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1
00:00:02,501 --> 00:00:04,903
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary
2
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:07,572
♪ my back is gettin' tight
3
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,440
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,508 --> 00:00:12,711
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:16,247
♪ but I don't care
'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:21,319
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,555 --> 00:00:25,590
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
8
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:28,292
♪ I will be drivin' home
to you ♪
9
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,634
(Doug) ♪ Doug, Doug, Doug!
10
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:38,036
♪ How do you like it,
how do you like it? ♪
11
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,672
♪ Doug, Doug, Doug
12
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,273
♪ how do you like it?
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:43,608
Ha, ha.
See what I did there?
14
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:44,976
I threw a little
Doug in there.
15
00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,044
That's my new theme song.
16
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:47,879
Mmm. Well, I, for one,
am gonna miss
17
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,248
yellow Doug marine.
18
00:00:50,315 --> 00:00:52,083
What's going on here,
pretty young thing?
19
00:00:52,151 --> 00:00:53,785
I am making breakfast.
20
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:55,120
Mmm.
21
00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:56,454
Come on, quit it.
22
00:00:56,522 --> 00:00:57,989
What?
It's strawberry shampoo.
23
00:00:58,057 --> 00:00:59,791
They want you to eat it.
24
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:01,325
Mmm!
25
00:01:01,393 --> 00:01:03,662
[Coughs]
26
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,229
[Wheezes]
27
00:01:06,498 --> 00:01:07,532
Hair?
28
00:01:07,599 --> 00:01:08,599
[Wheezes]
29
00:01:10,002 --> 00:01:11,369
Y-you ok, then?
30
00:01:11,436 --> 00:01:13,038
Spectacular.
Wow.
31
00:01:13,105 --> 00:01:14,338
Look at this mood you're in.
32
00:01:14,406 --> 00:01:16,174
You're singing,
you're eating my hair.
33
00:01:16,241 --> 00:01:18,643
It's like having a little
monkey around the house.
34
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,344
Well, I'm happy, you know.
35
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:21,780
Just one more week,
36
00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:23,782
and I'll be parking my
butt outside in the garage
37
00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:25,616
in front of my
55-inch bad boy
38
00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:28,987
watching super bowl xxxv.
39
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,254
That's 35
40
00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:33,158
to all you
non-Roman people.
41
00:01:33,225 --> 00:01:35,359
Gotta tell you, Doug, I love
you at super bowl time.
42
00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:37,528
You are a delight
to be around.
43
00:01:37,596 --> 00:01:38,897
Hey, you have
your special days.
44
00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:40,965
Your "Christmas" and whatnot.
45
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,366
I have this.
46
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:45,403
I just wish the super bowl
came everyday.
47
00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:48,106
So do I, Carrie.
So do I.
48
00:01:49,308 --> 00:01:50,441
♪ Soup, soup
49
00:01:50,509 --> 00:01:51,710
[doorbell rings]
50
00:01:51,777 --> 00:01:53,111
(Woman) Who is it?
51
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,214
Uh, it's I.P.S. For
Mrs. Susan horowitz.
52
00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:58,321
(Woman on t.V.) Now I heard
that menopause can start
53
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:00,118
when they're in their 20s.
Is that true?
54
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,652
Hi. Hey, bath and body works.
55
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,054
Someone's pampering herself.
56
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:04,756
Good for you.
57
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,057
Where do I sign?
58
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,258
Oh, just right here.
59
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:08,446
Oh, my god, that television.
60
00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:09,493
Is that hi-def?
61
00:02:09,561 --> 00:02:11,730
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
62
00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:15,566
(Boy) Ma, where's
the peanut butter?
63
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,902
[Baby crying]
It's in the pantry!
64
00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:19,437
The detail is amazing.
65
00:02:19,504 --> 00:02:21,106
Oh, please don't cry, baby.
66
00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:24,008
It's like star Jones is
actually in your living room.
67
00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:25,509
(Boy) There isn't any!
68
00:02:25,577 --> 00:02:27,612
Then there isn't any!
69
00:02:27,679 --> 00:02:29,147
Do you know if
they're broadcasting
70
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,215
the super bowl
in hi-def?
71
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:31,750
They gotta be. Right?
They should be.
72
00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:33,852
I--I really don't know.
My husband's the one--
73
00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,220
(boy) Ma!
