All language subtitles for First.Reformed.2018.720p.WEB-DL.H264.AC3-EVO
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,020
www.titlovi.com
2
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,220
I have decided
to keep a journal.
3
00:03:16,222 --> 00:03:18,522
Not in a word program
or digital file,
4
00:03:18,524 --> 00:03:20,460
but in longhand,
5
00:03:21,362 --> 00:03:22,994
writing every word out
6
00:03:22,996 --> 00:03:24,997
so that every inflection
of penmanship,
7
00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:26,397
every word chosen,
8
00:03:26,399 --> 00:03:29,102
scratched out, revised,
is recorded.
9
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:31,435
To set down all my thoughts
10
00:03:31,437 --> 00:03:33,503
and the simple events
of my day factually
11
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,208
and without hiding anything.
12
00:03:36,976 --> 00:03:39,880
When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.
13
00:03:41,446 --> 00:03:45,582
I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months.
14
00:03:45,584 --> 00:03:48,952
And at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.
15
00:03:48,954 --> 00:03:52,492
Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.
16
00:04:11,176 --> 00:04:12,477
Please rise.
17
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:21,153
What is thy only comfort
in life and death?
18
00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:23,086
That I
with body and soul,
19
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,120
both in life and death,
20
00:04:25,122 --> 00:04:26,656
am not my own,
21
00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:29,427
but belong unto my faithful
Savior Jesus Christ,
22
00:04:30,394 --> 00:04:32,394
who with his precious blood...
23
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:33,562
These thoughts
and recollections
24
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,264
are not so different
25
00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:37,035
from those I confide to God
every morning.
26
00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:41,941
When it is possible.
When he is listening.
27
00:04:47,111 --> 00:04:50,015
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
28
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,123
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
29
00:05:01,392 --> 00:05:03,559
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
30
00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:06,695
This journal
is a form of speaking,
31
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:10,035
of communication
from one to the other.
32
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:13,635
A communication
which can be achieved simply
33
00:05:13,637 --> 00:05:17,142
and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.
34
00:05:19,142 --> 00:05:20,445
It is a form of prayer.
35
00:05:21,412 --> 00:05:24,415
Bread of life.
The cup of salvation.
36
00:05:34,324 --> 00:05:36,757
There, uh, is a leak
in the men's restroom.
37
00:05:36,759 --> 00:05:38,392
No, I fixed it.
38
00:05:38,394 --> 00:05:40,260
No. I was just there.
It's still leaking.
39
00:05:40,262 --> 00:05:42,363
Same place.
Under the hot faucet.
40
00:05:42,365 --> 00:05:44,065
What about
the women's room?
41
00:05:44,067 --> 00:05:45,767
The women's is fine.
Uh, do you want me to call
42
00:05:45,769 --> 00:05:47,267
the plumber
from Abundant Life?
43
00:05:47,269 --> 00:05:48,769
No, I'll have
another crack at it.
44
00:05:48,771 --> 00:05:51,038
I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.
45
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,606
They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.
46
00:05:52,608 --> 00:05:54,074
And you're totally
within your budget.
47
00:05:54,076 --> 00:05:55,312
Still, I don't want to.
48
00:05:57,047 --> 00:05:58,082
Have you posted the sermon?
49
00:05:59,281 --> 00:06:00,515
Yes. I did it this morning.
50
00:06:01,784 --> 00:06:03,215
- Oh, hi...
- Reverend?
51
00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:05,052
Yes, uh... Mary, right?
52
00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:07,256
- Mary Mansana.
- Yeah. Nice to see you again.
53
00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:09,944
- I wanted to talk, if that's okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
54
00:06:09,966 --> 00:06:11,713
Come on in, Mary.
I'll be right back.
55
00:06:12,494 --> 00:06:13,826
Mary, how can I help you?
56
00:06:13,828 --> 00:06:15,295
Um, I was wondering if
you would talk
57
00:06:15,297 --> 00:06:16,830
- to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I...
58
00:06:16,832 --> 00:06:18,131
Actually, not now.
He has to...
59
00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:19,331
He has to go to work.
60
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:20,535
He has to fill in
at Home Depot.
61
00:06:23,138 --> 00:06:26,309
Mary? What is it?
62
00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:28,374
I'm worried about him.
63
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:30,309
He's involved
in the Green Planet movement.
64
00:06:30,311 --> 00:06:32,078
- It's an activist group.
- Mmm-hmm.
65
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,413
And he was in jail in Canada.
66
00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:36,283
And he just got out
two weeks ago.
67
00:06:36,285 --> 00:06:37,716
He just sits around at home.
68
00:06:37,718 --> 00:06:39,318
He doesn't...
He doesn't go out.
69
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,120
I got him
to fill out a temp form
70
00:06:41,122 --> 00:06:42,688
for Home... For Home Depot.
71
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,623
- Okay.
- Um, so that's good.
72
00:06:44,625 --> 00:06:46,491
Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?
73
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,226
They have a whole team
of counselors over there,
74
00:06:48,228 --> 00:06:49,361
who are trained and...
75
00:06:49,363 --> 00:06:50,796
I know,
but he doesn't want to.
76
00:06:50,798 --> 00:06:52,630
He thinks it's more of
a company than a church.
77
00:06:52,632 --> 00:06:54,568
And so, he said
he would talk to you.
78
00:06:56,704 --> 00:06:59,408
Uh, all right. Tomorrow?
79
00:07:00,608 --> 00:07:02,308
- After lunch?
- Great. Great.
80
00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,743
I'll just need the, uh...
I just need an address.
81
00:07:04,745 --> 00:07:06,114
And, uh, can you tell me
a little more?
82
00:07:07,315 --> 00:07:09,315
Oh, he applied for
Compassionate Release
83
00:07:09,317 --> 00:07:10,815
when he found out.
84
00:07:10,817 --> 00:07:12,551
He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.
85
00:07:12,553 --> 00:07:14,319
Wait, now. Um, found out what?
86
00:07:14,321 --> 00:07:15,422
That I... I was pregnant.
87
00:07:15,821 --> 00:07:18,625
Oh. Hmm. Congratulations.
88
00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:20,761
Thanks.
89
00:07:21,727 --> 00:07:25,398
He... He thinks it's wrong to
bring a child into this world.
90
00:07:28,568 --> 00:07:31,105
He wants to kill our baby.
91
00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:37,509
I assisted Sunday
92
00:07:37,511 --> 00:07:39,343
the youth group
at Abundant Life.
93
00:07:39,345 --> 00:07:42,312
The young people were
so excited, so full of life.
94
00:07:42,314 --> 00:07:44,484
They were open.
They welcomed communion.
95
00:07:48,622 --> 00:07:51,157
Maybe I shouldn't care
about whether people like me.
96
00:07:52,858 --> 00:07:55,228
Did Jesus worry
about being liked?
97
00:07:59,231 --> 00:08:01,801
I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.
98
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:06,806
Twelve months.
99
00:08:07,505 --> 00:08:09,708
Can I keep up an exercise
that long?
100
00:08:23,888 --> 00:08:26,824
When I read these words,
I see not truth, but pride.
101
00:08:32,931 --> 00:08:35,300
I wish I had not used
the word pride.
102
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:38,536
But I cannot cross it out.
103
00:08:42,874 --> 00:08:44,743
If only I could pray.
104
00:09:41,396 --> 00:09:42,795
Hi, Reverend.
105
00:09:42,797 --> 00:09:45,966
- Hi. Is Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.
106
00:09:45,968 --> 00:09:47,370
Okay. Yeah.
107
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,642
- Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
108
00:09:53,975 --> 00:09:55,678
Um, would you like
some coffee?
109
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:58,044
Yes. But, um...
110
00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,712
We're... I...
I think we have some tea.
111
00:09:59,714 --> 00:10:00,780
Yes. That would be better.
112
00:10:00,782 --> 00:10:01,951
- Okay.
- Thanks.
113
00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:05,988
Let me take your coat?
114
00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:08,358
Um, no, it's okay.
I got it.
115
00:10:09,558 --> 00:10:10,827
Come on in.
116
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:17,397
Yeah. I don't know why Mary...
117
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,298
There's no need to apologize.
118
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,936
No, uh... She told me
that you've been up in Canada.
119
00:10:22,971 --> 00:10:25,908
Uh, yeah. Uh, Fort Providence.
120
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:28,774
It's, uh,
in the Mackenzie Delta.
121
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,475
It's way in the north.
122
00:10:30,477 --> 00:10:31,978
Yeah. Beautiful country,
I imagine.
123
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:33,616
Yeah, it is.
124
00:10:37,385 --> 00:10:39,388
Mary said things have been
getting you down?
125
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:44,090
Uh, yeah, things.
126
00:10:44,092 --> 00:10:45,761
Yeah, you could say that.
Yeah.
127
00:10:46,928 --> 00:10:48,530
Oh! Thank you very much.
128
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:50,498
- It's hot.
- Perfect.
129
00:10:51,098 --> 00:10:52,434
Thank you.
130
00:11:01,942 --> 00:11:03,845
- Well, Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.
131
00:11:04,712 --> 00:11:07,012
Yeah. How far along is she?
132
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,483
Uh, 20 weeks.
133
00:11:08,749 --> 00:11:10,817
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
134
00:11:18,759 --> 00:11:21,696
Hey, how old are you,
Reverend?
135
00:11:23,864 --> 00:11:25,433
I'm 46.
136
00:11:28,702 --> 00:11:30,337
Uh, 33.
137
00:11:31,837 --> 00:11:35,071
That's... That's how old
our child will be in 2050.
138
00:11:35,073 --> 00:11:37,742
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
- You know, that's...
139
00:11:37,744 --> 00:11:39,642
That's two years older
than I am right now.
140
00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:40,746
Mmm-hmm.
141
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:45,052
- You'll be 81.
- Yeah.
142
00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:49,487
Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?
143
00:11:49,489 --> 00:11:51,521
Hmm. Hard to imagine.
144
00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:53,393
Yeah, you think?
145
00:11:53,926 --> 00:11:56,026
I mean, Reverend...
146
00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:59,865
Uh, the world
is changing so fast.
147
00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:02,465
And right in front of us.
148
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,801
I mean, one third
of the natural world
149
00:12:04,803 --> 00:12:06,740
has been destroyed
in your lifetime.
150
00:12:07,839 --> 00:12:09,438
You know,
the earth's temperature
151
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,509
will be three degrees
centigrade higher.
152
00:12:12,543 --> 00:12:14,346
Four is the threshold.
153
00:12:15,046 --> 00:12:19,415
You know? "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts. "
154
00:12:19,417 --> 00:12:23,019
And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?
155
00:12:23,021 --> 00:12:25,958
And National Center for
Atmospheric Research,
156
00:12:27,825 --> 00:12:29,125
Lawrence Livermore,
157
00:12:29,127 --> 00:12:31,093
the Potsdam Institute.
Uh, Reverend...
158
00:12:31,095 --> 00:12:33,796
He went on like that
for some time.
159
00:12:33,798 --> 00:12:37,434
By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.
160
00:12:37,436 --> 00:12:40,502
Low lying areas underwater
across the world.
161
00:12:40,504 --> 00:12:43,006
Bangladesh, 20% loss
of landmass.
162
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:46,442
Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.
163
00:12:46,444 --> 00:12:48,177
The Western reservoirs
dried up.
164
00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:51,779
Climate change refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.
165
00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:53,450
You know, the...
166
00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:56,585
The bad times,
they will begin.
167
00:12:56,587 --> 00:12:58,723
And from that point,
everything moves very quickly.
168
00:13:00,558 --> 00:13:02,057
You know,
this social structure
169
00:13:02,059 --> 00:13:04,863
can't bear the stress
of multiple crises.
170
00:13:06,196 --> 00:13:07,895
Opportunistic diseases,
171
00:13:07,897 --> 00:13:09,997
anarchy, martial law,
the tipping point.
172
00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:12,100
And this isn't in some,
like, distant future.
173
00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:14,072
You will live to see this.
174
00:13:14,571 --> 00:13:18,639
You know, my children will
experience this unliveability.
175
00:13:18,641 --> 00:13:20,011
This, uh...
176
00:13:20,578 --> 00:13:23,244
Damn. I'm sorry. I just...
You know, I...
177
00:13:23,246 --> 00:13:25,513
I thought things could change,
you know?
178
00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:27,717
I thought... I thought
people would listen.
179
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:30,420
Do you have thoughts
of harming yourself?
180
00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:33,456
No.
181
00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:36,157
Why? Did... Did Mary say
something like that?
182
00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:37,792
No. No.
183
00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:40,528
No, I'm not worried
for myself. I just...
184
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:44,065
This world is gonna be
what it is.
185
00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:46,600
Um... But can I ask you
a question, Reverend?
186
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:47,737
Mmm-hmm.
187
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:52,639
How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl,
188
00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:56,677
uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh,
189
00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:59,749
Mary and I's, uh, child,
it's a little girl.
190
00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:07,457
You know,
a child that's so full of hope
191
00:14:09,024 --> 00:14:11,123
and naive beliefs,
192
00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:14,163
into a world
where that little girl, uh...
193
00:14:15,797 --> 00:14:17,964
She grows up
to be a young woman
194
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:19,865
and she looks you in the eyes
195
00:14:19,867 --> 00:14:22,737
and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?
196
00:14:27,308 --> 00:14:29,211
You see, that...
197
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:33,216
I mean, what? What are you
supposed to say then?
198
00:14:36,616 --> 00:14:39,017
There's something
growing inside Mary.
199
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:43,859
Something as alive
as a tree, surely.
200
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,528
As an endangered species.
201
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:51,700
Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.
202
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,004
You said sanction?
203
00:14:58,239 --> 00:15:00,805
You think Mary should have
an abortion?
204
00:15:00,807 --> 00:15:02,207
This birth,
is that your right?
