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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,741
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,170
[narrator] The desert windbrings a message,
3
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:41,113
a cry, a plea for aid,to a team resolute.
4
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:45,581
They strap on their boots,their will as sharp as a blade.
5
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,212
They mount their trusty steed,
6
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:51,048
-and barrel headlonginto danger...
-[gasps]
7
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,724
...leaving no stone unturned,
8
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:57,123
to divine the strange fromthe stranger.
9
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,417
Never knowingwhat they'll find,
10
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,759
never minding what they know,
11
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:06,395
whether ghosts or ghouls,or tricksters who fool,
12
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:10,573
their opponents destinedto reap what they sow.
13
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,374
A mystery team is a mystery.
14
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,736
Why do they do what they do?
15
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:18,135
They face dangers grave,
16
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,548
while remaining brave,to fight for what's right
17
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,451
and what's true.
18
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,421
[employee on PA]
Attention, shoppers,
19
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,986
please make
your final selections.
20
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,724
The grocery store will be
closing in five minutes.
21
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,129
Do we need cereal?
22
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,991
Hold on, I can't read
your writing.
23
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,259
I can't read any of it.
24
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,597
Michael, what is this word?
25
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,673
That's no "word."
I don't write words.
26
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:42,971
I draw pictures.
27
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,443
That's a box of cereal.
28
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:47,571
So, yes, to answer
my earlier question...
29
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That's a box of cheese.
That's a box of milk.
30
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,677
That's a box of lettuce.
31
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:56,446
Okay, maybe we see
if we can get our groceries
32
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,153
delivered to the house
and limit
33
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,385
these "Michael's out and about
in the world" situations.
34
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,860
[laughing]
35
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,462
Ugh, Pigeon, stop it,
you're acting like a baby.
36
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,495
Oh, really? That must be why
I just shit my diaper.
37
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,971
[laughs] Oh, wait,
I'm not wearing a diaper.
38
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,600
-[laughs]
-Okay, ugh, you are foul.
39
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,496
Uh, hey, guess what,
40
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,808
if you strap me into
a grocery cart like
a [bleep] baby
41
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,540
then I'm gonna act like
a [bleep] baby.
42
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,206
Oh, Pigeon, I strap you
in there because
43
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:25,384
I don't want you to get away.
44
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You're my little [bleep] baby.
45
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,313
[employee on PA]
Clean up on aisle three.
46
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,849
Great, now you got us
in trouble.
47
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,724
This isn't aisle three.
48
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,392
Well, whatever happened
in aisle three
49
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,661
can't be as awful
as what happened in aisle tw--
50
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,820
[screams]
51
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:41,128
[Yung Hee]
Oh, my God, that's horrible.
52
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,491
Holy Lord.
53
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:45,629
Oh. My God.
I'll call an ambulance.
54
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,395
It's too late. She's dead.
Murdered.
55
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,135
Well then,
I'll call the police.
56
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,540
No. We'll take care of it.
57
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,471
We're the Mike Tyson
Mystery Team.
58
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,336
-What?
-Michael, he should
call the police--
59
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,875
-Are you the manager?
-Yes.
60
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,410
Listen to me.
61
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,205
I want you to lock every door
in this store.
62
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:01,877
The murderer is
in here somewhere.
63
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,375
And he is not getting out.
Or she.
64
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,617
But it's usually a "he."
65
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,891
Hopefully not a "Yung Hee."
66
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,823
But right now
everyone is a suspect.
67
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,058
Tie her up, Marquess.
68
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,187
What?
69
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,228
And when you're done,
tie yourself up too.
70
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:23,169
This is the worst
BDSM fantasy of all time.
71
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,273
[Mike] Oh, my God.
72
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,609
Is it a clue?
73
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,211
No, they got a special
on pickles,
74
00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:30,612
three for the price of one.
75
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,962
Momma, there goes that man.
76
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,891
[Mike on PA] Attention,
all shoppers.
77
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:49,556
Attention, shoppers.
