Original subtitles

(EXOTIC MUSIC)

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

(GROANING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(RUMBLING)

(BOOMING)

(THUNDER BOOMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

BOY: Okay, guys.

This is it.

Reggie, you're our tank as usual.

Hold firm with that defense.

Liz, let's try to mix it up

and open with a celestial light wave aura spell.

Let's rock!

LIZ: Come on, Max!

That's weak!

Go big or go home.

How 'bout the doomslayer force vortex spell

followed by an XP kicker?

REGGIE: Ooh, I like that.

That could be exactly what we need

to defeat the Nether Kraken.

LIZ: Right, I think the kicker

could help replenish our vitals enough to...

No, you can't just use the doomslayer

right outta the gate.

You're gonna waste all your manna.

LIZ: Hey, Reggie, if you do a brimstone blockade first,

and then I volley from behind you...

REGGIE: Heck yeah, Liz!

That could work, totally.

MAX: Screw it!

No time for noob strategery in a ranked quest.

I'm goin' full metal Jenkins.

- No, dude, not again! - Max, you ass-hat!

Wait!

You're throwing a rock into a hornets' nest, Max.

Dude, I know you're like elite AF,

but you cannot take on the nether horde solo.

It's a party map, dude.

Teamwork.

Barbarian attack!

Sir Maximus...

Jenkins!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

LIZ: Reg...

Let's save his dumb ass again.

REGGIE: Lock and load, me lady.

LIZ: Me lady?

REGGIE: Sorry.

Bob and weave, ladies and gents.

Max Reload is doin' the dance.

Defense, Max!

And dude, stop referring to yourself in the third person.

It's gross.

(SMACKS COUNTER)

Yo.

We're lookin' to test out the new Rockstar Revolution.

Uh, yeah, it's in the back.

Follow your dreams.

Hey, you break shit, you buy shit!

I am the shit!

Hey, focus on the mission here, people!

I think we might have this one on lock.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(GROWLING)

Guys, our health is way too low.

I think we gotta retreat.

Sack up, Reggie!

Hold firm with that defense.

Liz, take the rear.

You're too soft to handle the rough stuff.

Let me handle this.

Oh, excuse you, macho man!

My elven armor will hold.

REGGIE: Okay, wait, guys, we have to regroup.

Trust the master.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Dammit!

(SIGHS) I had that.

(MONSTER GROWLING)

Teamwork!

Did you just mute us?

We waited a week to try this quest again!

That is...

disappointing, dude.

Oh, no, no, no!

Not him again!

This wizard dude spawn camper de-cloaks every time

after all our hard work!

He's gonna jack our loot!

Watch!

WIZARD: Doomslayer force vortex, I summon thee.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Yass, bitch!

Get a life, ya dick!

WIZARD: I will take this, and this.

Oh (CHUCKLES) and this.

Don't really need this, but I'll take it anyway.

Love it, love it.

Unbelievable, Max!

If we'd worked together, we'd have the power gauntlet,

the luma battleax, and the doubly yamma cannons right now!

(DRUMMING EMPHATICALLY)

Hey, rock stars, free sample's up.

GTFO.

Ah, don't be so salty, Liz.

Look, we all know that I'm really the only one

who could've made it through that dungeon alive.

And, hey, at least my ranking didn't drop.

Dude, you wouldn't even have that rank without us.

Not a chance solo!

As a matter of fact, maybe I should have.

Yeah, I can defeat the forces of the Nether

any day of the week, and I'd slay for days!

You know why?

I'm listening.

LIZ: Do not encourage, him, Reggie!

Because I guarantee that I,

Maximus the barbarian of Middletown,

one of the top-ranked of the realm of thy Northern Americas,

could defeat the evil forces of the Nether

any day of the week, in the fight for the ages!

That's why.

(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)

(GROANS)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Yo, did you see that?

Upgrade your internet, dork.

You're guaranteed to be looking for a new team

and a new job if you're late again.

Chuck's starting his 48-hour VR-cation,

and if you're late, he's gonna be pissed.

Not like virtually pissed, like ...

pissed in real life.

Dammit!

Why didn't you guys tell me what time it was?

Cover for me til it get there, Liz?

You know, I'm not sure if my rank

is high enough to cover for you.

Good luck, barbarian.

(ENERGETIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

You feel lucky, punk?

Hand over the goods.

Yeah.

Up against the wall.

You got me.

(CHORTLING)

(SWIGGING)

Hey, head on a swivel.

What did I teach you?

Always...

Be prepared, always be prepared.

MAN: Yeah!

Yeah, like a...

like a Boy Scout.

No, like a Marine!

Like a Marine!

(GUN SQUIRTING)

Dude!

Okay!

Is that booze?

Um...

(SQUIRTING)

No, it's my special blend. (CHORTLES)

Take it easy, Gramps.

You know you're not supposed to mix booze with your meds.

Yeah, yeah.

Where you goin' in such a hurry?

I gotta go to work!

I'm running behind.

You gamin' all day again?

(SCOFFS) No!

Yeah, maybe.

(CHORTLING)

Well hold on a second before you go.

Remember that new game you made for me?

You know?

I mean, it's good.

Oh, World War Poo?

Yeah, it's real good.

(CHUCKLING)

Like it says, it's the shit.

MAX: Ah, you really dig it?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, and we got another letter

from that tech school, you know?

You know, they're still accepting applicants

for the next semester.

Yeah, I know.

Look, I listened to what you said and...

it's just not for me.

I'm kinda doin' my own thing, and...

tuition's really expensive.

You know, I'm...

I mean, I'm never gonna force you to do something

that you don't want to do, you know.

But what I am gonna force you to do, Max,

is I'm gonna force you to seize the day.

Okay?

I don't want you wastin' your talents

just throwin' 'em away.

Hey.

Come on.

Now listen, soldier.

You be a hero in your own life.

Carpe diem.

And not just in those games.

I mean, if it's school, we figure it out.

If it's money, I'll cash in some bonds.

Hm?

But whatever you decide,

your mom and dad would be real proud of you.

(DELICATE MUSIC)

Okay, I gotta go.

There's steak and fries...

- In the fridge. - Tonight for dinner.

- Yeah. - Yup.

Okay.

And the blue plate.

Okay!

Yeah.

World War Poo.

What a kick.

(FART NOISE)

(CAR PUTTERING)

(BANGS STEERING WHEEL)

Come on!

(SIGHS)

Be the hero in your own life.

Carpe deez nuts! (CHUCKLES)

Solid, Gramps.

Solid.

(PHONE BUZZING)

Okay!

Let's do it.

(ELECTRONIC VIDEO GAME MUSIC)

That's a cute little bike. (SNICKERS)

Hey!

What's up?

It's Douche to the Maximus.

Yo!

Sweet wheels, bro!

(LAUGHING)

Where ya goin', buddy?

Oh, you know, just...

goin' to work.

Actually contributing to society.

Oh, cool of your mom to let you bring out

the midlife crisis mobile.

Nice.

Oh.

God, that's right.

You're still jockeying the counter

with your little boyfriend Reginald,

making minimum wage at Fallout Games.

'Cause meanwhile, I mean,

we're on the verge of creating the next triple-A title.

MAX: Triple-A?

Yeah, triple-A.

It's lookin' a little bit like triple-D from over.

Doesn't even make sense, bro.

Triple douche!

Good one...

Maxi Pad.

Look, do me a favor, and tell my sweet,

sweet Lizzy hi for me.

You wouldn't mind doin' that, would you?

That's weird, Seth.

She said she stopped talking to you after you freaked out

when she beat your ass in Battle Clan.

Oh, and the fact that you have a micrope...

Okay, she didnt't...

She did not kick my as in Battle Clan.

I let her win using my profile to rank up.

And what would you know, anyway?

I mean, you can't even afford a legit team, Maxi Pad.

Micropen...

Shut up!

Chet!

Whatever, dude.

Hey, wait, wait, wait!

One more thing.

(SPITS OUT GUM)

Blue lightning bolt!

(SPLASHING)

(CACKLING)

Later, Max.

See ya, loser!

(LAUGHING)

Once you score the coke from the strip club owner,

your stamina increases like crazy,

and then you jack this sick Ferrari out front.

