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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:10,309
Guess what? Luke is
shaving for the first time!
3
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,244
His face? Both hairs?
4
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:16,215
But they are just
babies. It seems so cruel.
5
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,651
Our little Luke is growing up.
6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,254
Soon he'll be applying
to trade schools and,
7
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,790
and getting his own probation officer.
8
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:30,195
Guys, this is an important
rite of passage for Luke, okay?
9
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,331
We all need to support him.
10
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,500
(All gasping) Oh!
11
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:38,203
(All chuckling)
12
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,839
Luke, you look so handsome!
13
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,209
That shirt really
matches your blood stains.
14
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,311
What did you shave with, a cheese grater?
15
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,215
Okay, so I might have lost a little blood.
16
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,584
But that's what bath mats are for.
17
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,253
Overall, I think I nailed it.
18
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,222
Why are you all spinning around?
19
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,661
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
20
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:06,465
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
21
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,968
♪ It feels like a party every day
22
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,539
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
23
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,942
♪ But they keep on
pulling me every which way
24
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:20,245
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
25
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:24,016
♪ My whole world is
changing Turning around
26
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:28,287
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking the ground
27
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,457
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
28
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♪ And I don't want to
let them down, down, down
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♪ Hey Jessie
30
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,432
♪ Hey Jessie
31
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♪ It feels like a party every day
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♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪
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Luke, I'd like to apologize for
being so insensitive this morning,
34
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,919
so I got you an electric razor.
35
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:04,323
It won't cut you like that cheap
plastic thing Jessie gave you.
36
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:07,025
Which also had tiny leg hairs in it.
37
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,427
Ugh!
38
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My boy, welcome to the
facial hair fraternity.
39
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,667
Remember, never overdo the aftershave,
40
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,070
and be ready for the day
when the hair leaves the head
41
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:20,539
and starts growing from your nose and ears.
42
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:25,711
And in your case, shoulders.
43
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,515
Speaking of which, let's start by
trimming that neck hair of yours.
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(Whirring)
45
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,019
(Screaming) Bertram! Aah!
46
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(Gasping)
47
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Refill please.
48
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:45,564
What? What's wrong?
49
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,333
Nothing. It looks great!
Doesn't he look great, Zuri?
50
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,068
He doesn't look worse.
51
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,643
I can't believe I have to return all
these incredible wedding presents.
52
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:02,581
Alas, your dream of owning a Turkish
towel warmer will have to wait.
53
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,083
Is there anything saying I
can't keep just this one gift?
54
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,052
Only common human decency.
55
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,088
(Cell phone ringing) Oh.
56
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,558
It is Darla, your step-sister.
57
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,426
Oh. Ignore.
58
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,763
But she has gone from frenemy to family.
59
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,898
She is now framily.
60
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:23,591
I just don't have time
to deal with all of her
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00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:25,637
questions about my
husband, and my wedding...
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00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,040
How long could that take?
You have had neither.
63
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,109
Darla doesn't know that.
64
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:34,513
You neglected to tell your family
that you did not get married?
65
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,381
I told them! In Morse Code.
66
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,018
Look, if Darla finds out, then
she'll assume Brooks dumped me,
67
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,208
and I'll never hear the end of it.
68
00:03:41,239 --> 00:03:44,089
Kind of like you never let her forget
that she pushed you down a well?
69
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,758
That's different! One word, leeches.
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00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,061
(Elevator dings)
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00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:50,730
Hi, Tony.
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00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:53,428
Hey. I'm here to ship
out the wedding presents.
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00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,902
(Grunting) Whoa!
74
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,471
Did someone give you
his-and-hers anvils?
75
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,174
Not everyone was considerate enough to give
76
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:06,845
Jessie a nice, lightweight,
used take-out menu like you did.
77
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,748
That's a used take-out menu in a frame.
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00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:12,651
And it's still my favorite present.
79
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,120
I've heard it's okay to
keep one wedding gift.
