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1
00:00:32,609 --> 00:00:35,984
It's No Dice! A game of wits,
a game of skill,
2
00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,024
but most of all,
a game of chance,
3
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:42,692
where brains will only get
you so far, because on No Dice...
4
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,984
The dice decide!
5
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:50,359
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for the Hot Table.
6
00:00:50,442 --> 00:00:52,024
Does paradise await?
7
00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:55,901
Or will Floyd succumb
to the viscous snake eyes?
8
00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,442
Back to you, Chip.
9
00:00:57,526 --> 00:01:00,359
Floyd, your total
for the week is 12,500,
10
00:01:00,442 --> 00:01:02,149
plus you've won
the living room set.
11
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:05,692
- It's a lot on the line, Floyd.
- Sure, it is.
12
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,608
It's all up to you, Floyd.
13
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:10,442
Are you going to walk away
or let it ride?
14
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,775
Um, I, um...
15
00:01:12,858 --> 00:01:15,525
- He should be here any minute.
I'm going
to let it ride.
16
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,859
He's going to let it ride!
17
00:01:18,859 --> 00:01:20,484
Are you nervous?
18
00:01:23,109 --> 00:01:25,067
It's okay.
I'm nervous too.
19
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:29,609
Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?
20
00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:31,234
I'm ready to roll, Chip!
21
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,651
Hey. You're about to have
the real thing, right?
22
00:01:59,859 --> 00:02:04,108
Sir, just a reminder, we are filming
this visit for Dreams2realities.com.
23
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,525
Steph, how long have you
been working on the show?
24
00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:13,025
How about a mint?
25
00:02:17,317 --> 00:02:18,818
Wallet.
26
00:02:19,818 --> 00:02:21,025
Phone.
27
00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:25,776
All right, we're doing 15 minutes
tops with this old bag.
28
00:02:25,859 --> 00:02:29,734
So when I say, "Boy, I sure
have the best fans!"
29
00:02:29,818 --> 00:02:33,192
you make a pained expression, look at your
watch and say, "I'm so sorry..."
30
00:02:33,275 --> 00:02:35,150
"Sorry, we have to head
to the airport now."
31
00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:38,234
Now, watch how it's done. I might
even get us out of here in 10.
32
00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:44,984
Mr. Crawford.
Please, come in.
33
00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:47,567
And where is
the lucky young lady?!
34
00:02:48,817 --> 00:02:50,817
Well, hello there.
You must be Enid.
35
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:53,234
Wow. You know, I was
just telling Steph here,
36
00:02:53,317 --> 00:02:58,484
we were just so moved, Enid,
when we'd heard your story.
37
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:01,776
We couldn't wait
to come and meet
such a special lady.
38
00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:06,234
Oh boy. Tea time
with Chip and Enid.
39
00:03:06,693 --> 00:03:08,067
I love tea.
40
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,609
Enid, I hear that you are
the biggest No Dice fan
41
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,567
in your retirement community.
42
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:17,025
In fact, it says here that...
43
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:20,901
you wrestled a man for
the remote when he tried
to change the channel.
44
00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:24,484
Steph, I think I found
my new bodyguard.
45
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,609
Steph, let's show Enid some
of those amazing prizes.
46
00:03:27,693 --> 00:03:28,901
Okay?
47
00:03:31,275 --> 00:03:33,025
Thanks, hon.
48
00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,484
Oh, Enid.
Look at this.
49
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:37,526
It's a No Dice T-shirt.
50
00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,109
Yeah.
51
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,734
Oh, that's gonna look
terrific on you.
52
00:03:41,817 --> 00:03:44,859
Uh... Oh. Oh wow!
53
00:03:44,942 --> 00:03:47,901
Enid, look at that!
It's a genuine No Dice buzzer.
54
00:03:49,192 --> 00:03:51,192
You know, they don't give these
to just anyone.
55
00:03:51,817 --> 00:03:54,109
Yeah. You know what?
Can we do that one again?
56
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,359
Let's take that one again.
