All language subtitles for eoisodio 3

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous
Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Mister Ed humming]

You know, I think
the Park Improvement Committee

will like that sketch.

Well, having your wife
on the committee doesn't hurt.

It would help if I knew

what kind of statue
they're going to put outside the pavilion.

They ought to let
the birds vote on that.

[laughs]
Not a bad idea.

Uh, by the way, Wilbur--

[chuckles]
...when we go riding this Sunday,

do you think we'll run
into that pretty little chestnut filly again?

I'm sure.
We see her every Sunday.

Ooh, would you mind running
that razor over my face?

What?

Just the right side.

She kind of likes
a smooth cheek to nuzzle against.

Right here, huh?

Up a little higher.

Uh...giving Ed a shave.

Giving your horse a shave?

I'd let him shave himself,

but he always forgets
to clean the razor.

I don't know what's
the matter with me.

I keep thinking you're normal.

[grunts]
I wish our wandering wives would get back.

I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse.

[snorts]

Well, I don't think they're
ever going to get back, Rog.

Come on in the house,
and I'll fix you some lunch.

My wife
is a compulsive clubber.

She'd join the Foreign Legion
if it had weekly meetings.

And how about that awful dress
that Cynthia Evans had on.

It was just ridiculous.

- [Carol] Wilbur.
- Yes, dear?

I've got some good news.

What news?

Wilbur, our committee
finally decided

what kind of statue
we're going to put in the pavilion.

It's going to be
a palomino horse

to represent
the spirit of the West, and guess what.

They're going to use
Mister Ed as the model.

Mister Ed.

Are they going to do him
in marble, or just stuff him?

That's what I like
about you, doll.

You always say the wrong thing
at the right time.

That same thought struck me
the moment I proposed to you.

Honey,
give me all the details.

How did they happen
to pick Ed?

It was completely impartial.

Pictures
of 50 different horses were submitted,

and Mister Ed was
the unanimous choice.

Ooh. I couldn't be
prouder of Ed

if he'd graduated
from high school.

Honey, the sculptor
is coming by next Friday to make some sketches,

so let's have Mister Ed
looking his prettiest.

Oh, don't worry
about a thing, honey.

I'll curry him down.
I'll polish his horseshoes.

I'll curl his mane,
braid his tail.

Why don't you just walk him
through a car wash?

Oh, I'm terribly excited
about this,

and I put your name down

for a $50 contribution
towards the statue.

Why is it,
in a country of free speech,

Every time
you open your mouth it costs me money.

Come on, Kay.

Let's see if the boys left us
anything in the refrigerator.

- [Kay] All right.
- [both chattering]

Oh, come on,
cheer up, Rog.

Look at it this way.
Your money is helping to build a statue of my horse.

Boy, am I sick and tired

of hearing you talk about
that spindly animal of yours.

Well, if you're going
to talk like that,

I may never cook
for your again.

Let's see, let's see.

[mumbles]

Hey, Ed, what you doing?

Playing Solitaire.

The red queen does not
go on the red king.

Oh, is that a red queen?

You know, there's
a little color blindness in my family.

A little cheating
in your family, too.

Ed, I've got
some great news for you.

You got me a date with
that little chestnut filly?

Better than that.

You are going to have an
opportunity

to work
on this park project.

You see, they're going
to erect a statue.

- You'll have to work
about two or three-- - Whoa, boy.

Rein up there.
Did you say work?

It'll be easy, Ed.

You see, this statue
is a palomino

to typify the spirit
of the American West,

and they've chosen you
as the model.

Well, you'll have to stand
there in the nice cool grass.

With the nice hot sun
beating down on my back.

Let them find another patsy.

You can't let Carol down.

I mean this is
a tremendous honor for you.

I'm not going to stand
around all day

posing on my flat feet.

Flat feet?

What do you think kept me
out of the army?

Ed, you don't understand
what this means.

They have chosen you
out of 50 horses.

- 50?
- 50.

Your statue will be standing
in that park forever.

- Ooh.
- Mister Ed, typifying the spirit of the American West.

- Picked me from 50 horses.
- That's right.

- Oh, well, class will tell.
- Sure.

