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1
00:00:21,069 --> 00:00:23,170
LINDA: Yay!
2
00:00:23,178 --> 00:00:24,712
Family TV night.
3
00:00:24,718 --> 00:00:27,053
Chippin' and sittin'
and channel flippin'...
4
00:00:27,062 --> 00:00:28,562
it's everything we're good at.
5
00:00:28,602 --> 00:00:30,202
Also windsurfing.
We never tried it,
6
00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:31,775
but I think
we'd surprise ourselves.
7
00:00:31,815 --> 00:00:34,316
I tried windsurfing once.
That's the whole story.
8
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,926
Shh. I love this commercial.
9
00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:37,467
Everyone, shh.
10
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:39,073
I'm the Sofa Queen,
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00:00:39,079 --> 00:00:41,180
and I'm here to banish
your ugly furniture.
12
00:00:41,188 --> 00:00:43,757
This child's bedroom
set offends me.
13
00:00:43,766 --> 00:00:45,366
Off with his bed.
14
00:00:45,372 --> 00:00:47,574
Boom! Just like that,
he's got a new bed.
15
00:00:47,616 --> 00:00:49,784
That's a futon fit for a fool.
16
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:52,293
I'm gonna replace it,
but with a couch,
17
00:00:52,336 --> 00:00:54,704
(mouthing): because normal
adults do not own futons.
18
00:00:54,713 --> 00:00:57,314
Lin? Are you mouthing along
with the commercial? Shh!
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,858
(mouthing):
I command my subjects
20
00:00:58,897 --> 00:01:01,332
to visit the Sofa Queen
Furniture Outlet.
21
00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:03,109
Off Route 9 in Bog Harbor.
22
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:05,217
Boi-oi-oi-oing!
23
00:01:05,224 --> 00:01:07,525
Aw. I love the Sofa Queen.
24
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,402
Her sofas are firm
but they're fair.
25
00:01:09,409 --> 00:01:10,909
Uh, Dad?
Yeah?
26
00:01:10,915 --> 00:01:12,249
While we're on
the subject of couches,
27
00:01:12,254 --> 00:01:13,921
maybe it would be a good
time for you and Mom
28
00:01:13,928 --> 00:01:15,911
to have, you know, the talk? Oh.
29
00:01:15,936 --> 00:01:17,470
What's she mean?
What talk?
30
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,677
Is this about how messy
Mom's purse has been?
31
00:01:19,686 --> 00:01:22,121
I love balled-up receipts
as much as the next guy,
32
00:01:22,130 --> 00:01:24,131
but come on!
No, Gene.
33
00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:26,873
Um, Lin, you really love
the Sofa Queen, right?
34
00:01:26,883 --> 00:01:28,817
Maybe we should
go to her store sometime.
35
00:01:28,825 --> 00:01:30,159
Ooh, fun.
36
00:01:30,164 --> 00:01:31,264
That would be fun.
37
00:01:31,302 --> 00:01:33,237
And...? Dad...?
38
00:01:33,244 --> 00:01:35,678
Uh, and while we're there,
39
00:01:35,687 --> 00:01:37,121
maybe we could get a new couch.
40
00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:38,494
What?!
41
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,701
No, Bobby, no. I love our couch.
42
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,210
It's family.
No, no, absolutely not. No.
43
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,588
We're family. And we're
sitting on the floor.
44
00:01:45,596 --> 00:01:47,297
The couch smells
really bad, Lin.
45
00:01:47,304 --> 00:01:49,205
It smells like memories.
46
00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:50,846
Memory musk.
47
00:01:50,886 --> 00:01:52,887
It smells like if all the food
we've spilled on it
48
00:01:52,894 --> 00:01:55,362
had a war with all the butts
that sat on it.
49
00:01:55,405 --> 00:01:57,240
(inhaling)
I'm mostly getting Dad.
50
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,348
The stuffing in the cushions
is all lumpy.
51
00:01:59,355 --> 00:02:01,523
Well your cushions are
pretty lumpy, too, mister.
52
00:02:01,532 --> 00:02:04,300
Aw, I love your lumps. Come on, let me
t... Come on, let me t... Ow, ow. Ow!
53
00:02:04,343 --> 00:02:06,445
Mom, there's a damp
spot on the couch
54
00:02:06,453 --> 00:02:07,619
that somehow never dries.
55
00:02:07,658 --> 00:02:08,825
Ever!
It's always there!
56
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,896
Yeah, like magic. It's special.
57
00:02:10,904 --> 00:02:12,905
Mmm!
We have a history
58
00:02:12,913 --> 00:02:16,349
with this couch. Gene had his
first throw up on it, 'member?
59
00:02:16,394 --> 00:02:17,528
(grunts)
60
00:02:17,533 --> 00:02:18,766
I remember that happening
61
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:20,239
in an infinity pool,
but whatever.
62
00:02:20,245 --> 00:02:22,946
Tina teethed on the armrest.
Remember that?
63
00:02:22,956 --> 00:02:25,157
(mumbles)
64
00:02:25,199 --> 00:02:27,367
Yeah, we called the pediatrician
to see if couch foam
65
00:02:27,375 --> 00:02:29,543
was okay for babies.
He said no.
66
00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:30,951
Aw, he did.
67
00:02:30,957 --> 00:02:32,457
He said she could've
choked and died.
68
00:02:32,463 --> 00:02:33,797
And you, Louise,
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00:02:33,835 --> 00:02:35,136
with your couch forts.
70
00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:36,542
Fire!
71
00:02:36,581 --> 00:02:38,114
Ugh, Mom, we get it.
72
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,422
The couch is just a thing.
And when things are old,
73
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:42,365
you get rid of 'em.
Like libraries.
74
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:45,140
Okay, I think the fairest way to
do this is to put it to a vote.
75
00:02:45,184 --> 00:02:47,986
Everyone in favor of replacing
the couch raise your hand.
76
00:02:47,997 --> 00:02:49,364
(growls)
77
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,370
Looks like
it's three to two, Bob.
78
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,245
Mom's right, Louise.
The couch is family.