All right.
57
00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:59,567
What do we have here?
Oh, holy smokes,
58
00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,943
a genuine No Dice buzzer!
59
00:04:02,984 --> 00:04:04,442
Even I don't have one of these.
60
00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:05,734
Here.
61
00:04:05,818 --> 00:04:08,859
Okay, keep it comin', Steph.
62
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:13,067
Enid, I think we got one more
amazing prize for you.
63
00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:17,149
Wow. Look at that.
Genuine No Dice dice.
64
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,858
Mmm. Lipton's?
65
00:04:24,149 --> 00:04:25,358
My favorite.
66
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,108
Ah!
67
00:04:30,651 --> 00:04:33,776
Boy. I sure have the best fans.
68
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:43,233
Could you excuse me
for just a minute?
69
00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:47,108
- We got this, Steph.
- We're outta here.
70
00:04:47,192 --> 00:04:49,317
Sir, we haven't even
been here for five minutes.
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00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:52,274
Tea time. Enid. Chip.
Bam. Done. We're out.
72
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,274
Mr. Crawford,
with all due respect,
73
00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,401
if the goal here is to
demonstrate your humanity
74
00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:57,901
- and relatability...
- Zip it!
75
00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,776
Now, you listen to me, missy.
76
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,442
You think you can
tell me what to do?
77
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:04,401
I'm the talent,
and I say when we're done,
and we're done here.
78
00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:08,317
I could have your little
millennial ass fired
just like this.
79
00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,692
- So if you think for one sec...
- Thank you.
80
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,233
What's that?
81
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:21,274
For coming here.
82
00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:23,942
Thank...
83
00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:26,692
Thank you, Chip.
84
00:05:31,526 --> 00:05:35,608
I'm so sorry
I was so shy before, I...
85
00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:40,567
I guess I was just nervous
to meet you, you know?
86
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,901
You see, I am your biggest fan.
87
00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:47,483
- Is that right?
- Oh yes.
88
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:53,024
I... love... No Dice. I...
89
00:05:53,776 --> 00:05:56,692
How even if you work
your way to the Hot Table,
90
00:05:56,776 --> 00:05:59,401
it's still up to chance.
91
00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,317
The dice decide.
92
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:05,526
It's-it's wonderful.
It's like life.
93
00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:08,483
Uh-huh. Start filming again.
94
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:16,817
Listen, I don't remember
too much these days.
95
00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:21,149
But I sure do remember
the first time I saw No Dice.
96
00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:24,526
Oh, when that lady won,
and you picked her up
97
00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:29,483
and you swung her around,
it was like you'd won too.
98
00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:35,149
What I really, really love
about No Dice...
99
00:06:36,942 --> 00:06:39,108
is you, Chip.
100
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,858
And-and at
my retirement community
101
00:06:42,942 --> 00:06:44,733
when those ladies
at the other table,
102
00:06:44,817 --> 00:06:46,733
they wanna watch Wheel,
103
00:06:46,817 --> 00:06:48,274
I get so mad. I say,
104
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:50,401
"Why would you
settle for second best
105
00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:52,776
when you can have Chip?"
106
00:06:52,858 --> 00:06:56,024
When they wanna
turn the channel,
I wanna smack 'em.
107
00:07:00,442 --> 00:07:02,233
Well. Um...
108
00:07:02,692 --> 00:07:07,358
I am so glad that we could
make your dream come true,
Enid.
109
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:10,983
If you're happy, I'm happy.
110
00:07:15,149 --> 00:07:19,401
So, um,
I think it's about time...
111
00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:21,692
To play.
112
00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:27,192
- Play what?
- No Dice.
113
00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:29,858
That was the dream.
114
00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:32,108
The dream?
115
00:07:32,192 --> 00:07:34,317
Dreams 2 Realities.
116
00:07:35,401 --> 00:07:38,108
Play No Dice with Chip Crawford.
117
00:07:40,149 --> 00:07:41,692
I thought it was tea time?
