:42:32,607 --> 00:42:35,075 I sorry about that, man I really am 507 00:42:36,207 --> 00:42:38,482 Victor, for God's sake! 508 00:42:40,087 --> 00:42:41,679 Look at that! 509 00:42:42,207 --> 00:42:44,767 Legs look like they've been pebble-dashed now! 510 00:42:45,727 --> 00:42:47,763 I'll have to go wash it all off 511 00:43:35,607 --> 00:43:38,326 It's too hot for me here I think I'll go for a walk 512 00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:39,886 Oh, right 513 00:43:42,687 --> 00:43:45,201 Before I rot away altogether 514 00:43:48,047 --> 00:43:50,003 And, Hugo, here's a tip 515 00:43:50,607 --> 00:43:53,280 When you're boxing, it's always a good idea 516 00:43:53,447 --> 00:43:58,237 to remain perpendicular to the canvas That way the audience get a better view 517 00:43:58,647 --> 00:44:03,243 If we ever got sponsorship, you'll have to put the product logo on the soles of your shoes, 518 00:44:03,327 --> 00:44:06,160 'cause that's the only angle the camera ever see you from 519 00:44:09,727 --> 00:44:12,685 Oh, hello What have you brought me this time? 520 00:44:12,767 --> 00:44:15,201 -Some roast beef and Yorkshire pudding? -Yes 521 00:44:15,367 --> 00:44:17,517 Mmm Thank you 522 00:44:17,927 --> 00:44:19,804 God, you're wonderful, Dad 523 00:44:19,887 --> 00:44:22,321 And you're doing a wonderful job trying to wind me up 524 00:44:22,407 --> 00:44:25,922 Except, unfortunately, I'm on my holiday No one in the world is going to upset me 525 00:44:26,007 --> 00:44:28,202 Now can you understand that? 526 00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:31,486 Smell that ozone 527 00:44:31,567 --> 00:44:34,001 Why can't you just accept it, Humphrey? 528 00:44:34,087 --> 00:44:37,204 Your son is a really sane and centred individual 529 00:44:37,847 --> 00:44:41,556 and that kind of self control is a really rare quality these days 530 00:44:52,007 --> 00:44:54,202 And I know what a big disappointment it's been to you, 531 00:44:54,287 --> 00:44:57,563 but there's not you or anyone else can possibly faze him out 532 00:45:11,567 --> 00:45:14,445 Hey! Watch out for the jellyfish! 533 00:45:17,527 --> 00:45:19,722 Hello! How are you? 534 00:45:20,407 --> 00:45:22,557 Oh, don't you remember? 535 00:45:23,127 --> 00:45:26,244 In the shoe shop Isabella 536 00:45:26,767 --> 00:45:30,123 You squeezed me, very tightly I think 537 00:45:33,007 --> 00:45:34,360 You want a drink? 538 00:45:35,607 --> 00:45:38,440 Yes, I think perhaps I will Thank you 539 00:45:52,727 --> 00:45:54,683 Bloody vandals Look at that 540 00:45:54,967 --> 00:45:57,117 I'll never be able to wear this again 541 00:46:00,727 --> 00:46:02,126 Nice walk? 542 00:46:02,207 --> 00:46:03,560 What? 543 00:46:04,287 --> 00:46:05,436 Yes 544 00:46:06,287 --> 00:46:10,997 Oh, guess what I ran into Isabella, the lady from the shoe shop 545 00:46:11,887 --> 00:46:13,445 Oh, yes 546 00:46:13,527 --> 00:46:16,485 -Head first evidently -Sorry? 547 00:46:16,567 --> 00:46:20,162 What did she have stuck in her throat this time? Your tongue? 548 00:46:22,367 --> 00:46:25,962 My What the hell's that supposed to mean? 549 00:46:26,047 --> 00:46:28,845 She just stopped by to say thank you for that episode in the shop 550 00:46:28,927 --> 00:46:30,440 I'll see you back at the car 551 00:46:43,767 --> 00:46:45,120 (CAR ENGINE REVVING) 552 00:46:45,207 --> 00:46:48,358 Oh, look who it is! It's the sunbathing mummy! 553 00:46:48,487 --> 00:46:51,206 How is your embalming fluid, big man? All right? 554 00:46:51,287 --> 00:46:53,278 Look at you You're like a bleeding corpse! 555 00:46:53,367 --> 00:46:58,521 Just try one more trick like that, that's all! One more and see what happens! 556 00:47:02,687 --> 00:47:04,757 (CRASHING) 557 00:47:07,047 --> 00:47:08,958 (MAN SHOUTING) 558 00:47:10,447 --> 00:47:12,085 (LAUGHING) 559 00:47:19,367 --> 00:47:22,040 Oh, I said you should have come to the golf with us 560 00:47:22,567 --> 00:47:26,719 You want to see Alfonso's swing! Like poetry in motion 561 00:47:27,607 --> 00:47:30,644 Oh, there's another roll to put in, by the way 562 00:47:31,007 --> 00:47:33,077 Did you find a shop for the others? 563 00:47:34,967 --> 00:47:37,640 I forgot every word about it actually 564 00:47:38,247 --> 00:47:41,603 Better start getting ready I've only got three hours 565 00:47:43,127 --> 00:47:45,960 Are you sure you won't change your mind about tonight? 