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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,426
(GASPS) Yes!
2
00:00:07,428 --> 00:00:09,928
I just got accepted
into an amazing
acting class.
3
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:12,720
Thank goodness, because
the process of getting in
was totally draining.
4
00:00:12,723 --> 00:00:14,733
Did you have to do
a bunch of auditions?
5
00:00:14,725 --> 00:00:17,055
No, the tuition totally
drained my bank account.
6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:19,399
Here you go.
7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,690
That'll be $10.
8
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,271
Uh, these aren't
what I ordered.
9
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,993
Well, we don't have "organic
dragon fruit, humanely
harvested bee pollen,"
10
00:00:25,986 --> 00:00:28,646
or "unpasteurized yak's milk".
So you get blueberry.
11
00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:33,610
Have you ever heard the
expression, "The customer
is always right"?
12
00:00:33,614 --> 00:00:36,544
Have you ever heard
the expression,
"Ticking off your server
13
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,037
"is a one-way ticket
to loogie town"?
14
00:00:38,709 --> 00:00:39,709
Keep the change.
15
00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:43,752
Hey, Zuri!
How about a sweet smoothie
16
00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:45,844
from your smooth sweetie?
(CHUCKLES)
17
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,627
You're not my sweetie, Stuart.
18
00:00:48,629 --> 00:00:51,839
Just because I said I'd meet
you in the park doesn't mean
we're a couple.
19
00:00:51,842 --> 00:00:54,312
(STUTTERS) I think you're
reading too much into
this simple gesture.
20
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:59,345
Really? Then why does it
say, "Mrs. Stuart Wooten"
on the side of my cup?
21
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:03,100
Are you suggesting
I take your last name?
How progressive.
22
00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:06,815
I once dated a guy
who took my last name.
23
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,277
And my first name.
He was an identity thief.
24
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,860
Long story short, I put
someone named Marvin through
beauty school in Colorado.
25
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:17,745
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
26
00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:20,698
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
27
00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:24,922
♪ It feels like a party
every day
28
00:01:24,915 --> 00:01:28,665
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
29
00:01:28,669 --> 00:01:31,589
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
30
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:35,482
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
31
00:01:35,476 --> 00:01:38,716
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
32
00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:42,599
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
33
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,823
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
34
00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:50,107
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
35
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,690
♪ Hey Jessie
36
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,834
♪ Hey Jessie
37
00:01:56,907 --> 00:02:00,697
♪ It feels like a party
every day
38
00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:04,631
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
39
00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:11,960
Wow! The photos
online make this place
40
00:02:11,962 --> 00:02:13,672
look a lot less...
Haunted prison-ish.
41
00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,854
(CHUCKLES)
It's so disgusting,
42
00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:18,056
I saw a family of rats
moving out.
43
00:02:18,058 --> 00:02:20,808
Seriously, they had
little suitcases made of
cheese and everything.
44
00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:22,101
(BOTH LAUGH)
45
00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:23,222
I'm Jessie.
46
00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:24,984
Abbey. Nice to meet you.
47
00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:26,895
So, let me guess...
48
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,567
You're a Libra?
49
00:02:28,859 --> 00:02:30,149
Yeah! How did you know?
50
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,610
Well, you're obviously
artistic, and friendly...
51
00:02:33,614 --> 00:02:35,494
And your birth date is on your
emergency contact form.
52
00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:38,618
Psst! (CLEARS THROAT)
53
00:02:40,371 --> 00:02:41,871
Word on the street is,
54
00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:46,172
River Stevens,
our acting teacher,
is a total weirdo.
55
00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:51,249
So, how do you
know so much about him,
random scruffy dude?
56
00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:54,513
Because I am not
a fellow student.
57
00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:56,715
Oh! Did you sneak
in here without paying?
58
00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:58,057
Man, I wish I knew
that was an option!
59
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,219
I am Stevens, comma, River!
60
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:06,272
And I will guide you
through the art of being.
61
00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:10,858
Someone should
guide him through
the art of bathing.
62
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,873
Bathing is for
television actors.