118
00:07:41,776 --> 00:07:45,442
Oh, well, I always serve
refreshments to my guests.
119
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:50,692
Oh God, I can't believe
I'm gonna play No Dice
with Chip Crawford!
120
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:59,149
Oh... boy. Does that sound fun.
121
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,608
And special.
122
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:03,358
Wow.
123
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,817
You know,
I would absolutely love
124
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,983
to play No Dice with you,
Enid, my biggest fan.
125
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:12,233
But the thing is, we really
need to get to the airport.
126
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,024
You wouldn't want me to miss
my flight, would you?
127
00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:16,942
No, of course not.
128
00:08:17,024 --> 00:08:18,704
Then they'd have to do
No Dice without me,
129
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,901
and I know you don't want that.
130
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,233
It's Steph's fault, really.
131
00:08:25,317 --> 00:08:28,108
It's just a rookie mistake,
but she makes them all the time.
132
00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:30,817
Truth is, it's becoming
a bit of a pattern...
133
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,484
with her.
134
00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,609
- The job's not a good fit...
- No, Chip.
135
00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:37,442
Actually our flight
isn't for three hours.
136
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,149
Steph, uh...
137
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,234
In fact, if I head
to the airport now,
138
00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,609
I can pick up your
Preparation H on the way.
139
00:08:43,692 --> 00:08:45,234
Still extra strength, right?
140
00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:49,359
Oh, that is funny, Steph!
141
00:08:49,442 --> 00:08:51,359
That's really funny.
The thing is,
142
00:08:51,442 --> 00:08:53,400
I need you to drive me
to the airport.
143
00:08:53,484 --> 00:08:58,317
That's fine Chip.
I'll call a car for you
in, say, one hour?
144
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,650
That should give you and Enid
plenty of time to play No Dice.
145
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:03,942
Have fun!
146
00:09:13,775 --> 00:09:15,775
More tea, dear?
147
00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:18,400
Oh no. I've had plenty.
148
00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:27,984
- Now where are you going?
- Smoke break.
149
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,859
Julius gets one every two hours.
150
00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:36,109
Can I ask you something?
151
00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,149
Fine.
152
00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:44,317
Do you remember that
little move you used to make?
153
00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,274
- What?
- You know...
154
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:51,024
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"
155
00:09:51,109 --> 00:09:52,567
Remember?
156
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:57,484
You used to say it like that.
"Are you r-r-r-ready to roll?"
157
00:09:58,274 --> 00:10:00,149
Why did you change it?
158
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:05,192
Well, Enid, the same reason
I still have this mustache...
159
00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:07,024
You fans.
160
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:08,484
What?
161
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,567
Clean-shaven Chip
didn't test well.
162
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,609
You fans decided
you didn't want Chip
163
00:10:13,692 --> 00:10:15,484
to wink or point
at the camera anymore.
164
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:19,650
You fans decided that
would make you uncomfortable.
165
00:10:20,859 --> 00:10:22,900
You fans.
166
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,692
Are you all right, Chip?
167
00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:31,067
Do I seem not all right?
168
00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:34,274
You just... you don't
seem like yourself.
169
00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,067
Not myself?
170
00:10:37,192 --> 00:10:39,775
Do I not seem like
myself to you?
171
00:10:39,859 --> 00:10:43,109
You seem different from
how you are on the show.
172
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,109
Well, Enid.
173
00:10:45,192 --> 00:10:47,942
Let's see, I've got
the network up my ass,
174
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:49,442
telling me that
my ratings are down,
175
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,109
and my audience
is turning on me.
176
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:55,400
And now I've been abandoned
by my producer,
177
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:58,734
and I am stuck in this
shitty motel room with you.
178
00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:03,024
So forgive me, if as I make
your dreams into reality,
179
00:11:03,109 --> 00:11:06,024
I'm not perfectly cheery!
180
00:11:06,109 --> 00:11:10,567
So does this mean we're
not gonna play No Dic?
181
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,734
See! This is what you get!
182
00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:17,859
You can't please the network!