Drive that to the bank, smoke the teller,

and bounce out with the cash.

Oh, and just say know to the three H.

What's that?

Hookers, homicide, and heroin.

You just wanna go back to the nightclub with the score,

and then, boom!

You're XP doubles like crazy,

and all the new weapons unlock.

Including the machete.

MOM: I don't think you'll be playing this game.

Ah, another satisfied customer.

What is wrong with people?

It's just a game.

Preach.

Is that slushie?

Yeah!

Seth and douche squad send their regards.

(SIGHS) Max, I'm sorry.

He's such an asshole.

He's just jealous.

Wait...

What do you mean?

Um...

I mean, you're a better coder and gamer and...

You know.

Oh.

As I make the harsh switch from VR

to normal, boring-ass R, do mine eyes deceive me,

or is that Max Reload I see arriving late

yet again and very unkempt?

What up, Chuck?

Don't "what up Chuck" me!

You two, come hither back to my chamber!

Entrance granted.

Copy that.

(INTENSE ROCK MUSIC)

Max!

(LAUGHING)

Max!

Hey, Liz.

Amazing.

He rolls in late and...

no punishment.

He's so the golden child.

You know what?

Lizbeth is right for a change.

You were late, man,

and I should call attention to tardiness.

Why is thou lateth again?

Sorry, Chuck.

We got caught up in a little bit of a loot quest.

Oh!

But unfortunately we lost track of time.

Well you didn't say that, man.

Did thou succeedeth in thy quest?

Sadly, no, we didn't-ith.

But I was close!

I'm still ranked number two in North America.

Well, young ward, extra lives unto you

to fight on to another day.

You know, you really should be considering East Forge.

You guys should put together a squad,

team of some sort, you know?

Yeah, we would if we could agree on a team name.

Oh...

I always thought the Nuclear Nerds was kinda cool.

"Nerds" is an old-school term,

but it's now become empowered.

And "nuclear"...

That's as powerful as it gets.

Oh, that is good, Chuck!

That's not too shabby.

Was that pandering?

Were you pandering to me, Max?

Max in all the slacks?

I always put you high above everyone else,

and this is what happens to me?

Guess what.

That just earned you bathroom duty!

Justice, am I right?

Thank you! (HIGH-FIVING)

You're welcome.

And guess what, I had Indian for lunch.

I know, everyone warned me against it,

including my mother, man,

but I had extra curry on top of the Curry Surprise.

So guess what's comin' out thick and creamy.

My Indian lunch, and you're gonna follow it

into the bathroom, so that's what you get

for that... (INTERCOM CRACKLES)

REGGIE: Yo, Chuck!

Steve's here!

Well send him back!

Business.

Steve!

Man, in Steve I believe!

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

It's heavy.

What are you saying, I couldn't handle it?

Kidding.

I got tons more in the truck, too, bro.

Liz.

Hell yeah, dog!

Hey!

Randall!

It's...

The Hard Light VR Haptic Feedback Vest, man!

This is the holy grail of virtual reality gut punches!

You put this on, and everything you feel in VR

feels more real, and I mean everything you feel.

If you feel self-doubt,

you're gonna feel haptic self-doubt, man!

If you feel self-loathing,

you're gonna feel haptic self-loathing!

Thank you, Steve!

I know exactly what I'm gonna do for the next 48 hours.

So you're gonna wear this thing for 48 hours?

Damn skippy!

For the next 48 hours, I'm gonna be all in VR,

so this is my VR-mor, if you will.

Whoa, bro.

Playing games for two days straight?

That...

is some serious stamina.

Playing games?

Steve, man, I thought I had

all the respect in the world for you.

Playing games?

This ain't' playin' games, son!

This is V...

R!

VR, man!

You don't play a game; you are the game!

You're experiencing.

That's what the R in VR is.

You "R" there, doin' it.

So you're not just sittin' there, playing hockey on a game.

You're in the rink!

VR is for those of us who are grown up enough

to wear something like this around the house.

Kids, unless the stores on fire this weekend,

I am not to be bothered when I am jacked in!

(CHUCKLES) Endurance trial, yes!

So cool.

He knows.

Signature, please.

Thanks.

STEVE: Thank you.

So...

the rest of the boxes?

Not here, Reggie!

You guys do it in the other room.

You and Lizbeth unpack and catalog there.

Back here, the grown men

are gonna be trying on our fancy boy outfits.

Just look at this.

There's so many snaps and buttons and straps.

I'm gonna need a normie,

a thin kid to help me out with this,

'cause I'm sure this one goes some place

I ain't seen in like at least 12 to 13 years.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(ZIPPING AND SNAPPING)

(WHIRRING)

(GROANS)

Hey, listen.

Why don't you come to the gym with me sometime?

I'll teach you all the ropes, and I'll spot you.

That would be amazing.

I've been thinking about getting a membership somewhere.

And I also try to do my 1,000 steps every day.

Sweet!

(CHUCKLES)

Well, it's gettin' to be that time.

Got more loads to deliver.

Steve-O, out.

Bye, Steve.

(GRUNTS) Got more loads to deliver.

Ugh!

Gross!

And "I try to get my steps in"?

Who are you?

By the way, Chuck is officially suited up, off the grid.

We're on our own.

John Carmack, hands down.

Wolfenstein 3D, Doom, Quake?

I mean, come on, the dude's a complete legend.

Plus, I hear he's like a legit aerospace engineer.

Yeah, sure, but he didn't pioneer the movement.

He was like second or third wave.

Dude, is Miyamoto.

Donkey Kong, Mario?

Draws that shit by hand.

The guys a French knight who's Japanese.

Respect.

But guys, I'm talking about the most legendary

and influential game developer of all time.

Here we go again.

Our hometown here...

Eugene Wylder!

Creator of the Nether series!

Guys!

The one and only!

You think any of this would have happened

if it wasn't for the pixel master himself?

All right, check it out, legit.

(INTENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

NARRATOR: The year: 1984.

The location: Wylde Child Games in small town Middletown.

A revolutionary console video game

and best-selling fantasy franchise

lies solely in the hands of two rogue video game creators.

Barton Grabowski and Eugene Wylder

develop the groundbreaking Nether game series

for the ColecoVision home entertainment system.

The dynamic duo are seen here, working on the last

Wylde Child Games installment, Nether Dungeon.

Geno, you've totally outdone yourself, man!

You are amazing!

And you are way too close to me right now.

FAN: He's a genius!

NARRATOR: They met in the sandbox in grade school.

Best friends Eugene and Bart

became known as the bad boys of gaming,

working hard and playing even harder.

(CAR ZOOMS)

(GRUNTING)

We did two million units and change

on our last release, Nether Scrolls.

And this go around, the demand is just so much higher,

not just in terms of financials,

but graphics, story, the whole thing.

FAN: Sorry, can you sign this?

This is gonna be a real game changer

for the way our fans experience these games.

We're working really hard on it,

and it's going to be radical.

NARRATOR: With high-dollar profits at stake

and growing expectations from investors and fans,

the stress level mounted for the gurus at Wylde Child Games.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I'm working here!

Piss off!

NARRATOR: Alcohol and drugs, caffeine pills

and store-bought bakery goods would come to be known

as Eugene's Ho Hos and Hoes phase.

New high score!

NARRATOR: Ravaging his brilliant mind

and halting development.

Sadly, Nether Dungeon would never see the light of day.

(SIREN WAILING)

(FIREMAN SHOUTING)

Yeah, it's a total loss.

I'm not at liberty to comment on the cause right now,

but my team will be investigating over the next few days

any possib...

Hey, Chief, it's definitely arson.

I'm having the guys pull extra lines.

(SIREN WAILING)

This isn't live, is it?

NARRATOR: Allegations of sabotage and insurance fraud

were the only thing rising from the ashes

of Wylde Child Games.

Tragically, Nether Dungeon and the rekindling

between Wylder and Grabowski would never materialize.

The Wylde Child catalog was sold off

to rival gaming giant Konicom,

which released future installments

of the Nether series to mixed reviews.

Nether Dungeons, never happening!

Now back off!

NARRATOR: Eugene fell of the map into seclusion,

some speculate leaving the country.

Barton Grabowski invested what financial resources

he had left in the arcade business,

founding Cobra Arcade Bar,

a hip arcade that serves adult beverages.

