Original subtitles

WAVERLY: Rather unpleasant, you know.

Having to be shielded like this against one's own operative.

- You mean, he's violent? - I don't know.

Thrush captures an U.N.C.L.E agent, works on him for three or four days.

Doctor says he might be violent.

LOUIS: I smell anesthetic.

Paint. Rubber-based paint.

Four layers.

Doctor says he's completely irrational with abnormally acute senses.

Smell, hearing.

You shut up! I hear you, mister!

Louis, it's Napoleon and IIIya.

Louis.

WAVERLY: Forget it, Mr. Solo.

One more Thrush plaything, one less U.N.C.L.E agent.

You in the middle, you smoke pipe?

It's a pretty foul tobacco you've got. I smell it on your clothes.

You, on the right.

You've been out with a blond?

I see a blond hair on your coat.

See?

See?

That's marvelous.

All five of his senses magnified far above normal.

Could Thrush have used him as some sort of a guinea pig?

Some experiment that partially failed and left him like that?

[SCREAMING]

STEMMLER: I'm sorry, gentlemen, I have never even heard of Thrush.

But as any reputable scientific journal will tell you...

...my Plus X drug is hardly ready for testing on human beings.

But when Plus X is finalized, Professor Stemmler...

...it will stimulate the senses, will it not?

How many poor souls are called mentally retarded...

...simply because they lack certain senses?

Those faculties, some of them almost indefinable...

...which the so-called average person possesses.

Plus X will, we hope, stimulate these faculties, yes.

Professor Stemmler, you indicated that two days ago...

...your development lab was broken into.

Now, isn't it possible that"?

That they stole some Plus X? I hardly think so.

Of course, I haven't had time since then to check all my equipment.

[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE]

This room have a window?

Yes, but there's no balcony, no fire escape. They couldn't possibly get in.

I'll cover the back.

[GUNSHOTS]

MAN: There's an U.N.C.L.E agent. Kill him.

That's the third suit in three days.

Now, isn't it possible, professor, now...

...that they could've taken some of your Plus X drug the last time?

Well, it they did, they certainly found out it hasn't been perfected yet.

So why in heaven's name would they come back again today...

...to steal my lab equipment?

If we hadn't stopped those little rascals...

...they would've not only taken your equipment, but you.

What they want to do is have you perfect the drug under their auspices.

Open Channel D. Priority number one, Section One.

Why, that's preposterous.

I'm not the type, young man, to be forced into anything at any time.

And as for suggesting that I'd allow Plus X to be used for any criminal purpose, well--

Mr. Waverly?

WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]: Go ahead, Mr- Kan/akin-

We were correct in our suppositions.

I think we should institute a survey-and-protect on Professor Stemmler.

All right, I'll authorize the survey-and-protect as effective at once.

Meanwhile, I want one of you to stay with the professor...

...and the other to get back here immediately with a report for Intelligence.

All right, I'll be in directly. Mr. Solo can stay here and rest up a bit.

Rest? Rest, what for?

- He was run over by a truck. - Large truck.

- A small truck. WAVERLY: Isee.

Well, I suppose that means we shall have to reimburse him...

...for still one more suit of clothes this month.

We're not made of money, you know.

ILLYA: We'll do all we can, professor. You'll be well-guarded, I assure you.

Thank you. But I'd feel much better if someone could possibly tell me...

...what this Thrush organization could possibly want my Plus X for.

So would we. Excuse me.

Professor, I know you're not one to be forced into anything...

...but Thrush does come up with interesting cuties from time to time...

...such as getting someone close to you, a relative perhaps...

...and threatening them with harm, unless--

There is no such person in my life, I assure you.

And certainly not a relative.

No relatives? No daughter, professor?

Our research department is disturbingly thorough.

It surprised us that apparently a famous lady scientist...

...had a 23-year-old daughter she's never told anyone about.

- You left her, what was it, 11 years ago? - Yes, it's been 11 years.

I feel no obligation to discuss my private life...

