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0
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,982
Look at this.
1
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:23,283
I bet you all don't even know
what this is.
2
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,756
No, this ain't no video.
3
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:32,256
This right here is my savior.
The perfect babysitter.
4
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,358
See, it doesn't use my phone or eat my food
or even ask, "Can a friend come over?"
5
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,903
See, what this babysitter does
is give me an hour...
6
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:41,132
so I can have
some peace and quiet.
7
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:44,039
Now, hold on now.
I hear you out there.
8
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,738
"Bernie Mac, are you doin'
your job as a parent?"
9
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:49,815
Hell yes!
In Bernie Mac's opinion...
10
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:53,374
part of bein' a good parent is
bein' aware of your child's interests.
11
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:56,114
[Karate Yells, Grunts]
12
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,730
Hey, Jordan, wanna get some ice cream?
Or maybe go to Disneyland?
13
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,663
Uncle Bernie, please!
14
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:10,065
I'm sorry, baby.
15
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,832
See, he's interested,
and I'm liberated.
16
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,272
Same as baby girl.
Come on.
17
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,367
Rosie, Mommy wants you to share.
18
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:21,208
No! No, I don't wanna share!
I'm not gonna share!
19
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,772
- Hey, baby girl, wanna play Barbie?
- No.
20
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:27,079
I want you to help me
with my Spanish.
21
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,987
I'll be glad to help you
with your Spanish.
22
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,286
- Look.
- [Speaking Spanish]
23
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,361
See?
24
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:41,397
Did I tell you?
The perfect babysitter.
25
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:43,992
See, now, Nessa
doesn't need one of these.
26
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,129
She got that ignorant
teenage attitude.
27
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:49,572
Can't stand nobody
and don't wanna talk to nobody.
28
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,668
She makes it easy.
Watch.
29
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,486
Hey, Nessa,
you wanna do somethin'?
30
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,887
Ah, no, I don't think so.
I got something else to do.
31
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,289
Work every time.
32
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,725
Now, who said parenting is hard?
33
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:13,356
You just gotta know how
to put it on autopilot.
34
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,993
[Coach] Okay, girls, stretch it out.
That's it. Breathe right into it.
35
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,469
You are going to throw up.
36
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,302
My dad wants you and your family
to come over for dinner Saturday night.
37
00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:24,399
My whole family?
Bernie Mac too?
38
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,979
I know.
It's so stupid.
39
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,674
But we hang out together so much,
my dad read somewhere that...
40
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:32,717
"a parent is involved
in every facet of their child's lives."
41
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:35,253
Okay. Look, Shannon...
42
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:38,153
you have got to tell your dad
to stop reading those parenting books.
43
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,726
I hear you!
But, please?
44
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,523
Lt'll chill him out,
and I'll get major points.
45
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,155
[Sighs]
You owe.
46
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,325
Thanks.
47
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:51,665
Jordan, Bryana?
Hello? Excuse me?
48
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,968
I want you two to be on
your best behavior tonight.
49
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,634
That's right.
'Cause if anybody embarrass me...
50
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:01,111
I'm not kiddin',
I'm gonna pop you right under the eye.
51
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:05,651
- I'm not kiddin'.
- Bernie, you're not gonna pop
no one underneath the eye.
52
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:09,882
You watch. I'm gonna use the knuckle
while I'm gonna pop 'em right under the...
53
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,685
- Can't we just stay home?
- [Bernie] Shut up!
54
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,391
Bernie, Wanda,
welcome to our home.
55
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,560
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
56
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,400
You know what, Ed?
I think you and I got...
57
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:29,270
a couple of Olympic gymnasts
on our hands, huh?
58
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,742
That would be great,
so long as she keeps up her grades.
59
00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:34,870
Isn't that right, honey?
60
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,382
Now, we both know it takes more than
a somersault to get into Harvard.
61
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,049
I agree.
That's why baby girl, you see...
62
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,716
she's only five,
but she's learnin' Spanish right now.