This concludes this week's Arcade Heroes.

I rest my case.

What they don't tell you in this video

is that Wylder made such a perfectly badass game

that rival game companies colluded to burn down his building

and destroy every copy of the Neter Dungeon.

They threatened him so he wouldn't release it.

Your man crush for this burnout Wylder

and, frankly, al things retro is highly concerning.

I don't know.

He seemed pretty cool.

Yeah.

You agree with everything Max says.

Come on.

It's time to bounce.

See you later, buddy.

What?

Guys, come on!

Don't you want to stay til my shift's up?

Come on!

No one comes in on weeknights!

And who knows what Chuck's doing back there?

It's all-you-can-eat at Pistol Pete's, dude.

Catch you online tonight, then?

I'm there.

Maybe.

Oh, hey, someone's gotta clean the bathroom.

Bye!

(GRUMBLES) Oh my god.

(ENERGETIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

So smooth!

So soft.

Round, brown, oh, yes.

So wet.

(SCRUBBING)

(WHIRRING)

Welcome to Fallout!

Just a minute!

Sorry about that, I...

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

What?

Hey!

Hey!

I can give you store credit!

No way.

(INTENSE MUSIC)

Chuck, are you messing with me, dude, 'cause...

(GIRL SCREAMS)

Chuck?

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Look at my dick!

Man, I love virtual flasher.

Yo, dude, you close up yet?

Pistol Pete's is poppin'!

Reg...

Dude, are you messin' with me, man?

Don't lie.

I can't hear you, dude.

It's loud in here.

Is this like a practical joke or something, dude?

What's up, barbarian?

You comin' down or what?

Tell me the truth.

Did you leave a box of stuff here?

I mean, come on.

It's pretty obvious.

Max, we're off the clock, dude.

Get your ass down here.

He's dippin' in the barbecue sauce again like a psycho.

REGGIE: Why you gotta give me up like that?

Because it's weird. (GIGGLES)

REGGIE: All right, dude.

Bye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Boy! (SCREAMS)

You are louder than a pig in purgatory.

You gotta work on your heel-toe.

What's that for?

Is it okay if I use this?

Well, it belonged to your dad.

I mean, the screen isn't much use to anyb...

'Kay, cool.

Thank you, gramps.

I can't even see my reflection in that screen,

but then, who gives a shit?

I don't give a shit.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Dare you enter the Nether Dungeon

in the fight for the ages?

Make a name for myself.

What up?

This is Max Jenkins, AKA Max Reload.

Guys, I have come into possession of a legit,

long-lost copy of a Nether Dungeon cartridge.

It's the only one known in existence, so...

it's pretty badass.

It's crazy badass, man!

Well...

welcome to my play-through.

Let's make history.

(INTENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Time to put up or shut up.

What the?

That's it?

Well...

You saw it here first, folks.

The rarest game on the planet,

beat in one sitting by yours truly.

You saw it here first on Max Reload's Game Hub.

Ah, man.

I bet you guys wish you could play it, too, huh?

That would make me legend status for sure.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(INTENSE MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Holy shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Penelope, no!

(FIRE EXTINGUISHER BLASTING)

Shit.

Shit.

Dammit.

(PHONE RINGING)

What? (PHONE RINGING)

Oh, god.

What?

Max!

Holy cow, man!

Where have you been?

Have you seen you're freaking site?

No, my...

rig got fried in the storm last night.

Freaking surge protector.

I haven't seen shit.

What storm?

Dude, whatever!

Get to the store, okay?

This is off the charts!

I mean...

Nether Dungeon?

Yo, dingleberry...

you're late again.

Get your ass to work.

What time is it?

6:00 p.m., dude.

You're like beyond late, but don't worry.

Chuck's still like balls deep in VR.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Yeah, it's super gnarly in there.

I'm pretty sure he shit his pants.

- Not it! - Not it!

Holy crap!

Dude, people are sharing it like crazy!

You're telling me that some dude in a suit

just came in and dropped off that box last night and left?

And that the only known version

of the Nether Dungeon was in it?

I know it sounds nuts.

I mean, I've been wanting to play this game

since I could hold a controller.

But I'm telling you, that's what happened.

It was like I knew every move, like it was made for me.

I beat it in one shot.

Then, I emulated to my site, and my rig gets fried.

Okay, that sucks.

But major street cred.

I mean, it's just so rad, the fact that you even got it

and then uploaded it.

Are you kidding me?

I don't know how you guys stomach

all that crusty retro stuff.

It's all about polygon count and texture mapping.

Hey, are you guys gonna help me

with this new display or what?

No.

No appreciation.

Ugh, you didn't even play it?

Pass.

And you know what, Max?

I bet that game is worth a lot of money on eBay.

Whoa.

This kid is totally trolling you in the vlog.

What?

Let me tell you something

about this Nether Dungeon play-through.

It's fake with a capital F.

Guys, obviously this Max Reload loser

faked the gameplay footage, he's faking the walkthrough,

just so he can gain subscribers.

Look, I get it, Max.

I've got a YouTube channel, too, buddy!

Buy know what you just did...

What?

Ah, this tool!

Okay, screw him.

I believe you, and people are loving it.

Hey.

Remember that Wylder game?

Yo, you have to check this out.

Pull up his website.

Way ahead of you, bro.

I already pulled it up and finished downloading.

This is why I get the big chair.

Well, all right, kids.

We've got some exciting news for you.

The rumors, I've sure you've heard them before,

about Nether Dungeons actually existing

and surfacing are true.

I am so stoked.

All right?

You're gonna be a gaming legend with all these hits.

Yeah.

I don't buy it for a second.

What a douche!

You think it's the real deal?

No freaking way.

That loser had to have made this garbage.

Fake.

He thinks he's so smart

running all this hype through his own site.

Actually, it is pretty smart.

I wish I had thought of it.

But, not for long.

I found a backdoor and copied the script,

so it's free to play and download everywhere

through our site now.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

I also embedded a worm to steal

users' email lists and spread it.

Say goodbye to those hits, Maxie.

Oh, and, icing on the cake, I also ported it

to mobile platform, so no emulator required.

You rock!

I know I do.

This is gonna go wide, my friends.

(ALARM BLARING)

I mean, it's like destiny, you know?

How crazy is it that that game found its way to me?

LIZ: Yeah.

Whatever you say, dude?

Right, Reg?

Back me up.

I mean, it's beyond coincidence.

Reg?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Holy shit!

Reggie, what the hell, man?

Seriously?

Your eyes, man, your eyes!

What's wrong with you?

(SCREAMS)

Reggie, what the hell, man?

Oh my god.

You okay?

Yeah.

I mean, no.

I got this.

You need to calm...

down.

Reggie!

Reggie, stop it!

Dude!

Okay, Reggie, Reggie, hey!

Slow down!

Liz?

Liz, you good?

No, I mean, his eyes are glowing red!

Reggie!

Chuck!

Chuck!

Oh, you want some of this?

You wanna a piece, too?

What about you?

Oh yeah, here we go!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

MASKED MAN: Hey, Nether dick ...

(BLASTING)

Reggie!

Reggie?

Hey.

What did you do?

MASKED MAN: I saved your bacon, kid.

Boom!

High score.

I saved both of you.

You're welcome.

You killed Reggie!

Uh...

How's that?

No.

No, I didn't kill anybody, did I?

Oh boy.

(GASPS)

Oh my god.

Now, see?

You scared me there, kid.

Wait.

You're Eugene...

Eugene Wylder, yeah, the one and only.

And you...

are Max, right?

The little turd that ported my game

and set this whole shit show in motion.

No.

You have no idea what you're messin' with, kid.

Supernatural malevolence from ages long past

melded with supreme power over mankind.

Communications, gaming, tech.

You know what, the less you know, the better.

I have no idea what you just said, but it sounds awesome.

Yeah, you know what's awesome?

My helmet is awesome.

My blasters are awesome.

And right now...

I am awesome.

Okay, it's off your site.

You're so lucky I got here when I did.

And I am lucky that your site is ...

shit.

I mean, no offense, but like the SEO is total crap.

Hey!

What?

What?

All right, you know what?