I wouldn't be surprised
if I came from royalty.

Sure. Who knows?

I mean,
some of your ancestors

may have been owned
by earls and dukes.

Princes, kings.

[laughs]
Wilbur, let's find out about my ancestors.

Maybe I have
a family coat-of-arms.

Sure, sure. I'll write
to the Breeders' Association

the first chance I get.

Do it now,
and that's an order, peasant.

Yes, Your Majesty.

It sure is nice
to have a stenographer.

Lick. It's your letter.

[groans] Lemon.

Hey, Wilbur,
how about some golf?

No, I can't.
I've got to mail this letter.

It's to the American Breeders'
Association .

American Breeders'
Association?

Yeah, now that
they're making this statue,

I figure
so many people will be asking about Ed's family background,

that I thought I'd send away
for his papers.

The answer will come back
in one word. Plug.

- [snorts]
- Yeah?

Well, I'm positive Ed
came from a long line of thoroughbreds.

You know, I'm getting
a little fed up,

the way you keep boasting
about this broken down horse.

I ought to teach you a lesson.
How about a little bet?

All right.
What about a sociable $5?

Let's make it
an unsociable 50,

the exact amount
my dear foolish wife put me in the hole for.

Fine. We'll make it $50.

Oh, boy, you're
better than social security.

Just don't spend
the money yet, Roger.

Ed has a lot of class.

They'll probably find
nothing but polo ponies in his family.

I've got to mail my letter.

No, no, give it to me.

I'll mail it on my way
to the club.

Oh, thanks.
I can get my work done.

Honey, that call was
from the Park Commission, and guess what.

They want me to unveil
Mister Ed's statue when it's finished.

Why, that's wonderful.

Let's see. I'll need
a whole new wardrobe--

- a dress, shoes, purse--
- Wait, wait, wait, honey.

They're going to unveil Ed,
not you.

- Oh, Wilbur.
- Ha, I'm only teasing.

You buy whatever you want.

Oh, thank you, darling.

- I better go tell Kay.
- [Roger] Oh, Wilbur.

Oh, Roger, is Kay home?

Yeah, she's in the kitchen,
of all places.

Insists on cooking
dinner tonight.

Then maybe I shouldn't ask her
to go shopping with me.

Oh, please do.
In her hands, a gas range is a deadly weapon.

I won't be long, honey,
and thanks.

[Wilbur] Spend
all the money you want.

Oh, Wilbur, I met
the postman on the way in,

and this letter came for you.

It's from the American
Breeders' Association.

That is Ed's papers.

Well, I wonder what they say.

Just have the $50 ready,
please, huh?

Ed's not a thoroughbred.

Why, his ancestry is probably
better than yours.

- Will you take a check?
- Straight to the bank.

I'll bring it over later.

Oh, Wilbur, I'm just trying
to prove a point.

- Forget about the money.
- No. When I lose, I pay.

You won fair and square.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

who's the noblest horse
of all?

You, you handsome devil, you.

- Hi, Ed.
- Hello, Wilbur.

You should knock before
entering the royal bedchamber.

I got the letter
from the American Breeders' Association.

About time.

How many kings and queens
rode on my ancestors?

None.

Princes?

- Dukes?
- No.

Police wagons, huh?

Forget about the letter, Ed.

I still think
you are a great horse.

Read me the letter, Wilbur.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Uh, the first ancestor
they could trace

was your great-great
grandfather Dirty Ed.

- Dirty Ed?
- Owned by Billy The Kid.

Billy The Kid?

You don't want to hear
any more of the letter, huh?

Keep going.

You had two great-uncles--

Eddy the Rat
and Evil-eyed Ed.

- [Ed groans]
- They rode with the Dalton brothers.

[groans]

Belle Starr owned
your great-grandmother.

Then there was your uncle,
Mad Dog Eddy.

Mad Dog Eddy?

The first horse ever hung
in Arizona.

- Then there was--
- Don't go any further.

I've got bad blood.

I come
from a family of crooks.

Ed, it's nothing.

When I was playing solitaire,

I knew I put that red queen
on that red king.

Cheating is in my blood.