205
00:15:02,209 --> 00:15:03,809
Is that your decision?
206
00:15:03,811 --> 00:15:05,946
Have you asked Mary
what she thinks?
207
00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,985
Look, this... This isn't...
208
00:15:13,987 --> 00:15:15,756
It's not about your baby.
209
00:15:16,690 --> 00:15:18,058
It's not about Mary.
210
00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:23,160
It's about you
and your despair.
211
00:15:23,162 --> 00:15:24,731
Your lack of hope.
212
00:15:26,032 --> 00:15:28,866
Look, people have,
throughout history,
213
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:31,001
have woken up
in the dead of the night,
214
00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:33,203
confronted by blackness.
215
00:15:33,205 --> 00:15:35,776
The sense that our lives
are without meaning.
216
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:38,275
The Sickness Unto Death.
217
00:15:38,277 --> 00:15:40,144
Yeah, but this is
something different.
218
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:42,145
Yeah, no.
Man's great achievements
219
00:15:42,147 --> 00:15:45,882
have brought him to the place
where life as we know it
220
00:15:45,884 --> 00:15:47,718
may cease
in the foreseeable future.
221
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,122
Yes, that's new.
222
00:15:50,021 --> 00:15:51,223
But the blackness
223
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:54,991
that's not.
224
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:57,059
We are scientific people.
We want to solve things.
225
00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:58,961
We want rational answers.
226
00:15:58,963 --> 00:16:00,697
Right? And if...
227
00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:04,967
If humankind can't overcome
its immediate interests
228
00:16:04,969 --> 00:16:06,937
enough to ensure its own
survival, then you're right.
229
00:16:06,939 --> 00:16:09,842
The only rational response
is despair.
230
00:16:10,809 --> 00:16:12,341
But do you think that, that...
231
00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:15,645
That there's any existence
apart from this?
232
00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:16,880
This here, right now?
233
00:16:16,882 --> 00:16:18,014
- Uh, yes.
- Yeah, right.
234
00:16:18,016 --> 00:16:19,783
- Before us. After us.
- Yeah.
235
00:16:19,785 --> 00:16:21,183
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Wait a second.
236
00:16:21,185 --> 00:16:23,386
You're talking about
the next lifetime? Huh?
237
00:16:23,388 --> 00:16:24,986
You really... You just, uh...
238
00:16:24,988 --> 00:16:26,721
I felt like
I was Jacob
239
00:16:26,723 --> 00:16:28,691
wrestling all night long
with the angel.
240
00:16:28,693 --> 00:16:30,095
Fighting in the grasp.
241
00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:32,762
Every sentence,
every question,
242
00:16:32,764 --> 00:16:35,764
every response
a mortal struggle.
243
00:16:35,766 --> 00:16:37,700
It was exhilarating.
244
00:16:37,702 --> 00:16:39,802
You believe
in martyrdom, Reverend?
245
00:16:39,804 --> 00:16:41,137
I'm not sure I know
what you mean.
246
00:16:41,139 --> 00:16:42,971
You know, the Saints of God,
247
00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:46,441
the early Christians who
wouldn't renounce their faith?
248
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,143
The missionaries
who were attacked
249
00:16:48,145 --> 00:16:49,744
in the fields of the Lord.
250
00:16:49,746 --> 00:16:51,147
Do you believe
that they died for a purpose?
251
00:16:51,149 --> 00:16:53,014
- I do.
- Well, every week,
252
00:16:53,016 --> 00:16:56,722
activists are killed trying
to protect the environment.
253
00:16:58,256 --> 00:17:00,755
A hundred-and-seventeen were
killed last year
254
00:17:00,757 --> 00:17:01,758
for their beliefs.
255
00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:05,226
All right, right there.
256
00:17:05,228 --> 00:17:08,132
Uh, this is Jos� Claudio
Ribeiro da Silva.
257
00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:12,068
Huh? And that's his wife,
Maria.
258
00:17:13,936 --> 00:17:16,738
They were
gunned down
259
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:19,844
in 2011 in the Amazon.
260
00:17:21,077 --> 00:17:22,943
You know, they were protesting
261
00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:24,479
free cutting
of the rain forest
262
00:17:26,048 --> 00:17:29,883
Hey, uh... This is
Dorothy Stang, 2005.
263
00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:32,856
She was, um, a nun from Ohio.
264
00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:37,662
And what, what was the purpose
of their deaths?
265
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,100
You know, in, uh...
266
00:17:46,102 --> 00:17:48,869
In 2010, the IPCC predicted
267
00:17:48,871 --> 00:17:52,142
that if drastic action
wasn't taken by 2015,
268
00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:56,046
environmental collapse
would be irreversible.
269
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,315
And nothing was done.
270
00:18:02,151 --> 00:18:04,187
And now it's 2017.
271
00:18:05,287 --> 00:18:06,519
You said
you respected me.
272
00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:08,357
What I...
What I've been through.
273
00:18:10,058 --> 00:18:11,060
Yes.
274
00:18:11,393 --> 00:18:13,829
So, you know my story.
275
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:18,063
- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.
276
00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:20,867
My father taught at VMI.
277
00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:22,267
I encouraged my son to enlist.
278
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,870
It was the family tradition.
279
00:18:23,872 --> 00:18:27,442
Uh, like his father,
my father before me.
280
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:31,046
A patriotic tradition.
281
00:18:34,315 --> 00:18:37,885
My wife, uh, was very opposed.
282
00:18:38,486 --> 00:18:41,419
My son enlisted anyway.
And, uh...
283
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,392
Six months later
he was dead in Iraq. Right?
284
00:18:45,927 --> 00:18:48,527
I talked my son into a war
285
00:18:48,529 --> 00:18:50,465
that had
no moral justification.
286
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,399
My wife could no longer
live with me.
287
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,938
I left the military.
288
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,840
I was lost.
289
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:06,110
And Reverend Jeffers
from Abundant Life,
290
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:07,312
he gave me this position
291
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,914
at First Reformed
and here I am.
292
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,819
Now Michael, I can promise you
293
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:15,320
that whatever despair you feel
294
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,156
about bringing a child
into this world
295
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:22,530
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.
296
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:38,778
Hey, what... What was his,
his name? Your son?
297
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,783
Joseph.
298
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:45,515
The boy thrown down the well.
299
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,318
- Yeah. I remember.
- Mmm-hmm.
300
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,519
The dreamer.
301
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,119
The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.
302
00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:57,461
And you were able
to just go on?
303
00:19:57,463 --> 00:20:01,965
Courage is the solution
to despair.
304
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:06,004
Reason provides no answers.
305
00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:09,938
I can't know
what the future will bring.
306
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,044
We have to choose
despite uncertainty.
307
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:18,313
Wisdom is holding
two contradictory truths
308
00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:21,483
in our mind, simultaneously.
309
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,519
Hope and despair.
310
00:20:23,521 --> 00:20:25,954
A life without despair
is a life without hope.
311
00:20:25,956 --> 00:20:29,562
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.
312
00:20:44,942 --> 00:20:46,477
Are you a drinking man,
Reverend?
313
00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,278
It doesn't help.
314
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,915
No, I suppose not.
315
00:20:58,254 --> 00:20:59,991
Can God forgive us?
316
00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:06,630
For what we've, uh,
done to this world?
317
00:21:08,532 --> 00:21:09,868
I don't know.
318
00:21:12,369 --> 00:21:14,472
Who can know the mind of God?
319
00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:18,176
But we can choose
320
00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:21,544
a righteous life.
321
00:21:22,412 --> 00:21:23,513
Belief...
322
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,149
Forgiveness...
323
00:21:27,983 --> 00:21:30,954
Grace covers us all.
324
00:21:33,188 --> 00:21:34,557
I believe that.
325
00:21:43,232 --> 00:21:45,298
Let's... Let's meet again.
326
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:46,634
Want to?
327
00:21:46,636 --> 00:21:49,138
Tomorrow after lunch,
same time.
328
00:21:50,005 --> 00:21:52,108
Okay yeah. It's a...
It's a plan.
329
00:21:55,410 --> 00:21:57,410
I went over everything
that was said,
330
00:21:57,412 --> 00:21:59,112
what should have been said,
331
00:21:59,114 --> 00:22:00,512
what could have been
said differently,
332
00:22:00,514 --> 00:22:02,284
what could have been
said better.
333
00:22:04,118 --> 00:22:05,986
"I know that
nothing can change
334
00:22:05,988 --> 00:22:07,957
"and I know there is no hope. "
335
00:22:09,191 --> 00:22:11,126
Thomas Merton wrote this.
336
00:22:13,494 --> 00:22:16,563
Despair is a development
of pride so great
337
00:22:16,565 --> 00:22:18,664
that it chooses
one's certitude
338
00:22:18,666 --> 00:22:22,504
rather than admit God is
more creative than we are.
339
00:22:23,637 --> 00:22:26,107
Perhaps it's better
I didn't say that to him.
340
00:23:04,278 --> 00:23:06,247
Who am I to talk about pride?
341
00:23:26,298 --> 00:23:30,802
Well, to begin, the church
was constructed in 1767
342
00:23:30,804 --> 00:23:33,270
in a style we now call
Dutch Colonial.
343
00:23:33,272 --> 00:23:35,605
It was made by settlers...
Follow me.
344
00:23:35,607 --> 00:23:37,408
Using local timber.
345
00:23:37,410 --> 00:23:40,577
First Reformed
took seven years to build.
346
00:23:40,579 --> 00:23:42,345
The Vei Plancks.
347
00:23:42,347 --> 00:23:45,482
Uh, Effie here, her tombstone
dates back to 1787.
348
00:23:45,484 --> 00:23:47,183
The church
was partially rebuilt
349
00:23:47,185 --> 00:23:50,219
in 1837 following a fire.
350
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:53,622
This section
remains preserved.
351
00:23:53,624 --> 00:23:57,259
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army Flag,
352
00:23:57,261 --> 00:23:59,629
you'll find two bullet holes
353
00:23:59,631 --> 00:24:03,369
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
354
00:24:04,335 --> 00:24:05,802
In two months
we're celebrating
355
00:24:05,804 --> 00:24:08,705
our 250th anniversary.
356
00:24:08,707 --> 00:24:11,641
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware
357
00:24:11,643 --> 00:24:13,310
brought over
from the Netherlands.
358
00:24:13,312 --> 00:24:15,879
And the first chalice.
It's beautiful.
359
00:24:15,881 --> 00:24:17,814
And here,
this is the original key
360
00:24:17,816 --> 00:24:19,649
from the front door
before the fire.
361
00:24:19,651 --> 00:24:21,118
Yeah.
362
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,752
And in that cabinet
we have, um,
363
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:24,652
souvenirs that are for sale.
364
00:24:24,654 --> 00:24:29,492
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.
365
00:24:29,494 --> 00:24:30,726
What size are these?
366
00:24:30,728 --> 00:24:32,128
Unfortunately,
they are all small.
367
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:33,395
I have some more on order,
368
00:24:33,397 --> 00:24:34,662
but I'm waiting for them
to come in.
369
00:24:34,664 --> 00:24:36,267
The caps are great, though.
370
00:24:37,168 --> 00:24:39,267
It's a one size fits all.
371
00:24:40,805 --> 00:24:44,907
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.
372
00:24:44,909 --> 00:24:47,443
And the church organ,
373
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:51,147
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,
374
00:24:51,149 --> 00:24:54,352
uh, was manufactured
in England by A.G. Hill.
375
00:24:55,318 --> 00:24:56,651
Did you hear the one about
376
00:24:56,653 --> 00:24:58,222
the Choir Mistress
and the Minister?
377
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:00,522
No.
378
00:25:00,524 --> 00:25:01,688
She chased him
around the church
379
00:25:01,690 --> 00:25:03,460
and caught him by the organ.
380
00:25:04,827 --> 00:25:07,794
Oh. No, I, uh...
381
00:25:07,796 --> 00:25:09,429
I hadn't heard that one.
382
00:25:09,431 --> 00:25:11,301
All right. Come on. Follow me.
383
00:25:11,935 --> 00:25:14,769
All right. Thank you all
very much.
384
00:25:14,771 --> 00:25:16,236
- Be well.
- Thank you.
385
00:25:16,238 --> 00:25:17,440
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
386
00:25:21,444 --> 00:25:22,680
Drive safe.
387
00:25:25,582 --> 00:25:26,717
Thanks.
388
00:27:00,807 --> 00:27:02,410
Okay, take five.
389
00:27:06,445 --> 00:27:07,811
Penny for your thoughts?
390
00:27:07,813 --> 00:27:11,383
Oh. Joel wanted to talk to me.
391
00:27:11,385 --> 00:27:13,788
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.
392
00:27:14,987 --> 00:27:16,523
You want to have lunch?
393
00:27:17,323 --> 00:27:19,691
Well, I have something after,
but uh, yeah.
394
00:27:19,693 --> 00:27:21,229
I could sit with you
for a second.
395
00:27:24,397 --> 00:27:25,599
Oh, remember that?
396
00:27:26,032 --> 00:27:27,233
What?
397
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,769
When everything
was ahead of you.
398
00:27:30,970 --> 00:27:34,938
Yeah. But try
telling them that.
399
00:27:34,940 --> 00:27:36,243
See you then.
400
00:27:57,629 --> 00:27:58,761
Hello.
401
00:27:58,763 --> 00:27:59,962
- Reverend Toller.
- Yes.
402
00:27:59,964 --> 00:28:01,397
- Oh. Go right in.
- Okay.
403
00:28:01,399 --> 00:28:02,534
He's expecting you.
404
00:28:09,540 --> 00:28:12,944
Um, this is...
That's my wife's stuff. So.
405
00:28:13,778 --> 00:28:16,582
Go ahead and deal with it.
406
00:28:17,549 --> 00:28:19,082
Oh, good! Reverend Toller.