Give me the hard copy of the game you have

and tell me where you got it.

I don't have it.

It's at my house.

Look, some old dude in a suit brought it

and put it right there.

- And I just... - An old dude?

Ugh, the Harbinger, of course.

Of course.

Fine.

Let's shit blood and go get it.

Shit...

- Wait, shit blood? - No, no, no, no.

Shitting blood?

First things first, bud.

You roll into our store and blast

our zombied-out friend here with your ghetto-rigged

light blaster, dressed like some ...

Bargain basement Boba Fett cosplay asshole,

and you think that you're calling the shots?

Uh-uh.

Max isn't going anywhere until you tell us

what the hell is going on here!

Hm.

I like her.

Yeah, she's all right.

Fine, you want an origin story?

Hold onto your marshmallows.

Pull your wieners up to the cocktail party,

ladies and gentlemen, 'cause the year was 1984.

Is that a Ho Ho?

Yeah.

It was 1984, and I'd been basking

in the glory of my success.

I was the developer in the industry.

I'd already announced Nether Dungeon,

and the pressure was on to deliver another hit.

But the only thing I hit...

was a wall created with coder's depression.

I was on the verge of something brilliant,

but I just couldn't get the code right for the game.

Something just didn't taste right in flavor town.

I had been partying my butt off for weeks.

Don't get me wrong.

Well-earned philandering, barely sleeping.

Philandering?

It means whoring.

Apparently, when dudes do it, it's fancy and cool.

I'm sorry, who's tell the story?

You?

Me?

Me.

So one night I drove and I drove and I drove

until I reached a little dive bar

on the outskirts of the desert.

I needed distance.

An artiste needs his solace to create.

(SCOFFS) Give me a break.

I said solace!

I begged the universe to inspire me

to create my game for the ages.

And that's...

Well, that's when he appeared.

I call him the Harbinger now,

because over time I've learned

that he's the one who delivers the rules,

the bad news, and offers the challenges.

Plus, it sounds dark and mysterious,

which is exactly what this dude was.

Oh my god, you should have seen him!

Whoa.

You can say that again.

Whoa.

I didn't mean it.

Oh.

EUGENE: So he mumbles that he can provide the code

and the key to finishing my game.

I don't remember what he said,

but I was compelled to insert the code he gave me.

I was...

spellbound.

Spellbound, I tell you!

I'd learned later that it contained

an ancient Sumerian incantation of great evil.

I pulled an all-nighter on Nether Dungeon,

adding the crazy new code.

At some point, I must have crashed from exhaustion.

The whiskey must have dulled the Harbinger's hold over me.

Anyway, when the hangover wore off,

I realized Barton had beta tested the game.

He came under its spell.

He put the factory to work

mass-producing Nether Dungeon right away.

I tried to stop him,

but he had controlling interest in the company.

The bastard had me removed from the building, my building!

That is messed up!

No shite.

We fought all the time, but now, it was like he was...

MAX: Possessed.

Yes!

Yes!

I had no idea what controlled Barton at the time.

But I'll tell you this, I had had enough.

I was full of tiger piss and razor wire after that.

I researched the symbols in the code all night

and finally discovered what it really was after,

an ancient force, a trickster, and a player of games

that harnesses its power by besting mortal humans

and claiming their souls,

sucking the life right out of them.

It's challenged civilizations throughout history

for their very existence, its power growing

as humanity grew to love and covet these games.

Now, in the 21st century, the Harbinger craves more,

and with games being played by more people,

more power, greater power, greater reach.

That's why it came after the greatest game maker

of our generation.

MAX: You!

Yes!

The game focused its Nether energy

to controlling my creation, boring into my genius,

infecting humanity around the globe

in one massive product release, my Nether Dungeon.

Well there was only one thing to do.

(ENERGETIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(SNIPS WIRE)

(SPLASHING)

(FIRE WHOOSHING)

Barton didn't remember saying anything.

He thought I'd lost it.

Said I'd always been jealous of his coding.

He said some pretty mean stuff that he can never take back,

not that I'm keeping score or anything.

In a way...

he was right.

That was the end of Wylde Child Games.

I'd ruined it, burned it to the ground like Rome.

I had to.

Well, Rome was burned in a day.

Built.

Rome wasn't built...

Didn't matter.

I had beat it at its own game.

The was the last time I saw Bart.

I heard he...

I don't know, bought an arcade or a bar or something,

raised chihuahuas, loves avocado toast.

Okay, I follow him on Facebook.

But that's not the point.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the Harbinger

found his one player, his one pawn

to help him spread the Nether like peanut butter.

Oh, I'm allergic.

Noted.

The one man capable of truly unlocking...

Me!

(LAUGHS)

My boy!

Chosen one!

Uh, chosen pawn.

Pawn.

Chosen pawn, and we're not even sure.

Maybe.

Have you guys gone mental?

Do you hear yourselves right now?

This is the most convoluted crap I have ever heard!

Skeptic.

Realist.

There's always one.

There's always...

25 years.

I knew he'd be back.

I just had no idea there were any game cartridges left.

You guys are lucky I stopped the spread of this when I did.

Guys, come on!

There is no way!

How else do you explain Reggie

trying to slice and dice us, Liz?

Reggie!

That thing that came out of him,

that was straight up Evil Dead stuff.

Came, came out of me?

What came out of me?

Spectral...

energy...

disruptor.

100% pure unadulterated infrared white light.

Took some tinkering, may cause weight gain.

You shot me!

With that thing!

Guys, come on!

Are you shitting us?

No, I am not shitting you, little lady.

Imagine hundreds if not thousands

of Nether-possessed game junkies like your friend here

just running through the streets, running amok.

And weight gain?

Let's go!

Let's go get the game and make sure

that this cannot happen again.

Hey, wait!

Before you go, can I ask you a few questions

about gaming and developing and stuff?

Uh, yes, kid.

I usually require an NDA, but in your case

- I'll make an exception. - Hey, guys?

Yeah, of course.

Of course, developing, coding...

Guys!

What...

would happen if the game went mobile?

(LAUGHING)

MAX: What do you mean?

What?

You kids and your cellphones.

Seth is a total ass-hat, Liz!

You really know how to pick 'em, huh?

Hey, I broke up with him months ago, and you know that.

Hey, lovebirds...

I got a date with evil.

What?

No, it's not...

- We're not together. - We're not dating.

Don't care.

Date with evil.

Okay, where are we going?

"We" are not going anywhere.

I am going to my lair, getting my PC,

and wiping this thing clean.

Well, at least let me run some breach protocols for you.

I'm really good.

Yeah, well, we can all help.

I'm usually usually just the snack guy,

but I'm good at decrypting, I'm very mechanical.

Hey!

I'm a lone wolf.

All right?

Go get the game!

Bring it back!

I will do the heavy lifting!

(GRUNTS)

Kid, my sword.

Oh...

kid...

Here, take that, just in case.

Nothin' beats a good Nether blaster by your side.

(CHUCKLING)

Whoa, sweet.

(ENGINE PUTTERING)

Come on.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Come on!

Come on!

(SHOUTS)

Hey, mechanical.

You good with cars?

(DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC)

(REVOLVER FIRING)

(CHUCKLES)

That's what you get when you mess with Wildcat Jack.

(MESSAGE WHIRS)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(THUNDER BOOMING)

Oh, hey, Gramps is probably still asleep,

so we gotta be quiet.

And sometimes he sleepwalks naked, so...

I love watching old people sleep.

Yeah, that's weird.

Hey, do you have any food?

I didn't get to eat lunch,

because someone was late for work.

Maybe.

All gramps ever makes is steak.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Gramps?

Gramps.

Uh...

Liz is here.

We were just gonna get some food,

and I got a couple errands I gotta run.

Oh my god!

Gramps.

Oh, no!

Not again.

Gramps?

Hey, it's Max.

It's Max.

Whoa!

- Wait! - Dude, move.

I got this.

Easy, easy!

He has a pacemaker.

The electrical ultraviolet whatever the hell

might screw it up!

Fine.

What do we do?

- The iron! - What?

Hit him, hit him with it!

What?

No!

That's how they kill zombies.

I didn't want to kill him!

He's old.

I don't know, just do it like gentle.

Liz, he's a Marine.

