All language subtitles for The.Bucket.List.2007.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY

CARTER : (IN VOICEOVER)
Edward Perriman Cole died in May.

It was a Sunday afternoon,
and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

It's difficult to understand
the sum of a person's life.

Some people will tell you it's measured
by the ones left behind.

Some believe it can be measured
in faith.

Some say by love.

Other folks say life has
no meaning at all.

Me?

I believe that you measure yourself...

...by the people who
measured themselves by you.

What I can tell you for sure
is that, by any measure...

...Edward Cole lived more in his last
days on Earth...

...than most people manage
to wring out of a lifetime.

I know that when he died,
his eyes were closed...

...and his heart was open.

MAN 1: "Name the five presidents whose
last names begin with the letter H."

H?

Warren G. Harding,
Rutherford B. Hayes, Herbert Hoover...

...and the two Harrisons,
Benjamin and William Henry.

Ah.

Thought I'd get you
with the double Harrisons.

CARTER : Ha-ha-ha.
-You're sick, you know?

You think that's sick,
can you name their wives?

-No.
-Neither can l.

MAN 2 : Yo, Cartey-car!
CARTER : Yo!

-When they need the Camaro, man?
-Yesterday.

MAN 2 :
Huh?

-All right, I got one for you.
CARTER : All right.

Who invented the radio?

Ah.

That's a hard one.

-What do you know, I finally got you.
CARTER : No.

I don't know if you want who
they think invented the radio...

...or the person who
actually invented the radio.

Well, in here it says--

Marconi, right?

Yeah, it ain't him?

He's the one they generally think
invented the radio.

In fact, he got a Nobel Prize for it
in 1909.

Truth is a guy named Nikola Tesla...

...patented the basic idea
for the radio in 1896.

Same idea Marconi used for his patent
several years later.

(PHONE RINGING)

Tesla fought Marconi till
the day he died in 1943.

Same year the Supreme Court ruled...

...that Marconi's patent was invalid...

...recognizing Tesla as
the inventor of the radio.

Carter.

You really are sick.

Oh, hi, Ginnie.

Well, good. About time.
What did they say?

All right, what does that mean?

Kopi Luwak.
The rarest beverage in the world.

Take a whiff.

Go ahead.

(CHAIRMAN CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, Mr. Cole, the board is ready
to hear your proposal.

Hold on just a second.

Go ahead. Go on.

Well?

Really good.

Mr. Cole. Sir?

Do you know what a Philistine is, Jim?

Sir, it's Richard.

That's right, Phil.
Give them the spiel.

RICHARD : Thank you, Mr. Chairman,
fellow supervisors.

We at the Cole Group feel
the decline of the Winwood Hospital...

...is a direct result of significant
fiscal mismanagement.

-I beg your pardon, this hospital--
-Overhead costs are nearly double.

Your lease and land costs were
similarly overbid.

Donations have atrophied to the point
you've fallen far behind the curve...

...in Research, Pediatrics,
Oncology and MRI.

The Cole Group has privatized 15
public hospitals in seven years...

...each of which now provides,
or will soon provide...

...the highest standard of medical care
to their communities.

-Despite being grossly understaffed?
-The better the doctor, the need--

What about beds?
There are rumors...

...you increased the number of patients
to the point of overpopulation.

Patient density has always been--

And your emergency rooms,
I mean, they are known--

I run hospitals, not health spas.

Two beds to a room, no exceptions.

Look, I passed up a lunch
with Michelle Pfeiffer to be here...

...so can we desist
from all of this inane posturing?

Boys and girls, you need me.

I do not need you.

Now, there's a sizeable check
in this envelope...

...let me know if you decide
to cash it.

(COUGHING)

Mr. Cole, are you all right?

(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA)

What are you doing here?

Oh, you know,
fighting for my life. You?

Uh, no, I was just surprised--

EDWARD :
--and I don't care about the insurance!

And tell Dr. Shit-for-Brains...

...I wanna know everything about this
bleomycin drip he wants to get me on.

I hear it eats your lungs.

When I address Congress
next month...

...I don't want to do it breathing
through a hole in my throat.

-That's not exactly what happens.
-Who the hell is this guy?

-Where's Thomas? Tom!
-In plain view, sir.

-Hi, Tom.
-We're gonna move you into the bed.

I can do it myself. I ain't dead yet.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

How about now?

Have I fired you lately?

Not since the Oprah incident.

-That was a good one. Ha-ha-ha.
-Yeah, it's good stuff.

Who the hell is that?

Who the hell are you?

He said, "Who the hell--?"

Oh, God. What am I, in the morgue?

CARTER : That was the first time
I laid eyes on Edward Cole.

An inauspicious beginning, to be sure.

EDWARD :
Oh, spare me. Sweet Jesus.

I hate these-- I hate tubes!

(EDWARD MUTTERS)

I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend the
next three weeks laying next to this guy.

Zombie boy. Looks half-dead already.

You can't have your own room.
It would create an enormous PR problem.

I don't give a shit about PR.

I want my own room.
It's my hospital, for chrissake.

Don't tell me l can't have
my own room.

No offense, pal.

You have publicly defended this policy
countless times.

You run hospitals, not health spas.
Two beds to a room, no exceptions.

I've never been sick before.

Okay, Dr. Eldridge will be in
in a minute to dot you up, okay?

Dot me up.

Jesus.

Thomas...

(WHISPERS)
...don't let me wake up paralyzed.

I'll do what I can.

This really your hospital?

Yeah, pretty much.

Might wanna do something
about the pea soup.

CARTER :
By the morning of the surgery...

...the cancer had spread so far
throughout Edward's body...