79
00:02:53,252 --> 00:02:55,120
You too, Gene?
Seriously?
80
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,194
You're asking me
to vote against Mom?
81
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,836
I know where
my butter's breaded.
82
00:02:58,842 --> 00:03:00,510
That's my boy.
83
00:03:00,516 --> 00:03:01,549
Come up on the couch with Mama.
84
00:03:01,554 --> 00:03:02,754
Come on.
No!
85
00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:04,393
I think I'm gonna
get some snacks.
86
00:03:04,399 --> 00:03:06,634
Dad, you like snacks,
right? You snack, huh?
87
00:03:06,643 --> 00:03:07,743
Uh, sure, sometimes.
88
00:03:07,747 --> 00:03:08,747
(scoffing)
89
00:03:08,785 --> 00:03:09,865
Why are you pulling me?
Ugh!
90
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,123
What happened out there, Dad?
91
00:03:11,128 --> 00:03:12,395
Where-where were you?
92
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,633
Louise, I tried.
93
00:03:13,638 --> 00:03:15,172
Not hard enough.
94
00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:17,179
Look, we'll get rid
of the couch someday.
95
00:03:17,187 --> 00:03:19,188
How?
Mom's never gonna give it up.
96
00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:21,464
I don't know, maybe
something will happen to it.
97
00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:23,512
Were you serious about the snacks?
'Cause I hid some
98
00:03:23,548 --> 00:03:25,516
fudge pretzels from Gene,
if you're interested.
99
00:03:25,523 --> 00:03:28,158
Back up. What-what do you mean,
something will happen to it?
100
00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:30,402
I don't know. Maybe something
will happen to the couch
101
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,745
that'll make even your mom
want to get rid of it.
102
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,254
Right.
103
00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:37,329
Accidents happen to
couches every day. Sure.
104
00:03:37,373 --> 00:03:38,907
I bet that's true.
Mm-hmm.
105
00:03:38,913 --> 00:03:41,515
Found 'em.
Ugh, Gene got to 'em.
106
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,726
And he left a note.
"Checkmate."
107
00:03:45,274 --> 00:03:47,275
(snoring)
108
00:03:52,271 --> 00:03:53,905
Oops! What am I doing?
109
00:03:53,911 --> 00:03:55,378
(laughing):
Oops, I keep doing it.
110
00:03:55,417 --> 00:03:57,485
Stop.
(sawing continues)
111
00:03:57,493 --> 00:03:59,527
Yay, family TV night!
112
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:01,535
Why do we call it
family TV night
113
00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:03,277
if we do it every night?
114
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,985
Louise, you sure you don't
want to join your mom
115
00:04:04,991 --> 00:04:06,391
over here on the couch?
116
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:07,831
Uh, pass.
117
00:04:07,837 --> 00:04:09,371
Fine. More couch for me.
118
00:04:09,377 --> 00:04:11,645
Gene! Tina! Where are you?
119
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,387
Get in on this, babies.
120
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:15,328
First one on the couch
gets to pick the show.
121
00:04:15,335 --> 00:04:17,036
You drive a hard bargain, woman.
122
00:04:17,043 --> 00:04:18,844
I want something
with adult situations
123
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:20,084
but I'd settle
for mature themes.
124
00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:22,024
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
125
00:04:22,031 --> 00:04:23,097
Aah!
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00:04:23,102 --> 00:04:25,904
(distorted screams)
127
00:04:25,948 --> 00:04:27,882
Oh, my God!
128
00:04:27,922 --> 00:04:29,022
Oh, my word!
129
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,294
Oh, my God!
Couch?
130
00:04:30,299 --> 00:04:31,566
Couch, say something!
131
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,272
Give it mouth to mouth!
132
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,847
Well, I guess we're getting
a new couch after all.
133
00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,590
Yay!
134
00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:38,964
Anyway. Yay.
135
00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:40,865
(cries)
136
00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:45,091
The couch was too beautiful
for this world.
137
00:04:45,101 --> 00:04:46,802
I'm sorry, Lin.
What's that?
138
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,176
It's instructions for whoever
wants to take it home, Bob.
139
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:51,286
Oh. That's optimistic.
140
00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:54,029
"Good with children.
Does not fold out into a bed.
141
00:04:54,039 --> 00:04:55,673
Just folds out
because it's broken."
142
00:04:55,679 --> 00:04:57,380
Oh, my God!
What happened here?
143
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:58,887
The couch is gone, Teddy.
144
00:04:58,893 --> 00:05:01,562
Linda, Linda, Linda.
I am so sorry.
145
00:05:01,571 --> 00:05:03,572
Oh, you know, I...
I-I just keep having
146
00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:05,381
to tell myself it's-it's life.
147
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,955
It is. You know? It's natural.
148
00:05:06,961 --> 00:05:09,629
It is. I got a recliner
that's getting on in years.
149
00:05:09,639 --> 00:05:11,607
Might be time to start
making arrangements.
150
00:05:11,647 --> 00:05:13,748
Come on, people.
Are we gonna stand around all day,
151
00:05:13,756 --> 00:05:15,657
or are we gonna
go get a new couch?
152
00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:16,965
Oh, hold your horses.
153
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:18,838
I want to be here
if anyone takes it.
154
00:05:18,845 --> 00:05:20,512
Uh, I can keep an eye on it.
155
00:05:20,518 --> 00:05:22,419
I'll be here all day.
Mr. Fischoeder hired me
156
00:05:22,427 --> 00:05:23,828
to do some repairs next door.
157
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,533
The holistic healing
place that moved out
158
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:27,208
stripped all the copper
out of the walls.
159
00:05:27,214 --> 00:05:29,382
Hmm. Still smells like
incense in there, though.
160
00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,724
It's gonna be my most
relaxing day of work ever.
161
00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:34,034
Anyway, I'll see
that the couch goes to a good home.
162
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,377
Aw, thank you, Teddy.
163
00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:36,716
Yeah, thanks, Teddy!
Bye!
164
00:05:36,721 --> 00:05:38,755
Wait, wait, I need
to get a picture.
165
00:05:38,763 --> 00:05:40,064
And a lock of its hair.
