All language subtitles for Seth Meyers 2020 09 23 Sarah Paulson WEB h264 BAE_track3_eng

>> Announcer: TONIGHT ON

"LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS" -

SARAH PAULSON,

STAR OF "ARCHER," ACTOR AND

COMEDIAN H. JON BENJAMIN

AN ALL-NEW "CLOSER LOOK,

FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH

FRED ARMISEN

AND NOW SETH MEYERS.

>> Seth: GOOD EVENING.

I'M SETH MEYERS.

THIS IS "LATE NIGHT.

HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT?

IN THAT CASE, LET'S GET TO THE

NEWS

PRESIDENT TRUMP HELD A RALLY IN

PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA, LAST

NIGHT.

LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE

TRUMP MIGHT BE GETTING FOUR MORE

YEARS, BUT I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT

THE REST OF YOU.

DURING HIS RALLY IN PENNSYLVANIA

LAST NIGHT, PRESIDENT TRUMP

ATTACKED DEMOCRATIC GOVERNORS

FOR IMPLEMENTING PUBLIC HEALTH

MEASURES AND SAID, QUOTE, "YOU

CAN'T GIVE YOUR WIFE A KISS GOOD

NIGHT.

YOU'VE GOT TO WEAR A MASK.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WHERE DID HE HEAR THAT

OH, YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEETED

YESTERDAY THAT HE WILL ANNOUNCE

HIS SUPREME COURT NOMINEE TO

REPLACE JUSTICE

RUTH BADER GINSBURG ON SATURDAY,

AS OPPOSED TO WHEN

MITCH McCONNELL WANTED TO DO IT,

HALFWAY THROUGH THE FUNERAL.

"I -- WE'VE WAITED AN

APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME."

PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE TODAY AT A

CEREMONY TO HONOR VETERANS OF

THE CUBAN BAY OF PIGS INVASION

AND IT WAS THE FIRST

PRESIDENTIAL SPEECH TO START

WITH THE WORDS, "ACCORDING TO

WIKIPEDIA.

THAT'S RIGHT, PRESIDENT TRUMP

SPOKE AT A CEREMONY TO HONOR

VETERANS OF THE FAILED BAY OF

PIGS INVASION, WHICH MEANS ONE

OF HIS AIDES HAD A REALLY LONG

MORNING.

"WE HAVE PIG SOLDIERS?

"NO, IT'S -- THAT'S JUST WHAT

IT'S CALLED.

"WHERE ARE THE PIG SOLDIERS?

"YOU KNOW WHAT

LET'S JUST -- LET'S JUST START

OVER."

"WE SHOULD -- WE SHOULD PROBABLY

LOOK INTO PIG SOLDIERS, THOUGH

JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT, I THINK.

BECAUSE WAR IS HELL.

GET A COUPLE OF PIG SOLDIERS IN

THERE, THAT MIGHT LIGHTEN UP THE

MOOD

WHAT UP?"

IN A VIRTUAL ADDRESS YESTERDAY

TO THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY,

PRESIDENT TRUMP CRITICIZED CHINA

OVER ITS ENVIRONMENTAL POLICIES.

THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE

EFFECTIVE IF THE WHITE HOUSE

WASN'T CONSUMED BY A WILDFIRE

MID-SPEECH

ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL, FORMER

VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN AND

PRESIDENT TRUMP ARE TIED IN

IOWA, BUT THIS IS WEIRD, FOR

SECOND

A LOT OF KANYE FANS IN IOWA.

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN

WAS REPORTEDLY LATE TO A VIRTUAL

FUNDRAISER BECAUSE HE STOPPED AT

AN ATM TO TAKE OUT CASH.

SAID THE ATM, "PLEASE, CALL ME

MIKE."

TODAY WAS NATIONAL CHECKERS DAY.

"KING ME," SAID TRUMP AT A

RALLY.

TODAY WAS BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S

71st BIRTHDAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S OLD ENOUGH

THAT HE SHOULD BE QUARANTINED,

BUT HE DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T BE

DOING THIS

NOT EVEN IF IT'S BACK TO BACK.

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU GUYS DO THAT

TOO.

JUST IN GENERAL, JUST RULE IT

OUT.

DORITOS HAS LAUNCHED A NEW

FLAVOR CALLED TWISTED LIME

DESPITE PROMISING BACK IN

2016 NOT TO RELEASE ANY NEW

FLAVORS IN THE LAST YEAR OF A

PRESIDENT'S TERM

THE STEAKHOUSE CHAIN SIZZLER HAS

FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY AMID THE

CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC

"WOW, THIS IS TOUGH," SAID

EVERYONE WHO'S EVER EATEN THERE.

THAT'S A PERFECT JOKE.

THAT WAS A PERFECT JOKE FOR ALL

OF YOU, COURTESY OF ALEX BATES

AND FINALLY, BECAUSE OF THE

ONGOING CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC,

MANY AMERICANS ARE PLANNING TO

VOTE BY MAIL FOR THE UPCOMING

ELECTION

BUT THERE ARE FIVE STATES --

TEXAS, LOUISIANA, INDIANA,

SOUTH CAROLINA AND MISSISSIPPI

THAT SAY THE PANDEMIC IS NOT AN

EXCUSE FOR ANYONE TO VOTE BY

MAIL

SO WE LOOKED INTO WHAT EXCUSES

THESE STATES WILL ACCEPT IN A

NEW SEGMENT CALLED "OTHER

MAIL-IN VOTING EXCUSES."

♪

>> Seth: IN TEXAS, THEY'LL ALLOW

MAIL-IN VOTING IF YOU REMEMBER

TO REGISTER, BUT FORGOT THE

ALAMO.

ELECTION DAY -- IS THIS THE

SAME

♪

OH, MY GOD

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

♪

WE USED TO HAVE LIKE A GAME SHOW

SONG THAT WE PLAYED FOR THESE.

DID THE GAME SHOW SONG -- IS THE

GAME SHOW SONG RECOVERING FROM

CORONA

♪

ELECTION DAY FALLS ON CREW CUT

DAY AT MISSION CONTROL

THIS ACTUALLY IS YOUR FIRST

RODEO, AND YOU REALLY NEED THE

PRACTICE

IN INDIANA, THEY'LL ALLOW

MAIL-IN VOTING IF YOU ARE GARY

YOU PROMISE TO SWING BY AUNT

JUDY'S AND BRING BACK A

CASSEROLE DISH

OR IF YOU'RE ON CENTRAL TIME,

BUT YOUR VOTING LOCATION IS ON

EASTERN TIME AND YOU FORGOT

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDED AND

DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU ARE ANYMORE.

LOUISIANA ONLY ALLOWS MAIL-IN

VOTING IF LE BON TEMPS ARE

CURRENTLY NOT ROULE'ING.

YOU LOST BOTH HANDS TO A CATFISH

WHILE HILLBILLY HANDFISHING.

OR IF YOU --

[ LAUGHTER ]

I HATE THIS SONG SO MUCH

[ LAUGHTER ]

BY THE WAY, IT MIGHT BE A

DIFFERENT SONG

BUT I'M HEARING YESTERDAY'S

SONG, BECAUSE IT'S STILL IN MY

HEAD

AND RIGHT NOW YOU'RE AT HOME

SAYING, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS

NORMAL GAME SHOW SONG YOU USED

TO USE?"

OR IF YOU GOT TO STAY HOME TO

STIR YOUR MAMA'S ETOUFFEE SO IT

DON'T STICK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE

PAN.

IN MISSISSIPPI -

[ LAUGHTER ]

IN MISSISSIPPI, YOU CAN VOTE BY

MAIL IF YOU LIVE MORE THAN

100 MISSISSIPPIS FROM YOUR

POLLING LOCATION

YOU GOT A HOT HAND IN POKER ON A

RIVERBOAT CASINO

OR IF ELECTION DAY IS THE SAME

DAY AS YOU AND YOUR COUSIN'S

WEDDING.

AND FINALLY, IN SOUTH CAROLINA,

YOU CAN VOTE BY MAIL IF YOU HAVE

PERMISSION FROM HOOTIE OR AT

LEAST TWO BLOWFISH

YOU'RE A CONFEDERATE STATUE

WHO'S WORRIED YOU'LL LOSE YOUR

PLACE.

