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1
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:30,700
That was titled "Essence."
I wrote it about my mom.
2
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,180
This next piece
is also about my mom.
3
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,180
- Uh, excuse me...
- Wrap it up, nerd.
4
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,286
- I'm still...
- All right, I don't know what this is called,
5
00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:38,400
and I don't care.
6
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,490
Two, three, four!
7
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,880
That's kind of loud!
8
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,160
What is the meaning
of this intense bass?
9
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,940
Are you mocking me?!
10
00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,590
I don't hear it on our side.
11
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,160
It must be your equipment.
12
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,380
Engineer K'noch, today you die!
13
00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:02,820
Will someone shut that up?!
14
00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:08,430
You're welcome.
15
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,040
Okay, whatever that was.
16
00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:14,130
Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug."
17
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:16,700
Captain says you're too loud!
18
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:19,270
Oh, God, oh, no, no,
I'm so sorry.
19
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,390
First officer's log,
stardate 57501.4.
20
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,950
TheCerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime
21
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,960
for the most amazing reason.
22
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,920
Captain Freeman is going to be
instrumental in brokering peace
23
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,920
between the... Uh, wait.
24
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,920
Just... reading
a little message here.
25
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,530
Yada yada yada. Oh.
26
00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:48,570
Oh, no.
27
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:52,010
The captain is not
gonna be happy about this.
28
00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,760
What the hell
are you talking about!
29
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,280
I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,
30
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,036
but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.
31
00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,800
Nobody wants to go
to Cardassia Prime.
32
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,200
The Cardassians
are creeping everyone out.
33
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,550
But I already prepared a speech,
I learned how to do the dance...
34
00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,110
I'm sure you'll be involved
35
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,070
in the nexthistoric,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.
36
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,120
For now, you'll be heading
to Gelrak 5
37
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,120
and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.
38
00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:15,780
We're delivering gifts?
39
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,820
Godspeed, Captain.
40
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,260
I spent weeks learning how
tobark out Cardassian small talk.
41
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,310
Seems like they
just changed locations.
42
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:25,546
- I don't think it was a slight on the Cerritos.
- Yeah, right.
43
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:27,676
Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.
44
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,230
This ship is a joke.
45
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:31,700
Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.
46
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,530
Shut up, Jack!
I'm sick of it.
47
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,190
We have to do something to prove
48
00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:37,190
that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.
49
00:03:38,930 --> 00:03:41,590
Okay, try it now.
50
00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:43,500
Field strength is at..
51
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:44,940
- Ooh!
- 100%
52
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,630
You almost phasered me!
53
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,940
Calm down. It's set to...
54
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:49,850
Uh, it was...
it was set to stun.
55
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,836
Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?
56
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,120
Uh... oh!
57
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,510
It's good.
58
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,950
Okay. Computer, margaritas.
Frozen. Salt.
59
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,170
Wait, don't we have to report
60
00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,000
that we're done
so we can get a new task?
61
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,366
Don't sweat it, baby girl...
likemany things, commanders have
62
00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:07,130
no idea how long it takes
to balance a phase variance.
63
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:08,896
You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes
64
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,116
to finish a job... if you did,
your days would be packed.
65
00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:13,970
- Isn't that lying?
- No. It's creative estimating.
66
00:04:14,010 --> 00:04:15,400
When you get an assignment,
67
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,230
you exaggerate
how long it's gonna take,
68
00:04:17,270 --> 00:04:18,930
then you're a hero
when it's done early.
69
00:04:18,970 --> 00:04:20,970
Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.
70
00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,360
And you're okay with this?
71
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,760
No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.
72
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,500
But it's Lower Decks tradition.
73
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:29,370
Tendi, how long will it take
to repair a biobed?
74
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,770
Oh, uh, that would take
about five...
75
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,330
hours.
76
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,550
Excuse me?
77
00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:36,290
That's great!
78
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,810
Aw, Tendi, look at us.
79
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,640
Lower Decks...
breaching protocol together.
80
00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:41,300
Friendship!
81
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:48,350
Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe
ship as slowly as possible.
82
00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:49,960
It's not like
we're busy exploring
83
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,350
the mysteries of the cosmos!
84
00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:57,490
Does no one do any work
around here?!
85
00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,140
- Geez, there goes buffer time.
- What was that, Ensign?
86
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,790
Uh, nothing, Captain.
87
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,800
- Uh...
- Bridge.
