Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:02,704
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:08,565
DAVID: Everybody thinks
the markets are rigged.
3
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,976
The big boys on Wall Street
know something
4
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:13,878
that the average Joe
on Main Street doesn't.
5
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:17,751
Sure that goes on, but...
But this is something
different.
6
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,192
This is manipulation
of the market
7
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,088
on an unprecedented scale.
8
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,090
On a...
On a whole other level.
9
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:26,962
Next level shit. Mmm-hmm.
10
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:29,191
Uh, yes, that's...
That's right.
11
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,226
So for example,
the stock would
be available...
12
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,432
Could you give us an example?
13
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,274
-Yeah, that's what...
-Go on.
14
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,495
(STAMMERS) Okay.
15
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:40,765
So for example,
let's say we want to buy
a stock at $30 a share.
16
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:43,605
Since our fund is pretty big,
we'd want to buy
a lot of shares.
17
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,211
Say, 100,000 shares.
18
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,552
Mmm. 100,000 shares of stock.
19
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:52,549
Uh, yes. 100,000
shares of the same stock.
20
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:53,723
MIKE: Mmm.
21
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,494
So we place the order.
22
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:59,430
Just like any other investor,
we literally click on the
button that says, "Buy."
23
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:04,257
And soon as we do it,
the stock is no longer
available at $30 a share.
24
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,525
The market would
move against us.
25
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,401
May I borrow one of these?
26
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:18,410
Now, when you place an order,
it takes about a millisecond
from why you click buy
27
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,682
for that order
to get to the exchange.
28
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:26,191
How is it
that in one millisecond
100,000 shares for sale
29
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,447
are no longer for sale?
30
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:31,756
Were they ever really there
or are they phantom shares?
31
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,793
That's why we asked you
to come here.
32
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,795
Because if you can answer
that question,
33
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,927
you just might make
the market safe again,
34
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:43,243
which is what will in turn
make the American economy
strong again,
35
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,337
which will in turn
save the world.
36
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,469
David, would you mind
if I speak privately
37
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,835
with my colleagues
for a moment?
38
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:51,144
Yeah, of course. Please.
39
00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:57,415
Okay, so here's the deal.
40
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,078
I didn't understand
any of that.
41
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,286
So I propose we get
the (BLEEP) out of here.
42
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,588
MARQUESS: What?
43
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,895
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
44
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,081
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
45
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,750
(PRESSING BUTTON REPEATEDLY)
46
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,208
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
47
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,886
We've come all the way
to New York, Michael.
48
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:41,193
We're not even going to
try and solve the mystery?
49
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,525
Nope. Too hard, too boring.
Right, Pigeon?
50
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,201
Huh, what?
51
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,600
Pigeon, are you listening
to music?
52
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:49,702
Book on tape.
53
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:54,113
Benghazi.
Man, what really went down.
54
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,508
What's going on? Where are we?
55
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,839
We're down on Wall Street,
but not for long.
56
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,705
I'm calling the car service.
57
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,113
-Maybe we can go home
on an earlier flight.
-(DIAL TONE TRILLS)
58
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,676
(CARS HONKING)
59
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,145
You know, Mr. Tyson,
I've driven you before.
60
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,594
You and the...
You and the whole team.
61
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,660
I see you're still traveling
with the little bird.
62
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,559
You know who else travels
with animals? Helen Hunt.
63
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,202
Drove her and her little dog.
64
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,957
I'd love to get
between the sheets
with Helen Hunt.
65
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,526
What a body on her.
66
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:26,408
I mean, the state department.
What a mess!
67
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,267
Hey, can I ask
what you're doing in town?
68
00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:30,835
Ugh. Not seeing Hamilton,
apparently.
69
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,884
Oh, we were here
for a mystery,
but it wasn't a good fit.
70
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,551
You got 45 minutes?
71
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,219
Because if you've got
45 minutes,
72
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:40,388
I'll show you the
biggest mystery you've
ever seen in your life.
73
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,955
Okay. Can you please
look at the road?
74
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,472
You see that house there?
75
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,798
That ugly piece of (BLEEP)
that looks like
it has water damage?
76
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,004
I bought it with my wife.
This is where we were
going to retire.
