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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:09,920 [girl] Don't you pay attention to the news? 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,160 They want to destroy our way of life, Mum. 3 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,640 I'm only protecting us. 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,960 [woman] With respect, your opinion's garbage. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,520 That's the problem with free speech. 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,880 Great idea till you realize it applies to everybody. 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,880 Mum, it's true. People are coming into the country and taking all the jobs. 8 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,880 Oh, my God, I've raised a Tory. 9 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,160 Olive, the people coming into the country are you. 10 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,000 No, I was born here. 11 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,240 To an immigrant! 12 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,440 Immigrant! That's what Daddy said they're called. 13 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,800 Oh, did he? Well, I should stop taking all your jobs then. 14 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,400 Like scrubbing the toilet, cleaning the kitchen, tidying up-- 15 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:43,880 [laughs] Hey, no! 16 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,120 Take back control, Olive! 17 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,680 Make Britain great again by cleaning your own room. 18 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,240 I'm only doing the jobs you won't do. 19 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,480 So Leonardo DiCaprio drowned in Titanic 20 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,440 and then he never dated a woman over 25 ever, ever again. 21 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,160 Oh. There's Millie. 22 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,360 Beast! Let me tell the teacher she's been bullying you. 23 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:07,280 Oh, and make things worse? No way. She's very powerful. 24 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,040 Yesterday, she got all the other girls to say my coat was ugly. 25 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,760 That coat was Stella McCartney. Tasteless little ditch pig! 26 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,880 [laughs] You can't say that about a child! 27 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,840 Can too, if I'm defending my child 28 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,200 and the child of Sir Paul and Linda McCartney. 29 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,720 From the vegan sausages? That's her mum? 30 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,920 Mums are very impressive. Apart from Millie's mum. 31 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,800 The only cow I'd happily slaughter. 32 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,640 I can manage things at school myself. Don't worry about me. 33 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,040 -You're really brave. Are you sure? -Yes. 34 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,120 -I don't want to be late. Love you! -Love ya. Happy birthday! 35 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,600 Excuse me, Jane? 36 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,360 [Jane squeals] 37 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,840 -Your coat is ugly. -What are you talking about? 38 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,600 I have had it with your evil daughter and her demon mouth. 39 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,240 -Mum, I forgot my water bottle. -Oh, hey, sweetheart. Sorry. Here you go. 40 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,200 Have a good day. 41 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,600 [both] Bye! 42 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,800 Love ya! [laughs] 43 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,560 You need to sort your family out. 44 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,520 Katherine, I know the girls have had their differences, but... 45 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,880 Well, Millie is dyslexic, so things can get lost in translation. 46 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,320 Millie is dicks-lexic. 47 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,920 Mmm, dyslexic. Maybe a coffee morning? 48 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,680 -We can hash out a strategy. Just us mums! -No, no. 49 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,280 No more coffee mornings. None of you need more caffeine. 50 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,360 It would be easier to solve these problems 51 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,320 if you were just generally a little bit more involved with the PTA. 52 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,160 Maybe you could-- 53 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,960 -[mocking] Maybe I could fuck your man. -[mums gasp] 54 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,200 I beg your pardon? 55 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,600 Yeah. I will come for your man every day of the week 56 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,840 until you are able to have some meaningful conversations 57 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,040 about empathy in your home. 58 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,560 It is not that hard to be a decent fucking mum! 59 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:46,800 [dramatic music plays] 60 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,440 ♪ When I woke up I was thinking bout them diamonds ♪ 61 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,800 ♪ Gotta gotta gotta Gotta go mine them diamonds ♪ 62 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,600 ♪ Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds ♪ 63 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,200 ♪ Diamonds, diamonds Diamonds, diamonds ♪ 64 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,640 ♪ Really, really want it I really, really need it ♪ 65 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,960 ♪ Diamonds, diamonds Diamonds, diamonds ♪ 66 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,640 ♪ I really, really want it I really, really need it ♪ 67 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,240 ♪ Diamonds, diamonds Diamonds, diamonds ♪ 68 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,840 [music continues on radio] 69 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:35,800 [doorbell rings] 70 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,520 Oh, I ordered paint. 71 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,680 [dog barks and whimpers] 72 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,520 Oh! You're not paint. 73 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,960 I could be paint. 74 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,640 Or I could be an incredibly handsome young dentist, 75 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,360 who's finished work early to take you girls out to dinner for Olive's birthday. 