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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,970 --> 00:00:05,156 What's up, Marlon-nation. Welcome to "The Marlon Way." 2 00:00:05,157 --> 00:00:07,205 Today I'm talking about 3 00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:09,507 appreciating the things you love 4 00:00:09,508 --> 00:00:10,875 while they're still here. 5 00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:13,144 Take for example, the McRib. 6 00:00:13,145 --> 00:00:16,181 I thought the McRib would be around forever, 7 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,483 till one day I pulled up to the drive-through, 8 00:00:18,484 --> 00:00:20,552 I had my $3.83 ready. 9 00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,088 Dude was like, "Nah, bruh. 10 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,489 They gone." 11 00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,092 My point is, you can't take things for granted, 12 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,593 because you never know 13 00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:31,563 when they gon' be gone gah-gone gone gone. 14 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,231 ♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪ 15 00:00:33,232 --> 00:00:35,166 ♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪ 16 00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:37,002 ♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪ 17 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,737 ♪ Marlon, Marlon 18 00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,172 ♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪ 19 00:00:41,173 --> 00:00:42,173 ALL: Marlon! 20 00:00:42,174 --> 00:00:44,576 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 21 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,178 All right, girl! [GIGGLES] 22 00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:50,782 Saturday night, we got plans. 23 00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:54,218 Damn it, Yvette, you haven't even asked me if I'm free. 24 00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,588 - Yeah, I'm free. - [CHUCKLES] 25 00:00:56,589 --> 00:01:00,545 We are going to rock out to Lenny Kravitz at the Greek! 26 00:01:00,546 --> 00:01:02,280 Whoo! 27 00:01:02,281 --> 00:01:04,516 And I splurged on good seats, 28 00:01:04,517 --> 00:01:05,984 just in case his little Kravitz 29 00:01:05,985 --> 00:01:07,753 wants to pop out his pants again. 30 00:01:07,754 --> 00:01:09,921 Oh, my goodness, well, if he does, 31 00:01:09,922 --> 00:01:11,656 guess who's going to catch it! 32 00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:13,258 [BOTH YELL, LAUGH] 33 00:01:13,259 --> 00:01:16,428 Okay, so, when Marlon and Stevie get back from Frankie's, 34 00:01:16,429 --> 00:01:17,850 I'll make sure to tell Marlon 35 00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:20,185 he's on kid duty Saturday night. 36 00:01:21,103 --> 00:01:22,626 - Hi, Ashley. - Hi. 37 00:01:22,627 --> 00:01:25,435 Hi, Nikki "Mi-Nah." 38 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,010 Ashley, Department of "Yvetterans" Affairs. Ha. 39 00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:31,297 Don't do that. 40 00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:32,720 Just... 41 00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:35,057 you stay the hell the way from the jokes. 42 00:01:35,058 --> 00:01:37,394 Anyway, so, I just went to Frankie, 43 00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:38,884 and he gave me a little fresh fade, 44 00:01:38,885 --> 00:01:41,594 and the brother gave me 20% off. 45 00:01:41,595 --> 00:01:44,832 Oh, is that because you only got 20% of your hair left? 46 00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,492 Ah-ha! 47 00:01:46,493 --> 00:01:48,660 Oh, really? 48 00:01:48,661 --> 00:01:50,625 Is this coming from somebody 49 00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:53,911 who got no percent of their hair left? 50 00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:56,485 Huh? Oh, is this coming from the girl 51 00:01:56,486 --> 00:02:01,125 whose hair once placed at the Kentucky Derby? 52 00:02:01,126 --> 00:02:04,442 What is it, Seabiscuit or Seattle Sleuth? 53 00:02:05,968 --> 00:02:08,170 Yeah, Frankie hooked me up. 54 00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,643 He gave me a 20% birthday discount. 55 00:02:10,644 --> 00:02:11,794 Oh, my God... 56 00:02:11,795 --> 00:02:13,352 your birthday is this Saturday. 57 00:02:13,353 --> 00:02:15,554 I'm sorry, it totally slipped my mind. 58 00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:17,654 Yvette got us tickets for Lenny Kravitz. 59 00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:20,601 We'll celebrate your birthday on Sunday, I promise. 60 00:02:20,602 --> 00:02:23,412 On Sunday? No, no way, my birthday is Saturday. 61 00:02:23,413 --> 00:02:26,359 You don't celebrate things the day after it happens, okay? 62 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,678 You don't celebrate Valentine's Day on February 15th, 63 00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:31,711 I mean, unless you a sidepiece. 64 00:02:31,712 --> 00:02:35,502 But Yvette likes 50% discount on her candy, right, Yvette? 