88
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,410
Cap'n. I mean, Captain.
89
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,720
Anything to report, Ensign?
90
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,030
Uh, keeping busy.
I inventoried Cargo Bay Four,
91
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,640
assisted with the baryon sweep
92
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,030
of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time
93
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,380
and went straight to
work on...-Turbolift halt!
94
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,820
What is "buffer time"?
95
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,210
Uh...
96
00:05:28,470 --> 00:05:31,260
What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,
97
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:33,676
- weaselly than usual.
- Well, th-that's just how my face looks.
98
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,310
You-you know that.
99
00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:36,790
Oh.
100
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:38,806
"Effective immediately,
the Lower Deck scheduling deceit
101
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,400
will no longer be tolerated"?
102
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,620
What scheduling deceit?
103
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:43,400
Wait. Let me see.
"All assignments
104
00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:45,646
"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated
105
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,360
- by command"?
- Are we being timed?
106
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:49,946
"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated."
107
00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:51,670
Ah, this is bad, this is bad.
108
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,126
I-I thought it was tradition. I
thought you said nobody cared.
109
00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:56,046
They didn't. There was no way
the captain noticed
110
00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:57,240
we were padding stuff out.
111
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,370
Somebody ratted.
112
00:05:58,420 --> 00:06:00,590
I bet it was Delta shift.
113
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:01,990
Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.
114
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,616
They thinkthey're so much better than us,
115
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,380
just becausethey're so much better than us.
116
00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:07,990
It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.
117
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,040
We're Starfleet.
We're the best of the best,
118
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,950
and we can still get
everything done early.
119
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,910
Boimler's right.
We don't need a buffer time.
120
00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:16,430
- We've got this!
- Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right.
121
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,440
What's one less margarita a day?
122
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,750
Excuse me!
123
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,720
Watch it.
124
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,190
Rutherford,
I need that diagnostic
125
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,630
on the guidance system, now!
126
00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:40,200
But now is right now!
127
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,420
Move!
128
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,030
- Move, move, move, move!
- Aah!
129
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,640
Come on,
watch where you're going.
130
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,656
Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.
131
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,680
Stop yelling!
132
00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:49,990
Uh, sorry, wish I could help.
133
00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,666
I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.
134
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,520
Ensign
Tendi! You were supposed to be
135
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,080
in sickbay 20 minutes ago!
136
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:57,000
- I'm coming!
- Personal Log:
137
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,106
I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,
138
00:06:59,130 --> 00:07:00,610
and have requested more.
139
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:03,130
The funnestfrontier?
140
00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,960
Ooh. Somebody's got to purge
the calibration matrix.
141
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,270
I call dibs!
142
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:10,360
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'
143
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,686
♪ I purge you, I purge you,
I purge you, I purge you ♪ - [groans]
144
00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:14,726
♪ I purge, purge, purge,
purge, purge, purge, purge ♪
145
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,280
♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪
146
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,460
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'!
147
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,760
All right, let's see
a little hustle there, guys.
148
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,500
An away mission is
only routineuntil it isn't.
149
00:07:24,550 --> 00:07:26,550
Horned gorillas, sentient tar,
150
00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,566
spores that make you hook
upwith your best friend's sister...
151
00:07:28,590 --> 00:07:30,420
all disasters
I've personally experienced
152
00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:32,600
on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.
153
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,210
Mariner, you're late.
154
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,016
Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,
155
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,910
loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas,
uh, spores, et cetera,
156
00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:41,066
that weird story you told
usabout your best friend's sister.
157
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,260
Get it together, Mariner.
158
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,586
The captain has us
on a strict timetable.
159
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:45,000
Well, then maybe you could help
160
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,740
instead of whatever you're doingright now.
161
00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,530
I am helping.
I'm commanding.
162
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,530
You're lucky your
phaser accuracy is so high,
163
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,710
or I'd never let you
beam off this ship.
164
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,840
We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral
165
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,580
hadn't downgraded the captain
to delivering gifts.
166
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,970
- Come on, let's bail.
- No. And roll down those sleeves.
167
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:01,500
This isn't a barn.
168
00:08:06,540 --> 00:08:07,866
The Gelrakians base
their entire social structure
169
00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:09,640
around crystals.
170
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,330
When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave
171
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,860
to the first contact team
to show that we come in peace.
172
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,380
I should've tried that
with my ex.
173
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:17,820
Yeah.
