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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:03,370
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,426
Ugh.
3
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,541
Hmm.
4
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,537
Why do you have photos
of naked women in
our living room?
5
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,510
Not all of them are naked.
6
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,639
Some didn't follow
instructions and sent me
pictures in their underwear.
7
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,545
Ha.
8
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,747
It's kind of hard to cast you
in the lead role of the
Untitled Vagina Project
9
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,220
if I can't even
see your vagina.
10
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,689
You're making a movie?
11
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,057
-Who's making a movie?
-No one's making a movie!
12
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:59,287
It's a scam to get women
to send me beaver shots.
13
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,833
Let me see that... Oh!
14
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,028
She followed the instructions
15
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,200
to the letter.
16
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,499
MIKE: Hey gang, get in here.
17
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,600
-We got a new mystery.
-Oh, what is it?
18
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:09,902
"Call Deezy."
19
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,504
What the hell kind of
mystery is that?
20
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,636
Michael, that's
a phone message.
21
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:17,081
Ugh, Deezy.
22
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,548
I can't believe you let
that guy be your agent.
He's a parasite.
23
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:20,977
You're a parasite.
24
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,881
Now, Yung,
25
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,623
that is no way to talk
to a casting director who's
about to offer you the role
26
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:26,849
of the best friend
27
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,694
in the Untitled
Vagina Project.
28
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,820
You don't have to submit
a photo of your vagina.
29
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,356
-YUNG: Why?
-I don't want to see it.
30
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,230
Deezy? What's up fool?
31
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,499
Hey Mike, what's up?
32
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,257
Listen, I got you something.
33
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,125
-What you got?
-You got any mysteries going
on this week?
34
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,904
No, Deezy, we're just chillin.
35
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:44,372
I think Pigeon is working
on a movie or something.
36
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,311
I heard him saying
something about a movie.
37
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:49,007
I'm gonna put him on the phone
with you, and he'll tell you.
38
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,979
Hey, it's Deezy, tell
him about the movie.
39
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:54,108
Oh, hello, Deezy.
Hey, how's the shithead
business going?
40
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,445
Suck my (BLEEP), Pigeon.
41
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,949
Now tell me about this
movie of yours.
42
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,181
You got any part
in it for Mike?
43
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:02,186
Oh, no, unfortunately there
will be no part in it for
Mike, Deezy, because
44
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,859
there's no movie.
45
00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:05,658
Oh, you think Mike can't
act in a movie? He's
been in big movies.
46
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,989
You ever heard of
The Hangover?
47
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,994
No, I've never heard of
The Hangover.
48
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,026
(BLEEP) Pigeon.
49
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,330
You better put Mike
in your movie.
50
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,502
He lets you live in his house.
51
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,901
Yeah. Okay, well, I gotta go
Deezy because I don't want
to talk to you anymore.
52
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,635
So, what's up, Deezy,
what you got for me?
53
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,041
I got you a gig.
A very special gig.
54
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:26,813
Part of a celebrity tour.
Entertain the troops
in Afghanistan.
55
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,154
Hey, I thought we pulled
out of Afghanistan.
56
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,320
DEEZY: No, Mike, we still gota lot of personnel there.
57
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,748
We got special forces, we gotcounter-terrorism forces,
58
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:37,294
military training personnel.Come on, Mike, we've hadthis conversation before.
59
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:41,191
Hey, you know what, I'm
right outside your house.
I'm just gonna come in.
60
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:44,925
Hey! Mike, Yung, Ghost.
61
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,032
How ya'll doing?
62
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,933
-(BLEEP) you, Pigeon.
-(PIGEON SCOFFS)
63
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,095
Hey, Deezy man, would you mind
taking off your shoes, man?
64
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,104
We've become a no-shoe
household here.
65
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,536
Oh, not a problem, Mike.
You get the carpets cleaned?
66
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:58,142
No, I read about all these
things people track into your
house, man, with their shoes.
67
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:02,075
Dirt, urine, vomit,
semen, and pollen.
68
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,482
Man, I've been
sneezing all day!
69
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,045
Oh, I feel you, Mike.
70
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,493
Can I get you anything?
You know, something to drink.
71
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:09,819
Yeah, you got any
champagne open?
72
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,663
-No...
-All right then, I'm good.
73
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,329
-Okay, Deezy, let's talk more
about Afghanistan.
-PIGEON: More?