...or my personal motivation with you, Mr. Solo.

Well, I couldn't care less about either.

What does concern me is that Thrush might get a hold of your daughter.

STEMMLER: I haven't seen Leslie once in those 11 years.

STEMMLER: Nobody even knows she exists.

[send her money to live an...

...which I understand she does not wisely, but quite well.

She goes where she pleases, does what she pleases.

I just send money.

Well, if our research can find your daughter, perhaps Thrush will too.

The last check I sent her was care of American Express in Acapulco.

STEMMLER: She goes under the name of Bennett.

You'll find her. I imagine...

...in whatever Acapulco bistro the jet set favors this season.

Well, I can promise you she won't even know she's being followed.

SOLO: My friend Kuryakin is pretty good about those things.

Hmm.

A daughter named Leslie.

Well, well, well.

With U.N.C.L.E guarding the good professor so fervently...

...we might do well to take Mr. Solo's suggestion...

...and make some use of that hitherto nonexistent daughter, huh?

Wire Acapulco.

Also, that fellow Kuryakin.

Thrush Central must have a dossier on him.

Ask them to wire a photo of him to our people in Acapulco.

Makes it a little easier if you know what the opposition looks like, huh?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING AND LAUGHING]

[DART FIRES]

- Why, hello. - Hello.

Oh, I knew they were blown.

Well, let's get along.

Miss. Miss, that man-- Wait.

- What? - Wait. Your mother, Professor Stemmler--

LESLIE: Wait a minute. WHITTAKER: Ma'am.

LESLIE: Hey. WHITTAKER: Ma'am, your mother...

LESLIE: Wait a minute.

[PEOPLE GASPING]

I suggested a nice quiet place. Don't make me say it again.

My notes gone, my equipment, my samples...

...it'll take months to reproduce.

ROLLO [OVER P.A.]: Professor Lillian Stemmler, you will listen carefully.

Your daughter is our prisoner.

She was taken by us from Acapulco last night...

...and is presently resting comfortably with a very soft gun...

...at her very soft young head.

That gun will go off, professor, unless we receive the cooperation we require.

Leslie?

ROLLO: Mr. Napoleon Solo.

You will also listen carefully, please.

It is now exactly 9:47 a.m.

Unless Professor Stemmler walks out of her building...

...unpmtected and alone, within one minute...

...he( daughter will be dead within two minutes.

SOLO: Professor.

The girl is my daughter, Mr. Solo.

A stranger perhaps, but nevertheless my daughter.

You may shoot me if you like.

That will stop me.

And she's getting in now.

Set up a ring of cars at every intersection for a two-mile radius.

Yellow sedan, New York plates.

Man driving, man and woman in back.

My daughter, Arthur. Where is she?

Oh, she's served her purpose. She's well on her way back to Acapulco.

Safe, sound and quite the spoiled brat from what my men tell me.

You know, your never telling Thrush about your daughter, well, that's one thing.

That you should suddenly, at this crucial time...

...tell our friends from U.N.C.L.E all about her...

...well, that does give one pause, my dear.

The entire project will be a success exactly as we planned.

Were you so sure of that when you told Mr. Solo about your daughter?

Or were you hedging your bets...

...thinking that it your project failed and you didn't return...

...U.N.C.L.E would take care of the girl...

...never realizing that her mother was a notorious Thrush agent?

- What did you--? - Don't.

Spot more to the left, I think.

SOLO: Hi.

Well, Mr. Solo, we may have lost track of Professor Stemmler...

...but the monitoring device Mr. Kuryakin put on the girl in Acapulco...

...should lead us to both women.

Assuming they have both been taken to the same place.

- How's your headache? ILLYA: Nicely throbbing, thank you.

- You ready, sir? - All right.

Yes. Yes, that's the general area.

The narrower beam should give us the exact location of the monitoring device.

ILLYA: Y-dash-4-dash-A-dash-8902...

...dash-northeast 7.

Rollo Chemical Works.

