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1
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:48,400
Man:
Burgers, I love burgers.
2
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,699
Who doesn’t love burgers?
3
00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:51,866
You show me a guy
who doesn’t love burgers,
4
00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:53,866
I’ll show you...
5
00:00:53,866 --> 00:00:55,532
I’m just saying,
we all love burgers.
6
00:00:55,532 --> 00:00:56,899
And why not?
7
00:00:56,899 --> 00:00:59,100
They’re one of life’s
simple pleasures.
8
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,866
They make us happy,
9
00:01:00,866 --> 00:01:02,467
and when it’s all
said and done,
10
00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:04,400
that’s all anybody wants, right?
11
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,766
To be happy.
12
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,333
I say, what makes every guy
happy are the four B’s:
13
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:12,833
burgers, beer, babes,
14
00:01:12,833 --> 00:01:14,300
and your buddies.
15
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,833
Speaking of buddies,
16
00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:17,866
let me tell you a little story
about my buddy, Frank--
17
00:01:17,866 --> 00:01:19,699
Ahh, they don’t come any nicer.
18
00:01:19,699 --> 00:01:21,400
This guy had it all.
19
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,733
He’s so nice, he was willing
to give one of his kidneys
20
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,266
to his brother-in-law,
21
00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:26,999
and it wasn’t even
his brother-in-law anymore.
22
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,699
It was his ex-wife’s brother.
23
00:01:28,699 --> 00:01:31,733
You never know what you got
until you lose it.
24
00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:34,033
I’m getting ahead of myself,
let me back up.
25
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:36,532
Frank had the dream job.
26
00:01:36,532 --> 00:01:38,699
He was the city’s
number one sportscaster.
27
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,766
And when asked how she plans
28
00:01:41,766 --> 00:01:43,933
to spend her $83 million
lottery winnings,
29
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,166
the 97-year-old widow said
30
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,733
she’s going to Vegas.
31
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,433
And you know what they say,
32
00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:53,066
"What happens in Vegas,
stays in Vegas."
33
00:01:53,066 --> 00:01:54,899
Well, let’s hope so,
huh, Marco?
34
00:01:54,899 --> 00:01:57,400
And coming up next,
35
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,233
Frank’s got some big sports
news for us. Right, Frank?
36
00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:02,599
You betcha.
Bigger than big.
37
00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:05,133
Great. But first, let’s take
a quick look at weather.
38
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:08,266
Jedda, when are you going to do
something about this heat?
39
00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:10,532
When are you gonna do something
about racial profiling?
40
00:02:10,532 --> 00:02:13,367
Don’t be asking me
about this heat.
41
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,799
I am not Mother Nature.
Don’t ask me about the heat.
42
00:02:15,799 --> 00:02:17,966
We are in conjunction
with Mars.
43
00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:20,033
We are so hot right now
44
00:02:20,033 --> 00:02:22,699
because we are getting
the vapors in the atmosphere
45
00:02:22,699 --> 00:02:23,966
from the planet Mars--
46
00:02:23,966 --> 00:02:26,266
Hey, did you clean
your room yet?
47
00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,033
I’ll clean it later.
48
00:02:28,033 --> 00:02:29,833
You’re not going to your
father’s game tomorrow
49
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,599
unless your room’s clean.
50
00:02:31,599 --> 00:02:32,866
Mom, it’s the Charity Challenge.
51
00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:34,632
Dad’s coming on in a second
to talk about it.
52
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,833
Come, smell the money
53
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,699
because nobody
should be ugly and poor.
54
00:02:39,699 --> 00:02:42,532
I’m Roger Byamm.
55
00:02:42,532 --> 00:02:44,400
Wrapping up with sports.
56
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,100
Frank, you have
a big game tomorrow.
57
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,166
That’s right.
It’s the Charity Challenge.
58
00:02:48,166 --> 00:02:51,433
Our team, the Ringsiders,
will take on Rotolo’s Pizza.
59
00:02:51,433 --> 00:02:55,632
If we win, $5,000 goes
to the Children’s Bureau
of New Orleans.
60
00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:56,866
The first pitch, 3:00 p.m.
61
00:02:56,866 --> 00:02:58,766
We hope to see you
all out there.
62
00:02:58,766 --> 00:03:01,500
For myself, Jay,
Frank and Jedda,
63
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:04,666
thanks for watching
Channel 7 news at 6:00.
64
00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:05,933
You don’t have
to speak for me.
65
00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:07,666
I can speak for myself.
66
00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:11,433
I can say, "Bye-bye."
See? I’m a grown woman.
67
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:12,632
Bye-bye.
68
00:03:12,632 --> 00:03:14,133
Shane:Clear.
69
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:16,266
So, Jedda, are you
gonna come watch
the game tomorrow?
70
00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:18,266
Could use the support.
71
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,133
Well, there’s nothing
I’d rather see
72
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,066
than your fine white asses
73
00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,500
in some tight baseball pants,
74
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:26,400
but I can’t find a babysitter
for my son, Jihad.
75
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,166
But I’ll be there in spirit.
76
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,532
The greatest double play combo
in Little League history,
77
00:03:30,532 --> 00:03:33,133
Johnny Green to Frank Baum.
78
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:35,632
Hey, how long have you two been
playing ball together anyway?
79
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,367
Since before you were born.
80
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,266
Met during Little League,
been friends ever since.
81
00:03:39,266 --> 00:03:40,532
As you might have noticed,
82
00:03:40,532 --> 00:03:42,166
some of us have aged
better than others.
83
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,300
What?
84
00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:46,833
-Woo!
-Again.
85
00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:51,500
Oh, my, backdoor.
86
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,899
So I just reminded
your old man
87
00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:56,899
not to go killing himself
before the surgery.
88
00:03:56,899 --> 00:03:59,333
You know the last thing
I need is a bruised kidney.
89
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:02,233
Frank is not my
old man anymore.
90
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:04,899
Oh, please. The two of you are
still in love, just admit it.
91
00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:06,233
We’re getting a divorce.
92
00:04:06,233 --> 00:04:08,400
Listen. I know you’re
my big sister and all,
93
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,999
but let me remind you
that neither of you
94
00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:12,566
have signed any papers yet.
95
00:04:12,566 --> 00:04:15,733
Okay. He’s been
really busy at work,
96
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,866
and now he’s giving you
a kidney,
97
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,632
so I haven’t wanted
to add to it
98
00:04:19,632 --> 00:04:21,733
by saying, "Gee, thanks
for saving my brother’s life.
99
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:23,733
Now would you sign
these papers?"
100
00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:25,733
Yeah, but you came
to the game and all.
101
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,733
I came to the game
because of Frankie.
102
00:04:27,733 --> 00:04:30,133
-He wants to see
his dad play ball.
-Uh-huh.
103
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:31,400
Johnny:
If you ask me,
104
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,367
I think they’re still
in love, too.
105
00:04:33,367 --> 00:04:35,200
But one thing
that’s stopping them
106
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,799
is Frank’s new girlfriend,
Trinnie, get a load of her.
107
00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:38,966
Hey, baby.
108
00:04:38,966 --> 00:04:41,133
Mwah.
109
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:42,699
-Oh!
-Oh.
110
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,100
Is he your dad?
111
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:47,066
No, he’s my boyfriend.
112
00:04:47,066 --> 00:04:49,532
Oh, wow.
You like them old.
113
00:04:49,532 --> 00:04:54,766
Frank happens to be the city’s
number one sportscaster.
114
00:04:54,766 --> 00:04:56,699
Oh, yeah.
115
00:04:56,699 --> 00:04:58,899
I’ve seen his work.
116
00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,566
Look, Henry.
117
00:05:03,566 --> 00:05:04,766
Everything Frank and I
ever did
118
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:05,966
happened around
a ballpark,
119
00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:08,300
a golf course,
or a boxing ring.
120
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,433
It’s--it’s--it’s just not
what I want.
121
00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:12,467
What do you want?
122
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:14,233
I want him to grow up.
123
00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:15,966
I’m not raising
two teenagers.
124
00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:17,699
Besides,
125
00:05:17,699 --> 00:05:20,666
he’s with that
millionaire hoo-ha now.
126
00:05:20,666 --> 00:05:22,166
Woman: Diane?
127
00:05:22,166 --> 00:05:23,999
Well, speak of the devil.
128
00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:25,400
Oh, excuse. Oh.
129
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,100
Diane, I just want
you to know
130
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,532
how wonderful I think
it is that you brought
little Frankie here
131
00:05:30,532 --> 00:05:32,500
to see his daddy
play this game.
132
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,400
A boy should
be around his daddy.
133
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,599
I was just telling Frank
last night in bed
134
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,699
that I think
you’re doing a fine job
with little Frankie.
135
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,866
He’s a great boy.
136
00:05:43,866 --> 00:05:45,799
And Diane,
I want you to know
137
00:05:45,799 --> 00:05:50,367
that I’m not trying
to take your place
in any way.
138
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:53,733
Umpire: Play ball!
139
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,866
Here we go.
Here we go. Get it.
140
00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,899
Announcer:
A double-play combination
141
00:06:12,899 --> 00:06:15,866
from Baum to Green
to first base.
142
00:06:15,866 --> 00:06:17,566
Let me buy peanuts
for everybody.
143
00:06:17,566 --> 00:06:19,400
Hey, peanuts.
144
00:06:43,966 --> 00:06:45,166
Umpire: You’re out.
145
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:54,433
Strike three.
146
00:07:07,866 --> 00:07:09,133
Announcer:
Oh, for Christ’s sake.
147
00:07:09,133 --> 00:07:11,400
You guys could screw up
a two-car parade.
148
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,467
What are we gonna do?
149
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,266
Remember our second
Little League championship?
150
00:07:16,266 --> 00:07:17,899
Henry Ott?
151
00:07:17,899 --> 00:07:19,999
-Henry Ott.
-Henry Ott.
152
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,200
We need you to get on base.
153
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,133
Right. So should I bunt or...?
154
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,733
Yeah. We need you
to take one for the team.
155
00:07:28,733 --> 00:07:30,066
What does that mean?
156
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:32,166
Crowd on the plate.
Let the pitch hit you.
157
00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:34,033
What? Won’t that hurt?
158
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,599
Yeah. Shake it off.
159
00:07:35,599 --> 00:07:37,266
- Umpire: Batter up.
- You’re the man, Shane.
160
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,933
-Ah.
-Ooh.
161
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,100
Safe.
162
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,500
Are you okay?
163
00:08:25,799 --> 00:08:28,033
Yeah! Yeah!
164
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,999
Because if you’re hurt,
I can get you some money.
165
00:08:31,999 --> 00:08:34,966
Oh, yeah, I smell money.
166
00:08:34,966 --> 00:08:36,933
Stay down. Stay down.
167
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,467
Medic!
168
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:39,899
Johnny:
So Frank came through,
169
00:08:39,899 --> 00:08:42,133
as he always does,
and we won.
170
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,799
The kids of New Orleans won.
171
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,899
And we went to celebrate
at our bar,
172
00:08:45,899 --> 00:08:48,033
Larry Holmes’ bar.
173
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,333
Larry:
Kill the jukebox!
174
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:50,899
Yup, that Larry Holmes.
175
00:08:50,899 --> 00:08:53,133
I wanna make a toast
to a bunch of great guys, man.
176
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,866
You guys played
a heck of a game.
177
00:08:54,866 --> 00:08:57,367
To the champ!
178
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,866
Can I have everyone’s attention,
just for a minute, please?
179
00:09:05,866 --> 00:09:07,866
Thank you.
180
00:09:07,866 --> 00:09:12,100
Um, I--I’d like to make a toast
to the man of the hour.
181
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,866
And for me, many more hours.
182
00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:18,367
I don’t know how many
of you guys know this,
183
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:21,766
but Frank is giving me a kidney
the day after tomorrow.
184
00:09:21,766 --> 00:09:24,833
And I just--
I wanna say thank you.
185
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:28,133
To my hero, Frank.
186
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,300
To Frank.
187
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,166
Frank, you’re one
brave son of a bitch.
188
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:35,599
That is a beautiful thing
you’re doing. Beautiful.
189
00:09:35,599 --> 00:09:37,532
Ah, you’d do
the same thing, buddy.
190
00:09:37,532 --> 00:09:38,699
No, I wouldn’t,
I’m a pussy.
191
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:40,500
I can’t stand
the sight of blood.
192
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:44,166
I can’t stand the sight
of my ex-wives either
or their brothers.
193
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,000
Although, I wouldn’t mind
seeing their blood.
194
00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,100
Well, geez, Dad.
195
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,799
I didn’t know you could
still run that far.
196
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:52,933
Hey, hey.
197
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:56,400
But, uh, really that--
that--that was awesome.
198
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,333
And--and Uncle Henry, I.
199
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,999
Listen. When I get out
of the hospital,
200
00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:03,433
you and I are gonna spend
some serious time together,
all right?
201
00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:06,400
-We are going fishing...
-Hey, Frankie.
202
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,799
Well, another great game.
203
00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:13,300
Thanks for coming.
204
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,799
Listen, Frank,
despite our differences,
205
00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:17,632
I really want you to know
how much I appreciate
206
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:19,666
what you’re doing
for my brother.
207
00:10:19,666 --> 00:10:22,200
Hmm, Doc says
three to four days,
208
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,933
I’ll be out of the hospital,
a little rest, I’ll be back
at the station.
209
00:10:24,933 --> 00:10:29,066
It’s a big deal to me Frank,
so thank you.
210
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:32,966
Well, Frank Baum,
you’re just the man
of the hour.
211
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,433
I think we ought
to get going soon,
212
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:40,066
so we can celebrate
this big evening,
don’t you?
213
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:41,632
Let’s have another drink
with the boys.
214
00:10:41,632 --> 00:10:43,166
Hey, everybody,
everybody, hey, hey,
215
00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:46,266
I wanna thank you all
for a great game today,
216
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:49,632
you played your asses off.
Especially Shane.
217
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:52,733
Yeah, Shane. That is
a championship ass.
218
00:10:55,632 --> 00:11:00,233
We raised $5,000
for a great charity.
219
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:02,799
-To the children of New Orleans.
-Children of New Orleans.
220
00:11:07,799 --> 00:11:09,766
Trinnie:
It’s game time.
221
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:13,467
Batter up.
222
00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:21,966
Today, today, today, today,
223
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:26,200
I consider myself,
self, self, self
224
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,632
the luckiest man,
man, man, man
225
00:11:29,632 --> 00:11:31,933
on the face of the Earth,
Earth, Earth, Earth.
226
00:11:33,666 --> 00:11:36,200
Newscaster:
And from all of us
at Channel 7 News,
227
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,733
good night.
228
00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:38,933
Director: Clear.
229
00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:40,799
Good show. Good show.
Good show.
230
00:11:40,799 --> 00:11:42,632
Now Frank, I know you’re
going on medical leave,
231
00:11:42,632 --> 00:11:45,166
so I’m thinking maybe
we’ll do a news story
on your organ donation.
232
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:47,766
You know, sweeps season’s
coming up, and I got
nothing else on the calendar.
233
00:11:47,766 --> 00:11:49,066
-I don’t think so, Stan.
-Great.
234
00:11:49,066 --> 00:11:50,666
Hmm, that reminds me.
Biff!
235
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,066
I wanna introduce you
to the guy
236
00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:53,699
who’s gonna be filling in
for you while you’re gone.
237
00:11:53,699 --> 00:11:55,066
Biff, Frank.
Frank, Biff.
238
00:11:55,066 --> 00:11:56,866
-Frank? So nice
to finally meet you.
-Pleasure.
239
00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:58,833
It’s an honor to pinch-hit
for you while you’re out.
240
00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:00,566
-Yeah.
-I’ve been watching you for
241
00:12:00,566 --> 00:12:02,500
as long as I can remember.
