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Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.
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Let's go! Move it!
3
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:22,956
50 more yards!
4
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,416
All right, let's go! Pick it up!
5
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,918
- Let's go!
- Yes, sir!
6
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,712
You're running out of time, Bryant!
7
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,589
Make it all the way around the track!
Come on!
8
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,508
You want to be troopers?
You better move it!
9
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,093
All right, next, get up here!
10
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,594
Let's hit it now.
11
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:36,845
Dean, come on!
12
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,099
All right.
You've all completed the written exam.
13
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:43,769
However, you must now pass
the obstacle course
14
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,396
to be admitted into the training program.
15
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,316
And remember, survive this,
16
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,402
and you're on the front lines
of keeping New Jersey safe.
17
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:29,565
Yeah.
18
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,714
Sorry about the test, Dad.
19
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,843
We all have our crosses to bear, sweetheart.
20
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,179
Mine is named hypoglycemia.
21
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,682
Well, that's why you always have to have
sugar nearby.
22
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,685
Are you gonna have pie?
23
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,355
Not tonight, Ma.
24
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,692
I'm just kidding.
Yeah, I'm gonna want some pie.
25
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,112
You...
26
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:21,116
No, I meant now, Ma. Get the pie now.
27
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,328
- Okay.
- You said it,
28
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,873
and I just kind of got that
stuck in my head now,
29
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:31,084
and can't really get it out. Pie. Here we go.
30
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,379
It really helps heal.
31
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,382
And, you know, not always, but sometimes,
32
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:41,053
you gotta do like the kids say,
and just say, "Whatever."
33
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,262
Kids don't talk like that.
34
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,598
Some do, sweetheart. The older ones, okay?
35
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:47,142
I hear them in the mall. You know?
36
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,229
Peanut butter.
37
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,899
It just fills the cracks of the heart.
38
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,861
Go away, pain.
39
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,368
- What?
- Paulie.
40
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,495
Oh, no. Come on, Ma.
41
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,330
I'm not ready for this right now.
42
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:09,665
- Dad.
- Please.
43
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,710
We just don't want to see you go through
another holiday alone.
44
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,420
But I'm not alone.
45
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,422
I've got you two. You know?
46
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,133
And besides, Black Friday's coming,
47
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,761
so my dance card's gonna be pretty full.
48
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,639
What?
It's the busiest shopping day of the year.
49
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:28,183
Yeah, I should have known better
than to try to explain it to civilians.
50
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,353
I wish I had a coworker here, like, "Tyler,
hey. You know, Black Friday's coming."
51
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,230
"Gee, Paul, you don't have to tell me
Black Friday's coming.
52
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,356
"Why do you think
I've been walking around here
53
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,649
"with the eyes of an eagle?"
54
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,193
- We prepare.
- Dad, what does all that have to do
55
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,404
with being happy for the rest of your life?
56
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:45,158
You said, and I quote,
"If I don't have a girlfriend by November,
57
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,537
"I'll let you sign me up
for perfectmatch. Com."
58
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,373
That was last year.
59
00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,131
Okay.
60
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,884
- Here we are.
- Okay.
61
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,554
"What are you looking for in a woman?"
62
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,724
Well, your mother certainly
had something special.
63
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,437
Yeah, illegal immigrant status.
64
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:16,106
She married you, got citizenship,
and then she left us.
65
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,150
That's not entirely true.
66
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:22,237
We did have some good times
back when she was still trying to trick me.
67
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,573
- Well, I hate her.
- Well, you shouldn't.
68
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,283
She gave me you.
69
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,620
- I am pretty great.
- You are. You are.
70
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,790
Okay, next question.
"Tell us about yourself."
71
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,335
Let's see.
72
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,836
I know a lot about sharks.
73
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,088
Let me stop you right there.
74
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:46,762
Well-built and a great hugger.
75
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,347
Awesome, Grandma.
76
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,599
Not as awesome as this.
77
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:51,975
What are you doing?
78
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:56,396
Beefing up your profile with that
nifty video that you made a few years back.
79
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,856
Ma, no.
80
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:19,711
I don't know. Don't you think
it's a little too, "Hey, look at me"?
81
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,297
Well, that is exactly what we want.
82
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,882
Eyes on the prize.
83
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:27,135
And don't worry,
I will edit out the sweaty parts.
84
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,206
Dear God!
85
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,962
Hey! Back away from the vehicle.
86
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,381
Oh, dear God. Please.
87
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,508
Chompers, get down!
88
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,281
Hey, you know where a men's room is?
89
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,283
I do.
You're gonna want to go to Lord and Taylor.
90
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,368
They got 12 stalls and heated seats.
91
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:40,000
Okay, keep the balls in the pit, kids. Kids!
92
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,170
Okay, my lip is numb.
93
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,885
All righty.
94
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,849
- There you go.
- Thank you.
95
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:25,545
Hey.
96
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,632
Yeah, I know.
97
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:35,931
That's not supposed to be here.
It's a minivan.
98
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:40,810
...he can't handle it.
The puck travels to the far board...
99
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,563
He keeps the play alive.
100
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,879
- Paul!
- Hey.
101
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,297
What is this?
102
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,716
That's my report on how to ease
traffic flow from Macy's
103
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,385
down through the specialty shops.
104
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:16,555
- How's that working out for you?
- Actually, it's for all of us.
105
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,057
You see, if we could reroute the customers
away from the food court,
106
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,102
it's gonna help the kiosks
and cut down on shopper frustration.
107
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:25,272
It's your classic two-bird,
one-stone scenario.
108
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,317
- Can I ask you something?
- Anything.
109
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:33,738
Why can't you just punch in, shut up
and punch out like the rest of us?
110
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,825
Safety never takes a holiday.
111
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,035
Did your mom crochet that on a pillow?
112
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,287
Blart.
113
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,916
This is Sims. He's a new trainee.
Let him trail you today.
114
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,253
Hey. Paul Blart. Ten-year veteran.
115
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,630
Wow. Veck Sims.
116
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:55,218
Well, Veck Sims, welcome to the show.
Let's mount up.
117
00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,015
Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff.
118
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,355
That's it. Treat her gentle, son.
119
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,734
Slap it, honor it.
120
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,238
So what made you want to pursue security?
121
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,164
I never finished high school.
This is all I could get.
122
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,791
Yeah, I'm currently working on becoming
a state trooper, myself.
123
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:30,045
Right now, I'm goose egg for eight.
Hypoglycemia.
124
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,471
Confusing, right? Cut yourself some slack.
125
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:41,973
My first week riding on the job,
I got lost behind the Sears.
126
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:46,019
They found me later in the fetal position,
sporting a full beard.
127
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,687
I'm kidding. I can't grow a beard.
128
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,731
My uncle can. Stay snug.
129
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,401
Now, in the event
that you approach an assailant,
130
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,321
here's what I want you to do.
You're gonna pull up,
131
00:10:56,405 --> 00:11:01,117
left hip forward, placing your right hand
on your away hip thusly,
132
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:05,330
giving the illusion that you have a gun.
Which, of course, we both know
133
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,748
you don't.
134
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:10,085
Okay? But you know what we do have?
135
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,754
Our voices! We have our voices.
136
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,174
If you remember one thing
from today, it's this.
137
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:20,887
The mind is the only weapon
that doesn't need a holster.
138
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,307
Right. Awesome.
How long do we get for lunch?
139
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:27,560
Half hour. But I eat in 20, which leaves me
five minutes for social time,
140
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,896
five minutes to get refocused.
141
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,322
We got a high roller.
142
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,954
Sir, I'm gonna need you to pull to the right.
143
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,498
Please pull to the side, sir. Out of traffic.
144
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:52,711
Tan jacket, red scooter,
please pull to the right, out of traffic.
145
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:53,920
Sir.
146
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,133
Thank you.
147
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,356
Driving kind of recklessly back there, sir.
148
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,899
You're kidding.
149
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,652
I don't joke about shopper safety.
150
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,362
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
issue you a citation.
151
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,449
Gonna need your first and last. Last first.
152
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,535
Sir. Sir. Sir, sir, sir.
153
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,955
Please don't make this more difficult
than it needs to be, okay?
154
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:32,584
Are you able to...
Sir. Sir! Sir. I am warning you, sir.
155
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,715
You're pushing it.
156
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,843
Sir. Sir. I am warning... Sir.
157
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:46,347
Sir. Sir. Sir.
158
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:50,894
Okay.
159
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:55,482
This is adding up, sir. He'll be back.