174
00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:21,910
I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.
175
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:23,260
Yeah,
they're called clouds, man.
176
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,910
Just to be safe,
I'll disengage autopilot
177
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,480
and land her manually.
178
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,066
That's literally
what the autopilot's for.
179
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,740
It's a automatic pilot.
180
00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,320
Perfect landing, sir.
181
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,190
Not even my best work,
to be honest.
182
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,606
- We could've just beamed down.
- I didn't catch that, Mariner.
183
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:45,776
Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.
184
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,370
Uh, productivity and et cetera.
185
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,410
We'll go when I give the order.
186
00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:53,370
Let's roll.
187
00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:02,300
Greetings. It is an honor to...
188
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:05,080
Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal.
189
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:10,300
- This isn't crystals.
- He's got wood. He's got wood!
190
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,676
Uh-oh, that doesn't
sound peaceful.
191
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,026
- Uh, uh...
- Where's the crystal, Vendome?
192
00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:14,610
Sir, I loaded the wrong case.
193
00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:16,880
This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.
194
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,440
I-I was rushing
to finish my tasks.
195
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:20,140
You dare insult us
196
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,970
with this perverted woodensex
charm of our sworn enemies?
197
00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:25,410
This is an act of war.
198
00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:27,630
Starfleet scum!
199
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,980
Vendome!
200
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,680
There's too many of them.
Fall back!
201
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,380
Come on.
202
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,186
- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
- We live on a spaceship.
203
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:49,520
Nobody is dying
from a spear wound.
204
00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:51,910
Crystals!
205
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,130
- Oh. Hate when this happens.
- Oh!
206
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:56,130
Let's just stun them
and get out of here!
207
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,570
Negative, we just signed them
into the Federation.
208
00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:00,530
What this calls for
is some classic
209
00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:02,270
Jack Ransom peace brokering.
210
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,440
Are you out of your mind?
211
00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:04,620
Watch and learn.
212
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:05,970
This is gonna be awesome.
213
00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,360
Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack...
214
00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,320
Ooh!
215
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,500
All right, that wasawesome.
216
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,800
Ah, circled by spears.
217
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:17,150
This is a classic.
What am I, Kirk?
218
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,940
Is this the 2260s?
All right.
219
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,160
Whoa, oh, hey, hey!
220
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,690
Uh, we got acid here.
221
00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:30,780
Excuse me!
222
00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:33,780
Rutherford.
223
00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:35,210
Aah, Tendi, what the hell?
224
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,350
Can't talk, got to work.
225
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:37,390
I'm compiling.
226
00:10:37,430 --> 00:10:38,920
What?
227
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,310
The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.
228
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,180
I have to assist with a surgery,
229
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:45,880
and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!
230
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,710
- Uh, 26?
- Is that...?
231
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,490
Do we have that many?
232
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:50,970
Enter security code.
233
00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:53,450
- I'm waiting, Ensign.
- Sorry, Captain.
234
00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:54,890
Something's wrong
with the console.
235
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:57,280
Move! I'll do it myself.
236
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,800
Lieutenant Shaxs,
any word from the away team?
237
00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:03,420
Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships
238
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,120
approaching
off the starboard bow.
239
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,120
What?
240
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,330
On screen.
241
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:08,940
Are we supposed to be hosting
242
00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,250
a welcome dinner or something?
243
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,170
Captain,
they're locking phasers.
244
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,470
Really?
245
00:11:13,510 --> 00:11:14,650
Raise shields.
246
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:17,870
- Shaxs?
- I'm trying, Captain.
247
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,650
Something's wrong
with the controls.
248
00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:21,610
Ah, stupid controls.
249
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:24,350
Do I have to run
this whole ship myself?
250
00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:26,766
They've launched boarding pods!
251
00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:27,790
Red alert!
252
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:34,410
Repel all intruders,
but do not use it as an excuse
253
00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:35,930
to stop doing
what you are doing.
254
00:11:35,970 --> 00:11:37,580
I want to stay on track
and on time.
255
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,580
It's called
multi-tasking, people.
256
00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:41,850
They do it on the Enterprise
all the time.
257
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:44,046
I don't want to hear anycomplaining,
I only want to hear
258
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,351
repelling of intruders andpeople
getting their work done!
259
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:51,330
Swords and spears... how
did these guys get on board?
260
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,430
Hey, guy.
