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Previously on I'm Dying Up Here...
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Roy Martin and I are
opening another Goldie's,
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and I want you to open for him.
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Who are you?
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Dawn Lima.
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I just got in town.
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Maybe you want to go
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- to dinner with me sometime?
- Dinner?
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Mine was the Jewish joke you shit on.
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I didn't shit on it. It wasn't funny.
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Oh, but the six other black jokes...
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Those were hilarious.
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Last month, we had Burt Reynolds on.
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All the jokes weren't
about him being white.
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- What are you drinking?
- Seven and Seven.
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Jesse's not her nephew.
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He's her son.
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I don't have a rubber.
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Hey, Cass. We're gonna have to stop.
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No, baby, it's okay.
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It's okay.
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Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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It says this mattress was voted
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not just America's
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but the world's best night's sleep.
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Mm.
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How do we know there isn't a mattress
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somewhere in Luxembourg
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that makes this one
feel like a bed of nails?
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- Hmm.
- I doubt
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some communist country's
mattress is gonna give you
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a better night's sleep than ours.
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Uh, Luxembourg
isn't a communist country.
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It's actually a parliamentary democracy.
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- Hmm.
- Here at Angel City Sleep,
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each pocket spring is individually wrapped,
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making for supreme comfort and support
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to ensure a sound night's sleep.
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- Wow, you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
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So...
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are we just looky-looing,
or are we sleepy-doing?
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Actually, Kev, I have a question for you.
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How durable is this puppy?
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'Cause we're into some
pretty heavy-duty fucking.
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- Pardon?
- Yeah, we're talking,
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uh, workman's comp-type intercourse, Kev.
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Yeah. You know what?
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I should probably try it facedown,
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'cause I want it firm enough
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to absorb Eddie's thrusts
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but not firm enough to
leave a pattern on my face.
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Mm, good call, hon. Our last mattress,
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it looked like I was
beating her with a waffle.
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- Ugh.
- You coulda just said
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you needed a minute.
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Mm-hmm.
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Nice action here.
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Yeah, I don't think he likes us.
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No one likes looky-looers.
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Mm. Well, what if we weren't looky-looers?
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Wh...
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what are you saying? You
want to buy a bed together?
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I mean...
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it's not so crazy.
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Not after last night.
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No, not so crazy.
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Hey, I am
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definitely not putting it all on you,
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because I was there too,
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but, uh... I just...
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I'm not exactly sure what...
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decision it was we were making.
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Yeah, I don't know. Um...
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I guess, uh, I just got
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caught up in the moment.
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Hmm. Well...
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I think we could narrow it down
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to either love or insanity.
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What's the difference again?
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One you do with your eyes open
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and the other with your eyes closed.
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Okay.
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How about this?
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- On the count of three...
- Mm.
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We either open or shut our eyes.
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Love open,
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insanity shut.
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Great idea. When in doubt,
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fall back on science.
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Okay.
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- One...
- Mm-hmm.
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Two...
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three.
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I think we're sleepy-doers.
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Holy shit. I get it now.
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Get what, you fool?
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All of it.
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God, the universe,
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the meaning of life.
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Shit, what the president knew and when.
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Why some people like cats.
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Oh, that was some
Chariots of the Gods
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type shit right there.
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Mm.
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What are you doing?
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Uh, it's just, uh...
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Just a idea.
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- For your act?
- Mm-hmm.
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Adam, no. You don't have sex with a woman
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and then write a joke about it.
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It's not a joke!
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It's more like a area.
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"Older woman... magic pussy"?
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- What? Okay...
- Really?
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Okay, look, just hear me out.
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Hear me out! Come on.
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Look.
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With a younger woman,
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okay, you're going at it, thinking,
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- "This is nice."
- Mm-hmm.
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"I like sex.
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I can see myself doing this again."
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But with you, it's...
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It's like my dick went to Disneyland.
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There's all these...
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These rides and these moves
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and sounds and feelings.
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You're new at compliments, aren't you?
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Shit, I'm new at everything,
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to be honest.
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They call it a light lunch, brunch.
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Yeah.
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- It's perfect.
- Mm-hmm. Fabulous.
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We're so glad we finally
got you here, Goldie.
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And just think, all it took
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was your husband ignoring
my permit requests.
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00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:45,069
Well, you know, the-the wheels of progress
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- move slowly at City Hall.
- Mm.
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Yeah, and Dan's been tied up.
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You know, this new
public library opening...
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Is there anything we can do
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to get his nose out of those books?
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My papers have been sitting on his desk
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for quite a while now.
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Uh, Goldie, we like to
use these Auxiliary events
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as a chance to get away from business.
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Oh.
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00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:08,736
So I suppose my business has nothing to do
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with why you invited me here, huh?
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00:06:12,144 --> 00:06:13,384
Oh, come on.
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I love coffee, salmon,
and a 40-minute drive
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as much as the next gal,
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00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:19,212
but can we cut to why I'm really here?
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You know what I need.
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How about you put your cards on the table?
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Well,
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we're chairing a telethon
for cerebral palsy.
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And you need a comedian.
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00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,530
I mean, Jerry Lewis...
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He really put muscular
dystrophy on the map.
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You should've called.
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Could've saved yourself the spread.
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- Oh...
- Hmm?
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Who you thinking?
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Roy Martin?
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Oh, Sadie.
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Here I thought you were gonna give me
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some kind of challenge.
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Well, you haven't heard
the challenge part yet.
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It's time-sensitive.
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We need to know today.
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It's not a problem.
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Oh.
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Oh, my goodness. That's great.
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That's fantastic.
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Shi, hai...
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Fuck! All right, Phil.
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Ah.
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In aikido, the philosophy is to use
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the opponent's momentum
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rather than to initiate.
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Well, it should be easy.
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It's the philosophy of everything he does.
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Hey, does Goldie know
that you borrowed that outfit?
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00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:34,927
Phil, could we cut to the
part where you teach me
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how to kill two guys with one punch?
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00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,565
In aikido, we learn to defend passively
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while also protecting
our attacker from injury.
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Sounds like a slightly more macho version
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of running away.
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All right, Kwai Chang, when you can snatch
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the $50 per lesson from my hand,
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then it is time for you to leave.
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00:07:56,818 --> 00:07:58,239
See you later, Sensei Phil.
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Having a party tomorrow night.
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00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:01,263
You had a party last night.
197
00:08:01,288 --> 00:08:02,554
And the night before that.
198
00:08:02,579 --> 00:08:03,978
No, that was the same party.
199
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,112
You probably fell asleep.
200
00:08:05,847 --> 00:08:06,847
So you guys in?
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00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,162
No, I can't.
202
00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:10,224
I'm meeting Gloria over
at the Beverly Wilshire.
203
00:08:10,851 --> 00:08:12,330
Again with the hotel.
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00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:13,733
Okay, um,
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00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,333
sex with Gloria
206
00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:17,246
or watch you coked out,
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00:08:17,271 --> 00:08:18,736
singing "Louie Louie" naked
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with your penis tucked between your thighs.
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00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:22,373
That's my signature sign-off.
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00:08:22,475 --> 00:08:24,175
That's like when Carol
Burnett tugs her earlobe.
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00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,498
Mm, not the same thing.
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00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:26,754
Nowhere near the same thing.
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00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:27,951
Yeah, it's sexier.
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00:08:28,364 --> 00:08:29,646
What about you, Tonto?
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00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,215
And if you say you're gonna be with Cassie,
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00:08:31,317 --> 00:08:32,983
I swear, I will fucking
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00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,845
passive resistance the shit out of you.
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00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:37,306
I actually have a meeting with Roy.
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00:08:38,337 --> 00:08:39,530
And I'm meeting Cassie.
220
00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:40,876
W-what's with you?
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00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:42,586
You really want to spend
the prime of your youth
222
00:08:42,611 --> 00:08:44,146
with just Cassie?
223
00:08:44,376 --> 00:08:45,942
My parents took us to Maine
224
00:08:46,045 --> 00:08:47,310
every summer, okay?
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00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:48,432
I get it.
226
00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:50,787
But now you can mix it up, see Europe.
227
00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:52,343
And I'm sure Gloria's great,
228
00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:54,268
and her stories about what it was like
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00:08:54,293 --> 00:08:55,813
to be around when they pioneered steam
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00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:57,505
are real grabbers,
231
00:08:57,896 --> 00:08:59,195
but you're her boy toy!
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00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:00,863
Come on, don't you
deserve the same freedom?
233
00:09:00,965 --> 00:09:02,725
I'm not her boy toy,
first of all, all right?
234
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,200
It's more than that.
235
00:09:04,225 --> 00:09:05,959
Dude, she's never even
had you over to her house.
236
00:09:05,984 --> 00:09:08,653
Trust me, yours is not the
only flower in that vase.
237
00:09:09,107 --> 00:09:10,440
I mean, come on, man!
238
00:09:10,465 --> 00:09:12,565
You guys are celebrity-adjacent!
239
00:09:12,825 --> 00:09:14,710
Let's take some of my forward momentum
240
00:09:14,735 --> 00:09:16,802
and have some fucking fun, huh?
241
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,215
Hey, I know they're the same,
242
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,635
but, um, I think that robe's actually mine.
243
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,648
Hey, dude, you don't fucking live here.
244
00:09:24,789 --> 00:09:26,189
And, uh, FYI,
245
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:27,752
I fired the pool guy.
246
00:09:39,858 --> 00:09:41,484
You fucking robbing me?
247
00:09:42,192 --> 00:09:43,266
No.
248
00:09:49,886 --> 00:09:51,648
I couldn't remember your name.
249
00:09:58,574 --> 00:10:01,071
How the hell you not remember Alvira?
250
00:10:03,007 --> 00:10:04,402
I don't know.
251
00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:10,322
Uh-oh.
252
00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:12,842
You some Jesus freak?
253
00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,308
Preacher's daughter.
254
00:10:19,026 --> 00:10:20,346
It's the price of doing business.
255
00:10:20,371 --> 00:10:21,404
You got a problem with that?
256
00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:22,454
Shit, no.
257
00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:25,187
Some of my best friends hate themselves.
258
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:30,528
Hey... I'm messing with you is all.
259
00:10:31,871 --> 00:10:33,100
Come here.
260
00:10:35,075 --> 00:10:36,613
Nah, um,
261
00:10:36,977 --> 00:10:38,543
I can't. I gotta be somewhere.
262
00:10:51,147 --> 00:10:52,224
What the fuck?
263
00:10:53,415 --> 00:10:55,137
Yeah, yeah.
264
00:11:03,201 --> 00:11:04,680
Hey. Oh.
265
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:06,481
Mm.