77
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,966
Six months after
we close on the house,
she says she wants a divorce.
78
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,536
She says, "I don't love you,
I never loved you.
79
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,184
"Hit the road, Jack.
Go take a walk."
80
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,980
-(GASPS) That's horrible!
-Aw!
81
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,982
Eh, she was lousy
in the sack anyway.
82
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:11,424
Never sucked me off. Not once.
83
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,348
MARQUESS: Hmm.
YUNG HEE: Ugh!
84
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,954
LIMO DRIVER:
Pardon me. I keep forgetting
there's a child back there.
85
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,755
Sorry, I don't have
a lolly for ya.
86
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,657
I usually keep some
hard candy upfront, but uh...
87
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:22,734
-I ate them all.
-(SCOFFS)
88
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:27,730
I'm sorry.
Did you say the mystery
and I missed it?
89
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,935
So I rented out the house
to a family.
90
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,537
Decent credit, not great.
91
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,468
They say they don't
have a dog.
They have a dog.
92
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,014
But you pick your battles.
93
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,279
So now they say
that the house is unsafe.
94
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,438
There is a phantasm
in the house.
95
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:44,016
Claim the boy, nine or ten,
was taken by the phantasm
to the end of the universe.
96
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,592
(WHISTLES) Look at the cans
on that one.
97
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,019
YUNG HEE: Well, is that them?
98
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:53,185
Get down. Everybody down.
99
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,963
I was supposed to
get an inspection done
three months ago.
100
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,933
There's mold everywhere.
101
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,701
So you want us to go
to the end of the universe
and get their boy back?
102
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,531
I just want them
to start paying rent again.
103
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,896
I'm not going to tell you
how to do your job.
104
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,505
If you go the end
of the universe,
105
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,767
if you don't go
to the end of the universe.
106
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:09,905
Ai-yai-yai,
look at those cans.
107
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,740
And that caboose.
108
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,206
Have to remember
that for later.
109
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,314
Jack-off time.
110
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,976
-MARQUESS: Ugh!
-Sorry.
111
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,384
Pardon me.
112
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,922
-More tea?
-MIKE: Thank you, ma'am.
113
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,062
This is such a blessing
that you are here.
114
00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:27,228
We went to the police
and they were most unhelpful.
115
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,087
I guess when you
say to the police
116
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:33,266
that a phantasmin has taken
your son to the end
of the universe,
117
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,197
they say you are crazy.
118
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,842
But we are not crazy.
119
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,937
So can you please bring back
our little Raji?
120
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,840
(SLURPING)
121
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,482
Would you mind
if I spoke privately
122
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,337
with my colleagues
for a moment please?
123
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:46,846
Of course.
124
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,707
MARQUESS: First place,
math decathlon,
125
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,346
first place, spelling bee.
126
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,951
Ah, Raji is a child prodigy.
127
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,223
-Okay, let's get
the (BLEEP) out of here.
-Dad!
128
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,622
I changed my mind
I like the first mystery
better.
129
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,364
This one has too many
moving parts.
130
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,160
One dude want us
to get rent money,
131
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,561
some other dude
want us to go to
the end of the universe.
132
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,066
(THUDDING)
133
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,706
Ah! Oh!
134
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,599
-Yeah, no.
-(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
135
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,802
Oh, hey!
I thought you guys left.
136
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,644
What? I said I needed
to talk to my team.
137
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,039
Well, it's been
about three hours.
138
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,271
Oh, I'm sorry.
139
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,536
You know how long
I needed to talk to my team?
140
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:55,375
You better watch that
(BLEEP) attitude,
Wall Street boy.
141
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:58,122
Remind me again.
What was your mystery?
142
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,118
So when we click
the button that says, "Buy,"
143
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,050
the stock is no longer
available at $30 a share.
144
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,786
When you place an order,
it takes about a millisecond
from when...
145
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:08,163
MIKE: Oh, my God!I was right the first time.
146
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:11,762
We should have goneto the end of the universeto save that little boy.
147
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,125
That was the clear,obvious one to choose.
148
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,674
It had all the elementsof a good mystery
149
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:19,170
that my audiencehas come to expect.
