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1
00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:03,128
[ Fanfare plays on cellphone ]
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,464
[ All chanting "Lulu!" ]
3
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,636
[ Cellphone beeps,
fanfare and chanting stops ]
4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:11,637
You believe it?
5
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,639
She scored five goals.
6
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,183
Well, to be fair,
it was the goalie's nap time.
7
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,811
Is this what pride
feels like?
8
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,855
I've never
felt it before.
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,857
[ Knock on door ]
10
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,404
You left me
in the car.
11
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,784
Honey, I'm so sorry.
12
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,161
It's okay.
You also left your keys.
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,915
Wait. You were in the car
alone with the ‐‐
14
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,041
Yeah, she moved it.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,626
What?!
I'm kidding.
16
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,752
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
17
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,462
I've got to go
change Lulu.
18
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,297
She got so excited
about the victory,
19
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,675
she literally
pooped herself.
20
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,469
Whatcha doing?
21
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,971
My puzzle game.
22
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,264
Mm.
23
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,349
You know, Emily, there's still
time to sign you up
24
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,434
if you want to play soccer
like your sister.
25
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,019
I don't want to
kick the ball.
26
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,105
I feel like
I'm hurting it.
27
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,150
[ Sighs ]
We've got to get her
28
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,694
into something besides
that puzzle game.
29
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,654
Yeah.
She's a sweet kid.
30
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,906
The world
is gonna destroy her.
31
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,157
[ Door opens ]
32
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,536
Oh, Jo,
33
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,831
I notice you lose your keys
a lot.
34
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:21,999
Do I?
35
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,292
Yes, you do.
36
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:26,295
That's why I thought
you'd like my new purse.
37
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:27,796
It has a special
key pocket.
38
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,131
Uh‐huh.
39
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,882
And a‐a holder
for your phone.
40
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,593
Neat.
41
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:37,806
And I call this little
special pouch "the gum zone."
42
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,391
That's really great.
43
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,475
Don't you just love it?
44
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,352
Careful.
45
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,815
I‐I do.
46
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,650
I ‐‐ I do just love it.
47
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,027
I knew you'd love it.
48
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,820
So I got one for you,
too!
49
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,657
Yay.
[ Laughs ]
50
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,492
Now you won't be
a hot mess.
51
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,578
You'll just be hot.
52
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:00,704
Like me.
53
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,509
We have to do something
about her gifts.
54
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,637
This cannot be my purse.
55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,930
It looks like
a giant gorilla testicle.
56
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:26,021
Quick impression ‐‐
me, 10 years ago.
57
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:41,161
♪♪
58
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,331
[ Sighs ]
59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,502
I gave this bag a shot,
but I can't.
60
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,213
A hawk tried to
steal it from me.
61
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,510
You know,
before I met you,
62
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,012
I never changed my sheets,
and it was fine.
63
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,975
You know [Sighs]
if your mom would stop
64
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,061
spending all her money
on terrible gifts,
65
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:08,814
maybe she could, like,
chip in on groceries instead.
66
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,024
I know. She keeps eating
all the string cheese.
67
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,818
[ Emily and Lulu screaming ]
68
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,861
Emily: Give it to me!
Lulu: My trophy!
69
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,780
Your turn.
70
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,867
Hey, what's going on?
71
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,453
Lulu wouldn't
give me her trophy.
72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,414
Oh, Emily.
73
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:28,166
You know the best way
to get a trophy?
74
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:32,129
Lulu gives me hers?
75
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:39,636
No, no, you earn one by
playing soccer, like Lulu.
76
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,763
Nah. I don't want to
lose my weekends.
77
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,601
You know, you don't have to
play a whole season.
78
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,854
Your Tío Chuy
has a soccer clinic,
79
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,355
and if you try it
for a day,
80
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,065
you get
a participation trophy.
81
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,942
Just a day?
82
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,486
And do you promise
I'll get a trophy?