80
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,788
I hope you'll choose this one.
81
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,591
Aww. Of course I will.
82
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,860
But this was really more
of a pre-wedding gesture.
83
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,562
So the towel warmer stays.
84
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,169
(Both laughing)
85
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,674
What happened?
86
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,636
You look like you got in
a fight with a lawnmower.
87
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,146
(Screaming)
88
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,917
Bertram must've done
this when he shaved me!
89
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,086
Bertram was shaving you?
90
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,188
What goes on in that
house when I'm not there?
91
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:55,060
I can't believe he and Zuri just let
me walk outside looking like an idiot.
92
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,828
You always look like an idiot.
93
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,830
Now you just look like an
idiot with a bad haircut.
94
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:08,073
I really think you should just tell
Darla you did not get married.
95
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:11,243
After all, you always tell
us, honesty is the best policy.
96
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,944
Mmm, not with Darla.
97
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,013
One time, she took a picture
of me in my training bra,
98
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,815
and put it where everyone could see it.
99
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,150
On the Internet?
100
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,018
No, on the base water tower.
101
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:24,022
And they say Texas is flat.
102
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,024
It's not like I'm ever gonna
run into Darla in New York City.
103
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,626
(Elevator bell dings)
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00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:29,961
(Gasps)
105
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,130
Howdy, step-sissy!
106
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,999
Darla?
107
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,768
Wh... Why doesn't this ever happen
when I mention Channing Tatum?
108
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,205
Jessie, I called you, like, 50 times.
109
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,007
Why didn't you pick up?
110
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,077
It's not like you have any
friends keeping you busy.
111
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,147
Well, with enemies like
you, who needs friends?
112
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,650
Good one, Jessie! Thank you.
113
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,020
Hi, there! Who's this little fella?
114
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,955
That's Ravi. You've already met him.
115
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,558
Texas? Your mother's wedding?
116
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,760
His giant lizard briefly dated your dog?
117
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,197
Oh, yeah! Of course!
118
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,233
(Laughs) That was creepy.
119
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:11,737
Sorry I missed your calls,
Darla. My phone's not working.
120
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,105
(Cell phone ringing)
121
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:14,106
Huh.
122
00:06:14,108 --> 00:06:16,942
Hmm.
123
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,210
You can't hear that?
124
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,011
What? Um...
125
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:20,733
Oh, you know what?
126
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,981
Sorry, I thought it was
the ringing in my head.
127
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,984
It's been there ever since
you threw me down that well!
128
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:30,689
Wow, it took only two minutes
for you to bring that up.
129
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,191
Well, it took two days
for them to bring me up.
130
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,662
So, don't you need to be getting back
131
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,832
to the airport to catch a
plane, or a flying monkey?
132
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,335
Actually, I have a two-night layover,
133
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:46,938
and I'm spending all of it with
you and your brand new hubby.
134
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,708
Great.
135
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,977
Um, actually, the wedding was can...
136
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,147
Candle-lit like a dream.
137
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:57,215
Hey, where's your wedding ring?
138
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:03,989
When you first posted a picture of it,
I was like, "Wow, that is so fake."
139
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,057
(Elevator dings)
140
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:09,761
Oh, oh, it's real, and
it's at a photo shoot.
141
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,097
For the cover of BQ magazine.
142
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,999
BQ? Bling Quarterly.
143
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,101
Aah!
144
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,104
Uh-huh. And where's Brooks?
145
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:25,043
On the cover of IHQ?
Imaginary Husband Quarterly?
146
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,079
That's ridiculous. Whoever
heard of that magazine?
147
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,682
Sweetie, Brooks doesn't exist, does he?
148
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,751
You made him up so you could feel special,
149
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,921
just like you made up having
a Valentine every year.
150
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:38,023
Hey, dads count!
151
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:43,328
And BTW, here comes my hunky husband now.
152
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:47,098
Darla, meet Brooks!
153
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,000
Doo-doo, meet fan.
