All language subtitles for Y.Tu.Mama.Tambien.2001.720p.BluRay.x264. YTS.MX-English

Promise you won't fuck
any Italians.

What are you talking about?

Or any gringo backpackers.

Gross!

Or any French fags.

No!

Or any of those dirty Mexicans

selling bracelets
on the Riviera.

- Tenoch, come on!
- Nobody else!

Of course not.

- Promise me.
- I promise.

- What?
- You know.

Know what?

I promise...

I won't fuck...

any Chinamen!

- Don't bullshit me!
- Don't you trust me?

- Sure I do.
- Well, then?

- Promise me.
- What about you?

I promise too.

Prove it.

Let's say it together.

One...

two...

three:

I promise...

I won't...

fuck...

any...

- Brazilians...
- Germans...

- Argentineans...
- Poles...

- Venezuelans...
- Irishmen...

or your father!

Are you crazy?

Ana's mother,
a French divorcée

and teacher
at the Institute for Foreigners,

didn't object to Tenoch staying over
and sleeping with her daughter.

For Julio it was different.
He stayed at Cecilia's for dinner

but had to come back in the morning
for the trip to the airport.

Though he never said so,
Cecilia's father,

a pediatrician
specializing in allergies,

feared that his daughter's relationship
with Julio would go too far.

Her mother, a Lacanian psychologist,
welcomed their relationship

and felt it was innocent enough.

I can't believe it.
She lost her passport.

She'll miss her plane!

Julio, come help me
find my passport!

Go on!
We're in a hurry!

Did you get the car out?

- Hurry, close the door!
- What about your passport?

Right here, stupid!

Come on, baby.

Hurry!

What a nice good-bye!

Tell me...

will you go out tonight?

No way, baby.
I'll be too lonely.

I'll be missing you like hell!

- Let's go!
- We have to leave!

Your mom!

I want to take
a little of you with me!

The plane's going to leave
without you!

Get off!

Did you find it?

- It's right here!
- Great!

- Hi, Maru.
- Hi.

- Have you seen Esteban?
- No.

Ana, come check in.

What's up, Charolastra?

I hate this good-bye bullshit.

Why don't they just go?

I'll miss her,
but this is too much.

- What's up, boys?
- Hey, how are you?

Did I overhear something
I shouldn't have?

- Princess.
- Dad, you came!

Ana's father was a journalist
recently turned politician.

He worked for the municipal
government in Mexico City

as Director of Logistics
in the Department of Culture.

Though he liked Tenoch,

he referred to him as "the preppie"
in front of his colleagues,

but never in front
of his daughter.

- I want to get on that plane.
- I want to be there already.

- I don't want you to go.
- I'll miss you so much.

I don't want to go, sweetie.

Smells like bread.

You pig!

Holy shit!

Enjoy your graduation present!

You should have flunked!

Don't be a baby.

So was your old man pissed?

He freaked.

If I don't take economics,
he'll take away the car.

You'd give up the Batmobile

because of a fucking course?

Fuck economists, man!

Those pricks
can suck my dick.

You're an idiot.

Fuck you.
I'm going to be a writer.

Switch to lit with me, man.

No fucking way!

Fucking traffic!

I bet my sister's
in another demonstration.

It's their right, Charolastra.

And it's my right
to tell 'em to fuck off!

I guess.

But left-wing chicks
are hot, dude.

Totally.

Are you wearing perfume?

You fucking pig!

Open the window!

There were three demonstrations
across the city that day.

But the traffic jam holding them up
had been caused

by Marcelino Escutia,
a migrant bricklayer from Michoacán.

Marcelino had been hit
by a speeding bus.

He never used the pedestrian bridge,
because its poor location

meant walking an extra
mile and a half to his work site.

His unidentified body was taken

to the city morgue,

where it went unclaimed
for four days.

Tenoch Iturbide
was the second of three children

born to a Harvard-trained economist
who became Undersecretary of State

and a housewife
given to esoteric spiritual practices.

His parents had decided
to name him Hernán,

but he was born the year his father
entered government service,

and seized by a sudden surge
of nationalism,

his father gave his son
an Aztec name, Tenoch.

Once we're stoned,
we'll drop a little "E."

I got some from Frisco
that's the absolute best.

Fuckin' A!

Total organic shit.

If Miriam comes,

I'll grab her by the ears
and fuck the shit out of her!

Miriam is a total babe.

At Rata's party
she was walking around

rubbing her ass
up against me, man.

Truth is,
she's kind of slutty.

The one I want to nail
is Shorty's chick.

She's got these little titties.

She's a total prime babe!

Not inside, man.

Let's go to the tower.

- What's the difference?
- They'll smell it!

Sticky.

A little harsh.

Crons.

It's strong shit.
It'll knock you on your ass.

- Tenoch!
- Get down!

How are you, ma'am?

- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, sweetheart.

What's going on?
You're acting strange.

Are you boys sad?
Must be missing your girlfriends.

Cheer up. Your intense love
has clouded your auras.

Just think of them
and your hearts will connect.

Julio, are you coming
to Jessica's wedding?

I wouldn't miss it, ma'am.

You have to look very sharp.
The president will be there.

Tenoch,
get rid of that cigarette.

Evening, ma'am.
Your garden totally rules.

Hi, Saba.
I didn't know you were here.

I'm everywhere.

That night, Julio and Tenoch
consumed alcohol,

marijuana, and Ecstasy
imported from San Francisco

and failed in their strategies
for sexual conquest.

They feared that this failure would set
the tone for the rest of the summer.

At 4:00 a.m.,
Julio threw up in the street.

