All language subtitles for South Park s17e08 A Song of Ass and Fire.eng

Previously on South Park...

Soon we will be fighting the greatest
battle of our young hot lives...

- Black Friday.
- Everyone who wants to get PS4s, join with us.

Tom, the South Park mall
says they've beefed up security.

You have a strong influence over
the rest of the men, lady mckormick.

You can't die!

We thought you should see this.

What would they do
on Game of Thrones?

What would they do
when things look their darkest?

Now, let me tell you, child,
of a war that is about to come.

Since time unremembered,
there have been two...

One dark and unforgiving,

the other pure
and filled with light.

At the dawn of war,
I stand alone

looking out at what will be
the last battlefield,

for winter is coming,
and I am a princess.

Once a common lady
of the dark army

but denied my right to be called
princess by birth, I betrayed my kind.

And now I have chosen my side, that
which I believe is best for all,

for it has the dual shock controller
with a speaker and touch pad interface.

Our land is split in two.

Brother against brother.
Friend versus friend.

My parents will fight on
Black Friday as well...

For what, I do not know.

What the hell is he wearing now

My followers, though few in
number, shall help see me through

until I am finally accepted
as a princess by all.

I cannot rest, for I know that even
now the enemy is training for battle,

also preparing for winter.

All right. Stop, stop, stop!

This is not how you fight.

You think this is a joke

On Black Friday, there's going
to be thousands of shoppers

trying to get inside that mall,
keeping you from getting xbox-1s.

So what do we do We survey each
enemy, and we attack their weak spots.

Scott malkinson has diabetes,
so we hit him in his weak spot.

- Ah, god...
- There's another army out there

who thinks they're better
than us,

and we are not going to be beat
by the traitor whore kenny.

Get back to training!

- Yeah!
- Ah!

Cartman, we should probably
talk about our chances.

The men are just
inexperienced, sir kyle.

- They need more training.
- It's not enough.

Ever since kenny switched sides,

there are more kids that wanna
go with PS4 on Black Friday.

- That goddamn traitor!
- You know why kenny's

doing this, right Because he wanted to
be a princess, and I wouldn't let him.

I said, "you can be
a chick, kenny",

but there's only one ruler,
and that's me!"

Sony released the PS4s, cartman.

They're being reviewed.
People are liking them.

I guarantee you kenny
had something to do with

sony offering
a Black Friday bundle deal.

Just keep them in training,
sir kyle.

Two can play at kenny's
back-stabbing game.

Stupid asshole.

Yes, hello, I'd like to speak to
the president of xbox, please.

The president of xbox.
Like the head of xbox.

Fine, ceo, microsoft, whatever,
put him on.

I need help blowing up
playstation people.

Eric cartman.
I'm a wizard and a king.

A wizard king, yes.

No, I'm not a king of wizards.

I'm a king that happens
to be a wizard.

Just put the ceo of microsoft
on the phone.

Yes, hello. How are things
going out there

Sir, the tides of war
are changing.

There's a king in colorado, a
young wizard who believes that sony

will have the upper hand
if we do not come to his aid.

He claims that with our help,
his followers are prepared

to fight to the death
over which system is better.

Uh, what are you guys
talking about

You sound ridiculous.

There's going to be a war in
this small town on Black Friday,

and it's all over the news.

Guys, these are console wars, not
some epic battle for a kingdom.

I mean, come on.

But this one kid says
that he's a wizard

- and that sony is helping...
- Guys! Guys!

Guys! It's just a video game
machine, all right

Microsoft's a company that tries to be
above all the petty commercialism okay

- O-okay.
- Okay.

Well, Black Friday
is still a few days away,

but it looks like it's already
claimed another fatality.

- Niles lawson is on the scene.
- Niles, what are you hearing

Tom, tragedy struck last night

when mall security officer
miles "happy" davis

was beaten to death with this
candy cane after telling a mother

she couldn't line up for black
friday until thursday night.

In honor of the slain
mall security officer,

the mall has decided to officially drop
another 10% off Black Friday deals.

Too good to have died in such
a brutal but festive manner.

Captain, captain, the mall is dropping
the Black Friday sale another 10%.

- What
- Oh, my god!

- They can't do that!
- What That's 90% off.