63
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,919
Baby girl, why don't you
razzle-dazzle us with some Spanish?
64
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,053
Listen to this, Ed.
Listen.
65
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:56,067
Uno, dos, tres,
"quachos," cinco, um...
66
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:59,570
- Seis.
- Ah, you know your numbers too, huh?
67
00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:01,936
Well, actually,
he's been fluent for about a year.
68
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,134
- No!
- Isn't that right, son?
69
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,508
S�, papa.
[Speaking Spanish]
70
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,146
- S�.
- S�.
71
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,483
The boy's four years old.
72
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,490
That's impossible!
73
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,186
! Imposible!
74
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,263
Wow.
75
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,664
You know, Bernie,
I keep telling my kids...
76
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:35,332
it's not enough these days to be in
honors classes or do well on the S.A.T.s.
77
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,204
I think they should
do away with the S.A.T.s.
78
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,540
[Laughs]
That's teenagers for you, huh?
79
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,773
Defend your position.
80
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:45,817
Dad, the S.A.T. S
are widely considered...
81
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,978
to be a culturally biased assessment
of scholastic aptitude.
82
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,613
And studies have shown that...
83
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:56,024
they aren't an accurate test of achievement
or how a person does in college.
84
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,963
But you still plan on getting
a perfect 1600, correct?
85
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,624
Touch�.
86
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:05,534
Wow. Ed,
you must tell me...
87
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,801
how in the world
do you keep your kids so disciplined?
88
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,741
Honestly, do you whup em?
89
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,869
No.
Caning them.
90
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,574
- [Chuckling]
- [Makes Whipping Sound]
91
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,344
[Bernie]
I like your work ethics, man.
92
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,648
- How about some music?
- We'd love some. Some music?
93
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:25,349
?? [Classical]
94
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:46,236
Susan, this is so lovely.
95
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,008
Next time, you have to come
to our house for dinner.
96
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,447
Right, honey?
97
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,519
Huh?
98
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,423
Come to our house?
99
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,218
I can only imagine.
100
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:05,058
Nessa, what are you...
101
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,496
Baby, she peacin' me out.
102
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,694
Lord, what's goin' on here?
103
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,533
Where's baby girl?
Oh, Lord!
104
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:17,973
Ma'am... Oh, man, that's your...
I'm so sorry.
105
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:21,535
- Get down from there, boy! Jordan, are you crazy?
- [Laughing Wildly]
106
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:24,309
Get down!
Get down from there, boy!
107
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,952
Oh, my God.
108
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,956
- Was it the two of spades?
- Jordan, that's okay.
109
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,665
The king of hearts?
110
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,231
- [Groans]
- [Chuckles]
111
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,899
- Ed, Susan, truly, thank you.
- Bernie.
112
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,499
- On behalf of my family...
- Seven of diamonds?
113
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,511
- Uh...
- Get in the car.
114
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:56,741
- Get in the... I'm sorry. Good night.
- That's okay.
115
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,409
- I got two of clubs.
- Good night. Good night, Bernie.
116
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,680
[Bernie]
Ten of diamonds. Ten of diamonds.
117
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,949
Jordan and his doggone
magic trick.
118
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:06,024
You see those kids
play those instruments?
119
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,650
Honey, our kids
are not in a competition.
120
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,229
Wanda, I gotta prepare our kids
for the real world.
121
00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:15,027
You saw that five-year-old boy. He spoke
Spanish. Our kids can't even talk English.
122
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:18,103
From now on, hey,
I'm doin' somethin'.
123
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:21,230
- Will you teach us Ebonics?
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
124
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,309
All right. I'll tell you one thing.
When I get done with you...
125
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,605
Nothin'.
When I get done with y'all...
126
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:28,441
y'�ll be smarter
than your sister's mouth.
127
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,948
Impossible.
128
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:33,041
Smart aleck.
129
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,786
Oh, I was serious
when I told those kids...
