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1
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,486
(upbeat percussive music)
2
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,335
(man screaming)
3
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,670
- [Man] Oh God, ah!
4
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:39,372
- [Fran] Look, stop struggling.
5
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,707
- [Jamie] We've
got you, come on!
6
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,242
- What were you even
thinking climbing over here?
7
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:44,644
- I do not know,
okay, I panicked!
8
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,413
People do really weird
things when they've got a gun
9
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,614
pointing in their face!
10
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,182
- Shh, can you keep
your voice down, please?
11
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,717
- Help, they're
trying to kill me!
12
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,219
- Fran, I don't think I can
hold him for much longer.
13
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,487
- [Man] Help!
14
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,189
- Look, mate, we're just
trying to do our job.
15
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,424
Why don't we pull you
up, you can get warm,
16
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,225
and then we'll kill you
in a civilized manner.
17
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,694
- Somebody, please!
18
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,762
- Oh God, if we let go of
you, you're gonna die anyway.
19
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,532
- All right, okay, you win,
20
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,603
but I will need a little
headstart when we get up there.
21
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,172
- All right, five seconds.
22
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,406
- 10?
23
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,508
- Oh God, mate, uh,
all right, 10 seconds.
24
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:17,577
Jamie, time it.
25
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:18,545
- Great.
- No, no!
26
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:19,746
- [Fran] Jamie, Jamie, no!
27
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,581
- No, shit!
28
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:23,216
Shitting hell!
29
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,452
(he screams)
30
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,620
(loud thud)
31
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:32,659
("Figure It Out" by Royal Blood)
32
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,262
- Do you still need me to--
33
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:39,466
- I think that ship
might've sailed, mate.
34
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,770
* Getting hard to sleep
but it is in my dreams *
35
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,373
* But it's killing me to
try and figure it out *
36
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,341
- [Fran] As you know, if I
get less than six hours, God.
37
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:49,542
I mean, the fluid, it just--
38
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,810
- [Jamie] Matey,
for the last time--
39
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,278
- [Fran] Last swell.
40
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,446
- [Jamie] You
haven't got eye bags.
41
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,848
They're pert little sacks.
42
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,817
- Who wants pert little
sacks hanging off their face?
43
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,552
It's Joao, to be honest.
44
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,720
He can't get to sleep
without the sound
45
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,523
of the Amazonian
Rainforest at full pelt.
46
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,759
- Oh, man, that is not ideal.
47
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,494
- When I agreed to
marry him I thought,
48
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,362
oh, look, there's a lovely gay
man that I've met at Pride,
49
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,797
he wants a visa.
50
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,632
Wouldn't think that six
months later I'd be kept awake
51
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,467
by the sound of howler
monkeys in heat.
52
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,802
- That's the last thing you
want on your special day.
53
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:16,836
- No, well, to be
honest, I didn't feel
54
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,638
much like celebrating anyway.
55
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,873
- [The Lawyer] Happy
birthday, by the way.
56
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,174
- Shut up in the back.
57
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,477
- I've already bought
everything for the big
58
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,179
birthday dinner at mine tonight.
59
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,381
And it was supposed
to be a surprise,
60
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,783
but now obviously I've--
61
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,452
- That's so lovely, that's
really sweet of you.
62
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,353
So who's coming?
63
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,554
- Oh, all the best ones.
64
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,823
Uh, we're talking you, me.
65
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,594
- What that's it, just us?
- Yep.
66
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,630
- Just us?
- And a takeaway?
67
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,231
- But that's, that's
like every Friday night,
68
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,666
that's not a surprise!
69
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,835
- Well, I called round
and everyone who picked up
70
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:51,771
said they were busy, even Joao.
71
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,907
- Jamie, I've told
you, the Brazilians,
72
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,476
they're a quiet,
reserved people.
73
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,346
You know, they don't have a
big party culture out there.
74
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,716
Anyway, you must've asked other
people, what about Patrick?
75
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,352
- Oh, yeah, Patrick said yes.
76
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,586
- Oh, great.
77
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:07,821
- Then I told him it
was your birthday dinner
78
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,788
and he suddenly
remembered he had
79
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:09,923
to go to his mom's funeral.
80
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:12,225
- She, she died six years ago.
81
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,395
- And they're only
burying her now?
82
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:16,629
- No, Jamie, it's
obviously an excuse.
83
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,532
I can't believe that
no one else is coming.