...that the doctors gave him only
a 5 percent chance to survive...

...but then, they didn't account
for how pissed off they'd made him.

VIRGINIA :
Mm....

No visitors come in to see him?

He's been sleeping a lot
since they brought him back.

VIRGINIA :
Mm.

That's another reason
I don't miss nursing.

It's always so sad seeing
a patient like that, all alone...

...after that kind of surgery.

At least he's quiet.

MAN (ON TV): Day after day,
out of sight, and almost out of....

(VIRGINIA CLEARS THROAT)

Rachel called this morning.

Really? How's she doing?

She's auditioning for first violin
in next semester's symphony.

(VIRGINIA LAUGHS)

That's wonderful.

Need any more books?

No, I'm.... I'm fine.

Got your meds for the night?

Mm-hm. I already took them.

How about pillows?

I'm fine, Virginia, really. Thank you.

You know, I could stay a while
if you want me to.

No use both of us being useless
in the morning, right?

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES)

She gone?

What?

As something of a
public health expert...

...I believe more people die
from visitors...

...than diseases.

MAN (ON TV):
"It's the Berries," for 600.

PRESENTER :(ON TV) This Swedish berry
is also known as the cowberry.

-What is a lingonberry?
MAN : Uh, what is a lingonberry?

PRESENTER : Correct!
MAN : "It's the Berries," for 800.

PRESENTER : In a Top 40 hit of 1956,
this "Berry" told Beethoven to roll over.

Who is Chuck Berry?

MAN : Who is Chuck Berry?
PRESENTER : Yes.

EDWARD :
Hey.

Duke?

You mind?

Oh. Sorry. No.

-What is the Mariana Trench?
WOMAN : What is the Mariana Trench?

Good morning, Edward.

-Morning.
-How you feeling?

Dumb question.

How's that catheter?

Don't know how I ever did without it.

Ah, humor is a good sign.

Kiss my ass.

As is surliness.
It's one of your favorite flavors, right?

-Yeah.
-Let's see what we got here.

It looks good.

All right, so the operation
went well, okay?

All the post-op brain scans are clean.

Now we go after the sarcoma
in the rest of your body.

Now, unfortunately,
your blood markers are extremely high...

...so I would like to begin chemo
this morning.

Love the smell of chemo
in the morning.

Apocalypse Now, right?

Makes me feel like victory!

(HOLLINS LAUGHS)

-I'll check in with you later.
-All right.

Say, doc? Doc?

You think you could just
take a look at--?

-Sorry, I'm late. Who's your doctor?
-He's Dr. Gibian.

I'll let the nurse know.

Appreciate it.

(EDWARD SIGHS)

Bitch, ain't it?

-What are quarks?
WOMAN : (ON TV) What are quarks?

-How long you been here?
-Oh.

In and out over the past few months.
Got me on an experimental treatment.

-What is the quadratic equation?
WOMAN : What is the quadratic equation?

How rough is it?

Chemo?

Not too bad.

If you don't mind
around-the-clock vomiting...

...watching your veins turn black...

...and feeling like your bones are
made of napalm...

...it's a day at the beach.

That's a relief.

Of course, I hear people
react to it differently.

You'll know by tonight.

Tonight?

Listen, um...

...you don't mind my asking...

...what is that contraption
you got over there?

It's a siphon. Makes coffee.

What else does it do?

What else does it have to do?

(CARTER CHUCKLES)

Did you know that coffee was originally
discovered by a shepherd in Ethiopia?

-You don't say.
-It's true.

Seems his goats were eating berries
from an unfamiliar bush.

Before long, they were running
and jumping all over...

...having a gay old time.

So the shepherd took some of
the branches to the local monastery...

...where the abbots decided
to roast them.

When the berries burned...

...the beans inside gave off
such a pleasant aroma...

...they brewed them into a stew.

Stew, huh?

And over the next few hundred years,
it spread to Arabia, Europe...

...even Sumatra,
like that hooch you got over there.

It's called Kopi Luwak.

I know what it's called.

You do?

Never catch me drinking that shit.

Have you ever tried it?

No. I'm more of a instant-coffee man.

Here, here we are.

-Thanks.
-No problem.

There you are.

You always had those freckles?

Far as l know.

Nice...

...freckles.

Hmm.

(CARTER CHUCKLES)

THOMAS : Okay, we got prosciutto
and melons, some burrata mozzarella...

...and a veal paillard.

The folks at Toscana send their best.

You sure you wanna eat all that?

That's the plan.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What?

Oh, Uh....

You want Thomas
to make you a plate?

Tommy, uh, fix a plate for, uh....

Carter.

First name or last?

First.

Really? Interesting.

So you want, uh--?
Might cheer you up.

No, thanks, I'll pass.

You sure?

Mm, yum, yum.

Mm-mm.

Best in L.A.

(VOMITING)

It ain't the best in L.A. no more.

(MOANING)

(RETCHING)

Oh, man.

(CARTER AND ROGER
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Maya made the honor roll again.

Bet your ass she did.

My God.

Somewhere, some lucky guy's
having a heart attack.

Fellas.

Mr. Cole.

EDWARD : Don't pay any attention
to me. I'm just, uh, talking to myself.

It's from Kai.

Says he wants to be a mechanic
like his granddad when he grows up.

I hope you talked him out of that.

Well, I tried.

What do we got here?

ROGER :
It's a Shelby 350.

(CARTER CHUCKLES)

-I always wanted one of those.
-Yeah.

-Kai remembered.
-Hmm.

Um....

Mom seems to think
you're not getting enough rest.

Mm-hm.

She loves you, Pop.

Mm-hm.

Okay.