266
00:11:07,839 --> 00:11:09,176
Wait, wait, wait.
267
00:11:09,674 --> 00:11:11,481
Is it your birthday or mine?
268
00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:14,700
Oh.
269
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,139
Birthday boy.
270
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:23,562
"Last night, I called the suicide
hotline
271
00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,287
and I really connected with the operator.
272
00:11:25,389 --> 00:11:26,921
Next week, we're gonna get together
273
00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:29,536
and take in some carbon monoxide."
274
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,960
How much is Goldie paying
you to fuck my career?
275
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:34,795
What, you don't think
people will find that funny?
276
00:11:34,897 --> 00:11:36,417
The only thing funny is that you think
277
00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:38,566
there'll be people left after that joke.
278
00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:40,208
- Come on.
- All right, all right.
279
00:11:42,038 --> 00:11:43,937
Taffy, you fat bastard!
280
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,040
Stay still. You're fucking up the tides.
281
00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:50,217
He doesn't speak Vegas, so...
282
00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:53,280
Eddie, would you give us a couple minutes?
283
00:11:53,382 --> 00:11:54,382
Oh, right.
284
00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,783
Uh, you sure?
285
00:11:56,808 --> 00:11:58,201
No, stay and chaperone.
286
00:11:58,830 --> 00:11:59,896
Get the fuck out.
287
00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:00,902
Yeah.
288
00:12:02,224 --> 00:12:03,594
Just be over there.
289
00:12:08,362 --> 00:12:09,761
What happened to our arrangement?
290
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,397
We only talked a couple times.
291
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:13,697
It's hardly a fucking arrangement, Taff.
292
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,104
What's the damage?
293
00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:20,573
Get your umbrella out.
294
00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:22,368
We're calling in your markers.
295
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,178
Everything?
296
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,511
When?
297
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:26,909
Two days.
298
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,879
I can't still work it off?
299
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,349
Service contract's been terminated.
300
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,917
Come on, bullshit.
301
00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:35,158
- It's me, Taffy.
- They're serious, Roy.
302
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:36,998
Most likely, the only
thing you got left in Vegas:
303
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,922
couple paternity suits when you get back.
304
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,925
Right, so they're gonna cut
off their noses for 200 grand?
305
00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,493
Come on, that's farkakte money.
306
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,295
It's not about that.
307
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:46,763
Twenty percent.
308
00:12:46,865 --> 00:12:48,776
Half of what she's giving you.
309
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,449
And then Vegas what?
310
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,606
Hmm? They step aside?
311
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,412
- No strings?
- Come on.
312
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:01,279
We're in the strings
business, for fuck's sake.
313
00:13:01,817 --> 00:13:03,646
We're going in on the kids, Roy.
314
00:13:04,092 --> 00:13:05,715
With you, without you.
315
00:13:05,816 --> 00:13:08,451
Okay, look, she-she's not gonna go for it.
316
00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:10,697
Fuck Goldie, all right?
317
00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:12,331
We're not talking about her share.
318
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:13,855
She's got no say in this.
319
00:13:14,162 --> 00:13:15,990
Look, Roy, listen. It's this easy.
320
00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:17,959
If stupidity is a stumbling block,
321
00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:19,840
then it is what it is.
322
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:22,076
But if it's a matter of greed...
323
00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:26,577
Everybody likes you, Roy.
324
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,629
$236,000 cash
325
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,251
or your 20.
326
00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:39,079
I mean, Jesus, what is it with you
327
00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:40,255
and this broad?
328
00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:48,747
Nada.
329
00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:50,258
So just one second, hold on. What?
330
00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,562
He's not in his hotel. I checked the bars.
331
00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:53,928
All right, you ask Eddie?
332
00:13:53,953 --> 00:13:55,476
That's where the mystery thickens.
333
00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:56,844
Can't find Eddie either.
334
00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:58,979
And here's where my patience thins.
335
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,713
Get the fuck out and keep looking.
336
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:02,884
Yeah, okay.
337
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,452
What?
338
00:14:04,554 --> 00:14:06,864
I can do the telethon if you're in a pinch.
339
00:14:07,156 --> 00:14:09,723
I got a cousin that,
uh, has cerebral palsy.
340
00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:11,468
Crack jokes about her all the time.
341
00:14:13,329 --> 00:14:14,462
Just putting it out there.
342
00:14:14,564 --> 00:14:15,896
Well, put it back.
343
00:14:15,998 --> 00:14:18,231
Yeah... oh, oh, and get Bill in here
344
00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:19,813
- while you're at it.
- A'ight.
345
00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:32,904
The f...
346
00:14:33,715 --> 00:14:35,669
Oh, shit.
347
00:14:35,815 --> 00:14:38,016
- My, my.
- God damn it!
348
00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:40,151
Steve Garvey hit for the cycle last night.
349
00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:41,306
What the fuck?
350
00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:42,431
I know.
351
00:14:42,456 --> 00:14:43,755
Man, he has some hairy forearms.
352
00:14:43,858 --> 00:14:45,491
You know? He's like a Romanian gymnast.
353
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,359
Oh, hi, sorry.
354
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,828
I didn't see you there, fucking in my bed.
355
00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:53,365
Look, I know it's weird with him watching,
356
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:55,322
but how else is he gonna learn?
357
00:14:55,502 --> 00:14:57,468
Well, since we're all together,
358
00:14:57,669 --> 00:15:00,607
why don't we go over some
basic guest etiquette?
359
00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:04,725
Like, there's no fucking in my bed, ever.
360
00:15:05,224 --> 00:15:07,177
Sorry, man, I thought
that was only for you.
361
00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:09,547
Okay, you mind if I
borrow this sheet a sec?
362
00:15:09,572 --> 00:15:11,348
Oh, we're giving modesty a shot now?
363
00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,116
Sorry, Bill, but the only
way you're seeing my ass
364
00:15:13,141 --> 00:15:15,341
is if you dust Nick's face for prints.
365
00:15:20,823 --> 00:15:22,157
Those are my socks.
366
00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:24,826
Yeah.
367
00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:30,733
What's going on in there?
368
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:33,702
I don't think we'll be
ordering room service tonight.
369
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:40,152
You know, today in Canter's,
370
00:15:40,177 --> 00:15:41,744
a guy came over to him,
371
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:43,911
like, a big guy.
372
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,280
Is it about him?
373
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,416
That guy's not a him.
374
00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:49,982
That guy's a them.
375
00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:52,687
'Cause you want to get married!
376
00:15:52,789 --> 00:15:55,056
Yeah, genius idea.
377
00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:56,429
This is what you're gonna do.
378
00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:58,026
Sell what you gotta sell
379
00:15:58,051 --> 00:15:59,715
and fuck who you gotta fuck,
380
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,006
but get me the money!
381
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:03,664
Roy, you are overextended!
382
00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,409
They canceled your fucking contract.
383
00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:06,567
Ah, that's arm-twisting!
384
00:16:06,669 --> 00:16:07,669
Don't you understand?
385
00:16:07,736 --> 00:16:09,502
I pack that fucking place!
386
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,204
First it's an arm.
387
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:13,105
Roy, listen to me.
388
00:16:13,477 --> 00:16:15,553
Do you really want to call their bluff?
389
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,202
They can't have this.
390
00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:23,182
Okay, look.
391
00:16:23,284 --> 00:16:25,217
You want to be broke,
I can make that happen.
392
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,586
Or you can call the phone number
393
00:16:27,689 --> 00:16:29,555
you should've called first thing,
394
00:16:29,932 --> 00:16:32,124
tell Goldie she's got some
new business partners...
395
00:16:32,226 --> 00:16:33,659
No, no, no, see, you're not getting it.
396
00:16:33,838 --> 00:16:36,672
This-this was me getting off the road.
397
00:16:36,775 --> 00:16:38,941
Right? Having something that was mine.
398
00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:41,677
Mine and not fucking Vegas'
399
00:16:41,702 --> 00:16:43,610
or anyone else's!
400
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:46,304
I earned that.
401
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,221
I fucking hate it out there.
402
00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:53,911
Wandering around like the...
403
00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:55,690
fucking Sheik of Araby.
404
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,782
You don't have the luxury, Roy,
405
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,418
not unless you want to go belly-up.
406
00:17:01,843 --> 00:17:03,954
They've got you by the short hairs!
407
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,699
You're out of options, Roy.
408
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,458
Go talk to Goldie!
409
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,555
- MTM loved you.
- Mm-hmm.
410
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,150
They really think you got something,
411
00:17:14,175 --> 00:17:15,591
and they want you to come in and read.
412
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,127
Read what?
413
00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,348
Three Brothers?
414
00:17:23,938 --> 00:17:25,438
It's about three brothers
415
00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:27,223
who own a family
restaurant in Compton and...
416
00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:28,521
It's funny.
417
00:17:28,691 --> 00:17:29,824
It's edgy.
418
00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:31,461
It has heart.
419
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,214
Okay, cool, but...
420
00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:35,770
before I do any of that, man,
421
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:37,308
what about my album money?
422
00:17:37,662 --> 00:17:39,395
Any word on me getting paid?
423
00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:40,780
This isn't an offer.
424
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,377
This is an offer to read.
425
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,212
Let's-let's focus on this.
426
00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:45,823
No, let's focus on the fact
427
00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:47,647
that my album cracked top 50,
428
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:50,017
right, and I took the bus here.
429
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:51,793
We didn't rep you on the album.
430
00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:53,675
You fucked yourself.
431
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,104
Hard. You should still be sore.
432
00:17:58,527 --> 00:18:00,594
So, what, y'all just not gonna do nothing?
433
00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:01,817
We did.
434
00:18:02,364 --> 00:18:04,060
Your reading is Friday
435
00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:06,155
at ten.
436
00:18:10,605 --> 00:18:12,205
Is this about the new club?
437
00:18:12,307 --> 00:18:13,739
It's the worst-kept secret
438
00:18:13,841 --> 00:18:15,208
since Liberace and Judy Garland
439
00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:16,542
not really being a couple.
440
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,922
Well, we're gonna make
a formal announcement
441
00:18:20,947 --> 00:18:22,647
once the Is are dotted,
442
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,260
but it'll be more stage time
443
00:18:25,285 --> 00:18:27,285
for everybody... Opportunity.
444
00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:28,475
Yeah?
445
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,969
However, today I need a favor.
446
00:18:33,253 --> 00:18:35,004
Mm? Anything.
447
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,828
Well, there's this, uh...
Tomorrow there's, uh,
448
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,351
a "Ce-re-bral,"
"cer-e-bral" pal...
449
00:18:40,376 --> 00:18:42,175
Like, a telethon.
