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chapter 7 descending it would be vain my
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attempting to tell you the horror with
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which
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even now i recall the occurrence of that
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night it was no such transitory terror
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as a dream leaves behind it
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it seemed to deepen by time and
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communicated itself to the room and the
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very furniture that had encompassed the
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apparition
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i could not bear next day to be alone
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for a moment i should have told papa
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but for two opposite reasons at one time
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i thought he would laugh at my story
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and i could not bear it being treated as
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a jest and at another
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i thought he might fancy that i had been
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attacked by the mysterious complaint
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which had invaded our neighborhood i had
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myself no misgivings of the kind
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and as he had been rather an invalid for
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some time i was afraid of alarming him
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i was comfortable enough with my
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good-natured companions madame pereidon
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vivacious mademoiselle de la fontaine
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they both perceived that i was out of
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spirits and nervous
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and at length i told them what lay so
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heavy at my heart mademoiselle laughed
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but i fancied that madame paradon looked
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anxious
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by the by said mademoiselle laughing the
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long lime tree walk behind carmilla's
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bedroom window is haunted
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nonsense exclaimed madame who probably
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thought the theme rather inopportune
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and who tells that story my dear martin
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says that he came up twice
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when the old yard gate was being
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repaired before sunrise
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and twice saw the same female figure
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walking down the lime tree avenue
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so he well might as long as there are
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cows to milk in the river fields
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said madame i dare say but martin
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chooses to be frightened
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and never did i see fool more frightened
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who's this martin where did he come from
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you must not say a word about it to
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carmilla because she can see that walk
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from her
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room window i interposed and she is if
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possible a greater coward than i
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somehow don't think she has that quite
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right carmilla came down rather later
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than usual that day
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so frightened last night she said so
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soon as we were together
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and i am sure i should have been seeing
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something dreadful if it had not been
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for the charm i brought from that poor
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little hunchback whom i called such hard
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names
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[Music]
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i had a dream of something black coming
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around my bed and i awoke in a perfect
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horror and i really thought for some
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seconds
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i saw a dark figure near the chimney
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piece but i felt under my pillow for the
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charm
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and the moment my fingers touched it the
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figure disappeared and i felt quite
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certain only that i had it by me
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that something frightful would have made
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its appearance and perhaps throttled me
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as it did those poor people we heard of
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well listen to me i began
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and recounted my adventure at the
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recital of which she appeared horrified
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and you had the charm near you she asked
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earnestly good actor no i had dropped it
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into the china bays in the drawing room
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but i shall certainly take it with me
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tonight as you have so much faith in it
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oh she's looking out for her at this
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distance of time i cannot tell you or
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even understand how i overcame my horror
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so effectually is to lie alone in my
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room that night
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i remember distinctly that i pinned the
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charm to my pillow i fell asleep almost
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immediately and slept even more soundly
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than usual all night next night i passed
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as well
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my sleep was delightfully deep and
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dreamless but i awakened with a sense of
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lassitude and melancholy which however
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did not exceed a degree that was almost
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luxurious
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while i told you so said carmilla when i
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described my quiet sleep
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i had such delightful sleep myself last
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night i pinned the charm to the breast
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of my night dress
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it was too far away the night before i
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am quite sure it was all fancy except
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the dreams
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i used to think that evil spirits made
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dreams but our doctor told me that it
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was no such thing
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only a fever passing by or some other
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maladai as they often do
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he said knocks at the door and not being
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able to get in passes on with
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that alarm and what do you think the
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charm is said i has been fumigated or
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immersed in some drug
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as in an antidote against the malaria
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she answered that it acts
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only on the body certainly you don't
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suppose that evil spirits are frightened
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by bits of ribbon
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or the perfumes of a druggist's shop no
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these complaints wandering in the air
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begin by trying the nerves and so infect
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the brain
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but before they can seize upon you the
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antidote repels them
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that i am sure is what the charm has
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done for us it's nothing magical
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just simply natural i should have been
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happier if i could have quite agreed
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with carmilla
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but i did my best and the impression was
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a little losing its force
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for some nights i slept profoundly but
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still early every morning i felt the
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same lassitude
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and delanger weighed upon me all day i
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felt myself a change to girl
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a strange melancholy was stealing over
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me a melancholy that i would not have
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interrupted
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dim thoughts of death began to open and
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an idea that i was slowly sinking took
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gentle and somehow
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not unwelcome possession of me it was
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sad the tone of my mind
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which this induced was also sweet
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whatever it might be
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my soul acquiesced in it i would not
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admit that i was ill
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i would not consent to tell my papa or
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to have the doctor sent for me
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carmilla became more devoted to me than
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ever and her strange
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parexisms everyday word
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of languid adoration more frequent she
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used to gloat on me with increasing
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ardor the more my strength and spirit
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waned this always shocked me like a