74
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,158
It's a three-day trip.
You fly commercial to
Hamburg, Germany,
75
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,234
and then they put you on
a C-17, straight to Kabul.
76
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,803
Wait, you're going to
Afghanistan? When?
77
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:22,972
-Right now.
-What?
78
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,370
They need to fill the slot.
79
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,901
Wayne Brady just dropped out.
80
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:30,006
Hold up, man, I'm the
backup choice to Wayne Brady?
81
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,480
That's a huge
(BLEEP) honor, man.
82
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:36,449
I love Wayne Brady, man.
Man, what's that show, man?
83
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,750
Who The (BLEEP) Line Is It?
84
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,251
-Okay, Deezy, we will do it.
-What?
85
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,894
Whoa, whoa, no Mike. This
invitation is just for you.
86
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,260
No way, I can't do
improv by myself.
87
00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,659
Not even Wayne Brady
does it by himself.
88
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,631
No one wants you
to do improv, Mike.
89
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,960
Just do some of that getting
back up after you get
knocked down stuff.
90
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,366
You know, boxer talk.
Inspirational.
91
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,698
-Let's get this money.
-No.
92
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,303
You can't disappoint
the troops.
93
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,644
They are expecting improv,
and they're getting improv.
94
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,541
But we don't know
how to do improv.
95
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:03,913
That's the beauty of improv.
96
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,011
You don't even have to know
how to do improv.
97
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,183
You just have to improv
with something off the
top of your head.
98
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:11,652
My God, how many
times are you assholes
gonna say "improv"?
99
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:23,128
Excuse me, do you
have any of those little
bags of pretzels?
100
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,327
Hmm. Bitch.
101
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,903
That was sure nice of
Deezy to house-sit for us
while we were gone.
102
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,142
He's probably going
to rob you.
103
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,898
(CHUCKLES)
104
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,536
You know what we gotta do
when we get there?
Get him a thank you gift.
105
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,412
Yeah, soon as we get there.
106
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:40,211
-What kind of (BLEEP) do they
sell in Afghanistan?
-I don't know.
107
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,014
I think I've heard of
an Afghan rug.
108
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,646
What the (BLEEP) does Deezy
need with an Afghan rug?
109
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,223
No, he likes gadgets.
110
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:51,021
You know, electric shit, man,
for his phone and stuff.
111
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:56,995
Cheerleaders, huh?
That sounds like some good ole
fashioned troop entertainment.
112
00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:00,097
Let me ask you gals something,
you ever do any acting?
113
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,440
I only ask because I happen
to be casting a film.
114
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,038
-Ugh.
-What?
115
00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:10,107
Hey, Mike, I know
you're still in transit,
116
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,580
but I want you to know
the house looks real good.
117
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:16,249
I just finished feeding your
pigeons, I watered your plants
and brought your mail inside.
118
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,680
Oh, wait, hold up.
It looks like you got
a new mystery, Mike.
119
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:22,646
Don't you worry about it
though. Get that money
over there. I'm on this.
120
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:28,326
Hey there, little fella.
What you got for me?
"Museum of Antiquity."
121
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:31,429
On behalf of the
United States Armed Forces,
welcome to Afghanistan,
122
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,572
ladies and gentlemen.
123
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,197
If you'll follow me,
Sergeant Gutierrez will drive
you to the performance venue.
124
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,603
I'm sure we'll pass a
Best Buy on the way.
125
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,805
If not, Deezy also
likes sunglasses.
126
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,938
So be on the lookout
for a Sunglass Hut.
127
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:44,580
Ladies.
128
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:51,051
-Um, hello.
-Hello, little boy.
129
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,356
Wait. You brought the van?
130
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,317
Oh, yeah. Always bring
your own ride, man.
131
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:04,026
I've been stuck at too
many lame ass parties, not
to have my own ride.
132
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,801
-After you, little boy.
-Okay.
133
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,830
Hey, dude, we'll follow you.
134
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:19,884
(TIRES SCREECHING)
135
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,510
Michael, what are you doing?
136
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,115
I think I saw a Radio Shack.
137
00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:25,047
Dad, we need to follow him!
138
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:29,016
My bad. That ain't
a Radio Shack.
139
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,962
It's just a "shack" shack.
140
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,932
-(YUNG SCREAMS)
-Jesus Christ!
141
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,257
(ELECTRICAL ZAPPING)
142
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,326
(PEOPLE GASPING)
143
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:45,496
DEEZY: So, let me get
this straight.