You'll, uh, call us when you get
your test results, huh?

Mm-hm.

If that day ever comes.

Okay.

-Take care.
-Okay.

He your oldest?

Yeah.

What's he do?

-Roger's a tax attorney.
-Oh.

Here.

His brother, Lee, is an engineer.

EDWARD :
Who's the pretty little lady?

That's Rachel. Youngest of the three.

Big age difference.

Yeah, well, she was a surprise.

We'd hardly gotten the boys out
of the house when she came along.

She's an outstanding violinist.

You got kids?

Depends.

-Never stayed married long enough.
-Oh, well...

...don't worry, I've been married
long enough for the both of us.

How's that going?

It's going.

That good, huh?

Well, that's why they invented
light switches.

(LAUGHING)

Don't get me wrong, I loved
being married, been there four times.

Problem is I love being single too.

Hard to do them both
at the same time.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Only successful marriage I had
was me and my work.

I started making money
when I was 16...

...and that was that.

Never stopped.

I'll be damned.

I wanted to be a history professor.

Nobody's perfect.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I made it through two months
of City College...

...before Virginia gave me the news.

And then, you know...

...young, black, broke,
baby on the way....

Take the first decent job
that comes along.

I always meant to go back...

...but 45 years goes by pretty fast.

Like smoke through a keyhole.

EDWARD :
Shit!

(CARTER MOANING)

Don't give me the morphine
while I'm sleeping. lt's a waste.

Maybe she's trying to kill us both.
You ever think of that?

Gin.

What are you, the devil?

What if I lost my mind already?

Jesus, no.

No. No, no Jesus,
this is not praying.

I'm talking to myself
out loud, that's....

EDWARD :
You ever think about suicide?

CARTER : Suicide? Me?
EDWARD : Yeah.

Lord, no.

Thought so. Stage one.

What?

The five stages, but....

Denial.

Then anger, bargaining,
depression, acceptance.

So of course you're not
thinking of suicide.

You're in stage one. Denial.

What stage are you in?

Denial.

And thinking about suicide.

Yeah, okay. It's just a frame of....

Well, it looks like you won't be
needing this anymore.

-That's it?
-Yep, fourth and final.

What's next?

They have to run all the tests first,
see where we stand.

-Well, how long?
-Takes a while.

I'll get Dr. Gibian to schedule them
when I see him.

Thanks.

I'm on for another hour,
anything you need?

Clean bill of health if you got one.

Hang in there, Carter.

That's what l do.

ANNOUNCER : (ON TV)
And line to center, base hit...

...Kent will have to play it
on three bounces...

...and Alou will score.
The throw goes to the back....

Hit the cutoff man,
for crying out loud.

You see...

...that's the problem
with the game today:

No fundamentals.

Did you ever read
The Time of Hour Life?

-William Saroyan.
-Yeah.

"No foundation.
All the way down the line."

When we were growing up--
What are you doing?

Nothing, scribbling.

Scribbling? What?

Nothing. Just scribbling.

Oh, sure,
that's what you wanna do...

...bounce a slider with a man on third.

These kids today, they--

Earphones.
I'm talking to myself, again.

-Edward?
-Doc.

How's it going there?

Dumb question.

I got the test back.

I'll just lay it out, huh?

Six months.

A year if we're lucky.

There is an experimental program
that we've been conducting...

...and I don't wanna
get your hopes up...

...but I think you would be
an excellent candidate--

Hey, doc.

Yes?

You're blocking my view.

Oh.

Sorry.

Anyway, if there's any questions...

...day or night,
you know where to find me.

One question.

Sure, of course.

Carter, you wanna
ask Dr. Hollins something?

I mean, I'm not familiar
with Mr. Chambers'--

Well, get familiar.

Uh....

I just wanted to know how I stand,
that's all.

Sure. How about I'll go take a look
at your chart, okay?

Thank you.

Edward?

CARTER :
There was a survey once.

A thousand people were asked,
if they could know in advance...

...would they want to know
the exact day of their death.

Ninety-six percent of them said no.

I always kind of leaned toward
the other 4 percent.

I thought it would be liberating...

...knowing how much time
you had left to work with.

HOLLINS :
A year at best.

CARTER :
It turns out, it's not.

HOLLINS :
We're pretty much out of options.

You want to play cards?

Thought you'd never ask.

THOMAS :
Rise and shine.

Or that.

Let me see that.

And, uh, Thomas...

...call Marie at Christie's.

Tell her I won't be bidding
this season.

I understand.

Uh, sir,
I don't mean to sound indelicate...

...but how do you want me
to handle your...?

Death?

Treat it as if it were your own.

So leave all the money
to my assistant?

Go get me one of those
almond croissants that I like.

And don't buy any green bananas.

-What are you doing?
-What is this?

-Come on, give it back.
-What is it?

Give it back.

It was on the floor.
I didn't know it was a state secret.

Well, my freshman
philosophy professor...

...assigned this exercise
in forward thinking.

He called it a "Bucket List."

We were supposed to make a list
of things we wanted to do in our lives...

-...before we--
-Kicked the bucket.

Cutesy.

Anyway, I wrote things like
"make a million dollars"...

..."first black president,"
you know, young man's wishes.

I was gonna redo the list, but then....

"Help a complete stranger
for the good."

"Laugh until I cry."

Not to be judgmental,
but this is extremely weak.

Well, it's pointless now.

I would argue the exact opposite.

All right. That's it.

What are you doing?

A little rewrite, that's all.

I mean, don't you want to go out
with some balls? Guns blazing?

Have a little fun?

It was not supposed to be about
guns blazing or anything like that.

You're missing the point.