450
00:18:42,585 --> 00:18:43,879
They need a comic.
451
00:18:46,038 --> 00:18:47,081
Me.
452
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,085
They asked for you specifically.
453
00:18:49,285 --> 00:18:51,252
I told them I thought it was a great idea.
454
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:52,947
It-it's televised.
455
00:18:53,311 --> 00:18:55,645
And think what it's done
for Jerry Lewis, right?
456
00:18:57,349 --> 00:18:58,581
- Yeah.
- Anyway,
457
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,330
I said I'd ask, so I'm asking.
458
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:06,980
What the fuck? Sure.
459
00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:08,658
Great, wonderful. Thank you.
460
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,760
Fabulous.
461
00:19:12,229 --> 00:19:13,362
I gotta be honest with you, Gold.
462
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,619
I, you know...
463
00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:17,533
I kind of hoped you were gonna
464
00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:19,301
ask for me to open
465
00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:21,045
for Roy at the new club.
466
00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:24,273
Oh, man, we haven't even got
467
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,007
the stink of garlic out of there yet.
468
00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:27,098
It...
469
00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:30,410
When we open, Billy,
470
00:19:31,047 --> 00:19:32,613
you will be there.
471
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,187
White people are the best at
keeping secrets, aren't you?
472
00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:40,488
You really are.
473
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,390
Seriously, your-your chicken
474
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,481
has got a secret recipe.
475
00:19:44,932 --> 00:19:47,394
Your soda's got a secret formula.
476
00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,606
Mexican ever tells you
that anything in their food
477
00:19:49,631 --> 00:19:51,431
is secret, don't eat it.
478
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:53,634
Trust me.
479
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,148
Evening, fuckers.
480
00:19:55,437 --> 00:19:57,337
- Hey.
- Why are you so giddy?
481
00:19:57,439 --> 00:19:59,172
Eddie bump his head on your G spot?
482
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,974
Just out of curiosity, is
there a right side of the bed
483
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:02,374
for you to wake up on?
484
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:03,742
Gotta go easy on him, Cass.
485
00:20:03,844 --> 00:20:05,377
Bill saw two people have sex today.
486
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,413
Aw, jerking off again
in front of the mirror?
487
00:20:07,691 --> 00:20:10,193
No, I saw Nick jerking off
inside of Dawn in my bed.
488
00:20:10,218 --> 00:20:12,218
Well, somebody's got to
do something in there.
489
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,253
Just relax, Big Red. I'm
gonna wash the sheets.
490
00:20:14,307 --> 00:20:15,540
I don't care about the sheets.
491
00:20:15,565 --> 00:20:17,055
I have to burn the fucking mattress now.
492
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,256
Well, if you want to buy a new mattress,
493
00:20:18,358 --> 00:20:19,667
go to Angel City Sleep
494
00:20:19,692 --> 00:20:21,593
and use my and Eddie's name.
495
00:20:21,694 --> 00:20:24,338
We get a discount on the
sheets for the referral.
496
00:20:25,565 --> 00:20:27,197
You and Eddie's, huh?
497
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,368
Yeah, we bought a bed together today.
498
00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:31,859
Ooh.
499
00:20:32,038 --> 00:20:34,009
- Mazel.
- I know.
500
00:20:34,086 --> 00:20:35,849
All right, you guysready for your next comic?
501
00:20:35,874 --> 00:20:38,342
Here we go.
502
00:20:38,444 --> 00:20:40,076
Now, fair warning.
503
00:20:40,179 --> 00:20:42,078
This guy can be
hit-or-miss, okay?
504
00:20:42,103 --> 00:20:43,217
So you're...
505
00:20:44,216 --> 00:20:45,496
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
506
00:20:45,584 --> 00:20:47,117
Uh, I'm sorry about this morning.
507
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,019
You're right, and I'm gonna be better
508
00:20:49,121 --> 00:20:50,761
about respecting your stuff in the future.
509
00:20:50,789 --> 00:20:52,221
- Okay?
- Nick Beverly!
510
00:20:52,323 --> 00:20:53,623
- Thanks, man.
- Cool.
511
00:20:59,464 --> 00:21:01,997
Keep it going for Manny Martinez!
512
00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:03,366
Ah!
513
00:21:03,468 --> 00:21:04,802
Yeah.
514
00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:08,618
Relationships are hard, huh?
515
00:21:09,473 --> 00:21:10,872
Dogs have it right.
516
00:21:10,974 --> 00:21:12,507
A sniff here, a sniff there,
517
00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:13,841
sex, and then they're
immediately back
518
00:21:13,866 --> 00:21:15,233
to chasing squirrels.
519
00:21:17,772 --> 00:21:19,471
No one's mad that no one called.
520
00:21:19,638 --> 00:21:21,367
There's no guilting.
521
00:21:21,518 --> 00:21:23,455
You will never hear,
522
00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:26,496
"Yeah, Spike, it's, uh, Fluffy"...
523
00:21:27,156 --> 00:21:29,173
Motherfucker's doing my act.
524
00:21:29,492 --> 00:21:31,024
Oh, you're right.
525
00:21:31,126 --> 00:21:33,460
I think it was the
laughter that threw me off.
526
00:21:33,714 --> 00:21:35,696
"You said my bark was infectious."
527
00:21:38,953 --> 00:21:40,352
"Uh, yeah.
528
00:21:40,377 --> 00:21:41,911
Fluffy. No, of course.
529
00:21:41,936 --> 00:21:43,502
Yeah, uh, I've been
meaning to call."
530
00:21:50,864 --> 00:21:52,747
"Don't, Spike, okay?
531
00:21:53,199 --> 00:21:55,496
Don't lie. You demean
us both when you lie."
532
00:21:59,339 --> 00:22:00,671
"I'm not an idiot.
533
00:22:00,696 --> 00:22:02,262
I'm two, for Christ's sake."
534
00:22:15,684 --> 00:22:16,913
Nick, you okay?
535
00:22:17,162 --> 00:22:18,171
Huh?
536
00:22:19,123 --> 00:22:20,289
Uh, yeah, yeah.
537
00:22:20,391 --> 00:22:21,356
Just, uh...
538
00:22:22,427 --> 00:22:23,660
uh, something in Bill's act
539
00:22:23,762 --> 00:22:24,951
didn't agree with me.
540
00:22:25,296 --> 00:22:27,296
You want to sit down a sec?
541
00:22:27,398 --> 00:22:29,231
Uh, just need some air.
542
00:22:29,256 --> 00:22:30,443
Probably gonna walk home.
543
00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:31,955
Well, I can give you a ride.
544
00:22:32,503 --> 00:22:33,808
No, I'm-I'm okay.
545
00:22:34,472 --> 00:22:36,043
Thanks. Good night, Cass.
546
00:22:47,551 --> 00:22:49,412
Excuse me. Uh, miss?
547
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:51,407
Do you know Nick?
548
00:22:52,321 --> 00:22:54,121
Uh, I'm Chris Beverly. I'm Nick's uncle.
549
00:22:54,223 --> 00:22:55,890
Oh, hey. Cassie Feder.
550
00:22:55,992 --> 00:22:57,224
Oh, hi, Cassie.
551
00:22:57,326 --> 00:22:58,926
I saw you talking to him before his act.
552
00:22:59,028 --> 00:23:00,996
I-I didn't want to disturb him.
553
00:23:01,764 --> 00:23:03,030
Is he still around?
554
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,661
Um, he wasn't feeling well,
555
00:23:04,686 --> 00:23:06,519
so he took off after his set.
556
00:23:06,544 --> 00:23:07,743
Shoot.
557
00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:09,631
Uh, my daughter and I,
558
00:23:09,631 --> 00:23:11,631
we're staying at the
Hollywood Premiere Motel
559
00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,294
on Sunset for about a week
560
00:23:13,322 --> 00:23:14,442
while she looks at colleges.
561
00:23:14,467 --> 00:23:16,835
Um, it'd be great to catch up.
562
00:23:17,916 --> 00:23:19,816
Would you mind passing that on, please?
563
00:23:19,841 --> 00:23:21,608
Sure, yeah. Be happy to.
564
00:23:24,230 --> 00:23:25,411
Okay.
565
00:23:25,513 --> 00:23:26,569
Bye.
566
00:23:32,535 --> 00:23:33,968
This is getting ridiculous.
567
00:23:34,070 --> 00:23:35,136
Man's got a serious fucking problem.
568
00:23:35,238 --> 00:23:37,153
We got a serious fucking problem.
569
00:23:37,178 --> 00:23:38,549
This guy's a fire hazard.
570
00:23:38,574 --> 00:23:40,448
Here, I got it.
571
00:23:41,619 --> 00:23:43,885
Can somebody please catapult
you back over the border?
572
00:23:43,987 --> 00:23:46,187
But I'm from Glendale. W-why
do you keep saying that?
573
00:23:46,289 --> 00:23:47,607
You know, in AA,
574
00:23:47,607 --> 00:23:49,307
there's a thing called the 12-step call,
575
00:23:49,332 --> 00:23:51,452
where you deliver the message
to suffering alcoholics.
576
00:23:51,654 --> 00:23:53,387
Well, we need to call
some-fucking-body.
577
00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:54,978
No, I mean, it's better if-if it comes
578
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,640
from people that Fitzy knows and trusts,
579
00:23:56,682 --> 00:23:58,014
so what I propose is,
580
00:23:58,116 --> 00:23:59,682
we get him over to my house tomorrow
581
00:23:59,707 --> 00:24:00,826
and confront him there.
582
00:24:00,851 --> 00:24:01,921
Hmm.
583
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,229
- Really?
- What?
584
00:24:05,389 --> 00:24:07,523
It's not a party. I'm
trying to save a life.
585
00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:08,935
If you have any decency at all,
586
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,326
you'll be there tomorrow night.
587
00:24:10,959 --> 00:24:12,037
Seven-ish.
588
00:24:12,062 --> 00:24:13,329
Bring a bathing suit.
589
00:24:15,099 --> 00:24:17,198
Oh, you guys, look, he's dreaming.
590
00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:19,891
Hey, in my defense,
591
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,783
I did have my
La-Z-Boy recliner
592
00:24:21,808 --> 00:24:24,009
set all the way back to
"righteous indignation" mode.
593
00:24:25,408 --> 00:24:28,215
So I was comfortable
and making a statement.
594
00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:30,956
I mean,
La-Z-Boy is
595
00:24:30,981 --> 00:24:32,413
the most racist piece of furniture
596
00:24:32,438 --> 00:24:34,034
you could sell a black man.
597
00:24:35,328 --> 00:24:36,828
Only thing more offensive would be
598
00:24:36,853 --> 00:24:38,853
a welfare queen-sized daybed.
