Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

[COMPUTER CHIMES]

Come on.

- Simon. - SIMON: [OVER PHONE] Hello?

Did you put the poster of Harry and the penguin in my office?

- Yeah. Shall I... - Get it out! Thank you.

That campaign was a complete disaster,

and I don't need reminding that his image needs

a complete overhaul.

Uh, okay.

And can someone please explain to Harry

if he wants to be a humanitarian,

he has to save humans, not penguins.

I'll contact...

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

REPORTER: WNN brings you this report on the orphan refugee crisis.

Live from the Ukbar-Georgia border.

We go to Mark Phillips.

Where is this world's conscience?

Matt, Kate. Kate.

Stop talking. I've... I've had an idea.

Top secret, but I've, uh, found a campaign to put Harry onto.

There's a war in, um,

Georgia and Ukbar,

wherever the hell that is, that literally no one gives a shit about.

It's got everything. Refugees, landmines, orphans, white people.

So, I wanna put on a concert.

The biggest peace concert the world has ever seen, bigger than Live 8,

and we'll have Katy Perry, Ed Sheeran,

Beyonce, and Harry topping the bill.

This is gonna take him to the next level.

What do you say?

Do you wanna join me in changing the world?

This is Matt from Dim Sum Now.

Sorry, wrong number. Yeah, um, Matt from, yeah,

can I have the pork dumplings

and, um, some spring rolls?

Thanks so much. Thank you.

[PEOPLE SHOUTING ON VIDEO]

[SIRENS WAILING]

[CLAMORING]

[INAUDIBLE]

[CLAMORING]

[INAUDIBLE]

Okay, what time are we now?

- SIMON: Five, four, three... - Hope! Hope!

...two, one.

Cue hype woman.

HYPE WOMAN: Harry!

- CROWD: Hope! - Harry!

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for some hope in your life?

That's it, volunteers.

HYPE WOMAN: The man, the myth, the legend,

Harry Hope!

HARRY: Beautiful people of London.

In four days' time,

the world will come together

for the biggest peace gig known to mankind.

- Whoo! - [CROWD CHEERING]

The power of music will stop this war.

The unifying power of music will stop this war!

[CROWD CHEERING]

KATE: Pump your fist.

I call upon the leaders...

I call upon the leaders of the world to tune in

and listen to what four billion people have to say!

- [CROWD CHEERING] - Yes!

CROWD: [CHANTING] Stop the war! Stop the war!

KATE: Let the volunteers rush the stage.

No, no, no, let 'em in, let 'em in.

Come on... Let them, it's fine. Come on, let them through.

Come on, you, come, come.

- You see, guys, it's... - Okay.

It's not about me, it's...

it's about... it's about these guys.

You know, I'm...

- I'm pretty much like the, uh... - Cut the ginger.

Out my way. Okay, shh, I'm coming.

I'm... I'm just the...

You know how a duck flies and the head of it,

- it migrates? - Yeah?

- You ever played Duck Hunt before? - CROWD: Yeah!

Kate, hijab hipster on your right.

Got it, got it.

HARRY: I'm not the dog, I'm the duck.

MAN: He's not the dog, he's the duck!

KATE: Three, two, one, off you go.

Fuck off.

SIMON: Ginger eliminated.

- Go ahead. - Okay, sing a song.

♪ Hope is dope ♪

♪ Hope is dope ♪

♪ You can cope ♪

♪ Hope is dope ♪

[RAPPING] ♪ I'm saying hope is dope Motherfucker, yeah ♪

♪ I'm saying hope is dope Motherfucker, yeah ♪

♪ I'm saying hope is dope Motherfucker, yeah ♪

♪ I'm saying hope is dope Motherfucker, yeah ♪

Peace...

Um... [CLEARS THROAT] Simon, my sister has arrived from...

Throop in Dorset.

Can you keep her occupied? I don't want to see her until after the concert.

I could put her on the phones.

Peace.

No.

- Envelope stuffing? - No.

Coffee.

Cold drinks. Maybe she can hold cold drinks.

HARRY: Because we want to end this war!

[CROWD CHEERING]

MAN: Harry, Harry! It's a ceasefire!

- REPORTER: The war is over. - [CROWD EXCLAIM]

We now go live to Ukbar,

where the governor is making the shock announcement.

BORIS: The ceasefire between our two nations

will come into effect.

Make this go away. Just... just make it go away.

Make peace go away?

Yes. You make other things go away.

Why can't you make this go away?

This isn't a story, Harry, it's, um,

two sovereign nations with armies.

This is my chance at a Nobel Peace Prize!

Both sides declared the ceasefire, Harry.

I've got Grammys, BRITs, Tonys, Oscars!

I... I wanna be a world leader!

A global humanitarian!

Mandela, Gandhi!

I can't do that without stopping a war, Kate. This is my time!

[WHISPERS] What are they talking about?

SIMON: I've no idea.

Hi! I'm Peggy. I'm Kate's sister.

And her new PA.

I'm Kate's PA.

Oh.

[WHISPERING] What are you looking at?

Um, shall we get a coffee?

Yeah, let's get a coffee.

I've got four billion people waiting for peace, Kate.

Four billion people waiting for peace!

Why can't he wait until Saturday?

Damn, after Saturday he can have all the peace he wants.

[HARRY SIGHS]

That's it.

We don't need to call off the ceasefire,

we just need a few more days of skirmishes.

Just skirmishes on the border.

I'm... I'm not following.

We just need three more days of fake news coming out of Georgia,

to make it look like the war's still on.

Then you do the concert on Saturday,

then we can have peace.

- Thanks to me. - All thanks to you.

Great! Good.

You better get out there and get on it.

- Sorry? - Georgia!

I need you to go out there and start up some skirmishes,

with CNN, BBC, all the major news outlets,

whoever the hell you need to get.