What the hell is
"witness something majestic"?

Have you ever been to the Himalayas?

Eh.

"Drive a Mustang Shelby." Not bad.

I got one. All right.
How about skydiving?

Now we're onto something.

We're onto something?

-Uh-huh.
-Let me see that. Come on.

Fine.

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

"Kiss the most beautiful girl
in the world"?

How do you propose doing that?

Volume.

"Get a tattoo."
Is that the sum of your ambition?

Edward, I've taken baths
deeper than you.

It's easy to be deep
in freshman philosophy.

What's Dr. Hollins say?

We got months, right?

A year, maybe.

You think 45 years went by fast?

We could do this.

We should do this.

No, I couldn't.

Don't think about money.
That's all l got is money.

But I don't know. I--

What don't you know?

It was meant to be metaphorical.

-I'm just trying to get a handle on--
-Blah, blah, blah.

Metaphors.

You're the one crying you never
took a shot. Here's your chance.

My chance to what?
Make a fool of myself?

Never too late.

What do you think happens now?

I go back and sit around
listening to people...

...talking about mezzanine financing
and subordinated debt...

...pretending that l care
about dead money.

You go home to some
ceremonial procession into death...

...with everyone standing around
watching you die...

...while you try to comfort them.

Is that what you want,
to be smothered by pity and grief?

Well, not me.

And in your heart, Carter,
I believe not you either.

We're both in the same boat.
How's that for a metaphor?

We got a real opportunity here.

Opportunity?

That is real twisted,
even by your standards.

We still feel good, right?
Energy's coming back a little bit.

Asymptomatic, the doc says.

The way I see it,
we can lay around here...

...hoping for a miracle in
some bullshit science experiment...

...or we can put some moves on.

Skydiving, huh?

All right.

(EDWARD LAUGHING
THEN DOOR OPENS)

What kind of hospital is this?
There isn't an M.D. within a mile.

Virginia, we have to talk.

What did they say?

Uh, Mrs. Chambers, I'm gonna
give you two a little quiet time.

Excuse me.

It's not good.

I knew we should have gone to UCLA.

The surgeons are better.
Post-op is better.

-Wouldn't have mattered.
-You don't know that.

We're not giving up.
I want another opinion.

Ah, Virginia.

Yes, Oncology, please.
Dr. Veteri's office.

Virginia, no.

Let me handle this.

Dr. Veteri? Virginia Chambers.

Yes, that's right--

I'm going away for a while.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about Edward and I
are going away.

Edward and you?

Going away where?

I don't expect you to understand.

You're damn right I don't understand.

I don't understand how you can
just give up like this.

How you can just quit--
Quit fighting.

-Virginia.
-Why don't you tell our children that?

See what they say when they find out
you've given up on them.

Given up on them?

I've got 45 years greased up
under the hood of a car...

...so that they didn't want for anything,
and they didn't.

I think I've earned some time
for myself.

To do what?
Run off with a total stranger?

He's not a stranger.

I'm your wife.

And l'm your husband.
And l'm their father.

And l'm a grandfather.
And l'm a damn mechanic!

And you're a fool.

You're a fool who thinks he's figured out
a way how not to have cancer.

I'm sorry.

My husband is not for sale.

She hates me.

Do you hate me?

Not yet.

CARTER :
And so it began.

I've always been afraid to go up
in an airplane...

...now l'm gonna jump out of one
at the whim of a maniac!

Wanna get it?

How do you suggest we do that?

Wait.

Ow!

Aah!

Damn it.

Not a word.

Back to the seat, Kyle.

You'll have to forgive him, Kyle.
He's worried about the little woman.

This has nothing to do with my wife.

Thirty seconds to drop.

The Sequel was like that.

She never backed me up on anything.

The Sequel?

The second Mrs. Edward Cole.

God, that woman hated me.

Maybe because you called her
The Sequel.

Jeez, Kyle,
I never looked at it that way.

-Fifteen seconds.
CARTER : No, no.

-Wait! Wait, I can't do this.
-Sure you can.

CARTER :
No. I can't. Really.

It's not the jump you're afraid of.

The hell it's not!

You're just afraid
your chute won't open...

...and you'll show up at
your own funeral as a Denver omelet.

No, I'm pretty much just worried
the chute won't open.

No, no!

(CARTER SCREAMING)

Man's got some lungs, huh?

Let's hit the silk!

Geronimo!

Oh, yeah, beautiful!

(EDWARD LAUGHING)

CARTER :
Aah! Aah!

Pull the thing! Pull the cord!

How about this, huh? This is living.

I hate your rotten guts.

Surrender to the void!

Which one of these damn cords
do you pull?

KYLE : Don't touch it. We're not in the
drop zone yet. We could wind up in the--

(KYLE AND CARTER YELL)

INSTRUCTOR :
Okay. Let's deploy.

(SINGING)
I got a feeling I'm falling

INSTRUCTOR :
We're in the red zone. Pull the cord.

(SINGING)
I got a feeling I'm falling in love

Pull the damn cord!

I was in love once.

EDWARD :
Tommy, we live to die another day.

How lucky for me.

No jokes, Thomas, remember the will.
You're so close.

(EDWARD LAUGHS)

Let me ask you something.

Uh, is it Tommy or Thomas?

Um, it's actually Matthew,
but he finds that too biblical.

EDWARD :
Let's eat something. Come on!

Is he insane?

Depends.

(EDWARD GASPS)

So you decided?

No, I couldn't think of anything
I wanted to be stuck with permanently.

What's permanently?
We're gonna be dead in five minutes.

-What?
-Figure of speech.

So no Confederate flag,
no black Jesus.