84
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,533
- Do you think it's something
to do with what happened
85
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,702
at your birthday last year?
86
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,337
I think it was probably
a mistake to go
87
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,538
straight from that job
to the karaoke bar.
88
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,273
- Can I just say, in my defense,
89
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,808
I had no idea that place
was lit with UV lighting,
90
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,277
and if I had, well,
I would've changed
91
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,712
my clothes after the hit.
92
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,481
- I mean, how did they
know it was blood?
93
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:35,682
Could've bene urine.
94
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:36,583
- [The Lawyer] Or semen.
95
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,587
- Can I just say it
definitively was not semen.
96
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,656
- But I had a whole day planned.
97
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,492
- Well, I'm sorry.
98
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:48,628
This muppet decided to wear
a wire to Mr. K's meeting,
99
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,397
so now we've got
to deal with him.
100
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,865
- But we've already
sat here for hours
101
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,300
waiting for Mr. K to call.
102
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,404
You don't wanna waste your
precious birthday, Fran,
103
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,372
waiting to, you know.
104
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,740
- [The Lawyer] I
can hear everything.
105
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,542
- K-I-L-L him.
106
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,977
- [The Lawyer] Yeah,
and I can spell.
107
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,613
It's kind of a requirement
of getting a law degree.
108
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:07,881
I didn't have any choice.
109
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,417
It was either wear a
wire or do 25 years!
110
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,418
- Yeah, whatever, pal.
111
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,587
Mr. K said we sit and we wait,
112
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:15,822
and that's what we're gonna do.
113
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,490
- So why don't we do the
birthday stuff in here?
114
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,392
- Because that would
be super weird.
115
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,528
- [The Lawyer] Oh, go on, now
the adrenaline's worn off,
116
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:22,962
I'm actually pretty
bored back here.
117
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,397
- Yeah, well nobody asked you.
118
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,765
- Let's put this to the vote.
119
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,902
Those in favor of
celebrating Fran's birthday
120
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,970
within the van, raise your hand.
121
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,541
(man grunts)
122
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:35,508
- [The Lawyer] If I could
raise my hand I would.
123
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,743
You know, I love birthdays.
124
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:37,610
- Yeah, well you don't
get a vote, do you?
125
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:38,778
- It's two to one.
126
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,448
We are celebrating.
127
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,682
- [The Lawyer] Woo-hoo!
128
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:47,387
("Ca Plane Pour Moi"
by Plastic Bertrand)
129
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,460
(phone line ringing)
130
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:56,663
- [Keith] Hello?
131
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,832
- Oh, hi, Keith?
132
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,633
- [Keith] Yeah.
133
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,470
- It's Fran.
(party horn blares)
134
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,372
That was my good ear, it's Fran.
135
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:06,673
- [Keith] Oh, hey, Fran.
136
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:07,741
- It's my birthday today.
137
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:17,584
Okay, and I was just having
some people round tonight.
138
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,786
(phone disconnects)
139
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,502
- [Man On Intercom]
Next customer, please.
140
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,604
- Hello, um, how
you doing, mate?
141
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:42,108
Can I have a birthday McFlurry
for my best friend, please?
142
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,078
- [Man On Intercom]
Birthday isn't a flavor.
143
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,080
- Okay, two Smarties,
please, what do you want?
144
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,114
- [Fran] Don't ask him!
145
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,115
- Why not?
146
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,917
- We don't have to feed him,
147
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:52,085
we just need to take care
of him until Mr. K calls.
148
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:52,952
- [The Lawyer]
After Eight, please.
149
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,721
- Do you do After Eight?
150
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,756
- [Man On Intercom] No, that
promotion ended months ago.
151
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,025
- Okay, they don't
have After Eight.
152
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,760
- [The Lawyer] What?
153
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:01,661
- [Fran] Yeah, it was a
promotion thing, it's ended.
154
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,164
- [The Lawyer] Ask again.
155
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,699
- No, no, don't ask
again, don't ask--
156
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:06,966
- Are you sure about
the After Eights?
157
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:07,801
- [Man On Intercom]
Listen to me, mate,
158
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,069
you are not hearing me.
159
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,904
I can't make you an
After Eight McFlurry
160
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,106
if I literally don't have
the After Eight stuff.
161
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,210
- Could you try improvising?
162
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,812
- [Man On Intercom]
I haven't got it!
163
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:19,813
- Oh.
- Well, all right!
