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1
00:00:22,835 --> 00:00:26,085
We will make
America great again!
2
00:00:27,377 --> 00:00:28,919
I'm a very stable genius.
3
00:00:29,001 --> 00:00:30,811
- You can do anything.
- Whatever you want.
4
00:00:30,835 --> 00:00:32,728
Grab 'em by the pussy.
5
00:00:32,752 --> 00:00:35,502
Lock her up! Lock her up!
6
00:00:35,585 --> 00:00:37,543
Nobody respects women
7
00:00:37,627 --> 00:00:40,001
more than Donald Trump.
That I can...
8
00:00:40,085 --> 00:00:41,752
I know more about ISIS
9
00:00:41,835 --> 00:00:44,043
than the generals do,
believe me.
10
00:00:44,126 --> 00:00:45,877
Doctor Fauci's
made some mistakes.
11
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,877
Supposing we hit the body
with a tremendous,
12
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:52,377
just, very powerful light?
And then I see the disinfectant.
13
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:54,335
Why are
African Americans still dying
14
00:00:54,418 --> 00:00:56,543
at the hands of law enforcement
in this country?
15
00:00:56,627 --> 00:00:59,210
And so are white people.
More white people, by the way.
16
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,573
Are you suggesting
17
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,311
that you might not accept
the results of the election?
18
00:01:02,335 --> 00:01:04,418
No, I have to see.
I'm not gonna just say yes.
19
00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:12,126
Lock her up!
Lock her up! Lock her up!
20
00:01:16,919 --> 00:01:18,585
Yes, officer, I know what I did,
21
00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:20,502
and I know
why that man pressed charges.
22
00:01:21,543 --> 00:01:22,794
Oh my God.
23
00:01:23,752 --> 00:01:25,877
I can't believe I'm here.
24
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:29,835
I've never... I've never been
in a police station in my life.
25
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:33,335
Wallpaper would help.
26
00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:37,377
What? What was that?
Do I want a lawyer?
27
00:01:37,919 --> 00:01:39,168
You mean my son?
28
00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:43,502
What did you say?
Your son is a doctor?
29
00:01:45,502 --> 00:01:46,710
It's not a competition.
30
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,335
What kind of a doctor?
31
00:01:49,418 --> 00:01:54,085
Oh, a pediatrician!
Oh, that's wonderful!
32
00:01:54,168 --> 00:01:55,669
My daughter's a neurologist.
33
00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:57,377
What?
34
00:01:57,460 --> 00:01:58,835
Your daughter's
a cardiac surgeon,
35
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,210
and she's been published?
36
00:02:00,293 --> 00:02:02,585
Fuck you!
37
00:02:02,669 --> 00:02:03,835
Oh, I'm sorry.
38
00:02:03,919 --> 00:02:05,919
I didn't mean it like that.
I really didn't.
39
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,543
Please. Please, just listen.
40
00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:11,460
Let me speak so...
So you'll understand.
41
00:02:11,543 --> 00:02:14,377
Because this morning, I wake up,
and I'm reading the Times
42
00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,877
because I love the Times
like it was my child
43
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,460
or it was my... my parent.
44
00:02:18,543 --> 00:02:21,043
I mean officer, do you know
what the New York Times means
45
00:02:21,126 --> 00:02:23,126
to a liberal Jewish woman
like me?
46
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,919
On the census,
when it asks for religion,
47
00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:28,835
I don't put Jewish,
I put the New York Times.
48
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,293
So I pick up the Times,
which I have delivered,
49
00:02:32,377 --> 00:02:34,877
the real Times,
the newsprint Times.
50
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,043
Yeah, yes,
I know I'm old-fashioned,
51
00:02:37,126 --> 00:02:39,585
but really, officer, please.
52
00:02:39,669 --> 00:02:42,877
Reading the Times online
is like having sex with a robot.
53
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,640
Yeah, I mean, it's cleaner
and it's faster,
54
00:02:44,669 --> 00:02:47,627
but you can tell the difference.
55
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,710
Okay, I'll just say it.
The New York Times online
56
00:02:50,794 --> 00:02:53,502
is the New York Times
for the gentiles.
57
00:02:53,585 --> 00:02:56,502
I mean, have you ever had dinner
with a Lutheran family?
58
00:02:56,585 --> 00:02:57,919
That's not food.
59
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:01,919
By the way, officer,
are... are you Jewish?
60
00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:05,794
Uh. Oh, you're Catholic.
That's fine.
61
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:08,001
And I'm the one being arrested.
62
00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:09,710
I'm kidding.
63
00:03:09,794 --> 00:03:12,502
So, I pick up the paper.
64
00:03:12,585 --> 00:03:15,043
See, there's a reason
it's called "the paper."
65
00:03:15,710 --> 00:03:16,919
Only there he is.
66
00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:19,251
His face above the fold.
67
00:03:20,794 --> 00:03:22,335
Him.
68
00:03:22,418 --> 00:03:23,919
You know who I'm talking about.
69
00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:26,877
I can't even stand
to say his name,
70
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,251
because I'm a New Yorker,
and we always hated him.
71
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,960
And it wasn't just the lying
and the hair
72
00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:34,043
and the ugly buildings.
Oh my God, no.
73
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,418
He has no style.
He has no sense of humor!
74
00:03:36,502 --> 00:03:38,919
He tore down Bonwit Teller
in the middle of the night!
75
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,293
He wouldn't rent
to Black people!
76
00:03:40,377 --> 00:03:42,794
Move to the Kremlin,
you son of a bitch!
77
00:03:44,126 --> 00:03:45,919
Ugh.
78
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:50,335
I didn't say that.
79
00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:54,794
But yes, I did.
80
00:03:54,877 --> 00:03:58,168
And that's part of the problem.
I hate being like this.
81
00:03:58,251 --> 00:04:00,126
I mean, even years ago,
when I had no money
82
00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,377
and I was waitressing
and I was going to City College
83
00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:04,627
and... and my parents
kept nagging me to get married
84
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,168
and we had Nixon and Roy Cohn
85
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:08,502
and whoever the fuck
invented patios!
86
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,335
I mean, I never felt like this.
87
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,794
I never went to bed in a rage
and woke up
88
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,085
having a panic attack.
89
00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:16,752
I didn't spend every day
in anger and dread and...
90
00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:18,460
And I didn't hate
those other people.
91
00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:21,877
Those people from Nebraska
and Ohio and Alabama.
92
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,585
I mean,
I fly over them, but I'd wave.
93
00:04:24,669 --> 00:04:26,627
And when they came
to New York City to visit,
94
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,460
I... I'd give 'em directions
to Lion King.
95
00:04:29,543 --> 00:04:32,168
I mean, I'd start to recommend
the new Sondheim.
96
00:04:32,251 --> 00:04:33,418
They'd say, "Who's Sondheim?"
97
00:04:33,502 --> 00:04:35,460
I'd say,
"Have fun with the puppets."
98
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,919
I mean, maybe we weren't...
We weren't buddies, but...
99
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:40,835
But we didn't despise
each other.
100
00:04:41,752 --> 00:04:42,960
That's what he did.
101
00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:44,710
Oh, God.
102
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:46,835
I'm doing it.
103
00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,043
The fury, the agita,
104
00:04:50,126 --> 00:04:52,919
the constant need to shake
my copy of the New York Times
105
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,835
and scream at it,
"How could you let this happen?"
106
00:05:00,251 --> 00:05:01,418
Not the Arts section.
107
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:04,752
You know, sometimes I worry
that maybe
108
00:05:04,835 --> 00:05:06,960
I'm a little too attached
to the Times, like...
109
00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:10,251
Like maybe it was my best friend
or something, or like...
110
00:05:10,335 --> 00:05:13,251
Like when my late husband, Nick,
was still alive,
111
00:05:13,335 --> 00:05:16,919
and we used to spend all day
Sunday in bed with the Times.
112
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:18,710
His cinnamon and raisin bagels
and lox,
113
00:05:18,794 --> 00:05:20,919
and you know what we call that?
114
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,001
We call it "a Jewish orgy."
115
00:05:26,669 --> 00:05:28,543
But there's his face,
116
00:05:28,627 --> 00:05:31,502
and it's such an insult
to the Times,
117
00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:34,251
and to Nick,
who hated him more than anybody.
118
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,085
I can't talk about Nick, though.
I... I...
119
00:05:38,752 --> 00:05:41,752
No. Not now. Maybe not ever.
120
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,502
So, I take a shower and then
I turn on The Today Show
121
00:05:45,585 --> 00:05:48,752
because I love those co-hosts,
Savannah and Hoda.
122
00:05:48,835 --> 00:05:50,102
I just love them.
They're so smart.
123
00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:52,126
They're so upbeat.
It's like they're always saying,
124
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,168
"Hey, there's been a plane crash
and a tsunami,
125
00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:55,728
but we're both wearing
sleeveless dresses,
126
00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:57,418
so mazel tov!"
127
00:05:58,085 --> 00:06:00,085
Only today...
128
00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:02,335
...and I can tell
they're not enjoying it,
129
00:06:02,418 --> 00:06:04,168
they're doing a report
130
00:06:04,251 --> 00:06:07,126
on the daughter's
Goodwill World Tour.
131
00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:10,710
"The daughter."
132
00:06:10,794 --> 00:06:12,669
She's always laughing
and smiling.
133
00:06:12,752 --> 00:06:16,085
She wears more makeup
than the Rockettes combined.
134
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,126
And I don't know what the fuck
she's doing in the White House.
135
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,877
I mean, will you tell me?
136
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,377
She wasn't elected.
137
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,293
And before that,
she had Chinese sweatshops
138
00:06:25,377 --> 00:06:27,543
churning out that crappy jewelry
of her... hers,
139
00:06:27,627 --> 00:06:31,001
while her dad jabbered on
about American jobs.
140
00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:33,293
And when 12 women
were brave enough
141
00:06:33,377 --> 00:06:36,377
to come forward and say
that he had assaulted them,
142
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:38,293
she says, "I believe my father."
143
00:06:38,377 --> 00:06:41,585
And then when the tape comes out
where he talks
144
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,561
about grabbing women...
...by the pussy,
145
00:06:43,585 --> 00:06:45,919
she says,
"That's not the man I know."
146
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:48,752
Well, let me introduce you,
sweetheart.
147
00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:55,085
And I'm not gonna say a word
about her marriage
148
00:06:55,168 --> 00:06:56,835
because
that's her personal life,
149
00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:58,710
even if she chose
to marry a rich boy
150
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,794
who looks like
Celine Dion's sad niece.
151
00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:04,752
You know, she went after him,
but he said no.
152
00:07:04,835 --> 00:07:07,585
No, not unless she converted.
153
00:07:07,669 --> 00:07:10,418
So she meets with a rabbi,
and overnight,
154
00:07:10,502 --> 00:07:13,377
alakazam, sis-boom-bah,
she's suddenly Jewish...
155
00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:16,377
like it's a... a L'Oréal product!
156
00:07:17,377 --> 00:07:19,502
Ugh. Oh, God.
157
00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:23,126
Enough. I'm sorry.
158
00:07:24,168 --> 00:07:27,126
I... I... I'm really tired of it.
159
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:28,669
We're all so tired of it.
160
00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:30,835
So, today...
161
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,210
as a diversion, as an antidote,
162
00:07:34,293 --> 00:07:36,627
I decide I'm gonna enjoy
New York City.
163
00:07:37,210 --> 00:07:39,293
What?
164
00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:42,543
Oh! I'm retired.
165
00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:44,085
After 45 years as a teacher
166
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:45,478
in the Queens Public School
System,
167
00:07:45,502 --> 00:07:48,168
did I mention I'm Jewish?
168
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:50,460
And I loved it.
All those children.
169
00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:52,835
They gave me so much hope,
such happiness,
170
00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:55,251
because teaching a child
to read, you think...
171
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,794
"Oh, that child has a chance."
172
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,293
And not just a chance to...
To... to go to college
173
00:08:00,377 --> 00:08:03,543
and get a good job, but a chance
to learn to love reading,
174
00:08:03,627 --> 00:08:06,418
to be curious,
to discover the whole world.
175
00:08:07,752 --> 00:08:09,543
Maybe even the theater.
176
00:08:09,627 --> 00:08:12,710
You like the theater?
Oh, you love Phantom?
177
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,669
So that's a no.
178
00:08:14,752 --> 00:08:17,210
I'm kidding!
179
00:08:17,293 --> 00:08:19,919
Well, anyway, today,
I have a ticket
180
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:21,460
for a matinee at The Public,
181
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,585
and I have some time, so I go
to the Starbucks down the block.
182
00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,919
And I'm sitting by myself,
sipping my latte,
183
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:28,627
reading the business section,
184
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,835
which I brought
in my NPR tote bag.
185
00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:35,168
Mm, don't you do it, officer,
don't you mock my tote bag...
186
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:37,752
Because, officer,
you want to know a secret?
187
00:08:37,835 --> 00:08:39,835
That's how
we recognize each other.
188
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,251
Women like me.
189
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:43,043
It's a secret code.
190
00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:46,585
NPR. The New Yorker.
191
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,335
The Estée Lauder tote bag
as a gift with purchase
192
00:08:50,418 --> 00:08:54,126
with the Barnes & Noble
Virginia Woolf Centennial
tote bag
193
00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:56,794
folded up inside. Shh.
194
00:08:58,502 --> 00:08:59,585
Then I see him.
195
00:09:01,085 --> 00:09:02,585
Two tables away, he's...
196
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,877
He's about 40.
197
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,168
He's wearing jeans
and a windbreaker and...
198
00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:12,585
And the hat.
199
00:09:14,502 --> 00:09:15,794
The red hat.
200
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:20,460
You know the one. The MAGA hat.
201
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:23,251
The "Make America
Great Again" hat
202
00:09:23,335 --> 00:09:27,377
in New York City,
in the East Village,
203
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,001
two blocks
from The Public Theater,
204
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:30,877
at Cooper Union,
where Lincoln spoke,
205
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,043
and Larry Kramer!
206
00:09:32,126 --> 00:09:33,710
It's like me going to Nebraska
207
00:09:33,794 --> 00:09:35,877
wearing a yarmulke,
waving a rainbow flag
208
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,293
while reading a book.
209
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,627
And I apologize to Nebraska.
210
00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:42,585
I'm sure they're very
lovely people there, but...
211
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,960
you know their state bird
is a meadowlark?
212
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:47,960
They shot it.
213
00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:53,502
And at first, I think,
"Miriam, don't do it. Oh, God.
214
00:09:53,585 --> 00:09:55,502
Miriam, don't do it.
Don't take the bait."
215
00:09:56,669 --> 00:09:59,585
But then I think,
"Maybe he's a psychology student
216
00:09:59,669 --> 00:10:01,460
and it's an experiment."
217
00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:05,043
And then I think, "Nah.
It's a performance piece."
218
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:07,585
Because in the East Village,
you never know.
219
00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:10,043
I once saw a naked man
standing on a street corner
220
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,627
screaming obscenities
at a Cabbage Patch doll.
221
00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,168
Two Obies and a Drama Desk.
222
00:10:15,835 --> 00:10:17,001
But then it happens.
223
00:10:18,543 --> 00:10:20,085
He's reading the paper.
224
00:10:20,168 --> 00:10:23,001
Not the Times.
Something conservative.
225
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:25,960
And he says...
226
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,752
And not under his breath.
227
00:10:28,835 --> 00:10:30,543
Right out loud, he says,
228
00:10:31,377 --> 00:10:32,919
"Lock her up!"
229
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:36,460
And he looks all around
at the students and the tourists
230
00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:37,960
and me. He looks right at me.
231
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:39,877
He says it again, "Lock her up!
232
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,001
That stupid bitch Hillary,
right?
233
00:10:42,085 --> 00:10:43,418
She should be in jail."
234
00:10:47,502 --> 00:10:48,543
Okay.
235
00:10:50,877 --> 00:10:51,877
Hillary.
236
00:10:55,043 --> 00:10:56,543
I know she's not perfect.
237
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,418
She can be a little chilly,
238
00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:01,669
a little pleased with herself
sometimes, but to me,
239
00:11:01,752 --> 00:11:03,835
she's the New York Times
in a pantsuit.
