All language subtitles for S3E12-Wilbur The Masher_Subtítulos01.ENG

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Come on, Ed, move.

Don't rush me.

Look, you asked me
to bring you out here riding,

yet you stop every ten feet
and start looking around.

Who you looking for?

Flossie.

Who's Flossie?

Only the cutest
little chestnut filly you ever saw.

Va-va-va-voom.

Don't tell me
you're in love again.

I think I'll marry Flossie
and make her Mrs. Ed.

At the wedding,
I'll be very happy to give you away.

But you always
give the bride away.

In your case,
I'll make an exception.

Shh. Here she comes.

Get a load of that Flossie.

I'd sure like to see her
in a black saddle.

Easy, Ed.
Don't flip your mane.

[wolf whistle]

Ed!

[wolf whistle]

How dare you whistle at me.

I didn't whistle.

You don't expect me
to believe that?

Well, if I told you
the truth,

I wouldn't expect you
to believe that, either.

You're just lucky
my husband isn't here.

Come on, Flossie.

Boy, look at
those gorgeous legs.

[growls]

You won't believe it again.

Using that phony sexy voice.

You mashers are all alike.

My name is Wilbur Post.

I'm an architect,
and I'm not a masher.

Now I'm warning you.

One more peep out of you,
and I'm going to call the police.

[wolf whistle]

Ed, giddy up.

Pack your bags.
We're leaving for San Francisco tonight.

What are you talking about?

Carol, there's
a French fashion show opening tomorrow,

and you and I are going to
feast our eyes

on those darling creations.

Oh, it sounds wonderful, Kay,

but I wouldn't feel right
about going away.

I just spent
quite a bit of money,

and I couldn't
ask Wilbur to pay for a trip now.

Would you go
if he asked you to go?

Of course. I'd love to see
those new fashions.

Then it's settled.
Wilbur will ask you to go.

You're going
to brainwash Wilbur?

Not Wilbur,
but my husband's in for a little mental shampoo.

He doesn't know it,
but he's going to ask Wilbur to ask you.

Kay, do you really think
you can trick Roger

into getting Wilbur
to ask me to go to San Francisco with you?

Well, of course.
I can get Addison to do anything I want.

He's been
my little puppet for years.

Kay, you're priceless.

You know, Ed,
you could have gotten me into real trouble

whistling at that horse.

[Ed giggles]

[mocks]

You're not going
to the park again.

Why?

You will not
be seeing Flossie.

Nothing can keep me
from the woman I love.

She's not a woman,
she's a filly.

And I like
the way she's filled.

That'll be enough out of you.

Wilbur, I just overheard
our wives plotting against us.

What do you think
they're up to?

Today is Thursday.
Carol does the ironing on Thursday,

so by now,
she's up to my shirts.

You'll lose
some of that flippancy

when you find out
what's going on.

Our wives are trying
to trick us

into financing their trip
to San Francisco.

What are you
going to do about it?

Well, what any red-blooded
American husband would do.

- Let them go.
- You're ab--

Well, I'll go and put a stop
to this myself.

Wait. I'll go watch you.

Flossie.

- Flossie?
- Come on, come on, come on.

I'll tell Addison
that I'm going to the fashion show by myself.

Then he'll be afraid
you'll spend too much money.

Exactly. You know
how cheap my doll is.

Addison will be afraid
to let me go

with just our checkbook
to accompany me.

You'll suggest
that little old conservative me

go along
to keep you from spending.

- How can we miss?
- We can't.

- It's perfect.
- Magnificent.

Thank you.

Little puppet, huh?
Cheap, huh?

- Now, doll...
- I didn't hear that one.

Carol, if you wanted
to go to San Francisco,

why didn't you just ask me?

- Can I go?
- Of course.

Oh, Wilbur.

And all you had to do
is ask me.

- Can I go?
- No.

If Kay can't go,
then I don't want to go.

Roger, are you going
to be selfish enough

to deprive my wife
of having a good time?

Now I don't even
want to go at all.

The way I feel now,

I probably wouldn't
buy anything in San Francisco.

I second that.

So I'll just
stay here in town,

where the department stores
are closer.

Enjoy your trip, my dear.

Thank you, doll.

A handshake
will be sufficient.

- Say, Wilbur.
- What?

How about inviting
Flossie's owner for a moonlight ride?

Then I can
get to see Flossie.

Are you kidding?
I'm a married man.

I'd be one, too,
if you'd cooperate.

