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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,670 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 2 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,770 (MARQUESS HUMMING) 3 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,787 Ah! These azaleas are coming along beautifully. 4 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,288 -How's my pot? -What! 5 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,519 -Huh? -You planted marijuana in my garden? 6 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,685 Well, uh, medical marijuana, yes. 7 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,363 Oh, oh. For your "glaucoma." 8 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:06,803 As a matter of fact, yes, I have a lot of glaucoma. 9 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,471 Hey, we got another mystery. 10 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,869 Come on, let's see what it says. 11 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,240 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's Michael? 12 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,809 What the hell are you doing? 13 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:22,375 Takin' a oatmeal bath, man. 14 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,423 I'm having some kind of allergic reaction. 15 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,048 I'm itching all over. 16 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,923 Michael, I don't think you're supposed to cook the oatmeal. 17 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,293 Well, what are you allergic to? 18 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,161 Did you have something weird for breakfast? 19 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,789 No, I had the same breakfast I had for the last 10 years. 20 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,095 A couple blueberries, 21 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,197 some Greek yogurt and a roasted goat. 22 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,299 Wait. I thought you were a vegetarian! 23 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,671 Greek yogurt is vegetarian, Marquess. 24 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,300 Guys, what about the mystery? 25 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,705 Forget that mystery, Yung. I got my own mystery to solve. 26 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,007 Ugh. 27 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,838 What are these bites all over my body? 28 00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:52,244 Oh, man, I'm dying. Jesus Christ. 29 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,576 Dad, you need to see a doctor. We'll take you. 30 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:55,952 -PIGEON: Not me. -Why? 31 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,880 Ah, I like when I have the house to myself. 32 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,175 What do you when we're gone? 33 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,846 You know what? No, don't answer that. 34 00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,145 -I jack off! -Oh, God... 35 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,986 I literally said, "Don't answer that." 36 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,161 PIGEON: Oh, yeah. 37 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,529 Oh, hey, is oatmeal vegetarian? 38 00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:15,028 Hmm. They look like mite bites. 39 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,835 What are mite bites? 40 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,697 You should ask Evander Holyfield that. 41 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,606 He's very familiar with Mike bites. 42 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,078 (LAUGHING) 43 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,884 No, not Mike bites. 44 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,754 Mite bites. 45 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:36,392 Mites, they are tiny insects that live on other animals like rats. 46 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,790 Do you have any rats? 47 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,731 What do you think? You think I'm dirty? 48 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,957 I live in a dirty house? 49 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,261 You better watch it, Doc, 50 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,233 or you're gonna get some Mike bites. 51 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:44,931 Dad. 52 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,202 Do you have any pets? 53 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,700 No. Oh, wait. I have a pet bear. 54 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,272 -What? -We do? 55 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,441 I haven't seen him in a while, maybe he's hibernating. 56 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,669 Any birds in the house? 57 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,775 Mites are commonly found on birds. 58 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,807 Nope. No birds in my house. 59 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,482 Dad, what about Pigeon? 60 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,051 -Who's Pigeon. -Oh, oh. 61 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,279 He's a bird that lives in the house with me. 62 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,185 His bedroom is next to my bedroom. 63 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:09,047 We're always together. We share the same brush. 64 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,916 In my opinion, that's what's causing your bites. 65 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:13,456 So, what do I do? 66 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,490 If I were you, I'd remove the pigeon from your home. 67 00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,456 Oh, man. Poor Pigeon. 68 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,195 Is there anything else I can help you with? 69 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,431 Do you think I'd be a candidate for fillers? 70 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,136 I just feel like I look tired all the time. 71 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,205 Hmm. You know what? I'll schedule an appointment. 72 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,852 Oh, man. How am I gonna tell Pigeon he's gotta move out? 73 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,449 All right, all right. Maybe I could just tell him a lie? 74 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,222 I could tell him my sick Grandma must come to live with me, 75 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,292 and she's scared of pigeons because, um... 76 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,690 Because of that time when she was attacked by a pigeon in World War II. 77 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:47,834 -That's good. -Hmm. 78 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,288 Yeah, that's what I'll say. 79 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,896 Michael, we've talked about this kind of thing. 80 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,358 When you lie you're saying that 81 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,596 your feelings don't matter, but they do matter. 