240
00:11:03,919 --> 00:11:05,210
I love her.
241
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:07,168
She's my generation.
242
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,144
She wanted to make a difference,
so she tried everything.
243
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:12,210
She pushed, she fought,
she kept her eyes on the prize.
244
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:15,418
And she lost.
245
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,585
She won
by three million votes...
246
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,752
but she lost...
247
00:11:22,835 --> 00:11:25,335
because the Electoral College
is a white Republican man
248
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:28,919
who says,
"Not so fast, little lady."
249
00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:37,126
Okay. I... I feel...
250
00:11:39,126 --> 00:11:41,085
I really need to ask you
a question.
251
00:11:43,543 --> 00:11:44,710
Are you a Republican?
252
00:11:46,418 --> 00:11:47,460
Be honest.
253
00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:50,210
Oh, thank God!
254
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,794
Because then
I'd have to gouge out your heart
255
00:11:52,877 --> 00:11:54,251
with my house keys.
256
00:11:55,794 --> 00:11:57,126
I'm kidding.
257
00:11:58,835 --> 00:11:59,919
No, I'm not.
258
00:12:03,794 --> 00:12:05,960
If you want to know
what it means to be a woman...
259
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,043
in America,
you just take a look at Hillary.
260
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:13,043
While her husband got to be
charming and handsome,
261
00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:14,835
slept with everything
that moved,
262
00:12:14,919 --> 00:12:18,085
she had to grit her teeth
in public,
263
00:12:18,168 --> 00:12:20,543
and no matter what she did
or said or wore,
264
00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:22,585
she was attacked.
265
00:12:22,669 --> 00:12:25,752
Too smart! Too opinionated.
Too blonde. Not blonde enough.
266
00:12:26,585 --> 00:12:28,627
And maybe...
267
00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:32,752
maybe people were right
about her. Maybe...
268
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,543
Maybe she was too compromised.
I... I never saw it.
269
00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:41,585
Maybe she wanted it too...
Too nakedly...
270
00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:43,460
and they wanted to punish her
for that.
271
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,210
As for me,
I'm only gonna say this...
272
00:12:48,669 --> 00:12:51,043
She mattered to me.
273
00:12:51,126 --> 00:12:53,794
She was a woman
who tried her best,
274
00:12:53,877 --> 00:12:56,168
and the whole world said,
"Fuck you!"
275
00:12:58,627 --> 00:13:02,543
I don't know
what's happening to me.
276
00:13:03,335 --> 00:13:04,877
I never used to talk like this.
277
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,627
This language,
it's so offensive.
278
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,835
And yet,
since the election, I...
279
00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:14,418
I haven't been able
to stop cursing.
280
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,877
The other day,
I bought another tote bag.
281
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,543
It said, "Bed, Bath
and Fuck You!"
282
00:13:19,627 --> 00:13:22,627
So, I'm at Starbucks,
and I stand up and I walk over
283
00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:23,919
and I say to the guy...
284
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:28,502
"So... the hat.
285
00:13:29,710 --> 00:13:31,669
Why are you wearing it?"
286
00:13:31,752 --> 00:13:35,251
And he looks me up and down,
and he smirks.
287
00:13:36,543 --> 00:13:37,919
And I know
I shouldn't be judging,
288
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,126
but show me one person
289
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:43,168
who voted for that man
who doesn't smirk.
290
00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:45,502
And he says...
291
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:51,502
"I'm wearing it because
it drives you fuckin' nuts."
292
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,085
And I think to myself, "Well..."
293
00:13:57,168 --> 00:13:59,210
"He's not wrong."
294
00:13:59,293 --> 00:14:03,919
And then I say, "But why do you
want to drive me fuckin' nuts?"
295
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:08,043
And I say it clearly.
I asked the question
296
00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:13,460
so the "you repulsive piece
of racist shit" is silent.
297
00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:17,960
And he says, "Because you got
Obama. What did we get?"
298
00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:23,543
And I just have to
stop and think
299
00:14:23,627 --> 00:14:26,794
because I have no idea
what he's talking about.
300
00:14:26,877 --> 00:14:30,585
So I say to him,
"But what did you want
301
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,877
that Obama didn't give you
or try to give you?
302
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,126
Healthcare? A... a... a good job?
303
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,478
A decent place to live?
Did you want to... did you want...
304
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,353
Did you want to feel like people
were listening to you?"
305
00:14:40,377 --> 00:14:43,543
He says, "Nah. What...
Yeah, whatever. Sure.
306
00:14:43,627 --> 00:14:46,669
But mostly, mostly," he says...
307
00:14:48,377 --> 00:14:51,085
"I look at people like you...
308
00:14:51,168 --> 00:14:56,001
in your nice clothes and your...
Your bachelor's degree,
309
00:14:56,085 --> 00:14:59,251
your fancy coffee with
your New York fuckin' Times,
310
00:14:59,335 --> 00:15:02,460
and I think, 'Fuck you.'
You're not better than me."
311
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:08,293
And do you know what it took
for me not to say...
312
00:15:09,835 --> 00:15:11,001
"Master's degree?"
313
00:15:12,251 --> 00:15:13,293
But I don't.
314
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:15,794
I suck it up...
315
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,085
and I say,
"But I'm not better than you
316
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,669
because we're all...
We're all created equal.
317
00:15:22,418 --> 00:15:24,001
And I would fight to the death
318
00:15:24,085 --> 00:15:26,085
for your right
to wear that hat."
319
00:15:26,168 --> 00:15:29,919
And he smirks and he's laughing
and he says,
320
00:15:30,001 --> 00:15:33,043
"Ha! And that's
why you're fucked!"
321
00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:35,877
"You did it to yourself!"
322
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,877
"And that's why we won,
because we don't care."
323
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,919
And now my breathing
is getting choppy,
324
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:43,478
and he sees that,
and he's really happy
325
00:15:43,502 --> 00:15:46,293
'cause he knows he's getting
to me. I'm taking the bait.
326
00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:48,794
And then he says,
"And you know what else?
327
00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:50,210
Hillary was never gonna win,
328
00:15:50,293 --> 00:15:52,460
'cause no matter what
your husband told you
329
00:15:52,543 --> 00:15:54,752
to shut you up,
he hated that bitch
330
00:15:54,835 --> 00:15:56,418
just like every other guy
in the world,
331
00:15:56,502 --> 00:15:58,418
and most of the women too!
332
00:15:58,502 --> 00:16:00,210
I dare you. Ask him."
333
00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:04,585
And then I just stop.
334
00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:08,835
And I don't want to.
335
00:16:08,919 --> 00:16:10,877
I'm fighting it
with everything that's in me...
336
00:16:12,043 --> 00:16:13,210
but I remember...
337
00:16:15,418 --> 00:16:18,168
my Nick, my husband, Nick...
338
00:16:19,877 --> 00:16:23,210
who marched...
who signed every petition...
339
00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:25,502
who taught Phys Ed.
340
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:29,669
My husband, Nick,
who got cancer,
341
00:16:30,919 --> 00:16:32,460
but who stayed glued
to the television,
342
00:16:32,543 --> 00:16:35,543
who'd get so angry that I knew
it must be affecting his health,
343
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,126
so I made him turn it off.
344
00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:41,377
My Nick, who was in so much pain
and on so much morphine
345
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,502
that he... he lapsed into a coma.
346
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,936
And when he finally
came out of it,
347
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,001
it was after the election.
348
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:47,919
He looks up at me,
and he says...
349
00:16:49,335 --> 00:16:51,210
"She won. She won, right?"
350
00:16:53,418 --> 00:16:55,293
And I wasn't gonna tell him,
but the nurse...
351
00:16:55,377 --> 00:16:57,217
She didn't know any better.
She was just a kid.
352
00:16:57,293 --> 00:16:58,710
She said, "No."
353
00:16:58,794 --> 00:17:01,335
And she said that name,
she said the name,
354
00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,335
that man's name, and Nick...
355
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:06,085
Oh my God.
Nick's eyes got so wide.
356
00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:08,293
He started choking,
357
00:17:08,377 --> 00:17:09,960
clenching his fist,
trying to s...
358
00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:11,585
Trying to sit up, and then...
359
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:18,877
And then he was gone.
360
00:17:22,502 --> 00:17:24,085
And that's what
I'll never forgive.
361
00:17:27,168 --> 00:17:29,585
That man...
362
00:17:31,126 --> 00:17:34,794
that smug criminal...
363
00:17:34,877 --> 00:17:38,752
hateful man who uses
Metamucil for makeup.
364
00:17:40,085 --> 00:17:41,460
That man killed my husband.
365
00:17:43,585 --> 00:17:46,835
That man made a liberal
Jewish gym teacher...
366
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,126
explode.
367
00:17:52,126 --> 00:17:56,043
So when that guy at Starbucks,
when that guy says,
368
00:17:56,126 --> 00:18:00,293
"Nick hated Hillary," I...
I snapped. I lost it.
369
00:18:00,377 --> 00:18:02,919
I went full-on
Worldwide Wrestling Federation,
370
00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:05,710
Navy Seal, Jason Bourne Goa,
and I grabbed that hat.
371
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,074
I'm gonna throw it
on the ground,
372
00:18:07,126 --> 00:18:08,686
but he grabs my arm,
and he's twisting it.
373
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:12,168
He says, "That's my hat, bitch!"
I said, "Not today, asshole!"
374
00:18:12,251 --> 00:18:14,085
And I yank my arm away,
but I keep the hat,
375
00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:17,710
and I run right out of Starbucks
down the street.
376
00:18:17,794 --> 00:18:19,144
He's chasing me
for two city blocks.
377
00:18:19,168 --> 00:18:21,088
Thank you, Doctor Scholl's
air cushioned insoles!
378
00:18:21,126 --> 00:18:24,085
And I tear up the stairs
like a fuckin' mountain climber.
379
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:25,085
My heart is pounding.
380
00:18:25,168 --> 00:18:26,919
I'm operating
on pure adrenaline.
381
00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:29,168
And he's yelling,
"Give it back! Give it back!"
382
00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:34,752
And I say, "This is The New York
Public Theater,
383
00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:37,585
the home of Hamilton,
Shakespeare in the Park
384
00:18:37,669 --> 00:18:40,251
and A Chorus Line.
You have no power here!"
385
00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:42,752
And he says, "The fuck I don't!"
And he grabs the hat
386
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:45,877
and he shoves me with both hands
like he wants to kill me.
387
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,210
And I lose my balance,
and I'm on the floor...
388
00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:51,585
on my back.
389
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:54,210
And he leaves...
390
00:18:56,794 --> 00:18:57,877
and he's laughing.
391
00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:03,019
And now everyone
is all gathered around.
392
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:04,643
"Oh my God. Oh my God.
Are you all right?
393
00:19:04,669 --> 00:19:06,353
Are you all right?
Do you have a concussion?
394
00:19:06,377 --> 00:19:08,418
What'll we do?
Should we call 911?" And...
395
00:19:10,919 --> 00:19:14,043
I just don't know what to say.
396
00:19:17,377 --> 00:19:18,877
I got a bump on my head.
397
00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:21,543
I've twisted my ankle, but...
398
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:23,919
I don't even care...
399
00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:28,335
because I... I'm looking around,
see...
400
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,669
and I say to myself...
401
00:19:33,752 --> 00:19:35,085
"What am I doing here?
402
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:41,502
Why am I trying to see a play
and learn about the world
403
00:19:41,585 --> 00:19:43,543
and... and keep up with things?
404
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,919
What good does it do?
405
00:19:48,001 --> 00:19:49,377
Who does it help?"
406
00:19:54,669 --> 00:19:56,251
And that was the moment when...
407
00:19:58,418 --> 00:19:59,460
I can't say it.
408
00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:06,043
I can't say it. It's blasphemy.
409
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:08,377
It's unthinkable.
410
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,543
No, you know what?
I'm gonna tell you,
411
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:15,001
because you really
will understand.
412
00:20:17,752 --> 00:20:18,919
That was the moment...
413
00:20:19,794 --> 00:20:22,043
when I almost cancelled
my subscription
414
00:20:22,126 --> 00:20:23,460
to The Public Theater.
415
00:20:25,877 --> 00:20:26,960
Do I shock you?
416
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:30,293
But it's true.
417
00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:34,627
I had looked into the abyss.
418
00:20:37,043 --> 00:20:38,126
I said, "No more."
419
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,210
No more five-hour plays
420
00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:43,460
where people in nice apartments
debate socialism.
421
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,168
No more musicals
about Joan of Arc
422
00:20:46,251 --> 00:20:47,877
as she was fighting the Taliban.
423
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,210
Because everything,
424
00:20:49,293 --> 00:20:52,543
my whole life,
my whole image of myself
425
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,669
as a decent, cultured...
426
00:20:56,293 --> 00:20:58,627
curious human being...
427
00:20:59,293 --> 00:21:00,335
Why...
428
00:21:02,335 --> 00:21:03,710
it was just a bad joke.
429
00:21:05,585 --> 00:21:08,835
A cliché. Fake news.
430
00:21:12,168 --> 00:21:15,210
And then this young woman
comes over.
431
00:21:15,293 --> 00:21:17,669
She's wearing overalls,
and a pink pussy hat and...
432
00:21:17,752 --> 00:21:20,335
And a ring in her nose,
and not on the side, either.
433
00:21:20,418 --> 00:21:22,418
We're talking
the full Ferdinand.
434
00:21:22,502 --> 00:21:24,168
I mean, it's a look
my mother would say,
435
00:21:24,251 --> 00:21:26,627
"Did you have to wear that
to our Seder?"
436
00:21:28,669 --> 00:21:30,669
And she says her name
is Heliotrope...
437
00:21:32,126 --> 00:21:33,877
and she's the house manager,
438
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,627
and she'd seen
what just happened.
439
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:38,561
She brings me some water
and a ten-dollar brownie.
440
00:21:38,585 --> 00:21:42,460
She says, "Go see the play.
You'll feel better."
441
00:21:42,543 --> 00:21:44,023
And I said, "But...
But won't the play
442
00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:46,794
just blame all the world's
problems on gentrification
443
00:21:46,877 --> 00:21:49,168
and inequality
and the patriarchy
444
00:21:49,251 --> 00:21:50,418
with full frontal nudity?"
445
00:21:50,502 --> 00:21:53,669
She says, "What do you got
against nudity?" I said...
446
00:21:53,752 --> 00:21:58,293
"Nothing, but it's
always the wrong people."
447
00:22:02,335 --> 00:22:03,543
But I thought about it...
448
00:22:05,210 --> 00:22:06,877
because I knew I had a choice...
449
00:22:09,293 --> 00:22:12,043
to see the play, or surrender.
450
00:22:13,752 --> 00:22:16,877
To have some guts... or give up.
451
00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:20,043
And I looked at Heliotrope...
452
00:22:21,585 --> 00:22:22,585
and I said...
453
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:26,585
"I'll bet your real name
is Helen."
454
00:22:27,418 --> 00:22:31,126
But she was young. She had hope.
455
00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,043
And then I thought about Nick,
456
00:22:33,126 --> 00:22:36,335
and everything
he was so passionate about.
457
00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:41,210
And I looked around
at all the other theatergoers,
458
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:42,877
and I thought...
459
00:22:45,377 --> 00:22:47,752
"Every ticket is a weapon.
460
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:52,627
Fighting that guy,
fighting that bastard
461
00:22:52,710 --> 00:22:54,919
and fighting all the bastards."
462
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:58,126
And then I thought,
"Miriam of Arc,
463
00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:00,293
that's who I am."
464
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,585
Joan of Arc. Hmm.
465
00:23:03,710 --> 00:23:05,126
I'm Miriam of Arc...
466
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,627
because I stand for something,
467
00:23:07,710 --> 00:23:09,710
and everyone in this lobby,
468
00:23:09,794 --> 00:23:11,752
we all stand for something...
469
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:16,126
and everything
that man is afraid of,
470
00:23:16,210 --> 00:23:18,377
everything
he doesn't understand,
471
00:23:18,460 --> 00:23:19,794
everything he hates.
472
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:24,627
So I got to my feet,
brushed myself off,
473
00:23:25,585 --> 00:23:27,085
put on some lipstick,
and I said,
474
00:23:27,168 --> 00:23:29,210
"Fuck you,
Mister MAGA hat dickwad.