74
00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:37,421
If you ask me for peanut
butter one more time,
75
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,190
I'm gonna smack you!
76
00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,026
Are we done here?
77
00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:43,795
They're talking
about menopause,
78
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,230
yet I'm hypnotized.
79
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:46,297
(Boy) Ma!
80
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,698
Shut up!
81
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:48,900
Beautiful.
82
00:02:54,373 --> 00:02:57,242
(Man on t.V.)
And now only 99 cents.
83
00:02:57,309 --> 00:02:59,010
I don't understand
what you're saying.
84
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,845
The picture looks fine.
85
00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:04,149
In fact, I wasn't in the
mood for chalupa before
86
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,616
but I am now.
87
00:03:06,718 --> 00:03:08,820
You just don't get it, do you?
88
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:11,089
What's your problem?
I thought you loved this t.V.
89
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:14,125
I did, until today
when I saw the future.
90
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,894
Hi-def.
91
00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:17,628
It's like when you have a kid.
92
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,730
You know, you're really
happy with that kid.
93
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:21,565
But then you have
a second kid.
94
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:23,067
And all of a sudden,
you know what?
95
00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:25,670
The first kid doesn't
look so good anymore.
96
00:03:25,737 --> 00:03:28,506
You have some issues with
mom and dad, don't you?
97
00:03:28,573 --> 00:03:29,507
Yeah.
98
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,314
I'll be right with you.
99
00:03:36,381 --> 00:03:37,648
Thank you.
100
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,518
All right, listen up.
101
00:03:40,585 --> 00:03:42,921
I'm gonna ask for the most
expensive hi-def set they make,
102
00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,089
then you say,
"we can't afford that".
103
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:47,258
That way it'll look like
I'm buying one for real.
104
00:03:47,326 --> 00:03:49,446
Not just buying one to return
it after the super bowl.
105
00:03:49,494 --> 00:03:50,895
Why am I saying "we"?
106
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:53,998
I mean, are we supposed to
be a couple or something?
107
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:55,533
Yeah. So it just
doesn't look like,
108
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,720
you know, we're 2 dudes who
wanna watch the super bowl.
109
00:03:57,736 --> 00:03:59,437
You know? We're together.
We're committed.
110
00:03:59,504 --> 00:04:01,639
Maybe we bought a townhouse.
Uh-uh.
111
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,175
All right.
112
00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:06,211
What?
113
00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:08,713
I just don't know how believable
it's gonna be, you know?
114
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:10,514
That-that,
I'm with you.
115
00:04:12,985 --> 00:04:14,518
Well, excuse me.
116
00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:16,587
I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm just saying--
117
00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:18,522
I know what you're saying.
Ok, it's fine.
118
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:20,491
Look, it's more
the black-and-white thing.
119
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:22,393
I just don't think
people are ready to--
120
00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:23,694
stop it.
121
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:26,664
Ok, what do you need?
122
00:04:26,732 --> 00:04:28,867
Uh, yeah, this hi-def
model right here.
123
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:30,601
Is this the most
expensive one you carry?
124
00:04:30,669 --> 00:04:32,703
Yeah, it is. It's also the
best one on the market.
125
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:34,005
It is a beauty.
126
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:36,841
Doug, we can't afford it.
127
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,610
Excuse me,
there's no "we" here, ok?
128
00:04:39,678 --> 00:04:41,579
We broke up.
Now move on.
129
00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:48,019
Sorry about that.
He's--
130
00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:50,321
anyway, uh, yeah,
I will take it,
131
00:04:50,389 --> 00:04:53,024
and that'd be great. Any chance
you could deliver it, uh,
132
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:56,427
by, uh, I don't
know, maybe Sunday?
133
00:04:56,495 --> 00:04:58,229
Tomorrow between
12:00 and 6:00.
134
00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:00,664
Good. Great. Stellar.
135
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,466
Ahem.
136
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:04,202
So what's the,
uh, return policy
137
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,469
on one of these bad boys?
138
00:05:05,537 --> 00:05:07,105
What is it, like, 30 days?
139
00:05:07,172 --> 00:05:08,273
Why?
140
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:10,275
You're not just gonna buy
it for the super bowl
141
00:05:10,342 --> 00:05:11,742
and then return it, are you?
142
00:05:13,512 --> 00:05:15,246
Is that not encouraged?