144
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,836
There used to be a mummy
in here?
145
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,670
And now the mummy's gone.
146
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,205
You're not Mike Tyson.
147
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,680
No. I'm his agent.
But I got this.
148
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:56,079
I'll go take a look around.
You got a flashlight
or something?
149
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,488
Hmm. There's some creepy
(BLEEP) down this way.
150
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,818
(MEN CHEERING)
151
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,488
MAN 1: Bend over!
152
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:07,833
MAN 2: Yeah!
153
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,500
Hmm, spray tan much?
154
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,403
SOLDIER: What's up girl!
155
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,842
(CHEERING)
156
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,908
Dad, I'm really starting to
get nervous. Can we
practice or something?
157
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,808
No, honey, no.
158
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,240
I told you, you
don't practice improv.
159
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,845
Well, I don't think
I can go out there.
160
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,678
Okay, sweety, I understand.
161
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,953
You're not funny. Hey, Pigeon.
162
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,452
Let's do it.
We're the funny ones.
163
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,685
Oh, I'm not doing it.
164
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:38,059
Okay, cool. Marquess?
165
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,858
MIKE: It's just me
and you, dude.
166
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,960
What?
167
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,261
(ALL CHEERING)
168
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,458
Hello, everyone.
169
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,765
I am Mike Tyson,
former heavyweight
champion of the world.
170
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,597
But the real heavyweight
champion of the world are you,
171
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:50,743
the troops.
172
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,867
(ALL CHEERING)
173
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,343
I just came up with
that, right now.
174
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,941
That's how good at
improv I am.
175
00:07:56,944 --> 00:08:01,014
Okay, we're gonna perform
a scene based on your
suggestions, okay?
176
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,784
Can somebody shout out a
typical work place?
177
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:04,884
MAN 1: What about
a doctor's office?
178
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:05,975
MAN 2: A library!
179
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,016
MAN 3: A bank!
180
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,690
MIKE: I heard a bank.
181
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,859
Okay, we take you
now to a bank.
182
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,119
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
183
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,394
Uh, good afternoon sir.
184
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,926
Welcome to the bank.
185
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:20,631
I understand you are
interested in, um,
186
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,904
taking out a loan.
187
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,035
(WHISPERING)
Michael, say something.
188
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,279
(CROWD WHISPERING)
189
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,152
(CRICKETS)
190
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:42,317
MIKE: Oh, God,I can't think of anything.
191
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,322
My heart is beating athousand miles an hour.
192
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,085
I'm so nervous.
193
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:52,261
Marquess, use your ghost
powers to get us the
(BLEEP) out of here.
194
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,396
(ALARM BLARING)
195
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,800
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
196
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:57,001
(ALL CLAMORING)
197
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,874
Sorry to cut the show short,
but evidently power
went out in town
198
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,113
and the locals
are going crazy.
199
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,379
So the base has been
placed on alert.
200
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,138
If you follow
Sergeant Gutierrez,
201
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,606
he'll get you safely back
to the airfield.
202
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,316
Way to go Marquess,
I owe you one buddy.
203
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,985
Well, that was a
satisfying 60-hour trip.
204
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,562
(MOBILE VIBRATING)
205
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,331
It's Deezy.
206
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,829
Oh (BLEEP), I can't
talk to him. We never
got him a gift.
207
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:27,371
Come on, we'll go
to Sunglass Hut.
208
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,435
Mike, it's Deezy.
209
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,938
I'm hiding inside the
skull of a wooly mammoth.
210
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,841
There's a mummy
that's after me!
211
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,582
You gotta come quick.
212
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,808
Oh, by the way,
the dishes in the
dishwasher are clean,
213
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,113
but I didn't have a chance
to unload it because of
this mummy (BLEEP).
214
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,845
So just don't put any dirty
dishes in there, or they'll
get all mixed up.
215
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,522
-(GROANING MUMMY)
-Oh (BLEEP)!
216
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,751
There he is. I gotta go Mike,
I gotta go.
217
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,016
Come quick!
218
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,769
Ok guys, one more...
One more, one more
shout out suggestion.
219
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:07,240
Give it to me. Come on.
One more. Last one, guys.
220
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,540
MAN: Like an office
supply store.
221
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,383
Office supply store.
222
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,048
Okay.
223
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,215
We're at...
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