All language subtitles for Jessie.S01E17_0

Hey, Emma,
pass the pepper.

Earth to Emma.

Not eating,
flushed, spaced out.

Either Emma's in love,

or she's been
bitten by a deer tick.

His name is Vincent.

(LAUGHS)

Emma's in love with
a tick named Vincent.

He's this really cute
guy from school.

He's so cool.

Way too cool
to ask me out.

(SCOFFS)
You got that right.

Vincent is awesome.

In a Bollywood movie,
he would get the girl,
her sister,

and four goats
as a dowry.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

Okay, I'm going for it!

Good luck.
May he turn out to be
your life-long lab partner.

Oh!
LUKE: Please.

You're going to get
rejected faster than
Bertram's hair plugs.

May the force
of Kate Middleton
be with me. (EXHALES)

Bet you
our lunch puddings
she'll crash and burn.

I will take that action.

Whoa.
What do you have
against my locker?

Apparently, my nose.

This is for you,
and your nose.

Thank you.
It's beautiful.

You wanna go
grab some lunch?

I'm tight with the lunch lady,
so I can get us milk
that hasn't expired.

(GASPS)
That would be great.

I am so tired
of chewing my milk.

Well, well,
I guess I win the bet.

From now on,
you can call me
"Ravi Two Puddings."

I'd rather keep
calling you butt-head.

(CHUCKLES)
That's timeless.

You know, Zuri,
I think it's great that

for your "Going Green"
school project,
you're planting a tree.

Most of my class
is just taking
shorter showers.

Which is a bad move
for the stinkier kids.

Hey! Maybe I'll name
my tree after you.

Oh, that's so sweet.

My dad named
an urban assault
vehicle after me.

Yeah, one night,
he lost control

and crashed "Jessie"
through a grocery store.

If your dad
ever comes to visit,

remind me to wear
my bullet-proof tutu.

You don't have
to pay for lunch?

Nah,
Agnes owes me a favor.

I get her
designer hairnets.

Here are the answers
to your math test.

And remember to
get a couple wrong.
Everyone knows you're stupid.

Thank you.

(GASPS) Wow!
This is incredible.

The lemon-scented
hot towels cover up
the stink from the gym.

Look, Ravi.
It is our sister, Emma.

That we know and love.

These your brothers?

I wish I could say no.

But I don't want to
start our relationship
off with lies.

Ravi K. Ross,
pleased to meet you.

Ah. Your hands
are a little sweaty.

No, that is saliva.
I have been licking
pudding off of them.

Ah, you like pudding?

Well, since I like
your sister, maybe I can
help you out with that.

Pudding!

A king's ransom
in pudding!

And tell the ball monitor
in the gym you know me.

He'll give you
the basketball
that isn't lopsided.

I thought those
were just a myth.

You better be
good to him!

Very good.

ZURI: What's that girl
doing to Branchy?

I thought her name
was Jessie!

Okay, I'll just pretend
that doesn't sting.

You put that
staple into her,
the next one goes into you.

Oh, it's on!

You could have
won the tractor pull
at our county fair.

So, Emma took my advice
and tonight, she has
her very first date!

I'll alert the media.

Hey, a girl's
first date is magical.

Unless you take
a shortcut to the Cineplex
through an artillery range.

I still have a ringing
in my left ear.

I don't know
what's more surprising,

that you're
still single,
or still alive.

So, what do you
think Vincent's like?

An intellectual, uh,
an athlete, a poet?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Hey, there, Red.
You must be the warden.

I'm going with
"none of the above."

Wanna pat me down?
Could be the highlight
of your week.

Ooh. (CHUCKLES) Vincent.

Aren't you making
a great first impression.

What do you do
for a second one,
club a baby seal?

Hey, Vincent. We set up
the screening room for
your "evening with Emma."

Ah. Thanks, guys.
Here's some bathroom
passes for your trouble.