154
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,843
Luke: Bertram! Zuri!
155
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,211
Both: Hide!
156
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,080
(Whimpering)
157
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,120
Hello.
158
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:16,294
So, Bertram, why didn't you tell
me you carved a moat in my hair?
159
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,898
I was hoping you wouldn't notice.
160
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,402
I'm gonna get you back for this, Bertram.
161
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,971
Huh?
162
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:29,040
You won't know how or
when, but it will happen.
163
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,910
Yeah. And that goes for you, too, Zuri.
164
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,814
Zuri: There's no Zuri here!
165
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,449
Just us pots and pans.
166
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,218
Ow! And a corkscrew.
167
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,156
Wow! Jessie!
168
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,926
This place is way too nice for you.
169
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:50,382
You, too.
170
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:54,229
Why don't you go check into the
Budget Hut on Queens Boulevard?
171
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,902
That place is nice!
172
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,837
They wash the sheets after every guest.
173
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:02,507
As if you would stay there.
174
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:07,012
You, Brooks Wentworth III,
my rich, perfect husband.
175
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,348
Jessie, are you okay?
176
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,151
Yes! I'm just nuts about you, Brooks!
177
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,153
And so are all of the kids.
178
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,188
(Chuckles nervously) It is true.
179
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,057
We are cray-cray about Brooks.
180
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,725
(Whispers) I feel so dirty.
181
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:27,165
Yes. Darla does look dirty.
182
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,235
Why don't you show her up to the
guest room so she can freshen up?
183
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,003
I don't think that's necessary.
184
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,306
(Sniffs) I do.
185
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:40,111
I do not smell anything.
186
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,213
Except a stinking lie!
187
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,752
Are you guys rehearsing some
weird play I don't know about?
188
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,922
Look, I don't want Darla to
know I didn't get married,
189
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,091
so I need you to pretend to
be Brooks until she leaves.
190
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,926
Please?
191
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,162
Jessie, I don't know how
to fake being a rich guy.
192
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,531
The last time I opened my
wallet, a moth flew out!
193
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,033
It's nothing you can't learn.
194
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:05,036
And luckily for you, I
know the perfect teacher.
195
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,272
Welcome to Faking Wealth 101.
196
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,775
In this class, you'll go
from sad-sack to NASDAQ!
197
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:14,179
I have no idea what that means.
198
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:18,249
It means we have a lot of work to do.
199
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,286
Jessie! Oh!
200
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,455
Look at what Bertram and Zuri did to me!
201
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,891
You could land a toy plane on my head!
202
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,127
Great! Hours of fun for
everyone. I'm busy here.
203
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,162
What? What? But...
204
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,797
Okay, fine.
205
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,532
You get started without
me. I'll be right back.
206
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,501
Come on!
207
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,570
Is that the new rich guy hairdo?
208
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,805
'Cause if so, that is a deal-breaker.
209
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,387
So, Jessie, your solution
is tagging my head?
210
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,190
I'm gonna be the laughing
stock of the tenth grade.
211
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,752
On the bright side, now Ravi will
have someone to eat lunch with.
212
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:07,866
Okay, Luke, you know, you're
a man who shaves now,
213
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,367
so you can make your own decisions...
214
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:13,038
Oh, I have. I'm gonna
destroy Zuri and Bertram.
215
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,106
Luke, please don't retaliate.
216
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:16,374
Why not?
217
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,476
Because it's childish and petty.
218
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,846
Now if you'll excuse me,
219
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,049
I have to go make Darla eat
her rotten little heart out.
220
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:29,020
Hey, we're going to dinner
with Darla in an hour.
221
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,455
So, how's it going?
222
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,391
Whoa, Tony, you're
really working up a sweat.
223
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,393
It's not sweat.
224
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,429
What's your name?
225
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,963
Tony!
226
00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:44,402
No! For the tenth time,
your name is Brooks!
227
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,271
Hey, that's mean.
228
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:49,541
He's doing his best. Hang on, let me try.
