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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:11,349
Morning, Bertram.
I could use a banana,
sunscreen, and some peanuts.
2
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,449
And I could use a rich
girlfriend named Lola.
3
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,021
I guess we're both
a couple of dreamers.
4
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:22,062
I'm going to spend my day off
all by myself in Central Park.
5
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,520
The banana's
if I get hungry,
6
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:24,557
the sunscreen's
in case it's hot,
7
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:28,232
and the peanuts are in case
I meet a squirrel.
8
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,331
They're so cute with their
little chubby cheeks!
9
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,626
(MAKING NIBBLING SOUNDS)
10
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,173
You really are adorable.
11
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:40,305
Central Park chews up
"adorable" and poops it out.
12
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,507
I heard the word adorable,
so here I am!
13
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,093
Could I go to
the park with you?
14
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,549
Oh, sweetie, I would
love that, but I need
a little time to be alone.
15
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,286
Like I was
on prom night,
16
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,585
when my date dumped me
for the entire drill team.
17
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,262
But why share
my bitterness
with you?
18
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,665
Please let me come!
I need sunlight.
19
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,401
Must have vitamin D.
20
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,513
Okay. I'll be
alone with you.
21
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,381
All better!
22
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,275
Hey, I hear you're
going to the park.
23
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,684
And yet, when I call you
to do your homework,
you don't hear a thing.
24
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:27,455
So, I hear we are
going to the park.
25
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,393
Yep. Think fast!
26
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,700
I think... Ouch!
27
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,398
Emma, are you coming
to the park with us?
28
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,243
Sorry, I'm updating
my status.
29
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,470
"Just invited to the park.
Now sitting on the couch."
30
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,277
Good job, Emma.
Keep living life
to the fullest.
31
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,208
Bertram? I'm going
to the park alone.
32
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,676
With Zuri, Ravi,
and Luke.
33
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:58,145
And anyone else
we happen to meet
along the way.
34
00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,716
Now you know why
I always sneak out
down the back stairs.
35
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,555
(HISSING)
36
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,391
They're never
coming back for you.
37
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,326
Let's go search their rooms
for loose change.
38
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,944
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
39
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,510
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
40
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:24,211
* It feels like a party
every day
41
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:27,645
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
42
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:31,321
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way
43
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:34,492
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
44
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:38,392
* My whole world is changing
turning around
45
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:41,926
* They got me going crazy
the ground're shaking
46
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:45,472
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
47
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:49,269
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
48
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,573
* Hey Jessie
49
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,240
* Hey Jessie
50
00:02:56,410 --> 00:03:00,250
* It feels like a party
every day
51
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:03,581
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey Jessie *
52
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,721
Hey, guys, you want
to hear a song?
53
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:10,557
What's it about?
54
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:13,631
Oh, a little
life lesson I learned.
55
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:14,701
See ya.
56
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:20,404
Jessie, I would love to hear
your musical stylings.
57
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,644
Aw. Thanks, Ravi!
58
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,710
(PLAYING OUT OF TUNE)
59
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:28,278
Oh, look.
I'm just...sual tree!
60
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,781
You're losing them.
61
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,823
People left
the Titanic slower.
62
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,393
Bertram, can I
ask you a question?
63
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,763
I'm real busy
cleaning right now.
64
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:49,034
But this is super important!
65
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,632
I'm updating
my profile picture.
66
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,440
Do these make me
look smarter?
67
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,307
You want to look smarter,
stand next to Luke.
68
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,277
Say cheese, Emma! Cheese!
69
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:07,520
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
70
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,378
Hey, Bertram, do you want
a new profile picture?
71
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,387
No, thank you.
I don't live my life
on the computer.
72
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:14,391
What life?
73
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,591
Don't you want to know
what your high school
friends are doing?
74
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:20,727
I know what they're doing.
75
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,701
Time in prison.
76
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,501
Although, I have
always wondered how
77
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,304
Karen Holtzhauer
turned out.
78
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:31,436
I kind of liked her.
79
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,542
(WHISPERING)
Karen Holtzhauer.
80
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:36,443
(GASPS)
More like Karen Hotzhauer!
81
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:42,677
Looks like she lives in
New York, she's single,
and she's not in prison!
82
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,846
Wow, she looks even prettier
without the mullet.