166
00:05:40,069 --> 00:05:41,703
Ooh, it's my hair.
167
00:05:43,015 --> 00:05:44,682
Here we are.
The commercial
168
00:05:44,688 --> 00:05:47,090
doesn't do the place justice.
Actually, it does.
169
00:05:47,132 --> 00:05:50,434
(gasps) There she is. Oh.
170
00:05:50,446 --> 00:05:52,614
Welcome to the Sofa Queen
Furniture Outlet.
171
00:05:52,622 --> 00:05:54,123
What can I furnish
you with today?
172
00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:57,197
Uh, is the Sofa Queen here?
My wife is a huge fan.
173
00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:58,942
I'm afraid
she's not, at the moment.
174
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,517
Great. The queen's
not even here?
175
00:06:00,523 --> 00:06:02,257
Oh, what's
the point of anything?
176
00:06:02,264 --> 00:06:04,699
Well, the queen
might not be here,
177
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,608
but maybe you'd like to meet
her loyal servant
178
00:06:06,615 --> 00:06:09,184
and brother-in-law,
the Sofa Jester.
179
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,661
That's me.
180
00:06:10,699 --> 00:06:11,899
(humming a tune)
181
00:06:14,717 --> 00:06:17,252
Well, this is kind of fun.
Right? Lin?
182
00:06:17,261 --> 00:06:19,729
Maybe. Say what you
say in the commercial.
183
00:06:19,772 --> 00:06:23,541
Oh, you mean: "Off Route 9
in Bog Harbor. Boi-oi-oi-oing!"
184
00:06:23,588 --> 00:06:25,923
Again.
Off Route 9 in Bog Harbor.
185
00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:27,398
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
186
00:06:27,437 --> 00:06:28,571
I'm numb, say it
until I feel something.
187
00:06:28,576 --> 00:06:30,043
Lin...
188
00:06:30,082 --> 00:06:31,650
Off Route 9 in Bog Harbor.
189
00:06:31,656 --> 00:06:33,089
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
190
00:06:33,129 --> 00:06:34,896
One more time.
Okay, that's okay.
191
00:06:34,903 --> 00:06:36,804
Thanks. Thanks. No, no, no.
We're done. Why? What?
192
00:06:36,811 --> 00:06:38,078
Let's go browse around.
193
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:39,584
Oh, just browsing?
194
00:06:39,590 --> 00:06:40,857
No, no, we're gonna, I mean,
195
00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:42,302
we're definitely
gonna buy something.
196
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,969
No. It's okay, you're browsing.
197
00:06:44,008 --> 00:06:46,543
Um, uh, no.
We're browsing until we buy.
198
00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:48,520
I'll believe it when I see it.
199
00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:50,662
BOB: Wow.
So many options.
200
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:52,537
It's like a rave for furniture.
201
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,379
(phone rings) Oh, it's Teddy.
202
00:06:54,386 --> 00:06:56,720
Hi, Teddy.
Hi, Lin. It's Teddy.
203
00:06:56,729 --> 00:06:58,664
Yeah. The couch, the couch!
How's the couch?
204
00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:00,438
Uh, it's okay, it's
here with me now.
205
00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:02,947
One guy showed some interest,
but he had a beard,
206
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,756
so I moved him along.
Ew, a beard.
207
00:07:04,763 --> 00:07:07,065
Shoo, shoo! Some pigeons
just landed on it.
208
00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,075
Oh! Get 'em off.
Get 'em off it! Hey, shoo. Shoo.
209
00:07:09,082 --> 00:07:10,716
Aw, come on, get out of here.
210
00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:13,458
Get out of here! Now pigeons.
Pigeons are on it now.
211
00:07:13,468 --> 00:07:15,302
Get off the couch!
No, it was...
212
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,976
(stammers) No, no, no,
I'm yelling at the pigeons.
213
00:07:16,982 --> 00:07:18,416
(stammers) You can't tell
what I'm doing here?
214
00:07:18,422 --> 00:07:19,789
I'm yelling at the pigeons.
215
00:07:19,794 --> 00:07:21,662
Officer, I'm yelling
at the pigeons.
216
00:07:21,703 --> 00:07:24,605
Geez! Mom's got to pull herself
together and move on.
217
00:07:24,615 --> 00:07:26,215
Give her some time.
She's in shock.
218
00:07:26,221 --> 00:07:28,690
What happened to the couch
was such a weird freak accident.
219
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,500
(cackling)
220
00:07:30,506 --> 00:07:32,140
Why are you laughing like that?
221
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:33,715
Weird freak accident?
222
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,488
Oh, my God.
223
00:07:35,495 --> 00:07:37,029
Yeah.
You did that?
224
00:07:37,068 --> 00:07:38,736
Did I weaken the wood
under the couch
225
00:07:38,742 --> 00:07:40,242
by shaving it down with the file
226
00:07:40,248 --> 00:07:41,749
Mom uses on your toenails?
227
00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:43,355
No. Wink.
228
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:44,596
I can't believe it.
229
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:45,901
Well, you should, because
230
00:07:45,906 --> 00:07:47,073
it was your idea, Dad.
231
00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:48,812
What?! No, it wasn't.
232
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:50,978
(deep voice): Maybe something
will happen to the couch.
233
00:07:50,994 --> 00:07:52,261
I get it...
You said that.
234
00:07:52,267 --> 00:07:53,567
I said... But I didn't mean...
235
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:54,839
You ordered a hit.
236
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:56,078
You can't unorder it.
237
00:07:56,116 --> 00:07:58,117
I did not order a hit, Louise.
238
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,193
You didn't want to dirty
your pretty hands,
239
00:08:00,201 --> 00:08:02,535
but you're not gonna hang
me out to dry on this!
240
00:08:02,543 --> 00:08:04,111
Oh, God, here she comes.
241
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,518
(whispering): This isn't over.
It is over,
242
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,294
'cause we're getting a new couch,
'cause I did
243
00:08:08,301 --> 00:08:09,835
what you didn't have
the dumplings to do.
244
00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:11,375
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Lin.
