All language subtitles for Jimmy Kimmel 2020 09 23 Riz Ahmed WEB h264 BAE_track3_eng

>>> this is an abc color
presentation.

>> dicky: From hollywood, it's
"jimmy kimmel live."

tonight riz ahmed and music from
tim mcgraw.

And now, jimmy kimmel!
>> jimmy: Hello, I'm jimmy.

I'm the host of the show.
Who forgot to button his jacket.

Thank you for watching.
Thanks to our studio audience

who came down from their
cubicles to be here.

The sound of clapping you hear
is the skeleton staff we've

assembled to pretend they enjoy
me.

[cheers and applause]
>> jimmy: Thank you.

Thank you very much.
My security guard, guillermo, is

beside me as always.
How are you tonight?

>> guillermo: Fantastic, jimmy.
>> jimmy: Do you like the stool

I provided for you?
>> guillermo: I feel like a baby

in a high chair, but I like it.
>> jimmy: You look like a baby

in a high chair to be honest.
I was worried you'd been getting

too much exercise while we were
at home.

Did you watch the lakers last
night?

What happened?
>> guillermo: We were losing by

about 20 points and we tried to
come back in the last quarter,

but we couldn't come back and
lost by six, I think.

>> jimmy: That kind of analysis
could actually get you a job at

espn.
>> guillermo: Maybe uni vision.

>> jimmy: Time magazine has
unveiled their annual list of

the 100 most influential people.
The list includes donald trump,

joe biden, megan thee stallion,
all the world leaders.

I actually wrote a little blurb
about dr. Fauci for it.

They asked me to write it.
And I said“how many people

passed on this before you got to
me” they claimed it was only

one.
Anyway, I wrote it because I

respect dr. Fauci and also
because I'm hoping he'll sneak

me an early vial of the vaccine.
If I ever meet him, I'm going to

just turn around and gently
lower my pants.

"got anything for me"?
Although I do that when I meet

most health professionals.
"time" also announced that the

least influential person of the
year was this lady, who, despite

the signs and a lot of yelling,
was unable to effect any change

to baskin robbin's mask policy.
You know, because of the

pandemic, the cdc is urging
families to skip trick or

treating this year which really
screws me up.

That's my bit!
I'm the one who takes the kids

candy away!
The cdc now recommends that if

your kids want to do something
spooky on Halloween, they should

sit quietly and think about how
badly the administration handled

the pandemic response.
Halloween is a major source of

revenue for the candy companies.
It's a five billion dollar

industry.
But I think with a little bit of

re-branding, these companies
could embrace covid and really

cash in.
For example --

are you ready for examples?
[cheers and applause]

>> jimmy: You better be or
you're all fired!

Here are the examples.
Who wouldn't enjoy a bag of

“pandem&m's?"
or“now and ventilators?"

“lemon droplets”“feverishly
hot tamales”“no more payday”

“reese's sneezes”“good and
fauci”“circus ppenuts”“stand

milky way over there”“three
masketeers”“stuck at home with

sour patch kids” and finally --
“mike and ike are dead”

meanwhile, there are new -- new
concerns about foreign

interference in our election.
Because of all the mail-in

ballots, it could take a while
for the votes to be counted

which means there's a good
chance we may not know who won

on election night or maybe even
for days later.

The fbi yesterday issued a
warning that so-called“foreign

actor” might try to use that
extra time between voting and

results to“spread
disinformatio” and“undermine

confidence in u.S. Democratic
institutions” the foreign

actors they are specifically
worried about are these, the

cast of "schitt's creek."
first they come for our emmys,

then they come for our
democracy.

There's increasing concern that
even if he loses, trump will

refuse to leave the white house.
But here's the thing, that's

simple.
If the american people want to

guarantee that donald trump will
leave us, there's an easy thing

we can do, marry him.
I miss the drummer sometimes,

you know?
By the way, you know who is

gonna be voting for the first
time ever this year?

Mike tyson.
Tyson tweeted yesterday that he

is proud that he will finally
cast a vote.

In this election.
And I think that's great.

If for no other reason than I
want to hear mike tyson say the

words“participating in
democracy."

speaking of prize fights, we are
now less than a week away from

the first presidential debate
between donald trump and

joe biden.
The debate will be held in

cleveland at case western
reserve university.

Never heard of it.
Trump has reportedly been

preparing for the debates by
watching tv.