65 00:02:36,994 --> 00:02:39,298 Come on, guys, this is a big year. 66 00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:41,364 And you know I always do it big. 67 00:02:41,365 --> 00:02:43,362 Remember that one birthday? Remember that? 68 00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,666 "Come as Your Favorite Prince" party. 69 00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,088 Remember that? [CHUCKLES] 70 00:02:47,089 --> 00:02:48,748 All I remember is you walking around 71 00:02:48,749 --> 00:02:49,933 with your nasty butt cheeks 72 00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:52,267 hanging out of them ass-less pants. 73 00:02:54,573 --> 00:02:56,065 Oh, yeah, I remember. 74 00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,232 And remember you came as Apollonia, 75 00:02:58,233 --> 00:03:02,398 but you left as "Apol-lonelier"? 76 00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,685 Ha-ha! 77 00:03:03,686 --> 00:03:05,649 'Cause once again, you didn't get a man! 78 00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:07,140 Ha-ha! 79 00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,341 My favorite party was the White People party, 80 00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:11,543 where everybody had to show up wearing Crocs, 81 00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,203 clap on the one and the three, 82 00:03:13,204 --> 00:03:15,811 and whisper what we don't like about black people. 83 00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:17,640 [LAUGHTER] 84 00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:19,774 You ruin the steak when you order it well-done. 85 00:03:19,775 --> 00:03:21,636 [LAUGHTER] 86 00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:24,347 How come they can say it and we can't? 87 00:03:24,348 --> 00:03:25,769 [LAUGHS] 88 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,409 White people crazy, man. 89 00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:32,645 Kids, your mama would rather spend my birthday 90 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,846 with Lenny Kravitz, so, uh... 91 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,404 what we gonna do? 92 00:03:36,405 --> 00:03:38,437 Uh, it's your birthday already? 93 00:03:38,438 --> 00:03:40,672 Wasn't your New Jack City party like a month ago? 94 00:03:40,673 --> 00:03:41,926 [CHUCKLES] 95 00:03:41,927 --> 00:03:43,823 Yeah. Remember? 96 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,618 We CMB! 97 00:03:45,619 --> 00:03:48,158 We all we got! We CMB! 98 00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,190 - We all we got! We CMB! - Okay. 99 00:03:50,191 --> 00:03:53,914 Am I my brother's keeper? 100 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,981 Come on, does anybody care about my birthday? 101 00:03:57,982 --> 00:04:00,284 - I do, Dad. - My guy. 102 00:04:00,285 --> 00:04:01,385 But... 103 00:04:02,011 --> 00:04:03,942 Tanner and I are playing Xbox on Saturday. 104 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,974 I'm sorry, Pops. 105 00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:10,104 Wow, so, nobody's gonna be around on Sat... 106 00:04:11,529 --> 00:04:14,341 Oh... [CHUCKLES] 107 00:04:14,342 --> 00:04:17,897 All y'all are trying to make me feel unappreciated, 108 00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,320 so all y'all can slip in and throw me 109 00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:21,826 a little surprise party this Saturday. 110 00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:24,231 I got you, you slicky-slickies. 111 00:04:24,232 --> 00:04:26,602 Marlon, I know what you're thinking. 112 00:04:26,603 --> 00:04:28,803 There's no surprise party. 113 00:04:28,804 --> 00:04:31,683 There's no surprise party? 114 00:04:31,684 --> 00:04:33,610 No, there isn't. 115 00:04:39,337 --> 00:04:43,165 There's no surprise party? 116 00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:46,180 Please don't do it three times. 117 00:04:46,181 --> 00:04:50,275 There's no surprise party? 118 00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:55,528 Oh, my God, there's really not a surprise party. 119 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,441 Oh, my. Really? 120 00:04:58,442 --> 00:04:59,660 Wow. 121 00:04:59,661 --> 00:05:01,319 This is worse than the Father's Day 122 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,556 when the kids hit me up on Instagram, 123 00:05:03,557 --> 00:05:06,841 talking about, "Thank you for all your hard work. 124 00:05:06,842 --> 00:05:09,246 # HFD." 125 00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:11,176 Took me two days to figure out they wasn't shouting out 126 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:14,394 the Houston Fire Department. 127 00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,969 All right, fine, we'll all cancel our plans 128 00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,324 Saturday night to be available. 129 00:05:18,325 --> 00:05:21,369 Oh, no, no, don't do me no favors. 130 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,369 Marlon, I just got a voicemail from the barbershop. 131 00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:26,470 Apparently, Frankie... 132 00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,180 Wants to know about my birthday. 