599
00:24:44,453 --> 00:24:46,604
Well, look who just
woke the fuck up, huh?
600
00:24:51,187 --> 00:24:53,493
You know what? Can I ask
you something, ma'am?
601
00:24:53,834 --> 00:24:56,383
Sorry, uh, why is that so funny?
602
00:25:00,214 --> 00:25:02,008
Well, this can't be good.
603
00:25:02,621 --> 00:25:03,687
Mm-mm.
604
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:06,312
Welfare queen-sized daybed.
605
00:25:07,270 --> 00:25:09,034
I'm asking all of y'all,
606
00:25:10,224 --> 00:25:11,840
why is that so funny?
607
00:25:14,061 --> 00:25:15,201
Personally,
608
00:25:15,201 --> 00:25:16,868
I think you laughing at the jokes
609
00:25:17,102 --> 00:25:19,109
because you think there's
some truth in 'em.
610
00:25:20,804 --> 00:25:22,085
Here's the real joke.
611
00:25:22,109 --> 00:25:23,775
I'm telling them to point out
612
00:25:23,877 --> 00:25:25,190
that there's not.
613
00:25:26,048 --> 00:25:27,609
It's called satire.
614
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,290
For those of you that don't know,
615
00:25:30,315 --> 00:25:31,882
it's the use of humor, irony,
616
00:25:31,984 --> 00:25:33,651
exaggeration, or ridicule
617
00:25:33,829 --> 00:25:35,195
to criticize and expose
618
00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:37,121
people's stupidity and vices,
619
00:25:37,299 --> 00:25:38,966
particularly in the context
620
00:25:38,991 --> 00:25:40,691
of contemporary politics
621
00:25:41,155 --> 00:25:42,692
and other topical issues.
622
00:25:44,929 --> 00:25:46,315
I know.
623
00:25:46,564 --> 00:25:47,803
Impressive.
624
00:25:48,653 --> 00:25:50,377
A nigga's mind is a
terrible thing to waste,
625
00:25:50,401 --> 00:25:51,701
y'all.
626
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:55,548
Anyway,
627
00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:58,374
that's what I thought
I was doing up here.
628
00:26:00,216 --> 00:26:01,677
Or pretending to do.
629
00:26:03,177 --> 00:26:04,456
Turns out,
630
00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:05,840
I've just been bojangling
631
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:07,383
for you motherfuckers.
632
00:26:10,952 --> 00:26:12,988
Well, that's my time.
633
00:26:19,862 --> 00:26:22,129
Ralph Carnegie,
634
00:26:22,231 --> 00:26:23,864
doing seven of his 15 minutes.
635
00:26:23,966 --> 00:26:25,733
How about that, huh?
636
00:26:25,835 --> 00:26:28,002
Where the fuck have you been?
637
00:26:28,104 --> 00:26:29,570
I-I twisted myself in knots
638
00:26:29,595 --> 00:26:30,848
- looking for you today.
- I had business
639
00:26:30,873 --> 00:26:32,772
to attend to, okay?
640
00:26:32,874 --> 00:26:35,408
We have a business to attend to.
641
00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:37,557
Where the fuck were you?
I'm scratching backs.
642
00:26:37,582 --> 00:26:38,878
Where were you?
643
00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:40,658
My life doesn't stop just because
644
00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:42,315
we're in business together, Gold.
645
00:26:42,637 --> 00:26:43,951
All right? I got shit too.
646
00:26:44,052 --> 00:26:45,052
Like?
647
00:26:45,696 --> 00:26:46,766
"Like"?
648
00:26:49,777 --> 00:26:53,024
Oh, Roy, you're not
getting cold feet, are you?
649
00:26:54,122 --> 00:26:55,051
No.
650
00:26:56,223 --> 00:26:58,030
I do have something to
talk to you about, okay?
651
00:26:58,361 --> 00:27:00,033
Uh, something important.
652
00:27:01,087 --> 00:27:02,288
So talk.
653
00:27:11,370 --> 00:27:12,463
This...
654
00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:14,278
is not dinner.
655
00:27:16,073 --> 00:27:17,049
What?
656
00:27:19,091 --> 00:27:20,728
Mmm! Mmm!
657
00:27:21,877 --> 00:27:23,587
Where'd you learn to cook?
658
00:27:24,354 --> 00:27:25,532
My mother.
659
00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:29,283
The woman could stretch a
dime like it was Silly Putty.
660
00:27:29,346 --> 00:27:30,727
Mm!
661
00:27:30,922 --> 00:27:32,728
I lived on peas and spaghetti
662
00:27:32,949 --> 00:27:35,465
when I was still Renaldo Stanziani,
663
00:27:36,012 --> 00:27:38,108
running a shell game in Times Square,
664
00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:39,372
if you can believe that.
665
00:27:41,948 --> 00:27:43,272
For me, it was egg salad
666
00:27:43,374 --> 00:27:44,799
and saltines.
667
00:27:44,824 --> 00:27:45,809
Wow.
668
00:27:45,834 --> 00:27:46,890
Well...
669
00:27:49,291 --> 00:27:50,557
You miss it?
670
00:27:51,841 --> 00:27:53,319
Simpler times?
671
00:27:55,221 --> 00:27:57,486
What, waitressing for nickels?
672
00:27:57,931 --> 00:27:59,922
Getting my ass grabbed
by every two-bit drunk
673
00:28:00,023 --> 00:28:02,774
reeking of whatever
perfume he'd just dry-humped
674
00:28:02,813 --> 00:28:04,045
off of the coat girl?
675
00:28:05,295 --> 00:28:07,977
Ask me, the past is right where it belongs.
676
00:28:10,405 --> 00:28:13,041
I remember when I bought
my first Rolls-Royce.
677
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,763
A friend of Dean Martin sold it to me.
678
00:28:16,876 --> 00:28:18,243
Silver Cloud II.
679
00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:19,827
Oh, it was gorgeous.
680
00:28:20,791 --> 00:28:23,694
I did 110 on PCH
681
00:28:23,813 --> 00:28:25,146
on Christmas Eve.
682
00:28:25,171 --> 00:28:27,135
Had the ocean on the left and the...
683
00:28:27,835 --> 00:28:28,993
the mountains on the right.
684
00:28:29,018 --> 00:28:31,084
Stars were everywhere,
685
00:28:31,713 --> 00:28:33,252
but I was the meteor.
686
00:28:33,283 --> 00:28:34,429
Mm.
687
00:28:37,158 --> 00:28:38,287
Hmm.
688
00:28:38,974 --> 00:28:40,060
Yeah.
689
00:28:40,988 --> 00:28:42,087
So...
690
00:28:44,077 --> 00:28:45,941
you gonna tell me what's on your mind?
691
00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:51,157
Why does there always have
to be something the matter?
692
00:28:52,374 --> 00:28:55,254
Well, you come in here with
a smile that's all teeth,
693
00:28:55,279 --> 00:28:57,270
eyes just back from a funeral.
694
00:28:58,012 --> 00:28:59,132
You tell me.
695
00:29:06,555 --> 00:29:07,680
Hey.
696
00:29:11,509 --> 00:29:14,038
If it ain't one thing, it's another, right?
697
00:29:16,522 --> 00:29:18,574
My mom used to call me "banjo eyes."
698
00:29:19,028 --> 00:29:21,596
She said I always looked
like the-the Hindenburg
699
00:29:21,621 --> 00:29:22,878
just crashed in my lap.
700
00:29:34,216 --> 00:29:35,302
It's nothing.
701
00:29:39,652 --> 00:29:41,332
It's just a case of the hiccups.
702
00:29:41,463 --> 00:29:42,762
Trust me, I'm...
703
00:29:43,348 --> 00:29:44,414
all in.
704
00:30:00,423 --> 00:30:01,739
I should go.
705
00:30:04,457 --> 00:30:05,790
I'll help clean up.
706
00:30:05,790 --> 00:30:06,955
I got it.
707
00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:08,361
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
708
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,601
All right.
709
00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:12,558
Is it okay if I use the phone and, uh,
710
00:30:12,738 --> 00:30:13,915
call a cab?
711
00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:16,282
It's all yours.
712
00:30:16,307 --> 00:30:17,673
Okay.
713
00:30:28,684 --> 00:30:29,895
Had breakfast yet?
714
00:30:31,656 --> 00:30:33,457
I could probably
scare up a couple glasses.
715
00:30:33,495 --> 00:30:34,954
Haven't finished fully unpacking.
716
00:30:35,434 --> 00:30:36,514
Come on.
717
00:30:39,198 --> 00:30:40,409
Man.
718
00:30:41,267 --> 00:30:43,551
When you blow shit up, you really do...
719
00:30:44,033 --> 00:30:45,033
blow shit up.
720
00:30:45,067 --> 00:30:46,067
Hey, sometimes shit
721
00:30:46,102 --> 00:30:47,134
need to get blown up,
722
00:30:47,237 --> 00:30:48,996
lest it fall into enemy hands.
723
00:30:50,737 --> 00:30:52,036
Just trying to be smart.
724
00:30:52,061 --> 00:30:53,236
Winter's coming.
725
00:30:58,101 --> 00:30:59,803
Hey, I know I'm only,
726
00:31:00,617 --> 00:31:02,541
you know, 18 or whatever, so I'm...
727
00:31:02,651 --> 00:31:04,284
And you done been to 'Nam
728
00:31:04,386 --> 00:31:05,838
and stuff like that, but...
729
00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:07,430
if you ever want to talk, man,
730
00:31:07,455 --> 00:31:09,521
or, you know, just...
731
00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:10,700
Adam.
732
00:31:10,901 --> 00:31:12,758
It's cool. Thank you.
733
00:31:13,251 --> 00:31:14,627
You don't got to worry about me.
734
00:31:16,486 --> 00:31:17,454
Okay.
735
00:31:17,942 --> 00:31:20,165
Just, last night and...
736
00:31:20,592 --> 00:31:21,698
this.
737
00:31:22,608 --> 00:31:24,479
Look, you was the only one
738
00:31:24,504 --> 00:31:26,753
that worried about me
when I needed worrying.
739
00:31:27,602 --> 00:31:29,707
Maybe now you're the one
that just needs some worrying.
740
00:31:29,809 --> 00:31:31,643
Look, back in 'Nam,
741
00:31:31,745 --> 00:31:33,076
the best of who I was
742
00:31:33,101 --> 00:31:34,689
always came through in combat.
743
00:31:35,046 --> 00:31:36,446
Silver lining to all that chaos
744
00:31:36,549 --> 00:31:38,716
is a... clarity of purpose.
