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1
00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:03,252
(CELL DOOR SLAMS)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
2
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,337
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
3
00:00:05,381 --> 00:00:06,130
(BAD TO THE BONE PLAYING)
4
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:11,218
Geez, look at me.
5
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:12,344
And I thought
my yearbook photo sucked.
6
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:14,513
ABIGAIL: And that's me.
7
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,474
Man, that dress does not
look good on anybody.
8
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,394
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
9
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:22,813
"Turn"? What if
I don't wanna turn?
10
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,481
Who's gonna
turn me, you?
11
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,859
Why don't you turn this?
12
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:27,067
Something you shouldknow about me,
13
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:29,486
I have a little problem
with authority.
14
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,238
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
15
00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:34,533
In second grade,I told our music teacher,Mrs. Florentine,
16
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:36,577
that if she wanted us
to sing like birds,
17
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,746
she should get herself
some freakin' birds.
18
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,247
I laughed so hard I peed.
19
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:42,249
And then we had to
sit facing the corner
during recess.
20
00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:45,836
BOTH: We've been friends
ever since.
21
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,048
PARKER: And that's Rachel.
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
22
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,716
PARKER: Sweet Rachel.
23
00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:53,552
The only nice one
of the bunch of us.
24
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,221
I feel so bad we
dragged her into this.
25
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,599
But the thing is,
we did it all for her,
really we did.
26
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,351
That was the idea, anyway.
27
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,478
You know what,
maybe I better explain.
28
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:03,854
We're bridesmaids.
29
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,691
Not the good kindwho love the bridelike a sister
30
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:11,236
and want to make her weddingthe most special day ever. No.
31
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,113
PARKER: We're more likethe "Avenging angels
32
00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:16,241
"who are gonna give youwhat's coming to you"type of bridesmaid.
33
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,954
You know what,
you're coming in
in the middle of things.
34
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:21,988
So maybe I should
back up a bit.
Say, 20 years.
35
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:26,835
So you can meet
the fourth member of
our little sisterhood.
36
00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:31,465
ABIGAIL: This iswhere she lived.
37
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,966
Still lives.
38
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,636
It's suchan amazing house,it has its own name,
39
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,553
Bellefontaine.
40
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,059
Caitlyn McNabb lives herewith her mother
41
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,519
and occasionalstepfather.
42
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,229
(GASPS) Oh, and servants,of course.
43
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,648
You need servantswhen your house hasits own zip code.
44
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,483
And by the way,"Bellefontaine" is French
45
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:52,277
for "My house is so muchnicer than your housewill ever be."
46
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,573
It's a good thingCaitlyn was an only child.
47
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,659
She didn'tdo sharing very well.
48
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,369
She was much betterat taking.
49
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,246
But we didn't mind.
50
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:06,375
We were just little girlsblinded by the magicof Bellefontaine.
51
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,669
Could you blame us?
52
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,296
There were tea partieson the lawn withhomemade biscuits.
53
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,508
And a secret staircase.
54
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:17,344
You got to it from insideof this huge wardrobe.
55
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,171
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
56
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:22,182
And it led all the wayto the backyard.
57
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,267
Coast's clear.
Come on.
58
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,269
We felt so luckyto be there.
59
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,354
Oh, and when we didn't,Caitlyn would remind us
60
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:30,607
how lucky we wereto be there.
61
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,441
YOUNG CAITLYN:
...eight, nine, ten.
62
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,944
Ready or not,
here I come.
63
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:36,321
So, then we playour own little versionof hide-and-seek.
64
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,447
(SHUSHING)
(GIGGLING)
65
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,410
Rachel! Abigail! Parker!
66
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,904
And we called it"I know a place whereCaitlyn can't find us."
67
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:47,166
It was a pretty spotand under a cherry tree.
68
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,751
But then,Rachel would feel guiltyand we'd all go back...
69
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:53,672
CAITLYN: Once upon a time,
there was a beautiful
princess that lived...
70
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:54,339
...and listen to Caitlyn
71
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:59,553
talk about Caitlynand make up storiesabout Caitlyn.
72
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:03,223
Got married, and lived
happily ever after.
73
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,434
Her house,her rules, her ego.
74
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,470
(ALL HUMMING)
75
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:13,358
CAITLYN: Yoo-hoo!
Here I come.
76
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,989
Wait.
77
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,157
What's that?
78
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:21,992
I'm the groom.
79
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,285
No, you're all bridesmaids.
80
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,703
There has to
be a groom.
81
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:25,996
Nuh-uh.
It's my wedding. Mom!
82
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,540
(SIGHS IN ANNOYANCE)
83
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,751
Your dress looks
really pretty.
84
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,294
Well, duh.
Of course it does.
85
00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:34,546
Mother!
86
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,965
ABIGAIL: There she is,like most normalnine year olds
87
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,051
wearing a wedding dress.
88
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:42,429
Right now we're playingher favorite game, wedding.
89
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:43,138
And we're losing.
90
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:44,598
(GROANS)
91
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:45,891
OLIVIA: Honeybelle, what?
92
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,061
What are these girls
doing to you?
93
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,021
They're not listening.
94
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,147
YOUNG PARKER:
It's a wedding,
Caitlyn,
95
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,357
there has to
be a groom.
96
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,859
My, don't you think a lot.
97
00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,779
Well, doesn't there?
OLIVIA: Well, yes.
98
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,697
Technically, dear.
But it's not
very important.
99
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:02,741
Here,
let's use this chair.
100
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,286
Thank you, Abigail.
101
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,748
There. Isn't he handsome?
102
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,792
And from a wealthy family,
I understand.
103
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,505
Lovely bride.
Thank you, Mother.
104
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,923
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
105
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:19,925
(CHUCKLING)
106
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,139
ABIGAIL: This wasour life with Caitlyn...
107
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,933
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
108
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,601
...pretty muchthrough high school.
109
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:34,064
She called the shotsand we played the parts.
110
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:37,734
Why? It's a small town.You take what you can get.
111
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,029
And in Lambert, Louisiana,we got Miss Caitlyn McNabb.
112
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,783
After college,my folks moved out west,
113
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,326
and Parker and Iboth headed for New York.
114
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,161
I got a book published.
115
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,706
(CHUCKLING) It sold okay,you know, for a first novel.
116
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:55,002
The second one iscoming along slowly,very slowly.
117
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,922
Meanwhile, Parker wentthe acting route.
118
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,466
She did a bunchof plays off Broadway.
119
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,636
Well, off, off, off Broadway.
120
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,097
I mean, she was good.
121
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:12,936
But we alwayskept in touch with Rachel,who never left Lambert.
122
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:16,440
She was going outwith this guy Tonyshe was crazy about.
123
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,774
And that seemedto be enough for her.
124
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,359
I mean,from what I knew.
125
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,527
I don't getback home much.
126
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:21,820
Parker goes back a lot.
127
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,906
She actually likesher parents.
128
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,075
And that's how we ended upin Lambert last week.
129
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:29,703
Her parents' 30th anniversary,and she dragged me along.
130
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,666
Parker's dad was takingher mom on the cruiseshe'd always wanted.
131
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:38,003
But first, the mandatory partywhere every living relative
132
00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:42,174
can ask us whywe aren't marriedor famous yet.
133
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,967
And Parker does plays
in New York all the time.
134
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,969
Don't you, dear?
135
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,097
Uh, well, I...
I audition all the time.
136
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,599
(PARKER LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
137
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,185
ABIGAIL: This is whyI don't get back much.
138
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,228
Sometimes I get callbacks.
139
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,440
Which is sort of
like a chance to
audition again.
140
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,108
You know what,
she's constantly in plays,
141
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:00,942
and she's fabulous.
142
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,321
(LAUGHS) Oh,
she gets that from me.
143
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:07,741
You got to lie to them.
Tell them what they want
to hear.
144
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:07,908
And how about you,
Abby?
145
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:10,911
You got another book
coming out?
146
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:11,703
(CHUCKLES)
147
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,041
Yes, she does.
148
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:19,744
She has a huge book
coming out. (CHUCKLES)
149
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:20,712
But she's sworn to secrecy
by her publisher.
150
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,214
Oh.
151
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,925
You know, Mom,
I'm going to go check
my voicemail.
152
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,009
Oh, is it about
an audition?
153
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:26,968
Maybe.
154
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,931
Good luck!
155
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:31,890
Knock 'em dead!
156
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:35,894
Great being home,
isn't it?
157
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,187
Surrounded by
familiar faces
158
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,563
that will never
understand you.
159
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,148
Air, I need air.
160
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,316
We're outside.
161
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,902
Air without relatives.
162
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:46,863
Oh! Ah! Is that
Parker Wald I see?
163
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,200
And Abigail? No.
Abigail Scanlon.
164
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,536
Oh, my God,
it's Caitlyn.
165
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,578
Run for your life.
166
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,454
I can't, I'm in heels.
167
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,792
Oh, my goodness,
get over here.
168
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,919
It has just
been forever.
169
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,922
Mother! Mother!
170
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,882
You remember
Parker and Abigail.
171
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:06,842
Yes.
172
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,808
Hey, Rach!
Rachel! Hey!
173
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:17,561
PARKER: Hey!
ABIGAIL: Hey!
174
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:17,811
Did you change
your e-mail?
175
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,273
I've been trying to
get a hold of you.
I'm sorry. I...
176
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,860
Oh! Oh, my goodness,
y'all don't even know
why I am here.
177
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:25,986
These are
my bridesmaids.
178
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:28,822
Yup. I'm getting married!
179
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:31,950
To a groom or a chair?
180
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,871
Oh, you and
your little quips.
181
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,246
You know, the wedding's
in 10 days.
182
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,250
And I so wanted to
invite y'all,
183
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,752
but Mother said
she couldn't find
your addresses anywhere.
184
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,171
I'm sure if you called
Parker's parents...
185
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,715
What's that, Parker,
like 30 years
in the same house?
186
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:47,048
I'm sure they could
have told you.
187
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,886
Oh, gosh!
Well, of course! Mother.
188
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,431
Goodness me,
you're right.
189
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:54,973
Next time, huh?
190
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,018
Oh, oh, oh,
let me introduce you
to everyone.
191
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,144
Rachel
you know of course.
192
00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:01,688
And these are my other
super bridesmaids.
193
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,231
Bitsy, Ashley
and Ashlie.
194
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,941
Oh, you're not
hearing double.
195
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,860
They're both really
named Ashley.
196
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:08,737
I spell it "ie" and
she spells it "ey."
197
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:09,696
Some people
get confused.
198
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:10,780
ASHLIE: But not us.
Right, Ash?
199
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,240
You got it, Ash.
200
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,575
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
201
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:14,117
Oh, my God.
202
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:17,871
BITSY: Oh,
look at that ring.
(EXHALES)
203
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,623
Picture.
Oh, yes.
204
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,832
So, Rachel,
you're a bridesmaid.
205
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,250
I so wish I could come
to the wedding.
206
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,753
I could meet Tony.
He's going to
be there, right?
207
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,462
BITSY: Say "cheese."
208
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,631
Uh, yes.
209
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,508
Oh, is that him?
210
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,592
I recognize him
from your PhotoBox.
211
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,009
Nice, sister.
212
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:33,178
OLIVIA: There's
our gorgeous groom.
213
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,517
CAITLYN: Oh, Tony-Bear!
We have been waiting
for you!
214
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:39,226
(CHUCKLING)
215
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,647
TONY: All right, then,
bridesmaids, groomsmen,
let's get this lunch moving.
216
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,022
CAITLYN: Oh, you, stop.
217
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,608
Someone has a game
he wants to catch at 3:00,
hmm?
218
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:49,069
(LAUGHS)
219
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,240
(BOTH SIGH)
220
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,076
Excuse me
for a moment.
221
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,459
All right, y'all.
Let's go.
222
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,253
BITSY: Oh, okay.
223
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,796
OLIVIA: Gregory, dear...
Oh, my goodness.
So good seeing y'all.
224
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,925
Close your mouths.
225
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,344
Rachel an old
friend of yours?
226
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,930
And I'm guessing
you haven't talked to
her in a while.
227
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,266
So, yeah, that's the Tony
that Rachel used to
go out with.
228
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,060
Although we can't
officially acknowledge
that ever happened.
229
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,770
So, this is me
not acknowledging.
230
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:26,314
You're Henry Kent.
You used to have big ears
and a slutty sister.
231
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,234
I grew into my ears.
232
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,319
And I'll tell Carol
you said hi.
233
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,071
Thank you.
234
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:33,572
I don't remember you.
Really?
235
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,451
We only had
Bio together twice and
I asked you to prom.
236
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,536
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
237
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,037
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
I was two years older
238
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,124
and I spent most of
high school tripping
over my ears.
239
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,043
So, you still live
in Lambert?
240
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,129
Yeah, still live
in Lambert.
241
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,256
I'm sorry, no,
I didn't mean it
like that.
242
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,007
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did.
Let's go find Rach.
243
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,508
Okay.
244
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:54,134
See you around.
Bye.
245
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:55,760
Cute!
I know.
246
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,725
Now, you two
just have to stay
for the wedding.
247
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,602
Oh, we would love to,
248
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,729
but I have
this big audition.
249
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,689
And I have to
re-curl my weave.
250
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:10,191
(LAUGHS) You...
Listen to you.
251
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,526
Y'all know
you want to come
to this wedding.
252
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,445
And Mother and I
would just adore
to have you.
253
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,322
Mother!
254
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,449
Have a safe trip back.
255
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,158
Well, we would.
256
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,535
Please think about it.
257
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,328
Okay.
258
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,290
Just let's go
find Rachel.
259
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:27,500
(RACHEL SOBBING)
260
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,960
Rach!
Rachel!
261
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,172
Rachel, honey,
are you in there?
262
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,465
RACHEL: It's okay,
I'm doing fine.
263
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:34,758
(RACHEL BLOWING NOSE)
264
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,384
You have been
dating Tony
for like ever.
265
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,510
You said
he was the one.
What happened?
266
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,845
Yeah, why the hell
didn't you call us?
267
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,514
'Cause you would've
been mad and
yelled at me.
268
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,433
You're damn right!
269
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:43,892
(SNIFFLING)
270
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:46,978
She stole him from you,
didn't she?
271
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,230
No, no.
Caitlyn's a good friend.
272
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,899
After all, she asked me
to be her bridesmaid.
273
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,859
And why did you
say yes?
274
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:53,985
Because I was
brought up well.
275
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,236
Oh, honey,
what are you gonna do?
276
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,032
I'm going to put on
that ugly fuchsia dress
277
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,201
and march in that
bridal procession
278
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:04,037
and show the whole world
that I'm completely and
totally over Tony Penning.
279
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,122
Oh, my God.
280
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,667
That's an air-tight plan.
281
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,209
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
282
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,631
Holy smokes!
283
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,423
ASHLEY: What's wrong?
284
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,717
Um, you know what?
285
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,427
Rachel just found out
286
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:22,180
that she signed up
for a phone plan that
doesn't have texting.
287
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,767
Three years, no refund.
(BOTH GASP)
288
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,936
Oh, you should've
asked me.
289
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,729
Yuh-huh. Ashley knows
all the phone plans.
290
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:33,316
I do. But Ashlie knows
where to find the best
frozen yogurt anywhere.
291
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,651
ABIGAIL: So, wait,
let me get this straight.
292
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,027
One of you guys fills in
what the other doesn't know.
293
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,489
BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
294
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,032
That's pretty awesome.
295
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,325
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
296
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,495
ABIGAIL:
Can you believe Caitlyn?
297
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,456
PARKER: Poor Rachel.
I know.
298
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,499
I mean, it's crazy!
299
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,042
Tell me about it.
300
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,670
PENNY: Lou, I still need
the big suitcase.
301
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,047
Well, that's why
I'm getting it.
302
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,549
What could Tony
possibly see in Caitlyn?
303
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,843
Boobs. He's a guy.
304
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,803
It's a business
transaction.
305
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,221
What?
A business transaction?
306
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:04,389
I really shouldn't
say anything.
307
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,891
Have some wine, Lou.
308
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,226
Did you hear something
down at the bank?
309
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,186
Daddy?
310
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:17,193
Well, three months ago,
Olivia put Bellefontaine
up for sale.
311
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,155
What?
They've owned it forever.
