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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:14,451 -(DOGS BARKING) -(POLICE SIREN WAILING) 2 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,320 (DOOR UNLOCKING) 3 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,202 MAZ: What a shit-tip. 4 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,123 KEITH: Neighbours have been complaining for weeks. 5 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,811 He was a hoarder apparently. 6 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,201 Get away. 7 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:03,961 It stinks. 8 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:05,806 You'll get used it. 9 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,009 We've had worse than this, haven't we, Keith? 10 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,250 Oh, yes, this is a veritable pot-pourri compared to Stanley Gardens. 11 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,810 Oh, now that was bad. 12 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,882 Widow had been there 18 months. 13 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,567 Nothing left of her. just a pile of old lady porridge on the settee. 14 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:21,921 With a hat on top. 15 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,968 MAZ: Whoa, that is rank! 16 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,567 That's the job, Mary. You never know what lies in wait. 17 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,568 I have to say you don't strike me as a Mary. 18 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,006 People call me Maz. 19 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,129 And you do strike me as a Mary if you don't mind me saying. 20 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,406 Why, because I wear glasses? 21 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,561 Basically, yeah. 22 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,962 KEITH: The gentleman's name was Frank Meggins, 68 years old. 23 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,569 Fell through a glass coffee table and bled out apparently. 24 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,085 Ugh. Are we gonna have to change those floorboards? 25 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,207 Yep. 26 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,445 We're also doing a probate valuation and document search. 27 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,411 Mr Meggins had no living relatives so any clues will be beneficial 28 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,601 to sorting out the estate. 29 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:07,681 Yeah, 30 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,684 because someone will be dying to get their hands on all this crap won't they? 31 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,569 Someone did die, Mary. 32 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,450 That's why we're here. 33 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,167 Look at this! Looks like Frank's numbers came up. 34 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,442 What! He won the lottery? 35 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,521 Looks like it. 36 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,290 Maybe he was a bit of a Howard Hughes, but without the germ phobia, obviously. 37 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,931 But why would you live in a council flat full of shit 38 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,207 -if you were a millionaire? - Show some respect. 39 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,520 Sorry, Keith. 40 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,406 But seriously, 3.5 mill! 41 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,722 I would be like Ferrari, massive mansion, special edition Yeezys! 42 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,570 - What's that? - Trainers. 43 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,847 Oh, right. Yeah. Push the boat out, why don't you? 44 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,649 Ah, a boat, why not! 45 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,122 Though my dad did say, "If it flies, floats or fucks, rent it." 46 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,406 That's enough! 47 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,081 Nick, show her how to bag up the kitchen waste, 48 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,008 I'll make a start on thisjenga. 49 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,765 - He's a barrel of laughs, isn't he? -(NICK SIGHS) Keith's all right. 50 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,125 He means well. 51 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,011 He's has a hard life. 52 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,409 (WHISPERING) I heard his son's got M&S. 53 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,282 MS. He's... 54 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,681 A rent boy? 55 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,602 No! What? No... He's in a wheelchair! 56 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,045 Oh! 57 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,089 He's got a lot on his plate. Here. 58 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:31,047 Lesson one, no matter who you are, people always have the same things 59 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,844 in their kitchen cupboards. 60 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,491 Kidney beans, 61 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,531 peaches in syrup, 62 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,364 half a box of icing sugar. 63 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,491 But not everyone has... 64 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,646 A dead rat! 65 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,210 Ugh! Get that away from me, man! 66 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,487 - These need to be double-bagged. Here... - I'm not touching that! 67 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,289 Come on! You can't be squeamish in this job. 68 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,245 (scoFFS) 69 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,410 (GROAN5) 70 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,723 - Hurry up, man! - All right. 71 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,170 Good. Now go and put Roland by the front door. 72 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,925 - Roland? - Never mind, it's from the 80's. 73 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,440 (SCRAPING) 74 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,643 (DOOR CREAKS) 75 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,727 (CLICK) 76 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,640 (PANEL CREAKS) 77 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,450 - Is it locked? - Jesus! 78 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,646 Are you trying to kill me? 79 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,491 (EXHALES) Yes. 80 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,965 Look, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 81 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,328 I don't know, what are you thinking? 82 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,767 3.5 million. 83 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,284 Try this. 17-04-50. 84 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,725 It's his wife's date of birth. 85 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,043 (SAFE TICKING) 86 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,121 Clever clogs. 