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1
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,995
(LAUGHS)
2
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,705
What are you doing?
3
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,537
Mike forgot to log out.
4
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,109
"TGIF"? It's Wednesday.
5
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:46,782
I know.
That's what makes it funny.
6
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,451
-No. I don't feel
comfortable with this.
-(CHUCKLES)
7
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,150
Do you know how many times
a day you say that?
8
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,793
Jeez, who are
all these people?
9
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:57,218
Mike's not really friends
with any of these people.
10
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,894
Like, check this out.
11
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,033
"Caroline Nuberry.
12
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:06,068
"Last night, my mother,
Paula Jean Nuberry, passed
away peacefully in her sleep.
13
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:11,667
"I know eventually the pain
will subside, but for now
it is unbearable."
14
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:16,082
Good lord. And 83 "likes"?
Why would someone "like" this?
15
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,707
Her mother dies
and you like it?
16
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,652
"Caroline Nuberry.
17
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:24,578
"Last night, my mother,
Paula Jean Nuberry, passed
away peacefully in her sleep.
18
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:30,155
"I know eventually the pain
will subside, but for now
it is unbearable."
19
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,157
Oh, poor Caroline.
20
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,459
Like.
21
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,801
Hey, Yung. Get in here.
We have a new mystery.
22
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,565
Okay, team. Gather around.
23
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,838
Hey, how come you never
go skinny dipping? Huh?
24
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:45,867
-It's your house.
-Actually, I was
skinny dipping.
25
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,673
Yeah, with some
of my girlfriends.
26
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,905
I just put this bathing suit
on right before I walked in.
27
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,380
It was super fun.
We were just out there,
splashing around,
28
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:57,520
touching each other, giggling.
It was very erotic.
I'm sorry you missed it.
29
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:02,118
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,
I'm an owner of a successful,
gourmet sandwich shop
30
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:06,093
"in Boston, Massachusetts.But ever since we movedinto our new location,
31
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:10,103
"business has allbut stopped. The storesaround us are thriving,
32
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:13,567
"so it doesn't make sense.Could my new locationbe cursed?
33
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,897
"Please help. Sincerely,
Molly Gibson."
34
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,574
Huh? I wonder why no one
will come in her shop.
35
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,243
Oh, I'll (BLEEP)
in her shop, all right.
36
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,882
Ah. What does that even mean?
37
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:25,937
Means I'll ejaculate all over
her dirty little shop.
38
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,806
-Ugh.
-PIGEON: Yeah, that's right.
39
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,215
Okay, guys.
To the Mystery Mobile.
40
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:31,617
Let's go!
41
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,349
Wait. We're driving?
To Boston?
42
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,755
Good God.
That'll take 30 hours.
43
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,987
Come on, men, it'll be a great
bonding experience for us.
44
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,373
GPS VOICE:
Keep left at the fork.
45
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:55,009
Continue on I-70 Eastfor 743 miles.
46
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:03,150
-Can you at least
turn on the radio?
-Radio's broke.
47
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,420
Oh.
48
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:11,663
Oh! How about
the alphabet game? I'll start.
You'll see how it goes.
49
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,129
A, my name is Andrew.
50
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,087
-My wife's name is Alice.
-(CHUCKLES) Your wife?
51
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,225
-MARQUESS: Okay, can
I just please...
-That's a laugh.
52
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,671
-Can I please?
-Yeah. You, you have
a wife in this?
53
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,638
Okay, yes,
in this scenario,
I have a wife. Stop it.
54
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,267
-Okay, sure.
-Here we go.
55
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,472
-A, my name is Andrew.
My wife's name is Alice.
-(PIGEON LAUGHS)
56
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,805
-Stop it.
-PIGEON: Wife! Wife.
57
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,150
We live in Arkansas
and we sell apples.
58
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:34,447
-With you wife?
-No, stop it.
59
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,378
-(PIGEON LAUGHS)
-Your turn, Yung.
60
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,383
Okay, um.
61
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:43,685
B, my name is Beatrice.
My husband's name is Bobby.
We live in Bermuda,
62
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,161
-and we sell basketballs.
-MARQUESS: Good.
63
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,290
Okay. Pigeon?
64
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,295
All right. Um.
65
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,297
C, my name is (BLEEP).
66
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:57,969
My wife's name is (BLEEP).
We live in (BLEEP) town,
and we sell (BLEEP).
67
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,612
(LAUGHS)
68
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:05,112
-And basketballs.
