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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:03,398 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,071 This is good chicken. 3 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,409 Did you use rosemary? 4 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,084 No. Basil. 5 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,582 I think it might rain tomorrow. 6 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,591 I mean, I think I saw that. 7 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,386 You said basil? 8 00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,492 I think I taste that basil now. 9 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:29,862 Mmm, mmm. 10 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:33,126 Oh, you're tasting rosemary in the potatoes. 11 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,396 There's a little rosemary in the potatoes. 12 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,543 Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, okay. 13 00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:41,269 I've got big news, team. 14 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:42,568 I got you a podcast. 15 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,839 The Mike Tyson Mystery Team Podcast. 16 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,178 Why? 17 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,183 'Cause you guys are so good together. 18 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,454 Your rapport. Your banter. 19 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,922 You guys got that great chemistry. 20 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,220 I want to leverage that to raise your profile. 21 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,892 Get that sponsorship money. 22 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,520 What would we talk about? 23 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,255 What were you talking about before I came in? 24 00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:58,490 Yung was talking about how 25 00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,485 the decline of manufacturing jobs 26 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,957 is really the result of an increase in 27 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,126 productivity in manufacturing. 28 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,995 What? No, I wasn't. 29 00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:08,303 I said it might rain. 30 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,835 Well, somebody said it. 31 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,400 Oh, wait. It was this podcast I was listening to. 32 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:13,709 I got us a 10:00 p.m. slot 33 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,710 at a recording studio over on Tropicana, 34 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,912 over by the hospital. 35 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,543 We'll record a podcast and submit to, you know, 36 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,048 all the major streaming platforms 37 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,880 and start watching that money roll in. 38 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,115 10:00 p.m., as in tonight? 39 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:26,181 Oh, yeah, the only other spot was 11:50 a.m. 40 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,319 tomorrow morning, and Mike's not a morning guy. 41 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,855 Thanks, Deezy. 42 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,060 You do not want to podcast with me at that early hour. 43 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,432 To the mystery mobile! 44 00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:35,961 Okay, guys, we are rolling, 45 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,596 so you can go ahead whenever you are ready. 46 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,303 Do you guys need a topic? 47 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,737 A springboard? 48 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,242 Yeah, that's a good one. 49 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,514 [Deezy] What's a good one? 50 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,882 Springboards. It's like diving boards. 51 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,810 I could talk about them all night long. 52 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,445 I think they suck. End of discussion. 53 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,393 [snoring] 54 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,756 This spring board is going to make summer so much fun. 55 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,362 Team, remember that podcast I had you record? 56 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,325 Well, I have good news and bad news. 57 00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,803 Which do you want to hear first? 58 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,801 I myself, I like the bad news first, 59 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,803 kind of softens the blow a little bit so that-- 60 00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:17,195 Shut up, Deezy. 61 00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:18,797 Jesus, you talk so much for someone 62 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:20,408 who has nothing to say. 63 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,310 Just give the news and get the [bleep] out of here. 64 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:22,911 What's the bad news? 65 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,613 -Okay, well-- -I don't wanna hear no bad news. 66 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,352 Okay, uh, the bad news is we can't put 67 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,651 the podcast on the Internet. 68 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,953 I listened to it and there's a problem. 69 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,585 Okay, what's the good news? 70 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,650 The good news is you got a new mystery out of it. 71 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,189 Come inside, I'll show you. 72 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,661 [Mike] Springboards. Like diving boards. 73 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,697 I could talk about them all night long. 74 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,232 I think they suck. End of discussion. 75 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,903 [snoring] 76 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,597 How is this a mystery-- 77 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,239 Shh. Listen. 78 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:57,144 [creepy voice speaking gibberish] 79 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,577 What is that? 80 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,552 I don't know. But it's all over the podcast. 81 00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,950 So this morning I went over to the recording studio to say, 82 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,883 "What the hell"? And when I went inside, 83 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,218 that sound engineer? 84 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,823 That fellow that sat next to me? 85 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,694 He was all murdered and cut open 86 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,293 and strung up, you know, Silence of the Lambs style. 87 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,785 Oh, my God! Did you call the police? 88 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,988 Hell, no. 89 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,729 And get arrested for a murder I didn't commit? 