164
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:20,747
- Keep your hair on.
165
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,184
- I think he's, I think
we've had a definitive answer
166
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,752
on the chocolate and the mint.
167
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,687
I love you dearly, it's
quite close proximity.
168
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,922
- Sorry.
169
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:29,656
- Did you have
lasagna last night?
170
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:30,924
- I did, yeah.
171
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,158
- Wow, and it's still
very much in the mix.
172
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,829
* Hey, hey, all right
173
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:39,232
* Jump up, get it, hey
174
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,901
- [Fran] I can't believe
you actually made him
175
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,636
an After Eight McFlurry.
176
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:44,604
- [Jamie] Well we
have to something
177
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,573
while we wait for Mr. K to call.
178
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,041
- [Sat Nav] You have
arrived at your destination.
179
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,609
- Yeah, it's good.
- Do you want some more?
180
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,578
- [The Lawyer] Yeah,
fine, yeah, hold on.
181
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,214
- Can you taste the After Eight?
182
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,115
Who's that?
183
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,549
- I don't know.
184
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:02,789
Hi.
185
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,057
- Hello, are you Fran?
186
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,659
- [Fran] Who's asking?
187
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:07,560
- Human Spider.
188
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,930
- Right.
189
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:11,898
- Are you the
stripper I ordered?
190
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:12,999
- Did you order a stripper?
191
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,168
- Um, no, The Human Spider.
192
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:16,670
The agency called and
said you needed me
193
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:17,871
for a birthday party.
194
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,039
- Well, there must
have been a mix up.
195
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,240
I thought I'd
ordered a stripper.
196
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,008
- Oh, well, they do
those as well, you know,
197
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,044
strippers, gorilla-grams,
magicians, freaks, whatever,
198
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,745
I just go where I'm told really.
199
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,147
- Great, well, I'm telling
you to just piss off to Wales.
200
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,215
- Well, hang on, he's here.
- Yeah.
201
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,183
- You love animals.
202
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,718
- Yeah, I do, I love animals.
203
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,253
I mean, I love cats
and dogs and donkeys,
204
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,089
I'm just not that into grown
men dressed as Spider-Man.
205
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,958
- No, not Spider-Man,
every time, God.
206
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,628
A Human Spider, there's
a big difference, pal.
207
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:42,796
- Do you wanna pop round?
208
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:43,697
- Yeah, sure.
209
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:44,230
- Jamie, what...
210
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:47,934
- [Human Spider] Right.
211
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,804
- Get out!
- Okay, okay.
212
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,309
Oh, you've got someone here
from the agency already?
213
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,044
- [The Lawyer] I'm
not from the agency.
214
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,780
- Sorry, your agency has a
guy with a bag over his head?
215
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,182
Who orders him?
216
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,218
- Finally, somebody,
I agree, like,
217
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,687
he makes like 10 times
more than me as well.
218
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:08,788
I just can't understand it.
219
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:11,791
So who's this guy?
220
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,296
- [The Lawyer] I'm,
uh, I'm an old friend.
221
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,133
But I don't get to see
these guys very often
222
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,136
because I'm always
tied up in court.
223
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,873
In fact, I should be there now.
224
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:29,876
And when my clients realize
that I'm not coming,
225
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:30,844
they're gonna kill me.
226
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,680
They're gonna kill me, mate!
227
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,052
- I didn't ask for
your life story, mate.
228
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,057
Right, let's get started,
where do you want me?
229
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,225
- What do you do?
230
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,060
- Oh, uh, I'm a writer,
uh, but you know,
231
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,762
just sending stuff out,
trying to remain positive.
232
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:49,763
You know how it is.
233
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,264
- She meant as the man spider.
234
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,199
- Oh, right, sorry.
235
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,769
Right, well, in that case.
236
00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:00,106
Um, forget everything
you think you know
237
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:04,044
about The Human Spider and
set your minds to blown.
238
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:07,914
Sorry, hang on.
239
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,251
* I need some more
240
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,921
* And I feel your
body close to mine *
241
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:18,358
* And I move on love,
it's about that time *
242
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,795
* Makes me feel mighty real
243
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:25,899
* Makes me feel mighty real
244
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:30,804
* You make me feel mighty real
245
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:37,911
* You make me feel mighty real
246
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:40,780
* When we get me
247
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,015
(applauding)
- Woo!
248
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,817
- I didn't expect
to be moved, but.