150
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:22,643
This shit? This is howshows get canceled.
151
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,843
So, what is happening?
Are they phantom shares?
152
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:29,375
Would you mind
if we go outside to discuss
one aspect of this mystery?
153
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,883
Oh, my God!
154
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,418
Where the (BLEEP)
are the stairs, man?
155
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,755
PHANTASM: Buy it. Buy it now!
156
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,661
It's done.
Now may I go home,
phantasm?
157
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,734
So it's all there?
$35 million?
158
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:52,170
Then, yes, Raji,
I have no more use for you.
159
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,442
-Where's my cut?
-What cut?
160
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,481
10%. To help you.
161
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,337
You said I could have 10%
if I give you the algorithm.
162
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,806
(BLEEP) you! 10%!
163
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,045
I'm going
to the end of the universe.
164
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,751
But I need the money
for my family.
165
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,622
The house is covered in mold.
166
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:16,228
So it was your algorithm
that cheated the market
out of billions of dollars.
167
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,960
Not some phantom orders?
168
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,095
No, it was both.
169
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,399
Except they were
not phantom orders,
170
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,141
they were phantasm orders.
171
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:27,137
Hey, what's the difference
between a phantom
and a phantasm?
172
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:31,840
(SCOFFS) Oh, of course.
Ask the only ghost
in the room. (CHUCKLES)
173
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,175
While we're at it,
why don't we just ask David
174
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,521
the difference between
a Hasidic Jew
and an Orthodox Jew?
175
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,118
(LAUGHS)
176
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:42,589
-Oh, I'm... I'm not Jewish.
-Hmm? Oh! (HIGH-PITCHED) Oh!
177
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,319
(NORMAL VOICE)
Oh, I'm so sorry.
178
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,934
I just... I assumed, you know?
179
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:51,157
Working on Wall Street,
curly dark hair,
prominent nose,
180
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,634
abrupt manner and...
I'm sorry, am I still talking?
181
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,142
Raji! What were
you saying, dear?
182
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,909
The phantasm said
he needed the money
183
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,268
because the
end of the universe
184
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:05,136
is the most beautiful place
in existence.
185
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:08,445
And the real estate
market there
is incredibly tight.
186
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,278
He kept saying
how tight it was.
187
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:14,024
He said he would need
many, many millions
even to get a dump.
188
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,761
But he's going to be
very angry when he determines
189
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,657
that all the stock purchases
he made were in my name.
190
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:23,730
You see, I knew that
I was possibly dealing
with a very bad man,
191
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,860
owing to the fact
that he was a phantasm.
192
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,896
And that he was very angry
all the time.
193
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,501
And that he would kidnap
a young boy.
194
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,273
I knew it!
195
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,641
I (BLEEP) knew it.
I didn't need to hear
any of this shit.
196
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,610
Oh, please!
197
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:39,309
Easy to say that after
this little boy just explained
the entire thing.
198
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:42,483
I mean, the whole thing
is such bull-(BLEEP).
199
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,282
Cover up, no cover up.
200
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,524
It's just the shit
that goes with being
the world's policemen.
201
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,521
You know what I mean?
202
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:51,393
(SIGHS) Hey, wait a second.
203
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:54,191
We are back here again?
Weren't we in some
Indian restaurant?
204
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:57,204
I remember smelling
a bunch of curry and mildew.
I'm...
205
00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:00,167
I'm hungry as hell.
Have we eaten yet or...
206
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,167
PHANTASM: What do you mean
there's a problem?
207
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,169
Insufficient funds?
That's impossible.
208
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:08,212
I'll call the bank
and straighten everything out.
209
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:12,238
There's a higher offer?
It's been accepted?
Who made it?
210
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,623
Excuse me, sir.
211
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,019
Could you please
remove yourself
from our property?
212
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,821
What? Where am I to live?
213
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,691
It's $1,900 a month.
214
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,593
Rent's due by the 3rd,
otherwise it goes up.
215
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,825
And I keep making it
go up and up and up
until you pay.
216
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:33,801
No dogs.
217
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,640
What's that mildew smell?
218
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,567
LIMO DRIVER:
That's paint. I painted.
219
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:41,743
(END THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
17377
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.