312
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,281
Olivia ran through
a third husband's money,
313
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,742
was having trouble
finding number four.
314
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,368
Gold-diggin' is
a young person's game.
315
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,704
And Tony's family?
Loaded.
316
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,080
A day after
the engagement,
317
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,832
Olivia took the place
off the market.
318
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:31,458
PENNY: Lou!
319
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,003
Sex for money?
320
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:36,963
It's good to see
traditional marriage
is alive and well.
321
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,215
(EXCLAIMS) Poor Rachel.
We should tell her.
322
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,633
Tell her a she-witch
stole the love of her life?
323
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,760
I think she knows
that, Parker.
324
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,179
Okay, but it's wrong!
It's evil, okay?
325
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:45,430
We can't just drop it
like...
(RINGING)
326
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,682
Oh, it's my agent.
I've got to take it.
327
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:48,892
Hello?
ALICE: Parker darling?
328
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,561
Oh, hey, Alice.
329
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,022
Oh! The audition.
I almost forgot about it.
330
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,607
When do they want
to see me?
331
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:56,983
Oh, okay. I see.
332
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:01,362
(STAMMERING) Not...
Okay. Love you, too.
333
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,283
Good news?
334
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:06,326
Not even a reading.
Nothing.
335
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,203
You know what,
the play was flawed.
336
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,413
The female characters
were completely
underwritten.
337
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,499
It really wasn't even
worth my time.
338
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,042
You wanted it bad,
didn't you?
So much.
339
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,752
Yeah, I know.
Here, babe,
take this,
340
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,003
and I'll get
some more for me.
341
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,800
WOMAN ON TV:
Well, how was I supposedto know, silly?
342
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,135
A girl's not a mind reader,you know.
MAN: Darling...
343
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,805
PARKER: How could
Rachel and Tony
have mucked this up?
344
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,097
They were perfect
for each other.
345
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,057
You never met him.
I'm highly intuitive.
346
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,892
They were meant
for each other,
347
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:34,229
and now Tony is
gonna marry Caitlyn.
(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING ON TV)
348
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:34,979
And Rachel's gonna have
her heart broken forever.
349
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,314
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
350
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,108
Three thousand years of
watching romantic comedies
351
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,443
and it's just
one big stinking lie.
352
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,111
I mean,
the couple stumbles
around for two hours
353
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,614
and then miraculously,
five minutes before
the credits roll,
354
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,615
they realize that
they're meant
to be together?
355
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,283
(LAUGHS)
356
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,245
That is not how
life works, my friend.
357
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,371
Action movies
have it right.
358
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,831
You hate
action movies.
359
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,541
I hate them
because they're right.
360
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:58,586
In action movies,
some psychopath takes
25 sweet people hostage
361
00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,587
and he's gonna
kill 'em all.
362
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,048
And then
Bruce Willis...
Or Denzel.
363
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,675
Also good.
He puts together
an elite SWAT team
364
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,969
of Navy SEALs,
and they go behind
enemy lines
365
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,428
and they do
what has to be done.
366
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,138
They wipe out
the henchmen,
367
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,723
the psychopath dies
a spectacular death,
368
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,850
and the sweet people
go free.
369
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,810
That's what you need
to make love work,
370
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,353
a ruthless SWAT team
with guns.
371
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,107
Gavin still
hasn't called yet?
No.
372
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,066
He went to LA
for pilot season
373
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,442
with his cute
scene partner...
374
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,152
BOTH: ...that he swears
he's not sleeping with. Ha!
375
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,154
You should not
date actors.
376
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,489
Who else do I meet?
377
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,241
Oh, you met that
really cute guy
Henry today.
378
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:29,826
And he liked you.
379
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:30,577
No. He did not like me.
380
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,498
Okay, yeah,
he did like me.
But he is a trap.
381
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,876
There's like 300 of them
in every hometown.
382
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,335
Nice, regular guy,
unpretentious.
383
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,545
You go out on
one date
384
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:42,589
and all of a sudden
you wake up 10 years later
385
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,800
with six kids, a fat ass,
and ugly pink sweatpants.
386
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:48,261
You like him.
387
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,179
You really, really
like him.
388
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,306
(STAMMERS) I do not.
389
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,807
What are you going to do
when he calls?
390
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,018
He's not going to call
because nice guys
don't call me.
391
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,354
Just selfish actors who
screw their scene partners.
392
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,981
And what are we going
to do about Rachel?
393
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,024
I say we go
full bore SWAT team
394
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,859
and break up
Caitlyn and Tony.
395
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:03,651
Okay, no more
wine for you.
396
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,112
No, I'm serious, right?
397
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,447
That's what Will Smith
or Matt Damon
398
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,658
or any of those
hot action guys
would've done.
399
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,286
We sneak into the compound,
we bust stuff the hell up.
400
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:16,331
What are we gonna do,
disguise ourselves
as German officers?
401
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:18,374
Exactly.
402
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,502
(CHUCKLES) All right.
What the hell
are you talking about?
403
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,464
I'm saying,
we wear the uniform
of the enemy.
404
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,716
Bridesmaids.
405
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,051
She already has
her bridesmaids.
406
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,762
Okay, then two of them
"have a little accident."
407
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,597
Parker,
408
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:35,350
if anyone deserves to be
knocked down a couple
of pegs, it's Caitlyn.
409
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:38,052
Rachel had one thing
she loved in life
and Caitlyn took it.
410
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,981
Are you really gonna
let her get away
with that?
411
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,149
Do you really think
we could take down
Caitlyn?
412
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,069
And do you think
we could stop
this wedding?
413
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,487
We can do anything. Why?
414
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,031
Because we're
sophisticated babes
from New York.
415
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,699
Or as Miss Olivia
would put it,
416
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:53,743
"You girls are just
a little too thinky."
417
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:54,535
All right.
418
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:56,996
I'm starting to like it.
419
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:58,998
Caitlyn is going down.
420
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,042
Yes!
421
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,460
The Thinky Girls
are back.
Yes!
422
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,295
To love.
To Rachel.
423
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:05,546
To the defeat of
the Third Reich!
424
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:06,464
(BOTH LAUGHING)
425
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:20,687
Mmm.
Girls, you're so right.
426
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,940
This is the best
frozen yogurt
in all of Lambert.
427
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:25,900
Told you.
428
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,029
Aren't you glad
you called us?
429
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,030
So glad.
430
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,033
We owe you Ashleys.
We really owe them.
431
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:37,787
Yeah, but what can
we give them that
they don't have?
432
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,874
(SIGHS) Huh... Well...
433
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:42,875
How's it going up
at the house?
434
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,004
You guys getting along
with Olivia?
435
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:46,963
It's okay.
436
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,007
Yeah. Not so bad.
437
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,009
Ashleys! Come on.
We're yogurt pals now.
438
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:52,844
Share.
439
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,138
We can't do
anything right.
440
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,890
She's always
on our case.
441
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,267
And she treats us
like we're big dopes.
442
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,393
Can you believe that?
443
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,689
This is how
we can help them.
444
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,648
You mean
our secret Olivia tip?
445
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,359
You're right.
Yeah, she always liked us.
446
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,444
Really?
447
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,862
Look, girls,
you have to understand.
448
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:14,574
I mean, Olivia's
under a lot of
pressure right now,
449
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:15,658
wedding
and everything.
BOTH: Uh-huh.
450
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,035
Is she drinking?
451
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:17,160
Yes. Constantly.
452
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:21,122
That's what happens.
ABIGAIL: Yeah,
here's the trick.
453
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,707
When she's drinking,
tell her to slow down.
454
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,627
Like, in front
of everybody?
455
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:26,961
That's the only way
it works.
456
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,757
What we used to do
is we would count her drinks
and then we'd let her know.
457
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,008
Mmm-hmm.
458
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,552
PARKER: She'd always
thank us in the morning.
459
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:35,344
We could do that.
Yeah, we could.
460
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,763
Do it, you'll be golden.
461
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,098
How's the frozen yogurt?
462
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,224
It's really cold.
(LAUGHS)
463
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,643
If I eat it too fast,
my brain freezes.
464
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,603
(BOTH ASHLEYS CHUCKLE)
465
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:44,645
How can you tell?
466
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,692
And the trap is set.
467
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,319
Their poor frozen brains
never stood a chance.
468
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,072
Well, you pick up
a few skills when
you live in the big city.
469
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,199
How the world works.
470
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,200
Oh, my God,
they're towing
my mom's car!
471
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:57,742
No! Hey!
472
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:00,703
Hey, what are you doing?
473
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,417
Where did that
come from?
474
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,002
Been up there
for about three years.
475
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,464
Okay, well, we didn't
know 'cause we don't
live here anymore.
476
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:11,881
We live in New York City.
477
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,056
Hey, Dougie,
how's it going?
478
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,559
Livin' the dream, Henry.
How about you?
479
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,144
I'm good.
Can you give me a sec?
480
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:26,729
(SIGHS)
481
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,399
There's your boy.
Okay.
482
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,859
(INAUDIBLE)
483
00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:34,445
My mistake.
484
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,739
It turns out
you can park here
485
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,574
if you're back in town for
your parents' anniversary.
486
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:40,910
So cute.
Okay.
487
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,123
So cute.
488
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,001
Hi.
Hi.
489
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,052
You know, I think I lost
something somewhere.
490
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,263
I'm gonna go look for it
in case I did.
491
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,182
I like your friend.
492
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,935
How did you do that?
493
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,812
I pulled a thorn
out of his paw
a few years back.
494
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,232
Or I'm a cop and
Dougie owes me a favor.
495
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:11,899
You're a cop?
496
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,652
Wow, that sounded awful.
I'm...
497
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,530
Let me try that again.
498
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,531
Oh, so you're in
law enforcement?
499
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,159
That sounds like
very important work.
500
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,618
That wasn't
much better either.
501
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,871
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
502
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,038
I like seeing
you rattled. It's cute.
503
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,041
So, listen, Parker...
504
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,710
Look, I...
505
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:32,253
I think you're
really nice
506
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,671
and I so appreciate
what you just did
right there,
507
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:34,922
but I don't think
it would be smart for...
508
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,132
Take it easy.
Nobody's asking
anybody out.
509
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:37,967
Oh.
510
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,010
Just wanna say
be sure you read
511
00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:41,304
all of our small-town
parking signs,
512
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,931
and you have
yourself a safe trip
back to the big city.
513
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,267
Okay?
514
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,813
That's it?
515
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:58,321
My mother's
great grandfather
built Bellefontaine
516
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,488
with his own
two hands.
517
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,576
Oh, Mr. Woodward,
it would be such
an honor
518
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,911
to have it grace
the cover of your magazine.
519
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,580
Now, I'm just
writing the article,
Miss Caitlyn.
520
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:10,124
I can't
guarantee you a cover.
521
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,709
Well, I see there are
no weight restrictions
522
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,336
on the brides
you feature.
523
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,880
That gown must've
taken all the lace
in England that year.
524
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,340
That's the Governor's
niece you're referring to.
525
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:19,258
She has a lovely
complexion.
526
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:20,927
Mmm.
527
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,055
(CLEARING THROAT)
528
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,556
Did you know,
Mr. Woodward,
529
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,142
that all the bridesmaids
are living here
at Bellefontaine
530
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:28,768
right up until
the wedding?
531
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,230
And staying at such
a magnificent home,
532
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,857
why, it's like living
in a fairyland.
533
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,025
(ALL CHUCKLING)
534
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:38,736
(WHISPERS) Now you.
Oh, yes.
535
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,532
You know, all the girls
are staying right here
at Bellefontaine
536
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:43,824
up until the wedding.
537
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:49,747
I said that part.
And um...
538
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,250
Snowglobe.
Yes.
539
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:56,837
This home is so beautiful,
isn't it?
540
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,005
It's like an idyllic scene
in a snowglobe.
541
00:20:58,049 --> 00:20:59,340
Oh!
542
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,592
That is so sweet
of you to say.
543
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,261
More sherry, anyone?
544
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,095
Oh, yes, precious,
I believe I will.
545
00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:05,721
Number three!
546
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,808
I beg your pardon?
547
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,142
Oh, that's your
third glass of sherry.
548
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,852
Actually,
it's her fourth.
549
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,187
She had a little nip
in the kitchen.
550
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,689
But I think
that was scotch.
551
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:17,733
What are you doing?
552
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:18,818
Helping.
553
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,194
We know you're under
a lot of pressure,
554
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:22,655
and we certainly don't
want to see you
get hammered
555
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,198
like you did
Wednesday night.
556
00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:25,491
When you fell
into the duck pond.
557
00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:25,649
And told the gardener
your hedge needed trimming.
558
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:30,955
So, we'll be here
counting your drinks
every day.
559
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,331
And night,
when you really
go to town.
560
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:34,917
How thoughtful of you.
561
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:38,879
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
562
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:45,970
I think those girls
gave us bad advice.
563
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,888
Boy, I think
you're right.
564
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:06,449
Well, apparently,
some of Caitlyn's
old rivals
565
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,410
were pulling some
silly sorority stunt.
566
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:12,621
(LAUGHING) Oh,
why thank you, Mr. Woodward,
I knew you'd understand.
567
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:16,042
So, we'll see you
and your photographer
tomorrow morning?
568
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,294
Wonderful. Okay.
Bye, now.
569
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,962
Oh! Mama!
570
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,757
(EXCLAIMING)
Fantastic news!
571
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,383
Abby and Parker have
changed their plans.
572
00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:26,927
Because of me!
They're going to stay
in town for the wedding.
573
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,429
Isn't that
just the best?
574
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:30,097
Mmm.
575
00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:31,015
Oh, don't worry,
we'll sit in the back.
576
00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,516
We're not going to
make a peep.
577
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,018
PARKER: Yeah,
we don't even need
to be in the photos.
578
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,644
(LAUGHING) It's not like
we're bridesmaids
or anything.
579
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:36,854
Oh, my gosh.
580
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:39,231
Lightbulb!
581
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:41,817
What if you
were bridesmaids?
582
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,319
No!
I mean, it would...
583
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:44,904
Yes!
It would be a dream
come true.
584
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,781
PARKER: Yeah.
585
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:48,199
Caitlyn, may I have
a word with you?
586
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:51,952
(GIGGLES)
587
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:58,125
(WHISPERING)
They are not
bridesmaid material.
588
00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,627
Mom, it's okay.
589
00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:02,797
Listen to me...
It's my wedding and
I want my bridesmaids.
590
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:03,756
(CLEARING THROAT)
591
00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:06,092
Mama has something to say.
592
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:06,884
Yes.
593
00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:10,304
Mother?
594
00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:13,808
We would be
honored if you would...
595
00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:19,438
Oh, for gosh sakes.
You're my new bridesmaids!
596
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,524
No way!
597
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:22,149
Yay!
Shut up!
598
00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,111
Yes, yes, yes!
Amazing!
599
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,572
PARKER: Okay, here we are.
600
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,244
Got cherubs?
601
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:36,580
There's something
I've learned in life,
602
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:37,957
you can never have
too many cherubs.
603
00:23:39,794 --> 00:23:43,170
All right, Sarge,
we're behind
enemy lines. What's next?
604
00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:44,755
Why are you asking me?
605
00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:46,090
Because you're the plotter.
606
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:47,591
Didn't Publishers Weekly
call you inventive?
607
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,635
"Abigail Scanlon
is in full command
of her narrative."
608
00:23:50,471 --> 00:23:52,096
I will give you that one.
609
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:57,059
All right, break up
the couple. Break up
the wedding couple.
610
00:23:57,103 --> 00:24:00,646
(GASPS) I got it!
You sleep with the groom.
611
00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:02,898
Huh, yeah. We help
our friend Rachel
612
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:04,316
by me sleeping
with the love
of her life.
613
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,902
Hey, I never said
there wouldn't be
any casualties.
614
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:10,781
(GASPS) Uh...
You sleep with Caitlyn.
615
00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:13,200
Why do all of your plans
have me sleeping
with someone?
616
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:14,118
Is this how you see me?
617
00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:15,661
A little bit.
618
00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:17,246
All right. Well,
if Tony's like most guys,
619
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:20,082
me and Caitlyn
in bed together
will not be a deal breaker.
620
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:21,584
I wonder where
they have Rachel stashed?
621
00:24:21,627 --> 00:24:24,753
Probably in the
"Ha, ha, stole
your boyfriend" room.
