All language subtitles for MacGruber.UNRATED.BDRip.XviD-JUMANJi

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German Download
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:57,000 ....:::: S I L I C O N C H I P ::::.... 1 00:01:48,088 --> 00:01:49,749 Right on time. 2 00:01:49,856 --> 00:01:52,120 Zeke! Hurry the fuck up! 3 00:01:54,761 --> 00:01:55,989 Almost there! 4 00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:06,396 Nighty-night. 5 00:02:35,302 --> 00:02:36,826 Open it. 6 00:02:48,915 --> 00:02:50,644 Load it up. 7 00:03:01,595 --> 00:03:04,155 Sorry, I don't speak Russian. 8 00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,457 Wait! 9 00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:21,508 MacGruber 10 00:03:22,516 --> 00:03:27,283 Making life-saving inventions out of household materials 11 00:03:27,387 --> 00:03:29,719 MacGruber 12 00:03:31,691 --> 00:03:36,321 Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations 13 00:03:36,596 --> 00:03:38,689 MacGruber 14 00:03:38,832 --> 00:03:40,925 The guy's a fucking genius 15 00:03:41,034 --> 00:03:44,765 MacGruber 16 00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,785 MacGruber 17 00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:08,185 He made a fucking movie 18 00:04:08,395 --> 00:04:11,296 MacGruber 19 00:04:45,999 --> 00:04:47,523 Sir, I still don't understand why we had 20 00:04:47,634 --> 00:04:48,999 to come all the way out here. 21 00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:51,764 Because, Lieutenant, we need the best. 22 00:04:53,173 --> 00:04:54,936 And this guy's that good? 23 00:04:55,675 --> 00:04:57,142 Yeah. He's that good. 24 00:04:57,243 --> 00:04:58,767 Then why isn't he on active duty? 25 00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:00,844 Because 26 00:05:02,515 --> 00:05:05,245 he's been dead for 10 years. 27 00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:26,162 Hello, Colonel. 28 00:05:26,873 --> 00:05:27,965 Hello, MacGruber. 29 00:05:28,341 --> 00:05:29,308 MacGruber? 30 00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:32,376 How did you find me? 31 00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,640 You forget I taught you everything you know. 32 00:05:38,885 --> 00:05:41,376 Not everything, Colonel. 33 00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:43,878 Hello, Jim. 34 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:45,423 MacGruber. 35 00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:48,187 This is Lieutenant Dixon Piper. Lieutenant, this is... 36 00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:50,387 The legendary MacGruber. 37 00:05:51,531 --> 00:05:54,159 Former Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Green Beret. 38 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:57,168 Served six tours in Desert Storm, four in Bosnia, 39 00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:01,434 three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone. 40 00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:03,907 Recipient of sixteen Purple Hearts, 41 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:05,238 three Congressional Medals of Honor, 42 00:06:05,378 --> 00:06:07,505 seven Presidential Medals of Bravery, 43 00:06:07,614 --> 00:06:10,981 and starting tight end for the University of Texas, El Paso. 44 00:06:11,084 --> 00:06:12,949 That was a long time ago. 45 00:06:13,053 --> 00:06:14,179 Listen, Mac... 46 00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:17,222 Colonel, with all due respect, 47 00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:19,188 whatever it is you're here for, 48 00:06:19,292 --> 00:06:20,418 the answer is no. 49 00:06:22,495 --> 00:06:26,625 My life is here now. Everything I care about is in these walls. 50 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:31,363 I'm a man of peace. This is my home, these are my people. 51 00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:34,201 Hey, hey! Shit! He'll give it back. 52 00:06:35,475 --> 00:06:37,705 Look, MacGruber. Two days ago, a Russian convoy 53 00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,803 carrying the X-5 nuclear warhead got jacked. 54 00:06:40,914 --> 00:06:44,213 Yesterday, reliable sources informed us it made its way to US soil. 55 00:06:44,317 --> 00:06:45,944 That's not my problem anymore. 56 00:06:46,052 --> 00:06:48,145 MacGruber, the X-5 is one of the most powerful nuclear... 57 00:06:48,254 --> 00:06:50,222 Yeah, I know what the X-5 is. 58 00:06:50,323 --> 00:06:52,314 Lieutenant, give us a minute, will you? 59 00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:53,449 Yes, sir. 60 00:06:58,832 --> 00:07:02,598 Mac, you're our only hope. 61 00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:04,431 Your country needs you. 62 00:07:04,537 --> 00:07:07,904 I think I've given more than enough to my country already. 63 00:07:09,075 --> 00:07:10,235 Mac, if this is about Casey, she... 64 00:07:10,343 --> 00:07:13,904 It's not about Casey. It's about a promise I made to myself. 65 00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:15,480 Listen to me, Mac. No, you listen! 66 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:16,981 I'm out of the game. 67 00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:19,074 Well, the game has changed. But the players are the same. 68 00:07:19,185 --> 00:07:21,050 MacGruber, it's Cunth. 69 00:07:22,989 --> 00:07:24,081 What? 70 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,658 We have reason to believe 71 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,389 the X-5 is now in the possession of Dieter Von Cunth. 72 00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:35,156 Cunth. 73 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:37,234 Mac. 74 00:07:38,071 --> 00:07:41,404 This is your chance to finally take him down. 75 00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:46,507 Sorry, Jim. I can't do it. 76 00:07:52,085 --> 00:07:53,518 If you change your mind... 77 00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:01,560 Lieutenant. 78 00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:17,365 Do you, Casey Janine Fitzpatrick, 79 00:08:17,477 --> 00:08:21,413 take MacGruber to be your lawfully wedded husband? 80 00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:23,007 I do. 81 00:08:30,323 --> 00:08:33,224 And do you, MacGruber, take Casey Janine Fitzpatrick... 82 00:08:33,326 --> 00:08:35,453 Fuck you. 83 00:08:35,562 --> 00:08:38,087 ... to be your lawfully wedded wife? 84 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,498 Casey! 85 00:08:47,574 --> 00:08:49,132 MacGruber! 86 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:04,817 I'm in. 87 00:10:05,385 --> 00:10:06,352 What? 88 00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:08,854 I'm in. 89 00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:11,583 MacGruber. Thank God. 90 00:10:11,691 --> 00:10:14,888 Your God can't help you, Jim. But I can. 91 00:10:16,863 --> 00:10:17,989 So what do we know so far? 92 00:10:18,097 --> 00:10:19,621 Very little, unfortunately. 93 00:10:19,732 --> 00:10:22,360 We think Cunth smuggled the X-5 into the US, 94 00:10:22,468 --> 00:10:24,959 but we lost the trail before we could pin any hard evidence on him. 95 00:10:25,071 --> 00:10:27,699 I was actually talking to the Colonel. Colonel? 96 00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,798 Everything Piper just said is correct. 97 00:10:29,909 --> 00:10:32,139 Thank you, Colonel. 98 00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:34,408 Well, then, if you'll excuse me, 99 00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:35,845 it's time to go pound some Cunth. 100 00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:38,850 Mac. It's not that easy. 101 00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:41,785 Sure, to us, he's a black market arms dealer. But to everyone else, 102 00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:43,515 he's become a respected businessman 103 00:10:43,623 --> 00:10:45,113 and a major political donor. 104 00:10:45,224 --> 00:10:46,248 He's untouchable. 105 00:10:46,592 --> 00:10:48,321 Oh, I'll touch him, rookie. 106 00:10:48,428 --> 00:10:49,986 I'll touch him wherever I want. 107 00:10:51,698 --> 00:10:55,031 Now, Mac, one thing we have working in our favor 108 00:10:55,134 --> 00:10:57,898 is that Cunth needs passcodes to make the X-5 operational. 109 00:10:58,004 --> 00:11:00,564 It is imperative that Cunth does not get those codes. 110 00:11:00,673 --> 00:11:02,641 Oh, thanks. Because before you said something, 111 00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:05,404 I thought it'd be fine if he got them. 112 00:11:06,913 --> 00:11:08,403 Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Mac. 113 00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,107 This is a very tall order. 114 00:11:11,217 --> 00:11:13,583 Word on the street is Cunth's put together a team 115 00:11:13,686 --> 00:11:15,153 of the most ruthless criminals this planet has to offer. 116 00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:22,590 Zeke Pleshette. Constantine Bach. The Culebra brothers. 117 00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:25,459 It's a veritable dream team of killers. 118 00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:28,056 Well, then, I'll just have to put together my own dream team 119 00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:29,532 of killer-stoppers. 120 00:11:29,635 --> 00:11:31,296 Regarding that, Mac, 121 00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,668 Lieutenant Piper here is one of the best men we have. 122 00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,673 He'll be your second-in-command on this thing. 123 00:11:35,775 --> 00:11:37,675 I got a better idea. 124 00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:38,937 No fucking way. 125 00:11:44,650 --> 00:11:46,675 MacGruber, I know I'm not what you expected. 126 00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:47,912 Let me guess. 127 00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:51,184 One year out of the academy, zero combat experience, 128 00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:53,520 little punk thinks his shit don't stink. 129 00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:54,650 Well, just to let you know, 130 00:11:54,761 --> 00:11:57,161 your shit does stink. 131 00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,027 It stinks like shit. 132 00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:00,959 If you'll just give me a shot. 133 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,091 Give this a shot. 134 00:12:03,803 --> 00:12:05,498 My fricking nose! 135 00:12:05,605 --> 00:12:06,629 Now, if you'll excuse me, 136 00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:09,537 it's time to round up a real team. 137 00:12:09,942 --> 00:12:11,239 Asshole. 138 00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:08,495 I got it, Rico. I got it. 139 00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:12,594 Same old Frank. Always wants to go it alone. 140 00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,395 MacGruber. 141 00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:16,770 Man, I thought you were dead. 142 00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:21,305 Last time I saw you, you had a grenade launcher in one hand 143 00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,676 and an M-16 in the other. 144 00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:25,910 And you had just ripped a dude's throat out with your bare hands. 145 00:13:26,018 --> 00:13:27,144 Classic MacGruber. 146 00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:31,056 So, looks like you're keeping your bod pretty tight. 147 00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:32,556 You're looking pretty good yourself. 148 00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:33,682 Well, every day's a workout 149 00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:36,387 when you gotta carry around a 20-pound python in your jeans. 150 00:13:36,496 --> 00:13:37,861 You and your dick comments. 151 00:13:37,964 --> 00:13:38,988 It's fun to say them. 152 00:13:39,098 --> 00:13:40,588 It's fun to hear them. That's why I say them. 153 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:41,667 And that's why I listen. 154 00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:44,268 Wow, we had some good times together, didn't we? 155 00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:46,361 We had some great times. 156 00:13:46,472 --> 00:13:47,939 We're about to have some more. 157 00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:50,300 Uh-oh! I know that look. 158 00:13:50,409 --> 00:13:53,003 I need you, Frank. It's serious. 