76 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,080 Oh, thank you. Honey, she loves peonies. 77 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,160 No, those are for you. 78 00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,720 It's always just us on her birthday. 79 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,680 Oh, sounds very exclusive. 80 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:02,600 Yeah! 81 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,520 -Did you need to use the bathroom or... -No, no, I'm good. 82 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,160 Um... 83 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:15,760 You do know I'm more than a Saturday guy, right? I want to be a part of this family. 84 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,720 You are a part of this family. 85 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,760 An important peripheral part. 86 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,960 [laughs] Well, I really want to be let in. 87 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,240 Paint! 88 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,560 Okay, so how about this weekend we do anal? 89 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,360 What? No, I meant "let in." 'Cause we were talking about... 90 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,960 That's not what... [laughs awkwardly] 'Cause that's... I mean... 91 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,120 I mean, I'll do it. Like, that's what I do, 92 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,480 but that's, um... [clears throat] That's... That's not what I meant. 93 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:40,600 Okay. 94 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:45,080 Say hi to Bev for me, will you? And, uh, tell Olive I said happy birthday. 95 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,720 I will. I love you. 96 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,720 -See you later, weirdo. -[she laughs] 97 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:51,960 Oh, and just, um... 98 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,400 text before you stop by next time. 99 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,080 Jesus. 100 00:04:58,560 --> 00:04:59,400 [Bev] Who was that? 101 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,080 Evan, showing up here in the middle of the day, unannounced. 102 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,560 Oh, my God, he's getting bold. 103 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,160 What, you've only been dating for what, five, six hundred days now? 104 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,240 Yeah. And now he's trying to take me to dinner. 105 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,960 Like, "Slow down, you thirsty little freak". 106 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,440 Yeah, babes. He is being thirsty, isn't he? 107 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,000 Turning up on your daughter's birthday, bringing flowers? Bin him! 108 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,680 I will bin him if he tries to change our arrangement. 109 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,000 I had it perfect. Bang him once a week, 110 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,680 live my life the rest of the time, and free dental. 111 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,000 Why can't I find a man who just wants to have casual sex? 112 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,320 Because you're over 30. That's why. 113 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,040 That's the landscape we're working in. Evan's lovely. 114 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,560 What he doesn't realize is he'll like me a whole lot less if he sees me more. 115 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,160 You gotta keep it to once a week, and that's the magic of our relationship. 116 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,280 -[Olive giggles] Mum! -[Katherine] Okay, here we go! 117 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,480 [Olive laughs] 118 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,480 Here you go. 119 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:57,840 Okay. 120 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,680 You give me your helmet. 121 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:01,520 Aw. 122 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,720 Looks like nobody's home. 123 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,160 Oh, honey, it looks like I got the time wrong. 124 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,760 That's my fault, I'm sorry. 125 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,040 [quietly] Dumb motherf-- 126 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,560 -[man yells] -[Katherine screams] 127 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,280 -[he laughs] -[Olive] Daddy! 128 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,160 -Hey, sweetheart! -[Katherine groans] 129 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,920 It's dangerous to sneak up like that, 130 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,960 'cause you know Daddy's got his boat heavily armed. 131 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,680 And speaks in the third person, and is a twat. 132 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,000 -[Olive] Mummy got the time wrong. -Well, Mummy drinks. Time of what? 133 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,840 -Have you forgotten? -No, Olive, Daddy's only kidding. 134 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,440 He knows it's your birthday. 135 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,200 -Gotcha! -See? 136 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,400 Course I knew it was your birthday. 137 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,680 Hey, you are getting so big that I think it's time... 138 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,560 [quietly] Every fucking year. Does she remind me? 139 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,080 -No, she doesn't. -[frantic rummaging] 140 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,480 -[loudly] ...for your very own... -[crashing and banging] 141 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,560 -...birthday dynamite! 142 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,120 -No! -Awesome! 143 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,400 [he laughs and hums] 144 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,480 I can honestly say I was only half expecting explosives. 145 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,480 Daddy, can we use it now to blow up some trout? 146 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,840 Aw. We'll go fishing this weekend, baby. 147 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,680 I think a family of mice died under the toilet. We can use them as bait. 148 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,640 [sarcastically] Great. So let's just sing the song and then we can go. 149 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,040 ♪ Happy birthday to-- ♪ 150 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,840 Um, no. Please, Mum and Dad, I'm not making a fuss this year. 151 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,920 But, Olive, it's tradition. It's your birthday. 