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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,486 --> 00:00:18,739 That was titled "Essence". I wrote it about my mom. 2 00:00:18,822 --> 00:00:21,241 This next piece is also about my mom. 3 00:00:21,324 --> 00:00:22,843 - Uh, excuse me... - Wrap it up, nerd. 4 00:00:22,926 --> 00:00:23,966 - I'm still... - All right, 5 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,326 I don't know what this is called, 6 00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:26,455 and I don't care. 7 00:00:26,538 --> 00:00:27,538 Two, three, four! 8 00:00:30,375 --> 00:00:31,918 That's kind of loud! 9 00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:40,218 What is the meaning of this intense bass? 10 00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:41,970 Are you mocking me?! 11 00:00:42,053 --> 00:00:43,721 I don't hear it on our side. 12 00:00:43,722 --> 00:00:45,182 It must be your equipment. 13 00:00:45,265 --> 00:00:47,476 Engineer K'noch, today you die! 14 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,812 Will someone shut that up?! 15 00:00:54,566 --> 00:00:56,566 You're welcome. 16 00:00:58,530 --> 00:01:00,130 Okay, whatever that was. 17 00:01:00,131 --> 00:01:02,157 Ladies and gentlemen, "Requiem for a Hug". 18 00:01:03,341 --> 00:01:04,701 Captain says you're too loud! 19 00:01:04,785 --> 00:01:07,329 Oh, God, oh, no, no, I'm so sorry. 20 00:02:18,316 --> 00:02:21,403 First officer's log, stardate 57501.4. 21 00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:23,947 The Cerritos is en route to Cardassia Prime 22 00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:25,949 for the most amazing reason. 23 00:02:26,032 --> 00:02:28,910 Captain Freeman is going to be instrumental in brokering peace 24 00:02:28,994 --> 00:02:30,912 between the... Uh, wait. 25 00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:32,914 Just... reading a little message here. 26 00:02:32,998 --> 00:02:34,583 Yada yada yada. Oh. 27 00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:36,585 Oh, no. 28 00:02:36,668 --> 00:02:40,046 The captain is not gonna be happy about this. 29 00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,757 What the hell are you talking about! 30 00:02:42,841 --> 00:02:44,342 I'm sorry, Captain Freeman, 31 00:02:44,426 --> 00:02:46,386 but we're moving the peace negotiations to Vulcan. 32 00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,138 Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime. 33 00:02:48,222 --> 00:02:50,223 The Cardassians are creeping everyone out. 34 00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,602 But I already prepared a speech, I learned how to do the dance... 35 00:02:53,685 --> 00:02:54,769 I'm sure you'll be involved 36 00:02:54,853 --> 00:02:57,105 in the next historic, once-in-a-lifetime summit. 37 00:02:57,188 --> 00:02:59,107 For now, you'll be heading to Gelrak V 38 00:02:59,190 --> 00:03:02,110 and, uh, endowing them with diplomatic trinkets. 39 00:03:02,193 --> 00:03:03,678 We're delivering gifts? 40 00:03:03,762 --> 00:03:04,779 Godspeed, Captain. 41 00:03:06,156 --> 00:03:09,284 I spent weeks learning how to bark out Cardassian small talk. 42 00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:10,928 Seems like they just changed locations. 43 00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:12,811 I don't think it was a slight on the Cerritos. 44 00:03:12,812 --> 00:03:13,841 Yeah, right. 45 00:03:13,874 --> 00:03:16,255 Nobody respects us, because we don't demand their respect. 46 00:03:16,256 --> 00:03:17,256 This ship is a joke. 47 00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:19,753 Well, then we're the funniest joke in all of Starfleet. 48 00:03:19,836 --> 00:03:21,588 Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it. 49 00:03:21,671 --> 00:03:23,173 We have to do something to prove 50 00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:25,216 that this crew isn't a bunch of slackers. 51 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:29,638 Okay, try it now. 52 00:03:29,721 --> 00:03:31,514 Field strength is at... 53 00:03:31,598 --> 00:03:32,974 - Ooh! - 100%. 54 00:03:33,058 --> 00:03:34,643 You almost phasered me! 55 00:03:34,726 --> 00:03:35,977 Calm down. It's set to... 56 00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:37,854 Uh, it was... it was set to stun. 57 00:03:37,938 --> 00:03:40,178 Hey, Boimler, how's the field integrity looking in there? 58 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,150 Uh... oh! 59 00:03:42,233 --> 00:03:44,527 It's good. 60 00:03:44,611 --> 00:03:46,988 Okay. Computer, margaritas. Frozen. Salt. 61 00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:48,488 Wait, don't we have to report 62 00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,089 that we're done so we can get a new task? 63 00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:52,573 Don't sweat it, baby girl... like many things, commanders have 64 00:03:52,574 --> 00:03:55,163 no idea how long it takes to balance a phase variance. 65 00:03:55,246 --> 00:03:57,206 You never admit the actual amount of time it takes 66 00:03:57,290 --> 00:03:59,530 to finish a job... if you did, your days would be packed. 67 00:03:59,542 --> 00:04:02,003 - Isn't that lying? - No. It's creative estimating. 