242
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,899
How long have you been
on the air?
243
00:12:03,899 --> 00:12:06,566
Seems like forever.
244
00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:08,833
So, uh, how long
are you gonna be gone?
245
00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:10,367
I don’t know.
A week, maybe two.
246
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:12,300
Oh, cool.
Great. Yeah.
247
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,966
Yeah, I’ve been, uh,
trying to finish up
my reel.
248
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:18,632
My agent says that ESPN
is very interested in me.
249
00:12:18,632 --> 00:12:20,999
Who’s, uh, your agent, Frank?
250
00:12:20,999 --> 00:12:24,166
I don’t have one.
I’m not going anywhere.
251
00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:26,899
Who knows these days, right?
252
00:12:30,999 --> 00:12:33,400
Woman:
Dr. Howard, Dr. Howard,
Dr. Howard...
253
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,433
Hey, you.
254
00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,866
Margarita,
that’s your name, right?
255
00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:40,467
I need to have a smoke.
Cigareto.
256
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:44,866
Nicotino, you understand?
Nicotino, comprendo?
257
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:47,532
Just stay in here.
258
00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,300
There’s one more patient
coming in.
259
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,899
If I’m not back,
just have him sign this.
260
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:54,367
-Comprendo?
-Okay.
261
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,866
Okay. After the patient
signs this,
262
00:12:56,866 --> 00:12:59,666
take the paperwork,
put it into the blue folder.
263
00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:00,966
Okay.
264
00:13:00,966 --> 00:13:03,966
The blue folder goes into
the orange folder, okay?
265
00:13:03,966 --> 00:13:05,766
Okay.
266
00:13:05,766 --> 00:13:07,966
Then the orange goes
into the green, okay?
267
00:13:07,966 --> 00:13:09,599
Okay.
268
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:14,200
Now listen,mamacita,
269
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,933
whatever you do,
270
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:20,433
do not put the blue
into the red
271
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,999
and into the green, okay?
272
00:13:22,999 --> 00:13:26,200
-Okay.
-Muchas nachos.
273
00:13:28,532 --> 00:13:30,599
Hi, I’m Frank Baum.
274
00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:31,966
Is this pre-surgery check-in?
275
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:35,100
Okay.
276
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,699
-Okay?
-Okay.
277
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:40,666
Okay.
278
00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:43,100
-Okay.
-Okay.
279
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,933
Woman:
Dr. Holsen to the ER.
280
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:48,599
I need to talk to Dr. Metalon
on the 4th floor, okay?
281
00:13:48,599 --> 00:13:49,833
Okay.
282
00:13:51,632 --> 00:13:52,766
Okay.
283
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,632
Dr. Scholl to Orthopedics.
284
00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:56,467
Dr. Scholl
to Orthopedics.
285
00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,367
Woman:
Okay, Frank,
286
00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:07,532
now count backwards
from a hundred.
287
00:14:07,532 --> 00:14:11,333
Ninety-nine, ninety-eight,
288
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:16,200
ninety-seven, ninety-six...
289
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,500
Two.
290
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,433
Morning, baby.
291
00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,000
Time to take some vitals.
292
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,066
Okay. What do you need?
293
00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:36,899
Oh, just temperature,
blood pressure.
294
00:14:36,899 --> 00:14:40,033
Your breakfast should be up
in a minute. You hungry?
295
00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:42,500
I guess.
I’m just tired.
296
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:46,033
Yeah. Well, you had
some surgery, missy.
297
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,599
The anesthesia should, um,
wear off in a minute.
298
00:14:48,599 --> 00:14:51,133
Good morning.
299
00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:53,100
Rise and shine.
300
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,899
Look what I got for you today.
Breakfast.
301
00:14:55,899 --> 00:14:57,632
-Oh, thank you.
-I’m Annie Mae.
302
00:14:57,632 --> 00:15:00,066
If you need anything, you
just press that button, baby.
303
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,599
Okay. Thanks.
304
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:03,066
You’re too out of it
last night to order
305
00:15:03,066 --> 00:15:05,733
so I got you the slim diet.
306
00:15:05,733 --> 00:15:07,266
All the posties order that.
307
00:15:07,266 --> 00:15:08,733
Okay. Great.
Thank you.
308
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,000
If you need anything,
just let the nurse know, okay?
309
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,400
All right.
310
00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:15,133
-Morning.
-Morning.
311
00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:17,266
I have today’s newspaper
and some magazines for you.
312
00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:19,666
Great, thank you.
313
00:15:19,666 --> 00:15:22,866
Do you have Sports Illustrated
or something like that?
314
00:15:22,866 --> 00:15:25,033
Sure. Not with me,
315
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:27,066
but I’ll see if I can find one
and bring it back later.
316
00:15:27,066 --> 00:15:28,833
Okay, great.
Thank you.
317
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:34,233
Good morning.
318
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:38,666
It’s the first day
of the rest of your life.
319
00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:39,999
And you are?
320
00:15:39,999 --> 00:15:43,467
Dr. Ramada. I performed
the surgery on you.
321
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:46,266
-Where’s Dr. Metalon?
-Should I know him?
322
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:48,100
Well, I guess. I mean,
he’s the one I talked to.
323
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,866
I thought he was gonna
perform the surgery.
324
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,799
Well, the thing is, you’ve
already had the surgery
325
00:15:52,799 --> 00:15:54,699
and it could not
have gone better.
326
00:15:54,699 --> 00:15:59,532
And it looks like you are
doing very, very well.
327
00:15:59,532 --> 00:16:01,367
-How’s Henry?
-Who’s Henry?
328
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:03,699
Henry. He’s Henry Gayle.
329
00:16:03,699 --> 00:16:05,566
He’s the reason
I had the surgery.
330
00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:07,999
Oh, sure.
331
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:09,799
His name is Henry.
332
00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:12,066
-Yeah.
-Well, I don’t know
333
00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:16,033
but, uh, I’m sure
he’s very happy.
334
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,833
Well, I don’t know about happy,
335
00:16:17,833 --> 00:16:19,266
but as long as he’s okay.
336
00:16:19,266 --> 00:16:20,266
Are you in any pain?
337
00:16:20,266 --> 00:16:22,100
Actually, yeah.
A lot.
338
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,333
Where?
339
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,799
My balls.
340
00:16:29,066 --> 00:16:30,933
Impossible.
341
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:33,300
No. No.
They--they really hurt.
342
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:36,066
Well, it may hurt
but I can assure you,
343
00:16:36,066 --> 00:16:38,367
it’s not your balls.
344
00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:40,367
I’m no doc,
but I’m telling you,
345
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,467
the whole groin
is, like, throbbing.
346
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,233
You know?
347
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,766
Let me take a look.
348
00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:48,300
Please.
349
00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:56,599
Wow, that is beautiful.
350
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:59,933
Yeah. Doc, maybe you could
just look at the incision.
351
00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:01,133
I am.
352
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,566
Oh.
353
00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:06,300
I thought they took it
from somewhere else.
354
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,233
Well, where else do you think
we might’ve taken it from?
355
00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:12,300
I don’t know,
I just--yeah.
356
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,266
Now look, Frank,
or is it Fran?
357
00:17:15,266 --> 00:17:17,333
Frank.
358
00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:20,100
When you get home,
tell Henry to, uh,
359
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:23,333
take it easy for a while
until everything heals.
360
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,532
All right. Will do.
361
00:17:24,532 --> 00:17:26,233
I mean, we don’t
live together, so.
362
00:17:26,233 --> 00:17:28,166
-Really?
-Yeah.
363
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:31,733
So what should I do
and not do?
364
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:36,166
Well, I would say start
with some gentle foreplay
365
00:17:36,166 --> 00:17:39,233
and make sure you use
a good lubricant.
366
00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:40,899
-What?
-To keep it moist.
367
00:17:40,899 --> 00:17:42,899
-Moist?
-Yeah, sure.
368
00:17:42,899 --> 00:17:46,066
You’re not gonna be able
to do that naturally.
369
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,433
Didn’t they explain this to you?
370
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,166
No. Actually, they didn’t.
371
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:52,966
Well, lube, okay?
372
00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:54,367
Okay. Well, whatever.
373
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,899
I had no idea
donating an organ
374
00:17:55,899 --> 00:17:57,500
was gonna be
such a hassle.
375
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,367
Donating?
That’s a good one.
376
00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:01,833
I never heard it
called that before.
377
00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:04,166
Well, that’s what I did,
right?
378
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,500
No. No. No. Frank,
you know, I like you.
379
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,000
You’re a funny guy.
380
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,033
You know, you don’t just
take that organ and...
381
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,799
What a minute.
You’re my doc, right?
382
00:18:15,799 --> 00:18:18,467
Well, I would say I am.
I performed the surgery.
383
00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:20,866
-I mean, you took my organ?
-Yeah.
384
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:22,632
And then you gave it
to Henry?
385
00:18:22,632 --> 00:18:25,066
Oh! Oh, no.
Oh, no, no.
386
00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:28,166
I’m sorry, no.
You thought Henry had it?
387
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:32,133
-What do you mean? Yeah.
-Well, that’s so sweet.
388
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:34,100
No, no, no, Frank.
It--it--
389
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,367
it’s not like your tonsils.
390
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:38,367
You don’t take it home
in a jar.
391
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,766
Wait, Henry doesn’t have
my kidney?
392
00:18:40,766 --> 00:18:42,500
-Kidney?
-My kidney.
393
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,899
-Kidney?
-Yeah, my kid--
394
00:18:43,899 --> 00:18:45,166
Jesus, Doc,
395
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,532
I donated my kidney
to Henry Gayle.
396
00:18:51,066 --> 00:18:53,233
Oh, boy.
397
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,233
Oh, boy what?
398
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:58,367
Oh, shit, oh, boy.
399
00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:00,033
Wait, wait,
what does that mean?
400
00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:03,766
Uh, your name Frank Baum?
401
00:19:03,766 --> 00:19:05,100
Yeah, I’m Frank Baum.
402
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,433
This does not make any sense.
403
00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:09,400
I don’t like the sound
of that, Doc.
404
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,599
Well...
405
00:19:10,599 --> 00:19:11,599
Oh, Jesus, Doc.
406
00:19:11,599 --> 00:19:13,599
What are you saying here?
407
00:19:13,599 --> 00:19:15,666
Are you in touch
with your feminine side?
408
00:19:15,666 --> 00:19:17,666
Well, what are you
getting at, Doc?
409
00:19:17,666 --> 00:19:21,400
There’s been a little mix-up.
410
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,799
A mix-up?
411
00:19:22,799 --> 00:19:25,166
We took the wrong organ.
412
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,066
The wrong organ?
413
00:19:30,066 --> 00:19:32,467
Like my liver?
414
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,333
No.
415
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:36,133
Well, I still have my heart.
416
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,100
Right.
417
00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:48,467
Oops.
418
00:19:48,467 --> 00:19:50,733
No!
419
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,833
Hey, Dad, what’s up?
420
00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:33,400
Hey, buddy.
421
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,733
-Trinnie: Hey, how are you?
-Bad.
422
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,632
Oh, not feeling so well?
423
00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:40,400
-No.
-A little pain, Pop?
424
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,333
Yeah, pain,
but worse than pain.
425
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,599
Oh, my God, Frank,
did something go wrong?
426
00:20:46,599 --> 00:20:48,200
They said everything
went perfectly.
427
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,066
No, it did not go perfectly.
428
00:20:50,066 --> 00:20:52,500
Not perfectly at all,
at all, at all.
429
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,133
Well, Dad, what is it?
430
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:56,467
I don’t wanna
talk about it, son.
431
00:20:56,467 --> 00:20:58,766
No, look, Frank, what happened?
How serious is it?
432
00:20:58,766 --> 00:21:01,033
I don’t wanna
talk about it, okay?
433
00:21:01,033 --> 00:21:02,500
Okay.
434
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,400
Hey, there’s
the man of the hour.
435
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,300
-Oh, Jesus.
-I figured you could use
436
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,233
a little root pop after
what you’ve been through.
437
00:21:09,233 --> 00:21:10,566
What is this, a party?
438
00:21:10,566 --> 00:21:12,066
What’s his problem?
439
00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:13,699
Surgery didn’t go right.
440
00:21:13,699 --> 00:21:15,566
Is he okay?
441
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:18,200
I don’t know.
He won’t talk about it.
442
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,766
What? Frank, what the hell
happened? Are you okay?
443
00:21:21,766 --> 00:21:23,699
No, I am not okay.
I don’t wanna talk about it.
444
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,566
You can’t make me,
I’m never gonna talk about it.
445
00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:27,066
Come on, Dad,
what’s the deal?
446
00:21:27,066 --> 00:21:29,200
This is crazy. You don’t even
sound like yourself, Frank.
447
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,400
I am not myself.
448
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,300
Come on, buddy, Frank.
449
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,766
That’s just
the medication talking.
450
00:21:34,766 --> 00:21:37,266
You’re gonna be back again
to your old self in no time.
451
00:21:37,266 --> 00:21:38,599
No, buddy, no.
452
00:21:38,599 --> 00:21:40,467
I’m never gonna be
myself again.
453
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,833
It’s over.
454
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:45,300
Frank, this is ridiculous.
Stop being like this.
455
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:47,333
All right, Dad, come on.
Snap out of it.
456
00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:49,566
You don’t understand.
457
00:21:49,566 --> 00:21:51,066
Something happened.
458
00:21:51,066 --> 00:21:53,233
That doctor, he...
459
00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:54,899
Frank, sweetie?
460
00:21:54,899 --> 00:21:56,233
Oh, Jesus.
461
00:21:56,233 --> 00:21:58,033
Oh, there he is.
462
00:21:58,033 --> 00:22:01,333
How is my big,
handsome stud doing?
463
00:22:02,566 --> 00:22:04,367
What’s wrong with him?
464
00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:05,933
He says he’s not himself
and never will be again.
465
00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:08,166
Why? What happened?
Did something go wrong?
466
00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:09,699
It’s horrible,
just horrible.
467
00:22:09,699 --> 00:22:12,699
Come on, Frank,
what happened already?
468
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:15,433
The doctor, he--
469
00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:18,233
Frank Baum,
here I am
470
00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:21,000
with good wishes
and prayers of
the entire parish.
471
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,866
-Jesus Christ.
-Him too.
472
00:22:23,866 --> 00:22:25,866
-Oh.
-What’s wrong
with the boy?
473
00:22:25,866 --> 00:22:28,833
Look, Frank, this is enough.
You’re being childish.
474
00:22:28,833 --> 00:22:30,699
Come on, Frank,
what is the big deal here?
475
00:22:30,699 --> 00:22:32,367
You wanna know?
You wanna know what’s wrong?
476
00:22:32,367 --> 00:22:35,066
You wanna know
what those bastards did to me?
477
00:22:35,066 --> 00:22:37,233
Take a look at this.
478
00:22:49,899 --> 00:22:53,300
Hey, Frank, thanks for
saving my life.
479
00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,799
I didn’t.
There was an error.
480
00:22:54,799 --> 00:22:57,066
Huge error.
481
00:22:57,066 --> 00:22:58,467
Unimaginable error.
482
00:22:58,467 --> 00:22:59,666
Biblical error.
483
00:22:59,666 --> 00:23:01,666
What do you mean?
I got a kidney.
484
00:23:01,666 --> 00:23:04,033
-Not mine.
-Hold on, Henry.
485
00:23:04,033 --> 00:23:06,233
If you don’t have
Frank’s kidney,
486
00:23:06,233 --> 00:23:09,933
whose kidney do you have?
487
00:23:24,066 --> 00:23:26,899
-I’m nurse Carly.
-And I’m nurse Carl.
488
00:23:26,899 --> 00:23:29,166
And we have a song.
489
00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:31,467
Just for you.