622
00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:25,671
No, she's
in the Persimmon Room.
623
00:24:25,715 --> 00:24:27,214
How do you know?
624
00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:29,717
Oh, it's right here,
under "Room Assignments"
625
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,260
in the Bridesmaids' News.
626
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:32,845
Oh, of course.
627
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:36,307
An in-home published
newspaper about
your very own wedding.
628
00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:37,808
Guess who made
the cover? Caitlyn.
629
00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:40,227
You know,
I really think that
we're over-thinking this.
630
00:24:40,271 --> 00:24:41,604
If we want to get
Rachel and Tony
back together,
631
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,190
well, let's just get
Rachel and Tony
back together.
632
00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:45,858
We can fix her up a bit,
633
00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:48,569
boost her confidence,
and then throw 'em
in a room together.
634
00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:51,614
They were cooking before.
Come on, let's turn up
the flame a little bit,
635
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:52,865
and then I do not
have to sleep
with anyone.
636
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:54,283
You okay with that?
637
00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:56,494
Oh, behold!
The Persimmon Room.
(LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY)
638
00:24:57,622 --> 00:24:58,245
(WHISPERS) Rachel?
639
00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:04,210
(GASPS) What are
you guys doing here?
How'd you get in?
640
00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,711
We're the new bridesmaids.
641
00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:07,463
Really?
Does Olivia know?
642
00:25:07,507 --> 00:25:09,882
OLIVIA: Yes, she does.
643
00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:12,176
Is there something wrong
with your room, girls?
644
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:14,845
No, I just wanted to
check out the
Persimmon Room.
645
00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:18,974
It's clearly stated in
the newsletter that
lights out is 11:00 p.m.
646
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:20,351
A curfew?
Are you kidding me?
647
00:25:20,394 --> 00:25:24,230
(CHUCKLING)
By which she means,
"Yes, ma'am."
648
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:24,939
Good night then, Rachel.
649
00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:28,567
Good night.
Good night.
650
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:30,611
It's off to bed.
Mmm-hmm.
651
00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:36,325
I know why you're here.
I know exactly
what you're planning.
652
00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:40,120
You think being
a bridesmaid
is a little game.
653
00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:42,665
You're here to
laugh at our expense.
654
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:47,086
No, we take
what we're doing here
very seriously.
655
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:49,672
Yeah, like we're
on a mission or something.
656
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,592
This wedding
is in eight days.
657
00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:58,639
I expect you to honor
the sacred trust that Caitlyn
has bestowed upon you.
658
00:25:58,683 --> 00:25:59,932
We do understand
each other, don't we?
659
00:26:01,102 --> 00:26:03,769
Yeah.
Good.
660
00:26:03,813 --> 00:26:04,436
Well, I'm glad
we've had this little talk.
661
00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:07,982
Now you two girls
get to bed.
662
00:26:08,025 --> 00:26:09,400
You need your beauty sleep.
663
00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:11,235
Especially you, Abigail.
664
00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:11,694
(GRUNTING)
No, no, no.
665
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:14,488
(EXCLAIMING)
666
00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:17,491
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMS)
667
00:26:29,630 --> 00:26:31,297
(DOOR OPENING)
668
00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,090
(HUMMING BUGLE REVEILLE)
669
00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:37,720
Rise and shine, sleepyheads!
Extra, extra,
read all about it!
670
00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:39,638
Y'all made
the front page.
671
00:26:39,682 --> 00:26:42,224
Look, "Old pals
join bridal fun!
672
00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:43,642
"Caitlyn tickled pink!"
673
00:26:43,686 --> 00:26:45,644
Now, breakfast
is in half an hour
on the east porch.
674
00:26:45,688 --> 00:26:47,146
Yum, yum.
675
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:49,940
Then at 8:00,
ladies, it's time to
turn on the charm
676
00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:51,900
because
Wedding Bellesof the South magazine
677
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,153
will be here for
interviews and photos.
678
00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:55,988
Then at 11:00,
oh, get ready.
679
00:26:56,032 --> 00:26:56,947
(IMITATING DRUMROLL PLAYING)
680
00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,867
Your first dress fitting.
681
00:26:59,910 --> 00:27:01,827
Oh, and there's
so much more after that.
682
00:27:01,871 --> 00:27:03,495
Y'all need to
get moving, okay?
683
00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:04,455
Let's go! Chop-chop! Bye!
684
00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:10,461
She keeps this up,
this is gonna need
an obituary page.
685
00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:11,170
(SIGHS)
686
00:27:14,925 --> 00:27:17,885
Well, being selected
Caitlyn's maid of honor
687
00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:20,596
is so completely
the most important thing
688
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,014
that has ever happened
in my entire
689
00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:24,683
life.
690
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:25,726
Oh!
691
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,311
I'm sorry.
692
00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:30,939
It's just ever since
we were freshmen rushes
at Gamma Kappa,
693
00:27:32,902 --> 00:27:36,528
Caitlyn and I
have been like sisters.
More than sisters.
694
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:39,573
We're like two big halves
of one big Siamese twin.
695
00:27:42,078 --> 00:27:43,786
(LAUGHS)
696
00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:44,328
The funny thing is,
she's happier than we are.
697
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,164
Morning, ladies.
698
00:27:47,208 --> 00:27:48,248
Hey.
Oh, okay.
699
00:27:50,336 --> 00:27:52,002
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Okay, girls.
700
00:27:52,046 --> 00:27:54,838
The better the interviews,
the more likely we are
to get the cover.
701
00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:57,424
I hope you're both thinking of
lots of colorful anecdotes.
702
00:27:57,468 --> 00:27:59,134
Yeah, that's what
we're doing over here.
703
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,261
Yeah, I tried a couple of
jokes on the butler.
Freakin' killed.
704
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:05,799
(LAUGHS) Oh, Abigail,
you're just a regular, old
Dane Cook sometimes.
705
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:09,728
But seriously,
when it's your turn
to be interviewed,
706
00:28:09,772 --> 00:28:13,816
please, no frowny faces,
no sassy attitude,
707
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:15,317
and remember,
you are the bridal support.
708
00:28:15,361 --> 00:28:17,319
And, oh, dear God,
please, none of that
other thing you do.
709
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:17,903
Oh, you mean sarcasm?
710
00:28:17,947 --> 00:28:18,862
None of that.
711
00:28:21,117 --> 00:28:21,240
Caitlyn, I could never be
sarcastic with you.
712
00:28:22,076 --> 00:28:24,201
Thank you.
713
00:28:24,245 --> 00:28:26,120
Here we are, ladies.
Eggs Benedict
714
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:29,581
with a rasher of applewood
smoked bacon for Miss Parker.
715
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:34,294
And for Miss Abigail,
spelt toast, dry,
and soy bacon bits.
716
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,380
This spelt toast,
what, that means
somebody ate it already?
717
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:38,298
OLIVIA:
I'll take care of this.
718
00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:43,929
Abigail, our bridesmaids
dresses aren't going to
impress in the plus sizes.
719
00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:45,764
And we think,
with a little work,
720
00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:46,056
you could lose
10 pounds this week.
721
00:28:47,476 --> 00:28:48,434
If you cut off my leg.
722
00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:49,476
(OLIVIA CHUCKLES)
723
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:50,686
Now, it's not just diet,
724
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,647
we're bringing in
a personal trainer for you.
725
00:28:53,691 --> 00:28:55,190
And trust me,
she is a miracle worker.
726
00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:57,192
I need a miracle?
727
00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:58,902
Look, I know
you don't want to
hear this right now,
728
00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:00,446
but this is seriously
the best eggs Benedict
that I've ever had.
729
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:04,491
RACHEL:
We've been best friends
since kindergarten.
730
00:29:04,535 --> 00:29:05,659
Abigail, Parker and Caitlyn.
731
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,832
We used to play wedding,
right there on that lawn.
732
00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:14,209
And now
it's a real wedding.
733
00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:15,252
Yes. It is.
734
00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:18,088
When you see
Caitlyn and Tony together,
735
00:29:18,132 --> 00:29:20,799
bride and groom,
how does that
make you feel?
736
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:23,093
Um...
737
00:29:24,805 --> 00:29:25,304
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
738
00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:33,896
I'm so, so sorry.
739
00:29:37,777 --> 00:29:39,860
What a sweet
dear friend she is.
740
00:29:39,904 --> 00:29:42,529
Rachel! Rachel!
Rach.
741
00:29:42,573 --> 00:29:45,741
Rachel!
Rach!
742
00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:47,701
They used to run after
each other like that
when they were children.
743
00:29:47,745 --> 00:29:49,995
Such memories!
744
00:29:50,039 --> 00:29:51,622
ABIGAIL: Rach!
Rachel!
745
00:29:51,665 --> 00:29:54,500
Rachel! Rachel!
Rachel!
746
00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:56,168
ABIGAIL: Slow down!
747
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:56,919
Rachel!
748
00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:00,881
Rachel!
Rach!
749
00:30:02,968 --> 00:30:04,051
Come on!
Rach!
750
00:30:05,930 --> 00:30:08,055
Hey, how those
eggs Benedict
treating you right now, huh?
751
00:30:09,809 --> 00:30:11,225
Oh, I figured
they'd ask me
about Caitlyn,
752
00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:13,352
but I did not think
they would ask me
about Tony.
753
00:30:13,395 --> 00:30:14,812
(WHIRRING)
754
00:30:14,855 --> 00:30:18,440
Look, it's gonna be okay.
We're gonna fix everything.
755
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:20,734
Excuse me! We're trying
to have a conversation!
756
00:30:20,778 --> 00:30:21,985
Can you wrap it up?
757
00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,654
(WHIRRING STOPS)
758
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:24,905
Thank you.
You're a prince.
759
00:30:26,784 --> 00:30:28,325
What do you mean
you're gonna
fix everything?
760
00:30:28,369 --> 00:30:29,827
That's why the Ashleys
are gone and we're here.
761
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,328
You did that?
Yes,
we did.
762
00:30:31,372 --> 00:30:33,080
And we did it for you.
We're gonna help you
get Tony back.
763
00:30:33,123 --> 00:30:34,915
So spruce it on up, girl.
You gotta look pretty.
764
00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:35,958
Yes, he's gonna
fall in love with you
all over again.
765
00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:37,167
No, he can't.
766
00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:40,254
Yes, he can. Come on,
there's still plenty...
767
00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:41,296
No, they have to
get married.
768
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:42,297
Whose side are you on?
769
00:30:42,341 --> 00:30:43,757
It's a secret.
It's a big secret.
770
00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:45,050
I'm not supposed to
tell anyone, so I can't!
Spill it!
771
00:30:45,094 --> 00:30:46,468
Caitlyn's pregnant.
772
00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:47,261
What?
773
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:49,054
And it's Tony's.
774
00:30:50,975 --> 00:30:53,141
So they have to get married.
775
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:54,977
(SNIFFLING)
776
00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:55,936
That sweet little baby
cannot grow up
without a daddy.
777
00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:03,569
RACHEL: It always felt weird
with me and Tony's family.
778
00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:05,863
They think anybody
who isn't rich like them
is some sort of gold-digger.
779
00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:07,489
But that isn't me.
780
00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:09,116
Oh, we know, honey.
781
00:31:09,159 --> 00:31:11,159
They made me feel
so uncomfortable.
782
00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,661
Then one day,
Tony made this joke
783
00:31:12,705 --> 00:31:16,623
about how I liked
their big sailboat,
and I lost it.
784
00:31:16,667 --> 00:31:20,544
I said, "If that's what you
think I am, then we should
just break up right now."
785
00:31:20,588 --> 00:31:22,412
I didn't mean it.
I was just upset and mad.
786
00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:27,634
When I finally got up
the nerve to call
and say I was sorry,
787
00:31:27,678 --> 00:31:29,094
somebody else
had swooped in
and grabbed him.
788
00:31:29,138 --> 00:31:32,848
Hmm. Yeah, let me guess.
Our lifelong friend
Caitlyn.
789
00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:34,516
Yeah. She threw
herself at him.
790
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:35,851
Under him,
more likely.
791
00:31:35,895 --> 00:31:38,520
He only slept
with her once,
but that was enough.
792
00:31:38,564 --> 00:31:40,272
Mmm-hmm.
793
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:41,315
Yeah, just like my mom
always said.
794
00:31:41,358 --> 00:31:42,691
How do you know
she was pregnant?
795
00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:46,528
She told me.
She said she went
to Dr. Wallach.
796
00:31:46,572 --> 00:31:48,906
They did a test. Baby.
797
00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:49,865
So now they have to
get married.
798
00:31:50,951 --> 00:31:52,451
Tony's doing
the right thing.
799
00:31:54,705 --> 00:31:56,413
He always does
the right thing.
800
00:31:56,457 --> 00:31:57,831
Except playing
that game of
happy-slappy with Caitlyn.
801
00:31:59,168 --> 00:32:01,752
Promise me
you will not
break up this wedding.
802
00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,170
Promise?
803
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:04,796
(SIGHS)
804
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:05,172
Fine.
All right,
we promise.
805
00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:12,512
You know what,
that gold-digger's pregnant
806
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:13,889
and it's a shotgun wedding?
807
00:32:13,933 --> 00:32:16,433
This marriage gets
more traditional
all the time.
808
00:32:16,477 --> 00:32:18,310
What are we gonna do?
809
00:32:18,354 --> 00:32:21,396
Nothing. We just buck up
and be sweet little
bridesmaids to that bitch
810
00:32:22,733 --> 00:32:23,357
and her hellish mother.
811
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:26,985
(EXCLAIMING ANGRILY)
This is not fun anymore.
812
00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:35,953
Caitlyn,
if I'm gonna stage this,
813
00:32:35,996 --> 00:32:37,955
we need the groom
and his groomsmen.
814
00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:41,667
Your mother never kept
her husbands for very long,
815
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,169
but she certainly knew
how to get them
to show up on time
816
00:32:44,213 --> 00:32:45,921
for all the rehearsals.
817
00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:47,047
Thank you, Charlotte.
818
00:32:47,091 --> 00:32:48,215
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
819
00:32:50,344 --> 00:32:51,301
(GASPS)
820
00:32:54,390 --> 00:32:55,138
Yay!
821
00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:00,519
Got your groom, ma'am.
822
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:03,730
Sorry we're late.
823
00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:06,358
Four guys trying on tuxes,
you can't pull them away.
824
00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:21,039
CHARLOTTE: Settle down.
Now first thing, we need to
match our groomsmen
825
00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:22,582
with our bridesmaids
for the processional.
826
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:28,046
We'll do this by height
because this day
is all about aesthetics.
827
00:33:32,636 --> 00:33:33,301
MAN: Okay.
828
00:33:34,763 --> 00:33:35,554
HENRY: Hi.
Hi.
829
00:33:38,851 --> 00:33:40,767
You had me at "Hello."
830
00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:43,687
Oh. I didn't say hello.
831
00:33:45,315 --> 00:33:47,733
Gary, in heels
she's gonna be a lot taller.
832
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,693
Yeah, Gary,
he's right.
833
00:33:49,737 --> 00:33:51,319
I think
I'm the girl for you.
834
00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:54,281
Plus, I am just dazzled
by a guy that can
rock plaid, so...
835
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:55,073
Mmm.
836
00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:01,246
Kind of surprised
to see you two here
instead of Team Ashley.
837
00:34:01,290 --> 00:34:04,374
Oh, yeah, well,
they had to present
this big paper at MIT,
838
00:34:04,418 --> 00:34:05,751
and, you know,
Caitlyn asked us to fill in.
839
00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:10,172
You do know that
I'm a detective
for a living.
840
00:34:10,215 --> 00:34:11,715
Well, in that case,
841
00:34:11,759 --> 00:34:13,800
I'm not answering
any more questions
without a lawyer.
842
00:34:13,844 --> 00:34:15,844
Even if I invite you
to dinner?
843
00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:17,054
I can't.
We're on lockdown here.
844
00:34:18,432 --> 00:34:20,432
No dinners out.
No men upstairs.
845
00:34:20,476 --> 00:34:23,810
Too bad.
I'm just trying to get
a little background
846
00:34:23,854 --> 00:34:26,021
on the woman
I'm walking down
the aisle with.
847
00:34:29,735 --> 00:34:31,735
New York actress.
Gone next Monday.