68 00:04:02,087 --> 00:04:03,463 When you get an assignment, 69 00:04:03,546 --> 00:04:05,215 you exaggerate how long it's gonna take, 70 00:04:05,298 --> 00:04:06,967 then you're a hero when it's done early. 71 00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:09,010 Eh, it's just a little buffer time. No biggie. 72 00:04:09,094 --> 00:04:10,387 And you're okay with this? 73 00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,806 No! If it were up to me, we'd never take a break. 74 00:04:12,889 --> 00:04:14,516 But it's Lower Decks tradition. 75 00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:17,394 Tendi, how long will it take to repair a biobed? 76 00:04:17,477 --> 00:04:19,813 Oh, uh, that would take about five... 77 00:04:19,896 --> 00:04:21,356 hours. 78 00:04:21,439 --> 00:04:22,565 Excuse me? 79 00:04:22,649 --> 00:04:24,317 That's great! 80 00:04:24,401 --> 00:04:25,860 Aw, Tendi, look at us. 81 00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:27,696 Lower Decks... breaching protocol together. 82 00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:29,364 Friendship! 83 00:04:32,575 --> 00:04:36,371 Oh, be sure to stroll through the ship as slowly as possible. 84 00:04:36,454 --> 00:04:37,998 It's not like we're busy exploring 85 00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:39,374 the mysteries of the cosmos! 86 00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:45,547 Does no one do any work around here?! 87 00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:48,174 - Geez, there goes buffer time. - What was that, Ensign? 88 00:04:48,258 --> 00:04:49,843 Uh, nothing, Captain. 89 00:04:55,598 --> 00:04:56,878 - Uh... - Bridge. 90 00:04:56,933 --> 00:04:58,518 Cap'n. I mean, Captain. 91 00:04:59,853 --> 00:05:01,730 Anything to report, Ensign? 92 00:05:01,813 --> 00:05:04,065 Uh, keeping busy. I inventoried Cargo Bay Four, 93 00:05:04,149 --> 00:05:05,692 assisted with the baryon sweep 94 00:05:05,775 --> 00:05:08,069 of the warp nacelles, skipped buffer time 95 00:05:08,153 --> 00:05:10,405 - and went straight to work on... - Turbolift halt! 96 00:05:10,488 --> 00:05:12,866 What is "buffer time"? 97 00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:14,284 Uh... 98 00:05:17,136 --> 00:05:19,047 What's up with you? You're looking more, like, 99 00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:20,130 weaselly than usual. 100 00:05:20,131 --> 00:05:21,850 Well, th-that's just how my face looks. 101 00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:23,591 You-you know that. 102 00:05:23,592 --> 00:05:24,599 Oh. 103 00:05:24,602 --> 00:05:26,896 "Effective immediately, the Lower Deck scheduling deceit 104 00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:28,423 will no longer be tolerated"? 105 00:05:28,506 --> 00:05:29,632 What scheduling deceit? 106 00:05:29,716 --> 00:05:31,426 Wait. Let me see. "All assignments 107 00:05:31,509 --> 00:05:33,790 "must be completed and logged in exactly the time mandated 108 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:36,389 - by command"? - Are we being timed? 109 00:05:36,473 --> 00:05:38,313 "Failure to meet quotas will not be tolerated". 110 00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:39,726 Ah, this is bad, this is bad. 111 00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:42,186 I-I thought it was tradition. I thought you said nobody cared. 112 00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:44,107 They didn't. There was no way the captain noticed 113 00:05:44,147 --> 00:05:45,273 we were padding stuff out. 114 00:05:45,356 --> 00:05:46,399 Somebody ratted. 115 00:05:46,483 --> 00:05:48,610 I bet it was Delta shift. 116 00:05:48,693 --> 00:05:49,986 Yeah. Delta shift is the worst. 117 00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,710 They think they're so much better than us, 118 00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:53,513 just because they're so much better than us. 119 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,034 It doesn't matter who ratted. We don't need buffer time. 120 00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:58,078 We're Starfleet. We're the best of the best, 121 00:05:58,161 --> 00:05:59,954 and we can still get everything done early. 122 00:06:00,038 --> 00:06:01,956 Boimler's right. We don't need a buffer time. 123 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,459 - We've got this! - Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right. 124 00:06:04,542 --> 00:06:06,461 What's one less margarita a day? 125 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:19,808 Excuse me! 126 00:06:22,185 --> 00:06:23,770 Watch it. 127 00:06:23,853 --> 00:06:25,533 Rutherford, I need that diagnostic 128 00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:26,911 on the guidance system, now! 129 00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:28,191 But now is right now! 130 00:06:28,274 --> 00:06:29,442 Move! 131 00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:31,069 - Move, move, move, move! - Aah! 132 00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:32,512 Come on, watch where you're going. 133 00:06:32,555 --> 00:06:34,836 Now I only have ten minutes to do a 30-minute calibration. 134 00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:36,699 Stop yelling! 135 00:06:36,783 --> 00:06:37,992 Uh, sorry, wish I could help. 136 00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:39,716 I'm late for Ransom's stupid away mission. 