475
00:23:29,293 --> 00:23:33,126
I am going to see a play."
476
00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:36,502
And when I get out,
there you are, officer,
477
00:23:36,585 --> 00:23:38,543
because that guy filed
a complaint
478
00:23:38,627 --> 00:23:41,168
because I'd threatened him,
which I did,
479
00:23:41,251 --> 00:23:44,377
and which I would do again
in a heartbeat.
480
00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:47,502
We want our country back,
and we are going to march
481
00:23:47,585 --> 00:23:50,418
and sign petitions
and register people to vote,
482
00:23:50,502 --> 00:23:53,418
and we are gonna watch
Norwegian detective shows on HBO
483
00:23:53,502 --> 00:23:56,335
because that's what we do.
We fight.
484
00:23:57,251 --> 00:23:58,335
We tweet.
485
00:23:58,418 --> 00:24:01,627
Some of us even TikTok,
whatever the fuck that is.
486
00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:05,168
So take a good look
at me, officer.
487
00:24:05,877 --> 00:24:06,794
Remember my face
488
00:24:06,877 --> 00:24:08,835
and my drugstore
reading glasses...
489
00:24:10,669 --> 00:24:11,669
and my spirit...
490
00:24:13,335 --> 00:24:15,627
because I'm the wall.
491
00:24:18,877 --> 00:24:20,043
Lock me up.
492
00:24:24,669 --> 00:24:26,168
That institution
493
00:24:26,251 --> 00:24:28,335
that forms the backbone
of our society,
494
00:24:28,418 --> 00:24:29,794
traditional marriage.
495
00:24:29,877 --> 00:24:32,627
It wasn't our idea.
It was God's idea.
496
00:24:37,752 --> 00:24:39,001
Hi, Doctor Morton.
497
00:24:40,210 --> 00:24:43,794
It's Mark Hesterman.
Thank you so much for seeing me.
498
00:24:43,877 --> 00:24:46,377
Yeah, my regular therapist,
Doctor Beret,
499
00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:47,877
he's recovering, thank God,
500
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,377
but he still has a fever
and chills,
501
00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:50,835
and the coughing
was getting to me.
502
00:24:50,919 --> 00:24:51,960
So...
503
00:24:52,043 --> 00:24:53,960
I'm so sorry, by the way,
to have taken you away
504
00:24:54,043 --> 00:24:55,960
from your friend's
drive-by baby shower.
505
00:24:56,043 --> 00:24:57,210
That sounds so sweet.
506
00:24:57,293 --> 00:25:01,001
And I would love to have a baby
at some point... ish.
507
00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:02,919
It's just, um...
508
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:06,502
I have been feeling
kind of stuck lately,
509
00:25:06,585 --> 00:25:08,835
and I think I might need
to just talk this out,
510
00:25:08,919 --> 00:25:11,502
otherwise my brain
might short-circuit.
511
00:25:11,585 --> 00:25:15,126
So... here's what's going on.
512
00:25:17,085 --> 00:25:18,126
I'm an actor.
513
00:25:20,335 --> 00:25:22,168
Have you seen me in anything?
514
00:25:22,251 --> 00:25:24,460
Um... Well...
515
00:25:24,543 --> 00:25:28,293
I played a crusading gay
congressional intern
516
00:25:28,377 --> 00:25:30,543
in that ABC series
Halls of Power,
517
00:25:30,627 --> 00:25:33,543
which lasted a season
but won a Peabody.
518
00:25:33,627 --> 00:25:36,126
And I played
a rookie gay firefighter
519
00:25:36,210 --> 00:25:39,251
in Showtime's edgier
Five Alarm Hangover,
520
00:25:39,335 --> 00:25:41,001
although I died
in the third episode
521
00:25:41,085 --> 00:25:45,168
after sacrificing my own life
to save a Klan member
522
00:25:45,251 --> 00:25:47,043
from a burning church,
523
00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:49,710
for which I was nominated
for a Queer Spirit Award,
524
00:25:49,794 --> 00:25:54,210
which I know sounds sort of
like a ghost story on Bravo.
525
00:25:54,293 --> 00:25:56,877
And I played a quirky gay
tech guru
526
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,960
on HBO's Early Adopters
with a six-episode arc,
527
00:26:00,043 --> 00:26:02,251
although they might be
bringing me back.
528
00:26:02,335 --> 00:26:03,603
I mean,
people on Game of Thrones
529
00:26:03,627 --> 00:26:05,794
get eaten by dragons,
and they come back, so...
530
00:26:06,710 --> 00:26:07,910
And I just booked a commercial
531
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:09,710
where my boyfriend and I
go on a picnic
532
00:26:09,794 --> 00:26:11,585
because
we both have health insurance.
533
00:26:12,543 --> 00:26:16,085
So, and I...
Yes, I mostly play gay roles,
534
00:26:16,168 --> 00:26:17,919
and I'm totally grateful
for that
535
00:26:18,001 --> 00:26:21,126
because the huge majority
of actors are unemployed,
536
00:26:21,210 --> 00:26:26,502
and, you know, I'm... I'm all for
queer representation.
537
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:30,085
Uh, yes. Sometimes I say "gay,"
and sometimes I say "queer,"
538
00:26:30,168 --> 00:26:32,293
and sometimes I just show people
a picture of myself
539
00:26:32,377 --> 00:26:33,502
on Halloween in high school
540
00:26:33,585 --> 00:26:35,919
dressed as Julianne Moore
in The Hours.
541
00:26:36,001 --> 00:26:37,919
And I love being gay,
542
00:26:38,001 --> 00:26:39,561
you know, which is sort of
why I'm here,
543
00:26:39,585 --> 00:26:41,960
because for the past three weeks
leading up to this...
544
00:26:42,877 --> 00:26:46,043
shutdown, I had been auditioning
545
00:26:46,126 --> 00:26:48,835
over and over again for...
546
00:26:50,168 --> 00:26:53,085
for what could be
a breakthrough role.
547
00:26:53,168 --> 00:26:56,168
Not just for me, but kind of
for the entire world...
548
00:26:57,335 --> 00:26:59,168
because the character's name
is Fusion,
549
00:26:59,251 --> 00:27:02,543
and he would be the first
big-screen summer blockbuster
550
00:27:02,627 --> 00:27:07,168
studio tentpole
openly gay superhero.
551
00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:09,877
Exactly.
552
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,835
So I have just been
sitting here.
553
00:27:11,919 --> 00:27:15,001
I'm... I'm supposed to hear
from my agents and manager.
554
00:27:15,085 --> 00:27:17,126
They're supposed to call me
or text me or something,
555
00:27:17,210 --> 00:27:19,752
because even though everyone's
working from home,
556
00:27:19,835 --> 00:27:24,251
apparently the studio is making
their final decision today.
557
00:27:25,919 --> 00:27:27,627
And I know
this is probably sounding, like,
558
00:27:27,710 --> 00:27:29,377
very self-absorbed...
559
00:27:31,210 --> 00:27:34,669
but it's a lot deeper than that
because, when I was younger,
560
00:27:34,752 --> 00:27:37,001
I used to search every movie
and TV show
561
00:27:37,085 --> 00:27:40,293
for even the tiniest
hints of gayness...
562
00:27:40,377 --> 00:27:45,627
and yes, I had My So-Called Life
for a season.
563
00:27:45,710 --> 00:27:47,960
Which is why I think
I love comic books so much,
564
00:27:48,043 --> 00:27:52,669
because there are just
so many queer characters.
565
00:27:52,752 --> 00:27:55,418
You know, there's Iceman,
who used to be straight
566
00:27:55,502 --> 00:27:57,251
until he accepted himself
as gay,
567
00:27:57,335 --> 00:27:59,710
and Green Lantern is gay
in a parallel universe,
568
00:27:59,794 --> 00:28:03,085
and Coagula is
this incredible trans woman
569
00:28:03,168 --> 00:28:05,543
who can coagulate liquids
and dissolve solids,
570
00:28:05,627 --> 00:28:07,669
and I love Josiah Power,
571
00:28:07,752 --> 00:28:10,377
who is not only gay
and Black with super strength,
572
00:28:10,460 --> 00:28:13,126
but is also the foremost lawyer
in Metropolis.
573
00:28:13,210 --> 00:28:15,251
And one of my favorites
is Northstar,
574
00:28:15,335 --> 00:28:18,126
who's this Canadian
Olympic skier with super speed
575
00:28:18,210 --> 00:28:22,001
and the ability to create
these photonic energy blasts.
576
00:28:22,085 --> 00:28:23,460
And they have
killed him off, like,
577
00:28:23,543 --> 00:28:24,743
at least three separate times,
578
00:28:24,794 --> 00:28:26,418
and he keeps
getting resurrected,
579
00:28:26,502 --> 00:28:28,001
until recently,
where he was recruited
580
00:28:28,085 --> 00:28:31,669
by the X-Men at Xavier Academy,
where he now teaches
581
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:35,669
business, economics, and French.
582
00:28:35,752 --> 00:28:37,877
And there are so many more,
583
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:43,502
and they're all so smart
and interesting and complicated,
584
00:28:43,585 --> 00:28:46,502
which is probably why
I don't see them in the movies.
585
00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:49,585
And then there's Fusion...
586
00:28:50,335 --> 00:28:52,919
who is this young gay orphan
587
00:28:53,001 --> 00:28:55,960
who was raised in a string
of abusive foster homes,
588
00:28:56,043 --> 00:29:00,168
and everybody bullied him
and... and worse.
589
00:29:01,835 --> 00:29:05,418
And one day, he goes to lie down
on the railroad tracks
590
00:29:05,502 --> 00:29:09,877
to kill himself,
when he is simultaneously
591
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,627
run over by a train,
struck by lightning,
592
00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,752
hit by a piece
of radioactive asteroid,
593
00:29:15,835 --> 00:29:17,210
and his phone explodes.
594
00:29:18,335 --> 00:29:21,669
And all of those different forms
of energy fuse...
595
00:29:22,669 --> 00:29:24,168
to form his superpowers,
596
00:29:24,251 --> 00:29:27,794
and he travels the world
using those powers
597
00:29:27,877 --> 00:29:31,377
to fight racists,
sexists, and homophobes.
598
00:29:33,126 --> 00:29:35,335
Find me a better superhero.
599
00:29:36,835 --> 00:29:38,001
Find me a better part.
600
00:29:39,585 --> 00:29:43,168
And I... I know this is sounding
so L.A....
601
00:29:45,126 --> 00:29:47,794
but I really want this part.
602
00:29:47,877 --> 00:29:50,710
I could act the shit
out of this part
603
00:29:50,794 --> 00:29:53,960
because if you, you know,
include community theater,
604
00:29:54,043 --> 00:29:56,126
three emotionally
unavailable ex-boyfriends,
605
00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:59,919
and an uncanny ability to
predict Golden Globe nominees,
606
00:30:00,001 --> 00:30:02,669
he and I are not that different.
607
00:30:05,710 --> 00:30:09,460
Yes. Well, the audition,
which is, uh, why we're here,
608
00:30:09,543 --> 00:30:11,543
okay, so not even that long ago,
609
00:30:11,627 --> 00:30:15,126
my being gay would be a secret,
and I'd be miserable.
610
00:30:15,210 --> 00:30:18,168
But there has been progress,
thank God,
611
00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:21,460
and I am now out and proud.
612
00:30:21,543 --> 00:30:24,627
And I get to meet
out and proud casting directors
613
00:30:24,710 --> 00:30:26,502
at out and proud fundraisers,
614
00:30:26,585 --> 00:30:28,335
and I then get to audition
615
00:30:28,418 --> 00:30:30,960
for those same
out and proud casting directors,
616
00:30:31,043 --> 00:30:33,210
who then tell my agents
I'm too niche...
617
00:30:34,543 --> 00:30:39,543
or emotional or "sophisticated"
618
00:30:39,627 --> 00:30:41,210
or whatever
the current codes are
619
00:30:41,293 --> 00:30:45,251
for being just a little too
out and proud.
620
00:30:47,168 --> 00:30:48,710
Which is why Fusion
is so important,
621
00:30:48,794 --> 00:30:50,311
because originally
they were gonna cast
622
00:30:50,335 --> 00:30:53,001
a... a straight actor
until, thanks to the internet
623
00:30:53,085 --> 00:30:55,627
and millions of Fusion fans
from the comic books,
624
00:30:55,710 --> 00:30:57,752
everyone said, "No way."
625
00:30:57,835 --> 00:30:59,960
And then they were gonna hire
a... a closeted actor
626
00:31:00,043 --> 00:31:01,794
like that was
some sort of compromise,
627
00:31:01,877 --> 00:31:03,335
but people said, "No."
628
00:31:03,418 --> 00:31:06,043
Fusion can't bring his mom
to the Oscars
629
00:31:06,126 --> 00:31:09,251
because he's...
He's not the gay best friend...
630
00:31:10,585 --> 00:31:12,752
or the...
The quirky gay sidekick.
631
00:31:14,752 --> 00:31:18,960
He is the lead of the movie.
632
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:22,251
He is part of the Victory League
633
00:31:22,335 --> 00:31:24,627
along with Power Blaster,
Death Stalker,
634
00:31:24,710 --> 00:31:27,919
Tornado, Blue Ultra,
and Bobcat...
635
00:31:28,001 --> 00:31:30,585
all of which admittedly sound
like minivans,
636
00:31:30,669 --> 00:31:35,126
but they are being played
by A-list straight actors.
637
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:38,960
And one of them's
African American.
638
00:31:39,043 --> 00:31:40,168
Thank you, Black Panther.
639
00:31:40,251 --> 00:31:41,571
And one of them's
Korean American.
640
00:31:41,627 --> 00:31:43,251
Thank you, Crazy Rich Asians.
641
00:31:43,335 --> 00:31:44,960
And one of them's
Scarlett Johansson.
642
00:31:45,043 --> 00:31:47,335
Thank you, Scarlett's agent.
And...
643
00:31:47,418 --> 00:31:51,085
And I would be the gay one.
644
00:31:53,085 --> 00:31:54,210
And maybe it's Hollywood
645
00:31:54,293 --> 00:31:56,001
genuinely trying
to be inclusive,
646
00:31:56,085 --> 00:31:59,251
or maybe they're just doing it
to be trendy, but okay.
647
00:31:59,335 --> 00:32:03,043
Because in most movies...
648
00:32:03,126 --> 00:32:05,293
the gay character falls in love
and dies...
649
00:32:06,168 --> 00:32:08,251
or falls in love
and his partner dies,
650
00:32:08,335 --> 00:32:09,460
or falls in love
651
00:32:09,543 --> 00:32:12,210
and experiences approximately
30 seconds of happiness
652
00:32:13,001 --> 00:32:14,460
before the end credits.
653
00:32:16,418 --> 00:32:17,543
But this time...
654
00:32:18,835 --> 00:32:20,001
just maybe...
655
00:32:21,502 --> 00:32:26,001
the gay character could
fall in love and fucking fly.
656
00:32:30,001 --> 00:32:34,752
So, they send me the script,
and I decide to play it safe,
657
00:32:34,835 --> 00:32:38,210
you know, just straightforward,
wholesome, pure,
658
00:32:38,293 --> 00:32:39,794
all-American superhero
659
00:32:39,877 --> 00:32:43,835
who has just faced off
against the evil Valdor.
660
00:32:46,210 --> 00:32:48,210
So... so, I pop a beta blocker...
661
00:32:49,126 --> 00:32:50,543
and I walk into the room...
662
00:32:51,710 --> 00:32:53,085
and I give them what they want.
663
00:33:01,001 --> 00:33:02,043
Don't worry, Susie.
664
00:33:03,293 --> 00:33:06,585
Valdor can't hurt you.
Not now. Not anymore.
665
00:33:08,085 --> 00:33:09,210
Not without his head.
666
00:33:11,877 --> 00:33:15,377
And, Susie, I want you to meet
my husband. This is Cortex.
667
00:33:16,877 --> 00:33:19,001
Oh, no. He's right here.
He's just invisible.
668
00:33:19,877 --> 00:33:22,043
He is also a superhero.