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momentary glare of insanity without
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knowing it i was now in a pretty
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advanced
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stage of the strangest illness under
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which mortal ever suffered there was an
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unaccountable fascination
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in its earlier symptoms that more than
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reconciled me to the incapacitating
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effect of that strain stage of the
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malady
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this fascination increased for a time
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until it reached a certain point when
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gradually a sense of the horrible
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mingled itself with it
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deepening as you shall hear until it
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discolored and perverted the whole state
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of my life the first change i
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experienced was rather agreeable
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it was very near the turning point from
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which began the descent of averness
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certain vague and strange sensations
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visited me in my sleep
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the prevailing one was of that pleasant
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peculiar
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cold thrill which we feel in bathing
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when we move against the current of a
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river
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this was soon accompanied by dreams that
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seemed interminable
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and were so vague that i could never
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recollect their scenery and persons
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or any one connected portion of their
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action but they left an awful impression
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and a sense of exhaustion as if i had
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passed through a long period of great
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mental exertion
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and danger it's kind of how i feel
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reading this novella
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after all these dreams there remained on
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waking a remembrance of having been in a
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place very nearly dark
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and of having spoken to people whom i
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could not see and especially
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of one clear voice of a females very
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deep that spoke of it at a distance
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slowly and producing always the same
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sensation of indiscernible solemnity and
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fear
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sometimes there came a sensation as if a
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hand was drawn
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softly along my cheek and neck sometimes
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it was as if warm lips kissed me and
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longer and longer and more
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lovingly as they reached my throat but
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there the caress
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fixed itself my heart beat faster my
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breathing rose and fell
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rapidly and full drawn a sobbing that
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rose into a sense of strangulation
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supervened and turned into a dreadful
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convulsion
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in which my senses left me and i became
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unconscious
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it was now three weeks since the
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commencement of this unaccountable state
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my sufferings had during the last week
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told upon my appearance
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i had grown pale my eyes were dilated
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and darkened underneath
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and the langer which i had felt long
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began to display itself in my
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countenance
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my father asked me often whether i was
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ill but
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with an obstinacy which now seems to me
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unaccountable i persisted in ensuring
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him that i was quite well
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in a sense this was true i had no pain i
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could complain of no bodily derangement
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my complaint seemed to be one of the
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imagination or the nerves
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and horrible as my sufferings were i
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kept them with a morbid reserve very
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nearly to myself
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it could not be that terrible complaint
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which the peasants called the au pair
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for i had now been suffering for three
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weeks and they were seldom ill for much
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more than three days
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when death put an end to their miseries
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carmilla complained of dreams and
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feverish sensations but by no means of
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so alarming a kind as mine
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i say that mine were extremely alarming
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had i been capable of comprehending my
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condition
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i would have invoked aid and advice on
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my knees the narcotic of an unsuspected
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influence was acting upon me and my
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perceptions were benign
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i'm going to tell you now of a dream
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that led immediately to an odd discovery
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one night instead of the voice i was
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accustomed to hear in the dark i heard
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one
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sweet and tender at the same time
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terrible which said
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your mother warns you to beware of the
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assassin
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at the same time a light unexpectedly
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sprang up and i saw carmilla
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standing near the foot of my bed and her
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white nighttress bathed
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from her chin to her feet in one great
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stain of blood
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i awakened with a shriek possessed with
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the one idea that carmilla was being
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murdered
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i remember springing from my bed and my
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next recollection is that of standing on
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the lobby crying for help
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madame and mademoiselle came scurrying
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out of their rooms in alarm a lamp
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burned always on the lobby and seeing me
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they soon learned the cause of my terror
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i insisted on knocking at carmilla's
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door our knocking was unanswered
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it soon became a pounding in an uproar
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we shrieked her name but all was vain
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we all grew frightened for the door was
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locked we hurried back and panicked my
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room there we rang the bell long and
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furiously
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if my father's room had been at the side
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of the house we would have called him up
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at once to our aid but alas
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he was quite out of hearing and to reach
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him involved in exertion for which none
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of us had
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had courage servants however soon came
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running up the stairs
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i had got on my dressing gown in
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slippers meanwhile and my companions
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were already similarly furnished
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recognizing the voices of the servants
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on the lobby
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we sailed out together and having
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renewed as fruitlessly our summons at
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carmilla's door i ordered the men to
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force the lock
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they did so and we stood holding our
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lights aloft in the doorway
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and so stared into her room we called
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her by her name
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but there was still no reply we looked
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around the room
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everything was undisturbed it was
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exactly in the state
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in which i had left it on the bidding of
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her good night
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but carmilla
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was gone where did she go tune in again
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to find out
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[Music]
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you
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