137 00:06:39,717 --> 00:06:41,569 Ensign Tendi! You were supposed to be 138 00:06:41,621 --> 00:06:43,123 in sickbay 20 minutes ago! 139 00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:44,999 - I'm coming! - Personal Log: 140 00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:47,443 I've completed all of today's assignments ahead of schedule, 141 00:06:47,444 --> 00:06:48,670 and have requested more. 142 00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:51,172 Space: The funnest frontier? 143 00:06:52,340 --> 00:06:55,009 Ooh. Somebody's got to purge the calibration matrix. 144 00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,302 I call dibs! 145 00:06:56,386 --> 00:06:58,346 ♪ Ooh, I love purgin' ♪ 146 00:06:58,429 --> 00:06:59,589 ♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪ 147 00:06:59,590 --> 00:07:01,190 ♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪ 148 00:07:01,191 --> 00:07:03,271 ♪ I purge, purge, purge, purge, purge, purge, purge ♪ 149 00:07:03,272 --> 00:07:05,311 ♪ And a puh and an urge and a puh and an urge ♪ 150 00:07:05,395 --> 00:07:07,480 ♪ Ooh, I love purgin'! ♪ 151 00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,816 All right, let's see a little hustle there, guys. 152 00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:12,527 An away mission is only routine until it isn't. 153 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,612 Horned gorillas, sentient tar, 154 00:07:14,696 --> 00:07:16,655 spores that make you hook up with your best friend's sister... 155 00:07:16,656 --> 00:07:18,408 all disasters I've personally experienced 156 00:07:18,491 --> 00:07:20,660 on missions that should have been a walk in the park. 157 00:07:20,743 --> 00:07:22,203 Mariner, you're late. 158 00:07:22,287 --> 00:07:24,167 Uh, no, I've been here the whole time, you know, 159 00:07:24,168 --> 00:07:26,716 loading stuff, hearing about gorillas, uh, spores, et cetera, 160 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,926 that weird story you told us about your best friend's sister. 161 00:07:28,927 --> 00:07:30,003 Get it together, Mariner. 162 00:07:30,086 --> 00:07:31,686 The captain has us on a strict timetable. 163 00:07:31,687 --> 00:07:33,047 Well, then maybe you could help 164 00:07:33,131 --> 00:07:34,811 instead of whatever you're doing right now. 165 00:07:34,841 --> 00:07:36,551 I am helping. I'm commanding. 166 00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:38,553 You're lucky your phaser accuracy is so high, 167 00:07:38,636 --> 00:07:40,722 or I'd never let you beam off this ship. 168 00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:42,891 We wouldn't even be going on a mission if the admiral 169 00:07:42,974 --> 00:07:45,602 hadn't downgraded the captain to delivering gifts. 170 00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:48,021 - Come on, let's bail. - No. And roll down those sleeves. 171 00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:49,564 This isn't a barn. 172 00:07:54,271 --> 00:07:56,582 The Gelrakians base their entire social structure 173 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:57,597 around crystals. 174 00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:00,366 When we land, we must display the honor crystal they gave 175 00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,911 to the first contact team to show that we come in peace. 176 00:08:02,994 --> 00:08:04,412 I should've tried that with my ex. 177 00:08:04,495 --> 00:08:05,872 Yeah. 178 00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,918 I'm picking up an increase in atmospheric hydromounds. 179 00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:11,321 Yeah, they're called clouds, man. 180 00:08:11,336 --> 00:08:12,936 Just to be safe, I'll disengage autopilot 181 00:08:13,004 --> 00:08:14,464 and land her manually. 182 00:08:14,547 --> 00:08:16,187 That's literally what the autopilot's for. 183 00:08:16,188 --> 00:08:17,856 It's an automatic pilot. 184 00:08:26,017 --> 00:08:27,337 Perfect landing, sir. 185 00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:29,229 Not even my best work, to be honest. 186 00:08:29,312 --> 00:08:31,792 - We could've just beamed down. - I didn't catch that, Mariner. 187 00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:34,115 Uh, yeah I just said we should get going, clock is ticking. 188 00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:35,401 Uh, productivity and et cetera. 189 00:08:35,485 --> 00:08:37,487 We'll go when I give the order. 190 00:08:38,571 --> 00:08:41,449 Let's roll. 191 00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,091 Greetings. It is an honor to... 192 00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:53,169 Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal. 193 00:08:55,713 --> 00:08:58,299 - This isn't crystals. - He's got wood. He's got wood! 194 00:08:58,358 --> 00:08:59,758 Uh-oh, that doesn't sound peaceful. 195 00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:01,439 - Uh, uh... - Where's the crystal, Vendome? 196 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,717 Sir, I loaded the wrong case. 197 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,931 This is a fertility totem meant for Mavok Prime. 198 00:09:05,014 --> 00:09:06,474 I-I was rushing to finish my tasks. 