OR IF YOU'RE JUST TOO BUSY

LETTING YOUR MIND WANDER SITTING

ON THE BRANCH OF AN ANGEL OAK

TREE, SKIN DEWY THE HEAT,

LISTENING TO THE BUZZ OF THE

TAWNY MOLE CRICKETS, HEART

A'BURSTING WITH LOW COUNTRY

PRIDE.

NOW, I WANT TO STRESS, I'M GOING

CRAZY FOR TWO REASONS.

THIS SONG, AND ALSO I WISH YOU

COULD SEE THE CUE CARD RIGHT NOW

THAT HAS THE TINIEST SLIVER OF

LIGHT ON IT.

IT'S NOT IN TOTAL DARKNESS

SO WE HAVE LIGHTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THEY JUST WANT TO CATCH JUST

THE EDGE, JUST THE TINIEST EDGE

OF MY CUE CARD WHICH IS THE

PERFECT COMPANION PIECE TO THIS

[ BLEEP ] SONG

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪

WE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

MY FRIEND SARAH PAULSON WILL BE

HERE

HER NEW SHOW "RATCHED" IS

AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX

AND HE IS THE STAR OF TWO OF THE

BIGGEST ANIMATED SHOWS ON

TELEVISION

JON BENJAMIN IS HERE

HE IS IN "BOB'S BURGERS" AS BOB

AND ARCHER IN "ARCHER.

THOSE ARE THE TITULAR ROLES.

THOSE CHARACTERS COULDN'T BE

MORE OPPOSITE AND YET, IT IS THE

SAME GUY

I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HIM.

BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL OF

THAT, THE PRESIDENT HELD YET

ANOTHER RALLY WHERE PEOPLE WERE

PACKED CLOSE TOGETHER, DESPITE

THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC AFTER

TELLING HIS SUPPORTERS THAT

VIRTUALLY NOBODY IS AFFECTED BY

A DISEASE THAT HAS KILLED AT

LEAST 200,000 AMERICANS.

FOR MORE ON THIS, IT'S TIME FOR

"A CLOSER LOOK."

♪

>> Seth: THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN

TRAVELING THE COUNTRY HOLDING

BIG RALLIES WITH PEOPLE PACKED

CLOSELY TOGETHER, OFTEN WITHOUT

MASKS AND PUTTING AMERICANS IN

DANGER IN ORDER TO MAKE HIMSELF

FEEL BETTER.

AND REMEMBER, VIRUSES GET PASSED

ON, SO HE'S POTENTIALLY EXPOSING

PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EVEN AT HIS

RALLIES TO THE SPREAD OF

CORONAVIRUS, ALL BECAUSE THE

ADORATION OF HIS FANS SOOTHES

HIS EGO.

JUST A TIP, IF YOU'RE A CASHIER

AT THE CHICK-FIL-A CLOSEST TO

THE RALLY VENUE, YOU MIGHT

CONSIDER DRESSING LIKE THE BAD

GUYS FROM "E.T."

AND BY THE WAY, THIS ISN'T

HYPOTHETICAL

WE ALREADY KNOW HIS RALLY IN

TULSA LED TO A SURGE IN CASES

THERE.

AT THIS POINT, TRUMP RALLIES ARE

ONE THE LIST OF HIGH-RISK

ACTIVITIES, JUST LIKE DOORKNOB

LICKING, HUGGING EVERYONE ON THE

SUBWAY AND EATING SHRIMP AT THE

STRIP CLUB BUFFET.

AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT RALLY

ATTENDEES ARE GETTING OUT OF IT

FOR ALL THE RISKS THEY'RE

TAKING

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T EVEN REALLY

FOLLOW WHAT THE GUY IS SAYING.

MOST OF THE TIME HE JUST STANDS

THERE SWEATING PROFUSELY AND

COMPLAINING ABOUT THINGS HE

RECENTLY WATCHED ON TV

HIS RALLIES ARE LIKE KARAOKE

NIGHT AT THE CONCUSSION WARD

YOU COULD SAFELY GET THE SAME

EXPERIENCE FACETIMING WITH YOUR

UNCLE WHO LIVES IN BOCA AND EATS

DINNER EVERY NIGHT AT 4:30 AT

RED LOBSTER.

"YOU HAVE TO GET THERE EARLY SO

THEY DON'T RUN OUT OF THE

CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS

WE LOVE -- WE LOVE THE CHEDDAR

BAY.

DON'T WE FOLKS?"

FOR EXAMPLE, TRUMP OFTEN TELLS

TWO KINDS OF FAKE STORIES.

STORIES ABOUT GOING HOME TO HIS

WIFE MELANIA AFTER RALLIES AND

STORIES ABOUT GENERALS AND OTHER

PEOPLE WHO COME UP TO HIM AND

CALL HIM SIR

OBVIOUSLY ALL THESE STORIES ARE

MADE UP.

EVEN TRUMP SEEMS TO HAVE TROUBLE

KEEPING TRACK OF HIS

BULL[ BLEEP ] BECAUSE YESTERDAY

AT HIS RALLY IN PENNSYLVANIA, HE

MIXED THEM UP.

HOME

AND I TELL YOU THIS, I GO HOME

ALL THE TIME

FIRST LADY, HOW'D YOU LIKE THE

CROWD?

"SIR, I DIDN'T SEE IT.

I DIDN'T SEE IT.

BUT I DIDN'T SEE IT, DONALD.

I DIDN'T SEE IT.

SOMETIMES SHE'LL CALL ME

MR. PRESIDENT BUT SHE'S ONLY

KIDDING, BELIEVE ME.

>> Seth: YOUR WIFE CALLS YOU

SIR?

ARE YOU MARRIED TO MARCIE?

AND IF SO, MARCIE, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING?

STOP PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING

WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE NOT

WHILE I CAN ENJOY TRUMP

FORGETTING HE WAS TELLING A FAKE

MELANIA STORY AND SLIPPING INTO

A SIR STORY, I DO WISH IT WAS

THE OTHER WAY AROUND

CHANCES ARE MOST PEOPLE AT A

TRUMP RALLY THINK A WIFE SHOULD

CALL A HUSBAND SIR, BUT NONE OF

THEM WOULD NOT BE OKAY IF A

GENERAL CALLED YOU DARLING

"THIS GENERAL CAME UP TO ME.

BIG GUY, TOUGH GUY, HANDS LIKE

FRYING PANS.

AND HE TOOK ME BY THE SHOULDER

AND SAID, 'DARLING, YOU WERE

GREAT TONIGHT.

AND THEN GAVE ME THE TINIEST

KISS, TINIEST KISS ON THE LIPS

A PAIR OF BUTTERFLY WINGS.

WHY IS BLOOD COMING OUT OF

EVERYONE'S EARS?

THE TRUTH IS MELANIA DOESN'T

CALL YOU ANYTHING.

NOT SIR, NOT MR. PRESIDENT

MAYBE A "YOU, AGAIN?

I DOUBT THEY'VE SPOKEN AT ALL

DURING THE LAST FOUR YEARS,

EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THAT ONE TIME

THEY WERE LEAVING THE WHITE

HOUSE AND HE POINTED AT A

PUDDLE

DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR HER,

JUST POINTS AT THE PUDDLE.

DID YOUR MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

RECOMMEND FINDING THINGS YOU

BOTH HAVE IN COMMON?

"OH LOOK, WATER.

MELANIA LIKES WATER.

I'VE SEEN HER DRINK WATER.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL POINT AT IT

POINT AT IT SO SHE DOESN'T MISS

IT

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, JUST

YESTERDAY, THAT WAS FROSTY THE

SNOWMAN.

TRAGIC LOSS.

TRAGIC LOSS OF FROSTY BUT IT IS

MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO

APPOINT A REPLACEMENT FOR

FROSTY

AND I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT

OUR NEWEST ADDITION TO BELOVED

CHRISTMAS MASCOT IS [ BLEEP ]

THE PENGUIN.

THAT WAS MY FIRST -- THAT'S THE

FIRST TIME I'M PUTTING EYES ON

[ BLEEP ] AND I FEEL THE

GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT DID A REALLY

NICE JOB

SO TRUMP SAYS THAT HIS WIFE

CALLS HIM SIR, BUT SURE,

JOE BIDEN IS THE ONE IN

COGNITIVE DECLINE.

I'VE NEVER HEARD BIDEN MAKE A

MISTAKE LIKE THAT.

THE ONE TIME HE MIXED UP HIS

WIFE AND HIS SISTER, HE

IMMEDIATELY CORRECTED HIMSELF.