566 00:47:46,487 --> 00:47:50,116 It's supposed to be a lovely drive, right up through the mountains, 567 00:47:50,687 --> 00:47:53,804 and Alfonso said the food is out of this world 568 00:47:53,887 --> 00:47:56,720 No, you and Victor go I'm not really in the mood 569 00:48:01,487 --> 00:48:04,365 And, of course, a good detective show 570 00:48:04,767 --> 00:48:06,200 I love them 571 00:48:06,287 --> 00:48:08,847 The Poirots and Miss Marples 572 00:48:09,247 --> 00:48:13,604 It's something I think we always do much better than the Americans 573 00:48:13,927 --> 00:48:16,157 Apart from Columbo, of course 574 00:48:16,807 --> 00:48:19,116 Oh, you have to admire the way they get 575 00:48:19,207 --> 00:48:23,405 all that period detail of the '70s exactly right like that 576 00:48:23,527 --> 00:48:25,279 It's a real credit to them 577 00:48:25,367 --> 00:48:27,437 All that period detail? 578 00:48:27,527 --> 00:48:30,325 That's because they were made in the '70s 579 00:48:30,407 --> 00:48:32,682 -What were? -The Columbos. 580 00:48:32,807 --> 00:48:34,320 They were 581 00:48:34,887 --> 00:48:37,447 You're drunk and we haven't started eating yet 582 00:48:37,527 --> 00:48:42,555 And then again, none of it's as grizzly as real life, is it? 583 00:48:43,287 --> 00:48:46,723 Oh, you remember that case in Ostrich Gardens? 584 00:48:46,807 --> 00:48:50,925 Man with one arm went off with that girl from Do-It-All? 585 00:48:51,327 --> 00:48:54,524 They fell in love while he was changing a light bulb 586 00:48:55,607 --> 00:48:59,486 Well, he was a nasty piece of work from all accounts 587 00:48:59,767 --> 00:49:03,237 I'm sure you can't change a light bulb if you've only got one arm 588 00:49:04,207 --> 00:49:06,482 You can if you've still got the receipt 589 00:49:06,887 --> 00:49:11,517 Anyway, they reckon he did his wife in, in a pinch 590 00:49:12,887 --> 00:49:17,836 Drowned her in the bath with Charlie Chester turned up loud to cover the screams 591 00:49:18,367 --> 00:49:22,724 (VOICE ECHOING) Then buried the body under the dog kennel in the back garden 592 00:49:23,327 --> 00:49:25,921 and made out she'd just gone missing 593 00:49:26,607 --> 00:49:32,284 Well, of course, one day, the dog started to get a bit 594 00:49:32,367 --> 00:49:34,517 For God's sake, will you stop this? 595 00:49:43,847 --> 00:49:45,200 I'm sorry 596 00:49:46,687 --> 00:49:48,518 When you talk of drowning 597 00:49:49,287 --> 00:49:52,404 the memory is still very painful 598 00:49:53,487 --> 00:49:57,719 -Forgive me, I should have not shouted -Oh, no, no, no 599 00:49:58,287 --> 00:49:59,925 It was my fault 600 00:50:00,687 --> 00:50:02,962 I don't know what I was thinking of 601 00:50:07,567 --> 00:50:09,205 I have made up my mind 602 00:50:09,287 --> 00:50:12,404 I can hardly keep my eyes open 603 00:50:13,007 --> 00:50:15,567 Go back now, Jean, and sleep well, 604 00:50:15,647 --> 00:50:19,276 and I will call you in the morning 605 00:50:30,767 --> 00:50:34,646 Night, Alfonso, night Night 606 00:50:34,967 --> 00:50:36,798 (MRS WARBOYS EXCLAIMING) 607 00:52:47,927 --> 00:52:52,079 -I won't be a second -Don't go, Alfonso 608 00:52:52,167 --> 00:52:54,317 Wonderful, good 609 00:52:54,407 --> 00:52:55,760 Think, woman 610 00:52:55,847 --> 00:52:57,838 For heaven's sake 611 00:53:22,207 --> 00:53:24,846 Meu Deus! Houve ali um acidente. 612 00:53:25,447 --> 00:53:27,517 Devem ter chocado de frente. 613 00:53:27,607 --> 00:53:29,643 E o outro seguiu viagem e deixou-os aqui. 614 00:53:32,567 --> 00:53:35,035 Acho que deviam todos sair do carro. 615 00:53:35,127 --> 00:53:37,277 Ela está inconsciente. 616 00:53:37,447 --> 00:53:39,278 Ela precisa urgentemente de assisténcia médica. 617 00:53:40,207 --> 00:53:42,675 Puxa-a para cima agora. 618 00:53:44,887 --> 00:53:46,206 Tudo bem. 619 00:53:59,967 --> 00:54:02,720 Ora! Agora é depressa para o hospital! 620 00:54:16,607 --> 00:54:19,280 Where the hell have you gone? 621 00:54:21,687 --> 00:54:23,439 Mrs Warboys! 622 00:54:25,167 --> 00:54:27,078 Where have you disappear 623 00:54:36,687 --> 00:54:40,760 Oh, you stupid, stupid, stupid woman 624 00:54:40,847 --> 00:54:42,803 Why couldn't you stay 625 00:54:44,047 --> 00:54:46,402 Oh, my God! 626 00:54:47,087 --> 00:54:48,486 Is something wrong? 627 00:54:48,567 --> 00:54:51,923 Oh, yes It's my friend She's had rather a lot to drink 628 00:54:52,007 --> 00:54:54,043 and I think she may have 629 00:54:54,527 --> 00:54:55,960 And 630 00:54:56,047 --> 00:54:57,924 You're not serious? 631 00:54:58,007 --> 00:55:01,124 I mean, she wasn't in a fit state to walk anywhere 632 00:55:08,687 --> 00:55:10,439 Are you sure she's down there? 633 00:55:10,527 --> 00:55:13,325 Well, I don't know I've shouted around everywhere 634 00:55:14,647 --> 00:55:17,639 Mrs Warboys! 635 00:55:17,807 --> 00:55:19,559 Are you all right? 636 00:55:19,647 --> 00:55:21,319 (ECHOING) 637 00:55:21,407 --> 00:55:25,286 If you're down there, say something! 