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00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:08,242
DAVID: ♪♪ I'm sittingat the Lunch Hut ♪♪
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,408
♪♪ I'm feeling on these nuts ♪♪
3
00:00:10,476 --> 00:00:14,306
♪♪ Waiting on my buddyto order food for us ♪♪
4
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:15,550
‐I said‐‐
‐Where's your friend,
5
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,246
the grumpy guy
with the moustache?
6
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,517
Uh, you know, I don't know,
7
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:19,845
because I thought
he was gonna be here,
8
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,320
but he is not.
9
00:00:21,387 --> 00:00:22,957
Well, can I get you
anything while you wait?
10
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,763
Oh, I have a question.
11
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:28,155
Can I use his money,
even if he's not here yet?
12
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:29,358
Is that legal?
13
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,569
Well, you don't pay
till the end,
14
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,172
so...yes.
15
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,043
♪♪ Awesome! ♪♪
16
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,601
Large coffee,
egg salad sandwich,
17
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,470
disco fries,
and double the order.
18
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,569
Okay.
On it.
19
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,841
(upbeat music)
20
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,709
♪♪ ♪♪
21
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,148
(stomach growling)
22
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:49,782
(phone buzzing)
23
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,080
Dude, where are you?
24
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,351
I've eaten
two egg salad sandwiches,
25
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:55,259
and I don't feel good.
26
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:56,791
I took my houseboat
into lake patrol
27
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:57,917
for inspection, and it failed.
28
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,191
I don't care.
You need to come
29
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,589
to the Lunch Hut and pay
for these sandwiches.
30
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,701
No, I can't.
I panicked, and I took off.
31
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,332
(laughs)
Wait, hold on.
32
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,766
You're telling me you're, like,
on the run
33
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:05,731
from the houseboat police?
34
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,469
Yes, I am, David,
35
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,304
on the run and out of gas.
36
00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:12,269
(dramatic music)
37
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:17,038
♪♪ ♪♪
38
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,610
DAVID: Okay, that's it.
that's everything
39
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:19,949
I could siphon
out of the Fiero.
40
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:23,153
Ugh.
Mouth tastes like gas again.
41
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:24,276
Copy that, David.
Contact.
42
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,420
(engine sputtering)
43
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,115
Hey, I just noticed this
for the first time,
44
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,831
but why doesn't your houseboat
have a name?
45
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,093
Not every boat has a name.
46
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,500
Uh, every boat
has to have a name.
47
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:38,033
You know what?
I have a suggestion.
48
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,068
The USS "Moustache Ride."
49
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,303
‐No.
‐Ah, let me explain.
50
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:42,837
‐You have a moustache...
‐Uh‐huh.
51
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,443
And you ride on a boat...
52
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,365
‐You know, I got it.
‐And also,
53
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,309
it has a sexual connotation.
54
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,335
Oh, really, you finally got
around to that part?
55
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:52,551
I get it, David.
No.
56
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,683
Wait, isn't Richardsville
back that way?
57
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,148
Yes, it is,
but I'm not going back.
58
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:58,046
Oh, no, you've got to turn
this boat around.
59
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,918
My mom is making
famous meatloaf tonight,
60
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,216
and then Allie and I
were talking
61
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:04,157
about hooking up later
for some boning and moaning.
62
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:05,694
Where, at your parents' house,
David?
63
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:06,859
On this houseboat...
64
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,127
‐What?
‐While you sleep.
65
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:09,234
‐What?
‐Dude, you live
66
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,625
on an open, unprotected boat.
67
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,768
You sleep with an eye mask...and earplugs...
68
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,504
and a crazy‐loudwhite noise machine
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00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,000
that makes ocean wavecrashing sounds.
70
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,271
This was always gonna happen.
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00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:20,939
JOHN: You've heardmy noise machine?
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00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,737
DAVID: And always has beenhappening.
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00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,839
JOHN:Oh, Jesus, David.
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00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,450
♪♪ I've been fucking
on your houseboat ♪♪
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00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,712
♪♪ While you sleep ♪♪
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00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:27,610
(groans)
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00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,481
By the way,
I want to say one thing.
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00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,750
I think it's really fucked up
and sick
79
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,448
that you live on a lake,
but you listen to the ocean.
80
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:35,921
You know what?
A lot is fucked up right now.
81
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,619
Oh, my God.
Take a breath.