229
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:53,445
Brooks, what is the most valuable
painting in your collection?
230
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,981
I don't know. Dogs Playing Poker?
231
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,323
(Both screaming)
232
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,891
Stay away from us!
233
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,227
I've got a spatula here,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
234
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:12,597
I just came in to watch TV.
235
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,499
What's on?
236
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,435
Coronary Country Cookin'.
237
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,539
They're making squirrel sausage
with a road kill reduction.
238
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,643
You look great, Luke.
239
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,613
That shirt really goes with
your very life-like liquid hair.
240
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,215
Oh.
241
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,684
Uh, now, is that matte or semi-gloss?
242
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,122
The TV is all yours, Luke.
243
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,057
You can watch anything you want.
244
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,925
Maybe you'd like a foot massage?
245
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,260
Give him a foot massage!
246
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,036
Why me?
247
00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:46,131
You're younger! You have more
years to forget the horror!
248
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,601
Well, you're older, so you have less
time to be haunted by the memory!
249
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,939
You know, my feet are a little tired.
250
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,275
A massage sounds lovely.
251
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,713
Mmm. Ew.
252
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:05,216
Couldn't you have trimmed his toe
hair while you had the razor out?
253
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:10,054
I mean, you should be a foot model.
254
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,379
Guys, relax.
255
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:17,061
Jessie said I shouldn't retaliate
against you, and she's right.
256
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,364
So you mean you're not gonna get us back?
257
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:22,267
No, of course not. I'm not a child.
258
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,135
(Sighs)
259
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,637
You guys have a nice night.
260
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,078
Luke isn't done with us yet.
261
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,216
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
262
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,252
You should know. All your
dishes are served cold.
263
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,160
I can see why Jessie likes this place.
264
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:53,731
She's partial to food in baskets, being
from a long line of carnival workers.
265
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,669
Not a long line.
266
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,505
One uncle.
267
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,308
And he ran the most honest
bean-bag toss on the midway.
268
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:08,646
I, for one, am proud that our
five kids will be part carny.
269
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:12,050
Wow, five kids?
270
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,320
Yeah. Teresa, Angela-Marie,
Vinny, Carmella, and Tony Junior.
271
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:18,122
(Clears throats) I mean, Brooks Junior.
272
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,258
Yeah. The Fourth.
273
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,662
Your free-range corndogs are almost ready.
274
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,731
While you're waiting, maybe
Brooks could tell Darla
275
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,200
two or three fun things
about his college days.
276
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,269
Yeah, Brooks is a Harvard grad.
277
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,372
Wow! I keep telling
Jessie to get an education.
278
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,174
I loved college.
279
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,309
Flight attendant school is not college.
280
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,413
Then why did I get a diploma,
and tiny little wings?
281
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,817
That's between you and Dustbowl Airlines.
282
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,821
So, Brooks, did you like Harvard?
283
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,423
Loved it. It was the
best two years of my life.
284
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,325
Mmm-mmm. One year? 18 months?
285
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,329
He graduated early.
286
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,532
Yeah, he's so smart that he
didn't need all four years.
287
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:05,336
Which, as everyone knows,
is how long college takes.
288
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,808
(Chuckles) Jessie, may I have a quick word?
289
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:16,648
Excuse me. Oh, sweetie, while I'm gone,
why don't you let Darla do all the talking?
290
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:21,286
So, Jessie tells me you own an airline?
291
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:24,856
I do? Boy, am I rich!
292
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,192
I really hope Tony doesn't mess this up.
293
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,696
Speaking of mess-ups, if you wanted
Tony to sound like a Harvard grad,
294
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,232
you should not have
asked Emma to coach him.
295
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:44,208
Just tell Darla the truth.
296
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,877
What, that she's a banshee
with a beverage cart?
297
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:47,845
The middle seat of people?
298
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,214
Oh, you mean about Brooks?
No, not gonna happen.
299
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,618
Jessie, you married the perfect guy!