63
00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:15,865
(SPITS)
64
00:03:20,581 --> 00:03:22,741
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
65
00:03:36,797 --> 00:03:40,217
So, am I in?
Do I got the moves
like Jagger or what?
66
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,430
Better!
67
00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:42,762
That guy's, like, 90.
68
00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:45,444
Welcome to the team, Shane!
69
00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:48,186
Our next performance is going
to be a benefit in the park
this weekend.
70
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:50,688
That sounds great.
What's the worthy cause?
71
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,061
I think it's to help
homeless whales...
72
00:03:55,195 --> 00:03:56,855
Can't they just
live in the ocean?
73
00:03:56,857 --> 00:03:58,357
You should bring that up
at the next meeting.
74
00:04:01,452 --> 00:04:02,782
Oh, shopkeep!
75
00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:08,205
We will have one
Pomegranate Passion
smoothie with two straws.
76
00:04:08,629 --> 00:04:11,369
It's both romantic
and sanitary. (CHUCKLES)
77
00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:17,763
Stuart, you gotta stop
turning every time we hang
out into a romantic date.
78
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,678
It's disturbing.
79
00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:19,679
I know, right?
80
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:23,510
Who would go there?
That would be a stupid
place to go!
81
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,646
Don't take it personally,
82
00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,978
I'm just not looking
for a guy right now.
83
00:04:31,852 --> 00:04:36,202
Whoa, look at that guy!
Mama like!
84
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,531
This is great.
85
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,742
My horoscope said I was going
to make a new friend today.
86
00:04:43,744 --> 00:04:47,504
I'm just glad it's you and not
that lady in the park who was
marrying a tree.
87
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,668
Don't judge. You try dating
in New York for a few years,
88
00:04:50,671 --> 00:04:52,541
see what you
end up settling for.
(LAUGHS)
89
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,423
(SHRIEKS)
(GROWLING)
90
00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:59,466
Oh, don't worry, Abbey.
Mrs. Kipling hasn't tried to
eat a guest in, like, a week.
91
00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:01,631
I'm not scared.
92
00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:07,062
I've just never seen
an Asian water monitor
in person before!
93
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,387
She's gorgeous!
94
00:05:08,929 --> 00:05:10,139
Compared to what?
95
00:05:10,891 --> 00:05:15,531
I will have you know,
water monitors were voted the
second most attractive reptile
96
00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:16,856
in Lizard Lovers Monthly.
97
00:05:16,857 --> 00:05:20,777
Behind iguanas.
Apparently, they are the
reptilian George Clooney.
98
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:24,032
I have a pet chameleon
named Brando.
99
00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:26,794
He's brilliant!
He can blend
into anything.
100
00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:28,787
Except camouflage,
which is odd.
101
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,370
It is so exciting to meet
a fellow lizard enthusiast!
102
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,344
So, what does your
little one like to eat?
103
00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:36,626
Cockroaches.
104
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,917
Oh!
Are cockroaches nutritious?
105
00:05:38,919 --> 00:05:41,669
I don't know, but they're
free and my apartment
is crawling with them.
106
00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:45,813
Oh! Remind me never to wear
open-toed shoes at your place.
Hmm.
107
00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:51,138
Okay, guys.
Let's get warmed up and
then take it from the top.
108
00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,351
I know what'll get
you warmed up.
109
00:05:53,814 --> 00:05:55,944
A nice foot massage.
110
00:05:57,438 --> 00:06:00,688
You don't wanna do that.
I haven't changed my socks
in a week.
111
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:02,821
It's like a swamp down there.
112
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:06,704
Well then, just call
me Bayou Betty!
113
00:06:08,579 --> 00:06:10,659
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Excuse us for a second.
114
00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:13,452
Zuri.
115
00:06:13,454 --> 00:06:15,464
We really need to focus here.
116
00:06:15,456 --> 00:06:18,756
Oh, I'm focused.
You can believe that.
117
00:06:21,762 --> 00:06:24,472
Give me a wheatgrass shot
and keep 'em coming, sister.
118
00:06:25,305 --> 00:06:26,635
I am down in the dumps.