199 00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,142 You dare insult us 200 00:09:08,226 --> 00:09:11,980 with this perverted wooden sex charm of our sworn enemies? 201 00:09:12,063 --> 00:09:13,439 This is an act of war. 202 00:09:13,523 --> 00:09:15,650 Starfleet scum! 203 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:18,069 Vendome! 204 00:09:25,785 --> 00:09:27,704 There's too many of them. Fall back! 205 00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:29,455 Come on. 206 00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:35,251 - Oh, God, I'm gonna die! - We live on a spaceship. 207 00:09:35,253 --> 00:09:37,588 Nobody is dying from a spear wound. 208 00:09:38,631 --> 00:09:39,966 Crystals! 209 00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:42,176 - Oh. Hate when this happens. - Oh! 210 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:44,178 Let's just stun them and get out of here! 211 00:09:44,262 --> 00:09:46,556 Negative, we just signed them into the Federation. 212 00:09:46,639 --> 00:09:48,516 What this calls for is some classic 213 00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,310 Jack Ransom peace brokering. 214 00:09:50,393 --> 00:09:51,477 Are you out of your mind? 215 00:09:51,561 --> 00:09:52,645 Watch and learn. 216 00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:54,022 This is gonna be awesome. 217 00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:56,357 Attention, Gelrakians, I am Commander Jack... 218 00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,359 Ooh! 219 00:09:58,443 --> 00:10:00,528 All right, that was awesome. 220 00:10:00,611 --> 00:10:02,864 Ah, circled by spears. 221 00:10:02,947 --> 00:10:05,199 This is a classic. What am I, Kirk? 222 00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:07,035 Is this the 2260s? All right. 223 00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:15,209 Whoa, oh, hey, hey! 224 00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:16,711 Uh, we got acid here. 225 00:10:16,794 --> 00:10:18,838 Excuse me! 226 00:10:18,921 --> 00:10:21,841 Rutherford. 227 00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,217 Aah, Tendi, what the hell? 228 00:10:23,301 --> 00:10:24,385 Can't talk, got to work. 229 00:10:24,469 --> 00:10:25,486 I'm compiling. 230 00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:26,971 What? 231 00:10:27,055 --> 00:10:29,349 The impulse manifold needs to be degaussed again. 232 00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:31,225 I have to assist with a surgery, 233 00:10:31,309 --> 00:10:33,895 and I honestly can't remember which deck sickbay is on! 234 00:10:33,978 --> 00:10:35,730 - Uh, 26? - Is that...? 235 00:10:35,813 --> 00:10:37,523 Do we have that many? 236 00:10:37,607 --> 00:10:39,025 Enter security code. 237 00:10:39,108 --> 00:10:41,444 - I'm waiting, Ensign. - Sorry, Captain. 238 00:10:41,527 --> 00:10:42,927 Something's wrong with the console. 239 00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:45,281 Move! I'll do it myself. 240 00:10:45,365 --> 00:10:47,867 Lieutenant Shaxs, any word from the away team? 241 00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:51,412 Captain, the sensors have picked up Gelrakian ships 242 00:10:51,496 --> 00:10:53,122 approaching off the starboard bow. 243 00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:54,206 What? 244 00:10:54,248 --> 00:10:55,283 On screen. 245 00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:57,059 What is...? Are we supposed to be hosting 246 00:10:57,143 --> 00:10:58,352 a welcome dinner or something? 247 00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:00,213 Captain, they're locking phasers. 248 00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:01,464 Really? 249 00:11:01,547 --> 00:11:02,632 Raise shields. 250 00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:05,927 - Shaxs? - I'm trying, Captain. 251 00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:07,637 Something's wrong with the controls. 252 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,597 Ah, stupid controls. 253 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,392 Do I have to run this whole ship myself? 254 00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,290 They've launched boarding pods! 255 00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:16,334 Red alert! 256 00:11:19,232 --> 00:11:22,443 Repel all intruders, but do not use it as an excuse 257 00:11:22,527 --> 00:11:23,945 to stop doing what you are doing. 258 00:11:24,028 --> 00:11:25,613 I want to stay on track and on time. 259 00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:27,615 It's called multi-tasking, people. 260 00:11:27,698 --> 00:11:29,909 They do it on the Enterprise all the time. 261 00:11:29,992 --> 00:11:32,232 I don't want to hear any complaining, I only want to hear 262 00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,596 repelling of intruders and people getting their work done! 263 00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:39,419 Swords and spears... how did these guys get on board? 