Around 5:00,
Tenoch smashed a headlight

as he pulled into his driveway.

That same night, Saba had
his first experience with group sex.

A week went by,

and boredom
became their daily routine.

Tenoch's father was a majority
shareholder of a country club,

so his son had access
to the facilities on Mondays,

when the club
was closed for maintenance.

One, two, three!

You're too eager to beat me.
You use up your air right away.

Like you're the pro.
You beat me by two yards.

Two? Ten at least!

- Four max.
- Let's call it eight.

You're full of shit.

I may be full of shit,

but you've got
one ugly dick!

Looks like
a deflated balloon.

So blow it up, asshole!

Back off, faggot!

Come on,
blow up the balloon!

Six, seven...

eight, nine, ten, eleven!

There are more bodyguards
than guests!

Count 'em!
The Comonforts brought three,

the Guerreros three...
- Don't point.

two for my dad's boss,

and a shitload
for the president.

- Don't forget Herminio.
- He's my driver!

He still packs a gun, man.

Smart move, sir.
Your son's already plastered.

Dad, I already said hi
to the president.

The Gonzalez kids
are looking for you.

Be nice to them, please.

They're always
very nice to you.

Okay, Dad.

The Gonzalez kids!
Remember that fat girl?

How are you, sweet pea?
It's been ages.

- What a bunch of assholes, right?
- Whatever you say, sir.

A rum and Coke,
light on the Coke.

You remember your cousin?
He wants to be a writer too.

I'm sure you two have
a lot of catching up to do.

Cheers!

The old bag!

Last time I saw you,
you were a little kid

bawling because you wanted
a Ninja Turtle.

- A Thunder Cat.
- Excuse me. A Thunder Cat.

So you want to be a writer?

And tell stories
about rich brats?

No, about assholes like you.

It's one thing
to write preppy stories.

It's another
to create literature.

- So when do you start?
- Did you read my book?

- I read the reviews.
- Critics are assholes.

Alejandro Montes de Oca ‒ "Jano" ‒
was the nephew of Tenoch's mother.

His father died
when he was three,

leaving him
in his mother's suffocating care,

which he finally escaped by going
abroad for a graduate degree.

He was now back
after 10 years.

Give it some serious thought.
You really want to be a writer?

Anyone can put
words on paper,

but it takes a lifetime
to become a writer.

This is my cousin, the writer.

It's not just
about discipline and technique.

You have to create
your own style.

And for that
you need life experience.

Honestly, what do you
know about life?

Yeah, what do you know?

Little bastards!

We're sorry.

I'd like to thank you all

for joining us
in this humble celebration,

and in particular, the president
of our country and his lovely wife,

who took time
from a busy schedule

to share in this special moment
for Jessica and Francisco Javier.

Your presence here today
is testimony

to your great modesty.

With the permission
of all of you,

I'd like to wish the bride and groom
every happiness.

She's hot!

Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Is this boring or what?

Not even a little?

Well, a little.

- Where are you from?
- Madrid. Spain.

Cool!
What brings you here?

My husband's in the family.

- Which side?
- The bride's side.

Luisa, you see what they did?

You little prick.

Luisa Cortés lost her parents
in a car accident when she was 10.

She was raised by her great-aunt,
a spinster and Franco supporter

who later fell ill and was in Luisa's care
for the last five years of her life.

Luisa lived with her until she was 20,
when she married Jano.

A few months later, her aunt died ‒
Luisa's last living relative.

- What happened?
- It was those two brats!

You can't meet
the president like this.

- Salt will take it ‒
- I'll meet him some other time.

- No, we'll find you another suit.
- A little... salt...

Luisa, take this.

Careful!
And keep an eye on my mother.

Hey, is that your husband?

- Yes. Why?
- He's my cousin.

- What's your name?
- Tenoch.

You're little Tenoch?

I met you when I visited years ago.
You were a tiny thing,

bawling because
you wanted a Thunder Cat.

You have a good memory.
Cigarette?

Thanks.
You're quite the grown man now.

Thank you.

So... uh... how long
have you been here?

About a month.

Jano's teaching at the university
starting in September.

You two plan
on doing any traveling?

Jano's leaving
for a symposium

while I get us settled in
and do a few job interviews.

But if there's time, I hope
to get to the beach. And you?

We're going to the beach.

Puerto Escondido, right?
Jano's told me about it.

No, that place sucks.

It's all yuppie backpackers
and wanna-be surfers.

We go to a place
only the local fishermen know.

What's it called?

- Uh... Heaven's ‒ what is it?
- Mouth?

Heaven's Mouth! Totally.

- It's like paradise.
- Better than paradise!

It's a slice of heaven
here on earth.

A tropical heaven!

A slice of heaven
right here on earth!

Putting down roots
in the earth!

She should come along.

Sure. Why don't you come?

Me? You'd take me along?

- Of course.
- Is there somewhere to sleep?

Somewhere to sleep?

Just the silky warm sand

beneath a starry sky.

There are coconuts
to drink from,

but we'll bring some 40s.
- What's that?

Big bottles of beer.

Jano will love it.

The mariachis.

The president left an hour later.

He had an urgent meeting
with the leaders of his party

to appoint candidates
for upcoming elections.

The next day...

he would express his outrage
at the Cerro Verde massacre

and deny that the state governor
had been involved in any way.

After offering condolences
to the victims' relatives,

he would fly to Seattle
for a world summit on globalization.

The days passed, and while Jano
was away at his symposium,

Luisa went to the doctor
for some test results.

In the waiting room
she took a magazine quiz entitled...

"Are You
a Fully Realized Woman?"