You're always saying that one image can change the world.

And so...

I want those screens filled with despair.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can't have hope without despair.

Mmm. I'm testing that theory right now.

Rape! Planes!

Images of death!

Dead kittens!

The puppies that can't get adopted.

Okay? Whatever the hell you need to do,

just make it happen.

Okay.

Oh, and if you don't, you're fired.

Why Japan?

'Cause they meditate with the cows.

Matt, hand all press liaison over to Marie.

Simon, hand all artist liaison over to Ravier.

Rape, planes, images of murder, all the good stuff.

For the next three days, we push the line that this war is still on.

Well, who's handling this for us?

We are.

[LAUGHS] Yeah, we run red carpets and press junkets.

What do we know about war?

Enough to fake one.

Hello.

[ALL CHATTERING]

PEGGY: Can I help with anything?

Can I help?

Can I help with anything?

Of course, you're her new PA.

Book us all flights. All of us to Tbilisi.

Hello?

Taxi!

[WHISTLES]

- [TIRES SCREECH] - Move back, move back.

Uh, it's this way. This way.

[PEGGY WHISTLES]

[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA]

This is it, this is the gate.

Come on!

Guys, come on!

Those two, uh, him and him.

And that's yours.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

WOMAN: This place is really big. Have a nice flight.

Thank you.

KATE: He needs to go with this line for the news at 10:00. The ceasefire is...

- Excuse me. - The ceasefire is...

Miss, excuse me.

Turn off your phone, please. Now.

I'll call you when I land.

[SEAT SQUEAKING]

I've never been on a plane before.

What are you doing?

Trying to make this seat go back.

What are you doing on the plane?

Simon...

Peggy's on the plane.

Free peanuts.

Why are you on the plane?

You said to book us all flights.

I said book us all flights.

You went like that. I thought I was in the circle.

Sit down. We are taking off.

No, it was a clerical error. We don't want her with us.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Sit down, please.

- I've done it! - Can we stop it?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Mister, please!

SIMON: Oh, it's a disaster.

Ooh, a shelf.

Oh, you've got one too.

Why are we going to Georgia?

I am going to Georgia to shoot some documentary footage

for the concert.

You are going to go straight back home as soon as we land.

Well, if there's anything you need...

I need silence.

This is crazy.

Look, Kate knows exactly what she's doing.

We're going to a warzone and I'm wearing slip-ons.

Reports from the CIA suggest Ukbar

may have already broken the ceasefire.

WOMAN: Where's the evidence?

Just a series of websites that have no credibility.

MAN: We haven't seen any new images of war from the region.

[RUMBLES]

PILOT: [OVER PA] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Tugdidi Airport.

Excuse me.

Did he say Tugdidi Airport?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: We were diverted because of the crisis.

Where's Tugdidi?

[HORSE NEIGHS]

SIMON: The CIA has quoted our BuzzFeed story.

MATT: Yes. They've already fed it to Fox News.

KATE: Our driver's in Tbilisi.

How are we meant to get to Kazbegi now?

We're meant to be on the frontline.

SIMON: Well, Uber.

MyTaxi.

[KATE SIGHS]

Urgh. Unbelievable.

All the flights are grounded. I'm gonna have to stick with you guys.

I can book her into a hotel

until they start flying out again.

You can stay here, can't you?

Yeah? Be okay?

Yeah?

No, she'll have to come with us.

- No, I can book her... - She's coming with me,

where I can keep an eye on her.

Don't tell Mum, okay?

Ooh, it's just so exciting!

Will one of you sort some bloody transport now?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Harry, hi.

HARRY: Where the hell are you?

Well, um, I don't know, 'cause we got diverted.

We need images, Kate. Footage of the war.

Stop pissing around.

You have 96 hours to fix this.

I only landed half an hour ago, so...

If I don't get that Nobel Peace Prize,

I will hold you personally responsible.

Get it done!

Now I have to go.

I'm playing poker with the Dalai Lama

- and he cheats like a... - [HORN HONKS]

Well?

- PEGGY: Auntie Kate? - [CAMERA CLICKS]

Don't tell me you're taking a bloody selfie.

- Auntie Kate? - What?

Uh, this man here says he'll take us to Kazbegi for 300 lari.

Is that a lot? It sounds like a lot.

Uh, hello. Hello, hi.

Hi. Uh, we need to go here.

To the frontline, yeah?

Um, I'll pay you. Me pay you.

No, okay, well, tell him I'll pay him.

I'll pay him 2,000 lari.

2,000 laris.

Yes?

Okay, yes, he says yes, yes.

KATE: When we get where we're going, Peggy,

I want you to stay in the car.

I'm gonna stay in the car too.

I think I might too.

- No, you're coming. - MATT: I don't want to.

I think this is crazy. There, I said it.

You'll do it because it's your job.

I didn't sign up for going into a warzone, okay?

We didn't even go to T in the Park because it's too dangerous.

And now we're going to a frontline?

Don't push me on this, Matt!

Kate Hemmings, I'm Manu, the fixer.

Manu. Simon Boggan.

We were diverted to Tugdidi. Nightmare.

Okay, what we need is, um,

is footage of soldiers,

if we can get some tanks or artillery moving,

doesn't matter which way, we can edit round that.

But what we need is kinetic images,

uh, fog of war and all that.

Distressed locals.

The Ukbars, they pulled out since ceasefire.

Oh, okay.

What about the Georgian army?

Well, they pulled back too.

You know, the part of peace negotiation.

Distressed locals?

This is meant to be the... the frontline.

You said yesterday this was the frontline.

Well, it was. But then they called the ceasefire.

Oh, this is a bloody disaster.

Take us to the hotel.

[KATE SIGHS]

MANU: There's not many places to stay around here,

so you have to stay in my cousin's rooms.

This is the best hotel in Kazbegi.

All rooms are booked, but I pulled some strings.