87 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:30,920 Is that it? 88 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,490 Package and a VHS. 89 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:34,841 What's a VHS? 90 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,729 It's from the 80's. 91 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,849 I assume you were trying to find a passport or will or some such? 92 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,241 Exactly. just trying to find his prostate. 93 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,321 Probate. 94 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,328 "Danger. Do not open." 95 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,486 Should we open it? 96 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,763 Course, how can we not? 97 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,002 It's better that we have the full picture. 98 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,686 NICK: Is that it? 99 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,681 I bet it's full of drugs. Smash it open. 100 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,207 Feels pretty solid. Probably sentimental value. 101 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,529 Then why did it have "Danger" written on it? 102 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,684 We need to find a player for this. 103 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,445 Maz, you look in there, Nick, check the kitchen. 104 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,651 Don't even know what I'm looking for. 105 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,850 Oh, I've just had a horrible thought. 106 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,929 What if it's home-made pornography? 107 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,047 MAZ: Ugh! 108 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,084 I'm not sure I want to see old Frank going at it with his fat wife. 109 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,605 Keep it clean, you two. 110 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:04,966 NICK: That's ironic! 111 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,571 We just found a rat in here. 112 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,846 Dead or alive? 113 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,160 NICK: Dead. 114 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,049 - MAZ: I double-bagged it! - Good. 115 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,651 I wish it was alive. 116 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,405 Less paper-work. 117 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,166 KEITH: Found it. 118 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,486 There's nowhere to sit. 119 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,244 (SHUSHES) 120 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:47,366 By the time you see this message, I hope to be free. 121 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,206 Free from this terrible curse 122 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,523 that I have brought upon myself through greed and vanity. 123 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,080 It's like jackanory. 124 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,362 Don't tell me, 80's? 125 00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:59,726 Yep. 126 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:05,251 Inside this package is an object that has ruined countless lives, 127 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,566 including mine. 128 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,803 I got it many years ago 129 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,609 for a small fortune from a holy man in jaipur. 130 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,445 He got ripped off there, could have got it from Ikea for a tenner. 131 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,409 - Quiet. - He told me 132 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,885 that this artefact would grant the bearer three wishes, 133 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,728 which would transform my life. 134 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,847 And for a while, it did, 135 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,841 but after what happened to Brenda... 136 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,968 If you find this package, 137 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,240 I urge you, I implore you, do not open it. 138 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,849 Send it away, destroy it! 139 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,363 Our lives are ruled by fate, 140 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,645 and those who interfere with fate 141 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,527 do so to their sorrow. 142 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,923 No, he's not gonna... 143 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,161 That's very sad. 144 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,847 I mean where's Social Services in all this, eh? 145 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,851 Nobody cares any more. 146 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,640 What's up? 147 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:36,480 You heard what he said. 148 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,931 That thing is dangerous. 149 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,402 Oh, come on Nick, he was clearly delusional! 150 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,889 He's lost his wife and he couldn't accept it, it's classic displacement. 151 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,128 Blaming a rabbit ornament isn't going to bring her back. 152 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,043 - It's a hare. - So? 153 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,650 Hares are associated with witchcraft and trickery 154 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,245 in almost every culture in the world. 155 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,041 How do you know? 156 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,407 Because I did a PhD in Ethnology and Folklore. 157 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,960 Then why are you here, acting as a glorified bin-man? 158 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,202 Because it didn't get me anywhere, did it? 159 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,170 It's like having a degree in Washing Up. 160 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,366 Yeah, but still... 161 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,329 Let's just say I made some bad choices. 162 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,802 Oh, you were a rent boy! 163 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,165 He was an alcoholic. 164 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:22,886 Am an alcoholic. 165 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,840 Never goes away. 166 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:30,611 Fortunately there are people willing to give you a second chance. 167 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,684 Look, why don't we put the man's property back in the safe, eh? 168 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:40,005 This glorified bin-man thinks we've wasted enough time as it is. 169 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,770 (FAINT SQUEAKING) 170 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,211 (RAT SQUEAKING) 171 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,885 Guys! Come here a second. 172 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,762 You don't double-bag a live rodent. 173 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,970 - It was dead. - Really? 