159 00:13:53,112 --> 00:13:54,670 I'm putting together a team. 160 00:13:56,782 --> 00:13:57,806 Then I'm in. 161 00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:34,505 Two is a wonderful number 162 00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:38,010 And three is a crowd, that's true 163 00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:42,553 But four is the perfect number for sure 164 00:15:43,055 --> 00:15:45,785 If it's two kids and me 165 00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:48,016 and you 166 00:15:49,195 --> 00:15:50,719 I love you. 167 00:15:51,497 --> 00:15:53,021 That was beautiful, Vicki. 168 00:15:54,066 --> 00:15:57,058 MacGruber. I thought you were dead. 169 00:15:57,169 --> 00:15:59,364 So did I. But I'm not. 170 00:15:59,472 --> 00:16:01,201 I'm alive and I'm putting together a team. 171 00:16:02,508 --> 00:16:03,736 Good for you. 172 00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:06,368 No, good for us. And good for America. 173 00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:08,877 And good for fans of justice and truth. 174 00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:10,642 Because you're on that team. 175 00:16:11,884 --> 00:16:12,851 I can't. 176 00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:15,384 Just give me one good reason, Vick. 177 00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:18,279 I do. 178 00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:22,225 And do you, MacGruber, take Casey Janine Fitzpatrick 179 00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:23,886 to be your lawfully wedded wife? 180 00:16:23,996 --> 00:16:25,691 No! 181 00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:32,336 I lost my best friend that day. 182 00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:34,167 I did, too. 183 00:16:34,273 --> 00:16:36,741 And now we have a chance to get revenge. 184 00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:39,504 Revenge? It's Cunth. 185 00:16:41,914 --> 00:16:46,374 I'm sorry, I've started over. My life is my music now. 186 00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:52,983 If you change your mind. 187 00:16:58,597 --> 00:17:00,997 It was good to see you, Vicki. 188 00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:14,877 Is everything on schedule? 189 00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:17,448 Yes, sir. We should have the passcodes by Tuesday. 190 00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:21,987 Wonderful. Beautiful. 191 00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:23,749 Have you ever been to D. C? 192 00:17:24,657 --> 00:17:26,386 No, sir, I haven't. 193 00:17:26,492 --> 00:17:29,290 I was talking to the missile. 194 00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:34,799 All right, you guys strapped in? 195 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,993 Yes! Tag 'em and bag 'em, MacGruber! 196 00:17:37,103 --> 00:17:38,161 Yeah! 197 00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,635 Just like old times! 198 00:17:39,739 --> 00:17:41,798 Shit. I gotta go deal with the brass. 199 00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,340 Fuck the brass! Let's go, man. 200 00:17:43,442 --> 00:17:45,137 Hang tight. 201 00:17:45,244 --> 00:17:46,609 Fuck the brass! 202 00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:47,940 Fuck the brass! 203 00:17:48,047 --> 00:17:49,309 Fuck the brass! 204 00:17:54,854 --> 00:17:55,843 One second, Grubes. 205 00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:58,412 Yes, Mr. President. 206 00:17:59,191 --> 00:18:01,421 Yes, sir. Well, we got MacGruber on this team right in front of us. 207 00:18:02,261 --> 00:18:03,558 No, we're certain it's Cunth. 208 00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,758 How's your nose, rookie? 209 00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:08,425 It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina. 210 00:18:09,869 --> 00:18:11,996 So, my face is a vagina, huh? 211 00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:15,096 Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick, 212 00:18:15,207 --> 00:18:17,107 so you could use it to fuck butts. 213 00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,473 I forget. The last time I saw you, 214 00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:21,978 did I remember to tell you how ugly I think you are? 215 00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:24,242 No, you didn't. Well, I think you're really ugly. 216 00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:26,181 I think you're looking in the mirror. You want to go? 217 00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:27,912 Any time, any place. 218 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,648 I'm starting to like this guy. 219 00:18:30,756 --> 00:18:32,917 Just kidding. I still hate you. 220 00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:34,959 Well, I hate you. You want to go? 221 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,858 Hey, guys, guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Cool it. 222 00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:44,736 So, MacGruber, we understand you've recruited quite a team. 223 00:18:44,837 --> 00:18:47,829 Quite a team? Yeah, you could say that. 224 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:52,570 Frank Korver, Tanker Lutz, Tut Beemer, Tug Phelps, Vernon Freedom, moi. 225 00:18:53,512 --> 00:18:54,672 Yeah, I'd say it's a pretty good team. 226 00:18:57,316 --> 00:18:58,806 Look, Mac, are you sure you won't change your mind 227 00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:00,249 about letting Piper here join you? 228 00:19:00,352 --> 00:19:02,013 He'd make a hell of an asset. 229 00:19:02,121 --> 00:19:06,023 Oh, I would love to, but the van's pretty full. 230 00:19:07,059 --> 00:19:08,686 You see, it's filled with American heroes 231 00:19:08,794 --> 00:19:11,627 with over a hundred years of combined combat experience 232 00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,823 and a whole lot of brotherhood. 233 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:15,924 And no, you can't ride in the trunk, bud! 234 00:19:16,602 --> 00:19:21,539 'Cause the trunk is filled with over 75 pounds of homemade C-4 explosive 235 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,406 that I personally packed in there with my own two... 236 00:19:29,782 --> 00:19:31,647 Oh, fuck! 237 00:19:32,918 --> 00:19:36,615 No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! 238 00:19:36,722 --> 00:19:40,214 Tut, Tug! You guys okay? 239 00:19:40,326 --> 00:19:42,817 Oh, somebody's gotta be in there! 240 00:19:43,329 --> 00:19:44,728 Oh! Oh! 241 00:19:45,197 --> 00:19:48,724 Call 911! Call 911! 242 00:19:50,769 --> 00:19:54,227 Oh, God! Oh, God! 243 00:20:01,947 --> 00:20:04,040 They were nice funerals. 244 00:20:04,149 --> 00:20:08,245 Yeah. What did you think of my eulogies? 245 00:20:10,523 --> 00:20:12,115 Very touching. 246 00:20:12,224 --> 00:20:15,193 I might have cut back on the F-words a little. 247 00:20:15,294 --> 00:20:17,524 Well, they were fucking great guys. 248 00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:19,723 And this is a fucking asshole of a day. 249 00:20:19,832 --> 00:20:21,094 I know. 250 00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:23,901 It's just that their kids were there. 251 00:20:24,003 --> 00:20:25,197 They laughed. 252 00:20:25,304 --> 00:20:27,602 Because of your use of heavy language. 253 00:20:27,706 --> 00:20:29,333 Well, fuck 'em. 254 00:20:31,544 --> 00:20:33,375 I should have been in that van. 255 00:20:33,479 --> 00:20:34,741 But you weren't. 256 00:20:34,847 --> 00:20:36,371 No, I wasn't. 257 00:20:36,482 --> 00:20:39,110 And nobody's gonna regret that more than Cunth. 258 00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:41,650 MacGruber, about that. 259 00:20:41,921 --> 00:20:42,910 Look, I'm taking you off the case. 260 00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,357 I'm sorry, I must have heard wrong. 261 00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,289 'Cause I thought I just heard you say, 262 00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:49,418 "MacGruber, about that. 263 00:20:49,528 --> 00:20:50,756 "Look, I'm taking you off the case." 264 00:20:50,863 --> 00:20:52,125 That's exactly what I said. 265 00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:54,597 Damn it, Jim. You can't do that. Okay? 266 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:55,894 I'm the best chance you got. 267 00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:57,832 You told me yourself at the monastery. 268 00:20:57,937 --> 00:20:59,199 But the game has changed! 269 00:20:59,305 --> 00:21:00,533 But the players are the same! 270 00:21:00,639 --> 00:21:02,539 Mac, I got no choice. 271 00:21:02,641 --> 00:21:05,769 Look, you've been through a very traumatic experience. 272 00:21:05,878 --> 00:21:07,209 You're too close. 273 00:21:07,313 --> 00:21:08,678 And without a team behind you, 274 00:21:09,214 --> 00:21:11,705 I just can't chance it. 275 00:21:11,817 --> 00:21:13,785 I'm sorry, Grubes. 276 00:21:27,499 --> 00:21:29,399 Sir, I just... Piper. 277 00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:30,866 Where's the Colonel? 278 00:21:30,970 --> 00:21:33,632 You gotta help me. They want to kick me off the mission. 279 00:21:33,739 --> 00:21:35,001 Well, under the circumstances... 280 00:21:35,107 --> 00:21:36,802 Fuck you, dickhead! All right. 281 00:21:36,909 --> 00:21:38,809 Wait, wait, wait! I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that. 282 00:21:38,911 --> 00:21:40,378 What do you want, MacGruber? 283 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,048 Join my team. What? 284 00:21:43,148 --> 00:21:46,242 Join my new team, and tell the Colonel I can do this. 285 00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:47,319 I can't do that. 286 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,951 Okay, don't make me beg here. 287 00:21:51,056 --> 00:21:52,284 'Cause I will do it. 288 00:21:54,059 --> 00:21:55,287 I am so sorry. 289 00:21:57,262 --> 00:21:59,753 I'm so goddamn sorry. 290 00:21:59,865 --> 00:22:02,527 Look, I'm freaking out here. 291 00:22:02,635 --> 00:22:04,796 I killed them. I killed them all! 292 00:22:04,903 --> 00:22:07,269 I'm so fucking stupid! 293 00:22:08,374 --> 00:22:11,639 I don't know what I'm doing and everybody hates me! 294 00:22:15,748 --> 00:22:18,410 Look, I will suck your dick. 295 00:22:19,451 --> 00:22:20,884 I will suck your fucking dick. 296 00:22:20,986 --> 00:22:23,716 I will do it, just join my team. 297 00:22:23,822 --> 00:22:24,880 I'll suck your dick. 298 00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:27,515 You can fuck me or get fucked by me. 299 00:22:27,626 --> 00:22:29,218 You can watch me fuck something. 300 00:22:29,328 --> 00:22:31,956 Just point at something in the room and I'll fuck it for you. 301 00:22:32,064 --> 00:22:34,089 Come on, just tell me what you want me to fuck! 302 00:22:34,199 --> 00:22:36,292 Jesus Christ, MacGruber. 303 00:22:36,402 --> 00:22:39,860 Just tell me what you want me to fuck. 304 00:22:42,174 --> 00:22:44,540 Okay, I don't have any lubricant. Do you see any Wite-Out? 305 00:22:44,643 --> 00:22:46,406 Or, like, copy toner should work, or... 306 00:22:46,512 --> 00:22:48,503 Put your pants back on. What are you doing? 307 00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:49,581 I don't know! 308 00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:53,584 I don't know what I'm doing! I'm so fucked here! 309 00:22:53,686 --> 00:22:55,847 I am so fucked. 310 00:22:56,989 --> 00:22:59,150 Come on, MacGruber. 311 00:23:00,292 --> 00:23:01,281 It's not so bad. 312 00:23:01,393 --> 00:23:03,156 Oh, it's not? 313 00:23:03,262 --> 00:23:04,820 The man who killed my wife 314 00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:07,160 is in control of a nuclear warhead, 315 00:23:07,266 --> 00:23:09,427 and I can't do a goddamn thing about it! 316 00:23:09,535 --> 00:23:11,230 And it's not so bad? 317 00:23:13,005 --> 00:23:14,529 Cunth killed your wife? 318 00:23:16,341 --> 00:23:19,242 It was never proven in a court of law, 319 00:23:19,344 --> 00:23:21,744 but I saw it with my own eyes. 320 00:23:22,848 --> 00:23:25,476 I'm sorry. I didn't know. 321 00:23:25,584 --> 00:23:27,484 This mission was my chance to do 322 00:23:27,586 --> 00:23:30,350 what I should have done 10 years ago. 323 00:23:30,456 --> 00:23:32,048 And I blew it. 324 00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:34,125 MacGruber, we have a chopper waiting to take you 325 00:23:34,226 --> 00:23:36,217 back to Ecuador. 326 00:23:42,034 --> 00:23:45,492 Well, Colonel, I'm sorry I let you down. 327 00:23:48,807 --> 00:23:50,035 Piper. 328 00:23:52,010 --> 00:23:53,170 I'm in. 329 00:23:53,612 --> 00:23:54,579 Lieutenant? 