It was multiple choice.
For Question 1 she chose B:

"I prefer to be awake
rather than sleeping or dreaming."

For Question 4 she chose C:

"I value time more highly
than money or power."

For Question 7, she chose A:

"I think more about the present
than the past or the future."

She scored 16 points.

The magazine rated her as
"a woman afraid to claim her freedom."

Luisa didn't agree.

Think about Conchita's titties,
those hard nipples.

Nice!

Mayela's pussy, man...

all wet and hairy.

- Your girlfriend's mom.
- Shut up!

That art teacher.

Miss Georgina.

She never wore panties.

Salma Hayek, man.

Yeah, Salmita!

Your cousin, man.

What cousin?

The Spanish chick!

Hello?

Hello?

Love?

Jano?

Are you all right?

I'm so drunk.

Then go to bed.
We'll talk tomorrow, okay?

I'll be back in two days.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

I'm an asshole!

I'm such a piece of shit!

Jano, go to bed.
You're drunk.

I'm such a shit!

Calm down.
What's wrong?

Are you okay, darling?

I slept with another woman.

What?

I tell you,
I'm a piece of shit!

Why are you telling me this?

I love you so fucking much.

Why are you telling me this?

Here's your sandwich, sweetie,
with your favorite cheese.

Thanks, Leo.

One moment, please.

It's for you.

- Hello?
- Tenoch? It's Luisa.

- Who?
- Luisa, from Spain.

Yeah, right.
How are you?

I'm glad I caught you,
since you said you were leaving today.

- Leaving?
- For Heaven's Mouth.

Oh, right.
We're leaving this afternoon.

And you're all ready?

We're getting ready right now.

I was wondering...

is the invitation still open?

Hello?
- It's just that...

I guess not.
That's okay. Never mind.

Wait ‒ yes, it is!

No, I don't want to bother you.

No bother at all.

Just tell us
where to pick you up.

I live at 52 Machu Picchu Street,
Apartment 3D.

Still asleep, you lazy fuck?

Yeah, I was up till 3:00
watching videos.

Get your ass in gear.
We're going to the beach.

- What beach?
- Heaven's Mouth.

There's no such place, man!

I know,
but Luisa wants to go.

- Luisa who?
- The Spaniard.

You shittin' me?

No way.
Can you get the car?

It'll never make it.

The radiator's fucked,
and the battery too.

Plus it's my sister's turn to use it.
Let's take yours.

My dad took it away

'cause I broke the headlight
and I won't take economics.

What a prick.

Julio Zapata lived
with his mother and sister.

He hadn't seen his father
since he was five.

His mother had worked
all her life as a secretary

in a multinational corporation.

His sister, Manuela,
was a political science major

at the National University
of Mexico.

After tense negotiations, she agreed
to let Julio use the car for five days.

Then she would have it
for three weeks

so she and her friends
could deliver

food, clothing,
and medicine in Chiapas.

- Beer!
- Brewskis!

Condoms!

- Where's your size?
- In the deli, with the giant salamis.

Once you pass Puebla,
get off the toll road.

The landscape is awesome.

Got it.

Then follow this road.

That's no road, asshole!
It's a river!

You're sending us to Veracruz!

Where is it, man?

Take the road to Oaxaca,

but keep your eyes peeled
for checkpoints.

Stuff your stash
where they can't find it,

and drive
like a little old lady.

Saba, we're in a hurry!

It's a total trip, man!

You pass this shack
with this massive Coke bottle on top.

Remember I told you?

Saba, then what?

What?

The beach, asshole!

That's what I'm saying!

Take the dirt road on the right
all the way to the end,

and there it is.

Yes?

I'll be right down.

Stop it.

Hey, don't kick my car!

So what do you do?

What do I look like?

- A sociologist.
- Cold.

Philosopher?

Cold.

- Psychologist?
- You think?

- A Victoria's Secret model?
- Freezing!

We give up.

I'm a certified dental technician.

What's that?

They suck out your drool
at the dentist's.

Right?
- Yes.

- Why'd you pick that?
- It wasn't my fantasy, okay?

Believe me,
when I played with dolls,

I didn't pretend
to suck out their drool.

- Then why?
- I was living with my aunt.

When I was 16,
she got very sick,

and I had to find work fast.

In four months I had
a dental technician's certificate.

But what did you really
want to do?

I never did very well
in school.

The one thing
I always wanted to do

was travel

and see the world.

Yeah, taking trips is awesome.

On acid, maybe.
You've never been on a plane!

- I have too!
- Three times.

You really thought
I was a philosopher?

You look like a thinker.

And you're married to Jano.

Luisa often accompanied Jano
to dinners

with his artistic
and intellectual friends,

but she never felt
very comfortable.

There was always someone,
perhaps well-meaning, perhaps not,

who would press Luisa for an opinion
during their discussions.

She always replied modestly,

"I don't know anything
about these things."

She often thought
about challenging the guests

to see if any of them could name
every tooth in the right order.

She never dared.

Hey, Charolastra,
pass the munchies.

- Charo what?
- Charolastra.

"Charo" is kind of
a Mexican cowboy,

so it's something
like "astral cowboy."

Actually, Daniel didn't understand
the lyrics to an English song that went...

Charolastra, charolo

But it was really Saba
who came up with it

while on mushrooms.

So Daniel and Saba
are Charolastras too?

Yeah, but lately Saba's
gotten way into altered states

and expanding
his consciousness.

- You mean mysticism?
- No, drugs.

He's turning into a pain.

And we hardly ever see Daniel
since he came out of the closet.

Does that bother you?

No, he's just
into other scenes now.

But he's still in the club.