669
00:33:25,418 --> 00:33:27,752
Yes, he is entirely faithful.
670
00:33:27,835 --> 00:33:31,919
But more importantly,
the world has been saved
671
00:33:32,001 --> 00:33:34,377
by all different types
of superheroes.
672
00:33:38,293 --> 00:33:40,877
And I say thank you,
and I leave...
673
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:42,752
wondering if any of the other
superheroes
674
00:33:42,835 --> 00:33:44,627
were asked about
their partner's fidelity
675
00:33:44,710 --> 00:33:45,627
by a five-year-old girl,
676
00:33:45,710 --> 00:33:48,377
and I know
I wasn't totally dropped in,
677
00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:50,418
but I thought maybe
that's what they wanted.
678
00:33:51,543 --> 00:33:53,001
And so, a week goes by,
679
00:33:53,085 --> 00:33:54,502
and I finally hear
from my agent,
680
00:33:54,585 --> 00:33:56,919
and they want to see me again.
681
00:33:58,585 --> 00:34:00,877
So I go back in,
and immediately,
682
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,001
the director tells me
to forget about the script.
683
00:34:03,085 --> 00:34:04,752
Just go for it.
684
00:34:04,835 --> 00:34:08,043
Improvise. Be out there,
be beyond out there
685
00:34:08,126 --> 00:34:10,627
because we don't want
to play it safe with Fusion,
686
00:34:10,710 --> 00:34:13,794
so just... just be super gay.
687
00:34:21,251 --> 00:34:23,627
Hmm. "Super gay."
688
00:34:27,919 --> 00:34:30,919
So, I ask
if I could have a moment
689
00:34:31,001 --> 00:34:32,960
just out in the hall...
690
00:34:33,043 --> 00:34:36,418
and my first impulse is,
"Do not do this."
691
00:34:36,502 --> 00:34:39,126
Because whatever
you're gonna do in there...
692
00:34:40,627 --> 00:34:41,960
you won't own...
693
00:34:43,126 --> 00:34:45,710
because you're not celebrating
your queerness,
694
00:34:45,794 --> 00:34:47,168
that's not what this is,
695
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,377
because it's being
demanded of you
696
00:34:49,460 --> 00:34:52,669
by a straight executive
who wants a cartoon.
697
00:34:55,418 --> 00:34:56,669
And I... I wouldn't do that.
698
00:35:01,543 --> 00:35:02,627
But I'm there...
699
00:35:04,085 --> 00:35:05,335
at the callback...
700
00:35:06,502 --> 00:35:09,877
and it's Fusion,
and it's opportunity,
701
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,877
and I panic, and I go back in.
702
00:35:14,418 --> 00:35:15,543
I go back in.
703
00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:20,543
Partly because I...
I didn't know what else to do,
704
00:35:20,627 --> 00:35:24,502
and partly because I was scared
of letting them down.
705
00:35:30,085 --> 00:35:32,377
And I did what they asked.
706
00:35:41,043 --> 00:35:42,085
Don't worry, Susie.
707
00:35:43,794 --> 00:35:46,752
Valdor can't hurt you.
Not anymore.
708
00:35:46,835 --> 00:35:48,627
Not without his head.
709
00:35:48,710 --> 00:35:51,293
Looks like someone needed
a haircut.
710
00:35:51,377 --> 00:35:55,126
Oh, and Susie, I want you
to meet my husband, Cortex.
711
00:35:55,210 --> 00:35:56,460
He's invisible,
712
00:35:56,543 --> 00:36:01,335
which means that he can do
whatever or whomever he wants.
713
00:36:03,043 --> 00:36:04,835
And as for Valdor,
he might've thought
714
00:36:04,919 --> 00:36:07,627
that the entire planet
was terrified of him,
715
00:36:07,710 --> 00:36:10,043
but his only real superpower
716
00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:13,543
was the ability
to end a pool party
717
00:36:13,627 --> 00:36:17,210
just by showing up, sweetie.
718
00:36:29,418 --> 00:36:32,251
And I say thank you,
and I leave...
719
00:36:33,251 --> 00:36:36,377
and I get to my car...
720
00:36:37,710 --> 00:36:39,377
and I start to sob.
721
00:36:41,752 --> 00:36:44,001
And at first,
I don't even know why.
722
00:36:44,085 --> 00:36:46,752
You know,
the tears are... are flowing,
723
00:36:46,835 --> 00:36:48,835
and I'm trying
to detangle my feelings.
724
00:36:48,919 --> 00:36:50,710
Like, am I crying
because the whole thing
725
00:36:50,794 --> 00:36:52,835
is just so fucking cliché?
726
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:57,543
Or am I crying
because I was just asked
727
00:36:57,627 --> 00:37:02,502
to parade all of the magic
that I love about myself
728
00:37:02,585 --> 00:37:04,627
in front of a room
full of strangers
729
00:37:04,710 --> 00:37:07,126
like I was some sort
of carnival sideshow act?
730
00:37:09,377 --> 00:37:12,168
And then my phone rings.
It's my agent.
731
00:37:14,293 --> 00:37:16,293
"They loved it.
732
00:37:16,377 --> 00:37:19,752
Don't change a thing.
They want to see you tomorrow.
733
00:37:19,835 --> 00:37:22,043
You're still in the mix."
734
00:37:22,126 --> 00:37:25,251
So I go home to clear my head,
and I turn on the TV
735
00:37:25,335 --> 00:37:28,794
to just distract myself
for a second, but I can't...
736
00:37:30,710 --> 00:37:32,126
because he is there.
737
00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:36,669
The vice president of
the United States, Mike Pence.
738
00:37:36,752 --> 00:37:40,168
And he's on the news
giving a speech at an army base
739
00:37:40,251 --> 00:37:42,627
in Missouri about a mile
from where I was born.
740
00:37:44,085 --> 00:37:46,085
And this is the same
Mike Pence that thought
741
00:37:46,168 --> 00:37:50,168
that gay marriage would cause
societal collapse.
742
00:37:50,251 --> 00:37:53,418
Mike Pence, who campaigned
for a constitutional amendment
743
00:37:53,502 --> 00:37:55,877
to ban marriage equality
because it's not...
744
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,001
And I'm quoting him on this...
"God's idea."
745
00:38:00,168 --> 00:38:02,210
And he wanted to ban
gay adoption,
746
00:38:02,293 --> 00:38:03,460
and gays in the military,
747
00:38:03,543 --> 00:38:05,502
and thought the Matthew Shepard
Hate Crimes Bill
748
00:38:05,585 --> 00:38:08,293
was a "radical social agenda."
749
00:38:08,377 --> 00:38:12,877
Mike Pence, whose wife,
whom he calls "mother,"
750
00:38:14,293 --> 00:38:15,627
teaches at a school...
751
00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:19,377
that doesn't just
expel gay kids,
752
00:38:20,335 --> 00:38:24,418
it expels any kid
with a gay relative.
753
00:38:26,377 --> 00:38:27,752
And she teaches art!
754
00:38:29,877 --> 00:38:32,752
And here I am...
...sitting on my couch,
755
00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:36,293
having just exploited
756
00:38:36,377 --> 00:38:40,085
all of the most charming parts
of myself...
757
00:38:41,543 --> 00:38:44,877
for a job I might not even get.
758
00:38:51,460 --> 00:38:53,502
But I agree to go back in.
759
00:38:56,627 --> 00:38:58,418
And I go in the next day,
and I...
760
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:00,436
I haven't looked at the script,
because at this point,
761
00:39:00,460 --> 00:39:02,960
the whole world just...
Everything feels so absurd.
762
00:39:04,251 --> 00:39:06,001
And I say hello to the people
763
00:39:06,085 --> 00:39:08,251
in their cashmere and Converse.
764
00:39:09,585 --> 00:39:11,043
And I start the scene, except...
765
00:39:11,126 --> 00:39:14,293
Except I don't do the scene
that they asked me to prepare.
766
00:39:14,377 --> 00:39:16,126
I picked one
from earlier in the movie,
767
00:39:16,210 --> 00:39:18,335
before I had caught the bad guy,
but at this point,
768
00:39:18,418 --> 00:39:20,502
just the sight
of them all sitting there
769
00:39:20,585 --> 00:39:23,126
was so disorienting that I...
I forgot the lines...
770
00:39:23,210 --> 00:39:26,251
...but just decided
to go ahead with it anyway.
771
00:39:35,627 --> 00:39:37,293
The reason the world's
in danger, Susie,
772
00:39:37,377 --> 00:39:39,210
is because Valdor
is still out there.
773
00:39:41,085 --> 00:39:44,919
And Valdor doesn't believe
in queer superheroes.
774
00:39:46,210 --> 00:39:47,460
He doesn't think we exist.
775
00:39:51,251 --> 00:39:52,460
Isn't that right, Valdor?
776
00:39:53,502 --> 00:39:56,877
Just think we're, what,
sight gags or punchlines?
777
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,001
Just people you could
have prance around
778
00:40:00,085 --> 00:40:01,293
for your entertainment?
779
00:40:02,752 --> 00:40:06,126
And we could agree to disagree
that you think it's okay
780
00:40:06,210 --> 00:40:10,710
for doctors and nurses
to legally deny
781
00:40:10,794 --> 00:40:14,460
life-saving healthcare
to gay people,
782
00:40:15,210 --> 00:40:17,168
even in an emergency room,
783
00:40:18,794 --> 00:40:22,126
even during a global pandemic,
784
00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:25,502
because of what you call
"personal beliefs."
785
00:40:32,835 --> 00:40:34,168
But I'm here with my friends.
786
00:40:35,168 --> 00:40:36,210
Victory League.
787
00:40:38,335 --> 00:40:39,377
And you have...
788
00:40:40,835 --> 00:40:43,377
no idea what you're up against.
789
00:40:56,126 --> 00:40:59,669
And I say thank you,
and I leave...
790
00:41:00,794 --> 00:41:02,001
and then I think...
791
00:41:04,335 --> 00:41:07,835
"What the hell did I just do?
What did I do?"
792
00:41:12,335 --> 00:41:13,710
But whatever it was...
793
00:41:15,043 --> 00:41:16,877
that was Fusion.
794
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,043
That was someone
that I could be proud of.
795
00:41:22,001 --> 00:41:24,877
And it turns out
that they admired my bravery,
796
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,794
and I'm still in the mix.
797
00:41:33,251 --> 00:41:35,627
My father
not only has the strength
798
00:41:35,710 --> 00:41:38,543
and ability necessary
to be our next president,
799
00:41:38,627 --> 00:41:41,418
but also the kindness
and compassion...
800
00:41:45,251 --> 00:41:47,585
Nina, were you marching?
801
00:41:47,669 --> 00:41:49,418
Yeah, I was in Union Square,
but I came home
802
00:41:49,502 --> 00:41:52,001
so I could expedite bail money
across the country and...
803
00:41:52,085 --> 00:41:55,001
And... and start a legal team,
but that's not why I'm calling.
804
00:41:55,085 --> 00:41:57,543
I have to talk to you. Uh...
805
00:41:58,585 --> 00:42:01,210
I'm shaking. I'm terrified.
806
00:42:01,293 --> 00:42:03,335
Nope, it's not COVID.
It's something else,
807
00:42:03,418 --> 00:42:06,085
and you're the only person
who's gonna get this because...
808
00:42:07,251 --> 00:42:09,126
okay, bear with me...
809
00:42:10,043 --> 00:42:11,502
because I knew her.
810
00:42:11,585 --> 00:42:14,126
Not well,
but she was a year ahead of us
811
00:42:14,210 --> 00:42:16,251
in boarding school.
Do you remember?
812
00:42:16,335 --> 00:42:17,669
But we would nod at each other,
813
00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:21,335
and she always made a point
of remembering my name
814
00:42:21,418 --> 00:42:24,335
and smiling and saying,
"Hi, Callie."
815
00:42:24,418 --> 00:42:26,543
And I'd say, "Hi, Ivanka."
816
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,251
And she had this voice,
you know?
817
00:42:28,335 --> 00:42:29,960
Sort of light and feathery
818
00:42:30,043 --> 00:42:31,710
like a lot of the girls
at the time,
819
00:42:31,794 --> 00:42:34,335
which was fine,
but I remember thinking,
820
00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:36,126
"Is that your real voice?
821
00:42:36,210 --> 00:42:38,877
Is that anyone's real voice?"
822
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,627
I know, I'm terrible.
But, you know,
823
00:42:41,710 --> 00:42:44,085
she really was very nice
and very sweet.
824
00:42:44,168 --> 00:42:46,460
She would get there
in September in a limo,
825
00:42:46,543 --> 00:42:48,418
in the backseat all by herself,
826
00:42:48,502 --> 00:42:51,585
and at first, I thought
she was a floral arrangement.
827
00:42:51,669 --> 00:42:54,377
And she had friends,
but she was more...
828
00:42:54,460 --> 00:42:56,502
sort of this floating presence.
829
00:42:56,585 --> 00:42:58,710
You know,
like a visiting princess.
830
00:42:58,794 --> 00:43:01,210
I remember discussing her
with you and Melisande,
831
00:43:01,293 --> 00:43:02,669
and we all agreed
832
00:43:02,752 --> 00:43:05,335
not to blame her
for anything her family did.
833
00:43:05,418 --> 00:43:06,710
'Cause it was like you said,
834
00:43:06,794 --> 00:43:08,835
"We have to treat her
as if she was Susan Noriega
835
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:10,919
or Courtney Stalin.
It's not her fault."
836
00:43:11,001 --> 00:43:13,377
You... you said that.
837
00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:14,585
And I would watch her,
838
00:43:14,669 --> 00:43:17,460
and this one time,
we were both in the library,
839
00:43:17,543 --> 00:43:20,877
and she was watching
something about 9/11,
840
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,502
and she turned to me
841
00:43:22,585 --> 00:43:26,001
and she said,
"It's all so awful."
842
00:43:27,335 --> 00:43:29,251
And I knew she meant it,
843
00:43:29,335 --> 00:43:34,001
but it was so strange
because she smiled,
844
00:43:34,085 --> 00:43:37,043
and it was like she had
this natural instinct
845
00:43:37,126 --> 00:43:39,669
to make things better
or nicer or prettier,
846
00:43:39,752 --> 00:43:41,877
and I know that
that's a rich white girl thing
847
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,877
and it's how she was raised,
which was probably scary,
848
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,752
but then I figured out
what was really going on.
849
00:43:47,835 --> 00:43:48,960
Because it was something
850
00:43:49,043 --> 00:43:52,585
the rest of us
didn't have to deal with.
851
00:43:52,669 --> 00:43:55,877
She was practicing being
photographed for the tabloids.
852
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,960
And... and this was
pre-Instagram, right?
853
00:43:59,043 --> 00:44:02,627
But it was, like, she knew.
She, uh, she saw it coming.
854
00:44:02,710 --> 00:44:06,210
She was like the Steve Jobs
of smiling.
855
00:44:06,293 --> 00:44:09,627
That was not mean! I mean,
because she really was...
856
00:44:09,710 --> 00:44:12,043
she was so sweet, and...
857
00:44:12,126 --> 00:44:14,001
you know,
she tried all sorts of things,
858
00:44:14,085 --> 00:44:17,085
modeling and business school
and sweatshops
859
00:44:17,168 --> 00:44:19,585
and, of course,
working for her dad.
860
00:44:20,919 --> 00:44:22,627
But come on.
It was an opportunity.
861
00:44:22,710 --> 00:44:26,293
I mean, I work for my dad.
I run the foundation, which...
862
00:44:26,377 --> 00:44:28,877
yes, it's different from
making guest appearances
863
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,752
on The Apprentice.
864
00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:32,251
Did you ever watch that show?
865
00:44:33,460 --> 00:44:36,126
Because her dad
would fire people,
866
00:44:36,210 --> 00:44:38,627
and then she would try
to make things better.
867
00:44:38,710 --> 00:44:41,168
The smile.
It was like she was saying,
868
00:44:41,251 --> 00:44:44,085
"I'm here, but I'm not.
869
00:44:44,168 --> 00:44:46,335
I'm part of this,
but I'm somewhere else.
870
00:44:46,418 --> 00:44:48,210
I'm smiling."