83
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:51,758
* Had it up to here with
these Texas guys *
84
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,797
It's coming along.
85
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,625
(WHIMPERING)
86
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,373
Oh, Ravi.
87
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,865
(EXCLAIMS)
88
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,576
Are you all right?
89
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:09,609
I was watching
the ducks in the pond
90
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,683
when I saw a mob of people
running towards me.
91
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,454
My instinct
was to flee.
92
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,351
Ravi, it's just
a 5k run.
93
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,488
Didn't you have
runs back in India?
94
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,763
Only when I ate bad
chicken tikka.
95
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:28,533
Come on, Ravi, let's
leave Jessie alone.
96
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,432
She needs to work
on her song.
97
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,474
A lot.
98
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:36,703
Okay...
99
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,667
(DRUM MACHINE PLAYING)
100
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,454
* A cowboy hat
he put a rope around my heart
101
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,751
* And everything was awesome
at the start
102
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,685
* Then he kissed
a bleach blonde waitress
103
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,521
* and I saw through
his disguise
104
00:05:56,557 --> 00:06:00,657
* Oh, I've had it up to here
with these Texas guys *
105
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,403
(ALL CHEERING)
106
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:07,172
Oh! Thank you!
107
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,470
New Yorkers,
always littering!
108
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:11,611
I'll take care of that.
109
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,639
Where did you
come from?
110
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,605
Oh, my parents say
the stork brought me.
111
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:20,514
But the seventh graders have
a more interesting theory.
112
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,478
New rule. No talking
to seventh graders.
113
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,954
And I thought you
didn't like my music.
114
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:29,886
Well, that was before
George Washington
joined the act.
115
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,933
Now, I think
we should be a trio.
116
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,756
(DRUM MACHINE PLAYING)
117
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,736
Five bucks!
118
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,553
Hello, Abe Lincoln!
Keep dancing, partner.
119
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,683
(DRUM MACHINE PLAYING)
120
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:06,231
Okay, I've washed
my face and
buttoned my vest.
121
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,459
Let's take my profile picture.
122
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,826
You can't take
a picture looking
like... You.
123
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,503
No offense taken.
124
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:17,874
We totally need
to youthinize you.
125
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,005
What?
126
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,481
You know, make you
look younger.
127
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,308
Oh, thank goodness.
128
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,476
Here, try this on.
129
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,657
All right, I'm trusting you.
130
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,563
Well, this was a mistake.
131
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:46,830
You look fabulous!
132
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:47,597
Positively Bieberific.
133
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,543
I can't breathe.
Take the picture.
Take the picture!
134
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,642
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
135
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,536
Got it!
136
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,854
(GROANS)
137
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:02,922
Oh...
138
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,080
I feel better.
139
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,556
I don't.
I just swallowed a button!
140
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:11,664
(GAGGING)
141
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,558
And here it is.
142
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,804
Fairfield.
Please hold.
143
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,073
Congressman, here's
your prescription.
144
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,571
Hope that rash clears up.
145
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:28,013
Thanks.
146
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:32,881
My goodness, this looks like
the Calcutta train station
during rush hour.
147
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:33,883
Which is every hour.
148
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:35,682
It's Doormageddon!
149
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,948
Can we help you, Tony?
150
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,787
Thanks, but you could
never handle it.
151
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:45,932
(WHISTLES)
152
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,929
Okay, people,
two groups!
153
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:52,572
Those who live here
and those who wish
they did!
154
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:56,840
Group one,
kindly follow me
to the elevator.
155
00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:01,010
Group two, don't let
the door hit you where
Mother Nature split you.
156
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,007
Oh, heck to the no!
157
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,746
This building is my turf!
158
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,691
Oh, okay,
peddle your cookies.
159
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,015
But I will need
a two-box kickback.
160
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:18,731
Go.
161
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,098
Okay, maybe you
can handle it...
162
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:23,730
You want a cookie?
163
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,870
Thanks.
164
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,971
That will be five bucks.
165
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:35,679
* The next year
I got stuck
on a football jock
166
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,879
* He tackled me with swagger
and his twangy Texas talk
167
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:42,022
* Then he made a pass
at the whole drill team
168
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,149
* and I saw through
all his lies
169
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,694
* Oh, I've had it up to here
with these Texas guys *
170
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,362
Yeah! Poppin'! Tight!