There's Pecas too,
but she's just an honorary member,

because of her
totally sucky boyfriends.

- She wouldn't sign our manifesto.
- You have a manifesto?

- Sure.
- What's it say?

- No, top secret.
- I won't tell anyone.

- No, my lips are sealed.
- We'd have to kill you.

"One: There's no greater honor
than being a Charolastra.

Two: Do whatever the fuck
you feel like.

Three: Pop beats poetry.

Four: Getting high once a day
keeps the doctor away."

That was Saba's idea.

"Five: Thou shalt not screw
another Charolastra's girl.

Six:
Team América is for fags.

Seven: Whacking off rules.

Eight: Never marry a virgin.

Nine: Team América is ‒"

- You said that.
- It bears repeating.

It's for fags.
- It's a crappy team.

- "Ten: Truth is cool, but unattainable."
- What?

It means truth is totally amazing,
but fuck if you can ever reach it.

"And eleven:

The asshole who breaks
any of the above rules

forfeits the title of 'Charolastra."'

You should share your manifesto
with the government.

No, politicians are assholes.

Julio and Tenoch told Luisa
lots of other stories.

Each one reaffirmed
the strong ties uniting them,

the bond that created
a solid, indivisible entity.

Their stories, though adorned by
personal mythologies, were the truth.

But as always happens,
it was a partial truth.

Much was omitted, such as how
Julio lit matches to hide the smell

after using the bathroom
at Tenoch's house.

Or how Tenoch used his foot
to lift the toilet seat at Julio's house.

Those were details they didn't need
to know about each other.

Do you have girlfriends?

- Yes. Ceci.
- Ana Bananas.

Bananas?
Where are they now?

Traveling around Europe.
They're best friends.

- Where in Europe?
- Mostly around Italy.

- Lucky girls.
- Yeah, they say it's awesome.

- That's not why.
- Why?

Why do you think
girls go to Italy?

- The clothes?
- For a vacation.

The guys!
Italian men are sexy.

- No, you don't know our chicks.
- Fuckin' right!

Ceci would never cheat on me.

She wanted to tattoo
my name on her right tit,

but her mother said no.

I popped Ana's cherry.
I'm the only guy she wants.

Glad to hear it.

Your girls are lucky
to have such cool boyfriends.

And are Charolastras faithful?

Absolutely.

As it should be, right?

Have you ever cheated
on Jano?

Me, be unfaithful?
Please!

Listen, I'm starving.
- Yeah, they're coming.

Has he ever cheated on you?

Jano has always needed
affirmation.

- Seriously?
- Get some beers.

- One for me too.
- Where did you meet him?

In a bar in Madrid.

I bet he was wasted,
talkin' a lot of shit.

No, it was me
who was wasted.

Me and my girlfriends.
- Really?

So what happened?

I saw this sharp-looking guy,
full of attitude.

I guess I fell
for his cute Mexican accent.

- No, no.
- I have change.

What did you see in him?

I don't know.

We have a lot in common.

Like what?

Well, like...

he has no father,
and I'm an orphan.

His mother is really overbearing,
just like my aunt was.

Those five years I took care of her
were awful. Poor woman.

Only Jano was at my side
through thick and thin.

Anyway, cheers.
- Cheers.

Good evening.
What would you like?

Thanks.
See you in the morning.

- Shit!
- You get the smaller one.

How 'bout a joint?
- Coming right up.

Hey, you think Ana and Ceci
are fucking any Italians?

No way, man.

There's piss all over in here.

They're not, right?
- Nah.

Italians are fags anyway.

Totally.

Think your cousin
wants to get laid?

Seems Jano's been cheating
on her big-time.

We oughta try
to ease her pain,

put a smile back
on her face.

- Let's go.
- Where?

Hey, guys!

Coming.

You still in bed?

Come on,
let's get to the beach.

Come on, lazy shit.

Julio, the beach.

Now?

Nice!
Our daily early-bird special.

- Can you guys drive stoned?
- Sure.

You won't even feel the curves.

- It's been so long.
- You'll be flying like the Concorde.

It's potent monkey shit.

Pretty tasty for monkey shit.

Sticky.

- You smoke a lot?
- Now and then. You?

- Not usually.
- A joint and a beer...

Tenoch realized
he'd never visited Tepelmeme,

the birthplace of Leodegaria Victoria ‒
Leo, his nanny ‒

who migrated to Mexico City
when she was 13.

She found work
with Tenoch's family

and had cared for him
since he was born.

He called her "Mommy"
until he was four.

Tenoch didn't share this
with the others.

Give me another hit.

There's plenty for everyone.

- I saw you guys last night.
- What?

- You know what I'm talking about.
- No, what?

You think it's cool to spy
on women in their hotel rooms?

- It was his idea.
- Is that right?

And you just went along?

Did you hope to see me naked?
- No way.

See me naked
and go whack off.

How can you say that?

Tell me something.

Have you made love to many girls
besides your girlfriends?

- A few.
- Bullshit!

He's only fucked his chick.

- You're wrong, asshole.
- Who else?

Flavia.

That's bullshit!

You blew your load
putting on the condom!

You told me so yourself.

A donation for our queen?

- What about you, Tenoch?
- What?

Have you made love
with other girls?

Two or three.

- Two or three skanks.
- "Skanks"?

- Whores.
- You sleep with whores?

Your queen is beautiful!

I don't sleep with whores.

You do too!
You're a whore-chaser!

Did you fuck many guys
before you met Jano?

I started late
and met Jano very early on.

So you were a virgin?

No, I had a boyfriend
before him.

And he was
rammin' you hard, right?

- Actually, yes.
- Really?

