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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,470 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,922 (CRYING AND SNIFFLING) 3 00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,634 How did we get here? 4 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,860 What are you talking about? 5 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,032 First, you knocked over my bowl of tomato soup 6 00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:06,901 because you had to show me your magic trick. 7 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,001 Pigeon's trying to commit suicide again. 8 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,173 And Dad's watching On Golden Pond. 9 00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:14,344 (CRYING) 10 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:17,781 I wasn't asking literally, I was trying to set a mood. 11 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,708 What? 12 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,583 Aw! How'd you do that? 13 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,922 -Okay, I am going outside to get a mystery. -(CRYING CONTINUES) 14 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,188 I put the knot in the wrong end of the rope. God damn it. 15 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:29,117 -YUNG: And I'm not cleaning that. -Oh, this is ridiculous. 16 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,523 (HUMMING) 17 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,555 Hey. Hey, who turned off the gas? 18 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,801 Oh, Pigeon, just take a (BLEEP) damn anti-depressant like the rest of us. 19 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,697 Yeah, well, if any of you were really my friends, you'd let me die in peace. 20 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:44,771 -Guys, listen... -Hey, Pigeon, is that the guy from 9 to 5? 21 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,672 Yeah, Dabney Coleman. I love Dabney Coleman. 22 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,576 He's a reason not to kill yourself. 23 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,538 Didn't he pass away a few years ago? 24 00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,246 What? I'm going back in the oven. 25 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,849 (GAS HISSING) 26 00:01:57,852 --> 00:02:02,652 Oh, wait a second, I'm thinking of Charles Durning. Dabney Coleman's still alive. 27 00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:07,688 We don't have to tell him that. 28 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,555 YUNG: Come on, let's go. 29 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,972 Hold on. I have an hour and 14 minutes on my movie. 30 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,840 PIGEON: Nobody go through my (beep) when I'm dead. 31 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,307 Oh, hi, thank you so much for coming. 32 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,150 Oh, of course, ma'am. We came as soon as we got your note. 33 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:29,677 We definitely didn't wait an hour and 14 minutes. 34 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:33,793 So, as I said, there is this sound in my car and it's driving me crazy. 35 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,447 I can't figure out where it's coming from 36 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,556 and then, of course, every time I take it to the mechanic, 37 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,988 it stops making the sound. 38 00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,233 -(BARKING) -Ah! Look out! 39 00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,287 What the (BLEEP)! 40 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,895 Sherman, no! No, Sherman! 41 00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:46,698 -I'm so sorry. He's out of control! -(GROWLING) 42 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,600 Well, shall we take a look at your car? 43 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,602 That would be great. 44 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,944 If you wanna come with me, I'm about to take Sherman to obedience school. 45 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,870 And then I have to pick up my two other kids. 46 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,705 Wait a minute. You have two more kids other than the two? 47 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:02,751 Are you trying to tell me that somebody (BLEEP) you four times? Come on! 48 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,250 -Pigeon! -No offense. 49 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,591 Oh. Okay, well, I'm sure that smoothed it all over. 50 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,887 -(WAILING) -Oh, I'm sorry. I have to change the baby. 51 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,790 And then we'll go. Would you mind watching Tyler? 52 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,293 Watch him do what? 53 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,701 What do you do, Tyler? 54 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,700 Do you... Do you do magic? Marquess does magic. 55 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:26,143 Marquess, do that magic trick you did this morning for Tyler. 56 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,170 I am not tying up a 2-year-old. 57 00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,505 I'll do it. 58 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,840 -No one is tying him up. -Well, we're back to square one. 59 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,976 Your mom said to watch you, but you don't do anything. 60 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:40,191 Oh, that is low brow. 61 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,987 It's funny as shit, but it's low brow. 62 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,534 Well, now that we don't have to deal with Sherman's barking, 63 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,928 maybe, we can hear the sound. 64 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,999 It's, um, it's kind of this high-pitched sound. 65 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,269 Oh, it's incredibly annoying. 66 00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:05,442 Well, this is why my husband calls me a liar. 67 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,576 (BABY COOING) 68 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,081 So, Meg, what does your husband do? 69 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:13,224 He works in the IT department for an alarm systems company. 