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1
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:08,590
♪♪
2
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:09,986
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,922
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,631
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,467
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
6
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:18,600
Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,385
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
8
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,178
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,224
Les: ♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,120
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
11
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,838
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,570
Les: ♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
13
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,693
♪♪
14
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,533
[ Gunshots, screaming ]
15
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:45,703
[ Alarm rings ]
16
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,919
[ Gunshots, screaming continue ]
17
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,051
Mayor: People, it's time
we faced some hard truths.
18
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,462
The town is looking to us
for answers,
19
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,177
and all we keep doing
is burying our heads.
20
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,468
We need to cut the budget for
this year's Christmas pageant.
21
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,728
[ Dramatic music plays ]
22
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,479
My God.
23
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,062
I've asked the director
of the holiday show to stop by
24
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,101
so we can all
give him the news.
25
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,111
He's not going
to take this well.
26
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,988
If he doesn't,
we should just let him go.
27
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,648
God knows
it's about time.
28
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,567
Hey, a lot of people
like him, all right?
29
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,861
Yeah, and lot of people
think he stinks.
30
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,324
Let's just
get this over with.
31
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,498
All right, send him in.
32
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,497
[ Door opens ]
33
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,954
Howwwwdy ho!
34
00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:27,460
You wanted to see me?
35
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:28,870
Better hurry.
36
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,881
We only have two months
before Christmas!
37
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,588
Mr. Hankey, we called you in
to let you know that
38
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,128
your Christmas-pageant funding
has been cut.
39
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,046
By half.
40
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,636
What?
41
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,552
But I can barely make a good
Christmas show with what I have!
42
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:45,809
We just don't have the support
for the Christmas show
43
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,305
that we used to.
44
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:50,020
The truth is,
some people find you offensive.
45
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,777
Offensive?
What about me is offensive?
46
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,859
Some people think
that shit
47
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,990
isn't the best representation
of Christmas.
48
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,743
You... You people
can't do this.
49
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,778
Christmas is the most magical
time of the year.
50
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,538
The decision has
already been made.
51
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,542
Thank you, Mr. Hankey,
and good luck with the show.
52
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,543
[ Police radio chatter ]
53
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:14,174
[ Bad version
of "Deck the Halls" playing ]
54
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:17,677
♪♪
55
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,553
[ Baton tapping ]
56
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,180
Okay, stop.
57
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,013
Kids, the song's called
"Deck the Halls,"
58
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,927
not "Let's All Suck Balls."
59
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,515
Now, come on, kids.
60
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,271
Why do we have
to do this now?
61
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,977
Yeah, It's not even
Halloween yet.
62
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,894
Restoration Hardware put up
their Christmas decorations
63
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,154
two weeks ago, all right?!
64
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,940
Now, listen,
I didn't want this, either.
65
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,483
I wanted the Denver Symphony.
66
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,119
But they cut my budget,
and I'm stuck with you.
67
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,154
Now, let's take it
from the top!
68
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,664
[ Baton tapping ]
69
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,576
[ Military drums playing ]
70
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,878
[ Sighs ]
71
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,342
Vice Principal Strong Woman?
72
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,257
Yes, PC Principal?
73
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,471
I was seeing
if there's anything
74
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,228
you might want
to discuss with me.
75
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,061
What would we
need to discuss?
76
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,818
I am so sorry that I took
advantage of my position
77
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,980
and manipulated you
into a physical encounter.
78
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,194
Hey, I am a strong woman,
all right?
79
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,700
I don't get manipulated.
80
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,201
We both are guilty
81
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,704
of an ill-advised relationship
at the workplace,
82
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,989
but that was long ago,
83
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,998
and I have decided
to move forward.
84
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,080
Are you sure
we can move forward?
85
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:35,122
Why not? We make a mistake,
we move forward.
86
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,712
I was just thinking there might
still possibly be some fallout from...
87
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,842
Nope. We're just
gonna forget about it
88
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,012
and put it to rest.
89
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,762
You don't think
there's anything else
90
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:44,932
to dis... to discuss?
91
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,266
No, I don't.
Bye-bye.
92
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,762
[ Exhales sharply ]
93
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,861
[ All knocking on door ]
94
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,116
Dude. Kyle.
Dude.
95
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,948
Dude.
- What?
96
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,238
Did you read what Mr. Hankey
tweeted last night?
97
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,247
What Mr. Hankey tweeted?
98
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,953
Yeah, I guess
after band rehearsals,
99
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,527
he went on Twitter
to talk about us.