He'll be back. He'll be back.
160
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:27,180
- Hey.
- Hi. Do you need something?
161
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,726
Yes. I'd like to welcome you to our mall.
162
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,062
Well, thank you.
163
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,906
Is there something else?
164
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,116
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
165
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,286
Just looking for some hair extensions.
166
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:53,498
Need a little more volume up top.
Do you do men?
167
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,752
Do you do men hair? Do you do men hair?
On the men?
168
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,839
Are you the guy
that crashed into the minivan?
169
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,175
I don't think so. Which one?
170
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,970
Well, that one. That one right there.
171
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,349
Yeah. That one, yes. That...
You know, that one was me.
172
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,643
- Oh, wow. Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah. Never better.
173
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,520
Although they're docking the paycheck
pretty good.
174
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:16,980
Yeah.
175
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,357
You know what you should do?
You should get the security tape,
176
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:22,986
and then, like, sell it to one of those shows,
you know, where people crash into stuff.
177
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,864
- Hello, early retirement.
- Yeah, right?
178
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:30,952
Volume. Right, let me just see what I've got.
179
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:39,419
Yeah, this is Blart.
If you need me, I'm over by the kiosks.
180
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,629
Who is this?
181
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,343
It's Officer Blart, reporting from Sector 5.
182
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:50,054
What the hell are you bothering me for?
183
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,309
- Just a Code B check.
- What a moron.
184
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,270
You know, I'll check in with them later.
It's pretty intense.
185
00:14:57,354 --> 00:15:00,231
Oh, right, yeah. Life of a security guard.
186
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,403
- What, what?
- No, it's just that you said security guard,
187
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,905
and it's perfectly acceptable...
188
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,740
I'm so sorry if I called you the wrong thing.
189
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,491
No, no, no, no. You did fine, you know?
190
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,827
It's just that there's a huge,
huge controversy
191
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:14,162
brewing in the industry right now,
192
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,789
whether the title should be
Security Guard or Officer.
193
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,042
I'm sure you heard about it.
194
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,419
- I didn't.
- You will. You're gonna.
195
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,255
- But I'm sure I will.
- It's out there.
196
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,760
So, you all set
for the busiest shopping day of the year?
197
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:32,931
Yeah, right.
And the worst day for a birthday.
198
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:36,476
This year, it falls on a Black Friday, which
means I probably won't even get a card.
199
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,770
Everyone's too busy shopping.
200
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,065
You know what? Yeah. Autumn Ash.
201
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,441
- Yeah.
- I think that's your color.
202
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,194
- I think this'll work.
- It's a winner.
203
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,697
- So that's $9.95.
- $9.95?
204
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,324
- Yeah.
- Wow.
205
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:54,661
At those prices,
now you got me thinking ponytail.
206
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,455
All right. Thank you.
207
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,457
Thank you.
208
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,086
- Right. So there you go.
- Okay.
209
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,295
And, there you go.
210
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,799
Thank you, Amy.
211
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,884
Thank you, Officer Blart.
212
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,514
Hey, Blart. Wow, nice shirt.
213
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,557
You went with a medium?
214
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,685
It's a bit formfitting,
215
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,270
but that's 'cause we're required to wear
protective vests under our...
216
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,981
No. Not buying it. No.
217
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,149
'Cause I don't see any vest
underneath here, so...
218
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,777
No, but it's a thick T-shirt.
Basically like a thermal they have you wear.
219
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:30,113
Nope. Nope. No.
220
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,200
I don't understand why you're laughing.
I just called you fat.
221
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,910
I'm not laughing.
222
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,833
Yeah, whatever. Amy.
223
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:45,003
Hey, everyone's going to American Joe's
tonight, and I want to see you there.
224
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,296
Okay?
We're gonna split some onion strings.
225
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,257
Wow. Wow.
226
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:51,050
Good.
227
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,428
Good hang.
228
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:57,140
Wow, yeah. That's great.
229
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:01,019
Hey, Blart, they need you
at Victoria's Secret.
230
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:04,230
Okay, roger that.
231
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:09,861
Okay, I gotta go.
232
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,487
Okay. Bye.
233
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,458
- I found it first.
- No, you didn't.
234
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,835
Ladies. Problem.
235
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:27,545
What's the genesis?
236
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:30,840
She's trying to take
the last push-up bra in this size.
237
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,676
There's gonna be a new shipment tomorrow.
They'll be here by noon.
238
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,595
Well, I need this one now.
I have a date tonight.
239
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,722
Really? Is he blind?
240
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,601
Whoa!
Waterproof shoes and Baggies on the socks.
241
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:42,935
Not my first rodeo.
242
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,563
Okay, ladies, need to see some ID.
243
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,148
No, you don't.
244
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:52,945
Ma'am, I should warn you, I do have
the authority to make a citizen's arrest.
245
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,989
So does anyone.
I could arrest you right now.
246
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,659
- That's true. She could.
- Hey, not talking to you. Okay?
247
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:03,039
Can I see you for a second, please, ma'am?
248
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:16,302
Look, I understand your sensitivity.
249
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,347
I've had some issues with weight myself.
250
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,601
- Are you calling me fat?
- No. No, no, no, no.
251
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,311
I'm just saying I've been down that road.
252
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:29,774
I mean... I mean, I'm still on it.
We both are, you know? Stranded.
253
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:33,402
Let's face it, we eat to fill a void, right?
254
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,823
But as soon as I started eating healthier,
255
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,117
I noticed I wasn't so moody.
256
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,828
And PS, your skin's gonna clear up.
257
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,414
- Can you hold onto these?
- Sure.
258
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,669
Ma'am.
259
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,224
You...
260
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,604
She's got tremendous upper body strength.
261
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,275
Backup! Backup!
262
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:15,820
She's biting my neck. She's biting my neck.
263
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,072
Backup!
264
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,537
Backup! Backup!
265
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,835
Look, I know you're new here and all,
266
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:34,589
but "backup" seems like
a pretty universal term.
267
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,414
Hey. Can I give you a lift?
268
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,832
What, on that?
269
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,126
With an inexperienced driver
I would recommend no,
270
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:57,338
but with me,
you'll be as safe as the President.
271
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:02,260
I don't know. Couldn't that get you fired?
272
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:03,928
Yes, it could.
273
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,431
Okay.
274
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,945
- Is this all right?
- Absolutely.
275
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:27,970
And here you go. Safe and sound.
276
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:33,017
- '65 Mustang.
- Yeah.
277
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:37,021
Fun fact for you, a lot of people think
the Mustang was named after the horse.
278
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,815
It was actually named after
the P-51 Mustang.
279
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,779
- That's a plane.
- I didn't know that.
280
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:49,450
Well, thank you for the ride, Paul.
That was so much fun.
281
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:50,910
No problem.
282
00:22:54,956 --> 00:22:56,207
Listen,
283
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,294
if you ever, you know, need rides anywhere,
284
00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:03,839
Dispatch, they can get me. You know.
285
00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:06,675
- Or we could just text each other.
- Yeah.
286
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,970
- Yeah, give me your cell phone.
- My cell?
287
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,473
Yeah, and I'll punch my number in.
288
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:18,062
Left it in the casuals. You know what?
289
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:20,231
Just give me your number
and I'll remember it.
290
00:23:20,315 --> 00:23:22,691
- Okay. Ready?
- Yep.
291
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:25,277
- All right. 555...
- Not yet. Just...
292
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:26,987
Now I'm ready.
293
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,614
- 555...
- 555...
294
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:29,907
...01...
...01...
295
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:31,492
...78.
- Eight. Got it.
296
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:32,743
That's it. It's locked.
297
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:36,122
Great, so I'll see you tonight
at American Joe's, right?
298
00:23:36,665 --> 00:23:39,083
Yeah, I mean, everybody's going, so...
299
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:40,960
- Yeah.
...why not me, too? I'll be...
300
00:23:41,044 --> 00:23:42,169
Yeah, I'm there.
301
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:44,547
- Great. Bye.
- Okay. Bye.
302
00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:51,405
- Hey.
- Hey! Hey. Glad you made it, Paul.
303
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,073
Good to be here.
304
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,659
- Fun fact for you...
- This place sucks.
305
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:58,496
- You want to get out of here?
- No.
306
00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:00,289
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
307
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:02,249
No, I was just saying that
308
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:06,712
the first American Joe's actually opened
its doors in 1972.