That's right.
He's been training twelve hours

a day for the past four years
for this.

They say that biden considered
taking a page from trump's book

and putting the women who
accused him of sexual assault in

the audience for the debate but
they're not allowed to have more

than 400 people in the crowd.
[cheers and applause]

watching joe biden in these
debates will be like watching

your kid in the school play.
You'll be like -- very good.

All right.
There will be no audience for

the debate so the president has
been warming himself in front of

a series of crowds.
Trump was in moon township,

pennsylvania last night where he
once again floated this strange

idea slash accusation that he
and joe biden should take drug

tests.
>> this guy doesn't have a clue.

He doesn't know where the hell
he is.

And they'll give him a shot of
something.

I don't know.
He's going to get something,

elli
he'll be, you know, I watched

him so badly in the debates, and
then with bernie, he was

average.
He got through.

And I said what the hell is he
taking?

And I said that, we want a drug
test.

We want a drug test.
Weel b

we'll both take it, we'll both
take it.

>> jimmy: I don't think lipitor
is considered to be

performance-enhancing.
I hope biden takes him up on

that!
I would love to see trump's drug

test!
Propecia, cialis, adderall,

dexatrim, that one that stops
you from leaking.

He'd probably just get the same
guy who took his s.A.T.S for

him.
Kamala harris is gearing up for

her one and only vice
presidential debate with

mike pence next month.
During her practice sessions,

which don't seem that necessary,
mayor pete buttigieg has been

standing in for mike pence.
You know, they do these practice

debates.
Do you even need a person to

fill in for mike pence?
Just put a white wig on a mop

and call it a day.
There's a lot on the line for

pence.
For one thing, he'll be forced

to be in the same room as a
woman without mother standing

by.
Which is difficult.

I'm worried about mike pence if
he wants to knock this debate

out of the park, he needs to get
some new material.

Pence has been on the road
telling the same phony story

about his“daily conversatio”
with president trump over and

over again.
>> I got to tell you, when I

told him I was going to be in
michigan tonight when he was in

london, I think he sounded just
a little bit jealous.

When I told him last night that
I was headed to iowa, I think he

looked just a little jealous.
When I told him yesterday that I

was headed to wisconsin, I think
he was a little jealous.

Headed to the keystone state,
headed to louisiana.

Headed to pennsylvania, I think
he looked just a little bit

jealous.
I thought he sounded just a

little bit jealous.
I think he sounded just a little

bit jealous.
I think he sounded just a little

bit jealous.
I think he sounded just a little

bit jealous.
I think he sounded just a little

bit jealous.
>> jimmy: I think you might need

to be rebooted, mr. Vice
president.

Charges were filed today in the
case of breonna taylor who, as

you know, was killed by police
in a raid of her apartment even

though she had done nothing.
Many are upset.

There are protests in louisville
and elsewhere as well.

So the president, as he is known
to do, took a moment to offer

words of healing and unity and
condolences to the taylor

family.
>> mr. President, do you believe

that justice was served in the
breonna taylor case in kentucky?

And what is your message to the
black community, who believe

that perhaps justice was not
served by the decision that was

rendered by the grand jury in
kentucky?

>> well, my message is that I
love the black community, and

I've done more for the black
community than any other

president, and I say with the
possible exception of abraham

lincoln, and I mean that.
With opportunity zones and

criminal justice reform, prison
reform, with what we've done for

historically black universities,
colleges, schools, what we've

done, nobody's done more.
Abraham lincoln, let's geoff him

t
the nod but beyond that,

nobody's done more.
>> jimmy: It's amazing.

No matter what you ask him, he
makes it about himself.

“mr president, what do you think
about the celtics in the

playoffs”“nobody's done more
for the irish!

Nobody's driven more snakes out
of ireland than me.

Maybe st. Patrick” thank you
for yet another sweatysburg

address.
Can't we just have the election

now?
Is anyone actually undecided?

This kind of tells you all you
need to know with all that is

going on right now all the
division and fear and

unemployment.
Last month, the trump campaign

spent $477,000 on fireworks.
For real.

Roll the tape here.
Not only did mexico not pay for

the wall, trump paid them half a
million dollars for fireworks.

This is the display for the
republican national convention.

And it's a beautiful display, no
question about that.

And the fact that they toppled
the washington monument, well,

I'm sure they'll get that all
taped up.

Trump never could understand why
they built a monument to

denzel washington in the first
place.

