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1
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:08,590
♪♪
2
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:09,986
Les:
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,922
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,631
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,467
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
6
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:18,349
Les: ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,385
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
8
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,178
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
9
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,224
Les: ♪ Headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,878
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph
mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
11
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,689
♪ Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph
mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪
12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,570
Les: ♪ Come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine ♪
13
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,032
Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.
14
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,365
Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.
15
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:43,325
We're all going.
Come on.
16
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,065
I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.
17
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,955
Church is important,
Stan.
18
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,294
Way more important
than video games and TV.
19
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,505
Church is about community
and coming together...
20
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,170
a lot of things.
21
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,839
All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.
22
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,008
Yeah.
Me, too.
23
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,051
[ Indistinct conversations ]
24
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,390
Hey, mornin', Stephen,
Linda!
25
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,021
Morning, guys.
26
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,897
Man:
Oh, thanks, there, Randy.
27
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,103
You got it.
Where's Josie?
28
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:09,768
Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.
29
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,231
Poor thing
can barely move.
30
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,757
Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.
31
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,022
Give her my best.
32
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,656
[ Conversations stop ]
33
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,613
For God so loved the world
34
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,028
that he gave
his only begotten son
35
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,993
so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.
36
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,998
This is the gospel of the Lord.
37
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,581
Townspeople: Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.
38
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,747
Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.
39
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:34,417
He did so because we could not
control our temptations.
40
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,757
Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,673
[ Townspeople snicker ]
42
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,261
Okay. Okay.
43
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,275
Let's... let's try and have
none of that today.
44
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,896
In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,
45
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,897
he gave to us his only son.
46
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,683
And a Catholic priest
raped him.
47
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,773
[ Laughter ]
48
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,404
Okay, okay.
Come... Come on, guys.
49
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,816
N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?
50
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:58,824
Children's underwear
51
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,674
which priests couldn't
pull down so easily?
52
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,320
[ Laughter ]
53
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,035
Okay. Let's... Let's try
and compose ourselves.
54
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,246
Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?
55
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:11,003
What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?
56
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,293
It means
if you're a cute boy
57
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,782
at a Catholic priest
swimming party,
58
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:14,544
you better be gettin'!
59
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:18,086
[ Laughter ]
60
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,598
[ Laughter continues ]
61
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,054
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
62
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:25,934
Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.
63
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,373
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
64
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,138
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
65
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,352
Oh, that was Linda!
66
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,232
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
67
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,234
Yeah! See ya!
- All right. Take it easy, now!
68
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,485
- Bye.
- That was good.
69
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,490
I really don't understand
the point of all that.
70
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,616
Yeah, well, I used
to think that about church
71
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,072
when I was a kid,
too.
72
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,182
But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.
73
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,788
Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.
74
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,448
You wanna go
to fuckin' Hell?
75
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,381
[ blows candle out ]
76
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,840
[ Door creaks ]
77
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,215
[ Sighs ]
78
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,012
Father,
can I talk to you?
79
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,433
Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?
80
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:17,274
Well,
what's troubling you?
81
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,361
You know, at school,
the kids used
82
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,447
to all make fun
of me sometimes.
83
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,282
One kid would say
something mean,
84
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,855
and then the other kids
would laugh.
85
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,495
I know how lousy
it feels.
86
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,910
I learned
to just walk away,
87
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,623
not give 'em
all the satisfaction.
88
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,585
Well, we can't all
walk away.
89
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,091
The... The priesthood
is all I know.
90
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:42,174
I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.
91
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,680
I don't know
anything else.
92
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,716
I know it seems
impossible.
93
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,663
I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,
94
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:51,304
but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.
95
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,481
I even get invited
96
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,398
to board game night
at Stan's house.
97
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,685
My point is,
sometimes,
98
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,149
y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.
99
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,324
I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.
100
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:08,808
How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?
101
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,164
Two cards.
[ Door opens ]
102
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,665
Oh.
There's Butters!
103
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,042
Oh, hey, fellas!
104
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,772
I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.
105
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,128
Come on in!
106
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,130
Uh, hello, my children.
107
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,839
Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloon
108
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,129
and try
to arrest Cartman.
109
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,547
Let's see what you got,
bitch.
110
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:29,559
So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?
111
00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,008
You like to sing, too,
don't you?
112
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,390
No.
113
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,351
Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.
114
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,232
Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.
115
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,233
Ace.
You lose.
116
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,735
Randy: Hey, Stan.