309
00:25:06,796 --> 00:25:10,174
And most people,
because of its service and theme,
310
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:14,345
think that it's derivative ofAbe and Louie's,
but it's not.
311
00:25:14,429 --> 00:25:16,263
It's its own thing.
312
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:20,434
You really know a lot of facts, Paul.
313
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:24,355
Hey, Blart, I heard you got your ass handed
to you by a fat chick at Victoria's Secret.
314
00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,357
Well, I don't hit women,
315
00:25:26,441 --> 00:25:29,944
- so I don't even know what...
- Yeah. Just minivans, right?
316
00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:35,616
Hey, why don't you go over to the bar
and grab yourself one of those girly drinks?
317
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:39,245
- I'll meet you over there.
- Okay. Does anybody else want a drink?
318
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:41,664
- 'Cause Stuart's buying.
- No, no, no. They're good. They're good.
319
00:25:41,748 --> 00:25:44,708
- So... They're good.
- Okay.
320
00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:53,884
Hey, listen, I...
We're basically already together, so...
321
00:25:53,969 --> 00:25:55,844
I wasn't... I didn't even realize that.
322
00:25:55,929 --> 00:25:57,137
- And I was... I wouldn't... Doing anything.
- Yeah.
323
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:58,597
I just want you to grab a hold of it, tight.
324
00:25:58,682 --> 00:25:59,765
- Okay?
- I got it.
325
00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:03,060
I mean,
it's not like you really had a chance, okay?
326
00:26:03,144 --> 00:26:06,063
Security guard? Really.
327
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:08,065
But you're a pen salesman, dude.
328
00:26:08,149 --> 00:26:11,443
Yeah, and I just bought a Camry,
so you can eat me.
329
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,905
All right, bro. Back off.
You know, we're all just here having fun.
330
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:16,365
Okay, bro.
331
00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:20,661
What?
332
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:26,250
Hey, thanks
for getting my back there, brother.
333
00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:29,587
Security blood runs deep between...
Yeah, let's just go.
334
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:34,675
- Round six.
- Let's do this thing.
335
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,093
- Gentlemen ready?
- No.
336
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:37,803
Not yet. Now I'm ready. Okay.
337
00:26:37,887 --> 00:26:39,597
And, go!
338
00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:47,146
Leon, I can't give you the Heimlich,
so you better chew.
339
00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:48,439
I know.
340
00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:51,609
Told you, boy. You better hurry up.
341
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,152
There you go. Nachos in my face.
342
00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:56,363
Oh, my God. These peppers.
The peppers are hot.
343
00:26:57,991 --> 00:27:00,534
Oh, my God. Oh, that's a hot pepper.
344
00:27:01,369 --> 00:27:03,203
Nachos are good, man.
345
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:08,083
Better inform all your friends, boy.
Nachos about to be gone.
346
00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:11,337
You're lagging behind.
347
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,881
Come on, Paul. Playing games.
348
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:19,553
I love these nachos, I'll tell you that much.
349
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:23,515
- That lemonade is insane.
- Yeah, Paul.
350
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:27,102
- That's because it's a margarita.
- No. I don't drink.
351
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:02,680
Twist it.
352
00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:05,265
Feel the nub.
353
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:09,603
- Hey, you want some? Here.
- Yeah.
354
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,066
You want fruit?
355
00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:30,582
Bye! You blinked! You blinked.
356
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:35,379
Time to pluck the grape from the vine.
357
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:41,218
Still got the Baggies! Hot jiggity.
358
00:28:43,179 --> 00:28:44,972
Coming on the left.
359
00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:49,184
False alarm.
360
00:28:56,317 --> 00:28:58,652
Told my mom everything about us.
361
00:28:59,654 --> 00:29:01,822
What are you talking about?
362
00:29:03,658 --> 00:29:07,161
You're acting coy. Come on. It's natural.
363
00:29:07,787 --> 00:29:10,247
You know. You so know.
364
00:29:10,331 --> 00:29:12,958
No, I'm sorry, Paul. I don't know.
365
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:18,130
Snap. Pop goes the weasel.
366
00:29:20,550 --> 00:29:22,384
So happy!
367
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:49,369
Yeah!
368
00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:56,710
I believe in magic!
369
00:29:59,756 --> 00:30:00,964
No way!
370
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:10,390
I'm sorry it didn't work out, dear.
371
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,018
It's fine, Ma.
372
00:30:13,102 --> 00:30:16,146
- Hey, Dad, why don't we check for matches?
- Yes.
373
00:30:16,231 --> 00:30:20,400
Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart.
I think I'm just gonna turn in.
374
00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:25,864
Well, how about something special
for lunch tomorrow to cheer you up?
375
00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:28,826
I don't think so, Ma. It's fine.
376
00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:37,709
If something's gonna work,
it would be the sloppy joe.
377
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,921
But that would probably... You know.
378
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:47,261
You know, if you're doing the sloppy joe,
do the sweet potato fries.
379
00:30:47,345 --> 00:30:50,347
But it... Whatever, you know.
Well done. Yeah.
380
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:25,525
Maya. Hey.
381
00:32:26,861 --> 00:32:29,863
Dad. I'm so sorry.
382
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:35,077
It's okay.
383
00:32:36,412 --> 00:32:38,747
There are other fish in the sea.
384
00:32:38,831 --> 00:32:41,375
You just gotta keep looking.
385
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,710
And it doesn't matter what you do.
386
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:47,756
Because once someone takes the time
to get to know the real you,
387
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,466
all bets are off.
388
00:32:55,014 --> 00:32:58,016
If it doesn't work out, you'll always have us.
389
00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:04,189
I'm sorry, sweetie, I popped my ears.
I didn't hear a word you were saying.
390
00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:06,274
You just have to...
391
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:07,985
Is that a tattoo?
392
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,239
I... Yeah, yeah, it is.
393
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,242
When did you get it?
394
00:33:15,326 --> 00:33:17,911
- I got it last night.
- What is it?
395
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,999
It's the Loch Ness monster.
396
00:33:22,083 --> 00:33:23,583
I don't drink.
397
00:33:59,662 --> 00:34:02,372
- Hey.
- Hi.
398
00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:04,958
That was
399
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,128
a little weird the other night, huh?
400
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:10,881
Yeah, you know, it had its moments. Yeah.
401
00:34:10,965 --> 00:34:14,634
Was one of them
when I tried to make out with your purse?
402
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,387
You see, alcohol instantly turns to sugar
in the blood.
403
00:34:17,472 --> 00:34:20,140
And what happens is the capillaries...
404
00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:27,773
Yeah, look. A lot of people...
405
00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:33,653
Pretty much everybody, you know, tends
to write me off.
406
00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:37,365
And if you did, too, believe me, I get it.
407
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:42,996
I just...
I guess what I'm asking is that you don't.
408
00:34:46,959 --> 00:34:48,960
Okay. You know, I'm sorry, I've just...
409
00:34:49,045 --> 00:34:50,921
I've gotta cash my paycheck
before the bank closes. I'm...
410
00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:52,422
No problem.
Maybe we could talk later or something?
411
00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:54,216
- Yeah, sure. You could just text me, or...
- Okay.
412
00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,843
- Yeah.
- I can do that. I can do that.
413
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,307
You know, Paul, everybody texts these days.
414
00:35:02,391 --> 00:35:04,559
I can't believe you don't have a cell phone.
415
00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:06,686
I'm not about all this technology, Vijay.
416
00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:10,899
I prefer face-to-face interaction
or a nice handwritten sentiment.
417
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,276
300 bucks?
418
00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:18,115
I dug myself into a really deep hole
with this girl, you gotta help me. Please.
419
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:23,829
Paul, you've always been a straight shooter,
so I'll tell you what.
420
00:35:23,913 --> 00:35:26,706
Why don't you take my daughter
Parisa's phone?
421
00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:29,126
- No, I can't do that.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
422
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:30,377
I'm punishing her.
423
00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:34,089
No. What with all the parties
and that ex-boyfriend Pahud,
424
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:35,966
she went over her minutes.
425
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:39,678
When and if she decides to turn
her life around, I'll simply take it back.
426
00:35:39,762 --> 00:35:41,680
Until then, you use it.
427
00:35:43,724 --> 00:35:45,267
- Thanks.
- Sure.
428
00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,894
- Stay within the minutes.
- Of course.
429
00:35:49,605 --> 00:35:52,524
Hey. It's too late to go in that way, guys.
It's closed.
430
00:35:52,608 --> 00:35:55,443
- No one's going in there.
- Yeah. I think we are.