143
00:05:22,187 --> 00:05:24,622
Carrie, someone's been
parking in my spot.
144
00:05:24,689 --> 00:05:26,724
Do you have any idea
who I'd talk to about that?
145
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:28,393
Uh, did you leave a note? No.
146
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:29,860
Did you call
the parking office?
147
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,095
I'm gonna level with you.
148
00:05:31,163 --> 00:05:33,123
When I asked you, "could I
talk to you about this",
149
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,400
I really meant, "who could
you talk to about this?"
150
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:36,968
Ah.
151
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,537
Ok, I'll--I'll call right after
I make you a raisin toast.
152
00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:40,571
Thank you much.
153
00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:44,742
Hey, car.
154
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:46,110
Hi, baby.
155
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:47,645
Hi.
Ah, Mr. pruzan,
156
00:05:47,712 --> 00:05:49,180
you remember my husband, Doug?
157
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:50,581
Sure, I do.
Good to see ya.
158
00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:52,250
Yeah. Remember my joke
from last time?
159
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:53,851
My name's Doug,
and your name's Doug,
160
00:05:53,919 --> 00:05:55,619
so in Spain,
we'd be Doug y Doug.
161
00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:57,922
Yeah. Like the actor.
Great. Yes.
162
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:01,092
Well, hey, if were named
mark, we'd be mark y mark.
163
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,493
Not following you, Doug.
164
00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:04,128
Is that a person?
165
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:07,198
No. No.
166
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:08,833
So what are you
doing in the city?
167
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,602
I was just over at the wiz,
pricing those hi-def t.V.S.
168
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:13,004
Let me ask you something.
169
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:16,574
How opposed are you
to dancing at night?
170
00:06:16,641 --> 00:06:18,576
Doug, why do you want
a hi-def t.V.?
171
00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:21,579
You have a great t.V. I--I bought
you the best t.V. They had.
172
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:23,281
Yeah, in the nineties.
173
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,116
I tell you, those
hi-defs are amazing.
174
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,118
They gave me one of those
when I made partner.
175
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,219
They did?
Yeah.
176
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,487
Beautiful picture,
177
00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:31,154
but it's still the idiot box.
Am I right?
178
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,625
They gave him a t.V.
179
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,995
You wanna know what they got
me when I got promoted?
180
00:06:37,062 --> 00:06:38,262
A cat mug.
181
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:40,064
"Con-cat-ulations."
182
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,301
He has hi-def.
183
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,869
Yeah, so?
184
00:06:44,936 --> 00:06:46,937
So--so you invite him to
my poker game tonight.
185
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,474
Ew! No!
Why would I do that?
186
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:51,509
Hello! Brownie points
for you with your boss,
187
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:54,045
and maybe an invite to watch the
super bowl in hi-def for me.
188
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:55,846
Doug, he is my boss, ok?
189
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:57,781
I do not want him in my home.
190
00:06:57,849 --> 00:06:59,050
That is my turf!
191
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,418
Your turf?
192
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,754
Ok, when exactly did you
become pinky tuscadero?
193
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:05,556
Ok, can I get back
to work now, please?
194
00:07:05,624 --> 00:07:08,826
I have a very serious parking
situation to deal with.
195
00:07:08,894 --> 00:07:10,728
No, Carrie. You obviously
don't understand
196
00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:11,929
what's going on here.
197
00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:14,832
I'm talking hi-def.
Hi-def!
198
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,634
Oh, yeah.
199
00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:18,002
That means nothing to me.
200
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,904
Let me try to
explain it to you.
201
00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:21,439
Look at me. Look at me.
Look at me.
202
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:22,540
[Sighs]
203
00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:24,075
Are you looking?
Yes, I am looking.
204
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,609
Ok.
205
00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:28,746
Now if I were on hi-def, I'd
be sharper and more life-like
206
00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:31,115
than I am right now,
not to mention wider.
207
00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:32,650
Shut it.
208
00:07:32,717 --> 00:07:34,957
Carrie, I'm gonna need those
files when you get a chance,
209
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:36,087
if I'm not interrupting.
210
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:37,555
Oh, no, no.
No problem.
211
00:07:37,622 --> 00:07:39,457
No. We were just talking
about my poker game tonight,
212
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:41,092
that I need another guy for.
213
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:42,760
Huh.
214
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,830
Well, I'm feelin'
a little wild here.