Oh, god, they're back!

There's hundreds of them!

- Everybody stay put.
- I'll handle this.

If you are here for Black Friday,
you cannot be on mall property

until midnight on thanksgiving.

We're not on mall property.

Well, you're about to be.

Well, what if we just walk
really, really slow

Black Friday!

You're gonna have to walk
slower than that.

You've got a while.

We can walk really slow. Look.

- Smart asses.

Paladin butters, I was hoping I could
talk to you about lady mckormick.

You mean princess kenny,
my lord

Yeah, whatever.

The little prick thinks
he's daenerys targaryen.

I need to know
how to deal with him.

How do they deal with
the queen of dragons

- in Game of Thrones
- They don't!

Well, did you finish watching
season 3 like I asked you

Yeah, I finished it.
- So what happens when the dragons show up

Nothing! The dragons are
just still on their way!

They keep promising dragons, but all I
get are more floppy wieners in my face.

Butt... butters,
the key to our victory

is following the Game of Thrones
model exactly.

I have to know what happens
when the dragons show up

so I know how to deal
with kenny.

What do you want me to do

Here's two bus tickets
to new mexico.

I want you to take
sir scott malkinson

and go seek out
george r.R. Martin for answers.

Who's george r.R. Martin

He's the guy who writes
games of thrones,butters!

He can let us both know
how to handle kenny

and if we should betray
clyde or not.

Let's face it, butters, this is really
about you and me getting xboxes.

The rest are simply there to
help us get through the doors.

Hey! I told you kids to
stay out of my damn yard.

- Do you mind
- We're trying to talk here.

Yeah Well, how come every
time you talk to somebody

it's about betraying
somebody else

Why don't you mind
your own business

No, listen, for the last time, we
don't have any dragons to send them.

If some people want to choose playstations,
it's their choice.

Sir, mr. Gates is here.

Bill gates

I got to go.

Hey, hey, bill gates actually
showing up at corporate.

- Hey, steve, how you doing
- Not bad, you know,

just trying to get this
next gen press stuff handled.

I heard there's
a little trouble in, uh...

- Colorado somewhere
- No, it turns out

it was nothing,
just some kids trying to

turn the console wars
into something bigger.

- Oh, my gosh.
- You know, when I stepped down

and left you in charge
of the company, steve,

I knew there might be
some challenges for you.

Yeah, well, nothing
I can't handle.

There some changes we need
to make to our marketing,

- but I'm optimistic.
- Uh-huh...

I think we'll ultimately sell
the number of units we want to.

- You're right, steve.
- Some changes do need to be made.

Do you know what
weakness is, steve

Weakness is believing
that competition is healthy.

See, there was a time

when xboxes and playstations
could both survive in this world

but that time's done.

It's all headed to one device that people
game on, watch tv on, socialize on.

There's only going to be
one winner.

I can't have you idiots throwing away
everything I worked so hard to achieve.

Clean that shit up.

Come on, scott, you're lagging.

- I think my insulin's low.
- I need to eat.

Let's just talk to this guy,
then we can hit a mcdonalds.

Oh, here we go...2217.

- Can I help you
- Hello

Is this george r.R. Martin's
house

Who is this, please

It's two kids who want to know what
happens when the dragons show up.

Hello

I'm sorry, but mr. Martin
does not see fans.

- We're not fans!
- Yeah! We don't like it!

We don't like it, and I'm pretty pissed
off, if you want to know the truth.

- About what
- Let me talk to

george r.R. Martin,
and I'll tell him about what.

It's the red wedding, isn't it

You hate how I killed
everyone off

No, sir, we just really need
to know about the dragons,

but they never seem to show up.

- Oh, they're coming.
- The dragons are on their way.

- When
- You really want to know

Please! It's urgent.

All right. King joffrey
is still at king's landing,

but there's a young blacksmith who
wakes up one morning with a plan,

and his wiener gently hangs
down between his legs.

Soft and flaccid, his weiner
glistens in the golden sunlight.

No! Can we skip the wiener stuff
and just get to the dragons

- Aw, shit, I think...
- I think I'm going faint.

- What's the matter, scott
- I told you I have to eat

- every two hours!
- He's diabetic.