-(MARQUESS SCOFFS)
69
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:11,852
GPS VOICE: Keep left to remainon I-70 East, and continuefor 741 miles.
70
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,459
(SNORING)
71
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,157
(SNORING)
72
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,596
-(CAR HORN BLARING)
-(ALL GASPING)
73
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:33,265
-Sorry to startle you.
I'm Molly.
-Oh, good morning, ma'am.
74
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:37,414
We got in real late last
night, and I left my wallet
in my other pants' pocket
75
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,281
and we couldn't
get into the hotel room.
76
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,180
And, um, we left your number,
so we couldn't call you.
77
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,882
-Anyway, can we all use your
bathroom real quick, ma'am?
-Oh, go.
78
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:48,185
YUNG: Dad, ladies first.
MARQUESS: You have no idea
how bad that van smells.
79
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:55,263
Mmm. This is delicious,
and huge. I can't even get
my mouth around it.
80
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,632
Yeah, well, you've had
bigger things in that mouth.
81
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,032
-What does that even mean?
-(BLEEP)!
82
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,196
It means you've had
big (BLEEP) in your mouth.
83
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,844
-MARQUESS: Oh, my goodness.
-(STAMMERS) It really is
all so delicious.
84
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,640
I'm telling you,
it's this location. There must
be something wrong with it.
85
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,714
I haven't sold a sandwich
since I moved in.
86
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:17,123
You're not expecting us to pay
for this, are you? I mean,
this is research.
87
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,577
Do you know anything about
the history of the building?
88
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:24,056
No. Just that these buildings
along Newbury Street
are hundreds of years old.
89
00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:28,388
I know this sounds crazy,
but I swear sometimes
I can hear this
90
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,525
plaintive wail.
91
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,274
Whoa.
92
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,097
Well, maybe we can
find something out at
the hall of records.
93
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,472
You guys go to the hall
of records while I ask around
94
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:41,171
and see if any of these
other businesses know
anything, you know?
95
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,935
-Do you want one of us
to go with you?
-(DOOR OPENS)
96
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,954
We were all
in a car together
for 30 hours, Marquess.
97
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,907
Why do you gotta be so clingy?
98
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,953
What's the point of going
to the hall of records
when all they do
99
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,654
is tell us to go
on the Internet?
100
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,016
-Shh!
-I mean everything
we've done so far,
101
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,085
we could have done from
our God (BLEEP) living room.
102
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:03,134
-Shh!
-What are you shushing me for?
It's the hall of records,
103
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,960
it's not a library.
104
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,465
And I don't even know
why do you have to be quiet
in the library anymore.
105
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,768
I mean, the only people
who go there now are
homeless guys looking at porno
106
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,941
-and stuff like that...
-Oh, here we go.
107
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:18,410
It was built in 1869 and was,
at the time, Boston's biggest
whale oil extractory.
108
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:22,552
Oh, my. I lived near
one of those in London.
It was a foul place.
109
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,379
They would cut the blubberoff those poor dead whales
110
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,846
and cook it in fatsto extract their oil.
111
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:31,455
Oh, and look at this. In 1880,
there was an oil fire
112
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,788
and the building
was engulfed in flames.
113
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,194
All of the immigrant Gypsyworkers were burned alive.
114
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:39,256
My God, that's awful.
"A sister of one
of the victims,
115
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,926
"Nadia Pavlova,arrived at the scene,and shouted a Gypsy curse
116
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,166
"upon the smoldering ruins.
117
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:50,612
"'In the name of my brother,Tobar Pavlova, I curse thesegrounds forever more'."
118
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,241
CLERK: Sir? Sir?
PIGEON: What?
119
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,606
-What? Easy, fella.
-You cannot look
at pornography
120
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,954
on these computers.
121
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,675
MARQUESS: You went shopping?
122
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,554
I didn't just go shopping.
I also found out
no information.
123
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,194
I thought you forgot
your wallet.
124
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,289
That's what's so great
about being Mike Tyson.
125
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,491
You take a couple of pictures
here, give them one
or two of these,
126
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,634
give them one of those,
127
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,560
and bang, bang, boom,
$600 loafers, buddy.
128
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:16,696
-Well, they are undeniably
good-looking.
-Thank you, Pigeon.
129
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,703
They hurt like (BLEEP),
but, you know,
you gotta suffer for fashion.
130
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:23,576
Dad, we figured out why
no one will go in there.