One hundred and thirty one miles northeast in the U.N.C.L.E area W-4.

W-4? Isn't that some sort of government installation...

...where they produce hydrogen, plutonium. some creepy thing like that?

Synthetic plutonium, Mr. Solo. That is in the W-4 area.

Of course, it could be a coincidence.

What's being done with that installation has been top-secret.

Suppose there should be some connection between Plus X and Professor Stemmler...

...and some effort by Thrush to knock over the installation. Hadn't we better"?

Very good idea, Mr. Solo. Yes, I think you'd better.

Wear a less expensive suit this time, will you?

[BUZZES]

Good evening, Lillian.

Well, your Iackeys didn't break any of my equipment. I'll say that much for them.

You know, we move against that plutonium installation...

...tomorrow morning.

You will be ready, huh?

The Plus X drug has been ready for weeks, you know that.

Yes, I also know that it almost killed...

...that U.N.C.L.E guinea pig you tried it on a few days ago.

- I said it's ready. - Oh.

The defect, the very slight defect, has been remedied.

As a matter of fact, you are looking at what the scientific world said...

...wouldn't be ready for 10 years.

There, Mr. Rollo, is your Plus X.

When each of your men is injected with this...

...his senses will become heightened to a degree...

...whereby he will become infallible in his field.

The senses of hearing, of sight--

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I know what it's supposed to do.

But how about the other one?

The Minus X?

No problem.

To get the Minus X drug, I have only to reverse the chemical processes...

-...inherent in the Plus X. - Oh.

For heaven's sakes, why don't you go and get something for your nerves?

I'm not a beginner.

ROLLO: Neither are the security guards in a top-secret government installation.

Now, listen, as much as the Plus X...

...will heighten the senses and capabilities of your men...

...that's how much the Minus X...

...will dull the sensibilities of the guards at the plutonium center.

By the time you reach your adversaries, Mr. Rollo...

...they will be dumber than a box of rocks.

I guarantee it.

[CHUCKLING]

LESLIE: Just stop carting me around like a piece of luggage, will you?

What is it you want? Money?

I've got two fur coats and a stole. They're yours.

And I've got an absolutely fantastic bank account. That's yours too.

You told me you'd let her go. You said she'd served her purpose.

LESLIE: Now, look, you say something, you illiterate klutz.

Now, what is she doing here?

Well. Then it is you, Mother.

Oh, how super.

And after all these years.

Oh, of course, I do see your pictures in the magazines a lot.

And, oh, your signature on all those marvie-do checks you send.

Why, I feel almost as if we're friends already.

Oh, what I am doing have standing in front of you after 11 years of banishment?

And these Neanderthal friends of yours with their muscles and their guns.

[LAUGHING]

They a pan of your salon of Nobel prizewinners, Mother?

Huh?

Oh, I think you underestimate your mother, Leslie.

As a matter of fact, I think that's probably why she sent you away originally, huh?

She didn't want you to meet our element. We're unsavory, you know.

Lillian, you...

You only tried this marvelous Plus X once on that U.N.C.L.E agent and it failed.

[TSKING]

L...

I have to make sure that it doesn't fail again.

- What are you doing? - Well, your daughter's a very beautiful girl.

And if the Plus X works, she'll not only be beautiful...

...but extremely bright, capable and sensitive.

Now, you've tried that once before.

We don't like each other much, you and I, huh?

But we are Thrush.

Above all, my dear...

...we are Thrush.

Hey. Mother.

[LESLIE SCREAMING]

Thrush assures me that each of you is the very best in his field.

I hope so.

Because this is where we're going.

Let's see. Paris. Moscow.

Here we are.

The United States laboratory for the development of synthetic plutonium.

And when that development is complete...

...well, gentlemen, the possessor of a synthetic plutonium bomb...

...will have a tremendous advantage in the thermonuclear race.

And Thrush likes a tremendous advantage, huh?

Now, you study this very carefully. I'll be right back.

George.