Ed, forget it.
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

I'm not worthy of posing
for that statue.

Ed, that's ridiculous.

The kids of America deserve
better than a rogue horse.

- Ed, listen--
- Stay away from me, Wilbur.

I might be a killer.

"The classic concept
of the criminal type

is the close-set shifty eyes."

Yeah, that's me.

"Pointed ears."

Check.

"And thin, cruel lips
with an animal expression."

Don't even have to look
in the mirror for that one.

I did see a beautiful dress
at Philippe's,

but the price was
absolutely ridiculous.

I told Kay that they're
nothing but a bunch of bandits.

Well, that doesn't make him
a bad horse.

What? Who?

Hmm? Oh, I was talking
about the statue.

I mean, the whole idea
of a horse,

well, that's ridiculous.

Wouldn't a dog be
a better subject?

For the American Palomino?

Palomino. Make it an American
German Shepherd

or American French Poodle
or any of those American dogs.

Wilbur,
what are you talking about?

It's already settled.

Mister Ed is going to pose
for the statue.

The sculptor is coming by
tomorrow to make some sketches.

Honey, I'm afraid Mister Ed
doesn't feel up to it.

How do you know
how a horse feels?

Well, you can tell
by looking at him.

All he does lately
is just lie around the stall.

That's all he ever does.

There's a reason for that.

Ed is not supposed to be
on his feet too long.

- He's-- he's go flat feet.
- Flat feet?

I didn't' want to worry you
about it, dear,

but when Ed had
his last checkup,

the vet said he really
should be wearing corrective horseshoes.

Wilbur, where do you get
these ideas?

It's not going to hurt a horse
to pose a few hours a day.

Standing still
is the best thing Mister Ed does anyway.

[shatters]

Oh, Wilbur, let me finish
what's left of the dishes by myself.

All right, but if Mister Ed
gets fallen arches,

it'll be on your conscience.

Well, Ed, I tried to get you
out of posing for this statue,

but Carol wouldn't hear of it.

Did you tell her why I won't?

How can I?
She wouldn't' believe me.

Tell her yourself.

You know I won't talk
to anyone but you.

That's what makes my life
so difficult.

Look, Ed. this sculptor
will be coming by in the morning.

Maybe you'll feel differently
then, huh?

No, Wilbur.

I'm not worthy of the honor.
I'm a bad seed.

The last of the outlaws.

You're no such thing.

- I am, too.
- Take it easy.

You've had a hard day.
Why don't you try to get some sleep?

Well, okay.

Maybe I will hit the hay.

That-a boy.

Sleep well, Ed. Good night.

- And, Ed.
- Yeah?

No matter what happens,
you're my horse.

[Ed whimpers]
Good night, Wilbur.

Heredity
and the Criminal Mind. Poor Ed.

[snoring]

Attention all cars,

be on the lookout
for Mister Ed,

alias Shifty Ed,
alias Eddy the Dip.

Height-- 15 hands, 2 fingers.
Weight-- 900 pounds.

Warning, this horse
is dangerous and may be armed.

[Man] That's him,
the one in the middle.

He robbed the bank.
He did it.

That's the one.
That's the one.

No, no. I didn't do it.
I didn't.

Oh, what's the use.
I can't pose for that statue.

I'm a bad horse.

Well, I see Light-fingered Lily
is back in town.

I'm, uh, just getting
your clothes ready for the cleaners.

Doing a pretty good job
at cleaning them yourself.

Oh, really, Addison.
I've just never known a man who--

- What's this?
- Here, give me that--

"American Breeders'
Association."

Kay, you have no right
to read my mail.

The return address
says Wilbur Post.

You have no right
to read his mail, either.

Now, if you're through
censoring the mail.

Addison, whenever your mustache
begins twitching,

I know you're up to something.

- I am not up to anything.
- What's all this about?

It's is nothing.
It's a joke on Wilbur,

and when he brings a check over,
I won't even accept it.

Check? Joke? I don't know
what you're talking about.

Kay, I haven't time
to explain to you now.

I'm busy. I've got a very
important engagement downtown.

I'm late for it already.

Addison, what are you doing
with Wilbur's letter?