490
00:23:34,766 --> 00:23:38,566
♪ You’ve got a vagina
Fresh and new ♪
491
00:23:38,566 --> 00:23:41,533
♪ Here’s a little tip
From us to you ♪
492
00:23:41,533 --> 00:23:45,100
♪ If you’re gonna hook up
With a dude ♪
493
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:48,533
♪ Be sure to use
Lots of lube ♪
494
00:23:51,566 --> 00:23:54,899
Man:
Channel 7 News is brought to
you today by Rotolo’s Pizzeria.
495
00:23:54,899 --> 00:23:57,500
We’re America’s
fastest growing pizzeria,
496
00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:00,933
with 15 convenient locations
throughout the metro area,
497
00:24:00,933 --> 00:24:02,866
including the Superdome.
498
00:24:02,866 --> 00:24:05,533
We always use
the freshest mozzarella,
499
00:24:05,533 --> 00:24:08,133
and we make our sauces
by hand every morning
500
00:24:08,133 --> 00:24:10,367
with the finest garden-fresh
ingredients.
501
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:11,966
Our dough is made hourly,
502
00:24:11,966 --> 00:24:15,566
so it’s always exactly the way
you want it, fresh and tasty.
503
00:24:15,566 --> 00:24:17,233
And we don’t skimp on toppings.
504
00:24:17,233 --> 00:24:21,033
More sauce, more cheese,
more sausage.
505
00:24:21,033 --> 00:24:22,266
Rotolo’s Pizzeria.
506
00:24:22,266 --> 00:24:24,500
Franchise opportunities
are available.
507
00:24:26,066 --> 00:24:28,899
Man:
And now for your five-day
forecast with Jedda.
508
00:24:28,899 --> 00:24:30,400
Boy, look,
509
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,733
don’t make me come home
and have to whup you.
510
00:24:32,733 --> 00:24:35,066
No, no, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
511
00:24:35,066 --> 00:24:37,066
Turn on the TV and put--
512
00:24:37,066 --> 00:24:38,999
and put on Channel 7.
513
00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:40,933
Now, listen, listen to me.
514
00:24:40,933 --> 00:24:44,467
Don’t you dare set
that babysitter on fire again.
515
00:24:44,467 --> 00:24:46,266
Jedda, weather.
516
00:24:46,266 --> 00:24:48,333
It’s hot!
And it’s gonna be hot.
517
00:24:48,333 --> 00:24:51,233
It’s New Orleans
in the summertime. Hot.
518
00:24:51,233 --> 00:24:54,100
And now Biff has a special
sports update for us.
519
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:57,899
Biff, I can’t believe
you actually rode
a horse in the Derby.
520
00:24:57,899 --> 00:24:59,699
And finished in the money.
521
00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:01,566
I can vouch for that.
522
00:25:01,566 --> 00:25:04,033
That was truly amazing.
523
00:25:04,033 --> 00:25:05,400
Thanks for the tip.
524
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,266
I’m out.
525
00:25:14,266 --> 00:25:15,533
I’ll raise you a buck.
526
00:25:15,533 --> 00:25:17,266
This is too rich for me.
527
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:18,933
I’m just
a poor working stiff.
528
00:25:18,933 --> 00:25:23,566
Your buck, and I’ll take
last raise.
529
00:25:23,566 --> 00:25:25,033
-What you got, man?
-Full boat.
530
00:25:25,033 --> 00:25:27,333
Oh, very nice.
531
00:25:27,333 --> 00:25:28,833
I got a bigger boat.
532
00:25:28,833 --> 00:25:30,433
Thank you, gents.
533
00:25:30,433 --> 00:25:32,467
A pleasure
doing business with you.
534
00:25:32,467 --> 00:25:35,066
This is not my week.
I mean, really.
535
00:25:38,933 --> 00:25:42,266
Oh, come on, Frank,
it’s--it’s nothing.
536
00:25:42,266 --> 00:25:44,400
It’s nothing at all.
537
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,733
Nothing.
538
00:25:45,733 --> 00:25:47,467
Nada, who cares?
539
00:25:47,467 --> 00:25:48,999
Who cares about what?
540
00:25:48,999 --> 00:25:52,133
Who cares about nothing,
right, guys? Nothing.
541
00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:53,966
Nothing.
542
00:25:53,966 --> 00:25:58,200
Johnny, did you tell them?
543
00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,766
No. Nothing.
544
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:02,400
All right. Something.
545
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,266
I--I--I might have told them
to just be a little supportive.
546
00:26:06,266 --> 00:26:08,367
Frank, it’s nothing.
547
00:26:09,699 --> 00:26:13,566
It’s nothing, Frank.
Come on, who cares?
548
00:26:13,566 --> 00:26:16,632
So, you got a snatch.
No big deal.
549
00:26:16,632 --> 00:26:18,699
Yeah, no big deal.
Nothing to worry about.
550
00:26:18,699 --> 00:26:21,100
-Really?
-Really, really.
551
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:23,367
-Who cares? Who cares?
-Don’t give it another thought.
552
00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:26,533
Doesn’t make a difference.
It’s nothing, buddy.
553
00:26:26,533 --> 00:26:28,266
I mean, come on, guys,
think about it.
554
00:26:28,266 --> 00:26:30,200
Who among us,
at one point or another,
555
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,467
has not seriously wished
that they had a snatch?
556
00:26:34,866 --> 00:26:39,100
Well, to be honest,
I never have.
557
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:40,733
I never even thought about it.
558
00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:42,033
Yeah, me neither, it’s awful.
559
00:26:42,033 --> 00:26:43,467
But the point is, buddy,
we love you.
560
00:26:43,467 --> 00:26:45,866
You are the man.
You are the one and only.
561
00:26:45,866 --> 00:26:48,300
So, come on, don’t be so damn
hard on yourself.
562
00:26:48,300 --> 00:26:49,866
I appreciate the support, guys,
563
00:26:49,866 --> 00:26:51,733
but I am getting this
taken care of.
564
00:26:51,733 --> 00:26:53,467
I am getting back to normal.
565
00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:56,500
Back to normal.
566
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:59,733
Okay, boys, ante up.
Five cards.
567
00:26:59,733 --> 00:27:01,133
Jacks or better.
568
00:27:03,033 --> 00:27:05,500
I mean, it’s not like things
have really changed.
569
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,300
You look the same to me.
570
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:09,266
Yeah, you’re as ugly
as always.
571
00:27:10,632 --> 00:27:12,699
Yeah, I mean, it’s not like
it’s a turn-on.
572
00:27:16,933 --> 00:27:19,367
What?
573
00:27:19,367 --> 00:27:21,966
You having a--a snatch.
574
00:27:21,966 --> 00:27:24,500
It’s not--that’s not, I guess,
a turn-on or anything.
575
00:27:28,100 --> 00:27:29,799
Yeah, yeah,
too ugly to fuck.
576
00:27:31,799 --> 00:27:33,467
I mean, there are
some guys that, you know,
577
00:27:33,467 --> 00:27:35,133
they had a snatch.
578
00:27:35,133 --> 00:27:37,333
I mean, you--you know,
579
00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:39,233
I don’t know, you know.
580
00:27:39,233 --> 00:27:40,899
-You lost me.
-Be grateful.
581
00:27:40,899 --> 00:27:43,999
I’m just saying there are
some pretty guys that maybe,
582
00:27:43,999 --> 00:27:47,033
just maybe, you might
have to consider.
583
00:27:47,033 --> 00:27:48,400
What, are we
in a Turkish prison?
584
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:49,799
Well, I’m not saying
585
00:27:49,799 --> 00:27:52,300
you’d bypass Halle Berry
to get to them,
586
00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:53,500
but say you’re--
587
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:56,066
you’re stranded
on a desert island.
588
00:27:56,066 --> 00:27:57,533
-Like Gilligan’s Island?
-Exactly.
589
00:27:57,533 --> 00:28:00,400
-I’d do Ginger or Mary Anne.
-Me too.
590
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,899
But what if
they weren’t there?
591
00:28:02,899 --> 00:28:05,766
Mrs. Howell.
Definitely Mrs. Howell.
592
00:28:05,766 --> 00:28:08,100
Good call. Old, but rich.
593
00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:09,599
Okay, okay.
594
00:28:09,599 --> 00:28:11,599
But let’s say
you’re the Skipper
595
00:28:11,599 --> 00:28:13,367
and it’s just Mr. Howell
and Gilligan.
596
00:28:13,367 --> 00:28:15,266
Okay, guys, stop, okay?
Stop.
597
00:28:15,266 --> 00:28:17,133
What’s the question?
598
00:28:17,133 --> 00:28:19,200
If Gilligan had a snatch,
is what I’m saying.
599
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:20,733
That’s the option?
600
00:28:20,733 --> 00:28:22,999
And we’re moving
right along.
601
00:28:22,999 --> 00:28:26,033
Okay. Forget it.
602
00:28:29,733 --> 00:28:31,933
-Matt Damon.
-Huh?
603
00:28:31,933 --> 00:28:33,233
What about Matt Damon?
604
00:28:33,233 --> 00:28:35,533
If Matt Damon and I
were on a desert island
605
00:28:35,533 --> 00:28:38,333
and he had a snatch,
606
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:40,266
maybe.
607
00:28:40,266 --> 00:28:42,233
Matt Damon? Hmm.
608
00:28:42,233 --> 00:28:46,133
Hmm. Matt Damon
is awfully pretty.
609
00:28:46,133 --> 00:28:48,566
-Very.
-Agreed.
610
00:28:48,566 --> 00:28:51,133
Matt Damon is
a very pretty man.
611
00:28:51,133 --> 00:28:54,467
Well, I’d do Matt Damon on
the condition he had a snatch.
612
00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:55,733
Jesus, guys.
613
00:28:55,733 --> 00:28:57,533
So you’re saying,
we would--
614
00:28:57,533 --> 00:28:59,400
we would bang Matt Damon
if he had a pussy?
615
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,733
-You’ve done worse.
-True.
616
00:29:01,733 --> 00:29:04,599
Yeah. Matt Damon.
617
00:29:04,599 --> 00:29:05,799
On a desert island.
618
00:29:05,799 --> 00:29:08,799
With a snatch.
619
00:29:08,799 --> 00:29:12,433
Well, I would have
to vote yes.
620
00:29:12,433 --> 00:29:13,833
I need to use the head.
621
00:29:13,833 --> 00:29:15,433
So it’s agreed.
622
00:29:15,433 --> 00:29:17,699
If one of us were trapped
on a desert island,
623
00:29:17,699 --> 00:29:19,500
and the only other person
on said desert island
624
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:22,799
was one very pretty actor
by the name of Matt Damon,
625
00:29:22,799 --> 00:29:24,799
and this said actor,
Matt Damon,
626
00:29:24,799 --> 00:29:27,266
had no male genitalia,
but in fact, a snatch,
627
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:29,033
we would therefore fornicate
628
00:29:29,033 --> 00:29:30,899
with said pretty actor,
Matt Damon?
629
00:29:30,899 --> 00:29:32,833
-Yes.
-If he’d have me.
630
00:29:32,833 --> 00:29:35,066
Frank: Jesus, guys,
is it too much to ask?
631
00:29:35,066 --> 00:29:37,166
When you use the toilet,
put the seat down!
632
00:29:38,933 --> 00:29:42,066
Woman:
I’m sorry, but he’s not
in his office.
633
00:29:42,066 --> 00:29:44,233
-When do you expect him?
-I really can’t.
634
00:29:44,233 --> 00:29:45,866
-Frank Baum.
-Doctor.
635
00:29:45,866 --> 00:29:47,333
What brings you here?
636
00:29:47,333 --> 00:29:49,433
I was wondering if you’d like
to give me my penis back.
637
00:29:49,433 --> 00:29:50,632
I’d love to.
638
00:29:50,632 --> 00:29:52,400
-Great, when can we schedule?
-I can’t.
639
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,033
What the hell?
I thought.
640
00:29:54,033 --> 00:29:56,733
I would love to,
but since your operation,
641
00:29:56,733 --> 00:30:00,166
I’ve lost my license to perform
surgery in the United States.
642
00:30:00,166 --> 00:30:01,899
I might go to Bangkok.
643
00:30:01,899 --> 00:30:03,799
No, no. You’re the one
that got me
644
00:30:03,799 --> 00:30:05,632
into this situation
in the first place.
645
00:30:05,632 --> 00:30:07,666
I was supposed to donate
my kidney, not my--
646
00:30:07,666 --> 00:30:10,632
Frank, maybe it’s not
such a bad thing.
647
00:30:10,632 --> 00:30:12,699
Why don’t you take it out
for a test drive?
648
00:30:12,699 --> 00:30:14,367
A what?
649
00:30:14,367 --> 00:30:16,599
You know, take it around
the block a few times.
650
00:30:16,599 --> 00:30:17,966
You might like it.
651
00:30:17,966 --> 00:30:20,599
No, no, I don’t wanna test it.
I want my dick back.
652
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:22,500
You’d have to talk
to Dr. Weller about that.
653
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:26,766
Who--who’s Dr. Weller?
654
00:30:26,766 --> 00:30:28,666
I am the head
of the hospital’s
655
00:30:28,666 --> 00:30:31,066
gender reassignment department.
And you are?
656
00:30:31,066 --> 00:30:32,999
I’m Frank Baum.
657
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,133
Of course. You.
658
00:30:37,133 --> 00:30:39,599
Please sit in the other chair.
659
00:30:39,599 --> 00:30:41,899
Oh, that one broken?
660
00:30:41,899 --> 00:30:43,566
Of course not.
661
00:30:43,566 --> 00:30:45,632
Please don’t cross your legs.
662
00:30:45,632 --> 00:30:47,100
Okay.
663
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:48,999
-Please don’t do that.
-What?
664
00:30:48,999 --> 00:30:50,266
-That.
-What that?
665
00:30:50,266 --> 00:30:52,699
That that. Stop it now.
I insist.
666
00:30:52,699 --> 00:30:54,833
-Okay, stopped.
-Thank you.
667
00:30:54,833 --> 00:30:58,367
Now, what seems to be
the problem?
668
00:30:58,367 --> 00:31:01,533
Well, first of all,
I have a vagina.
669
00:31:01,533 --> 00:31:04,599
And a very nice one,
I might add. Congratulations.
670
00:31:04,599 --> 00:31:06,699
Thank you,
but I don’t want it.
671
00:31:06,699 --> 00:31:08,200
You should’ve thought
of that before you got it.
672
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,433
-What?
-Tell me,
673
00:31:09,433 --> 00:31:11,100
did you give serious
consideration to this
674
00:31:11,100 --> 00:31:13,266
before you had your
gender reassignment?
675
00:31:13,266 --> 00:31:14,766
No, never for a second.
676
00:31:14,766 --> 00:31:17,166
Well, that seems rather silly,
don’t you think?
677
00:31:17,166 --> 00:31:19,166
No, no, no.
There’s been a terrible mistake.
678
00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:21,400
Okay, let me guess.
679
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,266
Your mother was overbearing
and your father was distant.
680
00:31:24,266 --> 00:31:26,367
You loved to play with dolls
681
00:31:26,367 --> 00:31:29,966
and put on your mother’s pretty
dresses and high-heeled shoes
682
00:31:29,966 --> 00:31:32,266
every morning
when she went off to work.
683
00:31:32,266 --> 00:31:35,066
-Never.
-Not even once?
684
00:31:35,066 --> 00:31:36,200
-Never.
-Hmm.
685
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,899
Doctor, if we could
just schedule
686
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:42,833
the operation
and give it all back.
687
00:31:42,833 --> 00:31:44,367
No.
688
00:31:44,367 --> 00:31:46,300
-No?
-No.
689
00:31:46,300 --> 00:31:47,833
-Why not?
-Well, it’s not that easy.
690
00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,733
We don’t just change
someone’s gender willy-nilly.