119
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:30,007
If you're looking to
avoid the dumps, I do not
recommend wheatgrass.
120
00:06:31,602 --> 00:06:33,642
Girl troubles?
It's Zuri.
121
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,114
It appears there's nothing
I can do to get her to become
122
00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,776
enamored of my winsome,
bespectacled visage.
123
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,940
I am so sorry. I think.
I'm actually not sure
what that meant.
124
00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:45,985
It means she likes that
125
00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,906
dancing dimwit more than me.
126
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,328
EMMA: (SIGHS) Stuart.
127
00:06:49,329 --> 00:06:52,949
Zuri likes you.
She just doesn't
like you, like you.
128
00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,463
You're stuck in
the friend zone.
129
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,585
Is that bad?
130
00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:56,746
It's a loveless prison.
131
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,879
I just don't get what
she sees in him.
132
00:07:01,842 --> 00:07:03,382
Oh, Shane, your
shoelace is untied.
133
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:04,603
Oh, thanks, bro.
134
00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:07,425
I almost went
from a break dancer
to a broken dancer.
135
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:11,217
(LAUGHING) Broken dancer!
That's hilarious!
136
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:13,181
Where do you come
up with this stuff?
137
00:07:14,394 --> 00:07:15,734
She seems to
think he's funny.
138
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,146
Girls do like funny guys.
139
00:07:17,147 --> 00:07:18,727
I can be funny.
140
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:19,729
On purpose?
141
00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:22,731
You'll see.
I'm going to go put
on my comedy pants!
142
00:07:27,277 --> 00:07:28,907
Thanks for coming to see
me do my thing, Ravi.
143
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:30,949
You've always been very
supportive of my career.
144
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,501
Until you can report it
to the IRS, it is hardly
a career.
145
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:38,416
Uh... Is Abbey around?
I have a book for her.
146
00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:40,668
Oh, Ravi, just because
Abbey owns a lizard
147
00:07:40,671 --> 00:07:43,251
doesn't mean that she wants
to sit around all day reading
about them.
148
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,224
(GASPS) No way!
149
00:07:45,546 --> 00:07:47,796
Is that a first edition
Chameleons of Cameroon?
150
00:07:47,798 --> 00:07:50,298
I can't wait to sit around
all day reading this.
151
00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:52,972
I stand corrected.
152
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,813
Ravi, we really need to get
Brando and Mrs. Kipling
together for a playdate.
153
00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:59,017
That is a splendid idea!
154
00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:02,769
It would be great for
Mrs. Kipling to have some
friends of her own species.
155
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,873
Aw! That makes two of you.
156
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:10,907
I have some exciting news
for you, aspiring screen
artists!
157
00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:12,781
You've discovered deodorant?
158
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,033
Better.
159
00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:17,794
I'm going to be in
an independent film,
A Portrait of Sadness.
160
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:22,708
It's a brilliant rumination
on man's fragile relationship
with mortality.
161
00:08:22,713 --> 00:08:24,423
The director is looking
162
00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:25,684
for his female lead.
163
00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:28,756
He has agreed to audition
some of my students.
164
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,839
Either of you
would be perfect.
165
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,692
If I get my dad on the phone,
would you repeat that to him?
166
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,305
Now I urge you ladies
to make bold,
167
00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:41,688
out-of-the-box choices
with this character.
168
00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:45,742
For instance, in the film,
I will be portraying
a dog walker
169
00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:48,196
with a deep, dark secret...
170
00:08:49,359 --> 00:08:51,069
He's really a cat person.
171
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:54,964
Okay. Good luck, artists!
172
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,958
Wow, this is going
to be awkward.
173
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,500
We're both going up
for the same role.
174
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:04,761
I know.
Okay, let's
make a pact.
175
00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:07,835
We have to promise each
other that we will not
let our careers
176
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,128
get in the way
of our friendship.
177
00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,969
Deal!
I never let my career get in
the way of my personal life.
178
00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:16,442
Considering your last audition
was 10 months ago, it has not
exactly been a struggle.
179
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:21,058
You are making it really hard
for me to care about your next
"big" chess match.
180
00:09:26,236 --> 00:09:27,776
Bertram, what are you doing?