261
00:11:57,470 --> 00:11:59,430
Hey, guy?
262
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:01,316
Hey, guy, is this what you
wanted to do with your life?
263
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,536
Just capture people... is thatwhat
you dreamt of when you were
264
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,780
a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?
265
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:07,790
- Yes.
- Wow, all right, uh...
266
00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:09,830
well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.
267
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,920
- You're a loser.
- Hey, keep it down!
268
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,360
I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.
269
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,400
A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.
270
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,750
You always speak freely.
271
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,336
Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.
272
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,646
All right, you know
what you've got going on?
273
00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:23,630
You have broad shoulders
and shiny hair
274
00:12:23,670 --> 00:12:25,850
and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually
275
00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:28,110
doing the job... the job...
you don't have it.
276
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:31,110
I'm calling bull
on your whole thing here, sir.
277
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,480
You're so busy breaking
protocolthat you never look ahead.
278
00:12:33,510 --> 00:12:35,486
One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.
279
00:12:35,510 --> 00:12:36,990
With all due respect, sir,
280
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:38,746
my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,
281
00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:40,300
your team is.
282
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,690
That's not myteam, it's ourteam.
283
00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,780
But I guess
you don't think that way.
284
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:46,820
Here we go, show time.
285
00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:49,440
We may come
from different worlds,
286
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,610
- but on the inside we are all...
- Silence, Starfleet!
287
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:55,880
You are being held responsiblefor
the lies of the Federation.
288
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,050
Your trial will be by combat.
289
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,880
Yes, now we're talking!
290
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,800
And by "talking," of course,
I mean "fighting."
291
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,190
One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.
292
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,450
Usually we start the battle
andVindor steps out of the shadows
293
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,500
and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,
294
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,550
so I'm just gonna show him
to you right now.
295
00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:15,640
Vindor.
296
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,640
If you win, we let you go.
297
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,990
If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team
298
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:24,040
will be crushed
by the adjudication geode.
299
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,000
Crystals!
300
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,610
Okay, I'm looking at
a lot of blank faces here.
301
00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:32,920
An adjudication geode is
a special type
302
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,456
of constitutional crystal we
useto legally smoosh our criminals.
303
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,010
Here is your battle blade.
304
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,660
You have one hour to choose
305
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,180
who gets the honorof
being slaughtered by Vindor.
306
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,270
If you can't decide, we will...
307
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,426
- I'll do it!
- I'll do it! Give it to me!
308
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,516
- Yo, I touched it first.
- Give it, come...
309
00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:47,800
- Tell him! No, me!
- No, mine!
310
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,036
You do realize you're
fighting over who gets
311
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:49,930
to be chopped in half
by Vindor, right?
312
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,190
- Me, dibs!
- No, I said me,
313
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,256
- I touched it first.
- Come on. Give it to me.
314
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,720
- Jack Ransom... it's mine!
- No! No!
315
00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,160
Aah!
316
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:06,380
Translation...
"Bark hugging root smoochers"?
317
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,990
What the heck
got these guys so wound up?
318
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,430
Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.
319
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,650
Don't move, human!
320
00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:15,740
We have you surrounded.
321
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:17,660
Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.
322
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,180
These guys are lightweights.
323
00:14:21,220 --> 00:14:23,700
This is what
the red alert's about?
324
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:27,140
Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?
325
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,020
- Um, hello?
- Intruder!
326
00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:35,760
Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.
327
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,150
- Sorry, Brimler.
- I'm not huffy.
328
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,540
Why aren't you at your post?
329
00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:39,696
We wouldn't even be
in this situation
330
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,290
if you weren't slacking off.
331
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:42,420
I'm not!
332
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,250
Damn it!
We're 15 minutes behind.
333
00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:47,420
Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.
334
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,430
Wait a minute... clocks,
335
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,690
time, schedules.
336
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:54,560
You guys are under
the strict scheduling, too?
337
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,870
I have to be... I'm manning
every station on my own.
338
00:14:56,910 --> 00:14:58,430
What? No, no, no, no, no.
339
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,016
This is all wrong...
you're the captain!
340
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,010
I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!
341
00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:05,050
Where are you
hiding your crystals?!
342
00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:06,660
We don't have any crystals!
343
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,060
I mean we do have dilithium,
but we're not giving you those.
344
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,150
Trial by combat is
my responsibility.
345
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,800
I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!
346
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,410
Rank means nothing right now.
347
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,280
Rank means everything always!