691
00:31:49,733 --> 00:31:51,699
-Oh, I--I--
I beg to differ you do.
-Don’t.
692
00:31:51,699 --> 00:31:52,966
-Do.
-Don’t.
693
00:31:52,966 --> 00:31:54,966
-Do, did. Well, you did with me.
-Well, I didn’t.
694
00:31:54,966 --> 00:31:57,599
-Well, the other doctor,
he did.
-Ah, yes.
695
00:31:57,599 --> 00:31:59,433
He doesn’t work here anymore.
696
00:31:59,433 --> 00:32:01,500
In fact, he’s no longer
even a doctor.
697
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,133
I know. He told me.
698
00:32:03,133 --> 00:32:06,166
-This is all so sad.
-I know.
699
00:32:06,166 --> 00:32:08,166
Not you, him.
700
00:32:08,166 --> 00:32:09,866
He’s been a surgeon
his whole life.
701
00:32:09,866 --> 00:32:11,500
Now, it’s all down the drain.
702
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,833
No more pension,
no retirement in Florida.
703
00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:15,833
Wait, I’m the one
who was screwed here.
704
00:32:15,833 --> 00:32:18,400
-He lost his license...
-I lost my dick, you prick.
705
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,699
Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey.
706
00:32:20,699 --> 00:32:22,566
I can’t work with you
if you’re gonna be hostile.
707
00:32:22,566 --> 00:32:25,300
I’m hostile because you
won’t give me my dick back.
708
00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:28,300
I don’t have it.
709
00:32:28,300 --> 00:32:30,999
I just wanna be a man again.
710
00:32:30,999 --> 00:32:33,333
-Are you a misogynist?
-Of course not, I love women.
711
00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,066
As long as you don’t
have to be one.
712
00:32:35,066 --> 00:32:37,367
Tell me, are you the same way
with blacks as well?
713
00:32:37,367 --> 00:32:40,699
-Blacks, blacks.
Do you like blacks?
-Of course...
714
00:32:40,699 --> 00:32:43,033
Yeah, as long as you don’t
have to actually be black.
715
00:32:43,033 --> 00:32:44,699
-No, no...
-Would you rather
be a black man
716
00:32:44,699 --> 00:32:46,033
-or a black woman?
-Neither.
717
00:32:46,033 --> 00:32:48,666
My point exactly.
718
00:32:48,666 --> 00:32:51,266
I’m sorry, you’re just not ready
to be transformed.
719
00:32:51,266 --> 00:32:53,566
And until you are, I can’t,
in all good conscience,
720
00:32:53,566 --> 00:32:55,333
approve you
for gender reassignment.
721
00:32:55,333 --> 00:32:56,799
This is crazy.
You’re crazy.
722
00:32:56,799 --> 00:32:59,333
That is exactly the kind of
attitude that is going to delay
723
00:32:59,333 --> 00:33:01,433
your gender reassignment
procedure.
724
00:33:01,433 --> 00:33:03,799
Oh, my God. Okay.
What do I have to do?
725
00:33:03,799 --> 00:33:06,100
Just--just tell me
what I need to do. What?
726
00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:09,300
When you are ready to...
727
00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:12,066
...heal yourself and calmly
progress down
728
00:33:12,066 --> 00:33:13,866
the path toward gender
reassignment
729
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,899
like a nice, calm, normal,
730
00:33:15,899 --> 00:33:18,599
sane human being,
then we can talk.
731
00:33:18,599 --> 00:33:21,066
Until then, I have other
patients to see.
732
00:33:23,866 --> 00:33:26,467
This is not over.
Not over.
733
00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,066
It’s never over.
734
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:42,367
Do you suffer from sneezing
and runny eyes every spring?
735
00:33:42,367 --> 00:33:45,300
Think maybe it’s pollen
or spring fever?
736
00:33:45,300 --> 00:33:49,367
Take it from me, Roger Byamm,
it’s time to think again.
737
00:33:49,367 --> 00:33:52,400
You may be suffering
from asphaltitis...
738
00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:58,500
...of the nose and sinus area
caused by the microscopic...
739
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:00,400
-Hey, Frank.
-Yup.
740
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,866
-Can I talk to you?
-Yeah. Give me a minute.
I’m almost done.
741
00:34:02,866 --> 00:34:05,400
Now.
742
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,632
Sure, what’s so important?
743
00:34:08,632 --> 00:34:10,033
There seems to be
a little problem.
744
00:34:10,033 --> 00:34:11,833
-With what?
-With you.
745
00:34:11,833 --> 00:34:13,599
Me? With what?
746
00:34:13,599 --> 00:34:16,566
There’s been a few complaints
from some of the other
gym members.
747
00:34:16,566 --> 00:34:18,999
What? Like--
was the equipment
not wiped down?
748
00:34:18,999 --> 00:34:20,666
It’s kind of a different
problem than that.
749
00:34:20,666 --> 00:34:23,999
We’ve gotten a few
complaints about you using
the men’s locker room.
750
00:34:23,999 --> 00:34:26,766
I’m a man.
751
00:34:26,766 --> 00:34:28,500
Yeah, but with a vagina.
752
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:31,266
And so, technically,
you shouldn’t even be in there.
753
00:34:31,266 --> 00:34:33,200
What, you want me to use
the women’s locker room?
754
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,066
You’re not supposed
to be in there either.
755
00:34:35,066 --> 00:34:36,467
So you don’t want me
to use the men’s locker room,
756
00:34:36,467 --> 00:34:38,333
you don’t want me to use
the women’s locker room,
757
00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:40,632
what kind of discrimination
is that?
758
00:34:40,632 --> 00:34:43,033
It’s just making some people
feel being uncomfortable.
759
00:34:43,033 --> 00:34:44,866
You’re saying you don’t want me
to work out here anymore?
760
00:34:44,866 --> 00:34:47,000
Yes, yes, that’s what
I’m saying.
761
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,233
I’m sorry.
762
00:34:50,766 --> 00:34:52,300
Roger:
Let’s smell the money, baby.
763
00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:55,533
I smell money for you
and for me.
764
00:34:55,533 --> 00:34:57,500
Call the offices
of Roger Byamm.
765
00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:58,899
I answer the phone myself.
766
00:34:58,899 --> 00:35:02,100
You know what?
I ought to sue your ass.
767
00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,733
I ought to sue you
for discrimination.
768
00:35:04,733 --> 00:35:07,333
I’m gonna sue you
into next Tuesday, big guy.
769
00:35:07,333 --> 00:35:10,833
You know that?
And I’m gonna sue you,
Mr. West Village.
770
00:35:10,833 --> 00:35:14,033
And I’m gonna sue you,
Mr. Tattoo Man.
771
00:35:14,033 --> 00:35:15,566
And I’m suing you, baby.
772
00:35:15,566 --> 00:35:18,533
But first, I am suing
that goddamn hospital!
773
00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:20,933
Roger:
Okay, Earl.
774
00:35:20,933 --> 00:35:24,166
Keep that neck brace on
and work on that limp.
775
00:35:24,166 --> 00:35:25,400
Pain and suffering.
776
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,133
Pain and suffering
are good, Earl.
777
00:35:27,133 --> 00:35:28,899
They are good.
778
00:35:28,899 --> 00:35:31,699
-If you say so.
-I do say so. I know so.
779
00:35:31,699 --> 00:35:33,899
Now, we’ll work on
mental anguish next time,
780
00:35:33,899 --> 00:35:36,500
but for now,
what, Earl?
781
00:35:36,500 --> 00:35:39,899
-Pain and suffering.
-Ha! There you go.
Way to go, Earl.
782
00:35:39,899 --> 00:35:43,100
-Earl, what do I smell?
-Money?
783
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,200
Yeah, you’re getting it.
784
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:46,799
Earl?
785
00:35:46,799 --> 00:35:47,999
Money.
786
00:35:47,999 --> 00:35:49,933
Yeah. That’s it, baby.
787
00:35:49,933 --> 00:35:52,599
Hey, Frank. How are you?
You look great.
788
00:35:52,599 --> 00:35:55,066
Come on in.
All right.
789
00:35:56,367 --> 00:35:58,066
Gosh, I’m sorry for
the wait, everyone.
790
00:35:58,066 --> 00:36:00,500
But remember,
it’s Vicodin Monday.
791
00:36:03,699 --> 00:36:05,533
So, Frank,
what can I do to help?
792
00:36:05,533 --> 00:36:08,400
Well, um...
793
00:36:09,933 --> 00:36:12,632
you know, this isn’t easy.
794
00:36:12,632 --> 00:36:15,566
Suing people never is,
but that’s what we do here.
795
00:36:15,566 --> 00:36:17,066
Well, it’s a little--
it’s--it’s--
796
00:36:17,066 --> 00:36:18,699
it’s personal.
It’s embarrassing.
797
00:36:18,699 --> 00:36:20,566
Nothing’s embarrassing.
798
00:36:20,566 --> 00:36:21,833
Well, it’s sexual.
799
00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:23,500
-Can’t get wood?
-Hmm?
800
00:36:23,500 --> 00:36:26,566
-Impotent.
-Oh, in a way.
801
00:36:26,566 --> 00:36:29,066
- Preservatives
in the food, maybe.
-What?
802
00:36:29,066 --> 00:36:30,933
I got some cash
last year for this guy.
803
00:36:30,933 --> 00:36:33,300
He had a really hot wife,
and she left him
804
00:36:33,300 --> 00:36:35,200
because he lost the chub
in his chubby.
805
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,866
I blamed it
on salad dressing.
806
00:36:36,866 --> 00:36:38,866
I know that sounds crazy,
but it worked.
807
00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:41,400
Yeah. Well, it’s--it’s--
that’s not it exactly.
808
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,933
Oh, well.
Look, don’t worry about it.
809
00:36:44,933 --> 00:36:46,367
This happens all the time.
810
00:36:46,367 --> 00:36:48,333
We just have to figure out
someone to blame it on.
811
00:36:48,333 --> 00:36:50,400
No, no.
I know who to blame.
812
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,799
Great, makes my job
a lot easier.
813
00:36:51,799 --> 00:36:53,367
Who are you thinking?
814
00:36:53,367 --> 00:36:56,899
Look, it’s--it’s worse--
it’s worse than that.
815
00:36:56,899 --> 00:36:58,966
Is there anything worse
than a limp dick?
816
00:36:58,966 --> 00:37:01,699
No dick.
817
00:37:01,699 --> 00:37:03,300
I’m Roger.
818
00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:06,799
-At the hospital,
they cut off my dick.
-What?
819
00:37:06,799 --> 00:37:09,300
I was going to give my ex-wife’s
brother my kidney.
820
00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:12,599
-I came out with a vagina.
-They did what?
821
00:37:12,599 --> 00:37:15,066
They cut off
my dick and my balls.
They gave me a snatch.
822
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,632
Okay. You’re putting me on.
823
00:37:20,632 --> 00:37:23,566
Man, you had me going.
This is a put-on.
824
00:37:23,566 --> 00:37:27,400
Are there cameras here
somewhere, huh?
825
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,066
I’m being Punk’d, right?
This is kind of cool.
826
00:37:30,066 --> 00:37:32,100
I know.
I was famous around here
827
00:37:32,100 --> 00:37:35,033
but I didn’t think
Ashton Kutcher
knew who I was.
828
00:37:35,033 --> 00:37:36,367
What do I do,
just kind of what,
829
00:37:36,367 --> 00:37:37,566
play along with it,
huh, Frank?
830
00:37:37,566 --> 00:37:38,766
No. You don’t understand.
831
00:37:38,766 --> 00:37:41,666
I have a vagina, a beaver,
a snatch, a twat,
832
00:37:41,666 --> 00:37:42,866
a muff, a gash, a cooz,
833
00:37:42,866 --> 00:37:44,367
whatever you wanna call it,
I have one.
834
00:37:44,367 --> 00:37:45,933
Sure you do,
I see it all the time.
835
00:37:45,933 --> 00:37:47,899
You know,
I think I’m gonna check case law
836
00:37:47,899 --> 00:37:50,933
to see if there’s
a precedent for this.
837
00:37:59,066 --> 00:38:00,566
Oh, my God.
838
00:38:06,233 --> 00:38:08,433
I smell money.
839
00:38:08,433 --> 00:38:11,766
Frank, this is big.
840
00:38:11,766 --> 00:38:13,933
This is huge!
It’s unbelievable!
841
00:38:13,933 --> 00:38:16,033
I have never seen
anything like this,
842
00:38:16,033 --> 00:38:19,066
because there has never
been anything like this.
843
00:38:19,066 --> 00:38:22,367
There is no case law
for anything like this.
844
00:38:22,367 --> 00:38:24,566
Oh, my God.
You have hit the lottery.
845
00:38:24,566 --> 00:38:26,400
I’ve hit the lottery.
We have hit the lottery.
846
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,233
You’re gonna be rich, Frank.
I’m gonna be richer.
847
00:38:29,233 --> 00:38:32,699
Oh, there’s gonna be
lots and lots and
lots of money.
848
00:38:32,699 --> 00:38:34,933
Warehouses full of money.
849
00:38:34,933 --> 00:38:37,467
Obama and every democrat
that ever lived
850
00:38:37,467 --> 00:38:39,999
has never given away
the kind of money
we’re talking about.
851
00:38:39,999 --> 00:38:43,566
You’re a one-man economic
stimulus package, Frank.
852
00:38:43,566 --> 00:38:45,266
Do you smell it?
853
00:38:46,632 --> 00:38:48,400
Breathe.
854
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,033
That’s money.
855
00:38:50,033 --> 00:38:54,433
Oh, Frank,
I smell money.
856
00:38:54,433 --> 00:38:56,833
Johnny:
Well, by now,
Frank was desperate.
857
00:38:56,833 --> 00:38:59,566
I am one with my open mind.
858
00:38:59,566 --> 00:39:01,666
And Dr. Weller suggested
to go to a support group.
859
00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:03,066
All:
I am one with my open mind.
860
00:39:03,066 --> 00:39:06,632
I am one with
my singing heart.
861
00:39:06,632 --> 00:39:08,733
Johnny:
And let me tell you,
what a group.
862
00:39:08,733 --> 00:39:10,133
All:
...with my singing heart.
863
00:39:10,133 --> 00:39:14,300
I am one with my
blossoming genitals.
864
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:19,033
All:
I am one with my
blossoming genitals.
865
00:39:19,033 --> 00:39:20,799
Yes.
866
00:39:22,166 --> 00:39:24,500
Uh, is this the...?
867
00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:27,200
Oh, you must be Frank.
Welcome to the group.
868
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,266
Come on in
and have a seat.
869
00:39:31,799 --> 00:39:36,233
Everyone, Frank is gonna
be a part of our little group.
870
00:39:36,233 --> 00:39:39,966
Honey, ease up
on the testosterone shots.
871
00:39:39,966 --> 00:39:41,833
You’re there.
872
00:39:41,833 --> 00:39:44,733
I like them manly.
I’ll do you like a jackhammer.
873
00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:49,233
-Ladies, ladies...
-I ain’t no lady.
874
00:39:49,233 --> 00:39:50,833
Sorry, Michelle.
875
00:39:50,833 --> 00:39:52,500
It’s Mitchell, and you
damn well know that.
876
00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:54,632
Yes. Mitchell, please.
877
00:39:54,632 --> 00:39:57,500
Frank is here for the same
reason that you all are.
878
00:39:57,500 --> 00:39:59,666
He wants a penis.
879
00:39:59,666 --> 00:40:02,433
Well, no shit.
880
00:40:02,433 --> 00:40:05,266
Exactly how much
testosterone do you take?
881
00:40:05,266 --> 00:40:06,999
Hmm? None.
882
00:40:06,999 --> 00:40:08,200
Well, how much
were you taking?
883
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,400
-None.
-Bullshit.
884
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,467
Frank is a unique case.