330 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,080 I'm in. I'm on the team. Really? 331 00:23:58,484 --> 00:24:00,952 Sorry, Lieutenant. Two people don't make a team. 332 00:24:02,354 --> 00:24:04,015 But three do. Vicki? 333 00:24:05,691 --> 00:24:06,885 I heard about what happened. 334 00:24:06,992 --> 00:24:08,084 I thought you could use some help. 335 00:24:08,193 --> 00:24:09,626 What about your music? 336 00:24:09,728 --> 00:24:12,196 It can wait 337 00:24:13,966 --> 00:24:16,696 Dixon Piper, Vicki St. Elmo. 338 00:24:16,802 --> 00:24:17,826 Hi. 339 00:24:17,936 --> 00:24:21,633 Well, Colonel, looks like I got myself a new team. 340 00:24:21,740 --> 00:24:24,265 Looks like you do, MacGruber. 341 00:24:24,376 --> 00:24:25,604 Looks like you do. 342 00:24:43,996 --> 00:24:45,293 What are we doing here, MacGruber? 343 00:24:45,397 --> 00:24:46,489 Well, it's simple, Vicki. 344 00:24:46,598 --> 00:24:47,963 Cunth owns this place, 345 00:24:48,066 --> 00:24:51,001 so if we wanna find out where that passcode deal is going down, 346 00:24:51,103 --> 00:24:52,400 we gotta turn over some stones. 347 00:24:52,504 --> 00:24:54,267 Nice car, dickhead! 348 00:24:54,373 --> 00:24:55,362 Fuck you! 349 00:24:57,442 --> 00:25:00,707 K-F-B-R-3-9-2. K-F-B-R-3-9-2. 350 00:25:00,813 --> 00:25:02,440 So we're gonna see if we can't make some contacts, 351 00:25:02,548 --> 00:25:03,606 gather some intel? 352 00:25:03,715 --> 00:25:06,650 Something like that. K-F-B-R-3-9-2. 353 00:25:19,531 --> 00:25:20,520 Can I help you, bro? 354 00:25:20,632 --> 00:25:22,293 Yeah, I'll have the X-5. 355 00:25:23,502 --> 00:25:26,027 He doesn't know anything. Come on. 356 00:25:27,272 --> 00:25:28,762 Turn off the music. 357 00:25:28,874 --> 00:25:31,240 Turn off the music! 358 00:25:32,544 --> 00:25:35,308 Turn off the fucking music, or I will kill this woman! 359 00:25:36,481 --> 00:25:39,917 I'll do it. I'll kill her. I will snap her neck. 360 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,981 Don't worry. She's with me. She's safe. 361 00:25:43,088 --> 00:25:44,055 Hi. 362 00:25:44,156 --> 00:25:46,624 But I can't say the same about the rest of you! 363 00:25:47,826 --> 00:25:49,418 Whoa! Son of a bitch! 364 00:25:49,528 --> 00:25:52,520 I'm sure that some of you guys are just here on vay-cay. 365 00:25:52,631 --> 00:25:54,758 But most of you are big pieces of shit 366 00:25:54,867 --> 00:25:57,563 who are somehow connected to Dieter Von Cunth. 367 00:25:58,604 --> 00:26:03,632 Now, this guy is up to something incredibly illegal and astoundingly deadly. 368 00:26:03,742 --> 00:26:05,710 "Allegedly." I should say that for legal purposes. 369 00:26:06,745 --> 00:26:08,269 But don't worry. 370 00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:12,373 'Cause I am coming for him, and I am going to kill him. 371 00:26:13,452 --> 00:26:16,421 Who am I, you ask? 372 00:26:16,588 --> 00:26:17,577 My name is MacGruber. 373 00:26:19,291 --> 00:26:22,192 Remember that name! 374 00:26:22,294 --> 00:26:29,223 Capital M-A-C-capital G - R-U-B-E-R! 375 00:26:33,205 --> 00:26:34,832 Anyone wants to come find me, 376 00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:38,706 I will be at the Gold Street Cafe tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. 377 00:26:41,046 --> 00:26:42,377 Please spread the word, ya frigging turds. 378 00:26:43,749 --> 00:26:45,614 Whoo! Whoo! 379 00:26:46,251 --> 00:26:48,310 That went great. That was fucking tits. 380 00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,149 MacGruber, what the hell was that? 381 00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:51,950 It's called "sending a message." 382 00:26:52,057 --> 00:26:54,787 And I think it will be received loud and clear. 383 00:26:54,893 --> 00:26:55,985 That's what I'm worried about. 384 00:26:56,094 --> 00:26:57,288 Why? 385 00:26:57,396 --> 00:26:58,920 Because he thought you were dead. 386 00:26:59,197 --> 00:27:00,494 That was a huge advantage. 387 00:27:00,599 --> 00:27:02,624 Yeah, and now he's going to be coming for us. 388 00:27:02,734 --> 00:27:05,294 Exactly. It's all part of the plan. 389 00:27:05,404 --> 00:27:06,371 What is the plan? 390 00:27:06,471 --> 00:27:08,234 I kind of make it up as I go. 391 00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:09,329 That's not really a plan, then. 392 00:27:09,441 --> 00:27:12,706 Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans. 393 00:27:12,811 --> 00:27:14,745 And I'm not good with clues. 394 00:27:14,846 --> 00:27:17,679 What I am good with is kicking ass and ripping throats. 395 00:27:17,783 --> 00:27:21,014 So Cunth is gonna come after me? Well, bring it on. 396 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,213 'Cause then he'll be on my turf, playing my game. 397 00:27:24,323 --> 00:27:27,952 And that's not a game I plan on losing. Let's go. 398 00:27:28,060 --> 00:27:31,723 K-F-B-R-3-9-2. K-F-B-R-3-9-2. K-F-B-R-3-9-2. 399 00:27:32,864 --> 00:27:36,891 Wetter. More. 400 00:27:39,972 --> 00:27:41,462 Sorry to disturb you, Dr. Cunth. 401 00:27:41,573 --> 00:27:42,767 Shoes. 402 00:27:42,874 --> 00:27:44,273 Sorry, sir. 403 00:27:45,944 --> 00:27:47,377 What is it? 404 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,980 Some lunatic smashed up the club last night. 405 00:27:50,082 --> 00:27:51,208 He said he was coming after you. 406 00:27:51,316 --> 00:27:53,079 Oh, I'm terrified. 407 00:27:53,185 --> 00:27:56,018 Said his name was MacGruber. 408 00:28:01,293 --> 00:28:02,954 MacGruber? 409 00:28:04,629 --> 00:28:06,722 Well, well, well. 410 00:28:06,832 --> 00:28:09,096 Alive after all these years. 411 00:28:10,002 --> 00:28:12,061 MacGruber, MacGruber. 412 00:28:13,572 --> 00:28:14,561 Bring him in. 413 00:28:14,673 --> 00:28:15,640 I don't have him, sir. 414 00:28:16,708 --> 00:28:17,675 You let him go? 415 00:28:19,444 --> 00:28:22,311 They didn't feel he posed any real threat. 416 00:28:22,414 --> 00:28:24,746 They actually thought he was mentally handicapped. 417 00:28:24,850 --> 00:28:26,283 No real threat. 418 00:28:26,385 --> 00:28:27,818 Let me ask you a question. 419 00:28:27,919 --> 00:28:30,513 Do you remember the assassination of President Jimmy Carter? 420 00:28:30,622 --> 00:28:32,920 No, sir, but that never happened. 421 00:28:33,025 --> 00:28:34,287 No, it didn't. 422 00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:37,951 Do not underestimate this man. 423 00:28:39,364 --> 00:28:41,491 He can be quite a fly in the ointment. 424 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:42,589 Understood. So what would you like us to do? 425 00:28:45,337 --> 00:28:46,964 Round up a couple of flyswatters. 426 00:28:47,072 --> 00:28:48,664 Yes, sir. 427 00:28:59,584 --> 00:29:02,018 MacGruber, your toilet is disgusting. 428 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,611 Gotcha! It's pretty good, huh? 429 00:29:04,723 --> 00:29:05,690 Can we talk about this, please? 430 00:29:05,791 --> 00:29:07,190 Well, there's nothing to talk about. 431 00:29:07,292 --> 00:29:09,283 Everybody knows that rats like cheese. 432 00:29:09,394 --> 00:29:11,726 And you, Vicki, are the cheese. 433 00:29:11,830 --> 00:29:13,058 But you're the one he wants to come after. 434 00:29:13,165 --> 00:29:15,133 Why can't you be dressed like you? 435 00:29:15,233 --> 00:29:16,666 Because... 436 00:29:17,169 --> 00:29:18,158 You are. 437 00:29:18,270 --> 00:29:21,467 I have to say, I have some serious concerns about this operation. 438 00:29:21,573 --> 00:29:23,541 If you think that I would let that monster Cunth 439 00:29:23,642 --> 00:29:25,610 touch one hair on Vicki's head, 440 00:29:25,911 --> 00:29:26,900 then you're sorely mistaken. 441 00:29:27,012 --> 00:29:28,001 Thank you. 442 00:29:28,113 --> 00:29:30,240 He'll get close to her, possibly dangerously close. 443 00:29:30,348 --> 00:29:33,146 And of course, in this line of business, anything can happen. 444 00:29:33,251 --> 00:29:35,116 But I know that Vicki can take care of herself. 445 00:29:35,220 --> 00:29:36,744 Are you sure this is gonna work? 446 00:29:36,855 --> 00:29:38,755 Don't worry. 447 00:29:38,857 --> 00:29:40,188 When you turn around at gunpoint, 448 00:29:40,292 --> 00:29:42,089 and they see that it's not me, 449 00:29:42,194 --> 00:29:43,752 they are gonna be so furious, 450 00:29:43,862 --> 00:29:45,454 they're not gonna know what to do. 451 00:29:45,564 --> 00:29:46,622 And that's when we got them. 452 00:29:51,236 --> 00:29:52,203 Hmm. 453 00:29:52,304 --> 00:29:53,271 What? 454 00:29:53,371 --> 00:29:54,770 You just look really pretty. 455 00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:57,201 Thank you? 456 00:29:57,309 --> 00:29:59,243 Come on, Piper. Come on, MacGruber. 457 00:30:07,119 --> 00:30:09,417 All right, Vick. If we're gonna draw this bastard out, 458 00:30:09,521 --> 00:30:12,513 he's gotta think he's got eyes on the real live MacGruber. 459 00:30:13,258 --> 00:30:14,282 Okay. 460 00:30:14,392 --> 00:30:15,859 Okay, don't worry, we got your back. 461 00:30:15,961 --> 00:30:17,861 We're only seven blocks away, so if anything goes down... 462 00:30:17,963 --> 00:30:18,930 Seven blocks? 463 00:30:19,030 --> 00:30:21,089 Okay, you got me. About 20 blocks. 464 00:30:21,199 --> 00:30:23,394 But if anything goes down, we'll be right there. 465 00:30:23,502 --> 00:30:24,526 Wasn't anything closer? 466 00:30:24,636 --> 00:30:26,467 Nope. There were tons of spots closer. 467 00:30:26,571 --> 00:30:28,232 Yeah, with meters. 468 00:30:28,340 --> 00:30:31,309 Fine. Look, I don't think I should be talking to you anymore, 469 00:30:31,409 --> 00:30:34,606 because people are gonna be staring at me and thinking that I'm talking to myself. 470 00:30:34,713 --> 00:30:37,739 And I don't want to attract attention. 471 00:30:39,050 --> 00:30:40,984 And I'm at the counter, 472 00:30:42,387 --> 00:30:44,446 so just gonna order now. 473 00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:46,257 Can I help you? 474 00:30:46,358 --> 00:30:47,985 Can I have a small latte? 475 00:30:48,093 --> 00:30:49,151 No, no, no. 476 00:30:49,261 --> 00:30:51,388 MacGruber would never order that. 477 00:30:51,496 --> 00:30:53,396 I'm all about the large Tazo tea. 478 00:30:53,498 --> 00:30:56,797 I'm sorry. Sorry. Can I change that? 479 00:30:56,902 --> 00:30:58,767 Can I get a large Tazo tea? 480 00:30:58,870 --> 00:31:00,030 Sure. Anything else? 481 00:31:00,138 --> 00:31:01,400 No! No! 482 00:31:02,774 --> 00:31:03,866 Sorry. 483 00:31:03,975 --> 00:31:04,999 Can I get your name? 484 00:31:05,110 --> 00:31:06,907 I'll let you take this one, Vick. 485 00:31:07,012 --> 00:31:08,980 Um... MacGruber. 486 00:31:09,247 --> 00:31:10,714 Good job. 487 00:31:13,151 --> 00:31:14,311 It's gonna be $3.45. 488 00:31:14,419 --> 00:31:18,753 Yes, it is. That's what it is every time I get it. 489 00:31:21,459 --> 00:31:22,448 Thanks. 490 00:31:23,295 --> 00:31:26,355 No, Vicki, no tip. What are you doing? Get that tip back. 491 00:31:26,498 --> 00:31:28,557 I have to... 492 00:31:36,675 --> 00:31:37,664 I'm sorry. 493 00:31:37,776 --> 00:31:38,936 No, say you're not sorry. 494 00:31:39,044 --> 00:31:41,137 I'm not... I'm not sorry. 495 00:31:41,246 --> 00:31:45,182 I mean, I'm sorry. As me, I'm sorry. 496 00:31:45,684 --> 00:31:47,083 Wow. 497 00:31:47,185 --> 00:31:49,653 Okay, now why don't you move down to the end of the counter? 498 00:31:49,754 --> 00:31:53,281 Further. Further... Stop! Stop! 499 00:31:53,391 --> 00:31:54,653 MacGruber. 500 00:31:54,759 --> 00:31:55,726 That's me. 501 00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:59,524 Now, here is the most important thing. Listen carefully. 502 00:31:59,631 --> 00:32:02,691 With your left hand, lift the cup up to your mouth. 503 00:32:02,801 --> 00:32:05,463 Open your lips, then tilt the cup back 504 00:32:05,570 --> 00:32:06,662 until the liquid... 505 00:32:06,771 --> 00:32:08,898 Down, down, down! 506 00:32:23,188 --> 00:32:24,746 We're gonna die! We're gonna die! 507 00:32:25,991 --> 00:32:27,390 Hand me that Incredi-Mop! 508 00:32:27,492 --> 00:32:28,720 I'm a little busy at the moment! 509 00:32:30,095 --> 00:32:32,154 Hand me that Incredi-Mop, and that is an order! 510 00:32:33,465 --> 00:32:34,762 Fine! 511 00:32:39,271 --> 00:32:43,002 No! Oh, my God! No! 512 00:32:56,488 --> 00:33:00,686 Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh, my God. 513 00:33:02,294 --> 00:33:05,388 Vicki? Oh, my God! You're alive? 514 00:33:05,497 --> 00:33:08,398 Yeah, we're alive. We're coming over there. Meet us out in the alley. 515 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:10,365 Okay. 516 00:33:24,616 --> 00:33:27,016 My teammates were getting shot. 517 00:33:32,223 --> 00:33:35,021 They're alive. They made it. 518 00:33:37,195 --> 00:33:38,219 Thank you. 519 00:33:41,599 --> 00:33:43,157 That was nice work with that Incredi-Mop. 520 00:33:43,268 --> 00:33:45,532 Yeah, it would be a good commercial for their product. 