Oh, jeez! Why don't you
kids come out of the cold

- I'll order us some pizzas.
- Okay, thanks.

- Come on in...
- I'll tell you everything

that's going to happen
in Game of Thrones.

Sir kyle, I wanted to talk
to you about stan.

If you want to make sure I'm not

switching sides, cartman,
you don't have to worry.

- Stan is wrong.
- It isn't that.

Princess kenny
is loved by her army,

but stan is still the nuts
and balls of the operation.

It would be a huge setback
to the traitors

getting their playstations if
stan were to be... Grounded

Grounded For what

- That could be up to you.
- No, cartman.

You said nobody
would have to be grounded.

We're not playing dirty.

- Fine, sir kyle.
- Perhaps you're right.

Did you know that stan's dad is working
a temp job as mall security - What

Seems a little convenient,
doesn't it

Stan with somebody on the inside
to help him get his PS4s

Who's playing dirty now

Let's face it sir kyle, this is all
about you and me getting xboxes.

The rest are simply there to
help us get through those doors.

Don't believe it!

He said that
to a bunch of people.

Dude, you better stop harassing
me, or I'm calling the cops.

- You're calling the cops
- Yeah!

- You're on my property!
- I'm calling the cops.

- Well, go ahead!
- Call the fucking cops then!

Oh!

Oh, it's you.

Tom, I'm standing
in your doorway

because we have a hot
news story to report.

We don't go to work
for another hour.

We just got a call
from bill gates.

He says he can promise us a bigger war
on Black Friday if we play along.

- He wants us to side with him
- That's right, tammy.

Let's not forget that having
a blood bath on Black Friday

is good for the news.
It's good for us.

The bigger the better.

Our job is to report the news,
not make it more violent.

Right, tom, because
you're so about integrity.

Let's go.

Or maybe I should let
everyone in the newsroom

know what their
two anchors are up to.

Back to you.

It's the morning news
with tom and tammy thompson,

colorado's top-rated
brother-sister news team.

Well, Black Friday
is just around the corner,

and, tammy, it's getting
fierce out there.

That's right, niles
laughton is out at the mall

with a little holiday surprise.

Tammy, the excitement
over Black Friday is peaking,

and none other than
bill gates himself

has shown up to try
to make it even bigger.

That's right, we just
want to do whatever we can

to help our supporters get their
xboxes at incredible deals on friday.

So we've come to offer swords and battle
axes, whatever the kids can carry

to help them fight their way
through the other shoppers.

We understand that you've donated
some guns to the kids as well.

Yes, but we are limiting it
to one per xbox follower,

because, of course, the key thing
here on everyone's mind is safety.

Hi, is kenny home

Yeah, kenny's out back
playing with his friends.

Forward, men!

That... no...
no, you gotta turn me.

- It's the enemy.
- Defensive puh-puh-positions!

Kill 'em, get out!

I seek audience with
the traitor lady mckormick.

Let them pass.

The princess bids your fat
ass welcome to her kingdom

and suggests
you state your purpose.

- You can't win this, guys.
- Look around you.

Lay down your weapons,
and you can come back

and fight for xboxes with us
on Black Friday.

The princess says that if
you want to change your mind

and agree that playstations
are better, she'll consider it.

Kenny, we all understand wanting to
play as the chick once in a while, okay

But you are never going to
be a real princess.

What

The princess calls you
a ball-licking lesbian.

That doesn't even make sense.

Stan, this has gone too far.

People are going to get hurt.

What you started
is way out of control.

What I started How dare you!

All these people are going
to be gaming on xbox.

You really want to just game with
craig the rest of your life

I would rather game with
craig than spend one minute

having to set up
an xbox live account.

We will get our playstations tomorrow,
and you buttholes will have nothing!

You're outnumbered ten to
one, and there's no time left.

How will you win

The gods will find us a way.

So then samwell tarly
sees the army approaching,

and his wiener
is about this big.

He knows that stannis baratheon's weiner
is probably shriveled from the cold

samwell has to rally his men.
So what does he do

Takes out his wiener... And he dangles it around

for all his men to see.

- Ah!

Oh!

Sir, you said pizzas
were coming.

- Yeah, yeah.
- They're on their way.

They're still coming. So samwell's
wiener goes...