245
00:08:11,414 --> 00:08:13,649
Teddy said somebody in shorts
tried to sit on the couch.
246
00:08:13,658 --> 00:08:15,058
He got there just in time.
247
00:08:15,063 --> 00:08:16,330
That's great.
248
00:08:16,335 --> 00:08:18,436
Well, uh, time to look around.
249
00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,145
Look at all the high chairs.
250
00:08:20,186 --> 00:08:21,753
That's the way to live.
Why does anyone
251
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:23,126
use low chairs anyway?
252
00:08:23,132 --> 00:08:25,433
Yeah! All chairs
should have safety straps
253
00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,008
and pictures of bears on them.
254
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,482
I'm gonna ask Mom and Dad
to buy one.
255
00:08:28,488 --> 00:08:29,988
I'm sure I could still fit.
256
00:08:29,994 --> 00:08:32,929
Ha! Good luck, Teenage
Mutant Teenager Legs.
257
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:34,975
Uh, look who's talking,
Girth Brooks.
258
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:36,482
I beg your pardon?
259
00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:38,155
I've been a size six for years.
260
00:08:38,162 --> 00:08:40,631
I bet I can still fit in
a high chair and you can't.
261
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,274
What's the winner get?
262
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,614
Hmm.
A week of piggyback rides?
263
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:45,456
You're on.
264
00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:46,694
(both grunting)
265
00:08:46,699 --> 00:08:47,966
Uh, uh, uh.
Huh?
266
00:08:47,971 --> 00:08:49,505
SALESMAN: Let me guess,
high chair bet?
267
00:08:49,511 --> 00:08:51,045
Uh...
Uh...
268
00:08:51,051 --> 00:08:52,985
I've seen it before
and it doesn't end well.
269
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:55,260
Sorry, we'll get down.
No, please.
270
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,170
I support your foolhardy wager.
271
00:08:57,177 --> 00:08:58,744
We have a "you break it,
you buy it" policy
272
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,017
and I work on commission.
273
00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:01,556
Wow, what a nice guy.
274
00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:04,430
So this is fun, right?
It's going pretty good.
275
00:09:04,475 --> 00:09:06,943
You think so? We've
looked at 12 couches, Louise.
276
00:09:06,985 --> 00:09:09,453
Your Mom yelled at three of them
and gave one the finger.
277
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:11,864
Ooh, try this one, Mom.
Take it for a spin.
278
00:09:11,906 --> 00:09:13,607
I'll sit on it
because I'm tired.
279
00:09:13,647 --> 00:09:15,515
This doesn't mean
anything, Mr. Couch.
280
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,822
No funny business.
281
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,428
Well? How does it feel?
282
00:09:18,468 --> 00:09:20,803
Eh. Maybe this
one's not terrible.
283
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,378
Come here, come-come try it. Ha!
284
00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:25,559
Yeah.
It does feel good.
285
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,865
It's all right. It's okay. Hmm.
286
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,337
Yeah, not bad.
287
00:09:28,377 --> 00:09:31,912
Just browsing? Okay.
There you go. Walking away.
288
00:09:31,925 --> 00:09:33,526
All right, coast is clear.
289
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,700
On the count of three,
jump into your high chair.
290
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,042
Is this how babies do it?
291
00:09:37,047 --> 00:09:39,314
Fun babies. One...
292
00:09:39,357 --> 00:09:40,757
This might be a bad idea.
293
00:09:40,762 --> 00:09:42,229
Two...
294
00:09:42,235 --> 00:09:43,903
I take it back,
it's a great idea!
295
00:09:43,943 --> 00:09:44,976
BOB: Gene, Tina.
296
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,048
Ugh.
What does he want?
297
00:09:47,090 --> 00:09:48,957
Oh! Found one you like, huh?
298
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:50,565
Well, you have excellent taste.
299
00:09:50,572 --> 00:09:53,006
This might be the comfiest
couch in the store.
300
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:55,417
And I'm not just pushin'
cushions. Boi-oi-oi-oing!
301
00:09:55,425 --> 00:09:57,326
Mm. Maybe no more boings.
Sorry.
302
00:09:57,334 --> 00:09:59,935
Uh, guys,
try out this couch. Nice.
303
00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:01,345
This is some real butt candy.
304
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,152
It doesn't drip
when you sit on it.
305
00:10:03,159 --> 00:10:05,360
We'll take it. No need to wrap
it up, we'll wear it home.
306
00:10:05,368 --> 00:10:06,635
Uh, how much does it cost?
307
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,040
Only $1,399.99.
308
00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:09,346
Kids, get off.
Don't even look at it.
309
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:10,852
Well, n...
Wait, wait.
310
00:10:10,858 --> 00:10:13,827
I could sell you this
floor model for $499.99.
311
00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,572
Wow, now that's a good deal.
312
00:10:15,578 --> 00:10:16,611
Boi-oi-oi...
313
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,783
Sorry.
Thank you.
314
00:10:17,788 --> 00:10:19,388
Mm-hmm. Now there's no returns
315
00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:21,762
and I have to point out
it does have a stain on it.
316
00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:25,379
(all laugh)
317
00:10:25,386 --> 00:10:27,220
We'll teach it what stains are.
318
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:28,395
So you'll take it?
319
00:10:28,432 --> 00:10:29,966
Mom, are you okay with this?
320
00:10:29,972 --> 00:10:32,908
Sure. Sure, let's do it.
Let's do it.
321
00:10:32,952 --> 00:10:34,586
Terrific! I'll get
the paperwork.
322
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,527
And I'm supposed to do
my little jester dance
323
00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,935
when I make a sale.
324
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:39,340
Uh, we're good. You sure?
325
00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:40,713
It's quite playful.
326
00:10:40,719 --> 00:10:42,687
Fine. Just go ahead,
yeah, yeah, do it.
327
00:10:42,694 --> 00:10:44,494
? Yuh, gah-gah gah-gah, goy ?
328
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:45,869
? Yuh, mm, hey, ma-mommy ?
329
00:10:45,874 --> 00:10:47,641
? Uh-ma, may, Na, byoya, oh! ?