83
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,822
Yes.
Fine.
84
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,494
Are we making
a mistake here?
85
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,204
Definitely, but what are you
talking about?
86
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,795
I don't want to bribe Emily
into playing sports.
87
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,465
I mean, why doesn't she
just like them like we did?
88
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,593
Babe, you remember that moment
in the hospital
89
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,761
when we were alone
with that other couple?
90
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,847
Yeah.
91
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,307
Did we take the right kid?
92
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,145
♪♪
93
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,981
Alright,
my superstar niece is here.
94
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,816
And Emily.
95
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,193
Hi, Tío Chuy.
96
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,819
Why don't you go
run a few suicides,
97
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,154
and we'll start
in a minute?
98
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,449
[ Sighs ]
So, Chuy,
99
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,702
it took a lot of encouragement
to get Emily here today, so...
100
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,662
Ah, you don't know how to
motivate your kid,
101
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,998
so you need me to step in
and save your family.
102
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,333
I got it.
103
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,627
Yep, that's exactly
what we were gonna say.
104
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,088
Hey, Jo,
I love that purse.
105
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,799
Okay. That's it.
It's gone.
106
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,470
Kids, you probably
know who I am.
107
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,348
Local soccer legend,
Chuy Rodriguez.
108
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,766
Chh, chh!
[ Pops lips ]
109
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,351
[ Exhales sharply ]
110
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,353
[ Chuckles ]
111
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,480
Today it is my honor
112
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,608
to introduce you
to the most beautiful game ‐‐
113
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:17,984
soccer.
114
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,320
And then
you'll all get trophies.
115
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,989
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
116
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,450
Soccer has just a few
simple rules.
117
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,036
Rule number one ‐‐
you can only use your feet.
118
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,037
No hands.
119
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,622
Okay, little early
for questions,
120
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,832
but, uh,
what's up, Emily?
121
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,667
Why can't we use
our hands?
122
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,377
Well, because, uh,
soccer's been around
123
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,170
for thousands of years,
124
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,922
and no one's ever
used their hands.
125
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,217
Yes?
126
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,886
Did people used to
not have hands?
127
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,137
What?
128
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,515
No. No, no, no. People ‐‐
People had hands.
129
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,017
Then why did
they hate them?
130
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,020
Let's not talk
about hands.
131
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,981
If you don't want to
talk about hands,
132
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,191
then why did you
bring it up?
133
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,486
Okay, change of plans.
134
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,405
Uh, we're gonna do
some sprints.
135
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,866
Okay, now, everybody
run between the cones.
136
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,826
[ Blows whistle ]
137
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,916
Hey, uh...
138
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,084
What are you doing?
139
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,004
I'm not allowed
to use my hands.
140
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:22,132
Well, you ‐‐ you can use
your hands for that.
141
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,385
This is the most confusing thing
that's ever happened to me.
142
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,846
Me, too.
143
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:31,641
♪♪
144
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,436
[ Groans ]
145
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,314
Hey, uh,
where's my mom's purse?
146
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,149
[ Smacks lips ]
About that.
147
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,318
Oh, no.
148
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,653
You know I love your mom.
149
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,988
You do?
150
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,032
Of course.
151
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,074
[ Scoffs ]
152
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,077
But a purse is
enormously personal.
153
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,163
That's why
they call it a purse.
154
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,998
Hmm. Really?
155
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,958
No.
156
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,169
Oh, my God, babe.
[ Chuckles ]
157
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,254
Look, hon,
I know it's a lot to ask,
158
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,548
but you don't have to use it
the rest of your life.
159
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,258
Just the rest of hers.
160
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,593
You don't get it.
161
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,928
It's different for you, because
you actually like her gifts.
162
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,847
Pbht! What?
163
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,182
No, I don't.
164
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,309
You don't?
165
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,310
No.
166
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,603
Every birthday
since I was 10,
167
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,937
she's given me
a plaid shirt.