This grocery store is closed.
78
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,356
Until this case is.
79
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,628
Dad, why are you acting like
you know what you're doing?
80
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,367
"A mystery team is a mystery.
81
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,372
Why do they do what they do?"
82
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,404
-What?
-What are you talking about?
83
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,739
Didn't you hear that poem
at the beginning?
84
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,475
It got me all fired up.
85
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:06,650
"They face dangers grave,
while remaining brave,
86
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,250
to fight for what's right
and what's true."
87
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,152
Okay, all the doors are locked.
88
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,254
No one can get out. Now what?
89
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:14,946
Let's get everyone
in one place.
90
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,118
Where should we meet?
91
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,286
Of course, the meat section.
92
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,485
Okay, everyone,
just calm down.
93
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,387
This is Mike Tyson.
94
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,759
He's the former heavyweight
champion of the world
95
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:28,298
and now, uh, evidently some
kind of policeman.
96
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,395
Go ahead, Mike Tyson,
Mr. Tyson.
97
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,997
Or officer.
I don't know wha--
98
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,108
Officer's fine.
99
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,609
I think it's this guy.
The one covered in blood.
100
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,278
I'm covered in blood
because I'm a butcher.
101
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,476
Oh, my God,
he's admitted it. Case closed.
102
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,648
Open the doors.
103
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,416
[Pigeon screaming]
104
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,516
Case reopened.
Keep the doors closed.
105
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,264
[grunts]
106
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,499
Pigeon, what is wrong?
107
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,103
"What's wrong?"
108
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,335
What the [bleep] do you mean,
"What's wrong?"
109
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:06,141
You assholes left me
strapped in this cart,
110
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,612
sitting in my own filth,
111
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,870
just staring at
that dead woman's body.
112
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,440
Hey, hey, watch it,
113
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,309
this is an active crime scene,
mother[bleep].
114
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,277
All of this shit
is evidence, mother[bleep].
115
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,776
Never touch evidence.
116
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,387
Oh, what is this?
This could be evidence.
117
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,820
I'm gonna touch it.
118
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,715
Okay.
119
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,617
This is a weird grocery list.
120
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,288
Here, you read it.
I've been talking too much.
121
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,558
I feel like I've had
too many lines in this episode.
122
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,027
My mouth is dry.
I need some water.
123
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:39,137
Ah.
124
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,812
That was some shitty water.
125
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,670
Michael. That was vinegar.
126
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,979
Well, wait,
this isn't a grocery list.
127
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,151
It's like she was grading
your store.
128
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,551
"Produce department, 'C.'
129
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,753
Fruit found on floor,
larvae visible on melon,
130
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,417
mold evident throughout."
131
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,255
She must have been
a secret shopper...
132
00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,590
Damn, Philip. You're lucky
she didn't get to turn that in.
133
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,527
What do you mean, Hector?
134
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,532
I mean, you're the produce guy.
135
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:08,174
I mean if corporate saw that,
you'd be fired for sure.
136
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,171
So it's a good thing
that lady is dead.
137
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,004
Are you accusing me
of something, Hector?
138
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,869
Yeah, Philip. Straight up.
139
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,738
I think you murdered that lady.
140
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:18,036
Well, wait, there's more.
141
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,607
"Meat section". It got a "C-".
142
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,847
Let me see that.
143
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,181
What the [bleep]?
144
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,876
"Expired ground beef"?
145
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,188
"Poultry above
safe temperature"?
146
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,620
"Spoilage"? I'm doing
the best I can
147
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,786
with the tools they give me.
148
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,425
To hell with that lady.
I'm glad she's dead.
149
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,261
I bet you are, Hector.
150
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,956
'Cause they would
fire your ass.
151
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,857
And send you back to Mexico.
152
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,129
Lick my [bleep],
you ignorant,
white mother[bleep],
153
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,798
I'm from Lake Havasu City.
154
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,197
[both grunting]
155
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,468
Come on, guys.
No fighting on the floor.