MAN: We are booked up, but we have this.

Okay.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

And this one is for ladies.

Drink?

[BUBBLING]

You're blowing bubbles.

[LAUGHS] Yeah, I like bubbles.

[CHUCKLES] You're cute.

REPORTER: [ON TV] After today's reports of border skirmishes

on the Georgian-Ukbar border,

we now hear live from the governor.

Yes!

BORIS: Lies, lies, lies.

The Internet is flooded with CIA lies.

The CIA will not stop me

from securing peace in our region.

HARRY: What the fuck is going on?

Boris is up for a Nobel Prize?

That's the exact opposite of what I asked you to do!

Well, we're working on it.

I'm about to have a seaweed wrap

with fucking Hilary Clinton! Naked!

Is that her?

She's gone for nachos.

That's how committed I am to this concert,

and you're just screwing about?

Okay, well look,

this situation is more complicated than we first thought.

I don't give a fuck about that!

I'm your universe, Kate!

Obey my physics!

What? I didn't understand that.

Spin whatever you need to spin, all right?

Just, just undermine this ceasefire and stop Boris!

- Okay. - 78 hours, Kate.

78 hours!

Oh, God.

Nachos.

Oh, my God, yum.

Bye.

There are no budget caps.

We just need to think big.

Big like Kanye big.

PEGGY: Oh, sorry, sorry, excuse me, excuse me,

- I really need to pee! - [CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Ugh, it's Harry, again. - Ugh!

PEGGY: It's a bit awkward with everyone in here.

- What shall I say? - Cut the call.

We've never cut the call from Harry.

Cut the call.

PEGGY: Oh, guys, I really don't think I can go while you're in here.

Mind if I sing?

Just to distract myself?

I really need to go.

We just need an iconic video clip, no more than 30 seconds,

that says war, conflict, genocide.

[HUMMING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"]

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

- [URINATING] - I have an idea.

PEGGY: It's working!

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

KATE: More smoke here.

Cry, cry, like, [MIMICS CRYING] cry.

Cry, cry.

More smoke, more smoke.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

SIMON: Where's the dead kids?

Where are the dead kids?

KATE: And cut!

That was good.

Very good, very good.

SIMON: That was brilliant, well done.

KATE: Very good.

Okay, great.

Um, what are we doing again?

Backdrop visuals.

Backdrop visuals? Cool.

Okay, Manu?

- Yes, I'm here. - Ah.

We're gonna go again. We're gonna go for the explosion now, okay?

Okay. [SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

[IN ENGLISH] Okay, action, and cue explosion!

[MANU SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

Cue explosion!

[CRACKER BURSTS]

[ROOSTER CROWING]

That was pathetic.

Um, yeah.

Um, Kate...

- can I ask you a question? - Is it annoying?

Okay, an observation.

Are we sure that when we're at Harry's concert

and he's singing, that we want everyone

to see an elderly lady being blown to bits?

Simon, Peggy's asking questions.

Manu.

Get off me.

Look, maybe you should wait in the car.

I'm not going to the car!

Look, Kate doesn't want you here, no one wants you here.

Hey, hey, she can help me if she likes.

Well, she'll screw it up.

[TUTS] Come on, she'll be fine.

KATE: Really big, you know, woo.

I mean, it's gotta be scary stuff.

Right.

- Come on, this is gonna be the one. - This is it.

- All right. - Sorry. Aah...

- Good thinking, Peggy, good thinking. - Oh, nice.

KATE: You can never have enough dynamite.

PEGGY: Thank you. You can just put it behind.

Okay, great.

KATE: Okay, this is gonna be great.

It is gonna be fantastic.

- Ready? - Ready.

You know what Kate says about you, don't you?

- What does she say? - Fuck all.

Ugh, these are too small for me.

Right, that's it.

You do the clapperboard.

Take one. Great.

Okay, so, one, two, three,

cue explosion!

[EXPLOSION]

[PEGGY LAUGHS]

So good!

Certainly know how to pack a punch.

KATE: Well done!

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

That was great.

- Great. - So, uh, good news.

Uh, Manu's cousin,

he's just agreed to drive Peggy across the border,

to Azerbaijan, where she can get a flight home via Turkey.

Great news, right?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Simon, thanks.

PEGGY: Yeah, great.

SIMON: Think we got some great footage.

Very exciting. Very exciting.

It's quite good, 'cause what you see is

sort of, that look of fear in her eyes just before she explodes.

KATE: Mmm.

I was wondering whether we should make that, like,

more of a tear in her eye just before...

- Can you do that? - Yeah, you can do that, yeah.

[EXHALES]

- Hmm. - Mmm.

KATE: Can you put a bit more blood around the temples,

or would that be too much, do you think?

No, no, I think the more blood the better.

'Cause, like, the end of the day,

you want people to puke, if, if you can get them to.

Ow!

Simon booked me a flight, home.

Can you make that child's legs a bit shorter then?

Well, like, then they look littler

and they look more vulnerable,

- so when they get blown up, it looks better. - Of course, yeah.

So I guess this is bye.

[MATT AND PEGGY SHOUTING]

PEGGY: Oh, yeah!

700 hits and that's, what?

How has that happened already?

Well, it's because the content is disgusting.

PEGGY: Yeah, right there!

SIMON: Look at the comments.

The United Nations has failed to secure the region.

Now, Harry Hope could be the only chance of peace.

Simon...

[SNORING]

This is the weirdest music video ever.

What are you talking about?

The video we're shooting.

The music video.

[LAUGHS]

Has no one told you yet?

We're not making a music video.

We're making fake news.

We're making it look like the war's still going on,

so there's a reason to have the peace concert.

Everything Harry does is fake.

How do you not know that?

Sorry, what?

Are you serious?

He's not even American.

He's from Barking.

Georgian wine is amazing.

I need to talk to you.