330
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,515
Linda, this is gonna be good,
right?
331
00:10:49,522 --> 00:10:51,090
Yeah, you're right.
332
00:10:51,096 --> 00:10:53,430
Maybe this was for the best,
you know? Who knows?
333
00:10:53,439 --> 00:10:55,941
See, Dad? It worked.
What?
334
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,884
Hmm? What did yo...? Wait.
What did you say?
335
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,227
I don't know. What-what did
you... what did you say?
336
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:01,568
The... Wh-What?
337
00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:04,276
You said, "It worked."
What... worked?
338
00:11:04,286 --> 00:11:05,720
What worked?! All right, fine!
339
00:11:05,725 --> 00:11:07,125
We put the couch
out of its misery!
340
00:11:07,131 --> 00:11:08,565
It was dying anyway.
341
00:11:08,571 --> 00:11:09,905
What?! What?! Oh, God.
342
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:12,244
But look at this!
Pretty new couch, right?
343
00:11:12,253 --> 00:11:13,887
It's so pretty.
344
00:11:13,927 --> 00:11:15,828
Who's "we?" Bob?
Mm. What?
345
00:11:15,869 --> 00:11:18,270
"We put the couch out
of its misery." Who's we?
346
00:11:18,312 --> 00:11:19,812
Wha-What?
I... I'm sorry. I... What?
347
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:22,154
Were you a part of this?
I would like to say,
348
00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:23,963
I was just getting
fudge pretzels, and...
349
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:25,404
Checkmate!
I know, Gene.
350
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,844
And I did not mean
in any way to cause...
351
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:30,588
Monsters!
Monsters!
352
00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:31,865
Linda! Wait!
353
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:34,572
(Linda mutters, cries, wails)
354
00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:37,250
Okay. Perhaps I can throw in
some pillows and blankets,
355
00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:40,028
'cause it looks like you're
gonna be sleeping on this couch.
356
00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:43,265
Ha! Jesters.
Always gotta be on.
357
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:47,455
(panting): Linda! Wait!
358
00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:49,399
You and Louise
killed the couch, Bob!
359
00:11:49,406 --> 00:11:51,073
You Kevorkianed it!
360
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,748
Lin? Lin?
361
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,821
Look, I'm not good
at running around things,
362
00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:56,764
so just stop, so we can talk.
363
00:11:56,804 --> 00:11:58,505
Why'd you do it, Louise?
364
00:11:58,512 --> 00:12:01,180
You played God,
and our couch wasn't even religious!
365
00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:03,558
Oh, don't you two couch-huggers
start with me!
366
00:12:03,566 --> 00:12:04,565
Huh.
367
00:12:04,571 --> 00:12:06,172
That lady looks familiar.
368
00:12:06,178 --> 00:12:08,112
GENE (gasping):
It's the Sofa Queen!
369
00:12:08,152 --> 00:12:09,886
The leader
of the Ottoman Empire.
370
00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:13,696
Excuse me. I got to see a sofa
queen about a drama queen.
371
00:12:13,744 --> 00:12:14,744
(knocking on door)
372
00:12:14,748 --> 00:12:15,748
Who is it?
373
00:12:15,752 --> 00:12:18,186
Uh, your Royal Highness?
374
00:12:18,229 --> 00:12:20,730
(fanfare plays)
375
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,342
Oh, my God, it's the Sofa Queen.
376
00:12:23,384 --> 00:12:25,118
Curtsy time!
Oh, right.
377
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:27,126
(Gene and Tina groaning)
378
00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:28,802
Is that your wife?
379
00:12:28,841 --> 00:12:32,644
(sobbing)
380
00:12:32,691 --> 00:12:34,125
What'd you do to her?
381
00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:35,764
It's... uh, it's a long story.
382
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:38,106
I thought we were getting
a snack, and then, I...
383
00:12:38,114 --> 00:12:40,849
Okay, okay, okay. Let the woman
with the crown talk her down.
384
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,459
She's really good at this.
385
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:44,300
She talked me into
marrying her sister.
386
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:46,208
That's why she's the queen
and you're not.
387
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:47,683
I know, I know.
388
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,456
You could never be queen.
I know!
389
00:12:49,496 --> 00:12:52,498
(gasping, jabbering, wailing)
390
00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:54,077
(sniffling)
391
00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:56,617
Please don't blow your nose
on my display furniture.
392
00:12:56,626 --> 00:12:58,360
(gasps) It's you.
393
00:12:58,401 --> 00:13:00,102
Your Majesty, it's really you!
394
00:13:00,108 --> 00:13:01,575
And it's really you,
395
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,749
lady crying
in the middle of a store.
396
00:13:03,757 --> 00:13:06,125
Come on, make some room. (cries)
397
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:08,602
Oh, I don't like this.
We sell this?
398
00:13:08,611 --> 00:13:10,111
Did you bring this?
399
00:13:10,117 --> 00:13:11,718
I don't think so.
400
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,292
Not much we can do here.
401
00:13:13,298 --> 00:13:14,765
Yeah, Sofa Queen's got this.
402
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,005
To the high chairs?
To the high chairs.
403
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,815
(whispering):
To the high chairs!
404
00:13:18,855 --> 00:13:20,989
They did what?!
I know, right?
405
00:13:20,997 --> 00:13:23,199
You don't do that to
a woman's couch!
406
00:13:23,207 --> 00:13:25,007
The couch I raised my babies on!
407
00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:26,448
Horrible! Hey, Bob!
408
00:13:26,488 --> 00:13:27,521
Oh, no.
409
00:13:27,525 --> 00:13:28,892
Uh, yes, Your Majesty?
410
00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:29,998
What's wrong with you?
411
00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:31,236
I didn't, um...
412
00:13:31,241 --> 00:13:32,508
I wasn't thinking.
413
00:13:32,513 --> 00:13:33,846
It's complicated 'cause I...
414
00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:35,520
Don't touch that!
Sorry.
415
00:13:35,526 --> 00:13:36,893
I got to say,
416
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,299
that sounds like
a special couch.