152 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,240 You'll always be our baby. 153 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,440 -Would a baby have her own dynamite? -Uh, yeah! 154 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,960 Coolest dad ever. You're welcome! 155 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,600 All right. Well, we're really in a hurry, so let's go. 156 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,040 Aw, happy birthday, my sweet little angel girl. 157 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,560 I'll see you tomorrow, okay? 158 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,480 -[kisses loudly] I love you. -Love you, Dad. Bye! 159 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,800 -[woman speaks quietly] -[Doctor] Thank you. 160 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,440 Right. How old are you now? 161 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,480 -Thirty-three. -I'm nine. 162 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,520 And I'm not getting any younger, so could you please make her have my baby? 163 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,680 We do usually advise that children aren't present at these appointments. 164 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,000 It was my idea to come. 165 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,040 How dare you speak about my daughter like she isn't here? 166 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,200 This is her birthday present. 167 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:27,520 My apologies, Olive. 168 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,520 Thanks. 169 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,080 Coming to get the blood of a man is my main present. 170 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,440 -Blood? -Yeah. 171 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:35,680 I see. 172 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,440 What's your reason for wanting a child this way? 173 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,840 Well, my entire family are dead. 174 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,360 To me. So when Olive was born, I was all alone, 175 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,600 but now we have each other for support 176 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,720 and we both agree that we're ready for this next step. 177 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,240 And my dad is a pop star, so we'll take famous blood if you've got it. 178 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,720 Her dad was in a boy band. 179 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:57,920 Last one to get up off the stool. 180 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,520 Okay. [exhales] So... 181 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,840 your test results show that if you're serious about growing your family, 182 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,080 Olive is wise to be in a hurry. 183 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,120 Thank you. 184 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:12,800 Egg production slows down dramatically for women approaching their mid-30s. 185 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,120 Your best chance of conceiving is to do it now. 186 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,400 Doctor, I'm only 33 187 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,280 and "it" looks about 16, so trust me, I have plenty of time. 188 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,400 Trust me, you don't. 189 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,560 We have donors in their late teens and early 20s. 190 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,400 -Ew. -They're match fit... 191 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,560 for a geriatric pregnancy. 192 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,400 What did you just call me? 193 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,960 [scoffing] Olive, we're leaving. 194 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,720 [Olive] Great. Where are we going to get the blood from now? 195 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,520 [Doctor] She's a remarkable child. 196 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,240 I know! I did that! 197 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,600 I took her father's garbage cum and I turned it into a princess. 198 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,760 You should be begging me for my business. Begging me! 199 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,680 [Katherine] Oh, God! 200 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,120 How do any of you even have balls yet? 201 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:11,720 She's pretty. 202 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,240 I think I should have taken one of the boobs down slightly. 203 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,560 Nah, I think you're bang on with those. Maybe it's the angle of her dick. 204 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,000 -Oh, no, I enjoy that. -Listen, I can't stay late. 205 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,760 I've got a date night with Tom. I'm helping him put the kids to bed. 206 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,520 Reading stories is a two-man job? 207 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,880 Well, with my four, it is. 208 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,720 May I be excused until dinner, Mum? 209 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,520 You don't have to ask, gal, but yes, you may. 210 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,080 I know. But I saw it on TV and I prefer the formality. 211 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,800 You are so lucky to have her. 212 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,560 I found a full bucket of piss in Eddie's room the other day. 213 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,080 He'd been pissing up there for weeks, 214 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:43,960 -keeping it in a cupboard. -[scoffs] Men! 215 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,800 Ugh. Does it say in your jizz bible if any of the donors are gay? 216 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,760 -I'd love a nice gay son. -It should. 217 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,160 But it doesn't matter, I can't go back there. They're too young. Look. 218 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,920 It's like a high school yearbook. 219 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,160 Well, Cameron sounds good. 220 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,560 "Always got a friendly smile." 221 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,400 [laughs] He's happy because he's a 19-year-old 222 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,760 who just quit his paper route to jerk off for cash. 223 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,360 You sure you can't just do this with Evan? 224 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,920 Yes. I've reached my maximum estranged baby's fathers. 