249
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,419
- Oh, I didn't think I was
gonna have it in me today,
250
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,422
but, oh, when that
bass kicks in, man!
251
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,124
Oh, I feel like I
can do anything.
252
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,258
- I mean, you could've
just sung "Happy Birthday",
253
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,260
but that was powerful.
254
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,865
- Bit rude, not to clap,
you could at least--
255
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,101
- [The Lawyer] Firstly,
I can't see anything.
256
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:04,404
And secondly, I can't
clap, my hands are tied.
257
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,805
- Sorry, what is going on?
258
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,381
- Is that all part of
the act, do you think?
259
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,849
Um, can we let him go?
260
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:22,088
(gun bangs)
(man groans)
261
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,325
That's a no then.
262
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:32,465
(phone line ringing)
(upbeat music)
263
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,204
- [Kirsty] Hello?
264
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,205
- Hello?
265
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,007
Uh, Kirsty, it's Fran.
266
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,443
- [Kirsty] Oh, right, hey.
267
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,311
You came up as a private number.
268
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,515
- Yeah, um, listen, I
wondered if you wanted
269
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:51,184
to come to my birthday
dinner tonight?
270
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:55,055
- [Kirsty] Tonight,
um, uh, I'm not sure.
271
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,524
- Listen, Kirsty, if it's
about last year's karaoke,
272
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:00,393
then I'm sorry, we didn't
realize they'd be UV lighting
273
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,195
and it looked like
blood, I know it did--
274
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,430
- [Kirsty] Sorry, Fran--
275
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,164
- But it wasn't
and it, or urine.
276
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,967
And it definitely wasn't semen.
277
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,402
- [Kirsty] Uh, can
I call you back?
278
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,038
I'm about to go
through a tunnel.
279
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,308
- But this is your home number.
280
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,543
(phone disconnects)
281
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:17,377
Hello?
282
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,546
- Kirsty a no then?
283
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,047
- Oh, no, she's
gonna phone me back.
284
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,383
I think it's likely
she'll, yeah.
285
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,218
- Any news from Mr. K?
286
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,953
- No.
287
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:27,487
- Oh.
288
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,557
("Ante Up" by M.O.P
playing in van)
289
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,424
- Oh, shit.
290
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,461
- Here, look who's here.
291
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,500
Oh, my God, you fancy her?
292
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,238
- Oh, God, no I don't,
no, God, not remotely.
293
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:49,476
Not my type, I don't go for
that obviously hot thing.
294
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:54,280
("Bellbottoms" by The Jon
Spencer Blues Explosion)
295
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,362
- Fran.
296
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,263
- Liz.
297
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,331
- Jamie.
- Jamie.
298
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,366
Sorry, that's my name, Charles.
299
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,304
- Nice hair, what
have you done to it?
300
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,408
- I washed it, you
should try it sometime.
301
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,243
What are you idiots
doing here anyway?
302
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,477
This is our canal.
303
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,179
- Oh, your canal, who
do you think you are?
304
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,483
God, someone who owns a canal.
305
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,287
- Oh, Ratty from
"Wind in the Willows".
306
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,321
- That's a river.
307
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,523
Also, why are you helping her?
308
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,291
- Sorry.
- Don't apologize, it's weak.
309
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,293
- Sorry, ah, I've done it again.
310
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:43,163
- [The Lawyer] Excuse me, any
chance of loosening this bag?
311
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,132
Or maybe a bigger bag?
312
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,334
I mean, not silly
big, obviously.
313
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,335
- Get back in the van!
314
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:52,572
Who the fuck is that?
315
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,307
- Nobody, Liz, just a target.
316
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,275
We're on it, we're all over it.
317
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,609
- What's with his party hat?
318
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,345
- It's Fran's birthday.
319
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,879
- Oh, many happy returns.
320
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:00,880
(Charles groans)
321
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,449
- Oh, are you guys free tonight?
322
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,017
We're having a birthday dinner.
323
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,320
- They won't be.
- Definitely, we'd love to.
324
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,322
- Really?
325
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:10,457
- No.
326
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:11,624
- Good, I'm glad you said that
327
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,326
'cause we were
joking anyway and--
328
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,662
- Oh, really, 'cause I
was just messing with you.
329
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,330
Of course I wanna come.
330
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,298
- What, really?
331
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,201
- Nope, ha!
332
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,169
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Ha-ha!