90 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,434 I know what happens to a black man in this country. 91 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:22,126 No. I carefully got down his murdered body, 92 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,468 dragged him outside into the alley 93 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,573 behind the building 94 00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:26,044 and cut him into little pieces, 95 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,842 and put the pieces into one-gallon freezer bags 96 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,414 and then I put 'em into our freezer. 97 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,682 Are you insane? 98 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,910 What if there were like, security cameras? 99 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,318 [Yung Hee yelps] 100 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:40,992 Get on the ground! Everybody on the ground! 101 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,321 I didn't do it! I swear I didn't do it. 102 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,256 All I did was cut him into little pieces. 103 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,462 Take my wallet. Whatever's in there 104 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,794 you can put towards my bail. 105 00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,697 He's got three ones in here. 106 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,338 What are you doing? 107 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,212 He's probably going to 108 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,211 "men lay with men" dot com. [laughing] 109 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,784 You know what you are, Pigeon? 110 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:06,952 A homophobe. 111 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,410 You're right. I am. 112 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,018 I have a phobia of homosexuals. They frighten me. 113 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,251 What? I'm not allowed to feel what I feel? 114 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:14,886 Shh! 115 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:15,951 [recording playing] 116 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:19,419 [distorted voice playing] 117 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:20,989 I know what this is. 118 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,387 It's a satanic message. 119 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,099 We have to listen to it in reverse. 120 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,400 -[mouse clicks] -[voice playing] 121 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:28,672 I am Lucifuge Rofocale. 122 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,042 -[gasps] -Who is Lucifuge Rofocale? 123 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,742 Oh, it's no one... 124 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:37,713 just the baddest mother [bleep] demon in all of Hades! 125 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:38,914 -[pounding at door] -[gasps] 126 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,475 Oh, my God! Could that be him? 127 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:42,884 [man] Water delivery. 128 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,016 [sighs] 129 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,020 Oh, you can just put it out back, thanks. 130 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:49,722 Okay, so what does this "Lucifuge" guy want? 131 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,486 It's not what he wants, 132 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,234 it's what the person who summoned him wants. 133 00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,530 You see, you only call Lucifuge 134 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,863 to make a deal with the devil. 135 00:04:58,898 --> 00:04:59,998 [man screaming] 136 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,273 Oh, God! Oh, no. 137 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,872 Oh, God! 138 00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,665 [sobbing] 139 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,514 Wow. 140 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,082 He really didn't want to hear that bad news. 141 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:15,812 [Yung Hee sobbing] 142 00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,318 There, there, Yung. 143 00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,223 We're gonna get your father back to life. 144 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,415 How? 145 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,056 We're gonna find Lucifuge Rofocale 146 00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:27,331 and make our own deal with the devil. 147 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,860 [Pigeon] Did we really need to bring the [bleep] corpse? 148 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:35,096 [tires screech] 149 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,236 [shrieks] 150 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,341 Uh, what are we doing here? 151 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,073 Okay, wait. I'll be right back. 152 00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,277 He can do that? 153 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:48,482 Why has he never done that before? 154 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,945 You see? This is why I'm homophobic. 155 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:56,551 What is that? 156 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,659 It's The Grand Grimoire... 157 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,991 an ancient text which when read aloud 158 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,427 summons Lucifuge. 159 00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,132 So, so someone in the recording studio 160 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,764 wanted to make a deal with the devil? 161 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,699 No, I think it was an accident. 162 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,334 I peeked at the sign-in sheet, 163 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,799 and right before we recorded our podcast, 164 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,408 Tom Hollander recorded The Grand Grimoire 165 00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:15,941 as a book on tape. 166 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,475 Who's Tom Hollander? 167 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,840 What? You've never heard of Tom Hollander? 168 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,009 The Tony nominated Tom Hollander? 169 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,418 I mean, he was spellbinding in Travesties. 170 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,451 Yung, you know who Tom Hollander is, right? 171 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,746 No. 172 00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,387 Mike, you know Tom Holl-- Oh, right. 173 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,922 That's why we're here. 174 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,217 Okay, so how do we find Lucifuge, 175 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,659 so we can make a deal with him? 176 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,694 Well, remember you don't make the deal with him, 177 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,729 he makes the deal with the devil. 