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1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,470
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,922
(CRYING AND SNIFFLING)
3
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,634
How did we get here?
4
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,860
What are you talking about?
5
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,032
First, you knocked over mybowl of tomato soup
6
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:06,901
because you had to show meyour magic trick.
7
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,001
Pigeon's trying tocommit suicide again.
8
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,173
And Dad's watching
On Golden Pond.
9
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:14,344
(CRYING)
10
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:17,781
I wasn't asking literally,
I was trying to set a mood.
11
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,708
What?
12
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,583
Aw! How'd you do that?
13
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,922
-Okay, I am going outside
to get a mystery.
-(CRYING CONTINUES)
14
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,188
I put the knot in the wrong
end of the rope. God damn it.
15
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:29,117
-YUNG: And I'm
not cleaning that.
-Oh, this is ridiculous.
16
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,523
(HUMMING)
17
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,555
Hey. Hey, who
turned off the gas?
18
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,801
Oh, Pigeon, just take a
(BLEEP) damn anti-depressant
like the rest of us.
19
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,697
Yeah, well, if any of you
were really my friends,
you'd let me die in peace.
20
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:44,771
-Guys, listen...
-Hey, Pigeon, is that the guy
from 9 to 5?
21
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,672
Yeah, Dabney Coleman.
I love Dabney Coleman.
22
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,576
He's a reason
not to kill yourself.
23
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,538
Didn't he pass away
a few years ago?
24
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,246
What? I'm going back
in the oven.
25
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,849
(GAS HISSING)
26
00:01:57,852 --> 00:02:02,652
Oh, wait a second, I'm
thinking of Charles Durning.
Dabney Coleman's still alive.
27
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:07,688
We don't have
to tell him that.
28
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,555
YUNG: Come on, let's go.
29
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,972
Hold on. I have an hour
and 14 minutes on my movie.
30
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,840
PIGEON: Nobody go through
my (beep) when I'm dead.
31
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,307
Oh, hi, thank you
so much for coming.
32
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,150
Oh, of course, ma'am.
We came as soon
as we got your note.
33
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:29,677
We definitely didn't wait
an hour and 14 minutes.
34
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:33,793
So, as I said, there is this
sound in my car and it's
driving me crazy.
35
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,447
I can't figure out where it's
coming from
36
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,556
and then, of course,
every time I take it
to the mechanic,
37
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,988
it stops making the sound.
38
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,233
-(BARKING)
-Ah! Look out!
39
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,287
What the (BLEEP)!
40
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,895
Sherman, no! No, Sherman!
41
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:46,698
-I'm so sorry.
He's out of control!
-(GROWLING)
42
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,600
Well, shall we take a look
at your car?
43
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,602
That would be great.
44
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,944
If you wanna come with me,
I'm about to take Sherman
to obedience school.
45
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,870
And then I have to pick up
my two other kids.
46
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,705
Wait a minute. You have two
more kids other than the two?
47
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:02,751
Are you trying to tell me
that somebody (BLEEP)
you four times? Come on!
48
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,250
-Pigeon!
-No offense.
49
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,591
Oh. Okay, well, I'm sure
that smoothed it all over.
50
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,887
-(WAILING)
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to change the baby.
51
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,790
And then we'll go.
Would you mind watching Tyler?
52
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,293
Watch him do what?
53
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,701
What do you do, Tyler?
54
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,700
Do you... Do you do magic?
Marquess does magic.
55
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:26,143
Marquess, do that magic trick
you did this morning
for Tyler.
56
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,170
I am not tying up
a 2-year-old.
57
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,505
I'll do it.
58
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,840
-No one is tying him up.
-Well, we're back
to square one.
59
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,976
Your mom said to watch you,
but you don't do anything.
60
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:40,191
Oh, that is low brow.
61
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,987
It's funny as shit,
but it's low brow.
62
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,534
Well, now that we don't
have to deal with
Sherman's barking,
63
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,928
maybe, we can hear the sound.
64
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,999
It's, um, it's kind of
this high-pitched sound.
65
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,269
Oh, it's incredibly annoying.
66
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:05,442
Well, this is why my husband
calls me a liar.
67
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,576
(BABY COOING)
68
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,081
So, Meg, what does
your husband do?