82
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,891
Turn this houseboat around,
bright‐eyes,
83
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,290
because I fully intend
on having
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00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:44,531
a total eclipse of the cock
on this houseboat tonight.
85
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,198
I can't turn around, David.
If I turn around,
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00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,497
Richardsville Water
and Sewer Authority
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00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,199
impounds the boat,
and then I'm homeless.
88
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,470
How are they gonna impound
this boat?
89
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,538
This boat looks terrific.
90
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,106
David, she's falling apart.
91
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,914
The battery bank is corroded,
the bilge pump barely works,
92
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,277
and the head needs replacing.
93
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,684
Apparently, it's been pumping
my feces
94
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,176
directly into the lake
for a year.
95
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,917
Damn, you know
a lot of boat vocab.
96
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,893
Plus, I still owe $9,000 on it,
97
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:07,121
so no, I'm not going back.
98
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,657
And that would be ridiculous.
99
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,392
Instead, I'm gonna go hide
in the creek system.
100
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:13,557
Once I'm over the line
in Pittsboro County,
101
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,157
I'm gonna find
a fresh water source,
102
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:18,128
and‐‐and I'll trap nutria
and‐‐and eat it.
103
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,128
I'm gonna live
on this leaky metaphor
104
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,600
for my totally fucked,
broken‐down life
105
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,139
until such time
as I am no longer
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00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,344
figuratively underwater,
107
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:28,405
but actually underwater.
108
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:29,844
At least you're not
being dramatic about it.
109
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,780
Why don't you just go back
in the rowboat, David?
110
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,705
Oh, because I suck
at tying knots.
111
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,720
Well, then,
welcome to the jungle.
112
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,491
Whoo!
Hell, yeah.
113
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,193
This is like Miami Vice, man.
114
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,934
Crockett and Tubbs.
I'm a fiend for mojitos!
115
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,031
(loud bang)
116
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:50,003
(engine sputters)
117
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,069
Oh, fuck me.
118
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:58,065
(rock music)
119
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:04,978
♪♪ ♪♪
120
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,389
(sighs)
I don't want to eat nutria.
121
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:26,499
♪♪ ♪♪
122
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,598
(surf breaking)
123
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,811
All right, better conserve
the battery.
124
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,273
Thank you, Jesus.
125
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:36,712
So I don't get it.
126
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,007
How can you operate a houseboat
127
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,679
if you never learned to drive
128
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:41,577
and you don't have
a driver's license?
129
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,678
No, I know how to drive,
130
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,219
and‐‐and I did have
a driver's license.
131
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,894
‐Whoa.
‐I just‐‐it was revoked.
132
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,052
(laughs) What?
133
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,190
You never told me that.
134
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,264
Yeah, well, let's just say
135
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,492
it was a dark time.
136
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,857
Uh, I gotta hear
about this dark time.
137
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,356
‐Come on.
‐It's personal, David.
138
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,357
‐I don't‐‐
‐Yeah! It's time for...
139
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,929
Real Houseboat Confessions:
After Dark.
140
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,402
No, I'm not going to.
141
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,468
You go first.
142
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,397
No, I'm not going to go at all.
143
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,510
Fine, I'll go first.
144
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:06,472
Okay, I've never told anybody
this.
145
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,040
And you don't ever have to.
146
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,338
‐John...
‐Okay.
147
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:11,579
I'm actually banned for life
148
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,945
from Jeff's newsstand.
149
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,823
‐What?
‐For stealing dirty magazines.
150
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,082
Well, you and Aaron
used to steal
151
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,520
dirty magazines all the time
in seventh grade.
152
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,715
Remember?I busted you for it.
153
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:20,786
The mysteryof the hijacked jugs.
154
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,394
Yeah, yeah, but this wasn't
in seventh grade.
155
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,186
‐W‐when was it?
‐It was last year.
156
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,428
Last year?
Why?
157
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,562
I never stopped
stealing dirty magazines.
158
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,630
But David, you're a grown man,
159
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,567
and also, porn is free now.
160
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:33,733
‐Why would you steal it?
‐I know.
161
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,340
Because I'm addicted
to stealing it.
162
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,001
‐Ugh.
‐It's the transgression.
163
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,710
Gives me a danger boner,
is what my therapist calls it.
