All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E36.A.Nose.for.News.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb01.ENG

(gentle music)

- Mmm, delicious.

Marvelous.

- Well it's all the
way you wash the pot.

Never a scour.

- There's no one as funny
as a bachelor showing

off his cooking prowess.

- Yes, well we aim to please.

- Doesn't your uncle
mind being shunted off

into the bedroom?

- No, no, he's just fine.

Now look why don't you
just lie back and relax.

Look, we see each other
everyday for eight hours

out at the newspaper, but
we never really get a chance

to know each other.

- Oh, ask him in, he
was such fun at dinner,

I'm sure he'd really
appreciate it.

- Linda, right now,
don't you just feel

that it's the two of
us against the world?

- No.

Just against your
uncle, now go on, Tim.

- Well we aim to please.

Well how about a cup of
coffee, Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Oh no, no games,
not tonight, please.

- Oh he's not here, is
there another way out.

- For him there is yes.

(audience laughs)

- Well I guess we have
the whole apartment

to ourselves then.

- Yes, let's go.

- No, I thought--

- Right now I wanna
buy a cup of coffee

down at the drugstore.

- You're shoving me, Tim,
what's the matter with you?

- That's gratitude for
ya, you take a guy in,

give him the shirt
off your back,

and what does he do?

He disappears on ya.

- Don't let me interrupt, I
really just want some sleep.

(playful music)

(mysterious music)

(beeping)

(upbeat music)

(easygoing music)

- You don't know
how unsettling it is

having someone studying
at you all the time.

- Well you can't see
me, how do you know

I'm studying you?

- That's what's so unsettling.

(audience laughs)

- It was getting stuffy
in that bedroom, Tim.

You need more ventilation.

- I need more privacy.

Uncle Martin, look,
it took me four weeks

to get a date with Linda,
three hours to cook her dinner,

two hours to get her
in the right mood,

and it only took you
two seconds to blow it.

Now that doesn't
seem fair somehow.

Where are my shoes?

Excuse me.

- Oh you Earth people,
appearances are everything.

You care more about the
chase than the prey.

- It'll probably take
me another four weeks

just to chase her up here.

Now Uncle Martin, you've
just gotta stop it.

You know something, you
have ruined the beginning

of a beautiful friendship.

- I'm sorry, Tim, it
won't happen again.

- Here it is, I'm gonna be late.

(mischievous music)

(cheerful music)

Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Oh come on, Linda, now look.

It wasn't my fault that
the evening ended so early.

- Whose fault was it?

- Well it was my fault, I guess,
but I promise I'll make it

up to you if you just--

(cabinet bangs)

- I've got some work to do.

(playful music)

(mysterious music)

(audience laughs)

(dog barking)

- Now, now, now, now,
now, just quiet down.

Arguing won't settle anything.

That's better.

Now you start first, tell me
exactly when you saw the bone.

(dog growling)

(phone ringing)

Excuse me.

Hello?

- We're paying you to be in
this office at 9 o'clock sharp,

where are you?

- This is Tim's uncle, he left
about an hour ago, Mr. Burns.

- Well he's not
here, where is he?

Hello, hello,
anybody there, hello?

- He went to cover Ambassador
Thomas' press conference.

- He did, I didn't
know he knew about it.

That's why I called, to
tell him to get down there,

does he know where?

- Uh, Hotel Krayton.

(Harry mumbles)

(mischievous music)

(dog barking)

- I'm sorry, Boo Boo,
but at the moment,

Tim needs my services more.

We'll talk about
it when I get back.

Excuse me, you're Ambassador
Thomas, aren't you?

- Yes, I am.

(mysterious music)

Can I help you?

- You just have,
thank you, good day.

(cheerful music)

(clears throat)

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- This is Tim O'Hara, Mr. Burns.

- What are you calling in
for, that press conference

isn't until two.

- We won't have to
wait for it, sir,

I've got my story already.

How's this sound, Ambassador
Thomas today announced

he was resigning his post
to run for the Senate.

- Who else knows about this?

- No one, it's an exclusive,

until the press
conference (laughs).

- I don't believe it,
Tim, this is great.

Why we'll have a
three hour bee line

on every other paper,
and I finally got Thomas

where I want him with
egg all over his face.

You got anything else?

- I have the whole
text of his speech.

- Well give it to me,
boy, give it to me.

(audience laughs)

I'm getting it.

Tim, I didn't know you
had it in you. (laughs)

(ominous music)

Yeah,

go on, Tim.

(audience laughs)

O'Hara!

Come here!

Who is this?

- That's Uncle Martin.

- Transfer this call to rewrite.

- How dare you, how
dare you let your uncle

cover a story for you?

Why this is the lowest,
most unethical thing

I ever heard of any
reporter doing anywhere.

Did you really think
I'd fall for it?

- What story?

- Do you know what I do when
I get something like this?

(ominous music)

- Fire me?

- Hire me?

Not now, fellas, later.

- That's right, hire
you, for a minute

I thought he was gonna
can me but he said

it was one of the best jobs
in reporting he'd ever seen.