100
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,123
Look.
101
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,880
Oh.
Jesus Christ, dude.
102
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,129
[ Sewing machine clicking ]
103
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,049
♪ Santa Claus is on his way ♪
104
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,506
♪ He's loaded goodies
on his sleigh ♪
105
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,512
♪ He'll drop 'em off
on Christmas Day ♪
106
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,682
Mr. Hankey?
107
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:27,803
Oh, Kyle!
108
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,842
Howwwwwdy ho!
109
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,353
Mr. Hankey,
everyone's really mad at you.
110
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,434
Were you on Twitter
last night?
111
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,941
Yeeeahhhh.
112
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,897
Did you tweet,
"The kids of South Park
113
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,107
are retarded homos
who can't play music"?
114
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,115
Eeeeeyeeaaahhhhh.
115
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,324
Why would you tweet that?!
116
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,905
All the kids
are really pissed off!
117
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,445
It was a bad attempt at a joke.
I'm sorry.
118
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,331
Will you please tell the kids
I didn't mean it?
119
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:53,787
What do you want me to say?
120
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,327
The fact is,
I couldn't sleep last night,
121
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,871
so I took some Ambien.
122
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,334
You ever take that stuff?
123
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,670
It turns your brains
into oatmeal.
124
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:05,177
Please, Kyle, tell the kids
I didn't mean any harm.
125
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,179
We've gotta focus
on Christmas!
126
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:11,305
All right, everyone,
listen up.
127
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,346
The vice principal has asked
to speak with you today.
128
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,311
She believes it is time
that we all as a school
129
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,976
finally discussed
in vitro fertilization.
130
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,610
That's right, kids.
131
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,272
Many women today make
the choice to have children
132
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,406
without a man
in their lives.
133
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,112
They can have
their eggs fertilized
134
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,994
by an unknown person's sperm
in a lab.
135
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,245
That's right,
Strong Woman.
136
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,215
In today's society,
it is wrong to just assume
137
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,229
that a pregnant woman
had intercourse with a man.
138
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,210
[ Groans ]
139
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,246
St-Students at this school
need to be careful,
140
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,463
because
it can be offensive
141
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,027
to asks questions like
"Who's the father?"
142
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,008
[ Groans ]
143
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,405
You... You all right,
Strong Woman?
144
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,341
I'm fine.
145
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,235
So... So, we'd like
to have all our students
146
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,515
talk to their parents
tonight
147
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,642
about in vitro fertilization,
and after that,
148
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,895
let's just put
the whole issue behind us.
149
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,397
[ Gurgle, gush ]
150
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,065
That's my water breaking.
151
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,571
Not a big deal.
152
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,357
[ Gurgle, gush ]
153
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,696
[ Hammer tapping ]
154
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,236
♪ Christmas time ♪
155
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,995
♪ It's Christmas time ♪
156
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,371
♪ Christmas time ♪
157
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,702
♪ Yeah, Christmas time ♪
158
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,788
Hankey!
159
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,203
We need to talk
about what you tweeted!
160
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,043
Oh, I'm so sorry.
161
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,582
I took Ambien
two nights ago,
162
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,967
and I called the schoolkids
homos.
163
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,005
No, I'm talking about
what you tweeted last night.
164
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,422
"The city council members
165
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,092
are a bunch of
pussy-licking Islamists."
166
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:37,137
Oh. Oh, geez.
Did I say that?
167
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,806
Listen, if you're tired
and you can't sleep,
168
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,690
do not take Ambien.
169
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,192
Okay?
Whew!
170
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,229
I'm afraid we have no other
option but to fire you
171
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,023
as executive planning manager
of the city council.
172
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,987
Fire me?
173
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,948
No, no, no, please.
I'm really sorry.
174
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,363
No, wait!
Wait!
175
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:56,872
Please give me
another chance.
176
00:06:57,042 --> 00:07:00,285
Don't do this!
What about Christmas?
177
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,356
It's okay.
We'll be at the hospital soon.
178
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,710
Just keep breathing.
179
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,841
[ Breathing heavily ]
I didn't need your help.
180
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,924
I'm just a co-worker helping
another co-worker in need.
181
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,214
Yeah, well, people
might get the wrong idea!
182
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,053
I have worked
my whole life
183
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,683
to be the strongest woman
possible...
184
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:20,017
a person little girls
could look up to.
185
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,182
If those girls thought
that I was the type
186
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,146
to get knocked up
by my boss...