848
00:34:33,655 --> 00:34:34,112
(BELL TINKLING)
849
00:34:34,782 --> 00:34:37,491
You two, let's go.
850
00:34:37,534 --> 00:34:38,658
Plenty of time
to hit on her
851
00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:39,576
when you're tanked
at the reception.
852
00:34:42,998 --> 00:34:44,039
Thank you.
853
00:34:47,086 --> 00:34:48,960
CHARLOTTE: Oh, dear,
I don't know.
854
00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:53,048
Livvy, the dress
was made
for one of those
855
00:34:53,092 --> 00:34:55,217
shapely Ashley girls
you discarded.
856
00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,969
This bony child
has no rump at all.
857
00:34:58,013 --> 00:34:59,346
Where's your bottom, dear?
858
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:02,682
Charlotte, this girl
is as good as
we can get.
859
00:35:02,726 --> 00:35:05,644
We're just gonna
have to soldier on.
860
00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:07,521
Pin, my dear,
till your hands bleed.
861
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:12,484
Uh, hey, excuse me.
I don't think that
this dress fits anybody.
862
00:35:14,071 --> 00:35:15,487
Ah, a woman built
to bear children.
863
00:35:15,531 --> 00:35:17,572
Excuse me?
864
00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:20,951
If only there was a way
of transplanting some of
your womanly abundance
865
00:35:20,994 --> 00:35:23,286
to the one
built like a little boy.
866
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:25,372
A boy? Have you not
seen these babies?
867
00:35:25,415 --> 00:35:27,999
Charlotte, she's going to lose
10 pounds by the wedding.
868
00:35:28,043 --> 00:35:30,502
I'm sorry.
Why don't you try
to alter the dresses
869
00:35:30,546 --> 00:35:32,087
instead of the bridesmaids?
870
00:35:32,131 --> 00:35:35,173
Abigail, dear Abigail.
871
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:36,174
You're going to be
standing in front of
872
00:35:36,218 --> 00:35:37,509
hundreds of people
next Saturday.
873
00:35:37,553 --> 00:35:39,136
You don't want them
looking at you
874
00:35:39,179 --> 00:35:42,180
and recalling that
hateful nickname
they used to have for you.
875
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:44,015
What was it again?
876
00:35:44,059 --> 00:35:44,683
Flabigail.
877
00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:47,519
(GASPS)
878
00:35:47,563 --> 00:35:48,478
Young people
can be so cruel.
879
00:35:53,193 --> 00:35:54,067
(SIGHS)
880
00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:01,783
(CLATTERING)
881
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:14,713
Soup? Are you
frickin' kidding me?
882
00:36:17,092 --> 00:36:18,633
Figured I'd find you
down here.
883
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:22,846
They moved everything.
Everything.
884
00:36:22,890 --> 00:36:25,348
This cabinet...
This cabinet used to be
full of cookies.
885
00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:31,146
Always. Even the
Little Debbie cakes
with the pink wrapper.
886
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,356
I could count on it.
887
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,442
And now
she's starving me
for 24 hours,
888
00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:37,861
and what does she give me
in my happy cabinet?
A frickin' can of tomato soup!
889
00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:41,114
You know what?
890
00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:43,617
Fine.
891
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:49,789
(SLURPING) Mmm.
892
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:52,250
It's not that bad.
893
00:36:53,754 --> 00:36:54,753
Can I buy you a round?
894
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:55,587
No.
895
00:37:01,803 --> 00:37:02,219
Flabigail.
896
00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:05,430
She really put
the knife in on that one.
897
00:37:08,018 --> 00:37:09,559
Well, pull it right back out.
She was just trying
to get to you.
898
00:37:09,603 --> 00:37:12,395
One word and that sad
little 12-year-old girl
was back.
899
00:37:12,439 --> 00:37:14,481
But now you're beautiful.
900
00:37:14,524 --> 00:37:16,942
And you're a very
successful New York writer.
901
00:37:16,985 --> 00:37:18,610
Who's hitting
her head up
against the wall
902
00:37:18,654 --> 00:37:21,738
because she has
not one idea
for her second novel.
903
00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:22,697
Not one. Nothing.
904
00:37:22,741 --> 00:37:25,450
I'm blocked, I'm spent,
905
00:37:26,828 --> 00:37:29,955
I'm a has-been
after one book.
906
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:30,872
Cold spaghetti?
907
00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:31,790
Give it to me.
908
00:37:34,211 --> 00:37:35,710
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm. Nuh-uh.
909
00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:37,087
Okay.
910
00:37:38,632 --> 00:37:41,091
Remember when
we used to sneak down
that secret passageway
911
00:37:41,134 --> 00:37:42,592
and make snacks
for movie night?
912
00:37:42,636 --> 00:37:44,386
(LAUGHS) Always
the same snacks,
right?
913
00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:47,264
It was s'mores
and pink lemonade.
914
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:48,431
And always the same movie.
915
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,183
BOTH: An Officerand a Gentleman.
916
00:37:50,227 --> 00:37:52,894
For two years,
that's the only movie Caitlyn
would ever let us watch.
917
00:37:54,606 --> 00:37:55,397
Oh, my God, that's it.
918
00:37:57,401 --> 00:37:59,567
Okay,
Caitlyn's not pregnant.
919
00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:02,737
Ready?
Officer and a Gentleman,
920
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:04,864
Lisa Eilbacher
pretended to be pregnant
921
00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:07,742
so that David Keith
will marry her.
922
00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:10,996
Caitlyn is Lisa Eilbacher.
Oh, it's so obvious.
923
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:14,666
She went to
Dr. Wallach, Abigail.
She got a test.
924
00:38:14,710 --> 00:38:15,667
No. Mmm-mmm.
I don't think she did.
925
00:38:15,711 --> 00:38:17,168
I think Caitlyn is lying.
926
00:38:17,212 --> 00:38:18,545
Okay, you might need
a little proof of that.
927
00:38:18,588 --> 00:38:20,839
I'll get you some proof,
Little Miss Skeptical No Butt.
928
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:23,925
We move at dawn.
929
00:38:23,969 --> 00:38:25,468
Let's get going,
we need our sleep. Let's go!
930
00:38:25,512 --> 00:38:26,428
And I need my spaghetti.
931
00:38:28,056 --> 00:38:28,763
Oh, yeah.
932
00:38:31,268 --> 00:38:31,850
PARKER: Oh!
933
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,485
KELTON: Well,
good morning, bridesmaids.
934
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:44,946
What are you ladies up to?
935
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:47,532
Uh, we were just
gonna go into town.
936
00:38:47,576 --> 00:38:48,992
Yeah, I need to
run an errand.
937
00:38:49,036 --> 00:38:50,660
You know,
Miss Olivia doesn't like
people driving off,
938
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:51,828
doing their own thing, now.
939
00:38:51,872 --> 00:38:52,829
I need tampons.
940
00:38:54,791 --> 00:38:56,041
Well, have a good day.
941
00:39:03,008 --> 00:39:03,882
ABIGAIL: Bye!
942
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:09,637
Hi, how are you?
943
00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:10,347
Come on.
944
00:39:16,855 --> 00:39:18,730
Hi, we're here from, uh...
945
00:39:20,776 --> 00:39:21,816
Filex Cabinets.
946
00:39:21,860 --> 00:39:22,317
Uh-huh.
947
00:39:23,487 --> 00:39:25,904
Yes. You obviously
got the recall notice.
948
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:27,322
The what?
949
00:39:27,366 --> 00:39:29,908
The recall notice, sweetheart.
Don't you read the news?
950
00:39:29,951 --> 00:39:33,370
Yeah, a lot of
our filing cabinets
have been collapsing.
951
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:37,290
Apparently the titanium
brackets have a little
too much alloy in them.
952
00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:37,749
Yeah, way too much.
953
00:39:39,878 --> 00:39:41,628
These cabinets
were purchased
after 1970?
954
00:39:41,671 --> 00:39:42,754
Um, I started here in June.
955
00:39:43,965 --> 00:39:45,840
Then we need to
check those, don't we?
956
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:50,887
Okay. Let's go.
(DOOR BUZZING)
957
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:54,140
I'm gonna pick
a file at random.
958
00:39:54,184 --> 00:39:55,683
You know what,
how about "M"?
959
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:58,436
"M." Middle letter.
Very wise.
960
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:02,232
Oh, my God.
Those glasses are so cute.
961
00:40:02,275 --> 00:40:03,608
Thank you.
962
00:40:03,652 --> 00:40:04,401
They must have been
really expensive.
963
00:40:04,444 --> 00:40:05,819
No, I bought them online.
964
00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:07,278
$20.
965
00:40:07,322 --> 00:40:11,116
Get out of here!
Would it be okay
if I tried them on?
966
00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:12,826
Oh.
967
00:40:13,787 --> 00:40:14,285
Thanks.
968
00:40:17,958 --> 00:40:20,291
Oh. Wow, they're so comfy.
How do I look?
969
00:40:22,254 --> 00:40:24,587
Blurry.
I can't see a thing
without my glasses.
970
00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,923
(BOTH LAUGHING)
971
00:40:26,967 --> 00:40:28,967
Have you ever tried contacts?
972
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:31,761
Because, you know,
your eyes are really pretty.
973
00:40:31,805 --> 00:40:34,556
Oh, I did,
but don't they hurt?
974
00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:35,890
Beauty is pain, girlfriend!
975
00:40:37,227 --> 00:40:37,851
(EXCLAIMING ANGRILY)
She's pregnant!
976
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,981
That's just an expression
that we use to mean
977
00:40:43,024 --> 00:40:47,485
that this cabinet is
crazy full and
it's about to go.
978
00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:49,362
So, we need to
get that report in
right away.
979
00:40:49,406 --> 00:40:51,281
Absolutely.
Okay.
980
00:40:51,324 --> 00:40:51,948
Here are your glasses.
Thank you.
981
00:40:56,830 --> 00:40:57,537
Stay clear of those.
982
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:02,041
(PARKER LAUGHS)
983
00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:09,924
Lab report
with urine test.
984
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:12,427
"McNabb comma Caitlyn.
Bun in oven."
985
00:41:12,471 --> 00:41:14,012
What about
An Officer and a Gentleman?
986
00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:17,974
Just like every other
romantic movie, okay?
It let us down.
987
00:41:24,441 --> 00:41:25,523
ALL: Mmm. Mmm.
988
00:41:27,777 --> 00:41:28,818
That was the orange ginger.
989
00:41:32,866 --> 00:41:34,949
Bitsy, don't copy off me.
990
00:41:36,411 --> 00:41:38,203
I wasn't!
991
00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:40,288
Girls, do I have to
separate the two of you?
992
00:41:40,332 --> 00:41:42,707
This next one
is red velvet.
993
00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:43,917
Very daring
for a wedding.
994
00:41:47,756 --> 00:41:49,172
What do you think, honey?
995
00:41:49,216 --> 00:41:49,339
It's really good.
I like it.
996
00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:54,302
Men. Put food
in their mouths
and that's all they need.
997
00:41:54,346 --> 00:41:56,679
Not all. At least not
in my experience.
998
00:41:56,723 --> 00:41:57,347
Which is no doubt
extensive.
999
00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:02,519
You like it? Sweetheart,
that's what you said
about the last three.
1000
00:42:03,230 --> 00:42:06,397
I like cake. All cake.
1001
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:07,565
Cake and me,
we just get along.
1002
00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:13,947
Tony-Bear, participate.
1003
00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:14,948
Come on, we need
an opinion from the groom.
1004
00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:25,792
Look, Caitlyn,
I'm doing what
everybody wants here.
1005
00:42:25,835 --> 00:42:26,209
It's just cake.
1006
00:42:29,589 --> 00:42:31,506
Yes, you do like milk
with your cake.
1007
00:42:31,550 --> 00:42:33,091
Why don't you go
get some milk, hmm?
1008
00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:33,883
I think I will.
1009
00:42:36,012 --> 00:42:37,220
He's just getting
some milk.
1010
00:42:42,435 --> 00:42:43,810
OLIVIA: Well, if he's
going to have milk,
1011
00:42:43,853 --> 00:42:44,352
I think we should all
have a sherry.
1012
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:46,229
Mmm.
1013
00:42:51,861 --> 00:42:53,236
Oh. Uh...
Oh.
1014
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:54,696
Sorry. Bye.
(STAMMERING)
1015
00:42:54,739 --> 00:42:56,906
Rach, don't go.
1016
00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:04,539
It's okay. We can be
in the same room together.
1017
00:43:07,752 --> 00:43:08,918
No, I don't think we can.
1018
00:43:10,130 --> 00:43:10,628
Do you hate me that much?
1019
00:43:12,215 --> 00:43:13,214
Is that what you think?
1020
00:43:15,969 --> 00:43:18,553
I'm trying not to
think anymore.
1021
00:43:18,597 --> 00:43:20,888
I'm just doing
what I have to do.
1022
00:43:23,602 --> 00:43:25,101
One stupid mistake,
1023
00:43:25,145 --> 00:43:27,353
and I'm gonna be
paying for it
for the rest of my life.
1024
00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:37,155
I miss you so much.
1025
00:43:40,535 --> 00:43:44,662
And I'm the one
who messed this up,
1026
00:43:44,706 --> 00:43:45,997
and I wish
I could go back.
But it's too late.
1027
00:43:46,041 --> 00:43:46,956
Rachel.
1028
00:43:49,169 --> 00:43:49,959
I love you.
1029
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:53,755
I always will.
1030
00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:55,256
(SOFTLY)
I love you, too.
1031
00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:58,926
There's not much
we can do about it, though.
1032
00:44:00,722 --> 00:44:01,512
It's just nice to know.
1033
00:44:03,475 --> 00:44:06,684
CAITLYN: Tony-Bear!
This carrot cake
is to die for!
1034
00:44:20,867 --> 00:44:23,034
And then we both said
we still love each other.
1035
00:44:23,078 --> 00:44:24,619
(RACHEL LAUGHS)
1036
00:44:24,663 --> 00:44:27,872
I haven't been
this happy in months.
Isn't it wonderful?
1037
00:44:27,916 --> 00:44:30,500
No, no.
It's not wonderful.
1038
00:44:30,543 --> 00:44:31,793
It's the opposite
of wonderful.
1039
00:44:31,836 --> 00:44:32,752
He's marrying
someone else,
1040
00:44:32,796 --> 00:44:33,670
and not just
any someone else,
1041
00:44:33,713 --> 00:44:34,754
he's marrying
Caitlyn McNabb,
1042
00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:37,006
the great biatch
de les biatches.
1043
00:44:37,050 --> 00:44:38,383
(BLOWS)
1044
00:44:38,426 --> 00:44:39,217
(CRYING)
1045
00:44:40,887 --> 00:44:42,679
Hey, Parker, I heard
there are some
little kids playing outside,
1046
00:44:42,722 --> 00:44:44,347
why don't you go out there
and tell 'em they're
all gonna die someday?
1047
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,518
Okay. What are we all
doing here, seriously?
1048
00:44:48,561 --> 00:44:50,186
We're miserable.
We should just crash
the gate and go.
1049
00:44:50,230 --> 00:44:52,188
No! You can't go.
1050
00:44:52,232 --> 00:44:52,647
If you all left,
I'd be a mess.
1051
00:44:54,818 --> 00:44:55,024
We don't want that
to happen now, do we?
1052
00:44:57,278 --> 00:44:57,902
Go wash your face.
1053
00:44:57,946 --> 00:44:58,653
Okay.
1054
00:45:01,866 --> 00:45:03,282
We cannot leave her.
1055
00:45:03,326 --> 00:45:05,076
Then what
are we gonna do?
1056
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:06,411
We can't break up
a wedding if we can't
break up the couple.
1057
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,955
Oh, don't worry
about it, okay?
I will find a way.
1058
00:45:08,998 --> 00:45:13,751
Why? Because
I'm Abigail Scanlon,
master of the narrative.
1059
00:45:13,795 --> 00:45:14,502
I thought you were
blocked and a has-been.
1060
00:45:15,755 --> 00:45:17,588
Not yet I'm not.
We'll figure this out.
1061
00:45:20,510 --> 00:45:21,426
I'm sorry.
1062
00:45:30,019 --> 00:45:34,689
Bitsy, you got
something for Tony,
but nothing for me?