178 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:40,225 I know it seems like, 179 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,566 "Why do we need the middleman?" But, you know... 180 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,131 [gasps] Aha! 181 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,599 What does it say? 182 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:47,137 I have to recite this ancient Sumerian spell. 183 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,713 Okay, here we go. 184 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,941 "Lucifuge, Lucifuge, Lucifuge, Lucifuge. Come here." 185 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:21,735 Hi guys, hello [chuckles]. 186 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,184 Lucifuge Rofocale, here's my card. 187 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,610 Now, are you guys interested in making a deal? 188 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:28,907 Because I'm gonna be honest with you, 189 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,278 today is a great day to make a deal. 190 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,017 So, what are we talking about? 191 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:35,122 I want to make this deal happen today. 192 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,064 And I'm on your side. 193 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,190 So, what are we thinking? 194 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,024 We want to bring my dad back to life. 195 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:42,529 Oh great, you got a trade-in. That's great. 196 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,762 That's gonna help. 197 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,196 Okay, so what's your best offer 198 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,501 that you feel good about, 199 00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:47,873 that you can live with, in terms of 200 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,171 giving a soul over for eternal damnation? 201 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,911 Take mine. 202 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,940 -Marquess... -Yung, please. 203 00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,277 Okay, great. 204 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,812 I just need to make a photocopy of your driver's license 205 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,819 and I'll go talk to the boss, 206 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,051 see what he says, and I'll be right back. 207 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:12,058 Marquess, I just want to apologize to you. 208 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:15,131 I think you giving up your soul proves that 209 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,561 there are redeeming qualities to homosexuals. 210 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,628 Okay, you know what-- 211 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,667 Hi, I'm so sorry that took so long. 212 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:25,402 Uh, so, unfortunately we ran your credit 213 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,838 and you're already dead, 214 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,243 so there's not a lot of value in your soul. 215 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,105 [sighs] Look. I want to make this deal happen. 216 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:35,214 So, you gotta give me something to work with. Please. 217 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,448 Take my soul. 218 00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:38,082 Yung! 219 00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:39,147 Oh, great. 220 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,985 A young man in the bloom of his life, 221 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,920 this could really move the needle. 222 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,586 I don't want to speak for my boss, 223 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,064 he's in a little bit of a shitty mood, 224 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,032 but I bet I come back with good news. 225 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:52,362 [Pigeon] No! Goddamn it. Hold on. 226 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,868 Take my soul. 227 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,570 It's not worth much, I imagine. 228 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,842 I've done things... terrible things. 229 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,340 Unspeakable things. 230 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,612 And I have regrets. 231 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:01,910 But if someone should burn in hell, 232 00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:04,241 I know who that someone should be. 233 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,437 You're a bird, man. 234 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,808 All animals go to heaven. 235 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,317 I mean, even like sharks that eat people... 236 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,820 straight to heaven. 237 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,191 [sighs] I used to be a man. 238 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,890 Oh! Okay, buddy. Let me see what he says. 239 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,918 Pigeon... 240 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:23,389 Hey, we got a deal! Congratulations! 241 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,229 [laughing] 242 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:28,874 What's the good news? 243 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,341 -Dad! -Michael. 244 00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:34,705 [chuckles] See you in hell, buddy. 245 00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:49,346 Okay let's get you entered into the system. 246 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,792 Deezy... No last name... 247 00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,827 Okay. We will see you Mr. Deezy on... 248 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,995 August 8, 2051. 249 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,401 [laughs] Ooh. 250 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,066 Death by shark. Tiger shark. 251 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,444 Hawaii. 252 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,172 Right in front of the hotel, two feet of water. Oof. 253 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,444 Hey, everyone. I got my sentence reduced 254 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:14,909 from "Desecration of human remains" 255 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,947 to "Failure to properly dispose of a human body." 256 00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:19,123 Now alls I gotta do is serve 180 days 257 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,922 under house arrest and take a class on 258 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,023 how to properly dispose of a human body. 259 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:26,786 Hey what's everybody doing in August, 2051? 260 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,956 I just got us a family trip to Hawaii. 261 00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:31,456 If you book it far enough ahead, 262 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:32,827 you can get a really good deal. 263 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,365 Hey, can I go? 264 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,370 I don't know, Deezy, it's just for family, not workers. 265 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,542 Please! Please, Mike. 266 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:39,841 Sure. 267 00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,372 Hey, what kind of meat is this? 268 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,276 [theme music playing] 18975