Okay.

I know.

Why couldn't you tell me?

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Well, um, it involves other people.

- When were you gonna tell me then? - When the time was right.

Are you okay with it?

Yes, of course I'm okay with it. I'm not a kid.

What I'm not okay with is everyone else knowing

and not me, and then I look like an idiot!

No, of course.

I'm shocked.

Disappointed.

How did you find out?

Matt.

Matt?

How does he know?

You can't keep it from him, can you?

You're making fake news for Harry,

he's the one pointing the camera,

- of course he knows. - Oh. [LAUGHS]

I thought I was being useful

but actually I was being an idiot!

You're worse than Mum!

[SIMON CLEARS THROAT]

I could've actually been helpful.

You never gave me the chance and now I'm going home tomorrow.

If you wanna stay, I can cancel the flights.

Really?

I can stay?

You're not messing?

Okay.

Well, if you have any more secrets, now's your chance.

[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCK ON GLASS]

You have to see this.

Come on. Quick!

REPORTER: Following the distressing images coming out of Georgia...

Yes!

Let's hear what the governor of Ukbar has to say...

live on WNN.

I would like to apologize to those

who lost loved ones in today's tragedy.

This war's entirely the fault of the Ukbar army.

No...

BORIS: I take full responsibility

and I promise to pay reparations to the families.

Please see this not as an act of war

but a stumble towards peace.

Now I'll read the names of the dead.

Oh, come on!

Laza Lazarask...

Joseph Manchava...

Wait, so he's apologizing for the story we faked?

Something that literally never happened?

Is this how it works?

- [PEOPLE GROAN] - Shit!

He's played the doves card. How can we top the doves card?

Well, he's asking for forgiveness

for something we invented,

so let's do something unforgivable.

Oh, this... is great.

Oh...

Oh, this is great.

Simon, get them some drinks.

Quick, quick. Come on.

SIMON: Freezing up here.

All right, hold it.

Okay, and blood.

Where the hell did you get this from?

A farmer used to do it back in Trefon to scare off the kids.

With actual people?

No!

Cats and dogs, you freak.

PEGGY: Yeah, great.

All right, I need more lights, more lamps.

MANU: Okay, okay. [SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

KATE: [IN ENGLISH] Okay, good. Great.

Great stuff.

Oh, thank you.

This is great. Thank you.

You know, I'm pleased you got on that plane.

- Really? - Yeah.

I want you to teach me how to do it.

I... I wanna come and work with you

and I wanna learn everything.

Well, you need to be ruthless

and keep your eye on the prize at all times

even when everyone else is losing their bottle.

Okay. Ruthless,

eyes on the prize.

Got it.

- Anything else? - Gloves.

Gloves. Got it.

No, go and get me my gloves.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Okay.

[PEGGY WHISTLING]

[CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

KATE: You know, I'm pleased you got on that plane.

[KATE LAUGHING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I wanna come and work with you,

and I wanna learn everything.

Cheers.

DOCTOR: Good news, the tumor is gone.

Oh, oh, thank God!

Hi, hello!

Hi! I'm lost!

Do you know the way out?

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[IN ENGLISH] Can you help me?

[GUNSHOT ECHOES]

What was that?

Rifle shots.

It's just hunters.

- [GUNSHOTS] - [SCREAMING]

Rolling.

- Can they make some noises? - More noise, please!

[MANU SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

SIMON: [IN ENGLISH] More pain, like you're crucified!

[GROANS]

- [GUNSHOT] - What was that?

I'm gonna go get some stills.

[PEGGY PANTING]

Oh, there you are!

Where have you been?

[BREATHLESSLY] Getting your bloody gloves.

Why did it take so long?

Did you not hear the gunshots?

If I can't trust you to go to the car,

I can't trust you to do anything.

Yes, I did hear them!

Can't you hear me trying to bloody tell you something?

Don't speak to me like that!

I was frightened!

You weren't as frightened as me!

I think I was!

How could you possibly be more frightened than me

when I was the one being shot at?

Because I'm your mum!

- You're her mum? - [GUNSHOT]

- SIMON: Matt! - [WHISPERS] My mum.

SIMON: Matt!

- [GUNSHOT] - [SIMON SCREAMING]

Fuck! Run!

Run! Run!

Run, run, run, run, run, run! Run!

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GUNSHOTS]

We're gonna die.

There's meant to be a ceasefire,

they're not allowed to be shooting!

You're the one telling everyone the ceasefire's over!

This is all your fault!

SIMON: Matt is dead!

They shot me in the arm.

Okay, well, we need to surrender. We need to surrender.

You, you go out there and you,

you tell them that we're British

- and that we're very important. - [GUNSHOT]

[YELPS] And they need to look after us.

No! No, no, no, no. No.

- No. - [GUNSHOTS]

No.

Hello?

We are British women and we, we'd love to surrender.

- [GUNSHOTS] - Oh!

[CRYING]

[SCREAMS] That's my arm!

[GUNSHOTS]

I'm getting you out of here!

[GUNSHOTS]

I can't believe you're my mum.

[GUNSHOTS]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[BOTH SCREAM]

[GASPING]

[BOTH GASPING]

[PANTING]

Oh, I'm so cold.

Freezing.

[SHIVERING, STUTTERS] Clo... clo...

Clothes off, off, off, off.

Why?

[STUTTERS]

- Hypo... thermia. - Oh, it's freezing.

[PEGGY GROANS]

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so...

[COW MOOS]

[STUTTERING] She... warm.

[STUTTERING] She's... wa...

Warm.

Shh...

Shh...

KATE: Careful!

Careful. It's got horns.

[PEGGY SIGHING]

There's no fucking way I'm cuddling a cow.

Can't we just cut her open like in... "Star Wars"?

[COW MOOS]

Oh, God. Oh, no.

[GRUNTS]

Ugh.