1063
00:45:40,155 --> 00:45:41,779
Come on. Feet apart.
(PANTING)
1064
00:45:44,951 --> 00:45:46,075
Kick it.
1065
00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:48,786
Harder and higher!
1066
00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:52,540
Come on, no resting!
1067
00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:53,332
(GRUNTS)
1068
00:45:58,131 --> 00:46:02,258
Hey, you, we need
a ring bearer,
not a clown.
1069
00:46:02,302 --> 00:46:04,093
You're not to smile.
This is not about you.
1070
00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:05,052
Mom!
1071
00:46:06,765 --> 00:46:07,847
You.
You're it!
1072
00:46:07,891 --> 00:46:08,598
(SIGHS)
1073
00:46:11,603 --> 00:46:14,353
FEMALE TRAINER:
All right now. Good. Harder!
1074
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:15,271
Come back here!
1075
00:46:26,743 --> 00:46:28,201
Let's go! That's right.
Time's a-wasting!
1076
00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:29,410
♪ Something oldSomething new
1077
00:46:29,454 --> 00:46:32,038
♪ Something borrowedSomething blue
1078
00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:37,627
♪ But all I needis something new
1079
00:46:39,923 --> 00:46:42,924
♪ Ooh, ooh
1080
00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:44,926
♪ All I needis something new ♪
1081
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:48,346
Well, I think we finally
have an arrangement
that works for everybody.
1082
00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:49,806
Thank you, Charlotte.
1083
00:46:49,849 --> 00:46:51,265
Yes. You are a genius.
1084
00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:54,727
(ALL GASPING)
No!
1085
00:46:59,400 --> 00:46:59,816
(SIGHS IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
1086
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:01,901
Ooh.
1087
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:04,529
Was that
something important?
1088
00:47:07,116 --> 00:47:07,824
(SOBS)
1089
00:47:10,411 --> 00:47:14,205
Some candid pics
of fun with my bridesmaids.
1090
00:47:14,249 --> 00:47:15,206
This is the big
pillow fight, okay?
1091
00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:21,546
(SIGHING)
I hate pillow fights.
1092
00:47:21,589 --> 00:47:22,630
Oh, don't be
a big poop!
1093
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:26,634
Abigail, easy.
1094
00:47:28,972 --> 00:47:29,637
(EXCLAIMS)
1095
00:47:30,890 --> 00:47:32,056
(LAUGHING)
BITSY: Oh! Ow!
1096
00:47:32,100 --> 00:47:33,432
(RACHEL GASPS)
1097
00:47:33,476 --> 00:47:34,141
BITSY: I'm okay.
Oh...
1098
00:47:35,770 --> 00:47:36,853
(GROANS) Okay. Oh!
1099
00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:37,728
Ow!
1100
00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:41,232
Can I have some help?
(EXCLAIMS)
1101
00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:45,486
(LAUGHING) Oh,
we're having so much fun!
1102
00:47:47,282 --> 00:47:49,365
(BITSY EXCLAIMING)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1103
00:47:51,369 --> 00:47:52,618
♪ 'Cause I justdon't let you see
1104
00:47:52,662 --> 00:47:54,954
♪ How much I want you
1105
00:47:54,998 --> 00:47:57,373
♪ I feel so luckyit seems that it's...
1106
00:47:57,417 --> 00:48:00,543
♪ Uh-uh, uh-uhIt's dangerous ♪
1107
00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:02,837
Ooh, we get a choice.
1108
00:48:02,881 --> 00:48:04,797
"At 8:00 p.m.,
scrapbooking
in Caitlyn's room,
1109
00:48:04,841 --> 00:48:06,048
"Sleepless in Seattle
in the den,
1110
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:07,717
"or making popcorn balls
in the kitchen."
1111
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:11,804
How about if I jump
out the window
of the "Stir Crazy" room?
1112
00:48:11,848 --> 00:48:14,390
Parker, you ditched
"I Love the '80s" karaoke
1113
00:48:14,434 --> 00:48:15,850
two nights
in a row, all right?
1114
00:48:15,894 --> 00:48:17,143
You can't sit in here
and mope all night.
1115
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:19,604
Amazingly, I can.
1116
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:22,023
Seriously, come on, get up.
1117
00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:25,109
You want to leave Rachel
suffering out there
by herself?
1118
00:48:25,153 --> 00:48:26,569
Fine. But I hate you.
1119
00:48:26,613 --> 00:48:26,819
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(GASPS) Oh!
1120
00:48:27,864 --> 00:48:29,447
Henry Kent.
1121
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:30,364
You look cute. Answer it.
(CLEARS THROAT)
1122
00:48:32,076 --> 00:48:33,367
Yes?
1123
00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:36,412
Yeah, hi, it's Henry Kent,
1124
00:48:36,456 --> 00:48:37,997
small-town
police detective.
1125
00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:39,498
Oh, hi.
1126
00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:41,417
Very casual. Nice.
1127
00:48:41,461 --> 00:48:42,752
I know that
it's a long shot,
1128
00:48:42,795 --> 00:48:45,630
and I know it's tough
getting out of the compound...
1129
00:48:45,673 --> 00:48:46,964
Dinner? Yes, absolutely.
1130
00:48:48,343 --> 00:48:50,259
Well, great.
1131
00:48:50,303 --> 00:48:52,762
How about Crawdid's
in 20 minutes?
It's still there, right?
1132
00:48:52,805 --> 00:48:54,722
It was this morning.
1133
00:48:54,766 --> 00:48:55,723
See you there.
1134
00:48:56,935 --> 00:48:58,476
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
I have a date.
1135
00:48:58,519 --> 00:49:00,645
I have a date.
I have a date.
1136
00:49:02,106 --> 00:49:04,065
Fine.
But I hate you back.
1137
00:49:04,108 --> 00:49:05,066
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1138
00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:06,817
Do that move again.
1139
00:49:06,861 --> 00:49:07,360
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1140
00:49:09,197 --> 00:49:10,404
CAITLYN: Yay!
Abigail's here.
BITSY: Yay!
1141
00:49:12,408 --> 00:49:13,658
RACHEL: Uh-oh!
1142
00:49:15,954 --> 00:49:16,577
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
I have a date.
1143
00:49:20,959 --> 00:49:21,457
WOMAN: ♪ Want to ask yousomething, man
1144
00:49:25,588 --> 00:49:26,379
MAN: ♪ Here we go! ♪
1145
00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:30,925
If you hadn't called me,
right now I'd be
pasting baby pictures
1146
00:49:30,969 --> 00:49:32,760
of Caitlyn on a page
called, "Cute as a Button."
1147
00:49:32,804 --> 00:49:33,761
They're pretty hard-core
up there, huh?
1148
00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:35,554
We wear matching pajamas.
1149
00:49:35,598 --> 00:49:36,138
Ooh.
1150
00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:40,935
So, I'm still a little curious
as to why you stuck around
in town.
1151
00:49:40,979 --> 00:49:41,769
I quickly ruled out
interest in me.
1152
00:49:43,523 --> 00:49:46,023
Because we're worried
about Rachel.
This is awful for her.
1153
00:49:46,067 --> 00:49:47,066
She's not even close to
being over Tony.
1154
00:49:48,820 --> 00:49:51,362
Sort of a sensitive area
for a friend of the groom.
1155
00:49:52,949 --> 00:49:54,240
Sorry. You wanna
change the subject?
1156
00:49:54,283 --> 00:49:56,826
Nah. I mean,
I know what's going on.
1157
00:49:56,869 --> 00:49:57,868
I know why
they're really
getting married.
1158
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,453
Oh, yeah,
secretly pregnant bride.
1159
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:00,454
What a cliche.
What?
1160
00:50:01,082 --> 00:50:02,373
She's pregnant?
1161
00:50:02,417 --> 00:50:04,917
Oh, no.
No, please don't tell
anyone I told you.
1162
00:50:04,961 --> 00:50:08,421
It's okay.
'Cause I'm joking.
Everybody knows.
1163
00:50:09,716 --> 00:50:10,589
I'm serious.
The busboy knows.
1164
00:50:10,633 --> 00:50:13,050
Hey, Javier!
Who's pregnant?
1165
00:50:13,094 --> 00:50:13,843
Miss Caitlyn.
1166
00:50:18,808 --> 00:50:21,976
All right, well,
I told you about Rachel.
1167
00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:24,020
So what's Tony's story?
1168
00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,397
Tony's a stand-up guy.
1169
00:50:26,441 --> 00:50:26,731
He's doing
what he has to do.
1170
00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:29,942
But is he happy
about it?
1171
00:50:29,986 --> 00:50:31,777
Um, let's see. No.
1172
00:50:34,282 --> 00:50:35,197
When he found out
she was pregnant,
1173
00:50:35,241 --> 00:50:35,656
he put his fist
through a wall.
1174
00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:40,995
But then he realized
this is Lambert,
Louisiana,
1175
00:50:41,039 --> 00:50:45,166
it's 1870, and the options
are "get married"
or "get married now."
1176
00:50:45,209 --> 00:50:47,460
So he's biting his lip
and taking his punishment.
1177
00:50:47,503 --> 00:50:48,419
This is just one big
misery fest, isn't it?
1178
00:50:48,463 --> 00:50:49,879
Yeah.
1179
00:50:49,922 --> 00:50:52,465
In fact, I would
probably have to say
that meeting you
1180
00:50:54,135 --> 00:50:56,552
is the only good thing
to come out of this
whole lousy wedding.
1181
00:50:56,596 --> 00:50:58,304
Look, Henry,
1182
00:50:58,347 --> 00:50:59,680
I leave for New York
the day after the wedding.
1183
00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:02,141
And there's not much time.
And I sort of have this rule
1184
00:51:02,185 --> 00:51:03,434
where I don't
sleep with a guy
1185
00:51:03,478 --> 00:51:03,809
until I've known him
for three weeks.
1186
00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:05,019
Parker?
1187
00:51:05,063 --> 00:51:06,479
Yeah?
1188
00:51:06,522 --> 00:51:07,021
It's just dinner.
1189
00:51:10,860 --> 00:51:12,026
Although, if I happen
to find myself in New York
1190
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:14,695
in, I don't know,
exactly three weeks, then...
1191
00:51:27,001 --> 00:51:28,417
Hey!
1192
00:51:28,461 --> 00:51:30,795
How was the date
with the cop?
1193
00:51:30,838 --> 00:51:32,546
Did he frisk you?
Did he find anything?
1194
00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:33,464
It was awful.
1195
00:51:35,468 --> 00:51:36,634
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I thought that was solid.
1196
00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:39,804
No, he's great.
Possibly better than great.
1197
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,223
And he likes me.
Oh, God.
1198
00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:46,227
Well, why don't
you stick around
and see what happens?
1199
00:51:46,270 --> 00:51:48,395
Because I live
in New York City.
My career is there.
1200
00:51:48,439 --> 00:51:50,564
Which I don't even have.
1201
00:51:50,608 --> 00:51:52,900
I didn't tell you this,
but my agent, Alice,
dumped me yesterday
1202
00:51:52,944 --> 00:51:54,819
in an email
which she signed
"Love." (LAUGHS)
1203
00:51:56,072 --> 00:51:57,113
So I'm going home
to nothing
1204
00:51:57,156 --> 00:51:59,532
and I'm leaving
this adorable guy here.
1205
00:52:01,244 --> 00:52:02,535
Olivia has me
so carb-starved
1206
00:52:02,578 --> 00:52:04,620
that if you put
your sweet hand
on a kaiser roll,
1207
00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:05,913
I'd eat it in three bites.
1208
00:52:07,959 --> 00:52:09,959
Out of the two of us,
who do you think
is more pathetic?
1209
00:52:10,002 --> 00:52:11,544
I need BAND-AIDs.
1210
00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:14,505
We were scrapbooking
last night and I got
all these paper cuts.
1211
00:52:14,549 --> 00:52:16,006
We have a winner.
1212
00:52:16,050 --> 00:52:18,884
(SIGHS) What a
super morning it is!
1213
00:52:18,928 --> 00:52:20,177
I just saw a redbird
outside my window.
1214
00:52:21,722 --> 00:52:24,515
You know, Bitsy.
I hope we all
stay in touch
1215
00:52:24,559 --> 00:52:25,057
when this week is over.
1216
00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:29,770
Girls, breakfast
is on the patio,
not in the kitchen.
1217
00:52:31,149 --> 00:52:31,522
Is Caitlyn out there?
1218
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:35,317
No. Our bride-to-be
is not feeling at all
well this morning.
1219
00:52:35,361 --> 00:52:37,186
I thought I heard her
throwing up. Is she okay?
1220
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:39,405
Well, these things happen.
1221
00:52:39,448 --> 00:52:40,573
Mmm, morning sickness.
1222
00:52:40,616 --> 00:52:42,158
Oh, yeah.
1223
00:52:42,201 --> 00:52:45,661
Or somebody and her
maid of honor were
up late last night
1224
00:52:45,705 --> 00:52:46,787
doing mucho, mucho
tequila shots.
1225
00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,041
Pregnant girls
don't do tequila shots.
1226
00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:54,211
Unless they're
not pregnant.
1227
00:53:03,139 --> 00:53:05,347
Bitsy, you need
to tell us the truth.
1228
00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:08,267
Mmm-mmm.
1229
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:11,061
It'll be much easier
on you if you just talk.
1230
00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:12,021
Anything yet?
No.
1231
00:53:13,316 --> 00:53:14,023
Not gonna happen.
1232
00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:19,403
Oh, what is this?
1233
00:53:19,447 --> 00:53:20,863
(GASPS) Ooh!
1234
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:23,741
Oh, my.
1235
00:53:23,784 --> 00:53:26,410
Those are mine!
Where did you get those?
1236
00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:27,786
From your room.
Is that cashmere?
1237
00:53:27,830 --> 00:53:28,746
I think so.
1238
00:53:28,789 --> 00:53:30,998
And there's not
a spot on it.
1239
00:53:31,042 --> 00:53:32,875
It would be a shame
if anything happened to it.
1240
00:53:32,919 --> 00:53:33,542
Don't you dare.
Mmm!
1241
00:53:33,586 --> 00:53:34,501
(GASPS)
1242
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:35,920
What do you got there,
Abigail?
1243
00:53:35,963 --> 00:53:39,298
You know, just a few things
that spill on fine garments.
1244
00:53:39,342 --> 00:53:40,382
Like
1245
00:53:41,886 --> 00:53:43,427
marinara sauce.
1246
00:53:43,471 --> 00:53:44,386
Club soda.
Gets it right out.
1247
00:53:47,266 --> 00:53:49,225
Soy sauce.
1248
00:53:49,268 --> 00:53:49,934
(GASPS)
White vinegar and peroxide.
1249
00:53:57,485 --> 00:54:00,152
Oh, well, look
what I have here.
1250
00:54:00,196 --> 00:54:00,945
Mmm.
1251
00:54:03,032 --> 00:54:04,114
Fruit preserves.
And I think that's... (SNIFFS)
1252
00:54:04,158 --> 00:54:05,616
Yeah, that's blueberry.
1253
00:54:07,536 --> 00:54:08,827
You wouldn't.
1254
00:54:29,684 --> 00:54:31,100
(GASPS) She's not pregnant,
she never was!
1255
00:54:31,143 --> 00:54:32,726
Please don't
hurt my sweaters.
1256
00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:36,605
Okay, but what about
the pregnancy test?
We saw the lab results.
1257
00:54:36,649 --> 00:54:37,439
That was my sister's urine.
1258
00:54:40,069 --> 00:54:40,317
Muffy married
an Irish Catholic guy,
so she's always pregnant.
1259
00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:43,737
Caitlyn asked me
to get a cup
of her pee, so I did.
1260
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:48,701
Please don't tell her
I blabbed.
1261
00:54:48,744 --> 00:54:50,953
We're Gamma Kappa Nus.
Forever.
1262
00:54:53,666 --> 00:54:56,333
It's okay, Bitsy. It's over.
1263
00:54:56,377 --> 00:54:57,042
Can I go now?
Sure.
1264
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:00,629
(EXCLAIMING)
1265
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:05,342
I can't believe it.
1266
00:55:05,386 --> 00:55:10,014
Caitlyn lied about
being pregnant to trick
Tony into marrying her.
1267
00:55:11,183 --> 00:55:15,019
That bi...