521 00:33:45,637 --> 00:33:48,105 I'm not so sure that it would be. 522 00:33:50,475 --> 00:33:54,434 Hoss Bender. Dead at the age of who-the-fuck-cares. 523 00:33:57,182 --> 00:33:58,308 MacGruber! 524 00:33:58,416 --> 00:33:59,713 Vicki. 525 00:34:01,619 --> 00:34:03,780 MacGruber, I was so worried about you. 526 00:34:03,888 --> 00:34:06,254 Well, I was really worried about you, too, Vick. 527 00:34:06,358 --> 00:34:07,882 Really? Yeah. 528 00:34:08,593 --> 00:34:10,288 I mean, I only have, like, two of these vests, 529 00:34:10,395 --> 00:34:11,657 so if either of them got shot up, 530 00:34:11,763 --> 00:34:13,526 it would be a real bummer for me. 531 00:34:13,631 --> 00:34:14,620 I mean, they're not expensive. 532 00:34:14,733 --> 00:34:16,530 But they're really hard to find. Yeah, I got it. 533 00:34:16,634 --> 00:34:19,296 Hey, guys! I found Hoss' car. 534 00:34:21,740 --> 00:34:22,707 Oh, mama! 535 00:34:23,241 --> 00:34:24,799 That's a whole lot of wampum. 536 00:34:25,543 --> 00:34:28,137 He's got every strip club in the city in his GPS. 537 00:34:28,246 --> 00:34:29,543 Hoss Bender, what the hell are you planning on doing 538 00:34:29,647 --> 00:34:30,614 with all this money? 539 00:34:33,385 --> 00:34:34,443 I think it's fairly obvious. 540 00:34:36,721 --> 00:34:38,052 He was going to use it to buy the pass... 541 00:34:38,156 --> 00:34:39,282 Buy the passcodes! Yup. 542 00:34:39,391 --> 00:34:40,380 Got there at the same time, 543 00:34:40,492 --> 00:34:41,891 maybe even slightly before you. 544 00:34:41,993 --> 00:34:45,087 Yep, he's gonna use it to buy the passcodes. 545 00:34:45,196 --> 00:34:46,288 This is weird. 546 00:34:46,398 --> 00:34:49,162 He has an appointment this afternoon, and all it says is "STD." 547 00:34:49,634 --> 00:34:50,601 Been there. 548 00:34:51,703 --> 00:34:54,570 STD is also code for the old Stansfield rail yard, 549 00:34:54,672 --> 00:34:55,730 which is about 10 miles from here. 550 00:34:56,241 --> 00:34:58,436 I'm just going to pop that into this GPS. 551 00:34:58,676 --> 00:34:59,643 Yeah, pop it in. 552 00:35:00,478 --> 00:35:02,946 Well, what do you know? It's already routed. 553 00:35:03,047 --> 00:35:05,277 What do you say we go get ourselves some passcodes? 554 00:35:05,383 --> 00:35:07,317 Yeah, but if Hoss doesn't show up, they'll abort the drop. 555 00:35:07,485 --> 00:35:09,476 Who said Hoss isn't gonna show up? 556 00:35:14,526 --> 00:35:17,324 Okay, now, before we do this, any questions? 557 00:35:17,429 --> 00:35:18,794 Why do I have to be Hoss? 558 00:35:18,897 --> 00:35:20,330 Because you're good at what you do. 559 00:35:20,432 --> 00:35:21,831 And why do I have to be you? 560 00:35:21,933 --> 00:35:25,425 First of all, you will never be me. And second of all... 561 00:35:26,271 --> 00:35:27,465 I forget your question. 562 00:35:27,572 --> 00:35:28,698 Okay. 563 00:35:28,907 --> 00:35:31,239 So it looks like we're dealing with three guards here. 564 00:35:31,976 --> 00:35:33,068 Then it's three on three. 565 00:35:33,278 --> 00:35:35,303 Okay, so once we take out the guards, 566 00:35:35,413 --> 00:35:37,347 Vicki will walk in dressed as Hoss, 567 00:35:37,449 --> 00:35:39,178 and then we'll just, 568 00:35:39,284 --> 00:35:40,717 you know, see what happens. 569 00:35:40,919 --> 00:35:42,477 - You ready? - Wait. 570 00:35:42,754 --> 00:35:44,449 Wait, so we're just gonna wing it? 571 00:35:44,823 --> 00:35:47,314 Piper, there's a big difference between winging it 572 00:35:47,425 --> 00:35:48,756 and seeing what happens. 573 00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:50,088 Now let's see what happens. 574 00:35:52,931 --> 00:35:54,899 No, thanks. What? 575 00:35:54,999 --> 00:35:56,796 MacGrubie don't play like Homey. 576 00:35:56,901 --> 00:35:58,869 And Homey don't play like that. 577 00:35:59,204 --> 00:36:01,729 I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying. 578 00:36:02,373 --> 00:36:04,637 I'm saying I don't use guns. 579 00:36:04,843 --> 00:36:06,606 So it's true what they say about you. 580 00:36:06,744 --> 00:36:09,212 Guns are for the weak. Guns are for the stupid. 581 00:36:09,681 --> 00:36:11,171 No offense. 582 00:36:11,282 --> 00:36:13,682 Let's see, what do we got in here? 583 00:36:13,885 --> 00:36:15,978 A piece of cloth, a spool, a tennis ball... 584 00:36:16,287 --> 00:36:17,447 What are you doing? 585 00:36:17,555 --> 00:36:20,353 Making a little distraction. 586 00:36:24,496 --> 00:36:26,259 What the hell is that? 587 00:36:31,169 --> 00:36:32,431 What the fuck? 588 00:36:49,454 --> 00:36:50,443 Now! 589 00:36:50,655 --> 00:36:51,679 Jesus. 590 00:36:51,890 --> 00:36:53,687 Now! Now! Now! 591 00:36:56,594 --> 00:36:57,561 Yes! 592 00:37:02,100 --> 00:37:03,863 I gotta admit, that sort of worked. 593 00:37:04,068 --> 00:37:06,593 Sort of worked? I just killed three bad guys. 594 00:37:06,704 --> 00:37:08,103 They're dead because I shot them. 595 00:37:08,206 --> 00:37:09,537 Because they were distracted. 596 00:37:09,641 --> 00:37:11,233 Okay, now, piece of advice. 597 00:37:11,342 --> 00:37:13,105 When you use the old celery trick, 598 00:37:13,211 --> 00:37:14,576 you're gonna wanna go with the thick end. 599 00:37:14,679 --> 00:37:16,146 Seems counter-intuitive, 600 00:37:16,247 --> 00:37:17,612 but if you go thin end first, 601 00:37:17,715 --> 00:37:18,807 it just slides right out and you're... 602 00:37:18,917 --> 00:37:20,009 You're wasting your time. 603 00:37:20,118 --> 00:37:22,109 I'm never, ever gonna do that. 604 00:37:22,554 --> 00:37:26,183 Never ever say, "Never ever. " Okay, follow me. 605 00:37:31,863 --> 00:37:34,331 That's Constantine Bach and Zeke Pleshette. 606 00:37:34,532 --> 00:37:37,365 And if I'm not mistaken, which I never am, 607 00:37:37,569 --> 00:37:40,936 that briefcase-carrying pile of shit has the passcodes. 608 00:37:41,139 --> 00:37:42,697 All right, Vick, it's go time. 609 00:37:42,941 --> 00:37:44,033 Do I really have to do this? 610 00:37:44,242 --> 00:37:46,767 Nice one, Vick. Start walking. 611 00:37:50,281 --> 00:37:51,976 Okay, I'm walking. 612 00:37:52,984 --> 00:37:55,214 Nothing bad has happened yet. 613 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,514 I'm still alive. 614 00:37:56,621 --> 00:37:57,747 Look, you're gonna be fine. 615 00:37:57,855 --> 00:37:59,447 This is just like Nicaragua. 616 00:37:59,657 --> 00:38:00,919 I got shot in Nicaragua. 617 00:38:01,125 --> 00:38:04,117 Don't worry, this is nothing like Nicaragua. 618 00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:05,596 Okay. 619 00:38:05,863 --> 00:38:07,330 Okay, I think I see you through the window. 620 00:38:07,432 --> 00:38:10,401 Now just walk on in here, and, I don't know, 621 00:38:10,835 --> 00:38:12,359 fingers crossed. 622 00:38:12,770 --> 00:38:13,737 This is so exciting. 623 00:38:15,573 --> 00:38:17,598 Okay, now head through the entrance, slowly. 624 00:38:17,709 --> 00:38:18,676 And don't worry. 625 00:38:20,478 --> 00:38:21,342 Remember, they think you're Hoss Bender, 626 00:38:21,446 --> 00:38:22,640 so it's gonna take them a little while to... 627 00:38:22,747 --> 00:38:23,873 That's not Hoss! 628 00:38:29,821 --> 00:38:32,449 Oh, my God! 629 00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:36,427 Shit! 630 00:38:37,929 --> 00:38:38,918 What are you doing? 631 00:38:39,130 --> 00:38:40,392 Making a homemade grenade! 632 00:38:48,172 --> 00:38:49,969 Can I borrow your gun? I need something to stir this with. 633 00:38:50,074 --> 00:38:52,042 No! I'm using it! Use your finger! 634 00:38:52,143 --> 00:38:53,303 Watch your tone! 635 00:39:07,191 --> 00:39:10,126 Oh, hold on! Don't worry, I got this one. 636 00:39:19,837 --> 00:39:22,635 Damn it, they got the passcodes! 637 00:39:23,107 --> 00:39:24,096 Hey, guys? 638 00:39:24,609 --> 00:39:26,634 Vicki! You all right? 639 00:39:26,811 --> 00:39:28,278 I lost the money. 640 00:39:30,048 --> 00:39:31,640 And I peed my jeans. 641 00:39:32,216 --> 00:39:33,342 Sorry. 642 00:39:35,053 --> 00:39:36,452 I peed them. 643 00:39:41,693 --> 00:39:42,853 Gross. 644 00:39:43,061 --> 00:39:44,688 I washed it. 645 00:39:44,896 --> 00:39:46,227 I didn't. 646 00:39:46,431 --> 00:39:48,160 Looks like this cell phone's all we got. 647 00:39:48,266 --> 00:39:49,893 Then we better make the most of it. 648 00:39:50,001 --> 00:39:52,401 'Cause at this point, this is our only connection to the X-5. 649 00:39:53,571 --> 00:39:56,631 Holy shit! It's ringing! Vicki, call tracer. 650 00:39:56,741 --> 00:39:57,935 Call tracer. 651 00:39:59,677 --> 00:40:01,167 Set to jet, MacGruber. 652 00:40:01,279 --> 00:40:02,337 Now remember, MacGruber, 653 00:40:02,447 --> 00:40:04,347 you gotta keep him on the line long enough to get a location. 654 00:40:05,516 --> 00:40:07,245 Don't worry. I've done this before. 655 00:40:07,351 --> 00:40:09,717 Listen to me, you piece of shit. Hoss and Zeke are dead, 656 00:40:09,821 --> 00:40:11,083 and if you don't tell me who this is... 657 00:40:11,189 --> 00:40:12,451 He hung up. Did you get it? 658 00:40:12,557 --> 00:40:13,751 No. Wow. 659 00:40:13,858 --> 00:40:14,950 Damn it. Is that thing working? 660 00:40:15,059 --> 00:40:17,357 Yeah. But you gotta keep them on the phone for at least 20 seconds. 661 00:40:17,462 --> 00:40:19,453 That was 20. That was maybe three. 662 00:40:19,564 --> 00:40:21,429 Shit! You're right. Shit, shit, shit! 663 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,431 Second chance! In your face! 664 00:40:24,535 --> 00:40:27,231 Listen to me, you piece of shit. Hoss and Zeke are... 665 00:40:27,438 --> 00:40:28,666 That's my phone. Talk to me. 666 00:40:28,773 --> 00:40:30,104 MacGruber, it's Faith. 667 00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:32,267 Colonel! How's it going? 668 00:40:32,410 --> 00:40:33,434 What's the mission status? 669 00:40:33,611 --> 00:40:35,841 Positively banging, Colonel. Right, guys? 670 00:40:36,047 --> 00:40:38,038 Oh, they're jazzed. How's everything at the P-Gon? 671 00:40:38,149 --> 00:40:39,275 Well, we do have one lead. 672 00:40:39,383 --> 00:40:41,112 You probably already know about it. 673 00:40:41,319 --> 00:40:44,447 Cunth's having a fundraising event at his mansion tonight. 674 00:40:44,555 --> 00:40:46,648 We do know about Cunth's party, 675 00:40:46,758 --> 00:40:48,419 and we will be there with bells on. 676 00:40:48,626 --> 00:40:49,957 Absolutely not, MacGruber. 677 00:40:50,094 --> 00:40:51,391 Sir, I'm not gonna wear bells. 678 00:40:51,496 --> 00:40:54,260 No, Mac. You are not to enter that party. 679 00:40:54,365 --> 00:40:56,026 Right now, Cunth has no idea you're even alive 680 00:40:56,467 --> 00:40:57,434 and that is a huge advantage to us. 681 00:40:57,535 --> 00:40:58,524 Yes. 682 00:41:00,037 --> 00:41:01,664 This is surveillance only. 683 00:41:01,873 --> 00:41:04,103 I want to know exactly who comes through that door. 684 00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,334 Is that clear? 685 00:41:05,443 --> 00:41:07,411 Loud and. 686 00:41:09,647 --> 00:41:10,875 So, Cunth is having a party? 687 00:41:10,982 --> 00:41:12,415 Yeah, he is. 688 00:41:12,917 --> 00:41:15,613 And guess who just made the guest list. 689 00:41:19,824 --> 00:41:20,950 Guess who just made the guest list. 690 00:41:21,058 --> 00:41:22,423 Us? Yes. 691 00:41:28,366 --> 00:41:30,891 For the record, I think this is a really stupid move. 692 00:41:31,002 --> 00:41:33,937 Don't worry, I'm gonna keep a real low profile. 693 00:41:59,230 --> 00:42:00,458 May I take your coat? No. 694 00:42:00,598 --> 00:42:01,587 Your car stereo? 695 00:42:01,699 --> 00:42:02,757 Nice try. 696 00:42:08,105 --> 00:42:10,403 Okay, I think our definitions of low profile 697 00:42:10,508 --> 00:42:11,736 might be a little different. 698 00:42:11,943 --> 00:42:13,968 You think? Where's Vicki? 699 00:42:14,178 --> 00:42:16,339 She arrived 10 minutes ago. She's out back. 700 00:42:16,981 --> 00:42:18,278 I'll find her in a sec. 701 00:42:18,382 --> 00:42:20,316 First, I got a little business to attend to. 702 00:42:21,519 --> 00:42:22,486 MacGruber, come in. 703 00:42:52,550 --> 00:42:53,881 Jesus Christ. 704 00:43:34,525 --> 00:43:35,514 Where have you been? 705 00:43:35,626 --> 00:43:38,356 Sorry, I just took an upper decker in the master bathroom. 706 00:43:38,462 --> 00:43:39,429 Upper decker? 707 00:43:39,530 --> 00:43:41,930 Yeah, it's where you take a dump in the water tank and not in the bowl. 708 00:43:42,033 --> 00:43:43,762 You look great. 709 00:43:45,002 --> 00:43:45,969 Thank you. 710 00:43:47,038 --> 00:43:48,699 Look, Vick, 711 00:43:48,973 --> 00:43:51,032 I'm going to need you to poke around, see what you can dig up. 712 00:43:51,275 --> 00:43:52,401 I'm way ahead of you. 713 00:43:52,510 --> 00:43:53,636 You see that guy over there? 714 00:43:53,945 --> 00:43:55,435 I saw him coming out of Cunth's office. 715 00:43:55,546 --> 00:43:56,877 I think he's one of his goons. 716 00:43:56,981 --> 00:43:58,141 Which guy? 717 00:43:58,249 --> 00:43:59,375 That handsome guy. 718 00:43:59,784 --> 00:44:02,947 That guy? You think he's handsome? 