No, I'm gonna....

Pass. Yeah, sure.

Well, I never agreed
to desecrate my body.

You worried they won't bury you
in a Jewish cemetery?

What, the wife?

It's a tattoo.

It's not like you're dumping her
for another woman.

I never been with another woman.

Whoa.

That's gotta be on the list.

No, no. I don't think so.

EDWARD :
Sixty-six years?

Man, oh, man.
We ought to have a big orgy.

No.

Orgy's not even being unfaithful.

No.

It's just, like, professional.

No!

I don't even have to be there.

(LAUGHS)

CARTER :
Hello, darling.

-You gonna drive it or buy it a dress?
-Ha, ha.

Just getting to know each other.

You sure we're cleared for this?

Of course we're cleared for it.
What if we weren't?

Just checking.

Come on! Tap it, baby!
Let's see what she's got.

Ah, we're doing just fine.

You sound like some kid
going to the junior prom.

You sound like someone looking
for an ass-whupping.

Ass-whupping? Ho-ho-ho-ho.

-You got nothing!
-Ha, ha.

Got enough for you, Sunny Jim,
dangling.

Did you just make a penis reference?

What if I did?

Jesus! You're gonna kill us both!

What if I do?

Goddamn it!

(LAUGHING)

You're breaking evil on me.

Evil? I'll show you evil.

I'll show you Evel goddamn Knievel.

Pick up on this, chicken man!

Yee-ha!

(LAUGHING)

Chicken man, huh?

You can run, but you cannot hide!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

What do you wanna do next?

(CARTER LAUGHlNG)

CARTER :
How much money do you have anyway?

EDWARD :
Didn't anyone ever tell you...

...that it's rude
to talk about someone else's money?

CARTER :
I never knew anyone with enough to ask.

Medicinal.

It's indescribably beautiful.

I love flying over the polar cap.

Above the desolation.

The stars...

...it's really one of God's good ones.

So you think a being
of some sort did all this?

You don't?

You mean, do I believe
if l look up in the sky...

...and promise this or that...

...the Biggie will make all this
go away?

No.

Then 95 percent of the people on Earth
are wrong?

If life has taught me anything...

...it's that 95 percent of the people
are always wrong.

It's called faith.

I honestly envy people who have faith.
I just can't get my head around it.

Maybe your head's in the way.

Carter, we've all had hundreds
of these discussions...

...and every one of them
always hits the same wall.

Is there a sugarplum fairy or not?

And nobody has ever gotten
over that wall.

So, what do you believe?

I resist all beliefs.

No big bang? Random universe?

We live.

We die.

And the wheels on the bus
go round and round.

What if you're wrong?

I'd love to be wrong.

If I'm wrong, I win.

I'm not sure it works that way.

Well, you're not claiming you know
something I don't.

Mm-mm.

I just have faith.

Hallelujah, brother...

...and pass the mustard.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

CARTER : Know how they harvest caviar?
EDWARD : Hit me.

When a female sturgeon is caught...

...the fisherman has to take great care
to see she dies peacefully.

-Mm-hm.
-If she feels the least bit threatened...

...she secretes a sour chemical
that ruins the eggs.

Sounds like my third wife.

(LAUGHING)

Woman thought mayonnaise
came from a plant.

I could get used to this.

Also sounds like my third wife.

Thirty years I've been coming here.

First time with a guy.

Well, I'm flattered.

Emily's 10th birthday
was the best, though.

Who's Emily?

My little, uh....

Well, she's not so little anymore.

You have a daughter?

-But I thought you said--
-Yeah, well...

...I didn't know you then.

Make a long story short, uh...

...I don't see her.

CARTER :
Hmm.

What are you doing?

It's time.

-No, no, no. Cross that off.
-Why not?

-Cross it off.
-Why?

Why?

There is no why.

-What's the matter?
-Excuse me.

Where you going?

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

Just like a broad.

(WATER RUNNING)

Look, uh, Carter....

I'm sorry. I know...

...sometimes I get
a little overbearing and I--

(SCRUBBING)

Jesus Christ.

-It's all right. It's okay.
-What? What?

The top on the catheter came loose,
that's all.

Well, maybe we should get you
to a hospital, Carter--

-I just busted out of the hospital.
-Huh?

It's all right. Look, it's already stopped,
see? Let's get out of here.

It looks wonderful.
Uh.... Uh....

-Maybe l'll get the--
-Let's just go.

-You go straight to the car.
-Come on. Come on.

Okay, all right.

-Where's--? Where's Tommy?
MAN : In the salon, monsieur.

CARTER :
Oh, my.

How much money do you have?

Well, I wouldn't bleed on the rugs.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna find someplace
where I can take a nice hot bath.

Be as good as new afterwards.

Uh.... You-- Okay.

-Tom--
-Okay, we're all set, then? Okay, good.

All right, it took some doing,
but, uh, I rearranged everything.

Cairo tomorrow, Tanzania for two days,
then Johannesburg on Saturday.

And, as previously directed,
no bullfight, no tiger hunt.

Thomas, I'd really like to say
you're irreplaceable...

...but I'd be lying.

And l'd really like to say you're
a gracious man, and I love my job...

...but I, too, would be lying.

Turnabout is fair play.

I believe you learned that
from the master.

CARTER : Hey, look!
They got Jeopardy! in the bathroom!

On the TV . Jeopardy!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Jeopardy!? In French?

Hello?

Mr. Cole? Virginia Chambers.

Oh. Yeah. Um, hi.

Let me get Carter for you.

Well, actually,
I called to speak to you.

Oh.

Is he all right?

Oh, yeah. He's-- He's fine.

May I ask where you are?