The building really is cursed.
131
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:28,177
Damn. Okay, you know what?
Maybe I should go
over there to Versace
132
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,422
and see if I can find out
some more information.
133
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,147
And get some pants, too,
to go with these loafers.
134
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,623
Michael, we need to try
and lift the curse.
135
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,593
Wait! What about your ex-wife?
136
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,362
Who, Sandra?
137
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,590
-She cursed you and turned you
into a pigeon, right?
-Yeah.
138
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,856
(STAMMERS)
No. No, I'm not
calling Sandra.
139
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,595
But she could be
our only hope.
140
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,100
Yeah. Yeah, listen.
If I'm gonna ask
Sandra for a favor,
141
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,302
it's gonna be to
turn me back into a man,
142
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,905
not to help some dumb bitch
who makes sandwiches.
143
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,912
Just seeing if you guys
were hungry.
144
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,382
What about you, Marquess?
You're a ghost.
145
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,681
-You're into voodoo and shit.
-No, I'm not.
146
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,694
Yeah, but you're into, like,
um, you know, witchcraft,
and dark arts, right?
147
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,718
-Aren't you?
-What? No.
148
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,493
-Man, so you're just a ghost
that does nothing?
-Well, that's just hurtful.
149
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,734
Someone please do something.
150
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:20,369
Well, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I did attend a seance once
for the Duchess of Abernathy.
151
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:24,567
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, here.
Here's that name
you dropped.
152
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,641
(CHUCKLES)
153
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,769
"Duchess of Abernathy." Jesus!
154
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,414
Oh, like that anyone knows
who I'm talking about.
155
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:35,978
Okay. Everyone join hands
and close your eyes.
156
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,263
-Pigeon.
-What? Believe me,
she wasn't complaining.
157
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:47,655
Our beloved!
158
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,301
We bring you gifts
from life into death!
159
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:54,127
Commune with us,
and move among us.
160
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,004
-(WAILING)
-(ALL GASPING)
161
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,874
Oh, my God. It really
is a plaintive wail.
162
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,743
-(WAILING CONTINUES)
-What the (BLEEP)?
163
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,513
Oh, (BLEEP), Marquess,
did you hear that?
164
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:08,011
It must be the spirit
of Nadia's brother, Tobar.
165
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,945
We're here
to release you, Tobar.
166
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,820
Release you from your
internal pain and lift
the curse forever,
167
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,350
forevermore.
168
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,755
(WAILING CONTINUES)
169
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,717
Oh (BLEEP).
Oh (BLEEP).
It's coming.
170
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,685
-What's his name again?
-Tobar.
171
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,094
(HYPERVENTILATING)
172
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,055
What the (BLEEP)
kinda name is "Tobar"?
173
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,034
Is it a dog or something, man?
174
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,273
Reveal yourself, Tobar.
Your plaintive wail
has been heard.
175
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,208
(ALL SCREAMING)
176
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,541
MIKE: What the (BLEEP)?
177
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,913
Where's Tobar?
178
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,781
WHALE: I ate Tobar!
179
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:45,521
Oh, my God.
It wasn't a Gypsy's curse.
It was a whale's.
180
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,349
What the (BLEEP)?
181
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,924
What do you want, Whale?
182
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,192
I want what all whales want.
183
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:58,332
For humans to stop hunting us,
and using our blubber for oil.
184
00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:03,672
You dumb asshole. No one
has used whale oil
in 100 goddamn years.
185
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,500
WHALE: Really?
186
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:08,405
Yeah. The only people
that still hunt whales
are the Japanese.
187
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,908
They eat the meat.
188
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,040
-That can't be true.
-Oh, yeah. They gobble it up.
189
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,575
Well, then I hereby lift
the curse from this building,
190
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:19,082
and place it on the Japanese.
191
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,216
-(WAILING)
-(CAR ALARMS BLARING)
192
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,561
Huh. I think
it was the Japanese.
193
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:26,058
Maybe the Eskimos.
194
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,789
Or the Inuit, whatever
they call 'em.
195
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,834
They eat it in Finland,
I know. Or somewhere.
Somewhere, somewhere.
196
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,831
-We should be clear
'cause we just cursed people.
-Well, it was somewhere.
197
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,513
F, my name is Frederick.
198
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,853
My wife's name is Frida.
199
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:53,449
We both live
in Fairbanks, Alaska.
200
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:58,923
And we both sell,
you know, bear fur.
16959
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