638 00:55:38,487 --> 00:55:41,604 Get to the nearest phone Ring the coastguard quick as you can 639 00:55:41,687 --> 00:55:43,723 For God's sake, be careful 640 00:56:22,527 --> 00:56:25,325 COASTGUARD: (ON LOUDSPEAKER) Mrs Warboys. Mrs Warboys. 641 00:56:31,647 --> 00:56:33,683 (SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE) 642 00:56:40,167 --> 00:56:41,998 Is there anything? 643 00:56:42,087 --> 00:56:43,679 What about my husband? 644 00:56:43,767 --> 00:56:46,804 There must be some sign of him out there or something I mean 645 00:56:46,887 --> 00:56:48,923 What's happened to him? 646 00:57:11,127 --> 00:57:14,164 Help! 647 00:57:14,487 --> 00:57:18,366 (OVER RADIO) ...os amigos da senhora desaparecida viessem â casa mortuária. 648 00:57:18,647 --> 00:57:22,560 Contemos consigo para fazer uma identificação, que será útil para nós. 649 00:57:22,647 --> 00:57:23,682 Diga? 650 00:57:23,767 --> 00:57:25,997 Certo. Vou já tratar disso. 651 00:57:28,007 --> 00:57:29,679 You're Signora Meldrew? 652 00:57:29,767 --> 00:57:31,280 Yes What's happened? 653 00:57:31,967 --> 00:57:35,277 We'd like you both to go to the hospital mortuary 654 00:57:36,007 --> 00:57:37,645 to make an identification 655 00:57:45,807 --> 00:57:49,800 Tenho muita pena de vos fazer vir aqui em circunstâncias tão trágicas. 656 00:57:49,887 --> 00:57:53,926 He say he's very sorry to bring you here under such circumstances 657 00:57:54,207 --> 00:57:58,678 Peço-vos que se preparem para um choque. Não é uma visão muito agradável. 658 00:57:59,087 --> 00:58:03,126 He say to prepare yourself as it is not a very pleasant sight 659 00:58:03,287 --> 00:58:07,041 Tanto quanto sabemos que o pé da senhora foi engolido por um tubarão. 660 00:58:07,687 --> 00:58:11,646 He say it appears that her foot was bitten off by a shark 661 00:58:11,967 --> 00:58:13,958 Oh, my God! 662 00:58:30,847 --> 00:58:32,200 MARGARET: Is this it? 663 00:58:32,287 --> 00:58:35,882 O senhor tome o tempo que quiser, mas veja se reconhece o pé. 664 00:58:35,967 --> 00:58:39,721 He say take your time and tell him if you recognise it 665 00:58:41,687 --> 00:58:44,838 Tell him if we Well, is this all there is? 666 00:58:45,207 --> 00:58:46,799 Excuse me? 667 00:58:46,887 --> 00:58:49,242 We thought we were coming here to look at a body 668 00:58:49,327 --> 00:58:52,046 I mean, where the devil has this come from, for heaven's sake? 669 00:58:52,127 --> 00:58:53,879 Ele quer saber de onde é o pé. 670 00:58:53,967 --> 00:58:56,276 Foi um pescador de Porches que o trouxe. 671 00:58:56,367 --> 00:58:58,676 Encontrou-o nos intestinos do barracuda morto. 672 00:58:58,887 --> 00:59:02,084 O meu trabalho é tentar descobrir a quem pertence o pé. 673 00:59:02,167 --> 00:59:07,400 He say a fisherman from Porches find it in the stomach of a dead barracuda 674 00:59:07,607 --> 00:59:10,440 Now we try to find out who it belongs to 675 00:59:11,407 --> 00:59:13,125 Find out who it 676 00:59:13,567 --> 00:59:16,764 What is this? A new version of Cinderella by David Lynch? 677 00:59:17,207 --> 00:59:18,799 My wife's upset enough as it is 678 00:59:18,887 --> 00:59:22,004 without you shoving these grizzly atrocities like this under our 679 00:59:22,087 --> 00:59:23,805 Wait Wait, just a minute 680 00:59:24,967 --> 00:59:26,559 That's not her foot 681 00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:28,478 What do you mean? 682 00:59:28,567 --> 00:59:32,321 She had a large bunion on her big toe She showed it to me two months ago 683 00:59:32,407 --> 00:59:33,760 Are you sure? 684 00:59:33,847 --> 00:59:36,566 And she always cuts her toenails neater than that 685 00:59:36,647 --> 00:59:38,365 No I'm positive 686 00:59:39,007 --> 00:59:42,522 Whoever this belonged to, it definitely wasn't Jean 687 00:59:44,127 --> 00:59:46,561 (MRS WARBOYS MUMBLING) 688 00:59:59,087 --> 01:00:01,806 (OVER INTERCOM) Dr Cardoso na cardiologia imediatamente. 689 01:00:02,207 --> 01:00:06,120 Dr Cardoso na cardiologia imediatamente. 690 01:00:10,447 --> 01:00:14,360 One of us is going to have to ring him and it's not going to be me 691 01:00:15,247 --> 01:00:18,125 Poor man's already lost one wife over a cliff 692 01:00:18,767 --> 01:00:22,237 What does he use? Some sort of kamikaze dating agency? 