171
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,627
So far off the chain you
can't even see it anymore.
172
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,027
"Where is it?"
I dunno, you tell me.
173
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:01,738
That's how good that was.
174
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:04,671
J.J. Mayfield, music producer.
175
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,605
My card, my brochure,
my profile.
176
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:11,038
You make music videos?
177
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,908
I make stars, kid.
178
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:13,776
I make kids stars.
179
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,752
You discovered T-Jam?
180
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,794
I just downloaded
his latest ringtone.
181
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:19,749
I always wanted to be
my own ringtone!
182
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,917
You think we're
that good?
183
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,924
I think spicy Italian
sausage is good.
184
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,757
I think world peace is good,
but you guys are great.
185
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:30,155
Let's make a demo.
I'll kick open some doors,
book some clubs.
186
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,897
Next stop,
"Hello, I'm famous.
Who are you?"
187
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,226
We'll call you...
188
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,667
I think we just
got discovered!
189
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:41,736
I knew I was good,
but I didn't know
I was sausage good!
190
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:50,879
Oh. It says here
it costs $1,200 to
produce a demo video.
191
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:51,818
How much do we have
in the guitar case?
192
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:58,826
42 dollars, 10 cents,
three arcade tokens...
Ooh! Some raisins.
193
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,095
Definitely not raisins.
194
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:07,837
Stupid squirrels!
195
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,208
And here's the new you!
196
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,149
Ugh.
197
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,950
I guess the camera
does add a few pounds.
198
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:30,016
So does a steady diet
of bacon and donuts.
199
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,857
Hey. Before you kids
came along, I was
a swimsuit model.
200
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,862
Really?
201
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,055
No, but I didn't
break a sweat
putting on my socks.
202
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:42,038
Don't worry, I'll just work
a little computer magic.
203
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,099
First, let's add some
highlights to your wig.
204
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,735
EMMA: Oops.
205
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,235
I look like America's
most wanted leprechaun.
206
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,984
Now, let's shave off
a few pounds.
207
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,786
You'll go from chunky...
208
00:11:58,919 --> 00:11:59,989
To hunky!
209
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,962
Wow.
210
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,761
Can I borrow that
for a second?
211
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,060
(CHUCKLES)
212
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,973
Okay, now you've
gone too far.
213
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,100
You look like
a Bertram bobblehead.
214
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,335
Who cares?
I'm thin with hair.
Press send.
215
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,944
Okay, how are we gonna
come up with $1,200?
216
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,306
Ooh!
217
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,915
This has gotta be worth
at least $1,250.
218
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,819
We'll have money
left over for sushi.
219
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:32,222
I can't steal from
your parents.
220
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,321
It's not stealing.
It's just...
221
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:39,056
Taking without permission.
222
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,292
I can hear the judge
laughing now.
223
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,928
Okay, I have about
$800 in savings.
224
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,174
Great! I've got $100
in birthday money.
225
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:49,139
That equals
the $1,200 we need!
226
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,199
What we need
is to get you
a math tutor!
227
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,276
ZURI: (ON INTERCOM)
Maybe I can help you out.
228
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,109
Zuri?
229
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,979
It's not polite
to eavesdrop.
230
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:04,254
I can let you have
a hundred bucks.
231
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,022
Keep talking.
232
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:09,123
And I can give you
the rest in rupees.
233
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:14,061
I will be a silent partner.
I will stay in the background.
234
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,264
I will support and strategize.
I will...
235
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,296
For a silent partner,
you sure run your mouth.
236
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,243
Thanks, guys.
We'll pay you back
every penny.
237
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,969
So?
238
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,874
Let's give Mr. Mayfield a call
and tell him the JessieLuke
Project is ready to roll.
239
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,937
(CHUCKLES) You mean
the LukeJessie Project.
240
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,847
Oh, no, no, no,
the JessieLuke Project.
241
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,179
LJESSIE: Really?.
242
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,323
When this thing goes south,
I get my money back
before you.
243
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,996
This is it.
Your launch pad.
244
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,328
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
Into orbit.
245
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,362
(LAUGHS)
246
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,431
Houston, we have a problem!
Too much talent!
247
00:13:56,403 --> 00:14:01,143
Well, I did place second in
my middle school talent show.