187
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:27,187
I certainly do not want to put
any pressures on you as a female,
188
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,606
but at times I wonder if there
is more we should discuss.
189
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,615
There's nothing
to discuss!
190
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:35,449
I made a mistake,
and I am moving forward!
191
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,707
My civil rights
are under attack.
192
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,994
They can't just fire me
from the Christmas show!
193
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,753
The whole thing
is my creation!
194
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,506
Uh, last night,
you tweeted,
195
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:51,135
"The city council
can suck my Mexican dick."
196
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,261
It was a joke.
197
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,388
Look at me!
I don't even have a dick!
198
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,424
Get it?
199
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,015
Okay, okay, look, I know...
It wasn't a good joke.
200
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,724
But it really wasn't
my fault.
201
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,437
The fact is, I went home
last night, and I was angry.
202
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,273
I couldn't sleep,
so I took some Ambien.
203
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,153
And then I started tweeting.
204
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,781
Ambien messes with my head.
You ever take that crap?
205
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,863
You want us to take this up
against Ambien?
206
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,777
They have the best lawyers
in the world.
207
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,446
Well, I thought
maybe I could get them
208
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,364
in a defecation lawsuit.
209
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:21,703
[ Door slams ]
210
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,208
Argh.
211
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,335
And I never, ever would've
said those things
212
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,621
about the city council,
213
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,915
but the Ambien makes me
kind of black out.
214
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:32,176
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't
represent pieces of shit.
215
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,881
Why not?
216
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:34,795
[ Door slams ]
217
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:35,804
Argh.
218
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,465
And I just thought
maybe we could
219
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,804
convince the city council
to hire me back.
220
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,641
Look, I'm sorry,
but I learned a long time ago
221
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:45,181
that if you defend poop,
you get stained.
222
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,940
[ Door slams ]
223
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,272
Mr. Hankey?
224
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,066
Oh. Kyle.
225
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,485
[ Sadly ]
Howwwwdy ho.
226
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:58,448
What are
you doing here?
227
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,533
Just trying
to find some help.
228
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:04,075
There isn't a lawyer in town
who will take me.
229
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,494
Wait a minute... You!
230
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,253
You're the son
of a lawyer.
231
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,460
You have lawyer blood
inside your veins!
232
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,216
You can help me with
my defecation lawsuit, Kyle!
233
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,922
Me?
What can I do?
234
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,337
Please, Kyle.
235
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,631
You're the only person left
who can help me.
236
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,846
You and me, pal,
we are gonna fight the system!
237
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,020
[ Intercom beeps ]
238
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,640
Paging Dr. Bender.
239
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,147
Your vice principal gave birth
to all five babies
240
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,524
with no epidural.
241
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,605
I must say,
she's a very strong woman.
242
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,986
That she is.
243
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,647
The quintuplets are all healthy
and resting away.
244
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,487
There are her babies
right there.
245
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,368
Oh, dude.
Bro.
246
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,498
Yes, cute, little buggers,
aren't they?
247
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,875
Three boys
and two girls.
248
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,503
I think it's wrong to force
gender specification upon them
249
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:50,753
at this young age.
250
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,041
Funny. That's exactly what
their mother said.
251
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,301
The quints are all
Caucasian, blue-eyed,
252
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,927
and something
kind of weird.
253
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,258
What's that?
254
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,764
Well, the babies are all
extremely PC,
255
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,425
the likes of which
I have never seen.
256
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,934
Watch this.
[ Intercom clicks ]
257
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,498
[ Over microphone ] Three
black guys walk into a bar...
258
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:09,357
[ Babies crying ]
259
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,526
It's okay!
It's okay!
260
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,183
They left!
They left!
261
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,603
[ Crying stops ]
262
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,693
Doctor, would it
be possible for me
263
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,574
to hold the PC Babies?
264
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,282
I'm sorry. That's only for
the mother and father.
265
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,162
Though, according
to the vice principal,
266
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,791
the father doesn't
even exist.
267
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,795
[ Ball dribbling ]
268
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,965
[ Backboard rattles ]
269
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,340
You guys!
Hey, guys!
270
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,466
I think I figured it out.
- What?
271
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,252
How to get Mr. Hankey
another chance.
272
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,825
There's by-laws
in the city council
273
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,090
that community service leaders
274
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,702
can't be terminated
without a hearing.
275
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,843
I need you guys there
as character witnesses.
276
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,431
N-N-Nope.