That's just gonna piss him off.

You look like you know what you're doin'.

Yeah.

I'm...

pretty handy.

I fixed a couple of my buddies'

red ringed Xboxes, you know?

It's really just the damn...

(CRACKLING) (SHOUTS)

What was that?

It's...

It's fine.

- It's totally normal. - I'm way out of warranty!

It's totally normal.

Are you sure?

Uh-huh.

Okay, I got an idea!

Liz, distract him!

What are you gonna do with that?

I'm gonna tie him up.

Distract him?

Okay, all right.

Hey, gramps.

What do you think about this?

Yeah, look at that!

(UPBEAT ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC)

Wait, no, Gramps!

Uh, Max?

It's working.

This is so wrong!

LIZ: Your gramps is a perv.

(SHOUTS)

Okay.

I got him.

Liz, help me get him somewhere safe,

where he can't hurt anybody.

Well...

that was close.

Good teamwork.

Yeah.

Hey...

how did Gramps get exposed to Nether Dungeon?

Well it looks like your boyfriend

jacked my mailing list, too.

He's not my boyfriend!

Let's just get the game and get back.

We gotta fix this.

Seth.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(WHINING)

This is a stainless steel appliance.

It is not supposed to burn!

(FIRE EXTINGUISHER BLASTING)

No!

Come on!

That escalated quickly.

You know what?

You're not as mechanical as you think.

Okay, I'm better at the snacks.

Okay?

What's this now?

Oh, boy.

Who wants to play a game?

Is that a friend of yours?

We used to be friends.

You know, in elementary school, but ..

life happens, we grew apart.

What is that?

Jai alai!

(BANGS)

Only the fastest sport in the world.

Tech school doesn't have a lot of sports to choose from.

Okay!

Denting an uninsured classic is not a game, my friend!

Ha ha!

(WHIRRING)

Not now, not now.

Hey, mechanical...

take a quick look at this.

Uh...

okay.

Um...

Oh.

I got nothin'.

(GRUNTS)

The Nether has been released.

And congratulations, you two

will be among the first of the new order.

Seth, can't we just...

you know, talk about this?

I like games, you like games. we like games.

I don't like this game right now, but...

Oh, hey, back!

Stay back!

The Doom Bringer has won.

You have fulfilled your purpose at last, Game Maker.

Power grows with each could committed to the game,

committed to the Nether!

The chosen one will shift the tide.

Now where is he?

I'll tell you.

Boom.

What?

Boom.

High score.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

How could you?

(LAUGHING)

You good?

They milked me, Max.

They milked me.

Oh, that was good, Lizzy.

That was good.

Level completed!

Ha ha!

You know, that reminds me why I dumped your ass, Lizzy.

Your shit is weak!

Shit blood, Seth!

You never deserved her.

Okay?

You dick weasel!

Dick weasel?

These tool bags are like mini-bosses.

Just blast the shit out of 'em, Liz.

(BLASTING)

Eugene?

It's not working.

Right.

Uh...

The power's...

running low.

Yeah, no shit.

You know, I got this.

It's been a while, but I think I got it.

(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

What's he doing?

Is he speaking Klingon?

Cease thy Nether portal prolapse,

shatting on thy Earth you craps!

Be gone, you...

fiends perhaps!

Perhaps!

I don't know what's going on.

I did everything.

(LAUGHING)

You fool.

The Doom Bringer is the Alpha, the Beta, and the Omega.

Your little game was merely the balance

that binds in between.

That relic...

merely the key to unlocking the door between our worlds.

You are the prize we seek now, Max!

You are the knight in our armies, we conquer this Earth,

not a mere pawn like the rest of them.

Join us.

Because a speedy victory is ours.

We cannot be stopped now that we...

(CRASHING)

No!

(SHOUTING)

Steve!

Oh my god!

EUGENE: Wait, who's Steve?

Oh god, not again.

He's the delivery guy.

He's so hot

Steve!

What's goin' on, guys?

Oh, that's not right.

EUGENE: We have to get to my lair.

Steve, sweetie, we need you to give us a ride, okay?

And don't ask questions.

Can you just drive, safely, can you do that?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, we gotta go now.

Okay.

Oh my god!

(DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

It's reached critical mass

for the first wave of the spell.

What's that mean?

It means enough people have played the game,

been exposed to the Nether.

Anybody plays the game now,

they're instantly controlled by it.

Oh, shit.

Luckily, though...

Looks like these noobs have dedicated it

to the school server when they went mobile with it,

and, unlike you, they've encrypted it and firewalled it.

Although, it looks like it's on a slow drip.

My game should be much more popular.

Your game's older than dirt, dude.

I'm surprised people are even playing it.

I'm sorry...

Could you allow yourself at least a dollop of respect

for the analog superhero

you're currently sharing this van with?

LIZ: Excuse moi.

Guys...

look.

(OMINOUS ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(CHORTLES)

See?

It is pretty popular.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Okay, shh, shh, shh.

Guys, guys, my girlfriend's an underwear model,

and she's got an early shoot in the morning.

Come on in.

Shh, be quiet.

I don't wanna wake her.

Excuse me.

WOMAN: Eugene?

Is that you?

(GROANS)

Oh...

Geno, my magical genie.

Oh!

Look who's here!

Mr. Shnoops!

He wants to give you a kiss.

Oh, no he doesn't.

Oh, hello.

Okay. (KISSING)

We share him.

Okay.

MRS. WYLDE: Are these your study group?

Yes, they are, yes.

We're actually in class together.

Oh, that is so nice.

So nice.

I don't usually get to meet Geno's friends very often.

So...

well...

Come on, well...

give me the beans.

What's happening? (CHUCKLES)

Um...

Just...

playing video games, Eugene's mom.

Oh.

Of course.

He could've been a lawyer.

But it's the gaming.

(IMITATES GUNFIRE)

Just glory-seeking noobs.

Well...

winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Who's gonna be the winner?

Would you like to have a snack?

Yes!

If it's already made.

Why don't you go back go bed?

It's late, and I didn't mean to wake you.

We were just...

No, no.

I am already awake, so you make yourself comfortable,

and I am going to make a snack.

EUGENE: Okay.

It's nice to meet you all.

Do it quietly.

We don't want to wake up Katarina.

MRS. WYLDER: Who?

Nothing.

Let's go sit down.

Genie?

I made these balls extra juicy just for you.

(HUMMING)

Boom, boom, high score.

Thank you, Mrs. W.

Really great.

Thanks, Eugene's mom.

You're welcome.

Are there bread crumbs in these?

I'm on a low-carb thing.

Yes.

All right, just for tonight.

Okay.

Appreciate it.

I'm going to bed.

Good.

MRS. WYLDER: Don't stay up too late.

EUGENE: Nope.

And, Genie?

EUGENE: Yup.

Brush your teeth.

Okay, Mom.

With the strong toothpaste.

Love you.

No fragging.

Okay, shall we?

(BOUNCY ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(CHUCKLES)

Dude, this is so rad!

Your setup's insane!

Despite the fact that it's in your mom's garage.

Yeah, it's...

It's actually mirrored...

so that I can go from one battle station to the next,

the way we used to do it back in the day, me and Barton.

Oh, can you please...

I'm sorry, can you please...

Don't, don't...

Hey!

Guys, don't...

Put that down!

(CLATTERING)

I'm sorry.

You're the first civvies that I've allowed

into Wylde Child 2.0, so...

Thank you.

Shocking he's still single.

He's off the grid.

He has a secret garage lair.

Yeah, I am off the grid.

Way off the grid. (CHUCKLES)

Kinda went Red Dawn.

And after Wylde Child Games, I invested

in a few other gaming companies and some MMO servers.

I still moderate, watching out for players

that the Nether might be targeting.

Could call me the game god, the wizard of games.

Some refer to me as...

the MMO wizard.

The Wizard.

You're that guy that steals all of our loot?

You are the MMO Wizard?

Yes.

But you're lucky I have been watching you,

because the Nether saw its prime opportunity

to finally play out its best hand.

And I found you, kid.

Well, you know what?

Then it's up to us to stop it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

There is no us.

Okay?

There is no us, there's no team.

This is me dealing with your shit show,

and I'm just gonna flush it down the golden toilet

and be done with it, and you guys will be on your way.