225 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,600 Look. Shep's challenging, all right, 226 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,280 but, come on, Evan's hot. Evan's got a job. 227 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,040 Exactly. He could pay for better lawyers and destroy me when we split. 228 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,880 Why does your mind automatically go to the worst-case scenario? 229 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,400 What if you and Evan just worked out? 230 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,880 Now you sound insane. 231 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,320 There will be a problem with Evan. When I find out what it is, 232 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,920 I won't be tethered to him with a baby. 233 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,360 Don't have two then. You nailed it the first time. 234 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,120 What if I could nail it again? 235 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,520 You know what? If it'll stop you getting another mouse dog... 236 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,520 Look at 'em! They just shiver and piss from their eyes. 237 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:43,960 [dog whimpers] 238 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,760 [phone vibrates] 239 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,240 Oh, hey! Sorry about today. 240 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,880 Hey, it's okay. I just wanted to show you something. 241 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,360 It's a Thai restaurant called Thai Tanic. [laughs] 242 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,600 Oh, that's the best one so far. 243 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,520 Uh, pretty sure it blows everything you've ever had out of the water. 244 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,800 It beats The Codfather and it beats Abrakebabra, baby. 245 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,040 Mmm, you're kicking my ass. 246 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,280 Oh, you will never beat Thai Tanic. 247 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,760 Oh, I will. One day, I will. 248 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,880 -I'm going to bed. Love you. -[Evan] I love-- [phone beeps] 249 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,600 [gentle piano music plays] 250 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,720 Millie's mummy told her you're terribly immature. 251 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,520 Ha! Millie's mummy is a mess. 252 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,200 And she also said that's why Daddy left you. 253 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,320 Is that true? 254 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,360 I love your Daddy very much. 255 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,000 Because he's such a clever man? 256 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,040 He is a genius. 257 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,520 Do you fancy my daddy? 258 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,920 Yep! How could I not? He's so gorgeous. 259 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:15,000 But then, how come my daddy's not your boyfriend? 260 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,360 That is because, um, 261 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,080 your dad's, like, too good for me. 262 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,520 Yeah. That's how amazing your daddy is. 263 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,720 -[sings] You've got a crush on my daddy! -Oh, big time! [chuckles] 264 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,040 -What's that? -Look! 265 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,000 I made it for Millie so that she'll be my friend. 266 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,520 Aw, honey, you don't have to be everyone's friend. 267 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,360 -[Shep yells] -Daddy! 268 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,400 -[he laughs] -[Katherine] Stop doing that! 269 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,640 What are you doing here? You're supposed to do pick-up. 270 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,640 I thought you might like some meat for the dogs. 271 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,880 The dogs are vegan. 272 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,640 You can't have vegan dogs. 273 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,160 Birthday weekend! Yay! 274 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,520 I'll grab you after school and we'll have so much fun. 275 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,640 -We're gonna have a barbecue! Yeah! -[Olive] Yay, meat! 276 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,920 -Bye, Mummy, love you. -[Katherine] Love you. 277 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:02,960 Oh, and Daddy? 278 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,960 My mummy's got a crush on you. 279 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,680 [sighs] She misunderstood. I said I'm going to crush you. 280 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,080 Like I'd be afraid of a left-wing cunt who won't eat cheese. 281 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:17,160 Who said that? Shep? Oh, there you are. You blend in so well to your surroundings. 282 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,760 -You just get back from Afghanistan? -You look like an art dealer's widow. 283 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,480 Lucky her. My psychic promised me you'd be dead two years ago. 284 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,320 Unlikely. I'm one of the strongest men on the planet right now. 285 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,240 -Strongest smelling. -That smell is pure testosterone. 286 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:30,640 [groans] I gotta get back. 287 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,960 Bev and I are working on a big new commission from Adele. 288 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,160 She saw us in The Guardian. 289 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,480 [scoffs] The Guardian? 290 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,240 Adele? 291 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,960 Jealous someone's still making records? You... 292 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,080 Hold on. There's Millie. 293 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,680 -Kid that's been giving Olive a hard time? -[Katherine] Yeah. 294 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,800 Ah. I know her dad, Brian. 295 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,920 He's in my Pilates class. 296 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,840 Runs that plumbing business on the broadway. 297 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,840 [Katherine] Interesting. 