174 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,361 Yeah, I know a dead rat when I see one. 175 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,647 - It's all right, we all make mistakes. - I wished for it! 176 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,242 - What? -just now, in there. 177 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,163 I was holding the statue, I said, "I wish it was alive, 178 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,366 "it'd be a lot less paperwork!" 179 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,602 - Nick, calm down... - Nah, he's right, he did. 180 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,891 Damn. That means we've only got two wishes left. 181 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,201 What do you mean? 182 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,681 Well, you've used yours, you wished for the rat to come alive. 183 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,888 - What? I was just making a joke. - That's your problem, mate. 184 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,486 I could've had anything in the world, I've ended up with a pet rat? 185 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,642 Well, that's very domesticated, very clean. 186 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,848 - Well, you have it then! - Excuse me. 187 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:59,251 Sorry. Couldn't concentrate. 188 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,046 Look, Nick, what we're dealing with here is an old man, 189 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,124 possibly with undiagnosed dementia, who had a run of bad luck. 190 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,090 Is one explanation, but consider this... Maz? 191 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,128 This is Frank's wife, Brenda. 192 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,368 I'm not being rude but she is a bit of a... 193 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,366 - She's overweight. - Yes. She's a beast. 194 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,321 I think the word is "obese." 195 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,804 Anyway, within six months she gets ill 196 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,450 and ends up looking like this. 197 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,205 She had cancer, yes, 198 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:32,727 that's what happens. 199 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,450 But here in Frank's diary, 200 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,888 "Brenda upset about her weight again. 201 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,089 "Poor sausage, I wish there was a way I could help her." 202 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,770 - Poorsausage? - You see, 203 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,491 he wished for her to be thin, she gets cancer, weight drops off, she dies. 204 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,483 How could you even... That's just sick! 205 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,800 All right, look at this. 206 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,646 3rd of September, back from India, 12th of September, wins the lottery... 207 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,643 - You've said all this... -29th of September, 208 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,802 sends his brother on a luxury holiday to the Florida Keys. 209 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,120 - So? - Where he dies 210 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,565 in a boating accident. 211 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,129 - See? - Vvhat? 212 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,000 Every wish backfires. It's throughout folklore, there's no way round it. 213 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,562 After his wife dies, he sells the big house in Highgate, 214 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,809 he moves in here. Starts frittering away his money buying crap off eBay. 215 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,042 That's because he was a hoarder, it's an illness. 216 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,690 It's because he was trying to get rid of it 217 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,161 by buying the most innocuous things. The money is cursed! 218 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,243 This is just storifying, Nick, 219 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,129 You've developed an overactive imagination 220 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,531 'cause of your Fairy Tale degree. 221 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,808 Have you been drinking the antibacterial hand-wash again? 222 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,166 I did that once! 223 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:32,490 All right then, so what was his third wish? 224 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:35,727 I don't know. 225 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,451 Look, my point is, we've got two wishes left, 226 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,681 what are we going to use them on? 227 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,003 Well, I wish we could just go back to work and get this job done! 228 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,164 That's not gonna happen now, is it? 229 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,367 No. 230 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,764 - You have to be holding it. -(MAZ SIGHS) 231 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,561 Come on. 232 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:57,606 I know what we should do. 233 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,409 We should wish for unlimited wishes! 234 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,687 - It won't work. - How do you know? 235 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,241 It never does. 236 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,401 You can't wish for anything 237 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,960 that would alter the structure of the wishing-system itself. 238 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,400 Can you make a start on those floorboards, please? 239 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,926 I've got an ATP fluorescence booked in at 12:00 tomorrow, 240 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,889 I need that room spotless. 241 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,601 Grab that. 242 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,809 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 243 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,642 Why don't we just ask for shitloads of money? 244 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,210 Like, 50 million each. 245 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,408 That's exactly what Frank did, look what happened to him. 246 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,971 Just a stain to get rid of. 247 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,007 The wish-granter is always vengeful. 248 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,126 If you're greedy, you pay the price. 249 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,487 Yeah, but it's like the tax man, isn't it? 250 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,051 I claimed for a Happy Meal 251 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,044 because I found a receipt in a trolley outside Tesco, 252 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,725 and he never came after me. 253 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,085 I don't think you can compare fate to the Inland Revenue. 254 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,490 I wish for £93,000 please. 