871
00:44:49,418 --> 00:44:52,293
And then it happened.
The White House,
872
00:44:52,377 --> 00:44:54,919
the move to Georgetown,
the shitstorm, and...
873
00:44:56,085 --> 00:44:58,585
Okay. Okay, okay.
Get ready, 'cause you got...
874
00:44:58,669 --> 00:45:00,543
You're sitting down?
You got a glass of wine?
875
00:45:00,627 --> 00:45:03,752
A whole bottle, a whole case,
because this is where I come in.
876
00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:07,001
Because a few months ago,
before quarantine,
877
00:45:07,085 --> 00:45:10,669
before everything,
I get a call from my dad
878
00:45:10,752 --> 00:45:14,794
because Trump has invited my dad
to the White House...
879
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,710
because I guess Trump
knows my dad
880
00:45:18,794 --> 00:45:20,543
because he started
the most successful
881
00:45:20,627 --> 00:45:22,960
Black-owned brokerage firm
in history.
882
00:45:23,585 --> 00:45:25,710
And so I say, "Dad...
883
00:45:25,794 --> 00:45:28,377
but you're not going, are you?"
884
00:45:28,460 --> 00:45:29,627
And he says, "Yes."
885
00:45:29,710 --> 00:45:33,293
He says, "I'm curious,
and you're coming with me."
886
00:45:33,377 --> 00:45:36,543
And I say, "No, I'm not.
Uh, there's no way in hell."
887
00:45:36,627 --> 00:45:38,627
And he says, "Callie.
888
00:45:39,168 --> 00:45:40,710
Listen to me.
889
00:45:40,794 --> 00:45:43,502
He's the president.
We have access.
890
00:45:43,585 --> 00:45:46,335
No one will know.
And you could learn something."
891
00:45:48,335 --> 00:45:50,960
So we fly to Washington.
892
00:45:51,043 --> 00:45:54,335
Yes, private. And...
893
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:58,418
the car pulls up to the gates,
and I... I wonder,
894
00:45:58,502 --> 00:46:00,460
"Are they gonna stop us?"
I mean, Black people
895
00:46:00,543 --> 00:46:03,669
at the Trump White House
who aren't Kanye?
896
00:46:03,752 --> 00:46:05,960
And for a second, I had this...
This image of us
897
00:46:06,043 --> 00:46:09,251
being dragged out of the car
and arrested,
898
00:46:09,335 --> 00:46:10,502
which would already be bad,
899
00:46:10,585 --> 00:46:13,251
but then people would also know
we were there.
900
00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:17,168
But the Secret Service guy
just nods and we drive through.
901
00:46:18,377 --> 00:46:23,293
And... when I walk
into the actual building,
902
00:46:23,377 --> 00:46:25,001
I get a shiver
903
00:46:25,085 --> 00:46:26,627
because I can't do this,
you know?
904
00:46:26,710 --> 00:46:29,293
This is our house. It's supposed
to be everybody's house.
905
00:46:29,377 --> 00:46:33,460
It was built by slaves. And yes,
Nina, I know, Barack, but...
906
00:46:33,543 --> 00:46:36,543
I was there,
and I am freaking out.
907
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:38,835
And my dad whispers,
908
00:46:38,919 --> 00:46:42,085
he says, "It's okay.
You're gonna be okay.
909
00:46:42,168 --> 00:46:43,543
Enemy territory."
910
00:46:44,669 --> 00:46:47,418
And an aide comes and guides us
to the Red Room,
911
00:46:47,502 --> 00:46:48,794
where the dinner's being held,
912
00:46:48,877 --> 00:46:52,377
and when we get to the room,
I feel something else.
913
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,377
An echo.
914
00:46:54,460 --> 00:46:57,418
Because there aren't many tables
or other guests
915
00:46:57,502 --> 00:46:59,919
and the lighting is bad,
916
00:47:00,001 --> 00:47:02,919
so the whole place
feels a little abandoned,
917
00:47:03,001 --> 00:47:04,794
like a bankrupt casino,
918
00:47:04,877 --> 00:47:08,168
like the eyes on the portraits
are gonna move.
919
00:47:08,251 --> 00:47:09,251
And of course,
920
00:47:09,335 --> 00:47:13,377
we're the only people
of any color whatsoever.
921
00:47:13,460 --> 00:47:18,168
And the only way I can be there
is to feel like a spy, you know?
922
00:47:18,251 --> 00:47:22,001
Like I'm working undercover
like a resistance fighter
923
00:47:22,085 --> 00:47:24,502
dressed as a Nazi
in a Tarantino movie,
924
00:47:24,585 --> 00:47:27,085
which is exactly what it's like
925
00:47:27,168 --> 00:47:32,627
because then there she is,
Melania.
926
00:47:32,710 --> 00:47:36,168
And... Yes.
Oh my God. Nothing moves.
927
00:47:36,251 --> 00:47:37,752
Even her hair has Botox.
928
00:47:37,835 --> 00:47:41,710
It's like she's Dracula
with a blowout and a spray tan,
929
00:47:41,794 --> 00:47:44,210
and she's a birther,
so fuck her.
930
00:47:45,543 --> 00:47:48,919
Then he comes in. Trump.
931
00:47:50,001 --> 00:47:52,335
And I have to tell myself,
932
00:47:52,418 --> 00:47:54,335
"Remember what my dad said.
933
00:47:54,418 --> 00:47:56,502
You can learn something."
934
00:47:56,585 --> 00:47:59,085
So I pretend I don't know
anything about him.
935
00:48:01,335 --> 00:48:02,877
What do I think?
936
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,669
Nice guy, friendly, works hard?
937
00:48:06,752 --> 00:48:10,168
No. So creepy, so disgusting.
938
00:48:10,251 --> 00:48:12,210
I want to run.
I want to take a shower.
939
00:48:12,293 --> 00:48:15,460
I mean, someone needs
to follow him with a Dustbuster.
940
00:48:15,543 --> 00:48:20,293
And he finally glances up
from his phone and he sees me,
941
00:48:21,043 --> 00:48:24,543
and I think I get the look,
942
00:48:24,627 --> 00:48:27,502
the rich white guy look,
which... which is all about,
943
00:48:27,585 --> 00:48:30,377
"Am I pretty enough?
Am I showing enough skin?
944
00:48:30,460 --> 00:48:33,502
Am I good enough
to fuck maybe once?"
945
00:48:33,585 --> 00:48:37,377
But before he can decide,
he sees that I'm with my dad,
946
00:48:37,460 --> 00:48:39,919
and he comes right over.
947
00:48:40,001 --> 00:48:43,710
And he's grabbing my dad's hand
and he's calling him "Jack-o,"
948
00:48:43,794 --> 00:48:45,835
and then it hits me.
949
00:48:47,460 --> 00:48:49,835
Because my dad is rich...
950
00:48:49,919 --> 00:48:52,877
seriously rich,
richer than Trump will ever be,
951
00:48:54,001 --> 00:48:55,960
that's the real turn-on.
952
00:48:57,126 --> 00:49:00,335
And even if I was
a naked porn star...
953
00:49:01,669 --> 00:49:03,168
he'd rather fuck my dad.
954
00:49:04,585 --> 00:49:07,960
Hold on, wait.
Okay, get ready. Because...
955
00:49:08,919 --> 00:49:11,960
just as my dad
is introducing me, I hear,
956
00:49:12,794 --> 00:49:13,835
"Callie!"
957
00:49:15,001 --> 00:49:16,293
And it's her.
958
00:49:16,377 --> 00:49:18,585
And the whole scene
is so bizarre
959
00:49:18,669 --> 00:49:21,919
because the place
feels empty, but...
960
00:49:22,001 --> 00:49:23,960
the guests are all looking up,
961
00:49:24,043 --> 00:49:27,168
and it's like this happy,
blonde four-year-old has...
962
00:49:27,251 --> 00:49:30,502
Has scampered
into the haunted mansion,
963
00:49:30,585 --> 00:49:32,460
and she's wearing all white,
964
00:49:32,543 --> 00:49:34,960
and she glides right over to me
965
00:49:35,043 --> 00:49:37,335
and she gives me
the perfect air hug,
966
00:49:37,418 --> 00:49:39,627
and the perfume is a lot.
967
00:49:39,710 --> 00:49:41,168
And she says, "Daddy,
968
00:49:41,251 --> 00:49:43,710
can I steal Callie away
for a few minutes?"
969
00:49:44,377 --> 00:49:45,960
And he gives her a nod,
970
00:49:46,043 --> 00:49:48,335
or he gives her tight
white dress a nod,
971
00:49:48,418 --> 00:49:50,085
and he says, "Sure, honey."
972
00:49:50,710 --> 00:49:52,043
And she says, "Come on!
973
00:49:52,126 --> 00:49:54,794
It's so great to see you.
This is such fun."
974
00:49:54,877 --> 00:49:56,377
Like we're on a play date.
975
00:49:56,460 --> 00:49:58,043
Or no, like she's Nancy Drew
976
00:49:58,126 --> 00:50:00,710
and we're exploring
the Old Mill,
977
00:50:00,794 --> 00:50:03,543
which we are,
because she leads me upstairs
978
00:50:04,043 --> 00:50:06,710
and she says,
979
00:50:06,794 --> 00:50:10,710
"When I first saw this room,
I knew how much you'd love it.
980
00:50:11,627 --> 00:50:12,960
It's the Lincoln Bedroom."
981
00:50:15,335 --> 00:50:18,043
Whoa. Whoa. And it's...
982
00:50:18,126 --> 00:50:20,669
No. It keeps getting worse,
983
00:50:20,752 --> 00:50:23,085
or better, depending
on your sense of humor.
984
00:50:23,168 --> 00:50:28,168
So, she pats an armchair,
and then she sits on the bed
985
00:50:28,251 --> 00:50:30,418
and I think, "Something
is definitely up.
986
00:50:30,502 --> 00:50:33,043
She wants something."
And so I sit down
987
00:50:33,126 --> 00:50:35,919
and she cuts right to the chase
and she says,
988
00:50:37,377 --> 00:50:39,251
"Callie, I need you...
989
00:50:40,126 --> 00:50:42,669
because I know that people
hate me,
990
00:50:42,752 --> 00:50:44,794
and... now, be honest...
991
00:50:44,877 --> 00:50:46,752
But why do you think that is?
992
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:50,168
I mean, jealously,
of course, but why else?"
993
00:50:51,126 --> 00:50:53,460
And she's looking
right at me and...
994
00:50:54,627 --> 00:50:56,835
she's this glowing blonde cloud,
995
00:50:56,919 --> 00:50:59,210
and I decide I can't do it.
996
00:50:59,293 --> 00:51:03,794
I can't... I can't just be polite
because then I'm part of it,
997
00:51:03,877 --> 00:51:09,543
so I say, "People hate you
because you're not qualified,
998
00:51:09,627 --> 00:51:12,543
but your dad hires you
to work in the White House."
999
00:51:12,627 --> 00:51:14,335
And she's nodding like...
1000
00:51:14,418 --> 00:51:16,585
"Of course, of course.
And what else?"
1001
00:51:17,627 --> 00:51:21,585
And so I say,
"The racism, Charlottesville,
1002
00:51:21,669 --> 00:51:23,043
putting kids in cages,
1003
00:51:23,126 --> 00:51:26,377
the way your dad treats women
and you defend him,
1004
00:51:26,460 --> 00:51:29,877
the insults, the sneering,
the lies.
1005
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,293
All my gay friends hate you
because of Pence
1006
00:51:32,377 --> 00:51:36,377
and the trans ban and trying
to repeal gay marriage,
1007
00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:39,418
and you post pictures
of yourself hugging
1008
00:51:39,502 --> 00:51:43,377
the evangelicals who said that
gay people are going to hell."
1009
00:51:46,126 --> 00:51:47,377
And she says, "Oh...
1010
00:51:48,794 --> 00:51:50,585
But gay people know
that I love them.
1011
00:51:50,669 --> 00:51:51,919
I'm from New York.
1012
00:51:52,001 --> 00:51:55,752
So I signal them quietly, like,
I tweeted 'congratulations'
1013
00:51:55,835 --> 00:51:58,585
to that new Black lesbian mayor
of Chicago.
1014
00:51:58,669 --> 00:52:04,168
And I'm creating so many jobs.
My dad says it's 15 million.
1015
00:52:04,251 --> 00:52:07,335
And unemployment,
especially for minorities,
1016
00:52:07,418 --> 00:52:10,001
has been at its
lowest levels ever.
1017
00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:11,585
It's done."
1018
00:52:12,502 --> 00:52:15,251
It's done. She thinks it's done.
1019
00:52:16,502 --> 00:52:18,835
And so she keeps going,
1020
00:52:18,919 --> 00:52:22,210
and she gives me a huge...
1021
00:52:23,210 --> 00:52:25,960
"just between me and you"
secret smile,
1022
00:52:26,043 --> 00:52:27,543
and it's twinkling.
1023
00:52:27,627 --> 00:52:28,877
And she says...
1024
00:52:29,710 --> 00:52:31,335
"But I need to
turn things around
1025
00:52:31,418 --> 00:52:32,960
on a perception level.
1026
00:52:33,043 --> 00:52:35,710
I need people to see Ivanka."
1027
00:52:36,710 --> 00:52:39,377
Her brand. The third person.
1028
00:52:39,460 --> 00:52:41,043
Then she says...
1029
00:52:42,502 --> 00:52:46,126
"So, what if we became friends?
I mean, real pals.
1030
00:52:46,210 --> 00:52:50,168
What if I could come to New York
and you could take me places?
1031
00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:54,210
Because if I go to a show
or an event by myself,
1032
00:52:54,293 --> 00:52:58,585
or, God forbid, with Kellyanne,
everyone snubs me.
1033
00:52:58,669 --> 00:53:02,669
One person even spit because
they think I'm a traitor,
1034
00:53:02,752 --> 00:53:04,835
but if I was with someone
like you,
1035
00:53:04,919 --> 00:53:07,418
someone with total
social street cred...
1036
00:53:08,418 --> 00:53:11,251
we could go to a restaurant
or a gala
1037
00:53:11,335 --> 00:53:14,168
and you could be my angel,
my protector,
1038
00:53:14,251 --> 00:53:17,460
my backstage pass,
my human shield."
1039
00:53:18,418 --> 00:53:19,877
And I think, "Why?"
1040
00:53:21,085 --> 00:53:23,293
Why does she think
she can ask me this?
1041
00:53:23,377 --> 00:53:26,001
Because we went
to school together?
1042
00:53:26,085 --> 00:53:27,669
Because we're both rich?
1043
00:53:27,752 --> 00:53:29,752
I mean, who the hell
does she think I am?
1044
00:53:31,001 --> 00:53:32,460
And then I get it.
1045
00:53:34,001 --> 00:53:35,377
Yep, Nina, you guessed it.
1046
00:53:35,460 --> 00:53:38,001
Because her entire fucking life,
1047
00:53:38,085 --> 00:53:40,085
she's never heard the word "no."
1048
00:53:41,627 --> 00:53:43,210
And then it happens.
1049
00:53:43,293 --> 00:53:45,919
She unleashes it. The smile.
1050
00:53:46,001 --> 00:53:48,919
The one she's been working on
for decades.
1051
00:53:49,001 --> 00:53:50,835
The miles of lip gloss,
1052
00:53:50,919 --> 00:53:53,460
the hint of Vaseline
on her teeth,
1053
00:53:53,543 --> 00:53:56,126
the chin implant
slightly lowered,
1054
00:53:56,210 --> 00:53:58,210
the pageant-ready
smoky eyeshadow,
1055
00:53:58,293 --> 00:54:00,752
the full-on megawatt billboard
1056
00:54:00,835 --> 00:54:04,210
advertising nothing
but greedy perfection.
1057
00:54:04,293 --> 00:54:05,543
The product.
1058
00:54:05,627 --> 00:54:08,919
Only this time, it's not some
failing golf resort in Scotland
1059
00:54:09,001 --> 00:54:12,919
or a diamond tennis bracelet
on the Nordstrom website
1060
00:54:13,001 --> 00:54:16,418
or a ghostwritten guide
to empowering women.
1061
00:54:16,502 --> 00:54:18,585
It's all her.