407
00:28:19,084 --> 00:28:20,486
Come on in.
408
00:28:21,118 --> 00:28:22,719
Roger, make sure
you get back to me
409
00:28:22,721 --> 00:28:23,920
as soon as you can on that.
410
00:28:23,922 --> 00:28:25,654
Hey Reverend.
411
00:28:25,656 --> 00:28:26,858
Good seeing you. Why don't you
have a seat there?
412
00:28:27,925 --> 00:28:29,925
Roger, okay to leave
that door open.
413
00:28:29,927 --> 00:28:31,094
Can I get you a water
or anything?
414
00:28:31,096 --> 00:28:32,828
Oh, no. I'm good. I'm good.
415
00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:35,631
So, how are things
over at First Reformed?
416
00:28:35,633 --> 00:28:37,066
Oh, busy. You know how it is.
417
00:28:37,068 --> 00:28:38,901
You do one thing to the other,
418
00:28:38,903 --> 00:28:40,669
next thing you know
it's Sunday again.
419
00:28:40,671 --> 00:28:42,504
Yeah, tell me about it.
420
00:28:42,506 --> 00:28:44,038
Well, I brought you in,
I wanted to ask you
421
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,607
about the 250th
Reconsecration.
422
00:28:46,609 --> 00:28:48,509
Now, that's just
around the corner.
423
00:28:48,511 --> 00:28:50,879
Yeah, of course.
It's only eight weeks away.
424
00:28:50,881 --> 00:28:52,550
And how's the planning
going on that?
425
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:55,650
Well, your office
is handling the invitations
426
00:28:55,652 --> 00:28:57,119
and I'm a little worried
about seating.
427
00:28:57,121 --> 00:28:58,719
I mean, because we have
your staff.
428
00:28:58,721 --> 00:29:00,087
We have the Elders.
We have the Deacons.
429
00:29:00,089 --> 00:29:01,922
We have the Governor,
his people.
430
00:29:01,924 --> 00:29:03,458
The Mayor, his people.
431
00:29:03,460 --> 00:29:04,892
We don't have any room
for spillover.
432
00:29:04,894 --> 00:29:06,795
You know, it's the Sanctuary
and that's it.
433
00:29:06,797 --> 00:29:08,563
You know what?
I think we'll simulcast
434
00:29:08,565 --> 00:29:10,598
the ceremony here,
in the main room.
435
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,033
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.
436
00:29:12,035 --> 00:29:13,501
Yeah, okay. Well then...
437
00:29:13,503 --> 00:29:16,036
We can do the reception
in the rotunda.
438
00:29:16,038 --> 00:29:18,639
The, um...
The organ at First Reformed.
439
00:29:18,641 --> 00:29:21,074
- Is that fixed?
- Oh right, yeah. No, it's not.
440
00:29:21,076 --> 00:29:23,910
We're waiting on some pieces.
441
00:29:23,912 --> 00:29:25,845
I don't... It was...
It's just more complicated
442
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,180
than we thought at first.
443
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,016
Well, we can't have
a reconsecration
444
00:29:29,018 --> 00:29:30,517
without an organ.
445
00:29:32,154 --> 00:29:34,487
"A Mighty Fortress
is Our God. "
446
00:29:34,489 --> 00:29:36,157
That's all organ.
447
00:29:36,159 --> 00:29:37,757
Did you know that, uh,
448
00:29:37,759 --> 00:29:39,692
Martin Luther wrote
that in an outhouse?
449
00:29:39,694 --> 00:29:41,161
Oh. Yeah.
450
00:29:41,163 --> 00:29:45,900
"A Mighty Fortress... "
451
00:29:47,170 --> 00:29:49,135
I think every seminarian
knows that one.
452
00:29:49,137 --> 00:29:52,439
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.
453
00:29:52,441 --> 00:29:55,574
I mean, whenever I see
that song going
454
00:29:55,576 --> 00:29:57,444
on and I can look around
the congregation
455
00:29:57,446 --> 00:29:59,111
and know everybody's thinking
the same thing.
456
00:29:59,113 --> 00:30:03,650
This man, oh, goodness.
Oh, makes me laugh.
457
00:30:03,652 --> 00:30:06,652
Anyway, have you, uh,
prepared your remarks?
458
00:30:06,654 --> 00:30:09,758
Ugh, no. Not yet. But, I will.
459
00:30:11,125 --> 00:30:12,191
So, how are you?
460
00:30:12,193 --> 00:30:13,495
Oh, I'm fine.
461
00:30:14,129 --> 00:30:16,028
No, really.
462
00:30:16,030 --> 00:30:18,631
I mean, it's been a while
since we've talked.
463
00:30:18,633 --> 00:30:21,734
And you know,
even a pastor needs a pastor.
464
00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:23,503
We should do it, okay?
465
00:30:23,505 --> 00:30:24,804
I'd like that.
466
00:30:24,806 --> 00:30:26,939
Good. And come by here
more often.
467
00:30:26,941 --> 00:30:30,043
You should get out. Come on by
and be a part of things.
468
00:30:30,045 --> 00:30:32,143
So many activities
you can do. And...
469
00:30:32,145 --> 00:30:33,879
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.
470
00:30:33,881 --> 00:30:35,147
They always speak
highly of you.
471
00:30:35,149 --> 00:30:36,915
So you can get
out of that, uh...
472
00:30:36,917 --> 00:30:38,749
What is the play? What do they
like to call it,
473
00:30:38,751 --> 00:30:42,120
over where you are? The, uh...
The museum.
474
00:30:42,122 --> 00:30:43,988
The souvenir shop.
475
00:30:43,990 --> 00:30:45,690
They call it
the souvenir shop.
476
00:30:45,692 --> 00:30:48,095
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.
477
00:30:49,162 --> 00:30:50,964
I'm grateful
for the opportunity.
478
00:31:21,727 --> 00:31:23,127
How was Jeffers?
479
00:31:23,129 --> 00:31:26,229
Oh. He wants me
to meet Ed Balq.
480
00:31:26,231 --> 00:31:29,867
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts...
481
00:31:29,869 --> 00:31:31,269
Why?
482
00:31:31,271 --> 00:31:35,005
Well, it's all about
the Reconsecration.
483
00:31:35,007 --> 00:31:38,141
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets
484
00:31:38,143 --> 00:31:40,244
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.
485
00:31:40,246 --> 00:31:41,745
Well, he should.
486
00:31:41,747 --> 00:31:43,013
First Reformed would be
a parking lot
487
00:31:43,015 --> 00:31:44,883
- if it wasn't for him.
- I guess.
488
00:31:46,552 --> 00:31:47,919
Did you see the doctor?
489
00:31:49,655 --> 00:31:51,253
Yes. I made an appointment.
490
00:31:51,255 --> 00:31:52,688
There was a bit of a hang up
491
00:31:52,690 --> 00:31:54,323
with the insurance
company, but...
492
00:31:54,325 --> 00:31:56,062
God, they make it
so difficult.
493
00:31:57,129 --> 00:31:59,663
Yeah, well.
That's what they do.
494
00:31:59,665 --> 00:32:00,733
Mmm-hmm.
495
00:32:01,265 --> 00:32:03,268
You need someone
to take care of you.
496
00:32:06,237 --> 00:32:10,706
Esther, we tried that.
I'm not made for that.
497
00:32:10,708 --> 00:32:14,679
For what? Love?
You're not made for love?
498
00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:17,850
My marriage was a failure.
499
00:32:19,283 --> 00:32:22,087
No marriage can survive
the loss of a child.
500
00:32:28,592 --> 00:32:29,727
It's not right.
501
00:32:33,798 --> 00:32:35,998
Is that what you think?
502
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,732
That what we did together
was a sin?
503
00:32:37,734 --> 00:32:38,900
That we transgressed?
504
00:32:38,902 --> 00:32:41,171
No. That's not what I think.
505
00:32:42,005 --> 00:32:44,607
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference.
506
00:32:44,609 --> 00:32:45,744
It's just...
507
00:32:46,977 --> 00:32:48,610
Okay?
508
00:32:48,612 --> 00:32:51,715
Okay. I understand, I...
509
00:32:52,817 --> 00:32:54,686
I care about you.
I want you to be happy.
510
00:32:57,388 --> 00:32:58,955
Well, I am happy.
511
00:33:05,962 --> 00:33:09,062
Some are called
for their gregariousness,
512
00:33:09,064 --> 00:33:10,934
some are called
for their suffering.
513
00:33:12,268 --> 00:33:14,635
Others are called
for their loneliness.
514
00:33:15,804 --> 00:33:17,372
They are called by God,
515
00:33:17,374 --> 00:33:18,905
because through the vessel
of communication
516
00:33:18,907 --> 00:33:20,308
they can reach out,
517
00:33:20,310 --> 00:33:22,279
and hold beating hearts
in their hands.
518
00:33:24,313 --> 00:33:27,115
They are called because of
their all-consuming knowledge
519
00:33:27,117 --> 00:33:29,282
of the emptiness of all things
520
00:33:29,284 --> 00:33:32,153
that can only be filled
by the presence of Our Savior.
521
00:33:38,327 --> 00:33:40,126
- Yes?
- Reverend Toller?
522
00:33:40,128 --> 00:33:41,894
- Oh!
- It's me.
523
00:33:41,896 --> 00:33:45,699
Yes, Mary? I got your message
about rescheduling.
524
00:33:45,701 --> 00:33:48,237
You must come over. Now.
525
00:33:49,137 --> 00:33:50,903
Is Michael there?
526
00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:53,839
No. He's at work.
You must come over. Now.
527
00:33:53,841 --> 00:33:55,377
Okay. Okay.
528
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:21,369
Thanks for coming.
529
00:34:25,373 --> 00:34:26,675
Follow me.
530
00:34:44,224 --> 00:34:47,393
I was, uh, looking
for some batteries,
531
00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:49,761
'cause we were out.
And I thought maybe
532
00:34:49,763 --> 00:34:51,196
there'd be some in here,
you know?
533
00:34:51,198 --> 00:34:54,669
And then something
just didn't seem right.
534
00:34:56,269 --> 00:34:58,303
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,
535
00:34:58,305 --> 00:35:02,176
'cause I wanted you to see
how it was.
536
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,859
Explosives?
537
00:35:21,060 --> 00:35:22,729
It's a suicide vest.
538
00:35:23,930 --> 00:35:25,295
And there's other elements
in there too.
539
00:35:25,297 --> 00:35:28,932
There's batteries
and, um, detonators
540
00:35:28,934 --> 00:35:30,269
and tubes of jelly.
541
00:35:32,771 --> 00:35:36,005
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately.
542
00:35:36,007 --> 00:35:39,809
And he said he was
fixing a motor.
543
00:35:39,811 --> 00:35:41,311
And I didn't question him.
544
00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:43,046
Cause I... I was just happy
545
00:35:43,048 --> 00:35:44,851
that he was doing something
that made him happy.
546
00:35:45,184 --> 00:35:46,983
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of...
547
00:35:46,985 --> 00:35:50,220
No. No suspicions.
Nothing like this.
548
00:35:50,222 --> 00:35:53,189
All right. Well. I'm gonna
take this. All right?
549
00:35:53,191 --> 00:35:54,858
This cannot remain here.
550
00:35:54,860 --> 00:35:58,427
I'm gonna take it
and dispose of it. And...
551
00:35:58,429 --> 00:36:00,831
You're not gonna
go to the police?
552
00:36:00,833 --> 00:36:02,397
No, I won't... Do you...
Do you want me to?
553
00:36:02,399 --> 00:36:04,366
No! No, no, no.
554
00:36:04,368 --> 00:36:05,801
I don't think it'd help.
555
00:36:05,803 --> 00:36:07,270
I don't think anything good
556
00:36:07,272 --> 00:36:09,437
will come from him
feeling threatened.
557
00:36:09,439 --> 00:36:12,074
I think I'm gonna
come over tomorrow.
558
00:36:12,076 --> 00:36:13,509
Tomorrow.
559
00:36:13,511 --> 00:36:16,112
Somehow,
through our conversation,
560
00:36:16,114 --> 00:36:17,750
I will address this.
561
00:36:19,216 --> 00:36:20,850
I'm so frightened.
562
00:36:20,852 --> 00:36:22,819
You don't mean that he,
you're afraid of him?
563
00:36:22,821 --> 00:36:23,986
That he's gonna
hurt you, right?
564
00:36:23,988 --> 00:36:25,420
No. No, no, no.
565
00:36:25,422 --> 00:36:26,955
- I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay. All right.
566
00:36:26,957 --> 00:36:28,524
You know, are there
other activists,
567
00:36:28,526 --> 00:36:30,259
- like coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.
568
00:36:30,261 --> 00:36:33,228
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.
569
00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:34,466
All right, but he has you.
570
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:37,299
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?
571
00:36:37,301 --> 00:36:40,203
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will I.
572
00:36:54,483 --> 00:36:56,985
Discernment intersects
with Christian life
573
00:36:56,987 --> 00:36:58,055
at every moment.
574
00:37:00,224 --> 00:37:01,292
Discernment.
575
00:37:04,193 --> 00:37:06,327
Listening and waiting
for God's wish
576
00:37:06,329 --> 00:37:08,199
what action must be taken.
577
00:37:23,478 --> 00:37:26,183
My petty ailments
have made me bad-tempered.
578
00:37:27,216 --> 00:37:28,882
I fight the urge
not to write down
579
00:37:28,884 --> 00:37:30,587
the thoughts
which come to my mind.
580
00:37:35,190 --> 00:37:37,958
The desire to pray itself
is a type of prayer.
581
00:37:39,395 --> 00:37:41,328
How often we ask
for genuine experience
582
00:37:41,330 --> 00:37:43,397
when all we really want
is emotion.
583
00:37:48,603 --> 00:37:51,174
My hands shake
as I write these lines.