264 00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:45,466 Hey, guy. 265 00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:47,268 Hey, guy? 266 00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:49,386 Hey, guy, is this what you wanted to do with your life? 267 00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:51,867 Just capture people... is that what you dreamt of when you were 268 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,121 a little whatever-you-are? Are you fulfilled by that? 269 00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:55,810 - Yes. - Wow, all right, uh... 270 00:11:55,893 --> 00:11:57,854 well, do you know what, that means you're lame. 271 00:11:57,937 --> 00:11:59,981 - You're a loser. - Hey, keep it down! 272 00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:02,358 I'm writing a speech that will convince them to let us go. 273 00:12:02,442 --> 00:12:05,445 A speech, seriously? Permission to speak freely. 274 00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:06,779 You always speak freely. 275 00:12:06,863 --> 00:12:08,463 Nobody can stop you from speaking freely. 276 00:12:08,547 --> 00:12:09,880 All right, you know what you've got going on? 277 00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:11,659 You have broad shoulders and shiny hair 278 00:12:11,742 --> 00:12:13,902 and you talk a good game, but when it comes to actually 279 00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:16,164 doing the job... the job... you don't have it. 280 00:12:16,247 --> 00:12:19,167 I'm calling bull[BLEEP] on your whole thing here, sir. 281 00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,570 You're so busy breaking protocol that you never look ahead. 282 00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:23,587 One of these days you're going to get someone killed, Ensign. 283 00:12:23,588 --> 00:12:25,006 With all due respect, sir, 284 00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:26,849 my friends aren't trapped in an alien prison, 285 00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:28,342 your team is. 286 00:12:28,426 --> 00:12:30,678 That's not my team, it's our team. 287 00:12:30,761 --> 00:12:32,805 But I guess you don't think that way. 288 00:12:32,889 --> 00:12:34,849 Here we go, show time. 289 00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:37,477 We may come from different worlds, 290 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,646 - but on the inside we are all... - Silence, Starfleet! 291 00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,900 You are being held responsible for the lies of the Federation. 292 00:12:43,983 --> 00:12:46,068 Your trial will be by combat. 293 00:12:46,152 --> 00:12:47,945 Yes, now we're talking! 294 00:12:48,029 --> 00:12:49,869 And by "talking", of course, I mean "fighting". 295 00:12:49,906 --> 00:12:53,201 One of you must face our greatest champion, Vindor. 296 00:12:53,284 --> 00:12:56,496 Usually we start the battle and Vindor steps out of the shadows 297 00:12:56,579 --> 00:12:58,539 and it's super intimidating, but he's here, 298 00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:01,542 so I'm just gonna show him to you right now. 299 00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:03,669 Vindor. 300 00:13:03,753 --> 00:13:05,671 If you win, we let you go. 301 00:13:05,755 --> 00:13:09,050 If you lose, you'll be dead and your away team 302 00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:12,053 will be crushed by the adjudication geode. 303 00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:14,096 Crystals! 304 00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:18,601 Okay, I'm looking at a lot of blank faces here. 305 00:13:18,684 --> 00:13:20,937 An adjudication geode is a special type 306 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:23,580 of constitutional crystal we use to legally smoosh our criminals. 307 00:13:23,581 --> 00:13:25,066 Here is your battle blade. 308 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:27,693 You have one hour to choose 309 00:13:27,777 --> 00:13:30,238 who gets the honor of being slaughtered by Vindor. 310 00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:32,323 If you can't decide, we will... 311 00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:33,490 - I'll do it! - I'll do it! Give it to me! 312 00:13:33,491 --> 00:13:34,616 - Yo, I touched it first. - Give it, come... 313 00:13:34,617 --> 00:13:35,717 - Tell him! No, me! - No, mine! 314 00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:36,835 You do realize you're fighting over who gets 315 00:13:36,836 --> 00:13:37,896 to be chopped in half by Vindor, right? 316 00:13:37,897 --> 00:13:38,977 - Me, dibs! - No, I said me, 317 00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:40,836 - I touched it first. - Come on. Give it to me. 318 00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:42,289 - Jack Ransom... it's mine! - No! No! 319 00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,217 Aah! 320 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,428 Translation... "Bark hugging root smoochers"? 321 00:13:54,512 --> 00:13:57,056 What the heck got these guys so wound up? 322 00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:59,433 Gah, this is totally gonna mess up my schedule. 323 00:14:01,352 --> 00:14:02,645 Don't move, human! 324 00:14:02,728 --> 00:14:03,771 We have you surrounded. 325 00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:05,690 Yeah, but I-I have a phaser. 326 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,235 These guys are lightweights. 327 00:14:09,318 --> 00:14:11,737 This is what the red alert's about? 328 00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:15,241 Captain, I just phasered some Gelrakians? 