333
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,171
- If the offer is still on the
table, I would love to come.
334
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,339
Um, I'm on antibiotics
so I can't really drink--
335
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,308
- Shut up, Charles!
- Yeah.
336
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,343
- Anyway, we gotta bounce.
337
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:34,247
Mr. K's put us straight
on another job, big money.
338
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,653
(Charles groans)
339
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:41,888
- You wouldn't be a
darling and dump this
340
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:42,622
in the canal for us, will you?
341
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,357
- Oh, of course, yeah.
342
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,159
- Enjoy your dinner, sounds
like it's gonna be great.
343
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:49,729
- You're actually
really missing out
344
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,498
'cause we're gonna have,
345
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,266
I mean, not that it's
just the two of us,
346
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,601
let's lots of people, we're
gonna have an amazing night.
347
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,535
Amazing night.
348
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,103
- Round at mine.
- Yep.
349
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,406
- Oh, sorry, Fran,
I can't hear you.
350
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,107
- What?
- You gotta talk louder.
351
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:04,077
- I'm gonna have a
really good birthday!
352
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,482
- I'll put Charles
down as a maybe.
353
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,283
- [Charles] Thank you!
354
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,127
- [The Lawyer] Do you
guys know any party games?
355
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:24,531
("Time of the Season"
by The Zombies)
356
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,433
- [Fran] Oh, a film, okay.
357
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,467
Um, "Die Hard"?
358
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,970
- [Jamie] Oh, hang on!
359
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:31,671
- "Die Hard 2"?
360
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:35,675
"Aladdin"?
361
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,578
Oh, I don't know!
362
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,714
I've been guessing for half an
hour and I still haven't got,
363
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,282
what's this?
364
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,516
- [The Lawyer] Well,
if I could see, then--
365
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,751
- Yeah, we're not
taking that bag off.
366
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:45,752
- Why?
367
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,387
- Because he'll see our faces!
368
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,055
What if Mr. K decides
to let him go?
369
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,423
- [The Lawyer] You
invited me to your party,
370
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,725
the least you can do
is let me join in.
371
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,326
- I didn't invite you
to anything, mate.
372
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,494
- Hang on, I've got an idea.
373
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,397
Bum-bah-bah.
374
00:14:58,665 --> 00:14:59,966
Right, uh, okay.
375
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,003
(scissors snipping)
376
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,671
Just one minute, there.
377
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,507
- Oh, Jamie!
378
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,442
- No, listen, I didn't
take the bag off.
379
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,077
I just cut some eye
holes so that he could--
380
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,747
- See, see us,
well, it's done now.
381
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,550
- Right, I can see now
why you're a bit annoyed.
382
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,487
- Hello.
383
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,557
- Oh, FYI, guys, I
was doing "Pinocchio".
384
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,128
- Ah, why did you tell
us, I was gonna guess.
385
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,095
- What do you mean
that's "Pinocchio"?
386
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:29,696
Why didn't you just do that?
387
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,431
- What's that?
388
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,366
- That's Pinocchio's nose
growing, it's sort of,
389
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,769
that's, that's standard
how to, Pinocchio!
390
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,537
- I think I saw a
different version.
391
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,573
- Can I do one?
392
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,741
- Go on, knock yourself out.
393
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,051
"Riverdance".
394
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,419
- Yes!
395
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,688
- Mm, you see, he can do it,
396
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,423
and he's got his hands
tied behind his back.
397
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,791
- Uh, that's actually because
he's extremely good at it.
398
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,060
- Yeah, thanks Jamie.
399
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:00,794
- You're having fun though?
400
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,462
- No.
401
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,129
- Well I am.
402
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,768
- [Jamie] Is Mr. K
ever going to call?
403
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,110
Do you wanna open your present?
404
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,645
- Maybe later, you know, just--
405
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,380
- Oh, go on, open it.
406
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,156
- Oh, look, there we are, God.
407
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,659
- [Jamie] Can you believe how
long we've known each other?
408
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,362
- I won't lie, sometimes
it feels like a lot longer.
409
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,233
Oh, who are these,
who are these people?
410
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,236
- Oh, yeah, I could only
find one photo of us that fit
411
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:46,506
so I kept the stock ones
so it wouldn't look weird.
412
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,108
- I tell you what, that
looks like Carly Barnes,
413
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,676
do you think?
414
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:50,677
- The girl that used to
fiddle with herself in R.E.