584
00:38:11,526 --> 00:38:13,629
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple weeks.
585
00:38:14,361 --> 00:38:16,262
Uh, we got a message
from the boss.
586
00:38:16,264 --> 00:38:17,930
He said it was a top priority.
587
00:38:17,932 --> 00:38:19,999
You're having
some kind of big event here?
588
00:38:20,001 --> 00:38:23,403
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.
589
00:38:23,405 --> 00:38:26,642
Abundant Life is planning
quite the ceremony.
590
00:38:33,246 --> 00:38:34,882
Hmm. A Mighty Fortress.
591
00:38:35,949 --> 00:38:37,484
Oh.
592
00:41:01,324 --> 00:41:03,224
Yes, sir.
593
00:41:03,226 --> 00:41:04,758
I mean, he had been
fighting with depression.
594
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,463
That's why I was
supposed to meet him.
595
00:41:07,329 --> 00:41:09,232
I never imagined
anything like this.
596
00:41:09,865 --> 00:41:11,865
Were you in touch with
the immediate family?
597
00:41:11,867 --> 00:41:13,700
Well, his... His wife, Mary.
598
00:41:13,702 --> 00:41:16,570
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.
599
00:41:16,572 --> 00:41:18,505
Did she know about your text?
600
00:41:18,507 --> 00:41:21,511
No. But she was concerned.
We... We both were.
601
00:41:23,713 --> 00:41:25,082
Have you notified her?
602
00:41:26,648 --> 00:41:27,784
No.
603
00:41:28,617 --> 00:41:30,251
I guess that's where
I'm headed.
604
00:41:30,253 --> 00:41:32,153
All right. Okay.
605
00:41:32,155 --> 00:41:35,191
All right, do you mind if I
follow behind you? All right.
606
00:41:36,325 --> 00:41:37,560
I knew his father.
607
00:41:38,426 --> 00:41:40,594
Really? What's he like?
608
00:41:40,596 --> 00:41:42,395
A businessman.
609
00:41:42,397 --> 00:41:44,564
Morbid son of a bitch.
610
00:41:44,566 --> 00:41:46,234
I guess it runs in the blood.
611
00:41:57,578 --> 00:41:59,414
Thank you, Reverend.
612
00:42:01,450 --> 00:42:03,850
Mrs. Mensana, again
I'm sorry for your loss.
613
00:42:03,852 --> 00:42:06,185
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.
614
00:42:06,187 --> 00:42:07,486
- Thanks.
- Thank you, Officer.
615
00:42:07,488 --> 00:42:08,523
Reverend. Thank you.
616
00:42:23,436 --> 00:42:25,139
You didn't tell
the police, right?
617
00:42:26,606 --> 00:42:28,206
About?
618
00:42:28,208 --> 00:42:30,678
No. No.
619
00:42:32,646 --> 00:42:36,150
If you find anything else
620
00:42:37,517 --> 00:42:40,588
like that, get rid of it.
621
00:42:41,789 --> 00:42:44,258
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.
622
00:42:45,492 --> 00:42:48,192
Michael was troubled,
but his cause was just.
623
00:42:48,194 --> 00:42:50,631
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.
624
00:42:51,830 --> 00:42:52,931
Yeah.
625
00:42:52,933 --> 00:42:54,835
Are you an activist as well?
626
00:42:56,536 --> 00:42:58,439
I share Michael's beliefs.
627
00:43:00,674 --> 00:43:03,875
But not his despair.
I mean, I wanna live.
628
00:43:03,877 --> 00:43:05,909
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.
629
00:43:05,911 --> 00:43:07,946
I wanna have this child.
630
00:43:07,948 --> 00:43:10,380
Do you have family nearby?
631
00:43:10,382 --> 00:43:12,449
My... Yeah, my sister.
She's in Buffalo.
632
00:43:12,451 --> 00:43:14,687
- You might want to call her.
- I will.
633
00:43:24,863 --> 00:43:27,466
So, he...
He went into the garage?
634
00:43:29,901 --> 00:43:30,936
Yeah.
635
00:43:33,639 --> 00:43:34,673
What did he say?
636
00:43:36,474 --> 00:43:37,543
Nothing.
637
00:43:48,354 --> 00:43:50,754
Well, from a police
point of view,
638
00:43:50,756 --> 00:43:54,258
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dry case.
639
00:43:54,260 --> 00:43:57,296
Still, I'd probably clean up
the office,
640
00:43:57,662 --> 00:43:59,865
maybe get rid of his laptop.
641
00:44:04,969 --> 00:44:06,237
You...
642
00:44:31,696 --> 00:44:32,764
Open it.
643
00:45:05,662 --> 00:45:07,531
I'd sensed it.
644
00:45:08,432 --> 00:45:09,600
What?
645
00:45:11,434 --> 00:45:12,869
He was absent.
646
00:45:15,737 --> 00:45:17,973
He was becoming someone
I didn't know.
647
00:45:21,543 --> 00:45:23,946
Like, before I was
pregnant even.
648
00:45:25,980 --> 00:45:28,685
And he was just so full
of anger, you know?
649
00:45:33,956 --> 00:45:37,794
Think I should probably call
my parents. My sister.
650
00:45:40,829 --> 00:45:43,465
They should...
They should know.
651
00:45:45,768 --> 00:45:48,402
I stayed
while she called her sister.
652
00:45:48,404 --> 00:45:51,069
Her sister was going
to drive down.
653
00:45:51,071 --> 00:45:53,675
And her parents would come
for the final rights.
654
00:45:57,979 --> 00:45:59,946
Uh, hey, Bill.
Chicken or beef?
655
00:45:59,948 --> 00:46:01,814
- Uh, beef.
- Beef. Okay, great.
656
00:46:01,816 --> 00:46:03,018
How've you been?
657
00:46:03,718 --> 00:46:05,854
- I'm all right. Yeah.
- You okay?
658
00:46:07,921 --> 00:46:09,589
Is that enough for you?
659
00:46:09,591 --> 00:46:10,793
Thanks a lot, Reverend.
660
00:46:11,993 --> 00:46:13,759
Did you want
the chicken or the beef?
661
00:46:13,761 --> 00:46:15,060
Uh, the beef. Thank you.
662
00:46:15,062 --> 00:46:16,798
Beef? Yeah. Cool.
663
00:46:17,932 --> 00:46:20,502
There you are.
Careful, it's hot.
664
00:46:21,935 --> 00:46:23,403
Reverend,
I wanted to ask you...
665
00:46:23,405 --> 00:46:24,703
- Oh, shit!
- Ow!
666
00:46:24,705 --> 00:46:28,041
Damn. I'm sorry, Joseph!
I'm so sorry.
667
00:46:29,076 --> 00:46:32,510
Terrible night.
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
668
00:46:32,512 --> 00:46:34,648
desolation came upon me.
669
00:46:36,483 --> 00:46:38,986
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?
670
00:46:40,820 --> 00:46:42,853
"There goes my head. "
671
00:46:42,855 --> 00:46:46,760
Or, "Jesus, watch over me?"
Or neither?
672
00:46:48,529 --> 00:46:50,829
I'm going to tear
these pages out.
673
00:46:50,831 --> 00:46:53,731
This journal
brings me no peace.
674
00:46:53,733 --> 00:46:56,036
It's self-pity. Nothing more.
675
00:47:33,205 --> 00:47:35,441
I awoke at three with a cry.
676
00:47:36,142 --> 00:47:37,774
It's been five months
677
00:47:37,776 --> 00:47:39,845
since I sensed
the first warning signs.
678
00:47:44,014 --> 00:47:46,985
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.
679
00:47:53,657 --> 00:47:56,492
How easily
they talk about prayer,
680
00:47:56,494 --> 00:47:58,130
those who have never
really prayed.
681
00:48:04,802 --> 00:48:09,141
Excuse me?
Oh, my goodness!
682
00:48:11,242 --> 00:48:13,742
Well, since I made
my commitment, I...
683
00:48:13,744 --> 00:48:15,880
I have felt the Lord
moving in my life.
684
00:48:16,648 --> 00:48:18,179
If happiness
came in pill size,
685
00:48:18,181 --> 00:48:19,947
it would have JC
stamped on it.
686
00:48:21,652 --> 00:48:23,755
Continuous release size.
687
00:48:24,721 --> 00:48:27,221
I wake up feeling better.
688
00:48:27,223 --> 00:48:29,924
My relationships are better.
689
00:48:29,926 --> 00:48:32,129
And I got a raise last week.
690
00:48:32,730 --> 00:48:34,029
I find myself in prayer
691
00:48:34,031 --> 00:48:35,766
without even thinking
about it.
692
00:48:37,801 --> 00:48:41,636
Thank you, Jason.
That is very inspiring.
693
00:48:41,638 --> 00:48:45,576
Praise Jesus.
My every breath is a prayer.
694
00:48:46,009 --> 00:48:50,846
Uh, thoughts? Reactions?
Yes? Cynthia.
695
00:48:50,848 --> 00:48:53,250
Three months ago,
my father got laid off.
696
00:48:54,182 --> 00:48:55,852
He can't find any work.
697
00:48:56,052 --> 00:48:58,285
Nobody loves the Lord
more than my father.
698
00:48:58,287 --> 00:49:01,123
He is always testifying,
he volunteers.
699
00:49:02,157 --> 00:49:03,860
Did he do something wrong?
700
00:49:05,827 --> 00:49:09,597
Um...
You all know Reverend Toller
701
00:49:09,599 --> 00:49:10,834
from First Reformed.
702
00:49:11,601 --> 00:49:13,637
Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.
703
00:49:14,671 --> 00:49:17,674
How... How do
you answer this, Reverend?
704
00:49:18,575 --> 00:49:21,309
Well, Cynthia. I'm sorry
that happened to your father.
705
00:49:21,311 --> 00:49:23,109
There's a lot
of church people,
706
00:49:23,111 --> 00:49:26,580
good Christians,
who see, uh, a connection
707
00:49:26,582 --> 00:49:30,216
between godliness
and prosperity.
708
00:49:30,218 --> 00:49:32,719
But that's not
what Jesus teaches.
709
00:49:32,721 --> 00:49:34,054
That's not what Jesus lived.
710
00:49:34,056 --> 00:49:36,156
There's no dollar sign
on His pulpit.
711
00:49:36,158 --> 00:49:38,824
There's no
American flag either.
712
00:49:38,826 --> 00:49:42,261
I think, Cynthia, what your
father is experiencing is...
713
00:49:42,263 --> 00:49:44,864
Christians shouldn't succeed.
714
00:49:44,866 --> 00:49:48,034
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?
715
00:49:48,036 --> 00:49:49,668
Jake, Jake!
716
00:49:49,670 --> 00:49:51,904
I just get tired
of turn the other cheek.
717
00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:53,373
Jesus didn't turn
the other cheek.
718
00:49:53,375 --> 00:49:55,342
Why stand for anything?
719
00:49:55,344 --> 00:49:57,610
Take prayer
out of the schools.
720
00:49:57,612 --> 00:50:00,079
Give money to people
too lazy to work for it.
721
00:50:00,081 --> 00:50:01,917
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.
722
00:50:03,185 --> 00:50:05,185
I mean, no sooner
do I mention the poor,
723
00:50:05,187 --> 00:50:07,186
and this teenager
jumps down my throat
724
00:50:07,188 --> 00:50:09,687
like I just took a shit
on the American flag.
725
00:50:09,689 --> 00:50:13,091
Forgive my language. Oh, God!
726
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:14,727
Oh, Roger told me.
727
00:50:14,729 --> 00:50:16,961
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.
728
00:50:16,963 --> 00:50:18,229
Well, he said
you kept your cool,
729
00:50:18,231 --> 00:50:19,333
and he admired you for that.
730
00:50:20,367 --> 00:50:21,767
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.
731
00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:23,968
Everything is so extreme.
732
00:50:23,970 --> 00:50:26,338
It's the times. These are
frightening times. These...
733
00:50:26,340 --> 00:50:28,673
These kids,
they grow up in a world
734
00:50:28,675 --> 00:50:30,709
that, you and I,
we wouldn't even recognize.
735
00:50:30,711 --> 00:50:34,680
Global warming,
a sea of pornography,
736
00:50:34,682 --> 00:50:38,283
hyper violent video games.
It's a world without privacy.
737
00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:42,354
Each kid isolated,
communicating on media.
738
00:50:42,356 --> 00:50:44,222
It's a world without hope!
739
00:50:44,224 --> 00:50:45,922
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this...
740
00:50:45,924 --> 00:50:47,293
No, I did raise a kid.
741
00:50:49,094 --> 00:50:50,795
I didn't mean it like that.
742
00:50:50,797 --> 00:50:51,898
I know you didn't.
743
00:50:53,165 --> 00:50:55,099
They're just frightened.
These kids,
744
00:50:55,101 --> 00:50:57,034
- they want certainty.
- Mmm-hmm.
745
00:50:57,036 --> 00:50:59,005
You know, don't think, follow.
746
00:50:59,773 --> 00:51:00,808
Uh...
747
00:51:01,141 --> 00:51:03,243
But they fall prey
to extremism.
748
00:51:03,710 --> 00:51:07,779
Jihadism is everywhere.
Even here.
749
00:51:07,781 --> 00:51:10,681
It's just... That's not
the church that called me.
750
00:51:10,683 --> 00:51:12,116
Nor me.
751
00:51:12,118 --> 00:51:15,253
It's up to us. We have
to listen and guide
752
00:51:15,255 --> 00:51:17,788
and encourage
our young members
753
00:51:17,790 --> 00:51:19,724
to express themselves
754
00:51:19,726 --> 00:51:21,192
without judging them.
755
00:51:21,194 --> 00:51:22,761
We have to lead by example.
756
00:51:23,394 --> 00:51:25,063
We have to be patient.
757
00:51:35,707 --> 00:51:37,006
Oh, this sounds great.