719 00:44:03,054 --> 00:44:04,783 Yeah, he's very handsome. 720 00:44:05,256 --> 00:44:07,281 Really? Well, if you think he's so handsome, 721 00:44:07,391 --> 00:44:08,517 then why don't you marry him? 722 00:44:09,193 --> 00:44:10,182 No, seriously. 723 00:44:10,461 --> 00:44:13,089 If you think he's so handsome, go marry him. 724 00:44:13,197 --> 00:44:15,222 Leave the case. Piper and I will do it. Okay? 725 00:44:15,333 --> 00:44:16,925 Is he that handsome to you? 726 00:44:17,034 --> 00:44:18,092 Are you willing to quit your job for him? 727 00:44:19,603 --> 00:44:21,230 No. Good. 728 00:44:22,173 --> 00:44:24,038 Now that's the guy I want you to check out. 729 00:44:24,875 --> 00:44:26,740 He's teeming with intel. 730 00:44:26,944 --> 00:44:28,002 What? 731 00:44:28,112 --> 00:44:30,307 Follow that guy, and that is an order. 732 00:44:30,414 --> 00:44:31,711 And stay away from that guy, 733 00:44:31,816 --> 00:44:33,340 who I actually would describe as ugly. 734 00:44:33,517 --> 00:44:34,506 And that is another order. 735 00:44:34,618 --> 00:44:35,812 So, two orders. 736 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,217 Piper, you got a location on Cunth? 737 00:44:37,321 --> 00:44:38,754 He appears to be in the south wing. 738 00:44:39,256 --> 00:44:40,245 On my way. 739 00:44:41,158 --> 00:44:42,455 That guy. 740 00:44:47,231 --> 00:44:50,598 I will see your 25,000 and raise you 50. 741 00:44:54,905 --> 00:44:55,872 He's bluffing. 742 00:44:57,074 --> 00:45:00,202 I can tell by the look in his beady little eyes. 743 00:45:00,745 --> 00:45:02,736 MacGruber. We've been expecting you. 744 00:45:02,947 --> 00:45:05,108 Bet's to you, Senator Garver. 745 00:45:09,453 --> 00:45:10,579 I'm all in. 746 00:45:11,188 --> 00:45:14,715 The Senator's all in for $750,000. 747 00:45:17,895 --> 00:45:18,953 Call. 748 00:45:20,464 --> 00:45:21,931 Straight flush. Damn it! 749 00:45:23,234 --> 00:45:25,759 My associate will assist you with your debt, Senator. Good night. 750 00:45:29,974 --> 00:45:31,942 Sorry about that. Really. 751 00:45:32,643 --> 00:45:33,803 I thought he was bluffing there, so... 752 00:45:33,911 --> 00:45:34,900 Thank you, MacGruber. 753 00:45:35,012 --> 00:45:38,038 You just made me a teeny-weeny bit wealthier than I already am. 754 00:45:38,149 --> 00:45:40,049 Well, I'm sure you'll find something useful to do with it. 755 00:45:41,919 --> 00:45:43,944 Your companion's a very beautiful young woman. 756 00:45:44,055 --> 00:45:45,044 Thank you. 757 00:45:45,156 --> 00:45:46,919 Hope you enjoy being date raped, ma'am. 758 00:45:47,024 --> 00:45:48,013 This is my daughter. 759 00:45:48,125 --> 00:45:49,114 Hello. 760 00:45:50,628 --> 00:45:51,595 Sorry. 761 00:45:51,896 --> 00:45:53,591 He killed my wife. 762 00:45:53,964 --> 00:45:55,864 Will you excuse us for a minute, please? 763 00:46:00,938 --> 00:46:02,303 Where's the X-5? 764 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,267 I don't know what you're talking about. 765 00:46:04,375 --> 00:46:05,933 Where's the fucking warhead? 766 00:46:06,043 --> 00:46:07,840 What would I want with a nuclear warhead? 767 00:46:08,746 --> 00:46:11,146 I never said it was nuclear. 768 00:46:11,248 --> 00:46:14,183 That's right, because most warheads are filled with air. 769 00:46:15,820 --> 00:46:17,481 You know, I ran into Zeke Pleshette 770 00:46:17,588 --> 00:46:19,112 and Hoss Bender the other day. 771 00:46:19,256 --> 00:46:20,280 Really? How were they? 772 00:46:20,391 --> 00:46:21,983 A lot less dead than they are now. 773 00:46:22,093 --> 00:46:23,287 Oh, really. That's too bad. 774 00:46:23,394 --> 00:46:25,055 Yeah, it's too bad for you. 'Cause they were a part 775 00:46:25,162 --> 00:46:27,187 of your little dream team of thugs, weren't they? 776 00:46:27,298 --> 00:46:30,563 Oh, that's right. You got me. Past tense. They were... 777 00:46:30,668 --> 00:46:32,465 Yeah, it's really quite a sad story, actually. 778 00:46:32,636 --> 00:46:33,625 What do you mean? 779 00:46:33,737 --> 00:46:35,762 I had assembled the greatest dream team of thugs 780 00:46:35,873 --> 00:46:37,397 in the history of the world. 781 00:46:37,508 --> 00:46:39,032 I had them all in one room, 782 00:46:39,143 --> 00:46:41,236 and I also had some homemade C-4. 783 00:46:41,345 --> 00:46:43,973 And wouldn't you know it, it exploded. 784 00:46:44,081 --> 00:46:45,241 And I lost them all. 785 00:46:45,349 --> 00:46:47,010 You're shitting me. You're shitting me! 786 00:46:47,384 --> 00:46:48,783 Well, we have a lot in common 787 00:46:48,886 --> 00:46:50,148 because I basically did the same thing... 788 00:46:50,254 --> 00:46:51,380 Oh, no, wait. That didn't happen to me 789 00:46:51,489 --> 00:46:54,981 because I'm not a fucking retard who blows up his own dudes. 790 00:46:55,092 --> 00:46:56,150 Fuck you, Cunth. 791 00:46:56,327 --> 00:46:58,761 And by the way, I have a new team now. 792 00:46:58,863 --> 00:47:00,626 Not only do I have Vicki St. Elmo... 793 00:47:00,731 --> 00:47:02,221 Maybe you've heard of her? 794 00:47:02,333 --> 00:47:05,530 But I also have one of the greatest young military minds around. 795 00:47:05,669 --> 00:47:07,694 I mean, this guy's the real deal. 796 00:47:07,805 --> 00:47:09,170 And we're gonna stop you. 797 00:47:09,473 --> 00:47:12,169 Well, you certainly have a healthy imagination, MacGruber. 798 00:47:12,276 --> 00:47:16,042 But I don't know anything about a warhead, nuclear or otherwise. 799 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,249 You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. 800 00:47:19,350 --> 00:47:20,578 We're all done here. 801 00:47:20,684 --> 00:47:22,584 Would you show Mr. MacGruber the door? 802 00:47:23,888 --> 00:47:25,822 Let me tell you how this is gonna go down. 803 00:47:26,123 --> 00:47:27,818 First I'm gonna kick you in the chin, 804 00:47:27,925 --> 00:47:29,790 breaking your jaw in four places. 805 00:47:29,927 --> 00:47:32,191 I'm gonna take you and karate flip you over my back, 806 00:47:32,296 --> 00:47:34,696 and then knee your nose into your brain, killing you instantly. 807 00:47:35,032 --> 00:47:36,659 I do wanna get a throat rip in here. 808 00:47:36,767 --> 00:47:38,826 I think that's gonna be you, small fry. 809 00:47:39,136 --> 00:47:41,696 One thing I do know, at the end of the day, Cunth, 810 00:47:41,805 --> 00:47:42,863 I'm gonna rip your dick off and shove it in your mouth. 811 00:47:44,675 --> 00:47:47,906 And that is non-negotiable. Who's first? 812 00:47:50,781 --> 00:47:51,748 Shit! 813 00:47:52,583 --> 00:47:53,743 My fucking back. 814 00:47:57,621 --> 00:48:00,021 You did not just do that. That is a Blaupunkt! 815 00:48:00,357 --> 00:48:02,222 You owe me a Blaupunkt! 816 00:48:03,427 --> 00:48:04,416 Where's Vicki? 817 00:48:12,570 --> 00:48:14,197 I'm not sure I can do this. 818 00:48:14,371 --> 00:48:15,702 Vicki, where are you? 819 00:48:15,806 --> 00:48:18,036 Don't do it for yourself. Do it for your family. 820 00:48:18,142 --> 00:48:19,234 Vicki! 821 00:48:19,343 --> 00:48:20,310 My family? 822 00:48:20,711 --> 00:48:21,939 Good night, Senator. 823 00:48:22,179 --> 00:48:23,271 Vicki, I just got thrown out of the party. 824 00:48:23,380 --> 00:48:24,847 I got thrown through a window. Shh. 825 00:48:24,982 --> 00:48:26,313 Threw my Blaupunkt out, too. 826 00:48:26,417 --> 00:48:27,384 And it's broken, and I'm really fucking bummed about it. 827 00:48:28,919 --> 00:48:31,888 MacGruber, I'm watching Senator Garver talk to Constantine Bach. 828 00:48:31,989 --> 00:48:33,889 Oh, well, I'm glad that you're having so much fun 829 00:48:33,991 --> 00:48:36,186 checking out all the cute guys at the party, Vicki, 830 00:48:36,827 --> 00:48:38,852 but there's a nuclear threat going on 831 00:48:38,963 --> 00:48:40,794 and we could use all the help we can get. 832 00:48:40,898 --> 00:48:42,388 So can you please get out here? 833 00:48:42,499 --> 00:48:43,557 Fine. 834 00:48:46,904 --> 00:48:48,235 First of all, great party. 835 00:48:48,339 --> 00:48:49,601 Let's get that out of the way. 836 00:48:49,707 --> 00:48:51,538 I loved the music, I loved the dancing, 837 00:48:51,642 --> 00:48:52,768 the sushi, excellent. 838 00:48:52,876 --> 00:48:54,741 I particularly enjoyed being humiliated 839 00:48:54,845 --> 00:48:57,405 by MacGruber in front of my daughter and all my guests. 840 00:48:57,514 --> 00:48:59,607 By the way, does anyone know how he got in? 841 00:49:00,217 --> 00:49:02,014 He walked in the front door, sir. 842 00:49:02,419 --> 00:49:03,750 He walked in the front door. 843 00:49:03,854 --> 00:49:07,312 I imagined there'd be a more complicated explanation than that. 844 00:49:07,424 --> 00:49:08,391 Sorry, sir. 845 00:49:08,492 --> 00:49:10,687 Jeff, there's no need to apologize. 846 00:49:10,794 --> 00:49:11,818 I appreciate your honesty. 847 00:49:11,929 --> 00:49:13,760 Would you move a bit to your left, please? 848 00:49:14,131 --> 00:49:15,098 Sir. 849 00:49:15,733 --> 00:49:16,700 Great. 850 00:49:19,737 --> 00:49:21,261 Anyone else feel like being honest? 851 00:49:22,473 --> 00:49:25,965 Great, hang that in the foyer and go kill MacGruber. 852 00:49:29,313 --> 00:49:30,211 Damn it, MacGruber! 853 00:49:30,547 --> 00:49:31,980 I specifically told you not to go in there. 854 00:49:33,784 --> 00:49:34,944 I got him exactly where I want him. 855 00:49:35,052 --> 00:49:37,885 Do you? 'Cause I think it's the other way around. 856 00:49:37,988 --> 00:49:39,512 Agree to disagree, Jim. 857 00:49:41,191 --> 00:49:42,590 Look, I'm really sorry, okay? 858 00:49:42,926 --> 00:49:47,022 "Sorry" is not going to keep us safe from this goddamn warhead! 859 00:49:49,199 --> 00:49:53,135 Mac, you've turned into a liability. 860 00:49:54,104 --> 00:49:57,801 And I have no choice but to take you off this mission. 861 00:49:57,908 --> 00:49:59,739 And this time, it's for real. 862 00:49:59,943 --> 00:50:01,934 But he has the passcodes now! 863 00:50:02,046 --> 00:50:04,344 Because you couldn't stop him. 864 00:50:04,448 --> 00:50:06,177 Jim, you can't do this. 865 00:50:06,417 --> 00:50:08,408 Oh, I can and I just did. 866 00:50:24,635 --> 00:50:26,830 I will suck your fucking dick. 867 00:50:28,305 --> 00:50:30,170 I will let you fuck me. 868 00:50:30,574 --> 00:50:31,541 I'm sorry, Mac. 869 00:50:33,477 --> 00:50:34,774 It's over. 870 00:50:39,883 --> 00:50:43,410 I can't stop thinking about that envelope that Senator Garver got. 871 00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,420 I bet there was some kind of a clue in there. 872 00:50:45,522 --> 00:50:48,457 It's cute that you're still thinking about that, Vicki. 873 00:50:48,559 --> 00:50:51,187 But, trust me, there's nothing to Garver. 874 00:50:51,295 --> 00:50:52,489 I have a feeling in my gut. 875 00:50:52,763 --> 00:50:54,128 Yeah. Sorry. 876 00:50:54,264 --> 00:50:56,664 No, you have nothing to be sorry about. 877 00:50:56,767 --> 00:50:59,497 Both of you guys have just done a great job. 878 00:50:59,603 --> 00:51:01,400 If there's anyone to blame here, it's me. 879 00:51:03,207 --> 00:51:04,071 If it's any consolation, 880 00:51:04,174 --> 00:51:05,698 being with you the last few days, 881 00:51:05,809 --> 00:51:06,867 I've learned a lot. 882 00:51:08,045 --> 00:51:10,138 All of it was what not to do, 883 00:51:10,247 --> 00:51:12,010 but that's an important part of the learning process. 884 00:51:13,450 --> 00:51:14,883 I'm gonna go use the ladies' room. 885 00:51:14,985 --> 00:51:16,179 Number one or number two? 886 00:51:16,353 --> 00:51:17,684 Number none-of-your-business. 887 00:51:17,788 --> 00:51:19,312 That means number two. 888 00:51:19,423 --> 00:51:20,390 Shut up! 889 00:51:24,495 --> 00:51:25,621 So when are you gonna make your move? 890 00:51:25,896 --> 00:51:27,227 What are you talking about? 891 00:51:27,398 --> 00:51:29,491 Come on, man. You can see it from a mile away. 892 00:51:29,633 --> 00:51:31,100 Shut your butt! 893 00:51:31,201 --> 00:51:34,102 No, seriously. You two are perfect for each other. 894 00:51:36,874 --> 00:51:40,674 I mean, look, don't get me wrong. She's a good woman. 895 00:51:40,878 --> 00:51:43,108 Loyal, great at what she does, 896 00:51:43,213 --> 00:51:44,976 good-Iooking, rocking bod, 897 00:51:45,182 --> 00:51:48,549 smooth dresser, talented lyricist. 898 00:51:49,219 --> 00:51:51,084 But I can very confidently tell you 899 00:51:51,188 --> 00:51:54,180 that Vicki and I will never ever be like that. 900 00:51:54,525 --> 00:51:56,322 Never ever say, "Never ever." 901 00:51:57,094 --> 00:51:59,187 No, this time I can. 902 00:52:01,064 --> 00:52:02,964 After Casey, I made a promise to myself 903 00:52:03,066 --> 00:52:05,626 that I would never be with another woman. 904 00:52:06,737 --> 00:52:07,863 Must have been really hard. 905 00:52:09,206 --> 00:52:12,198 Why did he do it? Why did Cunth kill your wife? 906 00:52:12,376 --> 00:52:14,469 To this day, I have no idea. 907 00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,180 We actually all went to college together. 908 00:52:19,516 --> 00:52:22,542 Believe it or not, we were very close friends. 