277
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:48,937
Not getting
the stink on me.
278
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,848
He has a right
to be heard.
279
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,732
He's meant a lot
to this town.
280
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,609
Dude, why do you keep
defending him, Kyle?
281
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,139
Yeah, you know everyone in town
thinks he's a piece of shit.
282
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,032
Come on, guys.
We can't just turn our backs.
283
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,784
How many times has Mr. Hankey
been there for us?
284
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,536
Mmm, once,
kind of?
285
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,914
Look, he messed up,
286
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,435
but I don't know
if he deserves everything
287
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,478
that's coming down on him.
288
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,118
I wanna stand
by my friend.
289
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:15,461
Mm, let's see how
that goes for you in 2018.
290
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:16,794
[ Rim rattles ]
291
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,097
Vice Principal?
292
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,758
My babies!
Where are they?
293
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,346
Shh. It's okay.
The babies are fine.
294
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,603
Resting in the nursery.
295
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,479
They're the most...
[Voice breaking]
296
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,481
They're the most PC babies
I've ever seen.
297
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,767
You shouldn't be here.
298
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,480
People will start
getting suspicious!
299
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,316
Look, I was the one
who abused my position
300
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,717
and took advantage
of a subordinate...
301
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,510
Nobody took advantage of me!
- Not took advantage.
302
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,137
You know what I'm saying.
- And I'm a strong woman!
303
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,618
All I want to do
is help.
304
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,403
We can say
I'm the manny.
305
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,061
And if anyone has
a problem with that,
306
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,226
then they have a problem
with gender biases,
307
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,536
and they can
take it up with me!
308
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,043
We can keep the truth about
the babies totally hidden.
309
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,580
Oh, yes, that curriculum
should be fine
310
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:56,873
for the students.
311
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,133
I'll start working
on an all-school proposal.
312
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,838
Oh, yes, very good,
Vice Principal.
313
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,095
See that it is done
by back-to-school night.
314
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,264
All right, Mommy!
315
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,830
Your little bundles of joys
are here.
316
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,391
Oh, and who's this.
317
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,846
I am the manny.
318
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,122
Anyone have a problem
with that?
319
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,808
[ Chuckling ]
No, not at all.
320
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,267
Everything good here?
321
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,557
[ Cries ]
322
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,691
[ Babies cry ]
323
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,477
Aw! Are these
PC babies?
324
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,362
[ Crying continues ]
325
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:24,275
And now, live from
the town courthouse,
326
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,990
It's the Hankey Hearings
on South Park 13.
327
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,702
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Gavel bangs ]
328
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,207
Mr. Hankey?
329
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,209
[ Sniffles loudly ]
330
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,247
14 hours ago,
did you or did you not say,
331
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:40,837
"Everyone in South Park
is a goddamn douche bag"?
332
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,217
Yes.
333
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:45,346
That was a bad attempt
at a Christmas joke.
334
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,258
But there's nothing in
that statement about Christmas.
335
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:51,017
That's was I said,
it was a bad attempt.
336
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,974
What part of the statement
was actually...
337
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:56,140
You wanna hear
a good Christmas joke?
338
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,104
In 2005, you said that...
339
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,736
[ Sniffles loudly ]
340
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,521
You said that you had
no recollection...
341
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,065
[ Sniffles loudly ]
342
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,154
Sorry.
I got the sniffles.
343
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,943
Mr. Hankey,
do you understand
344
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,578
how important
these statements are
345
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,363
to the citizens
of this town?
346
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:14,750
All I understand is, it's only
eight weeks until Christmas.
347
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,785
If we don't stop
wasting our time,
348
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,079
we're all gonna
miss out
349
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:21,294
on the most magical part
of the whole year.
350
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,584
What did you mean last night
when you tweeted,
351
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:27,471
"The Mayor of South Park is
a titless whore"?
352
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,676
[ Loud thud ]
353
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:31,058
Oh, come on!
It was a joke!
354
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,308
That's it! That's it.
355
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,310
I've had enough of this
whole fucking sham!
356
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,268
Fuck all you
and fuck this whole system!
357
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,899
It's Christmastime!
358
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,353
It's okay.
359
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,530
Shh.
360
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,196
We just need to get
some diapers.
361
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,197
Shh.
362
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,734
Oh, what adorable
little babies!
363
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,992
Thank you.
364
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,997
My, they look very PC!
365
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:53,872
Oh no, no.
366
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,408
They're not very PC, at all.
367
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,622
Aww!