758
00:51:37,008 --> 00:51:38,341
I'm gonna have to sharpen
my chops
759
00:51:38,343 --> 00:51:39,843
for the Reconsecration.
760
00:51:39,845 --> 00:51:41,778
Do you know
what they want to play?
761
00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:43,080
No, I have no idea.
762
00:51:43,082 --> 00:51:44,714
Abundant Life
is handling everything.
763
00:51:44,716 --> 00:51:45,982
Invites, the seating.
764
00:51:45,984 --> 00:51:47,850
Basically,
I just introduce Joel.
765
00:51:47,852 --> 00:51:50,821
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the Governor,
766
00:51:50,823 --> 00:51:51,921
maybe Ed Balq.
767
00:51:51,923 --> 00:51:53,059
Oh, why him?
768
00:51:53,357 --> 00:51:55,158
It's sort of his whole deal.
769
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,959
I mean, he's underwritten
the whole thing,
770
00:51:56,961 --> 00:51:58,927
paid to have the organ fixed.
771
00:51:58,929 --> 00:52:00,862
I do have another
musical question for you...
772
00:52:00,864 --> 00:52:01,963
Oh. Take it from the top.
773
00:52:15,213 --> 00:52:19,447
It's actually
a kind of sad bit of business.
774
00:52:19,449 --> 00:52:21,851
- Hm?
- The Michael Mansana memorial.
775
00:52:21,853 --> 00:52:25,424
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.
776
00:52:26,791 --> 00:52:27,993
He's asked you?
777
00:52:29,025 --> 00:52:32,364
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.
778
00:52:37,334 --> 00:52:41,870
Then the Lord spoke to Job,
stepped from the storm.
779
00:52:41,872 --> 00:52:43,138
He said, "Where were you
780
00:52:43,140 --> 00:52:44,906
"when I laid
the Earth's foundations,
781
00:52:44,908 --> 00:52:48,279
"marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone,
782
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:54,515
"when the morning stars sang,
783
00:52:54,517 --> 00:52:58,822
"and the angels shouted
with joy? Where were you?"
784
00:53:01,991 --> 00:53:04,024
These surroundings
were chosen by Michael
785
00:53:04,026 --> 00:53:06,828
as the repository
for his physical remains.
786
00:53:06,830 --> 00:53:08,562
I say physical
because his memories
787
00:53:08,564 --> 00:53:11,031
and spirit live on with us,
788
00:53:11,033 --> 00:53:13,200
as does his mission.
789
00:53:13,202 --> 00:53:16,202
Michael cared
about this world.
790
00:53:16,204 --> 00:53:18,938
Perhaps too much.
791
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:22,876
The Abundant Life Youth Choir
will now sing for us, uh,
792
00:53:22,878 --> 00:53:25,115
a song chosen by Michael.
793
00:53:37,025 --> 00:53:42,563
Protect the wild
tomorrow's child
794
00:53:42,565 --> 00:53:48,235
Protect the land
from the greed of man
795
00:53:48,237 --> 00:53:53,538
Take out the dams
stand up to oil
796
00:53:53,540 --> 00:53:58,911
Protect the plants
and renew the soil
797
00:53:58,913 --> 00:54:04,016
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
798
00:54:04,018 --> 00:54:08,855
Who's gonna say
that she's had enough?
799
00:54:08,857 --> 00:54:13,525
Who's gonna take on
the big machine?
800
00:54:13,527 --> 00:54:18,129
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
801
00:54:18,131 --> 00:54:23,571
This all starts
with you and me
802
00:54:26,173 --> 00:54:29,006
End fossil fuels
803
00:54:29,008 --> 00:54:31,209
Draw the line
804
00:54:31,211 --> 00:54:36,146
Before we build
one more pipeline
805
00:54:36,148 --> 00:54:40,919
End fracking now
let's save the water
806
00:54:40,921 --> 00:54:45,923
And build a life
for our sons and daughters
807
00:54:45,925 --> 00:54:50,662
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
808
00:54:50,664 --> 00:54:55,166
Who's gonna say
that she's had enough?
809
00:54:55,168 --> 00:55:00,437
Who's gonna take on
the big machine?
810
00:55:00,439 --> 00:55:05,042
Who's gonna stand up
and save the Earth?
811
00:55:05,044 --> 00:55:10,382
This all starts
with you and me
812
00:55:32,605 --> 00:55:34,307
- I'm good.
- All right.
813
00:55:47,986 --> 00:55:49,584
- Mr. Balq!
- Hey!
814
00:55:49,586 --> 00:55:51,220
- Hello!
- How are you?
815
00:55:51,222 --> 00:55:54,222
- Very good! Very good.
- Very good. Good, good.
816
00:55:54,224 --> 00:55:58,129
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I got, uh... I got held up.
817
00:55:58,495 --> 00:56:00,330
Oh, good. You know
Reverend Toller, right?
818
00:56:00,332 --> 00:56:01,698
Well, only by sight. Ed Barq.
819
00:56:01,700 --> 00:56:03,302
- Good to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.
820
00:56:05,035 --> 00:56:06,568
Just bring me a coffee
821
00:56:06,570 --> 00:56:08,039
- and the apple pie. All right?
- Okay. Thank you.
822
00:56:08,974 --> 00:56:11,341
Uh, the apple pie.
I know it's a cliché,
823
00:56:11,343 --> 00:56:14,510
but they make it right here.
It's organic. It's local.
824
00:56:14,512 --> 00:56:17,012
I have a surprise for you.
825
00:56:17,014 --> 00:56:22,387
I, uh... I stopped by
the printer on the way over.
826
00:56:24,587 --> 00:56:29,757
Oh. Ooh, nice. Nice.
They did a great job.
827
00:56:29,759 --> 00:56:31,393
Yeah. All the guests
828
00:56:31,395 --> 00:56:33,295
at the reconsecration
will get a copy.
829
00:56:33,297 --> 00:56:35,364
And then, uh, there will
also be a mailing.
830
00:56:35,366 --> 00:56:37,565
And... And of course it will
be available at the bookstore.
831
00:56:37,567 --> 00:56:39,433
So how are the plans coming?
832
00:56:39,435 --> 00:56:41,168
Is the organ repaired?
833
00:56:41,170 --> 00:56:43,174
Oh yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.
834
00:56:43,773 --> 00:56:48,710
Okay. Um, we drew up
a little seating chart.
835
00:56:48,712 --> 00:56:50,277
Now, Mayor Wilson
will be there,
836
00:56:50,279 --> 00:56:51,579
as well as the Governor.
837
00:56:51,581 --> 00:56:53,279
Well, at least
he's going to try...
838
00:56:53,281 --> 00:56:55,616
All of those
mighty men of God,
839
00:56:55,618 --> 00:56:57,218
servants of the cross.
840
00:56:57,220 --> 00:56:59,153
Years of service, baptisms,
841
00:56:59,155 --> 00:57:01,555
confessions, funerals,
sermons.
842
00:57:01,557 --> 00:57:03,524
The hours in prayer,
843
00:57:03,526 --> 00:57:07,495
the afflictions suffered.
Did God give them strength?
844
00:57:07,497 --> 00:57:10,131
Reverend Toller will
introduce me. I'll go up,
845
00:57:10,133 --> 00:57:11,665
I'll introduce the Governor.
846
00:57:11,667 --> 00:57:13,533
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main...
847
00:57:13,535 --> 00:57:15,371
There won't be anything
political though, will there?
848
00:57:16,238 --> 00:57:18,407
No. No, why would there be?
849
00:57:18,807 --> 00:57:20,408
Well... Oh. Sorry.
Do you mind?
850
00:57:20,410 --> 00:57:21,674
Here you are.
851
00:57:21,676 --> 00:57:23,477
- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Enjoy.
852
00:57:23,479 --> 00:57:25,546
Well, I... I ask, uh,
853
00:57:25,548 --> 00:57:29,782
only cause, um, this came
to my attention.
854
00:57:29,784 --> 00:57:32,585
It's a printout
from a website.
855
00:57:32,587 --> 00:57:34,420
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life
856
00:57:34,422 --> 00:57:36,289
are mentioned by name.
857
00:57:36,291 --> 00:57:40,229
It was a political event.
And a Neil Young protest song?
858
00:57:40,728 --> 00:57:42,362
I was just respecting
the wishes
859
00:57:42,364 --> 00:57:44,197
of the deceased and... And...
And his widow.
860
00:57:44,199 --> 00:57:47,132
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.
861
00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:50,402
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?
862
00:57:50,404 --> 00:57:51,804
There was no press invited.
863
00:57:51,806 --> 00:57:53,639
No. This is just
Mensana's friends.
864
00:57:53,641 --> 00:57:55,507
It was a political act.
865
00:57:55,509 --> 00:57:58,311
You and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.
866
00:57:58,313 --> 00:57:59,579
And the Hanstown site,
867
00:57:59,581 --> 00:58:01,181
by the way,
isn't even polluted.
868
00:58:01,183 --> 00:58:02,715
It was cleaned up
with EPA superfunds.
869
00:58:02,717 --> 00:58:04,416
- Well, Hanstown...
- No, no, of course not,
870
00:58:04,418 --> 00:58:06,384
but just give me some credit,
all right?
871
00:58:06,386 --> 00:58:07,618
I'm in the energy business.
872
00:58:07,620 --> 00:58:09,455
It's my business
to stay informed.
873
00:58:09,457 --> 00:58:11,390
Look, sorry.
874
00:58:11,392 --> 00:58:13,357
Reverend Toller
didn't understand
875
00:58:13,359 --> 00:58:14,628
the implications here.
876
00:58:16,229 --> 00:58:18,263
- May I ask a question?
- Yeah. Go ahead.
877
00:58:18,265 --> 00:58:20,167
Will God forgive us?
878
00:58:22,703 --> 00:58:25,803
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?
879
00:58:25,805 --> 00:58:29,440
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.
880
00:58:29,442 --> 00:58:31,643
This... There's been
a lot of loose talk
881
00:58:31,645 --> 00:58:33,645
about environmental change.
882
00:58:33,647 --> 00:58:36,714
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...
883
00:58:36,716 --> 00:58:40,518
The man who says nothing
always seems more intelligent.
884
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,356
Why couldn't I just
keep silent?
885
00:58:43,690 --> 00:58:45,655
It's a complicated subject.
886
00:58:45,657 --> 00:58:49,295
Not really.
I mean, who benefits?
887
00:58:49,595 --> 00:58:50,862
Cui bono? Who profits?
888
00:58:50,864 --> 00:58:52,429
That's what I keep
asking myself.
889
00:58:52,431 --> 00:58:54,365
Besides the Biblical call
to stewardship,
890
00:58:54,367 --> 00:58:55,700
who profits when we soil
891
00:58:55,702 --> 00:58:57,135
our own nest?
What's to be gained...
892
00:58:57,137 --> 00:58:58,369
Can we just agree
to keep politics
893
00:58:58,371 --> 00:58:59,704
out of
the reconsecration service?
894
00:58:59,706 --> 00:59:02,305
- Yes.
- Yes, but this isn't politics.
895
00:59:02,307 --> 00:59:03,907
I mean, what God wants
is for...
896
00:59:03,909 --> 00:59:06,476
Oh, you, you, you, you...
You know the mind of God?
897
00:59:06,478 --> 00:59:08,445
You spoke to him, personally?
898
00:59:08,447 --> 00:59:10,850
He told you His plans
for Earth?
899
00:59:13,318 --> 00:59:16,590
Look, I understand,
you're upset.
900
00:59:19,391 --> 00:59:21,726
I mean, you found the body,
correct?
901
00:59:22,761 --> 00:59:23,796
Yes.
902
00:59:25,330 --> 00:59:26,332
How?
903
00:59:32,538 --> 00:59:35,804
I was supposed to meet him.
904
00:59:35,806 --> 00:59:41,247
And he texted me, and...
A change of location.
905
00:59:41,613 --> 00:59:42,614
And?
906
00:59:44,950 --> 00:59:46,585
And I went there
and he was dead.
907
00:59:50,589 --> 00:59:52,357
So you counseled him,
Reverend?
908
00:59:53,692 --> 00:59:54,694
Yes.
909
00:59:55,627 --> 00:59:58,496
You counseled him,
then he shot himself?
910
00:59:59,229 --> 01:00:00,231
Ed?
911
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:03,201
Yes.
912
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:09,604
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,
913
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:11,240
and take a look
at your own life
914
01:00:11,242 --> 01:00:14,312
before you criticize others.
Hmm?
915
01:00:34,864 --> 01:00:37,333
Mary and I
rode the park trail.
916
01:00:38,902 --> 01:00:42,773
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.
917
01:00:47,944 --> 01:00:50,313
I was afraid I would fall.
918
01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:59,823
It's amazing the simple
curative power of exercise.
919
01:01:05,395 --> 01:01:06,697
It's God given.
920
01:01:14,702 --> 01:01:16,903
Thank you again.
921
01:01:16,905 --> 01:01:19,006
Michael and I used to cycle
twice a week,
922
01:01:19,008 --> 01:01:20,606
and I've missed it so much.
923
01:01:20,608 --> 01:01:23,843
No. I enjoyed it.
It's been a long time.
924
01:01:23,845 --> 01:01:25,948
But it was under protest.
925
01:01:26,981 --> 01:01:29,619
- I... I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.
926
01:01:31,352 --> 01:01:33,019
Um, can I ask you
another favor?
927
01:01:33,021 --> 01:01:34,454
Sure.
928
01:01:34,456 --> 01:01:36,423
Could you box up
Michael's things?
929
01:01:36,425 --> 01:01:37,894
Or find somebody to do it?
930
01:01:39,894 --> 01:01:42,528
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?
931
01:01:42,530 --> 01:01:44,330
Not, like... Not give it away,
932
01:01:44,332 --> 01:01:46,300
just, you know.