693 01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:30,880 I just cannot believe she was left there like that, 694 01:00:31,887 --> 01:00:33,479 in that condition, 695 01:00:34,647 --> 01:00:38,640 next to a complete sheer drop, 696 01:00:40,087 --> 01:00:41,679 in total darkness 697 01:00:42,807 --> 01:00:45,879 Yes, now, no point blaming yourself 698 01:00:50,407 --> 01:00:52,045 How can you sit and 699 01:00:53,807 --> 01:00:55,604 I wouldn't put it past you 700 01:00:55,687 --> 01:00:57,917 to have trussed her up in a sack and thrown her in 701 01:00:58,007 --> 01:00:59,326 Oh, for goodness sake! 702 01:00:59,407 --> 01:01:02,285 You have never liked the woman as long as you've known her 703 01:01:02,367 --> 01:01:04,722 To you, she was just a gibbering old bat 704 01:01:04,807 --> 01:01:08,117 who called round twice a week to polish off our digestive biscuits 705 01:01:09,247 --> 01:01:12,956 ''A plague of locusts with earrings'', was it, you called her? 706 01:01:15,567 --> 01:01:18,365 You never took a thing she said seriously 707 01:01:18,447 --> 01:01:21,120 or had so much as a civil word for her 708 01:01:21,607 --> 01:01:23,723 Well, I just hope you're satisfied 709 01:01:23,807 --> 01:01:25,081 Margaret 710 01:01:25,167 --> 01:01:28,876 Oh, bugger off I'm in no mood for your gormless drivel either 711 01:01:28,967 --> 01:01:30,525 Thank you very 712 01:01:35,927 --> 01:01:37,201 Jean! 713 01:01:59,167 --> 01:02:00,486 Yeah 714 01:02:00,567 --> 01:02:01,966 All right, hon 715 01:02:02,047 --> 01:02:03,480 Yeah Love you 716 01:02:04,007 --> 01:02:05,156 Bye 717 01:02:07,247 --> 01:02:09,397 A fisherman's offered to drive him over so 718 01:02:09,487 --> 01:02:11,478 Oh, I can't believe it 719 01:02:12,407 --> 01:02:14,045 So how did he sound? 720 01:02:14,127 --> 01:02:17,563 Oh, he sounded tired, I suppose 721 01:02:18,047 --> 01:02:20,117 Maybe he'll grab some sleep on the way back 722 01:02:20,367 --> 01:02:21,800 (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) 723 01:02:21,887 --> 01:02:24,162 (SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE) 724 01:03:08,807 --> 01:03:10,843 I haven't even put any of it on today 725 01:03:10,927 --> 01:03:13,395 Go on, get out of here Shush 726 01:03:18,247 --> 01:03:22,957 Bloody aftershave I can't walk five yards now without getting a snout up my backside 727 01:03:23,047 --> 01:03:26,403 Who runs their marketing research department? Muffin the Mule? 728 01:03:27,247 --> 01:03:28,760 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 729 01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:30,200 I'll get it 730 01:04:35,167 --> 01:04:37,397 (SIGHING) 731 01:05:02,967 --> 01:05:05,561 Water's not heating up properly in that tap now 732 01:05:05,647 --> 01:05:08,400 Think it must be a fault in the boiler Do you know anything about 733 01:05:08,487 --> 01:05:09,966 (DOOR BANGING) 734 01:05:15,767 --> 01:05:18,076 Oh, God! 735 01:05:18,567 --> 01:05:20,762 I never thought I'd see you again 736 01:05:20,887 --> 01:05:22,445 How do you feel? 737 01:05:23,167 --> 01:05:24,680 How do I feel? 738 01:05:26,767 --> 01:05:30,077 I've just spent seven hours of total sensory deprivation 739 01:05:30,167 --> 01:05:33,239 throwing up and pulling live herrings out of my underpants, 740 01:05:34,287 --> 01:05:37,643 only to be driven back here by a trained chimp 741 01:05:38,087 --> 01:05:42,080 inside a vehicle with all the comfort of a runaway cement mixer 742 01:05:43,087 --> 01:05:47,000 All because Wacky Races across the road 743 01:05:47,087 --> 01:05:49,442 tells me someone's fallen into the sea, 744 01:05:49,527 --> 01:05:52,439 when all that's happened is her bloody shoe's come off! 745 01:05:52,967 --> 01:05:55,197 And you want to know how I feel? 746 01:05:56,927 --> 01:06:00,044 In words of one sodding syllable, 747 01:06:00,127 --> 01:06:02,243 this is how I feel! 748 01:06:02,327 --> 01:06:05,205 -Hugo! -Yes, yes, you can do it 749 01:06:05,327 --> 01:06:07,636 Go, go, go, go, go! 750 01:06:13,927 --> 01:06:15,645 It's in there 751 01:06:15,727 --> 01:06:17,877 I always knew it was in there 752 01:06:20,087 --> 01:06:21,440 I think I need a bath 753 01:06:49,167 --> 01:06:52,045 -MARGARET: Are we coming back here after lunch? -I expect so 754 01:06:52,127 --> 01:06:54,595 I might go and apologise to that bloke over the road later on 755 01:06:54,687 --> 01:06:56,200 for last night and everything 756 01:06:56,287 --> 01:06:57,766 Right 757 01:07:28,047 --> 01:07:29,878 Excuse me 758 01:07:29,967 --> 01:07:31,082 Hang on 759 01:07:31,167 --> 01:07:33,237 Take that, will you? Obrigada. 