348
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,176
You know what, I doget off
on breaking protocol.
349
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,510
I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,
350
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,990
solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.
351
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:30,290
Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,
352
00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:32,340
which I don't.
See this bad boy?
353
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:33,690
Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.
354
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,340
Stabbed me
with a barnacle blade.
355
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:38,780
Check it out... Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.
356
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,000
That was a mess.
357
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,570
I earned every one
in high-concept fights
358
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:43,700
just like this one.
359
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:45,130
So? What do you got?
360
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,246
- Let me see your scars.
- You know I don't have any.
361
00:15:47,270 --> 00:15:48,830
Because you play it safe.
362
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,230
You said it... that's ourteam
under that geode.
363
00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:54,060
Let me do what I'm good at,
let me save them.
364
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,020
Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.
365
00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:58,500
You're right.
366
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,240
What the?!
Ah, God, oh!
367
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,760
You stabbed me in the foot
with a battle blade!
368
00:16:05,810 --> 00:16:08,160
I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.
369
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,550
Oh, you are such a psycho!
370
00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:10,640
What are you doing?
371
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,200
Ow! Why?
372
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,210
I'm the first officer
of a Federation starship,
373
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:15,690
and your commander.
374
00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:18,080
And nobody crushes my team.
375
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,650
Let's do this!
376
00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:22,340
Vindor! Vindor!
377
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:24,090
Vindor! Vindor!
378
00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,780
Vindor!
379
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,830
- Vindor?
- Come on, big guy.
380
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,010
I only need my hands
for this one.
381
00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:43,890
Ha-ha-ha! Yah!
382
00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:47,980
Ha-ha!
383
00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:49,810
- Double-fist punch!
- Oh!
384
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:55,200
Whoa, that was actually
kind of hot.
385
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,160
Ugh! Get it together, Mariner,
get it together.
386
00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:59,030
You are notinto this.
Come on.
387
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,400
Let's see how much
those Federation wood lovers
388
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,960
like our crystal graffiti.
Ha-ha-ha!
389
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,180
I-I need to get back to comms.
390
00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:18,970
- Captain, listen to me...
- Don't touch me!
391
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,490
This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit
392
00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,280
when I can't even keep
my own ship together.
393
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,776
What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.
394
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,240
Your schedules, your rules...
395
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,020
this has been
the greatest week of my life.
396
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:29,346
You run the tightest ship
in Starfleet.
397
00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:30,940
Captain, we need to act now!
398
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:33,110
"Tightest ship."
Then why is it falling apart?
399
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:34,770
Because not everyone is
a Boimler.
400
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:36,770
This crew has their limits.
They're only human.
401
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,460
Well, and Vulcan.
And Orion.
402
00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:40,120
There's that Benzite guy
in Tactical...
403
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,990
Damn it, man!
If you're trying to inspire
404
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,170
some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!
405
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,650
Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship
406
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,300
we have to... loosen up.
407
00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:50,520
Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.
408
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,390
Yes, when people could do
whatever they had to
409
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,780
to get the job done.
410
00:17:53,830 --> 00:17:57,220
You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.
411
00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:58,660
You're... you're right!
412
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,700
I ama great captain!
413
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:05,100
As of now,
414
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:08,450
I am authorizing
all crew to break any rule,
415
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:11,840
abandon any protocol,
and cut any corner to defend
416
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,280
theCerritos.
417
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,890
You are Starfleet...
418
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:18,240
Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.
419
00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:19,290
Buffer time!
420
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,950
I demand
421
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,520
a peaceful negotiation. Yah!
422
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,610
I respect your sovereignty.
423
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,790
Mm, so ethical.
424
00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:47,140
Interlocked hands!
425
00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,580
Stop! Stop! I submit!
426
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,620
I thought
you only said "Vindor."
427
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,840
It's so the other guys think
I'm strong and dumb.
428
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:55,020
But I'm not.
I love to read!
429
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:58,540
Well, all right,
you're free, you're all free.
430
00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,500
Everybody's free.
431
00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:04,720
Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!
432
00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:07,070
Oh, I see how it is...
you're gonna stab me, but then
433
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,966
you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?
434
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:10,250
I ju... Whoa!
435
00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:12,120
We got to stop doing
trial by combat,
436
00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:14,210
or we'll never get to use
the geode.
437
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:16,560
How about a regular trial,
with a judge?
438
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,220
And instead of the geode...