168
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,522
You think I like
plaid shirts?
169
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,982
Yes.
170
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,651
You wear one every day.
171
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,153
This is like
a prison to me.
172
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,490
I want to wear
Hawaiian shirts.
173
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,326
Hawaiian shirts!
174
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,703
That sounds very doable.
175
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,497
Why don't you
just talk to her?
176
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,499
Oh, you don't think
I've tried?
177
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,542
Once, in 2005,
I started to,
178
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,962
and she looked at me like that
possum you ran over last year.
179
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:47,467
[ Whimpers ]
Blblblbl!
180
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,345
Don't ever bring him up.
181
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,100
Okay, look,
i‐i‐in your family,
182
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,810
if you don't like something,
you just tell each other, right?
183
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:57,769
Yeah.
184
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,020
Well, that's not
how we do it.
185
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,355
[ Scoffs ]
186
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,941
What do you think is gonna
happen if you're honest?
187
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,276
It would
destroy the system.
What system?
188
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,570
The system of never, ever
saying what you think
189
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,657
to avoid releasing a lifetime of
unexpressed emotions.
190
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,701
You're crazy.
191
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,868
Why don't we
go get the kids?
192
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,495
Okay, sure.
[ Sniffs ]
193
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,163
Where are they?
194
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,457
♪♪
195
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,793
Congratulations.
196
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,170
I know participation trophies
are stupid, but ‐‐
197
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,423
So stupid.
198
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,717
...I'm excited
for Emily to get one.
199
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:29,718
Me too.
Yeah.
200
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,136
She needs a win.
201
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,763
I mean, even just getting her
to participate
202
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,265
was a huge
accomplishment.
203
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,600
Yeah, they should give us
a trophy.
204
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,602
[ Applause ]
205
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,939
Mom, Dad,
206
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,442
I didn't get a trophy.
207
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,526
What?
208
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,362
Tío Chuy
didn't give me one.
209
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,283
Chuy, what the [bleep]
210
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,244
You said every kid
gets a trophy!
211
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,164
If they participate.
Emily did not.
212
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,290
What are you talking about?
213
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,208
Emily didn't
kick the ball once.
214
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,795
She spent six hours trying to
eat a sandwich with her foot.
215
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,965
Well, that's a new
level of weird.
216
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,967
Okay, Chuy,
but she was here,
217
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,635
so Emily should get
a damn trophy.
218
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:17,849
Jo, attendance is not
the same as participation.
219
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,642
If I give her one,
220
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,687
then a participation trophy
means nothing.
221
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,356
Exactly.
It's just a piece of plastic.
222
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,567
Chuy, come on.
223
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,153
She's been refusing
to play sports for years.
224
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,821
Look, we finally
got her here, okay?
225
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,323
If Emily doesn't
get a trophy today,
226
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,158
I‐I don't think she's ever gonna
try sports again.
227
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,619
So, you guys screw up
for six years,
228
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,996
and you expect me
to fix it in six hours?
229
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,665
That's exactly what you said
you were gonna do.
230
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,794
As much as I love
my niece,
231
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,170
when I get to
the pearly gates,
232
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,296
I don't want
the big guy saying,
233
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,132
"Why did you lie
and say Emily participated?
234
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:55,303
I expected more from local
soccer legend Chuy Rodriguez."
235
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,520
I'm gonna destroy him
on Yelp.
236
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,608
[ Sighs ]
237
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,152
You promised
if I went to the stupid thing,
238
00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:14,404
I would get a trophy.
239
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,699
Yeah, but you didn't
actually play soccer.
240
00:10:17,699 --> 00:10:18,784
Who cares?
241
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,661
I just want a trophy.
242
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,788
[ Sighs ]
243
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,831
Emily, if Daddy or I
went to work
244
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,124
and didn't do anything,
245
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,209
do you think
we'd still get paid?
246
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,294
Mm, it's kind of
a gray area for me.