329 00:14:17,535 --> 00:14:20,079 - Um, hello? - Intruder! 330 00:14:21,706 --> 00:14:23,791 Oh, it's just that huffy ensign. 331 00:14:23,874 --> 00:14:25,194 - Sorry, Boimler. - I'm not huffy. 332 00:14:25,251 --> 00:14:26,586 Why aren't you at your post? 333 00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:28,109 We wouldn't even be in this situation 334 00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:29,297 if you weren't slacking off. 335 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:30,464 I'm not! 336 00:14:30,548 --> 00:14:33,301 Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind. 337 00:14:33,384 --> 00:14:35,469 Our entire schedule is going to be off for the month. 338 00:14:35,553 --> 00:14:37,471 Wait a minute... clocks, 339 00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:39,682 time, schedules. 340 00:14:39,765 --> 00:14:42,602 You guys are under the strict scheduling, too? 341 00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:44,895 I have to be... I'm manning every station on my own. 342 00:14:44,979 --> 00:14:46,480 What? No, no, no, no, no. 343 00:14:46,564 --> 00:14:48,164 This is all wrong... you're the captain! 344 00:14:48,165 --> 00:14:50,885 I need us working harder and faster and stricter! 345 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,494 Where are you hiding your crystals?! 346 00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:54,655 We don't have any crystals! 347 00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:57,099 I mean we do have dilithium, but we're not giving you those. 348 00:15:00,703 --> 00:15:03,164 Trial by combat is my responsibility. 349 00:15:03,247 --> 00:15:05,833 I'm ranking officer, I'll be fighting Vindor, end of story! 350 00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:07,460 Rank means nothing right now. 351 00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:09,337 Rank means everything always! 352 00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:11,340 You know what, I do get off on breaking protocol. 353 00:15:11,341 --> 00:15:13,507 I'm good at exploring strange new worlds, 354 00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:16,010 solving space mysteries and kicking asses. 355 00:15:16,093 --> 00:15:18,346 Protocol is for people that need to be told what to do, 356 00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:20,348 which I don't. See this bad boy? 357 00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:21,682 Tentacle guy, bunch of arms. 358 00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:23,351 Stabbed me with a barnacle blade. 359 00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:26,812 Check it out... Magus III, Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale. 360 00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:28,022 That was a mess. 361 00:15:28,105 --> 00:15:30,566 I earned every one in high-concept fights 362 00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:31,692 just like this one. 363 00:15:31,776 --> 00:15:32,818 So? What do you got? 364 00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:35,279 - Let me see your scars. - You know I don't have any. 365 00:15:35,363 --> 00:15:36,530 Because you play it safe. 366 00:15:36,614 --> 00:15:39,241 You said it... that's our team under that geode. 367 00:15:39,325 --> 00:15:42,078 Let me do what I'm good at, let me save them. 368 00:15:42,161 --> 00:15:45,039 Sometimes you have to do what's wrong to survive. 369 00:15:45,122 --> 00:15:46,540 You're right. 370 00:15:48,626 --> 00:15:51,253 What the [BLEEP]?! Ah, God, oh! 371 00:15:51,337 --> 00:15:53,756 You stabbed me in the foot with a battle blade! 372 00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:56,217 I'd rather die than let you put your life on the line. 373 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,551 Oh, you are such a psycho! 374 00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:58,678 What are you doing? 375 00:15:58,761 --> 00:16:00,221 Ow! Why? 376 00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,223 I'm the first officer of a Federation starship, 377 00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:03,724 and your commander. 378 00:16:03,808 --> 00:16:06,143 And nobody crushes my team. 379 00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:07,687 Let's do this! 380 00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:10,398 Vindor! Vindor! 381 00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:12,108 Vindor! Vindor! 382 00:16:12,191 --> 00:16:13,818 Vindor! 383 00:16:17,029 --> 00:16:18,864 - Vindor? - Come on, big guy. 384 00:16:18,948 --> 00:16:22,034 I only need my hands for this one. 385 00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:31,919 Ha-ha-ha! Yah! 386 00:16:33,963 --> 00:16:35,965 Ha-ha! 387 00:16:36,048 --> 00:16:37,883 - Double-fist punch! - Oh! 388 00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:43,264 Whoa, that was actually kind of hot. 389 00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:45,224 Ugh! Get it together, Mariner, get it together. 390 00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:47,059 You are not into this. Come on. 391 00:16:55,651 --> 00:16:57,491 Let's see how much those Federation wood lovers 392 00:16:57,528 --> 00:16:59,947 like our crystal graffiti. Ha-ha-ha! 393 00:17:03,534 --> 00:17:05,244 I-I need to get back to comms. 