760 01:07:48,127 --> 01:07:50,163 So, there 761 01:07:51,607 --> 01:07:53,962 Obviously you would like some time 762 01:07:54,047 --> 01:07:58,086 I cannot expect you to give an answer right away 763 01:07:58,207 --> 01:07:59,879 (CHUCKLING) Oh 764 01:08:01,487 --> 01:08:05,719 I know it's barely a week since we met face to face, 765 01:08:05,807 --> 01:08:08,116 but, of course 766 01:08:09,207 --> 01:08:11,482 over the years, really, I've 767 01:08:12,327 --> 01:08:14,921 I feel I've got to know you 768 01:08:15,007 --> 01:08:16,326 (PHONE RINGING) 769 01:08:16,407 --> 01:08:17,601 I'm sorry 770 01:08:18,407 --> 01:08:20,284 It will be that business call 771 01:08:20,927 --> 01:08:22,599 Please forgive me, Jean 772 01:08:24,167 --> 01:08:25,839 My mouth's gone quite dry 773 01:08:27,327 --> 01:08:29,158 I'll go and get us a refill 774 01:08:38,327 --> 01:08:40,397 MARTIN: No, fair's fair 775 01:08:40,487 --> 01:08:42,364 No, I've mucked you about 776 01:08:42,447 --> 01:08:45,519 No, I understand I have mucked you about 777 01:08:45,607 --> 01:08:47,802 Tell you what I'll do New offer 778 01:08:47,887 --> 01:08:51,197 I'm prepared to let you have it for 1 00 grand 779 01:08:51,287 --> 01:08:54,245 less the cost of processing and developing, 780 01:08:54,327 --> 01:08:58,240 which, according to my notes here, comes to 781 01:08:58,327 --> 01:09:05,085 Ł999,99567 782 01:09:05,887 --> 01:09:11,245 Or about Ł5 for every bone I've had broken in my body getting the bloody thing back 783 01:09:12,487 --> 01:09:14,398 Yeah, it should be here in a second, yeah 784 01:09:14,487 --> 01:09:17,445 Yeah, on its way Hot from the presses 785 01:09:17,527 --> 01:09:19,199 -Obrigada. -There, sir 786 01:09:19,967 --> 01:09:24,279 Yeah You'll be pleased to hear that I have in my hand the merchandise 787 01:09:24,487 --> 01:09:27,877 Prints and negatives of a set of photographs 788 01:09:27,967 --> 01:09:30,845 that is going to send shock waves throughout the 789 01:09:32,327 --> 01:09:34,204 What the bloody hell is this? 790 01:09:34,287 --> 01:09:36,005 This isn't the film I gave you 791 01:09:36,087 --> 01:09:37,679 What're you trying to do to me? 792 01:09:37,767 --> 01:09:41,646 Este é o rolo que vocé me deu para revelar. Por que eu havia de querer enganá-lo? 793 01:09:41,727 --> 01:09:45,481 Essas são as fotografias que estavam nele. Eu não tenho culpa, homem. 794 01:09:46,407 --> 01:09:47,601 Oh, no 795 01:09:48,927 --> 01:09:52,363 This is some kind of cruel joke 796 01:09:56,567 --> 01:09:58,046 I bet I 797 01:09:59,047 --> 01:10:01,607 It's coming back to me now 798 01:10:02,367 --> 01:10:05,086 For some reason... 799 01:10:05,207 --> 01:10:08,358 -but there was nobody here -It's all clear. 800 01:10:08,447 --> 01:10:11,519 She never had it in the first place 801 01:10:11,607 --> 01:10:15,282 because it never fell on the floor in the first place 802 01:10:15,367 --> 01:10:19,599 because I'd already put it back in my pocket 803 01:10:20,047 --> 01:10:22,959 I have travelled halfway across bloody Europe 804 01:10:23,047 --> 01:10:26,244 getting half killed, looking for a roll of film 805 01:10:26,327 --> 01:10:30,878 that all the time was inside the lining of my own bleeding jacket! 806 01:11:33,127 --> 01:11:36,005 Sim. Obrigada. 807 01:13:18,207 --> 01:13:19,606 What are you doing? 808 01:13:23,807 --> 01:13:26,879 You kept them all this time 809 01:13:31,727 --> 01:13:33,604 One on the cliff, 810 01:13:33,687 --> 01:13:35,086 one on the rocks? 811 01:13:36,327 --> 01:13:38,477 That's how they were found? 812 01:13:40,847 --> 01:13:42,565 Please put them down, Jean 813 01:13:43,527 --> 01:13:45,961 These are the shoes she was wearing 814 01:13:46,727 --> 01:13:48,046 the day she fell? 815 01:13:51,807 --> 01:13:52,922 No 816 01:13:54,287 --> 01:13:57,518 I don't think she did fall from that cliff at all 817 01:13:59,567 --> 01:14:01,558 -What are you trying -Look! 818 01:14:02,567 --> 01:14:04,205 Look at them, Alfonso 819 01:14:05,167 --> 01:14:06,725 Can't you see? 820 01:14:06,807 --> 01:14:10,846 Couldn't anyone see what's staring you in the face? 821 01:14:10,927 --> 01:14:12,155 I 822 01:14:13,607 --> 01:14:15,677 They are both 823 01:14:15,767 --> 01:14:17,200 left shoes 824 01:14:19,127 --> 01:14:20,446 Both 825 01:14:21,767 --> 01:14:23,723 But that isn't possible 826 01:14:23,807 --> 01:14:25,798 They're from two different pairs 827 01:14:27,047 --> 01:14:28,765 They're not identical 828 01:14:29,807 --> 01:14:32,844 but they're quite similar enough for someone in a hurry 829 01:14:32,967 --> 01:14:36,039 to pick them both up thinking they went together 830 01:14:37,207 --> 01:14:38,959 and plant them on the cliff 831 01:14:40,087 --> 01:14:41,679 with a torn dress 832 01:14:42,887 --> 01:14:45,924 to make it look as if there'd been an accident 833 01:14:51,727 --> 01:14:57,040 No woman would ever have made this mistake, Alfonso 834 01:15:32,807 --> 01:15:35,401 Mind your legs I'll just give you a top-up 835 01:15:37,967 --> 01:15:39,366 (SIGHING) 836 01:15:40,687 --> 01:15:41,915 Sorry about this 837 01:15:42,047 --> 01:15:44,197 Think the pilot went out or something 838 01:15:44,287 --> 01:15:46,084 Your dad's having a look at it now 839 01:15:47,647 --> 01:15:49,126 That's