745
00:31:38,818 --> 00:31:39,893
You dig?
746
00:31:41,157 --> 00:31:42,319
I th... I think so.
747
00:31:42,741 --> 00:31:45,121
Look, motherfuckers spend their whole life
748
00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:47,657
not knowing who they really are,
749
00:31:48,142 --> 00:31:50,228
but in chaos, mm.
750
00:31:51,611 --> 00:31:53,461
Baby, that's when the lights come on.
751
00:31:54,345 --> 00:31:57,166
Guess I needed to just
be scared shitless again.
752
00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:02,416
You know, I picked up
your album the other day.
753
00:32:04,110 --> 00:32:05,211
And?
754
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,588
Possibly... brilliant.
755
00:32:08,613 --> 00:32:09,912
You think so?
756
00:32:10,014 --> 00:32:11,608
- Yes, I do.
- Yeah!
757
00:32:11,647 --> 00:32:12,748
Right on.
758
00:32:13,171 --> 00:32:14,825
Tell me, how much of that $5.99 I spent
759
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,317
goes into your pocket, though?
760
00:32:17,249 --> 00:32:19,154
Man, I ain't seen a nickel in total.
761
00:32:20,197 --> 00:32:21,823
Signed a shitty record deal.
762
00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:23,846
What the fuck is your agent saying?
763
00:32:24,750 --> 00:32:27,265
Agents don't get in the
ring for zero percent.
764
00:32:28,087 --> 00:32:30,031
That's some true shit right there.
765
00:32:30,577 --> 00:32:31,577
Mm.
766
00:32:34,019 --> 00:32:35,953
All right. Thank you, man.
767
00:32:36,055 --> 00:32:37,494
- Thanks.
- Appreciate it.
768
00:32:37,676 --> 00:32:39,516
Well, you know what this is, don't you?
769
00:32:39,548 --> 00:32:42,416
This is the world's
ugliest engagement ring.
770
00:32:43,060 --> 00:32:44,559
Yeah, so what if it were?
771
00:32:44,584 --> 00:32:46,751
Not that it is, but so what if it were?
772
00:32:46,776 --> 00:32:48,207
I'm not even gonna dignify that
773
00:32:48,232 --> 00:32:49,538
with a response.
774
00:32:51,685 --> 00:32:52,865
Are you coming tonight?
775
00:32:53,692 --> 00:32:55,458
- To your party?
- To Fitzy's
776
00:32:55,483 --> 00:32:56,950
stop-drinking... thing.
777
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:58,340
Huh. You mean your party?
778
00:32:58,365 --> 00:33:00,398
It's not a party. It is to help Fitzy
779
00:33:00,733 --> 00:33:01,965
confront his alcoholism.
780
00:33:01,990 --> 00:33:03,189
It's Hawaiian-themed.
781
00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:04,854
- Are you coming or not?
- Well, I'm gonna
782
00:33:04,879 --> 00:33:06,846
set this stuff up to surprise Cassie later,
783
00:33:06,871 --> 00:33:09,038
and then I was gonna meet Roy at Goldie's
784
00:33:09,140 --> 00:33:11,707
so we can work on some of
his Friars Club material.
785
00:33:11,809 --> 00:33:13,075
Guy's such a dick.
786
00:33:13,177 --> 00:33:15,444
Yeah, well, I, uh, think he's broke, so...
787
00:33:15,546 --> 00:33:17,213
you might want to cut him some slack.
788
00:33:17,314 --> 00:33:18,314
Aw, shit.
789
00:33:18,349 --> 00:33:19,448
Me all out of tears.
790
00:33:19,473 --> 00:33:20,693
All right, you wanna give me a hand
791
00:33:20,718 --> 00:33:22,199
with some of this stuff or what?
792
00:33:22,552 --> 00:33:23,885
You know what? I'm gonna be
793
00:33:23,910 --> 00:33:25,257
the bigger man. Bring him.
794
00:33:25,288 --> 00:33:26,372
Bring him. It'll be fun.
795
00:33:26,397 --> 00:33:27,800
It's for a good cause.
796
00:33:28,491 --> 00:33:29,557
We're roasting a pig.
797
00:33:30,961 --> 00:33:32,607
You wanna give me a hand or...
798
00:33:32,607 --> 00:33:34,595
I can't hear... let me...
Let me check on the stove.
799
00:33:35,866 --> 00:33:38,332
♪ Sunshine ♪
800
00:33:38,434 --> 00:33:41,601
♪ On my shoulders ♪
801
00:33:41,703 --> 00:33:45,105
♪ Makes me happy ♪
802
00:33:49,078 --> 00:33:53,078
♪ Sunshine in my eyes ♪
803
00:33:53,783 --> 00:33:57,783
♪ Can make me cry ♪
804
00:34:02,456 --> 00:34:05,091
♪ Sunshine ♪
805
00:34:05,193 --> 00:34:07,960
♪ On the water ♪
806
00:34:08,062 --> 00:34:11,030
♪ Looks so lovely ♪
807
00:34:15,602 --> 00:34:18,270
♪ Sunshine ♪
808
00:34:18,371 --> 00:34:21,506
♪ Almost always ♪
809
00:34:21,608 --> 00:34:23,775
♪ Makes me high... ♪
810
00:34:23,877 --> 00:34:25,275
Hey, buddy.
811
00:34:25,391 --> 00:34:28,374
Who set this order? I'm
a comic, so I can't go
812
00:34:28,415 --> 00:34:30,314
after Little Miss Every Day's A Blessing.
813
00:34:30,949 --> 00:34:32,089
Come on, man.
814
00:34:32,185 --> 00:34:33,425
It's for charity.
815
00:34:33,953 --> 00:34:35,085
Right.
816
00:34:35,188 --> 00:34:38,088
♪ ...that I could give you... ♪
817
00:34:38,191 --> 00:34:39,880
Hey, magic man.
818
00:34:40,559 --> 00:34:43,194
Yeah, any chance of us switching?
819
00:34:43,296 --> 00:34:44,962
♪ ...I'd give to you... ♪
820
00:34:45,064 --> 00:34:46,930
Unless I can pull a cure out of my hat,
821
00:34:47,032 --> 00:34:48,331
not fucking happening.
822
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,640
♪ Sunshine ♪
823
00:34:57,742 --> 00:35:01,244
♪ Almost always ♪
824
00:35:01,346 --> 00:35:03,046
♪ Makes me high ♪
825
00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,995
Hey, wonderful, wonderful.
826
00:35:22,298 --> 00:35:23,422
Hi.
827
00:35:25,345 --> 00:35:28,146
Ah, one more time for Daisy, huh?
828
00:35:28,171 --> 00:35:29,371
Daisy.
829
00:35:33,176 --> 00:35:34,214
Hoo.
830
00:35:34,949 --> 00:35:36,498
Cerebral palsy, huh?
831
00:35:37,448 --> 00:35:38,536
Not good.
832
00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:42,182
Um, I know
833
00:35:42,284 --> 00:35:43,616
I've been touched by it.
834
00:35:45,754 --> 00:35:46,939
Thank you.
835
00:35:49,113 --> 00:35:51,200
Any dog lovers in the house?
836
00:35:52,761 --> 00:35:54,127
It went all right.
837
00:35:54,229 --> 00:35:55,327
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
838
00:35:55,429 --> 00:35:56,595
Are you kidding? I got pity laughs
839
00:35:56,697 --> 00:35:58,097
from kids in fucking wheelchairs.
840
00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:00,332
Well, we did what we came for.
841
00:36:00,434 --> 00:36:01,767
You did me a favor,
842
00:36:01,869 --> 00:36:03,582
they're ten dollars closer to a vaccine,
843
00:36:03,607 --> 00:36:05,317
and... I'm grateful.
844
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:06,872
Yeah?
845
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,532
So how about showing it?
846
00:36:09,448 --> 00:36:10,490
Meaning?
847
00:36:12,011 --> 00:36:13,544
Opening for Roy at your new club,
848
00:36:13,645 --> 00:36:14,753
like we talked about.
849
00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:18,108
Like you talked about, mm?
850
00:36:22,053 --> 00:36:23,376
You've already got somebody.
851
00:36:25,257 --> 00:36:26,601
Adam Proteau.
852
00:36:27,060 --> 00:36:28,368
That doesn't mean you're
not gonna headline...
853
00:36:28,393 --> 00:36:29,685
Adam? Okay.
854
00:36:29,686 --> 00:36:31,753
What, what, so if I yell out "motherfucker"
855
00:36:31,855 --> 00:36:33,188
after every punch line,
856
00:36:33,290 --> 00:36:34,856
then I get to fucking open for Roy...
857
00:36:35,178 --> 00:36:36,224
Hey.
858
00:36:36,573 --> 00:36:38,327
Hi. You were great.
859
00:36:38,769 --> 00:36:40,126
Hey, thanks.
860
00:36:42,496 --> 00:36:45,067
I've done everything that
you've ever asked of me.
861
00:36:45,399 --> 00:36:47,774
I burned down a fucking club for you.
862
00:36:49,572 --> 00:36:51,973
You are a hard one to love, Billy.
863
00:36:52,075 --> 00:36:53,069
Fuck love.
864
00:36:53,451 --> 00:36:54,518
What is it?
865
00:36:54,543 --> 00:36:56,077
You don't think I'm talented enough.
866
00:36:56,559 --> 00:36:58,012
You're plenty talented.
867
00:36:58,591 --> 00:37:00,081
Talent is not your issue.
868
00:37:00,298 --> 00:37:01,355
Then what?
869
00:37:02,004 --> 00:37:03,836
'Cause it sure as fuck isn't about loyalty.
870
00:37:04,095 --> 00:37:05,742
I'm half a golden retriever.
871
00:37:06,465 --> 00:37:07,830
Billy.
872
00:37:07,932 --> 00:37:10,502
Just be happy for once, huh?
873
00:37:10,802 --> 00:37:13,370
You're headlining, you got a TV commercial,
874
00:37:13,472 --> 00:37:16,239
doing what most comics only dream of.
875
00:37:16,341 --> 00:37:17,807
But you, you walk around like
876
00:37:17,909 --> 00:37:19,342
you've got a load in your pants.
877
00:37:20,811 --> 00:37:22,344
Just tell me why.
878
00:37:24,545 --> 00:37:25,547
Fine.
879
00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,970
You are effective,
880
00:37:30,655 --> 00:37:32,443
not winning.
881
00:37:33,029 --> 00:37:34,224
You got it?
882
00:37:35,335 --> 00:37:37,549
I root for you, but the audience...
883
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,661
You act like you're doing them a favor.
884
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:40,928
Oh.
