All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S03E07.Martin.Goldfinger.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(whistling)

- Hi there!

- Sir, the only way that you
could ever have a high IQ

is to go up in a blimp.

- O'Hara, you're
hardly in a position

to appraise an
intelligent person.

You see, it takes
one to know one.

- Well, since it takes
one to know one, Brennan,

you should be much better
at spotting thieves.

You've been stealing

the police department's
money for years.

- Yeah, Uncle Martin.

- Yes, Tim.

- I know you enjoy playing
verbal ping pong with Brennan,

but don't you think
that that last backhand

was sort of a nasty crack?

- The only nasty crack
about Mr. Brennan

is his big mouth.

- Hey Uncle Martin, I'm a
little worried about you.

I mean, the way
you've been acting,

you haven't been
yourself lately.

- Now you're being ridiculous.

We both know there's
only one person on Earth

who could be like
me, and that's me.

Now let's drop the subject,

there is nothing
different about me.

- Uncle Martin, the chair.

- Just have to get my
thoughts on something else

besides that Brennan.

- Uncle Martin,
the table turned.

- Not quite, but I'll turn the
tables on that Brennan yet,

or my name isn't--

- Gold.

- Gold.

What in heaven's name
are you talking about?

You know what my name is.

My name isn't Gold.

- The table and the chair.

Uncle Martin, they
both changed into gold.

- Gold?

Good grief, Tim, I'm not well.

- I don't think I am either.

- Careful, careful, Tim,
don't get too close to me.

Your sterling character
could become 14 carat.

- You mean to tell me

that everything you touch

is gonna change into gold?

- Well, let's hope
not everything.

(sneezes)

- Oh, here.

Here you go.

Well, I've heard of
blowing a fortune,

but that's ridiculous.

(beeping)

(fast beeping)

(wacky music)

I know it's crazy.

I mean, I've heard the fable

about King Midas and
the Midas touch, but--

- Fable?

My naive, young friend,

if you could research
the subject properly,

you would find that King Midas

is merely a corruption
of King Martis,

the Latin name for--

- Martis?

You mean--

- My first case of
gold starvation.

As you Earthlings require
iron in your diet,

we Martians need gold.

There's been none in my
diet since I left Mars.

- But I just don't get it.

I mean, if you need gold,

how come you're turning
everything into it?

Or are you gonna eat the table?

- Well, to compensate for
the lack of it in my system,

my body is
manufacturing its own.

Unfortunately, inedible.

But as long as I have
a gold deficiency,

everything my hands touch
will be turned to gold.

- Do you realize that
just a few minutes ago

this was nothing
more than a fugitive

from a secondhand store.

And now...

Well, I just can't get over it.

- Me either, until
I find the cure.

Until then, we've
got to keep me away

from everything and everybody,

specially that flatfoot
with head to mat.

- Goodnight, Martin.

- Goodnight, Tim.

- Sleep carefully.

- Yoo-hoo!

- Good morning, Lorelei.

- Oh, Bill, I'm so happy
you could make it today.

I've got something
special planned.

I've been preparing that
delicious barbecue sauce

you love so much.

- Good!

- And I want you and Martin--

- No good.

- Now, Bill, I know what
happened last night,

but I insist that you make up.

It'll show Martin what
a big person you are.

Now take my word,

when you shake his hand,

he'll see what you're
really made of.

- Sodium, calcium, phosphorous.

But not an ounce of gold in
any of your earthly food.

- Hey, you know,

now that you've mentioned it,

I wonder what gold is
selling for now by the ounce.

- Somewhere on this
backward planet,

there must be a food
containing gold.

- Well, if there is,
I couldn't help you.

Unless, how about
a goldenrod salad?

- Not goldenrod,

but there is a place where
they have gold bricks.

- In the Army.

- A little spot in
Kentucky called Fort Knox.

You mentioned salad.

Ah, now what I need
is a diet of greens

that has been grown
in a golden-rich soil.

- Well, the only thing that
grows in vaults is interest.

- In the vault, yes.

But gold dust settles
on those vault floors

and when they
scrub those floors,

the water carries gold
salts out through the drains

and into the soil outside.

Now there must be some
kind of a creek or stream

with plants growing.

What I need is a salad
made of those plants.

- Oh, I get it,

sort of a mixed greens salad
where the green is negotiable.