133 00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:30,348 See, that's a good friend. 134 00:05:30,349 --> 00:05:32,482 No, Marlon, Frankie's passed. 135 00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,801 Passed on every other invitation for Saturday night. 136 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,815 Man, see, that's a good brother. 137 00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:40,441 Marlon, he's dead. 138 00:05:40,442 --> 00:05:42,846 Is dead set on making sure 139 00:05:42,847 --> 00:05:45,079 he makes my birthday party. 140 00:05:46,944 --> 00:05:49,789 You mean Frankie's, like... really dead? 141 00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:51,856 He had a heart attack. 142 00:05:51,857 --> 00:05:55,175 Oh, man, Frankie's dead. 143 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:56,327 [SIGHS] 144 00:05:56,328 --> 00:05:59,170 I'm so glad I got my haircut today. 145 00:06:06,087 --> 00:06:08,382 My cousin Frankie had the biggest heart 146 00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:09,568 of anyone I've ever known. 147 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,171 We're not here to mourn him. 148 00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:13,339 We're here to celebrate his life! 149 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,270 ALL: Amen! 150 00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:16,322 His kids ran to him 151 00:06:16,323 --> 00:06:19,064 every time he walked through the door! 152 00:06:19,065 --> 00:06:21,264 Everybody loved Frankie. 153 00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:22,823 ALL: Amen. 154 00:06:22,824 --> 00:06:24,144 I wish he were still here, so he could know 155 00:06:24,145 --> 00:06:26,786 how much we all loved him. 156 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,225 Damn, Stevie, listen to all that love. 157 00:06:29,226 --> 00:06:30,647 People never appreciate someone 158 00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:32,375 until they're at their funeral. 159 00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:33,696 You're damn right. 160 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:34,915 Take my family for example. 161 00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,388 They don't even care about my birthday. 162 00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:39,352 I bet you they'd appreciate me if I was laid up 163 00:06:39,353 --> 00:06:41,690 in that casket with a tacky shirt on. 164 00:06:41,691 --> 00:06:43,078 [SHUSHES] 165 00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,111 I'm gonna miss me some Frankie. 166 00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,176 You see, this is the type of stuff that people need to hear 167 00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:50,225 - while they're still alive. - Yeah. 168 00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:52,460 Wait... Stevie... 169 00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:54,086 I got it. 170 00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,678 Ha! 171 00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:57,406 - Ashley? - Hm? 172 00:06:57,407 --> 00:07:01,572 I know what the theme of my birthday party's gonna be. 173 00:07:01,573 --> 00:07:03,197 Marlon, no. 174 00:07:03,198 --> 00:07:05,365 Marlon, yes. 175 00:07:05,366 --> 00:07:08,414 We are having a funeral party. Aww! 176 00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:10,310 We're going to turn up, turn up, turn-turn... 177 00:07:10,311 --> 00:07:11,460 [ALL SHUSHING] 178 00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:14,002 Told y'all about shushing me. Don't be shushing me. 179 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:17,996 [HIP-HOP MUSIC] 180 00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:22,064 So glad... 181 00:07:22,065 --> 00:07:24,604 you all could be here 182 00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:26,603 to mourn the passing 183 00:07:26,604 --> 00:07:28,601 of good brother Marlon. 184 00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:30,430 [CHUCKLES] Oh, my God. 185 00:07:30,431 --> 00:07:33,410 Marlon, this is the most ridiculous birthday party 186 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,968 you have ever thrown. 187 00:07:34,969 --> 00:07:37,238 You only die once. YODO! 188 00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,202 [CHUCKLES] 189 00:07:39,203 --> 00:07:40,351 Whoa. 190 00:07:41,268 --> 00:07:43,030 I see you decided to go with traditional funeral red. 191 00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:44,757 Black is for mourners. 192 00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:46,789 The only problem with this funeral is 193 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:49,194 the death isn't real. 194 00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:50,988 [SIGHS] 195 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,597 All right, folks, folks, settle down, settle down. 196 00:07:55,598 --> 00:07:57,019 Please, take your seats. 197 00:07:57,020 --> 00:08:00,609 We are about to celebrate 198 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,607 the life 199 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:05,080 of Mr. Marlon Wayne. 200 00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:08,772 What's his name? I said Mr. Marlon Wayne. 