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ABIGAIL: There's been a murder.
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[dramatic music]
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[bell dings]
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- Abigail, you know I can't just let you
barge into a crime scene.
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- Gilbert, you know it's always helpful
to have an extra set of eyes.
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- Well, you do have a nice set.
[laughs]
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[clears throat]
Of eyes.
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I--wh--
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what I mean is,
you're a very observant woman.
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I mean, you always notice
when I lose an adult tooth.
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- Let me take just a swift peek
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and maybe I'll find something peculiar.
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[gasps]
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♪ ♪
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Murder by ham!
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- Chief of police here!
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Oh.
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You didn't tell me
that Herlock Holmes was here.
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- Chief of Police Bills.
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- Mm.
How'd she get in here?
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- Through the front door?
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- Not today, Gilbert.
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No, not today, man.
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You're about as sharp
as a baked potato, man.
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I know you got a theory.
What happened here?
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- Well, after solving 116 of your murders,
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you'd think that I'd get a "Come on in."
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- 116?
Christ.
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- It's our job as police officers,
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Gilbert and I, to solve crimes.
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It's your job as a writer
to write your little stories
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for lonely gals laying around
eating chocolate.
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The little round bonbons.
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What are they called?
The round bonbons.
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You--and you got the little cherry inside.
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- What, the maraschino cherry?
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- Yeah, you bite it, and it's like
the bonbon threw up in your mouth.
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- Chief, my niece and I were here
before the murder,
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and we overheard some tidbits
you may want to hear about.
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- You are itching, about to burst,
with the information.
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Please.
Huh?
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I'd love to partake in that.
How about you, Gilbert?
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- Yeah.
- Give it to us.
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- It appears he was killed with ham--
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- Ham!
He was killed with ham.
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- Approximately 15 minutes--
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- 15 minutes ago!
15 minutes ago.
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I was gonna say 15 minutes.
You saw me, right?
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But the spit got caught in my throat.
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You didn't even pat my back
to see if I was choking or not.
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- There is definitely foul play--
- Foul play going on here!
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There's so much foul play in this room,
I can smell it.
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Matter of fact,
we gotta vent this room out
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'cause some more foul play might happen.
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- And if I was looking for a suspect,
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I would check out the competing butcher.
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He seems a little interested
in what we're talking about.
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- Hey, you're being pretty nosy right now
for someone who's not guilty!
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Puence, go get him!
Get him!
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Get him!
Get him!
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God damn it!
Pull it, don't push it!
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It's not a revolving door!
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- Wow, Aunt Abigail,
you're on a writing roll.
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How's the novel coming along?
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- Well, I haven't started it yet,
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but I'm writing a diary entry
about the nature of procrastination...
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- Ha.
- And very shortly,
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I'm getting ready to almost start.
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[keys clacking]
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- I can't believe on my first day here,
someone got murdered.
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It's pretty cool.
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- I mean, that's a normal afternoon
in New Woodstream, dear.
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[laughs]
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But something isn't sitting quite right
with me.
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♪ ♪
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[grunts]
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Ah, there's where that went!
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Well, now that I can think more clearly,
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I don't think Andy Hapsburg
is our murderer.
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He wouldn't hurt a fly!
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- Well, he's a butcher.
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I've got an idea.
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We should talk to the son.
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Bet he knows all his dad's enemies.
85
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- Now, Heidi, we must allow the police
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to have enough time to do their jobs.
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And that's enough time.
Let's go.
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- Yes.
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- It was supposed to be our grand opening,
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but it feels more like a bland opening.
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I wanted to make him proud,
and then he died.
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- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks.
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I'm still gonna open today.
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Dad would've wanted Canelli and Son
to go on.
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I owe him that.
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The way he hated me was the way
a father was supposed to hate his son.
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- Ben Jr., I know this is a terrible time
to ask, but--
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- Who wanted to kill your dad?
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- Easy, Heidi.
[laughs]
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His father just got murdered.
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- Sorry.
I had a generic Red Bull.
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- That's all right.
I'm riding on Adderall.
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- What my niece meant to say was,
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who do you think would want
to murder your father?
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- I have no idea who'd wanna ham my dad.
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If I were you guys though,
I'd talk to my mom.
107
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She's--
- An asshole, we know.
108
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- I was gonna say she's at home.
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- My apologies.
I misspoke.
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- Well, thanks so much for the tip.
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Um...
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[solemn music]
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Group shot.
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♪ ♪
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BILLS: Come on, Puence.
Puence, come in.
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- Puence here.
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BILLS: I'm gonna come over there
and sit next to you.
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- Roger.
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- [sighs]
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What do we do here, Andy?
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Oh, wow.
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People saw you yelling at Canelli
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before he was hammed.
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- Billy, come on.
You know I'm a yeller.
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[yelling]
It's how I deal with stress!
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You know I would never hurt anyone.
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[yelling]
Except with my voice!
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- You made me run today
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in my standing slacks.
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Oh, that makes me mad.
131
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You know why?
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'Cause my insurance
does not cover chafing.
133
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- I'm sorry.
134
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I just got really nervous
135
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when everyone turned around
and looked at me
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and Mrs. Mapleworth fingered me.
137
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- The bottom line of this, Andy--
you're going to jail for murder.
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[yelling]
If you don't tell us
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where the hell you were at 11:40!
140
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- I got the perfect alibi.
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[yelling]
And the yelling thing is mine!
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You came into my shop at 11:40.
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- You know what?
I was at your shop at 11:40.
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- Yes.
145
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- Yeah, I came in here...
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I had a taste for bacon.
I wanted some bacon.
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- Right, remember?
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You said you wanted to make some BLTs
for lunch.
149
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- Bacon, lettuce, and tomato.
- BLT.
150
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- I wanted to put it on wheat bread.
- Mm-hmm.
151
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- With a toothpick stuck in it like that.
152
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- And then you got a phone call
and you said, "Ope, I gotta go.
153
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Someone's been murdered."
- Yep, that's what happened.
154
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- So am I free to go?
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- Yeah.
156
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Hey, hey, hey, hey, one more thing.
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[dramatic music]
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Now...
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did I happen to leave that bacon
on that counter?
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That I purchased?
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'Cause if I did, I wanna talk to you
about getting a meat credit.
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♪ ♪
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- [whispering]
I don't think so.
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[sleuthing music]
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- Must not be home.
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[gunshot]
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Was that a gunshot?
168
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ABIGAIL: Something's amiss.
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My Maple sense is tingling,
170
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and not the sexy part.
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Heidi, you wait here.
172
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- No.
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♪ ♪
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- Now, when you're probing someone,
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you have to go for the sweets
before you get the deets.
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[gun cocks]
- Watch out, Aunt Abigail!
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[dramatic musical flourish]
[gunshot]
12789
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