But you said they were on
their way like three hours ago.

If I don't get pizza soon,
I'm going pass out.

Don't worry, they're coming.

Pizzas are on their way.
They're gonna be amazing.

Now, john snow finally faces
jaime lannister,

and this guy's weiner is,
you know, huge, right

- So it's not going to be easy.
- Ehh!

Mr. gates, I was hoping
I could talk to you

- about the fight tomorrow.
- Certainly.

Uh, eric, right

It's my lord wizard king,
actually.

Having your leadership
has certainly been a help,

but I hope that we're clear
that this is my army.

There can only be
one person of royalty.

That's kind of the ruse.

I certainly don't want to
step on your toes.

Don't worry, I'm quite good at
letting my CEOs do what they want.

Your CEOs

Let's face it... this is really
just about you and me getting xboxes

the rest are simply there to help us...
Get through those doors.

Uh... hmm. What

Ha ha!

How's it feel

Now who's walking who
through the betrayal garden

Why don't you stay
the fuck out of my business

Why don't you stay the fuck
out of my yard

Ish, ish, ish, oh-ish!

Hi-sooooo!

- That was amazing sex.
- I enjoyed it immensely.

How about you -

You know,
microsoft has given kids

who want xboxes on Black Friday
a lot of support.

Seems a shame that the fight
will be so one-sided.

Eh.

Black Friday's about to happen, and
it's not even going to be a fight.

That's bad for both of us.

There must be something you can
give to kids who want sonies

to make the fight more even.

Hai... Kore ga arimasu.

Yes, I think
that will do nicely.

Wiener, wiener wiener

Wiener wiener, wiener wiener

Wiener, wiener
One wiener

- Wiener, wiener
- Next to another

Wiener - wiener, wiener

Wiener, wiener
Two wieners

Alongside yet another
Wiener, wiener

Wiener
Party, wiener party

Wiener party

Party party
Soft wieners

Nice and soft

- Non-erect wieners
- Wieners flopping

Flopping wieners
Flopping wieners

- Dangling wieners
- Five wieners

In my face - stop!

Stop, please.
I can't take anymore.

But this is the best part right
before king joffrey gets poisoned.

Everyone flips their wieners
all around his face!

- Yaaaaaah!
- Listen, buddy!

You promised that pizzas
were on the way!

If they don't show up right now, you're
gonna have a dead kid on your hands.

Do you hear me

- Okay, fine, fine!
- What kind of pizzas do you want

- What kind do we want
- He hasn't even ordered the pizzas yet!

- Don't worry, they're coming!
- Not just two pizzas.

There's... there's gonna be five.

And they're gonna be huge!
You won't believe it.

Come on, scott. We're leaving.

Wait, I haven't told you
what happens yet!

No! Black Friday is about to happen,
and my friends and I have to be

the first ones inside the mall
to get xboxes.

- Well, why didn't you say so
- I can help with that.

What do you mean

- I'll make calls.
- I know a way to make sure

you're completely prepared
for Black Friday.

Sony PS4.

The president of sony bids you thanks
for all your support of the PS4.

He offers you this gift to once and
for all make you an official princess

and to give you the powers you need
to win this war on Black Friday.

Wow, kenny's
a japanese princess.

Whoo!

Princess kenny...

Oh, god, we're done for!

My friends,
the time is almost here.

Let us face these shoppers

with the bravery of those mall
security officers before us.

Commander marsh.

They're what

They're going to what

Tom, we have breaking news
from the South Park mall.

In an effort to make sure
everyone is prepared,

the mall has decided to push
Black Friday by one week.

- Aw!
- What

The genius idea was proposed
by george r.R. Martin

"Fuck it! Let's
push thanksgiving to december 3rd."

For pushing the date, the mall is now
reducing Black Friday prices to 96% off

to the first hundred people
inside the mall.

This is going to be
a fucking blood bath, tom!

There will be medical tents,
ambulances, face painting.

No doubt a lot of people you
know and love are going to die.

Weiner party, party party

Soft wieners...

Soft wieners

Nice and soft

- Non-erect wieners
- Wieners flopping

Flopping wieners
Flopping wieners

- Dangling wieners
- Five wieners

In my face - stop!

Stop, please!

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