The first time,
he took me to a factory

where his uncle worked
as a security guard.

I was so scared.
I barely knew him.

I thought
he wanted to kiss me...

but he deflowered me.

It hurt so bad!
I told myself I'd never do it again.

But every time we got together,
we'd go at it like rabbits.

I thought he just wanted sex.

Don't tell me ‒
he wanted to talk too?

- He really fell in love with me.
- Of course.

He'd pick me up
from school every day

on his motorcycle,
in his leather jacket.

How original!

I loved it.

I'd always play hooky.

Hooky?

That too!

No, "playing hooky"
means cutting class.

I just wanted to be with him.

We'd go to amazing spots
and cruise around on his motorcycle.

We planned to go
to the French Riviera.

Me too.

A friend had found him work
there as a waiter.

We had everything
packed and ready.

He had a ponytail,
a broken tooth,

and an earring
in his right ear.

I was so in love with him.

So in love.

Then Jano came along
and stole you.

- No.
- So what happened?

He was killed
in a bike accident.

Shit.

He was 17.

If they'd passed that same spot
10 years earlier,

they'd have come across
some cages scattered in the road...

and then driven
through a cloud of white feathers.

Five yards further on,
a pile of broken cages

filled with bleeding chickens
flapping their wings.

Then an overturned truck,
still smoldering.

Just beyond that,
two lifeless bodies in the road,

one smaller than the other,
barely covered by a jacket,

and next to them,
a woman crying inconsolably.

Give me another cigarette.

- Don't! This song rules!
- The batteries are dead.

Turn the radio on.

Shit. Hide the stash.

It's cool, man.

Don't look at them.

Jeez, they got busted.

Don't turn around!

What's up?

Good heavens!
Your friend woke up too.

It's the heat.

You got a woody?

- And how!
- That little weenie?

It's only a quarter inch
shorter than yours.

A quarter inch?

Dream on!

- You measured them?
- Yeah. But his is butt-ugly.

- How so?
- It's got a freakin' hood.

- A hood ‒ yummy!
- You see?

The dude's got an ugly one.

How do you make love
to your girlfriends?

Super suave. Passionately.

- With a twist.
- A twist?

A twist... of the hips.

But how do you turn them on?

First a little foreplay
to heat up the oven.

Some kisses on the titties,
a few love bites.

And then?

Then I ram it in all the way.

What else?

I bang her
till she begs for mercy.

- Is that it?
- Is that it!

Ceci twists and moans
like an oyster in lime juice.

- Ana cries.
- Poor thing!

- I mean from pleasure.
- Oh, I'm sure.

Missionary position, or what?

Missionary,
doggie-style, everything.

Ana likes to be on top.
We do it sitting up too.

Even 69.

The whole Kama Sutra.

I know every trick.

You ever wiggle your finger...

up her ass?
- Her ass?

No way!

It has to come
from San Rafael.

- When will it be ready?
- Maybe tomorrow.

No, but thank you very much.

- Cool hat.
- Yes, it's a nice one.

You can have it.

Really?
You're giving it to me?

Thanks.

Your coconut.

Thank you.

That's my name.

Luisita.

Pretty name.

Hi, Jano. I know
you're not back until tomorrow.

I'm calling because I didn't leave a note.
Maybe I meant to worry you.

I wanted to vanish from your life
with no warning,

but now I realize that
that's not right.

So this is my note,

though I honestly
don't know what to say.

I met a woman today
named Doña Martina.

She's 98, and she remembers
everything since she was five.

Imagine everything
she's experienced...

and everything a person
never gets to experience.

Your mother sent the mousse you like.
It's in the fridge.

Be sure to pay the phone bill.
I left it on your desk.

And pick up your shirts
from the cleaners.

But don't go to them anymore.
They ruin the clothes.

Anyway...

take care of yourself.

See you later.

Hand me some shampoo, man.

Please.

Oh, sorry.

It's all right. Come in.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

It must be the heat
and the long drive.

I came to see
if you had any shampoo.

You got any?

Take off the towel.

What?

Take it off.

- The towel?
- Yes, the towel.

Take it off, Tenoch.

No, don't cover up.

You get excited quickly, huh?

I guess.

You lied.
It curves to the left.

What?

You said it curved right,
but it curves left.

It's just like I imagined.

Why don't you jerk off?

Jerk off? Here?

That's right. Jerk off.

Want me to help you?

Want to see my tits?
- Yes.

Only if you touch yourself.

Come here.

Closer.

I'm all wet.
You want to feel it?

Feel me.

Eat me out, Tenoch.

Tenoch,
take my panties off first.

No, come here.

¡Mamacita!

I'm sorry.

It's all right. Don't worry.

Julio couldn't understand
what he was feeling.

He knew it wasn't rage.

The only other time he'd felt this pain
in his gut was when he was eight,

when he woke up thirsty one night
and on his way to the kitchen

saw his mother in the living room
in his godfather's arms.

Julio had walked away quietly

and never mentioned
the incident to anyone.

What's up, dude?

Not much.

Feel like racing?

No, it's full of leaves.

We can clean 'em out
in no time.

Let's go.

You let me win, asshole.

There was no reason to.

I fucked Ana.

What?

You heard me.
I fucked your girlfriend.

Tenoch had only felt this pain
in his gut when he was 11,

when he saw his father's picture
in an article linking him

to a scandal involving the sale
of contaminated corn to the poor.

Tenoch and his family moved
to Vancouver for eight months.

He never asked why.

No one told Luisa
about Julio's confession,

but over dinner she could feel
the tension between the two friends.

She sensed that her transgression
had disrupted a natural balance

that only she could restore.