247
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,216
Yeah, you know,
government work.
248
00:10:35,342 --> 00:10:38,261
You're always
changing the rules.
249
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,765
[ Footsteps fade ]
250
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:44,184
Before kids,
251
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:46,895
did you ever imagine
having a problem like this?
252
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,231
[ Scoffs ] "I don't want to
eat my broccoli"?
253
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:50,899
Sure.
254
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:53,694
"Not gonna do my homework."
Heard of that.
255
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,903
"I don't like fun."
256
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,323
It's not something
they tell you about.
257
00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,409
The only thing she ever does
without complaining
258
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,785
is that puzzle game.
I know.
259
00:11:01,785 --> 00:11:04,037
I kept thinking this was gonna
get better as she got older.
260
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,123
But now she is older,
and it's not better.
261
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,793
We've tried so many
activities ‐‐ piano, ballet.
262
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,838
She wouldn't even pretend
to have a job in improv.
263
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,632
[ Chuckling ] Oh.
I remember that.
264
00:11:15,632 --> 00:11:16,925
She kept saying,
"I'm unemployed."
265
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,885
[ Laughs ]
266
00:11:18,885 --> 00:11:21,179
I don't know. We ‐‐
We can't give up on her.
267
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:24,224
We j‐‐ We have to find a way to
get her interested in something.
268
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,185
What are you
talking about?
269
00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:28,395
We were just saying
that we need to get Emily
270
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:29,896
interested in something.
271
00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:33,650
Oh, you need to get Emily
interested in something.
272
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:36,653
Right, yes,
I‐I just said that.
273
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:39,489
But, hey, you know,
since we're all talking...
274
00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:40,824
[ Chuckles ]
275
00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:42,576
Yes?
276
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,786
The purse you got me ‐‐
very thoughtful.
277
00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:46,621
Oh, thank you.
278
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:48,915
Yes.
279
00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:51,084
However, a purse...
280
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,970
I...
281
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,184
You know ‐‐
Jo lost the purse.
282
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:10,270
Yes, yes! Yes.
It's so crazy.
283
00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,272
You bought me the purse so that
I wouldn't lose my keys,
284
00:12:12,272 --> 00:12:14,608
and then I lost the purse
that was supposed to
help me not lose my keys.
285
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,110
I guess ‐‐ I guess I need
a purse for my purse.
286
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,236
[ Laughs ]
287
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:20,989
Okay.
288
00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:24,826
[ Door opens ]
289
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:26,870
God.
I couldn't do it.
290
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,705
I cou‐‐ You were right.
291
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:31,124
Her whole eye was pupil.
292
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:35,420
Couldn't just use the purse
for the rest of her life, huh?
293
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:37,631
Alright,
what happens now?
294
00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,511
You're gonna
bury that purse.
295
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,559
[ Fanfare plays on cellphone ]
296
00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:50,977
Okay, Emily.
297
00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:52,771
[ Cellphone beeps,
fanfare stops ]
Open your eyes.
298
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:56,483
Welcome to
the Olympics of You.
299
00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:59,152
The what of me?
300
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,780
Olympics. Remember?
301
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,157
We watched the summer ones
like three years ago?
302
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,867
I was 3.
303
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:09,246
Do you remember
when you were 3?
304
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:12,290
No, but I've had
a lot of drinks.
305
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,752
Look,
i‐in the Olympics,
306
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:19,172
people participate
in a bunch of different sports.
307
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,174
And you can earn
this trophy
308
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:24,219
if you try any of the sports
on this lawn.
309
00:13:24,219 --> 00:13:26,513
Take your time, honey.
310
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:29,224
See what speaks
to you.
311
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:34,980
Hello?
312
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,023
It's not saying anything.
313
00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:39,734
Okay, that ‐‐ No, that's just
a figure of speech.
314
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,695
Here. How does the ball
feel in your hands?
315
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,655
This one's too hard.