the business 840 01:15:51,367 --> 01:15:52,595 Oh, yes 841 01:15:52,687 --> 01:15:53,915 (DOORBELL RINGING) 842 01:15:54,007 --> 01:15:55,156 I'll get it 843 01:15:59,287 --> 01:16:01,005 Oh, hello 844 01:16:01,087 --> 01:16:03,885 I Is your husband in? 845 01:16:03,967 --> 01:16:06,845 I think I owe him an apology for last night and everything 846 01:16:06,927 --> 01:16:09,395 He's in the bath at the moment If you'd just like to wait a sec 847 01:16:09,527 --> 01:16:11,597 HUMPHREY: Shirley, can you give me a hand in here? 848 01:16:11,687 --> 01:16:12,722 Hang on 849 01:16:12,807 --> 01:16:14,559 I'm needed in the kitchen 850 01:16:14,647 --> 01:16:16,558 (TAPPING) 851 01:16:38,167 --> 01:16:39,805 For goodness sake! 852 01:16:39,887 --> 01:16:41,400 Out! Come on 853 01:16:41,887 --> 01:16:44,276 Will you stop following me? 854 01:16:46,127 --> 01:16:48,197 Where did you come from anyway? 855 01:16:48,287 --> 01:16:49,561 Out 856 01:16:50,287 --> 01:16:52,596 For goodness sakes 857 01:16:55,207 --> 01:16:56,640 Come on 858 01:16:59,607 --> 01:17:00,676 Shh! 859 01:17:01,647 --> 01:17:03,638 Will you stop following me? 860 01:17:15,407 --> 01:17:17,398 (DONKEY URINATING) 861 01:17:21,287 --> 01:17:22,720 Oh, yes 862 01:17:23,767 --> 01:17:25,325 Some of that 863 01:17:26,567 --> 01:17:27,841 That's nice 864 01:17:29,447 --> 01:17:31,278 You're doing a terrific job 865 01:17:33,727 --> 01:17:35,080 That's lovely 866 01:17:36,967 --> 01:17:38,036 Thanks 867 01:17:41,047 --> 01:17:42,605 Just absol 868 01:17:54,287 --> 01:17:56,278 How are you this morning? 869 01:18:06,647 --> 01:18:08,763 Should have expected it really 870 01:18:09,967 --> 01:18:12,481 All the people on holiday in Portugal, 871 01:18:12,567 --> 01:18:15,525 you have to pick a fight with a professional boxer 872 01:18:16,727 --> 01:18:18,524 No wonder he went berserk 873 01:18:19,207 --> 01:18:21,482 I should think that's the first time 874 01:18:21,567 --> 01:18:24,798 a donkey's ever been floored with a left hook 875 01:18:27,167 --> 01:18:28,839 How's that going down? 876 01:18:29,527 --> 01:18:30,846 All right? 877 01:18:31,847 --> 01:18:34,077 Can you manage any more or 878 01:18:34,327 --> 01:18:36,318 (MUMBLING) 879 01:18:45,647 --> 01:18:46,841 Right 880 01:18:51,527 --> 01:18:53,438 Jean is late 881 01:18:54,047 --> 01:18:56,515 I hope everything is all right over there 882 01:18:57,967 --> 01:19:02,518 She said she had a feeling Alfonso might propose to her today 883 01:19:04,727 --> 01:19:07,366 Perhaps I'll just give them a quick ring 884 01:19:15,887 --> 01:19:17,843 (MUMBLING) 885 01:19:22,247 --> 01:19:23,475 Yes 886 01:19:23,647 --> 01:19:25,205 I expect so 887 01:19:32,327 --> 01:19:35,160 It's ringing, but there's no answer 888 01:19:37,847 --> 01:19:40,122 (PHONE RINGING) 889 01:20:13,327 --> 01:20:15,045 Something's wrong 890 01:20:15,567 --> 01:20:17,239 I have that feeling 891 01:20:17,727 --> 01:20:20,287 Something I don't know 892 01:20:20,487 --> 01:20:22,284 (MUMBLING) 893 01:20:24,287 --> 01:20:29,407 (MUMBLING) You're justto go over there watch televisionin the first place 894 01:20:29,487 --> 01:20:31,398 It's ever since you've said that, 895 01:20:32,327 --> 01:20:34,682 about why there were no pictures of his wife 896 01:20:35,327 --> 01:20:38,364 And that night in the restaurant, with those murder stories 897 01:20:38,447 --> 01:20:40,483 Why would he get all agitated? 898 01:20:41,607 --> 01:20:44,804 I think we should go over there, Victor Now! 899 01:20:45,487 --> 01:20:47,603 (VICTOR MUMBLING PROTESTS) 900 01:20:51,527 --> 01:20:53,404 Well, yes No! 901 01:20:53,487 --> 01:20:55,045 I don't know 902 01:20:55,127 --> 01:20:59,200 Look, I'll drive Just stick your shoes on 903 01:20:59,367 --> 01:21:02,279 Quickly I hate to think what we might find 904 01:21:12,127 --> 01:21:13,355 Jean? 905 01:21:22,327 --> 01:21:25,603 MRS WARBOYS: It's funny how you can go on deceiving yourself, 906 01:21:25,687 --> 01:21:29,077 ignoring what your insides have been telling you all the time 907 01:21:31,567 --> 01:21:32,920 It was 908 01:21:34,287 --> 01:21:36,198 whenever I mentioned her name 909 01:21:37,927 --> 01:21:39,758 something happened to his eyes 910 01:21:41,327 --> 01:21:44,285 Suddenly he wasn't looking at me anymore 911 01:21:45,527 --> 01:21:46,676 she never came back 912 01:21:46,767 --> 01:21:48,280 He was looking through me. 913 01:21:48,367 --> 01:21:49,641 They found one of her shoes 914 01:21:49,727 --> 01:21:51,399 Back to another world. 915 01:21:51,487 --> 01:21:55,036 -on top of the cliffs -A world he could never recapture. 916 01:21:56,487 --> 01:21:58,478 When I saw the shoes, 917 01:21:58,567 --> 01:22:02,196 that's when I started to guess that the whole thing was an invention. 