That...
1268
00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:17,062
Say it.
Yeah, it'll make
you feel good.
1269
00:55:17,106 --> 00:55:18,605
No, I can't.
I just can't.
That bitch!
1270
00:55:18,649 --> 00:55:20,149
(RACHEL'S VOICE ECHOING)
1271
00:55:21,694 --> 00:55:23,068
(ABIGAIL AND PARKER LAUGH)
1272
00:55:23,112 --> 00:55:24,069
Careful, sweetheart.
Don't hurt yourself.
1273
00:55:24,113 --> 00:55:24,528
Sorry.
1274
00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,531
Okay, well, you know what?
This changes everything.
1275
00:55:27,575 --> 00:55:29,575
Sure does.
We gotta tell Tony.
1276
00:55:29,618 --> 00:55:31,618
Yeah, we have to. When?
1277
00:55:31,662 --> 00:55:32,119
(CAITLYN GIGGLING)
1278
00:55:33,247 --> 00:55:34,663
Tony, baby.
1279
00:55:34,707 --> 00:55:36,206
How about right now?
He's here.
1280
00:55:38,294 --> 00:55:39,835
We'll distract Caitlyn,
and you go tell Tony.
1281
00:55:39,879 --> 00:55:40,961
Me tell him?
I don't think I can.
1282
00:55:41,005 --> 00:55:42,504
After what
she did to you?
1283
00:55:42,548 --> 00:55:43,922
After what
she did to us?
1284
00:55:43,966 --> 00:55:44,923
Yeah, you're right.
I'll tell him.
I have to.
1285
00:55:48,054 --> 00:55:51,555
Okay. Here goes.
1286
00:55:51,599 --> 00:55:52,681
I'm taking my life back.
1287
00:55:54,101 --> 00:55:54,808
Wish me luck!
1288
00:55:58,522 --> 00:56:00,022
Bye, boys! Have fun!
1289
00:56:01,776 --> 00:56:03,901
Be careful.
Don't you do anything
I wouldn't do.
1290
00:56:06,197 --> 00:56:07,988
Oh!
1291
00:56:08,032 --> 00:56:10,366
Isn't that cute?
They're going on a canoe trip.
1292
00:56:10,409 --> 00:56:12,576
Male bonding.
Three days out
in the woods.
1293
00:56:12,620 --> 00:56:14,370
No laptops,
no cell phones,
1294
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:15,287
no strippers,
thank you very much.
1295
00:56:15,331 --> 00:56:16,622
So when are they
gonna be back?
1296
00:56:16,665 --> 00:56:20,376
Just right
before the wedding,
which is fine by me.
1297
00:56:20,419 --> 00:56:22,127
All he has to do is shave
and put on a tux.
1298
00:56:22,171 --> 00:56:23,837
Men are not
very complicated,
are they?
1299
00:56:40,356 --> 00:56:43,982
I got it. Why don't we
just find out what river
they are on,
1300
00:56:44,026 --> 00:56:45,943
rent a canoe
and some maps and stuff,
1301
00:56:46,904 --> 00:56:48,570
and just hunt them down?
1302
00:56:48,614 --> 00:56:52,574
Excellent. A plan
that utilizes our vast
wilderness skill set.
1303
00:56:52,618 --> 00:56:53,575
Okay, well, what do you got?
1304
00:56:53,619 --> 00:56:55,536
A headache.
And I'm hungry, too.
1305
00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:57,037
BLUTMAN: Careful now.
1306
00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:59,706
Is that Caitlyn's dress?
BLUTMAN: Oh. Okay.
Got it there?
1307
00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:00,958
Oh, I was at the fitting.
1308
00:57:01,001 --> 00:57:04,169
It is an absolutely
beautiful gown.
1309
00:57:04,213 --> 00:57:04,920
Do you realize what
we're trying to do here?
1310
00:57:05,881 --> 00:57:07,714
You're right.
I was just...
1311
00:57:07,758 --> 00:57:09,800
You're Southern, sweetie.
It's not your fault.
1312
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:10,926
ABIGAIL: We have to
figure out a way to bring
1313
00:57:10,970 --> 00:57:12,136
this entire wedding
to its knees.
1314
00:57:12,179 --> 00:57:14,054
And when we do,
it is not going to be pretty.
1315
00:57:14,098 --> 00:57:16,640
Okay, well, we might
need an actual plan.
1316
00:57:16,684 --> 00:57:18,142
(CAITLYN SCREAMING)
1317
00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:19,101
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh.
1318
00:57:21,397 --> 00:57:24,857
CAITLYN: No! No!
1319
00:57:24,900 --> 00:57:28,569
No, no, no,
no, no! Mother!
1320
00:57:28,612 --> 00:57:30,279
(CAITLYN EXCLAIMING)
1321
00:57:30,322 --> 00:57:34,158
No!
1322
00:57:34,201 --> 00:57:35,993
Oh! It's wrong,
it's all wrong!
1323
00:57:36,036 --> 00:57:39,288
Caitlyn, honey,
what's all wrong?
What's the matter?
1324
00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:42,583
Calm down.
Oh, I will not!
1325
00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:44,168
Those idiots,
they ruined it!
1326
00:57:44,211 --> 00:57:45,711
Look, look at it! See?
What? What am I
looking at?
1327
00:57:45,754 --> 00:57:47,963
Oh, God!
My mother is blind!
1328
00:57:48,007 --> 00:57:50,757
Look, blind Mother.
It's Summer Pearl.
1329
00:57:50,801 --> 00:57:52,718
And what did I order?
What color did I specify?
1330
00:57:54,597 --> 00:57:55,170
Burnished Eggshell!
1331
00:57:56,765 --> 00:57:59,099
It's true. I was there.
Burnished Eggshell.
It was lovely.
1332
00:57:59,143 --> 00:58:00,309
Are you kidding me?
1333
00:58:01,729 --> 00:58:03,187
It's ruined,
the wedding is ruined.
1334
00:58:03,230 --> 00:58:05,814
Oh, now, honeybelle,
we've got time.
1335
00:58:05,858 --> 00:58:09,485
We can fix it.
I'm gonna get on the phone
straightaway to Jean-Louis.
1336
00:58:09,528 --> 00:58:11,153
Oh, well, you better.
1337
00:58:12,573 --> 00:58:14,907
You promised me.
1338
00:58:14,950 --> 00:58:18,827
Every detail of this wedding
has to be exactly right.
1339
00:58:18,871 --> 00:58:21,955
I'm only marrying this guy
because of all the money
you went through.
1340
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,334
I don't mind
a loveless marriage,
1341
00:58:25,377 --> 00:58:29,046
but I will not tolerate
anything less than
a perfect wedding.
1342
00:58:31,926 --> 00:58:34,092
If it is not
the wedding I want,
1343
00:58:34,136 --> 00:58:34,676
I am not walking down
your aisle. Period.
1344
00:58:36,180 --> 00:58:39,848
It'll be perfect, honeybelle.
It'll be perfectly perfect.
1345
00:58:42,228 --> 00:58:45,562
Man, it'd sure
be a shame if
anything happened
1346
00:58:45,606 --> 00:58:47,773
in the next couple
of days that would
make this wedding
1347
00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:49,441
less than perfect.
Mmm-hmm.
1348
00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:51,276
Ooh, I just
got chills.
1349
00:58:58,827 --> 00:59:01,662
Yes, is this the
florist in charge of
the McNabb wedding?
1350
00:59:03,582 --> 00:59:04,790
Who am I?
Caitlyn.
You can do Caitlyn.
1351
00:59:06,877 --> 00:59:09,461
Well, this is
Miss Caitlyn McNabb,
bride-to-be.
1352
00:59:09,505 --> 00:59:10,796
I would like to make
a few changes to my
floral arrangements...
1353
00:59:12,591 --> 00:59:14,591
I would never
order lilies.
1354
00:59:14,635 --> 00:59:16,218
Ever since I was
six years old...
1355
00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:19,096
Do you know what
they do to her?
Her eyes water.
1356
00:59:19,139 --> 00:59:21,390
And I get these
awful hives
all over my body.
1357
00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:23,892
Mother, I need my ointment!
1358
00:59:25,271 --> 00:59:28,564
Mother and I think
a white tent
is just so blah,
1359
00:59:28,607 --> 00:59:29,898
so I was wondering
if you had anything
1360
00:59:29,942 --> 00:59:31,984
a little bit more playful.
1361
00:59:32,027 --> 00:59:35,696
(GASPS) Yes, somethinga little bit moreplayful!
1362
00:59:35,739 --> 00:59:38,240
A dream bouncy
castle is not what
I dreamed about, Mother!
1363
00:59:38,284 --> 00:59:39,491
Where is my white tent?
1364
00:59:41,287 --> 00:59:42,327
We'll find it, baby,
we will find it.
1365
00:59:42,371 --> 00:59:44,830
Pop the damn thing,
Blutman! Pop it!
1366
00:59:48,502 --> 00:59:48,584
This is Olivia Warburton
from Bellefontaine.
1367
00:59:50,588 --> 00:59:52,838
Are you the woman in charge
of the ice sculptures
in my Caitlyn's wedding?
1368
00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:56,216
Mother!
1369
00:59:56,260 --> 00:59:56,800
What is it now?
1370
00:59:58,762 --> 01:00:00,178
What, honeybelle?
1371
01:00:00,222 --> 01:00:02,639
Is there some
little something
that they got wrong?
1372
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:09,354
That's not so little.
1373
01:00:09,398 --> 01:00:11,023
This was supposed
to be a baby cupid,
1374
01:00:11,066 --> 01:00:12,941
not some
aroused sailor!
1375
01:00:12,985 --> 01:00:16,653
Maybe, uh,
the guests could hang
their umbrellas on him.
1376
01:00:16,697 --> 01:00:17,362
That's the biggest one
I've ever seen.
1377
01:00:19,158 --> 01:00:20,907
I can't do this anymore.
1378
01:00:20,951 --> 01:00:23,160
Honeybelle, breathe.
1379
01:00:23,203 --> 01:00:25,829
It'll be okay. Breathe.
1380
01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:28,707
Mama is gonna
take care of it, okay?
1381
01:00:28,751 --> 01:00:30,459
Breathe. Mama's gonna
take care of it.
1382
01:00:40,971 --> 01:00:41,637
(GASPS)
1383
01:00:43,807 --> 01:00:44,640
(SNICKERING)
1384
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:57,444
Oh, my. Don't you girls
look just lovely.
1385
01:00:57,488 --> 01:00:58,987
Even you, Abigail.
1386
01:00:59,031 --> 01:01:02,157
Oh, Miss Olivia,
if you had wings,
you'd be an angel.
1387
01:01:02,201 --> 01:01:02,949
Hmm.
1388
01:01:05,537 --> 01:01:08,038
Or a nasty-ass dragon.
1389
01:01:08,082 --> 01:01:08,538
I heard that.
Mmm.
1390
01:01:12,503 --> 01:01:13,835
Everything's humming
along nicely, dear.
1391
01:01:13,879 --> 01:01:17,714
I've seen the new cherubs,
and they're as sweet as pie.
1392
01:01:17,758 --> 01:01:20,634
And the flowers!
Oh, the flowers.
1393
01:01:20,678 --> 01:01:23,762
Roses and roses
as far as the eye can see.
1394
01:01:23,806 --> 01:01:24,721
CAITLYN: What about the cake?
1395
01:01:24,765 --> 01:01:26,598
You know,
the one that says,
1396
01:01:26,642 --> 01:01:31,937
"Mazel tov, Bernie and Agnes,
on 50 fabulous years"?
1397
01:01:31,980 --> 01:01:32,604
Just a bad memory.
1398
01:01:34,441 --> 01:01:35,482
I'm not feeling happy, Mother.
1399
01:01:37,069 --> 01:01:40,278
The bride should be
happy the day
before her wedding.
1400
01:01:40,322 --> 01:01:41,113
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
1401
01:01:41,156 --> 01:01:42,572
More shoulders.
Yes, ma'am.
1402
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:45,951
Relax, darling,
Mother has everything
under control.
1403
01:01:48,122 --> 01:01:48,704
Everything.
1404
01:01:54,128 --> 01:01:55,293
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
1405
01:01:57,548 --> 01:01:59,297
PARKER: Go, go, go, go!
1406
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:00,006
Okay, okay.
1407
01:02:06,056 --> 01:02:09,224
I just heard them
talking. Caitlyn is so
completely frazzled!
1408
01:02:09,268 --> 01:02:12,686
Oh, then she's going
to go over the edge
when this happens.
1409
01:02:12,730 --> 01:02:13,770
Who wants
the honors?
1410
01:02:13,814 --> 01:02:14,688
Me, please?
1411
01:02:17,025 --> 01:02:17,899
Come on, Rachel,
come on.
1412
01:02:19,945 --> 01:02:21,027
Let's go, Rachel!
1413
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:22,070
Who stole
your man, Rachel?
1414
01:02:22,114 --> 01:02:24,906
Take that,
you slut-bag man-stealer!
1415
01:02:26,118 --> 01:02:26,992
(ALL CHEERING)
1416
01:02:30,247 --> 01:02:31,329
(ALL GASPING)
1417
01:02:33,333 --> 01:02:34,583
(ALL SCREAMING)
1418
01:02:37,463 --> 01:02:38,003
RACHEL: Oh, my God!
1419
01:02:43,302 --> 01:02:44,843
(ALL WHOOPING)
1420
01:03:16,585 --> 01:03:17,959
You see, Caitlyn,
as I suspected,
1421
01:03:18,003 --> 01:03:20,462
your dear old friends
have been behind
all of it.
1422
01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:25,258
Detective? I believe
we can hand this
over to you now.
1423
01:03:25,302 --> 01:03:28,845
Theft, destruction of
property, harassment,
malicious mischief.
1424
01:03:28,889 --> 01:03:30,597
Do you need more?
No, that's plenty.
1425
01:03:32,643 --> 01:03:33,809
Oh, and, by the way,
1426
01:03:35,687 --> 01:03:37,729
that dress was
just a decoy.
1427
01:03:37,773 --> 01:03:39,898
The real one
is safely locked away.
1428
01:03:39,942 --> 01:03:42,526
Okay, I gotta read
you all your rights now.
1429
01:03:44,738 --> 01:03:45,529
Wait!
1430
01:03:47,324 --> 01:03:48,031
Wait.
1431
01:03:54,957 --> 01:03:57,499
And you call
yourselves bridesmaids.
1432
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:01,419
You're a disgrace
to the name
1433
01:04:03,173 --> 01:04:04,756
and not worthy
of the dresses you wear.
1434
01:04:24,987 --> 01:04:25,986
And after everything
I did for you.
1435
01:04:41,378 --> 01:04:42,544
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1436
01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:44,588
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
1437
01:04:47,426 --> 01:04:49,551
So, uh, we all thought
you groomsmen
1438
01:04:49,595 --> 01:04:50,844
were on like
this big canoe trip.
1439
01:04:52,222 --> 01:04:52,762
I couldn't get off work.
1440
01:04:53,682 --> 01:04:54,931
Wish I was
there, though.
1441
01:04:56,685 --> 01:04:57,100
FEMALE OFFICER: Next.
1442
01:05:03,275 --> 01:05:04,983
Hey, how you doing?
1443
01:05:05,027 --> 01:05:05,525
Can I get more of
a flattering light?
1444
01:05:08,405 --> 01:05:10,030
Thank you so much.
1445
01:05:10,073 --> 01:05:10,697
FEMALE OFFICER: Turn.
1446
01:05:13,243 --> 01:05:15,410
Don't judge us.
You don't know
the whole story.
1447
01:05:15,454 --> 01:05:17,120
Just stop talking
until you get a lawyer.
1448
01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:17,829
You're only gonna
make it worse for yourself.
1449
01:05:17,873 --> 01:05:19,164
We had to do something!
1450
01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:20,999
Stop. Please.
1451
01:05:28,759 --> 01:05:29,758
(CELL DOOR BUZZING)
1452
01:05:29,801 --> 01:05:30,508
(CELL DOOR OPENS)
1453
01:05:30,552 --> 01:05:32,052
Hey, Parker.
1454
01:05:32,095 --> 01:05:33,970
Oh, look, they're
gonna let us take
a picture together.