215
00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:48,699
Dealer bets 15 cents.
216
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,934
Whoa!
Oh!
217
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:51,835
You're scaring me.
Ooh!
218
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:52,870
I'm out.
219
00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:54,372
It looks like
somebody's scared.
220
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,241
Whoa. Don't get
the hulk angry.
221
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,077
You won't like him
when he's angry.
222
00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:02,547
Good one.
223
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:06,184
Well...
224
00:08:06,251 --> 00:08:08,786
Er, I'm out.
Good luck, gentlemen.
225
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,388
All right, I'll take a ride.
226
00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:11,655
As will I.
227
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:12,790
And comin' around.
228
00:08:12,857 --> 00:08:14,459
Well, this is great, huh?
229
00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:17,562
Male bonding.
Just me and the guys.
230
00:08:17,629 --> 00:08:19,697
And my sister.
231
00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:22,066
We oughta do this
more often, right, deac?
232
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,302
Huh? Oh, right.
Um,
233
00:08:24,369 --> 00:08:25,836
but not next Sunday,
234
00:08:25,904 --> 00:08:29,039
'cause that's the super bowl.
235
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,874
That's right, it is.
Where are we, uh,
236
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:32,810
where are we
watchin' that, anyway?
237
00:08:32,877 --> 00:08:34,645
I don't know.
238
00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:36,753
I have to admit, it rather
snuck up on me this year.
239
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,787
All I know is
something like that
240
00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:45,923
should be seen on a
television with definition
241
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:49,627
that's fairly high.
Am I right?
242
00:08:49,694 --> 00:08:52,330
You're right. Can't argue
with someone who's right.
243
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:54,665
Ladies, wanna swap
recipes later?
244
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,300
I'm trying to play
some cards here.
245
00:08:56,368 --> 00:08:58,202
Ooh! You're a feisty
one, aren't ya?
246
00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:01,472
Yeah, I'm down $3, and
I'm p.M.S.Ing big time.
247
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,843
So, Lou, now that you've
moved into the neighborhood,
248
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,445
we should hit
the weights together.
249
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:08,779
Um,
250
00:09:08,847 --> 00:09:10,481
I start really early
in the morning.
251
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,983
Yeah, it's cool.
See, here's where I'm at.
252
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:16,820
I wanna work out,
253
00:09:16,888 --> 00:09:19,157
but I don't wanna get
pumped, pumped.
254
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:22,326
I mean, all those big
muscles are gross.
255
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,661
Uh, no offense.
256
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:24,728
Right.
257
00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,531
See, I just wanna get ripped.
258
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:28,932
You know, I'd like
Mitch gaylord's body.
259
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,201
I'll bet you would.
260
00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:35,139
And the king bets 40 cents.
261
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:38,476
Ooh. Big man.
Well, I'll call you,
262
00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:40,411
and I'll raise you 50 cents.
263
00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:43,281
Mmm. I'm aroused.
Ok, call.
264
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:45,049
3 kings.
265
00:09:45,116 --> 00:09:46,384
Uh-oh!
Oh!
266
00:09:46,451 --> 00:09:47,385
You know,
267
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:49,287
all I've got is all hearts.
268
00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:52,223
Wait a minute. I do
believe that's a flush.
269
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:53,491
Ha, ha!
270
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,393
Nicely played.
271
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,528
Nicely played.
Speaking of nicely played,
272
00:09:57,596 --> 00:10:01,299
you know what I hope is nicely played?
The super bowl.
273
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:03,267
Who's with me, huh?
Show of hands.
274
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:04,868
All right.
There you go.
275
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:07,336
Doug, this rheingold went right
through me. Where's the head?
276
00:10:07,372 --> 00:10:09,039
That's upstairs.
Thanks.
277
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,878
(Man on t.V.) You're
watching intimate portrait.
278
00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:16,013
Rue mcclanahan.
279
00:10:16,915 --> 00:10:18,082
No, I'm not.
280
00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:20,117
[Knocking on door]
281
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:21,185
Yeah?
282
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:22,520
Hey, Carrie.
283
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:24,455
Oh. Hi, hi.
284
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,490
I was just on my way to
the little boys' room,
285
00:10:26,558 --> 00:10:27,958
thought I'd stop in
and say "hey".
286
00:10:28,026 --> 00:10:29,560
Hey back at you.
287
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,430
It's the first door
on the left.