316
00:13:46,324 --> 00:13:47,909
This one's too soft.
317
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,163
This one's gonna be
just right.
318
00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:53,874
I hate this one!
319
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,753
[ Fanfare plays ]
320
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:02,549
Oh!
321
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:03,967
Basket.
322
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,635
Great job, Lulu!
323
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,972
See? It's not hard.
324
00:14:08,972 --> 00:14:10,140
Lulu did it.
325
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,188
If Lulu can do it,
I‐I bet you can, too.
326
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:20,650
You like Lulu
better than me.
327
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,162
Hey, Lulu.
328
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,539
Read the room.
329
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,798
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
330
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,344
Just draw a dagger
through my heart.
331
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,387
What color?
332
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:54,100
Hey, Em,
can we talk to you?
333
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:58,897
Hey, we don't
like Lulu better than you.
334
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:01,691
Yeah, there are no favorites
in this family, okay?
335
00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:02,943
I mean, you know,
it's like Mom and me.
336
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,277
You don't have a favorite,
right?
337
00:15:04,277 --> 00:15:05,820
Yeah, I do. It's Mom.
Don't answer tha‐‐
338
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:09,282
It was a hypothetical.
You ‐‐
339
00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:11,242
Look, we're just trying
to get you interested
340
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:13,787
in something other than
your puzzle game.
341
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,330
I love that game.
342
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,456
We know.
343
00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:19,000
There's just
a lot more to life.
344
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,419
Than doing what you love?
345
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:28,301
Yes.
346
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,972
The real lesson here is
347
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:35,016
that there's a whole,
big world out there, baby,
348
00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:36,893
and you should
try new things.
349
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:40,313
No, thanks. I just want to
lay in bed and play my game.
350
00:15:40,313 --> 00:15:41,356
Okay.
351
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:44,150
Then the real,
real lesson here
352
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,027
is that no matter what,
353
00:15:46,027 --> 00:15:48,446
you're special,
and we love you, okay?
354
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,865
I love you, too.
355
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:59,124
Even though Lulu has two
trophies and I have none.
356
00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:03,962
Oh, God. She's doing
your mom's pupil thing.
357
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:09,134
You know what?
Hold that thought.
358
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,554
Here.
359
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,140
This is for being
a great kid.
360
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,809
[ Gasps ]
361
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,019
Okay, we're done here.
362
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,146
Thank you. Bye.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
363
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,273
Thank you. Bye‐bye‐bye.
Bye‐bye‐bye‐bye.
364
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,150
Thank you,
thank you, thank you.
365
00:16:28,111 --> 00:16:30,113
Did we just get played?
366
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,367
Well, she's not doing sports,
she didn't learn anything,
367
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:36,995
we gave her a trophy,
and got kicked out of her room.
368
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,204
So, yeah.
369
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:42,959
Oh, Jo.
Jo: Mm.
370
00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:45,378
Would you get me
a diet soda from the fridge?
371
00:16:45,378 --> 00:16:47,130
Sure.
Thanks.
372
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,341
Aah!
373
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,555
Something wrong, Jo?
374
00:16:55,555 --> 00:16:57,348
You look as though
you've seen a ghost.
375
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:03,104
The purse.
[ Exhales sharply ]
376
00:17:03,104 --> 00:17:04,814
You found it.
377
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:07,650
How?
378
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,944
I put a tracking tile
in it.
379
00:17:09,944 --> 00:17:12,405
Well, you do lose things
380
00:17:12,405 --> 00:17:14,407
and you said
you liked it a lot,
381
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:17,660
and I found it
in a bag in a hole.
382
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,874
Oh, Bill,
383
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:24,626
do you know
anything about this?
384
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,753
I told her not to,
Mommy.
385
00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:29,464
Nice.
386
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:31,132
It seems
we need to talk.
387
00:17:31,132 --> 00:17:33,301
What is going on here?