885
00:37:41,030 --> 00:37:42,930
So, what, you're effective and winning?
886
00:37:43,032 --> 00:37:44,442
Huh? Sitting in that club,
887
00:37:44,467 --> 00:37:46,233
up in that hiding place you call an office?
888
00:37:46,336 --> 00:37:47,602
Looking down at all of us
889
00:37:47,704 --> 00:37:49,404
like we're fucking puzzle pieces
890
00:37:49,506 --> 00:37:51,587
that you move around to
fill out your pathetic life.
891
00:37:52,041 --> 00:37:53,374
Maybe the book's written on you,
892
00:37:53,476 --> 00:37:55,075
but you don't get to write my book.
893
00:37:56,278 --> 00:37:57,756
I have done nothing
894
00:37:58,046 --> 00:38:00,054
but treat you like a son.
895
00:38:01,407 --> 00:38:02,790
More like a daughter,
896
00:38:03,185 --> 00:38:04,984
and we both know how that turns out.
897
00:38:11,721 --> 00:38:13,759
A little misty water-colored memories?
898
00:38:18,509 --> 00:38:19,632
Just the coke.
899
00:38:22,647 --> 00:38:24,514
I hated you when you quit.
900
00:38:24,539 --> 00:38:25,926
Made me sad.
901
00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:29,284
Well, if I'd have kept going,
902
00:38:29,309 --> 00:38:30,975
you'd have been even sadder.
903
00:38:32,446 --> 00:38:33,492
Oh?
904
00:38:33,814 --> 00:38:35,584
'Cause then you'd just be gone.
905
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,007
Now it's like you left.
906
00:38:39,095 --> 00:38:41,062
Like you're judging me or something.
907
00:39:07,288 --> 00:39:08,705
Where the fuck is Fitzy?
908
00:39:08,890 --> 00:39:10,823
I rehearsed all this 12-step crap,
909
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:12,214
and I can't really get hammered
910
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,425
till I help him get his shit together.
911
00:39:13,527 --> 00:39:15,006
Arnie just called.
912
00:39:15,229 --> 00:39:16,551
He's stuck at the club.
913
00:39:16,698 --> 00:39:18,698
Him and Fitzy gonna be a little late.
914
00:39:18,866 --> 00:39:20,139
Fuck it. We tried.
915
00:39:20,170 --> 00:39:22,104
All right, everybody, let's party!
916
00:39:23,292 --> 00:39:24,410
Open that bar up!
917
00:39:24,447 --> 00:39:25,613
Yeah, it's true.
918
00:39:25,638 --> 00:39:27,005
I fucked a bum.
919
00:39:28,531 --> 00:39:29,818
And I ain't talking about a dude
920
00:39:29,843 --> 00:39:31,155
who's in between apartments.
921
00:39:31,292 --> 00:39:34,627
I'm talking a genuine
aftershave-drinking hobo.
922
00:39:36,872 --> 00:39:39,733
So we was messing around
in his refrigerator box,
923
00:39:40,452 --> 00:39:41,856
and he says...
924
00:39:41,881 --> 00:39:43,716
"Do you fhaveany protection?"
925
00:39:45,024 --> 00:39:48,458
I'm all, "Hell no.
People who plan ahead
926
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,711
generally don't fuck
motherfucking vagrants."
927
00:39:56,667 --> 00:39:58,000
You know, Ron...
928
00:39:58,025 --> 00:39:59,423
Not the funniest guy in the world,
929
00:39:59,448 --> 00:40:01,621
but he sure knows how
to throw an intervention.
930
00:40:02,506 --> 00:40:04,774
Apparently being the
funniest guy isn't enough.
931
00:40:05,443 --> 00:40:06,876
Ron has a hit show,
932
00:40:06,901 --> 00:40:08,837
and Adam has a hit album.
933
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,479
Have you heard it? It's pretty good.
934
00:40:11,581 --> 00:40:12,742
Fuck no.
935
00:40:13,050 --> 00:40:14,962
Heard he hasn't seen a dime either.
936
00:40:15,175 --> 00:40:16,842
Imagine how arrogant he'd be
937
00:40:17,054 --> 00:40:19,440
with money and Goldie's nose up his ass.
938
00:40:20,178 --> 00:40:21,673
You mean "uppity"?
939
00:40:23,148 --> 00:40:24,812
Easy, Ralpholm X.
940
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:26,412
This isn't about race.
941
00:40:27,626 --> 00:40:29,106
I know you just realized you're black
942
00:40:29,131 --> 00:40:30,401
and you're having a hard time with it,
943
00:40:30,426 --> 00:40:31,782
but I'm not the enemy.
944
00:40:31,782 --> 00:40:33,281
Also, if memory serves me right,
945
00:40:33,383 --> 00:40:35,650
you were saying the same
shit about Adam a year ago.
946
00:40:35,752 --> 00:40:37,251
That's 'cause a year ago,
947
00:40:37,354 --> 00:40:39,153
my arrogant ass was jealous,
948
00:40:39,332 --> 00:40:41,271
the same way yours is now.
949
00:40:45,452 --> 00:40:46,815
Ralph's black?
950
00:40:46,996 --> 00:40:49,129
All right, keep it
going for Dawn Lima!
951
00:40:49,231 --> 00:40:50,430
Oh, yeah!
952
00:40:52,134 --> 00:40:54,702
Beautiful! She's gorgeous!
953
00:40:55,057 --> 00:40:58,005
Come on! Hey, Dawn, I'm not a bum,
954
00:40:58,107 --> 00:41:00,340
but I have been known to
take a crap at a bus stop.
955
00:41:01,877 --> 00:41:03,627
Let me over there, all right?
956
00:41:04,225 --> 00:41:06,412
Whatever happened
to chivalry, right?
957
00:41:06,830 --> 00:41:07,914
Come on!
958
00:41:08,016 --> 00:41:09,215
Do what I can to be
nice to a lady...
959
00:41:09,317 --> 00:41:10,790
What's happening?
960
00:41:11,820 --> 00:41:13,586
Help her with doors, right?
961
00:41:13,688 --> 00:41:15,388
I hold the door open,
962
00:41:15,490 --> 00:41:17,707
you know, like any man should.
963
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:22,293
The girl goes, "No! No one"...
964
00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:24,095
You wanna hit Fitzy's thing?
965
00:41:24,197 --> 00:41:25,864
I told Cassie I'd meet her there later.
966
00:41:25,966 --> 00:41:27,847
Who's that, the Jewish broad?
967
00:41:28,918 --> 00:41:30,536
You mean my girlfriend?
968
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:32,948
What?
969
00:41:33,050 --> 00:41:34,650
There goes the hungry kid
970
00:41:34,675 --> 00:41:37,542
who threw a $600 watch back in my face,
971
00:41:37,721 --> 00:41:39,854
pushed himself into my hotel room,
972
00:41:39,879 --> 00:41:42,212
and practically begged me to hire him.
973
00:41:42,314 --> 00:41:44,481
Well, what if I'm holding the door
974
00:41:44,692 --> 00:41:46,150
to an abortion clinic?
975
00:41:46,252 --> 00:41:47,975
Is it modern then?
976
00:41:48,737 --> 00:41:50,421
Is it modern then?
977
00:41:50,523 --> 00:41:52,956
- Boo!
- Shut up!
978
00:41:54,626 --> 00:41:56,433
People make better decisions drunk
979
00:41:56,528 --> 00:41:58,532
than they do in relationships.
980
00:41:58,607 --> 00:41:59,973
The thing's a hindrance, okay?
981
00:41:59,998 --> 00:42:01,504
Mark my words.
982
00:42:02,007 --> 00:42:03,218
Okay, well,
983
00:42:04,266 --> 00:42:05,368
Cassie's not a thing.
984
00:42:05,779 --> 00:42:07,770
Women are a thing.
985
00:42:08,219 --> 00:42:10,231
Love, whatever the fuck that is,
986
00:42:11,215 --> 00:42:12,482
is a thing.
987
00:42:13,676 --> 00:42:14,997
Love is a thing.
988
00:42:17,246 --> 00:42:18,622
Pretty messed up, Roy.
989
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:20,859
Trust me.
990
00:42:21,361 --> 00:42:22,936
If it can be taken away,
991
00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:26,137
it's a thing.
992
00:42:36,199 --> 00:42:38,777
Oh, excuse me, Billy. My bad.
993
00:42:48,789 --> 00:42:50,443
I knight thee
994
00:42:50,786 --> 00:42:51,988
Sir Adam,
995
00:42:53,061 --> 00:42:54,250
both winning
996
00:42:55,749 --> 00:42:57,161
and effective.
997
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,198
Okay...
998
00:43:01,871 --> 00:43:02,922
cool.
999
00:43:36,271 --> 00:43:37,220
Hey.
1000
00:43:41,293 --> 00:43:42,926
I tried calling you at Bill's.
1001
00:43:43,029 --> 00:43:44,928
I met your uncle Chris
last night at the club
1002
00:43:45,031 --> 00:43:46,421
right after you left.
1003
00:43:52,414 --> 00:43:54,014
He's here with your cousin,
1004
00:43:54,039 --> 00:43:56,605
staying at the Hollywood Premiere Motel
1005
00:43:56,708 --> 00:43:58,207
on Sunset for a week
1006
00:43:58,232 --> 00:43:59,599
if you want to stop by.
1007
00:44:02,847 --> 00:44:04,346
I got it, thanks.
1008
00:44:08,294 --> 00:44:09,359
Nick.
1009
00:44:14,585 --> 00:44:15,816
What do you want?
1010
00:44:17,145 --> 00:44:18,567
We girlfriends now?
1011
00:44:21,315 --> 00:44:23,816
No, but you were there for me in Wink.
1012
00:44:24,740 --> 00:44:26,004
Well, this isn't Wink.
1013
00:44:26,029 --> 00:44:27,011
Okay.
1014
00:44:27,521 --> 00:44:29,333
I-I don't know what I just walked into.
1015
00:44:29,358 --> 00:44:30,515
I just meant
1016
00:44:31,285 --> 00:44:33,160
that having someone here
1017
00:44:34,644 --> 00:44:35,871
know about...
1018
00:44:41,737 --> 00:44:42,936
Uh, it feels better.
1019
00:44:43,038 --> 00:44:44,407
Why don't you go tell Eddie?
1020
00:44:44,606 --> 00:44:46,321
Okay? That guy's a fucking saint.
1021
00:44:46,707 --> 00:44:47,949
Jesus, Nick.
1022
00:44:48,443 --> 00:44:49,642
You don't want to tell
Eddie because you'd rather be
1023
00:44:49,744 --> 00:44:51,043
some scrubbed-up version of yourself
1024
00:44:51,068 --> 00:44:52,633
than what's sitting here now,
1025
00:44:52,663 --> 00:44:53,728
then fine.