69
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:13,224
He works in the IT department
for an alarm systems company.
70
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,790
Oh, that sounds fun.
71
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,758
(CHUCKLES)
How does that sound fun?
72
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:20,227
I'm just making conversation.
You could ask her
something, you know.
73
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,090
Oh, uh...
74
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,526
Hey, Meg,
when you're on your period...
75
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,961
Oh, my God.
76
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,466
You don't even know
what I'm going to ask.
77
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:32,600
Meg, when you're on your
period, do you still
like to get (BLEEP)?
78
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,636
-(LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY)
-I did know what
you were going to ask.
79
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,153
Okay, you guys wait here.
I'm going to run in
and get Britney
80
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,250
and then, we have to
drop her at gymnastics
before we pick up Miles.
81
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,318
-Britney the gymnast, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
-Gross!
82
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,855
-What?
-Dad, can you do something?
83
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,731
Tell him not to talk
or something.
84
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:59,599
I'm not allowed to say
"Britney the gymnast?"
85
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,300
Hey, Pigeon, is that that same
guy from On Golden Pond?
86
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,874
I don't know.
What are you watching?
87
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,842
Fast and the Furious 3.
No wait, Jaws 3.
88
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,642
No wait, On Golden Pond.
89
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,014
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's the same guy.
90
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:20,118
That balance beam
better get ready.
(LAUGHS)
91
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,360
-Hi, Britney!
-Britney, this is the
Mike Tyson Mystery Team
92
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,687
and they're going to help us
find the noise in the car.
93
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,433
And I just found out that
Miles' soccer practice
was canceled.
94
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,329
So now, we have to pick him up
at his school before
we can go to gymnastics.
95
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,903
Mmm, I don't know when the
hell I'm gonna cook dinner!
96
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:38,842
Hmm, there is no job
in the world harder
than being a mom.
97
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,439
Really? Really?
How about a dad?
98
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:46,282
Has to do the same stuff
as a mom, plus have a job.
99
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:51,520
YUNG: Can you be more sexist?
PIGEON: Well, when you think
about it, I suppose so, uh...
100
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,218
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
101
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:55,924
Hello, Miles.
102
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,193
Marquess, have you no shame?
He's 14.
103
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,833
-(GASPS)
I wasn't hitting on him!
-PIGEON: Oh.
104
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,259
Move over, Britney!
105
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,363
BRITNEY: You move over!
106
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,155
-Move over, Britney.
-You move over.
107
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,526
-(HIGH-PITCHED NOISE)
-Move your leg!
108
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,804
-Shh!
-(NOISE STOPS)
109
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,072
-You're hurting me!
-(NOISE RESUMES)
110
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,800
-Jesus Christ.
-Move your leg!
111
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,235
-Everybody quiet!
-(WAILING)
112
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,681
-Mom!
-Mom, Miles is kicking me!
113
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,437
-Shut up! Just shut up!
-Mom!
114
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,845
-Mom, Miles is hurting me.
-Everybody just shut up!
Shut up!
115
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,678
(WAILING AND NOISE STOPS)
116
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,183
(SIGHS) Did any of you
hear that?
117
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,494
Please tell me
someone heard it!
118
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,787
(MIKE GIGGLING)
119
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,720
What the (BLEEP) Marquess?
120
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,486
She heard the sound.
121
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,955
Oh, damn, I'm sorry.
I thought I let
that one out quietly.
122
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,565
Well, I had a head of cabbage
for breakfast, okay?
123
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,227
Not you, the car.
124
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,566
I swear to God I'm
going to lose my mind.
125
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,111
It's okay, ma'am. Let's take
the car out on the freeway
126
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,667
and we'll all be real quiet
and we'll all pay attention.
127
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:53,246
No screens, guys, okay?
Everybody put away your
screens away.
128
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,077
Dad, you're the only one
watching a movie.
129
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,852
Mom, we're going to be
late for gymnastics.
130
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,280
-I get car sick
on the freeway.
-(BABY CRYING)
131
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,515
-Mom, Miles is kicking me.
-What? No, I'm not!
132
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,821
Okay, I have an idea.
133
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,122
-Is it "Kill all the kids"?
-What? No!
134
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,664
Why don't we take the children
in the Mystery Mobile
135
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:10,960
while Meg and Mike will take
this car out on the freeway
and listen for the noise?