117
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,737
Have you seen my...
118
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,238
No way!
119
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,745
Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!
120
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:50,996
I shouldn't be here.
121
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,498
This is hilarious.
122
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,270
Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!
123
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,910
Aw, Father wait a...
I should go.
124
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,647
No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.
125
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,460
Father!
126
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,169
Aw, shit!
I missed it.
127
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,343
Ugh.
128
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,111
Why did you invite Butters
to game night?
129
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,470
I didn't invite him.
130
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,973
Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!
131
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,849
This is just gonna
make things way worse.
132
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,226
People will rip on me.
133
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,478
Who cares?
Who cares what people say?
134
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,479
I do.
135
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,918
Aw, come on.
You gotta be strong!
136
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:19,025
Why do you care?!
137
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,652
Because I was you.
Okay?
138
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,781
I wasn't always this cool.
I've been through it.
139
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,158
But then, one day,
somebody told me something.
140
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,807
He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"
141
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,032
and you know
who told me that?
142
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,914
You did!
Two years ago in church!
143
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,950
You have a right
to go and be happy,
144
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,814
and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,
145
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,875
well, fuck 'em!
146
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,921
[ Indistinct conversations ]
147
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,460
Hey.
Morning, Mackey.
148
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:48,129
Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.
149
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,797
Townspeople:
Mornin'! Mornin'!
150
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,182
Mornin'! Mornin'!
151
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,013
Ah, doin' better.
huh, Josie?
152
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,552
A lot better,
thank you.
153
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:55,810
All right.
154
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:56,981
[ Door handle rattles ]
155
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,014
[ Grunts ]
156
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,603
Huh.
157
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,439
What the...?
158
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,693
It's not open.
159
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,945
Let me try.
160
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:05,946
[ Door handle rattles ]
161
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,824
Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!
162
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,360
What's going on?
163
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,654
[ Lock disengages, door opens ]
164
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,581
Ohhhhh!
165
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,207
[ Laughter ]
166
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,834
There's no church
today!
167
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,232
You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!
168
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,918
[ Door slams, lock clicks ]
169
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,332
Hey.
170
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,875
Hey!
Open the door!
171
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,465
Hey!
Come on! [ Grunts ]
172
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:31,927
Well, this sucks.
173
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,012
What are we supposed to do
without church?
174
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,142
I just feel
so empty.
175
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,849
What are you guys
so upset about?
176
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,434
Shut up, Shelly!
177
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:42,812
Isn't this great,
Father?
178
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,352
Fresh, mountain air.
179
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:45,770
Nice, warm fire.
180
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,236
I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.
181
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,241
How many are your works,
Lord?
182
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,528
In wisdom,
you made them all.
183
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,072
[ Giggles ] Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.
184
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,490
He is...
185
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,784
because
he brought me you.
186
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,327
♪♪
187
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:06,670
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
188
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:15,013
♪♪
189
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,848
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
190
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,638
♪♪
191
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:24,855
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
192
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,813
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
193
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,824
♪♪
194
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,701
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
195
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:39,912
♪♪
196
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,123
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
197
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:53,295
♪♪
198
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,441
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
199
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,440
[ Telephone rings ]
200
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,283
Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.
201
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,743
And with your spirit,
m'kay.
202
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,704
Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,
203
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,618
and w-we seem to be having
a little problem
204
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,004
with our local church
here in South Park.
205
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,540
Our, uh... our priest
has gone missing.
206
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,550
Oh, not another one!
207
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,507
All right.
Listen to me carefully.
208
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,548
Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.
209
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,512
Probably just taking
some time off.
210
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,267
Why is that suspicious?
211
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,769
Well,
it's not suspicious.
212
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,055
We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?
213
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,564
We'll take care of it.
214
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,128
There's no need
to involve the authorities.
215
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,018
Just sit tight.
216
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,195
[ Button clicks ]
217
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,988
Send in a clean-up crew. Now.
218
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,490
[ Doors open ]
219
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,197
We've got another one.
220
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,487
A priest in South Park
has gone rogue
221
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,826
and is probably out
doing his thing.
222
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,334
I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.
223
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,789
Don't worry,
Your Holiness.
224
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,454
By the time we're done
with that town,
225
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,293
there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.
226
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,005
[ Dramatic music plays ]
227
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:18,760
[ Song playing ]
228
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:22,643
♪♪
229
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,178
Butters:
Happy Birthday, Clyde!
230
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:27,143
Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!