This is our first week here in
the studio after more than six

months of working from home.
And when you're a couple and

you've been cooped up together
for half the year, you have a

chance to rediscover each other
for better or worse.

You remember what you like the
most about your partner and

maybe happen upon some new
things that you don't.

So we asked our staff, those who
have a plus one, to share with

us the significant things
they've learned about their

significant others during
quarantine.

And I hope you find some comfort
in this for your own

relationship.
♪

>> I've learned that my wife
likes to angle the computer

towards an open doorway during
her work zooms.

So, on more than one occasion,
all of her co-workers have seen

me pass by naked.
>> my girlfriend's a

copyrighter, which apparently
means watching endless tiktoks

at full volume while doing very
little writing.

>> I've learned that my wife in
quarantine likes to vacuum three

times a day.
Once in the morning, once in the

afternoon, and once right before
bed, for some reason.

>> she needs to have the ac,
24/7, okay, 24/7.

And it gets cold, so I don't
like that.

So at nighttime I weak up and go
turn that off, and I told her,

listen, you don't pay the bill,
the bills are going to be real

expensive.
>> during my time together with

my fiance, I learned that she's
person on zoom calls that uses

all those business jargon terms
like "kirle back", "touch base",

and my least favorite, "turn
key".

>> while my husband loves the
idea of cooking from scratch

he's not that great of following
through.

The refrigerator is full of sar
dough starter.

>> we have two different types
of kitchen scissors.

>> after nearly six months of
working from home, down the hall

from my husband, I've learned
that he will literally work in

his own filth and trash for
days, sometimes weeks.

I have found half-eaten grapes
on the table.

And the other day our 1-year-old
daughter had some mustard on the

bottom of her foot and I
eventually figured out that my

husband had left a paper plate
with mustard on the floor, and

I'm guessing she stepped in
that, so.

Yeah.
>> jimmy: The bug zapper is a

nice touch, too.
Just get some yellow carpet,

mustard problem solved.
Tonight on the show, tim mcgraw

is here.
And we'll be right back with

riz ahmed.
So stick around!

[cheers and applause]
♪

progressive.
♪

[ applause ]
>> jimmy: Welcome back.

Tonight, his album is called
"here on earth," the one and

only tim mcgraw is standing by
from nashville.

Tomorrow night, we will visit
with norman reedus.

We will honor a healthcare hero
and hear music from amine.

So please join us for that
tomorrow.

Our first guest is an
emmy-winning actor and rapper,

he's a raptor in fact.
You know him from“girl” and

“veno” and lots of other stuff.
His new movie“sound of meta”

opens in theaters November 20th
and premieres on amazon prime

video December 4th.
And this is his album“the long

goodbye."
please welcome riz ahmed.

Hello, riz!
>> hey, gejimmy, how are you

doing?
>> jimmy: I'm good, how are you.

>> I'm good.
I'm virtually at home.

>> jimmy: Your home is
beautiful.

It's white and clean.
Where are you?

You look like you're in an apple
commercial.

>> I'm in l.A.
>> jimmy: Oh, you are.

>> yeah, I've just made it here.
I thought l.A. Would be a bet

are place to be.
>> jimmy: No.

>> with corona and everything
than the uk, be a bit more

sunnier, a bit more outdoorsy,
but you guys are going through a

situation here.
>> jimmy: Yes, yes, we r there

are a lot of people working very
hard to fight those fears there.

Did you not know about that?
Were you unaware of that in the

uk?
>> they started pretty much just

as I kind of landed.
>> jimmy: Got you.

>> so I got to l.A., ready to
kind of walk around outside, and

then the sky was on fire.
>> jimmy: Yeah, yes, it is.

>> that was intense.
Hopefully they get it under

control and it will be a wakeup
call.

>> jimmy: Oh, it won't be.
We'll keep doing the same stupid

things over and over and over
again.

That's spirit of the united
states is what it is.

But let's talk about -- by the
way, how was your flight?

Were there people on your
flight?

>> it was kind of surreal,
actually.

Yeah, I mean there were a couple
of people on the flight.

And it was kind of strange.
Because they wiere serving food

but there was no -- they were
serving it like kind of serving

it but not really serving it.
>> jimmy: That's every flight

I've ever been on.
>> you never quite sure were

aware of where the boundaries
were.

There was a family where it was
their first flight back for a

lot of the crew.
There was a lot of distrust,

like most of my relationships.
So it was comfort zone for me in

a way.
>> jimmy: Did you get nuts?