70 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,790 Oh, that sounds fun. 71 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,758 (CHUCKLES) How does that sound fun? 72 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:20,227 I'm just making conversation. You could ask her something, you know. 73 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,090 Oh, uh... 74 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,526 Hey, Meg, when you're on your period... 75 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,961 Oh, my God. 76 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,466 You don't even know what I'm going to ask. 77 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:32,600 Meg, when you're on your period, do you still like to get (BLEEP)? 78 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,636 -(LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY) -I did know what you were going to ask. 79 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,153 Okay, you guys wait here. I'm going to run in and get Britney 80 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,250 and then, we have to drop her at gymnastics before we pick up Miles. 81 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,318 -Britney the gymnast, huh? (CHUCKLES) -Gross! 82 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,855 -What? -Dad, can you do something? 83 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,731 Tell him not to talk or something. 84 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:59,599 I'm not allowed to say "Britney the gymnast?" 85 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,300 Hey, Pigeon, is that that same guy from On Golden Pond? 86 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,874 I don't know. What are you watching? 87 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,842 Fast and the Furious 3. No wait, Jaws 3. 88 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,642 No wait, On Golden Pond. 89 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,014 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the same guy. 90 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:20,118 That balance beam better get ready. (LAUGHS) 91 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,360 -Hi, Britney! -Britney, this is the Mike Tyson Mystery Team 92 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,687 and they're going to help us find the noise in the car. 93 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,433 And I just found out that Miles' soccer practice was canceled. 94 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,329 So now, we have to pick him up at his school before we can go to gymnastics. 95 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,903 Mmm, I don't know when the hell I'm gonna cook dinner! 96 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:38,842 Hmm, there is no job in the world harder than being a mom. 97 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,439 Really? Really? How about a dad? 98 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:46,282 Has to do the same stuff as a mom, plus have a job. 99 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:51,520 YUNG: Can you be more sexist? PIGEON: Well, when you think about it, I suppose so, uh... 100 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,218 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 101 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:55,924 Hello, Miles. 102 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,193 Marquess, have you no shame? He's 14. 103 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,833 -(GASPS) I wasn't hitting on him! -PIGEON: Oh. 104 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,259 Move over, Britney! 105 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,363 BRITNEY: You move over! 106 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,155 -Move over, Britney. -You move over. 107 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,526 -(HIGH-PITCHED NOISE) -Move your leg! 108 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,804 -Shh! -(NOISE STOPS) 109 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,072 -You're hurting me! -(NOISE RESUMES) 110 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,800 -Jesus Christ. -Move your leg! 111 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,235 -Everybody quiet! -(WAILING) 112 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,681 -Mom! -Mom, Miles is kicking me! 113 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,437 -Shut up! Just shut up! -Mom! 114 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,845 -Mom, Miles is hurting me. -Everybody just shut up! Shut up! 115 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,678 (WAILING AND NOISE STOPS) 116 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,183 (SIGHS) Did any of you hear that? 117 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,494 Please tell me someone heard it! 118 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,787 (MIKE GIGGLING) 119 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,720 What the (BLEEP) Marquess? 120 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,486 She heard the sound. 121 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,955 Oh, damn, I'm sorry. I thought I let that one out quietly. 122 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,565 Well, I had a head of cabbage for breakfast, okay? 123 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,227 Not you, the car. 124 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,566 I swear to God I'm going to lose my mind. 125 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,111 It's okay, ma'am. Let's take the car out on the freeway 126 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,667 and we'll all be real quiet and we'll all pay attention. 127 00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:53,246 No screens, guys, okay? Everybody put away your screens away. 128 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,077 Dad, you're the only one watching a movie. 129 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,852 Mom, we're going to be late for gymnastics. 130 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,280 -I get car sick on the freeway. -(BABY CRYING) 131 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,515 -Mom, Miles is kicking me. -What? No, I'm not! 132 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,821 Okay, I have an idea. 133 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,122 -Is it "Kill all the kids"? -What? No! 134 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,664 Why don't we take the children in the Mystery Mobile 135 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:10,960 while Meg and Mike will take this car out on the freeway and listen for the noise? 