288
00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:33,831
I can hold it.
289
00:10:33,898 --> 00:10:35,533
I gotta tell ya, Carrie,
290
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,668
you guys have quite
a little nest here.
291
00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:39,036
Oh, thank you.
292
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:40,671
So,
293
00:10:40,739 --> 00:10:42,873
what time tomorrow,
9:00?
294
00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:44,742
Question for you, car.
295
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:46,844
Is your sister-in-law
seeing anyone?
296
00:10:46,911 --> 00:10:48,979
'Cause I find her delightful.
297
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:52,416
Stephanie?
I sense a spark.
298
00:10:52,484 --> 00:10:53,618
You and Stephanie?
299
00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:55,519
Yeah, yeah.
300
00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:57,255
I know I'm something of a
ladies' man around the office,
301
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:59,724
but in a couple of years,
that's gonna stop being cute
302
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:02,826
and start being pathetic.
303
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:05,529
Stephanie's very different
from the women I usually date.
304
00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:07,698
She's real.
305
00:11:07,766 --> 00:11:09,933
I'd like to try
something real.
306
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,503
Actually, the think is she-she's
actually not that real.
307
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,338
Oh god, that's funny.
308
00:11:14,406 --> 00:11:16,340
Why don't you run it past
her and get back to me?
309
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:17,908
Ok.
Great.
310
00:11:17,976 --> 00:11:19,076
[Music playing on t.V.]
311
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:20,144
Ooh.
312
00:11:20,211 --> 00:11:21,312
Facts of life.
313
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:30,621
Hi.
314
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:31,955
What's your problem?
315
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:33,624
Aw, pruzan didn't bite.
316
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,192
Now I gotta watch
the super bowl
317
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:37,928
on my 55-inch
piece of poop.
318
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:40,831
And what's the story here?
319
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:43,100
We're--we're building a tower?
320
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:45,303
I'm just too sad to do dishes.
321
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:48,839
Oh, my poor baby.
322
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:52,376
Ow!
323
00:11:52,444 --> 00:11:53,877
You think you had a bad night?
324
00:11:53,945 --> 00:11:54,912
No.
325
00:11:54,979 --> 00:11:56,414
You wanna know
what I did tonight?
326
00:11:56,481 --> 00:11:58,783
I had a slumber party
with pruzan.
327
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,151
Yeah. We talked about
relationships,
328
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:04,054
and then we watched
the facts of life marathon.
329
00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:07,157
You love the facts of life.
330
00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,126
I told you. I told you
this would happen.
331
00:12:09,194 --> 00:12:10,928
My turf.
332
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:12,530
All right, well, I'm sorry.
It's done. He's gone.
333
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:14,898
Ech! He kept
going on and on
334
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:16,701
asking me questions
about Stephanie,
335
00:12:16,768 --> 00:12:18,336
and meanwhile,
I'm sitting there
336
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:21,071
in my pajamas with a
hole in the crotch.
337
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,041
It was horrible!
338
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:25,576
Wait a minute.
What do you--
339
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,645
what do you mean he was asking
questions about Stephanie?
340
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:29,547
He wants to date her.
341
00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:31,549
Oh--
it's so gross.
342
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:35,052
I mean, it's like having
a pigeon in the house.
343
00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:36,420
Wel, did you tell her yet?
344
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:38,055
No, I didn't tell her.
345
00:12:38,122 --> 00:12:40,257
What do you mean
you didn't tell her?
346
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:42,827
I'm not telling her.
This dies with me.
347
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:45,463
Carrie, what if they were
meant to be with each other?
348
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,332
Yeah, what if god is using you to
bring the two of them together?
349
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,369
If you don't, it's like you're doing
the opposite of what god wants.
350
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:53,937
Which pretty much
makes you the devil.
351
00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:57,341
The devil.
352
00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:00,511
Ok, if anyone is the
devil here, it's you.
353
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,179
Yeah, it's me. Yeah, right.
Ok, right.
354
00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:05,983
The devil always goes around trying
to make love grow. Whatever.
355
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:09,587
Doug, the only reason you want to
set up pruzan with your sister
356
00:13:09,654 --> 00:13:12,990
is so you can watch the super
bowl on hi-def, and that's evil.
357
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:15,325
It's not my fault that doing
something nice for Stephanie
358
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,660
may also work out well for me.