Good night.

Good night, Tenoch.

What's up?
Weren't you gonna sleep with Luisa?

Fuck off.

How many times
did you fuck her?

Just once.
We were really wasted.

- When?
- Forget about it.

Tell me when.

I don't know.

How could you not know,
asshole?

When you went to Lake Tahoe.

Where was Cecilia?

Sick.

- Where did you do it? Her house?
- No.

Then where?

- I think it was at a party.
- What party, asshole?

I don't know.

I think the party
at Fruit Loop's place.

You mean when Saba
kicked his ass?

I think so.

- What are you laughing about, fucker?
- About Saba.

Stop laughing, faggot!

Who started it?

Both of us.
We were shit-faced, man.

Where'd you do it?

In his little sister's room.

What was Ana wearing?

Christ, I don't remember!

Skirt or pants?

What panties was she wearing?
- What?

- What panties, asshole!
- White ones.

- Did she blow you, you pig?
- Of course not!

Look me in the eyes!
Did she blow you?

Did you eat her out?
- Of course not!

Did she come?

How would I know?
It all happened so fast.

- Did she like it?
- How should I know?

- Did you like it, asshole?
- No, man.

I felt like shit, I swear!

I wanted to tell you.

Go to hell, fucker!

You fucked our friendship!

You fucked my trust!

You fucked my girl, asshole!
You fucked me!

What a sap I was, bringing you
fuckin' comics from Lake Tahoe,

and a dress
for that fuckin' slut!

That's really fucked up.

Tenoch...

I'm sorry, man.

It was an accident.

An accident?

You poke a girl in the eye
by accident!

You don't fuck her by accident!

You don't fuck her!

It went on like that all night.

Tenoch sought out
every possible detail

as he tried to put together a puzzle
from pieces that didn't always fit...

while Julio twisted those details
to create a less painful truth.

Doña Martina gave Luisa
the figure of the mouse

with her name on it.

She told her it had belonged
to her granddaughter, Luisa Obregón,

who'd died of a heat stroke crossing
the Arizona border with her parents

in search of a better life.

Luisa felt that even after people die,
they're still present.

She wondered how long she would
live on in the memory of others.

But she preferred not to fill her mind
with thoughts of death.

Julio, looks like the heat
got you a little excited too.

Yeah.

The heat...

Hey ‒ what are you ‒
where are you going?

This is your seat.
- How about introducing me?

You shouldn't do that, Luisa.

Tenoch, the same thing would have
happened if Julio had come to my room.

What a sap I am!
You think I'm your chauffeur?

Go fuck yourselves!

Take it easy!

Fucking pigs!

Relax.

Let me.

- My sneakers.
- What?

Take them off.

Careful.

My panties.

Give it to me, Julio.

Feel me. Go slow.

Look at me.

Wait.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Don't sulk like this.

Isn't that what you two wanted
from the start?

Wasn't that your plan?

To take me away on a trip
and fuck me?

Wasn't that it?

Well, then?

I'm such an idiot.

You know
what I should've done?

Not slept with either of you.

I never meant to hurt anybody.

You believe me?

Forgive me, okay?
- Yes.

Let's go.

- Me too.
- You too what?

Me too, faggot.

You too what?

I fucked your girlfriend, Ceci.

You did not.

When?
- After the Plastilina Mosh concert.

Motherfucker!

That's why
you dropped me off first?

Where?
- At my house.

- Your house?
- In my room.

She had flowered panties on.
- You slept with his girlfriend?

That asshole fucked mine!

What about number three?

Your manifesto, not to screw
each other's girlfriend.

That's number five!

Get out!

Out of the car, fucker!
We're gonna have this out!

Open up, faggot!
- Cool it, guys!

That's classic!
Low-class trash!

This low-class trash
is gonna rip your head off!

Blow me, man.

- Fuckin' yuppie!
- Go to hell!

Stay out of this!

You can go fuck yourselves!
I'm such an idiot!

I thought you'd be different,
but you're animals!

Your manifesto
is a bunch of bullshit!

You break your own rules!

Typical men! Fighting like dogs
and marking your territory

when all you really want
is to fuck each other!

Who cares who you fucked
when you both come in 10 seconds!

What the hell was I thinking?

Play with babies
and you end up washing diapers!

You see, man?

Get out here!

She's leaving.
- You're the one who pushed her!

How could you fuck my Ceci?

That fucking slut!

Now we're even.

Even, my ass!

Kneel down
and beg forgiveness

like you made me do
last night!

- Okay, I'm sorry.
- On your knees, asshole!

Let it go, man.
She's gonna catch a ride.

I know. So hurry up!

Move back.

If you want me to get out,
move back.

Further back!
- I'm not gonna touch you.

- Okay, I'm sorry.
- On both knees.

- I'm sorry.
- Sorry for what?

I'm sorry for fucking
your girlfriend, okay?

- Okay what?
- Come on. She's getting away.

- How many times?
- Once. What do you think I am?

Let's get this straight.
We'll go to the beach,

but your friendship
means shit to me!

- Same here, man.
- Fuck you!

Luisa, that's enough now.
Get in.

Kiss my ass! I'm catching a bus
to Puerto Escondido.

To hell with you
and your Heaven's Mouth.

You gotta come with us.

So you can fight like dogs?
No, thanks.

- We promise we won't fight.
- We swear!

I don't want to be on a deserted beach
with a pair of assholes.

- We admit we fucked up.
- We'll do whatever you want.

- You call the shots.
- We're almost there!

We're really close!
Come on, get in.

If I come,
we do things my way.

One more fight
and I'm gone for good.