417
00:13:38,304 --> 00:13:39,738
You got any pictures?
418
00:13:39,744 --> 00:13:41,077
Yeah, I took one
this morning... here.
419
00:13:41,082 --> 00:13:42,283
Look, there you go. Mm.
420
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:44,989
Oh, that's, uh...
Yeah.
421
00:13:44,999 --> 00:13:46,733
Uh... Hmm.
422
00:13:46,740 --> 00:13:48,141
Good couch, right?
423
00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:49,681
It's got character.
424
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:52,088
Yeah, it's got character
splattered all over it.
425
00:13:52,096 --> 00:13:55,599
Linda, that's what we call
in the industry a nasty couch.
426
00:13:55,612 --> 00:13:58,280
Oh. Right. I gue...
I gue... I guess it's bad.
427
00:13:58,290 --> 00:13:59,690
I guess it's bad.
(chuckles)
428
00:13:59,695 --> 00:14:01,029
Okay, it's bad.
429
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:02,802
Linda, you're gonna think
430
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:05,143
I'm only trying to sell you
a new couch, and I am.
431
00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:06,553
I'm the Sofa Queen.
432
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,293
But I think you know
what you gotta do.
433
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:09,767
What?
You know.
434
00:14:09,772 --> 00:14:11,172
I do?
Yes.
435
00:14:11,178 --> 00:14:12,612
New couch?
New couch.
436
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,586
I love you.
I know.
437
00:14:14,593 --> 00:14:16,560
Give me huggies!
Too much.
438
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:18,235
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
439
00:14:18,242 --> 00:14:20,409
Don't touch the queen.
Sor-Sorry. Sorry.
440
00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:22,619
So it's really happening...
we're getting a new couch.
441
00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:24,794
It is, and you are welcome.
442
00:14:24,802 --> 00:14:26,670
We're actually
replacing Old Stinko.
443
00:14:26,678 --> 00:14:28,145
Yup.
444
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:29,584
John Stain-mos.
445
00:14:29,590 --> 00:14:30,623
Mm-hmm.
446
00:14:30,627 --> 00:14:32,662
Old... Fartcatcher.
447
00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:34,103
Okay, Dad, take it easy.
448
00:14:34,109 --> 00:14:35,510
Back off a little.
449
00:14:35,515 --> 00:14:36,982
Sorry, I-I got on a roll there.
450
00:14:37,021 --> 00:14:38,455
(both yelling)
451
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,861
Get it off!
Get it off!
452
00:14:39,867 --> 00:14:42,502
Why did we do this?!
It pinches! It pinches!
453
00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:44,546
This can't be safe for babies!
(groaning)
454
00:14:44,554 --> 00:14:46,021
(Tina and Gene groaning) Aah!
455
00:14:46,027 --> 00:14:47,561
Why am I doing this?!
456
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:49,601
I knew I wouldn't fit.
What came over me?!
457
00:14:49,609 --> 00:14:51,977
It's intoxicating!
Aah!
458
00:14:52,019 --> 00:14:53,753
LINDA:
Come on, everybody eat faster
459
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,527
so we can start TV night
on the new couch!
460
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:57,135
Where are the napkins?
461
00:14:57,141 --> 00:14:58,441
Do you mean the paper
towel roll?
462
00:14:58,446 --> 00:14:59,713
Yeah.
463
00:14:59,719 --> 00:15:00,953
This guy hangs out with a queen.
464
00:15:00,958 --> 00:15:02,825
Now he's using napkins.
465
00:15:02,832 --> 00:15:05,467
(sighs) Someone kicked
the paper towel roll down the hall.
466
00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,644
Again. Louise, did you do that?
467
00:15:07,653 --> 00:15:09,620
Kick the paper towel roll?
Of course.
468
00:15:09,627 --> 00:15:11,295
It's a paper towel roll.
469
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:13,202
Right. Well, would
you get it, please?
470
00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:14,610
Ugh! Fine!
471
00:15:17,695 --> 00:15:19,763
Oh. Huh.
472
00:15:19,804 --> 00:15:22,172
Hi. Well, this is awkward.
473
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:25,183
Just... not gonna
look out there again.
474
00:15:25,194 --> 00:15:26,761
Oh, God, I looked.
475
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:28,368
I see you, okay?!
476
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:30,041
I know
what you're trying to pull,
477
00:15:30,048 --> 00:15:31,415
looking all pathetic
on the curb.
478
00:15:31,454 --> 00:15:32,954
But it's not gonna work.
479
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,561
I'll just close my eyes.
480
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,868
(laughs)
481
00:15:35,906 --> 00:15:37,540
Okay, shouldn't have
closed my eyes.
482
00:15:37,546 --> 00:15:39,214
Louise,
I need a paper towel, please.
483
00:15:39,221 --> 00:15:41,222
Gene motorboated
his pasta again.
484
00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:43,263
Oh.
Mm-hmm. Old couch.
485
00:15:43,271 --> 00:15:45,787
Yup. It's gonna be fine, right?
486
00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:47,415
Are you kidding?
It's gonna be great!
487
00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:49,857
It's got a rich, full
life ahead of it.
488
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,333
Ooh!
Ooh!
489
00:15:51,373 --> 00:15:52,807
It-It's gonna shake that off.
490
00:15:52,812 --> 00:15:54,045
Yeah, that wasn't... that sad.
491
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,117
No.
492
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,189
There you are!
493
00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:57,626
You missed the part of dinner
494
00:15:57,632 --> 00:15:59,033
where we all put our plates
in the sink
495
00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:00,673
and pretend
somebody's gonna do the dishes.
496
00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:02,279
All right, new couch, here we come!
So this is
497
00:16:02,319 --> 00:16:04,053
what it feels like
to sit upright.
498
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,494
It's nice.
The room looks different.
499
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:07,067
Oh, here comes another car.
500
00:16:07,073 --> 00:16:08,707
Is it gonna...? Oh, God.
(water splashing)
501
00:16:08,713 --> 00:16:10,280
It hit the puddle.
502
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:11,720
Looked like he went out
of his way to hit it.