130
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,988
there wasn't gonna be
any more video watchin'.
131
00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:49,124
From now on in this house,
it's gonna be all about higher learnin'...
132
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,226
education and schoolin'.
133
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:53,237
Shoot, if I don't
nip it in the bud...
134
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:56,001
Ed's kids will be C.E.O. Ing
Fortune 500 companies...
135
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:59,202
while my kids will be callin'
bingo numbers in a church basement.
136
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,072
Hey, Se�orita Bryana...
137
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:08,552
meet me in la cocina in
diez minutos por uno snacko.
138
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,246
S�, t�o Bernito.
139
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,686
I talked to Bryana's teacher,
and she said...
140
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,854
the best way for a child
to learn a language is to immerse her.
141
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,864
So we ain't speakin'
nothin' but Spanish to her...
142
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,866
and she ain't speakin'
nothin' but Spanish to us.
143
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:24,994
Uncle Bernie, what's this?
I don't wanna play the piano!
144
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,470
And I don't want a dummy
for a nephew. Look, Jordan...
145
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,473
I rented this thing,
and you're gonna play it.
146
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,475
Come on. Sit down.
I'll show you.
147
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,568
Come on.
Sit down.
148
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,147
Now, dig this here.
Look.
149
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,376
?? ["Chopsticks"]
150
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,619
Or, when you get better, you'll
be able to break it off like this here.
151
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,926
?? [Funk]
152
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,109
Trust me, Shannon, you don't.
153
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,512
Now, I would trade my family
for yours any day.
154
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,743
- Say "adios."
- I'm not Bryana.
155
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,685
- ?? [Piano.' "Chopsticks"]
- Look, I'll call you back.
156
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,688
You're not callin' anybody back.
157
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,759
You're gonna start hittin' these books.
You're gonna get your math grade back up.
158
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,421
- But I'm not good in math.
- You're not good in math
because of your study habits.
159
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:26,589
With a little hard work,
you'll get there.
160
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,964
- Why? 'Cause you're a Mac.
- And what did you get in math?
161
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,162
It's not about me.
162
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,501
It's about you.
So, get to studyin'.
163
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,632
[Sighs]
Sounds like a "D" to me.
164
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,107
I got your "D."
165
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:40,872
Hey, what you
doin' in here, son?
166
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:44,143
- It's time for dinner.
- No, dinner ain't for another
20 doggone minutes.
167
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,343
You get right back up.
Let me hear some fancy fingerin'.
168
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,352
- Come on. Let's go, Jordan.
- What?
169
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:50,354
I didn't rent that piano for nothin'.
Let's go!
170
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,981
- What? Aw!
- ?? [Humming "Chopsticks"]
171
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,760
- Let's go. Let's go.
- Mmm!
172
00:09:56,862 --> 00:10:00,628
- Mmm, nothin'.
- Uncle Bernie, can I have a glass of milk?
173
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:04,032
Is that how you ask, baby girl?
Aw, baby girl.
174
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,400
- Uncle Bernie, please?
- ?? [Piano.' "Chopsticks"]
175
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:09,133
No, sweetheart.
Espa�ol, remember?
176
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:11,072
We spent all mornin'
coverin' milk.
177
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,805
- I forgot.
- Lee-che.
178
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:17,713
It's leche.
And, Bernie, she's just five.
179
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,717
I know she's only five,
sweetheart.
180
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,719
But there's a lot of
five-year-old kids over in Mexico.
181
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:25,348
They know how to say it,
and some right here in California.
182
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,086
Show Auntie Wanda you know
how to say it. Go ahead, baby girl.
183
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,389
Leche, por favor.
184
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,464
- Told you.
- She sounds Italian.
185
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,658
- She's only five. I'm proud of you.
- Mmm.
186
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,897
- Hey, Bryana, have you seen my new C. D?
- Mm-mmm.
187
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,529
We ain't got no time
for no music.
188
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,507
Honey, we eat dinner
in 20 minutes.