201 00:08:08,773 --> 00:08:10,429 ♪ Wayne ♪ 202 00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:14,463 He was a great man. 203 00:08:14,464 --> 00:08:17,477 He was a magnificent man. 204 00:08:17,478 --> 00:08:19,442 He was a worthy man. 205 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:22,083 He was a philanthropicalistical man. 206 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,082 He was a... ♪ holy man ♪ 207 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:26,419 He was... ♪ hilarious ♪ 208 00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:27,673 Yes, he was. 209 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,095 Ah, Sister Veronica, 210 00:08:29,096 --> 00:08:31,805 you and him had some good times together. 211 00:08:31,806 --> 00:08:34,040 Ah, his back is still hurting 212 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:36,783 from all those times. 213 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,070 But he got you up. 214 00:08:38,071 --> 00:08:39,798 Ah, he was well endowed. 215 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,458 Can I get an Amen? 216 00:08:41,459 --> 00:08:42,813 ALL: Amen. 217 00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,438 Uh, from the sisters? 218 00:08:44,439 --> 00:08:45,539 ALL: Amen. 219 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:48,943 We could barely close the casket, you know? 220 00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:51,518 We could barely close the casket. 221 00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:52,974 Had to get on top. 222 00:08:52,975 --> 00:08:55,785 We had Sister Veronica put her ass up on it. 223 00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,479 And they would just get me down. 224 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,189 "Come on, get down!" 225 00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:03,305 And finally, the Lord blessed him... 226 00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:05,978 Cha-ching! Pow! 227 00:09:06,726 --> 00:09:09,402 With magic in his pants. 228 00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:11,400 It's like "Jack and the Beanstalk." 229 00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:13,196 Yeah, he put the beans down there, 230 00:09:13,197 --> 00:09:15,464 and they just grew and grew and... 231 00:09:15,465 --> 00:09:18,310 and all the ladies just climbed on next to it. 232 00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:21,493 We ain't got all day, Jessie Jackass. 233 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,289 [LAUGHTER] 234 00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:25,558 Oh, I... I see somebody's upset, 235 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,573 'cause we got the same wig on. Hello! 236 00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:29,961 [LAUGHTER] 237 00:09:29,962 --> 00:09:31,791 Now, fellas, that right there 238 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:34,433 is quicksand in a dress. 239 00:09:34,434 --> 00:09:36,261 "Let me help you? Oh, Lord! Where am I going? 240 00:09:36,262 --> 00:09:38,768 I have no idea! Lord have mercy!" 241 00:09:38,769 --> 00:09:40,156 [LAUGHTER] 242 00:09:40,157 --> 00:09:44,018 Now I'd like to open the floor 243 00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:46,863 to Marlon's love-dee-dee-dee-dee ones. 244 00:09:46,864 --> 00:09:48,659 Yes, so that they can... 245 00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:51,876 ♪ Shower him with love ♪ 246 00:09:51,877 --> 00:09:54,044 I said they going to shower him with... 247 00:09:54,045 --> 00:09:55,501 what they going to shower him with? 248 00:09:55,502 --> 00:09:57,499 - ♪ Say, "Love" - ALL: ♪ Love 249 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,955 ♪ Yeah, with love ♪ 250 00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:00,276 ALL: ♪ Love ♪ 251 00:10:00,277 --> 00:10:02,681 Won't you say appreci... ♪ ation ♪ 252 00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:04,680 ALL: Appreci... ♪ ation ♪ 253 00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,881 Yes! 254 00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:08,812 Oh! 255 00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:11,962 Please, all, be quiet... 256 00:10:11,963 --> 00:10:15,177 [SOFTLY]... and let's all hear the love. 257 00:10:15,756 --> 00:10:17,649 Amen. 258 00:10:19,075 --> 00:10:23,272 I was married to Marlon Wayne for 16 years. 259 00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:26,696 And then I kicked his ass to the curb! 260 00:10:26,697 --> 00:10:29,979 [LAUGHTER] 261 00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,504 But if he were here, I'm sure he'd say... 262 00:10:33,505 --> 00:10:34,994 That you got a white girl butt. 263 00:10:34,995 --> 00:10:36,823 [LAUGHTER] 264 00:10:36,824 --> 00:10:38,179 Right? 265 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,159 That, or he'd say I was too light-skinned, 266 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,004 or as he'd like to put it, light-skin-dee-dee-dee-dee. 267 00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:46,138 [LAUGHTER] 268 00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:48,034 Oh... [STAMMERS]... that Marlon, 269 00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:50,846 he sure had a way with words, right? 