300
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,254
I love you both! I'll be right back.
301
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:57,322
What? Ugh!
302
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,960
(Chuckles) Okay! Whatever
you said, you are a genius.
303
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,962
You're the witch whisperer.
304
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:07,598
Thanks! All I did is offer
her a job at my airline.
305
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,269
What? You can't do that!
306
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:15,206
Yes, I can. I own the company!
307
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:19,243
No, Brooks owns the company!
You're not Brooks, you're Tony.
308
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,646
Well, I wish you would make up your mind!
309
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,581
Where's a spray bottle when you need one?
310
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,187
Thank you.
311
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:39,163
Jessie, you don't seem very
excited about my new job.
312
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,232
Look, Darla, there's
no easy way to say this,
313
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,768
but Brooks is...
314
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:47,205
A terrible boss. I can't
let you work for him.
315
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,675
What? But he seems like an absolute angel.
316
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,244
Thank you, Darla.
317
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:57,382
Well, he's not. He has a horrible
memory, lousy taste in art,
318
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,251
and cannot follow simple,
clear instructions.
319
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,754
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
320
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:04,889
Well, your step-sister
can be very ungrateful,
321
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:09,260
even when someone is doing
her a huge, huge favor.
322
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,895
She's always been selfish.
323
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:14,532
One time, she threw herself down
a well just to get attention.
324
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:19,971
Yes, who wouldn't want
to be seen on national TV,
325
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:22,407
fishing a leech out of their underpants?
326
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,944
I just felt bad for that poor leech.
327
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,947
Whoa! Whoa!
328
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:37,989
Brooks, just tell Darla
she can't work for you.
329
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,924
How mean can you be?
330
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,994
This from the girl who told me
a hornet's nest was a pinata.
331
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:49,300
Well, it was filled with
lots of little surprises.
332
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:55,740
Brooks, I just hope you got a pre-nup,
because you could do a lot better.
333
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,275
You know what? That's it!
334
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,477
Why am I still trying to impress you?
335
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:04,082
Uh, all of our lives, I have been
so worried what you think about me.
336
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,750
But why should I care what you think?
337
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,019
I mean, you're mean and petty.
338
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:09,954
Cinderella had nicer step-sisters!
339
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,658
What are you babbling about?
340
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:17,328
Okay, the truth is Brooks
and I didn't get married.
341
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:18,930
Finally!
342
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:26,304
So, Brooks, does that
mean you're available?
343
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,272
This isn't Brooks. This is Tony.
344
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:31,342
Tony the doorman?
345
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,710
So you've heard of me?
346
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,448
So you made all of this
up? What's going on here?
347
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,951
Uh, I was engaged to a
billionaire named Brooks,
348
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,620
but I called it all off at the last minute.
349
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,956
I didn't want to tell you, because
even though I didn't get dumped,
350
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,291
I knew you would still rub my nose in it.
351
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,427
I don't rub your nose in things.
352
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,663
Have I said one word about your
pathetic excuse for an acting career?
353
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,533
Uh, you just did.
354
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,870
Well, you deserved it because
you made me quit my job.
355
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:01,372
Okay, actually, uh, I do
feel really bad about that.
356
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,040
Maybe you can get it back.
357
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:07,378
Oh, I don't think so. Um,
here's the text I sent my boss.
358
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,350
Whoa!
359
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,353
Are you sure you're not from Jersey?
360
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:21,459
Darla, how can I make this up to you?
361
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,995
(Elevator dings) Well, you can
start by giving me that watch.
362
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,831
And that necklace.
363
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,699
And those earrings.
364
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,968
And your shoes.
365
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,770
Wha... Wait! But we don't
even have the same size feet!
366
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,773
I know. I just need something
huge to put all this stuff in.
367
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,580
Let this be a lesson to you, Ravi.
368
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,749
Lying is never the answer.
369
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,084
Yes, when will I ever learn?
370
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:53,624
(Sighs)
371
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:57,895
I wish Luke would just take his
revenge and get this over with!