136 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,334 Yes, that sounds like a very good plan. 137 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,633 But when do we kill all the kids? 138 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,096 MARQUESS: Oh, my God. 139 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,515 Starting to notice the girls, huh? 140 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,648 (CHUCKLES) 141 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,894 Let me ask you something. 142 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,559 You jacking off yet? 143 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:41,485 Because if you are, it's weird. 144 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,155 Nobody does it. You're the only one. 145 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,204 (LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY) 146 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,074 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 147 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:55,014 -Hello? Ahhh! What is that? -(HIGH-PITCHED NOISE) 148 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,908 Can you believe how loud that (BLEEP) is? 149 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,880 It's the worst thing in the world, man. 150 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:02,009 I keep thinking this lady's crazy like she was making this (BLEEP) up. 151 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,875 Because of her (BLEEP) depressed life. 152 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,154 But it's not that, it's real. And it's (BLEEP) annoying as hell. 153 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,224 And we're gonna take this car straight to the mechanic 154 00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,893 and you guys better meet us there. 155 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,821 Oh! First they have to pick up Sherman. 156 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,086 Wait, first you gotta pick up Sherman. 157 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,655 Okay, you drive to the mechanic. 158 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,103 And I'm almost done with this Golden Pond. 159 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:27,609 (GRUNTS) 160 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,508 Whoa! (MOANING) 161 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,480 That was a good dismount, Britney. 162 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,778 Don't let anyone tell you different. 163 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,110 Aw, that was very sweet of you. 164 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,016 Yeah, well, I was a fat kid. 165 00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,893 (HIGH-PITCHED NOISE CONTINUES) 166 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,493 -MIKE: Closed? -Okay, so, what are we going to do? 167 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,526 'Cause, I don't think I can take it much longer. 168 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,662 Neither can I! 169 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,370 (ANGRY GRUNT) 170 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,073 -(GASPS) -(METAL SMASHING) 171 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,109 Oh, my God. 172 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,305 My minivan! 173 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,681 (SCREAMING) 174 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:16,351 Maybe this little screaming gnome that was trapped in your car knows what the sound was. 175 00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:21,227 It was me. I've been trapped in your car for months. 176 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,925 Who are you? 177 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,761 My name is Elary. 178 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:29,666 I live in your garden. I watch over it and protect your family. 179 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,840 How did you get in my car? 180 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,068 The dog! He chased me. 181 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,014 I hid and then I got stuck. 182 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,579 Oh, the pain! But now I'm free. 183 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,150 Thank you, Mike Tyson! 184 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:47,490 Sorry, it took so long. Asian driver. 185 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,587 Ugh. 186 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,689 It's okay. We solved the mystery. 187 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,961 -Believe it or not, it was this little gnome in the car -(GROWLING) 188 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,330 -and I couldn't find out what the hell the problem was. -(GASPS) Sherman! 189 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,499 -(BARKING) -(WHIMPERS) 190 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,757 I'm going to have to pay a hell of a bill for the car, I don't know what happened. 191 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,996 -And insurance... But anyway... -ELARY: No, no! Wait, wait! 192 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,172 -MIKE: The little gnome's about six inches tall. -Please, no, no, no... 193 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:07,111 No, no! (SCREAMING) 194 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,637 And, man, I just couldn't believe this thing. It's only 6 inches tall. 195 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,144 Well, where is he? 196 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:14,879 He was just here. 197 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,781 I bet he went back to your garden to protect your family. 198 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,384 BOTH: Aw! 199 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,346 Are you sure? 'Cause, I just watched that dog eat him. 200 00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:23,556 (PANTING) 201 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,569 Yeah, I was on Fifth Avenue one day. 202 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,469 I had this (BLEEP) looking good, man. 203 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:43,882 Man, it was looking so good, and it just stopped right in the middle of the street. 204 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:47,977 It stopped. Then, the wheels didn't run, the battery died, it just stopped. 205 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,081 -MAN: So, what did you do? -(EXHALES) 206 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,283 I got out and jumped in a cab. 16493

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