[PHONE RINGS]

ROLLO: Now, remember, once you're inside the installation, stay out of sight...

...or some security guard patrolling the corridors is going to start questioning you.

Now, about an hour before the rest of us enter...

...Whittaker will rendezvous with you in corridor number five...

...and the two of you will disseminate the Minus X drug to the security guards.

Get this show on the road, huh?

ILLYA [WHISPERS]: Minus X?

ILLYA: Excuse me. GEORGE: Hey.

Military orders telling him to report to the plutonium lab.

Well, that tears it.

- We'd better go back and blow the whistle. - Now, wait a minute.

Stemmler's drug was called Plus X and these characters were talking about Minus X.

Which is a bit scary to me.

I think we ought to get down to Corridor 5 and greet Minus X, whatever it may be.

All right, I'll find a remote spot and dump the garbage...

...and then report for duty as ordered.

Now, the Plus X injection that each of you takes...

...will magnify your senses tremendously.

And what I'm concerned about here is with your heightened abilities to memorize.

Within this room, there's collected all the information on the development...

...of synthetic plutonium.

You will commit to memory all the mathematical equations.

Number Two, you'll fix in your mind all the matters concerned with circuitry.

Number Three, you'll memorize all the relevant chemical compositions.

Now, according to our timetable, which allows no deviation...

...all that will take exactly five minutes.

Now, we will then communicate that data through a device which I shall provide...

...to Thrush computers.

[GUARD GRUNTING]

They have to make that before the changing of the guard.

I don't want to face security guards who haven't had the therapeutic benefits...

...01 Minus X.

Now, what I want to make perfectly clear about this is that--

[ALARM SOUNDING]

No one followed Professor Stemmler and me from the city...

...and no one could have followed the girl when we brought her up from Acapulco.

So, what led you here, Mr. Solo?

I wanted to be gallant, save a lady from a horrible fate.

Now, I'll ask you once more. How did you find us?

No comment.

I see.

Very well.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

Warm enough for you?

I somehow suspect you're going to make it even warmer.

Oh, yes, indeed.

In a little while, your body temperature will rise to 110 degrees...

...which we've found, from past experience, is somewhat fatal.

Now, once more, what led you here?

LESLIE: I can tell you.

She was wearing this monitoring device.

That U.N.C.L.E agent I put to sleep down in Acapulco must've planted it on her.

It's weird, really.

I didn't feel it until just a few minutes ago.

- Feel it? - Right back here.

Weighed a ton, all 01a sudden.

It's working, Arthur. The Plus X.

She would never have felt that thing.

A lot of things have been showing up that I didn't know were there, Mother dear.

Thrush, for instance. Klutzy pussycat's been filling me in a bit.

I don't mean to be pushy, but if you have all the information you need...

Oh. Oh, yes.

I'd like to hear some of your thoughts on Thrush, my dear.

Well, it's immoral and indecent, of course.

But then...

I haven't been raised too well, Mr. Rollo.

I've worn both these labels myself.

Until tonight, I thought maybe I might wash away these labels someday.

But now that I know what kind of stock I come from--

Leslie.

--I realize that my little bottle has been labeled...

...quite correctly and indelibly.

So why not make the most of it?

You've got power here, money...

...and organization.

I think I'd lit pretty well on your shell.

Leslie, I know you're bitter and confused, but look around you.

Don't you see these people are warped?

ROLLO: Eh, eh, eh. That's enough.

That's enough.

Now, I'd love to discuss these possibilities with you, my dear.

Arthur, I want to talk to you alone. Now.

Whittaker will show you to the garden behind my office.

You can smell the jasmine.

I'll join you later for a martini.

LESLIE: Love martinis. Come on, klutzy pussycat.

No, you will not join her for a martini or anything.

Unless you see to it that Leslie's on a plane away from you, me...

...and this place within an hour, there will be no Minus X for those guards...

...at the plutonium lab.

Now, even if you were foolish enough to allow maternal affection...