394 00:17:05,327 --> 00:17:07,047 - Captain, listen to me... - Don't touch me! 395 00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:09,508 This is all my fault, thinking I belong at a peace summit 396 00:17:09,582 --> 00:17:11,302 when I can't even keep my own ship together. 397 00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:12,975 What? Captain, no. You did nothing wrong. 398 00:17:12,976 --> 00:17:14,295 Your schedules, your rules... 399 00:17:14,378 --> 00:17:16,058 this has been the greatest week of my life. 400 00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:17,650 You run the tightest ship in Starfleet. 401 00:17:17,651 --> 00:17:18,966 Captain, we need to act now! 402 00:17:19,049 --> 00:17:21,135 "Tightest ship". Then why is it falling apart? 403 00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:22,803 Because not everyone is a Boimler. 404 00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:24,805 This crew has their limits. They're only human. 405 00:17:24,889 --> 00:17:26,474 Well, and Vulcan. And Orion. 406 00:17:26,557 --> 00:17:28,142 There's that Benzite guy in Tactical... 407 00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:29,977 Damn it, man! If you're trying to inspire 408 00:17:30,060 --> 00:17:32,229 some sort of resolution, then inspire it now! 409 00:17:32,313 --> 00:17:34,648 Ugh, it kills me to say this, but for the good of the ship 410 00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:36,317 we have to... loosen up. 411 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,527 Loosen up? But then we're right back to buffer time. 412 00:17:38,611 --> 00:17:40,446 Yes, when people could do whatever they had to 413 00:17:40,529 --> 00:17:41,529 to get the job done. 414 00:17:41,572 --> 00:17:45,284 You're a great captain. Let them be a great crew. 415 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,660 You're... you're right! 416 00:17:46,744 --> 00:17:48,788 I am a great captain! 417 00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:53,125 Attention all decks: as of now, 418 00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:56,504 I am authorizing all crew to break any rule, 419 00:17:56,587 --> 00:17:59,840 abandon any protocol, and cut any corner to defend 420 00:17:59,924 --> 00:18:01,342 the Cerritos. 421 00:18:01,425 --> 00:18:02,885 You are Starfleet... 422 00:18:02,968 --> 00:18:06,305 Do what you have to do to take back this ship. 423 00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,388 Buffer time! 424 00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:20,986 I demand 425 00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:22,530 a peaceful negotiation. Yah! 426 00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:24,657 I respect your sovereignty. 427 00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:26,826 Mm, so ethical. 428 00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:35,167 Interlocked hands! 429 00:18:35,251 --> 00:18:36,627 Stop! Stop! I submit! 430 00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:38,671 I thought you only said "Vindor". 431 00:18:38,754 --> 00:18:40,881 It's so the other guys think I'm strong and dumb. 432 00:18:40,965 --> 00:18:43,050 But I'm not. I love to read! 433 00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:46,554 Well, all right, you're free, you're all free. 434 00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:48,597 Everybody's free. 435 00:18:50,641 --> 00:18:52,726 Whoo-whoo! Starfleet! 436 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:55,062 Oh, I see how it is... you're gonna stab me, but then 437 00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:57,345 you don't stab Vindor? What are your priorities, Ransom? 438 00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:58,346 I ju... Whoa! 439 00:18:58,357 --> 00:19:00,150 We got to stop doing trial by combat, 440 00:19:00,234 --> 00:19:02,236 or we'll never get to use the geode. 441 00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:04,572 How about a regular trial, with a judge? 442 00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,240 And instead of the geode... 443 00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:08,243 Oh! We could do a death race! 444 00:19:08,244 --> 00:19:10,157 Start building a crystal car! 445 00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:12,621 Crystals. 446 00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,294 Ha-ha! 447 00:19:21,005 --> 00:19:22,298 Ooh! 448 00:19:25,217 --> 00:19:27,261 Oh! 449 00:19:50,576 --> 00:19:53,495 Hey, sorry about the whole "invading your ship" thing. 450 00:19:53,579 --> 00:19:55,956 You know? Very un-crystal-like of us. 451 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,125 Don't worry about it. I'd rather be here with you 452 00:19:58,208 --> 00:20:00,336 than with those freaks on Mavok Prime. 453 00:20:00,419 --> 00:20:02,338 Wood-worshiping freaks, right? 454 00:20:02,421 --> 00:20:04,298 Come on. 455 00:20:04,381 --> 00:20:06,926 You'll be fine. 456 00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:08,969 Want me to clean up those disgusting scars? 457 00:20:09,053 --> 00:20:11,305 Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies. 458 00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:14,308 Congratulations, you look like a [BLEEP] scratching post. 459 00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:15,976 - Mariner. - Commander. 