431
00:36:06,205 --> 00:36:08,290
Hey, yo, Paul. Come here, man.
432
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:13,378
Look, I know you been feeling down,
so I got this for you.
433
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:16,631
"The Devil's Crotch."
434
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,759
Feel the burn, baby.
435
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:22,387
- Thanks, Leon.
- Get back at me, man.
436
00:36:27,643 --> 00:36:29,895
- Loading dock's ready.
- Got it.
437
00:36:37,069 --> 00:36:38,153
Yeah.
438
00:36:47,455 --> 00:36:49,539
You need a pen, don't you?
439
00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:50,707
You know what? No, I'm good.
440
00:36:50,791 --> 00:36:52,542
- I'll just use one of their pens.
- Yeah, you do.
441
00:36:53,628 --> 00:36:57,088
Yes. The Summit 5280 fountain.
442
00:36:57,173 --> 00:36:59,382
- That's stunning.
- Yeah, I know.
443
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,928
How would you like to sign your name
with this panther?
444
00:37:03,012 --> 00:37:04,346
You know what? More than anything.
445
00:37:04,430 --> 00:37:06,223
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Here. Yeah.
446
00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:08,225
It's yours. I insist.
447
00:37:09,143 --> 00:37:10,769
Oh, hey, guys.
448
00:37:10,853 --> 00:37:11,937
- Hey.
- Hey.
449
00:37:12,021 --> 00:37:13,980
- Hey.
- Don't you just love Fridays?
450
00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:15,732
- Yeah.
- Best night of the week.
451
00:37:15,816 --> 00:37:16,858
Yeah.
452
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:19,986
- Excuse me. Sorry.
- Hey.
453
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,447
Paul. Paul, can you help me out?
454
00:37:22,531 --> 00:37:24,241
I need to shoot over to the bank
for a minute.
455
00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:26,201
There's a few kids inside,
just finishing up their games.
456
00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:28,828
Could you close up the arcade for me?
457
00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:31,039
- Yeah, sure. No problem, Mr. Ferguson.
- Okay.
458
00:37:31,123 --> 00:37:33,583
- You okay? You seem a little down.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
459
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,585
You know, video game might
cheer you right up.
460
00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,337
Nah, I'm on duty.
461
00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:13,290
Welcome to the games!
462
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,085
Get set.
463
00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:19,170
Go.
464
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:30,056
Foul. Foul.
465
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,560
Foul. Foul. Foul. Foul.
466
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:35,729
Game over.
467
00:38:40,693 --> 00:38:42,152
We are ready.
468
00:39:10,931 --> 00:39:12,432
Let's do this.
469
00:39:22,068 --> 00:39:23,526
Attention shoppers.
470
00:39:23,611 --> 00:39:25,320
Please make your way to the nearest exits.
471
00:39:25,404 --> 00:39:27,614
Unfortunately, the mall will be closing early.
472
00:39:29,283 --> 00:39:32,827
- Everybody out!
- Everybody out!
473
00:39:36,248 --> 00:39:38,333
Everybody out, now!
474
00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:44,381
You, too!
475
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:00,772
Hi. Hey! Hey! You got me...
476
00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,827
I'm at the West Orange Pavilion Mall.
477
00:40:17,164 --> 00:40:20,458
Hey, yo. Hey, there's some crazy-ass people
trying to take over the mall.
478
00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:23,294
- I'm out of here.
- Everybody on the floor!
479
00:40:33,389 --> 00:40:36,057
Tell them to bring SWAT.
There may be hostages.
480
00:40:47,027 --> 00:40:49,195
What are you doing? Get down.
481
00:40:53,325 --> 00:40:54,367
Oh, my God.
482
00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:03,209
Surprised? I know.
483
00:41:03,294 --> 00:41:05,503
But here's the craziest part.
484
00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:08,756
I'm the leader.
485
00:41:17,516 --> 00:41:20,643
Reports are, they're inside the bank
and they got hostages.
486
00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:24,105
This is Sergeant Howard. I need four units
around the back to secure the perimeter.
487
00:41:24,190 --> 00:41:27,025
See if we can establish visual.
Report back to me immediately.
488
00:41:27,109 --> 00:41:28,443
Let's get all these civilians out of here.
489
00:41:28,527 --> 00:41:30,320
See if we can gain access
into the loading dock.
490
00:41:30,404 --> 00:41:32,197
- Go.
- I'm on it. 94, move 'em out.
491
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,920
Hello?
492
00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:49,422
Feeling alive?
493
00:41:50,257 --> 00:41:51,424
I'm sorry?
494
00:41:54,136 --> 00:41:55,345
Parisa.
495
00:41:56,597 --> 00:42:00,391
She makes you feel alive, doesn't she?
496
00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:05,897
This must be Pahud.
Pahud, no, I'm not with Parisa.
497
00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:08,107
My name's Paul Blart.
498
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,694
Parisa's dad took her cell phone away,
and he lent it to me.
499
00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:15,907
Do not lie to me, Paul Blart.
Do not lie to me.
500
00:42:15,991 --> 00:42:18,952
You are probably
sweating over her right now.
501
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,495
I'm not lying.
502
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:23,456
I mean, I am sweaty,
but I'm not sweating over anyone.
503
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:29,212
That woman is like an angelic goddess
who only brings goodness to this world.
504
00:42:32,091 --> 00:42:34,842
Plus, she has some crazy sexy feet.
505
00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:45,228
Paul, the pain of this breakup
is far too much for me to bear, man.
506
00:42:45,312 --> 00:42:48,022
Pahud, no one can blame you
for being upset.
507
00:42:48,107 --> 00:42:51,568
I mean, the holidays are tough enough
without adding heartbreak to the mix.
508
00:42:52,486 --> 00:42:56,281
Wow. Them's some heavy words, Paul Blart.
509
00:42:56,949 --> 00:42:59,325
Hey, life is heavy.
510
00:43:00,452 --> 00:43:04,664
Indeed. Now, you are at the mall, huh?
511
00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:08,042
So why do you not head over
to Orange Julius,
512
00:43:08,127 --> 00:43:10,461
call up my friend Sameer Oh?
513
00:43:10,546 --> 00:43:13,965
Tell him you are now my homeboy.
He will hook you up.
514
00:43:15,634 --> 00:43:17,135
Wait a second.
How'd you know I was at the mall?
515
00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:20,888
I track Parisa's phone with GPS.
Don't you judge me.
516
00:43:26,186 --> 00:43:28,021
Closing time already.
517
00:43:31,525 --> 00:43:36,070
Okay, there are 223 stores in this mall.
518
00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:40,283
Here is a list of the 15 that I need you to hit.
519
00:43:40,367 --> 00:43:41,951
And 15 for you.
520
00:43:44,663 --> 00:43:45,788
Okay.
521
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:49,959
Now this is the key to retrieve the codes
from each store's credit-card machine.
522
00:43:50,044 --> 00:43:52,086
They change every day, so make sure
523
00:43:52,171 --> 00:43:56,132
that you bring me back the codes
for today, Friday.
524
00:44:18,030 --> 00:44:20,990
Veck, six guys in standard formation,
just like you said.
525
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:22,116
Perfect.
526
00:44:24,578 --> 00:44:27,080
Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!
527
00:44:27,581 --> 00:44:30,333
And these little piggies went
all the way home.
528
00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:32,418
Do it.
529
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:46,349
Gary usually delivers the leftovers
to the Mission.
530
00:44:49,103 --> 00:44:51,270
Hey, everyone. A couple requests.
531
00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:53,856
Kindly tie up the person beside you,
keep your mouths shut,
532
00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:58,861
give up your cell phones,
and as a general rule, do as I say.
533
00:44:58,946 --> 00:45:01,572
You do all these things...
Well, you'll be back at home in no time.
534
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:03,783
Back to your mediocre lives.
535
00:45:04,618 --> 00:45:07,245
- I don't have one.
- Amy.
536
00:45:12,292 --> 00:45:17,505
I was hoping that you and I could have
a whole Bonnie-and-Clyde thing going on.
537
00:45:17,589 --> 00:45:21,342
You know, minus dying
in a hail of gunfire, of course.
538
00:45:24,638 --> 00:45:26,180
What do you say?
539
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:28,474
Go to hell.
540
00:45:29,226 --> 00:45:30,309
Ouch.
541
00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:35,356
Hey, Stewie, you don't mind
that I'm hitting on your girlfriend, do you?
542
00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:37,734
What? No. She's not my girlfriend.