298 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:56,600 [Millie scoffs] 299 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,440 -[gasps] Motherfucker! -[Shep] No! Leave it! 300 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,040 Leave it! You'll embarrass her. 301 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,520 I've given Olive a fundamental understanding of tae kwon do. 302 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,960 -She's choosing not to use it. -Let me fucking go! 303 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,080 Calm, calm. Woosah, woosah, huh? 304 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,560 Hey, see? 305 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,880 You do not get a say in how I parent my daughter. 306 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,520 She's not your daughter, shithead. She's our daughter. 307 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,080 Yeah. Thanks to me. 308 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:28,920 Stupid prick. 309 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,000 [Evan] So she goes to pay her bill and the daughter says to me... 310 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,400 "Are you very poor? My house is much bigger than this ugly little office." 311 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,720 -[Katherine] No! -Six years old! 312 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,720 The entitlement is extraordinary. 313 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,640 You're never too young to be an asshole, though. 314 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,360 I hate to say it, but I regretted giving her such a good filling. 315 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,920 -[they laugh] -[man] Another bottle? 316 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,440 Oh, yes, please, man. It was the Argentinian Malbec. 317 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,400 -You having a good night? -[Katherine] Yeah. 318 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,840 -A much-needed break from the little one? -[laughs] Yeah. 319 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,200 Why would you agree with him? 320 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,680 I don't need a break from Olive. I like her. 321 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,360 Hey, I was just saying it's nice to be having this time, 322 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,720 -just the two of us occasionally. -Every weekend is not occasionally. 323 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,520 It's too long to be away from your own kid. 324 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,040 She's with her dad. I... I thought this was cool? 325 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,120 I wish she never went over there. 326 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,560 Then why do you let him see her? 327 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,240 Because he's her dad, and love don't cost a thing. 328 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,760 J. Lo. You're right, it's always J. Lo. Look... 329 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:32,400 I'm sorry, can... 330 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:33,920 Can we start again? 331 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,840 I just feel like I should be using this time to sleep. 332 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,840 Katherine, I didn't mean to offend you. 333 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,400 Sorry. 334 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,680 I've had a lot on my mind. Um... 335 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,680 [sighs] I've been meaning to tell you... 336 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:47,720 Yeah? 337 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,240 [sighs] 338 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,280 I'm ready to have another baby. 339 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,400 Uh... 340 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:57,680 Okay. 341 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,960 This is a big step. This is bigger than what I thought you wanted, but... 342 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,120 You know what? [bangs table] Fuck it. Yes. 343 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,760 Yes, yes, yes. I'm in. I'm in, 100%. 344 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,480 -When do you want to start trying? -Soon. 345 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,440 Truth is, Katherine, uh, we're on exactly the same page. 346 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:17,440 How about this? How about we start with me moving in? 347 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,400 I've actually already got some boxes packed. I've got a little papoose. 348 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,240 I would never carry a hot drink over the baby. 349 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,840 That's out of the question. I'm very responsible in that sense. 350 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,520 Am I talking too much? Should I back up? I'll do whatever it takes, 351 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,960 -is what I'm trying to... -Um... 352 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,600 -[Evan] ...say. -Okay... 353 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,320 -no. [Evan] No, okay. 354 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,880 I need to do this with a sperm donor. It's the safest way for me. 355 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,080 -Sperm don-- -[waiter] Here we are! 356 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,160 Can you give us a minute? 357 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,880 [laughs] God, I thought you were being serious for a minute there. 358 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,560 -I'm not joking. -[laughs] Yeah, right! 359 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,600 Yeah, you have a donor baby so that it's all yours 360 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,680 and you keep me at a safe distance so nothing changes for you. 361 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,440 Oh, fuck me, you mean it. 362 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,400 Well, I feel really badly about it, though. 363 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,400 Don't you love me? 364 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,200 I do love you. That's the problem. I hate Shep. 365 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:13,560 You were a 23-year-old girl who got pregnant by a lunatic in a boy band. You-- 366 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,320 -You didn't love him. -But I thought I did. 367 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,520 [Evan] Well, I'm not Shep. 368 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,800 I'm not gonna end up in rehab and lose my record deal, 369 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,560 because I don't have a record deal. 370 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,880 I have a medical degree. 371 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,080 I know you're not Shep, but you could hurt me way worse. 372 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,920 I just want us to keep dating. 373 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,000 I... I'm not breaking up with you. 374 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,840 Oh, you're not? That's... Ah, well, thank you very much. 375 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,320 Well, I don't wanna lose you! 376 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,840 Equally, I don't wanna be trapped with you. Do you understand? 