909 00:52:24,455 --> 00:52:27,481 Then after graduation, he got engaged to her. 910 00:52:28,892 --> 00:52:31,087 He asked me to be his best man 911 00:52:31,195 --> 00:52:32,560 and right about that time, 912 00:52:32,663 --> 00:52:35,325 I started banging her and mowing her box. 913 00:52:37,034 --> 00:52:38,262 She was actually the first person 914 00:52:38,368 --> 00:52:41,201 I felt comfortable enough around 915 00:52:41,305 --> 00:52:42,897 to let eat out my butt. 916 00:52:45,742 --> 00:52:48,040 Anyway, shortly thereafter, 917 00:52:49,179 --> 00:52:50,908 she left him for me. 918 00:52:51,381 --> 00:52:54,179 She was actually carrying his child at the time. 919 00:52:54,885 --> 00:52:57,080 I asked her to terminate it, obviously, 920 00:52:57,187 --> 00:52:58,711 so we could start fresh. 921 00:52:59,156 --> 00:53:00,646 And she agreed. 922 00:53:03,126 --> 00:53:04,821 We were so in love. 923 00:53:06,497 --> 00:53:08,021 And he took that from me. 924 00:53:08,799 --> 00:53:10,198 That's really fucked up. 925 00:53:10,667 --> 00:53:11,827 Thanks. 926 00:53:13,704 --> 00:53:15,797 You know, you're a good guy. 927 00:53:16,340 --> 00:53:18,934 And I need to apologize for something. 928 00:53:19,676 --> 00:53:20,665 No, you don't. No, I do. 929 00:53:22,212 --> 00:53:24,077 I treated you so badly. 930 00:53:25,816 --> 00:53:29,411 I guess I just felt threatened by you, believe it or not. 931 00:53:30,454 --> 00:53:33,014 And I'm not used to feeling that way. 932 00:53:33,257 --> 00:53:34,224 I mean, 933 00:53:35,559 --> 00:53:37,083 I'm fucking MacGruber. 934 00:53:40,197 --> 00:53:41,323 Water under the bridge. 935 00:53:41,431 --> 00:53:42,489 You know it. 936 00:53:44,434 --> 00:53:45,093 You know it! 937 00:53:45,202 --> 00:53:46,226 Another beer, Grubes? 938 00:53:48,171 --> 00:53:49,160 Let's see, we got Molsons... 939 00:53:49,273 --> 00:53:50,365 Shh. 940 00:53:50,841 --> 00:53:51,808 What? 941 00:53:52,576 --> 00:53:53,565 We got company. 942 00:53:54,244 --> 00:53:57,338 Piper! No! 943 00:54:06,089 --> 00:54:07,283 Vicki! Get behind him! 944 00:54:12,195 --> 00:54:14,186 Get in, get in, get in! I'm trying to get in! 945 00:54:14,898 --> 00:54:16,297 Stay low! Stay low! 946 00:54:19,937 --> 00:54:21,234 Oh, my God, is he dead? 947 00:54:21,338 --> 00:54:22,805 Yes! Yes, he's dead! 948 00:54:24,007 --> 00:54:26,271 Oh, fuck! Holy shit! 949 00:54:26,410 --> 00:54:28,970 Oh, my God. I thought we were goners. 950 00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,341 How did you know I was wearing a bulletproof vest? 951 00:54:31,448 --> 00:54:33,973 You're wearing a bulletproof vest? Awesome! 952 00:54:34,484 --> 00:54:35,508 What, you didn't know? 953 00:54:35,619 --> 00:54:36,779 No, of course I knew. 954 00:54:36,887 --> 00:54:37,854 I knew the whole time, yeah. 955 00:54:39,389 --> 00:54:40,583 Pull over and let me out. 956 00:54:40,691 --> 00:54:41,658 No. Why? 957 00:54:41,758 --> 00:54:44,727 Because you just used me as a human shield! 958 00:54:44,828 --> 00:54:46,955 I did not! No, I didn't! Yes, you did! 959 00:54:47,064 --> 00:54:48,588 Vicki, did I just use him as a human shield? 960 00:54:48,699 --> 00:54:49,666 Yeah, you kind of did. 961 00:54:49,766 --> 00:54:50,926 Okay, you're blowing this out of proportion, 962 00:54:51,034 --> 00:54:52,023 and thanks. 963 00:54:52,135 --> 00:54:53,102 Pull over. 964 00:54:53,203 --> 00:54:54,170 Pull over! Fine. 965 00:54:59,876 --> 00:55:02,344 Did you just kick my car? Oh, no, you don't. 966 00:55:02,446 --> 00:55:04,676 No, you don't! Real mature! 967 00:55:07,851 --> 00:55:09,045 You suck, MacGruber! 968 00:55:09,386 --> 00:55:12,446 Bye, Piper! Get home safe! 969 00:55:23,734 --> 00:55:25,167 Are you okay? 970 00:55:25,636 --> 00:55:26,625 Yeah. 971 00:55:28,839 --> 00:55:30,773 My God, what happened to your leg? 972 00:55:32,676 --> 00:55:34,769 It's nothing. MacGruber, you've been shot! 973 00:55:34,911 --> 00:55:35,935 I wish it was through the head. 974 00:55:36,046 --> 00:55:37,035 Don't say that. 975 00:55:37,881 --> 00:55:40,281 Come inside. Let me get that bullet out of you. 976 00:55:48,859 --> 00:55:51,020 This is gonna sting a little. 977 00:55:56,566 --> 00:55:57,931 I'm going to remove the bullet now. 978 00:55:58,035 --> 00:55:59,866 Do you want to bite down on this? 979 00:56:00,070 --> 00:56:01,560 I deserve pain. 980 00:56:11,948 --> 00:56:14,007 I don't know what happened back there. 981 00:56:14,685 --> 00:56:16,676 I just freaked out. 982 00:56:17,621 --> 00:56:19,384 Everybody makes mistakes. 983 00:56:19,489 --> 00:56:20,478 No. 984 00:56:21,658 --> 00:56:22,818 Not me. 985 00:56:23,093 --> 00:56:25,084 He didn't die. But he could have. 986 00:56:25,195 --> 00:56:26,787 You're being too hard on yourself. 987 00:56:26,897 --> 00:56:29,092 Or maybe the Colonel was right. 988 00:56:29,199 --> 00:56:30,723 Maybe I've lost it. 989 00:56:36,039 --> 00:56:37,973 Why do you stick around? 990 00:56:38,675 --> 00:56:39,835 Because I believe in what you're doing. 991 00:56:40,177 --> 00:56:41,337 You do? 992 00:56:41,478 --> 00:56:42,502 Yes. 993 00:56:43,847 --> 00:56:45,678 You're an amazing man. 994 00:56:46,516 --> 00:56:48,950 You're gorgeous, you have a perfect body. 995 00:56:49,052 --> 00:56:50,349 A great sense of style. 996 00:56:50,721 --> 00:56:52,086 You're smart and brave. 997 00:56:52,189 --> 00:56:53,156 Yeah. 998 00:56:54,291 --> 00:56:56,919 Casey was a very lucky woman to have a guy like you. 999 00:56:57,227 --> 00:56:59,889 Well, you're a very special woman, too. 1000 00:57:01,698 --> 00:57:04,462 Tell me, why didn't you ever settle down? 1001 00:57:06,236 --> 00:57:08,397 I've only ever loved one man. 1002 00:57:09,106 --> 00:57:10,073 He's taken. 1003 00:57:10,307 --> 00:57:11,274 Oh. 1004 00:57:12,409 --> 00:57:13,467 He's married? 1005 00:57:14,845 --> 00:57:16,005 He was. 1006 00:57:16,613 --> 00:57:19,741 But she's still in his heart, God rest her soul. 1007 00:57:21,084 --> 00:57:22,847 I just hope he doesn't blame himself 1008 00:57:22,953 --> 00:57:24,750 for her getting blown up at their wedding. 1009 00:57:26,923 --> 00:57:28,413 Maybe one day, 1010 00:57:28,658 --> 00:57:31,183 you'll get the courage to tell him how you feel. 1011 00:57:33,130 --> 00:57:34,256 Maybe. 1012 00:57:37,367 --> 00:57:38,595 I got it. 1013 00:57:41,972 --> 00:57:43,098 MacGruber. 1014 00:57:44,441 --> 00:57:45,567 Sorry. 1015 00:57:45,976 --> 00:57:47,170 I always get an erection 1016 00:57:47,277 --> 00:57:50,576 when a beautiful woman uses a pair of pliers near my balls. 1017 00:57:50,714 --> 00:57:52,773 MacGruber. 1018 00:57:54,117 --> 00:57:56,085 Thank you. 1019 00:57:59,489 --> 00:58:00,820 I better get you sewn up. 1020 00:58:01,091 --> 00:58:02,080 No. 1021 00:58:03,894 --> 00:58:05,327 Leave it open. 1022 00:58:06,963 --> 00:58:10,023 I like holes. 1023 00:58:12,869 --> 00:58:14,769 I'm a virgin. 1024 00:58:15,305 --> 00:58:17,136 Not for long. 1025 00:59:10,894 --> 00:59:12,987 My God, I'm gonna frigging explode inside you. 1026 00:59:13,096 --> 00:59:14,154 I'm going to spill it. 1027 00:59:14,264 --> 00:59:16,095 I'm going to fill you up. 1028 00:59:16,199 --> 00:59:17,325 I'm going to fill you up. 1029 00:59:17,434 --> 00:59:19,026 What? I'm going to fill you up! 1030 00:59:19,135 --> 00:59:21,365 Okay. Just let me do the talking. Sorry. 1031 00:59:21,471 --> 00:59:22,733 Oh, yeah! 1032 00:59:23,006 --> 00:59:27,067 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 1033 01:00:12,756 --> 01:00:13,723 You were amazing. 1034 01:00:13,823 --> 01:00:15,085 I have to go. 1035 01:00:15,191 --> 01:00:16,180 What's wrong? 1036 01:00:16,293 --> 01:00:17,453 I have to go. 1037 01:00:17,594 --> 01:00:18,561 Oh! 1038 01:00:18,862 --> 01:00:19,851 Shoot! 1039 01:00:24,334 --> 01:00:25,358 MacGruber! 1040 01:00:29,773 --> 01:00:32,742 MacGruber! Wait! 1041 01:00:45,488 --> 01:00:47,786 I'm so sorry, Casey. 1042 01:00:48,091 --> 01:00:50,457 I just made love to another woman. 1043 01:00:50,660 --> 01:00:53,891 I can't help but feel that I've betrayed you. 1044 01:00:56,232 --> 01:00:57,665 It's okay, MacGruber. 1045 01:01:00,003 --> 01:01:00,970 Casey? 1046 01:01:01,071 --> 01:01:02,095 It's okay. 1047 01:01:02,205 --> 01:01:04,332 Be with Vicki. 1048 01:01:05,675 --> 01:01:07,302 But I can't do that to you. 1049 01:01:07,544 --> 01:01:10,479 You have to move on with your life. 1050 01:01:12,849 --> 01:01:14,714 I don't know what to say. 1051 01:01:18,154 --> 01:01:20,554 Then don't say anything. 1052 01:01:38,708 --> 01:01:39,732 Yeah! 1053 01:01:40,243 --> 01:01:41,232 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 1054 01:01:45,815 --> 01:01:49,410 Wow. Wow. Wow. 1055 01:01:50,086 --> 01:01:55,524 Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! 1056 01:01:57,027 --> 01:01:57,994 I'm going to shoot. 1057 01:01:58,094 --> 01:01:59,857 I'm going to fucking shoot. 1058 01:01:59,963 --> 01:02:01,328 I'm gonna shoot, too. 1059 01:02:01,431 --> 01:02:02,659 Let's shoot together. 1060 01:02:02,766 --> 01:02:03,733 Okay. 1061 01:02:24,354 --> 01:02:25,514 I shot. 1062 01:02:26,623 --> 01:02:27,954 I did, too. 1063 01:02:29,926 --> 01:02:31,791 Now go, MacGruber. 1064 01:02:31,895 --> 01:02:33,795 Go tell Vicki how you feel about her. 1065 01:02:36,733 --> 01:02:37,893 I will. 1066 01:02:46,142 --> 01:02:47,473 Oh, and Casey? 1067 01:02:51,147 --> 01:02:52,341 Thanks. 1068 01:03:05,562 --> 01:03:06,756 What are the chances? 1069 01:03:14,370 --> 01:03:15,394 Go for Grubes. 1070 01:03:15,505 --> 01:03:16,870 MacGruber. Oh, sweet. 1071 01:03:16,973 --> 01:03:18,065 Look, I just wanted to apologize 1072 01:03:18,174 --> 01:03:19,300 for how things went down the other day 1073 01:03:19,409 --> 01:03:20,876 and give you the good news. 1074 01:03:21,111 --> 01:03:22,078 Good news? 1075 01:03:23,246 --> 01:03:24,440 I'm all ears. 1076 01:03:24,547 --> 01:03:25,571 We just received intel 1077 01:03:25,682 --> 01:03:28,446 that Russian special forces have recovered the X-5. 1078 01:03:28,585 --> 01:03:29,677 That's great! 1079 01:03:29,786 --> 01:03:32,118 I want to be there when you take Cunth down. 1080 01:03:32,956 --> 01:03:34,719 MacGruber, listen. We were wrong about Cunth. 1081 01:03:34,824 --> 01:03:35,984 He's not involved. 1082 01:03:36,092 --> 01:03:37,616 It was Chechen rebels. 1083 01:03:37,827 --> 01:03:41,524 Jim, you're wrong about being wrong. This is textbook Cunth. 1084 01:03:41,965 --> 01:03:44,297 I'm telling you, Mac, he's clean. 1085 01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,163 Yeah, as clean as a pig dick. 1086 01:03:46,970 --> 01:03:49,097 Look, Jim, this has gotta be some kind of distraction 1087 01:03:49,205 --> 01:03:50,968 so he can use the X-5. 1088 01:03:51,074 --> 01:03:53,201 And my gut tells me he's gonna use it soon. 1089 01:03:53,810 --> 01:03:55,175 I don't know what he's gonna do... 1090 01:03:59,749 --> 01:04:00,773 Oh, my God. 1091 01:04:00,884 --> 01:04:04,342 Jim! Jim! Cunth is gonna nuke the State of the Union! 1092 01:04:04,554 --> 01:04:07,455 MacGruber, this intel comes from a very reliable source. 1093 01:04:07,557 --> 01:04:10,253 Now, do me a favor. Take some time off. 1094 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:11,327 Just go to a beach somewhere, 1095 01:04:11,427 --> 01:04:13,622 kick off your boots and drink a few Molsons. 1096 01:04:13,830 --> 01:04:15,229 I have a better idea. 1097 01:04:16,866 --> 01:04:19,027 I'm gonna go save the world. 1098 01:04:26,843 --> 01:04:28,003 Hey, what the fuck? 1099 01:04:28,111 --> 01:04:29,339 Fuck you, asshole! 1100 01:04:29,445 --> 01:04:31,003 That's my car! 1101 01:04:36,686 --> 01:04:40,144 Senator, tell me again where you got this intel. 1102 01:04:42,058 --> 01:04:44,549 I'm sorry, Jim. I had no choice. 1103 01:04:52,035 --> 01:04:53,161 Vicki. 1104 01:04:53,570 --> 01:04:55,435 I'm so sorry, Vicki. 1105 01:04:56,539 --> 01:04:57,699 What the hell? 1106 01:04:58,508 --> 01:04:59,634 Vicki? 1107 01:05:01,778 --> 01:05:02,745 Vicki? 1108 01:05:09,519 --> 01:05:11,350 "Songs for My Gruber." 1109 01:05:11,788 --> 01:05:13,085 Oh, Vicki. 1110 01:05:17,827 --> 01:05:18,919 Vicki. Where are you? 1111 01:05:19,162 --> 01:05:20,254 Hello, MacGruber. 1112 01:05:20,697 --> 01:05:23,029 Cunth. What did you do with Vicki? 1113 01:05:23,132 --> 01:05:24,429 Oh, I haven't seen her. 1114 01:05:24,534 --> 01:05:26,161 I somehow stumbled on her cell phone. 1115 01:05:26,469 --> 01:05:27,959 Listen to me, Cunth. 1116 01:05:28,071 --> 01:05:30,164 I know what you're planning, you frigging turd. 1117 01:05:30,273 --> 01:05:32,264 Look, if you care at all about Vicki's cell phone, 1118 01:05:32,375 --> 01:05:33,364 you'll stay away. 1119 01:05:33,843 --> 01:05:34,935 If you don't, I'll smash it 1120 01:05:35,044 --> 01:05:36,841 into a million, trillion little pieces. 1121 01:05:37,046 --> 01:05:38,673 Do you understand me? 1122 01:05:39,015 --> 01:05:41,108 I understand. Or at least I think I do. 1123 01:05:41,217 --> 01:05:42,741 Vicki's cell phone is Vicki, right? 