231
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,401
For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
232
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,653
to do good works.
233
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,654
Dude, what are you
talking about?
234
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,824
Come on, Father!
235
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,699
Let's go tear up
the skating rink!
236
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,077
Just leave it alone,
Clyde.
237
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,307
Butters brings him
everywhere.
238
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:41,946
I don't care.
239
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,831
I don't want a priest
at my fucking birthday party!
240
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,395
It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.
241
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,957
[ Song playing ]
242
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,417
♪♪
243
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,751
That's it!
You're doin' great!
244
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,087
Oh, aah!
245
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,967
Oh, Mother Mary.
246
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,969
I feel like everyone's
staring at me.
247
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,256
[ Children shouting playfully ]
248
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,594
Nobody's staring!
249
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,088
I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.
250
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,015
You just mingle
with the other fellas!
251
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,352
[ Depressing Country song
playing ]
252
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,812
♪♪
253
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,352
What's it all about, huh?
254
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,522
Are we just bags
of carbon and water
255
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,314
put on this planet
for no purpose?
256
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,983
You're born.
257
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,822
You die.
258
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,533
Then you're just
food for the worms.
259
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,790
It all does seem
pretty meaningless.
260
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,496
Hey!
The church is back open!
261
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,081
There's people inside!
262
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,917
What?
- The church is back open?
263
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,251
Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!
264
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,962
The church is back open!
- Thank God! Let's go!
265
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,002
[ Vacuum whirring ]
266
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,841
Scrub everything.
267
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,014
Police can detect
268
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,757
even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.
269
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,300
Hey!
270
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,843
Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.
271
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,020
The Lord be with you.
272
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,888
Townspeople:
And with your spirit.
273
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,431
What, uh, what are
you guys doing?
274
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,528
Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub down
275
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,338
while we wait
for your priest to come back.
276
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,149
He was called
to South America last week.
277
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,688
Last week?
278
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,778
No, he was at my house
a couple days ago
279
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,317
playing board games
with the boys.
280
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,234
[ Whirring stops ]
281
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:03,903
No, he wasn't.
282
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,616
Look.
I assure you everything is fine.
283
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,123
Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.
284
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,579
All: Aw!
285
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,209
Come on,
guys.
286
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,836
[ Vacuum whirs ]
287
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:13,837
Scrub everything.
288
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,623
Bleach those
board-game pieces.
289
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,757
You find something
on that chair?
290
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,839
It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.
291
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,345
Well,
just get rid of it.
292
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,874
Bleach the entire
top of the table.
293
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,508
That's probably
where he mounted them.
294
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,722
Uh, excuse me?
295
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,979
Oh. Hello, my son.
296
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,389
What are you doing?
297
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:32,898
What are we doing
about what?
298
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,308
Well, I mean,
it looks like
299
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,422
you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.
300
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,483
Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.
301
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,864
Your local priest was
never here, actually.
302
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,491
Yeah, he was.
I played with him.
303
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,027
Oh, you did?
304
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,912
Better get the Kumby.
305
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,367
What's a Kumby?
306
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,498
We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.
307
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,159
Praise be to Christ.
308
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,829
[ Kumby bloops ]
309
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,836
[ Kumby bloops ]
310
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,094
Boys:
♪ Happy birthday, dear Clyde ♪
311
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,597
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
312
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,952
[ Blows out candles ]
Boys: Yay!
313
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,717
And now,
let us pray.
314
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:09,976
Awwww.
315
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,184
Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,
316
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,644
which we are about
to receive...
317
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,524
Kyle, will you do something,
please?
318
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,525
Why me?
- Psalm 78:26... He caused the
319
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,527
east wind to blow in the heavens-
- Kyle!
320
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:20,312
♪♪
321
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,652
...through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.
322
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,363
Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?
323
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,903
Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.
324
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,288
All right, my child.
325
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,538
♪♪
326
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,708
What's up?
327
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,242
Butters, you know,
328
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,708
you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.
329
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,715
I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuff
330
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,591
and not have
a priest around.
331
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,047
What are you saying,
Kyle?
332
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,383
I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.
333
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,013
He's bumming
everybody out.
334
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,470
Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.
335
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,055
Well, of course
you don't.
336
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,312
It's not just me.
It's everyone, Butters.
337
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:56,440
He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.
338
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,851
Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help out
339
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,894
somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.
340
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,859
We'll both just leave.
341
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,820
I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.