I just need a moment.

Well at least let me run

some fort protocols to cover your back.

No!

Please.

I can do this alone.

Don't touch.

Please don't touch.

Okay, but Eugene, you see

that thing that you're doing there?

There's a more efficient way to run that script.

I'm sure there is.

However, this is the way I do this.

MAX: Check this out.

I'm just gonna go over here.

EUGENE: No, I see what you're doing.

MAX: Yup.

I see what you're doing, but look, you forgot to...

What, lay down a fire escape?

I'm ahead of you.

- Okay, stop! - What are they doing?

Flexing mind muscles.

It's like a rap battle but for hackers.

It's like a wizards duel but ...

it's even nerdier.

Right.

Flexing.

Yes!

I get it.

No, no, you're leaving breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs.

Eugene, okay.

See, that, that is so last month, dude.

Watch this.

Sorry, had to disconnect you for a second

while I reroute this bypass kernel.

(BUILDING MUSIC)

and...

Bam!

Done, son!

How's that for teaching an old dog new tricks?

Ha ha!

(IMITATES CHEERING)

Max Reload in the house!

"Ah, Max, you're so go great!"

"Oh, I know, thank you so much."

(POUNDS TABLE)

Please tell me that you shielded the breach

with a DNS and IP encryption so that the bots

wouldn't detect the reroute source.

(BEEPING)

I thought you would have done that off the top.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(BOOMING)

No, no, no, no, no!

You did this.

You did this.

You know what young pups do that old dogs don't do?

Eat their own poo!

What?

How is this my fault?

How was I supposed to know that it was gonna do that?

Because you coulda listened!

Just listen!

I've been preparing for this moment my whole life.

Oh!

You mean the ancient evil that you unleashed

because you couldn't hack it back in the day?

You guys!

Seriously!

Eugene, what does it mean?

What's next?

(ALARM BLARING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(RUMBLING)

That doesn't sound good.

It's reached enough gamers to level up.

The Nether is one step closer to total control.

(WHIRRING)

And now it knows exactly where we are, thanks to you, Max.

You're bailing?

Really?

How fitting.

Yup.

Someone has to get rid of these hard drives.

Good luck to you guys.

You're gonna need it.

You're just pissed it chose me

and used you as the pawn all these years.

You better watch your words, little man.

You heard 'em.

I'm the chosen player.

You're just pissed off that you spent your whole

sad little life pretending it was you who was so important.

Eugene, wow.

Look at you now.

Rage quitting?

You know you're all talk?

Huh?

What have you ever created that's gonna last forever?

Hm?

You're a single player, Max.

Always have been, always will be.

- Yeah? - yeah.

At least I am not some washed-up has-been.

What did you just call me?

Oh, did you not hear me?

Maybe you should turn up your hearing aid, old man!

He said at least you're not...

Sone of a...

What, what?

(SHOUTING)

Guys, stop!

Stop!

We're on the same team!

MAX: All talk?

All talk?

Yeah!

How's this for all talk?

Shotokan block!

MAX: Oh, shit!

LIZ: Fuck, Max!

Sorry, guys.

Training kicked in.

Liz, I'm so sorry.

Let me see.

You two morons are so alike, you know that?

You both think that you're the center of the universe.

You deserve to be lone wolves, together, alone, whatever.

I don't even know why I like you so much.

Wait, like me, like me?

How was I supposed to know that you like me?

You're always being so critical of me.

I just figured you date idiots and meatheads.

(CHUCKLES) What?

It's your fault that we got started in this!

Your boy toy Seth has such a hard-on for me.

Oh, it's always someone else's fault, isn't it, Max?

Why do you think I dumped him?

The only reason I ever dated him

was to make you jealous and to get you to do something?

Hey, uh, guys?

Jesus, Max.

You are so into being you that ...

you don't even know what's going on.

What does that mean?

Guys!

We've got company.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Mama!

(ROARING)

Ma!

We've come for the player.

And your list of slaves, Game Maker.

My master player email list.

Get 'em, boy.

Oh, let's dance Nether biotch!

Come on!

(SCREAMING)

Well, well, well.

How quaint is this?

Developers in a garage.

Max, what do we do?

"Max, what do we do?" (SCOFFS)

I got this.

Ooh.

Step up, bros!

Oh yeah, get him, boy.

Sick him!

(CACKLES)

Steve!

Max, do something!

Yeah, eat him!

- Holy shit! - Holy Shit!

It's game over, Max.

Okay, we've become too strong.

Now give in...

and join us now.

Stop 'em!

My email list!

The force vortex button!

Stop them!

MAX: For Steve!

(ELECTRICITY SURGING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(LAUGHING)

MRS. WYLDER: Genie, is everything okay in there?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I hear a racket.

Genie, are you kids rough-housing in there?

All good, Ma.

Everything's just dandy.

(EXHALES)

It's totally fubar.

20 years of gamer tags.

Gone.

You know what?

I'm gonna take Ma down to Mexico,

and we'll just sit on the beach,

drink margaritas, watch the world burn.

I mean, what else can I do?

I'm just one coder.

That's really it?

You're just gonna give up?

We gotta stop this thing.

You said so.

What?

It's got Gramps!

It whacked Steve!

Come on, all those people out there!

At this point, Max, we would need to original game code,

and we would need weapons and tech

if we're gonna fight this thing at the source.

You're a quitter.

You're a camper and a quitter.

Oh, here we go again.

Do you ever think anything through?

Huh?

Or do you just shoot first and ask questions later?

In the words of the immortal Bill Paxton...

it's game over, man.

Game...

over.

Guys.

Guys, come on.

We gotta do something.

Okay?

I don't know what, but we gotta storm the castle.

Come on.

Who's with me?

Come on!

Fine.

Fine.

I've always played better solo anyways.

(EXHALES)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(BANGING STEERING WHEEL)

REGGIE: Where you goin'?

Not now, Reggie.

What is this, dude?

Just another Max Jenkins solo suicide mission?

I know that you don't need me to go with you, Max.

You're better than me at about everything.

But I've always been there, and I'm good at that.

I just wish, dude, that you'd realize

you're not always flying solo.

So who cares what Eugene Wylder has to think about you?

You make rad stuff.

Jesus, Reg.

Where's this pep talk comin' from?

Maybe you just don't listen.

I mean, we're proud that you're from our shitty little tribe

and that you're one of us.

Know that you're gonna do something big someday.

Otherwise, why would put up with all your shit, right?

Listen, Liz told me about Gramps.

And we're a clan, dude.

So we're gonna have to stick together

if we're gonna save anybody.

Everybody.

Liz hate me now?

She's pissed at you again, as usual.

She's patching up Eugene, trying to convince him to stay.

But, dude, she's right.

You two are a lot alike.

We gotta figure this out together, Frodo.

You gotta trust me.

I'm your Samwise.

I'm Goose to your Maverick.

No.

Goose dies.

Oh, right.

I'm not Goose.

Ice Man.

You can be Val Kilmer, pre Bat nips.

I love the Bat nips, though.

Dude, you're an awesome Samwise,

and you do a lot of stuff better than me,

like actually thinking things through

and not being an asshole all the time.

And honestly, Frodo would kinda be spider shit

without Samwise, and he knows it.

See?

Right there.

Okay?

Lord of the Rings, Ghostbusters, the Mighty Ducks.

They all relied on each other in order

to succeed against a greater evil.

You did not just cite the Mighty Ducks.

You bet your ass I did.

That is Emilio's best work.

It's a lovely film.

All right, if we're gonna do this,

we gotta work together, all or nothing.

Partners in this weird, absurd, epic quest, yes.

Partners?

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Hello?

We're looking for Barton Grabowski!

We found your game!

Nether Dungeon.

And Eugene!

Every couple of years,

some geeks come in here looking for that damn game.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Sorry to disappoint you,

but every copy of that game went up in smoke.

Literally.

Everything else, including my partner's career,

well that went up his nose, so ...

game over.

You guys can go.

Wait.

There's more to the story.

Eugene told us everything.

You both got screwed.

Just let us explain.

Okay.

You have five minutes.

Or until I get bored, which is already happening.

Go.

And then I hit the force vortex button

and fried all of Eugene's computer.