439
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:19,960
Oh! We could do a death race!
440
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,050
Start building a crystal car!
441
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,610
Crystals.
442
00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,270
Ha-ha!
443
00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:34,190
Ooh!
444
00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:39,240
Oh!
445
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,480
Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.
446
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,920
You know?
Very un-crystal-like of us.
447
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,090
Don't worry about it.
I'd rather be here with you
448
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:12,310
than with those freaks
on Mavok Prime.
449
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,320
Wood-worshiping freaks, right?
450
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,270
Come on.
451
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,880
You'll be fine.
452
00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:20,930
Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?
453
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,280
Uh, no way.
No. These are my trophies.
454
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,280
Congratulations, you look like
a scratching post.
455
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:27,940
- Mariner.
- Commander.
456
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,820
I would appreciate it
if you give me a heads-up
457
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,096
before you file your report. It
would give me some extra time
458
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,210
to pack up my free weights...
there's a ton of 'em.
459
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,550
- What report?
- For stabbing you with a battle blade.
460
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,210
That's a guaranteed
court-martial.
461
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,300
I am not filing a report,
actually.
462
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,340
But... I thought you hated me.
463
00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:44,080
You talk about yourself
a little too much,
464
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,740
but stabbing me,
breaking protocol...
465
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,480
that was actually pretty cool.
466
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,740
Sometimes I forget
what Starfleet's all about,
467
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,960
and today you reminded me.
468
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,310
Plus, this is gonna make
a good scar.
469
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,270
A great scar.
470
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:01,140
- Take her away, boys!
- W-Wait, what? Why?
471
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,776
Because you ignored me
when I ordered you
472
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,760
to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.
473
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,060
The sleeve thing?
You're an idiot.
474
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:09,890
You just earned an extra day
in the brig!
475
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,070
Joke's on you, man...
I love the brig!
476
00:21:12,110 --> 00:21:14,680
I'm going to my favorite place!
477
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,030
Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you.
478
00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:20,080
I'm gonna dance in your blood!
479
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,430
Okay. That was kind of hot.
480
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,480
Come.
481
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,040
You wanted to see me,
Captain?-It took the eyes of a child
482
00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:31,520
to see what we were blind to today,
Boimler.
483
00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:33,660
If it wasn't for you,
we would still be following
484
00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:35,270
every little rule in the book.
485
00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:36,676
Wait, is that bad?
'Cause I loverules.
486
00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,440
We're instituting
a new ship-wide mandate,
487
00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:41,050
and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect."
488
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,750
Really? I-I'm honored.
489
00:21:42,790 --> 00:21:44,540
You should be.
The Boimler Effect is about
490
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,360
encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people
491
00:21:46,410 --> 00:21:48,320
from just blindly following
the rules.
492
00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:50,460
From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time
493
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:51,760
whenever they deem fit.
494
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,460
Congratulations. Dismissed.
495
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,810
Oh. Well, hey,
how about we add a little thing
496
00:21:55,850 --> 00:21:58,030
about how important it is
to blindly followrules?
497
00:21:58,070 --> 00:22:00,290
If my name is going
to be associated with...
498
00:22:00,330 --> 00:22:02,690
No, the Boimler Effect
isliterally the opposite of that.
499
00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:05,380
But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...
500
00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:07,990
I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...
501
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,780
Wow, it's on a plaque.
502
00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:12,560
Get back to your stationand do whatever
youdeem right.
503
00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:17,260
I get a whole rule
named after me,
504
00:22:17,310 --> 00:22:19,350
and it's all about
notfollowing rules.
505
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,960
Don't worry about it, man.
506
00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:23,400
They're always making upnew
rules no one ever remembers.
507
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:25,270
I'm sure this one
will fade, too.
508
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,906
Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.
509
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:28,360
No one will remember.
510
00:22:29,670 --> 00:22:31,670
Which is why
511
00:22:31,710 --> 00:22:34,930
the Boimler Effect
issomething we will never forget.
512
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:36,630
So named after the laziest,
513
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,500
most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,
514
00:22:39,550 --> 00:22:41,380
Brad Boimler,
515
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:44,680
seen here with one of
the great birds of the galaxy.
516
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:47,640
Anyway, let's move onto
somebody even more important,
517
00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:51,040
perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,
518
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,910
Chief Miles O'Brien.
519
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:37,300
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
520
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,480
Chirp.
39150
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