That's all I'd need.

Have Carol find out that
I've been double-dating with a horse.

So what?

I guess I'll have to do
my own matchmaking.

Honey, if I'd been
in the park, I'd have punched him right in the nose.

Oh, Frank,
stop being so jealous.

[phone rings]

I told him off.
He'll never bother me again.

Hello.

Hello.7 Is this Mrs. Gordon?

It's that masher again.

I'd recognize
that phony voice of his anywhere.

Yes, this is Mrs. Gordon.

Mrs. Gordon, when will
you be riding Flossie again in the park?

Why do you want to know?

Oh, I'm just
an admirer of beauty.

Where did you get
my phone number?

From the stables
that board Flossie.

Look, I don't want
to talk to you.

Please, Mrs. Gordon.
I'm in love.

The nerve of that man.

This is important.
Hello. Hello.

Who are you talking to?

Mrs. Gordon, Flossie's owner.

Mrs. Gordon?

That is the woman
you whistled at.

I was whistling at Flossie.

You said his name
was Wilbur Post, didn't you?

His address must be
in the phone book.

I've got a few words
to say to that man...

in person.

You stay off that phone,

and you stay away
from that filly.

Stay away from the face
that launched 10,000 ships?

It was 1,000 ships,
and it was Helen of Troy.

It would've been 10,000 ships

if it had been Flossie.

- Wilbur?
- In here, honey.

I want to make you
something special for lunch

before I leave
for San Francisco.

All right. Burn some toast,

scramble a couple
of eggs too hard,

make the coffee too weak.

- What?
- I want to get used to it.

That's what I'll be eating
when I do the cooking.

Oh, honey, I sure
am going to miss you.

I'm going to miss
you, too, dear.

Here. For the face
that launched 10,000 ships.

Thank you, but it was
1,000 ships,

and it happened to be
Helen of Troy.

If it were you, my dear,
it would have been 10,000.

Oh, Wilbur, you say
the nicest things. How do you think of them?

Oh, they just come to me.

Well, I'll go
fix that burnt toast.

I gave you the line.

She gave you the kiss.

I don't even
get to see Flossie.

Forget about it, Ed.

You nearly got me
into a lot of trouble.

What trouble?

Yes?

I'd like to see Mr. Post.

He's out back in ufthe office.

I'm Mrs. Post.
Won't you come in?

He's married, Frank.
Let's forget the whole thing.

No. That makes it even worse.

Is there something wrong?

Your husband's a masher.

A masher?

Oh, no, there's some mistake.

I wish there were,
but I'm afraid there isn't.

There certainly isn't.

He's a wolf. He whistled
at my wife in the park.

Made some remark
about her legs.

She told me he even
used some silly sexy voice.

And he just telephone me
a little while ago.

I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Post.

Oh, no.
You must be mistaken about my husband.

He's a fine man,
and he's faithful.

He just bought me this corsage

because I'm going away
to San Francisco,

and I'll be gone
for three days, and he'll be--

He'll be home alone and...

His office is out this way.
Let's go talk to him.

Wilbur, please, please
take me riding in the park tomorrow morning.

Nope.

- How about a slow trot?
- Nope.

How about a walk
side by side?

- No.
- Oh, Wilbur.

I couldn't help it.

I saw Flossie
prancing in the park, and before I knew it,

I did what any
red-blooded horse would do.

My lips suddenly came
together, and out came...

[wolf whistle]

That's the whistle.
He did it agaiç:n.

And in front of his own wife.

What kind of a man
did you marry?

I'm not so sure now.

That's the man.

What's the idea
of whistling at my wife?

Whistle? No,
I didn't whistle.

Okay, wise guy,
if you didn't whistle,

but it came from
inside the barn.

That's right.
That's where it came from, all right.

I'll go inside and find
the guy who did it,

and punch him
right in the nose.

No, no.

You might as well
hit me right now.

Frank, don't.

This poor woman
has enough trouble

just being married
to a man like this.

But not for long.

I don't blame you.

Look, Romeo, if you
ever bother my wife again,

you'll be whistling
through your gums.

Come on, dear.

Just a minute.

Dear, the harmless-looking ones
are always the worst.

Well?

I never whistled
at that woman.

I most certainly
didn't phone her.

Who said anything
about phoning?

You...

Oh.

Well, any man who would
whistle at a woman

certainly would phone her.

I wouldn't. I c--

Would you like
another orchid, honey?

I don't want this one.

Well?