1062
00:54:18,669 --> 00:54:23,460
Total Ivanka. Dream Ivanka.
President Ivanka.
1063
00:54:23,543 --> 00:54:27,669
And it's this blonde avalanche
just pounding towards me and...
1064
00:54:28,627 --> 00:54:31,251
I'm paralyzed. I'm reeling.
1065
00:54:31,335 --> 00:54:34,251
And I flash on Abe Lincoln
in the corner going,
1066
00:54:34,335 --> 00:54:38,001
"What the fuck is happening
in my bedroom?" And...
1067
00:54:39,168 --> 00:54:43,460
Ivanka says,
"I know it's overwhelming,
1068
00:54:43,543 --> 00:54:45,502
but this could be so great.
1069
00:54:45,585 --> 00:54:49,126
The two of us, a team,
a power couple."
1070
00:54:49,210 --> 00:54:52,251
And then she stands up
and she says, "I'll call you!"
1071
00:54:52,335 --> 00:54:53,710
And she's out the door.
1072
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:58,710
And Melania's hanging
somewhere upside down
1073
00:54:58,794 --> 00:55:01,418
and her dad is touching
my dad's arm,
1074
00:55:01,502 --> 00:55:04,960
and he's saying, "Great talk."
And then we leave.
1075
00:55:05,043 --> 00:55:10,293
And so when we get in the air,
I ask my dad what Trump wanted.
1076
00:55:10,377 --> 00:55:14,085
And he says, "Money,
a photo op, golf.
1077
00:55:14,168 --> 00:55:17,251
You think he has everything
he ever wanted, but he doesn't.
1078
00:55:17,794 --> 00:55:19,627
He never will."
1079
00:55:19,710 --> 00:55:21,877
And I say,
"So what does he still want?"
1080
00:55:22,877 --> 00:55:27,543
And he says,
"The thing he claims to hate.
1081
00:55:27,627 --> 00:55:30,960
The thing he tells his
Klan rallies he doesn't need.
1082
00:55:31,043 --> 00:55:32,877
But all he really wants
is New York.
1083
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:35,585
The New York Times,
to stop wearing the MAGA hat,
1084
00:55:35,669 --> 00:55:38,502
to be rich and powerful
without being a joke.
1085
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:41,877
He wants something that he's
just smart enough to recognize
1086
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,210
but too clueless to achieve.
1087
00:55:44,293 --> 00:55:45,835
He wants style and ease
1088
00:55:45,919 --> 00:55:48,335
and to stand up
without crumbs in his lap
1089
00:55:48,418 --> 00:55:50,460
like the Coastal Elites.
1090
00:55:50,543 --> 00:55:53,043
Why do you think
he's so obsessed with Obama?
1091
00:55:53,794 --> 00:55:54,919
He wants us."
1092
00:55:56,251 --> 00:56:00,794
And I can't believe
I'm about to say this, but...
1093
00:56:00,877 --> 00:56:05,418
for a second, I almost feel
sorry for Trump and Ivanka
1094
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:07,710
for being so needy...
1095
00:56:09,251 --> 00:56:11,627
for being all alone
in the White House
1096
00:56:11,710 --> 00:56:12,710
with only each other
1097
00:56:12,794 --> 00:56:15,418
and the sort of people
who would be there.
1098
00:56:16,543 --> 00:56:18,126
And then today...
1099
00:56:19,627 --> 00:56:24,126
I get a call, an hour ago,
and it's her.
1100
00:56:25,126 --> 00:56:26,460
And she says...
1101
00:56:28,251 --> 00:56:30,502
"Callie, it's happening!
1102
00:56:30,585 --> 00:56:32,210
We're opening the country
back up.
1103
00:56:32,293 --> 00:56:35,460
It's all about 2020,
so let's get started."
1104
00:56:36,001 --> 00:56:37,293
And I'm stunned.
1105
00:56:38,543 --> 00:56:40,210
And I say, "Ivanka,
1106
00:56:40,293 --> 00:56:43,710
George Floyd, Breonna Taylor,
Ahmaud Arbery.
1107
00:56:43,794 --> 00:56:46,627
Do you have any idea
what's going on?"
1108
00:56:47,585 --> 00:56:49,543
And she says,
"But didn't you see
1109
00:56:49,627 --> 00:56:51,627
what I tweeted
the day it all started,
1110
00:56:51,710 --> 00:56:53,710
when people needed
to hear from me?
1111
00:56:53,794 --> 00:56:58,960
It was from the Bible. It went,
'This is what the Lord said:
1112
00:56:59,043 --> 00:57:03,001
I have heard your prayers
and seen your tears.
1113
00:57:03,627 --> 00:57:04,835
I will heal you.'
1114
00:57:06,168 --> 00:57:07,502
Isn't that perfect?"
1115
00:57:09,418 --> 00:57:10,710
And do you know...
1116
00:57:12,335 --> 00:57:14,085
when Trump had
the National Guard
1117
00:57:14,168 --> 00:57:17,418
clear those peaceful protesters
with tear gas
1118
00:57:17,502 --> 00:57:18,919
just so he could walk
to that church
1119
00:57:19,001 --> 00:57:22,335
and hold up a Bible
like it was his fucking phone...
1120
00:57:23,335 --> 00:57:26,710
I read that walk,
that whole thing,
1121
00:57:27,502 --> 00:57:29,418
was Ivanka's idea.
1122
00:57:29,502 --> 00:57:31,835
She had the Bible in her purse,
1123
00:57:31,919 --> 00:57:35,669
in her fourteen-hundred-dollar
Max Mara bag.
1124
00:57:35,752 --> 00:57:38,085
And did you see that her dad
just said that he's done
1125
00:57:38,168 --> 00:57:41,627
more for Black people than
any president in U.S. history?
1126
00:57:41,710 --> 00:57:45,377
Like... like he expects
a fucking thank you note?
1127
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:50,126
And she keeps going. She says,
"So, Callie, whatever you want.
1128
00:57:50,210 --> 00:57:52,960
Women for Trump,
Black Voices for Trump,
1129
00:57:53,043 --> 00:57:55,210
Senior Advisor.
I'll send the plane."
1130
00:57:56,669 --> 00:57:58,085
And I am beyond...
1131
00:57:59,543 --> 00:58:01,293
Because she really thinks
this can happen.
1132
00:58:01,377 --> 00:58:05,877
She really thinks that she can
stand off to the side, and...
1133
00:58:06,669 --> 00:58:08,669
sit in her little bubble
1134
00:58:08,752 --> 00:58:11,210
where nothing can touch her
and she really thinks that
1135
00:58:11,293 --> 00:58:14,251
she can social distance herself
from history.
1136
00:58:15,168 --> 00:58:16,835
And she thinks I'll help her.
1137
00:58:18,377 --> 00:58:22,210
And I'm... I'm staring
at my phone and I want to yell,
1138
00:58:22,293 --> 00:58:25,377
"Fuck you! Just fuck you!"
1139
00:58:28,335 --> 00:58:30,001
But instead...
1140
00:58:30,085 --> 00:58:32,752
all of my boarding school
training kicks in,
1141
00:58:32,835 --> 00:58:36,251
just like hers, and I say...
1142
00:58:39,085 --> 00:58:44,168
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't.
Previous engagement.
1143
00:58:44,251 --> 00:58:45,877
I hope you understand."
1144
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:50,126
And there's a pause,
and she says...
1145
00:58:52,001 --> 00:58:55,585
"Of course, Callie.
All the best. I love you."
1146
00:59:00,251 --> 00:59:02,251
And I've been sitting here
shaking...
1147
00:59:05,418 --> 00:59:07,293
because she scared
the shit out of me.
1148
00:59:11,752 --> 00:59:14,794
Because even here, Nina,
all the way in New York,
1149
00:59:14,877 --> 00:59:16,085
I can hear it.
1150
00:59:19,794 --> 00:59:21,335
I can hear her smiling.
1151
00:59:25,293 --> 00:59:29,126
Four more years
of President Donald Trump...
1152
00:59:29,210 --> 00:59:30,543
Four more years!
1153
00:59:30,627 --> 00:59:33,418
Four more years!
Four more years!
1154
00:59:34,460 --> 00:59:36,377
I know you're scared.
1155
00:59:36,460 --> 00:59:38,043
We all are.
1156
00:59:38,126 --> 00:59:41,835
We're sitting at home.
There's a virus out there.
1157
00:59:41,919 --> 00:59:44,043
The world is upside down.
1158
00:59:45,669 --> 00:59:47,502
So, welcome.
1159
00:59:47,585 --> 00:59:51,377
I'm Clarissa Montgomery,
and we're streaming live.
1160
00:59:51,460 --> 00:59:55,085
Episode 28
of my Mindful Meditations.
1161
00:59:55,168 --> 00:59:58,085
I hope my words will soothe
and enlighten you,
1162
00:59:58,168 --> 01:00:00,293
or at least allow you
to watch CNN
1163
01:00:00,377 --> 01:00:01,752
without screaming
at your partner,
1164
01:00:01,835 --> 01:00:03,335
"Have you seen this?"
1165
01:00:06,168 --> 01:00:07,335
Let's begin.
1166
01:00:08,543 --> 01:00:11,960
I'd like you to close your eyes
and envision
1167
01:00:12,043 --> 01:00:15,710
a beautiful hillside
lush with wildflowers
1168
01:00:15,794 --> 01:00:19,293
and overlooking a peaceful,
undisturbed valley.
1169
01:00:20,460 --> 01:00:23,251
You're like Julie Andrews
singing "The Sound of Music"
1170
01:00:23,335 --> 01:00:27,043
with her arms open wide
and never dreaming
1171
01:00:27,126 --> 01:00:29,418
she'd soon be trafficked
by the Catholic Church
1172
01:00:29,502 --> 01:00:32,126
into becoming an unpaid nanny
under a Nazi regime
1173
01:00:32,210 --> 01:00:34,293
and ultimately marrying
an employer twice her age
1174
01:00:34,377 --> 01:00:36,251
in a scenario that could
more rightly be termed
1175
01:00:36,335 --> 01:00:39,919
hashtag EdelweissMeToo,
hashtag NoneOfMyFavoriteThings,
1176
01:00:40,001 --> 01:00:43,585
and hashtag SoonYeVonTrapp.
1177
01:00:48,210 --> 01:00:49,877
Let's return to our hillside.
1178
01:00:51,210 --> 01:00:53,293
You're happy. You're at peace
1179
01:00:53,377 --> 01:00:56,001
because you're not allowing
political trauma
1180
01:00:56,085 --> 01:00:58,251
to poison your bliss.
1181
01:00:59,001 --> 01:01:01,710
Take a deep, healing breath
1182
01:01:01,794 --> 01:01:05,126
and imagine that you're not
even on Twitter or Facebook
1183
01:01:05,210 --> 01:01:06,377
or Xanax.
1184
01:01:09,210 --> 01:01:10,877
Are you starting to feel better?
1185
01:01:12,043 --> 01:01:13,085
More centered?
1186
01:01:14,085 --> 01:01:15,126
More sane?
1187
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:28,126
We're floating.
1188
01:01:29,460 --> 01:01:30,794
We're breathing.
1189
01:01:30,877 --> 01:01:33,960
We're in a calm, neutral space.
1190
01:01:34,043 --> 01:01:37,377
No one is angry. No one is sick.
1191
01:01:46,293 --> 01:01:47,377
Um...
1192
01:01:49,418 --> 01:01:50,752
Okay, I, uh...
1193
01:01:53,585 --> 01:01:56,710
Uh, this isn't... Oh.
1194
01:02:03,627 --> 01:02:08,043
I'm sorry. I'm... I'm...
I'm so, so sorry, but, uh...
1195
01:02:08,126 --> 01:02:10,585
I... I don't know
if I can keep doing this.
1196
01:02:14,377 --> 01:02:18,460
No. Let me explain. Let me...
1197
01:02:18,543 --> 01:02:22,460
Let me try to explain.
I owe you that...
1198
01:02:22,543 --> 01:02:25,835
because this morning,
I saw something on the news,
1199
01:02:25,919 --> 01:02:28,293
except it's not just that.
It's... it's everything
1200
01:02:28,377 --> 01:02:30,710
that's been happening
to all of us.
1201
01:02:30,794 --> 01:02:33,502
It's... Okay. Hold on.
1202
01:02:36,335 --> 01:02:37,960
Let me start from the beginning.
1203
01:02:39,085 --> 01:02:42,168
When the virus first appeared,
1204
01:02:42,251 --> 01:02:44,710
like all of you, I was frantic.
1205
01:02:44,794 --> 01:02:46,919
I... I didn't know
what was going on,
1206
01:02:47,001 --> 01:02:50,168
so I decided to fly home
to Wisconsin
1207
01:02:50,251 --> 01:02:53,710
and isolate with my family.
I know. I know.
1208
01:02:54,502 --> 01:02:55,919
But I'm a hopeful person,
1209
01:02:56,001 --> 01:02:59,418
and I just wanted to see
if it was possible,
1210
01:02:59,502 --> 01:03:02,418
if just maybe we could use
this terrible illness
1211
01:03:02,502 --> 01:03:04,001
as... as some sort of...
1212
01:03:05,043 --> 01:03:08,001
gift, uh... a timeout
1213
01:03:08,085 --> 01:03:11,335
to heal and bond.
I know. I know.
1214
01:03:12,752 --> 01:03:17,043
But I love my family,
and I just thought, "What if?"
1215
01:03:19,418 --> 01:03:22,126
My folks still live
in Lake Auburn,
1216
01:03:22,210 --> 01:03:23,502
this tiny little town,
1217
01:03:23,585 --> 01:03:25,835
it's like 8,000 people
and change,
1218
01:03:25,919 --> 01:03:27,960
in the farmhouse where I grew up
1219
01:03:28,043 --> 01:03:31,669
and where the Montgomerys
have lived for five generations.
1220
01:03:31,752 --> 01:03:34,960
I always love it...
...when a couple on HGTV
1221
01:03:35,043 --> 01:03:37,126
is renovating
their Craftsman-style home
1222
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:39,251
and they demand
a farmhouse sink,
1223
01:03:39,335 --> 01:03:40,686
"We have to have
a farmhouse sink,"
1224
01:03:40,710 --> 01:03:44,293
because you know what we call
that in Lake Auburn? A sink.
1225
01:03:44,377 --> 01:03:48,085
And as I'm driving through town,
1226
01:03:48,168 --> 01:03:50,460
I... I notice something.
1227
01:03:50,543 --> 01:03:53,377
No one is social distancing
or wearing a mask.
1228
01:03:54,877 --> 01:03:58,502
So maybe this is a refuge,
a... a safe zone.
1229
01:03:58,585 --> 01:04:01,293
How great,
how potentially great.
1230
01:04:01,377 --> 01:04:03,794
And... and I pull into
our driveway,
1231
01:04:03,877 --> 01:04:06,418
and there's a Trump sign
on the lawn,
1232
01:04:07,085 --> 01:04:08,877
but I tell myself, "No."
1233
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:12,669
Stop. Lower your knee-jerk
liberal defense mechanism
1234
01:04:12,752 --> 01:04:15,669
because that sign
isn't automatically hateful.
1235
01:04:15,752 --> 01:04:19,794
It's not a Confederate flag
like last Christmas on the tree.
1236
01:04:22,043 --> 01:04:25,877
I go inside,
and I hug my parents
1237
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:28,251
and my five
brothers and sisters,
1238
01:04:28,335 --> 01:04:30,919
which feels so good, except...
1239
01:04:32,001 --> 01:04:34,752
almost all of them
are wearing MAGA hats.
1240
01:04:35,585 --> 01:04:37,168
Even the dog.
1241
01:04:37,251 --> 01:04:40,210
"No," I tell myself, "stop it.
1242
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:43,627
They're just hats. Calm down."
And I'm offered one.
1243
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,919
And it's on my head.
1244
01:04:47,001 --> 01:04:48,377
And everyone is chanting
1245
01:04:48,460 --> 01:04:51,085
and... and my brother Ned
reaches into my chest,
1246
01:04:51,168 --> 01:04:53,377
and he pulls out my heart,
and they eat it.
1247
01:04:53,460 --> 01:04:56,377
No. Stop it, Clarissa.