Can't please the fans!
Can't win!
183
00:11:17,942 --> 00:11:20,984
This is what you get
from being the nice guy!
184
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,525
You get bled out!
185
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,400
I gotta take a stand somewhere.
186
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,192
I don't care if I have
to walk to the airport.
187
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,109
I'm outta here!
188
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,942
Excuse me, Julius!
189
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,400
Hey!
190
00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:36,442
You just assaulted me!
191
00:11:36,525 --> 00:11:38,775
Your nurse just assaulted me.
192
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:44,274
This... This is where
I call the cops.
193
00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:47,859
Fuck!
194
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:51,317
Okay. This is where
I call the cops!
195
00:11:54,525 --> 00:11:57,734
- What the...
- Oh, Chip.
196
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:02,775
I can't believe
you don't remember me.
197
00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:08,525
"Up next we have Enid Brown
from Madison, Wisconsin.
198
00:12:08,609 --> 00:12:12,442
"Enid, it says here
you enjoy bridge club,
199
00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:16,859
"and make original needlepoints
of club members' dogs.
200
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,734
"That sounds fantastic, Enid.
201
00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:22,317
Maybe I could
commission one of them."
202
00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,024
- You were on No Dice?
- Mm-hmm.
203
00:12:28,109 --> 00:12:33,400
June 6th, 1993.
Episode 1053.
204
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,817
That was almost 30 years ago.
205
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,484
You realize we've done
nearly 6,000 episodes, right?
206
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:42,192
Six thousand three hundred
and eighty-nine.
207
00:12:42,817 --> 00:12:47,442
Yes, I know Chip. See, I am
your biggest fan, remember?
208
00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:50,984
- Sure.
- That night...
209
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,734
I made it all the way
to the Hot Table.
210
00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:57,359
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah. You wanna know
how I did it?
211
00:12:57,859 --> 00:13:00,650
- No.
- I let it ride, Chip.
212
00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,525
It was all on the line.
213
00:13:02,942 --> 00:13:05,024
And then I rolled a seven.
214
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:06,984
I won.
215
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:10,942
But the judges
made me roll again,
216
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,149
because of the hands
on the table.
217
00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:20,567
You see, when the dice hit
anything, anything at all,
they call interference,
218
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:25,650
and the dice hit hands,
your hands, Chip.
219
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,234
Why would I put my hands
on the Hot Table?
220
00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:33,734
Well, I'm pretty sure you
had your hands on the table
to steady yourself, Chip,
221
00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:38,274
because you were blackout drunk
and staring at my breasts!
222
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:42,442
And because of your hands,
I lost...
223
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,942
the Golden Grandfather Clock.
224
00:13:49,817 --> 00:13:52,984
The... Golden Grandfather Clock?
225
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,775
Yes, that's what I wanted, Chip.
226
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:58,234
And that's what I lost
because of you.
227
00:14:00,692 --> 00:14:02,274
That's it?
228
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:04,859
You brought me here
over a clock?
229
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,359
Jesus Christ.
230
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:16,234
Well... I've got great news
for you, Enid.
231
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,984
You can order Golden
Grandfather Clocks
over the Internet.
232
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:25,525
It would be my pleasure,
my great pleasure,
233
00:14:25,609 --> 00:14:28,609
to buy you, Enid,
a Golden Grandfather Clock.
234
00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:31,984
- Just send me your address...
- I don't want your money.
235
00:14:33,274 --> 00:14:36,317
I'm your biggest fan.
You're trying to buy me off?
236
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,400
I'm 80 years old!
I don't need money!
237
00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:42,984
- I don't follow.
- The dice decide.
238
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:45,400
That's the whole point
of the show, isn't it?
239
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:51,274
And the dice decided that I,
Enid Brown, was the winner.
240
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:56,400
I'd never won anything
in my life before.
241
00:14:57,359 --> 00:15:02,234
For once, I wanted to be
the one with confetti
raining down on me,
242
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,400
and everyone cheering for me.