415
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,445
- [Both] Captain Birdseye.
416
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,514
- Yeah, do you know she's
got a dental practice now?
417
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,082
She set it up with her husband.
418
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,417
- Oh, I wouldn't want those
fingers near my mouth,
419
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,685
I'm telling you.
420
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,120
- I know, dunno why I'm
laughing at her though,
421
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,155
at least she's got a
life, what have I got?
422
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,524
I've got a sham marriage,
a knackered van,
423
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,826
and RSI in my
trigger, look at that.
424
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:07,861
- I know what you mean, Fran.
425
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,529
I think if I had my life again,
426
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,698
I'd make different decisions.
427
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,201
Stop using my skills
to help terrible people
428
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:18,505
get away with murder,
sometimes literally.
429
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,441
I've wasted so much time
mixing with the wrong people
430
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:22,842
for the wrong reasons.
431
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,745
- I hear you, we were friends
with this boy at school.
432
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,714
Bad boy, you know the type?
433
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,783
Used to make us smoke with him
434
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,818
and play pranks on
all the teachers.
435
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,755
Anyway, one day, he
was trapped in the kiln
436
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,757
and was baked to death.
437
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:40,126
They had to close down
the art department.
438
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,695
Really ruined it
for the rest of us.
439
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,299
- Yeah, that wasn't
really what I meant.
440
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:49,669
I guess I'm just saying
that nobody's life
441
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:51,905
works out as they
planned, you know.
442
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,841
Everyone ends up doing
stuff they're not proud of.
443
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,778
And, in the end, the
most important thing
444
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:02,582
is the people who know you and
accept you for who you are.
445
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,820
- God, you know what?
446
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,588
For a guy that's
spent most of the day
447
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,291
with a bag on his head,
you are absolutely right.
448
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,929
(phone vibrates)
449
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,601
(suspenseful music)
Hello?
450
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,473
Yeah.
451
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:28,908
Understood.
452
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:34,781
- Please.
453
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,520
No, I, listen, you
don't have to do this.
454
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,690
Just speak to Mr. K and just
tell him that I'm sorry, okay?
455
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:44,791
Come on, he's a reasonable guy!
456
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,526
- He is not a reasonable guy.
457
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,362
- Jamie?
- It's not her decision.
458
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:52,866
Don't look at her,
please, turn around.
459
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:56,670
- Oh my God, this
is really happening.
460
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,004
(gun cocks)
461
00:18:58,038 --> 00:18:58,838
Oh my God.
462
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,308
(whimpering)
463
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,912
- Only joking!
464
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:09,582
I'm just joking, he
said you're free to go.
465
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,217
That was a really
good one, that was a,
466
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,219
it's just, it's just
a birthday prank.
467
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:17,290
It's just, your face, your
face was unbelievable.
468
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:17,991
It was just...
469
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,827
(vomits)
470
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,363
(all laughing)
471
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,269
(vomits)
472
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,240
(all laughing)
473
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,312
- You really had me going there.
474
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,648
- Oh, seriously though,
what are you doing tonight?
475
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,586
("Rebellion (Lies)"
by Arcade Fire)
476
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,588
- I'd like to propose a toast.
477
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,656
- Oh.
478
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,891
- To birthdays.
- Yay!
479
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,793
- And to new friends.
480
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,595
- To new friends.
481
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,832
And to birthdays not spent
cry-eating cake alone
482
00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,833
in a karaoke booth.
483
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,770
Cheers.
484
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,372
- Cheers.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
485
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,040
Back in a sec.
486
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,708
- Do you want some more wine?
487
00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:10,377
- Uh, oh, yes please.
488
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,811
- [Fran] Right,
coming straight up.
489
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:15,615
(phone chimes)
490
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,751
- Oh, look, you got a text.
491
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,754
- Is one of my mates just
finally remembering my birthday?
492
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,390
- Uh, no, no, look,
it's from Mr. K.
493
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,292
He says, he says
have you done it yet?
494
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,327
Have you done what yet?
495
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:36,603
He didn't say I
could go, did he?
496
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,710
Did you just keep me
alive so that you could
497
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,612
have a guest at your
birthday dinner?
498
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:59,459
Sorry, you fucking bitch.
499
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:05,765
(intense music)
500
00:21:05,799 --> 00:21:07,934
(gun bangs)
501
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,805
* Hap
502
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:15,375
("Isla De Encanta"
by the Pixies)
34469
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