Look at the PC babies!
368
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,286
They actually aren't PC.
369
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,545
No?
370
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,173
Did you hear Monica Lewinsky's
becoming a Republican?
371
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,505
The Democrats left a bad taste
in her mouth.
372
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,546
[ Babies cry ]
[ Laughter ]
373
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,090
Oh, God. Shhhh!
No, no, no, no, no!
374
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,974
Shhhh!
- Is everything all right?
375
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:16,182
Oh, look! More PC babies!
They're everywhere!
376
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,063
I told you we need to
shop separately!
377
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,894
Shh! Shh.
378
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,355
Excuse me, where is
the Oriental food aisle?
379
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,521
[ Crying intensifies ]
Shhh! Quiet! There's PC babies!
380
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,029
Gee-whiz.
381
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,910
Thanks for comin' out
with me, Kyle.
382
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,948
These days, it's like
you're my only friend.
383
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,160
So what's the plan,
huh?
384
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,058
What you got figured out
to get my job back?
385
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,542
I had a plan.
386
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,878
You decided to call the mayor
a titless whore.
387
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,419
[ Chuckles ] Oh,
it was a joke, Kyle.
388
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,462
Sometimes,
when I take Ambien,
389
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,632
I'm really groggy and moody
the next day.
390
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,809
It's a real side affect.
391
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,221
it's printed right
on the bottle!
392
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,747
[ Scoffs ] I don't know
how much longer
393
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:57,852
I can defend you.
394
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,888
People are starting
to think I'm shitty.
395
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,773
Kyle, don't you understand
this whole thing
396
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,559
is a smear campaign?
397
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,319
Why are people focusing on
a few stupid words I said
398
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,027
when Christmas is
just around the corner?!
399
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,692
It's like everyone's forgot
about what Christmas means...
400
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,405
[ Gasps ]
401
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,579
Oh, my God!
402
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,911
Kyle! That's it!
The holiday spirit!
403
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,291
It's October!
404
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,417
And that's the point!
Don't you see?
405
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,587
What we need to do
406
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,917
is get everyone
in the Christmas mood!
407
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,255
We can bring the whole spirit
of the holidays early!
408
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,428
Okay, you do that.
409
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,052
No, no, no.
Kyle, you gotta help me!
410
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:32,713
I can't do this alone.
411
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,051
I have homework
and stuff!
412
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,091
You're all I have!
413
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,851
Even my wife
left with the nuggets
414
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,039
'cause of
all the pressure!
415
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:39,598
Please!
416
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,104
Okay, fine!
417
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,105
I'll help you.
418
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,275
But listen to me,
419
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,734
I don't care how restless
you get tonight.
420
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,519
No Ambien.
421
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,405
Well, maybe just a "liddol"
if I really can't sleep.
422
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,032
No! None!
423
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,361
If you want my help
this time,
424
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,888
you aren't taking
any Ambien tonight.
425
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:55,743
That's the deal!
426
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,529
Yay! It's a deal!
427
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,744
Oh, boy!
Kyle, I'm so excited!
428
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,533
We're gonna bring
the spirit of Christmas
429
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,168
to South Park!
430
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:12,378
Aww, look at
the little PC babies!
431
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,547
Uh, no.
We're from Missouri.
432
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:17,182
I know a PC baby
when I see one!
433
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,183
[ Coddling voice ]
Who loves social justice?
434
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,470
Who's the future?
Who's the big bad future?
435
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,730
Yes, they are.
[ Giggles ]
436
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,857
Aww, PC babies!
437
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,296
All right.
Please, move along folks.
438
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,528
We don't want the babies
to get excited.
439
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:32,986
[ Synthesizer music plays ]
440
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,277
♪♪
441
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:40,824
Mr. Hankey:
Hello, South Park!
442
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,583
Come on, everybody!
Get over here!
443
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,870
Who wants to see a miracle?!
444
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,414
♪♪
445
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,503
Howwwwdy ho, everyone!
446
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,212
Guess what time it is?
447
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,218
It's Christmastime!
448
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,879
[ Fireworks whistle, explode ]
449
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,798
All: Ohhhhh.
450
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,262
♪ Deck the halls
and trim the trees ♪
451
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,224
♪ Christmastime is here ♪
452
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,889
♪ Gonna sing and flush
our worries away ♪
453
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,775
♪ It's the best time
of the year ♪
454
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,483
That's right, everybody!
Who loves the holidays?