1026
00:44:54,815 --> 00:44:56,182
But don't start looking at my shit
1027
00:44:56,284 --> 00:44:57,849
'cause you can't handle yours.
1028
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:02,217
Am I wrong?
1029
00:45:22,341 --> 00:45:23,389
Don't.
1030
00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:38,726
Oh, uh, yeah.
1031
00:45:38,923 --> 00:45:40,823
Just an FYI. R-Ron thinks you hate him.
1032
00:45:40,925 --> 00:45:42,492
YEAH, JUST AN FU: I do.
1033
00:45:42,517 --> 00:45:43,583
Okay, well, maybe can you just
1034
00:45:43,608 --> 00:45:44,704
pretend tonight to...
1035
00:45:44,729 --> 00:45:45,729
Just relax, okay?
1036
00:45:45,797 --> 00:45:47,263
I know how to put on a show.
1037
00:45:47,365 --> 00:45:48,398
All right, now, where the hell
1038
00:45:48,500 --> 00:45:50,667
is that fucking drunk, Fitzy?
1039
00:45:51,996 --> 00:45:53,402
F-Fitzy's actually running a little late.
1040
00:45:53,427 --> 00:45:56,528
Oh, it's Benny time!
1041
00:45:56,707 --> 00:45:57,939
You, my friend...
1042
00:45:58,041 --> 00:45:59,474
I owe you an apology.
1043
00:45:59,577 --> 00:46:01,543
I owe you an apology, 'cause I was a dick.
1044
00:46:01,645 --> 00:46:03,478
I saw your show... I'm over here.
1045
00:46:03,581 --> 00:46:04,913
I saw your show.
1046
00:46:05,015 --> 00:46:06,815
- You are a funny fuck.
- Really?
1047
00:46:06,917 --> 00:46:09,617
Now, the rest of the jungle,
I wouldn't give you a dime,
1048
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,552
but you got "breakout"
written all over you.
1049
00:46:11,654 --> 00:46:13,254
You really think so?
'Cause I mean, the show
1050
00:46:13,279 --> 00:46:14,699
- has moments where I think...
- There is no show.
1051
00:46:14,724 --> 00:46:16,457
You hear me? There is no show.
1052
00:46:16,559 --> 00:46:17,559
It's you
1053
00:46:17,737 --> 00:46:19,036
and people talking
1054
00:46:19,061 --> 00:46:20,561
until you get back on-screen.
1055
00:46:20,663 --> 00:46:21,934
You understand?
1056
00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:24,309
Hey, I got this great Bolivian shit
1057
00:46:24,334 --> 00:46:25,998
from my PA if you're up for it.
1058
00:46:26,101 --> 00:46:27,467
Well, take me to your mirror.
1059
00:46:27,492 --> 00:46:28,645
- All right.
- Over there?
1060
00:46:28,670 --> 00:46:30,837
Fitzy! Whoo, Fitzy!
1061
00:46:30,939 --> 00:46:32,004
Hold on a second.
1062
00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:33,469
Fitzy!
1063
00:46:34,008 --> 00:46:35,709
You got a drinking problem!
1064
00:46:39,658 --> 00:46:41,325
Anybody else want to weigh in or...
1065
00:46:43,117 --> 00:46:44,816
Message received.
1066
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:46,262
Now can somebody please get me
1067
00:46:46,287 --> 00:46:48,186
a fucking drink in this hellhole?
1068
00:46:49,569 --> 00:46:51,535
- I did what I could.
- Such a putz.
1069
00:46:52,049 --> 00:46:53,135
You know what?
1070
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,926
Shit's about to get crazy in here.
1071
00:46:54,951 --> 00:46:56,455
What do you say we take a little ride?
1072
00:46:56,964 --> 00:46:58,264
You got someplace in mind?
1073
00:46:58,366 --> 00:46:59,366
Oh, yeah.
1074
00:46:59,399 --> 00:47:00,299
Come on.
1075
00:47:05,995 --> 00:47:07,143
Oh, hey.
1076
00:47:08,074 --> 00:47:09,608
What's going on?
1077
00:47:10,644 --> 00:47:12,479
Come here, I wanna show you something.
1078
00:47:13,713 --> 00:47:14,713
What?
1079
00:47:14,781 --> 00:47:15,781
Come on.
1080
00:47:17,316 --> 00:47:18,548
I'll be right back.
1081
00:47:20,799 --> 00:47:21,931
I got it.
1082
00:47:25,891 --> 00:47:27,123
Oh, shit.
1083
00:47:27,225 --> 00:47:28,225
Hey.
1084
00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:29,644
The owner here?
1085
00:47:30,677 --> 00:47:32,429
How do you know I'm not the owner?
1086
00:47:34,268 --> 00:47:35,564
I'm just kidding. Come on.
1087
00:47:37,034 --> 00:47:38,601
We got a noise complaint.
1088
00:47:38,703 --> 00:47:39,904
Bet you did.
1089
00:47:40,905 --> 00:47:43,291
Ah, our boys in blue.
1090
00:47:43,775 --> 00:47:45,508
What can I do for you?
1091
00:47:45,610 --> 00:47:47,009
We got a noise complaint.
1092
00:47:48,604 --> 00:47:50,944
Roy Martin. Pleasure.
1093
00:47:53,774 --> 00:47:55,073
Roy Martin.
1094
00:47:55,678 --> 00:47:57,765
What, you guys don't own a fucking TV?
1095
00:47:58,054 --> 00:47:59,453
You the owner, sir?
1096
00:47:59,690 --> 00:48:01,708
I'm glad you're here, sirs,
1097
00:48:02,224 --> 00:48:03,925
'cause I have something to confess.
1098
00:48:04,264 --> 00:48:07,228
I am an arsonist.
1099
00:48:07,543 --> 00:48:09,142
I did Carson. I did it.
1100
00:48:09,244 --> 00:48:10,777
I got the fucking couch.
1101
00:48:10,802 --> 00:48:11,933
How about that?
1102
00:48:11,958 --> 00:48:13,557
I met Carol Channing.
1103
00:48:13,582 --> 00:48:15,615
Very nice. She smells like Poligrip.
1104
00:48:15,717 --> 00:48:17,684
And how does Goldie repay me?
1105
00:48:17,786 --> 00:48:18,906
- Huh?
- Sorry, guys.
1106
00:48:18,987 --> 00:48:20,153
He's bitter about a lot of things.
1107
00:48:20,255 --> 00:48:21,555
A Big Red
1108
00:48:21,657 --> 00:48:23,523
fucking soda commercial!
1109
00:48:23,625 --> 00:48:25,123
Whoo!
1110
00:48:25,225 --> 00:48:27,159
She doesn't get to tell
me what my future is!
1111
00:48:27,261 --> 00:48:28,527
No one does!
1112
00:48:28,629 --> 00:48:30,674
No one tells me what to do!
1113
00:48:32,266 --> 00:48:33,468
Hands against the wall.
1114
00:48:34,869 --> 00:48:36,505
Okay, maybe you guys do.
1115
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:41,473
I was gonna surprise you later, but,
1116
00:48:41,498 --> 00:48:42,603
you know.
1117
00:48:43,944 --> 00:48:45,348
Wow.
1118
00:49:05,837 --> 00:49:07,197
That was a fun night.
1119
00:49:07,299 --> 00:49:08,270
Yeah.
1120
00:49:09,969 --> 00:49:11,790
Not as fun as tonight.
1121
00:49:23,304 --> 00:49:24,346
What?
1122
00:49:38,756 --> 00:49:39,846
Nothing.
1123
00:49:48,931 --> 00:49:50,638
All right, guys, I'll tell you what.
1124
00:49:50,740 --> 00:49:52,773
Here's a little something for all you do.
1125
00:49:52,875 --> 00:49:55,676
Uh, put it away, sir,
or you'll be joining him.
1126
00:49:55,778 --> 00:49:57,144
Excuse me, Officers.
1127
00:49:57,246 --> 00:49:58,846
Uh, I'm-I'm the homeowner.
Is there a problem?
1128
00:49:58,948 --> 00:50:00,648
Several, starting with a noise complaint,
1129
00:50:00,673 --> 00:50:02,382
attempted assault on an officer...
1130
00:50:02,484 --> 00:50:04,018
They got mad 'cause
I spilled my drink, Ron.
1131
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,686
Why-why did you do that, Bill?
1132
00:50:05,788 --> 00:50:06,836
You...
1133
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,073
Benny the Mailman?
1134
00:50:09,177 --> 00:50:10,417
Watts Local?
1135
00:50:11,946 --> 00:50:14,413
Well, I'm Ron Shack. I-I
play Benny the Mailman.
1136
00:50:14,438 --> 00:50:16,996
Oh, my wife and I love that show.
1137
00:50:20,721 --> 00:50:21,887
Great. Yeah, yeah, no.
1138
00:50:21,989 --> 00:50:23,822
It's-it's a great show.
1139
00:50:24,174 --> 00:50:26,070
Uh, do you guys want an autograph?
1140
00:50:26,144 --> 00:50:27,325
O-or you want a picture?
1141
00:50:27,427 --> 00:50:28,860
I-I got the camera.
1142
00:50:28,962 --> 00:50:31,062
I... if it's not too
big of an inconvenience.
1143
00:50:31,164 --> 00:50:33,031
Huh, "incon"... No, it'd be my pleasure.
1144
00:50:33,056 --> 00:50:34,168
- Here, Edgar, you wanna take...
- Hey, you know what?
1145
00:50:34,193 --> 00:50:35,246
Why don't I do it?
1146
00:50:35,635 --> 00:50:36,901
Really? Yeah, Roy will take it.
1147
00:50:36,926 --> 00:50:38,425
Let's get him out of the shot.
1148
00:50:38,450 --> 00:50:39,670
- He's gonna ruin everything.
- Yeah.
1149
00:50:39,695 --> 00:50:40,827
Just get out of the shot, Bill.
1150
00:50:40,852 --> 00:50:42,662
You guys ready? Let's do this, huh?
1151
00:50:43,843 --> 00:50:45,108
Say "cheese."
1152
00:50:45,133 --> 00:50:46,166
Cheese.
1153
00:50:47,512 --> 00:50:48,455
Yeah.
1154
00:50:50,682 --> 00:50:51,931
There you go.
1155
00:50:55,677 --> 00:50:56,777
Man, you think breaking into this place
1156
00:50:56,802 --> 00:50:58,067
is a good idea?
1157
00:50:58,210 --> 00:50:59,722
These motherfuckers owe you money.