503
00:16:11,726 --> 00:16:13,193
What am I being so sappy about?
504
00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:14,699
Sure I liked making couch forts,
505
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:16,306
but I can make forts
with the new couch.
506
00:16:16,312 --> 00:16:18,079
Uh, actually, the cushions
don't come off.
507
00:16:18,086 --> 00:16:20,488
Oh. Okay,
but the old couch is scruffy.
508
00:16:20,497 --> 00:16:22,131
I mean... (scoffs)
509
00:16:22,137 --> 00:16:24,238
we don't keep scruffy things
in this house, right?
510
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:26,247
Are you serious?
Oh, right.
511
00:16:26,255 --> 00:16:28,189
Yeah.
It's like Scruff City.
512
00:16:31,912 --> 00:16:33,145
Son of a bitch.
513
00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,451
We gotta go get it.
514
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,690
Hmm. Sounds like you just said,
515
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:36,828
"We've gotta go get it."
516
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:38,267
Like, right now.
517
00:16:38,306 --> 00:16:39,840
What are you guys
talkin' about over there?
518
00:16:39,846 --> 00:16:41,313
We gotta get the old couch back.
519
00:16:41,352 --> 00:16:42,519
Oh, thank God.
520
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:44,191
I don't know
who I am on this couch.
521
00:16:44,197 --> 00:16:46,532
Yeah! I don't like
who I am on this couch.
522
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,342
What?! Oh, no, no, no!
523
00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:51,251
I wanted to keep the old couch,
but you told me I was nuts!
524
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,896
So we went through all this,
and now you think it isn't nuts?
525
00:16:53,939 --> 00:16:55,606
It is pretty nuts, you guys.
526
00:16:55,613 --> 00:16:58,215
I know, okay?
It's just, how can you not look
527
00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:01,259
at that stinky old couch out
there and not want it inside?
528
00:17:01,304 --> 00:17:03,505
It's... it's one of us.
529
00:17:03,547 --> 00:17:05,749
Yeah! Old couch came out of Mom!
530
00:17:05,757 --> 00:17:08,291
So, you do like the old couch?
531
00:17:08,334 --> 00:17:10,101
No! It's a gross,
532
00:17:10,142 --> 00:17:13,144
lumpy, dumpy
monster, and... aah!
533
00:17:13,155 --> 00:17:14,922
Let's just go get it, okay?
534
00:17:14,962 --> 00:17:16,363
Uh... all right.
535
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,736
Let's go!
Let's do it!
536
00:17:18,846 --> 00:17:19,985
Oh, my God, it's gone!
537
00:17:21,155 --> 00:17:22,555
LINDA, GENE, TINA and LOUISE:
What?!
538
00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:26,570
Good news! Someone
picked up the couch!
539
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,013
No! No! No!
540
00:17:29,056 --> 00:17:32,406
You guys react weird to good news.
GENE: Yes!
541
00:17:33,014 --> 00:17:36,401
Where the freak is our couch?!
It was here just a second ago.
542
00:17:36,413 --> 00:17:38,805
Yeah, these guys came and got it.
I would've told you,
543
00:17:38,847 --> 00:17:41,282
but I didn't want to interrupt
your time with the new couch.
544
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,092
Those first moments
of bonding are so important.
545
00:17:43,132 --> 00:17:44,566
Who was it?
Some teenage boys.
546
00:17:44,572 --> 00:17:45,805
They were in a band.
547
00:17:45,810 --> 00:17:47,277
Exchange me for the couch.
548
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,283
I'm willing to make
that sacrifice.
549
00:17:48,287 --> 00:17:50,155
No, Tina.
A band?!
550
00:17:50,162 --> 00:17:51,596
Why did they want our couch?
551
00:17:51,602 --> 00:17:53,069
Probably to sit on.
Lazy band.
552
00:17:53,075 --> 00:17:54,542
They invited me to their show.
553
00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:56,081
It's next Friday
at the Ear Drum.
554
00:17:56,087 --> 00:17:58,121
I haven't been
to a rock show in a while.
555
00:17:58,129 --> 00:17:59,997
What do I wear? Are sleeveless
shirts still cool?
556
00:18:00,004 --> 00:18:01,604
We've got to go to the Ear Drum
557
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:03,311
and see if anyone knows
how to find these guys.
558
00:18:03,318 --> 00:18:05,653
Yeah. Or we could
just go back upstairs
559
00:18:05,662 --> 00:18:07,363
and think about all the good
times we had with the...
560
00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:09,002
Come on, we're going!
Let's go! Mm-hmm.
561
00:18:09,009 --> 00:18:11,377
Yeah, scope it out.
Pay attention to the shirts.
562
00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:13,854
Sleeves? No sleeves?
Let me know!
563
00:18:15,202 --> 00:18:16,436
It's four teenage boys.
564
00:18:16,441 --> 00:18:17,674
They're playing here
next Friday.
565
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,046
Oh, I know those guys.
566
00:18:19,086 --> 00:18:20,753
Yeah, w-what do they call
themselves now?
567
00:18:20,759 --> 00:18:22,226
They're-they're always
changing their name.
568
00:18:22,232 --> 00:18:23,933
Uh, used to be
the Melon Smashers.
569
00:18:23,939 --> 00:18:25,306
Then they were
the Vase Breakers.
570
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,913
Now they're called, um...
571
00:18:26,919 --> 00:18:28,352
oh, yeah, yeah,
the Couch Burners.
572
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:29,792
Aah! Aah! Aah!
573
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:31,599
Oh, God.
The Couch Burners?
574
00:18:31,606 --> 00:18:34,308
Those idiots are gonna burn
our couch and put it on their flyer!
575
00:18:34,351 --> 00:18:36,018
Oh, they got your couch, huh?
576
00:18:36,024 --> 00:18:37,658
Well, why'd you give
your couch to the Couch Burners?
577
00:18:37,698 --> 00:18:39,265
Look: on both flyers,
578
00:18:39,272 --> 00:18:40,939
they're standing
on the railroad tracks.
579
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,513
BOB: Hey, that's
the old train depot.
580
00:18:42,552 --> 00:18:44,153
You're an old train depot!