342
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,701
♪♪
343
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,701
[ Melody changes ]
344
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:13,787
♪ Faith in Christ ♪
345
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,747
[ Song playing ]
346
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,411
All right, clean and scrub
everything.
347
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:18,829
I want it spotless!
348
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,294
Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.
349
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,834
There's something
over here.
350
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,220
But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.
351
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,346
It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
352
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,382
Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!
353
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,517
Praise be
to Christ.
354
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,849
[ Kumby bloops ]
355
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,356
Hello, young man.
356
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,885
We're looking
for your town priest.
357
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:39,943
Was he here?
358
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,899
Yeah, but he left
with Butters.
359
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,029
Tell me about
this Butters.
360
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:46,399
Clyde: All right,
that does it!
361
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,532
[ Kumby bloops ]
362
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:48,863
Get outta
my birthday party,
363
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,903
or else I'm gonna call
the police!
364
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,197
♪♪
365
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,081
Father!
366
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,662
Father?
367
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,452
Has anybody seen
my priest?
368
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,086
Father,
where'd you go?
369
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,462
There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.
370
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,627
Just leave me alone.
371
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,340
But you're missin'
the party.
372
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,380
Look, your friends
are right, okay?
373
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,049
I don't belong there.
374
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,718
I-I don't belong anywhere.
375
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:17,229
They just don't understand you
like I do.
376
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:20,266
Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!
377
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:21,729
But it's
not your fault.
378
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,486
Yes, it is. It is my fault!
- Why?!
379
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:28,649
Because I knew!
All right?!
380
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,692
I knew.
381
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,577
Years ago,
382
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,147
when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,
383
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,208
I went to Vatican,
and I... I found out
384
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,745
that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.
385
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:46,293
I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.
386
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,631
I thought there was
a cancer in the Church
387
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,046
that we could
get rid of.
388
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,966
But the Church
is the cancer.
389
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,429
It's not about
a few bad apples.
390
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,811
There's only
a few good apples,
391
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,188
and I'm clearly not
one of them.
392
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,065
So just stay away
from me!
393
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,774
But... I thought
we were pals.
394
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,027
You thought wrong.
395
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,002
[ Vehicle approaches ]
396
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,211
[ Brakes creak ]
397
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,092
Hey.
398
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,262
Hey, there.
399
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,093
What's the matter,
my child?
400
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,599
Did you know
that Jesus loves you?
401
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,226
Sometimes I wonder.
402
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,763
"And the life
I now live in the flesh
403
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,399
I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."
404
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,777
Want a Three Musketeers?
405
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,357
No, thanks.
406
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,194
You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?
407
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,733
No.
408
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,903
I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?
409
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,821
Well, okay!
410
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,291
Stan?
411
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,418
I have no idea
what's going on.
412
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,045
Worst birthday ever!
413
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:07,924
[ Van doors slam ]
414
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,008
[ Chatter on television ]
415
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,385
[ Remote clicking ]
Boring.
416
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:13,805
Dumb.
417
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:14,890
Stupid.
418
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,555
Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.
419
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,764
[ Doorbell rings ]
420
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:20,937
Ugh.
421
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,726
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
422
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,900
Father!
423
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,646
Hey, Sharon,
it's Father!
424
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:27,921
Mr. Marsh, please...
- He's back!
425
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:28,945
Father's back!
426
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,071
I'm just going around
427
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,634
trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.
428
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:32,815
I thought
he might be here
429
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,483
playing a board game
with your son?
430
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,573
Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.
431
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,911
But, Father, please,
we all need church.
432
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,200
I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.
433
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,913
I said
some terrible things.
434
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,419
Please, Father,
we're all lost,
435
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,501
and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.
436
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,836
♪♪
437
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,219
What clean-up crew?
438
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,801
[ Crickets chirping,
owl hoots ]
439
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,840
[ Fire crackles ]
440
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,884
Any sign of him?
441
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,331
No, but this
should draw him out.
442
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,516
The cute one says
it's where
443
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,225
he and the priest
first got together.
444
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,981
All right.
When the priest gets here,
445
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,687
we'll take care of him
446
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,228
and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.
447
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,112
Should I bring out
the Kumby?
448
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,319
No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.
449
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:18,702
Bring out
the Kumboni.
450
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,614
[ Engine blooping ]
451
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,295
[ Cellphone rings ]
452
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,580
Hey, Randy,
what's up?
453
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,757
Stephen!
454
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,541
Stephen, listen...