Your story was brilliant.

That's how I knew I had
nothing to do with it.

- Well that's fine, Tim, but--

- Just picture this.

You and me working
side by side covering

the four corners of the earth.

We might even get a duo byline.

By Tim and Martin O'Hara,
now how does that sound?

- Not very good really--

- All right then, by
Martin and Tim O'Hara.

Hey it's gonna be great
working with a guy

with your powers.

I sure hope I can
keep my end up.

- You'll have to keep
it up alone, Tim,

I can't take the job.

- Why not, this is
a great opportunity.

You can go anywhere,
meet anybody.

Study what you
want, when you want.

- As who?

How am I going to fill
out all of those forms

that say mother's maiden name?

Have you ever had chicken pox?

If so, where, if not, why?

Social security number,
hospitalization number,

credit card number.

- You don't exist, do you?

- Not as far as this
civilization is concerned.

- But he wants you!

- Listen, Tim, he only
wants me because I'm new.

Why is it that you Earth
people are never satisfied

with what you have?

Any day now I
expect to see an ad

for new ancient
ruins of Pompeii.

Just go back and tell
him I don't want the job.

No means no in any
man's language.

- Well he might take
that as an insult.

- The world won't end if I'm
not a reporter on The Sun.

After all, it's just--

- The finest daily
newspaper in the west

of the Mississippi, offers him
a job and he turns it down?

- He's an inventor, Mr. Burns,

that takes up most of his time.

- He wouldn't turn it down.

You know, I don't
think you even told him

about my offer.

What's the matter
with you, O'Hara?

You jealous of your uncle?
- No.

- [Harry] You afraid
of the competition?

- No.

- [Harry] Afraid you won't
be able to write anything

as brilliant as his story?

- No!

- Let me tell you something.

If there aren't two
O'Haras on this paper

tomorrow morning,
there won't be any!

I'm not gonna let a
reporter like that

slip through my fingers.

- I don't have to
take this, Mr. Burns!

- I know that.

- But I'll tell him anyway.

- You see that you do
that, now get out of here,

and go to work.

(mischievous music)

(mysterious music)

O'Hara!

And in closing, on
behalf of myself

and the entire staff,

let me say welcome.

(clapping)

- Thank you.

- Here's your press card,
display it proudly, my boy.

Here are your passes
to the Roller Derby.

(audience laughs)

And now if everyone
will take their cue

from Martin O'Hara's
fine reporting,

be inspired by it
to give their all,

this newspaper will never have

to take second place to anyone.

Please.

The credit is yours, I
just want the satisfaction

of knowing that I can recognize
truly great reporters.

And so with this--
(phone rings)

All right, back to work.

- Congratulations, Mr. O'Hara.

- Yeah, congratulations,
welcome aboard a sinking ship.

- I've got to convince Burns

he hasn't discovered
another pu-la-tiv.

Before they begin wondering

where my employment
application is.

- Any suggestions,
short of illiteracy?

- Truthfully not at the
moment, but I've always said--

- When there's a
martian, there's hope.

- I hope.

- O'Hara.
- Which one?

- Both.

(mysterious music)

Gentlemen, we are
going to be sued.

That was Ambassador
Thomas' lawyer

and Thomas is going to sue
us for one million dollars

for invasion of privacy.

Now how did you get that story?

- I'm sorry, Mr. Burns,

but I can't reveal my
source of information.

- Don't give me that bunk.

You can tell me, I'm a
newspaper man, too, remember?

- It would be unethical.

Tim taught me that.

- I know Lloyd Thomas
and he will sue

unless we can prove that you
didn't invade his privacy

because underneath that red sash

beats the heart of a thief.

I know him, I've
worked with him.

- I didn't know that.

- Oh shut up.

It so happens that I
was a press attache

when he was undersecretary
at the French embassy

and he was mean and
underhanded then,

and 25 years hasn't changed him.

Why that man would
steal the teeth

out of a man's
mouth if he could.

Oh well, never mind about that.

You've got to tell me
how you got that story.

- He can't.

- Will you stay out of this?

Now come on, tell me
how you got that story.

- I can't.

- [Harry] Wait a minute.

- Don't worry about
it, Mr. Burns,

I mean we'll handle
everything, Mr. Burns.

We'll get to the bottom
of this. (laughs)

Now where'd he go?

(playful music)

- Yes?

- Ambassador Thomas,
I'm Martin O'Hara

of the Los Angeles Sun and I'd
like to explain about the...

(knocking)

- Now look you, I
don't wanna have...

That's funny,
there's no one there.

- Don't try to change
the subject, Lloyd.

- I'm not trying to
change the subject

and you're not gonna
change my mind, Edith.

- Then we're going to be
here for quite awhile, Lloyd.

- [Lloyd] That announcement
might cost me the nomination,

direct my timing.

- Oh your timing, you're just
doing it to spite poor Harry.

- Stop calling him poor Harry.

He hasn't changed one bit.

He's as mean and underhanded
as he was 25 years ago.

Only worse.