Yeah, so the guy with the micropenis,

he basically dissolved with the Nether Kraken,

but they got the email list for all the players.

And then, Eugene and I kinda got into it.

Said some pretty mean shit to each other.

It got ugly.

And you punched Liz in the face.

Well, I was aiming for Eugene.

I've done that.

So, long story long, the fellowship almost dissolved,

and we realized that you might be

the last person that could help us.

We were hoping that you still have

the original game code from back in the day.

And honestly, Eugene could really use his partner.

Well...

first off...

let me just say...

points for creativity.

I gotta tell ya, that whole Nether Kraken thing,

that is the most original pile of horse shit

I have ever heard.

And second, you guys have been playing

or smoking way too much.

Now...

If it'll get you guys outta here,

I will tell you two fanboys

exactly what went down back in the day.

Okay, here's the deal.

Eugene freaked after I finished

coding the game after he passed out.

He was royally pissed that I put

the production order through, and we fought,

and we fought harder than I ever had.

He was always so damn protective

of having the final say of the code.

I'd been cleaning up his code for years

while he was partying, playing poster boy,

wearing that stupid Michael Jackson jacket

and he couldn't even dance.

We were on the verge of bankruptcy with all his spending.

I mean, who buys a DeLorean?

And, true, I had tossed him from the building.

He was unstable, he snapped, he had a mental break.

He ranted about spells and magic.

Reality and fantasy were a blur to him.

He was his own biggest fanboy.

So I had to do what was best for the company.

He didn't just torch a building and our game that night.

That selfish prick torched our future and our friendship.

He left me holding the bag, as usual, again.

You kept it.

Course I did.

But I don't need it anymore, you guys do.

And he's your problem now, so good luck with that.

Wait, you're just giving this to us?

Mm-hm.

MAX: You're not even curious to see him?

Sends in a couple of stupid kids,

Tweedledee and Tweedledum,

in her to tell me a stupid story.

That can't be healthy.

Just, some things just never change, you know?

He's still going.

That's a health code violation

and also just a health violation.

You know what?

Bar's closed.

I'm washing my hands of this whole thing, all right guys?

I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid.

- Wait. - Nah, nah, nah.

We're done with this, all right?

Take this.

I don't want to see him.

If I want to see an '80s cliche,

I'll watch an A-ha video, all right?

Guys, get up.

Let's get outta here.

Come on.

So unless it's raining fie and brimstone outside,

I'm not playing his stupid game.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Shit.

I'll get my coat.

EUGENE: Max, first you bring the Nether here.

Now you're bringing the lion into my den.

I mean, literally into my den.

You know why I call him the lion?

'Cause he's a lyin' sack of shit!

I have nothing to say to that man.

No arguing, no arguing.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, don't go, don't go, don't go.

Bart?

(GASPS)

Oh!

Genie!

Look who's here!

(LAUGHS GIDDILY)

You look...

so...

old.

And you have a little something right there.

Let me get that.

You have something in your nose.

Blow.

(BLOWING)

Good boy.

Good.

Now...

gimme a hug.

Here you go.

There you go.

No, no, no.

Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma.

Ma, come on, come on.

Ma!

Barton.

Eugene.

I'll go make some meatballs.

Sweet.

You got a helluva vagina walking into my house like this!

I have a vagina?

I have a vagina?

Really?

That's the apology from you?

Okay.

You know what?

I don't have time for this, all right?

Okay?

I tried.

Here we go.

Walk out, you tried.

Just like you tried to ruin my life?

Like you tried to ruin my game back in the day?

Your game?

Your game?

Really?

(LAUGHS)

You know what?

We staked our entire lives on that game.

That's what we did.

But you know what?

You were ranting like a madman, parties like a rock star,

being like, "Oh, oh, this game is possessed.

"Barton is possessed."

You were possessed!

We were both possessed!

You wouldn't know that, though,

because you were so cracked out on cocaine and Yoo-hoos.

Ho Hos, they were Ho Hos.

Do not correct me.

Do not...

correct me!

Even if you put aside all of the bad juju

you were dealing with...

Did he just call him a bad Jew?

Shut up, Reggie!

All I ever wanted was a partner.

I just wanted ar real partner.

You know?

Through thick and thin.

And you...

You turned out to be a liability.

- A liability? - A liability!

Guys!

Shut up!

Look, you both had your weaknesses exploited.

Think about it.

You both got gamed by the nether.

What are you saying?

I'm saying it's not anyone's fault.

Oh, of course!

It's always somebody else's fault,

right mister Millennial?

Shut up, Gene!

Just listen to the kid!

Look, it wants to play me.

But we've been going about it all wrong.

We can't shut it down remotely,

we can't delete it, we can't quit.

Yeah, me, me, me, me.

It wants to play you.

We get it, you're the chosen one!

Look...

We have to play it, as a team!

But we have to change the game.

We have to go to that school and change the source code.

Wait, I'm not following you.

What's the one thing the Nether Dungeon never had

and it won't be expecting?

Multiplayer.

(INSPIRED MUSIC)

Even with the original code,

to build in that feature,

we'd have to like port it directly into the server.

Yeah, you know...

even I couldn't code that shit in time.

Not unless we do it together.

Okay, well, if we're going in there against the Nether,

we're gonna need fire power.

Leave that to me.

This is like a movie!

(INTENSE ROCK MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CLICKING AND WHIRRING)

(MYSTERIOUS ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Where is everyone?

I don't like it.

It's like a third-party map

- on Nether Quest. - Nether Quest.

Dungeon Master's Castle.

That's what I just said.

No you didn't, I just said that.

I just said that.

No you didn't, you just...

I just said those words.

No, you said Dungeon Master...

Yes, I did.

- Yes, I... - That's what I said.

- Yes, I did. - I said that, right?

- You said... - Yeah.

Hey, guys...

Reggie, Liz...

you ready?

I'll run briefs, you tail.

I've got your flank.

Upload the mods and stay on your comms.

We'll locate the server room.

We'll locate the server room.

I...

I just...

I just said that.

(CHATTERING)

MAX: You guys ready?

(WHIRRING)

Knock knock?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

You guys sure you got this?

Do us proud.

Can't carry it for you Mr. Frodo.

But I can carry you.

Come on.

Let's rock!

Okay.

Excuse me.

Now!

Come on!

(BLASTING)

(WHIRRING)

Hey!

Come on, kid.

They got this.

They got this, right?

Yeah, they got this.

You gotta trust your partner.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, trust your partners.

Let's go.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Come on.

Trust your partner.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(BLASTING)

I hope this thing works.

(BLASTING)

Bitchin'.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(BLASTING)

Guys...

I'm in the arena.

Oh, this place is a trip!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Uh...

guys?

Shit's gettin' real in here.

You might wanna hurry.

Okay.

(GRUMBLING)

Are you kiddin' me?

Come on.

Uh...

Bingo.

How much time do you need?

Like three minutes.

All right, you're...

You're the best coder I know, okay?

Yeah.

You got this.

I got this.

Yeah, I just said that.

Okay, okay, okay, go, go, go, go.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey!

I'm burnin' down your castle, you Nether turds!

Huh?

You wanna fight?

Come on!

Come and get me!

Daddy's home! (CACKLES)

(SHRIEKS) (BLASTING)

Don't just stand there!

Stop him!

(BLASTING)

Piece of cake.

(LAUGHING)

Did you see that punch move I just did?

You see me pwn that noob?

Oh my god.

Dude, we just killed it!

(TYPING FRANTICALLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Just...

let me adjust my chair here.

I can't kick your ass if I'm not comfortable.

Oh, 30 seconds left.

I always like running down the clock.

Come on, guys.

(CHOKING)

Hey noob...

Blue lightning bolt!

(SQUIRTING) (SHOUTING)

Oh, shit.

(BLASTING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(BLASTING)

Boom!

High score.

Thank you.

Yeah, let's go.

Okay.

I'm good!

I'm good.

All right, Doom Bringer dude.

Hope you don't mind if I invite a few of my friends.

(INSPIRED MUSIC)

Okay, guys...

we got it.

(WHIRRING)

(CHUCKLES)

Whoa.

Damn, Liz!

(LAUGHING)

What are you laughing at?