1455
01:05:41,521 --> 01:05:43,188
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
1456
01:05:43,231 --> 01:05:45,857
You know, Miss Wald,
you're fully entitled
to an attorney here.
1457
01:05:45,901 --> 01:05:48,276
I know. But I'm not
arguing with you.
1458
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:51,696
We did all of the things
you said that we did.
1459
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,990
Plus a few more
things, actually.
1460
01:05:54,034 --> 01:05:56,451
Miss, you really wanna
wait for an attorney.
1461
01:05:56,495 --> 01:05:58,828
It was the right
thing to do!
1462
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,747
Henry. You're
listening, right?
1463
01:06:02,417 --> 01:06:03,291
I can tell that
you're there.
1464
01:06:04,252 --> 01:06:05,251
Close.
1465
01:06:07,589 --> 01:06:08,755
What choice
did we have?
1466
01:06:08,799 --> 01:06:10,882
We found out that
Caitlyn's not pregnant.
1467
01:06:10,926 --> 01:06:14,219
She lied to Tony.
Tricked him.
How about that?
1468
01:06:14,262 --> 01:06:16,930
And why? Because
Miss Olivia ran out
of money,
1469
01:06:16,974 --> 01:06:18,932
and she doesn't want
to lose her big house
1470
01:06:18,976 --> 01:06:20,266
and ten closets
full of clothes.
1471
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:23,561
Caitlyn doesn't even love
Tony! We heard her say it.
1472
01:06:25,190 --> 01:06:25,939
But Rachel...
1473
01:06:28,068 --> 01:06:28,858
Rachel does love Tony,
1474
01:06:31,405 --> 01:06:32,404
and he loves her
and you know that.
1475
01:06:34,741 --> 01:06:36,449
And the sham of a wedding
is gonna happen tomorrow
1476
01:06:36,493 --> 01:06:36,908
if somebody
doesn't stop it.
1477
01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:39,536
Come on, Henry.
1478
01:06:41,540 --> 01:06:41,955
This is about love.
1479
01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:45,500
Don't you care about love?
1480
01:06:48,130 --> 01:06:48,920
Oh, boy.
1481
01:06:51,633 --> 01:06:52,465
I kind of thought
you did.
1482
01:06:54,594 --> 01:06:55,802
I kind of thought
1483
01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:58,930
that's the guy you are.
1484
01:07:02,019 --> 01:07:02,976
Oh.
1485
01:07:04,855 --> 01:07:07,313
Do you know how much
I've been thinking about you
the past few days?
1486
01:07:08,692 --> 01:07:11,401
I'm so glad this glass
is here right now because
1487
01:07:12,946 --> 01:07:15,864
I would never have
the nerve to tell you
how I feel.
1488
01:07:18,410 --> 01:07:19,951
But for the past
couple of days,
1489
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:23,830
I've been thinking
to myself,
1490
01:07:23,874 --> 01:07:24,831
"What if I didn't go back
to New York?
1491
01:07:26,626 --> 01:07:27,584
"What if I stuck around
here for a while?
1492
01:07:28,962 --> 01:07:31,129
"What would life be like
with a guy like Henry?"
1493
01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,885
Well, not a guy
like Henry.
1494
01:07:38,472 --> 01:07:39,345
Henry.
1495
01:07:56,239 --> 01:07:57,614
Um... Detective,
1496
01:08:01,703 --> 01:08:02,577
I'm thinking
this one's yours.
1497
01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:10,085
I kind of heard
everything you just said.
You're... You're very
1498
01:08:11,338 --> 01:08:12,045
persuasive.
1499
01:08:13,548 --> 01:08:14,881
And we could prove
everything, Henry.
1500
01:08:14,925 --> 01:08:17,342
I mean,
I even know how...
No. Not about that.
1501
01:08:17,385 --> 01:08:19,385
I mean, what you said
about me and you.
1502
01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:26,017
I am crossing so many
professional lines here.
1503
01:08:26,061 --> 01:08:27,852
That's because
you're a good person.
1504
01:08:27,896 --> 01:08:30,146
I need to be
a good cop.
1505
01:08:30,190 --> 01:08:31,898
But you believe
what I said, right?
1506
01:08:31,942 --> 01:08:32,690
About me and you,
or the other one?
1507
01:08:35,737 --> 01:08:36,152
I was kind of hoping both.
1508
01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:42,742
Where are we, Henry?
1509
01:08:48,500 --> 01:08:50,834
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1510
01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:52,585
ABIGAIL: How'd
you do it? Hmm?
1511
01:08:52,629 --> 01:08:54,504
How'd you get Henry
to spring us?
1512
01:08:54,548 --> 01:08:56,464
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I know.
1513
01:08:56,508 --> 01:08:57,799
No, I did not.
1514
01:08:57,843 --> 01:08:59,008
Oh, but you would've.
1515
01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:00,051
Didn't come to that.
1516
01:09:00,095 --> 01:09:01,886
You so would've!
1517
01:09:01,930 --> 01:09:03,555
When did you and Henry
hook up?
1518
01:09:03,598 --> 01:09:06,599
We didn't. Yet.
Look, it's complicated.
1519
01:09:06,643 --> 01:09:08,977
Complicated? Hey,
your man's not marrying
somebody else in 24 hours.
1520
01:09:11,314 --> 01:09:13,064
Okay, bridesmaids,
we've been thinking small.
1521
01:09:13,108 --> 01:09:15,441
The time for girlie
little pranks is over.
1522
01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:17,152
No guts, no glory.
This is war!
1523
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:18,778
True that.
You got any mustard?
1524
01:09:20,782 --> 01:09:22,824
Tomorrow,
we go in for the kill.
1525
01:09:22,868 --> 01:09:25,076
We eliminate
the most essential part
of this wedding.
1526
01:09:25,912 --> 01:09:27,162
The bride.
1527
01:09:27,205 --> 01:09:29,038
I guess we have to.
I know the estate pretty well.
1528
01:09:29,082 --> 01:09:33,042
There's a lot of good
places to bury the body
where they'll never find it.
1529
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:36,379
Uh, Rach, "kill" is
just an expression.
1530
01:09:36,423 --> 01:09:36,963
Oh. Of course.
1531
01:09:39,092 --> 01:09:39,716
But look at the
shy one, all giddy
and ready for blood.
1532
01:09:39,759 --> 01:09:41,050
That is just adorable.
1533
01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:43,094
But if we don't kill her,
she'll just come back.
1534
01:09:43,138 --> 01:09:44,637
Not if we
do this right.
1535
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:47,599
Don't worry about it.
That Gamma Kappa mama
is going down.
1536
01:09:47,642 --> 01:09:48,933
Who's in?
1537
01:09:50,896 --> 01:09:51,936
Let's do this!
(ALL CHEERING)
1538
01:09:56,318 --> 01:09:57,650
(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
1539
01:10:01,364 --> 01:10:02,030
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1540
01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:28,473
These are the three women
I told you about.
1541
01:10:28,516 --> 01:10:29,849
They may yet
try something else.
1542
01:10:29,893 --> 01:10:34,270
We cannot be too cautious.
Are your men armed, sir?
1543
01:10:34,314 --> 01:10:35,980
This is Louisiana, ma'am,
of course we are.
1544
01:10:39,110 --> 01:10:42,153
Good. Don't be afraid
to use them.
1545
01:10:42,197 --> 01:10:43,029
Oh, Reverend!
1546
01:10:46,785 --> 01:10:47,992
(BAD TO THE BONE PLAYING)
1547
01:10:55,293 --> 01:10:55,959
You ready,
Miss Olivia?
1548
01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:01,047
Out of my way,
Thinky Girls.
1549
01:11:07,639 --> 01:11:11,516
Oh, Caitlyn,
you look so gorgeous
in this dress.
1550
01:11:11,559 --> 01:11:14,644
Oh, I know.
Where's the veil?
1551
01:11:14,688 --> 01:11:16,646
Oh, um...
It's around.
Somewhere.
1552
01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:19,607
"It's around somewhere"?
1553
01:11:21,695 --> 01:11:25,280
Bitsy, do you know
why I asked you to be
my maid of honor?
1554
01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:28,241
I have no idea.
1555
01:11:30,370 --> 01:11:31,035
Find it.
1556
01:11:32,372 --> 01:11:33,079
Find it!
1557
01:11:41,089 --> 01:11:41,671
I look good.
1558
01:11:46,761 --> 01:11:47,719
Why are you two
loitering about?
1559
01:11:47,762 --> 01:11:48,720
Miss Olivia?
1560
01:11:48,763 --> 01:11:50,596
What are you looking at?
1561
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:54,267
Am I the first person to fall
asleep in a tanning bed?
I think not.
1562
01:11:54,311 --> 01:11:57,812
You should be
looking out for
those three awful girls!
1563
01:11:57,856 --> 01:11:58,646
Now move.
Yes, ma'am.
1564
01:11:59,983 --> 01:12:00,815
Ma'am.
1565
01:12:02,986 --> 01:12:04,652
I don't know why you
think acting is so hard.
1566
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:05,903
Try getting paid for it.
Hush, you!
1567
01:12:10,869 --> 01:12:12,577
Now or never.
1568
01:12:12,620 --> 01:12:13,286
Now.
1569
01:12:15,915 --> 01:12:17,623
Hey, honeybelle!
Ready for your big day?
1570
01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:19,625
(EXCLAIMS)
1571
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,006
Mom!
1572
01:12:26,468 --> 01:12:28,301
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
1573
01:12:28,345 --> 01:12:28,885
See? I don't really care
what you're saying.
1574
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,428
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
1575
01:12:30,472 --> 01:12:30,887
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
1576
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:44,400
(MUFFLED SCREAM)
1577
01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:45,193
(THUD)
1578
01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:50,740
(GASPS)
1579
01:12:52,243 --> 01:12:53,868
(MUFFLED) Bitsy! Help me!
1580
01:13:00,251 --> 01:13:00,917
Wait a minute.
1581
01:13:03,797 --> 01:13:05,171
We better hurry.
Olivia's due up here
any second.
1582
01:13:08,218 --> 01:13:10,051
I know this isn't very
Gamma Kappa of me,
but I hate her guts!
1583
01:13:12,847 --> 01:13:13,971
Are you going to kill her?
1584
01:13:14,015 --> 01:13:15,098
No. They said no.
1585
01:13:16,601 --> 01:13:17,350
Oh.
1586
01:13:18,853 --> 01:13:19,352
(CAITLYN EXCLAIMS)
1587
01:13:21,523 --> 01:13:22,647
Are you gonna help?
1588
01:13:22,690 --> 01:13:23,231
I'm in heels.
1589
01:13:25,610 --> 01:13:26,109
Girls, come on.
1590
01:13:37,205 --> 01:13:39,288
OLIVIA: I swear, Charlotte,
half these people don't even
know how to dress.
1591
01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:41,165
Come upstairs.
1592
01:13:41,209 --> 01:13:42,083
(WHISPERS) Secret staircase.
1593
01:13:46,714 --> 01:13:47,463
Wow!
1594
01:13:58,101 --> 01:13:59,934
Ma'am.
Miss Olivia.
1595
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:00,893
Mmm-hmm.
1596
01:14:01,855 --> 01:14:03,521
Come on.
1597
01:14:03,565 --> 01:14:04,897
Come on,
the coast is clear.
Come on.
1598
01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,649
That was handy.
1599
01:14:06,693 --> 01:14:10,528
This is a filthy and evil
rug! I want it nowhere
near my house today!
1600
01:14:10,572 --> 01:14:11,487
Move it along.
Thank you.
1601
01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:14,407
Oh!
1602
01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:19,162
Good luck.
Anything else you need?
1603
01:14:19,205 --> 01:14:20,329
Can you drive stick?
1604
01:14:24,836 --> 01:14:27,128
Hold on, cowgirls!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1605
01:14:27,172 --> 01:14:27,462
ALL: Whoa!
BITSY: Sorry!
1606
01:14:39,851 --> 01:14:40,975
Y'all are so not
my friends anymore.
1607
01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:45,188
Oh, well, we still
like you. We even
brought you some iced tea.
1608
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:46,397
Passion fruit.
Your favorite.
Drink some.
1609
01:14:46,441 --> 01:14:48,399
Why?
1610
01:14:48,443 --> 01:14:49,525
'Cause it's
really good.
See? Mmm.
1611
01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:52,153
No.
1612
01:14:52,197 --> 01:14:53,279
Drink the tea, Caitlyn!
1613
01:14:53,323 --> 01:14:53,821
No, thank you, Parker.
1614
01:14:55,450 --> 01:14:57,241
Gosh, Caitlyn,
they did a really
great job with your hair.
1615
01:14:57,285 --> 01:14:59,243
Duh.
1616
01:14:59,287 --> 01:15:00,119
Yeah, I really wish
I could have hair like you.
1617
01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:01,078
Do you want some?
1618
01:15:01,122 --> 01:15:02,330
(GASPING)
1619
01:15:02,373 --> 01:15:03,664
You wouldn't dare.
1620
01:15:03,708 --> 01:15:05,374
How much do you want?
1621
01:15:05,418 --> 01:15:06,667
Just a little bit
more than that.
1622
01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:08,044
There?
A little bit... Right.
1623
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:08,920
Little bit more.
There?
1624
01:15:08,963 --> 01:15:09,837
Right there?
Yeah, perfect.
1625
01:15:09,881 --> 01:15:13,341
Okay! I'll drink
the damn tea.
1626
01:15:13,968 --> 01:15:15,635
Drink it.
1627
01:15:15,678 --> 01:15:16,385
Okay!
1628
01:15:17,430 --> 01:15:18,012
Bottoms up.
1629
01:15:19,098 --> 01:15:19,722
(MUTTERING)
1630
01:15:23,686 --> 01:15:24,560
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA)
1631
01:15:24,604 --> 01:15:25,978
This is more fun
than rush week.
1632
01:15:27,357 --> 01:15:28,272
Hi. We're here for
a pregnancy test.
1633
01:15:28,316 --> 01:15:29,941
Wait, what?
Yes, that's right!
1634
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:33,653
We have an appointment.
McNabb, 4:00.
We're a little early.
1635
01:15:33,696 --> 01:15:36,531
Don't mind her.
She's a little nervous.
It's her big day.
1636
01:15:36,574 --> 01:15:37,073
You understand.
1637
01:15:38,535 --> 01:15:41,285
Uh, yeah. Room 7.
That way.
1638
01:15:41,329 --> 01:15:42,578
Thank you.
1639
01:15:42,622 --> 01:15:45,873
Somebody!
Call my mama!
Mama!
1640
01:15:45,917 --> 01:15:46,707
(MUFFLED) I'm not supposed
to be here!
1641
01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:48,834
(MUFFLED
SCREAMING)
1642
01:15:48,878 --> 01:15:50,044
The doctor will be
in with you shortly.
1643
01:15:53,258 --> 01:15:53,631
OLIVIA: Honeybelle.
1644
01:15:55,343 --> 01:15:56,926
(GASPS)
1645
01:15:56,970 --> 01:15:58,386
What is it?
1646
01:15:58,429 --> 01:15:59,387
My Obeson carpet.
1647
01:16:01,224 --> 01:16:02,890
Caitlyn, where is my carpet?
1648
01:16:05,311 --> 01:16:06,394
Caitlyn?
1649
01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:08,062
(GASPS)
1650
01:16:10,149 --> 01:16:12,024
Pee in the cup, Caitlyn.
1651
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,359
Never.
1652
01:16:13,403 --> 01:16:15,069
Pee in the cup.
1653
01:16:15,113 --> 01:16:17,655
Jamais.
That's French.
1654
01:16:17,699 --> 01:16:19,073
Caitlyn, you're full of tea
up to your eyeballs.
1655
01:16:20,743 --> 01:16:22,410
You gotta go
sooner or later.
1656
01:16:22,453 --> 01:16:25,580
I can hold out for days.
I have the McNabb bladder.
1657
01:16:25,615 --> 01:16:27,540
And I know what you're up to.
1658
01:16:27,584 --> 01:16:28,291
What are we up to?
1659
01:16:28,334 --> 01:16:30,042
You think that...
1660
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:33,713
(STAMMERS) You know...
Well, I'm not even going
to say what you think.
1661
01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:34,964
We have all day.
Mmm.
1662
01:16:38,553 --> 01:16:39,176
(GROANING)
1663
01:16:39,971 --> 01:16:42,471
Stop that! Girls!