Just box them up.
933
01:01:46,302 --> 01:01:49,000
It just... You know, I feel...
934
01:01:49,002 --> 01:01:50,636
It's just difficult
to be around
935
01:01:50,638 --> 01:01:53,438
so many smells and memories.
936
01:01:53,440 --> 01:01:54,739
You know?
937
01:01:54,741 --> 01:01:56,342
Yeah, I can...
I can do it.
938
01:01:56,344 --> 01:01:57,610
Okay.
939
01:01:57,612 --> 01:01:59,011
Have you decided
what's next?
940
01:01:59,013 --> 01:02:01,514
Um, the rent's paid for
for two months,
941
01:02:01,516 --> 01:02:02,782
so there's no hurry.
942
01:02:02,784 --> 01:02:04,317
But, um, I'm gonna stay
943
01:02:04,319 --> 01:02:05,650
with my sister
and my brother-in-law.
944
01:02:05,652 --> 01:02:07,686
- Hmm. Are you?
- Until the baby is born.
945
01:02:07,688 --> 01:02:09,422
So you'll relocate there?
946
01:02:09,424 --> 01:02:13,262
Yeah. I think so.
She contacted an obstetrician.
947
01:02:15,029 --> 01:02:16,665
Are we talking pink or blue?
948
01:02:17,598 --> 01:02:18,764
- Blue!
- Blue.
949
01:02:18,766 --> 01:02:19,998
Blue!
950
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,333
- Ah! Congratulations.
- Thanks.
951
01:02:21,335 --> 01:02:22,303
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.
952
01:02:23,903 --> 01:02:26,437
Oh, hey, uh... I have
a question for you,
953
01:02:26,439 --> 01:02:29,276
if, uh... If it's not
too painful.
954
01:02:32,044 --> 01:02:34,412
Do you think he, uh...
955
01:02:34,414 --> 01:02:36,417
He really would have
harmed someone?
956
01:02:40,419 --> 01:02:41,755
Um...
957
01:02:42,131 --> 01:02:44,036
...he'd been a part of some...
958
01:02:44,477 --> 01:02:46,918
...non-violent protests.
959
01:02:47,659 --> 01:02:51,796
We both had.
He'd been put in jail.
960
01:02:51,798 --> 01:02:55,033
He had a temper. I mean,
he'd start yelling at police,
961
01:02:55,035 --> 01:02:57,801
but no, I don't
think he was...
962
01:02:57,803 --> 01:02:59,874
No. I don't think
he was violent.
963
01:03:02,775 --> 01:03:04,543
I just, um...
964
01:03:05,478 --> 01:03:08,045
I can't help
but keep wondering
965
01:03:08,047 --> 01:03:10,483
what I should have
done differently.
966
01:03:13,552 --> 01:03:15,689
He didn't want to live.
967
01:03:19,592 --> 01:03:22,362
He was not a religious man,
you know.
968
01:03:24,063 --> 01:03:26,764
He didn't care for the church.
That was me.
969
01:03:26,766 --> 01:03:28,766
I was the one
who asked him to come.
970
01:03:28,768 --> 01:03:30,099
I was raised in the church
971
01:03:30,101 --> 01:03:33,536
and I never
could quite let it go.
972
01:03:33,538 --> 01:03:35,139
I'd be in a strange city,
973
01:03:35,141 --> 01:03:36,672
and I would just go
974
01:03:36,674 --> 01:03:37,739
to a church and sit down,
you know?
975
01:03:37,741 --> 01:03:40,379
I was the spiritual one.
976
01:03:45,182 --> 01:03:46,883
Thanks.
977
01:03:46,885 --> 01:03:49,886
Yeah. I'll, uh... I'm gonna
go get some boxes.
978
01:03:49,888 --> 01:03:51,654
I'll come back
for the clothes.
979
01:03:51,656 --> 01:03:52,991
Okay.
980
01:03:55,727 --> 01:03:57,962
Uh, Reverend? Um,
981
01:04:00,665 --> 01:04:03,836
would you pray with me?
982
01:04:05,736 --> 01:04:08,104
I just... I find it difficult
to do it alone.
983
01:04:08,106 --> 01:04:11,776
Just, the words,
just don't come.
984
01:04:12,644 --> 01:04:14,608
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?
985
01:04:14,610 --> 01:04:16,110
No. No, no, no.
Of course not. Yeah.
986
01:04:16,112 --> 01:04:17,147
Okay.
987
01:04:21,717 --> 01:04:23,587
Dear Heavenly Father,
988
01:04:24,922 --> 01:04:27,988
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...
989
01:04:27,990 --> 01:04:31,959
I held her hand, I spoke,
990
01:04:31,961 --> 01:04:34,628
and the words came
out of my mouth.
991
01:04:34,630 --> 01:04:36,798
"By thy words,
you shall be justified,
992
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,003
"and by thy words,
you shall be condemned. "
993
01:05:43,164 --> 01:05:46,265
I can no longer
ignore my health.
994
01:05:46,267 --> 01:05:49,170
I have postponed
my checkup too often.
995
01:05:50,204 --> 01:05:52,775
Yesterday I could literally
barely stand.
996
01:06:50,963 --> 01:06:54,066
No, I have not lost my faith.
997
01:08:13,376 --> 01:08:16,745
"And the rich man said
I will pull down my barns,
998
01:08:16,747 --> 01:08:19,715
"and build greater... "
999
01:08:19,717 --> 01:08:21,817
"And I will say to my soul,
1000
01:08:21,819 --> 01:08:25,888
"take thine ease, eat, drink,
and be merry.
1001
01:08:25,890 --> 01:08:27,423
"But God said
unto his disciples,
1002
01:08:27,425 --> 01:08:29,258
"take no thought
for your life,
1003
01:08:29,260 --> 01:08:30,794
"what ye shall eat... "
1004
01:08:33,296 --> 01:08:38,865
"Neither for the body,
what ye shall put on.
1005
01:08:38,867 --> 01:08:42,370
"The life is more than meat,
1006
01:08:42,372 --> 01:08:46,007
"and the body
is more than raiment. "
1007
01:08:46,009 --> 01:08:49,012
Thus ends the reading
of the Lord. Praise be God.
1008
01:08:49,378 --> 01:08:50,913
When did
he come back?
1009
01:08:51,180 --> 01:08:53,650
Well, he was out
most of Friday.
1010
01:08:54,117 --> 01:08:55,982
So he went to Albany
for his checkup?
1011
01:08:55,984 --> 01:08:58,018
I asked him, buy he didn't
give me any details.
1012
01:08:58,020 --> 01:08:59,689
Uh, you know how he is.
1013
01:09:00,924 --> 01:09:02,223
Perhaps I can check.
1014
01:09:02,225 --> 01:09:03,260
Esther.
1015
01:09:03,460 --> 01:09:04,791
It's just...
1016
01:09:04,793 --> 01:09:07,430
I know. I know.
1017
01:09:10,898 --> 01:09:13,702
- Okay. All right. Bye.
- See ya.
1018
01:09:26,247 --> 01:09:29,082
We'd like to do
a gastroscopic exam.
1019
01:09:29,084 --> 01:09:32,418
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus,
1020
01:09:32,420 --> 01:09:34,154
and take a look around.
1021
01:09:34,156 --> 01:09:35,821
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.
1022
01:09:35,823 --> 01:09:37,390
You should be able
to leave by mid-afternoon.
1023
01:09:37,392 --> 01:09:39,292
Still, that doesn't...
That doesn't sound too good.
1024
01:09:39,294 --> 01:09:42,229
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.
1025
01:09:42,231 --> 01:09:43,366
Cancer.
1026
01:09:44,865 --> 01:09:47,134
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.
1027
01:09:47,535 --> 01:09:48,837
Mmm-hmm.
1028
01:09:51,304 --> 01:09:53,741
What's the...
The treatment for that?
1029
01:09:54,875 --> 01:09:57,913
It depends on how far advanced
the tumor is.
1030
01:09:58,446 --> 01:10:00,078
But...
1031
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:02,150
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.
1032
01:10:02,383 --> 01:10:04,949
Uh-huh. Yeah.
1033
01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:07,019
Six months?
1034
01:10:07,021 --> 01:10:11,189
Well, diet, medication, chemo,
even surgery.
1035
01:10:11,191 --> 01:10:13,859
We have a variety
of diagnostic tools.
1036
01:10:13,861 --> 01:10:15,864
Have you had
any bloody stools?
1037
01:10:20,500 --> 01:10:21,968
Recently?
1038
01:10:24,404 --> 01:10:26,371
Okay. I'd like to schedule
1039
01:10:26,373 --> 01:10:28,139
the gastroscopy
as soon as possible.
1040
01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:31,912
We have an open slot
week after next.
1041
01:10:32,512 --> 01:10:33,481
Okay.
1042
01:10:34,047 --> 01:10:35,049
What's your diet?
1043
01:10:35,448 --> 01:10:39,050
My diet?
Um, I'm hungry, I eat.
1044
01:10:39,052 --> 01:10:40,451
- You smoke?
- No.
1045
01:10:40,453 --> 01:10:41,489
Drink?
1046
01:10:42,923 --> 01:10:44,855
Mmm, in moderation.
1047
01:10:44,857 --> 01:10:46,390
That needs to end.
1048
01:10:46,392 --> 01:10:47,826
I'm gonna call in
a prescription to help
1049
01:10:47,828 --> 01:10:49,260
- with the stomach pain.
- Huh.
1050
01:10:49,262 --> 01:10:51,365
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.
1051
01:10:51,998 --> 01:10:53,100
Okay.
1052
01:10:54,133 --> 01:10:55,368
Are you in pain now?
1053
01:10:56,602 --> 01:10:58,105
No. No. I feel good.
1054
01:11:00,072 --> 01:11:04,040
We tend to think
that anxiety and worry
1055
01:11:04,042 --> 01:11:08,080
are simply an indication
of how wise we are,
1056
01:11:09,113 --> 01:11:10,479
yet it is
a much better indication
1057
01:11:10,481 --> 01:11:13,049
of how wicked we are.
1058
01:11:13,051 --> 01:11:16,986
Fretting arises
from our determination
1059
01:11:16,988 --> 01:11:19,388
to have our own way.
1060
01:11:19,390 --> 01:11:23,862
Our Lord never worried
and was never anxious.
1061
01:11:24,430 --> 01:11:26,129
I'll be back in a bit.
1062
01:11:26,131 --> 01:11:28,598
Because His purpose
was to accomplish
1063
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:30,903
not his own plans...
1064
01:11:35,473 --> 01:11:36,475
Reverend?
1065
01:11:36,907 --> 01:11:38,140
Hi Esther.
1066
01:11:38,142 --> 01:11:39,542
I... I didn't know
you were coming.
1067
01:11:39,544 --> 01:11:41,444
Well, Joel's office called.
1068
01:11:41,446 --> 01:11:43,111
They want to talk to me about
the Reconsecration program.
1069
01:11:43,113 --> 01:11:44,880
Did... Did they talk to you?
1070
01:11:44,882 --> 01:11:47,149
Uh, I'll be at First Reformed.
And Stanley will be
1071
01:11:47,151 --> 01:11:49,051
with the full choir here
for the simulcast.
1072
01:11:49,053 --> 01:11:50,419
Mmm-hmm. Nice.
1073
01:11:50,421 --> 01:11:51,553
The acoustics will
be wonderful. I mean...
1074
01:11:51,555 --> 01:11:53,222
Stop.
1075
01:11:53,224 --> 01:11:55,991
Really wonderful.
Did you hear from Albany?
1076
01:11:55,993 --> 01:11:57,058
Yeah. I did.
1077
01:11:57,060 --> 01:11:58,160
Well, what did they say?
1078
01:11:58,162 --> 01:11:59,494
Nothing. Just some more tests.
1079
01:11:59,496 --> 01:12:00,998
A gastroscopy.
1080
01:12:02,901 --> 01:12:04,236
And you know this how?
1081
01:12:05,236 --> 01:12:06,569
I called.
1082
01:12:06,571 --> 01:12:09,207
- I'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone.
1083
01:12:10,908 --> 01:12:13,374
- I just want to try...
- I know what you want!
1084
01:12:13,376 --> 01:12:15,577
All right? And I cannot bear
your concern,
1085
01:12:15,579 --> 01:12:17,645
your constant hovering.
Your neediness.
1086
01:12:17,647 --> 01:12:20,215
You, you're
a constant reminder
1087
01:12:20,217 --> 01:12:23,284
of my own personal
inadequacies and failings.
1088
01:12:23,286 --> 01:12:27,191
You want something that never
was and never will be.
1089
01:12:27,657 --> 01:12:29,024
Don't make me do this,
'cause I...
1090
01:12:29,026 --> 01:12:30,557
Esther. Esther. Esther.
1091
01:12:30,559 --> 01:12:32,193
Pull yourself together. Okay?
Look at yourself.
1092
01:12:32,195 --> 01:12:34,130
You don't take care
of yourself.
1093
01:12:35,098 --> 01:12:36,634
I despise you.
1094
01:12:37,467 --> 01:12:40,635
I despise
what you bring out in me.
1095
01:12:40,637 --> 01:12:43,137
Your concerns are petty.
1096
01:12:43,139 --> 01:12:45,276
You are a stumbling block.
1097
01:12:58,521 --> 01:13:00,653
I suddenly feel
much better.
1098
01:13:00,655 --> 01:13:03,424
I awoke early, clear-headed
1099
01:13:03,426 --> 01:13:06,096
and immediately set about
my daily tasks.