181
00:09:27,778 --> 00:09:30,648
Just settling in
for the night with an
American literary classic.
182
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,952
"An Illustrated History
of Boy Bands"?
183
00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,825
It came with a free
coupon for skinny jeans.
184
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,790
Well, I have
a very important
guest coming over.
185
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:45,883
So let me give
you one direction.
Get out.
186
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:48,838
Why should I?
187
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:53,799
Because if you don't, I'll
make you do your job, and
wait on us hand and foot.
188
00:09:54,384 --> 00:09:55,434
See ya! Have fun!
189
00:09:57,718 --> 00:10:00,018
This is gonna be
a night to remember.
190
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,812
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
191
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:08,356
Wow...
Okay, this is
just wrong.
192
00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:13,899
I know. There were supposed
to be doves, but they were
all sold out.
193
00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:15,914
Stupid spring weddings.
194
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,327
Hey, Zuri!
Have you seen Sha...
195
00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,909
Hey!
196
00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:24,201
What's, uh...
What's going on here?
197
00:10:24,705 --> 00:10:26,415
This is not what
it looks like!
198
00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:28,587
It looks like Zuri
tricked you into
199
00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:29,668
coming out here,
so she can have
200
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:30,960
a romantic dinner with you.
201
00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,421
Oh. Then it's exactly
what it looks like.
202
00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:38,755
I told you, Shane
is off-limits! Ooh, muffins!
203
00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:44,774
(SIGHS)
204
00:10:45,475 --> 00:10:46,685
Hello, angel.
205
00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:49,607
Stuart, what are
you doing here?
206
00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:52,859
I'm here to tickle your...
207
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,244
Funny bone!
208
00:10:57,237 --> 00:10:58,237
Really?
209
00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:01,369
Hang on, hang on,
I'm getting a call.
210
00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:03,741
Let me answer it on my...
211
00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:05,344
Bluetooth!
212
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,789
Keep it up with the prop
comedy, and that'll be the
only tooth you have left.
213
00:11:14,054 --> 00:11:16,514
Oh! Oh, come on, don't be a...
214
00:11:16,506 --> 00:11:18,716
Party pooper!
215
00:11:22,262 --> 00:11:23,392
"Billy,
216
00:11:23,393 --> 00:11:24,683
"I need you to be strong.
217
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,646
"Spot got out of the yard..."
(GIGGLES)
218
00:11:29,019 --> 00:11:31,479
"...and ran
into the street and...
219
00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:34,111
"That poor little guy
never even saw that
monster truck coming."
220
00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:35,124
(LAUGHING)
221
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:37,446
And scene.
222
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,819
Jessie.
223
00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:43,030
You do understand
that the truck crushed
the dog, right?
224
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,503
Right. Well, River
said to make (MIMICKING)
out-of-the-box choices.
225
00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:47,997
So...
226
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:50,998
My character, whenever
she has to deliver bad news,
227
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,251
she just dissolves
into laughter.
228
00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:55,183
Maybe it's her way of
softening the blow.
229
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,256
Jessie!
Hmm?
230
00:11:57,257 --> 00:12:01,047
Do you know what happened to
my Boyz II Men limited edition
collector plates?
231
00:12:02,302 --> 00:12:04,722
Bertram, I need you
to be strong.
232
00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:08,105
(GIGGLING) I broke them
this morning, while
I was cleaning.
233
00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:11,108
(LAUGHING) I know they
meant a lot to you and
I'm really sorry.
234
00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:17,663
I should be mad, but your
laughter really seemed to
soften the blow. (CHUCKLES)
235
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,120
Oh, you're good.
236
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,285
Guess what?
237
00:12:26,286 --> 00:12:28,746
Zuri hated my prop comedy.
238
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,748
Shocking.
239
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,141
Your problem is Zuri is
totally crushing on Shane
because he's a great dancer.
240
00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:37,255
Too bad you can't
compete with that.
241
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,217
Or can I?
242
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,550
Get it? Can? Eye?
243
00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:45,354
We're closed.
244
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,980
Jessie, Abbey, let's see your
audition scenes for the movie.