885
00:40:12,467 --> 00:40:13,733
Yeah. I’m a, uh...
886
00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:14,933
I’m a unique case.
887
00:40:14,933 --> 00:40:18,100
Yeah. You’re the ugliest
woman I ever seen.
888
00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:20,166
Don’t let them hurt your
feelings, Frank.
889
00:40:20,166 --> 00:40:22,866
They can be mean,
especially the little one.
890
00:40:22,866 --> 00:40:24,933
Up yours, princess.
891
00:40:24,933 --> 00:40:29,100
Michelle, Mitchell.
Please be supportive.
892
00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:31,100
Ugly, so ugly.
893
00:40:31,100 --> 00:40:32,666
-Well, thank you.
-For what?
894
00:40:32,666 --> 00:40:34,799
-I don’t wanna
look like a woman.
-You don’t.
895
00:40:34,799 --> 00:40:36,533
Well, not a pretty one
for sure.
896
00:40:36,533 --> 00:40:38,333
But you are pretty
in your own way.
897
00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:39,566
What freaking way
is that?
898
00:40:39,566 --> 00:40:42,166
Frank is unique in
that he is a man
899
00:40:42,166 --> 00:40:44,733
who happens to have
a vagina by mistake.
900
00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:46,300
-Same here.
-No, no, no.
901
00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:48,933
What she means is I’m--
I’m a man,
902
00:40:48,933 --> 00:40:52,433
but because of an accident,
I have a vagina.
903
00:40:52,433 --> 00:40:53,966
Same here, same here.
904
00:40:53,966 --> 00:40:56,766
No, no, I--I--
I was born a man.
905
00:40:56,766 --> 00:40:58,467
-What?
-With a penis.
906
00:40:58,467 --> 00:40:59,999
-You were?
-Yes, I was a man.
907
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:03,033
-There was an accident.
-What sort of accident?
908
00:41:03,033 --> 00:41:04,766
A terrible accident.
909
00:41:04,766 --> 00:41:06,999
Frank, you wanna--
you wanna share your story?
910
00:41:06,999 --> 00:41:10,000
Yes, Frank, please,
tell us how you lost
your dick.
911
00:41:11,632 --> 00:41:14,966
Well, my brother-in-law,
912
00:41:14,966 --> 00:41:18,500
my ex-brother-in-law, he--
he needed a transplant.
913
00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:20,066
-He needed a dick?
-A kidney.
914
00:41:20,066 --> 00:41:21,766
I’m already confused.
915
00:41:21,766 --> 00:41:23,766
-Go on, Frank.
-The admitting nurse,
916
00:41:23,766 --> 00:41:25,233
she didn’t speak English
very well.
917
00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:27,233
-Fucking spics.
-No, she wasn’t Spanish.
918
00:41:27,233 --> 00:41:29,833
Koreans,
those fucking people.
919
00:41:29,833 --> 00:41:32,100
Actually, she was, like,
Indian or Pakistani,
something like that.
920
00:41:32,100 --> 00:41:33,599
Oh, like the ones
that answer the phone
921
00:41:33,599 --> 00:41:35,100
when you call about
your credit card?
922
00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:37,033
Yeah, like that.
923
00:41:37,033 --> 00:41:38,699
Did she have a red dot
on her forehead?
924
00:41:38,699 --> 00:41:41,066
-She did.
-They’re so hot.
925
00:41:41,066 --> 00:41:43,699
I would like to do one
of those women with a red dot.
926
00:41:43,699 --> 00:41:47,933
Mitchell, please. Frank.
927
00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:52,066
The next thing I knew,
it was gone.
928
00:41:52,066 --> 00:41:53,666
So your brother-in-law’s
got your dick?
929
00:41:53,666 --> 00:41:55,833
-They do dick transplant?
-I have no idea.
930
00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:57,999
-Well, who’s got your dick?
-I think they threw it out.
931
00:41:57,999 --> 00:42:00,033
-Those bastards.
-Son of a bitches.
932
00:42:00,033 --> 00:42:01,666
-I want that dick.
-I want that dick.
933
00:42:01,666 --> 00:42:03,599
I had that dick.
934
00:42:03,599 --> 00:42:06,100
Everybody, I think
we should have
935
00:42:06,100 --> 00:42:10,300
a moment of silence
in memory of Frank’s penis.
936
00:42:19,866 --> 00:42:21,833
Doc, I went to that support
group you suggested.
937
00:42:21,833 --> 00:42:23,467
Why can’t I get
my surgery now?
938
00:42:23,467 --> 00:42:24,799
Oh, Frank, Frank, Frank.
939
00:42:24,799 --> 00:42:27,066
Just because you went to one
meeting with a bunch of pre-ops
940
00:42:27,066 --> 00:42:28,833
who wanna have their
genders reassigned
941
00:42:28,833 --> 00:42:31,400
doesn’t mean you’re
physically and emotionally
prepared for this procedure.
942
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,033
You’ll have to do
more than that to get
approved for your operation.
943
00:42:34,033 --> 00:42:35,966
Well, who decides
when I get approved?
944
00:42:35,966 --> 00:42:37,166
-I do.
-You?
945
00:42:37,166 --> 00:42:38,166
-Me.
-Just you?
946
00:42:38,166 --> 00:42:40,400
Just me.
947
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,632
Woman:
Dr. Hugh to Psychiatry.
Dr. Hugh to Psychiatry.
948
00:42:45,133 --> 00:42:47,200
Hey, girl.
949
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,866
Hey, Frank.
950
00:42:48,866 --> 00:42:51,333
So I’m planning on having you
talk to someone from the NHL
951
00:42:51,333 --> 00:42:53,533
-for the upcoming
winter sport season?
-Great.
952
00:42:53,533 --> 00:42:55,200
But would you feel
more comfortable
953
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,666
if you had to interview
someone from the Croatian
954
00:42:57,666 --> 00:42:59,733
women’s gymnastics team?
955
00:42:59,733 --> 00:43:01,567
No, the usual, Sugar Bowl,
stuff like that.
956
00:43:01,567 --> 00:43:03,400
Sure, fine.
957
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,133
So listen, you’re gonna
be on the 5:00, the 7:00,
958
00:43:06,133 --> 00:43:07,599
and the 11:00 news.
959
00:43:07,599 --> 00:43:09,533
This is huge.
960
00:43:09,533 --> 00:43:12,333
Why didn’t you tell us before?
You know we’re in sweeps.
961
00:43:12,333 --> 00:43:14,066
Wait, what?
962
00:43:14,066 --> 00:43:17,300
Your sex change operation.
963
00:43:17,300 --> 00:43:19,233
That lawyer guy
who advertises with us,
964
00:43:19,233 --> 00:43:22,233
Roger Byamm, we picked up
his press release
on the lawsuit.
965
00:43:22,233 --> 00:43:26,733
Frank, you are a one-man
ratings bonanza.
966
00:43:26,733 --> 00:43:29,533
Can you say local Emmy?
967
00:43:29,533 --> 00:43:31,433
You know, Stan,
I think I’d really rather
968
00:43:31,433 --> 00:43:33,433
keep this private,
if you don’t mind.
969
00:43:33,433 --> 00:43:35,200
And our viewers, I don’t
think they want this.
970
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,033
They tune into us
for news.
971
00:43:37,033 --> 00:43:39,799
Oh, please, please.
Our viewers get their
news off the internet, Frank.
972
00:43:39,799 --> 00:43:41,766
They come to us
for entertainment.
973
00:43:41,766 --> 00:43:44,999
Frank, this is all
about the ratings.
974
00:43:44,999 --> 00:43:47,433
Some people
are gonna tune in
just out of curiosity.
975
00:43:47,433 --> 00:43:49,266
Heck, we might even pick up
some freaky viewers.
976
00:43:49,266 --> 00:43:51,467
-Hey, I’m no freak.
-I know.
977
00:43:51,467 --> 00:43:54,133
All I’m saying is,
Frank, the freaks,
they’ve got TVs too.
978
00:43:54,133 --> 00:43:57,632
As a matter of fact,
we should be selling ad space
979
00:43:57,632 --> 00:44:00,233
to all of those joints
that sell to the freaks,
980
00:44:00,233 --> 00:44:01,833
all that freaky stuff.
981
00:44:01,833 --> 00:44:03,133
Sales!
982
00:44:03,133 --> 00:44:05,766
Frank, every talk show
is calling to interview you.
983
00:44:05,766 --> 00:44:07,467
We’ve got messages
from Ellen, Regis,
984
00:44:07,467 --> 00:44:09,133
Katie Couric,
Letterman, Oprah.
985
00:44:09,133 --> 00:44:11,233
-Oprah?
-Yeah. And Dr. Drew
from Loveline.
986
00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:13,400
And speaking of that,
can I ask you a question?
987
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,632
What is it, buddy?
988
00:44:14,632 --> 00:44:17,233
Where exactly
is the G-spot?
989
00:44:20,567 --> 00:44:22,500
I’m not sure.
990
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,599
Great. You have a vagina
and you don’t even know.
991
00:44:24,599 --> 00:44:25,933
How am I ever gonna find it?
992
00:44:25,933 --> 00:44:27,133
My girl.
993
00:44:27,133 --> 00:44:29,233
My name is Frank.
I am not a girl, Jedda.
994
00:44:29,233 --> 00:44:31,133
Okay, let me just talk to you.
995
00:44:31,133 --> 00:44:35,300
This whole you got
a va-jay-jay thing
is not a big deal.
996
00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:38,733
My brother Earl
had the same operation
997
00:44:38,733 --> 00:44:40,899
and everything
turned out fine.
998
00:44:40,899 --> 00:44:43,200
He would show up
for Christmas dinner
999
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,433
as Uncle Earl,
and then he would
1000
00:44:45,433 --> 00:44:48,333
come back for dessert
as Aunt Earlina.
1001
00:44:48,333 --> 00:44:50,400
And we all got two gifts.
1002
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,133
Oh, one thing.
1003
00:44:53,133 --> 00:44:55,066
Yeast.
1004
00:44:55,066 --> 00:44:58,000
Oh, my God. Frank...
1005
00:45:00,033 --> 00:45:02,266
you’re a cougar.
1006
00:45:05,533 --> 00:45:08,233
-What are you doing?
-My desk now.
1007
00:45:08,233 --> 00:45:11,200
Ned, we have a situation.
1008
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:25,133
You’re my stud,
my main man.
1009
00:45:25,133 --> 00:45:26,300
Hmm, this is nice.
1010
00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:28,066
I’ve missed you.
1011
00:45:28,066 --> 00:45:32,333
And your little Trin Trin
has missed her man, too.
1012
00:45:32,333 --> 00:45:35,567
I tried calling and calling,
1013
00:45:35,567 --> 00:45:37,733
but you never picked up.
1014
00:45:37,733 --> 00:45:40,866
Well, I had a lot
to think about.
1015
00:45:40,866 --> 00:45:45,733
Well, I hope you were
thinking about me
all that time.
1016
00:45:45,733 --> 00:45:49,100
Well, I guess we need
to be a little patient.
1017
00:45:49,100 --> 00:45:50,733
I’m gonna get
that operation
1018
00:45:50,733 --> 00:45:52,567
and everything’s gonna
get back to normal.
1019
00:45:52,567 --> 00:45:56,833
Mm-hmm.
Maybe even better.
1020
00:45:56,833 --> 00:45:59,033
Hmm?
1021
00:45:59,033 --> 00:46:03,467
Maybe it can be like
the Six Million Dollar Man.
1022
00:46:03,467 --> 00:46:05,999
We can build him,
1023
00:46:05,999 --> 00:46:08,567
we can make him
better than he was.
1024
00:46:08,567 --> 00:46:10,599
Well, I’d like to think
I was okay before.
1025
00:46:11,899 --> 00:46:14,066
No complaints.
1026
00:46:14,066 --> 00:46:16,467
No complaints, mister.
1027
00:46:23,533 --> 00:46:25,266
Oh, yeah.
1028
00:46:25,266 --> 00:46:27,066
Oh, yeah.
1029
00:46:27,066 --> 00:46:28,866
Oh, yeah.
1030
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:37,899
Oh, oh, oh, no,
oh, oh. Oh.
1031
00:46:37,899 --> 00:46:40,367
Oh.
1032
00:46:43,133 --> 00:46:44,833
Oh.
1033
00:46:45,899 --> 00:46:49,200
Okay. I’m sorry, I can’t.
1034
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:50,833
What?
1035
00:46:50,833 --> 00:46:54,266
I’m sorry, I just
cannot do this. Wow.
1036
00:46:54,266 --> 00:46:56,166
Can’t do what?
Baby, it’s me.
1037
00:46:56,166 --> 00:47:00,599
No, it’s not,
at least not all of you.
1038
00:47:00,599 --> 00:47:03,632
I’m just--I’m not--
I’m not like this.
I’m not.
1039
00:47:03,632 --> 00:47:06,233
-Like what?
-I’m not a lesbian.
1040
00:47:06,233 --> 00:47:07,899
Me neither,
I’m not even a woman.
1041
00:47:07,899 --> 00:47:09,133
I’m me, Frank.
I’m a man.
1042
00:47:09,133 --> 00:47:10,833
With a vagina.
1043
00:47:10,833 --> 00:47:13,400
Frank, ugh!
1044
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,533
Even if I wanted
to experiment,
1045
00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:18,666
it would be with some
hot chick like Angelina Jolie
1046
00:47:18,666 --> 00:47:20,133
over wine or whatever.
1047
00:47:20,133 --> 00:47:21,333
But not like this.
1048
00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:23,166
I’m sorry, Frank,
1049
00:47:23,166 --> 00:47:24,500
but this just
is not gonna work.
1050
00:47:24,500 --> 00:47:26,766
I tried, but I don’t know.
1051
00:47:26,766 --> 00:47:27,999
I don’t wanna see that, Frank.
1052
00:47:27,999 --> 00:47:29,033
What?
1053
00:47:29,033 --> 00:47:33,166
Your snatch, Frank,
your snatch.
1054
00:47:33,166 --> 00:47:36,766
I don’t think I’m ever
gonna forget it, ever.
1055
00:47:39,533 --> 00:47:41,100
Where are you going?
1056
00:47:41,100 --> 00:47:43,599
To get drunk,
very drunk.
1057
00:47:43,599 --> 00:47:45,567
-And then you’re coming back?
-No.
1058
00:47:45,567 --> 00:47:46,833
Well, then where
are you going?
1059
00:47:46,833 --> 00:47:48,999
To therapy,
weeks, months,
1060
00:47:48,999 --> 00:47:50,400
maybe years of therapy.
1061
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,100
As much as my daddy
can afford.
1062
00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:54,166
Well,
I’ll call you tomorrow.
1063
00:47:54,166 --> 00:47:56,400
-We can talk about it,
all right?
-No. Aah!
1064
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,999
There it is again. Jesus.
1065
00:47:59,999 --> 00:48:03,899
Goodbye, Frank.
1066
00:48:03,899 --> 00:48:04,966
Goodbye.
1067
00:48:08,599 --> 00:48:10,799
Drive safely.
1068
00:48:14,266 --> 00:48:17,333
So you’re all
alone now, huh?
Me, too.
1069
00:48:17,333 --> 00:48:19,833
I’m all alone too,
who cares?
1070
00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:24,133
So what?
The main thing is
we have each other.
1071
00:48:24,133 --> 00:48:25,500
Right?
1072
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:26,699
You bet, buddy.
1073
00:48:26,699 --> 00:48:30,033
I mean, you remember
when Marge left me
1074
00:48:30,033 --> 00:48:32,866
for that cable guy? Huh?
1075
00:48:32,866 --> 00:48:34,833
You were there for me.
1076
00:48:34,833 --> 00:48:37,799
Oh, and Emily left me
for the mailman?
1077
00:48:37,799 --> 00:48:40,766
You were there for me.