>> BY THE WAY, THIS IS MY LITTLE

SISTER VALERIE AND I'M JOE'S

HUSBAND.

OH, NO

YOU SWITCHED ON ME

THIS IS MY WIFE.

THIS IS MY SISTER.

THEY SWITCHED ON ME.

>> Seth: YEAH, I MEAN, SURE.

IT WOULD BE IDEAL IF IT HADN'T

HAPPENED AT ALL.

BUT IF THAT HAD BEEN TRUMP, HE

WOULD HAVE INSISTED HE WAS

RIGHT.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

THIS IS MY WIFE MELANIA.

"SIR, I'M THE VICE PRESIDENT."

"COME HERE, MELANIA, LET ME GIVE

YOU A KISS

OH, MELANIA IS ICY TONIGHT."

AND THE MELANIA STORY MIX UP WAS

STILL PROBABLY THE MOST COHERENT

THING HE SAID.

WEIRD DYNAMIC HAS DEVELOPED WITH

TRUMP WHERE HE ROUTINELY SAYS

SOME OF THE MOST DEPRAVED,

AUTHORITARIAN THING A PRESIDENT

HAS EVER UTTERED AND AS A

NATION, WE MOSTLY JUST HIM PASS

BY WITHOUT COMMENT

WE TREAT HIM LIKE A GUY HANDING

OUT LEAFLETS ON THE SUBWAY

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF AT

THE FIRST DEBATE, JOE BIDEN JUST

PUT IN EARBUDS AND STARTED

PLAYING "MINECRAFT" ON HIS

PHONE.

FOR EXAMPLE, ON MONDAY AT

ANOTHER -- AT ANOTHER -- EXCUSE

ME

ONE OF HIS CORONAVIRUS

COUGH-A-THONS IN OHIO, TRUMP

TOLD HIS SUPPORTERS THAT

VIRTUALLY NOBODY IS AFFECTED BY

THE CORONAVIRUS AS THE TOTAL

NUMBER OF DEATHS IN THE U.S. HIT

200,000.

ELDERLY PEOPLE WITH HEART

PROBLEMS AND OTHER PROBLEMS.

IF THEY HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS,

THAT'S WHAT IT REALLY AFFECTS,

THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW, IN SOME STATES

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, NOBODY

YOUNG.

BELOW THE AGE OF 18, LIKE

NOBODY

THEY HAVE A STRONG IMMUNE

SYSTEM

WHO KNOWS?

YOU LOOK -- YOU TAKE YOUR HAT

OFF TO THE YOUNG, BECAUSE THEY

HAVE A HELL OF AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.

BUT IT AFFECTS VIRTUALLY NOBODY.

IT'S AN AMAZING THING.

>> Seth: IMAGINE STANDING THERE

AND LISTENING TO THE PRESIDENT

TELL YOU WHO DIES FROM A VIRUS

AND HAVING IT DESCRIBE YOU TO A

"T."

"IT AFFECTS OLD PEOPLE

OLD PEOPLE WITH HEART ISSUES,

MAYBE DIABETES

PEOPLE WHO GATHER, GATHER IN

LARGE GROUPS WITHOUT A MASK,

THEY'RE CERTAINLY IN THE DANGER

ZONE."

MUST BE SUCH A WEIRD DRIVE HOME.

"HEY HONEY, DO YOU THINK MY

PACEMAKER COUNTS AS A HEART

ISSUE?

BUT YEAH, MAN, IT'S AN AMAZING

THING THAT NOBODY IS REALLY

AFFECTED BY THIS DEADLY AND

HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS VIRUS.

I'M SURE ALL THOSE PEOPLE DIED

JUST TO MAKE YOU LOOK BAD.

I HEARD THEY WERE DEEP STATE,

ANTIFA TERRORISTS PAID FOR BY

GEORGE SOROS TO STOP BREATHING

THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN DEAD

THEY'RE PROBABLY ALL HANGING OUT

ON AN ANTIFA ISLAND TALKING

ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE

SOCIALISM AND FAKE NEWS.

THE PRESIDENT IS A DEEPLY SICK

MAN.

USUALLY WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE

SOME ONE TALK LIKE THAT, THEY'RE

BEING FITTED FOR A

HANNIBAL LECTER MASK OR HOLDING

A SIGN IN TIMES SQUARE

"CORONAVIRUS ISN'T REAL.

dE BLASIO IS AN ALIEN.

THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME

EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, IT'S

THERE.

COVID IS CURRENTLY THE THIRD

HIGHEST CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE

U.S.

200,000 PEOPLE HAVE DIED

MANY MORE COULD DIE IN THE

COMING MONTHS.

AND THE PRESIDENT IS OUT THERE

TELLING PEOPLE, SIX MONTHS IN,

THAT VIRTUALLY NOBODY IS

AFFECTED

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AFFECTED

DOESN'T MEAN NOBODY'S AFFECTED

YOU'RE SAFE BECAUSE YOU AND

EVERYONE AROUND YOU GET TESTED

EVERY DAY AND YOU GET THE

RESULTS BACK INSTANTLY

MEANWHILE, REGULAR PEOPLE HAD TO

WAIT IN THEIR CARS FOR HOURS

LIKE THEY WERE LINED UP AT A

TOLLBOOTH TRYING TO LEAVE

NEW JERSEY DURING THE THIRD

QUARTER OF A JETS GAME

OR A GIANTS GAME

THEY'RE BOTH -- THEY'RE BOTH BAD

AT FOOTBALL.

I SAY THAT RISKING THE FACT THAT

THE GIANTS ARE THE TEAM ALL THE

SECURITY GUARDS LIKE

ALSO, ONE MORE THING

IT'S NOT TRUE THAT CORONAVIRUS

ONLY AFFECTS THE ELDERLY AND

PEOPLE WITH PRE-EXISTING

CONDITIONS

BUT EVEN IF IT WERE, THAT'S LIKE

HALF THE POPULATION.

IT'S LIKE IF AN AX MURDERER WAS

ON THE LOOSE AND THE COPS WERE

LIKE, "DON'T WORRY, IT ONLY

AFFECTS SEXY TEENS TAKING

SHOWERS.

AND TRUMP KNOWS BETTER

HE KNOWS BETTER.

REMEMBER, HE TOLD JOURNALIST

BOB WOODWARD IN THOSE TAPED

CONVERSATIONS THAT THE

CORONAVIRUS WAS ACTUALLY VERY

INFECTIOUS AND VERY DEADLY AND

DIDN'T JUST AFFECT THE ELDERLY

IN FACT, HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY

TO SAY YOUNG PEOPLE COULD GET

SICK TOO

THAT'S ALWAYS TOUGHER THAN THE

TOUCH, YOU KNOW.

THE TOUCH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO

TOUCH THINGS, RIGHT?

BUT THE AIR, YOU JUST BREATHE

THE AIR AND THAT'S HOW IT'S

PASSED

IT'S ALSO MORE DEADLY THAN YOUR,

YOU KNOW -- EVEN YOUR STRENUOUS

FLUS

SO THIS IS DEADLY STUFF.

THIS THING IS A KILLER IF IT

GETS YOU

IF YOU'RE THE WRONG PERSON, YOU

DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.

>> IT'S A MONSTER.

>> RIPS YOU APART.

>> THIS IS A SCOURGE

AND --

>> IT IS THE PLAGUE.

NOW IT'S TURNING OUT IT'S NOT

JUST OLD PEOPLE, BOB, BUT JUST

TODAY AND YESTERDAY, SOME

STARTLING FACTS CAME OUT

IT'S NOT JUST OLD, OLDER -

>> YEAH, EXACTLY

>> IT'S PLENTY OF YOUNG PEOPLE

>> Seth: IT'S AMAZING HOW

DIFFERENT HE SOUNDS IN PRIVATE

WHEN HE WANTS TO IMPRESS SOMEONE

HE THINKS IS IMPORTANT

IT'S LIKE SEEING LARRY THE CABLE

GUY IN A FANCY RESTAURANT

WEARING SLEEVES AND HOLDING

FORTH ON WINE VARIETALS.