- But I don't dare
leave the house.

I can't even touch
a plane ticket.

- Yeah, well, I don't
know what to tell you.

I mean, I'd be glad
to fly down for you,

but I'm afraid I wouldn't
be of any use at all.

You see, all streams
look alike to me.

- Yes.

We'll have to locate the one
that flows past the vault.

Fort Knox, Fort Knox,

Fort Knox, Fort Knox,

Fort Knox.

There it is,

a stream right beyond
the southeast corner.

- A floor plan of Fort Knox?

Don't tell me you're
the man who designed it.

- No, his teacher.

Not a bad job of switching
my original plan.

Look it over carefully.

- Oh no, not me.

Listen, I might
talk in my sleep.

You said the southeast corner?

The southeast corner
is fine for me!

As far as I'm concerned,

I want this hunk
of evidence gone.

Southeast corner, south--

Whoops.

Southeast corner.

- You mean you won't?

- I'm sorry, Lorelei,

but my mother told
me to associate

only with my equals and better.

- Oh, Bill.

- Hey.

- Oh, it's just a piece
of burnt paper, silly.

- Oh.

N-O-X?

Oh yeah, this should give you
some idea of his incompetence,

burning papers in his fireplace.

- Well, maybe he
was out of firewood.

- He should've used his head.

And I mean that two ways.

- Oh, you're just
impossible, you--

You, you, man, you.

- Oh, Lorelei,
try to understand.

- All I understand is I am
ashamed of you, Bill Brennan.

I have nothing more to say.

You just leave me speechless.

- But, Lorelei.

- Except that you're
being pigheaded and petty,

and letting your
ridiculous masculine pride

get in the way of my happiness,

because I certainly
couldn't be happy.

Nobody could, when their
two most favorite friends

are so antagonistic
to each other

that they won't
even make an effort

to let bygones be
bygones even for me

and I'm just--

Well, I'm just speechless.

- I didn't want to--

I apologize for what I did.

I hope I didn't
make you unhappy.

- Oh, Bill, you
make me so proud.

I'll go call the
boys to come down

and we'll all have
dinner together

and I know you'll both
be as good as gold.

- If I leave at 8:30,

I'll arrive there at 12:30.

Now, it'll just give me time
if I have two hours to--

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Oh hi, Mrs. Brown.

Oh sure, just a second.

- Tim.

- Hmm?

Oh, I forgot.

- I almost turned
every telephone in
the world into gold.

- Well, that would've made the
phone company pretty happy.

- Oh, hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Brown.

Dinner?

Well, that's very
generous of you,

but truthfully, I
don't think that--

I don't think it
would be possible.

- But Martin, I've been
working all morning

basting my ribs.

The last time I made them,

you and Tim said you liked them.

Wonderful.

Then you'll come?

- Oh, we would,

only Tim has to leave town.

We were planning on
just grabbing a bite

so he could catch his plane.

You understand?

- I certainly do,

you just don't like my ribs.

- Of course we do.

In fact, I can't think of
anyone whose ribs I admire more.

- Good, dinner will be at six.

- I'm sure it'll be very cozy
with just the three of us.

Brennan?

What, hello?

Hello, Mrs. Brown?

Mrs. Brown?

She hung up.

- Oh, boy.

Well, that's gonna
be a marvelous dinner

with old eagle
eye Brennan there.

Listen, you can't get
over the gold standard

long enough to pick up a napkin.

- For an intelligent man,

sometimes I can be pretty dumb.

- Oh, that must be them.

- Unfortunately.

- Oh, there you are.

Oh, I'm so glad you could come.

And now, before we sit down,

I insist that you two
silly boys shake hands

and make up.

- Mrs. Brown, I knew you'd
want us to shake hands

and even though I'd
enjoy nothing more

than shaking hands with
Lieutenant Brennan,

as you can see, a sprain.

- From reaching
around to pat yourself

on the back, no doubt.

- Now, now, now, now,
we'll have no more of this.

And Tim and I will see to
it that you two behave.

Won't we, Tim?

- Well, I'm perfectly
willing to give it a try.

Of course, I've never
refereed at a dinner before.

Uncle Martin, uh...

We'll be sitting over here?

- Yes.

Oh, thank you, Bill.

- Thank you, Tim.

- Mm-hm.