248
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:06,384
I would have won, but Tiffany
Haskell's flaming baton set my
sock puppets on fire.
249
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,024
Great story.
Save it for the talk shows.
250
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,419
We're gonna be
on talk shows?
251
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,251
I call the seat
closest to Conan!
252
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,156
What? Why do you get
to sit next to Conan?
253
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,359
Oh, because I have charm,
talent and the freckles.
254
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,431
Wow...
255
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,230
Let's shoot this thing.
256
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,261
Here? Just in front
of the wall?
257
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,356
We'll put the background
in later.
258
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:24,997
You make your magic,
I'll make mine.
259
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,198
Forget that.
260
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,337
We need to zazz up the act.
Here.
261
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:39,345
How am I supposed to play
a sensitive song of
love and loss on this?
262
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,053
Easy, like this.
263
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,182
(DISTORTED CHORD RINGING)
264
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,893
My teeth are actually
vibrating.
265
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,421
Cool, huh?
266
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,027
Now, go pour yourself
into this.
267
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,027
Lovely.
Where's the rest of it?
268
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,341
Look, if we're
making changes,
269
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,940
it would be nice if your look
matched the theme of my song.
270
00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,414
What, you want me
to dress like a cowboy?
271
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,081
(CHUCKLES)
272
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,052
Howdy, partner.
273
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,321
Hey, where you been,
door munchkins?
274
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:25,234
We gave Jessie and Luke money
for their music video.
275
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,198
They have been discovered
by a big-time producer.
276
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,258
Woot, woot!
277
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:30,497
See?
278
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,970
J.J. Mayfield?
279
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,230
The guy's
a scam artist!
280
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,697
He takes advantage of suckers
with big dreams and small IQs.
281
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,137
How do you know?
282
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,472
Because I was one
of those suckers!
283
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:44,508
Last year, J.J. told me
he could open doors,
284
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,184
but 12 hundred bucks later,
the only one opening doors
is me!
285
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,383
See?
286
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,355
Jessie better not
lose my money.
287
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,128
I get paid back
or things get ugly.
288
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,404
How's it going?
289
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,169
Thor?
290
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:12,039
I've been checking out
the profiles of my
high school classmates,
291
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,572
and I look so much better.
292
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,279
They all got fat and bald!
293
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,181
And the guys don't look
so great either.
294
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,417
(TABLET CHIMES)
295
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,750
Look, Karen Holtzhauer
accepted your buddy request!
296
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,386
(GASPS) Oh!
297
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,421
I can't wait to get
in touch with her!
298
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:33,457
If things work out,
you're gonna be watching
my tiny new butt
299
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,033
strut off into the sunset.
300
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,196
Right.
301
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:41,171
So, let's check out
Karen's pics!
302
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:49,238
EMMA: Wow, that's
a lot of kids!
303
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:52,376
Please tell me she's a school
teacher or she operates
a pickpocket ring.
304
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,480
Nope.
305
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,054
They're tagged with
the same last name.
306
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,454
They're all hers.
307
00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,485
(CRYING)
308
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,118
And look! It says
she wants to have more.
309
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,499
What a waste.
310
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,542
I can't believe I worked
so hard to get into shape.
311
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,268
I'm gonna go get
a bacon-wrapped donut.
312
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,209
You sure don't look
like Dr. Chang,
313
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,605
but okay.
314
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,654
Here's your key.
315
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,355
Tony's job is tougher
than it looks.
316
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,588
Yeah. And I ate too many
kickback cookies.
317
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,634
I feel sick.
318
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:48,504
(RETCHING)
319
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,365
Here are your
groceries, madam.
320
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,614
Oh, looks like
your macaroni salad spilled.
321
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,449
That wasn't macaroni salad.
That was tossed cookies.
322
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,524
Uh-oh. Now I feel terrible
for taking her tip.
323
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,564
And I will get over it.
324
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:21,226
I look so stupid.
If I saw me,
I'd beat myself up.
325
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:25,438
Well, I'm wearing
a dress that, in my hometown,
would get me arrested.
326
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,182
What's your hometown?
Lamesville, USA?
327
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,309
No! That's our sister city.
328
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,412
Hey, hey.
You both look great.
329
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,317
Let's show the video camera
how great you look!