[Ed stammers]

As long as you're
stuck with that orchid,

I'll give it to Flossie.

Oh!

I just can't understand
Wilbur being attracted to another woman.

He and Carol have only been
married a few years.

Well, maybe with Wilbur,
the seven-year itch started early.

Yes, a wife never knows
when her husband's

going to reach the scratching
stage, does she?

Sorry.

I guess your trip
to San Francisco is canceled.

Oh, of course.

I just can't imagine
Carol traveling in the mood she's in.

Poor girl.

Maybe there's something
we can do to bring them back together.

After all, their argument's
only an hour old.

That's right.
They haven't even reached the throwing stage.

How about door slamming?

I haven't heard one yet.

I'm surprised.

With us, when
we have an argument--

[doorbell rings]

Carol. Where are you going?

San Francisco.

You mean you still want to go?

Just because my husband
is a playboy

doesn't mean
I have to stop living.

Oh, come now, Carol.

Maybe you've
misjudged Wilbur.

I certainly have.

Whistling at that woman
and telephoning her.

Roger, did you ever
suspect that Wilbur was a masher?

No. Took me
by complete surprise.

Maybe you should
cancel the trip.

No, I'm going
whether Kay comes or not.

I'll go with you, dear.

Wait. Let's be reasonable.

Let's talk this thing out
over lunch.

I was so embarrassed
when that young woman came into my house

with that lovely figure
and those deep, violet eyes.

- Is she that beautiful?
- Yes.

We'd better
stick around, dear.

To keep an eye on Wilbur?

And him, too.

He's a little past
the seven-year itch,

but I still think
he can scratch.

Wilbur, I'm sorry
I got you into all this trouble.

You didn't mean it, Ed.

When a fella's in love,
he does silly things. Why shouldn't a horse?

- Yeah.
- [Wilbur sighs]

[sighs]

I don't know how I could live
without Carol.

I don't know how I could
live without Flossie.

- [sighs]
- [sighs]

That Mrs. Gordon
seems very nice.

If only I could convince her

that wasn't my voice
she heard on the phone,

she'd come over here
and talk to Carol

and clear the whole thing up.

But that's hopeless.

[sighs]

Buddy boy,
you can stop sighing.

I think I've got it solved.

You mean,
you'll talk to Mrs. Gordon,

explain the whole thing?

Not in person.
I only talk to you, you know.

Then how can--

You mean...

Uh-huh.

- Aha.
- Hmm.

He certainly had me fooled.

Carol, try and eat something.

All the things we shared.

Honey, this is
just a little tiff. You'll get over it.

No, I won't.

It's just too hard
to swallow.

How true.

How can a man so sweet
turn out so sour?

It happens
in the best of families.

Do you remember the time
he forgot my birthday,

and he made up by taking us
out to dinner and dancing

and bought us
all champagne?

Maybe it'll happen again.

- Eat your soup, doll.
- I'm trying.

[door opens]

Carol, you're coming with me,
and we're going to straighten this out.

Let go of me,
you, you, you...

Playboy.

You playboy.

Look, I did not
phone that woman, and I didn't whistle at her.

I'm going to
prove it to you.

Let go of me.

I have to catch a plane.

Oh, go with him, Carol.
If he's lying, there are later planes.

I am not lying.

Wilbur!

You know, Addison,

I have a feeling
that everything is going to be all right.

Aren't you glad, doll?

Thank you, my dear,
for a most delightful lunch.

Honestly, Carol,
this fella in the park whistled, you see,

and when she turned around,
he was hiding.

Why was he hiding?

He's a very shy
and bashful fella.

But he whistles at women.

It's not his fault.
He's a nature lover.

Please, look, dear.

He's from the country,

and he used to go into
the park to practice his bird calls.

- Bird calls?
- Yeah.

Then one day,
a girl answered them,

and it sort of changed
his whole life.

He decided
he wasn't for the birds?

Yeah. No!

Carol, he's still shy,
you see,

but now he's
a compulsive whistler.

But he's all whistle.

The minute a girl
turns around, he hides.

- Then you take over.
- No!

Then if he only whistles,
who made the remark about the pretty legs?

He said that to me.

About your legs?

I haven't got pretty legs.

I used to think so.

Well, they are--
Carol!

Carol, listen to me.

This fella, he's going to
phone Mrs. Gordon

in exactly 20 minutes.

As soon as she
recognizes his voice, she'll know it wasn't me.