189
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,702
- I'm not hungry.
- Well, if you ain't hungry...
190
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,405
that gives you more doggone time
to go up in there and study.
191
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:51,847
And give me that Walkman.
Give it up.
192
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,486
Yeah, you study your math.
Two plus two is four.
193
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,784
Four plus four is six.
Am I right?
194
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:01,917
- Yeah.
- No! Eight!
195
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,792
That's why you need
to get up in there and study.
196
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,626
Here you go.
Brought you some lemonade.
197
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,534
- I'm studying.
- I know it.
198
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:15,766
That's why I'll give you
a little break.
199
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,207
You've been studyin' so hard.
200
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:19,834
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
201
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:23,881
I'll let you get back.
What's this, baby girl?
202
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,884
Nessa! A "D"?
203
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,480
You got a "D."
It don't make no sense.
204
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:35,151
You been in here studyin' all the time.
How you get a "D"?
205
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:39,493
- It's hard.
- Vanessa, if it's hard,
why don't you ask for some help?
206
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,828
- I'll help you.
- No.
207
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,902
Come on.
Let me help you.
208
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,274
[Chuckles]
209
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,812
Is this how you study, Nessa?
210
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:58,475
- Answer me. Is this how you study, Nessa?
- I don't know.
211
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,018
Then you ain't got
no shame, right?
212
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:07,255
Okay then, Nessa.
I got a math problem for you.
213
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:11,352
"D" plus your attitude
equal grounded.
214
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,297
What you think about that, Nessa?
215
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,335
'Cause it's gonna definitely give you
a chance to think about what you just did...
216
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,336
and give you more time to study.
217
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,010
Did you see that?
218
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,774
She didn't even care she got a "D."
219
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:31,941
In my day,
when I got a "D" I felt bad...
220
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:36,249
bad because I let myself down
and Big Mama down.
221
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:39,882
Oh, just thinkin' about the look
Big Mama would give me.
222
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,187
Oh, I mean,
it still make me shiver.
223
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:45,730
She didn't have to say nothin'.
Just the look was enough.
224
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:49,426
She didn't even have to punish me.
I punished myself.
225
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:53,801
Put myself on lockdown
till I brought home a better grade.
226
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:58,639
That darn Vanessa.
Now, America, you tell me again...
227
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,803
why I can't whup that child.
228
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,953
?? [Piano.' "Chopsticks"]
229
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,414
?? [Strikes Bad Note, Resumes]
230
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,587
Yo, man, come on, dog.
Let me turn up the radio.
231
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,755
See?
Let me tell you somethin'.
232
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,026
Y'�ll better enjoy it
while you can...
233
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,762
because when those tickets
cost $300 at Carnegie Hall...
234
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,895
don't call me for no hookups.
235
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,372
Brother, I don't think you gonna
have to worry about that.
236
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,205
- For real!
- Okay, okay.
237
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,303
Go on, get off. But I'm gonna
tell you somethin' right now.
238
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,712
See, I'm pushin' my kids
towards excellence.
239
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,445
That's right. And baby girl,
she gonna be a language expert...
240
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,453
'cause I'm immersin' her
in Spanish.
241
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:45,752
You want to immerse her in Spanish,
bring her over to my house.
242
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:49,316
My in-laws are visiting.
We ain't speaking nothin' but Spanish.
243
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:53,888
It's like M�xico 24-7 up in there.
She'll learn a lot, man.
244
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,900
- Are you serious, Chuy?
- Oh, yeah, man. Bring baby girl over.
245
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,334
I think that'd be great, man.
246
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,838
That'll be good for her
and less work for me.
247
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,671
- Thank you, baby.
- No problemo, papi.
248
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:07,337
Oh, Bernie got you
speaking Spanish too?
249
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,346
- [Phone Ringing]
- What's goin' on?
250
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:12,008
- [Spanish]
- I'll get it.
251
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,017
Hello?