- [COW FARTS] - [GROANS]

Ugh!

[SIGHS]

Is it true?

Your mum and dad are your parents,

that's all you need to know.

- What happened? - [SIGHS]

I'll never replace your mum.

I know that.

You... you'd be a terrible mum.

What happened then?

Who's my biological dad?

[EXHALES]

He was a seasonal worker...

on Hopkins Farm.

I was 15.

It was one night,

in a barn.

By the time I realized I was pregnant, he was gone.

What happened then?

I had to tell my mum.

Which was awful.

The worst day of my life.

And so my mum, sort of, took over.

She made up the story.

She put a cushion under her clothes

and I was sent away for a few months.

When you were born,

Mum came and that was it.

It must've been awful for you.

It was.

It was.

I've never done this with...

my other mum.

What should I call you now?

Bollocks.

[COW URINATING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Oh, thank you.

That's great, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, once these are dry, we can set off.

- There are no streetlights. - We need to get out of here.

It's pitch back out there.

We'll have to wait until morning.

Okay, tomorrow we can walk around

and we can find somewhere with Internet,

we'll get hold of Manu

and he can get us the hell out of Georgia.

KATE: Hmm.

Excuse me, um,

do you have an iPhone 8 charger?

'Cause mine's run out of battery.

No, of course not. It's a silly question.

Just wondered.

Ugh.

[INDISTINCT COMMENTARY OVER SPEAKERS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[SPEAKING GEORGIAN] Goal!

KATE: "I am deeply sorry

to have to tell you that there's been an accident

and Matt has been shot

whilst taking stills

- for our latest campaign." - [SIGHS SOFTLY]

What?

It's just...

- Go on, what? - I dunno.

Well, I'm in the middle of it, so...

[SIGHS]

Why not make it sound like he was brave?

This is stressful enough without notes.

[TYPING]

I dunno. If it was me, I'd like you to tell Mum

that I died doing something brave.

- Don't say that. - Well...

You said his parents were proud, right?

Hmm.

So, why not give them one last thing

to be proud of him for?

Here.

"On a film shoot

in a forest in Georgia,

Matt and his team got caught in firefight.

[GUNSHOTS]

He was the only one not to panic.

One by one,

he made sure all of us were safe,

but then he realized

the six-year-old refugee girl was still in danger.

Despite all of us saying it was too dangerous to go back,

begging him to stay.

Yes, despite us begging him to stay,

Matt ran to rescue the child."

No.

"Children.

Once Matt was sure they were safe,

he allowed his injuries to take hold of him...

and he died.

[EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE]

His last words were..."

Tell Mum and Dad I love them

and I'm sorry.

PEGGY: No.

MATT: Tell Mum and Dad and Peggy and Kate

I love them,

and thank you for everything.

Oh, that's a great story.

I know.

It's a shame to waste it on the parents.

It's a great story.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

Yeah. Yeah, Harry?

Yeah, where are you?

Okay, stay right where you are.

I'm coming to you, yeah?

Oh, we've got complete control of the story.

Oh, yeah. Okay, bye.

The nation mourns the passing of Matt Townsley.

WNN is at the family home, to hear Harry Hope

pay tribute to this brave young man now.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

May I present Veronica Townsley

and rock legend Harry Hope.

Listen, he was... he was so selfless. He was.

It was typical of the Matt that I knew

that he died helping others.

That's why in 48 hours

we're putting on the world's biggest concert for peace.

We need it now more than ever.

Don't do it for me, do it for Matt.

Mathaniel.

He always smelled of rose

and he looks like Terrence Howard, look at him.

He's got green eyes that you can get lost in.

He's got Caucasian eyes on a black body, that's rare.

Do it for him.

[COMPUTER CHIMES]

What's he saying? What's he saying?

He says he can't get a car to us,

they've closed the roads,

but if we follow the river south to Bagero,

there's a UNICEF camp,

and he'll arrange transport for us from there.

- Okay. - [SIGHS]

Okay, we can set off tomorrow morning

and get you back to Throop in Dorset

and the farm,

and you can forget about all this.

Great.

Mathaniel Townsley:

journalist, humanitarian, hero.

[SNORING]

JOURNALIST: Mr. Governor, why was Mathaniel shot

when he was trying to save children?

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]

What kind of journalist wears a military uniform?

He's a spy.

REPORTER: Alleged war criminal Matt Townsley

is accused of torture and murder,

as shocking pictures emerge on the Internet.

[CHATTERING IN UKBARIAN]

[SNORING]

JOURNALIST: Mr. Hope, Matt Townsley worked for you.

Why was he out there?

Harry, no. No. No.

Okay, that's top secret and, um,

I'm not at liberty to divulge that type of information.

Was he spying on the Ukbar military?

- Yep! - No.

All right, don't forget, people,

best concert that you ever gonna see,

in two days.

- [SNORING] - For peace, right?

Again, this spy is concrete evidence

of British efforts to undermine our state.

The ceasefire is over.

Ukbar is at war with Georgia.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS] Harry.

What the hell have you done, Kate?

You started World War III!

What? No, I was just on the toilet.

I said skirmishes!

You know what a skirmish is, don't you? A skirmish?

Skirmish? Can you stop saying "skirmish"?

That story that you put out about Matt?

Now America is sending troops into Georgia.

- What are you talking about? - Ground troops!

Boots on the ground! It's a full-scale invasion!

And the Europeans are on the other side.

That's Americans and British,

husbands and sons, all fighting!

Nobody wants a peace concert anymore!

Everybody wants to win!

PEGGY: Kate!

I'll never win a Nobel Prize now!

- Come quick! - Kate! Where you going?

You have fucked up my life,

and now I'm gonna fuck yours!

Limo driver, pull over and give me some head.

[PEGGY CHEERING]

No! No, no, no.

No, no, no!

No, no!