1100
01:16:24,888 --> 01:16:26,755
"The nations raged... "
1101
01:16:28,659 --> 01:16:30,427
"But your wrath came,
1102
01:16:31,493 --> 01:16:34,130
"and the time for the dead
to be judged,
1103
01:16:36,733 --> 01:16:38,499
"and for rewarding
your servants,
1104
01:16:38,501 --> 01:16:40,137
"and prophets and saints,
1105
01:16:40,869 --> 01:16:43,140
"and for those
who fear your name,
1106
01:16:43,539 --> 01:16:45,441
"both small and great,
1107
01:16:47,577 --> 01:16:50,713
"and for destroying
the destroyers of the Earth. "
1108
01:16:54,850 --> 01:16:57,453
Revelations 11:18.
1109
01:17:22,376 --> 01:17:24,476
I have removed
the previous pages.
1110
01:17:24,478 --> 01:17:26,348
They were written
in a delirium.
1111
01:17:27,381 --> 01:17:29,551
But I am determined
to continue.
1112
01:17:31,553 --> 01:17:34,323
It's hard to struggle
against torpor.
1113
01:17:35,256 --> 01:17:36,893
I must set pen to paper.
1114
01:17:59,746 --> 01:18:00,749
Shit.
1115
01:18:15,763 --> 01:18:18,329
- Oh, hey Mary.
- Hi. Can I come in?
1116
01:18:18,331 --> 01:18:19,964
Yeah, of course. Come on in.
Come on, come on.
1117
01:18:19,966 --> 01:18:22,300
Come on, come in.
Do you need anything?
1118
01:18:22,302 --> 01:18:24,469
Um, do you want...
Um, can I take your coat?
1119
01:18:24,471 --> 01:18:26,874
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?
1120
01:18:27,507 --> 01:18:29,707
- Um...
- Let me get this.
1121
01:18:29,709 --> 01:18:31,712
Uh, no.
1122
01:18:35,281 --> 01:18:37,582
I'm just,
I'm really frightened.
1123
01:18:37,584 --> 01:18:39,620
I'm like I'm frightened
of everything.
1124
01:18:40,820 --> 01:18:44,288
Uh, I woke up
and my heart was pounding
1125
01:18:44,290 --> 01:18:46,323
and I... I thought,
like, the roof,
1126
01:18:46,325 --> 01:18:48,626
the ceiling,
was just gonna fall in.
1127
01:18:48,628 --> 01:18:51,561
Um, so I... I had to get out.
1128
01:18:51,563 --> 01:18:52,830
Yeah. Mary?
1129
01:18:52,832 --> 01:18:54,765
And I just drove around,
and... And I...
1130
01:18:54,767 --> 01:18:57,366
I didn't put any make-up on.
Sorry.
1131
01:18:57,368 --> 01:19:00,536
I'm glad you came.
Do you want some, uh...
1132
01:19:00,538 --> 01:19:01,972
Some water, some tea...
1133
01:19:01,974 --> 01:19:03,676
Without warning,
1134
01:19:05,377 --> 01:19:07,413
this dark curtain just fell.
1135
01:19:08,047 --> 01:19:10,947
I'm... I'm scared
of everything.
1136
01:19:10,949 --> 01:19:12,749
Well, you did the right thing
coming here.
1137
01:19:12,751 --> 01:19:14,384
I just can't stop my thoughts.
1138
01:19:14,386 --> 01:19:16,353
They just keep
going on and on.
1139
01:19:16,355 --> 01:19:17,991
They repeat and repeat.
1140
01:19:18,791 --> 01:19:21,360
Did this ever happen
before Michael's death?
1141
01:19:22,528 --> 01:19:26,599
A little. Yeah.
Not like this though.
1142
01:19:27,733 --> 01:19:30,399
I read online that, um,
they used to believe
1143
01:19:30,401 --> 01:19:32,702
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like
1144
01:19:32,704 --> 01:19:34,906
it just makes your feelings
more extreme.
1145
01:19:38,576 --> 01:19:39,877
Michael...
1146
01:19:41,845 --> 01:19:43,881
He was just really strong.
1147
01:19:44,482 --> 01:19:45,684
How so?
1148
01:19:48,819 --> 01:19:51,489
Um, he listened. He was kind.
1149
01:19:53,890 --> 01:19:55,590
We used to do this thing
1150
01:19:55,592 --> 01:19:57,296
called
the Magical Mystery Tour.
1151
01:19:58,095 --> 01:20:00,765
It sounds silly. But, um...
1152
01:20:01,698 --> 01:20:03,701
We would, uh, share a joint
1153
01:20:04,534 --> 01:20:07,305
and lay on top of each other
fully clothed.
1154
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:10,504
We would try to get as much
1155
01:20:10,506 --> 01:20:12,009
body-to-body contact
as possible.
1156
01:20:12,776 --> 01:20:14,745
We'd have our hands out and...
1157
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:18,316
We would just look straight
into each other's eyes
1158
01:20:18,915 --> 01:20:20,882
and move them in unison,
1159
01:20:20,884 --> 01:20:23,016
like right, left, right, left.
1160
01:20:23,018 --> 01:20:25,856
And then we would breathe
in rhythm.
1161
01:20:32,728 --> 01:20:34,030
You want me to do this?
1162
01:20:36,732 --> 01:20:39,436
No. I didn't mean that.
1163
01:20:40,871 --> 01:20:42,102
All right.
1164
01:20:42,104 --> 01:20:44,008
I mean, I...
1165
01:20:45,908 --> 01:20:48,141
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I guess I...
1166
01:20:48,143 --> 01:20:49,646
Yeah. I guess I did.
1167
01:20:50,478 --> 01:20:53,816
Okay. Uh, show me.
1168
01:20:54,182 --> 01:20:57,784
Well, you lay on your back,
1169
01:20:57,786 --> 01:20:59,822
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.
1170
01:21:00,589 --> 01:21:01,725
Do we need music?
1171
01:21:02,490 --> 01:21:04,360
No, we just listen
to the breaths.
1172
01:21:05,527 --> 01:21:08,063
Just lie down?
1173
01:21:09,031 --> 01:21:11,668
Yeah. And then, yeah.
1174
01:25:26,113 --> 01:25:26,946
Go, go, go, go! Come on,
come on, come on!
1175
01:25:26,948 --> 01:25:27,683
Come on, Benny.
1176
01:25:30,918 --> 01:25:31,720
Hey, guys.
Let's all get seated
1177
01:25:32,755 --> 01:25:34,390
in the first pew right here.
All the way down.
1178
01:25:39,260 --> 01:25:40,395
All right. Good job, guys.
1179
01:25:41,961 --> 01:25:43,798
Okay, so last week,
we read The Patchwork Path
1180
01:25:44,031 --> 01:25:45,698
about
the Underground Railroad,
1181
01:25:45,700 --> 01:25:49,133
which was not a railroad,
but... Rosa?
1182
01:25:49,135 --> 01:25:50,903
It was a slave trail.
1183
01:25:50,905 --> 01:25:53,872
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.
1184
01:25:53,874 --> 01:25:56,107
And this church,
First Reformed,
1185
01:25:56,109 --> 01:25:58,976
was one of the stops on
that route. Reverend Toller?
1186
01:25:58,978 --> 01:26:02,213
Yeah. Slaves, uh,
fleeing north to Canada
1187
01:26:02,215 --> 01:26:06,118
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches
1188
01:26:06,120 --> 01:26:08,352
along this route.
Calvin Verlander
1189
01:26:08,354 --> 01:26:11,089
was the dominee, the minister
here at First Reformed.
1190
01:26:11,091 --> 01:26:13,391
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.
1191
01:26:13,393 --> 01:26:15,394
He assisted in...
1192
01:26:15,396 --> 01:26:17,197
No. Miss Suriya,
let me try this.
1193
01:26:17,464 --> 01:26:19,262
Uh, why don't you all stand up
for a second?
1194
01:26:19,264 --> 01:26:20,331
Take a look right here.
1195
01:26:20,333 --> 01:26:22,132
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different
1196
01:26:22,134 --> 01:26:24,014
- than the other part of the wood?
- Yeah!
1197
01:26:24,049 --> 01:26:25,515
You all see that, don't you?
1198
01:26:25,867 --> 01:26:28,484
But does this seem a little bit
like a secret door?
1199
01:26:28,494 --> 01:26:29,901
- Hmm?
- Yes.
1200
01:26:29,909 --> 01:26:31,274
- Yeah. What's your name?
- Benny.
1201
01:26:31,276 --> 01:26:32,909
Benny, will you give me
a hand?
1202
01:26:32,911 --> 01:26:34,345
- Come on over here.
- Mmm-hmm.
1203
01:26:34,347 --> 01:26:36,380
You see, there used to be
a pew over this.
1204
01:26:36,382 --> 01:26:38,750
And they would move it, and
then they would lift this up.
1205
01:26:38,752 --> 01:26:40,353
Can you do it? Help me.
1206
01:26:41,387 --> 01:26:43,520
Yes! Oh!
1207
01:26:43,522 --> 01:26:44,991
Come around everybody.
1208
01:26:45,825 --> 01:26:48,126
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.
1209
01:26:48,128 --> 01:26:49,897
Be really careful. All right.
1210
01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:51,999
Can you imagine that?
1211
01:26:52,499 --> 01:26:55,935
In the dark. The air hot,
1212
01:26:56,834 --> 01:26:57,869
shaking with fear.
1213
01:26:59,104 --> 01:27:00,338
The sound of the slave
hunter's horses outside.
1214
01:27:01,205 --> 01:27:03,372
On their knees,
holding each other's hands,
1215
01:27:03,374 --> 01:27:05,144
praying for God to save them?
1216
01:27:11,182 --> 01:27:12,482
Do you want me
to pack up
1217
01:27:12,484 --> 01:27:13,983
anything here in the kitchen?
1218
01:27:13,985 --> 01:27:16,354
No. I can get it later.
Thanks.
1219
01:27:20,324 --> 01:27:22,461
I'd love to meet
your sister sometime.
1220
01:27:24,396 --> 01:27:26,395
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited. I'd love to.
1221
01:27:26,397 --> 01:27:28,497
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah.
1222
01:27:28,499 --> 01:27:30,470
I'd love to meet Michael Jr.
1223
01:27:31,368 --> 01:27:33,270
You've been such a help to me.
1224
01:27:34,137 --> 01:27:35,870
My great-grandfather
1225
01:27:35,872 --> 01:27:37,873
was a pastor
in Muskegon, Michigan.
1226
01:27:37,875 --> 01:27:39,474
The Saint of God.
1227
01:27:39,476 --> 01:27:42,143
And, uh, the bank in town
was a two-story building,
1228
01:27:42,145 --> 01:27:43,514
the first building
to have an elevator.
1229
01:27:44,247 --> 01:27:45,516
And one Monday,
1230
01:27:46,551 --> 01:27:49,184
Granddad, uh,
got the boys all together
1231
01:27:49,186 --> 01:27:51,519
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,
1232
01:27:51,521 --> 01:27:53,421
as they did every Monday.
1233
01:27:53,423 --> 01:27:55,357
And they needed to go talk
to the managers.
1234
01:27:55,359 --> 01:27:56,892
They got on the elevator.
1235
01:27:56,894 --> 01:27:58,296
And he had a heart attack.
1236
01:27:59,596 --> 01:28:02,164
And he... He took off his hat.
1237
01:28:02,166 --> 01:28:03,432
Apparently he always
wore a hat.
1238
01:28:03,434 --> 01:28:05,334
And he took off his hat
and he said,
1239
01:28:05,336 --> 01:28:08,106
"Boys, take off my shoes.
1240
01:28:08,371 --> 01:28:10,341
"I'm standing on Holy Ground. "
1241
01:28:11,374 --> 01:28:12,341
And then he died.
1242
01:28:14,109 --> 01:28:16,412
Somewhere between
the first and second floor.
1243
01:28:18,948 --> 01:28:22,385
Um, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.
1244
01:28:24,888 --> 01:28:26,320
'Cause I believe
he was standing
1245
01:28:26,322 --> 01:28:28,191
on Holy Ground when he died.
1246
01:28:40,069 --> 01:28:41,237
Thank you.
1247
01:28:42,505 --> 01:28:44,341
So I'll see you in Buffalo?
1248
01:28:44,907 --> 01:28:47,509
I think I'm gonna go
to the, uh, Reconsecration.
1249
01:28:48,576 --> 01:28:50,979
Oh. No, you...
You don't need to do that.
1250
01:28:51,347 --> 01:28:53,550
- But, I... I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.
1251
01:28:53,949 --> 01:28:55,382
Yeah, but you've
been there for me,
1252
01:28:55,384 --> 01:28:56,883
and I want to be there
for you.
1253
01:28:56,885 --> 01:28:58,517
It's very nice of you
to offer,
1254
01:28:58,519 --> 01:29:00,453
um, but it's just
a bunch of rich guys
1255
01:29:00,455 --> 01:29:02,256
patting each other
on the back.
1256
01:29:02,258 --> 01:29:03,891
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.
1257
01:29:03,893 --> 01:29:06,129
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.
1258
01:29:06,995 --> 01:29:10,098
Okay? I don't want you
to come. You understand?
1259
01:29:12,500 --> 01:29:13,570
Okay.
1260
01:29:16,037 --> 01:29:18,141
Right. Have a nice evening.
1261
01:29:46,633 --> 01:29:49,637
"Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.
1262
01:29:51,039 --> 01:29:54,109
"Put on the full armor of God,
1263
01:29:54,409 --> 01:29:56,408
"so that you can
take your stand
1264
01:29:56,410 --> 01:29:58,312
"against the devil's schemes.
1265
01:29:59,112 --> 01:30:02,115
"For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood,
1266
01:30:04,117 --> 01:30:05,586
"but against the rulers,
1267
01:30:06,285 --> 01:30:08,189
"against the authorities,
1268
01:30:08,989 --> 01:30:12,226
"against the powers
of this dark world. "
1269
01:30:51,063 --> 01:30:52,663
Balq Home Products,
1270
01:30:52,665 --> 01:30:56,236
makers of paper goods,
fertilizers,
1271
01:30:57,236 --> 01:31:00,169
everyday items
for the household,
1272
01:31:00,171 --> 01:31:02,606
was among the first companies
1273
01:31:02,608 --> 01:31:07,447
to realize the need to address
environmental concerns.