Awesome! Now even
when I don't gotta go,

I can still go!

Wait. These are
for the girls' room.

You're welcome.

Emma, Vincent's here!

He seems like
a swell guy!

Hi, Vincent.

Whoa! You look
like you just washed up
on the Jersey Shore!

I think she
looks smokin'.

Thanks, babe.

Uh, babe?
Nobody should be
calling anybody "babe."

Well, calm down, babe.

Not helping, Luke.

Why don't you and Ravi
go show Vincent
the screening room?

Make sure he
doesn't steal anything.

Emma. Maybe you
should go change.

Oh, please. Like I'd
take fashion advice from
someone who owns skorts.

(GASPS)

It's the comfort of shorts
in the style of a skirt.

And it keeps
cheerleaders modest.

Hey, guys,
hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

I just baked
some "everybody keep your
hands to yourself" cookies.

Jessie! We're trying
to watch a movie.

Movie's up there.
And I'll be out there.

So where was I?

Oh, yeah.
So I tell the guy,

"Quit being such a baby.
Blood washes out."

All righty. (CHUCKLES)

This night is over.

It's past your curfew.

But I'm already home.

Then it's past your curfew.

I don't have a curfew.

Then, I just gave you one.
Consider it a parting gift.

Whoa, Jessie,

maybe if you
had your own man,
you wouldn't be so uptight.

I am this close to
poking out your eye.

And for your information,

I'm this tense
even when I am dating.

Go. Go.

This is so unfair!
Vincent is a great guy.

He got me a new locker,
far away from
the boys' bathroom.

No, that's how
these guys work, okay?

They romance you with
sweet words and flowers,

and increased
distance from urinals.

But I can tell
he's a bad influence.

Vincent is the best thing
that's ever happened to me!

Well, that's what
I said about skorts.

Clearly, we both
have poor judgment!

What do you
think you're doing?

I'm sleeping
on the terrace,

so I can use
the telescope to keep
an eye on Branchy.

Oh, not gonna happen, Zuri.
But I just wanna...

No! You are gonna sleep
in that bed if I have to
staple the sheets down. Go.

Thanks for putting her
in a bad mood, Emma!

I am not
in a bad mood!

Tell that to
the vein popping out
of your forehead.

Bertram,
I need your opinion.

Yes, get your
teeth whitened.

This is serious.

If I tell Emma she
can't be with Vincent,

it's only going to
make her want to
be with him more.

So what should I do?

Don't care.

You're right!

If I pretend I don't care,
she'll realize for herself
that Vincent is no good.

No. I mean I don't care.
Please stop talking to me.

Okay, let's hear it.

You have a problem
with my outfit, don't you?

Uh, yeah.
I'm envious!

I could never
pull off that whole
"sparkly undertaker" look.

What's going on?

Nothing.
I overreacted last night.

Emma, you're a good girl

and I trust you to
make the right decisions.

Really?
Thanks, Jessie.

Wow, you lied to her right
through your yellow teeth.

Luke! Ravi!
Just the guys
I wanted to see.

Everyone else, out!

Wow, Vincent.

You clear a room
faster than Jessie
on karaoke night.

Listen, guys,
if you want to
be part of my crew,

you need to take on
some responsibility.

Ooh, ooh!
I am very responsible.

I have to be.
If a seven-foot lizard
does not get fed regularly,

people get hurt.

Yeah, it's true.

I have a lizard tooth
buried in my butt cheek
to prove it. Wanna see?

Hey, we're not
that close.

Hello, beautiful.
Whatcha doin'?

Third period's
about to start.

Didn't you hear?
Today is a special
short day. School's over.

Yay! I must've
missed that in
morning announcements.

What I mean is,
we should skip school today.

You mean cut class?

That would be wrong.

Ooh! That would be wrong!

Oh no! Someone broke off
one of Branchy's arms!

Probably some
rotten kid swung on her.

Or a really fat squirrel.

What? I don't believe it!