TRUMP ALMOST SOUNDS NORMAL

IT'S LIKE A LOCAL NEWS STORY

WHERE A GUY GETS HIT ON A HEAD

WITH A PAINT CAN AND BECOMES A

GENIUS, EXCEPT TRUMP PROBABLY

GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A GOLF

BALL AFTER SHANKING IT IN THE

WOODS AND RICOCHETING IT OFF A

TREE

"CORONAVIRUS IS A HOAX

ON THE OTHER HAND, I DID READ A

DOUBLE BLIND PEER-REVIEWED

CLINICAL STUDY THAT SUGGESTS

AEROSOLS ARE A MORE CONCERNING

VECTOR THAN FOMITES.

DID I SAY FOMITES?

I MEANT --

>> Seth: REMEMBER?

WE FORGET THAT THAT ALSO

HAPPENED

HEARING TRUMP IN THE WOODWARD

TAPES IS LIKE THE ORIGINAL

HOMER SIMPSON.

IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

PERSON

THAT'S HOMER

I THOUGHT THAT WAS

WALTER MATTHAU

SAL GENTILE WRITES SOME

TRENCHANT POLITICAL COMMENTARY,

BUT HE ALSO GOT THAT OLD HOMER

JOKE IN.

SO WE KNOW THAT TRUMP IS AT

LEAST CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING

THE DEADLY REALITY OF THE VIRUS,

WHICH MAKES HIS LIES ABOUT IT

ALL THE MORE PSYCHOTIC AND

CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT

HE KNOWS PEOPLE WILL DIE AND

HE'S TELLING THEM NOT TO WORRY

ANYWAY

HE'S PRESIDENT BIG TOBACCO

ANYONE ELSE DOING THAT WOULD GET

SUED OR GO TO JAIL

IF AN AUTO MANUFACTURER TOLD

PEOPLE THEIR CAR WAS PERFECTLY

SAFE EVEN THOUGH THEY KNEW THERE

WERE NO AIR BAGS AND THE BRAKES

WERE 50/50, THEY'D GET IN

TROUBLE.

OF COURSE, IF THEY JUST CALLED

IT MAGARATI, 40% OF THE COUNTRY

WOULD RUSH TO BUY IT SO THEY

COULD OWN THE LIBS BY DRIVING

OFF FREEDOM CLIFF.

THE SIMPLE FACT IS THE SAME

PEOPLE WHO SPENT ANY AMOUNT OF

TIME WITH HIM KNOW TRUMP IS A

DEEPLY DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL WITH

NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE,

DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR

ANYTHING UNLESS IT CAN ENRICH OR

EMPOWER HIM.

WE KEEP HEARING THAT SAME STORY

OVER AND OVER FROM PEOPLE WHO

WORKED FOR HIM, QUIT, CALLED HIM

UNFIT FOR OFFICE AFTER LEAVING

EVERY THREE DAYS, THERE'S

ANOTHER BOOK BY A FORMER

ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL.

AND NOT ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN

TITLED "HE WAS VERY NICE AND

THAT WAS FINE.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT HOW MANY

PEOPLE HAVE LEFT TRUMP'S INNER

CIRCLE OR HIS ADMINISTRATION AND

BASICALLY SAID HE'S A SOCIOPATH

WHO'S INCAPABLE OF DOING THE

JOB.

IT CAN'T BE A COINCIDENCE THAT

ALL THESE PEOPLE WORKED WITH HIM

AND NOW HATE HIS GUTS.

LIKE IF YOU WERE MANAGER AT BEST

BUY AND 50 -- 50 OF YOUR

EMPLOYEES QUIT AND THEY ALL SAID

IT'S BECAUSE THE NEW GUY BRAD

KEPT PUTTING PICTURES OF HIS

BUTTHOLE UP ON THE 4K ULTRA HD

TVs, YOUR REACTION WOULDN'T BE

LIKE, "WELL, I GUESS THEY'RE

LEAVING BECAUSE THEY'RE WALMART

FANS."

TAKE FOR EXAMPLE, OLIVIA TROYE,

FORMER ADVISOR TO VICE PRESIDENT

MIKE PENCE WHO WORKED ON THE

CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE

IN A RECENT AD FOR BIDEN, TROYE

EXPLAINED THAT SHE QUIT BECAUSE

TRUMP DIDN'T CARE IF PEOPLE DIED

FROM THE VIRUS, INCLUDING --

INCLUDING HIS OWN SUPPORTERS

>> THE TRUTH IS, HE DOESN'T

ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE

BUT HIMSELF.

HE MADE A STATEMENT ONCE THAT

WAS VERY STRIKING.

I NEVER FORGOT IT BECAUSE IT

PRETTY MUCH DEFINED WHO HE WAS

WHEN WE WERE IN A TASK FORCE

MEETING, THE PRESIDENT SAID,

"MAYBE THIS COVID THING IS A

GOOD THING

I DON'T LIKE SHAKING HANDS WITH

PEOPLE

I DON'T HAVE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH

THESE DISGUSTING PEOPLE.

THOSE DISGUSTING PEOPLE ARE THE

SAME PEOPLE THAT HE CLAIMS TO

CARE ABOUT

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE STILL GOING

TO HIS RALLIES TODAY WHO HAVE

COMPLETE FAITH IN WHO HE IS.

>> Seth: I'M SURPRISED TRUMP

EVER SHOOK HANDS WITH HIS

SUPPORTERS

HE'S A WEALTHY GERMOPHOBE WHO

LIVED IN A GOLDEN PENTHOUSE AND

TRAVELED EVERYWHERE BY LIMO.

OF COURSE HE WAS DISGUSTED BY

INTERACTING WITH NORMAL,

NON-RICH PEOPLE.

EVEN BEFORE THE PANDEMIC, HE

PROBABLY FINISHED HIS RALLIES

AND THEN SENT MIKE PENCE OUT TO

SHAKE HANDS IN A TRUMP DISGUISE.

"I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS,

SIR.

"THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

BEEN SO STINGY WITH YOUR KISSES.

MAYBE YOU'RE STARTING TO REGRET

THAT CHOICE NOW.

REPUBLICANS ARE IN LOCKSTEP

BEHIND THIS GUY ALL SO THEY CAN

WIN AND MAINTAIN POWER, THAT'S

THE CORRUPT BARGAIN THEY'VE

MADE

BACK AN UNREPENTANT CRIMINAL

SOCIOPATH WHO'S OVERSEEN THE

PREVENTABLE DEATH OF HUNDREDS OF

THOUSANDS OF AMERICANS AND IN

RETURN, THEY GET A CONSERVATIVE

SUPER MAJORITY ON THE SUPREME

COURT THAT COULD DESTROY

OBAMACARE, RIP UP ROE V WADE AND

INVALIDATE THE RESULTS OF THE

NOVEMBER ELECTION IF TRUMP

LOSES, THAT'S THEIR PLAN

THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE

PANDEMIC

INSIDE THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE AND

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, THE COVID

DEATH TOLL -

>> AFFECTS VIRTUALLY NOBODY.

>> Seth: THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER

LOOK."

♪

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH OUR

FRIEND SARAH PAULSON, EVERYONE

♪

>> Seth: WE'VE BEEN SO LUCKY TO

HAVE FRED ARMISEN LEADING THE

8G BAND FROM HOME ALL WEEK

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FRED.

OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN

EMMY AND GOLDEN GLOBE

AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS.

YOU KNOW HER FROM HER WORK IN

"AMERICAN CRIME STORY," "THE

PEOPLE VERSUS O.J. SIMPSON,"

"OCEAN'S 8," AND "12 YEARS A

SLAVE.

SHE'S THE STAR AND EXECUTIVE

PRODUCER OF "RATCHED" WHICH IS

CURRENTLY STREAMING ON NETFLIX,

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

TREATMENTS HAVE HELPED YOU

>> I BELIEVE HE'S THE ONLY

PERSON WHO CAN HELP ME

>> AS HEAD NURSE, I'M ALLOWING

BOTH OF THEM TO GO

>> I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU

INTO THIS HOSPITAL

>> I KNOW THE KIND OF PRICE

THAT'S ON YOUR HEAD, DOCTOR.

AND I'M LETTING YOU WALK RIGHT

OUT THE DOOR

SO I'D SAY LETTING ME INTO THIS

HOSPITAL WAS THE BEST DECISION

YOU EVER MADE.

>> Seth: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO

THE SHOW OUR FRIEND,

SARAH PAULSON!

HOW ARE YOU, SARAH

>> I'M WELL, THANK YOU

HOW ARE YOU?

>> Seth: I AM WELL TOO

IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU, AND

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE SHOW.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,

CONGRATULATIONS.