164
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,344
And I have
this messed‐up relationship
165
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,108
to the sexuality
and the forbidden
166
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,107
and all this stuff,
167
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,078
and if I smell
scratch‐off tickets
168
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,377
while I'm stealing pornography,
169
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,018
it's just, like,
the most exhilarating feeling.
170
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,823
And Jeff said if he ever saw me
in his shop again,
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00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,385
he was gonna tell my parents
at church,
172
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,893
and I don't want them
to judge me.
173
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,155
‐(motor whirring)
‐Wait, you have a therapist?
174
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:58,893
Ooh, boat, boat, boat!
175
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,329
Look, there's a boat.
We're saved.
176
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:01,533
‐We're saved.
‐Oh, shh, shh, shh.
177
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,125
David. David, David,
get down, get down.
178
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,456
‐Wait, what are you doing?
‐It's the law, David.
179
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,501
(low jazz music)
180
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,238
♪♪ ♪♪
181
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,443
DAVID:
Wait, hold on a sec.
182
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,935
♪♪ ♪♪
183
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:16,106
Oh, my God.
Guess who it is, man.
184
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,836
‐JOHN: It's Heather Culbreth.
‐DAVID: Yeah!
185
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,681
It's your little
detective friend
186
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,746
‐from back in the day.
‐Yeah, I know.
187
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:25,015
We solved a lot
of mysteries together.
188
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,245
She was almost as brillianta detective as I was.
189
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,420
We even made the paper once.
190
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,259
But then in ninth grade,she went to boarding school,
191
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,134
so we sawless and less of each other.
192
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,304
I admired her.
193
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:36,961
W‐wait, what is she doing
194
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,600
working for Dicktown Water
And Sewer?
195
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:39,995
JOHN: That's the thing.
I have no idea.
196
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,096
She came in while my houseboat
was being inspected.
197
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,798
I saw her uniform.
I took my boat and ran.
198
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,070
Wait, but she's your friend.
You should've said hello.
199
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,309
No, no, I didn't want her
to know I never left town.
200
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:49,314
You know in college,
201
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,275
we were both recruited
by the FBI?
202
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,114
(snorts) What?
203
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,409
Yeah, of course.
204
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,280
She took the job
and moved away.
205
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,689
I said no, stayed here,
206
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,922
bought a houseboat
'cause I thought
207
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,516
I'd be
a cool private detective.
208
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,359
‐Worst decision I ever made.
‐Come on, man.
209
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,664
You don't want to work
for the Man
210
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,686
doing a bunch of shady shit,
getting health insurance
211
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,661
and pension like some square.
212
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,859
Ugh, David, look where I am.
213
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,731
I'm on top
of a dying houseboat.
214
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,569
I'm ashamed.
I'm broke.
215
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:15,665
I work for children.
216
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,936
Fuck yeah, you do, man,
217
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,113
and you got your best buddy
right by your side.
218
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,442
You are crushing life.
219
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,737
You are a hero
for these times, John.
220
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,949
JOHN: No, I am not.
221
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,851
Wait, let's get back
to True Houseboat Confessions.
222
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,153
Why did you get your license
taken away?
223
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:32,315
What?
Oh, um...
224
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,715
The first time I saw
The Matrix,
225
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,417
I got really excited,
and I ate a bunch of ecstasy,
226
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,788
and I drove my car into
an elementary school cafeteria.
227
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:39,859
I mean, it was nighttime.
No one was hurt.
228
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,096
But that's where
the mayor's kids went,
229
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,002
so they threw everything at me,
took my license away.
230
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,225
My mom, as you know,is the chief of police,
231
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,340
so she kept itout of the papers.
232
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:51,573
She bent the rules for me,
233
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,008
even thoughI didn't deserve it.
234
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:58,043
So I don't have
a license anymore.
235
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,551
Good night.
236
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,183
(melancholy music)
237
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:05,188
(birds singing)
238
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,164
(phone buzzing)
239
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,025
Oh, thank you, Lord,
for a respite
240
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,404
from this madness.
241
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:18,131
(engine starting abortively)
242
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,498
Hey, John, get up here!
243
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,667
What?
What is it?
244
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,065
I got cell service, dude.
I called for help.
245
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,036
Oh, what?
No.
246
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,214
Did you‐‐did you give away
our location?
247
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:26,811
I‐‐calm down.
248
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,083
All I did was call
a local marina.
249
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,382
‐And I called your dad.
‐What?