330
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,589
First, she has
to change her song.
331
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,788
It's just a backup
for my dancing anyways!
332
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:43,519
(GASPS) No, you are
the backup dancer
for my singing.
333
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:47,256
(GASPS)
334
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:50,164
The only reason people will
watch this video is because
I'm starring in it!
335
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,397
You little egomaniac.
336
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,302
People want to watch me.
Do, re, mi. Me.
Not you, me!
337
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:58,605
Who cares? I got
a Lady Gaga wannabe
coming in half an hour,
338
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,468
and if I keep her waiting,
her meat dress is gonna spoil.
339
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,676
So let's make
with the music
and the dancing!
340
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,250
(DRUM MACHINE PLAYING)
341
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:16,392
* The next year I got stuck on
a football jock
342
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:20,733
* He tackled me with swagger
and his twangy Texas talk
343
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,300
* Then he made
a pass at the... *
344
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,325
(GLASS SHATTERING)
345
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,725
Hey! That's
an expensive camera!
346
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,366
Not anymore.
347
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,597
It was her fault.
348
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:32,708
No, nuh-uh. He started it.
349
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,269
Did, too!
350
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:38,477
Hey, stop!
Stop. Stop.
351
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,481
I am going to get
the other camera, and you
better not break it.
352
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,584
I got it for
my bar mitzvah.
353
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,547
Stop!
354
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,387
Don't sing!
Don't dance!
Don't entertain in any way!
355
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,563
Not much chance
of that.
356
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,492
What are you doing here?
357
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,627
J.J.'s trying
to rip you off!
358
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,573
What? No.
He's gonna make me
into a ringtone!
359
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,366
Yeah, he's T-Jam's manager.
360
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,771
He was T-Jam's dog walker.
361
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,372
And he got fired 'cause
he lost the dog!
362
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,943
He can't make you famous.
363
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,584
He's just gonna sell you
a cheap video that I could
make with a cell phone.
364
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,340
Hey...
365
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,624
Tony, right?
366
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,288
I'm still waiting to hear
back from the label
about your demo.
367
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,660
This young man?
Like an angel on kazoo!
368
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:24,690
I mean,
I get shivers!
369
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,434
I can't believe
we were gonna give
this guy $1,200.
370
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,262
Were gonna?
Are gonna!
371
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,528
Not gonna!
372
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,265
So you haven't paid him
anything yet?
373
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,402
We were supposed to pay him
after we shot the video,
374
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,307
but we were too
self-centered and childish
to get anything done.
375
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:44,411
So, ha-ha!
376
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,654
PrRight! What's up?m!
377
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,649
Who needs you?
378
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,581
I still got Tony here.
379
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:53,317
All he needs
is a new demo,
and look out.
380
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:57,823
Who's the most famous
kazoo player in the
history of everything?
381
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:58,857
Tony!
382
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,561
You really think so?
'Cause I've been working
on some new tunes...
383
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,526
Great, I'll take
a debit card.
384
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,295
Come on, kazoo boy.
385
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,395
Hey! It doesn't even
have to be yours!
386
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,310
* A cowboy hat
he put a rope around my heart
387
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:21,475
* And everything was awesome
at the start
388
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:24,754
* Then he kissed
a bleach blonde waitress
389
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:25,954
* And I saw through
his disguise
390
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:30,855
* Oh, I've had it up to here
with these Texas guys
391
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:35,560
* So now I'm here in NYC
392
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:39,725
* Gonna find a guy
who's only into me
393
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:45,874
* The Lone Star State is great
but I've said my goodbyes
394
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:50,335
* I've had it up to here
with those Texas guys
395
00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:53,907
* I've had it up to here
with those Texas guys *
396
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:00,449
Tony, that was awesome.
397
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:03,417
Wow, you really are
an angel on the kazoo.
398
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:05,891
It's a gift.
399
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:09,895
Well, I'm still wiped out
from my day off.
400
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,699
So I'm gonna go up to my room.
401
00:22:11,731 --> 00:22:12,061
I'll come too!
402
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,798
As will I!
403
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:14,903
WaI'm in!me!
404
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:15,844
I wanna come!
405
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:15,938
I meant alone.
406
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:21,770
Can't blame a guy
for trying.
407
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:22,908
I know, right?
29691
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