...to keep you from doing your job, which I doubt...

...it wouldn't do any good anyway.

She's here already. She's already involved.

And I'm really glad she likes us. No, really.

Because if she didn't and wanted to leave after what she's seen...

...I'd have to kill her.

It's in the bylaws, you know.

Lillian...

...I want you to inject this man here with the Minus X now.

Do you mind telling me what effect this Minus business has?

I mean, is it, you know. mustard gas, athlete's foot...?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No, this should reduce your mental state to that of a slobbering 5-year-old.

Professor, I want to see it now.

Why not?

That plutonium lab, it's pretty well-guarded, you know.

Oh, yes, I do know that.

So let's pretend that you're one of the security guards, shall we?

And see how well you defend it with this liquid in your system.

Professor?

- How long? - Few minutes.

ROLLO: You know, actually. we're doing you a favor, Mr. Solo.

The Minus X wears off.

But it we kill you before you get out of the drug state...

...you'll have so much less pain and trepidation.

You're a swell fellow.

Good. Just about time for a briefing session.

I'll come back, Solo. and find how you're doing as a child.

But I doubt if you'll remember me.

When Rollo gets back, Mr. Solo, he'll expect to see the effects of Minus X.

Won't he?

The hypodermic was filled with water.

Now, as soon as Hello and his men leave, I can untie you...

...and you can take Leslie out of here, away from Thrush.

In spite of herself, if you have to.

The saloon door swings both ways, professor.

You untie me in time to stop Hello and I'll take Leslie out of here.

I'm afraid not.

If he catches you, there'll be no one left to save my daughter.

And if you stop him, well, Thrush vengeance...

...can be a pretty terrible thing, Mr. Solo.

And it'll be directed at Leslie. Either way, she suffers.

And she's the one I care for.

And once you are inside the vault room, don't touch any of the switches.

Touch them and you might blow the whole North American continent out to sea.

And that would be very difficult to explain to Thrush Central.

Where's the girl?

She went back out to smell the jasmine again.

That's enough of that.

Let's take another look at our human guinea pig...

...and get this show on the road.

[HUMMING]

Microscope. And bottles. And--

- You see bottles, Napoleon? - Yes, pretty.

Uh-huh.

Are you hungry, Napoleon?

I don't know.

Would you like something to eat?

Yes, I would like apples and cookies...

...and cinnamon toast.

And I'd like some oatmeal with ketchup on it.

- Properly saturated? - Completely.

Good.

If anyone looks in your briefcase...

...all they'll see are some perfectly proper military documents.

Now, once you and George have rendezvoused in Corridor 5...

...the two of you'll go into the kitchen and drop one of these pages...

...into each coffee um, soup pot, milk and tea dispenser, you got that?

[HUMMING]

The pages themselves will dissolve almost immediately.

All that'll be left is the Minus X that they're saturated in.

Get it done before meal time.

We won't be more than an hour behind you.

Gentlemen, in a few minutes, this Plus X...

...will be well on its way to making you infallible...

...and our mission successful.

Jam on the cookies and...

Yes, sir, can I help you?

If you'll just go to that door, sir.

One officer, Whittaker, Allen B., Lieutenant, Quartermaster Bureau.

[BEEPING]

Top clearance, authorized for entry 8-dash-13.

Case, sir.

All in order, sir.

The adjutant's office is straight ahead and to your left.

Corridor 3.

Man, am I hungry.

As you were.

The trumpet player.

MP! Security guard!

All right, break it up. Knock it off.

- He attacked me. - You bet I did.

- Listen, that man is-- - Knock it off, fella.

You don't go striking an officer in this outfit.

Take both of us to your commanding officer--

What's your name, fella? And what are you doing in a restricted corridor?

My name is IIIya Kuryakin. I'm a member of the U-N-C--

IIIya Kuryakin? That's a pretty weird name, Kuryakin.

Where are you from, fella? What unit?

Recite the chain of command.

Good grief.

All light, take him to detention.