245
00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,773
I dare you to wow me.
246
00:12:56,606 --> 00:12:58,816
You want a little
more time, Jessie?
I can go first.
247
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,989
Aw, thanks.
That'll give me more
time to go over it.
248
00:13:00,991 --> 00:13:03,161
Then find a script that's
not covered in palm sweat.
Yeah.
249
00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:05,584
Do it, Abbey!
250
00:13:05,575 --> 00:13:07,615
You are the greatest
actress in this class!
251
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:13,039
What? You made it very
clear you will never
take me to Lizard-Con!
252
00:13:14,584 --> 00:13:18,054
Ravi, we've been over this,
12 people does not make
a convention.
253
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:20,920
"Billy,
254
00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:23,011
"I need you to be strong."
(GIGGLES)
255
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,643
"Spot got out of the yard..."
(GIGGLES)
256
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,266
"...and he ran into
the street...
257
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,309
"Poor little guy never
even saw that monster
truck coming." (LAUGHING)
258
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,863
Brava!
259
00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:39,435
Abbey, what a brave choice,
I am wowed.
260
00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:43,572
No. That was my choice!
261
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,254
Where's a monster truck
when you need one?
262
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:52,448
Jessie, Abbey, here's
the audition schedule
for this afternoon.
263
00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:53,752
Break a leg!
264
00:13:54,414 --> 00:13:57,134
You know, I once broke
my own leg, on purpose,
265
00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:00,667
when I auditioned for the
role of a cage fighter in
League of Blood.
266
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:04,512
So inspiring.
Did you get the part?
267
00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:05,934
No. I couldn't walk.
268
00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:08,767
My leg was broken.
269
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:11,810
Okay, good luck, artists.
270
00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:16,863
Yeah, well, some people don't
need luck when they have
treachery and deceit...
271
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,816
And split ends.
Yeah, I went there.
272
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:23,740
Hey, I'm a Gemini.
FYI, we're two-faced.
273
00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:26,874
Yeah, well, does either face
remember we said
we wouldn't let our careers
274
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,036
get in the way
of our friendship?
275
00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:32,368
Sorry, Jessie.
Clearly, it was written in the
stars that I get this part.
276
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,262
Well, if you use
my character in
that audition,
277
00:14:35,255 --> 00:14:38,165
it'll just show
that you don't have
any character.
278
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,338
(CHUCKLING)
279
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,759
That probably didn't hurt
as much as I thought it would.
280
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:44,673
You have bad hair!
(CHUCKLES)
281
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,847
Thank you all for coming.
Remember,
282
00:14:49,849 --> 00:14:52,929
all the proceeds go to help
save homeless whales.
283
00:14:54,684 --> 00:14:57,864
Actually, I found out
it's to rehabilitate
injured rhinos.
284
00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,147
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
I wasn't even close.
285
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,651
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
286
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:39,056
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
287
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,561
Hey, Shane!
288
00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:45,033
You and me, pal.
289
00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:46,825
It's go time!
290
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:52,658
Who are you, and why are you
dressed like a hip-hop genie?
291
00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:59,003
I am here to slay you in
a dance battle, and win
back my boo's heart.
292
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:02,039
Stuart, I am not your boo.
293
00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:04,502
Also... Boo!
294
00:16:05,385 --> 00:16:08,215
All right, Shazam,
let's go.
295
00:16:08,798 --> 00:16:10,678
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
296
00:16:23,063 --> 00:16:24,733
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
297
00:16:26,406 --> 00:16:29,736
Okay, well, I hope you got
some padding in those pants,
298
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,239
because I am about
to kick your butt!
299
00:16:34,374 --> 00:16:35,674
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
300
00:16:52,842 --> 00:16:55,012
In your... Uh-oh...
301
00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:58,097
(RETCHING)
302
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,268
Ugh! (LAUGHS)
303
00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:03,020
I actually enjoyed that
more than his dancing.
304
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:04,693
(ALL LAUGHING)
305
00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:09,196
No nibbling until
the company gets here.
306
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:11,199
And no nibbling the company.