1158
00:50:59,824 --> 00:51:01,001
We gonna get that money.
1159
00:51:01,492 --> 00:51:02,639
All right.
1160
00:51:02,639 --> 00:51:03,758
What, you gonna break down the door?
1161
00:51:03,783 --> 00:51:04,897
Ain't no fucking key.
1162
00:51:05,574 --> 00:51:07,141
Just gonna open the door.
1163
00:51:07,166 --> 00:51:08,460
Okay, all right. Fuck it.
1164
00:51:10,446 --> 00:51:11,746
Yeah...
1165
00:51:13,682 --> 00:51:16,916
Big boy. Oh, yeah.
1166
00:51:17,259 --> 00:51:18,819
Whoa!
1167
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,353
What the... who the fuck...
1168
00:51:23,291 --> 00:51:24,724
Adam? Adam!
1169
00:51:26,261 --> 00:51:27,600
Hey, Rusty.
1170
00:51:29,027 --> 00:51:30,040
Hey.
1171
00:51:30,065 --> 00:51:32,397
Adam, my brother!
1172
00:51:33,667 --> 00:51:34,867
Hey, it's kind of late.
1173
00:51:36,493 --> 00:51:38,603
Your associate, I'm presuming? Hmm?
1174
00:51:38,628 --> 00:51:40,431
You owe this motherfucker five grand,
1175
00:51:40,657 --> 00:51:42,307
and we're here to collect.
1176
00:51:43,310 --> 00:51:44,810
I didn't catch your name, my man.
1177
00:51:45,612 --> 00:51:46,745
Huh?
1178
00:51:46,847 --> 00:51:48,513
Adam, hey, it's like we talked about.
1179
00:51:48,615 --> 00:51:50,547
Okay? Money is on the way.
1180
00:51:50,650 --> 00:51:51,783
All right? But there's a lot of overhead
1181
00:51:51,885 --> 00:51:53,284
we gotta pay off first, okay?
1182
00:51:53,386 --> 00:51:55,219
It sucks, but you gotta spend money
1183
00:51:55,244 --> 00:51:56,607
to make money, right?
1184
00:51:56,632 --> 00:51:58,420
Why the fuck are you talking to him
1185
00:51:58,491 --> 00:52:00,393
when I'm the motherfucker talking to you?
1186
00:52:01,995 --> 00:52:03,460
Fellas, fellas,
1187
00:52:03,485 --> 00:52:04,468
come on.
1188
00:52:06,364 --> 00:52:08,364
You... oh, man. Listen...
1189
00:52:08,466 --> 00:52:09,532
Ah!
1190
00:52:09,634 --> 00:52:10,834
Oh, fuck.
1191
00:52:10,999 --> 00:52:12,052
What the fuck?
1192
00:52:12,077 --> 00:52:13,236
Okay.
1193
00:52:13,261 --> 00:52:14,527
Pull a gun on me, motherfucker?
1194
00:52:14,552 --> 00:52:15,548
No, no, no, no, no!
1195
00:52:15,573 --> 00:52:16,678
Get your ass up.
1196
00:52:17,327 --> 00:52:19,059
Ah!
1197
00:52:20,074 --> 00:52:21,256
Now it's a party.
1198
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:22,619
Man, Rusty, man, just give us the five
1199
00:52:22,644 --> 00:52:23,756
and we'll be gone.
1200
00:52:23,781 --> 00:52:24,814
Fuck you coons!
1201
00:52:24,839 --> 00:52:25,881
It's not here!
1202
00:52:31,289 --> 00:52:32,688
Where's that fucking money?
1203
00:52:32,790 --> 00:52:34,773
I'll get it! I'll get
it! I'll get it tomorrow!
1204
00:52:36,450 --> 00:52:37,536
Oh, shit.
1205
00:52:38,129 --> 00:52:39,894
Oh, fuck. It's in the safe!
1206
00:52:39,996 --> 00:52:41,595
It's in the safe! Jane!
1207
00:52:41,776 --> 00:52:44,676
Adam, help Jane with that... Adam?
1208
00:52:44,701 --> 00:52:46,315
Is-is he okay?
1209
00:52:47,137 --> 00:52:48,773
Jane, go get that money!
1210
00:52:49,764 --> 00:52:51,408
And a... and a glass of water!
1211
00:52:51,734 --> 00:52:54,235
It's Benny time!
1212
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:55,903
I'm a mailman.
1213
00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:58,871
A little white, fat mailman in Watts!
1214
00:52:58,974 --> 00:53:00,006
What's the problem?
1215
00:53:02,311 --> 00:53:04,911
More wooden than fucking Howdy Doody time!
1216
00:53:05,013 --> 00:53:06,361
Ronny!
1217
00:53:06,881 --> 00:53:08,582
I love this. Special delivery.
1218
00:53:11,487 --> 00:53:13,052
Where's Dragnet, huh?
1219
00:53:13,155 --> 00:53:15,275
What, they had to rush off? Was there a...
1220
00:53:15,300 --> 00:53:17,233
I don't know, maybe... maybe an emergency
1221
00:53:17,258 --> 00:53:19,125
at the, uh, Family Affair kids' house
1222
00:53:19,227 --> 00:53:20,466
or something?
1223
00:53:23,564 --> 00:53:25,604
I mean, they didn't even
know who the fuck you were.
1224
00:53:28,702 --> 00:53:30,159
Do you want to know why?
1225
00:53:31,397 --> 00:53:32,663
Because all you are to them
1226
00:53:32,688 --> 00:53:34,087
is some dusty old scratched record
1227
00:53:34,112 --> 00:53:35,477
on their father's Victrola.
1228
00:53:36,468 --> 00:53:38,268
- That's all you are.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1229
00:53:38,370 --> 00:53:40,170
- You're a fucking nothing.
- You're fucking nothing!
1230
00:53:40,272 --> 00:53:41,752
You're nobody!
1231
00:53:41,752 --> 00:53:43,039
You know what you are? You're a fucking
1232
00:53:43,141 --> 00:53:44,581
trivia question five years from now,
1233
00:53:44,606 --> 00:53:45,975
you fucking hack!
1234
00:53:46,077 --> 00:53:47,344
- All right...
- I am Mount Rushmore
1235
00:53:47,369 --> 00:53:48,567
compared to you.
1236
00:53:48,592 --> 00:53:49,592
Do you understand?
1237
00:53:49,617 --> 00:53:50,859
I'm an icon!
1238
00:53:51,382 --> 00:53:52,682
Who are you, fucker?
1239
00:53:53,785 --> 00:53:54,879
Who am I?
1240
00:53:58,146 --> 00:53:59,329
You know what, Roy?
1241
00:54:01,039 --> 00:54:02,343
This is who I am.
1242
00:54:02,368 --> 00:54:04,069
Ron, come on, don't be that guy.
1243
00:54:04,094 --> 00:54:05,460
- Ron.
- Right there.
1244
00:54:05,485 --> 00:54:06,564
Ron.
1245
00:54:07,230 --> 00:54:08,564
This is me.
1246
00:54:09,333 --> 00:54:11,555
You sorry, pathetic,
1247
00:54:11,901 --> 00:54:14,262
broke fuck.
1248
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:18,292
Guys! Guys!
1249
00:54:18,292 --> 00:54:20,007
- Jesus, Ron!
- I think Fitzy's drowning.
1250
00:54:20,032 --> 00:54:21,032
What?
1251
00:54:21,057 --> 00:54:22,340
He's drowning! Come on!
1252
00:54:25,514 --> 00:54:26,631
You okay, Fitzy?
1253
00:54:26,755 --> 00:54:28,089
Yeah, yeah. I just...
1254
00:54:28,170 --> 00:54:29,903
I needed to take a leak anyway.
1255
00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:31,605
Come on, get up. Let's go.
1256
00:54:31,707 --> 00:54:32,839
Whoa, whoa.
1257
00:54:32,941 --> 00:54:33,941
What's wrong?
1258
00:54:34,042 --> 00:54:35,111
What's wrong?
1259
00:54:35,478 --> 00:54:36,710
Somebody call a fucking ambulance.
1260
00:54:36,812 --> 00:54:37,911
Go, go!
1261
00:54:38,013 --> 00:54:39,156
I-I can't...
1262
00:54:39,847 --> 00:54:41,581
- I can't Br-breathe.
- Call an ambulance!
1263
00:54:45,330 --> 00:54:46,767
What's going on?
1264
00:54:47,255 --> 00:54:49,001
Fuck.
1265
00:54:49,844 --> 00:54:52,091
Yeah, yeah, man.
1266
00:54:54,051 --> 00:54:55,162
Let's go.
1267
00:54:55,363 --> 00:54:56,837
What? You want to leave now?
1268
00:54:57,264 --> 00:54:59,063
You find a lot of room for interpretation
1269
00:54:59,088 --> 00:55:00,342
- in that sentence?
- All right,
1270
00:55:00,367 --> 00:55:01,400
I'll be right there.
1271
00:55:01,502 --> 00:55:02,634
Okay, he's in a mood.
1272
00:55:02,736 --> 00:55:04,068
Who knows how long it'll take?
1273
00:55:04,171 --> 00:55:05,570
- See you tomorrow?
- Yep.
1274
00:55:39,771 --> 00:55:41,170
What's the problem?
1275
00:55:46,950 --> 00:55:48,341
You know me, right?
1276
00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:50,554
Oh, yeah.
1277
00:55:51,515 --> 00:55:52,892
I know you.
1278
00:56:15,171 --> 00:56:16,856
That is everything,
1279
00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:19,353
plus the pot he pisses in.
1280
00:56:20,042 --> 00:56:22,148
Stubborn fuck. He'll be back.
1281
00:57:56,712 --> 00:57:58,429
I really do love Eddie.
1282
00:57:58,706 --> 00:58:00,878
Between me and him, I'd pick Eddie too.
1283
00:58:01,424 --> 00:58:04,392
They're shooting a sketch
show live out of New York City.
1284
00:58:04,713 --> 00:58:07,548
Lorne Michaels, he's coming
Thursday night to catch your act.
1285
00:58:07,662 --> 00:58:08,793
I got Carson.
1286
00:58:08,984 --> 00:58:10,876
You're going on as a
guest, not a stand-up.
1287
00:58:10,901 --> 00:58:12,868
I'm sorry, what, I'm
not going to do stand-up?
1288
00:58:12,966 --> 00:58:15,412
Do you think love conquers all?
1289
00:58:15,507 --> 00:58:17,724
Because it doesn't... it obliterates!
1290
00:58:17,792 --> 00:58:19,926
Roy, please!
1291
00:58:20,028 --> 00:58:22,529
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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