Hey, Ed.
252
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,417
No, Shannon's not here.
253
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,615
They went to a party over
at StephanieJohnson's house.
254
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:22,660
Hey, baby, you let her go to a party?
I got her on punishment.
255
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,956
- I didn't know.
- Let me talk to him.
256
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,658
- Hold on.
- Let me talk to him.
257
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:30,530
Hello, Ed?
Yeah, this is Mac.
258
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,434
I'm on my way.
Game over.
259
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,099
- [Laughing, Chattering]
- ?? [Funk]
260
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,904
I told my dad I was going
to a get-together.
261
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,605
Say the word "party"
and he gets all paranoid.
262
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,308
Yeah. Fortunately,
my Aunt Wanda took pity on me.
263
00:14:44,416 --> 00:14:47,317
- She seems pretty cool.
- Yeah, but she could've married anybody...
264
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:49,785
and she married Bernie Mac...
I don't get it.
265
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:55,327
Hey, how about some brews?
266
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,395
[Together]
Dieting.
267
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,532
[Doorbell Rings]
268
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:06,029
- Cool. You're not the cops.
- Yo, how's it goin', man?
269
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,301
All right.
270
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,571
- Yo, man, Vanessa here?
- I don't know.
271
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:16,910
What is that, smoke?
Y'�ll smokin' in here?
272
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,780
Y'�ll are smokin' in here.
Where your parents at?
273
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,614
- Hey, man, it's not my house.
- Hold on, man.
274
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,156
Unsupervised party?
Son, you best to get out of my way.
275
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,316
Yo, Vanessa!
276
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,930
Oh, God.
And there's no way out.
277
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,932
- Vanessa!
- [All Gasping]
278
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,229
[Boy]
Old school in the house.
279
00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:52,850
You all know Vanessa?
That's all right.
280
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,352
I'll find her.
281
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:03,022
You're too young to die.
282
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:27,608
Hi, Nessa. I thought
I had you on punishment, Nessa.
283
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,814
What you doin' at a party
where there's alcohol?
284
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:42,463
How you doin', Ed?
It seems like our girls lost their mind...
285
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,468
at a unsupervised party
where there's drinkin'.
286
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,561
- Were you drinking?
- No, Dad.
287
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,731
How can I believe anything you say?
288
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,934
You told me you were at
Vanessa's house.
289
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:54,945
- Dad...
- No more gymnastics. Let's go.
290
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:59,347
- No more gymnastics? But I didn't do anything!
- I said, let's go.
291
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:07,791
- You knew you was on doggone punishment.
- ?? [Piano.' "Chopsticks"]
292
00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:09,793
Yeah, unfair punishment.
293
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,887
It ain't for you to call what's fair
or unfair. That's my job.
294
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:16,297
I'm tryin' to protect you so you don't
make a mess of your stupid little life.
295
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:19,997
You should be in the room studyin', besides
bein' at some party where there's alcohol.
296
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,539
First of all, I didn't know
there was gonna be drinking.
297
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:25,109
That's my point.
That's my point right there.
298
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,701
There's a lot of hidden dangers
out there, Nessa.
299
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,713
And as you get older
and get into high school...
300
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,045
you're gonna be exposed
to a lot worse than alcohol.
301
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:35,382
I have been exposed
to a lot worse.
302
00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:38,081
Or did you forget
where I used to live?
303
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:41,785
?? [Piano Continues]
304
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:45,762
The girl got a good point.
305
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,128
Damn.
306
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,133
You know, I don't know
what you're so upset about.
307
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,465
I don't wanna drink.
It's stupid.
308
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,234
And, besides,
nobody on the gymnastics team drinks.
309
00:17:56,341 --> 00:18:00,209
Okay, Nessa.
I'm gonna hold you to your word.
310
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:02,143
You can stay on
the gymnastic team, baby...
311
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:05,216
- Thank you.
- When your grades get better.
312
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,649
[Scoffs]
Grades.