Believe it, they exist.

Laying around.
No J-O-B.

Just stuffin' their
faces with acorns.

No. I mean, over there.

Emma's supposed
to be at school.

Officer!
Excuse me. Hi.

Uh, I'm a nanny
and I need your help.

That's one of my charges
skipping school with that boy.

Is there any chance
you can help me out

with one of those
"scared straight" things?

Oh, well, you picked
the right guy.

I could use some
of my improv skills.

I take a workshop
on the weekends.

Thanks, Officer Petey.

Okay, give me
an occupation
and a location.

(PERFORMS
BREATHING EXERCISES)

Well...
A police officer
in the park.

Oh.

Okay. Uh, you know,
it's not much of a challenge.

Kind of improv 101, so...

Fine.
And the park you're in
is on the moon!

Got it! Ho-ho.

Houston,
we have a scenario.

(IMITATES ASTRONAUT BREATHING)

Emma's gonna
think twice about
skipping school again.

Getting caught by a cop
is gonna freak her out.

She doesn't look
that freaked out to me.

Uh, I didn't send you
over here to chit-chat,

I sent you over here
to scare them!

But this is Vincent Liotta.

He goes to school
with my little brother!

Thanks to him,
Ricky won class president.

And trust me,
Ricky is not exactly
a leader of men.

Jessie! You turned us
in to the cops?
That's messed up.

Yeah,
nobody likes a snitch.

Oh, nobody likes
improv, either!

Even mimes
look down on you.

(GASPS)

You are no friend
to the arts or the NYPD.

Emma, I trusted you,

which was
obviously a mistake.

Say goodbye to Vincent.

Goodbye, Vincent.
Oh, not like that!

And you.
I've got my eye on you!

Thanks, but I'm taken.

I'll see you at school
tomorrow, Emma.

And dress nice,
we'll be eating in
the teachers' lounge.

See, Jessie,
you can't keep me
from seeing Vincent!

Maybe at school,
but after school,
consider yourself grounded.

You can't tell me
what to do!

Oh, yeah?

Well, my
"World's Greatest Nanny"
mug says otherwise!

Branchy, I am
not looking forward
to your teenage years.

I know you're mad,
but someday you're
gonna thank me for this.

Don't hold your breath.

Look.

Not that long ago,
I was your age,
and I had my own Vincent.

Named T-Bob.

And if someone
had kept me away
from T-Bob back then,

maybe I wouldn't be
banned from the great
state of Oklahoma today.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Officer Petey?

Zuri's in the pork?

I can't understand
a word you're saying.

Well, it's a lousy
Jackie Chan impression.

Oh! Zuri's in the park!

I thought she
was in her room!
Okay, I'll be right there!

Please tell me
you are texting Vincent.

Because
I am going through
pudding withdrawal.

Yep, I just
invited him over.

Jessie's going to flip.
That vein actually will
pop out of her head.

I've got it covered.

"Zuri, don't let
Jessie stop you from
protecting Branchy.

"Power to the plants."

There.
That'll keep her busy
for a couple of hours.

You really think Zuri
can stall her that long?

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

It's Zuri.

"Jessie will have
to pry this tree from
my cold, dead hands."

Yep, we're good.

Zuri, you need to
ask me permission
if you want to go to the park.

Can I go to the park?

I mean before you go!

I'm just new
at this nanny thing.

Hey, I know what
it's like trying to get
the hang of a new job.

By the way,
if you happen to
find a taser, it's mine.

I'll keep an eye out.
Did you lose
anything else?

Oh, well,
I did have a horse.

Come on, Zuri, let's go.

No. People are
out to hurt Branchy.

Zuri, Branchy will be fine.
Come on, it's time
to go home now.

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

Well, looks like
you've got this handled.

(GASPS) Vincent!

And a bunch
of other people.

Who are really hungry.

Can you hook us up
with some snacks?

Sure.