- [Edith] He has too changed.

- [Lloyd] How would
you know that?

- [Edith] Oh Lloyd,
don't be silly.

(knocking)

And stop trying to
change the subject.

(mysterious music)

- Tim.

- Where did you go?

- To see Ambassador Thomas.

It's too bad man can't
be more scientific.

You can heat water and in a
few minutes, it'll boil away,

but simmer a bruised
ego for 25 years,

there won't be less,
there'll be more.

- I don't know what
you're talking about,

but I shot my mouth off
to Burns and I told him

we'd handle everything.

- And you were absolutely
right, we will.

Can you get Burns to the
hotel tonight around eight?

- I suppose so, why?

- There's only one
thing left to do, Tim.

You've got to expose me.

- Expose you?

I thought that's just what
we were trying to avoid?

- Tim, the dignity of
The Sun is at stake.

Not to mention your job.

- I don't have anything
to say to that ambassador.

- Oh please, Mr. Burns,
the least you can do

is have the courtesy
to hear him out.

- Good evening, Edith.

- Won't you come in, Harry?

- Thank you.

- I want it on the front page.

- Anywhere you want your
apology is fine with me.

- I'm not apologizing, you
are, all over the front page.

- Now Lloyd, don't lose
your temper, Harry, please.

- You said he was
gonna drop the suit.

- Don't your hands
ever get tired

from so much double dealing?

Your secretary pleaded with
me to hear your apology.

- I don't have a secretary.

- Lloyd, Harry, stop it.

- I think I'd better--

- Explain what's going on here.

- Well, you see, I figured
you people wouldn't

get together unless you
thought that the other party

was giving in.

Well I'm afraid I
lied, just a little,

but here you are, together,

and that's why Uncle
Martin is here.

He's gonna make a confession.

- That's the man we saw
in the corridor, Lloyd.

- Yes, the one who kept
knocking on our door

and running away.

This one of your spies, Burns?

- He's a reporter on The Sun.

- Same thing.
- Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns.

He's right, I acted like a spy.

- [Harry] What?

- Yes, that's what I've been
trying to tell you, Mr. Burns.

Hurry up, Uncle Martin.

- I have a confession to make.

Please, sit down.

- [Lloyd] Better be a good one.

- Mr. Ambassador, I
peeked through the transom

and I saw where you
kept your speech.

I know I did wrong, now,
I went against everything

that Tim and Mr. Burns ever
taught me about reporting.

- That was cheap
yellow journalism.

Burglary at its lowest and
deception at its highest.

No, wait a minute, no,
sir, that was just a piece

of darn fine reporting.

- Go on, Mr. Burns, go
on, fire when ready.

I can take it.

- Fire you, when you did
what every good reporter

ought to do, not a chance.

You were just sore because
my man got the story first.

- There's your hero, Edith.

- Edith, you must understand

my position.
- Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns, maybe you'd
better let me tell them

the real reason
I did what I did.

My mistake was made because
of Mr. Burns' admiration

for you, Mr. Ambassador.

Admiration, respect
and devotion.

- It was?

- Yes, ma'am, shall
I go on, Mr. Burns.

I don't want to embarrass you.

- Yes, go on, go on.

- Mr. Ambassador.

Mr. Burns thinks that you are
one of the finest men we have.

He wanted to show that
there were no hard feelings

about what happened
25 years ago.

That he did not carry a grudge.

So I had to get a
story any way I could.

Mr. Burns' integrity, his
sense of justice and fair play

wouldn't have allowed
him to print the story

if he had known how I got it.

But after he read it, he
wanted to be the first

to back your campaign
for the Senate.

- I'll be.

- Mr. Burns, he compromised you.

- Yes, how dare
you compromise me

in the eyes of the ambassador?

You know what you did
was most unethical?

It's a disgrace to the
policies and integrity

of myself and The Sun.

My word is my bond.

I'm shocked and you're fired.

- Harry, I thought you were
trying to get back at me

for taking Edith away from you.

- Why Lloyd, you're jealous.

- It's nothing to be proud of.

- It is when you can
admit it, Mr. Ambassador.

- You stay out of this,
how dare you come between

two old friends, you know,
it was you and your methods

that caused this whole
misunderstanding.

- You've said enough,
you've said enough, O'Hara,

get out of here, you're
a blood on The Sun.

- Come to dinner
tomorrow, right, Lloyd?

- Absolutely.

- Thank you, we'll
have quite a lot

to talk about, right, Senator?

- Right, Harry.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Why Lloyd Thomas, it's been
years since I've seen you--

- [Lloyd] Now don't
start that, Edith.

- [Edith] It's been years
since I've seen you blush.

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

- She's quite a woman, but...

How can you stand
that troublemaker?

- Just lucky I guess.

(audience laughs)

(gentle music)

- It's beautiful, Tim.

- We aim to please.

- [Martin] Isn't
that interesting?

(audience laughs)

- We gotta get out of here.

- Oh not again.
- Yeah.

(door clunking)

- [Martin] And just
because of a jewelry box.

(upbeat music)