243
00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:07,024
And I thought maybe you'd
pick me up and swing me around
244
00:15:07,109 --> 00:15:09,859
like you did on that
first episode I saw.
245
00:15:11,859 --> 00:15:15,859
And then, I'd look at that
grandfather clock and...
246
00:15:15,942 --> 00:15:18,859
and remember the greatest day
of my life.
247
00:15:18,942 --> 00:15:21,692
But instead,
it was the worst day.
248
00:15:23,609 --> 00:15:25,650
You don't make it easy, Chip.
249
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,984
You ruined my roll because
you were drunk and ogling me.
250
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,567
Now I forgave you,
251
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:38,149
'cause I kept remembering
how you swung that lady around,
252
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,942
how happy you were for her
and I thought,
253
00:15:40,024 --> 00:15:42,442
how can I stay mad at him?
254
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,942
So I watched you for years,
and I stuck with you,
255
00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:49,149
through the drinking
and the hair plugs,
256
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,984
and when my friends
gave up on you
257
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,442
and said, "Eh, he's an asshole.
He's a drunk.
258
00:15:54,525 --> 00:15:56,109
He's an empty shell of a man."
259
00:15:56,192 --> 00:16:00,024
I had faith in you.
I had faith, Chip!
260
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,234
And if you knew how
important this was to me,
261
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,359
if you...
262
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:15,650
If I got you here,
if you remembered me,
you'd make it right.
263
00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,192
Make it right?
264
00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:24,484
Make what right?
That you lost a game show?
265
00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:27,859
What about me?
266
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,775
Who's gonna make it
right for me?
267
00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:32,942
You're-You're rich
and famous, Chip!
268
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:34,442
So what?
269
00:16:35,109 --> 00:16:38,359
My whole life is a total misery.
270
00:16:38,442 --> 00:16:40,734
All I do is host this show.
271
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,775
And the few off days I have,
272
00:16:42,859 --> 00:16:45,400
I now have to spend
traveling around the country,
273
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:49,650
groveling before my fans,
begging them to take me back.
274
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:51,274
Geh... I'm all yours!
275
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,149
I... regrew and maintained
this mustache because of you.
276
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,942
- I got these hair plugs
because of you!
- I love your mustache,
277
00:16:57,024 --> 00:16:58,650
and I don't care
about your hair.
278
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:01,317
I gave everything to this show.
279
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,526
Before No Dice,
I was on Broadway.
280
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,067
I was incredible in Hamlet.
281
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,067
They said I was
the next Olivier.
282
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,733
I had real chops.
283
00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:14,858
But no one wants to see
Chip Crawford do anything
except No Dice.
284
00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:17,651
I built myself a prison.
285
00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,108
And now I want out.
286
00:17:19,192 --> 00:17:22,067
So no, Enid.
I'm not gonna make it right.
287
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,317
And fuck you for asking me!
288
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,817
You think I care?
Here's the truth.
289
00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:31,108
I never cared!
290
00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:37,608
I'm disappointed in you.
291
00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:47,275
You, Chip Crawford,
are a massive, colossal
disappointment.
292
00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:54,983
Don't think that mommy shit
is gonna work on me.
293
00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,651
It's not gonna work on me.
294
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,317
It's never enough.
295
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,776
You just want more, and more!
296
00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:12,567
You want more? Huh?
297
00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:16,275
You want more Chip?!
I'll give you more Chip!
298
00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:19,651
You heard me!
You wanna play No Dice?
299
00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:22,651
Let's play No Dice.
300
00:18:27,275 --> 00:18:30,317
We got Enid Brown
from Wisconsin.
301
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,025
Enid, step up to the Hot Table!
302
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,817
Oh... okay.
303
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:42,067
Here, take your goddamn dice.
304
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,526
What about the trivia round?
305
00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:47,651
Trivia round?
You want a trivia round? Okay.
306
00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:50,150
I'll give you
a goddamn trivia round.
307
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,733
Now, here's your buzzer.