France, actually. Uh, tomorrow--

Give him back to me.

Virginia. May I call you Virginia?

I'm not sure that I can make--

VIRGINIA :
I'm not asking for his sake.

Mr. Cole...

...I've been a nurse
my entire adult life.

Had a ringside seat
to more human tragedy...

...than any woman should ever
have to bear.

Now, I'm prepared
for my husband to die.

I'm just not prepared to lose him
while he's still alive.

-Who is Howdy Doody?
PRESENTER : (ON TV) You got it.

-You pick.
-"TV Puppets," for 400.

PRESENTER :
These two Muppets...

...are roommates on
the long-running show Sesame Street.

-Who are Bert and Ernie?
MAN : Who are Bert and Ernie?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(SPEAKS IN FRENCH)

PRESENTER :
--the son of a Greek immigrant...

...was born in Towson, Maryland.

Who is Spiro Agnew?

WOMAN :
Who is Spiro Agnew?

Well...

...you're looking, uh...

...buoyant.

This is the first time I was ever in a tub
with no corners.

Really?

You know, ahem, Carter,
uh, I've been thinking...

...what with the catheter
and everything...

...maybe we should put this on hold
for a while.

Come on, now, l told you,
stop worrying. I'm fine.

No, no, it's not that. It's not that.

It's just, I mean, if you're worried
about letting me down...

...you know, it's a lot easier for me.

You talked to Virginia, didn't you?

(SIGHS)

Why do you think I'm doing this?

Because I talked you into it.

Edward, you're strong,
but you're not that strong.

No.

After Rachel left for college,
there was a hole.

I mean, you know, no more homework,
no more Little League...

...recitals, school plays...

...kids crying, fights, skinned knees.

And for the first time in 40 years,
I looked at Virginia...

...without all of the noise,
without all of the distractions...

...and I couldn't remember
what it felt like...

...when I could not walk down the street
without holding her hand.

I mean, she was the same woman
I fell in love with, she hadn't changed.

But somehow
everything was different.

We'd lost something along the way.

You know?

WOMAN :
"TV Puppets," for 600.

PRESENTER : Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen
hosted a show named for this dummy.

Who is Charlie McCarthy?

PRESENTER : Sandy?
SANDY : Who's Charlie McCarthy?

(CARTER SINGING
"THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT")

(BOTH SINGING)

Look, look, look!

Aah!

CARTER : I was very pleased
when Edward decided...

...to eliminate item number nine
from his list:

"Hunt the big cat."

Of course, he did insist on discharging
a few rounds from the big gun.

(GUNSHOT)

(EDWARD GRUNTS)

CARTER :
One proved to be enough.

-Gin.
-Of course, gin, why not?

CARTER :
Do you know...

...that the only dog ever struck
by lightning was right here, in Egypt?

I wish I'd met you
before we were dead.

(CARTER LAUGHlNG)

You know, technically...

...we could cross off two items:

"See the pyramids"...

...and "witness something majestic."

This is about as majestic as it gets.

Wait till you see my mountain.

Oh, yeah.

Your mountain.

Still, this ain't half bad.

You know, the ancient Egyptians had
a beautiful belief about death.

When their souls got
to the entrance to heaven...

...the gods asked them two questions.

Their answers determined whether
they were admitted or not.

Okay, I'll bite.

What were they?

Have you found joy in your life?

Uh-huh.

Answer the question.

-Me?
-Yeah, you.

Answer the question,
"Have l found joy in my life?"

Yes.

Has your life brought joy to others?

Ah, this type of question, I--

I don't know, uh....

I don't think about
how other people gauge, uh....

Ask them.

I'm asking you.

Fine.

Let me put it to you this way.

After the breakup,
and the ensuing fleecing of the dad...

...Emily went to live with her mother.

You know, you try to stay close,
but it gets down to holidays...

...phone calls, birthday cards,
you know.

Anyway...

...Emily goes to college, joins one
of her "Save the Poor People"...

...the animals, whatnot...

...meets a guy, decides she loves him.

Good-looking kid, driven, smart.

But there was something about him...

...so when she said they were engaged
I told her I was against it...

...but being my daughter, naturally...

...she went ahead
and married him anyway.

Needless to say,
I wasn't invited to the wedding.

That must have hurt.

You think?

First time he hit her, she came to me.
I wanted to bash his brains in.

She wouldn't let me.

Said she loved him, said it wasn't
his fault, he'd had a few drinks...

...she was the one picked the fight.

Next time it happened,
she didn't come to me.

The ex told me.
Nice to hear her voice again.

What did you do?

What any father would do.

I took care of it.

I called a guy who called a guy
who handles these kinds of things.

I don't know what he said,
don't know what he did...

...all I know is he didn't kill him...

...and my daughter never
heard from him again.

How did she react?

Called me names you wouldn't believe,
and worse....

Said I was dead to her.

I'm not proud of everything I did...

...but I'm pretty sure
I'd do it all again...

...so if they don't let me into Egyptian
heaven because my daughter hates me...

...well, then I guess that's
just the way it goes.

However you answer
your two questions.

How do we get down from this tomb?

CARTER : The empress was the wife
of Shah Jahan, the fifth Mogul emperor.

Although it was an arranged marriage,
they were deeply in love...

...and remained inseparable until
she died giving birth to their 14th child.

Do you mind if I call you Ray?

Main man Ray.

Are you listening
to anything I'm saying?

Absolutely.

Fourteen kids. I'm with you.

It took 20,000 volunteers 22 years
to complete this structure.

Every square foot designed
by the shah himself.

So that's true love.

That's true love.

Must be nice.