455
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:12,897
[ Crowd cheers ]
456
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,531
Just like when Christ was born,
457
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,113
let's all be with
our mothers and fathers...
458
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,572
[ PC babies cry ]
459
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,829
Let's not forget
that boys and girls
460
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,534
all over the world are...
461
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,324
[ Crying continues ]
462
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:27,995
Hey! Hey, careful!
You're upsetting the PC babies!
463
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,583
The PC what? Listen!
464
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,124
Christmas season means
peace on earth
465
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,042
and good will towards men.
466
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,802
[ Crying intensifies ]
467
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,680
Uh, uh, look, what is
the holiday season about?
468
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,431
It's about loving each other,
right?
469
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,433
Loving and...
What?!
470
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,014
What are they
crying about now?
471
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,520
Sometimes, PC Babies
472
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,397
don't even know
what they're crying about.
473
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,559
Well, then tell the babies
to shut the fuck up!
474
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,816
[ Crowd groans, boos ]
475
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,353
Who the fuck
brings a goddamn baby
476
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,941
to a Christmas show anyway?!
477
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,481
Mr. Hankey, stop!
478
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,617
Lemme go, Kyle!
These people are idiots!
479
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,827
[ Crying continues ]
480
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:15,293
♪♪
481
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,256
Mommy,
something stinks.
482
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,264
Yeah, like shit.
483
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,924
[ Door slams ]
484
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,101
[ Horn honks ]
485
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,972
You stand up for
all pieces of crap?
486
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:28,355
Asshole!
487
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:32,985
♪♪
488
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,611
Uh-huh.
489
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,396
2018.
490
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:44,448
♪♪
491
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,332
Kyle, listen.
492
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,992
It was 3:00 a.m. last night,
493
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,127
and I still hadn't slept,
so I d...
494
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:51,912
Kyle!
495
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,500
Kyle, please!
496
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,540
They're gonna run me
out of town, Kyle.
497
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,334
They're going
to erase me
498
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,720
and everything
I ever did.
499
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,553
You want them
to erase me, too?
500
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:04,967
♪♪
501
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:09,138
Kyle... we can all be
shitty sometimes.
502
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,979
Uh...
[ Groans ]
503
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,565
♪♪
504
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,698
They're so strong...
505
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,454
like their mother.
506
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,786
They're so PC,
like...
507
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,121
whoever their father is.
508
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,378
We'll never
keep them quiet.
509
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:36,085
Our only hope is
to keep them hidden.
510
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,755
Can they ever know
that I'm their dad?
511
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,546
We did the most un-PC thing
imaginable.
512
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,010
Think about what
that would do to them.
513
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,016
We can never let them know
the debaucherous,
514
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,429
sickening circumstances that
brought them into this world.
515
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,189
Then, I'll just try to be
the best principal to them
516
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,225
that I possibly can.
517
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,895
And I'll be their strongest
vice principal,
518
00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,689
and hopefully...
the world will calm down
519
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,359
and not do anything
to upset them.
520
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,199
Today...
521
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:10,036
South Park says goodbye
to Mr. Hankey.
522
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:14,044
The longtime union of this town
and the holiday figure
523
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,250
is over for good.
524
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,132
We should all feel pretty great
about ourselves,
525
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,419
give ourselves a little,
nice pat on the back,
526
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,509
as we, as a society, continue
527
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,221
to try and sweep away
all the poop.
528
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:40,354
Well, everyone...
I guess this is goodbye.
529
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:42,443
It sure has been swell-
530
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,653
No good-byes, Hankey.
You just need to go.
531
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,443
We've already called you
a "Poober."
532
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,703
A Poober...
They have that?
533
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,115
[ Horn honks ]
534
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,079
Oh, you mean Lyft.
535
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,869
Well, okay.
Goodbye, everyone.
536
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,914
I hope I brought
a few smiles and a few laughs
537
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,548
into your hearts.
538
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,676
Goodbye,
Mr. Hankey.
539
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,187
Where will he go?
540
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:23,571
He'll have
to find a place
541
00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:26,825
that accepts racist,
awful beings like him.
542
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,485
There are still
places out there
543
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,200
who don't care about
bigotry and hate.
544
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:36,080
Howwwwwdy ho!
545
00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,835
Cool, man.
Talking crap.
546
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,166
Welcome, my friend.
547
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,626
Please,
rest your wary feet
548
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,541
and make yourself
at home here!
549
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:43,834
ALL: Hooray!
550
00:21:43,884 --> 00:21:48,434
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