Did they give you nuts?
Did they give you nuts?

>> they did give me nuts.
>> jimmy: Okay, all right.

>> there are still nuts, so it's
still okay.

>> jimmy: Also like a lot of
relationships, right?

>> yes.
>> jimmy: I'm glad you made it

safely.
How long at home were you cooped

up?
Were you by yourself?

What was your situation?
>> yeah, it was kind of intense,

but I was lucky in I could
socially distance.

I could, you know, shelter at
home.

Obviously a lot of people are
out working.

They had to work.
So I was very grateful for that

and grateful is a keyword
because they were out doing

their thing.
In the uk, you'd come out every

Thursday night and they would
clap and it was very moving, but

I have to say, yeah.
I was losing it a little bit.

>> jimmy: Were you?
>> if you're like me, you're

always on the go.
So when you're forced to stop

and sit with yourself, that's
when you have to kind of face

all your demons, really, all the
stuff you're running away from,

by working all the time.
>> jimmy: What demons?

>> psychological, yeah.
>> jimmy: What demons did you

face?
Did you have people in the

house?
Pets?

Did you have anyone?
>> um, well, I don't want to

overlook potella or anything.
It wasn't too intense.

I was thinking about getting a
dog at one point.

A lot of people got these covid
dogs.

>> jimmy: Yeah, right.
>> I felt like that would be a

good idea for a week, and then
it would be a hassle.

So instead I got a robot vacuum
cleaner.

You got one of those?
It's really good.

If you're thinking about getting
a dog, you're thinking things

are quiet at home.
You like a pet but not the mess,

it cleans up after itself.
>> jimmy: Instead of getting

hair on the rug it gets hair off
of the rug.

>> it's perfect.
>> jimmy: How are your parents

doing?
They live in london, sdplebt.

>> they do, they do.
I was on some, I know it's like,

I thought I was kind of being
this heroic son and looking out

for my aging parents.
I'd go to drop off fruit and veg

and they'd open the door with
ready-cooked meals in

tupperware, here you go.
It's the classic asian mom kind

of thing.
But even in this situation they

couldn't help but try and --
>> jimmy: You come home with

more food than you brought.
>> yeah, it was really not what

I had been planning on.
>> jimmy: I saw on instagram you

lost a couple family members,
your aunt and uncle to covid,

right?
>> yeah, that's right.

>> jimmy: And your uncle seemed
like a character and a great

guy, based on what I saw.
>> yeah, he was, he was.

His name was shaquille.
And both my, so it was my dad's

side and my mom's side, an aunt
and an uncle, and both of them

had really eventful lives
growing up in the uk at a time

that was maybe slightly less
tolerant and making their way

through that, making a success
of their lives, but both of them

ultimately turning towards
faith.

And my uncle in particular,
shaquille mamu, he as wearing

silk shirts coming down to here
with open necks and medallions

and working for a banker trying
to provide support to the

immigrant community, and after
that he became a preacher.

So he really had the gift of the
gab between being a teddy boy,

working in banking sales and
then almost being a door to door

kind of preacher.
He always had jokes and stuff.

And I think about his, this
video from his 60th birthday

with his twin brother, he gave
their beautiful speech and said

I hope all your dreams come true
to everyone here.

And if they do, I hope you don't
mind sharing a little bit.

And that was his vibe, you know.
He always had a little joke, but

when I think about where we are
as a species right now, I feel

like his words are ringing in
his ears.

A lot of the challenges that we
face are ones that we share, and

the way out of them is also
sharing resources or health

care, you know.
>> jimmy: Yeah.

>> so his spirit is kind of, is
with me, I think, as I kind of

move forwards.
>> jimmy: Did he get a kick out

of your career, your music
career, your acting career?

>> he did, yeah.
He did, I think.

I mean, he was kind of
interesting, because he always

kept you grounded.
So he'd say listen, I saw this

thing.
Oh, pretty cool, pretty good.

But like, have you been praying
recently?

There's always that kind of
angle like ah, yeah, you're

right.
I've got to stay grounded.

I've got to remember what really
matters.

But he was just always full of
jokes and I think a lot of

people think of faith and sadly
you think possibly in america a

lot of people might associate
islam with a stern kind of

faith.
To me he was kind of the most

compassionate, loving guya, anda
machb

man of faith and faith that we
could all do well with.