377 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,800 [exasperated] Fuck me. 378 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,000 [waiter] One minute! 379 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,080 A lot of waiters say one minute and then you never see them again, but me, 380 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,480 -I'm right in here. -Mate, can you fuck off? 381 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,960 How about I just take you straight home? 382 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,240 -But we made anal plans for your place. -[Evan] Right. 383 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,040 That's what I'm saying. Let's leave that part of this evening out. 384 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:08,360 [sighs] 385 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,760 So just regular sex then? 386 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,120 [phone vibrates] 387 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:43,800 Hey. 388 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,760 Okay, so you're panicking. 389 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,080 -Have I made a mistake? -[Bev] Absolutely. 390 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,200 But it's not too late to say you were joking. 391 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,640 Olive can't be an only child. 392 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,040 That's what Beyoncé's parents said and then they had Solange. 393 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,960 Solange is the true visionary of that family and you know it. 394 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,240 Are you with Tom? 395 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,320 Only for a few minutes, when he farts himself awake. 396 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,040 God. It's sick, you know? People living with men. 397 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,600 No, I love him! 398 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,440 His sleepy little face. 399 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,360 Some of them aren't that bad, you know. You'll figure it out. 400 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,520 Look, at least you've got the rest of the weekend to catch up with work. 401 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,760 [phone beeps] 402 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,320 [phone rings out] 403 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,160 [Evan] Hi, you've reached Dr. Evan Patterson. Leave a message. 404 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,080 [phone beeps] 405 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:31,520 [sighs] 406 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:38,840 [upbeat music plays] 407 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,160 ♪ Why you sat 'round upset Looking all lazy? ♪ 408 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,160 ♪ I've been there too But I never let it faze me ♪ 409 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,920 ♪ I told my father I'm making a million ♪ 410 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,080 ♪ You'll discover, grow, love and live ♪ 411 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,160 ♪ You know that you can do this ♪ 412 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:13,040 ♪ Scared to shoot 'cause you might miss Didn't know your touch was Midas ♪ 413 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,400 ♪ It's all yours ♪ 414 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:21,000 ♪ Everything you want's for keeps Everything you wanna be ♪ 415 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,320 ♪ Don't fall short ♪ 416 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,080 ♪ You're closer than you've ever been ♪ 417 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,800 ♪ Higher than you've ever seen ♪ 418 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,200 ♪ It's all yours ♪ 419 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,240 ♪ Everything you want's for keeps Everything you wanna be ♪ 420 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,160 ♪ Everything you want ♪ 421 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,880 ♪ Don't fall short ♪ 422 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,560 ♪ You're closer than you've ever been Closer than you've ever been... ♪ 423 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,760 [knock at door] 424 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:51,920 Hi. 425 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:53,480 [Katherine] Hi. 426 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,800 I know that leaving Shep was hard, 427 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,400 and I admire all the sacrifices you've made, 428 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,640 and I don't blame you for being afraid. 429 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,680 Yes. Fearful. Not a bitch. 430 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:07,960 Yeah, well... 431 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,120 Well, a little bit of a bitch. 432 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,880 Look, I'm through paying for another guy's mistakes. 433 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,000 I don't want you only on the weekends. 434 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,920 I want you, but both of you, to be my first priorities all the time. 435 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,120 Think about it. You, by some miracle, got Olive out of Shep. 436 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:24,880 Shep! 437 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,640 Imagine what you could get out of a decent guy. 438 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,880 I did get Olive out of Shep. 439 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,600 I don't think it's your place to decide that a kid doesn't get a dad. 440 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,200 I love you. 441 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,680 And it's cold out here. 442 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,720 -Oh, sorry. Yeah, come in. -[Evan laughs] 443 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,520 [school bell rings] 444 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,760 What is the meaning of this? 445 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,280 [gasps mockingly] 446 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,040 My private naked photos! 447 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,040 Oh, Jane, we didn't want you to find out this way. 448 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:20,600 These appeared on my husband's desk in an envelope marked, "Urgent plumbing quote." 449 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,360 I mean, he was horrified when he opened it! 450 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,280 The truth is I wanted to tell you... 451 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:28,440 [loudly] ...about our ongoing love affair and he must have panicked. 452 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:31,960 [scoffs] My husband is not having an affair with you. 453 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,800 Mr. Michaels! Mr. Michaels! 