918 01:22:03,447 --> 01:22:05,642 The torn dress on the rocks... 919 01:22:05,727 --> 01:22:07,922 even the handbag in the sea. 920 01:22:08,807 --> 01:22:11,082 It all added up to one thing. 921 01:22:12,967 --> 01:22:15,606 His wife had faked her own death 922 01:22:16,967 --> 01:22:18,878 to go and live with someone else 923 01:22:19,927 --> 01:22:21,519 Faked her own death? 924 01:22:21,727 --> 01:22:23,763 Alfonso worshipped Maria 925 01:22:24,607 --> 01:22:26,245 She was his life 926 01:22:27,367 --> 01:22:30,757 She knew that if she just ran away, he'd only come after her 927 01:22:31,327 --> 01:22:33,557 Hound her to the end of his days 928 01:22:34,687 --> 01:22:37,804 She had to make him believe she was gone forever 929 01:22:39,247 --> 01:22:40,362 Well 930 01:22:41,847 --> 01:22:45,203 even at the suggestion another man had been in the house 931 01:22:45,287 --> 01:22:47,482 helping her to plant the evidence, 932 01:22:47,567 --> 01:22:50,639 it was as if I wasn't there anymore 933 01:22:58,047 --> 01:23:00,481 Everything that was sacred to her memory 934 01:23:00,567 --> 01:23:03,001 he'd kept hidden away in the cellar. 935 01:23:03,087 --> 01:23:05,317 He just couldn't let go. 936 01:23:05,407 --> 01:23:10,527 He started searching then through all her belongings for some sort of clue. 937 01:23:10,607 --> 01:23:14,202 He said he had to know for certain if it was true. 938 01:23:14,887 --> 01:23:16,878 Then suddenly he remembered. 939 01:23:16,967 --> 01:23:18,639 A few years before, 940 01:23:18,727 --> 01:23:22,402 a business trip she'd made to Faro, to see a male colleague. 941 01:23:23,527 --> 01:23:27,998 At the time, he half suspected she might have been... 942 01:23:29,487 --> 01:23:30,840 Well... 943 01:23:32,247 --> 01:23:35,000 from somewhere he found a phone number... 944 01:23:36,927 --> 01:23:38,519 and, of course, 945 01:23:38,607 --> 01:23:40,484 who should answer it, but... 946 01:23:40,567 --> 01:23:41,761 Maria 947 01:23:43,287 --> 01:23:44,606 Alfonso 948 01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:47,155 Inácio. Inácio. 949 01:23:47,247 --> 01:23:50,159 After that there was no reasoning with him. 950 01:23:50,847 --> 01:23:54,078 Mas tu não vias que nunca me podia ter ido simplesmente embora. 951 01:23:54,207 --> 01:23:57,244 MRS WARBOYS: He said he needed some time to himself now. 952 01:23:57,327 --> 01:23:58,680 Please, Jean 953 01:23:58,767 --> 01:24:02,123 MRS WARBOYS: That it wouldn't change anything between the two of us. 954 01:24:03,287 --> 01:24:06,199 To wait a couple of days and he'd call me 955 01:24:07,727 --> 01:24:09,877 and we'd pick up where we left off. 956 01:24:09,967 --> 01:24:13,596 This makes no difference between us 957 01:24:13,687 --> 01:24:15,882 I will call you in two days 958 01:24:17,127 --> 01:24:19,322 MRS WARBOYS: And I knew then 959 01:24:20,567 --> 01:24:22,762 that I'd never see him again. 960 01:24:30,367 --> 01:24:34,076 I'm sorry I was in a bit of a state when I got back last night 961 01:24:35,167 --> 01:24:38,762 I'm afraid it's all rather knocked me for six 962 01:24:41,567 --> 01:24:43,797 (MUMBLING) 963 01:24:49,487 --> 01:24:51,603 turned out for the best 964 01:24:52,847 --> 01:24:55,441 You never said a truer word, Mr Meldrew, 965 01:24:56,647 --> 01:24:58,877 and I appreciate that very much 966 01:25:38,967 --> 01:25:40,798 Aah! Ow! 967 01:25:49,807 --> 01:25:51,479 (MARTIN SCREAMING) 968 01:26:09,167 --> 01:26:10,646 Strange 969 01:26:11,887 --> 01:26:15,323 I wasn't all that keen on coming to Portugal at first, 970 01:26:16,367 --> 01:26:18,403 but now that we're about to leave, 971 01:26:18,487 --> 01:26:21,445 I never want to see the bloody place again as long as I live 972 01:26:22,607 --> 01:26:25,326 Yes, that's the good thing about having a really miserable holiday 973 01:26:25,407 --> 01:26:27,921 It makes the going home such a positive joy 974 01:26:29,447 --> 01:26:31,597 Like the last time we got back from our holiday abroad 975 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:33,518 to find our house had been demolished 976 01:26:33,607 --> 01:26:37,839 Oh, yes Funny, you can laugh about it now, can't you? 977 01:26:41,287 --> 01:26:43,039 I suppose you can't, really 978 01:26:43,927 --> 01:26:45,121 Well 979 01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:49,956 I guess we'll have to look lively in minute 980 01:26:51,167 --> 01:26:53,681 We've got a long drive back to the airport 981 01:26:54,287 --> 01:26:57,040 Make sure I've got my passport and everything 982 01:26:58,327 --> 01:27:01,125 Oh, yes I haven't seen those yet, have I? 983 01:27:01,247 --> 01:27:04,159 -What's that? Another album's worth? -Yes 984 01:27:04,807 --> 01:27:07,799 That roll of film, you know, we thought we'd lost 985 01:27:08,407 --> 01:27:10,637 Found it in the car yesterday 986 01:27:10,727 --> 01:27:13,446 Must've fallen out of someone's pocket or something 987 01:27:13,527 --> 01:27:15,518 when they were in the back seat 988 01:27:16,007 --> 01:27:18,282 Now, if I'm right, 989 01:27:18,367 --> 01:27:21,916 these should start the day we drove down through the mountains 990 01:27:22,127 --> 01:27:23,560 Where are we? 991 01:27:28,967 --> 01:27:30,195 My God 992 01:27:30,287 --> 01:27:32,403 -VICTOR: What is it? -What's wrong? 