No, no, no! No!

[PEGGY CONTINUES CHEERING]

No, I can't start a war!

No.

This is great though, this is exactly what we wanted!

KATE: Hello! Hi! No, no, no.

Hi. Hello.

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

KATE: [IN ENGLISH] There's been a bit of a mix-up.

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

There's actually no war going on.

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

So you're not needed. Do you mind turning around?

- Turn around now. - [SPEAKS UKBARIAN]

Do you speak English?

He doesn't even speak English.

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

Ah, thank you.

Hello. Finally, someone in charge.

Well, there's been, um, a bit of a mix-up basically,

and just a clerical error!

[SCREAMING]

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

KATE: It's okay, come on.

Over here.

Come on.

I only sent an email.

- We sent an email. - This is ridiculous.

- This should not be allowed to happen. - [MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE]

Someone should be checking this kind of stuff.

It's ridiculous this can happen.

- [MUSIC PLAYING ON LAPTOP] - [SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

Wow.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

KATE: Oh, now what?

Oh... what do they want?

Oh.

- I think they think you're some kind of leader. - Oh, my gosh.

[SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

PEGGY: Um...

So... Sorry, what?

BOY: He says you've made him feel very happy,

and he will fight for you.

[IN GEORGIAN]

Oh, no, no, no, no. [CHUCKLES]

No, there's no war,

so go back to farming

or whatever it is you do.

[SPEAKING GEORGIAN]

[MAN REPLIES IN GEORGIAN]

BOY 2: [IN ENGLISH] No, he says you're the chosen leader of the Georgian resistance.

KATE: Well, I... I'm...

I'm not the leader of the resistance,

I just handle publicity and events.

- Um... - [PEGGY CHUCKLES]

But... see you later.

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

- Help me get down. - Yeah.

- See you in a bit. [CHUCKLES] - Thank you.

Thank you so much.

- Thank you! - Right.

Run, run, run. Run.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

PEGGY: Thank you so much.

Ah, I hope Manu is true to his word,

- because if we get to Bagero and he's not there... - [MEN SHOUTING]

...I don't know how we're gonna get out of here.

Oh, Kate.

- Kate. - Huh?

Oh, for God's sake!

- Shoo! - Er, Kate. Kate.

- Shoo! - Kate!

Shoo! Shoo!

Kate... they could be...

I dunno, they could be kind of useful.

You know, we might be able to use them.

They'll know the way to Bagero.

- Bagero! - Bagero?

Fast, take us there.

Yes.

Great.

We're watching this very dangerous situation unfold

as US and European troops prepare for all-out war.

- Harry. - HARRY: Where the hell are you?

Listen, I know you sacked me

and told me to go and die in a fire,

but listen, I have an idea that might interest you.

I know where Kate is.

[IN UKBARIAN]

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT: You were told not to start World War III!

- It's Harry Hope, sir. - Who do you think I am?

- The pop star? - [BOTH GRUNT]

- Mr. Hope. - HARRY: Hi, Boris.

I have some information about a propaganda campaign against you.

Now, I don't know who they're working for, but, uh,

I do have their names and last location.

Why are you telling me this?

If you can stop them,

perhaps we can both have the peace that we want.

I give her to you and in return, we declare peace together.

- Go on. - Her name is Kate Hemming.

She's outside a town called Telavi in Georgia.

I think a few years of POW would do her good.

Thank you, Mr. Hope.

I loved your last album.

[CHUCKLES]

But not the new one.

Get me the Georgians on the phone.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[IN GEORGIAN]

PEGGY: I've suddenly got a massive wave of deja vu.

- This place seems really familiar. - KATE: Hmm?

Oh, gosh, I'm exhausted.

I could murder a cup of tea. [GRUNTS]

[MAN SHOUTS IN UKBARIAN]

- PEGGY: Oh... - Oh, God, we're in a warzone.

What are you doing? Um...

Wh... Um...

Hello.

Um, can we get past, please?

We're trying to head to Bagero.

I think they think we're trying to attack them.

[SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

Stop, stop, stop! Stop talking, everyone.

Stop.

Hi.

Do you speak English?

No?

Hi. I'm, um...

I'm the leader, uh, of the Georgian resistance.

So... queen, if you will.

These people are my men, and they will do as I say.

- [SPEAKING GEORGIAN] - No! Please, I'm doing my leader thing!

[MAN SHOUTS IN UKBARIAN]

- [CLAMORING] - We really need to get to Bagero,

so if we put down our weapons and declare peace,

would you kindly let us pass, please?

It's really quite urgent.

I'm the leader and I declare peace.

- Peace. - Peace. [YELPS]

No! I declare peace.

Put down your fucking guns.

Put your guns down and your hands up.

Gun... Put your bloody... Put it on the fucking floor.

Great. Hands up!

Hands up!

Guns down, hands up!

See? It's a ceasefire. They're gonna let us past. It's fine.

Great.

There, it's a ceasefire.

How difficult was that?

[SOLDIERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTS AND CHATTER]

I think we confused peace with surrender, you know?

Can you not tell your mum about this?

She doesn't even know that I'm here.

You said she agreed to let you come to the concert.

Yeah, I lied.

- Dear God. - Yeah, I was ruthless.

Anyway, you're my mum and you said it was okay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

What are they doing?

Bite my blindfold.

[PEGGY GRUNTING]

That's it.

PEGGY: Let me see. Let me see.

Oh, come on.

[GRUNTS]

- Oh, what? - They're playing football with the Georgians.

It... It's like that game the British and the Germans played in World War I.

This is it. This is the photo that can stop the war.

We need to get it online.

We can fake this, we can fake a peace.

Why didn't they ask us to play?

If we can fake a war, we can fake a peace.

- Where's your camera? - PEGGY: I don't have a camera.

- KATE: Get your camera. - I don't have a camera!