Anything you say.

I'm laying down my own rules.

I'll make my own manifesto!
You crossed the line, Julio.

One:
I'm not fucking either of you.

You can fuck each other
if you want.

Two:
I'm going to sunbathe nude,

and I don't want you
sniffing around like dogs.

Three: I pick the music.

Four: The moment I ask,
kindly shut your traps.

Five: You two cook.

Six: Not another word

about your poor girlfriends.

Seven: If I ask...

you're to stay 10 yards away.
Or 100, if I prefer.

Eight: Obviously,
you do all the manual labor.

Nine: No discussing things
you don't agree on.

Better yet,
just keep your mouths shut.

And ten:
You're not allowed

to contradict me,

much less push me!

Julio and Tenoch clearly had
no idea where they were

or how to get somewhere
they'd never been.

Saba's directions

contradicted each other.

Fearing that Luisa would catch on,
Julio turned right onto a dirt road.

Julio and Tenoch
thought Luisa was asleep.

They didn't know
that fear kept her awake,

a fear that had nothing to do
with the darkness

or the surroundings.

Fried fish!

Ceviche! Beer!

Jesús Carranza, better known
as Chuy, and his wife Mabel

were the fourth generation
of a family of fishermen.

They lived nearby
in the village of San Bernabé.

Chuy offered to give them a tour
of neighboring beaches the next day.

He would charge them
350 pesos,

including food.

- Chuy, let me steer.
- No.

- I know what I'm doing, man.
- Okay.

Just don't go too fast.

Hey! Great swimming beach.

- What's it called?
- Heaven's Mouth.

All right!

Lucero, leave the lady alone!

It's okay.
She's teaching me how to swim.

- Let me help you.
- It's okay. I got it.

Go swim with your buddy.
He's all alone.

The water's nice and warm.

Let's see you float like a corpse.

She's really dead!
Look at Lucero!

He's a crybaby.

He whines all night
and wakes up Mommy.

He only stops crying
when I hold him.

He just likes being
with his pretty sister.

She looks just like you, Mabel.
The exact same eyes.

You should have children, ma'am.
You're so good with them.

And you're just the right age.

He fell asleep.
What do I do?

Ramón passes,
Zepeda charges down the sideline,

and the stadium goes wild!

The Emperor steals it.
What a player!

Still waiting for the guest of honor ‒
the goal.

Shoot, damn it!

It's a pass to Cuauhtémoc.

He approaches the goal.

He shoots!

What a save!

Campos!

That's why
he's on the national team!

What?

Don't you like Campos?

You ever wish
you could live forever?

Sure.

Totally.

Wouldn't it be great?

At the end of the year, Chuy and family
will have to leave their home

to make way for the construction
of an exclusive hotel

on the communal land
of San Bernabé.

They'll relocate to the outskirts
of Santa María Colotepec.

Chuy will attempt
to give boat tours,

but a collective of Acapulco boatmen
supported by the local tourism board

will block his plans.

Two years later,
he'll end up as a janitor at the hotel.

He'll never fish again.

Holy shit.

What the fuck!

Chuy, step on it!

Get the fuck outta here!

It's shitting in the tent!

Not that way! This way!

It's shitting in there!

Get out, fucker!

You're throwing shit at me!

Get outta here!

The pigs rendered
the campground uninhabitable.

Julio and Tenoch decided
to spend the night in San Bernabé,

where Chuy had offered them a room
with electricity and water for 75 pesos.

Luisa looked forward to a shower,
even if it was a cold one.

They would come back
the next day to strike the camp.

The 23 pigs had escaped
from a nearby ranch.

Over the next two months,
14 would be slaughtered.

Three of those would cause
an outbreak of trichinosis

among attendees at a festival
in the village of El Chavarín.

Stop spinning 'em, man.

Jano, tell your mother
whatever you want.

Let me talk or I'll hang up,
all right?

Thank you.

I was going to leave anyway.

Your call just made it easier,
and I thank you for that.

This isn't about revenge.

I always knew
about your affairs.

Carmen at El Escorial,
and that girl from Barcelona.

I knew all about them.

I just hoped you'd change,
that's all.

My decision has nothing
to do with that, believe me.

I can't explain it now,
but you'll understand soon.

No, don't blame yourself,
or me.

You may not believe it,
but no one's to blame.

Of course I don't hate you!

And please don't hate me.

Jano, listen to me!

I called to tell you that I love you,
and that you were my whole life.

I don't expect this
to be a happy farewell,

but let's make it
a tender one at least.

Jano, calm down.
Don't be like that.

Listen...

did you notice I took much less
than my share of the money?

No, I have plenty.

I left my keys in the kitchen,
with the spare set.

Don't lose the key to the roof.
It's the only one.

I took your T-shirts from Ibiza.

You know
I love to sleep in them.

Anyway, I just hope
you learn to be happy.

I am now.

Take care of yourself.
I'm hanging up now. Bye.

I really am indebted
to all of Jano's mistresses.

You know how I knew?

He'd try things on me in bed
that he'd learned from them.

You can tell these things.

- Like the finger up the ass?
- Exactly.

But you have to do it delicately,
with finesse.

You don't just jam it up there.

Jano was
a master of finesse.

- To the master of finesse!
- To Jano!

To Jano,
wherever he may be.

You know, I'm really glad
I met you guys.

I mean it. Sometimes
you're complete assholes,

but basically
you're pretty cool dudes.

Fuckin' right!

And you're so lucky
to live in a country like this.

It breathes with life!
It's awesome!

To Mexico!
- To magical, musical Mexico!

Hey, are you friends again?

No way!