270 00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:53,692 Yes, he did. [CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT] 271 00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:56,333 You know, Marlon always had colorful nicknames for me. 272 00:10:56,334 --> 00:10:58,738 [CHUCKLES] Here's a few of my favorites: 273 00:10:58,739 --> 00:11:02,531 Troll, Gremlin, ASAP Nappy. 274 00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,191 [LAUGHTER] 275 00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:06,359 SnapChat Filter Face! 276 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,782 You know, the one with the big mouth. 277 00:11:07,783 --> 00:11:10,762 [JABBERING] 278 00:11:10,763 --> 00:11:14,048 At my basketball games, my dad would yell stuff like, 279 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,656 "Are you allergic to winning?" [LAUGHTER] 280 00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:19,874 Okay, okay, now... now... now get to the good stuff, huh? 281 00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,161 [MUTTERING] 282 00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:22,685 Tell them about how your daddy 283 00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:24,717 used to take you down to the Cheesecake Factory 284 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:25,937 after the game. 285 00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:26,953 - Yeah. - Win or lose, right? 286 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,240 Okay. [CHUCKLES] 287 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,170 Hey, talk about that, okay. 288 00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:31,931 My dad called me a nerd 289 00:11:31,932 --> 00:11:34,100 every day for the last 16 years. 290 00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:35,658 Thanks to him, I'll be in therapy 291 00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:37,656 every day for the next 16 years. 292 00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:38,977 [LAUGHTER] 293 00:11:38,978 --> 00:11:40,569 Well, tell 'em about the good stuff, 294 00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:44,160 like, your daddy paid for all your nerd paraphernalia. 295 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,650 You remember he bought you that Kindle? 296 00:11:45,651 --> 00:11:47,005 - Huh? Huh? - Yep. 297 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:47,987 Now, you... yeah, tell 'em about that, 298 00:11:47,988 --> 00:11:49,342 tell 'em about that. 299 00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:51,544 Yep, he bought me a Kindle. 300 00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,118 [LAUGHTER] 301 00:11:54,119 --> 00:11:55,811 But what else can I say about Marlon? 302 00:11:55,812 --> 00:11:57,504 [STAMMERS] How 'bout you tell them 303 00:11:57,505 --> 00:11:59,029 how generous he was, 304 00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:00,858 you know, with him allowing you 305 00:12:00,859 --> 00:12:03,703 to sleep on his couch all those years? 306 00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:04,888 ♪ Tell them ♪ 307 00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:06,345 ♪ Tell the people ♪ 308 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,377 Will do, Reverend Snoop. 309 00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:11,188 [LAUGHTER] 310 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,916 All right, well, 311 00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:15,896 he's not here to defend himself, 312 00:12:15,897 --> 00:12:19,047 so let's raise a glass to Marlon. 313 00:12:19,048 --> 00:12:21,045 He's probably upstairs right now, 314 00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:23,077 mocking Jesus for his open-toed shoes. 315 00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,211 [LAUGHTER] 316 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,650 So, basically, he's on his way downstairs 317 00:12:27,651 --> 00:12:29,377 by the end of this party. 318 00:12:29,378 --> 00:12:31,376 [LAUGHTER] 319 00:12:31,377 --> 00:12:34,018 Wait, did these bastards just say I'm going to hell 320 00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,914 at my own funeral? 321 00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,913 Put gasoline in this boss. 322 00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:38,963 To Marlon. 323 00:12:38,964 --> 00:12:40,386 Now that he's gone, 324 00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:42,824 we'll all feel a lot better about ourselves. 325 00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:45,229 [LAUGHTER] 326 00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,363 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 327 00:12:47,364 --> 00:12:49,531 - What the hell is that? - What? 328 00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:52,410 That's not how it went down at Frankie's funeral. 329 00:12:52,411 --> 00:12:53,832 Where's all the good stuff about me? 330 00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,695 Like... what about me as a father 331 00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,897 or as a friend? 332 00:12:57,898 --> 00:13:00,031 As a partner? 