454 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,040 -Wh-- -Excuse me, Mr. Michaels. 455 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,400 I'm sorry, but Jane has just brought pornography into the playground. 456 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,360 Whoa, what? 457 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,680 It's wildly malicious, Mr. Michaels, but I've chosen not to press charges 458 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,000 -against the school. -[chuckles nervously] 459 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,320 Oh, dear. 460 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,600 No! She's planted these in an attempt to seduce my husband! 461 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,400 Brian? 462 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,280 As physically disgusting and ham-colored as Brian may be, 463 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:59,280 you have to find it in your heart to forgive him 464 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:02,120 -for taking these naked pics. -They're bloody selfies! 465 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,040 Mrs. Wooms, I must respectfully request 466 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,280 that you remove yourself from school property at once, 467 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,640 because I'm almost certain what you've done here this morning is illegal. 468 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,000 Especially because you can see my pussy in this one. 469 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,040 -Oh, dear, just... -Thank you. 470 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,080 I am so sorry, Jane. 471 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,640 That was just a warning. 472 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,480 [school bell rings] 473 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,160 [Olive] Mummy! 474 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,920 [Katherine] Hi! Oh! 475 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,360 Did you have a lovely time? 476 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,600 Yeah, I went swimming and I shot a squirrel in the face. 477 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:40,680 Wow. 478 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,280 [Shep] Yeah. She's getting to be a really good little game hunter. 479 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,040 -Bye, Daddy! -[kisses] 480 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,480 -[Olive] See you later, Mum. Bye! -Bye. 481 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,480 She got all her shit pretty caked in mud at the survival class. 482 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,480 Great. I need to talk to you. 483 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,360 If this is about that meat for the dogs, I didn't know it was stolen. 484 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,560 I heard about that venison heist over my police scanner, same as everyone else. 485 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,520 No, I assumed it was stolen. 486 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,360 Grocery stores are giant corporate tax thieves anyway, 487 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:07,960 putting small butchers out of business. 488 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,560 I haven't set foot inside a Starbucks, any Starbucks, since they first opened. 489 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,720 Yeah, 'cause you're a rebel who's smarter than everybody else. I got that. Listen! 490 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,160 I am going to have another baby. 491 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,480 Yeah, I can tell. You look like shit. 492 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,480 It was either that or leukemia. Could have both. 493 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,880 No, I am not pregnant, you GI Joe crackhead. 494 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,080 I am going to have another baby, 495 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,640 with a sperm donor. 496 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:32,720 [laughs] 497 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,120 You're gonna stick some pathetic random loser's spunk up yourself? 498 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:37,560 [laughs sarcastically] 499 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,480 Yeah. 500 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:39,400 Yours. 501 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,240 -What do you mean, mine? -Well, I've been thinking for some time 502 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:48,600 that, even though you are, by far, the worst human being that I have ever met 503 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,280 and I wish you a lifetime of pain and misery... 504 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,120 we somehow made the best kid. 505 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,240 And she needs a sibling. 506 00:25:59,000 --> 00:25:59,880 [tuts and sighs] 507 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:01,480 [scoffs] 508 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:03,400 I knew this would happen. 509 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,800 You knew what would happen? 510 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,240 -You want to get back on my dick. -Christ! No. 511 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,480 I've been to a fertility clinic. We would do it there. 512 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,200 [inhales] Hmm. 513 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,360 Yeah, I'm gonna have expenses. 514 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,640 You've dedicated your entire life to being a wanker, 515 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,200 you might as well start getting paid for it. Fine. 516 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,400 It's an interesting proposition, Kit. 517 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:24,800 So is that a yes? 518 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,760 I'm gonna need some time to talk it over with my legal team. 519 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:31,800 Great. 520 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:33,520 Okay. 521 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,200 [sighs] They love me. 522 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,680 Even when they hate me, they love me. 523 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,440 [scoffs] 524 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,680 [upbeat music plays] 525 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,480 ♪ You took the future ♪ 526 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,760 ♪ And you wrapped it up in plastic Wrapped it up in plastic ♪ 527 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,400 ♪ Suffocate the magic ♪ 528 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,840 ♪ I told ♪ 529 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,880 ♪ You so ♪ 530 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:19,240 ♪ I told ♪ 531 00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:23,720 ♪ You so ♪ 42335

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