543
00:45:37,818 --> 00:45:42,196
But I specifically heard you say
that you two were "basically together."
544
00:45:42,281 --> 00:45:47,618
No. I didn't say that we were together.
I said that she's into leather.
545
00:45:49,621 --> 00:45:52,081
Have at it. If you...
546
00:45:53,459 --> 00:45:55,251
God, you're an idiot.
547
00:45:57,671 --> 00:45:58,713
Hello?
548
00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:01,048
This is Sergeant Howard
of the West Orange Police Department.
549
00:46:01,133 --> 00:46:03,509
- Who am I speaking with?
- Hi.
550
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:05,428
Yeah, well, so here's the deal.
551
00:46:06,054 --> 00:46:09,724
As you learned the hard way,
I have motion sensors by all the doors,
552
00:46:09,808 --> 00:46:11,142
so if you wanna enter my mall,
553
00:46:11,226 --> 00:46:15,730
you might as well bring
at least six body bags.
554
00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:18,566
He's drilling the safe,
and they have eyes on us.
555
00:46:18,650 --> 00:46:20,526
See if we can tap into the security cameras.
556
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,862
Now look, no one's gonna try
and enter the mall.
557
00:46:22,946 --> 00:46:25,531
Is there anything you need? Do you need
any food? Do you need any water?
558
00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:31,788
Oh, man. This dude
doesn't deviate from the book at all.
559
00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:36,209
You know, since you're asking,
I would love a Happy Meal,
560
00:46:36,293 --> 00:46:38,920
you know, but...
Make sure the toy is the sea monster,
561
00:46:39,004 --> 00:46:40,296
'cause I already have the dragon.
562
00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:43,257
Okay, okay, now what is it you really want?
563
00:46:44,551 --> 00:46:45,760
Silence.
564
00:46:51,725 --> 00:46:54,310
Hey, I'm sorry, mall's closed,
565
00:46:54,394 --> 00:46:58,564
but I can help you find the nearest exit
if you just tell me where you parked.
566
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:00,441
Sweet mercy.
567
00:47:02,194 --> 00:47:04,862
This is not happening,
this is not happening, this is...
568
00:47:08,534 --> 00:47:12,078
Oh, God. All right, think, Paul, think.
569
00:47:12,788 --> 00:47:15,081
Now what are you trained to do?
570
00:47:19,044 --> 00:47:20,253
Nothing.
571
00:47:22,256 --> 00:47:25,967
Detect, deter, observe, report.
I gotta report it. Reporting it.
572
00:47:27,761 --> 00:47:29,637
Yo, we got a straggler.
573
00:47:32,266 --> 00:47:34,517
- It's a security guard.
- What should we do?
574
00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:38,104
I don't know. Give up, I guess.
575
00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:42,191
Guys, what is wrong with you?
We stick to the plan.
576
00:47:42,276 --> 00:47:45,236
We got a 911 operator connecting us
with some guy named Paul Barth.
577
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,363
He says he's a security officer in the mall.
578
00:47:47,447 --> 00:47:50,825
Hey. Blart? He's one of my guys.
579
00:47:50,909 --> 00:47:53,411
Paul, this is Sergeant Howard
of West Orange Police Department.
580
00:47:53,495 --> 00:47:56,080
The mall has been taken over,
and they have hostages.
581
00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,207
I need you to exit the building immediately.
582
00:47:58,625 --> 00:48:01,002
We don't need any wild cards
in this situation.
583
00:48:01,086 --> 00:48:03,754
Copy that. Never been a wild card.
584
00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:06,632
Unless you consider the game of Uno wild.
585
00:48:07,801 --> 00:48:12,096
- Blart! Can we focus here, please?
- Yes. Yes, sir. On my way out.
586
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:15,641
Okay, okay. Come on, don't die. Don't die.
587
00:48:16,810 --> 00:48:18,311
Blart.
588
00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:20,855
Don't pee. Don't pee.
589
00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:34,160
Guys, motion detectorjust went off
at Door 26. Everybody on it.
590
00:48:38,832 --> 00:48:39,874
Amy.
591
00:48:39,958 --> 00:48:42,251
What the hell is he doing? Come on!
592
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:44,503
- Paul, come on!
- Paulie, come on!
593
00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,755
- What's he doing?
- Come on, Blart!
594
00:48:45,839 --> 00:48:46,881
Blart, come on!
595
00:48:46,965 --> 00:48:48,758
- Let's go! Move it!
- Come on! Come on!
596
00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:50,343
- Get out of there!
- Come on!
597
00:48:51,803 --> 00:48:53,387
Is he crying?
598
00:48:53,472 --> 00:48:55,556
- I can't leave her.
- Where's he going?
599
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:56,766
- Blart!
- Where's he going?
600
00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:59,894
Blart, get back! Will you talk to him, please?
601
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,689
Blart, this is Brooks. What's going on?
602
00:49:04,358 --> 00:49:08,152
Sir, I took a sworn oath to protect this mall
and all inside it.
603
00:49:08,236 --> 00:49:09,695
What oath? We don't have an oath.
604
00:49:10,739 --> 00:49:13,991
I sort of made up my own.
It's on a plaque in my room.
605
00:49:14,868 --> 00:49:17,578
Listen, I think you're making a big mistake.
606
00:49:17,663 --> 00:49:19,288
SWAT's on the way.
607
00:49:19,790 --> 00:49:23,501
And I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
you're untrained, you're unarmed,
608
00:49:23,585 --> 00:49:26,545
and let's face it, son,
you present a huge target.
609
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:30,424
With all due respect, sir,
I can't observe and report from the outside.
610
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:31,509
Over.
611
00:49:31,593 --> 00:49:35,262
Well, Sergeant,
looks like you got your eyes on the inside.
612
00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:40,518
Amy, Paul Blart here.
Are you still in the mall?
613
00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:42,103
Send.
614
00:49:55,242 --> 00:49:56,450
Got him.
615
00:50:20,726 --> 00:50:22,810
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
616
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:25,813
Think. Think. Think, think, think,
think, think, think, think! Think!
617
00:50:48,086 --> 00:50:49,712
Hold it together.
618
00:50:51,757 --> 00:50:53,466
Heart of a warrior.
619
00:51:06,521 --> 00:51:08,064
I missed lunch.
620
00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:17,406
Thank you.
621
00:51:24,664 --> 00:51:27,333
This isn't happening, this is not happening.
622
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,386
Hey! Don't make this hard.
623
00:51:45,685 --> 00:51:47,186
You like that?
624
00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:18,592
Brooks, I took out a girl,
but the guy, he ran away.
625
00:52:18,677 --> 00:52:20,803
- Wow, Paul, you got one.
- Yes.
626
00:52:20,887 --> 00:52:24,431
But let the record show,
I did not hit a woman. I just...
627
00:52:24,516 --> 00:52:26,392
I put all my weight on her.
628
00:52:27,018 --> 00:52:28,269
Oh, Paul.
629
00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:31,397
No, no, no. She's fine, she's fine.
630
00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:33,524
Well, good, let's get you out of there.
631
00:52:34,192 --> 00:52:37,403
No can do, sir.
I am gonna finish what I started.
632
00:52:38,405 --> 00:52:40,114
What the heck is this?
633
00:52:40,198 --> 00:52:41,657
Give me that.
634
00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:44,076
Paul, this is Sergeant Howard again.
635
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:47,037
Since you refuse to come out,
I'm gonna need you to go into the bank
636
00:52:47,122 --> 00:52:48,956
and find out
where they're holding the hostages.
637
00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:52,251
With honor, sir.
638
00:52:54,921 --> 00:52:56,422
Good to know.
639
00:53:28,079 --> 00:53:29,872
Hey, I haven't heard back
from Donner or Vixen.
640
00:53:29,956 --> 00:53:32,875
Okay. I'm calling an audible here, everyone.
641
00:53:32,959 --> 00:53:37,504
And I need to get this mall locked down
from the inside immediately.
642
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:41,217
Why don't we just start wasting hostages?
That'll stop them.
643
00:53:41,301 --> 00:53:45,721
Well, that's one way to go, but our hostages
are the only thing keeping the cops outside.
644
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:03,364
I'm Commander Kent. My team is deploying.
I need this location secured.
645
00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:05,032
- We got a three-block perimeter...
- Establish a perimeter
646
00:54:05,116 --> 00:54:06,075
and get all these people out of here.
647
00:54:06,159 --> 00:54:07,409
Whoa, whoa, this is all done already.