Luke, Ravi.
Time for you to help me out.

See, there's a guy here,
and I need you two to
teach him a lesson.

Oh, if he needs a tutor,
you got the wrong guy.

See, my only
good subject is recess.

Whereas I am good
at everything but recess.

I mean,
I need you to collect
some money I'm owed.

From that guy.

Oh, dear.
That is not a guy.

That is a building
in a hoodie.

(BOTH MOANING)

Excuse me,
Mr. Giant, sir.

My associate wishes
to speak to you.

What?

Now I know what
Bertram's chair feels like.

(GROANS)

If you release us now,
we will forgive you.

But if you
eat another bite
of Bertram's bean dip,

your colon will not.

Emma! Em...
What is going on here?

(SNIFFS) Is someone
eating my bean dip?

Oh, hi, Ravi.

Hello, Bertram!

Turn the music down!

What...

Help! Help! Teens!

So much acne!

(FARTS)
(GROANS)

(CRIES)

Vincent, this has
gone too far!

Ravi is stuck
in the piano,

Luke's being used
as a seat cushion,

and Bertram
was just swept away.

And he hates sweeping!

You guys
have to leave.

And you
need to chill out!

(SCREAMING)
Keep it moving, people.
Nothing to see here.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Fine.
You win this round.

And every round
up until now.

You've got that right.

Hello? Emma?

What's going on?
I can barely hear you
over that noise.

What is that noise?

It's a party!

Stop it!
That's an antique vase,
not a football!

(SHATTERING)

Jessie, come home!
I need your help.

I'll be right there!
Come on, Zuri.
Emma needs me.

Well, Branchy needs me!

(SCREAMING)

Zuri, I gotta go.
What's it gonna take?

I can't wait
to show Branchy
her new home.

Or what's left of it.

I think I'll start
by showing Branchy
the panic room.

Jessie, I'm so sorry.

You were right
about Vincent.

He's my T-Bob!
And I don't want a T-Bob!

Nobody should have
a T-Bob. I got this.

Hey! This party is over!

Whoa, these are
Emma's guests.

You can't kick them out.
You're just the help.

Don't you talk
to Jessie that way!

No, Emma. He's right,
I am just the help.

So let me
help you out.

(GROANS)

My dad taught me that move.

And sharpshooting.
You're lucky I'm not armed.

Emma! You're gonna
let her do this to me?

You're right.
She shouldn't do that.

Ow!

All right, just keep
his wrist right
between the shoulder-blades.

Good. Oh!
Now I know how
proud my dad felt.

Everybody out.

Jessie, I'm so sorry
about all this.

I totally volunteer
to clean it all up.

Aw, that's cute.
You think you have a choice.

Emma, are you okay?

I should've
listened to you.

Yeah. You could
learn a lot from my

many, many, many years
of painful experience.

You've had
a rough 18 years.

The womb wasn't
that great either.

My mom ate
a lot of jalapenos.

Just remember,
I'm here to help you.

Great. Can you
help me get Ravi out?

Believe it or not,
I was once in
a very similar situation.

T-Bob didn't want
to pay for Cowboys tickets.

I knew I shouldn't
have followed him
into that sewage pipe.

I took 10 showers...

You know what would
make this story
more enjoyable?

If I did not have
a piano string where
the sun does not shine.

How'd you get
in that piano, anyway?

I have chosen to
suppress the memory.

I've just changed
my status to single.

I'm a free woman
and ready to par-tay.

You're a grounded woman
and ready to stu-day.

You know,
losing Vincent
isn't that bad.

I was using so many
of those bathroom passes,

people were
calling me "Leaky Luke."

(BANGING)
BERTRAM: Help! Help!

(SOBBING)
Someone help.

Bertram?
How did you
get in there?

Teens! So much acne!

I just couldn't
fight back!

And the last stop
on our tour is the kitchen.

ALL: Pull!

Branchy,
I am so sorry
you had to see that.