Stop exaggerating!
1248
01:04:56,460 --> 01:04:59,085
But I can't.
There are tater tots!
1249
01:05:03,543 --> 01:05:07,877
So... I'm with my family
1250
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,210
and I am trying so hard
not to be a snob,
1251
01:05:11,293 --> 01:05:15,669
because it's not a horror movie
or Stephen King.
1252
01:05:15,752 --> 01:05:18,210
And then my Uncle Dirk says,
1253
01:05:18,293 --> 01:05:20,043
"Trump's a real
straight shooter.
1254
01:05:20,126 --> 01:05:23,377
Tells it like it is."
And I'm drowning.
1255
01:05:23,460 --> 01:05:25,919
I'm choking. I...
I try to say something,
1256
01:05:26,001 --> 01:05:27,960
but only random words come out.
1257
01:05:28,043 --> 01:05:29,418
It's like I'm in The Exorcist.
1258
01:05:29,502 --> 01:05:33,543
"Charlottesville,
Obamagate, golf!"
1259
01:05:33,627 --> 01:05:36,377
And... and my mom grabs me
and pulls me into the kitchen.
1260
01:05:36,460 --> 01:05:39,418
She knows me, so she says,
"Stop it, Clarissa.
1261
01:05:39,502 --> 01:05:42,043
Right now,
you're driving yourself crazy.
1262
01:05:42,752 --> 01:05:44,210
We are so happy to see you,
1263
01:05:44,293 --> 01:05:46,585
but I'm not sure
what you're doing here.
1264
01:05:46,669 --> 01:05:48,710
This whole corona
whatever-the-heck-it-is
1265
01:05:48,794 --> 01:05:49,710
is a hoax.
1266
01:05:49,794 --> 01:05:51,434
It's just like
that impeachment doohickey,
1267
01:05:51,502 --> 01:05:53,418
or that Russia whatchamadoozie,
1268
01:05:53,502 --> 01:05:56,752
or... or the idea that Melania
speaks with a foreign accent.
1269
01:05:56,835 --> 01:05:58,168
She's from Maine."
1270
01:06:00,293 --> 01:06:03,418
And I have no idea
what to say to that.
1271
01:06:03,502 --> 01:06:07,460
And... and she keeps going.
She says, "No one here is sick.
1272
01:06:07,543 --> 01:06:09,835
Well, sure,
your sister's on methadone,
1273
01:06:09,919 --> 01:06:12,377
and Randy lost a finger
in that snowmobile accident,
1274
01:06:12,460 --> 01:06:14,251
and your cousin Brittany
has a little cough
1275
01:06:14,335 --> 01:06:16,126
from working
at the fulfillment center,
1276
01:06:16,210 --> 01:06:17,335
but we're fine.
1277
01:06:17,418 --> 01:06:18,627
And have you ever thought
1278
01:06:18,710 --> 01:06:21,001
that maybe there is
some kind of disease,
1279
01:06:21,085 --> 01:06:24,627
but that it's all happening
in New York and California
1280
01:06:24,710 --> 01:06:27,502
and maybe that's because
all of you are so upset?"
1281
01:06:29,710 --> 01:06:32,418
And...
And maybe she's not crazy.
1282
01:06:33,377 --> 01:06:35,627
Maybe she's not wrong,
so I listen,
1283
01:06:35,710 --> 01:06:37,377
and she says, "Think about it.
1284
01:06:38,877 --> 01:06:41,126
You wanted an enemy,
so you made one up.
1285
01:06:41,210 --> 01:06:44,502
It's like with climate change.
If it snows in New York,
1286
01:06:44,585 --> 01:06:47,210
you commission a study,
you write 58 op-ed pieces,
1287
01:06:47,293 --> 01:06:50,293
and you blame it on us.
If it snows out here,
1288
01:06:50,377 --> 01:06:51,794
we put on a sweater."
1289
01:06:54,502 --> 01:06:57,460
And she's actually making sense,
and I'm calming down,
1290
01:06:57,543 --> 01:07:00,001
and she hands me a cup of tea,
and she says,
1291
01:07:00,085 --> 01:07:03,335
"And we're not racist.
That's nonsense.
1292
01:07:03,418 --> 01:07:05,627
There aren't any Black people
here in Lake Auburn,
1293
01:07:05,710 --> 01:07:07,293
so who would we be racist to?"
1294
01:07:10,752 --> 01:07:11,752
She said that.
1295
01:07:12,585 --> 01:07:13,835
And then she says,
1296
01:07:13,919 --> 01:07:17,210
"And please don't lecture me
about pronouns,
1297
01:07:17,293 --> 01:07:19,043
because I'll admit it,
I don't understand
1298
01:07:19,126 --> 01:07:23,168
all that transgender, nonbinary,
LGBTQ business,
1299
01:07:23,251 --> 01:07:26,085
so I just call everyone 'dear.'
Done."
1300
01:07:28,210 --> 01:07:33,210
Which is almost sweet,
so I smile and she takes my hand
1301
01:07:33,293 --> 01:07:37,502
and she says,
"And real soon, like tomorrow,
1302
01:07:37,585 --> 01:07:41,794
this whole virus hoo-ha,
it's all going to be over.
1303
01:07:42,752 --> 01:07:44,168
Just like President Trump said,
1304
01:07:44,251 --> 01:07:47,460
it's gonna be like a miracle,
and it's gone.
1305
01:07:48,794 --> 01:07:50,126
Why can't you believe him?
1306
01:07:50,210 --> 01:07:53,168
He's given us
the best economy ever,
1307
01:07:53,251 --> 01:07:55,752
and it's coming right back.
1308
01:07:55,835 --> 01:07:59,335
I love you, sweetheart,
but you need to have faith."
1309
01:08:03,126 --> 01:08:04,627
And in that moment, I...
1310
01:08:06,293 --> 01:08:07,960
I want to believe her.
1311
01:08:08,043 --> 01:08:11,043
I want it so badly, because...
1312
01:08:13,251 --> 01:08:14,377
she's my mom.
1313
01:08:17,043 --> 01:08:19,335
And so I start
really thinking about it.
1314
01:08:21,126 --> 01:08:22,502
What if I met him?
1315
01:08:24,001 --> 01:08:25,335
What would I say?
1316
01:08:26,585 --> 01:08:29,794
Would I just sputter and scream?
1317
01:08:31,502 --> 01:08:32,710
What if he listened?
1318
01:08:34,335 --> 01:08:35,502
What if I listened?
1319
01:08:36,627 --> 01:08:38,251
What if everyone
in this country,
1320
01:08:38,335 --> 01:08:43,126
what if we all just stopped
being so angry and listened?
1321
01:08:48,877 --> 01:08:52,960
So, I leave the kitchen,
and I look around at my family,
1322
01:08:53,043 --> 01:08:56,543
and they're all smiling,
and I think...
1323
01:08:58,293 --> 01:09:01,043
"Maybe this is possible.
Maybe this can work."
1324
01:09:01,126 --> 01:09:02,710
And then my brother Travis says,
1325
01:09:02,794 --> 01:09:05,210
"Clarissa, you know what's wrong
with you?
1326
01:09:05,794 --> 01:09:07,502
You've got TDS."
1327
01:09:08,168 --> 01:09:10,293
And I ask, "What's that?"
1328
01:09:10,377 --> 01:09:13,210
And he says,
"Trump Derangement Syndrome!"
1329
01:09:13,293 --> 01:09:16,710
And they're all laughing...
1330
01:09:18,085 --> 01:09:19,502
and it's like Rosemary's Baby
1331
01:09:19,585 --> 01:09:21,251
if the Satanists
all had corndogs,
1332
01:09:21,335 --> 01:09:23,001
and before I know it,
I'm crying,
1333
01:09:23,085 --> 01:09:24,752
and I blurt out, "I can't!
1334
01:09:24,835 --> 01:09:27,293
I can't do this.
I love you all so much,
1335
01:09:27,377 --> 01:09:29,710
and I don't want to hate you
or argue with you
1336
01:09:29,794 --> 01:09:32,335
or just grit my teeth and pass
the gravy boat and say,
1337
01:09:32,418 --> 01:09:35,126
'No, actually, Canada doesn't
have nuclear weapons.'
1338
01:09:35,210 --> 01:09:37,001
I can't act as if
there are two sides
1339
01:09:37,085 --> 01:09:38,561
to questions
that don't have two sides.
1340
01:09:38,585 --> 01:09:39,945
And Mom,
I know you're going to say
1341
01:09:40,001 --> 01:09:41,669
I'm choosing politics
over family,
1342
01:09:41,752 --> 01:09:43,669
and maybe I am, but I can't!
1343
01:09:43,752 --> 01:09:44,919
I can't be here!"
1344
01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:50,585
And my dad drives me
to the airport,
1345
01:09:50,669 --> 01:09:52,502
and when we pull up
outside the terminal,
1346
01:09:52,585 --> 01:09:55,168
he says, "Hold on.
I have to tell you something."
1347
01:09:55,251 --> 01:09:59,168
And this is the weirdest thing
of all, because my dad...
1348
01:09:59,251 --> 01:10:02,251
he doesn't talk.
I mean, not ever.
1349
01:10:02,335 --> 01:10:05,418
He... he's a contractor
and a vet and a really good guy,
1350
01:10:05,502 --> 01:10:07,168
but he's not chatty,
or huggy, or...
1351
01:10:07,251 --> 01:10:09,669
Okay, he's the sort of person
who, if he's not interested,
1352
01:10:09,752 --> 01:10:12,710
he shuts his eyes
and falls asleep sitting up...
1353
01:10:12,794 --> 01:10:17,377
except for right now,
because he's looking right at me
1354
01:10:17,460 --> 01:10:19,502
to make sure
I'm paying attention,
1355
01:10:20,543 --> 01:10:21,627
and he says...
1356
01:10:23,335 --> 01:10:27,377
"I have to tell you something
because I have to tell someone,
1357
01:10:27,460 --> 01:10:30,377
and if you tell your mom
or anyone else, I swear to God,
1358
01:10:30,460 --> 01:10:34,001
I'll deny it till my dying day,
and I'll kill you...
1359
01:10:36,126 --> 01:10:37,919
but I'm not voting for him.
1360
01:10:39,085 --> 01:10:40,251
Not this time. I can't.
1361
01:10:40,335 --> 01:10:43,251
And it's not about the virus
or collusion or whatever."
1362
01:10:43,335 --> 01:10:44,418
And I say...
1363
01:10:45,585 --> 01:10:46,794
"Dad."
1364
01:10:47,752 --> 01:10:48,960
"Dad." And he says...
1365
01:10:50,126 --> 01:10:51,752
"John McCain.
1366
01:10:53,460 --> 01:10:57,377
He flew 23 missions,
and then he got shot down
1367
01:10:57,460 --> 01:11:00,168
and held prisoner
for five and a half years.
1368
01:11:00,251 --> 01:11:02,168
He was starved and beaten
1369
01:11:02,251 --> 01:11:04,126
so badly that
for the rest of his life,
1370
01:11:04,210 --> 01:11:07,043
he couldn't raise his arms
over his head,
1371
01:11:07,126 --> 01:11:11,085
and Trump, he said, 'I like guys
who weren't captured.'"
1372
01:11:11,168 --> 01:11:14,460
And... and I have never seen
my dad like this.
1373
01:11:14,543 --> 01:11:17,460
It is pouring out of him.
He... he... he said,
1374
01:11:17,543 --> 01:11:21,502
"Trump kept insulting the man
even after he died.
1375
01:11:21,585 --> 01:11:23,502
Trump was making some
goddamn appearance,
1376
01:11:23,585 --> 01:11:25,335
grinning like a baboon.
He was in front of
1377
01:11:25,418 --> 01:11:28,210
a naval destroyer
named the John McCain,
1378
01:11:28,293 --> 01:11:30,669
but Trump had them cover up
the name."
1379
01:11:32,418 --> 01:11:33,877
And he stops...
1380
01:11:34,835 --> 01:11:37,585
because
he's so furious or appalled
1381
01:11:37,669 --> 01:11:40,460
but I... I mean,
I have never heard my dad
1382
01:11:40,543 --> 01:11:43,960
say this many words in a row,
but he holds up his hand,
1383
01:11:44,043 --> 01:11:46,126
because he's not finished yet.
He... he says,
1384
01:11:46,210 --> 01:11:48,126
"I... I didn't always agree
with McCain.
1385
01:11:48,210 --> 01:11:49,960
Hell, I don't even know
if I liked him,
1386
01:11:50,043 --> 01:11:52,377
but the man was a hero.
1387
01:11:52,460 --> 01:11:55,627
An American hero,
and Trump's a rich boy,
1388
01:11:55,710 --> 01:11:58,168
a five-time draft dodger
with bone spurs,
1389
01:11:58,251 --> 01:11:59,669
and I don't even care
about that.
1390
01:11:59,752 --> 01:12:01,377
I care about McCain."
1391
01:12:06,543 --> 01:12:08,210
So, I hug him...
1392
01:12:10,835 --> 01:12:14,585
and I get back on the plane,
and I fly here to Vermont,
1393
01:12:14,669 --> 01:12:16,960
and I think,
"I'll just keep making...
1394
01:12:17,043 --> 01:12:20,085
my meditation videos
to help people."
1395
01:12:22,210 --> 01:12:24,710
Except I can't stop thinking
about my dad.
1396
01:12:26,752 --> 01:12:29,085
I can't stop thinking
about everything.
1397
01:12:31,251 --> 01:12:37,877
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
1398
01:12:42,752 --> 01:12:45,585
I live in Wyoming,
where we've been lucky.
1399
01:12:46,752 --> 01:12:49,251
They needed nurses in New York.
1400
01:12:49,335 --> 01:12:52,168
My best friend, Kendra,
was volunteering.
1401
01:12:52,251 --> 01:12:55,001
And I was...
I was really scared...
1402
01:12:55,085 --> 01:12:58,877
but Kendra said Wyoming
is so boring, so...
1403
01:13:00,085 --> 01:13:02,210
Here... here I am.
1404
01:13:02,293 --> 01:13:04,794
It's... it's just like
everybody says.
1405
01:13:06,835 --> 01:13:08,669
Even the New York
doctors and nurses,
1406
01:13:08,752 --> 01:13:10,794
they've never seen...
1407
01:13:10,877 --> 01:13:12,835
they've never seen
anything like it.
1408
01:13:15,251 --> 01:13:17,126
Uh, I just...
1409
01:13:17,960 --> 01:13:20,126
I just got off a 14-hour shift,
1410
01:13:20,210 --> 01:13:23,627
and I know I should probably
1411
01:13:23,710 --> 01:13:26,543
take off my clothes,
put 'em in a plastic bag,
1412
01:13:26,627 --> 01:13:27,960
take a shower.
1413
01:13:28,043 --> 01:13:30,251
It's just all so surreal.
1414
01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:35,960
Mostly because
of this one patient...
1415
01:13:38,043 --> 01:13:39,085
Miriam.
1416
01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:43,335
I first met her, like...
1417
01:13:44,919 --> 01:13:46,126
three weeks ago.
1418
01:13:47,168 --> 01:13:50,043
I was working in the tent
outside the hospital
1419
01:13:50,126 --> 01:13:51,418
doing nasal swabs,
1420
01:13:51,502 --> 01:13:55,752
and she's all dressed up...
1421
01:13:55,835 --> 01:14:02,335
and she's got this amazing shawl
and lipstick, and I said...
1422
01:14:03,627 --> 01:14:05,210
"I... I... I like your bracelet."
1423
01:14:05,293 --> 01:14:07,710
And she says,
"Oh, thanks. Isn't it pretty?
1424
01:14:07,794 --> 01:14:10,502
My... my son got it for me
after I told him to."
1425
01:14:11,752 --> 01:14:14,043
And I said, "Are... are...
Are you headed somewhere else?"
1426
01:14:14,126 --> 01:14:16,293
And she said, "No, I just wanted
to look nice
1427
01:14:16,377 --> 01:14:18,585
for the doctors and nurses."
1428
01:14:18,669 --> 01:14:20,502
And I said, "That...
That's awesome."
1429
01:14:21,502 --> 01:14:23,001
And then she says, "I'm Jewish."