359
00:13:16,728 --> 00:13:20,464
I know that pains you,
what with you being the devil.
360
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:23,401
Doug, he is not right for her.
Trust me.
361
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,636
He is totally weird, ok?
362
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,471
She needs a nice, normal guy,
363
00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:30,508
not a guy
who collects marionettes.
364
00:13:30,575 --> 00:13:32,142
Who's to say who
belongs with who?
365
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:33,878
I mean, look,
who'd put us together?
366
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,580
Look at us? I mean, I could
sit on you and kill you.
367
00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,582
Yet, we make it work.
368
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,350
Ok, let it go.
369
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:42,252
No, Carrie. You just--
you don't understand.
370
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,687
My sister's not like you.
371
00:13:43,755 --> 00:13:45,322
She doesn't have
a million guys after her.
372
00:13:45,390 --> 00:13:46,824
Right now, she only has one.
373
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,192
And thanks to you,
she'll never know that.
374
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,394
Oh, my god.
375
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:52,596
All right, so this is the
way it's gonna go, huh?
376
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:55,098
You're willing to
make me feel like crap,
377
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:58,736
so you can watch
the super bowl on hi-def?
378
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,672
Hey, you push a dog into a
corner, she gonna bite.
379
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:10,781
Ok, my last
phys-ed question:
380
00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:13,984
Are the dodgeball and the
kickball the same ball?
381
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,720
You can use
the same ball, yeah,
382
00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:19,123
but you let a little air
out of the dodgeball.
383
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:22,025
Wow! There's so much
for a gym teacher to know.
384
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,527
Kudos to you.
385
00:14:23,595 --> 00:14:25,162
She also teaches
junior lifesaving.
386
00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,470
Tell him about the, uh, buddy system.
Go ahead, tell him.
387
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,832
Now?
Yeah.
388
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,401
I was gonna use that
as my closer.
389
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:32,035
Closer!
390
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,204
That is funny!
391
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:36,173
Whoa! We got a laugher here.
Lookout.
392
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:38,142
Can I open the goobers now?
I'm starving.
393
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,245
Excuse me. But you know
that I save all my candy
394
00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,046
for the start of the previews.
395
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:45,449
Have we just met?
396
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,251
Hey, you know who's
a big goober guy--
397
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,019
Arnie Grant in litigation.
398
00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:50,154
He loves 'em.
399
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,123
Does he?
What a kook.
400
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,493
I'm talkin' about
the office again.
401
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,161
Guess that's one
of the pitfalls
402
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,829
of dating your assistant's
sister-in-law.
403
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:00,531
"Assistant's
sister-in-law."
404
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,633
Hey, that's hard to say.
405
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:03,967
That is hard to say.
406
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:05,569
Sister's--
sister--
407
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:06,937
I got it all messed up.
408
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:08,239
[Laughs]
409
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:09,373
You try.
410
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,979
Anyway, we're thinking of having
a super bowl party next Sunday.
411
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:17,581
Uh, you think
you'd be into coming?
412
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:19,416
Sure.
That'd be great.
413
00:15:19,484 --> 00:15:22,052
You know what, don't get too excited,
though, 'cause our t.V. Ain't so hot.
414
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,387
The picture's kinda grainy.
415
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,888
Then why don't you
and your friends
416
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:26,957
just come over to my place
and watch the game?
417
00:15:27,025 --> 00:15:28,058
Your place?
418
00:15:28,126 --> 00:15:31,061
I--I guess that would work.
Ok, thanks.
419
00:15:33,998 --> 00:15:35,832
I'm gonna go get a soda.
420
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:43,006
You know what? Get--get me an icee
with an extra squirt of flavor!
421
00:15:43,074 --> 00:15:45,142
I don't think she heard you, Doug.
I'll go.
422
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,443
Can I get you something, too?
423
00:15:46,511 --> 00:15:48,679
You look like
a snowcap girl to me.
424
00:15:48,746 --> 00:15:49,980
Do I?
425
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,882
Actually, I'm very
allergic, but thank you.
426
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,757
I think he likes you.
427
00:16:00,825 --> 00:16:03,294
Of course he likes me.
All freaks like me.
428
00:16:03,361 --> 00:16:05,229
You're a real piece
of work, you know that?
429
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,299
You--you manage to find something
wrong with every guy you go out with.
430
00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:11,001
Jonathan had no friends.