308
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:55,275
How many years of my life
have I relinquished
309
00:18:55,358 --> 00:18:57,567
to the ungrateful,
needy No Dice fans?
310
00:18:57,651 --> 00:18:59,192
Thirty!
311
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:01,733
Correct, 30 long years.
Now, next question.
312
00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:05,608
What is my real name?
The one they might have
taken seriously
313
00:19:05,692 --> 00:19:09,317
instead of the childish nickname
I am now forever saddled with.
314
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,317
- Walter!
- Correct.
315
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,858
And finally, what is
the name of the 1991 film
316
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:17,608
that I wrote, directed,
starred and funded
317
00:19:17,692 --> 00:19:20,233
in a futile attempt to get
my acting career back.
318
00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:22,858
Pangs of the Morning!
319
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:25,651
I've seen it four times.
320
00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,233
- Really?
- Really.
321
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,233
All right, it's time
for the fucking Hot Table.
322
00:19:30,942 --> 00:19:34,275
-Everything okay?
-Everything's fine!
Go away. We're playing.
323
00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:36,150
Now, Enid, I don't envy you.
324
00:19:36,233 --> 00:19:37,901
You can walk away
with just the money,
325
00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:40,358
but I have a feeling
you want more.
326
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,483
Oh, yes, Chip. I do.
327
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,401
You want that goddamn
grandfather clock.
328
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:46,608
I do!
329
00:19:46,692 --> 00:19:48,526
But you could
lose it all though.
330
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:49,901
Oh, what a choice.
331
00:19:49,983 --> 00:19:52,692
Let's ask our annoyingly
enthusiastic studio audience
332
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,858
what Enid should do!
333
00:19:54,942 --> 00:19:59,233
- Let it ride!
- Let it ride! Let it ride!
334
00:19:59,317 --> 00:20:02,858
Oh, ho, ho, the tension
is palpable, folks.
335
00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:06,025
On the line,
is the one-of-a-kind
Golden Grandfather Clock,
336
00:20:06,108 --> 00:20:08,942
plus some other fabulous prizes.
Herb, tell her what we got!
337
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,692
That's right, Chip, we've
got some fantastic prizes
338
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,608
furnished by Valhalla Appliance.
339
00:20:14,692 --> 00:20:16,275
Are you tired of working
your kitchen?
340
00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:18,108
Have your kitchen work for you!
341
00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,692
Valhalla Appliance...
It's what's cookin'!
342
00:20:20,776 --> 00:20:23,067
All right, it's all up to Enid.
343
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:27,317
Enid, are you going to walk away
or let it fuckin' ride?
344
00:20:27,942 --> 00:20:32,025
I'm going to let it ride, Chip!
345
00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,150
- Wow, folks!
She's gonna let it ride!
346
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,817
She made her choice! But now...
347
00:20:37,233 --> 00:20:39,275
The dice decide!
348
00:20:39,942 --> 00:20:42,567
Remember, Enid,
you need a seven to win.
349
00:20:42,651 --> 00:20:44,901
But if you roll snake eyes...
350
00:20:44,983 --> 00:20:47,526
Well, put it this way,
we'll cover your
bus ticket home.
351
00:20:47,608 --> 00:20:50,275
Now, you've come this far.
352
00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,776
Now the dice decide.
353
00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:57,192
Yes, Chip.
The dice decide.
354
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,733
Enid, are you...
355
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:03,358
r-r-r-ready to roll?
356
00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:08,192
Yes, Chip. I'm r-r-r-ready!
357
00:21:59,275 --> 00:22:01,692
Well, folks...
358
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,483
Look at that.
Lucky number seven.
359
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,942
Enid won the trip, the money,
the kitchen set,
360
00:22:10,025 --> 00:22:12,483
- and the Golden
Grandfather Clock!
- I won!
361
00:22:12,567 --> 00:22:14,817
I won!
362
00:22:26,317 --> 00:22:28,901
Oh, Chip.
363
00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:34,233
Oh. Thank you so much.
364
00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:37,901
You're welcome.
27218
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