388
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:34,552
[ Sighs ]
389
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:36,304
Okay, this has gone on
long enough.
390
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:38,431
I have to come clean.
391
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,603
Bill hates plaid shirts.
392
00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:46,064
Jo hates the purse.
393
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,565
Bill hates everything
you've ever given him!
394
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:50,318
Jo ran over a possum!
[ Gasps ]
395
00:17:57,992 --> 00:18:00,495
So, you don't like
my presents?
396
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:07,794
Mom, listen, w‐w‐we ‐‐
we appreciate them so much.
397
00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:10,547
But, yes, we hate them.
398
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,216
Oh.
399
00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:16,636
Alright, I'll cool it
on the presents.
400
00:18:16,636 --> 00:18:19,472
That's it?
401
00:18:19,472 --> 00:18:21,516
Yeah, what did you think
was gonna happen?
402
00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:23,977
Nah, I knew you'd be
totally cool with it.
403
00:18:25,478 --> 00:18:27,647
Yeah, I'm cool.
404
00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,816
Okay,
so you're not mad?
405
00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:31,484
Why would I be mad?
406
00:18:31,484 --> 00:18:33,319
I‐I‐I‐I only
give you gifts
407
00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:34,529
because
I don't contribute.
408
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:37,824
I don't pay rent.
I‐I don't buy groceries.
409
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,495
Now I can stop.
410
00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,706
Okay, great.
411
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,082
Thank you!
Bye!
412
00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:51,045
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Bye. Bye. Bye.
413
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:56,634
Feels like
we just got played again.
414
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,638
You know what?
Who cares if she buys groceries.
415
00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:03,266
I can finally wear
Hawaiian shirts.
416
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:07,645
Hawaiian shirts.
417
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:09,481
And I can use
my old purse.
418
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,816
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
419
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:15,403
Emily: [ Singsong voice ]
Mom. Dad.
420
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:18,156
And it feels like we're gonna
get played a third time.
421
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:23,786
♪♪
422
00:19:23,786 --> 00:19:25,413
[ Normal voice ] Watch.
423
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:34,214
[ Fan whirs ]
424
00:19:37,592 --> 00:19:38,635
Oh.
425
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,893
I built the thing
from the iPad game.
426
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:50,271
Emily,
this is amazing.
427
00:19:50,271 --> 00:19:53,107
I‐I am so proud of you.
428
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,652
Wait. Hold on. Thi‐‐ This is why
you wanted the trophy?
429
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,488
I should've just
given it to you.
430
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,199
I know you don't like Lulu
better than me.
431
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:04,118
I just said that 'cause I knew
you were gonna give me a trophy.
432
00:20:04,118 --> 00:20:06,120
And you did.
433
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:11,376
You guys are a puzzle,
and I figured you out.
434
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:15,129
[ Laughing maniacally ]
435
00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:24,430
Hey, babe.
Hm?
436
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:26,015
What do you think,
the one with a lot of pineapples
437
00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:28,560
or the one with
all the hot sauces?
438
00:20:31,312 --> 00:20:32,605
[ Knock on door ]
439
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,482
I'll get that.
You're very busy.
440
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:39,904
[ Sighs ]
441
00:20:39,904 --> 00:20:41,073
Chuy.
442
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,825
I've given this
a lot of thought,
443
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,077
and some things are more
important than participation.
444
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,246
One of them is family,
which is why I'm here ‐‐
445
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,623
Chuy, stop talking.
It's all settled.
446
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:50,749
It is?
447
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,459
Yeah,
she just wanted the trophy
448
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:56,171
for this, like, crazy,
cool machine thing.
449
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:58,757
Ha‐ha!
450
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,012
God is so funny.
451
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,266
Here I am, about to compromise
everything I hold dear
452
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,892
to make a child happy,
453
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,144
and He shows me
454
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,605
that rules are more important
than children.
455
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:16,191
Have a great night!
456
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,527
[ Door closes ]
31338
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