Gil wasn't tall enough.
431
00:16:11,069 --> 00:16:13,337
Tony was too into his cats.
432
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,706
He blow-dried them
every morning.
433
00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:18,275
Look, Steph,
434
00:16:18,343 --> 00:16:20,911
there's no such thing
as the perfect guy.
435
00:16:20,978 --> 00:16:23,914
The best you can do
is look for someone who's nice
436
00:16:23,981 --> 00:16:25,082
and cares about you.
437
00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:26,483
But you're
never gonna find that
438
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,785
because you don't
give people a chance.
439
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:30,521
Yeah, I guess.
440
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:33,624
Just go out with him for a little bit.
See how it feels.
441
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:35,125
Fine. Fine.
442
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:37,461
How long do you think
I should give it?
443
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:41,398
Well, if you insist on
putting a clock on love,
444
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:44,268
just give it till the
last Sunday in January.
445
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:47,304
That seems like
a good cutoff point.
446
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,446
(T.V. Announcer) Welcome to
the following presentation
447
00:16:55,513 --> 00:16:58,181
of the national football
league from c.B.S. Sports.
448
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,351
I gotta hand it to you, man.
449
00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,953
You wanted a high-def
super bowl,
450
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,490
and well, god bless you, you
didn't stop till you got it.
451
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,892
Thanks, guy.
452
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,194
I gotta tell ya, these last
couple of days have been a blur.
453
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,631
I'm not even sure
I went to work.
454
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,065
I mean, look at this, man.
455
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:17,200
The pregame show
has never been so real.
456
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:21,238
It's like,
ditka is pissed at me.
457
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:22,539
You know what's really fun?
458
00:17:22,607 --> 00:17:24,475
If you close your eyes
and then open them,
459
00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:27,745
it's like you're seeing it
for the very first time.
460
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,985
And that's the whole tour.
461
00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:36,920
It's very nice, Doug.
462
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:39,222
I don't think I've ever seen
so many marionettes before.
463
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,458
Well, they're my family.
464
00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:46,297
I'm gonna go see what Carrie's
up to in the kitchen.
465
00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:49,099
Great. I'll be here
hangin' with the guys.
466
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,403
Hey, what you doin' there?
467
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:54,305
Oh, I'm making icing seams
468
00:17:54,372 --> 00:17:56,707
on these little
football brownies.
469
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:59,943
As soon as I finish,
please kill me.
470
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:01,545
You want some help?
Yeah.
471
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:04,315
Grab one of those squeezy tubes.
Ok.
472
00:18:04,382 --> 00:18:06,517
So what is this,
like your, uh...
473
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:08,852
3rd or 4th date with pruzan?
474
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,554
Yup.
475
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,856
So I guess you
really like him, huh?
476
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,891
Oh, he-he's a really nice guy,
477
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:18,128
and I'm really getting to
like him a lot.
478
00:18:18,196 --> 00:18:19,129
[Gagging]
479
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,299
What was that?
480
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:23,600
What?
481
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:25,436
Just sounded like you
were gonna throw up.
482
00:18:25,503 --> 00:18:27,037
Me? No. No, no.
483
00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:28,639
Ok.
484
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,240
[Gagging]
485
00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:31,542
Ok, Steph, I'm gonna
have to ask you
486
00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:34,110
to take a step away
from the brownies now.
487
00:18:34,178 --> 00:18:35,479
Carrie,
I-I-I-I can't do this.
488
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:36,847
I can't do this anymore.
489
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:38,014
You can't do what?
What?
490
00:18:38,082 --> 00:18:39,616
Go out with freako.
491
00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:41,952
He's the weirdest guy
I've ever met.
492
00:18:42,019 --> 00:18:44,555
He has marionettes
sitting on chairs.
493
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,124
Yes! Yes!
He is a freak.
494
00:18:48,192 --> 00:18:50,060
I knew you couldn't like him.
I knew it!
495
00:18:50,127 --> 00:18:52,929
What? Then--then why did
you set me up with him?
496
00:18:52,997 --> 00:18:54,264
Doug made me.
497
00:18:54,332 --> 00:18:55,833
Why do you keep
goin' out with him?
498
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,267
Doug made me!
499
00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:01,605
He is the devil.
500
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:04,140
(T.V. Announcer) And those
are your starting lineups.