1430
01:14:23,710 --> 01:14:25,669
And then I went, "Oh, uh...
1431
01:14:25,752 --> 01:14:27,877
Nazel tok."
1432
01:14:29,251 --> 01:14:32,043
And then she says,
"You'll get there."
1433
01:14:34,043 --> 01:14:37,877
She's smart and funny.
1434
01:14:39,043 --> 01:14:40,960
After I stuck the swab
1435
01:14:41,043 --> 01:14:43,251
all the way up her nose,
she said,
1436
01:14:43,335 --> 01:14:46,043
she said,
"Thank you and fuck you."
1437
01:14:47,126 --> 01:14:50,627
And we laughed.
1438
01:14:50,710 --> 01:14:55,543
And her temperature was 99.8,
so the doctor sends her home,
1439
01:14:55,627 --> 01:14:57,752
tells her to monitor
her symptoms.
1440
01:14:58,543 --> 01:15:00,293
And she says, "I know. I know.
1441
01:15:00,377 --> 01:15:03,251
My daughter's a neurologist
in Seattle."
1442
01:15:03,335 --> 01:15:05,794
And she turns to go,
and then she turns back
1443
01:15:05,877 --> 01:15:08,210
and says, "Single."
1444
01:15:08,293 --> 01:15:10,627
And then she turns to go,
and then she turns back
1445
01:15:10,710 --> 01:15:12,877
and says, "Again."
1446
01:15:17,710 --> 01:15:19,669
Uh...
1447
01:15:19,752 --> 01:15:24,251
The next time I see her,
um, I'm working the ER
1448
01:15:25,043 --> 01:15:26,752
and she's being admitted...
1449
01:15:27,877 --> 01:15:30,085
'cause she's up to 102
and coughing.
1450
01:15:31,669 --> 01:15:32,752
Not... not terrible,
1451
01:15:32,835 --> 01:15:36,085
but the doctor just wants to do
a chest X-ray,
1452
01:15:36,168 --> 01:15:40,960
and Miriam,
she... she remembers me.
1453
01:15:41,043 --> 01:15:43,085
And she says,
"You're from Wyoming, right?"
1454
01:15:43,168 --> 01:15:44,085
And I said, "Yeah."
1455
01:15:44,168 --> 01:15:46,418
And she says,
"So you weren't kidding."
1456
01:15:47,293 --> 01:15:49,502
And then I hand her a gown,
1457
01:15:49,585 --> 01:15:51,627
and then she says,
"Before this goes any further,
1458
01:15:51,710 --> 01:15:53,251
I need to ask you something.
1459
01:15:53,919 --> 01:15:55,418
Are you a Republican?"
1460
01:15:57,210 --> 01:15:59,543
And I said, um...
1461
01:15:59,627 --> 01:16:02,251
"No. Uh, I guess...
1462
01:16:03,251 --> 01:16:05,126
I guess I'm...
I'm an Independent."
1463
01:16:07,460 --> 01:16:11,377
And then she just stares at me
like Darth Vader
1464
01:16:11,460 --> 01:16:13,877
and just says, "Oy."
1465
01:16:15,710 --> 01:16:17,877
And I... I ask her
what that means,
1466
01:16:17,960 --> 01:16:21,585
and she just says, "It means
that if you say that any louder,
1467
01:16:21,669 --> 01:16:24,168
everyone in the tri-state area
will kill you."
1468
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:27,585
Her X-ray isn't good...
1469
01:16:28,752 --> 01:16:30,627
but she's not showing
any advanced symptoms,
1470
01:16:30,710 --> 01:16:33,168
but the doctor just wants to
find her a bed for observation
1471
01:16:33,251 --> 01:16:35,627
and start her on
this experimental protocol.
1472
01:16:37,085 --> 01:16:42,710
And she says, "You mean that...
That hydro-whatever-it-is?
1473
01:16:42,794 --> 01:16:44,585
That... that Trump bullshit?"
1474
01:16:44,669 --> 01:16:47,043
And I said, "Yes, Miriam.
1475
01:16:47,126 --> 01:16:48,919
It says right here
on the IV drip,
1476
01:16:49,001 --> 01:16:53,251
'550 CCs of Trump Bullshit
every hour.'"
1477
01:16:53,335 --> 01:16:55,255
And then she says,
"Oh, it's just like Fox News."
1478
01:16:55,335 --> 01:16:57,478
And then I said, "Yeah, well,
maybe it'll start working."
1479
01:16:57,502 --> 01:16:59,460
And she says,
"And that's what his parents
1480
01:16:59,543 --> 01:17:00,710
said about Jared."
1481
01:17:03,627 --> 01:17:04,794
She's tough.
1482
01:17:06,335 --> 01:17:07,502
She's tough.
1483
01:17:08,669 --> 01:17:10,794
I told her, I said... I said...
1484
01:17:12,418 --> 01:17:14,710
"I've never met
anyone like you."
1485
01:17:16,126 --> 01:17:17,960
And she says, "What, you mean...
1486
01:17:18,043 --> 01:17:19,794
You mean a strong,
independent woman?"
1487
01:17:19,877 --> 01:17:23,377
And I said, "No, so much Kleenex
in your purse."
1488
01:17:26,085 --> 01:17:28,710
And then she...
She starts coughing,
1489
01:17:28,794 --> 01:17:31,502
and I... I guess I... I guess
I must've looked worried,
1490
01:17:31,585 --> 01:17:34,877
and she says, "Well,
let's hope it's cancer."
1491
01:17:37,710 --> 01:17:41,502
We don't say shit like that
in Wyoming.
1492
01:17:47,794 --> 01:17:51,168
And the days are just getting
more and more insane.
1493
01:17:51,251 --> 01:17:53,835
The halls are filled
with patients on gurneys
1494
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:55,251
waiting for beds.
1495
01:17:56,210 --> 01:17:57,794
We're all wearing more
and more PPE
1496
01:17:57,877 --> 01:18:00,085
when we can get it, and...
1497
01:18:01,877 --> 01:18:05,502
the whole hospital just looks
like a... a cross between
1498
01:18:05,585 --> 01:18:08,877
a space station and...
And a subway.
1499
01:18:12,710 --> 01:18:16,919
Now we're all just trying
to hold it together 'cause...
1500
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,126
that's what they taught us
in nursing school.
1501
01:18:23,085 --> 01:18:26,085
Do the job, provide comfort...
1502
01:18:29,919 --> 01:18:32,418
because if you start crying,
you'll never stop.
1503
01:18:36,502 --> 01:18:38,835
And one day,
we lose eight people.
1504
01:18:41,418 --> 01:18:45,794
The next day, it's 18, 27...
1505
01:18:49,669 --> 01:18:52,585
and the only thing
that's keeping me going is her.
1506
01:18:54,710 --> 01:18:55,752
Miriam.
1507
01:18:58,919 --> 01:19:00,210
Because she's stable,
1508
01:19:00,293 --> 01:19:03,418
and I... I keep telling myself
she's gonna make it,
1509
01:19:03,502 --> 01:19:04,960
'cause people are making it.
1510
01:19:06,919 --> 01:19:09,043
And I... I take her vitals
and she's...
1511
01:19:09,126 --> 01:19:11,001
She's got this terrible look
on her face,
1512
01:19:11,085 --> 01:19:13,168
and I ask,
"Miriam, what's wrong?"
1513
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:15,085
And she points to the...
1514
01:19:15,168 --> 01:19:16,960
To the TV
hanging up on the wall.
1515
01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:21,418
And it's one of those
White House press briefings,
1516
01:19:21,502 --> 01:19:25,251
and the president's talking
about how great everything is,
1517
01:19:25,335 --> 01:19:27,669
and what an amazing job
he's doing.
1518
01:19:27,752 --> 01:19:30,251
And Miriam's wheezing,
and she says,
1519
01:19:30,335 --> 01:19:33,835
"I need Advil, the bedpan,
and a gun."
1520
01:19:33,919 --> 01:19:36,835
I just said, "Miriam,
we're... we're turning this off,"
1521
01:19:36,919 --> 01:19:38,627
and she won't give me
the remote,
1522
01:19:38,710 --> 01:19:40,502
and then we both hear him
talking about
1523
01:19:40,585 --> 01:19:42,919
how we can maybe
start injecting ourselves
1524
01:19:43,001 --> 01:19:45,251
with... with disinfectant
or bleach,
1525
01:19:45,335 --> 01:19:47,752
and she says,
"What is he talkin' about?
1526
01:19:47,835 --> 01:19:49,460
Is he talking
about cleaning products?
1527
01:19:49,543 --> 01:19:51,585
Is... is it a Jewish disease?"
1528
01:19:51,669 --> 01:19:52,835
And then she tells me,
1529
01:19:52,919 --> 01:19:56,335
"I need 800 milligrams
of Lemon Pledge, stat."
1530
01:19:59,126 --> 01:20:01,794
And she starts coughing,
and I said,
1531
01:20:01,877 --> 01:20:04,794
"Miriam, you just need to...
You just need to calm down.
1532
01:20:04,877 --> 01:20:07,377
You... you can't...
You can't watch him."
1533
01:20:07,460 --> 01:20:09,877
And she says, "Don't you get it?
1534
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:13,669
My rage is the only thing
that's keeping me alive."
1535
01:20:17,794 --> 01:20:21,001
The doctor comes in and we have
a conversation out in the hall
1536
01:20:21,085 --> 01:20:22,960
about putting Miriam
on a ventilator,
1537
01:20:23,043 --> 01:20:25,627
if we can even find one,
1538
01:20:25,710 --> 01:20:29,919
and I ask him if...
If, you know, maybe she's right.
1539
01:20:31,126 --> 01:20:33,919
Maybe she just needs
to keep talking.
1540
01:20:37,085 --> 01:20:39,460
And then, the next morning,
I get to the hospital
1541
01:20:39,543 --> 01:20:43,752
and there's a refrigerated truck
parked outside
1542
01:20:43,835 --> 01:20:46,251
because there are
so many bodies.
1543
01:20:48,919 --> 01:20:51,919
And I get to Miriam's room,
and she's doing a little better.
1544
01:20:53,293 --> 01:20:56,043
Her cough is intermittent,
she's sipping Pedialyte,
1545
01:20:56,919 --> 01:20:59,752
and she tells me, "Sharynn...
1546
01:21:01,210 --> 01:21:03,502
last night, I had a dream."
1547
01:21:03,585 --> 01:21:07,585
And she says that...
"I dreamed that when I woke up,
1548
01:21:08,293 --> 01:21:09,877
everything was different.
1549
01:21:10,585 --> 01:21:13,001
People were still sick, but...
1550
01:21:13,085 --> 01:21:16,335
everyone wasn't fighting
or calling each other names
1551
01:21:16,418 --> 01:21:19,293
or blaming everything
on the Chinese
1552
01:21:19,377 --> 01:21:22,585
or waving Confederate flags."
And I said...
1553
01:21:24,210 --> 01:21:27,335
"Well, in your... in your dream,
who... who was president?"
1554
01:21:27,418 --> 01:21:29,377
And she said, "Me."
1555
01:21:29,460 --> 01:21:32,543
And then I just got so busy...
1556
01:21:32,627 --> 01:21:36,502
'cause we admitted 58 more
COVID patients in one day,
1557
01:21:36,585 --> 01:21:41,835
and I... I didn't have time
to check in on Miriam...
1558
01:21:44,418 --> 01:21:46,585
because...
1559
01:21:46,669 --> 01:21:50,377
four nurses tested positive
and were quarantined.
1560
01:21:50,460 --> 01:21:52,627
I had one patient
that was giving birth...
1561
01:21:54,627 --> 01:21:57,168
and her husband wasn't allowed
in the delivery room,
1562
01:21:57,251 --> 01:22:00,168
and another patient was dying,
1563
01:22:00,251 --> 01:22:03,001
and I had to hold
the phone to his ear
1564
01:22:03,085 --> 01:22:05,835
so that his family could
tell him that they loved him.
1565
01:22:08,669 --> 01:22:11,460
And the only thing that was
getting me through it was...
1566
01:22:13,543 --> 01:22:14,543
her.
1567
01:22:17,085 --> 01:22:18,627
Like, Miriam's gonna make it...
1568
01:22:20,293 --> 01:22:22,293
'cause God wouldn't dare.
1569
01:22:25,585 --> 01:22:27,210
Then the next morning,
she's even better.
1570
01:22:27,293 --> 01:22:28,752
We don't need a ventilator.
1571
01:22:28,835 --> 01:22:31,960
And I asked the doctor
if she can be discharged,
1572
01:22:32,043 --> 01:22:34,877
and... and he says,
"Yes, this afternoon."
1573
01:22:35,669 --> 01:22:37,794
And I tell myself, "Okay...
1574
01:22:37,877 --> 01:22:41,335
This is what hope looks like."
1575
01:22:43,168 --> 01:22:48,001
Later, just... just after 2:00,
I get to Miriam's room...
1576
01:22:49,043 --> 01:22:52,210
with a wheelchair,
and I'm picturing myself...
1577
01:22:53,585 --> 01:22:55,418
wheeling her
out the front door...
1578
01:22:56,710 --> 01:22:58,085
into the fresh air...
1579
01:23:02,543 --> 01:23:04,502
while everybody cheers.
1580
01:23:09,460 --> 01:23:11,210
But she's gone.
1581
01:23:17,043 --> 01:23:18,085
A stroke.
1582
01:23:25,377 --> 01:23:26,835
She couldn't breathe.
1583
01:23:28,752 --> 01:23:30,210
We tried everything.
1584
01:23:33,418 --> 01:23:36,168
I didn't even have enough time
to call her daughter in Seattle,
1585
01:23:36,251 --> 01:23:39,293
and she had a living will...
1586
01:23:41,710 --> 01:23:43,085
but I wasn't there.
1587
01:23:50,919 --> 01:23:52,585
I mean, I'm not her child.
1588
01:23:54,001 --> 01:23:56,085
I'm not her family.
1589
01:23:58,335 --> 01:23:59,543
But I wasn't there.
1590
01:24:02,752 --> 01:24:05,126
Uh...
1591
01:24:08,335 --> 01:24:10,543
Over the next few weeks,
1592
01:24:10,627 --> 01:24:13,335
things got... things got better.
1593
01:24:14,710 --> 01:24:16,627
Fewer COVID patients.
1594
01:24:18,085 --> 01:24:19,126
Less death.
1595
01:24:20,543 --> 01:24:22,168
They shut down
the Javits Center...
1596
01:24:24,043 --> 01:24:26,919
and the navy hospital ship left,
and, uh...
1597
01:24:28,460 --> 01:24:30,126
tomorrow, I'm going home.
1598
01:24:33,794 --> 01:24:36,126
I, uh...
1599
01:24:38,210 --> 01:24:42,085
I met Miriam's daughter,
and she's so sweet.
1600
01:24:44,085 --> 01:24:47,627
She gave me Miriam's bracelet,
a Playbill,
1601
01:24:47,710 --> 01:24:51,335
and a tote bag
for Planned Parenthood.
1602
01:24:52,960 --> 01:24:55,794
And she said
if Miriam was a Pharaoh,
1603
01:24:56,877 --> 01:24:58,835
that's what would be
in her pyramid.
1604
01:25:00,251 --> 01:25:05,126
And I ask her what she thinks
is gonna be on her tombstone...
1605
01:25:06,293 --> 01:25:07,669
and she thought about it.
1606
01:25:09,669 --> 01:25:13,335
And then at exactly
the same time...
1607
01:25:14,377 --> 01:25:17,585
we both said, "Fuck you."
1608
01:25:28,460 --> 01:25:31,835
I keep thinking
about ways I can honor her
1609
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:33,877
and what would suit her.
1610
01:25:37,210 --> 01:25:38,543
And what would she want?
1611
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:42,585
And I think
I've figured it out...
1612
01:25:44,919 --> 01:25:47,502
but I'm gonna keep it
between Miriam and me.
1613
01:25:48,835 --> 01:25:50,210
But I'll give you a hint.
1614
01:25:53,043 --> 01:25:54,543
I'm not voting Independent.
1615
01:27:12,109 --> 01:27:15,109
Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk)
www.opensubtitles.org
123889