82 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,242 And you have to trust that even if Pigeon is disappointed in the moment, 83 00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,339 the truth won't threaten your friendship. 84 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,512 (SIGHS) 85 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,846 What? 86 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,252 -(SIGHS) -You can do it. 87 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,628 Um, hey, Pigeon... 88 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,598 Uh, I'm afraid you can't live here anymore. 89 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:25,728 What? 90 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,303 What? Is this a joke? 91 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,001 Is this because of the pot? It's basically legal now. 92 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,444 No, it's not the pot. 93 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,609 Is it about the video camera I hooked up in Yung Hee's bathroom? 94 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,679 What? 95 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,207 No, it's not that. 96 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:40,352 Is it because I put a roofie in her soda last night? 97 00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,577 -What? -Calm down, you didn't even drink it. 98 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,153 I wasted a perfectly good roofie. 99 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,121 -Ugh. -No. 100 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,150 Is it because I tried to take all those up-skirt pictures of Yung Hee? 101 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,685 -When? -Right now. 102 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,960 I'm not even wearing a skirt, you idiot. 103 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,889 Well, when you do, I'll be ready. 104 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,594 No, it's not that either. 105 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,296 Well, then what is it? 106 00:04:57,298 --> 00:05:00,328 Just be honest. He'll understand. 107 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,804 The reason you can't live here anymore is because 108 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,273 you're a disgusting, filthy creature 109 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,771 with mites all over you 110 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,643 and they're biting me, and I can't take it anymore. 111 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,012 Seriously? 112 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,780 You're kicking me out of your house 113 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,709 because of your...bites? 114 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,054 You were the...heavyweight champion of the world, 115 00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,650 and now you can't stand a little itching? 116 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,851 You can't put some... calamine lotion on there? 117 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,064 Well...you. Heh! 118 00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:26,527 I'm gonna go find a better place to live 119 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,857 without a...ghost. 120 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,462 -Hey! -With a...hot Asian. 121 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,395 Ugh. 122 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:34,129 I thought you people were my friends. 123 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,204 I hope you all die! 124 00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:43,082 Okay. Well, that went well. 125 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,377 PIGEON: P.S... 126 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,915 MARQUESS: Okay. Well, it's been a long day, 127 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,291 we should all just go to bed. 128 00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:56,989 MIKE: I guess if there's a silver lining, 129 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,990 it's that tomorrow I'm gonna wake up with no bites. 130 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:03,333 And at least I can go to sleep tonight and not have to worry about getting molested. 131 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,700 (CHUCKLES) Well, I'm still here. 132 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,029 -(LAUGHS) -(SIGHS) 133 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,174 Oh, I'm so sorry. 134 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:09,528 Oh, my goodness, 135 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,936 that's such a poor attempt at humor. 136 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,369 Oh, my... 137 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,544 See you all in the morning. 138 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,982 Hmm. It's probably going to be awkward in the morning 139 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,578 because of that joke I just made. 140 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,481 Why do you try to be funny, hmm? 141 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,253 You have diarrhea of the mouth. 142 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,581 This is why you don't have any friends. 143 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,746 Ugh. 144 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,694 I'll be playing that scene over and over all night. 145 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,219 I won't be able to get any sleep. 146 00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,524 I'm gonna wake up looking like hell. 147 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:34,585 Oh, I got to call that dermatologist. 148 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,825 Well, I'm still here. What were you thinking? 149 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,565 (PIGEON SIGHING) 150 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,768 Well, this sucks. 151 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,801 Ooh, I'm probably gonna freeze to death out here. 152 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,775 Didn't even charge my phone before I left. 153 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,615 God, I forgot my wallet. 154 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,286 What's this? 155 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,288 Huh, my last roofie. 156 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,655 Hmm. 157 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,190 Ah, well, may as well pass out. 158 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:12,727 Maybe I'll get date raped. 159 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,469 Huh. 160 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,468 Meh, better than sitting on this bus bench. 161 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,436 (LAUGHING) 162 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,213 (DIALING) 163 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,316 YUNG: What's going on? 164 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,547 I'll tell you what's going on. 165 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,392 I woke up and there's more bites. 