He's got a phone. Excuse me?

PEGGY: Can you cut our hands free? Cut our hands free.

KATE: I... If you can take photos and put them online, I'll pay you.

BOY: Okay. KATE: I'll pay you millions.

Millions. You'll be a millionaire.

- [CAMERA CLICKING] - Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, this is it!

Get the photo. Fuck, this is some kind of fucking torture.

- [INJURED MAN GROANING] - Did you get it?

That's wonderful. Did you get it? Show me, show me.

Yes, that's it. That's the image that's gonna stop the war.

They'll demand peace.

So... so tweet it. Hashtag "Ukbar soldiers

"heal world in... in... in..."

- Where are we? - Kazbegi.

"Kazbegi." Er, hashtag "peace," hashtag "no war."

Send it. Have you sent it?

Yeah? Yeah?

- No reception. - [PEGGY AND KATE GROAN]

[IN GEORGIAN]

[IN UKBARIAN]

[JET ENGINE ROARING]

[MEN CLAMORING]

No, no, no, no, the phone! No!

- PEGGY: Kate! - The phone!

Kate!

- Over there! - KATE: Out my way!

I'll pay you. I'll pay you from England.

- Just give it to me. I'm quite well off. - Keep it in her hand.

- [EXPLOSION] - Oh, no!

Where's the phone?

[GRUNTING]

- [EXPLOSION] - Kate, come on, this way.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah. - KATE: Yeah, here it goes, it's coming.

- You have to rub it really hard. - MAN: Huh?

- Can you feel it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's coming.

- PEGGY: Oh, I can feel mine. - Ooh! [MOANING]

Ah! I've done it! Okay.

- [KATE EXCLAIMING] - Come on. Okay.

- Yeah, get the phone. - [BOTH PANTING]

- Okay. - [SPEAKING UKBARIAN]

[PEGGY SHRIEKS]

Put the gun down! Put it down now!

And fuck off!

Get in the car. Sorry.

Okay.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, God, it's in bloody gobbledygook.

If I can just upload this photo

and then send it to The Guardian

and The New York Times,

and we'll get it published in a few hours,

maybe before the fighting starts.

I'm gonna fake this piece.

We can turn this around, we can get the concert back on with this.

- [GUNSHOT] - [KATE GASPS]

What the fuck?

[TIRES SCREECH]

- Was that... Was that a person? That was a person. - Keep shooting.

- At what? - At the soldier.

Do you think it killed him?

- We killed him. - He's a soldier, it doesn't count.

This is war, okay?

Everyone knows it's okay to kill soldiers in a war.

- That's what they're there for. - Really?

We're not stopping at anything, okay?

We're gonna fake that peace and get that concert on.

Okay.

You know, I think you can do this job.

I love this job.

I think you might be better than me.

- Watch out, watch out. - [SHRIEKS]

[PEGGY GROANING]

[KATE GROANING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

No. No, the phone.

- No, leave it, leave it! It's gone, it's gone! - Get off.

- I can get it, I can get it. - It's gone.

Why didn't you look where you were going?

I was trying to get us out safely.

That phone was gonna stop the war.

That... That phone was going to save the concert.

What have I got now? What have I got?

- We can still try and... - I've got nothing.

No, you've ruined my life!

[KATE SOBS]

Fuck.

[KATE GROANING]

Wait. Which way?

Which way did we...

Which way should we...

Oh, no, I... I can't.

I can't fucking take this anymore!

Oh, fu... Ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow!

Ow!

Oh. [BLOWS]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I said you ruined my life.

- It's okay. - No.

I didn't mean it.

It's just, this has been my whole life.

I've... I've sacrificed everything.

No, you haven't.

I have. I've started World War III.

It's not that bad.

You know, I know it's hard for you to understand,

because you've lived in the same fucking village all your life,

but this is my life!

Without my job, I have nothing.

You have me.

Come here.

I love you.

Don't move.

Kate, there's a gun in my face.

Me, too.

Glad it's not just me, then.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

BORIS: [OVER PHONE] The soldiers have captured Kate Hemmings.

The handover is in 12 hours.

HARRY: [CHUCKLES] Great! I'm coming over for the photo op.

I'm gonna nail this piece!

Hey, Boris, I'm in Georgia.

See you soon.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [GRUNTS] - KATE: Okay.

Thank you, thank you.

- This way, please. - Er, where are we?

- [CHUCKLES] This is Borgero. - Ah.

- Oh, okay. - The most heavily defended part of our border.

Over there, this is Ukbar.

Let's go.

PEGGY: What is going on?

Let's just do as they say. Maybe we can get out of here, okay?

[GROANS] I wish we could stop this war,

you know, not for Boris or for Harry or for anyone,

just 'cause it's the right thing to do.

And that's what got me so excited about the peace concert.

Well, now you realize what it's really all about,

just egos and money.

Why do we have to wait for them to tell us what to do?

Well, because they've chained us to a chair.

- No, I mean in life. - Oh.

Why can't we just stop the war for us?

We're the ones doing all the work.

Why can't we just...

work for ourselves for a change?

SOLDIER: The generals have confirmed your identity.

Oh, thank God.

We're gonna give you to the Ukbars

in exchange for four paratroopers they've taken prisoner.

- What? - I know.

Great news.

Can... Can we talk about this? We need to talk about this.

- Kate! - KATE: Oh, Manu! Manu, you need to help us!

- MANU: I'll try to talk to someone. - Please do something!

They're handing us over to the Ukbars.

MANU: Don't be afraid, Kate! Don't be afraid.

Just her.

You stay here.

They wouldn't give us anything for you.

No, no, Kate.

- Go, stay with Manu. Stay with Manu. - No. Kate!

We'll get you home, Peggy.

I'm not going anywhere without Kate.

What's going on?

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

What's he doing here?

HARRY: Oh, what the... Hey, come on.