1124 01:05:42,852 --> 01:05:43,841 Goodbye, MacGruber. 1125 01:05:43,953 --> 01:05:45,113 Dieter, wait! 1126 01:05:45,288 --> 01:05:46,550 Look, uh... 1127 01:05:47,290 --> 01:05:50,919 I just wanted to say that it's been really good 1128 01:05:51,294 --> 01:05:52,921 to mix it up with you. 1129 01:05:53,029 --> 01:05:54,963 And, you know, 1130 01:05:55,431 --> 01:05:57,092 I think that you would admit that we make 1131 01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:58,895 pretty damn good adversaries. 1132 01:05:59,602 --> 01:06:01,763 And, you know, 1133 01:06:02,739 --> 01:06:05,264 thanks for being there, dude. 1134 01:06:05,642 --> 01:06:07,803 Wow. I didn't expect that. Thanks, MacGruber. 1135 01:06:08,011 --> 01:06:10,138 Cunth, one more thing. 1136 01:06:10,546 --> 01:06:13,379 Uh... Let's see, how do I put this? 1137 01:06:14,050 --> 01:06:15,449 Uh... 1138 01:06:18,021 --> 01:06:21,013 Oh, yeah. I cannot wait to cut off your dick 1139 01:06:21,124 --> 01:06:22,887 and shove it in your mouth! 1140 01:06:23,026 --> 01:06:24,618 Goodbye, MacGruber. 1141 01:06:26,963 --> 01:06:28,931 Time to go pound some Cunth. 1142 01:06:34,837 --> 01:06:35,929 Boom. 1143 01:07:14,844 --> 01:07:15,970 Thanks for doing this, Pi. 1144 01:07:16,112 --> 01:07:17,306 And, look, 1145 01:07:17,413 --> 01:07:18,880 sorry about last night. 1146 01:07:18,981 --> 01:07:20,471 It was a real rookie maneuver. 1147 01:07:21,384 --> 01:07:23,477 Let's get something straight. 1148 01:07:23,586 --> 01:07:24,917 I'm not doing this for you. 1149 01:07:25,021 --> 01:07:27,080 I'm doing it for all the innocent people out there 1150 01:07:27,190 --> 01:07:28,817 whose lives are at stake. 1151 01:07:28,925 --> 01:07:31,416 Well, my life is just as at stake. 1152 01:07:31,527 --> 01:07:34,189 So in a way, you are doing it for me. 1153 01:07:34,297 --> 01:07:35,764 And I thank you for that. 1154 01:07:35,865 --> 01:07:37,958 You know what? Just stop. 1155 01:07:38,067 --> 01:07:40,092 That's all you do, is talk. 1156 01:07:40,203 --> 01:07:41,636 You talk and you fuck things up. 1157 01:07:41,738 --> 01:07:42,864 And I rip throats. 1158 01:07:42,972 --> 01:07:44,269 I seriously doubt it. 1159 01:07:44,374 --> 01:07:46,205 Oh, you do? Well, then, I guess you'll see. 1160 01:07:46,309 --> 01:07:50,405 Will I? Yeah, you will. And so will they. 1161 01:07:51,814 --> 01:07:54,112 Sorry to bother you, sir, but... Colonel? 1162 01:07:55,518 --> 01:07:56,576 Colonel! 1163 01:08:01,924 --> 01:08:05,325 MacGruber was right. 1164 01:08:16,806 --> 01:08:19,900 Looks like 11, 12 that I can see. 1165 01:08:21,277 --> 01:08:22,744 But there will be more inside. 1166 01:08:22,845 --> 01:08:25,245 Well, I hope they got a ditch dug out back for all the bodies. 1167 01:08:25,348 --> 01:08:29,216 Otherwise things are going to get real smelly here later on. 1168 01:08:29,318 --> 01:08:30,785 That's a pretty gross way to look at it. 1169 01:08:30,887 --> 01:08:32,013 Well, I'm a realist. 1170 01:08:32,121 --> 01:08:33,713 I don't know how many people you're planning on killing, 1171 01:08:33,823 --> 01:08:35,450 but I am definitely going to kill that guy with the pony... 1172 01:08:35,558 --> 01:08:36,547 Shh! Shh. 1173 01:08:38,661 --> 01:08:40,151 No, just let him pass. 1174 01:08:40,263 --> 01:08:42,356 We don't want to attract any more attention. 1175 01:08:44,300 --> 01:08:45,267 MacGruber? 1176 01:08:49,872 --> 01:08:50,839 Oh! 1177 01:08:53,943 --> 01:08:54,932 Jesus Christ. 1178 01:08:55,044 --> 01:08:57,376 Pretty cool, right? Bet you weren't expecting that. 1179 01:08:57,480 --> 01:09:00,711 Yeah, that was really disgusting. 1180 01:09:00,817 --> 01:09:03,718 Well, get used to it, 'cause that's my main move. 1181 01:09:03,820 --> 01:09:06,721 Besides, he would've done the exact same thing to me if he had the chance. 1182 01:09:06,823 --> 01:09:08,620 No, he wouldn't have. He would've shot you, not... 1183 01:09:08,724 --> 01:09:10,487 Down, now. 1184 01:09:11,861 --> 01:09:13,021 All right, that was too close. 1185 01:09:13,129 --> 01:09:14,426 We need a new point of entry. 1186 01:09:14,530 --> 01:09:15,895 Let's move! 1187 01:09:18,468 --> 01:09:19,935 Vicki, Vicki, Vicki. 1188 01:09:20,036 --> 01:09:22,231 Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. 1189 01:09:24,173 --> 01:09:26,038 What was that? Didn't quite catch that. 1190 01:09:27,810 --> 01:09:29,402 Stick it where the sun don't shine, Dieter. 1191 01:09:29,512 --> 01:09:32,379 Oh, yeah? Where might that be? 1192 01:09:32,482 --> 01:09:34,211 Your butt? 1193 01:09:35,218 --> 01:09:37,618 Up your butthole? 1194 01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:39,711 Let's just put this back in, shall we? 1195 01:09:39,822 --> 01:09:41,312 Now, I know MacGruber's after you. 1196 01:09:41,424 --> 01:09:42,857 And I can't wait. You know why? 1197 01:09:42,959 --> 01:09:45,519 'Cause I'm going to watch him watch me 1198 01:09:45,628 --> 01:09:48,290 kill you right in front of him, and then, 1199 01:09:48,397 --> 01:09:50,763 I'm going to watch me kill him 1200 01:09:50,867 --> 01:09:52,334 in front of a mirror. 1201 01:09:52,435 --> 01:09:55,131 And then, I'm going to watch some TV. 1202 01:09:55,238 --> 01:09:57,229 I hope there's something good on. 1203 01:09:59,742 --> 01:10:03,269 This will be one of the most anticipated State of the Unions in history. 1204 01:10:03,379 --> 01:10:05,870 I'm told the President is about to enter the chamber. 1205 01:10:06,282 --> 01:10:08,011 Oh, good. I love disaster movies. 1206 01:10:13,222 --> 01:10:14,780 Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, 1207 01:10:15,258 --> 01:10:17,453 the President of the United States. 1208 01:10:18,461 --> 01:10:23,091 And then I told her, "Not for long," and then we rammed. 1209 01:10:23,733 --> 01:10:25,633 You what? Yeah, I humped her. 1210 01:10:25,735 --> 01:10:26,861 I don't want to use the F-word 1211 01:10:26,969 --> 01:10:29,267 'cause I don't want to diminish its beauty in any way. 1212 01:10:29,372 --> 01:10:31,067 But it was fucking great. 1213 01:10:31,173 --> 01:10:33,971 And I've never felt that way about a bone session before. 1214 01:10:34,076 --> 01:10:36,510 Yeah, sounds really special. Thanks. 1215 01:10:36,612 --> 01:10:37,840 This looks like the main duct. 1216 01:10:37,947 --> 01:10:39,608 We should be right underneath the control room. 1217 01:10:39,715 --> 01:10:41,512 Oh, yeah. You ready? 1218 01:10:41,617 --> 01:10:43,209 Time to go pound some Cunth. 1219 01:10:43,319 --> 01:10:44,650 Yeah. 1220 01:10:45,988 --> 01:10:47,683 What? Nothing. 1221 01:10:48,057 --> 01:10:49,456 No, what? 1222 01:10:49,559 --> 01:10:52,494 It's just I've noticed you say that line all the time. 1223 01:10:52,595 --> 01:10:53,584 It's a good line. 1224 01:10:53,796 --> 01:10:55,058 Is it? 1225 01:10:55,164 --> 01:10:56,859 Yeah. I know good lines. I'm really good with them. 1226 01:10:56,966 --> 01:11:01,062 I work them up, and I even have a line for after I defeat Cunth. 1227 01:11:01,170 --> 01:11:04,196 Great. Can't wait to hear it. Practiced it in a mirror. It is ready to go. 1228 01:11:04,307 --> 01:11:06,400 Yeah, you'll hear it. You'll know. 1229 01:11:06,509 --> 01:11:08,238 I'll look at you and... Yeah, you'll know. 1230 01:11:08,344 --> 01:11:09,641 Should we get going? 1231 01:11:10,079 --> 01:11:11,307 Okay. Okay. 1232 01:11:12,515 --> 01:11:14,346 Oh, I can go... 1233 01:11:14,951 --> 01:11:16,976 You go. You go. 1234 01:11:17,420 --> 01:11:19,445 Miller, do you copy? 1235 01:11:20,489 --> 01:11:22,980 Miller, are you there? 1236 01:11:23,092 --> 01:11:24,389 God damn it, Miller. 1237 01:11:27,229 --> 01:11:28,218 Throat lozenges? 1238 01:11:28,331 --> 01:11:30,196 You're going to want to take the whole box. 1239 01:11:32,468 --> 01:11:33,594 Awesome. Got another throat rip in. 1240 01:11:35,404 --> 01:11:36,166 Cool. 1241 01:11:36,272 --> 01:11:37,330 Might go for the turkey. 1242 01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:38,805 The turkey? 1243 01:11:38,908 --> 01:11:41,741 Yeah, it's a bowling term for when you get three strikes in a row. 1244 01:11:41,844 --> 01:11:43,937 And I applied that to throat rips. 1245 01:11:44,046 --> 01:11:45,013 That's sick. 1246 01:11:45,114 --> 01:11:46,274 Maybe. 1247 01:11:46,382 --> 01:11:48,247 But if ripping throats gets that warhead back, 1248 01:11:48,351 --> 01:11:49,875 I'll suck as many dicks as it... 1249 01:11:49,986 --> 01:11:52,420 Rip as many throats as I have to. 1250 01:11:52,521 --> 01:11:54,853 Did you hear that? No. 1251 01:11:54,957 --> 01:11:56,083 Okay, good. 1252 01:11:56,692 --> 01:11:58,751 Awesome! Check this out. 1253 01:11:58,861 --> 01:12:00,158 Hey, Cunth. 1254 01:12:00,262 --> 01:12:02,492 Guess who's in your stupid compound. 1255 01:12:02,598 --> 01:12:04,498 It's me, MacGruber! 1256 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,966 And I am with my brother from another mother, 1257 01:12:07,069 --> 01:12:08,468 Lieutenant Dixon Piper. 1258 01:12:08,571 --> 01:12:09,765 What are you... Let me do this. What are you... 1259 01:12:09,872 --> 01:12:10,964 Let me do this! 1260 01:12:11,073 --> 01:12:15,533 Just lick it up. Back on the air, fuckface! 1261 01:12:15,645 --> 01:12:16,669 Kill him. 1262 01:12:16,779 --> 01:12:18,713 Now, look. Even though there are only two of us here in this, 1263 01:12:18,814 --> 01:12:20,679 call it a control room, we are going to destroy you. 1264 01:12:20,783 --> 01:12:22,876 Control room! Now! 1265 01:12:22,985 --> 01:12:25,146 So anyways, come on over to the control room. 1266 01:12:25,254 --> 01:12:29,418 We'll be waiting, and we have a little surprise for you. 1267 01:12:51,814 --> 01:12:53,873 Pretty good idea, huh? 1268 01:12:53,983 --> 01:12:55,848 Which one, the desecration of the corpse 1269 01:12:55,951 --> 01:12:58,146 or the water ambush? 1270 01:12:58,254 --> 01:13:00,950 You know, you make fun of this stuff, but trust me, 1271 01:13:01,057 --> 01:13:02,888 that is going to buy us some serious time. 1272 01:13:04,560 --> 01:13:05,652 They're in the machine room! 1273 01:13:06,495 --> 01:13:08,895 Machine room! Go! 1274 01:13:23,946 --> 01:13:25,573 Okay, I rounded up this wrench, 1275 01:13:25,681 --> 01:13:27,444 and I already have this bottle cap. 1276 01:13:27,550 --> 01:13:31,042 But be on the lookout for one large brown egg. 1277 01:13:31,153 --> 01:13:32,347 Shut the fuck up, MacGruber! 1278 01:13:36,525 --> 01:13:38,049 I am trying to help here! 1279 01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,219 There are too many guys. I need you to take two of these guns. 1280 01:13:40,329 --> 01:13:42,797 I told you, I do not use guns. 1281 01:13:42,898 --> 01:13:43,887 Well, you better start, 1282 01:13:43,999 --> 01:13:46,160 because sticking a piece of fucking celery up your ass 1283 01:13:46,268 --> 01:13:47,292 ain't gonna hack it this time. 1284 01:13:47,403 --> 01:13:49,462 I'm not going to use a gun! Why? 1285 01:13:49,572 --> 01:13:51,597 Because 1286 01:13:51,707 --> 01:13:54,073 I don't know how. Okay? 1287 01:13:54,176 --> 01:13:55,438 I don't fucking believe it. 1288 01:13:55,544 --> 01:13:56,602 They scare me. 1289 01:13:56,712 --> 01:13:58,077 Do you want to save Vicki? 1290 01:14:00,049 --> 01:14:02,142 Okay, okay. So what do I do? 1291 01:14:02,251 --> 01:14:04,151 You point it and you shoot it. 1292 01:14:04,253 --> 01:14:06,153 Okay, okay. Okay, here goes. 1293 01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:11,818 Oh! I got a barrel! 1294 01:14:11,927 --> 01:14:14,054 Aim for a person! Oh! Good call, good call. Okay. 1295 01:14:18,267 --> 01:14:20,531 Oh! Oh! Oh! I got that guy! Did you see that? 1296 01:14:20,636 --> 01:14:23,070 I think I actually got him, but you're doing a great job. 1297 01:14:23,172 --> 01:14:24,662 Thank you. I'm going to take those two guys out. 1298 01:14:24,774 --> 01:14:26,241 No, no, no! I want to do it! I want to do it! 1299 01:14:30,846 --> 01:14:31,813 This is so awesome! 1300 01:14:31,914 --> 01:14:35,008 This is so much better than those stupid fucking gadgets I used to make. 1301 01:14:35,117 --> 01:14:36,414 We gotta make a run for that door. 1302 01:14:36,519 --> 01:14:37,747 We're gonna go on the count of three, 1303 01:14:37,853 --> 01:14:39,878 and whatever you do, just keep shooting. 1304 01:14:39,989 --> 01:14:42,219 Okay, okay, okay. 1305 01:14:42,324 --> 01:14:43,689 Ready? We just keep shooting? 1306 01:14:43,793 --> 01:14:44,919 Yeah. Okay! 1307 01:14:45,027 --> 01:14:45,994 One... 1308 01:14:46,095 --> 01:14:47,824 ...two, three! 1309 01:15:15,724 --> 01:15:17,589 That was a close one. 1310 01:15:17,693 --> 01:15:19,183 Where are the guns? Shh. Shh. 1311 01:15:21,330 --> 01:15:22,592 We got company. 1312 01:15:31,807 --> 01:15:33,536 Nice gun butt. 1313 01:15:33,642 --> 01:15:36,634 One of us should probably finish him off. 1314 01:15:37,913 --> 01:15:40,438 You really want that throat rip, don't you? 1315 01:15:40,549 --> 01:15:41,538 Well... 1316 01:15:41,650 --> 01:15:45,313 I mean, yeah, but I know you're not into it, so... 1317 01:15:46,722 --> 01:15:47,689 Hey. 1318 01:15:48,757 --> 01:15:50,190 Go for the turkey. 