166 00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:34,717 So, it wasn't Pigeon? 167 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,461 Dr. Friedman, what the hell, man? 168 00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,587 I kicked out the pigeon and I'm still getting bit. 169 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,893 What do you mean you might have been wrong? 170 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,595 It could have been an allergic reaction to my detergent? 171 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,758 To my soap? 172 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,366 Where did you go to school at? 173 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,468 The university of I don't know shit? 174 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,941 Man, you made me kick out my friend, man. 175 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,340 I hope you die. 176 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,311 Come on, we got to go find that pigeon. 177 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:57,782 Morning. 178 00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,708 Oh. Uh... 179 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,613 How many times do I have to apologize? 180 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:02,605 I was kidding! 181 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,216 -It was a joke. -(DOOR OPENS) 182 00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,748 -And I don't tell good jokes. -(DOOR CLOSES) 183 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:09,894 (MICE SQUEAKING) 184 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,757 PIGEON: Ah. 185 00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,089 (DOG WHIMPERING) 186 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,964 PIGEON: What the...? 187 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,263 Huh. Where the hell am I? 188 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,564 (MONKEYS GIBBERING) 189 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,600 PIGEON: Oh, Jesus. 190 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:32,307 Uh, excuse me, animal cruelty people, yeah. 191 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,382 -(BEAR GROWLING) -Ahhh! 192 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,324 -(MONKEYS SHRIEKING) -(ALARM BLARING) 193 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,515 (FROG CROAKING) 194 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,532 Uh, Diazepam. 195 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,771 Acepromazine. 196 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,227 Well, that sounds fun. 197 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:58,943 Man, no Pigeon. 198 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,939 And we went to every strip club in Las Vegas. 199 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:04,941 Yeah, I don't know why we had to stay so long at each one. 200 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,745 I miss Pigeon so much. 201 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,407 I'd give anything just to see him one more time. 202 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,476 -Oh. -Oh, my God. 203 00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:12,975 (GIRL ON LAPTOP MOANING) 204 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,886 Don't you people knock? 205 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,259 Pigeon, you're home! 206 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,717 Yeah, I'll be out of here soon. 207 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,455 I just came home to get some stuff. 208 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,460 Then why are you masturbating on my computer? 209 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,633 Oh. Well, my phone is charging, 210 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,861 what am I supposed to do? 211 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,366 No, Pigeon, you can stay. 212 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,527 Turns out you're not the cause of my bites. 213 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,436 And even if you were, I wouldn't want you to leave. 214 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,514 -(BEAR GROWLING) -(YUNG SCREAMS) 215 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:40,110 Barry, I missed you. 216 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,483 I promise from now on I'll take better care of you. 217 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,483 Oh, man, that reminds me, 218 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,985 I forgot to feed my pet mosquitoes. 219 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,591 (MOSQUITOES WHINING) 220 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,555 You keep mosquitoes in your bedroom? 221 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,701 Yeah. The sound helps me sleep. 222 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,827 Dad, these mosquitoes are biting you. 223 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,732 You're gonna have to get rid of 'em. 224 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,470 (SIGHS) 225 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:05,469 Okay. Can you give me a moment, please? 226 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,314 Okay, mosquitoes, here's the thing. 227 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,581 My sick grandmother is coming to town from World War II 228 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,121 and she's allergic to mosquitoes. 229 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,347 Okay. Well, baby steps. 230 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,053 At least we solved the mystery. 231 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,354 (GASPS) 232 00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,016 Oh, no. We forgot about this mystery. 233 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,024 I hope it wasn't time sensitive. 234 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,386 "Dear Mike Tyson, 235 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,304 "this is extremely time sensitive. 236 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,157 "I have discovered an armed nuclear device 237 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,666 "hidden inside the Hoover Dam." 238 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:35,728 (GASPS) 239 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,996 (EXPLOSION) 240 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,265 Goodbye, mosquitoes, 241 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,772 I'm really sorry it didn't work out. 242 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,914 Good luck out there, in that cold, cruel world. 243 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,980 -(SCREAMING) -Dr. Friedman, what the hell, man? 244 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,450 I hope you die! 245 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:50,975 (FROG CROAKING) 246 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,665 I really miss my cats. I had a cat named Kenya. 247 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,872 I had her for a long time, probably 12 years 248 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,884 and then eventually, um, she bit someone's hands off. 17729

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