993 01:27:34,567 --> 01:27:36,285 Is that 994 01:27:37,647 --> 01:27:40,605 Oh, surely not 995 01:27:40,727 --> 01:27:43,002 Or is it someone who just looks like him? 996 01:27:44,487 --> 01:27:46,478 It can't be him 997 01:27:47,287 --> 01:27:49,243 Look, where did these come from? 998 01:27:50,127 --> 01:27:51,526 How should I know? 999 01:27:52,287 --> 01:27:54,243 Where do things ever come 1000 01:27:55,607 --> 01:27:58,883 Oh, my God, look It gets worse 1001 01:28:02,367 --> 01:28:06,360 Do you see what they're doing in this one, Mr Meldrew? 1002 01:28:09,167 --> 01:28:11,635 Something beginning with ''H'' 1003 01:28:18,207 --> 01:28:19,481 MARGARET: No 1004 01:28:20,167 --> 01:28:23,000 It's one of those professional lookalikes or something 1005 01:28:23,087 --> 01:28:24,520 It must be 1006 01:28:25,727 --> 01:28:28,321 It's just a practical joke 1007 01:28:28,407 --> 01:28:30,762 by whoever had the car before us 1008 01:28:31,207 --> 01:28:33,880 It's filth, whatever it is, 1009 01:28:33,967 --> 01:28:36,435 and I don't want to look at any more of it 1010 01:28:47,327 --> 01:28:49,079 Well 1011 01:28:49,167 --> 01:28:51,362 I suppose we'd better ask for the bill 1012 01:28:51,447 --> 01:28:52,800 Time's getting on 1013 01:28:55,167 --> 01:28:57,044 Conta, por favor. 1014 01:28:57,767 --> 01:29:00,679 I've got some Portuguese money I could pay 1015 01:29:00,767 --> 01:29:02,917 MARGARET: Are you sure? 1016 01:29:35,487 --> 01:29:37,364 (SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE) 1017 01:29:38,247 --> 01:29:40,636 Airport please, aeroporto. 1018 01:29:40,807 --> 01:29:42,843 Quick as you can, please 1019 01:29:42,927 --> 01:29:44,519 (GASPING) 1020 01:30:05,007 --> 01:30:07,919 Do you need to go anywhere before we leave, Mr Meldrew? 1021 01:30:08,007 --> 01:30:10,123 No, thank you 1022 01:30:10,207 --> 01:30:13,119 MRS WARBOYS: It's funny how the penicillin never managed to clear it up 1023 01:30:13,207 --> 01:30:14,799 VICTOR: Do you mind if we talk about something else? 1024 01:30:14,887 --> 01:30:16,559 MRS WARBOYS: Am I driving us back? 1025 01:30:16,647 --> 01:30:20,037 VICTOR: I thought I'd hitch a ride on a giant slug this time to speed things up 1026 01:30:20,207 --> 01:30:21,606 (CRASHING) 1027 01:30:21,687 --> 01:30:22,915 (MARTIN SCREAMING) 1028 01:30:27,687 --> 01:30:30,440 # They say I might as well face the truth 1029 01:30:31,007 --> 01:30:33,919 # That I am just too long in the tooth 1030 01:30:34,407 --> 01:30:37,399 # I've started to deteriorate 1031 01:30:38,047 --> 01:30:40,925 #And now I've passed my own sell-by date 1032 01:30:41,287 --> 01:30:45,360 # So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways 1033 01:30:45,447 --> 01:30:48,803 # It's true that my body has seen better days 1034 01:30:48,887 --> 01:30:52,436 # But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave 1035 01:30:52,607 --> 01:30:54,996 # One foot in the grave 1036 01:30:56,047 --> 01:30:59,084 # One foot in the grave 1037 01:30:59,887 --> 01:31:02,242 VICTOR: Hello! Hello! 1038 01:31:02,647 --> 01:31:06,401 Hello. Oh, hell... I can't hear myself think! 1039 01:31:07,007 --> 01:31:08,679 Stop it! 1040 01:31:09,567 --> 01:31:12,445 Will you turn off that ruddy racket? 1041 01:31:16,007 --> 01:31:18,999 # They tell me I am well past my prime 1042 01:31:19,447 --> 01:31:22,439 # The landlord in the sky's calling time 1043 01:31:23,007 --> 01:31:25,840 # But there's one thing that he ought to know 1044 01:31:26,487 --> 01:31:29,524 # I am not yet ready to go 1045 01:31:30,007 --> 01:31:33,556 # So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, but don't shed a tear 1046 01:31:34,007 --> 01:31:37,079 # I'm not exactly a little old dear 1047 01:31:37,567 --> 01:31:40,843 # One thing's for sure, I'm still bloody well here 1048 01:31:41,367 --> 01:31:43,483 # One foot in the grave 1049 01:31:44,407 --> 01:31:46,841 # One foot in the grave 1050 01:31:47,687 --> 01:31:50,440 # One foot in the grave # 81616

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.