>> jimmy: When we come back I
want to talk about your movie

and an album you released
unfortunately in March.

We'll be back with more from riz
after this.

♪
[ applause ]

>> dicky: Portions of "jimmy
kimmel live" are brought to you

by new crest whitening
♪

>> jimmy: We are back with
riz ahmed.

Tim mcgraw is on the way.
Are you familiar with the music

of tim mcgraw, riz?
>> I'm familiar with that taylor

swift song about tim mcgraw,
yeah.

>> jimmy: Did you ever listen to
country music growing up?

>> I didn't, you know, it's not
huge in northwest london, maybe

a gap in the market there.
>> jimmy: How did you get

involved in hip-hop music?
How old were you when you

discovered it and how?
>> you know, I discovered it

through my big brother like a
lot of things, a lot of things

good and bad, and my brother
would, you know, bootleg all

these cassettes and say make
sure you don't listen to these,

because they have swearing on
them.

So as soon as he left the house
I was memorizing all the verses.

And to be honest, I was a
hyperactive kid, so I liked to

run the motor mouth of
memorizing the lyrics.

But it kind of got me in trouble
at school a little bit.

>> jimmy: What cassettes did he
have?

>> associate man, all those '90s
things, biggie, and also the

darker horror rap like
gravediggers.

Really graphic stuff.
>> jimmy: And you would do this

at school?
>> yeah, exactly.

We were a science museum trip,
and they were like, this is a

recording studio.
You all can go in and record

your message to your mom or
whatever.

And I was 10, 11 years old, and
I started spitting these wutang

words.
>> jimmy: I imagine that

wouldn't go over well with mom
or the faculty at the school,

yeah.
This is the album.

The album is, you release td in
March, which is unfortunate

timing wise, but it's called
"the long good-bye", and it's

about a story that was really
like the big story of March,

before covid hit, brexit, right?
I guess your personal brexit.

>> the album is a breakup story,
going through a breakup with

your country.
It's a story that people in the

uk can relate to, a lot of
people in the u.S. Feel like

they're going through a breakup.
The philippines, india, hungary.

It's a tumultuous time.
People feel like I'm breaking up

with this country or it's
breaking up with me, so the

album goes through that breakup,
ang

anger, depression, grief, and it
ends up with great love.

And we have great guests, people
like mindy kaling and yara

shahidi.
They're my friends helping me

through this breakup.
So it really tells that story.

>> jimmy: I didn't know it was a
m

metaphor.
So when I was listening to the

album, I'm like, whoever this
girl is, she's going to be

really mad.
>> she's already mad.

Britannia is kind of pissed.
It's heartbreaking because you

care about the place.
On both sides of the atlantic,

we can go through some couples
counseling and come out the

other side with new
relationships in tact.

>> jimmy: You have a new movie
coming out called "sound of

metal."
I saw the trailer.

It looks really, really good.
Who is the director of this

film?
>> it's an amazing first time

director, darius marrder.
It's a movie with a lot of

heart.
It's got a very particular sound

design.
The character I play, ruben,

goes through a process of
hearing loss through the film.

So the sound design is immerse
new that hearing loss.

The whole movie is captioned, so
hearing audiences and

non-hearing audiences can all
experience ruben's journey, and

then the film is equally
accessible to all audiences.

>> jimmy: You play a punk rock
drummer.

Do you know how to play the
drups?

D
did you know how to play the

drums before the movie?
>> I did not.

The intention initially was that
I would be a metal drummer.

It became very clear very
quickly that even with my

three-hour lessons every day for
seven months I'm not going to

become a metal drummer.
But we downgraded it or made it

a slightly less technical style
of drumming, but my drama drum

teacher was incredibly patient.
>> jimmy: And you learned sign

language.
>> I did.

Ruben's journey is an
introduction to deaf culture.

My friend, jeremy lee stone,
yeah, we would kind of spend

that seven months just spending
hours together every day and

introducing me to friends and
members of that community and

exposing me to the richness of
deaf culture.

>> jimmy: We have the brand-new
trailer for "sound of metal."

have you seen the trailer yet?
>> I haven't seen the latest

trailer, I saw a rough one ages
ago, so I'm excited to see it.

>> jimmy: Pay close attention.
This is the new amazon original

movie "sound of metal."
and on prime December 4.

Thank you, riz.
♪

>> your hearing is
deteriorating, rapidly.