372
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,363
The waiting is torture!
373
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:03,801
I know! I haven't closed my eyes
once, even when I'm napping!
374
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,037
Yeah, and it's really creepy looking.
375
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,039
This afternoon, I thought you were dead.
376
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,908
And you didn't call someone?
377
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:15,947
What do you think, I have
the coroner on speed dial?
378
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,116
(All screaming)
379
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,085
Man, you guys are jumpy.
380
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,087
I told you, you're forgiven.
381
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,056
Oh! By the way, Tony sent these up for you.
382
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,691
I'm not touching that thing!
383
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:27,959
What is it, itching powder?
384
00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:30,094
Or a bunch of fake snakes about to pop out.
385
00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,396
Beats me. What you
ordered is your business.
386
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,165
Stand back! I'll take care of this.
387
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,867
You can't fool us!
388
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,172
Wow! You guys really
don't like getting mail!
389
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:47,845
Wha... Oh, no. Oh, no!
390
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,181
My One Direction nesting dolls!
391
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:53,985
I just annihilated Niall!
392
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,062
(Gasps)
393
00:20:57,093 --> 00:21:00,988
My Dolly Parton, Best
Little Dollhouse in Texas!
394
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,094
No!
395
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:04,962
(Sobbing)
396
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,699
Huh. Jessie was right
about not retaliating.
397
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,702
All I had to do was wait, and
your own paranoia destroyed you.
398
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:14,071
Maturity rocks!
399
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,810
We just got outwitted by Luke.
400
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,046
I've never been more ashamed.
401
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,848
We both know that's not true.
402
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:30,988
Hey, Tony.
403
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,024
Hey. Sorry I messed up your plan.
404
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:34,525
I'm not a very good actor.
405
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,963
When I was a cow in the third grade
play, I forgot my line. It was, "Meow."
406
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,032
You, you mean, "Moo"?
407
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:43,100
Ah, man!
408
00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:45,503
See?
409
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,471
What I see is the sweetest,
410
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:51,575
most understanding ex-boyfriend
any girl could ever have.
411
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,078
And I should never have
asked you to be someone else.
412
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,080
You're perfect just the way you are.
413
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,649
(Elevator bell dings)
414
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,017
Ugh!
415
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,853
(Gags)
416
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:05,489
Quit the act already. Where's
a barf bag when you need one?
417
00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:10,695
So, Jessie, I guess I'll be staying
with you until I get another job.
418
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:12,763
Oh, no, no, no. No.
419
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,700
Actually, I got you your job back.
420
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,101
You did? How?
421
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,036
Well, I just called your boss,
422
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:22,239
and explained to him that you
were a deeply disturbed young woman
423
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:24,008
who's willing to take a pay cut.
424
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,244
You're welcome. Thanks for nothing.
425
00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:29,914
I'll go get my luggage.
426
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,682
Don't worry, I'll leave your shoes.
427
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,884
They won't fit in the overhead bin.
428
00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:37,221
Actually, no need to go back up.
429
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,090
Bertram is sending your luggage down.
430
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,562
How dare you?
431
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:47,598
You are never getting an
upgrade on Dustbowl Airlines.
432
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,867
That won't be a problem. I fly private.
433
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,269
Buh-bye.
Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
434
00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:00,144
Oh, Luke.
435
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:03,753
Now that you're finally old enough,
I have a sweet surprise for you.
436
00:23:03,784 --> 00:23:06,714
All right! All my begging
has finally paid off!
437
00:23:07,619 --> 00:23:08,786
Mmm...
438
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:12,637
Oh.
439
00:23:12,668 --> 00:23:16,293
Look, this shaving kit used to be my dad's.
440
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:18,796
And now that you're finally becoming a man,
441
00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,031
I want you to have it.
442
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:23,901
Oh, this is cool! What do I shave with?
443
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,936
Oh, that's the best part.
444
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:28,038
With this bad boy right here!
33490
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