333 00:13:00,032 --> 00:13:02,603 I'm just some kinda joke to you guys? 334 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,552 You know, I thought I meant more to this family, 335 00:13:05,553 --> 00:13:07,889 but I guess I was wrong. 336 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:10,929 337 00:13:16,018 --> 00:13:19,843 [HIP-HOP MUSIC] 338 00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:27,939 Marlon, I saw you come in here. 339 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,507 I don't know what just happened back there. 340 00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:32,941 Will you please just talk to me? 341 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:36,042 [TOILET FLUSHES] 342 00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:41,512 Girl, who are you talking to? 343 00:13:41,513 --> 00:13:43,813 I assumed you were in the casket. 344 00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:47,115 What kinda lunatic would get in a casket? 345 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,617 The same lunatic who would throw a damn funeral 346 00:13:49,618 --> 00:13:52,084 for his birthday party. 347 00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:54,419 True, true. 348 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,787 Marlon, we all feel horrible. 349 00:13:56,788 --> 00:14:00,489 I didn't realize that you were feeling so unappreciated. 350 00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,457 We thought you were just having one of your, 351 00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,091 you know, fun parties. 352 00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:06,025 What's going on with you? 353 00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:07,926 I don't know, Ash. 354 00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:09,994 It's just, my birthday comes around 355 00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:12,095 and nobody wants to celebrate? 356 00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:13,796 And I got to thinking, 357 00:14:13,797 --> 00:14:15,064 "How 'bout I have a funeral party, 358 00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:16,898 "so I can hear all the great things 359 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,266 that people have to say about me, like Frankie's funeral?" 360 00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:20,800 Marlon... 361 00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:23,635 Frankie was actually dead. 362 00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:26,503 I know. 363 00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:27,937 But if stupid jokes is 364 00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:29,638 all you guys gonna remember about me, 365 00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:30,938 then... 366 00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:33,974 maybe I gotta rethink who I am. 367 00:14:33,975 --> 00:14:35,975 Because if I die, I wanna leave you guys 368 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,142 with something real. 369 00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,643 You don't think we'll remember you 370 00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,142 for something real? 371 00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:51,049 Marley, if Daddy calls you a nerd so often, 372 00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:54,618 why are you always so excited to show him your report cards? 373 00:14:54,619 --> 00:14:57,553 Because he always posts cool videos about them. 374 00:14:57,554 --> 00:14:59,521 I know that when he calls me a nerd, 375 00:14:59,522 --> 00:15:01,121 he's really saying he's proud of me. 376 00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:02,889 And when I do call you a nerd, 377 00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:06,291 I... I don't mean old-school, 378 00:15:06,292 --> 00:15:08,158 pocket-protecting nerd. 379 00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:10,126 I mean, like, the new cool nerd. 380 00:15:10,127 --> 00:15:13,494 You know, Marvel Comic, Creator app, 381 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,595 hack a presidential election. 382 00:15:15,596 --> 00:15:18,096 - That... that type of nerd. - [MOUTHS WORD] 383 00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:22,499 And, Zack, what did you say when I offered to give your dad 384 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,900 a fake basketball schedule, 385 00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,501 so he wouldn't embarrass you at the games? 386 00:15:26,502 --> 00:15:28,002 I said no. 387 00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:30,436 A lot of dads don't even show up. 388 00:15:30,437 --> 00:15:31,838 Yeah, he embarrasses me, 389 00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,938 but he's always there... 390 00:15:34,705 --> 00:15:36,573 At least until they drag him out. 391 00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:37,874 [ALL LAUGH] 392 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:39,341 Hey... hey, I was telling that ref, 393 00:15:39,342 --> 00:15:41,376 "Three steps is not a travel. 394 00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:42,844 That's a Euro-Step." 395 00:15:42,845 --> 00:15:44,278 - I know, right? - My guy. 396 00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:45,745 They don't even... they don't even know, man. 397 00:15:45,746 --> 00:15:48,880 They don't know. 398 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:49,981 Marlon... 