307
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:12,991
(GROWLS)
308
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,072
Hey, Ravi.
309
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,004
Abbey, Brando! Welcome!
310
00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:18,705
Thanks for having us over,
even though things between
311
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:20,788
Jessie and me
are a little tense.
312
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,750
Mrs. Kipling made me
pinky swear to keep
our playdate.
313
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,933
And by that, I mean,
if I did not, she swore
she would bite off my pinky.
314
00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:30,627
Actually, I'm glad
that Jessie's not here,
315
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,300
'cause I wanted
to ask you a favor.
316
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,882
Of course,
you are my only...
317
00:17:34,384 --> 00:17:37,394
I mean, one of
my many, many friends.
318
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,388
And friends help
each other, right?
319
00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,390
I have read that.
320
00:17:41,641 --> 00:17:42,681
So...
321
00:17:43,443 --> 00:17:46,243
Do you think you could
help me make sure Jessie
doesn't make that audition?
322
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:48,896
(GASPS) You want me
to knock off my nanny?
323
00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:50,779
No! No!
324
00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:54,110
I just wanted you to tell her
the audition has been pushed
back a few hours.
325
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,794
But remind me
never to cross you.
326
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,076
But I love Jessie!
I cannot sabotage her!
327
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:04,329
Ravi, if I get this part,
my career will take off.
328
00:18:04,754 --> 00:18:06,634
And what about
Jessie's career?
329
00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:08,207
Just think of it.
330
00:18:08,668 --> 00:18:12,838
You, me, Kipling
and Brando,
331
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:17,852
slithering down the green,
scaly carpet together at
Lizard-Con.
332
00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:21,768
Mmm, very well,
I shall do it!
333
00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:24,812
I cannot wait to hear
the roar of the crowd.
334
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:28,404
The last time I had people
cheer for me was when I quit
the basketball team.
335
00:18:31,941 --> 00:18:34,651
Here you go, Stuart.
You should really hydrate.
336
00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,744
You lost a lot of
fluids up there.
337
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,736
And there,
and over there.
338
00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:42,951
Stuart.
339
00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:46,803
I know this is difficult
for you, much like dancing...
340
00:18:47,837 --> 00:18:51,667
But Shane and I are a thing.
And you need to accept that.
341
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,712
Whoa, slow your roll.
342
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,515
You freak me out.
343
00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:58,806
What do you mean, snuggle-bug?
344
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,640
That is what I mean!
345
00:19:03,223 --> 00:19:05,983
You follow me around,
you tried to give me
a foot massage,
346
00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:07,975
and then you sprung that
surprise date on me.
347
00:19:08,768 --> 00:19:09,768
Who does that?
348
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:14,030
Oh, no!
Do you know
what this means?
349
00:19:14,774 --> 00:19:15,784
I've become...
350
00:19:16,736 --> 00:19:17,826
Stuart.
351
00:19:18,778 --> 00:19:21,118
Is Stuart slang for stalker?
352
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,451
Sort of.
353
00:19:23,783 --> 00:19:27,713
Listen, pal, you just made
the biggest mistake of
your life!
354
00:19:28,047 --> 00:19:31,627
Zuri is the sweetest,
most beautiful girl
in the world.
355
00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,302
And maybe I am stuck
in the friend zone,
356
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:38,055
but I'm lucky to have
her in my life any way
I can get her.
357
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,388
Man, that was
really beautiful.
358
00:19:41,391 --> 00:19:42,391
Hmm.
359
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,512
And your breath
really stinks.
360
00:19:46,606 --> 00:19:49,856
Aw, Stuart.
That was so sweet.
361
00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:51,729
I meant every word,
my beloved.
362
00:19:52,021 --> 00:19:54,651
Okay, I'm getting out of
here before I throw up.
363
00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,026
You know what, Stuart,
now that I see what
you've gone through,
364
00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:04,740
I think I owe you an apology.
And I have something for you.
365
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:09,875
A mint?
Oh, man, is this it?
Our first kiss!
366
00:20:09,879 --> 00:20:14,589
No way! Shane was right.
Your breath is nasty.