255 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:16,971 - What are you doing? - What? 256 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,009 That was very carefully thought out. 257 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,208 Not too much but enough to make a difference. 258 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,520 - Give me that. - Why? 259 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,921 - You're an idiot. - KEITH: Everything all right? 260 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,122 Yeah, we're just sorting out the floorboards. 261 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,804 NICK: You should not have wished for that money! 262 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:36,881 MAZ: Well, what then? 263 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,769 I don't know. Something harmless... An activity. 264 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,002 An activity, what like? Skydiving? 265 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,809 Yeah, 'cos that'd end well, wouldn't it? 266 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,845 Don't say I didn't warn you. 267 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,045 When will I get it anyway? 268 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,121 What do you mean? 269 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,726 Well, when you wished for your rat, it was instant. 270 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,370 - It's not my rat. - I'm just saying. 271 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,329 How long will it be before I get my money? 272 00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,640 (THUDDING) 273 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,610 (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) 274 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,006 - Wha... - Huh. 275 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,481 (LAUGHS) 276 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,846 (KISSES TEETH) 277 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,211 NICK: What have you got there, Keith? 278 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,401 Er, come across some of Frank's lottery winnings. 279 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,162 Looks like he didn't spend it all, after all. 280 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,011 And what are you doing with it? 281 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,729 Well, you know the procedure, Nick. 282 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,643 This money has to be secured and taken off the property as soon as possible. 283 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,251 By stuffing it in your coat pockets? 284 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,321 I thought it would be safer that way but you're right. 285 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,890 Let's keep it all in one place. 286 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,846 MAZ: What's going on? 287 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,045 Keith has found some money. 288 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,731 Yes, looks to be in the region of £100,000. 289 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,009 Ninety-three. It's mine. I just wished for it. 290 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,250 You do talk some rubbish, Mary. 291 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,722 This money was just here. 292 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:53,961 Nobody wished for it. 293 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,769 Then how do you explain the rat? 294 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,970 I can assure you there's more than one rat on this property, Nick. 295 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,725 They're everywhere. 296 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,962 - Now, if you'll excuse me... - You're not going. 297 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,284 - What? - That's my money. 298 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,361 You're not taking it. 299 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,442 - Maz! - It belongs to me. 300 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,610 (BULB FLICKERS) 301 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,765 Maz! Come back! 302 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,205 I'll get the fuse box. 303 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,609 Maz, listen to me. 304 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,082 If you take that money, 305 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,408 something terrible will happen to you. 306 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,682 I know you're spooked, 307 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,850 but that money is not yours. 308 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,563 There's no point hiding. There's only three rooms. 309 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,925 Don't come any closer! 310 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,246 Maz... 311 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:25,006 I'm warning you. Don't move or I'll turn you both into cushions. 312 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,361 What? 313 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,004 It's the first thing that came into my mind. 314 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:30,925 Think about what I said. 315 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,601 You're being greedy. 316 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,844 Remember the Happy Meal in the Tesco's trolley. 317 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,969 - It's not the same thing! - I'm sorry you've lost me now. 318 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,201 Maz... 319 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,685 You don't know what your fate has in store. 320 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,090 It could be that you are going to be really rich. 321 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:48,960 Don't meddle with it. 322 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,881 Just let it be a surprise. 323 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,561 Thanks for the warning, Nick. But I know what I want. 324 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,729 I don't like surprises. 325 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,246 (WHIMPERS) 326 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:14,961 Jesus. 327 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,364 Don't touch anything, Nick. 328 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,283 You don't want to contaminate the evidence. 329 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,486 We've still got one wish left. 330 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,085 I could wish for Maz to come back to life... 331 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,400 But then she'll be brain-damaged. 332 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,767 Just like in The Monkey's Paw, when the son comes back all mangled. 333 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,365 Nick, Nick, you're babbling. 334 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,807 Why don't you go home now and I'll sort this out? 335 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,370 - Yeah, but what about Maz? - She's gone. 336 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,326 She's gone. 337 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,167 It was an accident at work, we both saw it. 338 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,526 I'll alert the authorities, I'll take the money back to the office 339 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,682 and in the morning I'll reassign the case, OK? 340 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,601 Will you, though? 