581
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,461
Come on, people.
We got a couch to save.
582
00:18:46,469 --> 00:18:48,136
(lighter clicks open)
583
00:18:48,143 --> 00:18:49,677
After we get the shot
we're gonna use,
584
00:18:49,683 --> 00:18:51,250
we should get one silly one,
just for sillies.
585
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,657
Oh, sure, yeah.
586
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:53,963
There they are!
587
00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,368
Bunch of sick sofa psychos!
588
00:18:55,373 --> 00:18:56,774
And there's the couch!
589
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,514
Get 'em, Dad!
Run, Bobby!
590
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:00,689
Why do I have to...?
Oh, fine.
591
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:03,131
(wheezing)
592
00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:06,313
Excuse me! Hey!
593
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,088
Dude, are you okay?
594
00:19:08,095 --> 00:19:09,562
Yeah, I'm fine, I just...
595
00:19:09,601 --> 00:19:11,902
Uh, are you the, uh,
Couch Burners?
596
00:19:11,944 --> 00:19:13,645
Oh, my God,
have you heard of us?
597
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:16,420
Uh, I'm really sorry to do this,
but we need that couch back.
598
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:18,331
It's ours, and you're
not gonna burn it!
599
00:19:18,372 --> 00:19:20,307
We found this thing
on the street.
600
00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:22,548
Finders, keepers.
Keepers, burners.
601
00:19:22,556 --> 00:19:24,791
It's gonna be immortalized
on our new flyer, so...
602
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,434
you're welcome.
Ha.
603
00:19:26,473 --> 00:19:28,841
Listen, the couch has been
in the family a long time.
604
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:30,250
Please give it back to us.
605
00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:31,856
Sir, I get it.
You love the couch.
606
00:19:31,863 --> 00:19:33,864
Yes, we do.
607
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:36,272
But if you love something,
set it on fire.
608
00:19:36,281 --> 00:19:37,882
Those are good lyrics, man.
609
00:19:37,888 --> 00:19:39,355
I know, right?
610
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,028
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa! No!
611
00:19:41,035 --> 00:19:43,404
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
612
00:19:43,412 --> 00:19:45,546
What if we could get you
a different couch to burn, huh?
613
00:19:45,554 --> 00:19:47,321
Yeah, yeah!
A buh-buh better couch!
614
00:19:47,328 --> 00:19:50,931
Linda, you're not talking
about the new couch? Why not?
615
00:19:50,944 --> 00:19:52,344
Yeah, Dad, why not?
616
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:54,085
'Cause it cost $499.99.
617
00:19:54,124 --> 00:19:55,758
It's a floor model.
We can't return it!
618
00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:57,666
Yeah, Bob. What did you think
we were gonna do with it
619
00:19:57,673 --> 00:19:59,540
when we took the old one back?
620
00:19:59,547 --> 00:20:02,282
I was imagining we'd prop
one couch up on the other one,
621
00:20:02,292 --> 00:20:04,160
so it looked
like they were making love.
622
00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:05,601
Aw.
Mmm!
623
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,541
Well, we could sell it.
624
00:20:07,548 --> 00:20:09,916
Damn it, Dad! Do you want
the old couch back or don't you?!
625
00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,359
(sighs) Okay, fine.
626
00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:13,366
Wait, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on a second.
627
00:20:13,373 --> 00:20:15,073
We don't know anything
about this new couch.
628
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,848
Yeah!
What's going on there?
629
00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:18,355
Well, what do you need to know?
630
00:20:18,395 --> 00:20:20,663
Well, like, can you burn it?
631
00:20:20,704 --> 00:20:22,738
Um, yeah, you can.
632
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,614
Okay, we'll take it!
633
00:20:24,621 --> 00:20:25,754
(flames crackling,
camera shutter clicks)
634
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:26,759
All right, guys, one more.
635
00:20:26,763 --> 00:20:27,763
(camera shutter clicks)
636
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:28,767
No, you had your eyes closed
637
00:20:28,772 --> 00:20:30,473
again, so... one more.
638
00:20:30,513 --> 00:20:33,481
Here we go. All right,
eyes are still closed, so...
639
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,159
I... Still? Yeah, just open them.
You had them closed.
640
00:20:35,166 --> 00:20:36,834
I so feel like my eyes are open.
641
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,674
Open your eyes and let me take this.
All right.
642
00:20:38,681 --> 00:20:40,782
(camera shutter clicks)
All of you, closed.
643
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:43,025
Okay, we both... Guys, we got to
take it while it's still burning.
644
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,535
If you put one foot in front of
the other, you'll look thinner.
645
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,879
Yeah, that's perfect.
646
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,522
BOB: Ugh. We got the couch back,
Mom. We did it.
647
00:20:50,532 --> 00:20:53,167
Yup. Who knows
a good upholsterer? Anyone?
648
00:20:53,177 --> 00:20:54,744
I do know a good upholsterer.
649
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,517
He's on Cape Cod!
650
00:20:56,524 --> 00:20:58,526
Quick fort while we're waiting
for new couch to burn?
651
00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:01,601
Sure! Dibs on the spot
that smells like guacamole!
652
00:21:01,612 --> 00:21:03,079
SINGER (speaking):
? If you love something ?
653
00:21:03,085 --> 00:21:06,388
? Set it on fire ?
654
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,001
? Like a couch ?
655
00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:10,477
? Or your shoes ?
656
00:21:10,483 --> 00:21:12,418
LINDA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
657
00:21:12,426 --> 00:21:14,427
BAND (singing):
? If you love something ?
658
00:21:14,434 --> 00:21:17,269
? Set it on fire ?
659
00:21:17,279 --> 00:21:19,146
? If you love something ?
660
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,657
? Set it on fire ?
661
00:21:22,669 --> 00:21:25,070
SINGER (speaking):
? If you love something ?
662
00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:27,180
? Set it on fire ?
663
00:21:27,188 --> 00:21:29,990
BAND (singing):
? But safety first! ?
664
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,701
? Safety first! ?
665
00:21:31,751 --> 00:21:36,301
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