- Now, you boys just
help yourselves.

(clears throat)

Oh, well, except poor Martin.

Lorelei will help
you with your ribs.

- Thank you, Mrs. Brown.

- Mm, delicious, Lorelei.

- Mm-hmm, they're sensational.

Uncle Martin, what
are you gonna do?

You can't just leave them on
top of your plate like that.

- I don't intend to.

- Oh!

- Allow me.

- Uncle Martin, the window.

- [Bill] There.

- Mrs. Brown, that meal
was absolutely delicious.

And I don't mean to be rude,

but as the saying
goes, eat and run.

I'm afraid I have to
catch an 8:30 flight.

- Oh, and if you will excuse me,

I'm afraid I have to leave too.

- Yes, Uncle Martin
has to give me a hand.

- Thank you, Tim.

- Well, I'm so glad
you could come.

I'm awfully sorry you
have to leave us so soon.

- It was marvelous,
Mrs. Brown, thank you.

Thanks.

- Goodnight, thank
you very much.

- Goodbye.

- Yes, goodnight.

- I must say, I'm very flattered
you all enjoyed my dinner,

especially Martin, even
with his injured hand.

Did you see the way
he cleaned his plate?

- Well.

He sure did.

- Like a good boy.

- Like a Tasmanian wolfhound.

- Now, Bill.

- Lorelei, look.

Who eats spareribs
bones and all?

- Well, he must've been starved.

You know, those boys don't
eat properly up there.

- Unless he dropped
them under the--

- What is it?

- Looks like gold,
feels like gold,

tastes like gold.

- Oh, isn't that interesting.

- I'd say downright peculiar.

What's O'Hara doing
with a chunk of gold?

- Oh dear, eating
all those bones,

I'll bet he lost a filling.

- This size?

He'd have to have teeth
like a hippopotamus.

You know, possession of
gold bullion is illegal

in the United States these days.

I think I'm onto something
bigger than O'Hara's molars.

Oh Lorelei, that's not true.

You know I never
jump to conclusions.

I'm not that kind of detective.

But if the only place
that's authorized

to have gold in this
form is Fort Knox...

K-N-O-X.

N-O-X?

- Now, Bill, I think you're--

What is it?

- It's a floor plan.

Part of a floor plan.

A building with
very thick walls,

something N-O-X.

May I use your phone?

Line of duty.

- Oh gracious.

- Airport information, please.

Information.

How many planes do you have
departing tonight at 8:30?

Yes, where is it bound?

Wichita, St. Louis.

Did you say Fort Knox?

Aha!

- [Lorelei] Good morning, Bill.

- Brennan?

8:30 in the morning.

He's onto something.

- Yes, Lorelei, I think
you'll be needing a sign.

Quote, "three room, garage,
apartment for rent," unquote.

- Will they be moving?

- Shh!

I should say very, very soon.

Young O'Hara turned up
last night in Fort Knox.

May I use this ladder?

- Yes.

You're not thinking of putting
up the rent sign with that?

- Oh, no.

But I think it may help me to
get O'Hara a long lease in,

shall we say, a federal
housing project.

(screaming)

- Happy landing.

Now, what to do, what to do?

- Oh, dear.

Bill, Bill, are you alright?

Bill?

- Lorelei?

Lorelei, that's how they're
smuggling it out of the country.

As furniture, solid
gold furniture.

- Oh dear, he must've had
a nasty blow on the head.

Oh, yes, yes, there's a bump.

- It's even bigger
than I dreamed.

- Yeah, well, don't
worry about it,

I'll put some ice on it.

- Open up, open up!

Open up in the name of the law.

- I'd ask you in, Brennan,
but you seem to be in already.

- I've got you
this time, O'Hara.

I'm gonna confiscate
every piece of...

Where is it?

- Where is what?

- The solid gold furniture
that was right there.

And you can't deny it,

I've already seen it.

- Then I suggest you
see something else,

like a good optometrist.

- I don't know where
you've hidden it,

but I'm going to find it.

- Ah, you do have
a search warrant.

- You might as well
cooperate, O'Hara.

That accomplice of
yours, Tim O'Hara,

has already been
arrested at Fort Knox.

- Somebody mention my name?

- Have a nice trip, Tim?

- Yeah.

- How did you get here?