Harry, I'm Kate Hemmings's daughter.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Kate Hemming ain't got no daughter.

Yes, she does, and it's me.

And she's just been taken prisoner by the Georgian army to give to the Ukbars

in exchange for some paratroopers,

so you need to do something about it now!

Oh! You really are her daughter, huh?

[CHUCKLES] Look at you. Like a splitting image of her.

You need to do something about it.

She's going to no-man's-land.

I'm not gonna help her.

I'm the one who sold her at the border.

- Oh! Argh! - [CAMERAS CLICKING]

- My fur is on the ground. I'm not a barn animal! - JOURNALIST: Hostage exchange!

JOURNALIST 2: It's happening!

Y'all just gonna let Pippi Longstocking kick me in the face

and you ain't gonna do nothing about it?

Okay, fine.

When I get you Pepper Ann... Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann!

PEGGY: Kate. Kate!

[SIGHS]

[VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES]

[METAL DETECTOR CHIRPING]

[CROWD MURMURING]

[METAL DETECTORS BEEPING RAPIDLY]

Is that...

Is that Boris?

It is!

Kate Hemmings?

This is all my fault.

I'm so sorry.

I'm the one who's been planting fake news.

Matt Townsley, he worked for me.

He wasn't a spy. He worked for me.

We both did publicity together.

I... I don't work for MI6 or the CIA,

I... I... I... I work for my own PR company, Cube.

Um, you might've heard of it.

No? It's boutique size.

We just needed a few more days of war stories to...

[SIGHS] to not disrupt our pathetic concert.

You worked for Harry Hope.

- Mm. - You do all this for him.

Mm.

Okay.

You work for me now.

You make me famous as Harry Hope.

Yes.

You work for me now. You make me famous.

I want to be like Gandhi,

Mandela or the Kardashians.

All the West must know me.

Well, the only way to do that is to stop a war.

[SCOFFS]

This is what I have been trying to do,

but you keep screwing it up for me.

Mm. Let's try it now.

- What? - We can stop the war, right now.

- How? - With the right image, you can do anything.

One picture can stop the war.

So, what's the image?

Social networking think I'm the leader of the Georgian resistance,

so... so you get your men to train their guns on me.

I'm gonna kneel actually, I'm gonna kneel.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

Kate's brokering the ceasefire with Boris and the Georgians

and she's gonna be the one to stop the war.

What?

That's the image.

Yeah. Then you step between me and the guns.

You help me up, we hold hands, and raise them in the air, together.

Be the hero this war needs.

Put your guns on her.

[GUNS COCKING]

That two-faced, conniving bitch!

Give me that!

- Hey, relax, man. - [GRUNTING] Thanks, mate!

- [WOMAN YELPS] - MAN: Hey!

Well, I guess the jig is up, huh?

Excuse me, gentlemen. [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

MANU: Hey! Stop!

Harry, stop!

That's a minefield!

Wait for me, you fuck...

Wait for me!

Don't do anything without...

- Wait for me! - Picture.

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

Don't smile too much.

Don't shoot anything without me!

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Don't take another pic...

[CROWD GASPS]

BORIS: Was that...

Was that Harry Hope?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He's dead.

Harry Hope is dead?

Son of a bitch literally photobombed me.

[CROWD MURMURING]

PEGGY: [OVER EARPIECE] Harry Hope dedicated his life to securing peace.

Harry Hope dedicated his life to securing peace.

PEGGY: No one person did more to...

BORIS: No one person...

...bring attention to our region.

...did more to bring attention to our region.

In Harry's memory, I declare a ceasefire.

BORIS: And in Harry's memory, I declare

a ceasefire!

- [CROWD CHEERING] - [KATE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

And promise lifelong peace

- between our two countries! - [CROWD ROARING]

Harry sacrificed his life

for peace.

It gives me

great honor to accept

on his behalf,

the Nobel Prize for Peace,

for Harry Hope, posthumously.

Tears.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Turn.

Tactile body language, tactile body language.

Music.

[CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Somebody's crying, Lord ♪

Flag.

♪ Kumbaya ♪

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

♪ Somebody's crying ♪

Yeah!

♪ Kumbaya ♪

♪ Somebody's praying, Lord ♪

♪ Kumbaya... ♪

That's it. I'm done. I quit this job.

- What? No, I'm just getting started. - No, I mean it.

No, no, no, I wanna go back to Throop in Dorset.

I wanna have chickens, and... and weave...

Do stuff with my hands, herb gardens, clay.

PEGGY: I'm not going back to Throop.

I'm doing this forever.

[SCOFFS] What are you talking about?

You saw what happened to Harry.

I didn't see it, I did it.

Sorry, what?

Yeah, I sent him over the landmine.

You did what?

They had a gun to your head.

I had to do something.

So I told him you were signing the peace treaty, and he flipped.

And I knew it wouldn't stop anything.

Oh, God, you set him up?

Initiative, initiative, initiative.

What have I done to you?

Oh, relax.

- The concert still went ahead, didn't it? - [CELL PHONE RINGING]

Peggy Hemmings.

Hi! Hi, yeah, thank you.

- It's the White House. - What?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, thank you.

- Yeah, that's really flattering. - Let me talk to them.

No, I'm not interested, I'm not doing this stuff anymore.

They're offering us a job.

Oh, yeah, no, we're really proud of that campaign, thank you.

Is it another campaign?

- Oh, no, we... Of course... - What are they saying about the campaign?

...we'd love to be part of the president's house.

KATE: We could go to Dorset for a... a couple of weeks,

and then... Or a week, a weekend,

and then we'd go for a few hours,

and then we'll, er, get the plane to Washington D.C.

PEGGY: [CHUCKLES] We're going to Hawaii.

Have you been to Hawaii?

Get a nice tan.

KATE: The White House.

That's exciting.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

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