648
00:54:07,494 --> 00:54:09,495
My men are gonna do it again, the right way.
649
00:54:09,579 --> 00:54:11,956
Have your guys fall back, now.
Have there been any demands?
650
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:15,626
- A Happy Meal and absolute silence.
- Well, let's make some noise.
651
00:54:15,710 --> 00:54:19,046
I got snipers at the ready,
communications in check.
652
00:54:19,130 --> 00:54:21,090
Let's tap into security now,
and let's get some visuals.
653
00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:22,591
You can't.
They knocked out the video cameras.
654
00:54:22,676 --> 00:54:28,681
I'll be ready to take on-scene command
in three, two, one. I'm in charge.
655
00:54:58,878 --> 00:55:01,380
Brooks, I'm observing the bank now.
656
00:55:02,590 --> 00:55:05,551
They got one assailant
guarding the hostages.
657
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:09,471
There she is.
658
00:55:09,556 --> 00:55:12,850
My, God. You are my angel pie.
659
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:17,980
Here come the love sweats.
660
00:55:18,857 --> 00:55:20,983
Paul, your radio's still on.
661
00:55:23,445 --> 00:55:24,486
Roger that.
662
00:55:24,904 --> 00:55:28,824
- What's going on? Who is that?
- We got a guy on the inside.
663
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:31,285
Don't tell me one of your beat cops
is trying to be a hero.
664
00:55:31,369 --> 00:55:35,831
No, he's neither. His name is Blart.
He's one of my security guards.
665
00:55:35,915 --> 00:55:38,208
- Wait a minute. Blart?
- Yeah.
666
00:55:38,293 --> 00:55:39,668
- Paul Blart?
- Yeah.
667
00:55:39,753 --> 00:55:43,547
Are you kidding me? We used to abuse
that loser in high school. Give me that.
668
00:55:44,132 --> 00:55:45,341
Blart.
669
00:55:45,425 --> 00:55:48,677
This is Commander James Kent.
New Jersey SWAT.
670
00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:51,847
We went to high school together.
Remember?
671
00:55:51,931 --> 00:55:54,767
I set you on fire at the pancake festival?
672
00:55:55,435 --> 00:55:57,394
Oh, yeah. Hey, Jimmy.
673
00:55:57,937 --> 00:55:59,104
Go Green Hawks.
674
00:55:59,939 --> 00:56:03,984
Yeah, listen. I've got 50 highly trained,
armed professionals out here.
675
00:56:04,069 --> 00:56:06,153
At my command,
we are retaking this location,
676
00:56:06,237 --> 00:56:09,323
and there's no way I'm compromising
this mission so that some mall monitor
677
00:56:09,407 --> 00:56:12,576
who used to eat lunch
with his imaginary friend can screw it up.
678
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:17,206
Sorry, Jimmy, I had the button pressed.
All I heard was "lunch" and "friend."
679
00:56:17,290 --> 00:56:19,500
Could you do me a favor
and put Chief Brooks back on?
680
00:56:19,584 --> 00:56:20,709
Listen to me, Blart,
681
00:56:20,794 --> 00:56:24,797
you are no longer communicating
with Chief Brooks. Is that clear?
682
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:31,261
Hello?
683
00:56:31,346 --> 00:56:34,473
Yeah? Oh, hey, Paul, how you doing?
684
00:56:35,683 --> 00:56:38,727
Well, it looks like they moved the hostages
into the teller area.
685
00:56:38,812 --> 00:56:40,938
I'm gonna get a closer look.
686
00:57:21,688 --> 00:57:22,813
Veck.
687
00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:26,817
There he is!
688
00:57:28,862 --> 00:57:31,113
- Everyone in the back room, now!
- Come on, move, move!
689
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:32,364
Let's get in the back, huh?
690
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:38,203
Brooks. I lost visual on the hostages.
I couldn't get them out.
691
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:41,415
But I know who the leader is. It's Veck.
692
00:57:41,499 --> 00:57:43,750
Veck? The trainee?
693
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:47,296
- No. The brainee.
- I don't believe this.
694
00:57:48,047 --> 00:57:49,298
I'll pass it on to Howard.
695
00:58:05,398 --> 00:58:06,607
Oh, God.
696
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:08,609
Trapped is fine by me.
697
00:58:08,693 --> 00:58:11,403
Commence tanning. Three, two, one.
698
00:58:37,430 --> 00:58:38,514
Yeah!
699
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:49,441
Yes!
700
00:59:04,332 --> 00:59:06,625
Time for some big-game hunting.
701
00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:33,902
Open, open, open! Thank God.
702
00:59:39,075 --> 00:59:40,284
Oh, no.
703
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:47,583
Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! We get it!
704
00:59:53,506 --> 00:59:55,507
Get him! Get him! Get him!
705
01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:03,807
You better run.
706
01:00:07,103 --> 01:00:10,105
- Rudolph, where are you?
- I'm about to end this.
707
01:00:23,411 --> 01:00:25,996
Amy, huh? What a coincidence.
708
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:28,790
We got a cute little redhead
down at the bank named Amy.
709
01:00:28,875 --> 01:00:31,251
- Strawberry blonde, actually.
- Yeah?
710
01:00:31,336 --> 01:00:34,004
Well, I guess I know who I'm killing first.
711
01:00:34,088 --> 01:00:36,673
- Catch you later!
- Yeah?
712
01:00:36,758 --> 01:00:39,009
Well, it looks like you just ran out of mall.
713
01:00:39,093 --> 01:00:42,054
It'll be over quick. She won't feel a thing.
714
01:01:29,435 --> 01:01:32,938
You aren't gonna touch her,
but you are gonna feel this.
715
01:01:37,902 --> 01:01:40,070
Nobody wins with a head butt.
716
01:01:59,841 --> 01:02:01,883
- Give me your cell phone.
- I don't have one.
717
01:02:01,968 --> 01:02:04,052
What are you talking about?
Every kid has a cell phone.
718
01:02:04,137 --> 01:02:06,471
I prefer handwritten sentiments.
719
01:02:08,015 --> 01:02:12,436
Who are these sloppy joes for?
And who gave you this?
720
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:15,814
They're mine.
I'm late for my shift at Foot Locker.
721
01:02:20,361 --> 01:02:24,072
We're getting the leader on the horn.
He wants to talk to you.
722
01:02:24,157 --> 01:02:25,741
Silence, my ass.
723
01:02:26,826 --> 01:02:28,744
What's the matter?
Throw a fewjabs your way,
724
01:02:28,828 --> 01:02:31,663
you curl up in a corner, suck your thumb?
725
01:02:32,582 --> 01:02:34,291
If you don't go toe-to-toe
with that scumbag,
726
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:36,585
he's gonna roll over on you all night long.
727
01:02:36,669 --> 01:02:38,754
It's all right. That's not my style.
728
01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:45,010
Well, just in case, I wrote down
a couple of clever comebacks, like...
729
01:02:45,094 --> 01:02:46,178
Here.
730
01:02:46,846 --> 01:02:48,555
This is what you been doing?
731
01:02:49,265 --> 01:02:51,475
"Yeah, you and what army?"
732
01:02:53,227 --> 01:02:55,979
- What's wrong with that?
- He has an army.
733
01:03:02,945 --> 01:03:05,864
Everyone deserves a card on their birthday.
734
01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:32,641
So when you and Rudolph
were laughing it up back at the crib
735
01:03:32,725 --> 01:03:35,185
about how easy all this was gonna be,
were you guys like,
736
01:03:35,269 --> 01:03:38,605
"Man, any brain-dead mall cop
that gets in the way is gonna get smoked"?
737
01:03:38,689 --> 01:03:41,358
And then... And then what?
You guys all high-fived?
738
01:03:41,442 --> 01:03:45,987
- Veck, this guard is...
- Winning! I know this, because I am all set!
739
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:49,324
But sadly, no codes!
740
01:03:49,408 --> 01:03:53,787
And I'd say, considering
all the luxury items that I have stacked up
741
01:03:53,871 --> 01:03:59,501
in my Amazon shopping cart,
situation unacceptable!
742
01:03:59,585 --> 01:04:01,628
No, no, no, no, no, no. He looking.
743
01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:03,839
Give me a gun.
744
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:08,093
Put it down. Put it down.
745
01:04:08,803 --> 01:04:10,345
What are you nodding about?
746
01:04:10,429 --> 01:04:14,224
I was just wondering,
were you serious about that Happy Meal?