341 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,086 What do you mean? 342 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,241 Take the money back. 343 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,530 I saw what you were doing with it. 344 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,409 - I explained all that... - Keith. 345 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,086 I've known you 12 years. Don't lie to me, please. 346 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,041 OK. 347 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:22,246 OK, 50/50. 348 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,407 - What? - We'll split it, 45 grand each. 349 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,289 No one knew it ever existed, it's not a crime. 350 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:30,011 Keith, I don't want anything to do with that money. We've got to get rid of it! 351 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,570 - Burn it! - I can't burn it, Nick. 352 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,289 This money's a godsend to me. 353 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,847 This could pay for Charlie's operation. 354 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:43,203 Yes, yes, maybe. In the stories, people always make self-serving wishes. 355 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,442 Use it for something good, there'll be no retribution. 356 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,363 There's no such thing as wishes! 357 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,851 There is no magic, there's no short-cuts. 358 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,327 If you hadn't found that stupid video, Maz'd still be alive, 359 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,927 we could have just done this job and gone home! 360 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,449 Hang on a minute, we found that video locked in the safe. 361 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:06,841 So? 362 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,686 It was his suicide video. Who put it there? 363 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,571 What are you trying to say? 364 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,161 Maybe Frank isn't dead. 365 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,651 Frank is dead, Nick. 366 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,007 - Yes, but how do you know? - Because I killed him! 367 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,402 (KEITH BREATHING H EAVI LY) 368 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,088 The trouble with these old properties is... 369 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,765 They're death-traps. 370 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,324 (GAS HISSES) 371 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,040 Especially, 372 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,410 if you've been drinking. 373 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,684 I'd heard rumours there might be money here. 374 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,885 The neighbours had been in complaining about the smell, 375 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,363 so I arranged a home visit. 376 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:09,770 I told Frank about Charlie, 377 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,449 asked him if he could help me out but he wouldn't listen. 378 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,363 We argued, and I lost my temper. 379 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,205 The next thing I know... 380 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,126 He was dead. 381 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:32,122 So you see, Nick, it's got nothing to do with your stupid wishes. 382 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,885 (DOOR CLOSES DISTANTLY) 383 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,966 FRANK: I am so hungry. 384 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,841 I don't know what's happened to all my food. 385 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,721 Frank? 386 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,890 What are you doing here? 387 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,324 This is my flat, where else am I going to go? 388 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:35,841 But you're dead. 389 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,208 I had some tinned peaches in here somewhere. 390 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,363 I know you, don't I? You came from the council. 391 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,442 One minute you're trying to help me 392 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:54,881 and the next you're pushing me through a glass coffee table. 393 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,646 Yes, sorry about that. 394 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,126 I have a son, you see... 395 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,646 Yes, I remember you saying. 396 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,690 We try and help the ones we love, I understand that. 397 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,323 I tried to help my wife, 398 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,165 but it didn't work out. 399 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,281 I also wished to be rich 400 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,010 and now look at me. 401 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,011 What was your third wish, Frank? 402 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,202 I'd have thought you'd have guessed that by now. 403 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,287 What's the point in being rich if you can't live forever? 404 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,524 So that video tape... 405 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:39,287 Oh, I've tried countless times to end it all, 406 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,725 but I can't. 407 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,410 Like a bad penny, I keep coming back. 408 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,886 It's a living hell and I'm trapped in it. 409 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,525 Don't make the same mistake I made. Be careful what you wish for. 410 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,565 Here. 411 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,291 This belongs to you. 412 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,488 Thank you. I'll make us some tea. 413 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,280 NICK: Keith! 414 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,247 Here you go. 415 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,521 You've got a visitor. 416 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,280 Charfie? 417 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:39,567 Look, Daddy, I can walk. 418 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,290 I wished it for you, Keith. 419 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,451 It's what you deserve. 420 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,091 Oh, my boy, my beautiful boy. 421 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,207 Daddy? 422 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,371 What's that smell? 423 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,161 Oh, no. 424 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,211 (STOVE CLICKS) 425 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,169 (EXPLOSION) 31328

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