Don't know if l buy the whole
"20,000 volunteers" business.

EDWARD :
Funeral plans tend to confuse me.

Specifically, buried or cremated.

Take buried.

Now, I know it shouldn't matter,
but I'm claustrophobic.

(CARTER CHUCKLES)

What if I wake up underground
and nobody can hear me?

Do they still make those coffins
with the bells?

Uh.... I don't believe they do.

Then cremated.
What do you do with the ashes?

Do you bury them, scatter them,
put them on a shelf?

Float them down the Ganges
on a bed of flowers?

What if I feel the flames?

Well, I definitely want
to have myself cremated.

Maybe we should go frozen
like Walt Disney.

No. Cremated.

Ashes put in a can,
buried some place with a view.

A can, huh?

Yeah. I never liked the sound
of the word urn.

Really? Got any special feelings
about crypt?

Heh. No.

No, an old Chock Full o'Nuts can
will do me just fine.

Chock Full o'Nuts,
"the Heavenly Coffee."

Better coffee even your money
can't buy, my friend.

Don't bet on it.

Oh, right.

Kopi Luwak.

What do you got against Kopi Luwak?

Too fancy for my tastes.

Oh, yeah.
Too fancy for my main man, Ray.

(LAUGHING)

CARTER : Gin.
-Goddamn it.

You get all the cards.

EDWARD :
This is China for you, baby.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Be a lot more majestic
if we could see it.

See that old woman?

Odds are we're gonna be
dead before her.

Happy thought.

Of course, she's probably got
reincarnation going for her...

...however that system works.

Ah, the Buddhists believe
you keep coming back.

Moving up or down a level,
based on how you lived your life.

See, that's where they lose me.

I mean, what would a snail have to do
to move up in the lineup?

Lay down a perfect trail of slime?

So shitty news, or really shitty news?

A, the first one.

There's a storm up there.

Well, thanks for the bulletin, Tom,
we can't even see the goddamn thing.

They won't let us fly up
until the weather clears.

Well, when do they expect it to clear?

Uh, next spring, sometime.

That's the really shitty news,
in case you were wondering.

(CARTER SIGHS)

Well, maybe next time.

Yeah.

Next spring.

So now what?

Well, maybe your mountain's
trying to tell us something.

What do you mean?

Maybe we've been gone long enough.

Gone long enough?
Gone long enough for whom?

Oh. No, I get it.

The mountain isn't telling us
it's time for us to go home.

The mountain is telling you to tell me
it's time for me to go home, right?

-Yeah.
-You shit.

Why don't you worry about your life,
and let me worry about mine, okay?

Okay, okay! You don't have to
get chippy with me.

CARTER : What's next?
EDWARD : Next, Hong Kong.

EDWARD :
Silk suits and black walnut ice cream.

Tibetans call it Chomulungma,
"Goddess Mother of the Snows."

"Goddess Mother of the World,"
actually.

In the traditional Tibetan translation.

I stand corrected.

Pinot Noir, please.

I take it you've been there?

Uh-- Uh-- Um....
I just left, actually.

We tried to go up, but it wasn't--

You're a little late in the season.

So they tell me.

-My name's Angelica.
-Yeah, Carter.

I'm sorry if this sounds terrible...

...but aren't you a little developed in
years to be running up a giant mountain?

"Developed," now that's certainly
one way of putting it.

Well, I've been up there, you know.

-Really?
-Mm-hm.

I made it to 26,000 feet
before we had to turn back.

-Really?
-Mm-hm.

What was it like?

Cold...

-Mm.
-...mostly.

During the day,
the sky is more black than blue.

There's not enough air
to reflect the sunlight.

But at night,
you've never seen so many stars.

Seems like they're just out of reach,
and so bright.

They're like little holes
in the floor of heaven.

-Did you hear it?
-Hear what?

I read an account of a man
who made it to the summit...

...and standing there
at the top of the world...

...he experienced
this profound silence.

It was like all sound just fell away.

And that's when he heard it.

What?

The sound of the mountain.

He said it was like he heard
the voice of God.

I've never done this before.

That sounds like such a cliché...

...but I have a room upstairs.

Well, that's....

I mean....

I....

I appreciate that.

But you see....

She's a very lucky woman.

Well, I rather think I'm the lucky one.

Good for you.

Tom?

Three things to remember
when you get older:

Never pass up a bathroom...

...never waste a hard-on,
and never trust a fart.

I'll keep that in mind
as I approach decrepitude.

Heh-heh. That's a good one there.

Let's go home.

Excuse me?

I want to go home now.

But I thought that--
What about the silk suits?

That was very clever of you, Edward.

(LAUGHS)

How'd you know
I wouldn't go through with it?

I didn't.

I'm proud of you.

Nobody cares what you think.

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

America.

Hey, Tommy, this isn't
the way to Crenshaw.

There's an accident on the 10.
We're taking the surface streets.

Uh-huh.

Why are we, uh...?

Oh, my God.

He's kept tabs on her.
Just in case you decided to--

This was your idea, Tom?

No, it was my idea.
I talked him into it.

-Yeah, talked him into it.
-Hey.

Wait a minute. Edward. Edward?
Wait a minute.

Edward. What are you so afraid of?

Just because I told you my story
does not invite you to be a part of it.

Oh. Like the lady in the bar?

-That's different.
-Tell me how.

-Because it is!
-How is it different?

You have no fucking idea who I am!

I built a billion-dollar business
up from nothing!

Presidents have asked my advice.

I have dined with royalty and I'm
supposed to make out like, what...

...this trip was supposed to
mean something to me?

Like it was gonna change me?

How did you see it playing out, Carter?
I knock on the door, she answers.