That drug I took...

...Rollo said its effect increases...

...that I'd be able to feel more things, be able to sense more.

Yes, for a while.

Well, I am sensing more.

About myself, the way I've been acting.

SOLO: Bottles.

- Brown-- ROLLO: Professor.

I've been looking for you.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Rollo, but I've changed my mind.

I don't wanna stay here. This isn't for me.

Leslie.

Oh?

You mean, you don't really want to grow up big and strong like your mommy, huh?

No.

ROLLO: Well, that's just too bad.

Because unfortunately, it raises some problems...

...as far as your knowledge of what transpired here.

Arthur, don't. It's the drug.

No doubt.

However...

Gentlemen. My dear.

STEMMLER: No, Arthur. - Now, you stay out of this.

I don't anticipate any on-the-job trouble.

But in the event that we should run into a dilemma...

...it struck me that we might take along some insurance.

Some pretty little insurance with which to bargain ourselves out of it if need be.

[LESLIE GRUNTING]

SOLO: There's still time, professor.

Dispose of that U.N.C.L.E agent immediately.

And treat Professor Stemmler as a security risk...

...until I've had a chance to discuss her conduct with Central.

I've studied Hollo's attack plan and his timetable and we'd better hurry.

ILLYA: Look here, my friend. - Sir.

ILLYA: Look here, sir. Chow has been over for 20 minutes.

I've called security twice already. They'll get back to me when they can.

And until they do, you just keep it buttoned up, fella.

- Here, have some coffee. - Keeps me awake.

Hello there.

General Ulysses S. Grant to see President Lincoln.

- General Grant? - Mm-hm.

- Can I have your autograph? - Mm-hm.

Whittaker? Whittaker.

ROLLO [OVER RADIO]: Are you there, Whittaker? Where are you, Whittaker?

Whittaker?

Never mind, buddy. Come right on in, chief.

Hey, that's pretty important stuff you're doing there.

Get rid of him and take his place.

[HUMMING]

[WHISTLING]

Hello.

Gentlemen, down Corridor 3 to Corridor 7.

[WHISTLING]

Oh, have some of this coffee. It's great, just great.

No, thank you.

All right, electric. let's see what Plus X did for you.

The wires carrying the current have to be severed.

Please, whatever it is, whatever you're doing, you don't need me.

[LESLIE SHRIEKS]

Wait a minute.

This is the lab, but why isn't the door guarded or even bolted?

Wait.

Gas.

Coming from here.

Well, that's why the door isn't guarded.

Tum that knob and it releases the gas.

Gas line goes through here. We'll have to bum through.

You really should be proud of your mother, my dear.

Plus X just saved your life too.

Without it, he never would've smelled that gas.

I wish he hadn't.

Corridor 7.

[GUNSHOTS]

You should have stuck to the trumpet.

I think I know where Rollo--

[BEEPING]

[LAUGHING]

Hey, somebody else wants to get in.

Now, the guard changes in 13 and a half minutes.

We've been here for four and a half.

That leaves us exactly one-half minute before we begin--

Get away from those switches!

Central, this is Project 73. We are harvesting the wheat on schedule.

We're ready to transmit directly to your--

Get her!

[LESLIE SCREAMS]

Central.

The switches!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

ROLLO: Enough.

All right, Lillian. the data cards are on the transmitter.

Read them into the mike and Central will have everything it asked for.

Lillian, are you Thrush or are you not?

Pull that switch, I say. Shut it off.

If the voltage rises any higher, we'll all be blown to bits.

Well, pull it or this one gets it right now.

[GUNSHOTS]

[ROLLO SCREAMING]

I'm sorry it couldn't have turned out otherwise about your mother, Leslie.

Thank you.

But on the other hand, I spent 11 years unable to say...

...or even believe that I had a mother.

Well, I did have one...

...who loved me very much.

And that's not a bad thing to be able to say, you know. You know?

Mr. Waverly's gonna love that.

[ENGLISH SDH]