747
01:04:16,769 --> 01:04:18,645
It isn't coming, is it?
748
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:23,316
What?
749
01:04:23,401 --> 01:04:25,569
This is Commander James Kent,
New Jersey SWAT.
750
01:04:25,653 --> 01:04:26,903
You wanted to speak to me?
751
01:04:26,988 --> 01:04:30,031
I just wanna make sure
that no one does anything stupid.
752
01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:33,201
You should know my men are deployed
and ready to bring this thing to a resolution.
753
01:04:33,286 --> 01:04:35,453
The easy way or the hard way.
754
01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:37,622
That is such a tough call, but...
755
01:04:37,707 --> 01:04:41,334
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and go with C,
none of the above!
756
01:04:43,296 --> 01:04:45,255
I'm Amy, by the way.
757
01:04:45,339 --> 01:04:48,758
- Amy? From unbeWEAVEable?
- Yeah.
758
01:04:48,843 --> 01:04:52,470
I'm Maya.
My father talked forever about you.
759
01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:57,058
And I gotta say, he really does like you.
760
01:04:57,143 --> 01:04:58,894
I'm gonna throw up.
761
01:05:16,829 --> 01:05:18,163
Oh, that's not so bad.
762
01:05:35,806 --> 01:05:37,182
Oh, my God.
763
01:05:38,809 --> 01:05:40,810
They've got his daughter.
764
01:05:41,854 --> 01:05:43,605
- Dad?
- Maya.
765
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:47,025
- Everything's gonna be okay.
- How's your blood sugar?
766
01:05:47,109 --> 01:05:50,195
Don't worry about me, okay?
I'm worried about you.
767
01:05:50,279 --> 01:05:54,449
I love you.
All right, now, I'm gonna get you all out.
768
01:05:54,533 --> 01:05:57,285
You just hang in there, okay, sweetie?
769
01:05:57,370 --> 01:06:00,121
I will. I'm a Blart, remember?
770
01:06:00,206 --> 01:06:02,207
Yeah. I'll see you soon.
771
01:06:04,418 --> 01:06:07,379
I'm supposed to be on my way
to the Cayman Islands with the hostages.
772
01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:11,007
And where the hell is Rudolph?
He should be back by now.
773
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:22,203
"If Veck gets the codes,
he's taking us to Cayman Islands"?
774
01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:27,459
Well, Veck Sims, welcome to the show.
775
01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:51,691
Come and get me, Veck.
776
01:07:51,776 --> 01:07:53,902
I got your codes
for the credit-card machines.
777
01:07:53,986 --> 01:07:57,906
- Yo, you hear that? That's Paul, baby!
- Blart?
778
01:07:59,492 --> 01:08:02,410
That's who's been screwing all this up?
You have got to be kidding me.
779
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:03,870
Give me a radio.
780
01:08:03,954 --> 01:08:05,622
Let me tell you something.
781
01:08:05,706 --> 01:08:10,335
You take hostages in my mall,
you are making a big mistake.
782
01:08:10,419 --> 01:08:12,462
You seriously undermissed...
783
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,759
And you seriously...
784
01:08:19,011 --> 01:08:20,178
Oh, no!
785
01:08:32,691 --> 01:08:33,900
Blart?
786
01:08:39,532 --> 01:08:42,742
Sugar. Sugar.
787
01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:45,537
Blart? You there, Blart?
788
01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:53,753
Hello, Blart. You there?
789
01:09:17,945 --> 01:09:19,320
Hey, Blart!
790
01:09:20,072 --> 01:09:23,199
I was hoping we could get an ETA
of when you're gonna give up.
791
01:09:24,952 --> 01:09:26,619
How about now?
792
01:09:26,704 --> 01:09:30,165
I'll meet you on the corner of Ne and Ver.
793
01:09:30,249 --> 01:09:34,085
Yeah, you heard me. Never!
794
01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:35,712
All right, Dad.
795
01:09:40,885 --> 01:09:44,429
Hey, fellas! You looking for me?
796
01:09:47,850 --> 01:09:50,852
Come on. Come on, come on. Come on.
797
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,109
Follow me.
798
01:09:58,194 --> 01:09:59,611
There he is.
799
01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:05,033
We got him trapped in Rainforest Cafe.
800
01:10:05,117 --> 01:10:08,119
Great. Wait for me.
You know, my mom always said,
801
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:10,455
"If you want something done right,
waste the guy yourself."
802
01:10:10,539 --> 01:10:13,458
I'm paraphrasing, of course. You stay here.
803
01:10:22,801 --> 01:10:24,719
Prancer, take the back.
804
01:11:32,496 --> 01:11:35,832
Hey, you. Scuba Dooby-Doo.
805
01:11:58,230 --> 01:12:01,607
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Can I have my codes now, please?
806
01:12:01,692 --> 01:12:03,985
Why? No codes, no Cayman Islands?
807
01:12:04,069 --> 01:12:05,945
Looks like Paul Blart turned into
quite the badass.
808
01:12:06,030 --> 01:12:07,655
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax.
809
01:12:09,867 --> 01:12:10,950
No.
810
01:12:11,702 --> 01:12:14,746
One thing I know is
Paul Blart is not a badass.
811
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:42,440
Comet! Don't come back till he's dead!
812
01:12:44,610 --> 01:12:50,198
Brooks. Only one more left.
Then it's just me and Veck.
813
01:12:52,868 --> 01:12:55,119
Okay, who's talking to Blart?
814
01:12:55,871 --> 01:12:58,206
Was it you, sugar mouth?
815
01:12:58,290 --> 01:13:00,875
All right. Let's try this again.
816
01:13:00,959 --> 01:13:02,543
Wait! No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!
817
01:13:02,628 --> 01:13:05,171
It's her phone, it's hers.
She's talking to him.
818
01:13:05,255 --> 01:13:09,300
She's talking to him, and I told her not to.
And it's under her leg.
819
01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:12,637
The phone. Her right leg. Right there.
That's good.
820
01:13:13,806 --> 01:13:14,931
Okay.
821
01:13:18,519 --> 01:13:20,061
That was close.
822
01:13:20,729 --> 01:13:21,938
He is a pro.
823
01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:25,733
Listen, Blart, time's up. We're busting in.
824
01:13:25,818 --> 01:13:28,653
Wait! Look, Veck's after
the credit-card codes, and I got them.
825
01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:30,321
Just give me a few minutes.
826
01:13:30,406 --> 01:13:31,489
No problem.
827
01:13:53,679 --> 01:13:55,263
Isn't that cute?
828
01:14:16,076 --> 01:14:18,786
- Hey, Amy. I'm on my way.
- Oh, hey, Blart.
829
01:14:19,496 --> 01:14:22,623
Wow. Our boy Stuart just turned me on
to your profile
830
01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:24,709
on lonelyloser. Com.
831
01:14:25,961 --> 01:14:29,297
"Likes morning rain, walks on the beach."
832
01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:31,883
Who are you, Olivia Newton-John?
833
01:14:32,468 --> 01:14:34,719
I was just speaking from the heart.
834
01:14:34,803 --> 01:14:39,432
Yeah, well, I didn't have to go online, Paul,
to know that you love peanut brittle.
835
01:14:39,516 --> 01:14:40,558
You're so pathetic.
836
01:14:45,189 --> 01:14:46,397
Trippy.
837
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,070
This I can use.
838
01:14:54,573 --> 01:14:55,823
What do you want, Veck?
839
01:14:55,908 --> 01:14:58,159
I just want the $30 million
that I came here for.
840
01:14:58,243 --> 01:15:02,955
But, you know, I would settle offing
your dream girl, or maybe your daughter.
841
01:15:04,416 --> 01:15:06,459
You touch them, I swear I'll end you.
842
01:15:06,543 --> 01:15:08,002
What're you gonna do, Paul?
843
01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:11,422
You gonna pull up with your left hip forward
giving the illusion that you have a gun,
844
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:13,841
which you and I both know you don't?
845
01:15:15,135 --> 01:15:18,346
- I could.
- You're not gonna do squat.
846
01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:21,682
The next time I see you, Paul,
I'm gonna put a bullet in your head.
847
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:25,353
I don't think so. I'm taking you down.
848
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:44,789
Blart!
849
01:15:50,254 --> 01:15:51,587
Oh, Blart.
850
01:15:59,429 --> 01:16:01,681
Sweet mercy.
851
01:16:09,731 --> 01:16:12,984
I wish I had a bat. I would bust you open,
see how much candy fell out.