>> it will come back.
We'll keep going, okay?

>> no.
No.

>> you have to understand, your
first responsibility is to

preserve the hearing.
>> I can't hear you.

You understand me?
I can't, I'm deaf!

I'm deaf!
>> found a place.

>> I think it's important if you
stay here with us right now,

ruben.
We're looking for a solution to

this.
Not this.

>> I need you to wait for me.
You have to wait for me.

>> trying to save my life?
>> ruben.

The road does keep moving.
It can be a damn cruel place,

but there are moments of
stillness.

When this crappy, mundane world
suddenly becomes ready to make

the magnificent, all the fear is
gone.

That place will never abandon
you.

>> dicky: And now, cisco
presents the man of a thousand

impressions.
>> this is bob webb, the man of

a thousand impressions.
This is number 12.

I've been making a lot of movies
lately, and I used to be a

professional wrestler.
So go and see my movies, they're

really good.
That was the rock or dwayne

johnson.
For more, check out my youtube

channel under bob webb.
I know there's more than one bob

webb, but look for me.
>> dicky: We can smell what

you're cookin', bob.
♪

[ applause ]
>> jimmy: Welcome back to the

show.
My next guest has sold more than

75 million albums.
He has three grammy awards and

married one faith hill.
His latest album is called "here

on earth", please say hi to tim
mcgraw, how are you doing?

>> I'm well, I'm well, how are
you?

>> jimmy: I'm doing well, where
are you right now, at home?

>> I'm at home in the one room
I'm still allowed in.

I've been shuffled from room to
room and finally allowed to stay

here until I'm called out.
>> jimmy: What are you doing,

the girls are there, the
family's all congregated?

>> we had all of our girls here,
we have three daughters.

We had all of our girls here for
this summer, I don't know, about

four weeks.
We had every here.

We had a lot of fun, we cooked
dinners, we played games.

We watched movies.
Now all we have is our youngest

daughter who's still here and
graduated high school this year.

Our other two are out in
california.

But our youngest daughter is
really tired of us.

Oh, my god, can you imagine
graduating high school in March

and she's been stuck with us
since March.

We've done three, four trips
cross country in an old cadillac

escalade that's like the
griswold family cruiser.

She spent a couple days with us,
listening to dad jokes and my

music.
She's really over us.

My wife's been over me for about
24 years coming up.

My wife's been over me for about
20 years, but my kinyoungest ki

really over me.
>> jimmy: Sounds like things

have taken a bad turn for you.
>> I need to do some shows.

I need to work.
>> jimmy: Get in the escalade

and come spend some time with
us.

It was faith's birthday on
Monday, right?

>> faith's birthday on Monday.
Look, my wife is, I'm way up out

of my coverage.
The older she gets the better

looking she gets, the smarter
she gets, the dumber I get.

I've done really well.
So this birthday has been a

milestone for us, our kids
moving out, we're going to be

empty nesters coming up.
She's stuck with me now.

>> jimmy: Did you get her
anything good?

How does that work after all
these years?

Are you still able to come up
with gift ideas?

>> no, it's tough, man.
I mean, you know, we've got each

other extravagant things over
the years.

A couple years ago we decided
that what we're going to do is

we're only going to spend $100
each like for christmases or

birthdays.
I mean every now and then I'll

go over the limit and do
something stupid.

But for the most part for the
last four or five years we've

tried to stick to $100 each to
give to, this year she just got

some roses.
That was all she got.

>> jimmy: You're pretty limited
with $100.

>> yeah.
Yeah.

But I did give a good christmas
gift one year.

>> jimmy: What did you give her?
>> look, I'm artistic, right?

>> jimmy: I've always said that
about you.

I mean, we can see that from
your album cover.

[ laughter ]
[ applause ]

>> it was my airbrushing that
was so good.

It's like florida, 1984.
>> jimmy: The first country

music artist on neptune, there
you go.

>> whatever it takes, man,
whatever it takes.

But, you know, I thought I would
do something really special and

something really good, so what I
did, I'll go get it.

Is it all right if I leave for
just a second?

>> jimmy: Yes, of course, I'll
talk to the adirondack chair.

So, how are you enjoying tim's
bottom?

>> that is dis -- not, not as
much as it should be.

That's decidedly not an
adirondack chair.

>> jimmy: Sorry of.
>> I'll let her, but anyway, I

thought, look, I'm artistic.
I'm creative.