[water running]

Tampering with the U.S. mail
is a federal offense.

You better give this letter
back to Wilbur immediately.

Addison, do you hear me?

You've got me so upset,
I don't know what I'm doing.

Good morning, Ed.
Time to get up.

Rise and sh--

Ed?

Ed--

[reading]

Carol, he's gone.

- Who's gone?
- Ed. He's run away.

I've got to call the missing
persons bureau.

- Wilbur.
- The missing horses bureau?

You're not going anywhere
until I find out what's going on.

Ed has run away.

Wilbur, are you hiding
that precious horse of yours

so that he won't have to
do something worthwhile for a change?

No, I am not hiding him.

[Kay and Addison arguing]

- Come along, Addison.
- This is not necessary.

My dear husband has something
to tell you, Wilbur.

Speak, boy.

Well, wait, wait, now,
this is just a joke.

Just a little joke,
that's all.

I-- I--

wrote that letter
you got from the American Breeders' Association.

- You did?
- I never mailed yours.

Believe me, I had no intention
of taking your $50.

I just did it to stop you
from bragging about Mister Ed.

Oh, fine joke.

Somewhere out there
is a broken-hearted horse,

making up for the crimes
his family never committed.

What did he say?

You thought I acted strange

because I took a shower
with my pajamas on.

What did he say?

[groans] This darn buckle's
busted again.

Well, here goes
a life of hard labor.

Congratulations, madam.

You've just won a two-week's
trip to Honolulu.

Go on, honey. Beat it.

Scram. Aloha.

Sure is going to be
a scorcher today, Sally.

What is this?

You forgot your lunch, Tom.

Martha, somebody
switched horses on us.

Why would anybody do that?

Well, it beats me,
but we sure got the best of the bargain.

This fella's got
another 10 or 15 years of good work in him.

[groans]

As long as you've got a nice,
young, strong horse,

why don't you fill up
the wagon?

Yeah, I should do that.
I was going to take two trips,

but this young fella
will do it in one.

Pick up that stuff
in the south pasture, too.

I'll do that.
I'll hitch him up right away.

10, 15 years, whoa.

Wonder if I'll get time off
for good behavior.

[man spurring]

Pull. Come on, pull.

Just a little more.
Pull. Pull.

Gee, my aching back.

I'll be right back.

Working is for horses,
not me.

What's wrong
with bad ancestors?

I've got to get out of here
before they kill me.

[Woman] Operator.

Hello, honey.

Would you get me
State 11781?

You can dial
that number, sir.

Uh, I can't see.
Just broke my glasses.

Very well, sir.
I'll get it for you.

[phone rings]

Hello.

[fake Japanese accent]
Hello, this is Japanese farmer.

You miss a horse, please?

Yes, but not--
Have you seen him?

So, you find a horse
1103 Moorpark Road.

No. No, do not want reward.

Just come-a get horse,

and-- [sniff]--
bring lots of liniment.

Oh, thank you very much.

Honey, I drove
all over the Valley.

There's no sign.

Wilbur, a Japanese gentleman
just called

and said we could
find Mister Ed

at 1103 Moorpark Road.

A Japanese gentleman?

Come on, honey, let's go.

Honey, how did that man know
that we lost Mister Ed?

Well, I--

I guess he got it straight
from the horse's mouth.

[Mister Ed moaning]

Oh, a little more
on the shoulders, please.

[sighs]

- Feel better, Ed?
- Yeah, that's it.

It was awful, Wilbur.

He worked me like a horse,
and I'm a playboy.

Take it easy, Ed.

You'll feel better
when I sponge your down

with some nice hot water.

It was a dirty trick
Addison pulled on me.

Yes, it was.

I'd love to take him
for a ride some day.

Only one of us
would come back.

Just settle down, Ed.
Relax.

Wilbur, do you think
there's a chance I do come from royalty?

Well, we can still write
to the American Breeders' Association.

No, no, we both know
I came from a horse,

and that's good enough
for me.

That-a boy.

[groans]
Hey, you're getting that in my eye.

Oh, sorry.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you
the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak
a streak ♪

♪ And waste
your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man]
This has been a Filmways television presentation.