501
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:05,609
Doug, I really need to talk--
502
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:06,610
whoa.
503
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:08,645
Doug, she needs
to talk to you.
504
00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:09,780
[Meowing]
505
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:10,947
Shut up, Spence.
506
00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:12,449
Right-o.
507
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,817
I'll tell you what, Steph.
508
00:19:13,885 --> 00:19:16,420
Halftime, after Britney
Spears, I'm all yours.
509
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,788
Come on, Steph.
510
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,696
Why don't you take a seat
right here on my lap?
511
00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:22,125
No. I really need to talk to my
brother right now. All right?
512
00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:25,061
Come on, Steph. Come and
sit on pappy's lappy.
513
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:28,532
I don't want to sit
on pappy's lappy.
514
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,502
Sure you do. It's smooth
like a western saddle.
515
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,070
I don't wanna sit on your lap.
516
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:35,873
I don't even want to
go out with you.
517
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:39,342
I just did it 'cause my
dumb-ass brother made me!
518
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:40,577
[T.V. Playing]
519
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,084
I have a lot more
girls for you.
520
00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:49,620
Gwen?
Gwen from accounting?
521
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,889
Everyone's had her.
I'm gonna hook that up.
522
00:19:51,956 --> 00:19:53,891
So I'm just-- I'm just
gonna put this here.
523
00:19:53,958 --> 00:19:55,626
You guys can nosh on that.
524
00:19:55,693 --> 00:19:57,761
You make peace with your god.
You die tonight.
525
00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:05,936
All right.
526
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:09,606
Well, we got the skirts
outta here.
527
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:12,543
Now we can watch the game
without a lot of,
528
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:17,347
without a lot of yap-yap.
All right.
529
00:20:17,415 --> 00:20:21,084
(T.V. Announcer) C.B.S. Sports
presents super bowl 35.
530
00:20:21,152 --> 00:20:22,586
I'm such a fool.
531
00:20:23,688 --> 00:20:25,589
Way to go, pruzan.
532
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:29,927
You lost her because you
moved too damn fast!
533
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:32,863
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid.
534
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:35,198
♪[If I were a rich manby topol playing on t.V.]
535
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:38,569
♪ Yabba dooba dooba
dooba dooba dooba dum ♪
536
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:41,705
W-what happened?
537
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:43,774
He switched the channel
to a.M.C.
538
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,175
Well, change it back, man.
539
00:20:45,242 --> 00:20:47,444
I can't. He cracked the remote.
It's not changing!
540
00:20:47,512 --> 00:20:48,912
Well, change it on the t.V.
541
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,080
I don't see any button.
542
00:20:50,147 --> 00:20:51,348
It's smooth!
543
00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:52,816
Maybe there's
a panel that pops up.
544
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:54,050
No, man.
545
00:20:54,118 --> 00:20:55,786
A lot of these are
voice-activated.
546
00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:58,489
Channel, change!
Channel, change!
547
00:20:58,556 --> 00:20:59,490
Channel 2.
548
00:20:59,557 --> 00:21:00,524
Super bowl.
549
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:01,592
Welcome home.
550
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:02,993
Super bowl.
551
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:04,661
Maybe it detects motion, man.
552
00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:08,131
♪ I see her putting on airs
and strutting like a peacock ♪
553
00:21:08,199 --> 00:21:11,067
For the love of god!
Football now!
554
00:21:12,336 --> 00:21:14,404
♪ Screaming at the...
555
00:21:14,472 --> 00:21:16,640
(Radio announcer)
Whoa! A one-handed catch!
556
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,642
He's at the 20.
He's at the 10.
557
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:21,612
[Crowd roaring]
Touchdown! Oh, my.
558
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:25,281
Now that's one you have
to actually see to believe.
559
00:21:25,349 --> 00:21:26,416
[Changes station]
560
00:21:26,484 --> 00:21:28,418
♪[Spanish music playing]
561
00:21:35,259 --> 00:21:40,063
(Tevye) ♪ is this the
little girl I carried? ♪
562
00:21:41,265 --> 00:21:45,502
♪ Is this the little boy
at play? ♪
563
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:52,576
(Woman) ♪ I don't
remember growing older ♪
564
00:21:54,879 --> 00:21:58,982
♪ when did they?
565
00:22:00,818 --> 00:22:03,086
(Tevye)
♪ when did she get to be--
40307
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