1078
00:48:40,766 --> 00:48:44,367
When Joan left me for the guy
who mows the lawn.
1079
00:48:44,367 --> 00:48:46,733
-The Mexican guy?
-I think he was Ecuadorian.
1080
00:48:46,733 --> 00:48:48,533
But you were there for me.
1081
00:48:48,533 --> 00:48:52,133
Women, they come and go,
they come and they go.
1082
00:48:52,133 --> 00:48:54,467
But friends,
best friends, Frank,
1083
00:48:54,467 --> 00:48:59,533
like you, you’re always
there for me.
1084
00:48:59,533 --> 00:49:01,533
I always will be, buddy.
1085
00:49:01,533 --> 00:49:03,300
How long have we known
each other, huh?
1086
00:49:03,300 --> 00:49:04,733
Thirty years?
1087
00:49:04,733 --> 00:49:07,966
-Thirty-one?
-Thirty-one years, wow.
1088
00:49:07,966 --> 00:49:10,933
Long time.
1089
00:49:10,933 --> 00:49:14,500
Hey, Frank,
what do you say?
1090
00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:16,166
How about we kick
things up a notch?
1091
00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:21,100
-What do you mean?
-Notch, kick, up.
1092
00:49:25,100 --> 00:49:26,133
You wanna fuck me?
1093
00:49:27,367 --> 00:49:29,033
-What?
-What?
1094
00:49:29,033 --> 00:49:32,266
Jesus Christ, Frank.
My God, what are you, crazy?
1095
00:49:32,266 --> 00:49:34,567
Okay. Sorry, sorry,
I thought--
1096
00:49:34,567 --> 00:49:37,333
when you--
when you said--
1097
00:49:37,333 --> 00:49:38,933
sorry.
1098
00:49:38,933 --> 00:49:40,766
My God.
1099
00:49:40,766 --> 00:49:42,567
Oh, man.
1100
00:49:44,166 --> 00:49:46,166
Hey, now that you
brought it up...
1101
00:49:46,166 --> 00:49:48,266
-You do wanna fuck me?
-What? No.
1102
00:49:48,266 --> 00:49:50,133
-No, I don’t wanna fuck--
-You do.
1103
00:49:50,133 --> 00:49:51,799
It’s not like I wanna
kiss you or anything.
1104
00:49:51,799 --> 00:49:54,766
I’m just saying you got
a nice new shiny vagina,
1105
00:49:54,766 --> 00:49:56,632
it’s a waste
just sitting there.
1106
00:49:56,632 --> 00:49:57,899
Let’s take it for a spin.
1107
00:49:57,899 --> 00:49:59,666
I am not gay.
You are not gay.
1108
00:49:59,666 --> 00:50:01,367
You weren’t until,
like, a second ago.
1109
00:50:01,367 --> 00:50:02,933
No, I am not gay.
1110
00:50:02,933 --> 00:50:04,899
You wanna fuck me?
We’re not that drunk.
1111
00:50:04,899 --> 00:50:07,599
Me fucking you,
not gay.
1112
00:50:07,599 --> 00:50:09,200
Johnny fucking Frankie,
very gay!
1113
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:13,300
You have a vagina, huh?
Not gay.
1114
00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:15,500
Buddy, all I’m saying
is we have
1115
00:50:15,500 --> 00:50:17,699
what married couples
wish they had.
1116
00:50:17,699 --> 00:50:20,833
I mean, we’re best friends,
we’re buddies.
1117
00:50:20,833 --> 00:50:22,333
I mean, think about it.
Picture this.
1118
00:50:22,333 --> 00:50:23,899
I don’t want to picture it.
1119
00:50:23,899 --> 00:50:26,000
Sundays, huh?
1120
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,400
What do you like to do?
1121
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,433
-Saints games.
-Saints games, me too.
1122
00:50:29,433 --> 00:50:31,666
-What do you do
on Saturday?
-Golf?
1123
00:50:31,666 --> 00:50:34,766
Golf, 10:00 tee time,
sharp, me too.
1124
00:50:34,766 --> 00:50:37,966
You like burgers,
I like burgers.
1125
00:50:37,966 --> 00:50:40,233
I love burgers.
You are not fucking me.
1126
00:50:42,033 --> 00:50:44,933
Both of you guys
are making me sick.
1127
00:50:44,933 --> 00:50:46,833
All right,
I won’t fuck you.
1128
00:50:46,833 --> 00:50:48,899
You most certainly
will not fuck me.
1129
00:50:48,899 --> 00:50:51,733
So I says to him,
"Dad, the good news is
1130
00:50:51,733 --> 00:50:54,632
you’re finally gonna get
that son you always wanted."
1131
00:50:56,033 --> 00:50:58,467
Hey, what do you say
we take a five-minute break?
1132
00:51:06,133 --> 00:51:09,166
You look down, Frank.
What’s going on?
1133
00:51:09,166 --> 00:51:10,933
I just want Weller
to give me that surgery
1134
00:51:10,933 --> 00:51:12,666
so I can get
my life back.
1135
00:51:12,666 --> 00:51:14,266
Well, that’s natural.
1136
00:51:14,266 --> 00:51:15,599
But in the meantime,
1137
00:51:15,599 --> 00:51:17,966
you need to focus
on your inner self.
1138
00:51:17,966 --> 00:51:20,433
In fact,
1139
00:51:20,433 --> 00:51:22,899
we’re doing a day
of readings and poetry
1140
00:51:22,899 --> 00:51:25,100
as a little fundraiser
for the center.
1141
00:51:25,100 --> 00:51:27,200
Why don’t you
read something?
1142
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,632
Express how you feel,
get it out of your system.
1143
00:51:29,632 --> 00:51:31,699
In public?
I don’t think so.
1144
00:51:31,699 --> 00:51:32,899
Yeah, come on.
1145
00:51:32,899 --> 00:51:35,100
Nobody would understand it.
1146
00:51:35,100 --> 00:51:36,300
Aww. Frank,
1147
00:51:36,300 --> 00:51:37,799
it’ll be a good way
for you to get know
1148
00:51:37,799 --> 00:51:39,066
about other people
at the center.
1149
00:51:39,066 --> 00:51:42,933
Plus, it might look good
to Dr. Weller.
1150
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:44,666
Weller.
1151
00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,467
What’s that tool’s problem?
1152
00:51:46,467 --> 00:51:48,300
Yeah, he’s a tool
with a God complex.
1153
00:51:48,300 --> 00:51:50,733
-What do you say?
-I don’t know.
1154
00:51:50,733 --> 00:51:53,066
Gabriella,
can you help Frank
1155
00:51:53,066 --> 00:51:55,133
write something to read
at the fundraiser?
1156
00:51:55,133 --> 00:51:57,400
Yeah, I could totally help.
1157
00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,166
-Well...
-Great.
1158
00:51:59,166 --> 00:52:02,033
Everyone, Frank has decided
1159
00:52:02,033 --> 00:52:04,333
to join you in your
upcoming performance.
1160
00:52:04,333 --> 00:52:06,766
Oh, awesome.
1161
00:52:06,766 --> 00:52:09,200
In the meantime,
why don’t we figure out
a little group activity
1162
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,866
for everybody
to participate in
before the show?
1163
00:52:11,866 --> 00:52:14,933
-Oh, putt-putt golf.
-Are you crazy?
1164
00:52:14,933 --> 00:52:17,467
Those fucking golf clubs
are bigger than me.
1165
00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:20,033
-That’s not fair.
-Let’s do batting cages.
1166
00:52:20,033 --> 00:52:23,133
-You play ball?
-Does she play ball?
1167
00:52:23,133 --> 00:52:25,166
Abbe’s the Great Bambina.
1168
00:52:25,166 --> 00:52:28,066
I’ve been playing softball
18 years, pal.
1169
00:52:28,066 --> 00:52:29,266
And she ain’t bad either.
1170
00:52:29,266 --> 00:52:33,066
-Her?
-No strike zone.
1171
00:52:37,799 --> 00:52:40,233
Let me catch my breath.
1172
00:52:40,233 --> 00:52:41,866
That was great, huh?
1173
00:52:41,866 --> 00:52:43,699
Sure, Dad.
1174
00:52:43,699 --> 00:52:47,266
What? Cats in the Cradle.
You love that one.
1175
00:52:47,266 --> 00:52:50,166
Well, not really.
I mean, not anymore.
1176
00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:53,266
I liked it when
I was, like, seven,
but I’m grown up now.
1177
00:52:53,266 --> 00:52:56,166
Wow.
1178
00:52:56,166 --> 00:52:58,799
Well, all grown up, yeah.
1179
00:52:58,799 --> 00:53:00,200
You’re a man now, huh?
1180
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,100
That’s right, Dad.
I am a man.
1181
00:53:02,100 --> 00:53:05,233
Well, let me ask you
something then.
1182
00:53:05,233 --> 00:53:07,833
Man to man.
1183
00:53:07,833 --> 00:53:11,033
You’re okay with everything?
1184
00:53:11,033 --> 00:53:12,367
What everything?
1185
00:53:12,367 --> 00:53:15,300
I don’t know, I mean,
your mother and I we...
1186
00:53:15,300 --> 00:53:17,467
we don’t get on that well.
1187
00:53:17,467 --> 00:53:20,632
You know,
everything else?
1188
00:53:20,632 --> 00:53:23,632
Look, you’re my dad.
1189
00:53:23,632 --> 00:53:25,866
I love and I’m proud of you.
1190
00:53:25,866 --> 00:53:30,400
I don’t care what you have
or don’t have down there.
1191
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:33,200
It’s never been a factor
in my life,
1192
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,933
and I wanna keep it
that way.
1193
00:53:35,933 --> 00:53:37,166
Deal?
1194
00:53:38,300 --> 00:53:40,200
-Deal.
-All right.
1195
00:53:41,799 --> 00:53:44,966
Wow, no more Storyland, huh?
1196
00:53:44,966 --> 00:53:46,799
Nope.
1197
00:53:46,799 --> 00:53:50,166
Okay, well, let me ask you
this then, man to man.
1198
00:53:50,166 --> 00:53:51,733
What are you into now?
1199
00:53:51,733 --> 00:53:53,266
-Man to man?
-Mm-hmm.
1200
00:53:53,266 --> 00:53:55,699
Chicks.
1201
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,999
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day.
1202
00:54:00,999 --> 00:54:03,433
You’re sure you won’t
have a beer?
1203
00:54:03,433 --> 00:54:04,966
No, no. It’s a little early
for me, Pop.
1204
00:54:06,533 --> 00:54:07,666
You know,
those are twist-offs.
1205
00:54:07,666 --> 00:54:10,333
Twist off.
1206
00:54:10,333 --> 00:54:13,733
A bottle to me
is meant to be popped open.
1207
00:54:13,733 --> 00:54:16,266
Hell, if I had a buck
for every bottle of beer
that I opened,
1208
00:54:16,266 --> 00:54:18,400
I’d owned a brewery.
1209
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,400
I could remember
when you were a kid,
1210
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:23,899
I use to open up
your root beer bottles
with this, remember?
1211
00:54:23,899 --> 00:54:25,833
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
1212
00:54:25,833 --> 00:54:27,699
Those long-necked Barq’s,
I remember.
1213
00:54:27,699 --> 00:54:29,666
That’s the one.
1214
00:54:29,666 --> 00:54:31,899
I’d have my beer
and you’d drink your root beer,
1215
00:54:31,899 --> 00:54:35,133
and we’d be like
a couple of old-timers.
1216
00:54:35,133 --> 00:54:37,400
Made me feel like
a grown-up.
1217
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,066
Yeah. Yeah.
1218
00:54:41,433 --> 00:54:44,133
What’s the matter, son?
What’s--what’s eating at you?
1219
00:54:44,133 --> 00:54:46,799
Oh, you know, Pop.
1220
00:54:46,799 --> 00:54:48,567
Oh, that?
1221
00:54:48,567 --> 00:54:51,533
Yeah. That damn shame.
1222
00:54:51,533 --> 00:54:53,400
I’m hoping they let me
have my surgery soon.
1223
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:54,966
I just wanna be a man again.
1224
00:54:54,966 --> 00:54:56,899
You are a man,
a good man.
1225
00:54:56,899 --> 00:54:58,467
Well, it doesn’t
feel that way.
1226
00:54:58,467 --> 00:55:02,966
You know, there’s a lot
that goes into being a man
1227
00:55:02,966 --> 00:55:04,300
besides having a johnson.
1228
00:55:04,300 --> 00:55:05,999
Oh, they took my balls too.
1229
00:55:05,999 --> 00:55:08,999
I got an idea.
1230
00:55:08,999 --> 00:55:10,333
Come on with me.
1231
00:55:10,333 --> 00:55:12,266
-Where?
-Come on, come on, come on.
1232
00:55:12,266 --> 00:55:14,333
I’ll show you. Come on.
Let’s go.
1233
00:55:14,333 --> 00:55:16,133
Hey, good morning, sweetie.
1234
00:55:16,133 --> 00:55:18,233
Well, hello, Frank.
You’re looking mighty good
today.
1235
00:55:18,233 --> 00:55:20,100
How are you?
Thank you very much.
1236
00:55:20,100 --> 00:55:21,567
Meet my son Frank.
1237
00:55:21,567 --> 00:55:24,333
-Frank, Jr.?
-No, Frank the VI.
1238
00:55:24,333 --> 00:55:26,333
-The VI?
-Long story.
1239
00:55:26,333 --> 00:55:29,133
All the men in my family
are named Frank.
1240
00:55:29,133 --> 00:55:32,033
Like George Foreman and all
his boys being named George.
1241
00:55:32,033 --> 00:55:34,899
I don’t know. We’re Franks
and they’re Georges.
1242
00:55:36,300 --> 00:55:38,500
Okay. Well, may I be
frank with you?
1243
00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:39,933
Why not?
Everybody else is.
1244
00:55:39,933 --> 00:55:41,467
Yeah, yeah.
1245
00:55:41,467 --> 00:55:43,766
Oh, where’s Hunter?
1246
00:55:43,766 --> 00:55:46,699
-Where else?
-Oh, where else is right.
1247
00:55:46,699 --> 00:55:48,066
-See you later, sweetie.
-Have a good day, guys.
1248
00:55:48,066 --> 00:55:49,033
Thank you.
1249
00:55:55,033 --> 00:55:58,233
Hot dog.
That’s a good man.
1250
00:55:58,233 --> 00:55:59,766
Hey, Frank.
1251
00:55:59,766 --> 00:56:01,999
How’s it going? Wanna do
some one-on-one with me?
1252
00:56:01,999 --> 00:56:03,400
Come on.
1253
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:05,467
Lay off us old-timers,
will you?
1254
00:56:05,467 --> 00:56:07,133
Hey, this is my son Frank.
He’s a hotshot.
1255
00:56:07,133 --> 00:56:08,500
He’ll give you
some competition.
1256
00:56:08,500 --> 00:56:10,166
Oh, I don’t know about that.
1257
00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:11,966
How about Around the World?
1258
00:56:11,966 --> 00:56:13,500
-Huh?
-Why not?
1259
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:15,200
Take it easy on him,
will you?
1260
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:17,567
-Okay.
-All right.
1261
00:56:17,567 --> 00:56:19,999
Hey, how about you guys, huh?
1262
00:56:19,999 --> 00:56:22,400
How are you doing, Joe?
Let me give you a hand.
1263
00:56:24,899 --> 00:56:26,866
-Good luck.
-All right.
1264
00:56:26,866 --> 00:56:28,699
I’ll take your wallet.
1265
00:56:57,866 --> 00:57:01,599
All right.
This is the one.
1266
00:57:01,599 --> 00:57:03,266
Oh!
1267
00:57:10,599 --> 00:57:12,599
I think I just got hustled.