Come on. Make up.

So I'm low-class trash,
asshole?

Totally! That loogie
you hocked at the window!

Fuck you. It's my car.

- And I'm a yuppie?
- Okay, a preppie.

But you love visiting my houses,
you social climber!

Only to get a taste
of what your old man steals!

Isn't your dad an honest man?

Yeah, right!

You idiots!
You're friends again now.

To the Charolastras!

- Beer, anyone?
- Yeah, but ice-cold.

Of course!

- Luisa...
- What?

I'm sorry I pushed you.

Julio, you crossed the line!

- I know.
- Give me a kiss.

Forgiven.

Luisa,
the absolute truth now:

Which of us fucks better?

You make me laugh.

You're both disasters,
but each has his charms.

But who made you feel better?

Here's how Julio comes:

¡Mamacita, mamacita!

And Julio,
you cross your eyes.

You both have to quit whacking off
and work up your endurance.

- I bet he came quicker than me!
- No more whacking off.

No way! What about number seven
in our manifesto?

Take it out.

Chuy, nothing like
tooting the old horn, eh?

To spanking the monkey!

No, not until you learn
how to fuck properly.

While we're on the subject...

these boys don't know
how to go down on a girl.

I never got the chance!

I'm sure
you're as clueless as he is.

You were slurping
like it was some kind of lollipop.

You have to be very gentle.

You have to make the clitoris
your best friend.

What kind of friend
is always hiding?

He who seeks shall find.

The greatest pleasure
is giving pleasure.

Absolutely. Hail the clit!

To the clitoris!

The god's-honest truth now.
I mean it.

Swear you'll tell me the truth.
- I swear.

Did Ceci blow you?

The god's-honest truth?

She bites a little, huh?

She did blow you!

- Does Ana bite too?
- No, she gives great head.

- You said she didn't blow you!
- Just the tip, man.

She missed the main course.

Chuy, don't blow jobs rule?

To blow jobs!

Since we're spilling
our guts here...

I actually fucked Ceci
a couple times.

No big deal.
I poked Ana a bunch of times.

- Yuck! I've been stirring your cream!
- Same here!

That makes us
cum brothers, man!

Those poor girls!
I feel so sorry for them.

Chuy, this asshole fucked my chick,
but he comes lickety-split.

To your girlfriends, who are probably
fucking 10 Italians at a time!

You're on!

- To Luigi!
- To Tiberio!

- You got any change?
- Who wants the worm?

I'll take it.

Listen, Tenoch...

and your mom too.

Are you shitting me?

For real.
The day she cleaned my aura.

Are you serious?

Totally!

A toast to forgiveness, dude.

Luisa, to mothers!

Who sings "La Sandunga"?

Camilo Sesto!

Never mind.
Give me a number and a letter.

Number 13.

- The letter B.
- B-13.

Past Heaven's Mouth
you'll find Palicata Bay

and the beaches
of Chacrita and Santa Rita.

And Chacagua.

Beautiful names.
Do they mean anything?

Who knows?

Morning, sleepyhead.

Want some eggs?

- A little shrimp soup?
- Please, and a beer.

A little hair of the dog.

I gotta get going.
I promised my sister the car.

That's fine.

What's that beach again?
- Chacagua.

Is there anything
beyond Chacagua?

Amaranto,
and Playa de Oro beach.

It's open sea, with huge waves.
Lots of people drown there.

But the sunsets are beautiful.

- Another shrimp soup, Mabel.
- No, thanks.

I better get going.
My folks will start to worry.

Julio has to get the car back
to his sister too.

I'm going to stay
a few more days.

They're going to show me
some beautiful beaches.

- I'm hungry, Mom.
- Here.

At 1:00 p.m., Julio and Tenoch
began their trip back home.

It was a very quiet
and uneventful trip.

Their families never found out
about the trip to the beach

with Luisa.

She stayed behind

to begin her exploration
of the local coves the next day.

When they said good-bye,
she told Tenoch and Julio,

"Life is like the foam,
so give yourself away like the sea."

After returning from Europe,

Ana and Cecilia broke up
with Tenoch and Julio.

Two months later,
Tenoch started dating his neighbor.

It was nine months before Julio started
dating a girl from his French class.

Julio and Tenoch
stopped seeing each other.

The following summer, the ruling party
lost the presidential election

for the first time in 71 years.

Julio ran into Tenoch
on the way to the dentist.

Going for a cup of coffee
was less awkward

than making excuses to avoid it.

Have you seen Saba?

No, but he's living
in Real de Catorce.

Cool. Good for him.

- And Daniel?
- Total queen at this point.

His dad kicked him out.

Shit. That sucks.

No, he's super happy, man.
Got a boyfriend and everything.

Then... that's cool.

I got into the university.
- Cool. When do you start?

- September.
- Economics?

Yeah. And you?

Biology.
I start next week.

- That sucks.
- Public universities start earlier.

Did you hear about Luisa?

What?

- She died.
- No way.

- Anything else, guys?
- No, thanks.

- How?
- Cancer.

She had it all over.

Right there in San Bernabé,
a month after we left.

Chuy called Jano,
and that was that.

Shit. That's terrible.

She knew all along
she was going to die.

She didn't want anyone to know.

Luisa spent her last four days
in the hospital in Santa María Colotepec.

At her request,

Chuy and Mabel never mentioned
her adventure with Tenoch and Julio.

Before she died,

she gave Lucero
the little stuffed mouse named Luisa.

Tenoch excused himself.

His girlfriend was waiting
to go to the movies.

Julio insisted
on paying the check.

They will never meet again.

- See you around?
- Sure.

Check, please.