1319 01:15:50,926 --> 01:15:52,860 Really? Yeah. 1320 01:15:53,562 --> 01:15:54,551 Thank you. 1321 01:15:54,663 --> 01:15:57,826 No, thank you. For trying to save my life. 1322 01:15:57,933 --> 01:15:59,366 Well, I owed you one. 1323 01:16:00,169 --> 01:16:01,466 Put her there, Grubes. 1324 01:16:16,085 --> 01:16:17,074 That's it. 1325 01:16:17,186 --> 01:16:18,153 Vicki's in there. 1326 01:16:18,254 --> 01:16:20,415 I can feel it in my balls. 1327 01:16:21,757 --> 01:16:22,917 Vicki! 1328 01:16:23,425 --> 01:16:24,619 Hi! 1329 01:16:26,028 --> 01:16:28,553 Game's over, gentlemen. 1330 01:16:32,134 --> 01:16:33,499 Ah! MacGruber. 1331 01:16:36,205 --> 01:16:37,866 You're just in time. 1332 01:16:39,041 --> 01:16:41,066 You guys hungry? You want a potsticker, a Molson? 1333 01:16:41,176 --> 01:16:43,303 We made a pretty substantial Costco run. 1334 01:16:43,412 --> 01:16:45,880 Might not be able to get food for a while, so we got enough 1335 01:16:45,981 --> 01:16:48,211 for, like, an entire nuclear winter. 1336 01:16:48,317 --> 01:16:50,911 Constantine, would you be a lamb and take these two 1337 01:16:51,020 --> 01:16:53,284 while I have a little fun with MacGruber, here? 1338 01:16:55,324 --> 01:16:56,291 Kneel. 1339 01:16:56,959 --> 01:16:58,256 Kneel! 1340 01:16:58,627 --> 01:17:01,960 First of all, I'd like to thank you for that upper decker you left me. 1341 01:17:05,734 --> 01:17:07,668 I can't wait to kill you. 1342 01:17:07,770 --> 01:17:08,998 I want my mommy! 1343 01:17:09,104 --> 01:17:10,765 What, is MacGruber gonna rip my throat out? 1344 01:17:10,873 --> 01:17:13,239 No, I want your throat to stay right where it is 1345 01:17:13,342 --> 01:17:14,639 so I can hear you scream bloody murder 1346 01:17:14,743 --> 01:17:16,768 when I cut off your dick and shove it in your mouth. 1347 01:17:16,879 --> 01:17:17,868 Tonight! 1348 01:17:17,980 --> 01:17:19,880 That sounds like a real fun Tuesday, 1349 01:17:19,982 --> 01:17:21,108 but I've already got other plans. 1350 01:17:21,216 --> 01:17:22,979 Oh! See, in about four minutes, 1351 01:17:23,085 --> 01:17:26,020 I'm going to turn Washington D. C. Into a pile of ash. 1352 01:17:26,121 --> 01:17:28,453 And then I've got a big pile of money to count. 1353 01:17:28,557 --> 01:17:30,582 How do you make money killing millions of innocent people? 1354 01:17:30,693 --> 01:17:32,752 Really? I thought that was clear. 1355 01:17:32,861 --> 01:17:34,351 Uh... Someone pays me to do it. 1356 01:17:34,463 --> 01:17:36,897 You see, I can't say who 'cause that would be gossiping. 1357 01:17:36,999 --> 01:17:38,159 It's the Chinese. 1358 01:17:38,267 --> 01:17:39,825 You make me sick. 1359 01:17:40,336 --> 01:17:41,997 How could you do this? 1360 01:17:42,104 --> 01:17:43,366 Oh, I'm not doing it. You are. 1361 01:17:44,173 --> 01:17:45,663 You're mad. You're mad! 1362 01:17:45,774 --> 01:17:49,870 Incensed. Disillusioned by a government you blame for the death of your wife. 1363 01:17:49,979 --> 01:17:54,416 Your trampy, backstabbing wife. 1364 01:17:54,516 --> 01:17:57,679 You killed Casey. You killed Casey! 1365 01:17:57,786 --> 01:17:59,253 Not according to your manifesto. 1366 01:18:00,055 --> 01:18:02,455 What? What are you talking about? 1367 01:18:02,558 --> 01:18:03,547 Your manifesto. 1368 01:18:04,326 --> 01:18:05,759 In here, 1369 01:18:06,428 --> 01:18:09,295 you blame the government for the death of Casey, 1370 01:18:09,398 --> 01:18:10,797 and you're going to make them pay dearly for it. 1371 01:18:12,368 --> 01:18:14,893 Cunth, you gotta believe me, I didn't write that. 1372 01:18:15,004 --> 01:18:17,370 I'm being framed by somebody. I don't know who it is, 1373 01:18:17,473 --> 01:18:19,907 but you gotta believe me! This has been a big misunderstanding... 1374 01:18:20,009 --> 01:18:21,840 Oh, my God! It's me. I'm writing it. 1375 01:18:21,944 --> 01:18:23,468 I'm the one that's framing you. Me. 1376 01:18:23,579 --> 01:18:25,877 You son of a bitch! You'll never get away with this. 1377 01:18:25,981 --> 01:18:28,415 Oh, God. Colonel Faith knows all about this, and he is going to... 1378 01:18:28,517 --> 01:18:30,178 Colonel Faith? He's dead. 1379 01:18:31,620 --> 01:18:33,053 What? You're lying. 1380 01:18:34,256 --> 01:18:36,019 Am I? 1381 01:18:36,158 --> 01:18:37,090 Screw you, Cunth! 1382 01:18:37,192 --> 01:18:38,454 Is that an invitation? 1383 01:18:38,560 --> 01:18:40,391 Ew! No. 1384 01:18:41,130 --> 01:18:43,530 Okay, can we get on with your deaths now? 1385 01:18:43,632 --> 01:18:45,623 But first, there's something I've been wanting 1386 01:18:45,734 --> 01:18:47,668 to do for a long time. 1387 01:18:49,204 --> 01:18:50,694 Anyone up for a little trim? 1388 01:18:50,806 --> 01:18:52,797 No. What are you doing? 1389 01:18:52,908 --> 01:18:54,432 I just want you to look good in your coffin. 1390 01:18:54,543 --> 01:18:57,535 Don't fucking do it, Cunth! Don't do it! 1391 01:18:57,646 --> 01:18:58,635 Boys. 1392 01:19:12,294 --> 01:19:17,231 No! 1393 01:19:19,334 --> 01:19:20,995 Oh, look at me! 1394 01:19:21,103 --> 01:19:23,731 I'm MacGruber. Hey, I'm gonna go pound some Cunth. 1395 01:19:23,839 --> 01:19:26,364 You wanna go? Fuck you, fuck you. 1396 01:19:41,490 --> 01:19:42,457 Hey! 1397 01:19:43,792 --> 01:19:44,986 What the fuck? 1398 01:19:56,038 --> 01:19:57,062 Now, Vicki! 1399 01:20:07,116 --> 01:20:09,414 I didn't think you used a gun. 1400 01:20:09,518 --> 01:20:10,746 I don't. 1401 01:20:10,986 --> 01:20:13,352 You punch like a little girl. 1402 01:20:13,455 --> 01:20:15,616 Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 1403 01:20:15,724 --> 01:20:17,282 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, 1404 01:20:17,392 --> 01:20:19,053 I'm gonna cut off your dick and... 1405 01:20:19,161 --> 01:20:21,152 Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record. 1406 01:20:21,263 --> 01:20:22,525 The only record I'm gonna break 1407 01:20:22,631 --> 01:20:24,861 is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record. 1408 01:20:31,773 --> 01:20:33,536 Launch commencing in three minutes. 1409 01:20:34,476 --> 01:20:35,602 Three minutes, MacGruber! 1410 01:20:35,711 --> 01:20:36,735 Let's move! 1411 01:20:39,214 --> 01:20:40,977 MacGruber! 1412 01:20:46,021 --> 01:20:47,181 All right. Don't worry, gang. 1413 01:20:47,289 --> 01:20:48,620 I've been in this situation before 1414 01:20:48,724 --> 01:20:49,884 and nothing bad has ever happened. 1415 01:20:49,992 --> 01:20:50,981 Right, Vicki? 1416 01:20:52,161 --> 01:20:54,891 All right. Before we start, there's something I need to say here. 1417 01:20:54,997 --> 01:20:56,624 Vicki, I have been doing so much thinking 1418 01:20:56,732 --> 01:20:58,097 since we had intercourse last night... 1419 01:20:58,200 --> 01:20:59,189 MacGruber, the bomb! 1420 01:20:59,301 --> 01:21:00,290 You're right, you're right. Okay. 1421 01:21:00,402 --> 01:21:01,426 Piper, toss me that copper wire. 1422 01:21:01,537 --> 01:21:02,868 You got it, MacGruber. 1423 01:21:02,971 --> 01:21:04,097 Vicki, that ball bearing. 1424 01:21:04,206 --> 01:21:05,537 Here you go, MacGruber. 1425 01:21:05,641 --> 01:21:06,608 Piper, those pliers. 1426 01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:07,868 Coming at you, Grubes! 1427 01:21:10,345 --> 01:21:11,573 Hurry up, MacGruber! 1428 01:21:11,680 --> 01:21:12,772 We're running out of time! 1429 01:21:14,416 --> 01:21:17,044 Vicki, make me the happiest man on the face of the Earth. 1430 01:21:17,152 --> 01:21:18,210 Yes! Yes, yes, yes! 1431 01:21:18,320 --> 01:21:21,118 Yes! I porked Casey's ghost last night. We can talk about that later. 1432 01:21:21,823 --> 01:21:24,587 All right, we got a nuclear warhead to... Holy shit! 1433 01:21:24,693 --> 01:21:25,887 What's wrong, MacGruber? 1434 01:21:25,994 --> 01:21:27,518 What the fuck is this? 1435 01:21:27,629 --> 01:21:30,097 It's a warhead, MacGruber. You can defuse it, right? 1436 01:21:30,199 --> 01:21:32,599 Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap. 1437 01:21:32,701 --> 01:21:34,999 There's, like, a million wires in here. 1438 01:21:35,103 --> 01:21:37,003 I'm more like a three-wire guy. 1439 01:21:37,105 --> 01:21:38,834 Look at this wire. Where does this go? 1440 01:21:38,941 --> 01:21:40,602 What does that... There's a green one. 1441 01:21:40,709 --> 01:21:42,233 There's, like, a bunch of green. 1442 01:21:42,344 --> 01:21:43,675 Launch commencing in two minutes. 1443 01:21:43,779 --> 01:21:44,837 Two minutes, MacGruber! 1444 01:21:44,947 --> 01:21:48,383 Yeah, I heard it, Vicki! Jesus, nag, nag, nag! 1445 01:21:48,483 --> 01:21:50,713 I'm really sorry, sweetie. I'm so sorry. 1446 01:21:50,819 --> 01:21:52,218 MacGruber, can you do this or not? 1447 01:21:56,425 --> 01:21:59,588 No. I cannot defuse this missile. 1448 01:22:01,797 --> 01:22:02,991 Bravo, MacGruber! 1449 01:22:03,098 --> 01:22:05,191 I expected no less from a washout like you. 1450 01:22:05,300 --> 01:22:07,564 Once again, I win. You lose. 1451 01:22:07,669 --> 01:22:10,069 I didn't finish my sentence, Dieter. 1452 01:22:10,172 --> 01:22:14,370 No, I cannot defuse your missile. But I can do this. 1453 01:22:14,476 --> 01:22:16,740 Launch commencing in one minute. 1454 01:22:19,815 --> 01:22:20,873 No! A nuclear warhead's 1455 01:22:20,983 --> 01:22:23,577 not quite the same without its thermonuclear core. 1456 01:22:23,685 --> 01:22:25,209 Damn it! 1457 01:22:25,320 --> 01:22:27,015 It doesn't matter. 1458 01:22:27,122 --> 01:22:29,249 There's still enough ammonium nitrate left in that warhead 1459 01:22:29,358 --> 01:22:31,724 to blow up the White House and Congress, combined. 1460 01:22:31,827 --> 01:22:32,919 Right again, Cunth. 1461 01:22:33,028 --> 01:22:36,657 Of course, it's going to be awfully hard to fly it without 1462 01:22:40,102 --> 01:22:41,194 The guidance system. 1463 01:22:41,303 --> 01:22:42,565 Weak! 1464 01:22:42,671 --> 01:22:44,263 So I guess you do win. 1465 01:22:44,373 --> 01:22:47,171 And your prize will be getting blown to smithereens 1466 01:22:47,276 --> 01:22:48,868 in about how long, Mrs. MacGruber? 1467 01:22:48,977 --> 01:22:50,274 Thirty-two seconds! 1468 01:22:50,379 --> 01:22:53,405 Well, we better scoot. We do have a wedding to plan. 1469 01:22:54,383 --> 01:22:55,350 Let's move. 1470 01:22:56,685 --> 01:22:59,176 Launch commencing in 20 seconds. 1471 01:23:03,925 --> 01:23:04,892 Toodle-Ioo. 1472 01:23:05,193 --> 01:23:06,592 MacGruber! 1473 01:23:17,239 --> 01:23:22,609 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, 1474 01:23:22,711 --> 01:23:28,672 five, four, three, two, one, zero. 1475 01:23:40,429 --> 01:23:43,193 Classic MacGruber. 1476 01:23:48,770 --> 01:23:50,260 I love you both. 1477 01:24:00,782 --> 01:24:04,309 Theirs is a love that knows no bounds. 1478 01:24:04,419 --> 01:24:06,512 A love that heals in times of sickness. 1479 01:24:07,289 --> 01:24:11,350 A love that forgives in times of anger. 1480 01:24:11,460 --> 01:24:14,896 A love that loves in times of love. 1481 01:24:15,297 --> 01:24:17,390 Vicki wrote that. Hmm. 1482 01:24:17,499 --> 01:24:18,466 It's beautiful, honey. 1483 01:24:18,567 --> 01:24:19,829 Thank you. 1484 01:24:19,935 --> 01:24:24,065 Now, is there anyone here with just cause why these two souls 1485 01:24:24,172 --> 01:24:25,969 should not be joined in holy matrimony? 1486 01:24:28,510 --> 01:24:30,637 You scared me! 1487 01:24:34,116 --> 01:24:35,879 Bye. 1488 01:24:36,485 --> 01:24:38,715 Then let's get to it. 1489 01:24:38,820 --> 01:24:41,584 Do you, Vicki Gloria St. Elmo, 1490 01:24:41,690 --> 01:24:44,352 take MacGruber to be your lawfully wedded husband? 1491 01:24:44,459 --> 01:24:48,327 I do. 1492 01:24:48,430 --> 01:24:49,829 And do you, MacGruber, 1493 01:24:49,931 --> 01:24:54,800 take Vicki Gloria St. Elmo to be your lawfully wedded wife? 1494 01:25:02,210 --> 01:25:03,973 No! 1495 01:25:11,286 --> 01:25:12,685 Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay. 1496 01:25:12,788 --> 01:25:13,948 Are you all right? I'm okay. 1497 01:25:21,897 --> 01:25:23,057 No, Vicki, don't. 1498 01:25:34,943 --> 01:25:36,171 I gotta admit, 1499 01:25:36,278 --> 01:25:38,746 I'm kind of glad you're still alive. 1500 01:25:38,847 --> 01:25:42,078 'Cause there's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long, long time. 1501 01:25:42,184 --> 01:25:46,120 Hey, Cunth, suck your own dick. 1502 01:25:46,221 --> 01:25:47,188 Come and get it. 1503 01:25:52,594 --> 01:25:54,687 What the fuck? Where is it? 1504 01:25:55,997 --> 01:25:57,760 It was blown up in the explosion. 1505 01:25:57,866 --> 01:25:59,163 You are shitting me! 1506 01:25:59,267 --> 01:26:00,234 Are we done here? 1507 01:26:00,335 --> 01:26:01,666 God damn it! 1508 01:26:01,770 --> 01:26:03,601 Are we... No, we're not done here! 1509 01:26:08,710 --> 01:26:09,699 Piper! 1510 01:26:28,597 --> 01:26:30,360 Fuck you, dude! 1511 01:26:53,021 --> 01:26:54,147 I do.107322

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.