399 00:15:50,848 --> 00:15:52,515 even though you make comments about my appearance, 400 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,149 you still give me a place every night 401 00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:57,552 to lay my, quote-unquote, "turn the lights out" body. 402 00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:59,986 You lost weight. I see you. 403 00:15:59,987 --> 00:16:02,753 Now you got the "T-shirt in the Jacuzzi" body. 404 00:16:06,489 --> 00:16:08,856 - Yvette? - Hm? 405 00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:14,160 Girl, bye, he ain't never done nothing for me. 406 00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:15,761 Really? 407 00:16:15,762 --> 00:16:17,929 So, you never told me that 408 00:16:17,930 --> 00:16:20,196 Marlon clowning all your dates 409 00:16:20,197 --> 00:16:23,065 saved you from a few bad choices? 410 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,098 Fine. 411 00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:26,199 Marlon's jokes may have illuminated 412 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,835 the suspect behavior of a few of my suitors. 413 00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:31,870 Yeah, like that one shady guy. 414 00:16:31,871 --> 00:16:33,871 He used to live at the 24 Hour Fitness 415 00:16:33,872 --> 00:16:35,705 but showered at the YMCA, 416 00:16:35,706 --> 00:16:38,373 and only pooed at your house. 417 00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:41,575 Yes, Angelo was a mistake. 418 00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:45,942 Marlon's not entirely... useless. 419 00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,048 Marlon, the night we separated 420 00:16:53,049 --> 00:16:55,814 was one of the saddest nights of my life... 421 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,884 But then, I got this text from you, 422 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,818 - which I have saved. - [CHUCKLES] 423 00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:05,853 "You up? JK. 424 00:17:07,355 --> 00:17:09,389 "Now that we're not having sex, 425 00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,557 "or sleeping in the same bed, 426 00:17:11,558 --> 00:17:13,558 "and I'm on your last nerve, 427 00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:15,225 it'll be like we're still married." 428 00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:17,359 [CHUCKLES] 429 00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,227 "We're gonna be all right, Ash." 430 00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:23,463 Marlon... 431 00:17:23,464 --> 00:17:25,931 from the moment I met you, 432 00:17:25,932 --> 00:17:29,200 every bit of sadness that I have ever felt 433 00:17:29,201 --> 00:17:31,501 has been short-lived, 434 00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:35,136 because you always make me laugh. 435 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,171 That's what your stupid jokes do for us. 436 00:17:39,973 --> 00:17:44,075 I'm sorry you didn't feel appreciated. 437 00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:46,309 But I promise, 438 00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:48,377 from now on, 439 00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:51,977 we'll do our best to make sure that you always do. 440 00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:56,114 That was... 441 00:17:56,115 --> 00:17:58,682 that was like a closing argument speech right there. 442 00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,483 That was... 443 00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:02,216 "that negro's guilty." 444 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,288 I love you, guys. Come here. 445 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,488 I love you too, Pop. 446 00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,889 What would I do without you guys? 447 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,890 - I love you so much. - We're here. 448 00:18:13,891 --> 00:18:16,125 I'm glad you guys appreciate my jokes... 449 00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,826 [CHUCKLING] 450 00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:19,460 'Cause I got a whole lot of 'em coming. 451 00:18:19,461 --> 00:18:20,893 - [GROANING] - Oh, no. 452 00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:28,367 ALL: ♪ I'm coming up, I'm coming up ♪ 453 00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,967 ♪ On the rough side ♪ 454 00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:33,035 ♪ Of the mountain ♪ 455 00:18:33,036 --> 00:18:34,904 It is a mountain, not a hill. 456 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,671 ♪ I'm doing my best ♪ 457 00:18:37,672 --> 00:18:39,273 ♪ To make it in ♪ 458 00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:41,707 You know I'm gonna... I'm gonna kick the door down. 459 00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,141 Yeah! 460 00:18:43,142 --> 00:18:45,643 ♪ Marlon has taught me and told me ♪ 461 00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:48,043 ♪ To