852
01:16:13,068 --> 01:16:14,902
- Too tight!
- This is not happening.
853
01:16:14,987 --> 01:16:17,196
- It's not happening.
- Come on.
854
01:16:43,015 --> 01:16:46,517
Bravo. That was awesome.
855
01:16:47,853 --> 01:16:52,607
And you were just so close
to making it, too, Paul. Just so close.
856
01:16:52,691 --> 01:16:55,693
- It's not over yet.
- Yeah, I think it is.
857
01:16:55,777 --> 01:17:00,990
Now the only thing I need are my codes,
which, judging from your text messages,
858
01:17:01,074 --> 01:17:05,286
you have been so sweet as to enter them
into your phone just for me.
859
01:17:07,748 --> 01:17:10,583
You think I'm gonna carry the phone
with me that actually contains the...
860
01:17:19,843 --> 01:17:22,219
- Yello?
- Peanut Blart and Jelly.
861
01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:26,766
What's up, man?
So good to hear your voice.
862
01:17:26,850 --> 01:17:28,142
Yeah, it's good to hear
your voice, too, Pahud.
863
01:17:28,226 --> 01:17:29,727
Listen, I'm gonna have to call you back.
864
01:17:29,811 --> 01:17:32,605
- What? When?
- I don't know when. I'll talk to you later.
865
01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:35,608
Okay, Paul, call me back!
Call me back, Paul!
866
01:17:37,986 --> 01:17:40,655
I mean,
this just keeps getting better and better.
867
01:17:40,739 --> 01:17:43,699
I mean, you are impossible
to underestimate.
868
01:17:43,784 --> 01:17:45,660
I mean, you can't pass the trooper exam,
869
01:17:45,744 --> 01:17:49,705
you black out if you don't have
a Snickers bar like every 20 minutes,
870
01:17:49,790 --> 01:17:53,501
you had the chance to be the MVP,
and you blew it.
871
01:17:53,585 --> 01:17:56,754
Again, like you always do.
Ain't that right, Maya?
872
01:18:06,098 --> 01:18:09,684
What do you want me to say, Veck?
You're smarter than me.
873
01:18:10,769 --> 01:18:14,605
You're good on computers,
you kept your weight under control.
874
01:18:15,607 --> 01:18:18,359
I mean, people,
they look at me and you, and...
875
01:18:18,443 --> 01:18:20,361
Yeah, it's a landslide.
876
01:18:20,779 --> 01:18:22,363
It's no contest.
877
01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:25,282
Sorry.
878
01:18:26,243 --> 01:18:28,953
Right now, you're the man with the gun.
879
01:18:31,206 --> 01:18:32,748
So here you go.
880
01:18:50,475 --> 01:18:51,976
Come on!
881
01:18:52,060 --> 01:18:53,519
Go get him!
882
01:18:53,603 --> 01:18:54,854
Go, Dad.
883
01:18:56,815 --> 01:18:58,023
What...
884
01:19:02,154 --> 01:19:04,989
Probably should have capitalized on that.
885
01:19:05,657 --> 01:19:06,824
Dad!
886
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:14,999
Lock and load, boys. We're going in.
887
01:19:21,923 --> 01:19:23,382
Hey, we're on the move.
888
01:19:23,467 --> 01:19:24,717
Let's go.
889
01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:31,182
Come on, come on, come on.
890
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:48,199
Paul. Think, Paul. Think!
891
01:19:51,077 --> 01:19:55,080
Let's go, men. Take it down.
Secure the suspects.
892
01:20:05,091 --> 01:20:06,383
Get down!
893
01:20:07,385 --> 01:20:09,720
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
894
01:20:13,141 --> 01:20:16,393
Down. The other one. That's the back one.
895
01:20:16,478 --> 01:20:19,897
No, no. That's the same one. No!
The other one!
896
01:20:19,981 --> 01:20:22,691
Veck got away with my daughter and Amy.
897
01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:26,570
Entry team, clear the mall. We'll pursue.
898
01:20:27,030 --> 01:20:28,239
Light.
899
01:20:30,867 --> 01:20:32,368
Open the door.
900
01:20:36,248 --> 01:20:37,706
Let's do this.
901
01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:43,796
Jimmy, give me your cell phone.
902
01:20:45,590 --> 01:20:49,760
Gotta hand it to you, Blart.
You're really taking care of business.
903
01:20:51,763 --> 01:20:52,847
What up?
904
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:55,599
Pahud, do you still have GPS
on Parisa's cell phone?
905
01:20:55,684 --> 01:21:00,020
You know I do, Paul. You know I do.
What can I do for you?
906
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,772
I need to know where it's headed.
907
01:21:05,610 --> 01:21:07,987
Paul, it looks like
they're on their way to McGuire Airfield.
908
01:21:08,071 --> 01:21:10,281
I know where that is. Thanks.
909
01:21:11,408 --> 01:21:12,658
Hang on.
910
01:21:16,204 --> 01:21:17,872
My God. There they are.
Jimmy, take the wheel.
911
01:21:17,956 --> 01:21:19,039
What?
912
01:21:20,792 --> 01:21:22,668
Here we go! Here we go!
913
01:21:23,086 --> 01:21:25,045
That was me. I can't...
914
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:46,901
Here I go! No!
915
01:21:51,531 --> 01:21:52,698
Blart!
916
01:21:57,203 --> 01:21:58,996
Don't do it! Blart!
917
01:22:15,472 --> 01:22:17,097
Oh, God. Oh, God.
918
01:22:31,821 --> 01:22:33,697
Maya! Maya, get inside.
919
01:22:34,157 --> 01:22:35,741
- Oh, God!
- Dad!
920
01:22:35,825 --> 01:22:36,909
Paul?
921
01:22:48,964 --> 01:22:50,756
I really don't drink.
922
01:22:56,471 --> 01:22:58,889
Come on. Oh, yeah?
923
01:22:59,891 --> 01:23:01,433
- Dad!
- Come on.
924
01:23:05,897 --> 01:23:07,022
Dad!
925
01:23:09,067 --> 01:23:11,235
Man, that hypoglycemia is a killer.
926
01:23:16,157 --> 01:23:18,367
I told you I'd take you down.
927
01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:23,872
Blart!
928
01:23:25,375 --> 01:23:28,335
Very impressive,
taking down an assailant without a gun.
929
01:23:28,420 --> 01:23:30,921
I hope you don't mind if I use one.
930
01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:32,339
What?
931
01:23:36,803 --> 01:23:38,637
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.
932
01:23:39,472 --> 01:23:41,515
I guess
it's off to the Cayman Islands then, huh?
933
01:23:41,599 --> 01:23:43,017
Soon as I get my money.
934
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:46,770
Yeah, well, you'll be needing this.
935
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:48,856
Just give it to him, Dad.
936
01:23:49,357 --> 01:23:53,110
Oh, I will. Suck on that!
937
01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:58,490
Okay. Situation update?
938
01:23:59,117 --> 01:24:01,285
We have seven assailants in custody, sir.
939
01:24:01,911 --> 01:24:04,955
- Great. Nobody talks to them but me.
- Yes, sir.
940
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:07,291
You see, jackass? I don't need the phone.
941
01:24:07,375 --> 01:24:09,418
'Cause I got all the access codes
written on their arm.
942
01:24:09,502 --> 01:24:11,670
Now, I kill you three,
there'll be no witnesses.
943
01:24:11,755 --> 01:24:14,339
And since everybody thinks
this was a bank...
944
01:24:28,313 --> 01:24:33,317
I got a newsflash for you.
Your flight's been canceled.
945
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:37,780
That's better than anything I got.
946
01:24:45,497 --> 01:24:47,164
You did good, Dad.
947
01:24:48,625 --> 01:24:50,584
Yeah, I am pretty great.
948
01:24:54,255 --> 01:24:57,257
You know, she doesn't need a green card.
949
01:25:39,592 --> 01:25:41,593
I don't know what to say.
950
01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,763
I have something I want to say to you.
951
01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:50,144
Happy birthday, Amy.
952
01:26:13,418 --> 01:26:15,210
I heard you applied to be a state trooper.
953
01:26:15,295 --> 01:26:19,006
You say the word,
my department would be proud to have you.
954
01:26:19,507 --> 01:26:23,468
Thank you, sir. But I think
I'm gonna stick with what I do best.
955
01:26:24,179 --> 01:26:24,182
It's protecting the people
of the West Orange Pavilion Mall.73473
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