136
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,334
Yes, that sounds like
a very good plan.
137
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,633
But when do we
kill all the kids?
138
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,096
MARQUESS: Oh, my God.
139
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,515
Starting to notice
the girls, huh?
140
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,648
(CHUCKLES)
141
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,894
Let me ask you something.
142
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,559
You jacking off yet?
143
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:41,485
Because if you are,
it's weird.
144
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,155
Nobody does it.
You're the only one.
145
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,204
(LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY)
146
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,074
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
147
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:55,014
-Hello? Ahhh! What is that?
-(HIGH-PITCHED NOISE)
148
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,908
Can you believe how loud
that (BLEEP) is?
149
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,880
It's the worst thing
in the world, man.
150
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:02,009
I keep thinking this
lady's crazy like she was
making this (BLEEP) up.
151
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,875
Because of her (BLEEP)
depressed life.
152
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,154
But it's not that, it's real.
And it's (BLEEP)
annoying as hell.
153
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,224
And we're gonna take this car
straight to the mechanic
154
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,893
and you guys
better meet us there.
155
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,821
Oh! First they have to pick
up Sherman.
156
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,086
Wait, first you gotta
pick up Sherman.
157
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,655
Okay, you drive
to the mechanic.
158
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,103
And I'm almost done with this
Golden Pond.
159
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:27,609
(GRUNTS)
160
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,508
Whoa! (MOANING)
161
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,480
That was a good
dismount, Britney.
162
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,778
Don't let anyone
tell you different.
163
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,110
Aw, that was very
sweet of you.
164
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,016
Yeah, well, I was a fat kid.
165
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,893
(HIGH-PITCHED NOISE CONTINUES)
166
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,493
-MIKE: Closed?
-Okay, so, what are we
going to do?
167
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,526
'Cause, I don't think
I can take it much longer.
168
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,662
Neither can I!
169
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,370
(ANGRY GRUNT)
170
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,073
-(GASPS)
-(METAL SMASHING)
171
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,109
Oh, my God.
172
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,305
My minivan!
173
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,681
(SCREAMING)
174
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:16,351
Maybe this little screaming
gnome that was trapped in your
car knows what the sound was.
175
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:21,227
It was me. I've been trapped
in your car for months.
176
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,925
Who are you?
177
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,761
My name is Elary.
178
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:29,666
I live in your garden.
I watch over it and
protect your family.
179
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,840
How did you get in my car?
180
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,068
The dog! He chased me.
181
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,014
I hid and then I got stuck.
182
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,579
Oh, the pain!
But now I'm free.
183
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,150
Thank you, Mike Tyson!
184
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:47,490
Sorry, it took so long.
Asian driver.
185
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,587
Ugh.
186
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,689
It's okay.
We solved the mystery.
187
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,961
-Believe it or not, it was
this little gnome in the car
-(GROWLING)
188
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,330
-and I couldn't find out
what the hell the problem was.
-(GASPS) Sherman!
189
00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,499
-(BARKING)
-(WHIMPERS)
190
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,757
I'm going to have to pay
a hell of a bill for the car,
I don't know what happened.
191
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,996
-And insurance...
But anyway...
-ELARY: No, no! Wait, wait!
192
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,172
-MIKE: The little gnome's
about six inches tall.
-Please, no, no, no...
193
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:07,111
No, no! (SCREAMING)
194
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,637
And, man, I just couldn't
believe this thing.
It's only 6 inches tall.
195
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,144
Well, where is he?
196
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:14,879
He was just here.
197
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,781
I bet he went back to your
garden to protect your family.
198
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,384
BOTH: Aw!
199
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,346
Are you sure? 'Cause, I just
watched that dog eat him.
200
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:23,556
(PANTING)
201
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:35,569
Yeah, I was on
Fifth Avenue one day.
202
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,469
I had this (BLEEP)
looking good, man.
203
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:43,882
Man, it was looking so good,
and it just stopped right
in the middle of the street.
204
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:47,977
It stopped. Then, the wheels
didn't run, the battery died,
it just stopped.
205
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,081
-MAN: So, what did you do?
-(EXHALES)
206
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,283
I got out and jumped in a cab.
16493
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