1268
00:57:12,599 --> 00:57:15,333
Where did you learn
to shoot like that?
1269
00:57:15,333 --> 00:57:16,533
Playground.
1270
00:57:16,533 --> 00:57:18,567
Warren Easton High School.
1271
00:57:18,567 --> 00:57:20,733
Warren Easton High School?
1272
00:57:20,733 --> 00:57:22,200
Mm-hmm.
1273
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:24,733
Wait a minute.
1274
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:27,333
You’re Hunter Mileaux.
1275
00:57:27,333 --> 00:57:28,966
The one and only.
1276
00:57:28,966 --> 00:57:32,200
I remember you.
You were all-state.
1277
00:57:33,899 --> 00:57:38,400
-Life, huh?
-Life, man, Afghanistan.
1278
00:57:39,632 --> 00:57:41,367
Land mine.
1279
00:57:43,567 --> 00:57:44,833
Wow.
1280
00:57:44,833 --> 00:57:46,766
Yeah, it ain’t how
I saw life going,
1281
00:57:46,766 --> 00:57:51,833
but I’m here talking to you.
1282
00:57:51,833 --> 00:57:54,699
And I think I just kicked
your ass at basketball.
1283
00:57:54,699 --> 00:57:57,866
I think you did.
1284
00:57:57,866 --> 00:58:00,467
See, life is not
about yesterday.
1285
00:58:00,467 --> 00:58:02,333
It’s about today.
1286
00:58:02,333 --> 00:58:04,533
It’s about now.
It’s about next week,
1287
00:58:04,533 --> 00:58:06,266
next year.
1288
00:58:06,266 --> 00:58:08,100
I get out of here
next month.
1289
00:58:08,100 --> 00:58:10,233
Got a job as
an accountant.
1290
00:58:10,233 --> 00:58:12,632
Took the classes
while I was in here.
1291
00:58:12,632 --> 00:58:17,100
I got a life
and a career.
1292
00:58:17,100 --> 00:58:21,300
Don’t get me wrong,
I miss the fast breaks
1293
00:58:21,300 --> 00:58:22,599
and the slam dunks.
1294
00:58:22,599 --> 00:58:24,567
Man, you used to fly
through the air,
1295
00:58:24,567 --> 00:58:25,799
just hang there.
1296
00:58:25,799 --> 00:58:28,467
Listen to the roar
of the crowd.
1297
00:58:28,467 --> 00:58:31,699
It’s unreal, man.
Just unreal.
1298
00:58:31,699 --> 00:58:33,766
But it’s in here.
1299
00:58:33,766 --> 00:58:35,200
Right here.
1300
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,833
Nothing could take
that away from me.
1301
00:58:37,833 --> 00:58:41,100
And no matter what
you see here,
1302
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:44,033
or what body parts
aren’t here,
1303
00:58:44,033 --> 00:58:45,699
I’m here.
1304
00:58:45,699 --> 00:58:48,533
I’m right here.
1305
00:58:59,166 --> 00:59:00,833
Yo.
1306
00:59:04,467 --> 00:59:06,999
You guys have a lot
in common, you know?
1307
00:59:06,999 --> 00:59:09,100
Nah. I’m just
a sportscaster.
1308
00:59:09,100 --> 00:59:11,100
You know, a lot of people
don’t know this,
1309
00:59:11,100 --> 00:59:13,733
but Hunter was instrumental
to saving lot of lives.
1310
00:59:13,733 --> 00:59:15,966
That mine went off
right under him,
1311
00:59:15,966 --> 00:59:18,266
and it took everything.
1312
00:59:18,266 --> 00:59:20,066
He crawled with
what he had left.
1313
00:59:20,066 --> 00:59:22,766
He went down and radioed
for support.
1314
00:59:22,766 --> 00:59:24,999
That tough SOB.
1315
00:59:24,999 --> 00:59:26,433
But let me tell you something,
1316
00:59:26,433 --> 00:59:29,567
I’ve been in combat
and I’ve seen a lot,
1317
00:59:29,567 --> 00:59:32,300
but I never saw anything
more beautiful
1318
00:59:32,300 --> 00:59:34,933
than you being wheeled
into that operating room,
1319
00:59:34,933 --> 00:59:37,133
ready to give
one your kidneys.
1320
00:59:37,133 --> 00:59:40,632
You went in there
to save a man’s life.
1321
00:59:40,632 --> 00:59:43,933
Not for pay,
or patriotic duty,
1322
00:59:43,933 --> 00:59:47,933
but just because
you’re a man.
1323
00:59:47,933 --> 00:59:50,467
You’re brave, son.
Real brave.
1324
00:59:50,467 --> 00:59:53,632
Okay,
1325
00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:55,966
so they took
your junk instead.
1326
00:59:55,966 --> 00:59:59,799
But that doesn’t change
why you were there.
1327
00:59:59,799 --> 01:00:02,899
Having a penis
makes you a male,
1328
01:00:02,899 --> 01:00:04,632
but it doesn’t make you a man.
1329
01:00:06,766 --> 01:00:09,433
You’re a man,
Frank Baum.
1330
01:00:09,433 --> 01:00:11,333
Understood?
1331
01:00:14,367 --> 01:00:16,200
Understood.
1332
01:00:30,066 --> 01:00:32,866
Hey, Frank, I just wanted
to come check on you.
1333
01:00:32,866 --> 01:00:34,966
Yeah, uh, I’m not so sure
about this.
1334
01:00:34,966 --> 01:00:37,999
I’m thinking maybe I ought
to tell some funny stories
about athletes instead.
1335
01:00:37,999 --> 01:00:39,500
There was this one time
in Puerto Rico,
1336
01:00:39,500 --> 01:00:41,833
I was at this bar mitzvah,
with Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson
1337
01:00:41,833 --> 01:00:44,400
-and Elton John.
We’re at the piano...
-No. Frank, don’t do that.
1338
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,699
Be a part of this.
1339
01:00:46,699 --> 01:00:48,699
Use this experience.
1340
01:00:48,699 --> 01:00:51,066
-For what?
-To learn.
1341
01:00:51,066 --> 01:00:54,400
Learn about yourself,
and maybe about your friends,
1342
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:57,333
and the people who love you
and why they love you.
1343
01:00:57,333 --> 01:00:59,966
Oh, I say
1344
01:00:59,966 --> 01:01:03,799
these are not the parts
and poems of the body only,
1345
01:01:03,799 --> 01:01:05,367
but of the soul.
1346
01:01:07,233 --> 01:01:11,500
Oh, I say now,
these are the soul.
1347
01:01:18,300 --> 01:01:22,367
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
1348
01:01:22,367 --> 01:01:25,100
And now for the last,
and I would say,
1349
01:01:25,100 --> 01:01:28,100
most special performer
in our program.
1350
01:01:28,100 --> 01:01:30,567
Please welcome,
a wonderful man,
1351
01:01:30,567 --> 01:01:32,233
Frank Baum.
1352
01:01:32,233 --> 01:01:34,666
Yeah, go get him, Frank.
1353
01:01:39,166 --> 01:01:40,666
Frankie!
1354
01:01:40,666 --> 01:01:42,133
Go get them!
1355
01:01:46,233 --> 01:01:48,999
Sorry.
1356
01:01:55,866 --> 01:01:57,433
"My vagina.
1357
01:02:00,233 --> 01:02:05,066
"My vagina
is a part of me.
1358
01:02:05,066 --> 01:02:08,699
"But it is not
the all of me.
1359
01:02:08,699 --> 01:02:13,567
"It is not who I am
or who I shall be,
1360
01:02:13,567 --> 01:02:17,966
"but just one unique
and special part of me.
1361
01:02:17,966 --> 01:02:21,400
"I live and love
1362
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:24,166
"and want the world to see
1363
01:02:24,166 --> 01:02:27,666
"that there is
so much more of me.
1364
01:02:27,666 --> 01:02:32,166
"Judge me by my soul
and by my deeds
1365
01:02:32,166 --> 01:02:34,833
"and not by just
this part of me.
1366
01:02:34,833 --> 01:02:39,200
"I am who I am
1367
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:43,899
and that
I shall always be."
1368
01:02:43,899 --> 01:02:47,200
Bravo!
1369
01:02:52,899 --> 01:02:54,632
All right, Frank.
1370
01:03:05,266 --> 01:03:07,500
Really? I mean,
you’re not just saying that?
1371
01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:10,200
-Really, you were fantastic.
-It wasn’t too...
1372
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:11,799
No, no.
1373
01:03:11,799 --> 01:03:13,467
As a matter of fact,
I found the whole thing
1374
01:03:13,467 --> 01:03:17,333
-to be very moving.
-Thanks, buddy.
1375
01:03:17,333 --> 01:03:20,533
Yeah, I’m even thinking of
getting one of those myself.
1376
01:03:20,533 --> 01:03:24,632
About that conversation
we had at the bar...
1377
01:03:24,632 --> 01:03:27,467
What conversation?
1378
01:03:27,467 --> 01:03:29,500
Good.
1379
01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:33,467
Frank:
Very pretty
in that one.
1380
01:03:33,467 --> 01:03:35,467
Hands, great hands.
1381
01:03:35,467 --> 01:03:37,632
Hey, Chad.
Check this out, man.
1382
01:03:37,632 --> 01:03:39,999
Looks like a circus
came into town early.
1383
01:03:39,999 --> 01:03:42,400
Hey, what kind of freak show
are you guys putting on?
1384
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,300
Hey, cool it guys, huh?
1385
01:03:44,300 --> 01:03:46,899
Dude, look at that one.
That is the ugliest one
I’ve ever seen.
1386
01:03:46,899 --> 01:03:49,400
I said cool it.
1387
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:51,200
Whoa, no way.
1388
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:52,899
You’re that dude on TV?
1389
01:03:52,899 --> 01:03:55,066
What, are you defending
these freaks now?
1390
01:03:55,066 --> 01:03:56,899
I’m a bit of a freak myself.
1391
01:03:56,899 --> 01:03:58,100
That’s right.
1392
01:03:58,100 --> 01:04:00,300
You’re the man
with the pussy.
1393
01:04:01,799 --> 01:04:03,799
-This is gonna get physical.
-Physical?
1394
01:04:03,799 --> 01:04:06,266
There are three of us,
and there’s only one of you.
1395
01:04:06,266 --> 01:04:07,467
-Two.
-Three.
1396
01:04:07,467 --> 01:04:10,033
-Four.
-Five.
1397
01:04:11,766 --> 01:04:14,066
Whatever.
1398
01:04:14,066 --> 01:04:15,600
Freaks.
1399
01:04:18,733 --> 01:04:20,899
-Thanks, Frank.
-Thanks.
1400
01:04:20,899 --> 01:04:22,600
-We owe you one.
-I owe you guys.
1401
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:24,233
-Bah.
-Yeah.
1402
01:04:24,233 --> 01:04:26,367
Come in.
1403
01:04:28,033 --> 01:04:30,200
Oh, hey, Dad.
1404
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:31,733
Hey, kiddo.
1405
01:04:31,733 --> 01:04:35,766
So, first real date, huh?
1406
01:04:35,766 --> 01:04:37,467
First official date.
1407
01:04:37,467 --> 01:04:39,699
Right, official date,
of course.
1408
01:04:39,699 --> 01:04:41,333
Yeah, been on a bunch
of unofficial dates.
1409
01:04:41,333 --> 01:04:43,833
-Of course you have.
Listen, kiddo.
-Yeah?
1410
01:04:43,833 --> 01:04:46,500
-Let’s have a little talk.
-About what--no, Dad.
1411
01:04:46,500 --> 01:04:48,333
I already know this stuff.
1412
01:04:48,333 --> 01:04:51,567
I looked it up on
how to be pleased without
being diseased.com.
1413
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,166
Oh.
1414
01:04:55,166 --> 01:04:58,333
Okay. Great.
1415
01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:00,799
So no other questions?
1416
01:05:00,799 --> 01:05:02,966
Well, now that
you mention it,
1417
01:05:02,966 --> 01:05:04,533
I do have one question.
1418
01:05:04,533 --> 01:05:06,600
What is it, son?
1419
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:09,966
-Dad, it’s kind of
a tough one.
-It’s all right.
1420
01:05:09,966 --> 01:05:11,799
All right.
1421
01:05:11,799 --> 01:05:12,999
Why do you have a camel toe?
1422
01:05:15,799 --> 01:05:18,567
Ah, made you look.
1423
01:05:18,567 --> 01:05:20,999
-Uh, that’s a good one.
-Yeah.
1424
01:05:20,999 --> 01:05:22,632
So listen,
1425
01:05:22,632 --> 01:05:25,699
there’s a little something
you might not have seen online.
1426
01:05:25,699 --> 01:05:27,600
A secret weapon
1427
01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:31,233
guaranteed to render
the chicks helpless.
1428
01:05:35,066 --> 01:05:37,799
No, whoa, whoa, easy.
1429
01:05:37,799 --> 01:05:41,600
It is very potent.
1430
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,467
-Frankie, Jessie’s here.
-Coming.
1431
01:05:44,467 --> 01:05:46,433
You look really beautiful
tonight, Jessie.
1432
01:05:46,433 --> 01:05:47,799
Thank you.
1433
01:05:47,799 --> 01:05:50,066
And there’s my Frankie
all dressed up.
1434
01:05:50,066 --> 01:05:51,367
Hi, Jessie.
You look awesome.
1435
01:05:51,367 --> 01:05:52,733
You too.
1436
01:05:52,733 --> 01:05:54,766
Okay, let me a get
a picture of you guys.
1437
01:05:58,100 --> 01:06:01,000
Let’s go, kids.
Dad’s getting antsy.
1438
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,899
Hey. Oh, sweetie,
1439
01:06:02,899 --> 01:06:04,833
have fun tonight.
1440
01:06:04,833 --> 01:06:06,699
Be good, Frankie.
1441
01:06:06,699 --> 01:06:08,666
I’ll try, Dad.
1442
01:06:12,066 --> 01:06:13,799
Well...
1443
01:06:13,799 --> 01:06:15,666
...I’ll head home
and get some dinner.
1444
01:06:15,666 --> 01:06:19,233
Um, you know, Frank,
1445
01:06:19,233 --> 01:06:22,066
I haven’t eaten yet,
1446
01:06:22,066 --> 01:06:24,966
and I have plenty of food.
1447
01:06:27,632 --> 01:06:29,433
Mitchell:
Are you sure about this?
1448
01:06:29,433 --> 01:06:32,300
Couldn’t this push back
the chances of us
getting our operation?
1449
01:06:32,300 --> 01:06:33,567
We already waited this long.
1450
01:06:33,567 --> 01:06:35,500
It’s not gonna kill us
to wait a little bit longer.
1451
01:06:36,899 --> 01:06:38,999
Yes?
1452
01:06:38,999 --> 01:06:40,699
Excuse me, do you have
an appointment?
1453
01:06:40,699 --> 01:06:41,899
-No.
-Oops.
1454
01:06:41,899 --> 01:06:43,233
Are you out of your mind?
1455
01:06:43,233 --> 01:06:44,433
Maybe.
1456
01:06:44,433 --> 01:06:45,766
Listen up, jerkoff,
1457
01:06:45,766 --> 01:06:48,066
I wanna talk to you
about Frank Baum.
1458
01:06:48,066 --> 01:06:49,666
He has a family,
and friends,
1459
01:06:49,666 --> 01:06:51,533
and a life he should
get back to.
1460
01:06:51,533 --> 01:06:54,966
So why don’t you
cut your bullshit
and help the man?
1461
01:06:54,966 --> 01:06:57,400
This is absurd.
You are absurd.
1462
01:06:57,400 --> 01:06:59,500
You are all absurd.
1463
01:06:59,500 --> 01:07:00,766
Hi.
1464
01:07:00,766 --> 01:07:02,367
Not my Liza.