1274
01:31:07,779 --> 01:31:10,416
Sir? Are you joining us?
1275
01:31:11,384 --> 01:31:16,351
This unit makes
recyclable plastic markers.
1276
01:31:16,353 --> 01:31:20,655
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements
1277
01:31:20,657 --> 01:31:24,495
with 18 countries
around the world.
1278
01:31:31,536 --> 01:31:34,640
Today, I stopped.
I had Miso and fish.
1279
01:31:39,044 --> 01:31:40,979
Such simple pleasures.
1280
01:31:43,747 --> 01:31:45,616
Why do we deny ourselves?
1281
01:32:40,203 --> 01:32:44,240
Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.
1282
01:32:44,606 --> 01:32:47,243
Everything preserved
renews creation.
1283
01:32:48,343 --> 01:32:50,480
It's how we participate
in creation.
1284
01:33:40,294 --> 01:33:42,564
I have found another form
of prayer.
1285
01:34:02,649 --> 01:34:05,819
Reverend Toller. Come on in.
Close the door.
1286
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:09,289
Why don't you take a seat?
1287
01:34:12,593 --> 01:34:14,229
We're concerned about you.
1288
01:34:15,261 --> 01:34:16,330
Who is?
1289
01:34:16,595 --> 01:34:17,865
How's your health?
1290
01:34:19,898 --> 01:34:21,767
I'm having some tests.
1291
01:34:22,468 --> 01:34:24,601
Hmm? Have you got any results?
1292
01:34:24,603 --> 01:34:25,638
No. No.
1293
01:34:26,638 --> 01:34:28,538
What about your diet?
1294
01:34:28,540 --> 01:34:30,677
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.
1295
01:34:31,977 --> 01:34:35,882
I've had some...
Some stomach issues.
1296
01:34:37,849 --> 01:34:39,887
And I understand
you've been drinking.
1297
01:34:41,553 --> 01:34:46,657
Hm. What? It's just
a little wine with dinner.
1298
01:34:46,659 --> 01:34:48,327
- Wine?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1299
01:34:49,629 --> 01:34:53,263
Well, that's not recommended
1300
01:34:53,265 --> 01:34:55,364
for someone who has
stomach problems.
1301
01:34:55,366 --> 01:34:56,832
I understand, all right?
1302
01:34:56,834 --> 01:34:58,570
I'll... I'll start taking
better care of myself.
1303
01:34:59,503 --> 01:35:01,938
You're always in the Garden.
1304
01:35:01,940 --> 01:35:05,507
Even Jesus wasn't always
in the Garden,
1305
01:35:05,509 --> 01:35:07,480
on his knees, sweating blood.
1306
01:35:07,846 --> 01:35:09,515
He was on the Mount.
1307
01:35:09,748 --> 01:35:13,218
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.
1308
01:35:13,517 --> 01:35:16,488
But you,
you're always in the Garden.
1309
01:35:16,722 --> 01:35:19,892
For you every hour
is the Darkest Hour.
1310
01:35:20,491 --> 01:35:23,195
I wasn't aware
that I had offended.
1311
01:35:23,962 --> 01:35:25,828
Jesus doesn't want
our suffering.
1312
01:35:25,830 --> 01:35:27,732
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.
1313
01:35:27,999 --> 01:35:31,532
He wants our commitment
and our obedience.
1314
01:35:31,534 --> 01:35:33,469
And what of His creation?
1315
01:35:33,471 --> 01:35:35,470
The Heavens declare
the glory of God.
1316
01:35:35,472 --> 01:35:37,406
God is present everywhere,
1317
01:35:37,408 --> 01:35:41,043
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.
1318
01:35:41,045 --> 01:35:42,577
The whole world
is a manifestation
1319
01:35:42,579 --> 01:35:44,979
of His Holy presence.
1320
01:35:44,981 --> 01:35:46,648
I think this is an issue
1321
01:35:46,650 --> 01:35:48,651
where... Where the church
can lead.
1322
01:35:48,653 --> 01:35:50,619
But... But they say nothing.
1323
01:35:50,621 --> 01:35:51,957
The...
1324
01:35:52,957 --> 01:35:55,727
The U.S. Congress still denies
climate change?
1325
01:35:56,993 --> 01:35:59,563
Where were we when
these people were elected?
1326
01:36:00,297 --> 01:36:01,664
The, the, the...
1327
01:36:01,666 --> 01:36:03,765
We know who spoke
for big business. Right?
1328
01:36:03,767 --> 01:36:05,604
But who spoke for God?
1329
01:36:07,970 --> 01:36:11,405
"The creation waits
in eager expectation
1330
01:36:11,407 --> 01:36:13,676
"of liberation from bondage. "
1331
01:36:15,577 --> 01:36:18,381
That's Romans 8:23.
You understand?
1332
01:36:19,616 --> 01:36:22,583
So, we should pollute
so God can restore?
1333
01:36:22,585 --> 01:36:25,386
We should sin
so God can forgive?
1334
01:36:25,388 --> 01:36:27,688
I don't think
that's what the Apostle meant.
1335
01:36:27,690 --> 01:36:29,356
I think we're supposed to look
1336
01:36:29,358 --> 01:36:31,959
with the eyes of Jesus
into every living...
1337
01:36:31,961 --> 01:36:34,027
You don't live
in the real world.
1338
01:36:34,029 --> 01:36:36,897
You don't.
You, you are a minister
1339
01:36:36,899 --> 01:36:38,766
at a tourist church
that no one attends.
1340
01:36:38,768 --> 01:36:42,070
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?
1341
01:36:42,072 --> 01:36:43,273
I'm trying to...
1342
01:36:44,206 --> 01:36:46,472
To, to maintain a mission
of this size?
1343
01:36:46,474 --> 01:36:49,042
The staffing, the outreach,
1344
01:36:49,044 --> 01:36:51,481
the amount of people
that we touch each day.
1345
01:36:51,746 --> 01:36:54,683
Who's that priest
that you like so much?
1346
01:36:55,683 --> 01:36:57,650
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton. He didn't live
1347
01:36:57,652 --> 01:36:59,386
- in the real world either!
- Yes, he did! He would...
1348
01:36:59,388 --> 01:37:01,387
No. He was a monk who lived
1349
01:37:01,389 --> 01:37:03,724
in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!
1350
01:37:03,726 --> 01:37:05,958
Well, somebody has
to do something!
1351
01:37:05,960 --> 01:37:08,028
It's the Earth that hangs
in the balance.
1352
01:37:08,030 --> 01:37:11,464
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?
1353
01:37:11,466 --> 01:37:13,833
You think God wants
to destroy his creation?
1354
01:37:13,835 --> 01:37:15,637
He did once.
1355
01:37:16,004 --> 01:37:18,508
For 40 days and 40 nights.
1356
01:37:25,980 --> 01:37:29,948
Look, Abundant Life,
we're with you.
1357
01:37:29,950 --> 01:37:32,150
Okay? We care.
1358
01:37:32,152 --> 01:37:35,824
We do. And I know,
this is a hard time for you.
1359
01:37:36,557 --> 01:37:38,694
But we're gonna help you
with that.
1360
01:37:39,560 --> 01:37:42,127
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,
1361
01:37:42,129 --> 01:37:44,333
you, you need to go to rehab.
1362
01:37:44,731 --> 01:37:47,702
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.
1363
01:37:48,569 --> 01:37:51,002
All right?
Maybe go to Nicaragua
1364
01:37:51,004 --> 01:37:53,639
and preach the gospel
or build houses.
1365
01:37:53,641 --> 01:37:56,378
But do something
in the real world.
1366
01:37:56,576 --> 01:37:58,509
And if you can't
do the ceremony,
1367
01:37:58,511 --> 01:37:59,877
I'll understand that.
1368
01:37:59,879 --> 01:38:01,645
You're expected to be there,
but look.
1369
01:38:01,647 --> 01:38:03,415
We can just say that
you were sick, which is true.
1370
01:38:03,417 --> 01:38:04,552
No. No. It's not...
1371
01:38:05,785 --> 01:38:07,585
It's not about the ceremony.
All right? I can... I will...
1372
01:38:07,587 --> 01:38:09,453
I... I want to be there.
I have to be there.
1373
01:38:09,455 --> 01:38:11,790
It's my church.
It's 250 years.
1374
01:38:11,792 --> 01:38:14,729
I want to be there. I want
to introduce you. Please?
1375
01:38:16,930 --> 01:38:19,664
Well, Ed Balq has decided
1376
01:38:19,666 --> 01:38:21,465
that he would like
to make comments,
1377
01:38:21,467 --> 01:38:23,201
so the Governor
will introduce him.
1378
01:38:23,203 --> 01:38:24,669
Will that be a problem?
1379
01:38:24,671 --> 01:38:27,441
Not at all. Not at all.
1380
01:38:28,041 --> 01:38:30,010
Well good. Good.
1381
01:38:31,578 --> 01:38:34,143
Listen. We'll get through
this reconsecration.
1382
01:38:34,145 --> 01:38:35,849
It'll be special.
1383
01:38:36,215 --> 01:38:38,885
And then we'll deal
with these other issues.
1384
01:38:44,657 --> 01:38:45,792
Thank you.
1385
01:39:42,145 --> 01:39:43,148
Thanks.
1386
01:42:42,321 --> 01:42:44,120
Where is, um...
Where is Reverend Toller?
1387
01:42:44,122 --> 01:42:45,858
I'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.
1388
01:44:12,408 --> 01:44:14,378
- Have you seen him?
- No.
1389
01:44:27,256 --> 01:44:28,826
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
1390
01:44:41,870 --> 01:44:43,238
Toller!
1391
01:44:45,273 --> 01:44:48,074
Toller! You in there?
1392
01:45:13,835 --> 01:45:15,170
Begin the service.
1393
01:45:44,965 --> 01:45:47,365
What a fellowship
1394
01:45:47,367 --> 01:45:51,572
What a joy divine
1395
01:45:52,005 --> 01:45:54,938
Leaning on
1396
01:45:54,940 --> 01:45:59,579
The everlasting arms
1397
01:46:00,012 --> 01:46:03,950
What a blessedness
1398
01:46:04,183 --> 01:46:08,419
What a peace is mine
1399
01:46:08,421 --> 01:46:11,421
Leaning on
1400
01:46:11,423 --> 01:46:16,296
The everlasting arms
1401
01:46:16,495 --> 01:46:20,230
Leaning
1402
01:46:20,332 --> 01:46:23,470
Leaning
1403
01:46:24,037 --> 01:46:27,205
Safe and secure
1404
01:46:27,207 --> 01:46:31,610
From all alarms
1405
01:46:32,144 --> 01:46:35,381
Leaning
1406
01:46:35,980 --> 01:46:39,549
Leaning
1407
01:46:39,551 --> 01:46:42,486
Leaning on
1408
01:46:42,488 --> 01:46:47,226
The everlasting arms
1409
01:46:47,592 --> 01:46:51,563
Oh, how sweet to walk
1410
01:46:52,064 --> 01:46:56,066
In this pilgrim way
1411
01:46:56,068 --> 01:46:59,268
Leaning on
1412
01:46:59,270 --> 01:47:03,976
The everlasting arms
1413
01:47:04,243 --> 01:47:08,312
Oh, how bright the path
1414
01:47:08,314 --> 01:47:12,481
Grows from day to day
1415
01:47:12,483 --> 01:47:15,484
Leaning on
1416
01:47:15,486 --> 01:47:20,125
The everlasting arms
1417
01:47:20,457 --> 01:47:24,095
Leaning
1418
01:47:24,295 --> 01:47:27,666
Leaning
1419
01:47:28,166 --> 01:47:31,066
Safe and secure
1420
01:47:31,068 --> 01:47:35,940
From all alarms
1421
01:47:36,174 --> 01:47:40,075
Leaning
1422
01:47:40,177 --> 01:47:43,678
Leaning
1423
01:47:43,680 --> 01:47:46,614
Leaning on
1424
01:47:46,616 --> 01:47:51,322
The everlasting arms
1425
01:47:51,722 --> 01:47:55,757
What have I to dread
1426
01:47:55,759 --> 01:47:59,530
What have I to fear
1427
01:48:00,097 --> 01:48:02,700
Leaning on
1428
01:48:03,500 --> 01:48:06,883
- Ernst?
- The everlasting arms
1429
01:48:07,146 --> 01:48:11,015
I have blessed peace
1430
01:48:11,017 --> 01:48:14,854
With my Lord so near
1431
01:48:15,053 --> 01:48:18,055
Leaning on
1432
01:48:18,057 --> 01:48:22,295
The everlasting arms
1433
01:48:23,029 --> 01:48:26,729
Leaning
1434
01:48:26,831 --> 01:48:29,902
Leaning
1435
01:48:30,236 --> 01:48:33,403
Safe and secure
1436
01:48:33,405 --> 01:48:38,175
From all alarms
1437
01:48:38,177 --> 01:48:41,944
Leaning
1438
01:48:42,046 --> 01:48:45,217
Leaning
1439
01:48:45,450 --> 01:48:48,452
Leaning on
1440
01:48:48,454 --> 01:48:53,125
The everlasting arms
1441
01:48:53,325 --> 01:48:56,830
Leaning
1442
01:48:57,163 --> 01:49:00,700
Leaning
1443
01:49:00,965 --> 01:49:03,900
Leaning on
1444
01:49:03,902 --> 01:49:08,307
The everlasting arms
1445
01:49:08,773 --> 01:49:12,178
Leaning
1446
01:49:15,178 --> 01:49:19,178
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
105913