Look at your gear, dude.

Don't be jealous.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Shit just got real real.

Oh shit, he's really big.

Yeah.

(SLAMMING)

We're in its world now,

which means we gotta play bit its rules.

Yeah, it also means that we have no extra lives.

Rogue-like, perma-death.

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

Liz, open it up with the lightwave aura spell.

Reg...

brimstone blockade?

You've got my shield.

You've got my staff.

We've got each other.

(KISSES CHEEK)

Hey, don't mess it up like usual.

Let's rock!

(SHOUTING)

(BLASTING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Bob and weave, Max.

Bob and weave!

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

Max!

(BLASTING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(BOOMING)

(LAUGHING) (BREATHING HEAVILY)

Yes!

Woo!

We just saved the world!

Oh my god.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(WHIRRING)

(EXHALING)

So, that's it?

EUGENE: Yup.

MAX: It's over?

How are we gonna explain this?

EUGENE: Well, that's the beauty, kid.

When these folks come out of this, they won't remember shit.

And you should've seen Max.

He totally sacrificed himself.

That was so hot!

What about Liz rocking that mage staff?

And Reggie, dude, that ax work?

And, hey, you didn't bail.

Guys, what about those sweet outfits?

Oh, the kilt?

That was so freeing.

These guys are the shiznits.

Yeah.

Real Nether blasters.

(INSPIRED MUSIC)

That's it!

Oh, it is official, my children!

Man, the Nether Blasters...

are now members of the International E-Sports League!

(CHEERING)

You get a jersey, you get a jersey!

Sweet!

And are we gonna leave you jersey-less?

Welcome to new jersey!

Oh my god, look at that!

Put 'em on!

We should all live in jerseys.

They look awesome!

That looks jer...

That's jersey fresh.

Well done, kids, well done, kids.

Boom town!

This is really, really cool.

Oh my god, it's startin'.

Come here, come here, come here, come here!

It's on, it's happenin'!

Come back here, look at this!

Everyone shut up!

I know you weren't talkin', but, you know.

REPORTER: One question for you!

We have one question, one question for you!

You know what, before we start,

can I just say we're really excited

to be working with Konicom.

The game is called the Nether Realm VR.

Okay?

Write that down.

Nether Realm VR, and it's a way for us

to take the Nether series to the next level.

Yes.

Yeah, that's right, that's right.

No, hold on one second.

See, it's old but it's new again, you know?

We're working with a brilliant new team of talent.

Our lead development intern is this guy

named Max Jenkins, who's a genius.

That's me, that's me!

You're famous!

We know someone famous!

(LAUGHING)

And his Beta Blasters, who are Reggie and Liz.

Oh my god!

You guys are like

♪ The professor and Mary Ann ♪

You got mentions as well!

They are fantastic, and they're working out

all the bugs in the game before it's released.

We have a great team.

Rest assured, a great team.

- A great team. - Yes, you in the back.

Oh my god!

Okay, huge fan, total Nether groupie.

You guys, this is incredible!

I mean, you're both back together, working together again!

You still living with your mom?

(CROWD LAUGHING)

REPORTER: We have one question, one questions for you.

I'm sorry, for Konicom.

So, with Eugene and Bart back on the team,

will Nether Realm VR resemble

any of the early installments of the Nether series,

and will there be any Easter eggs for fans in the game?

Yeah.

(THROAT CLEARS)

Yes.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Who speaks Russian?

Uh...

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Why don't they ever translate this?

Oh, here it is.

We're excited to announce

as a surprise to our friends here...

Give me your hand, give me your hand.

That we've been able to recover old code

from the Nether Dungeon and will be including

a retro tribute mode in their honor.

REPORTER: Question for Konicom, one question for Konicom!

Oh my god, yes!

Yes!

This game is gonna change history, man!

History!

(SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Poor Steve.

EUGENE: Yeah, well...

(WHIRRING)

ALL: Steve!

Whoa, guys, you are not gonna believe

the dream I just had.

I have really gotta change the vitamins,

up the carbs, and double the supplements.

(LAUGHING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Whoa!

Gramps?

We gotta get that sleepwalking figured out, man.

For real.

At least I didn't take my clothes off this time.

It's good to see you.

What was that about?

Nothing.

Oh, by the way, I got a new internship at a gaming company.

Really?

That's great.

That's just great.

Let's celebrate!

I'll make some steak.

Come on.

I'm starving.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

LIZ: You...

First things first, bud.

You walk into our store.

Am I too...

Oh, did I miss my mark? (LAUGHING)

Sorry.

That's all right.

I'll find the camera.

I'll find the camera. (LAUGHING)

Here you go gamers.

(CLATTERING)

Whoa!

HASSIE: Wow.

DIRECTOR: Cut!

(LAUGHING)

JOEY: You got that, right?

You're a single player, kid.

Always have been, always will be.

At least I won't be remembered as a washed-up has-bee.

(GASPING)

That's a...

That's...

That's a real effect.

MAN: That's a legit effect.

GREG: Wow, that was so incredible, that timing.

Jesus!

Wow!

This virtual mall is amazing, man.

And I...

I am a virtual mall rat.

MAN: Yes!

(LAUGHING)

Thank you, sir.

Come on!

Thank you for humoring me.

(LAUGHING)

How was I supposed to know that was gonna happen?

Just listen!

That's all you had to do, was listen!

I don't remember what you were supposed to listen to.

What is it?

All you had to do was listen to me!

I've been, I've been, I've been preparing

my whole life for this moment.

Oh, you mean the ancient... (SIGHS)

(LAUGHING)

All right, from the top.

Two guys that are like...

"Oh, yeah."

I can't remember shit.

Ma!

(DOG BARKING)

You turned her into a god damn dog, you son of a bitch!

What?

Bros, bros, bros, same team!

(BARKING)

- Come on! - What?

Bros, bros, we're on the same team!

Bring it!

(LAUGHING)

I wasn't expecting that.

It was so good.

I'm sorry.

Ma!

(DOG BARKING)

(IMITATES YELPING)

DIRECTOR: Cut!

(LAUGHING)

MAX AND REGGIE: Holy shit!

I've just realized I ate the gum

with the wrapper on it, but that's okay.

(LAUGHING)

TOM: Dude, commit, you're killin' it.

Let's do it, let's do it.

(EXHALES)

Ma, meatballs!

DIRECTOR: Cut!

(LAUGHING)

HASSIE: Ma, margaritas!

Meatballs, Ma.

You know, even I couldn't code that shit in time.

Not unless we do it together.

Together.

♪ Together ♪

♪ Wherever we go ♪

♪ You say potato ♪

♪ I say potato ♪

♪ You say Chicano ♪

♪ I say Chicano ♪

Oh, that's really offensive.

Is that racist?

(LAUGHING)

DIRECTOR: Cut!

♪ Potato potato ♪

♪ Chicano Chicano ♪

♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪

(LAUGHING)

Oh god.

We get it!

It wants to play you!

You're the chosen one!

We get it!

TOM: Damn straight.

DIRECTOR: Cut.

And action.

Hey!

Come on, kid.

They got this.

They got this, right?

Yeah, they got this.

You gotta trust your partner.

Oh, you gotta trust your partner?

(LAUGHING)

DIRECTOR: Cut.

And you should've seen Max.

Like, he totally sacrificed himself.

That was pretty hot.

Well, what about Liz rockin' that mage staff?

And Reggie, dude that ax work...

Oh, shit!

(LAUGHING)

- Oh no! - No!

DIRECTOR: Cut.

So, that's it?

EUGENE: Yup.

It's over?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

How are we gonna explain this, though?

Well, that's the beauty of this.

When these people wake up, they won't remember a thing.

Geno, you know, this whole...

Holy fuck!

- What just happened? - Oh, shit.

Oh my god, it started all over again!

(LAUGHING)

This is like a movie!

Right?

Don't you guys see it?

You know, the friends coming together,

and best friend thing, and...

you know, the undiscovered love,

and he finds it at the end, and ...

the Nether?

The Nether!

Right?

The video game store.

Fighting th...

You have a glowing sword, for god sakes.

Who has a glowing sword other than a movie?

Small budget, not a lotta money.

I don't know we (BLEEP) did it.

(LAUGHING)

(DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

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