She's surprised and angry...

...but I tell her how much l love her
and miss her.

And, "Oh. By the way,
I'm gonna be dead soon...

...so I'm reaching out to you
because l don't wanna die alone"?

Everyone is afraid to die alone.

I'm not everyone!

This was supposed to be fun.

That's all it ever was.

No, you don't get in. Call a cab.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

VIRGINIA : Dear Heavenly Father,
we just want to thank you for this day...

...for having our family here together,
once again.

And, Lord, we just want to thank you
for returning my husband...

...their father, Lord, to us.

(CHATTERING)

(VIRGINIA LAUGHS)

(SNIFFS)

WOMAN 1 :
Is he crying?

WOMAN 2:
I don't know.

He's usually so much fun.

(CRYING)

(LAUGHING)

VIRGINIA :
Oh....

-Wait a minute.
-What?

-I got something for us.
-Oh?

I wasn't sure I'd need it.

CARTER :
Sure.

VIRGINIA : Ow!
CARTER : Heh.

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

VIRGINIA :
You know how long it's been?

Do I wanna know?

(VIRGINIA LAUGHING)

VIRGINIA :
Well, it's been longer than that.

(CHUCKLES)

You know, I feel like a teenager.
Like our first time.

Uh, if we were teenagers, we never
would've gotten out of that living room.

I remember the first time.

There was no tiptoeing around.

You were on me like...that.

Carter?

Oh, you playing hide-and-seek
now, huh? Okay.

Carter!

--which resulted in a 15 percent
increase in cash assets...

...following the sale of the recovery
center to Phillips Medical.

Mr. Cole?

You ever read The Divine Comedy?

Excuse me, sir?

The Divine Comedy,
Dante Alighieri's journey into hell.

Maybe we should take a break.

We don't need a break.

I'm in remission.
I'm a goddamn medical miracle.

I'm simply asking...

...if you ever read The Divine Comedy.

Sir, you have a phone call.

Tommy, not now.

I really think you should take this.

(CHATTERING)

Uh....

Hey, Edward.

What's the prognosis?

It's metastasized to his brain.

Metast-- Operable?

The odds aren't what
we'd like them to be.

Odds.

Jesus.

How's he doing?

He's doing okay.

Uh, he wanted me to give you this.

I was supposed to wait until after...

...but then l thought....

She never listened to me before.

Why change a winning formula?

(CHUCKLES)

You look like shit, Ray.

Thanks.

How they treating you?

Pea soup still sucks.

I'll have a word with the owner.

You do that.

Can I have some water?

You can't have water, but I'll get you
some of those lemon swabs, okay?

CARTER :
All right.

You still drinking that fancy coffee?

What?

What are you, obsessed?

(CARTER CHUCKLES)

Read it.

"Kopi Luwak is the world's
most expensive coffee.

Though for some, it falls under
the category of 'too good to be true.'

In the Sumatran village
where the beans are grown...

...lives a breed of wild tree cat.

These cats eat the beans,
digest them and then...

...defecate.

The villagers then collect
and process the stools.

It is the combination of the beans
and the gastric juices of the tree cat...

...that give Kopi Luwak
its unique flavor...

...and aroma."

You're shitting me.

Cats beat me to it.

-You got a pen? Give me a pen.
-What?

What?

Here.

It's not finished.

Well....

It's not a one-man deal.

I'm afraid it'll have to be.

We're ready.

I'll be here when you get back.

Sounds good to me.

CARTER : Dear Edward, I've gone
back and forth the last few days...

...trying to decide whether or not
I should even write this.

In the end, I realized
I would regret it if I didn't...

...so here goes.

I know the last time
we saw each other...

...we weren't exactly hitting
the sweetest notes.

It certainly wasn't the way
I wanted the trip to end.

I suppose I'm responsible,
and for that I'm sorry.

But, in all honesty,
if I had the chance, I'd do it again.

Virginia said I left a stranger
and came back a husband.

I owe that to you.

There's no way I can repay you
for all you've done for me...

...so rather than try, I'm just going to
ask you to do something else for me.

Find the joy in your life.

You once said you're not everyone.

Well, that's true.

You're certainly not everyone.

But everyone is everyone.

My pastor always says:

"Our lives are streams...

...flowing into the same river...

...towards whatever heaven lies
in the mist beyond the falls."

Hello, sweetie. Hi.

CARTER :
Find the joy in your life, Edward.

My dear friend...

...close your eyes
and let the waters take you home.

Good afternoon.
My name is Edward Cole.

I don't know what most people say
at these occasions, because...

...in all honesty, I....

I've tried to avoid them.

The simplest thing is...

...I loved him and I miss him.

Carter and I saw the world together.

Which is amazing...

...when you think that only
three months ago...

...we were complete strangers.

I hope...

...that it doesn't sound
selfish of me...

...but the last months of his life...

...were the best months of mine.

He saved my life.

And he knew it before I did.

EDWARD :
I'm deeply proud that this man...

...found it worth his while
to know me.

In the end...

...I think it's safe to say that we brought
some joy to one another's lives.

So, one day, when...

...I go to some final resting place...

...if I happen to wake up
next to a certain wall with a gate...

...I hope that Carter's there...

...to vouch for me...

...and show me the ropes
on the other side.

CARTER :
Edward Perriman Cole died in May.

It was a Sunday, in the afternoon...

...and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

He was 81 years old.

Even now, I can't claim to understand
the measure of a life.

But I can tell you this:

I know that when he died,
his eyes were closed...

...and his heart was open.

And I'm pretty sure he was happy
with his final resting place...

...because he was buried
on the mountain...

...and that was against the law.