The boys are missing.
455
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,256
Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!
456
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,261
Taken by priests?
457
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,718
Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?
458
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,804
[ Laughs ] Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.
459
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,095
But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!
460
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,353
The boys are in danger!
461
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,606
But where would priests go
this late at night?
462
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,358
To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?
463
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,939
Wha... What'd she say?
464
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,446
She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."
465
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,106
Can... Can I post that?
466
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,284
Sure, she doesn't care.
467
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,658
Give me that!
468
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,668
Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?
469
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,825
Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from him
470
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,959
saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.
471
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,539
Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.
472
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,374
And when we get there...
473
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,288
I'll need to go in alone.
474
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,957
Yeah, I'll bet.
[ Snorts ]
475
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,967
He's not showing up.
476
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,003
Clean Up Bishop:
Try the Priest Call.
477
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:21,093
[ Boy's voice ]
I love Jesus!
478
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,099
I love Jesus!
479
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,511
I don't think he's coming.
480
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,395
Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.
481
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,181
Let's start packing up.
482
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,271
You... Get on the Kumboni
and eradicate this place
483
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,606
along with
everything in it.
484
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,986
Yes, Your Holiness.
485
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,156
Priest Maxi:
Wait!
486
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,028
Father.
487
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,069
You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.
488
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,953
I know why you're here.
489
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,661
The church can't have
someone like me
490
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,541
going around,
making it look bad.
491
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,954
So go ahead.
Do it.
492
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,212
Just get it over with.
493
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,590
What?!
No!
494
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,422
You think we searched
all over town
495
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,382
and set up this trap
to kill you?
496
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,555
We're Catholics.
497
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,098
We're here to give you
what you deserve.
498
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,135
A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!
499
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,554
Luxury airfare
and beach house included!
500
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,688
[ Applause ]
501
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:11,974
A transfer?
502
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,608
The church took care
of everything,
503
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:16,566
just like it always has
from the beginning.
504
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,322
"Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."
505
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,284
I can just go?
506
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:26,367
I can start over
in the Maldives?
507
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,951
No one will
make fun of you there.
508
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,582
They can't even
speak English.
509
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,632
And don't worry...
there'll be plenty of priests
510
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,287
to take your place here.
511
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,547
Look, I know it's a big change,
but...
512
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,878
you know
what you have to do.
513
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,760
Yes, I do.
514
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,592
I don't think
I have any other choice.
515
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,225
No.
He can't.
516
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,886
Well, our work here
is done!
517
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,474
Praise be to Christ,
guys.
518
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,184
It certainly was
a tough one,
519
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,169
but I think we got everything
cleaned up and... [ Engine starts ]
520
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,684
[ Kumboni blooping ]
521
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,696
[ Horn honking ]
522
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,485
Aaaah!
- The Kumboni!
523
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:08,281
Aah!
Aaaaaagh!
524
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,457
Aah!
525
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,582
Aaaaaagh!
[ Squish ]
526
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,493
[ Breathing heavily ]
527
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,966
Nooooooooo!
[ Br-br-br-br-br-br ]
528
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:23,095
[ Engine stops, brakes hiss ]
529
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,972
Father, you did it!
530
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,508
I'm so sorry,
my child.
531
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,972
I never meant to say
we weren't pals.
532
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,012
Does that mean
you're gonna stay?
533
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,189
Of course.
534
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,441
Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.
535
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:40,024
My job here
is to protect you.
536
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,859
All of you.
537
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:44,615
[ Door handle rattles ]
538
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,320
The Lord be with you.
539
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,786
All:
And with your spirit.
540
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:56,545
Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.
541
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,707
The penitent have deep remorse,
542
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:03,343
but for true penance,
we must be humble enough
543
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:07,847
to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.
544
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,054
Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priest
545
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:10,842
is undeserved.
546
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,511
[ Snickering ]
547
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,850
In Job 42:6, we read,
548
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,232
"Therefore
I reprehend myself
549
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,734
and do penance
in dust and ashes."
550
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,112
And in choir boys'
butts and asses.
551
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,281
[ Laughter ]
552
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,816
So we are not
to punish ourselves,
553
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:29,282
but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.
554
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,367
Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
555
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,202
[ Laughter ]
556
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,412
Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!
557
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:38,750
Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificed
558
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,256
and how hard it truly was.
559
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,087
Woman:
How hard what truly was?
560
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,627
[ Laughter ]
561
00:21:45,677 --> 00:21:50,227
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