367
00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:16,925
Oh.
368
00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,338
Aw, come here.
369
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,801
Our first hug! Yay!
370
00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,395
Okay.
371
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,019
"Poor little guy never
even saw that monster
truck coming." (LAUGHS)
372
00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:37,855
Brava, Jessie,
very nice work.
373
00:20:37,857 --> 00:20:40,697
Hey! Ravi, you said you'd
make sure Jessie was late!
374
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,450
I would never betray
my nanny just to gain
a friend!
375
00:20:43,453 --> 00:20:44,863
How pathetic do
you think I am?
376
00:20:44,864 --> 00:20:46,424
Do not answer that!
377
00:20:47,827 --> 00:20:49,747
Ravi told me all
about your little plan.
378
00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:51,790
Aw, what's wrong, Abbey?
379
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:55,471
Did your horoscope not mention
anything about being tricked
by an 11-year-old?
380
00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:57,505
I am 13.
381
00:20:58,177 --> 00:20:59,177
Really?
382
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,880
Abbey, that was
quite a gesture,
383
00:21:02,882 --> 00:21:06,152
letting Jessie audition with
that character you created.
384
00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:07,975
That's what friends are for.
385
00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:12,558
Unfortunately, the director
said it was the worst
audition he's ever seen.
386
00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,613
What? You said it
was a brave choice!
387
00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:17,445
Yes, apparently too brave.
388
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,237
I believe his exact
words were, "What kind
of monster laughs
389
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,450
"when telling an 8-year-old
his dog has been flattened
by a truck?"
390
00:21:25,865 --> 00:21:28,615
Yes! Jessie blew it!
I still have a shot!
391
00:21:28,868 --> 00:21:32,668
Actually, Jessie's take on the
character was so disturbing,
392
00:21:32,672 --> 00:21:35,002
the director has decided
to cut it entirely.
393
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,465
And start seeing a therapist.
394
00:21:38,378 --> 00:21:39,758
Way to go, hack.
395
00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:41,629
Your acting's so bad,
it cost both of us a job!
396
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:46,602
Sorry, this whole friendship
before career thing is gonna
be hard for me.
397
00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:47,806
Yeah, I'm picking up on that.
398
00:21:48,728 --> 00:21:51,808
On the bright side,
they're casting for
a role uptown
399
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:55,531
that you both
would be perfect for.
Here's the address.
400
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,646
See ya, friend.
Ravi, stop her!
401
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,858
Do not even try.
Nothing can dislodge me.
402
00:22:01,861 --> 00:22:04,441
I am an immovable boulder!
403
00:22:08,247 --> 00:22:09,747
More like a portable pebble.
404
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,500
I never want to see
you again, Abbey!
405
00:22:13,503 --> 00:22:15,593
Although Brando is
always welcome.
406
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:18,085
There is no reason
for the lizards to suffer.
407
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:23,629
You've got potential.
You should join my class
for nine to 11-year-olds.
408
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,473
I am 13!
409
00:22:29,559 --> 00:22:32,809
See, it's a rear-view mirror!
Get it?
410
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,352
ALL: Oh.
411
00:22:35,645 --> 00:22:37,475
This is so bad.
412
00:22:37,737 --> 00:22:40,527
I'd actually rather
do my homework.
413
00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:44,861
I'd throw a tomato at him,
but I'm afraid he'd use it
in his act.
414
00:22:46,696 --> 00:22:48,696
You know, this
isn't easy, people.
415
00:22:48,698 --> 00:22:50,578
I am under a tremendous...
416
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:52,830
Strain up here.
417
00:22:53,953 --> 00:22:57,263
I hope you're happy.
You've ruined colanders
for me!
418
00:22:58,708 --> 00:23:01,088
I can't believe
I apologized to you.
419
00:23:03,262 --> 00:23:06,772
Oh, wait! I just
got party pooper!
420
00:23:07,216 --> 00:23:08,216
This is horrible.
421
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,680
Well, thanks for
staying, Jessie.
422
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:15,392
No problem.
Your parents are paying
me to watch you, right?
423
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,194
Yes.
Then on with the show.
33054
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