give you all some messages ♪ 462 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,978 ♪ Straight from his heart ♪ 463 00:18:49,979 --> 00:18:52,746 ♪ So, uh, he wants me to start ♪ 464 00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:55,047 ♪ With you, lovely Ashley ♪ 465 00:18:55,048 --> 00:18:56,548 ♪ Yes, he do ♪ 466 00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:58,216 ♪ He said... he said you remind him of ♪ 467 00:18:58,217 --> 00:19:01,551 ♪ The white thang in pork and beans ♪ 468 00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:03,485 ♪ Can I get an Amen? ♪ 469 00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:06,887 ♪ Now-now-now he gonna talk about the baby ♪ 470 00:19:06,888 --> 00:19:08,888 ♪ He told me to tell your son ♪ 471 00:19:08,889 --> 00:19:10,889 ♪ You better learn karate ♪ 472 00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:12,890 ♪ You got to learn karate ♪ 473 00:19:12,891 --> 00:19:14,424 ♪ Because you're gonna be fighting off ♪ 474 00:19:14,425 --> 00:19:16,659 ♪ A lot of prisoners when you go to jail ♪ 475 00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,660 ♪ Eventually ♪ 476 00:19:18,661 --> 00:19:22,295 ♪ If you don't work on those math grades ♪ 477 00:19:22,296 --> 00:19:24,963 ♪ Okay, Marley, your daddy ♪ 478 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,997 ♪ He said give up on social media ♪ 479 00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:28,832 ♪ It's no hope ♪ 480 00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,233 ♪ Cancel your accounts ♪ 481 00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:31,900 ♪ Don't put up no more pictures ♪ 482 00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:33,267 ♪ Ain't nobody gonna follow you ♪ 483 00:19:33,268 --> 00:19:35,802 ♪ But guess what, God's gonna follow you ♪ 484 00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:37,570 ♪ Oh, wait, hold on ♪ 485 00:19:37,571 --> 00:19:39,237 ♪ He just unfollowed you too ♪ 486 00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:40,772 [LAUGHTER] 487 00:19:40,773 --> 00:19:42,072 ♪ Now-now, brother Stevie ♪ 488 00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,673 ♪ He said that your hair ♪ 489 00:19:43,674 --> 00:19:47,109 ♪ Look like the inside of John Denver's coat ♪ 490 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,276 ♪ When he hosted "The Muppet Show" ♪ 491 00:19:49,277 --> 00:19:51,911 ♪ On Christmas ♪ 492 00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:53,812 [HIGH-PITCHED] ♪ Yes, he did ♪ 493 00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:55,747 ♪ And now it's time ♪ 494 00:19:55,748 --> 00:19:57,748 ♪ For me to talk to you, Yvette ♪ 495 00:19:57,749 --> 00:19:59,281 ♪ First thing he said ♪ 496 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,649 ♪ He's up there talking to God right now ♪ 497 00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:02,950 ♪ He's talking to God ♪ 498 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,118 ♪ He said, "God?" ♪ 499 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,651 ♪ God said, "What?" ♪ 500 00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:08,253 ♪ Marlon said, "God, can you get her a man?" ♪ 501 00:20:08,254 --> 00:20:12,188 ♪ He said, "Negro, I'm only God" ♪ 502 00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:14,957 [LAUGHTER] 503 00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:18,358 ♪ "I can't work those kinds of miracles" ♪ 504 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:20,426 ♪ He said, "You talking about Yvette ♪ 505 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,660 ♪ The one that look like a swap meet model?" ♪ 506 00:20:22,661 --> 00:20:24,862 ♪ I said, "Yes, God, that is her" ♪ 507 00:20:24,863 --> 00:20:26,096 [CHUCKLES] 508 00:20:26,097 --> 00:20:27,697 ♪ He said, "I can't help her ♪ 509 00:20:27,698 --> 00:20:31,465 ♪ She looks like the alien in 'A Quiet Place'" ♪ 510 00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:34,100 [SHUSHING] 511 00:20:34,101 --> 00:20:36,268 ♪ He gonna get us ♪ 512 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:39,770 [LAUGHTER] 513 00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,337 ♪ Yes, ha-ha ♪ 514 00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:43,671 ♪ Do y'all feel the love? ♪ 515 00:20:43,672 --> 00:20:45,973 ♪ I know I do ♪ 516 00:20:45,974 --> 00:20:47,640 ♪ I'm coming up ♪ 517 00:20:47,641 --> 00:20:49,674 ALL: ♪ I'm coming up ♪ 518 00:20:49,675 --> 00:20:53,444 ♪ On the rough side ♪ 519 00:20:53,445 --> 00:20:56,645 ♪ Of the mountain ♪ 520 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:59,614 ♪ I'm doing my best ♪ 521 00:20:59,615 --> 00:21:01,448 ♪ To make it in ♪ 522 00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:03,282 ♪ Make it in ♪ 523 00:21:03,283 --> 00:21:05,950 ♪ I'm doing my best ♪ 524 00:21:05,951 --> 00:21:07,918 ♪ To make it in ♪ 525 00:21:07,919 --> 00:21:14,922 ♪ Make it ♪ 526 00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:16,790 ♪ 527 00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,590 ♪ In ♪ 528 00:21:19,591 --> 00:21:20,792 Ahh! 529 00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:21,893 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 530 00:21:34,499 --> 00:21:41,086 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.36896

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