Wilbur, I'd like
to believe you, but--

Carol, I never have
been able to whistle.

Remember on our honeymoon?

You had to hail
all the taxis?

Well, now do you
believe my story?

It isn't easy, Wilbur.

But you have that guilty look
you always have

when you're
telling the truth.

Come on.

I'm going to take you
to the Gordons' with me.

I still can't figure
that Post guy out.

He's got
such a beautiful wife.

Why would he be
flirting with you?

- What's wrong with me?
- What?

I've got a good mind
to pack and go home to Mother.

Honey, I didn't mean it
the way it sounded.

What I meant was--

[doorbell rings]

Mr. Post.

I have come to clear
this whole thing up.

Look here, Post.

In just one minute,
your telephone is going to ring.

Where is it? Ah, yes.

In one minute,
that telephone is going to ring.

You're going to recognize
the voice of the man

who really did call you
and whistle at you.

But there was
no one else there.

Mrs. Gordon,
the man who is smitten with you

is a friend of mine,
and he's very shy.

Mr. Post, I still insist

there was no one else
around in that park.

I told you, he's very shy.

He was hiding
behind a tree.

What's his name?

Well, he's so shy
that he can't even reveal that.

What a story.

As long as we're here,

shouldn't you give
my husband a chance?

I'm giving him one.

Thank you, my dear.

He will phone
in exactly 15 seconds.

14, 13, 12,

11, 10...

[knock on door]

Oh.

[Roger]
Wilbur, are you in there?

Let's leave it
here in the office.

They'll just love
this champagne.

If they make up,

and at $3.95 a bottle,
they better.

Let's leave them
a little note.

What's the matter
with this stupid beast?

Addison, can you think
of something romantic to say?

That'll take a little time.
I'm kind of out of practice.

Maybe my watch stopped.

Yes, that's what it is.

No, no. It's going.

Uh...

I'll start with, um,

"Our dear lovebirds."

Sickening and sentimental.

My dear,
you have another critic.

Your telephone,
it's out of order.

You've got to hear
the dial tone--

Telephone's all right.

How's this?

"Our dear neighbors."

Too cold.

Well, then, how about

"To the sweetest,
most lovely people we know"?

Too long.

How about,
"To whom it may concern"?

- "Dear sir"?
- Great. And brother.

Maybe we're in
a different time zone.

My friend,
he'll call any minute.

He wouldn't let me down.

He's as faithful
as a horse.

I've got to get
to a telephone.

It could be sunspots.

Sunspots,
they'll interfere with the electricity.

And the electricity
will interfere with your telephone.

No.

Your lines--
your lines could be down

from a terrible typhoon.

There could be
a terrible typhoon someplace.

Wilbur, didn't you
embarrass me enough before?

Did you have to
put me through this, too?

I'm innocent.

I don't know what your game is,
but I've had enough of it.

Mr. Gordon, please.

Somebody ought to
teach you a lesson.

For a start, I'm going to
bend your face a little.

- [phone rings]
- Excuse me.

Hello.

It's him. It's him.

- It's him.
- Hello.

Hello, baby.
It's me, your bashful Romeo.

It's the same voice.

Were you in the park
this morning?

Yep, and I was even hiding
behind the Posts' barn this afternoon.

And you're the one
who whistled?

Yep.

[wolf whistle]

Mr. Post,
I owe you an apology.

Oh, Wilbur.

Oh, Mrs. Gordon.

Yes?

You've got beautiful legs.

Well, thank you.

But they don't compare
to Flossie's.

Well, I finally got
that note written.

My dear, it was
a masterpiece.

Quote--
"Dear friends,

we hope you enjoy
the champagne."

Unquote.

Well, Ed, everything
worked out fine. Carol apologized.

[Ed laughs]

You got lipstick
all over your cheek.

Well, she's been
apologizing for the last half hour.

Wilbur, when I get you
into trouble,

don't I always get you out?

Yeah, Ed, but one question.

What's that?

Why do you always
get me into trouble?

Because I like
to get you out.

Hey, Ed, now that I'm on
such good terms

with Mrs. Gordon
and her husband,

maybe I can arrange it
for you to see Flossie.

[wolf whistle]

Flossie!

Wilbur?

Do you know
what I just heard?

No.

I thought you said
you couldn't whistle.

I couldn't.

Then all of a sudden,
when I saw you in shorts,

I just--
would you turn around again?

[wolf whistle]

Oh, Wilbur.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak
a streak ♪

♪ And waste
your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

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