250
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,713
And good news:
251
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,448
Your dad is gonna float
the cost
252
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,724
of getting the houseboat fixed.
253
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:37,181
Get it?
A boat floats.
254
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,120
God damn it, David.
255
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,354
You know I don't take money
from my dad.
256
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,389
Ugh.
257
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,893
Today, you take money
from your dad.
258
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,955
Today, you took a lot
of money from your dad.
259
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,134
You done did it.
260
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,561
(jazz music)
261
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,287
JOHN: You know what?This is nice.
262
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,601
I can make a new life here.
263
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,233
No way, man.
This marina sucks.
264
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,767
No, that sign says
they need someone
265
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,543
to make breakfast sandwiches
at the marina store.
266
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,071
You can't run
from the law, John.
267
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:59,506
You are the law,
in a weird, minor way.
268
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:01,173
But I can't go back,
269
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,941
and I like making
breakfast sandwiches.
270
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,339
‐I'm very good at it.
‐No, no.
271
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,410
Take it from me.
272
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:06,678
You don't want to have a place
273
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:07,847
you can't go back to.
274
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,954
HEATHER: Ha!
There you are.
275
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,686
Ooh, busted!
276
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,992
What is up, Heather Culbreth?
277
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,324
Oh, my God.
278
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,888
Mr. Purefoy,
279
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,927
step away
from Mr. Hunchman, please.
280
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,332
Uh, okay.
281
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,195
‐How did you find me?
‐Well...
282
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,534
I made some calls, looking
283
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,729
for a malfunctioning
houseboat...
284
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:28,701
and then I called your dad.
285
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,869
Oh.
Wowie‐zowie.
286
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,767
Hi, Hunch.
I like the beard.
287
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,709
Heather, what‐‐
what are you doing here?
288
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,935
You know I always get my man.
289
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,950
No, I mean, why are you back
in North Carolina?
290
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,812
What happened with the FBI?
291
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,381
Mm, let's just say I texted
some uncensored opinions
292
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,320
of a particular U. S. president,
293
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,716
and those texts were unearthed
294
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,358
by a major news organization,
295
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,492
and then I was offered
mandatory early retirement.
296
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,030
Oh, wow.
I'm‐‐I'm sorry.
297
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,370
Heather, are you here
to take away my houseboat,
298
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,402
or what?
299
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:01,736
Relax, Hunch.
300
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,302
This is Pittsboro County.
301
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,509
I don't have jurisdiction.
302
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,741
I just wanted to have a word.
303
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,536
Oh, okay.
Cool.
304
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,378
You shouldn't have run, Hunch.
305
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,682
Nobody cares
about a houseboat
306
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,105
unless it's on fire.
307
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,479
If you take her back
and replace the head,
308
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,549
I promise there won't be
any trouble.
309
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,348
Okay, understood.
310
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,089
Also, that was sweet.
311
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,785
What‐‐what‐‐
what was sweet?
312
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,957
Well, when I saw you
at the inspection station...
313
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,426
‐You saw me there?
‐Uh, yeah, dude.
314
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:30,634
I pulled up your registration.
315
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,367
I saw what you named your boat.
316
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,272
Oh, no.
You did.
317
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,635
Well, I painted it over
318
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,244
after a while.
319
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,405
‐Sorry.
‐Still on the record, though.
320
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,214
MAN: Culbreth, someone dumpeda bunch of ceiling fans
321
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,077
in the reservoir.Go check it out.
322
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,406
Copy that.
Okay, I gotta go.
323
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,621
See you around, Hunch.
324
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,623
Yeah, uh, good to, um‐‐
yeah, around, Heather.
325
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,486
(light detective music)
326
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:56,416
What happened?
Are we arrested?
327
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,619
I'm not sure what happened,
328
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,131
but we're not arrested.
329
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,432
Awesome.
And look, check it out.
330
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,404
♪♪ I got a dirty magazine ♪♪
331
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,603
Oh, no, David, no.
These marina guys...
332
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,666
But I didn't steal it.
I've grown.
333
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,104
‐I paid for it.
‐Okay.
334
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,539
Oh, but I did forget to pay
for this beef jerky,
335
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,065
so I'll be right back.
336
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,909
The USS "Moustache Ride"
sails again.
337
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,877
That's not her name.
338
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:25,185
♪♪ ♪♪
339
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,501
(bright clear tones)
24692
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