I HEARD YOU JUST GOT A DOG

>> I DID GET A DOG

BUT I ONLY GOT A DOG, BECAUSE I

CAN'T HAVE YOUR DOG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THAT'S REALLY THE TRUTH.

I HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR DOG THAT

I TOOK ONCE WHEN I RAN INTO YOUR

DOG, AND IT'S SOMETHING I LOOK

AT

I MIGHT LOOK AT IT LIKE ONCE A

WEEK, AT LEAST

>> Seth: IT WAS A VERY BIG DEAL,

AND IT'S VERY NICE TO HEAR THAT,

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW

THIS VERY TRUE THING

MY FRIEND ANDY SAMBERG THINKS MY

DOG IS AN UGLY RAT MONSTER

AND SO IT'S VERY NICE TO HAVE

SOMEONE ON THE SHOW WHO IS SORT

OF SUPPORTING AND SINGING THE

PRAISES OF FRISBEE

>> FRISBEE IS THE GREATEST DOG

EVER AND BEAUTIFUL BEYOND

MEASURE, LIKE A FAWN AND A BABY

DEER IN THE WOODS.

SO ANDY SAMBERG ACTUALLY DOESN'T

KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT

>> Seth: YEAH.

AND I THINK ANYBODY WATCHING THE

SHOW WOULD REALIZE THAT YOU ARE

A PERSON OF TASTE, WHEREAS HE'S

A GUTTER DWELLER

>> I'M GOING TO VOTE YES ON THAT

AS WELL.

I DON'T KNOW THE GUY, BUT I'M

GOING TO SAY YES

>> Seth: SO YOU -- YOU'RE AN

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THIS SHOW

AS WELL.

AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT

MEANS, IS YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT

AS YOU ARE MAKING IT

AND I KNOW FROM OUR HISTORY THAT

YOU DO NOT PARTICULARLY LIKE

WATCHING YOURSELF ON FILM, SO

HOW WAS THAT TRANSITION INTO

WATCHING DAILIES

>> I BECAME LIKE A -- IT WAS

LIKE AT LUNCH EVERY DAY I WAS

LIKE IN THE TRAILER, WITH LIKE

POPCORN, JUST LIKE, "ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS

GOOD, THAT WAS BAD, THAT WASN'T

GOOD."

EMAILING, YOU KNOW, THE PRODUCER

GOING, YOU KNOW, "PLEASE DON'T

USE TAKE 6, CAN YOU PUSH IN ON

7?

I MEAN, I BECAME LIKE AN

ABSOLUTE NUT

NUT.

>> Seth: BUT THIS IS SORT OF --

THIS ARCED

BECAUSE, IN THE BEGINNING OF

YOUR CAREER, YOU WOULD WATCH

YOURSELF

BUT THEN I GUESS "PEOPLE VERSUS

O.J. SIMPSON" IS THE ONE THAT

YOU FAMOUSLY HAVE NOT WATCHED,

CORRECT?

>> YEAH, I THINK IN THE

BEGINNING I WAS SO EXCITED THAT

PEOPLE WERE ACTUALLY LETTING ME

DO IT, THAT I WAS LIKE, "LOOK!

YOU KNOW, I WOULD JUST -- IT WAS

REALLY KIND OF CRAZY TO ME

NOT THAT IT ISN'T ANYMORE, I'M

NOT SAYING IT'S LIKE OLD HAT OR

ANYTHING, SETH

I'M JUST SAYING -- IT'S JUST,

YOU KNOW, THE O.J. SIMPSON

THING, AND THIS IS GOING TO BE

REALLY EXCEEDINGLY ACTRESSY

THING TO SAY, BUT, YOU KNOW, I

HAD A VERY PROFOUND EXPERIENCE

MAKING IT WHERE I ALMOST DIDN'T

KNOW WHERE I STOPPED AND MARCIA

BEGAN.

AND THIS HAPPENED TO VERY

SERIOUS ACTORS

I'M SURE YOU'VE TALKED TO A LOT

OF THEM.

AND SO I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE IT,

BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A

PROFOUNDLY SPECIAL THING

AND THEN A LOT OF PEOPLE SEEMED

TO THINK IT WAS GOOD, AND THEN I

WAS LIKE, "WELL, NOW I'M REALLY

NOT GOING TO WATCH IT FOR FEAR

THAT I WILL THINK THEY'RE ALL

IDIOTS AND WHAT IF I HATED IT?

IT JUST FELT TOO PRECIOUS TO ME.

>> Seth: I THINK THAT'S THE

RIGHT WAY TO PLAY IT, GENUINELY.

ESPECIALLY, BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS

SAID, MYSELF INCLUDED, IT'S SO

PERFECT.

LIKE, AS A PERFORMER, YOU WOULD

JUST -- EVEN IF YOU FOUND ONE OR

TWO IMPERFECTIONS, IT WOULD THEN

LESSEN YOUR VALUE OF IT.

>> BELIEVE ME, I WOULD FIND

MANY

MARCIA WAS LEFT-HANDED, SHE HAD

BEEN A DANCER, SO SHE WALKED IN

A PARTICULAR WAY

AND I THOUGHT, THEY'RE GOING TO

USE A TAKE -- THAT WAS BACK

BEFORE I WAS WATCHING DAILIES,

WHERE I PROBABLY PICKED UP

SOMETHING WITH MY RIGHT HAND,

AND NOBODY WAS PAYING ATTENTION

TO THAT THE WAY I WAS.

SO I THOUGHT, "THIS IS GOING TO

BE A DISASTER FOR ME."

BUT, STERLING K. BROWN, YOU'VE

GOT TO SAY THE "K.", EVERY TIME

I SEE HIM, HE'S LIKE, "HAVE YOU

REALLY NOT YET?"

AND I'M LIKE, "NO.

AND HE'S LIKE, "DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE EVER, I MEAN EVER

AND I WAS LIKE, "IT'S BEEN LIKE

FIVE YEARS NOW

NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK I'M

GOING TO DO IT."

AND HE'S LIKE, "I THINK YOU

REALLY SHOULD.

BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO

>> Seth: WELL, LET'S SEE

LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR

TV PRODUCTION TO START UP AGAIN,

BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO GO

BACK AND WATCH EVERYTHING THAT

WAS EVER MADE BEFORE

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

>> OKAY, OKAY, FINE.

>> Seth: SO THIS IS SORT OF A

DIFFERENT CHALLENGE WHERE YOU'RE

TAKING ON A FICTIONAL CHARACTER,

NURSE RATCHED, THAT WE KNOW FROM

"CUCKOO'S NEST," BUT ONE THAT WE

HAVE SEEN, AND WE FEEL LIKE WE

KNOW FROM THE FILM

HOW DID YOU -- PLAYING A

CHARACTER IN PREQUEL, THAT HAS

BEEN OBVIOUSLY PLAYED BEFORE, TO

GREAT ACCLAIM -- HOW DID YOU

APPROACH THAT?

>> WELL I MEAN, SHE WON AN

ACADEMY AWARD FOR THAT

PERFORMANCE.

SO IT REALLY BEGS THE QUESTION

ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HOW SANE AM I

THAT I WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE

A GOOD IDEA TO MAYBE SEE IF

THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE I COULD

PARSE THAT SHE DIDN'T, YOU KNOW,

BRING TO THE TABLE

BUT I JUST, YOU KNOW, I WATCHED

THE PERFORMANCE, AND I TRIED AS

MUCH AS I COULD TO STEAL

EVERYTHING I COULD FROM

LOUISE FLETCHER AND JUST SORT OF

PRETEND IT HAD BEEN MY

INVENTION.

I THINK THAT'S USUALLY THE BEST

WAY TO DO IT IF YOU'RE GOING TO

BE CREATING SOME BACKSTORY

AND THE GOOD NEWS IS WE INVENTED

THE WHOLE THING, SO WE COULD

KIND OF SAY THAT ANYTHING GOES

'CAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE

BOOK NOR IN THE MOVIE, ABOUT HER

LIFE OUTSIDE THAT HOSPITAL, SO

WE WERE FREE TO DO ANYTHING WE

WANTED, AND BOY DID WE TAKE

LIBERTY WITH THAT.

>> Seth: ALSO, YEARS FROM NOW,

IF SOMEBODY DECIDES TO WATCH IT

IN SORT OF NARRATIVE ORDER AND

START WITH THE PREQUEL, IT WILL

LOOK LIKE LOUISE STOLE FROM YOU.