I teletyped Fort Knox
to have you picked up.

- Oh, come on,
Detective Brennan,

they can't arrest you
for picking grass,

except for in front
of a public library.

(laughter)

- Pardon me,

I'm going to check on that.

You haven't seen the last of me.

- What a pity.

- But I saw it.

I did.

- Now the test.

Tim, look, it's
immune to my touch.

It contains the minerals I need.

- Uncle Martin, what happened?

What happened to everything?

- Shh!

Tim, never mind.

Never mind, not now.

- The furniture's
completely changed.

What ever happened
to all the gold?

- Tim, please, not
right now, it's alright.

- What do you mean it's alright?

Alright my foot.

Why, this table
alone was worth a...

Oh, I get it.

I get it, you just
painted it over,

it's still gold.

- Oh, no.

- Oh-ho.

- Bill?

Bill, are you alright?

- Lieutenant Brennan, car
341 calling for assistance.

- Oh dear, that must've been
a nasty blow on the head.

- Please, Lorelei, I'm alright.

Car 341 calling for assistance.

- Oh, I didn't know there
were assistant policemen.

- [Policeman] Car
341, come in, over.

- This is Lieutenant
Brennan, now hear this.

All cars in the vicinity
of 21 Elm Street,

close in fast,

and better come in with
your sirens screaming.

I want the O'Hara gang to know

that it hasn't a
chance of escaping.

Oh yes, and I want one
big, rugged moving van.

- Dick Tracy just blew
the whistle on us.

We've only got minutes, Tim.

- Oh, it's gonna be
more like 30 years.

I'm really sorry I
shot off my mouth.

- Unless I can get this
contraption to work properly.

- This is no time to
install indirect lighting.

- No, no, no, Tim,

this is a makeshift cyclotron.

If I can bombard this room
full of synthetic gold

with just enough neutrons,

a chain reaction will result

and everything should return
to its original state.

- Oh?

Well, if it's our only chance.

(knocking)

- This is Lieutenant Brennan,

open up in the name of the law.

(knocking)

- I don't know if it
can take full power,

but here it goes.

Check, check, check.

- Open up peaceably or
I'm coming in forcibly.

- These molecules have to
double their vibrations

because it's still not enough.

- If you'll put up your hands.

Martin and Tim O'Hara,

I'm arresting you for the
illegal possession of gold,

for attempting to smuggle
gold out of the United States,

and for the theft
of an unspecified
amount of gold bullion

from the depository at
Fort Knox, Kentucky.

- I thought you'd say
something like that.

- Smart to the end, aren't you?

Well, that's
exactly what this is

and that's your
transportation coming now.

(siren blaring)

(small blast of sound)

What was that?

What was that?

- I guess we blew a fuse.

- Oh, Bill, your assistant
policemen are here.

- [Bill] Captain.

- Brennan, you've got half
the police force out there,

so what's your problem?

- If you'll just take
this knife, Captain,

and go over there and scrape
a bit of paint off that table.

Well?

- You just took the word
right out of my mouth.

Well?

- Well, don't you know what
that is under that paint?

- That's wood.

- Exactly.

Wood?

What did you do
with that furniture?

- Sat on it.

- But it's gold!

It was gold.

- Gold?

So this is what
that was all about.

Now you listen to me, Brennan,

I just had a call from Fort Knox

and not one ounce of
their gold is missing.

- But it was all here,

I saw it, I felt it.

This was gold, and this was
gold, and this was gold,

and this was gold.

I tell you, it was.

- Of course it was.

- I bet you think I'm crazy.

- I'll bet you think you're not.

Come along, Brennan.

- Captain, he did
have a nasty blow

on the head a little while ago.

- If I may suggest a checkup

and a nice long
rest in the country.

- Come along, Brennan.

Come along, come along.

Sorry to bother you.

- Long rest.

- There goes my 110
foot, twin-screw,

double diesel,
ocean-going yacht,

my mansion in Bel-Air,

my own metropolitan
daily newspaper.

Oh well, we wouldn't have
been able to enjoy it anyway,

even if your gadget didn't work.

- But it didn't.

- What?

What about all the--

- We can thank the
lieutenant for that.

An eager beaver Brennan
ordered his police sirens

to such a high volume

that they added enough
high-frequency vibration to,

shall we say, turn the tables.

(wacky music)