156
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:48,967
If you want to fight,
do it somewhere else,
157
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,378
but not on my floor.
158
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,450
That's right,
it is your floor, Delvin.
159
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,310
Yeah, you got the most
to lose, Delvin.
160
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:59,079
Overall store grade... "D."
161
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,948
"D"? Corporate will
shut this store down.
162
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,888
They'll hold me responsible.
163
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,993
I'm here 21 years.
164
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,886
I'm eight years
from retirement.
165
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,928
Looks like you'll be spending
your retirement
166
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,634
in jail, Delvin...
167
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:13,965
For murder.
168
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:27,013
I'm not taking the fall
for this. Argh.
169
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,306
[grunts]
170
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,292
[gasps]
171
00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:35,791
Gina.
172
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,622
No!
173
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,658
She used to let me
feel her tits
174
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:41,693
in the freezer.
175
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,459
I loved her. [sobs]
176
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:49,195
I'm gonna [bleep]
kill you, Delvin.
177
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:56,308
Hey. Quit [bleep] leaving me,
you assholes.
178
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:59,042
Good Lord, this is the stuff
of nightmares.
179
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:03,678
This grotesquerie visited
upon my eyes.
180
00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:08,124
"Vegan ice cream"?
"Contains no dairy."
181
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,124
"Made from fresh avocado."
What?
182
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,886
I mean, what the [bleep]?
183
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,155
What the [bleep] is wrong
with this world?
184
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,034
[panting]
185
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:18,396
[grunts]
186
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,704
Dad, do something.
187
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,565
Don't worry, Yung, I bet
they're just gonna talk it out.
188
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,041
[grunts] Hector... No.
189
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,807
Think of your family
back in Mexico.
190
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,705
I'm third-generation American,
191
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:38,078
you ignorant, racist,
piece of [bleep].
192
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,017
[screaming]
193
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:42,848
[all gasping]
194
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,717
[grunts]
195
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,328
What are you doing, Philip?
196
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,760
Gina and I had been
secretly dating
197
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,496
for the last three months.
198
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,831
[choking]
199
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,866
Michael, please. Intervene.
200
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,402
No. There's been enough
violence here today.
201
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,568
[both grunting]
202
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,382
[lobsters chittering]
203
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,885
Well, we don't know who
the murderer was.
204
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:18,291
But at least we know,
whoever it was, is dead.
205
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:21,034
[woman] What? What happened?
206
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,230
[Yung Hee] You're alive?
207
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,971
The last thing I remember,
I was reaching for
208
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,807
a jar of mayonnaise
on the top shelf and I...
209
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,782
and I fell backwards.
210
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:40,750
I hit my head. I think I'm...
I think I'm bleeding.
211
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,710
[Mike] Oh, ma'am,
I believe this belongs to you.
212
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,849
It's your secret shopper's
report.
213
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,322
Oh...
214
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,593
This is old and from
a different store.
215
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,292
I was just here
shopping for myself
216
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,364
and I used the back of
the paper for my grocery list.
217
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,428
"Mayonnaise."
218
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,599
[narrator] A mystery teamis a mystery.
219
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,809
Why do they do what they do?
220
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,239
They face dangers grave,
221
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,578
while remaining brave,
222
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,154
-to fight for what's right...
-[engine starts]
223
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,722
...and what's true.
224
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,985
[Pigeon] You gotta be
[bleep] kidding me.
225
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,251
They just left?
226
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,819
Mother[bleep]! Argh!
227
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,658
[grunts] Oh, ah.
228
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,694
[theme music playing]
229
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:38,865
[Hugh] What is the price
of a gallon of milk?
230
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,505
[sighs]
231
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,135
Realistically,
my best thought...
232
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:45,881
Four bucks.
233
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,377
-That's very close...
-Oh, [bleep]. Whoo.
234
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,016
[Hugh] A carton of eggs?
235
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,351
A carton of eggs?
236
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,885
Hey... Check this out...
237
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,988
Four bucks.
17030
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