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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,269 (SNORING) 2 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,750 (ALARM BLARING) 3 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,419 (SIGHS) 4 00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,702 Ugh! 5 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:31,730 Gladis! 6 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:33,766 (SIGHS) 7 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,768 (ALARM BLARRING) 8 00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:48,309 (SIGHS) Pigeon. 9 00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:51,678 Oh, wow! Oh, I thought this was my room. 10 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,888 Well, did I piss on your carpet? I'm sorry. 11 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,391 That's okay, buddy. 12 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,555 Oh, come on. 13 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,295 (HORN HONKS) 14 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,531 (HONKING) 15 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,330 What did I do? 16 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,903 Whoopsie! 17 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,042 -(CAR HONKS) -WOMAN: We love you, Mike. 18 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,344 MAN: Mike, Mike Tyson! 19 00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:17,405 I love you too, stay in school, fool. 20 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,945 (CAR HONKS) 21 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,284 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 22 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:28,851 Morning, Ted. 23 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,461 Hi, Naan. 24 00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,892 Oh, I like your hair, Sheila. 25 00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,159 I like your hair too, Carol. 26 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,068 Oh, thanks, Sheila. 27 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,300 I got a new comb. 28 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,337 What is this? 29 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,208 "To Carol, 30 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,706 "love, your secret admirer." 31 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,379 (GASPS) 32 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,087 Morning, Marquess. 33 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,662 Oh, what is this? 34 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,920 Fast-food breakfast items. 35 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,359 Morning, Yung. Oh, I like your hair. 36 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,695 Did you do something different? 37 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,627 No. 38 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:13,929 (GASPS) What is this? 39 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,627 MARQUESS: Oh, we got a new mystery. 40 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,699 I just put it there, so you wouldn't miss it. 41 00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:18,597 Oh, cool. 42 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,408 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team. 43 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,910 -"My name is Carol." -PIGEON: Wait, wait, wait. 44 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,842 Wait for me. Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait! 45 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,293 Okay, now you can read it. 46 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,791 -Thanks for coming. -Oh, you're welcome. 47 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,787 Was it that obvious that I came? 48 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,659 I was looking at that big titted Persian 49 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,528 and then it just... Happened. 50 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,539 You got an extra napkin? 51 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,309 Since I sent you the note, 52 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,581 I've gotten three more gifts from my secret admirer. 53 00:02:57,611 --> 00:03:01,211 Oh, is that so? Were any of them a napkin with semen on it? 54 00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,548 What? 55 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:05,452 -No. -Well. Ah, here you go. 56 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,115 You add that to the gift pile. 57 00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,493 Ugh. Oh, my God. 58 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,721 So, is there anyone that you can think of 59 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,217 that might have a crush on you? 60 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,759 No. 61 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,393 No one likes me. 62 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,563 I think... 63 00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:20,027 What I'm afraid of is, that... 64 00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,466 This is... 65 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,341 Someone's idea of a joke. 66 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,641 (CRYING) 67 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,373 There, there, Carol. You're being too hard on yourself. 68 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:29,838 You're a beautiful woman. 69 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,176 Your hair is kind of brownish-gray. 70 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,012 You have an apple shaped body. 71 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,347 You have glasses. 72 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,752 Rosacea, those thick wrists... 73 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,784 Wait, wait, wait. What were we talking about again? 74 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:42,119 I just dread coming into work. 75 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,456 Every time I... 76 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,391 Find a new gift, I just... 77 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,486 Imagine someone's laughing at me. 78 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,029 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 79 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,604 You might want to use a different napkin, you know. 80 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,232 One that doesn't have 81 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,997 this pigeon's semen on it. 82 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,636 I should just get back to work. 83 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:01,712 They only give us a 20 minute lunch break. 84 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,806 For what it's worth, Carol, 85 00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:07,384 I believe your secret admirer is real. 86 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,954 And we'll find him. I guarantee it. 87 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,953 "I guarantee it"? What are you the Men's Warehouse? 88 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,489 Now, how do we help this poor woman? 89 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:21,625 I think one of us need to go undercover as an office worker. 90 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,501 Get in on some of that office gossip 91 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,130 and someone's gotta know something. 92 00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,699 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 93 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:38,877 (SIGHS) 94 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:40,912 Who are you? 95 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,007 -Good morning, Carol. -Oh! 96 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,719 Oh, Mike Tyson. 97 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,891 -What you doing here? -Shh! I'm your new coworker, 98 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,451 Mark Starwars. 99 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,889 We're cubicle neighbors. 100 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,394 Now I can keep an eye on your desk. 101 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:54,786 What happened to Vanessa? 102 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,558 I told Vanessa she was laid off. 103 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,326 You know, cut backs and what not. 104 00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,465 (PHONE RINGS) Oh, hold up. 105 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,970 (PICKS UP RECEIVER) Data Information Technology Storage Solution. 106 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:06,072 This is Mike Tyson speaking, I mean, I'm Mark Starwars. 107 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,836 How can I help you? 108 00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:11,484 Well, we have a number of storage options available for your business. 109 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:16,511 It all depends on whether you, you know, value flexibility or security. 110 00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:19,879 I mean, we can sit here all day and talk a bunch of bull (BLEEP) 111 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:22,689 about how you can have both of them at the same time. 112 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,662 But that's not reality. What's your name, Mitch? 113 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,492 That's not reality, Mitch. 