>> jimmy: Mm-hm.
>> I can do something really

cool and something really
special that means a lot to my

wife.
So what I did is I went to a

ceramic shop and got a cup
because she likes her coffee in

the morning.
So I got this cup and did this

beautiful paint job on this cup.
I wrote this beautiful phrase on

the back, I painted it.
It was so beautiful.

If I show this to you now, we
have to go into business.

>> jimmy: I'd love to see your
etsy shop for sure.

>> this is it right here.
This was a home run, I got to

tell you.
>> jimmy: Wow.

That is beautiful.
>> yeah.

Isn't that gorgeous?
Come on.

You're not going to be abe to
raid it.

>> jimmy: What does that say?
>> it says, I don't know if I

can read it.
It says, this is my, this is my

intelligent song writing.
>> jimmy: Okay.

>> as the sun sets, I will love
you more.

>> jimmy: That's beautiful,
except for don't you drink

coffee in the morning?
>> well, I know.

You know, she, she could throw
some tequila in it for the

evening.
>> jimmy: I love the idea of you

in a color-me mind carefully
painting that mug.

>> this was very carefully done,
as you can tell.

>> jimmy: I can see.
>> the writing, I mean, that's

exquisite.
>> jimmy: They call that

outsider art, tim.
It's a very valuable piece.

>> and the times that we live
in, I've got to find something,

something to supplement my
income.

>> jimmy: Well, tim, you got a
new album, it's called "here on

earth."
when you come back, you are

going to play a song for us.
What song are you going to play

for us?
>> we're going to play "I called

mama."
this album, we took two and a

half making this album and had
it ready before the world fell

apart.
"mama" was caught right before

this.
It's a great country song, but,

as the world changed, the song
really took on a meaning about

who's important to you?
Who are the people who ground

you?
Who are the people you count on

who can put you back in order
when things are out of control,

and more importantly, you got to
look at yourself and think who

are the people who count on you
and are you there for them and

can you be there for them, and
that's just as important as

thinking about the people who
are important to you.

>> jimmy: You've given my a lot
to think about, tim.

>> don't hurt yourself.
[ laughter ]

>> jimmy: Go shave and get
ready.

We'll be back with music from
tim mcgraw.

♪
>> dicky: The "jimmy kimmel

live" concert series is
presented by mercedes benz, the

best or nothing.
Live" concert series is

♪
>> dicky: The "jimmy kimmel

live" concert series is
presented by mercedes benz.

The best or nothing.
>> jimmy: I'd like to thank

riz ahmed.
Apologies to matt damon.

"nightline" is next.
But first, his album is called

"here on earth."
here with the song“i called

mama” tim mcgraw!
[cheers and applause]

♪ I got a call from a friend
about a friend

it's the news ♪
♪ no one ever wants to hear

it hit me like a punch
it took my breath ♪

♪ he was just getting into
his best years

yeah something like ♪
♪ that'll shake you up

wake you up
so I stopped off ♪

♪ at a texaco
bought a slim jim and a coke

parked out by the water ♪
♪ just to watch

that river flow
grabbed my guitar ♪

♪ from the back seat
wrote a song just for me

and I sung it ♪
♪ for the blue sky

and a couple live oak trees
I thought of home ♪

♪ grabbed my phone
from my pocket

and I called mama ♪
♪ it rang a couple times

and she picked up
I can always hear ♪

♪ her smile when I call
I just called to tell you

that I loved you ♪
♪ I was missin' you and dad

and home that's all
I got to really thinkin' ♪

♪ this mornin'
about what's important

so I stopped off ♪
♪ at a texaco

bought a slim jim and a coke
parked out by the water ♪

♪ just to watch
that river flow

grabbed my guitar ♪
♪ from the back seat

wrote a song just for me
and I sung it ♪

♪ for the blue sky
and a couple live oak trees

I thought of home ♪
♪ grabbed my phone

from my pocket
and I called mama ♪

♪
♪ and from now on

I ain't gonna wait so long
to stop off at a texaco ♪

♪ buy a slim jim and a coke
park out by the water

just to watch ♪
♪ that river flow

grab my guitar
from the back seat ♪

♪ write a song just for me
sing it for the blue sky

and a couple ♪
♪ live oak trees

and think of home
grab my phone ♪

♪ from my pocket
instead of saying tomorrow

I'm gonna ♪
♪ and I call mama

and I call mama ♪
♪ ♪