1465
01:07:04,300 --> 01:07:05,733
You know, Doc,
1466
01:07:05,733 --> 01:07:08,600
you don’t have one picture
of anybody in your family
1467
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:10,166
or a friend in here.
1468
01:07:10,166 --> 01:07:11,966
Maybe you don’t
have any.
1469
01:07:11,966 --> 01:07:13,500
maybe you don’t
deserve any.
1470
01:07:13,500 --> 01:07:15,500
But Frank Baum
is my friend.
1471
01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:17,966
Our friend.
1472
01:07:17,966 --> 01:07:20,866
You know,
1473
01:07:20,866 --> 01:07:23,367
we asked to go through this.
He didn’t.
1474
01:07:23,367 --> 01:07:25,999
So why don’t you help the man
get back to his life?
1475
01:07:25,999 --> 01:07:28,033
It’d be a nice thing to do.
1476
01:07:28,033 --> 01:07:29,567
And sometimes, Doc,
1477
01:07:29,567 --> 01:07:31,866
it just feels good
to do something nice.
1478
01:07:31,866 --> 01:07:33,333
You should try it sometime.
1479
01:07:34,699 --> 01:07:37,533
Come on, Mitchell.
Let’s go.
1480
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:44,966
Woman:
♪ I don’t want spend... ♪
1481
01:07:44,966 --> 01:07:47,266
Oh, Frank.
1482
01:07:47,266 --> 01:07:49,799
Seeing them tonight,
1483
01:07:49,799 --> 01:07:51,733
I kept thinking
of you and me
1484
01:07:51,733 --> 01:07:53,200
way back on
our first dance.
1485
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:54,733
I know.
1486
01:07:54,733 --> 01:07:57,433
He’s growing up so fast.
1487
01:07:57,433 --> 01:07:59,200
Seems like every time
I turn around,
1488
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:01,966
I’m missing something
in his life.
1489
01:08:01,966 --> 01:08:05,233
That’s easy to fix.
1490
01:08:05,233 --> 01:08:08,100
Don’t turn around.
1491
01:08:12,833 --> 01:08:14,999
You know, this whole...
1492
01:08:14,999 --> 01:08:17,200
screwup.
1493
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:21,833
It’s like I see
everything clearly now.
1494
01:08:21,833 --> 01:08:24,100
I look at myself
and I say,
1495
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,600
"What the hell
was I thinking?"
1496
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:32,100
I should’ve been focused
on you and Frankie.
1497
01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:34,632
How’d you put up with me?
1498
01:08:34,632 --> 01:08:37,467
That’s a good question.
1499
01:08:37,467 --> 01:08:41,632
Uh... yeah.
1500
01:08:41,632 --> 01:08:45,899
Thanks for dinner.
I should head back.
1501
01:08:45,899 --> 01:08:48,632
Um, Frank...
1502
01:08:49,933 --> 01:08:51,200
you look tired.
1503
01:08:53,833 --> 01:08:56,133
And I think maybe
you should stay the night.
1504
01:08:56,133 --> 01:08:58,433
Oh, Diane, no way. No.
1505
01:08:58,433 --> 01:09:00,833
I couldn’t--I can’t--
1506
01:09:00,833 --> 01:09:02,333
you know, I mean,
1507
01:09:02,333 --> 01:09:05,533
we couldn’t,
you know...
1508
01:09:05,533 --> 01:09:07,133
No, I know.
1509
01:09:10,233 --> 01:09:14,866
Although, you know
I can’t resist that cologne.
1510
01:09:23,833 --> 01:09:25,766
-Hello?
-Frank.
1511
01:09:25,766 --> 01:09:28,733
-Dr. Weller.
-Yes?
1512
01:09:28,733 --> 01:09:31,400
I have some news I think
is going to make you
1513
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:34,632
and your friends
very happy.
1514
01:09:39,500 --> 01:09:42,066
Hey, Shane.
1515
01:09:42,066 --> 01:09:44,133
I want you to pull
some footage for me
1516
01:09:44,133 --> 01:09:45,533
and shoot my new promo.
1517
01:09:45,533 --> 01:09:48,266
Oh, sure, but that
has to be cleared
by promotions and the...
1518
01:09:48,266 --> 01:09:50,233
Sure. Sure.
1519
01:09:50,233 --> 01:09:53,999
Do you have to clear it
when you help out
your Uncle Frank?
1520
01:09:53,999 --> 01:09:56,533
Oh, he’s not my uncle.
He’s my friend.
1521
01:09:56,533 --> 01:09:59,266
Yeah, whatever
that is all about.
1522
01:09:59,266 --> 01:10:00,799
-Huh?
-I just wonder why
1523
01:10:00,799 --> 01:10:02,467
a young up-and-comer
like you
1524
01:10:02,467 --> 01:10:04,567
would lasso yourself
to that guy’s star.
1525
01:10:04,567 --> 01:10:06,966
He’s old, he’s a freak,
1526
01:10:06,966 --> 01:10:08,799
and he’s on his way out.
1527
01:10:08,799 --> 01:10:10,933
Okay, listen,
Biff Baxter,
1528
01:10:10,933 --> 01:10:12,966
or whatever
your real name is,
1529
01:10:12,966 --> 01:10:15,367
I really hate
to do this but...
1530
01:10:15,367 --> 01:10:17,400
you are a butthole.
1531
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:18,533
Hey, hey.
1532
01:10:18,533 --> 01:10:20,567
Shane, watch your language
there, buddy.
1533
01:10:20,567 --> 01:10:22,100
Well, he had it
coming to him, Frank.
1534
01:10:22,100 --> 01:10:25,300
What has you rattling cages,
Biff?
1535
01:10:25,300 --> 01:10:28,033
Dude, all I’m saying
is your lame reports
1536
01:10:28,033 --> 01:10:30,266
are gonna cost the station
the ratings bump.
1537
01:10:30,266 --> 01:10:31,467
I got it.
1538
01:10:31,467 --> 01:10:33,600
I’d love to stay
and debate you,
1539
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:35,467
but Shane
and I have practice.
1540
01:10:35,467 --> 01:10:37,166
Oh, yeah, that charity
challenge bullshit.
1541
01:10:41,100 --> 01:10:42,300
Bullshit?
1542
01:10:42,300 --> 01:10:44,033
Yeah.
1543
01:10:44,033 --> 01:10:47,300
A bunch of
middle-aged men and him.
1544
01:10:47,300 --> 01:10:50,733
I could beat you guys
single-handed, blindfolded.
1545
01:10:50,733 --> 01:10:53,600
But the rules state
I got to have nine on a team.
1546
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:55,966
Is that a challenge?
1547
01:10:55,966 --> 01:10:59,033
Me and my friends are in.
1548
01:10:59,033 --> 01:11:01,233
How do I know you’ve got
what it takes?
1549
01:11:01,233 --> 01:11:03,166
-Five Gs?
-Eight friends.
1550
01:11:03,166 --> 01:11:04,733
Oh.
1551
01:11:04,733 --> 01:11:06,500
Are we on?
1552
01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:07,999
You win,
I leave Channel 7.
1553
01:11:07,999 --> 01:11:09,933
I win,
1554
01:11:09,933 --> 01:11:12,600
it’s bye-bye, Biffy.
1555
01:11:13,899 --> 01:11:16,000
Pack your bags, Pops.
1556
01:11:25,166 --> 01:11:26,666
Frank, what if we lose?
1557
01:11:28,966 --> 01:11:30,533
Shut up, Shane.
1558
01:11:30,533 --> 01:11:32,899
Johnny:
So, now that Frank was gonna
get his junk back,
1559
01:11:32,899 --> 01:11:35,367
we just had to help him
get his job back.
1560
01:11:35,367 --> 01:11:37,966
Frank, are these guys
gonna show up
1561
01:11:37,966 --> 01:11:39,266
or are we gonna win
by forfeit?
1562
01:11:39,266 --> 01:11:40,699
I don’t know.
1563
01:11:40,699 --> 01:11:41,833
Look.
1564
01:12:38,467 --> 01:12:40,866
Oh, my God. Look at them,
they’re like pros.
1565
01:12:40,866 --> 01:12:42,500
What can I do, Frank?
What can I do?
1566
01:12:42,500 --> 01:12:44,233
You can act like a man.
1567
01:12:44,233 --> 01:12:45,966
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1568
01:12:45,966 --> 01:12:47,632
Easy, Don Corleone.
1569
01:12:50,766 --> 01:12:53,133
Let’s play ball.
1570
01:12:56,100 --> 01:12:57,933
We are down to...
1571
01:12:57,933 --> 01:13:00,733
what is going to be
one heck of a game.
1572
01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:55,467
Strike three!
You’re out!
1573
01:14:20,433 --> 01:14:22,100
Two. That’s two.
1574
01:14:28,166 --> 01:14:30,367
Henry Ott?
1575
01:14:30,367 --> 01:14:32,433
Henry Ott.
1576
01:14:35,533 --> 01:14:37,632
We need you
to get on base.
1577
01:14:37,632 --> 01:14:40,433
Right. You want me
to bunt or swing away?
1578
01:14:40,433 --> 01:14:42,866
Yeah, we need you
to take one for the team.
1579
01:14:42,866 --> 01:14:44,266
What does that mean?
1580
01:14:44,266 --> 01:14:46,100
Lean over the plate.
Let the pitch hit you.
1581
01:14:46,100 --> 01:14:47,666
What? Won’t that hurt?
1582
01:14:47,666 --> 01:14:50,066
Take it like a man.
1583
01:14:50,066 --> 01:14:51,600
Come on.
1584
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:06,666
Nice. Get ’em.
1585
01:15:06,666 --> 01:15:08,300
Come on.
Team!
1586
01:15:30,266 --> 01:15:31,766
Umpire: Safe!
1587
01:15:43,300 --> 01:15:45,333
You’re awesome,
sweetheart.
1588
01:15:45,333 --> 01:15:48,000
Biff: Frank.
1589
01:15:54,632 --> 01:15:56,766
Keep in touch,
little man.
1590
01:15:56,766 --> 01:15:59,033
-Congrats, Frank.
-Good game, Frank.
1591
01:15:59,033 --> 01:16:00,367
All right, guys.
1592
01:16:00,367 --> 01:16:02,367
Hey, buddy, for your
surgery tomorrow,
1593
01:16:02,367 --> 01:16:05,000
promise me you won’t get
in the wrong operating room
this time.
1594
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:06,300
What could possibly go wrong?
1595
01:16:06,300 --> 01:16:07,433
Oh.
1596
01:16:08,899 --> 01:16:10,933
Let’s go home, huh?
1597
01:16:16,799 --> 01:16:18,500
Nurse:
Okay, Frank.
1598
01:16:18,500 --> 01:16:20,500
Now count backwards
from a hundred.
1599
01:16:20,500 --> 01:16:22,666
Ninety-nine,
1600
01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:24,866
ninety-eight,
1601
01:16:24,866 --> 01:16:27,467
ninety-seven,
1602
01:16:27,467 --> 01:16:30,966
ninety-six...
1603
01:16:30,966 --> 01:16:33,699
...two...
1604
01:16:37,467 --> 01:16:39,300
So everybody lived
happily ever after.
1605
01:16:39,300 --> 01:16:41,200
Frank got his settlement
from the hospital
1606
01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:43,166
and he even wrote
a number one best seller,
1607
01:16:43,166 --> 01:16:45,066
The Vagina Man.
1608
01:16:45,066 --> 01:16:47,100
Michelle--I mean, Mitchell,
1609
01:16:47,100 --> 01:16:48,367
ended up getting married
1610
01:16:48,367 --> 01:16:51,300
to Frank’s ex-girlfriend,
Trinnie.
1611
01:16:51,300 --> 01:16:53,200
-Man: Hurry up, Johnny.
-Coming.
1612
01:16:56,899 --> 01:16:59,567
Spud:
Bourne Identity is coming on.
1613
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:08,166
This is my favorite
Matt Damon film.
1614
01:17:08,166 --> 01:17:11,200
He sure is a pretty man.
1615
01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:13,500
Very.
1616
01:17:16,666 --> 01:17:18,833
-Matt Damon.
-Matt Damon.
1617
01:18:27,433 --> 01:18:29,166
Peanuts!
1618
01:18:29,166 --> 01:18:31,699
Oh! I just love peanuts!
1619
01:18:31,699 --> 01:18:32,899
Oh!
1620
01:18:32,899 --> 01:18:34,300
Peanuts.
1621
01:18:34,300 --> 01:18:35,866
Please, let me buy peanuts
for everybody.
1622
01:18:35,866 --> 01:18:39,300
Hey, peanut man.
Whoa, peanut man.
1623
01:18:39,300 --> 01:18:41,766
-Well.
-Awesome.
1624
01:18:41,766 --> 01:18:44,567
Okay, how many do we need?
Peanuts?
1625
01:18:44,567 --> 01:18:46,333
Thanks, Trinnie.
But I can’t have any.
1626
01:18:46,333 --> 01:18:47,632
-Diane?
-Maybe later.
1627
01:18:47,632 --> 01:18:49,600
-Oh.
-I guess I’ll take a bag.
1628
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:51,233
I already have nuts.
1629
01:18:51,233 --> 01:18:52,500
Oh, well.
1630
01:18:52,500 --> 01:18:54,300
I like a man
who thinks ahead.
1631
01:18:54,300 --> 01:18:56,166
Okay, so let’s see.
1632
01:18:56,166 --> 01:18:57,933
Henry was a no.
1633
01:18:57,933 --> 01:19:00,233
Diane was a no.
1634
01:19:00,233 --> 01:19:02,166
Frankie was a yes.
1635
01:19:02,166 --> 01:19:04,300
And Travis has his own.
So that’s...
1636
01:19:04,300 --> 01:19:06,533
Well, that’s one,
1637
01:19:06,533 --> 01:19:08,699
and I’ll have four.
1638
01:19:08,699 --> 01:19:10,266
So, that’s...
1639
01:19:10,266 --> 01:19:14,833
five bags of peanuts, please.
1640
01:19:14,833 --> 01:19:16,367
One, two...
1641
01:19:16,367 --> 01:19:18,799
oh, three, four--
1642
01:19:18,799 --> 01:19:20,632
oh, here you go.
1643
01:19:20,632 --> 01:19:23,100
-Okay. How much is this?
-That’ll be $10, ma’am.
1644
01:19:23,100 --> 01:19:24,567
All right.
All right.
1645
01:19:24,567 --> 01:19:28,500
Oh, thanks, ma’am,
but do you have cash?
1646
01:19:28,500 --> 01:19:30,600
Oh, well. Okay.
1647
01:19:33,266 --> 01:19:35,133
-Well, thank you, ma’am.
-Oh, thank you.
1648
01:19:35,133 --> 01:19:37,100
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
1649
01:19:37,100 --> 01:19:39,033
I wanna give you something.
1650
01:19:39,033 --> 01:19:40,966
All right.
I appreciate that.
1651
01:19:43,200 --> 01:19:46,500
-Oh, you are too kind.
-Thank you very much.
1652
01:19:49,200 --> 01:19:51,266
Cheap-ass bitch.
1653
01:19:51,266 --> 01:19:54,567
I just love peanuts.
1654
01:19:54,567 --> 01:19:56,666
I always have.
1655
01:19:56,666 --> 01:19:59,933
I should tell my daddy
that I want him to buy me
1656
01:19:59,933 --> 01:20:01,433
a big old peanut ranch.
1657
01:20:01,433 --> 01:20:02,632
Oh!
1658
01:20:02,632 --> 01:20:04,100
But do you know,
1659
01:20:04,100 --> 01:20:07,699
I do not know why
they call it peanut butter.
1660
01:20:07,699 --> 01:20:10,133
You cannot cook with it,
believe me.
1661
01:20:10,133 --> 01:20:12,000
I have tried.
119556
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