>> YOU KNOW, I DID HAVE THIS

THOUGHT.

>> Seth: YOU'RE ALWAYS SO MANY

STEPS AHEAD.

>> IT'S PART OF MY MASTER PLAN,

THAT YOU KNOW -- YOUR

DONALD TRUMP IMPRESSION, CAN I

JUST STATE, FOR THE RECORD

>> Seth: YES

>> I THINK IT BESTS

ALEC BALDWIN

I REALLY DO.

I MEAN, I KNOW THIS IS

SACRILEGIOUS

I KNOW THIS IS "NBC.

I KNOW WE ALL LOVE -- I MEAN, I

LOVE ALEC.

I THINK HE'S A -- YOU HAVE NO

ACCOUTERMENT

I LIKE TO SAY ACCOUTERMENT

>> Seth: YEAH.

>> YOU'RE NOT HAVING ANY HELP.

IT'S A VERY SPECIAL, VERY

SPECIAL IMPRESSION

>> Seth: I DON'T LIKE THE MAN,

BUT HE DOES SPEAK THROUGH ME

>> HE REALLY DOES.

THERE'S LIKE A WEIRD -- TALK

ABOUT NOT KNOWING WHERE YOU

BEGIN AND SOMEONE ELSE -

WHATEVER IT IS

BUT YEAH

>> Seth: LIKE WHEN I COME HOME

AT NIGHT, SOME NIGHTS ALEXI'S

LIKE, "HEY, YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE

DONALD TRUMP AT THE DOOR."

>> YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE

DONALD TRUMP IN THE WORKPLACE.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: HEY, WHEN WE COME -

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

FROM SARAH PAULSON RIGHT AFTER

THIS

M♪

>> Seth: WELCOME BACK.

WE'RE TALKING TO SARAH PAULSON

HER NEW SHOW "RATCHED" IS

AVAILABLE NOW ON "NETFLIX.

AND THIS IS A RYAN MURPHY SHOW

AND YOU'VE BEEN IN THE

RYAN MURPHY WORLD FOR A WHILE

NOW.

IT MUST BE NICE.

THERE MUST BE A LEVEL OF COMFORT

THERE.

>> I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO QUIT

HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM

IS

HE JUST -- I DON'T KNOW.

I SORT OF FEEL LIKE, WHY WOULD I

WANT TO LEAVE A PLACE WHERE I

FEEL SO COMPLETELY SEEN?

AND MOST SIGNIFICANTLY, HE JUST

KEEPS THROWING ME THESE

WONDERFUL, JUICY, MEATY PARTS TO

PLAY

AND, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ACTUALLY

WATCH THEM

YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD

TO MAKE YOUR THING THAT NOBODY'S

GOING TO SEE

MIGHT AS WELL WORK WITH THE MAN

THAT PEOPLE ARE VERY INTERESTED

IN WATCHING WHAT HE PRODUCES

SO, IT'S GOOD.

>> Seth: HE DOES THROW

INCREDIBLY JUICY ROLES YOUR WAY.

BUT IS IT TRUE THAT YOU DID HAVE

TO SORT OF GIVE HIM A LITTLE

ELBOW HERE TO REMIND HIM THAT

THIS ONE IS LINED UP VERY WELL

WITH YOUR TALENTS?

>> I DON'T -- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

THAT LAST HALF OF WHAT YOU SAID.

BUT I DID FEEL A LITTLE WEIRD,

BECAUSE MY AGENT CALLED AND WAS

LIKE, "HAS RYAN TALKED TO YOU

ABOUT THIS 'RATCHED' SHOW HE

HAS?

AND I THOUGHT, "WELL THAT'S

FUNNY, BECAUSE NO.

HE ACTUALLY HASN'T."

AND I CALLED HIM UP AND HE WAS

LIKE, "WELL, LADY, I JUST -- YOU

KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU'D

WANT TO DO IT.

I WAS LIKE, "WHY WOULD I NOT

WANT TO DO IT?

AND HE'S LIKE, "WELL JUST READ

IT."

AND I WAS LIKE, "LOOK, IF YOU

WANT KATE WINSLET, GO GET HER,

I'M SURE SHE'LL DO IT.

BUT HE'S LIKE, "NO, NO."

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, ON

"AMERICAN HORROR STORY" I PLAYED

A THOUSAND CHARACTERS.

THAT'S AN EXAGGERATION, BUT YOU

KNOW WHAT I MEAN

>> Seth: YES

>> OVER THE COURSE OF SEVEN

YEARS -- AND I THINK HE FELT

LIKE, AND HE'S NOT WRONG, EVERY

YEAR I GOT TO TRY SOMETHING

DIFFERENT.

AND I BECAME ACCUSTOMED TO SORT

OF SHEDDING IT

I'M BEING SO ACTRESSY, IT'S

CREEPY

BUT, LIKE, SHEDDING THE SKIN OF

THE CHARACTER, THEN TAKING ON A

NEW ROLE EACH YEAR

AND SO HE WAS LIKE, "THIS IS A

SERIALIZED THING."

AND I WAS LIKE, "RIGHT, BUT

THERE'S A BLUEPRINT, THERE'S A

CHARACTER THAT EXISTS PRIOR,

THAT I CAN, AS I SAID, STEAL

FROM, THEN TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM

LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING."

AND THEN, HE LET ME HAVE IT, BUT

I LIKE HOW PUBLICLY HE'S

SPEAKING THIS NARRATIVE THAT

LIKE IT WAS ALWAYS MINE.

IT WASN'T.

IT WASN'T.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: THAT'S GOOD -- THIS

IS -- I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW,

LAST 10, 20 YEARS, RIGHT, WE'VE

SEEN THESE ANTI-HERO SHOWS THAT

LOOK LIKE VERY JUICY TO PLAY

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ACTORS -- AND

I SAY ACTORS, BECAUSE IT'S

ALMOST ENTIRELY MALE

DOMINATED -- GET TO PLAY THESE

BAD PEOPLE THAT AN AUDIENCE ENDS

UP ROOTING FOR, WHICH IS WHAT

HAPPENS WITH THIS SHOW

THAT MUST BE SO MUCH FUN TO TAKE

ON, KNOWING THAT YOU'RE GOING TO

START WITH SORT OF A DEFICIT OF

AN AUDIENCE KNOWING THAT YOU'RE

NOT THE PERSON THEY SHOULD BE

ROOTING FOR AND CHANGING THEIR

MINDS.

>> YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S MASTER

MANIPULATION, AND I AM DOWN WITH

THAT

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S JUST LIKE -- I THINK IT'S

REALLY FUN

I MEAN, EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT

HOW IT'S FUN TO BE BAD

AND I DO REALLY THINK PLAYING

WITH AN AUDIENCE -- AND I DON'T

MEAN, YOU KNOW, TOTALLY IN A

TOYING WAY, BUT AS YOU SAID, WE

DO KNOW THAT THERE'S A VESTED

INTEREST THAT SOME AUDIENCE

MEMBERS COME TO THE TABLE WITH,

IN TERMS OF LOVING TO HATE THIS

CHARACTER.

SO IT'S KIND OF INTERESTING TO

REVERSE ENGINEER THAT AND SEE IF

WE CAN'T GET THEM TO HAVE A

LITTLE BIT MORE UNDERSTANDING,

AND TO WHILE THEY'RE WATCHING

HAVE A MORE VISCERAL EXPERIENCE

WHERE THEY'RE VACILLATING.

THAT'S ALLITERATION, ALMOST.

SO THAT THEY CAN ALMOST FEEL

KIND OF -- THAT THING LIKE

THEY'RE HAVING AN IMMEDIATE

EXPERIENCE WHILE WATCHING IT, SO

THAT THEY FEEL THAT THEY'RE

HAVING SOME CRAZY RIDE

WHICH I THINK --

>> Seth: ONE OF THE THINGS YOU

MENTIONED ABOUT THIS SHOW, AND

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF RYAN MURPHY

SHOWS, BUT THIS SHOW IN

PARTICULAR, IS A LOT OF PEOPLE

ARE WATCHING IT.

IT'S INCREDIBLY POPULAR.

AND WE -- YOU AND I ARE BOTH ON

SOCIAL MEDIA, BUT I'VE NEVER

RISKED DIPPING MY TOE INTO

INSTAGRAM LIVE, WHICH YOU HAVE

DONE

HOW ARE YOU FINDING IT

>> THIS GUY'S DONE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S BOTH EXCITING AND TOTALLY

NERVE-RACKING.