114 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:28,957 Uh-huh. 115 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,025 Uh-huh. 116 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,163 Give me a second, Mitch. 117 00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:33,257 (KEYBOARD CLICKING) Oh, hold on, Mitch. 118 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,799 Here's one with flexibility and security. 119 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,795 I guess, I spoke too soon. 120 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,572 (LAUGHING) 121 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,878 Ooh, that's funny (BLEEP), man. 122 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,710 Man, hey, have a wonderful rest of your day, buddy. 123 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,046 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 124 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,722 This is why I come to work every morning. 125 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,591 For this feeling right here. 126 00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,821 I could sell a shit to a shit machine. 127 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:58,857 Coming, Carol? 128 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,192 I'm gonna hit that break room real hard. 129 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,104 Ah, I just feel so guilty. I mean, 130 00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,936 here we are lounging around the pool, 131 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:15,971 while Mike is having to solve the mystery all by himself, ugh. 132 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,679 If this wasn't my third Riesling you know what I would do? 133 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,281 I would go straight to that office 134 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,353 and I would... Well, I don't know what I would do. 135 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,152 But what I do know, 136 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,154 is this Riesling is crisp, fruit forward 137 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,747 and perfectly balanced. 138 00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:32,118 And this, guys, this was 14.99. 139 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:34,428 This was under $20! 140 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:37,761 I mean, you cannot tell me that you have to spend over $20 141 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,457 for a decent Riesling, you don't. 142 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,269 I didn't. Am I monologuing? 143 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,701 Because if I'm monologuing, tell me to stop. Come on. 144 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,536 Please, I'll stop. (GASPS) 145 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:49,173 Ho-ho-ho, that is crazy! 146 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,279 I mean, I was aiming for your face. 147 00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:55,512 -Where the pod go? -You lift up that part. 148 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:56,778 Oh, this? 149 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:59,046 -No, this part. -Ooh, it opens. 150 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,515 Now pick which pod you want, which flavor. 151 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,794 Oh, damn. Look at all these pods. 152 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:06,423 I'll go with hazelnut. It's a little bit of a treat. 153 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,229 But nothing crazy like, hot chocolate. 154 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,761 What fatass, he gets hot chocolate in the middle of the day? 155 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,028 (BLEEP) it. You know what? 156 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,826 This fatass is getting hot chocolate. 157 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:17,198 I deserve it. You hear me on that phone with Mitch? 158 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,407 It was like stealing baby from a candy store. 159 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,170 I gotta get back to my desk. 160 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,910 I can't help but notice you guys staring that whole time. 161 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,646 You guys staring at Carol? 162 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,521 She's something else, right? 163 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,250 Sweet and pretty? That's a combination you don't find every day. 164 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,157 I bet somebody around here admires her secretly. 165 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,260 If you guys know anything, come to me at my desk. 166 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,993 I'm in Vanessa Telleria's old cubicle. 167 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:47,229 I don't like to gossip but she was fired for stealing. 168 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,337 Ow, ow! It's so full, so hot and full. 169 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,100 (BLOWING) 170 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:57,077 The hot chocolate's not going to come out. Mmm-mmm-mmm. 171 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,810 Well, that's God telling me I should have got hazelnut. 172 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,181 I mean that's amazing. 173 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,846 Heavyweight champ of the world. 174 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,684 One of the most famous people on Earth 175 00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:10,149 and now just some poor slob trying to make it to the weekend. 176 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,619 (TOILET FLUSHES) 177 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,795 Oh, my God. Did he hear me? 178 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,873 What the (BLEEP) do I do? 179 00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:25,942 I can't have my cover blown. I've come too far. 180 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:28,872 I have to kill him. I have to kill this man. 181 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,893 (SIGHS) My God. 182 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:45,021 The weekend, it just can't come fast enough. 183 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,756 (CHUCKLES) How about, I can barely... 184 00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:52,296 B, E, A, R, ly. 185 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,432 -Contain my love for you. -(LAUGHING) 186 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,138 Oh, my God, that's great. 187 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,770 -(LAUGHING) -Oh, my God, that's great. 188 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,235 -She's so stupid. -(BOTH LAUGHING) 189 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,684 Hey, guys, you know what I can barely contain? 190 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,680 My (BLEEP) fists in your faces. 191 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,812 (BOTH GROAN) 192 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,261 Mike? 193 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,433 (DOOR OPENS) 194 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,844 You can put your stuff upstairs, I guess. 195 00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:36,413 Since you live here now, forever. 196 00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,024 (SNIFFING) 197 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,821 Well, we got married. 198 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,516 -What? -What are you talking about? 199 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:54,427 She was right. They were making fun of her. 200 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:58,160 I felt so bad. So I said I was the secret admirer. 201 00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,027 And I said I loved her from afar. 202 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:01,726 And now I love her up-close. 203 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,298 And then I asked her to marry me. 204 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,966 And then we went to the courthouse and got married. 205 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,505 And then we stopped by her place 206 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:10,710 and I got a bunch of her shit, and then we came here. 207 00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,783 I still don't understand why you got married? 208 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,612 I don't know, I panicked. I shouldn't be doing mysteries by myself. 209 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:18,148 (BLEEP) man! What the (BLEEP) are we going to do? 210 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,953 (ALARM BLARING) 211 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,493 Oh, thank goodness it was just a dream. 212 00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:28,763 (GLADIS URINATING) 213 00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,926 (SNORING) 214 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,369 Well, maybe I can grow to love her. 215 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,840 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 216 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,220 Hey, this is Mark Starwars calling you back from 217 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,892 the Data Information Technology Storage Solution. 15479

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