460 00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:17,894 I would appreciate it if you give me a heads-up 461 00:20:17,895 --> 00:20:20,295 before you file your report. It would give me some extra time 462 00:20:20,296 --> 00:20:22,298 to pack up my free weights... there's a ton of 'em. 463 00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:24,610 - What report? - For stabbing you with a battle blade. 464 00:20:24,693 --> 00:20:26,195 That's a guaranteed court-martial. 465 00:20:26,278 --> 00:20:28,322 I am not filing a report, actually. 466 00:20:28,405 --> 00:20:30,366 But... I thought you hated me. 467 00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:32,117 You talk about yourself a little too much, 468 00:20:32,201 --> 00:20:33,786 but stabbing me, breaking protocol... 469 00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,496 that was actually pretty cool. 470 00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:37,790 Sometimes I forget what Starfleet's all about, 471 00:20:37,873 --> 00:20:40,000 and today you reminded me. 472 00:20:40,084 --> 00:20:42,419 Plus, this is gonna make a good scar. 473 00:20:43,587 --> 00:20:45,339 A great scar. 474 00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:49,176 - Take her away, boys! - W-Wait, what? Why? 475 00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:50,859 Because you ignored me when I ordered you 476 00:20:50,886 --> 00:20:52,805 to roll down your sleeves. They're against code. 477 00:20:52,888 --> 00:20:55,057 The sleeve thing? You're an idiot. 478 00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:57,893 You just earned an extra day in the brig! 479 00:20:57,977 --> 00:21:00,104 Joke's on you, man... I love the brig! 480 00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:02,690 I'm going to my favorite place! 481 00:21:02,773 --> 00:21:06,026 Next time, I'm gonna let somebody kill you. 482 00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:08,070 I'm gonna dance in your blood! 483 00:21:08,153 --> 00:21:11,490 Okay. That was kind of hot. 484 00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:14,535 Come. 485 00:21:14,618 --> 00:21:17,058 - You wanted to see me, Captain? - It took the eyes of a child 486 00:21:17,121 --> 00:21:19,540 to see what we were blind to today, Boimler. 487 00:21:19,623 --> 00:21:21,709 If it wasn't for you, we would still be following 488 00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:23,252 every little rule in the book. 489 00:21:23,295 --> 00:21:24,855 Wait, is that bad? 'Cause I love rules. 490 00:21:24,856 --> 00:21:26,505 We're instituting a new ship-wide mandate, 491 00:21:26,588 --> 00:21:29,049 and we're calling it the "Boimler Effect". 492 00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:30,759 Really? I-I'm honored. 493 00:21:30,843 --> 00:21:32,553 You should be. The Boimler Effect is about 494 00:21:32,636 --> 00:21:34,388 encouraging shortcuts and preventing people 495 00:21:34,471 --> 00:21:36,348 from just blindly following the rules. 496 00:21:36,432 --> 00:21:38,517 From now on, the crew can build in buffer time 497 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:39,768 whenever they deem fit. 498 00:21:39,852 --> 00:21:41,520 Congratulations. Dismissed. 499 00:21:41,603 --> 00:21:43,856 Oh. Well, hey, how about we add a little thing 500 00:21:43,939 --> 00:21:46,066 about how important it is to blindly follow rules? 501 00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:48,277 If my name is going to be associated with... 502 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,738 No, the Boimler Effect is literally the opposite of that. 503 00:21:50,821 --> 00:21:53,407 But I don't know, I don't know how I feel about that, and... 504 00:21:53,490 --> 00:21:56,035 I-Is it in ink? Is it already in the system? Is it... 505 00:21:56,118 --> 00:21:57,786 Wow, it's on a plaque. 506 00:21:57,870 --> 00:22:00,581 Get back to your station and do whatever you deem right. 507 00:22:02,666 --> 00:22:05,252 I get a whole rule named after me, 508 00:22:05,336 --> 00:22:07,379 and it's all about not following rules. 509 00:22:07,463 --> 00:22:09,006 Don't worry about it, man. 510 00:22:09,089 --> 00:22:11,425 They're always making up new rules no one ever remembers. 511 00:22:11,508 --> 00:22:13,260 I'm sure this one will fade, too. 512 00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:14,983 Yeah, this isn't something to worry about. 513 00:22:15,012 --> 00:22:16,430 No one will remember. 514 00:22:17,723 --> 00:22:19,725 Which is why 515 00:22:19,808 --> 00:22:22,936 the Boimler Effect is something we will never forget. 516 00:22:23,020 --> 00:22:24,646 So named after the laziest, 517 00:22:24,730 --> 00:22:27,566 most corner-cutting officer in Starfleet history, 518 00:22:27,649 --> 00:22:29,401 Brad Boimler, 519 00:22:29,485 --> 00:22:32,738 seen here with one of the great birds of the galaxy. 520 00:22:32,821 --> 00:22:35,657 Anyway, let's move on to somebody even more important, 521 00:22:35,741 --> 00:22:39,078 perhaps the most important person in Starfleet history, 522 00:22:39,161 --> 00:22:41,997 Chief Miles O'Brien. 523 00:23:14,498 --> 00:23:20,498 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 524 00:24:07,367 --> 00:24:09,527 Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. 525 00:24:11,229 --> 00:24:12,272 Chirp. 39440

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