BECAUSE, I'VE BEEN ACTUALLY

TAKING REQUESTS, WHICH EVERY

TIME YOU DO IT, YOU JUST LIKE,

HOPE TO CHRIST IT'S NOT A PERSON

WHO'S JUST NOT REALLY A FAN,

WHO'S SORT OF TRICKING YOU

THAT'S MY BIG NIGHTMARE, IS LIKE

THEY GET THERE AND THEY'RE LIKE,

"YOU'RE THE WORST ACTRESS I'VE

EVER SEEN!

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO GET YOU FOR

DECADES!

AND I'LL BE LIKE -

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN THIS

THING OFF.

SO IT'S LIKE TOTALLY RISKY

AND AT THE SAME TIME, I FEEL

LIKE IN THIS MOMENT WHERE, YOU

KNOW, THE CORONAVIRUS HAS US ALL

BY THE THROAT, IN A WAY, I FEEL

LIKE IT MAKES THE WORLD FEEL

VERY SMALL, AND, YOU KNOW,

SOMETHING'S REALLY HAPPENING

GLOBALLY

AND TO BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH

PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD AND JUST

ACTUALLY EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE

FOR, YOU KNOW, GIVING ME SOME OF

THEIR TIME AND THEIR HOURS AND

THEIR AFFECTION, IS, YOU KNOW, A

VERY NICE THING THAT I CAN

REALLY GET BEHIND.

BUT IT'S DICEY

I'M ALWAYS LIKE --

>> Seth: DICEY, BUT IT A NICE

REMINDER THAT THERE IS GOOD --

LIKE SOCIAL MEDIA AS IT WAS

ORIGINALLY DESIGNED HAD THIS

GOODNESS IN IT OF CONNECTING

WITH PEOPLE, AND IT'S NICE TO

WATCH YOU DO THAT.

>> DID YOU WATCH THE SOCIAL

DILEMMA, THOUGH" 'CAUSE, OOF

>> Seth: YEAH.

NOT A GOOD TIME TO BE HAVING A

PHONE.

>> NOT A GREAT TIME TO BE --

JUST LIKE, UGH

>> Seth: THIS IS WHY I ONLY TALK

TO PEOPLE ON ZOOM IN A TV

STUDIO

>> YEAH, GREAT

AND I THINK THAT -

>> Seth: THIS IS MY SCREEN TIME

RIGHT NOW.

>> EXACTLY

>> Seth: HEY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR

BEING HERE

IT'S ALWAYS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU

THE ENTIRE FIRST SEASON OF

"RATCHED" IS NOW AVAILABLE ON

"NETFLIX."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

JON BENJAMIN

♪

>> Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN

EMMY NOMINATED ACTOR AND

COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM SHOWS

LIKE "BOB'S BURGERS" AND

"ARCHER.

THE 11th SEASON OF "ARCHER" AIRS

WEDNESDAYS ON FXX AND STREAMS

THE NEXT DAY VIA FX ON HULU,

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> HOW'D DO YOU GET HERE BEFORE

US

>> GOD DAMMIT CYRIL.

I JUST TOLD YOU, I'M THE WORLD'S

GREATEST SPY

>> IT IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE YOU

SHUT OFF ALL THE COUNTERMEASURES

WITHOUT OUR INTEL SO YOU COULD

ACCESS THE VAULT

[ ALARM

>> UH, DO WHAT, NOW?

>> Seth: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE

SHOW, JON BENJAMIN

THANKS FOR BEING HERE, JON

>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, HOW ARE

YOU?

>> Seth: I'M DOING VERY WELL

CONGRATULATIONS, 11 SEASONS ON

TWO DIFFERENT SHOWS.

THAT IS QUITE THE

ACCOMPLISHMENT

>> I KNOW, YOU DIDN'T

CONGRATULATE ME ON ANY OTHER

SEASON

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: JUST THE 11th, THAT'S

THE ONLY ONE THAT I'M IMPRESSED

WITH

>> YEAH, YOU ONLY --

YOU'RE STARTING REALLY LATE TO

CONGRATULATE

11 YEARS

>> Seth: I WAS THERE, I WAS WITH

YOU FOR ALL SIX OF "DR. KATZ."

>> YOU DID

I GOT ALL YOUR NOTES EVERY YEAR.

YOU WERE LIKE ONE OF THE -- I

THINK ONE OF THE LIKE FIRST 150

PEOPLE TO WATCH THAT SHOW.

>> Seth: VERY HAPPY TO BE IN

THAT ELITE GROUP

I WANT TO ASK WHERE YOU -- YOU

HAD TO RECORD SOME OF THIS

SEASON AFTER THE PANDEMIC

STRUCK

HOW WAS RECORDING FROM HOME?

>> UM, IT WAS LIKE -- I'M SORRY

I'M DOING THIS, CAUSE I HAVE

PROGRESSIVE LENSES, SO I FEEL

LIKE I'M GOING TO BE LEANING

THIS WAY

>> Seth: IT DOES SEEM LIKE

YOU'RE JUDGING ME, THE WAY

YOU'RE HOLDING YOUR CHIN

>> DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT

EVERYBODY THINKS

AND IT'S JUST BEEN MY GLASSES,

YES, RIGHT

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD, SETH

IT WAS -- IT WAS LIKE A LITTLE

CHALLENGING, BECAUSE -- WELL,

ACTUALLY, "ARCHER'S" NOT THAT

DIFFERENT CAUSE WE RECORD

INDIVIDUALLY ANYWAY.

SO ESSENTIALLY, THE SHOW SENT ME

A MICROPHONE

>> Seth: THAT'S GREAT.

>> TO MY HOUSE

>> Seth: THAT'S THE HIGH-TECH

SOLUTION

>> THAT'S HOW IT WORKS

I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO THE

TECHNICAL ASPECTS OF THE SHOW,

BUT IT BASICALLY FULLY REVOLVES

AROUND ME AND A MICROPHONE

SO TO BE ALONE DOING THAT AT

HOME WAS NOT LIKE THE WORST

THING IN THE WORLD

SO FROM MY PART, IT DIDN'T

CHANGE

I THINK FOR THE SHOW AS A WHOLE,

IT CHANGED A LOT

'CAUSE THEY HAD TO, YOU KNOW,

COMPLETELY SWITCH UP HOW THEY

PRODUCED IT.

LIKE THE ANIMATORS WERE AT HOME.

EVERYBODY'S WORKING REMOTELY

SO MY PART WAS NOT TOO BAD

>> Seth: YOU -- I DO WANT TO ASK

AT THIS POINT, BEING ON THESE

ICONIC SHOWS, ARE PEOPLE, AS

TIME PASSES, MORE LIKELY TO

RECOGNIZE YOU FROM YOUR VOICE

ALONE?

>> IT'S DEFINITELY HAPPENED MORE

OFTEN.

AND INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, SINCE

THE PANDEMIC STRUCK, I DON'T

WANT TO DEPRESS YOU ABOUT THE

PANDEMIC

>> Seth: THAT'S FINE

>> NO, NO, NO, YOU CAN HANDLE

IT

SORRY.

SINCE THE -- SINCE THE PANDEMIC

STRUCK, I'VE FOUND A -- LIKE A

SEA CHANGE IN PEOPLE RECOGNIZING

ME

BECAUSE IT -- I DIDN'T KNOW AT

FIRST WHY IT WAS HAPPENING

AND THEN I DISCOVERED THAT IT

WAS THE MASK

CAUSE I WEAR A MASK WHENEVER I'M

OUT.

AND FOR SOME REASON, THAT

TRIGGERS PEOPLE TO HEAR MY

VOICE, I ASSUME THE WAY THEY

HEAR IT LIKE ON TELEVISION WHEN

THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEE MY FACE

WHICH IS TYPICALLY LIKE A GOOD

THING.

SO NOW I'M LIKE CONSTANTLY

RECOGNIZED, EITHER FOR "ARCHER"

OR FOR "BOB'S.

AND IT'S SOME WEIRD BRAIN

TEASER

IF YOU SEE SOMEONE'S MOUTH -

>> Seth: ARE YOU -

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY I'VE KNOWN YOU

FOREVER, I'VE KNOWN YOUR WORK

FOREVER.