1664
01:16:42,515 --> 01:16:43,347
(BOTH GIGGLING)
1665
01:16:43,391 --> 01:16:45,516
Stop.
1666
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:46,642
Well, your
first mistake, Officer,
was releasing them.
1667
01:16:48,146 --> 01:16:50,605
Listen, they snuck
back in here
and stole my daughter!
1668
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:52,231
Now you've got
to find them!
1669
01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:53,649
Bitsy's gone as well.
1670
01:16:53,693 --> 01:16:55,067
Oh, this is a disaster.
1671
01:16:55,111 --> 01:16:56,319
Those rotten girls
are out to ruin everything.
1672
01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:58,279
And after I practically
raised them.
1673
01:16:58,323 --> 01:17:01,699
I should've smothered them
in their little beds during
one of those sleepovers.
1674
01:17:01,743 --> 01:17:03,200
Hello, darling.
Hello.
1675
01:17:03,244 --> 01:17:04,535
Oh, you look lovely.
Just lovely.
1676
01:17:04,579 --> 01:17:06,037
(TAP WATER RUNNING)
1677
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:10,875
PARKER: Niagara Falls.
All of the great, wondrous,
1678
01:17:10,918 --> 01:17:13,377
enormous flowing
bodies of water.
1679
01:17:13,421 --> 01:17:13,753
Whoosh.
1680
01:17:15,131 --> 01:17:18,924
Listen to that sound, Caitlyn.
Like a gurgling stream
1681
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:20,885
building,
becoming stronger,
1682
01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:23,929
feeding into a mighty,
mighty waterfall.
1683
01:17:23,973 --> 01:17:25,014
(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Not gonna work.
1684
01:17:25,058 --> 01:17:25,848
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1685
01:17:25,892 --> 01:17:27,558
Oh, my God! Police!
Crap.
1686
01:17:27,602 --> 01:17:32,396
(LAUGHS) Well, well, ladies,
looks as if the cavalry
has arrived.
1687
01:17:32,440 --> 01:17:35,650
What is going on?
There are police cars
all over the parking lot.
1688
01:17:35,693 --> 01:17:37,193
Does this have something
to do with you?
1689
01:17:37,236 --> 01:17:40,488
Yes, sir, it does.
I'm being held captive
against my will.
1690
01:17:40,531 --> 01:17:42,907
No, she's not.
1691
01:17:42,950 --> 01:17:45,034
Well, I actually...
(DOOR SLAMS)
1692
01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:46,702
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna pee,
1693
01:17:46,746 --> 01:17:47,870
and you're gonna test it!
1694
01:17:47,914 --> 01:17:49,372
(LAUGHS)
1695
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,250
Caitlyn, I will
call that reporter
from Wedding Belles
1696
01:17:53,294 --> 01:17:55,086
and I will tell him exactly
1697
01:17:55,129 --> 01:17:57,046
how you got that
A-plus from Mr. Peterson
in Physics.
1698
01:17:58,883 --> 01:18:01,842
Oh, honey.
Five minutes well spent.
1699
01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:02,593
Oh.
1700
01:18:02,637 --> 01:18:04,345
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
1701
01:18:04,389 --> 01:18:05,971
OFFICER ON LOUDSPEAKER:
This is the LambertPolice Department.
1702
01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:08,265
We have the buildingsurrounded.
1703
01:18:08,309 --> 01:18:10,059
Release the brideand come out.
1704
01:18:10,103 --> 01:18:12,311
What the heck
is going on here?
1705
01:18:12,355 --> 01:18:14,146
Abby, it's not gonna work.
1706
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:15,064
But we did everything right.
It should've worked.
1707
01:18:17,485 --> 01:18:18,234
I'm so sorry, Rachel.
1708
01:18:19,654 --> 01:18:20,611
Y'all are pathetic.
1709
01:18:22,407 --> 01:18:23,864
You thought
you could trick me?
1710
01:18:23,908 --> 01:18:25,574
Make me
fill your little cup?
1711
01:18:27,662 --> 01:18:28,994
The police are going
to lock y'all up
1712
01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:32,915
while Tony and I
take a nice long
walk down the aisle.
1713
01:18:32,959 --> 01:18:35,626
Me and him
and all his family's money.
1714
01:18:35,670 --> 01:18:36,127
You don't love him.
1715
01:18:37,922 --> 01:18:38,713
What does love have
to do with marriage?
1716
01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:40,256
Marriage is an arrangement.
1717
01:18:40,299 --> 01:18:42,842
And I arranged
for Tony to believe
that I was pregnant.
1718
01:18:42,885 --> 01:18:44,760
Oh, my God.
How can you live
with yourself?
1719
01:18:45,513 --> 01:18:46,929
Well, in a big house.
1720
01:18:46,973 --> 01:18:51,016
With Tony and servants
and no little diapers
to change.
1721
01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:54,353
So, see, Caitlyn wins,
and y'all lose.
1722
01:18:55,148 --> 01:18:56,105
Like it's always been.
1723
01:18:57,608 --> 01:18:59,108
Like it always will be.
1724
01:19:01,195 --> 01:19:02,653
Wow.
That was wonderful.
1725
01:19:02,697 --> 01:19:04,822
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1726
01:19:04,866 --> 01:19:05,656
Better than
I expected.
1727
01:19:07,452 --> 01:19:09,326
Can I cut now?
Sure.
1728
01:19:09,370 --> 01:19:12,204
OFFICER ON LOUDSPEAKER:
That's it, we're coming in!
1729
01:19:12,248 --> 01:19:13,581
There is a lot of us!
1730
01:19:13,624 --> 01:19:14,999
Relax, Henry, we cut.
1731
01:19:17,503 --> 01:19:18,669
How did we do?
1732
01:19:18,713 --> 01:19:19,670
We did great.
1733
01:19:19,714 --> 01:19:20,713
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1734
01:19:21,883 --> 01:19:22,965
Good job, everybody.
1735
01:19:29,474 --> 01:19:29,930
(GROANS)
1736
01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:32,975
(VIOLIN TRIO PLAYING
BRIDAL MARCH)
1737
01:19:34,437 --> 01:19:35,895
(ALL MURMURING)
1738
01:19:47,450 --> 01:19:48,365
Wasn't that wonderful?
1739
01:19:48,409 --> 01:19:50,993
It just gets better
every time.
1740
01:19:52,497 --> 01:19:53,120
Play it again, boys.
Play it again.
1741
01:19:55,374 --> 01:19:56,123
(PLAYING BRIDAL MARCH)
1742
01:19:57,627 --> 01:19:58,334
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
1743
01:20:06,552 --> 01:20:08,093
Oh! Oh!
1744
01:20:08,137 --> 01:20:08,844
Oh!
1745
01:20:12,975 --> 01:20:15,017
Upsy-daisy.
1746
01:20:15,061 --> 01:20:17,019
We're all here now!
Everything's fine!
1747
01:20:17,063 --> 01:20:19,063
(HUMMING BRIDAL MARCH)
Play it!
1748
01:20:20,983 --> 01:20:21,732
(VIOLIN TRIO PLAYING
BRIDAL MARCH)
1749
01:20:21,776 --> 01:20:22,441
Nice tux.
1750
01:20:25,112 --> 01:20:27,071
Would you like to show him
the tape, or should we?
1751
01:20:32,537 --> 01:20:34,453
(ALL MURMURING)
1752
01:20:34,497 --> 01:20:35,204
Uh...
1753
01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:38,332
Tony, um...
1754
01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:43,003
I have something
to tell you, and...
1755
01:20:45,675 --> 01:20:47,049
And it's horrible to say.
1756
01:20:48,761 --> 01:20:49,385
But, um...
1757
01:20:56,477 --> 01:21:00,855
These wicked, wicked girls
are about to show you
a tape filled with lies.
1758
01:21:00,898 --> 01:21:02,106
(CROWD GASPING)
1759
01:21:02,149 --> 01:21:05,317
They made me drink something,
God knows what,
1760
01:21:05,361 --> 01:21:06,193
and I started saying
the most outrageous things.
1761
01:21:06,237 --> 01:21:08,195
But you mustn't believe them.
1762
01:21:08,239 --> 01:21:10,281
No, no, no.
Let's just get married
1763
01:21:10,324 --> 01:21:12,616
and run off to one of
your many, many homes.
1764
01:21:12,660 --> 01:21:13,117
Right now.
Yeah, right now.
1765
01:21:19,166 --> 01:21:20,875
Tony-Bear.
1766
01:21:20,918 --> 01:21:22,334
Funny thing
about those homes.
1767
01:21:24,130 --> 01:21:25,212
As of yesterday,
we don't have them anymore.
1768
01:21:25,256 --> 01:21:26,672
(CROWD GASPING)
1769
01:21:26,716 --> 01:21:27,506
What are you talking about?
Of course you do.
1770
01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:33,220
As it turns out,
Dad's company was holding
some phony stock certificates.
1771
01:21:33,264 --> 01:21:34,847
The FCC just shut him down.
1772
01:21:34,891 --> 01:21:36,056
The family fortune's gone.
1773
01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:40,853
So I guess we'll just
have to raise this
little baby on a budget.
1774
01:21:43,107 --> 01:21:45,691
And I can do what
I've always wanted to do,
1775
01:21:45,735 --> 01:21:47,151
teach high school.
Oh, God.
1776
01:21:47,194 --> 01:21:49,069
Now, there might be
some lean years...
1777
01:21:49,113 --> 01:21:51,238
I'm sorry. "Lean years"?
1778
01:21:51,282 --> 01:21:53,824
(LAUGHING) Oh, no, see,
1779
01:21:53,868 --> 01:21:57,953
I can't marry "lean years."
1780
01:21:57,997 --> 01:21:59,413
What about the baby?
1781
01:21:59,457 --> 01:22:03,334
Oh, God.
There is no baby.
Grow up!
1782
01:22:03,377 --> 01:22:04,501
(CROWD GASPS)
1783
01:22:04,545 --> 01:22:05,461
I need a drink.
1784
01:22:11,218 --> 01:22:13,052
So we're not
getting married?
1785
01:22:19,185 --> 01:22:19,892
Honey,
1786
01:22:21,354 --> 01:22:24,355
does this look like the body
of a teacher's wife to you?
1787
01:22:25,650 --> 01:22:26,482
(ALL MURMURING)
1788
01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:28,484
(LAUGHING)
1789
01:22:35,034 --> 01:22:35,491
CAITLYN: What are you
looking at?
1790
01:22:36,327 --> 01:22:37,826
Oh! Oh!
1791
01:22:39,372 --> 01:22:40,371
(EXCLAIMS)
1792
01:22:40,414 --> 01:22:41,914
I guess we won't be
needing this.
1793
01:22:41,958 --> 01:22:43,499
No. No, no.
1794
01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:48,379
Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry
about what happened
to your family.
1795
01:22:48,422 --> 01:22:48,754
How about you?
1796
01:22:50,132 --> 01:22:54,259
Could you spend your life
with a schoolteacher?
1797
01:22:54,303 --> 01:22:57,596
No big wedding,
nothing very glamorous,
just you and me?
1798
01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:01,225
I couldn't imagine
anything more wonderful.
1799
01:23:04,522 --> 01:23:04,979
What are you doing?
1800
01:23:05,022 --> 01:23:06,313
(ALL GASPING)
1801
01:23:08,275 --> 01:23:10,651
Would you
marry me, Rachel?
1802
01:23:10,695 --> 01:23:12,611
Oh, so much.
Of course.
1803
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:15,155
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1804
01:23:22,999 --> 01:23:23,872
Oh, my God.
1805
01:23:23,916 --> 01:23:24,832
(GRUNTS)
1806
01:23:28,754 --> 01:23:30,629
Oh, sweetheart.
Yeah.
1807
01:23:30,673 --> 01:23:31,088
I do have some
bad news.
1808
01:23:32,341 --> 01:23:33,632
I kind of lied.
Oh.
1809
01:23:33,676 --> 01:23:36,176
Nobody lost any money.
1810
01:23:36,220 --> 01:23:38,846
I just said that
to Caitlyn to see
how she would take it.
1811
01:23:38,889 --> 01:23:41,098
You mean you're still rich?
1812
01:23:41,142 --> 01:23:42,016
You still interested?
1813
01:23:43,853 --> 01:23:44,435
Nobody's perfect.
1814
01:23:45,813 --> 01:23:47,563
Of course.
1815
01:23:47,606 --> 01:23:48,772
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1816
01:23:48,816 --> 01:23:50,024
(MAN WHISTLING)
1817
01:23:50,067 --> 01:23:52,818
Okay, okay,
okay, ready?
1818
01:23:52,862 --> 01:23:53,861
We could be
your bridesmaids.
1819
01:23:53,904 --> 01:23:55,904
We have a lot
of experience.
1820
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:05,414
So it looks like
you might have to stick
around town a little while.
1821
01:24:05,458 --> 01:24:07,666
You'd like that,
wouldn't you?
1822
01:24:07,710 --> 01:24:08,417
Yeah.
1823
01:24:12,506 --> 01:24:13,464
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1824
01:24:18,512 --> 01:24:21,305
♪ Yeah ♪
1825
01:24:26,687 --> 01:24:29,521
ABIGAIL: Three months later,we had our secondouting as bridesmaids.
1826
01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,981
And this time,it was a lot more fun
1827
01:24:31,025 --> 01:24:33,984
because we were actuallyrooting for the couple.
1828
01:24:35,905 --> 01:24:37,738
(MAN CHEERING)
1829
01:24:37,782 --> 01:24:42,242
♪ You can't find a reasonto think your worldwill ever change ♪
1830
01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:50,042
You never saw anybodyhappier than Rachel.
1831
01:24:51,504 --> 01:24:53,796
Hey, we're allpretty happy these days.
1832
01:24:53,839 --> 01:24:55,547
Parker went backto New York
1833
01:24:55,591 --> 01:24:59,635
and about a week later,landed this incrediblenew job.
1834
01:24:59,678 --> 01:25:00,427
Freeze, scumbag!
1835
01:25:01,472 --> 01:25:02,513
MAN 1: Cut.
1836
01:25:02,556 --> 01:25:03,764
WOMAN: Green sheets
for tomorrow.
1837
01:25:03,808 --> 01:25:05,224
MAN 2 ON LOUDSPEAKER:
Great job, everybody.
1838
01:25:05,267 --> 01:25:07,851
ABIGAIL: She got a major partin a big action movie!
1839
01:25:07,895 --> 01:25:10,104
She came backfrom Lambert a new person,
1840
01:25:10,147 --> 01:25:13,732
a totally transformed,take-charge babe.
1841
01:25:13,776 --> 01:25:15,109
And she nailedthe first audition she got.
1842
01:25:15,152 --> 01:25:18,153
Aw, look at our little Parker,a police sergeant.
1843
01:25:18,989 --> 01:25:20,147
Oh, and the best part?
1844
01:25:20,157 --> 01:25:23,450
They let her hireher own consultant.
1845
01:25:23,494 --> 01:25:25,077
Nice gun action.
I had my hands up.
1846
01:25:26,664 --> 01:25:30,499
Henry takes the statedetective exam next week.
1847
01:25:30,543 --> 01:25:32,417
They are so cute together.
1848
01:25:32,461 --> 01:25:33,627
And you probablyheard about my news.
1849
01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:38,340
This whole Caitlyn plotwith the weddingand the scheming,
1850
01:25:38,384 --> 01:25:42,261
and the sneaking, yeah,it was so completelyludicrous,
1851
01:25:42,304 --> 01:25:43,971
I figured there hadto be a book here.
1852
01:25:44,014 --> 01:25:46,348
So I banged it out,changed a few names...
1853
01:25:46,392 --> 01:25:48,392
Third week on thefiction bestseller list.(GIGGLES)
1854
01:25:48,435 --> 01:25:51,103
Look for meat a bookstore near you.
1855
01:25:51,147 --> 01:25:52,396
What? Oh, where did all
the ideas come from?
1856
01:25:54,024 --> 01:25:55,774
Right here.
You know,
1857
01:25:55,818 --> 01:25:57,985
it just flows out
of me constantly.
1858
01:25:58,028 --> 01:25:58,527
I can't stop it.
1859
01:26:19,258 --> 01:26:57,877
(INAUDIBLE)
137972
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