ARE PEOPLE SURPRISED WHEN YOU

ARE THE VOICE OF "ARCHER"?

>> ARE PEOPLE SURPRISED WHEN

THEY SEE ME?

>> Seth: YEAH.

>> YES

LIKE -- MORE DISAPPOINTED.

ARCHER IS VERY HANDSOME, LIKE

WELL -- LIKE WELL -- WHAT DO YOU

SAY?

WELL STRUCTURED?

>> Seth: A WELL-BUILT FELLOW, I

GUESS?

>> WELL BUILT.

WELL-BUILT FELLOW.

SO THEY -- YES

I COME LIKE IT'S AN UNEXPECTED

PACKAGE.

I THINK THEY WOULD PREFER TO SEE

THE -- THE ANIMATED VERSION.

>> Seth: YOU -- YOUR SON IS 17

SO HE, YOU KNOW -- MUCH OF HIS

CHILDHOOD, YOU HAVE HAD THESE

SHOWS ON TELEVISION.

IS HE A FAN OF THEM?

IS HE A FAN OF ONE MORE THAN THE

OTHER?

>> HE'S -- LIKE RECENTLY NOT A

FAN OF ME.

>> Seth: OH, RIGHT

>> AND THAT PROBABLY LIKE BOILS

INTO -- THAT SPILLS INTO MY WORK

NOW.

HE WAS A BIG "BOB'S BURGERS" FAN

I THINK FOR YEARS.

THAT WAS A SHOW THAT WE WOULD

WATCH REGULARLY.

AND HE WAS A BIG "ARCHER" FAN.

"ARCHER" ACTUALLY HELPED HIM

THROUGH HIS FIRST CAMP CAUSE I

GAVE HIM ALL THE AUDIO

HE WAS ALLOWED TO HAVE, YOU

KNOW, LIKE A DEVICE THAT SHOWED

THE SHOW

BUT THAT WAS -- THAT WAS WHEN HE

WAS LIKE 11.

SO HE'S NOT ENJOYED ME SINCE

>> Seth: SO, IT'S SORT OF LIKE

THERE WAS AN ARC OF IT LIKE

PEAKING, LIKE HAVING

JON BENJAMIN AS A --

>> IT PEAKED AT 11 >> Seth:

YEAH

>> AND YES, NOW HE'S JUST

DISGRUNTLED.

>> Seth: SO I HAD THIS REALLY

FUN JOURNEY TODAY, BECAUSE YOU

HAVE A JAZZ ALBUM.

IT IS -- IT'S WONDERFUL,

"JON BENJAMIN JAZZ DAREDEVIL,"

AND I HAD THIS REALLY GREAT

JOURNEY TODAY BECAUSE MY FIRST

THOUGHT WAS, I DIDN'T KNOW JON

PLAYED PIANO

AND THEN IT TURNS OUT YOU DON'T.

>> NO.

THAT -- YES.

I'M SORRY FOR THE SURPRISE

I CAME OUT WITH MY DEBUT JAZZ

ALBUM IN 2015, SO THIS IS LIKE,

A FOLLOW-UP.

AND I HAVE YET TO LEARN HOW TO

PLAY PIANO

>> Seth: AND SO IT'S -

WONDERFUL JAZZ MUSICIANS, AND

THEN YOU

>> THE ORIGINAL ALBUM WAS A

QUARTET.

THREE VERY TALENTED JAZZ

MUSICIANS, AND ME, NOT BEING

ABLE TO PLAY, BUT TRYING VERY

HARD

>> Seth: THAT'S THE REALLY FUN

PART ABOUT IT IS IT'S NOT --

YOU'RE NOT PURPOSELY PLAYING

BADLY.

YOU'RE DOING THE VERY BEST YOU

CAN.

>> EXACTLY

YES.

I'M GLAD THAT --

>> Seth: AND EVEN TO THE

UNTRAINED EAR, IT'S VERY CLEAR

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY

>> YES

AND I'M DOING -- THE NEW ALBUM,

I'M DOING COVERS OF SOUNDTRACKS,

YOU KNOW, FROM TV AND MOVIES, SO

IT'S VERY APPARENT

ALTHOUGH I SWITCHED TO

SYNTHESIZER TO TRY AND COVER

SOME OF THE BAD ACOUSTIC

PLAYING, BUT THAT DIDN'T REALLY

WORK OUT

>> Seth: YOU WENT -- IS THIS A

SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA IN HUNGARY?

>> YEAH.

>> Seth: SO YOU WENT TO PLAY -

I THINK -- WAS IT "2001"

IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE -- THE

SOUNDTRACK YOU WERE PLAYING?

>> WE WENT TO -- WE RECORDED -

NO, NOT THE -- OH, THE "2001

SPACE ODYSSEY," THE PRELUDE.

>> Seth: YEAH.

>> SO IT'S LIKE THE THREE-MINUTE

PRELUDE THAT YOU -- FEATURED IN

"2001.

>> Seth: AND THEY DIDN'T

REALIZE --

YOU SORT OF HIRED THEM TO PLAY

ALONG WITH YOU, AND THEY WERE

NOT -- THEY DIDN'T QUITE KNOW

WHAT YOUR DEAL WAS GOING TO BE,

RIGHT?

>> WELL, THEY WERE LIKE

DEFINITELY CONFUSED WHEN THEY

SAW THE SPACE THEY WERE --

>> Seth: YEAH, I THINK THAT'S

FAIR

I THINK THAT'S FAIR OF THEM TO

BE CONFUSED.

>> BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE

THOUGHT, LIKE, OH, THIS GUY IS

REALLY SERIOUS

HE'S VERY INTO HIS MUSIC

HE WEARS A SPACESUIT

I THOUGHT MAYBE THAT MIGHT HAVE

BEEN SOMETHING

THEY DID NOT ALSO SPEAK VERY

MUCH ENGLISH

AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF

TIME, AND THEY WERE NOT TOLD

THAT I COULDN'T PLAY AND I WAS

SHOCKED.

CAUSE WE WERE SHOOTING A VIDEO

OF THAT.

AND I WAS SHOCKED THEY WERE NOT

AT ALL DISRUPTED

LIKE WHEN THEY HEARD ME PLAY

WITH THEM, THEY KEPT PLAYING

SO THEY WERE TOTAL PROS.

AND I -- I DON'T APPRECIATE

THAT

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: WAS IT EVER EXPLAINED

TO THEM, LIKE AT THE END

>> AT THE END IT WAS, YEAH

AND I THINK THEY WERE KIND OF

LIKE -- THEY WERE BUSY, LIKE

THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT MY JOKE

SO THEY LIKE -- I THINK THEY

LIKE -

THE JOKE SORT OF WAS LIKE, SOME

OF THEM, ONCE IT WAS

COMMUNICATED THROUGH -

YOU KNOW, I WAS LISTENING TO --

I WAS OBSERVING THEM HEAR ABOUT

THE JOKE

AND ONLY LIKE TWO OR THREE OF

THEM WERE LIKE -- LIKE TITTERED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THEN THE REST WERE LIKE, OH,

THAT SEEMS LIKE A BIG WASTE OF

OUR TIME

>> Seth: IT'S ON YOUTUBE, IT'S A

REALLY FUNNY VIDEO

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND EVERYBODY

WATCHES THAT

THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE,

JON.

"ARCHER," WEDNESDAYS ON FXX.

STREAMS THE NEXT DAY VIA FX ON

HULU

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

"LATE NIGHT.

♪

>> Seth: IF YOU LIKE THIS SHOW,

YOU'RE PROBABLY WAITING FOR ME

TO FINISH TALKING SO

AMBER RUFFIN CAN COME ON

SO NOW, DO I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS

FOR YOU.

THIS FRIDAY, "THE AMBER RUFFIN"

SHOW PREMIERES ON THE STREAMING

SERVICE, PEACOCK

DOWNLOAD PEACOCK FOR FREE AND

GET READY, AND YES, SHE WILL

ALSO CONTINUE TO APPEAR ON THIS

SHOW

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN

US, CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE POLLING

AND SHE IS PRETTY MUCH

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE.

I CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪

>> Seth: I WANT TO THANK MY

GUESTS, SARAH PAULSON AND

H. JON BENJAMIN.

I WANT TO THANK FRED ARMISEN AND

THE 8G BAND.

STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH.

STAY SAFE.

WASH YOUR HANDS.

WEAR A MASK.

WE LOVE YOU.