313
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,813
[Door Closes]
314
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,823
So she don't wanna study.
315
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,984
She just wants to do gymnastics.
Well, that's fine.
316
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,460
I'll send her to Russia,
and all the time she ain't studyin'...
317
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:21,829
she can spend her time standing
in line for toilet paper and bread.
318
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,665
Oh, who am I kiddin'?
You just can't send your kids away.
319
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:33,773
America, that's it.
320
00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,506
I'm checkin' out.
321
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,707
No m�s.
Adi�s.
322
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,284
- I can't take it no more.
- ?? [Piano Continues]
323
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,617
And I'm takin' that
doggone piano with me.
324
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,931
- Hey.
- Hey.
325
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:02,500
So I guess you don't have to worry
about being late for gymnastics practice.
326
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:05,076
No kidding.
327
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,202
Is your dad still mad at you?
328
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,906
He's not speaking to me, Vanessa.
329
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:12,483
- But did you at least try to tell him...
- Vanessa.
330
00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:15,553
He's not even speaking to me.
331
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,919
It's like he hates me.
332
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:23,085
[Sighs] He told my mom
he should send me off to boarding school.
333
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:30,928
So, now do you wanna
switch families?
334
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,002
[Vanessa]
Can I talk to you guys for a second?
335
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:41,079
I just wanted
to tell you guys I'm sorry.
336
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,307
You're sorry?
337
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:47,181
I really am. I know you guys
want the best for me.
338
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:51,620
We want the best for you, Nessa,
but you got to want the best for yourself.
339
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,089
- I do.
- That's what you're saying.
340
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,890
I hear you talkin',
but talk is cheap.
341
00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:01,090
- You have to do somethin'.
- Math is really hard.
342
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,596
Nessa, I know math is hard.
Trig is hard.
343
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,142
Calculus is hard.
344
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:16,112
Doing a triple backflip is hard.
But I seen you do it.
345
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,616
Will you help me?
346
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:29,455
Nessa, I'll be glad to help you.
347
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:35,394
America, I got
some exceptional kids.
348
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,695
Sometimes they just need
a little push.
349
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,328
Well, in Nessa's case, a big push.
350
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,966
But it doesn't matter,
just as long as they get there.
351
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,909
And you know what?
They will.
352
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,480
Why?
'Cause they're Macs.
353
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,414
?? [Piano.' "Chopsticks"]
354
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,543
- Take five, Jordan!
- ?? [Continues]
355
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,781
- Take five!
- ?? [Continues]
356
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:00,289
Take a nap.
Take somethin'.
357
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:03,088
Should put that boy
in Spanish class like baby girl.
358
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,493
Help me, Spanish.
How do you...
359
00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:10,327
Llame el polic�a.
360
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,403
That's close enough.
361
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:19,341
�Llame el polic�a!
362
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:22,845
�Llame el polic�a!
�Llame el polic�a!
363
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:26,179
�Llame el polic�a!
�Llame el polic�a!
364
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,812
�Llame el polic�a!
�Llame el polic�a!
365
00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:37,122
Think I'll take a lesson my damn...
Let's move on.
366
00:21:39,264 --> 00:21:40,663
Come on, baby girl.
We gotta go.
367
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:42,996
Yo no voy. Yo no voy.
Yo no voy.
368
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:45,831
- She said, "I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving."
- That's what she said?
369
00:21:45,937 --> 00:21:47,928
[Screaming]
370
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,168
- No, baby, I got enough kids.
- Y'�ll give her a tamale or somethin'?
371
00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,176
- [Screaming]
- Baby girl, come here!
372
00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:55,473
- What's wrong?
- Baby girl.
373
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:57,275
- Come here. What's wrong?
- Oh, come on, baby. It's...
374
00:21:57,382 --> 00:22:00,283
- No, Papa! No, Papa! No!
- What you mean, "No, Papa..."
375
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:02,216
Hey, hey, hey.
You're scaring her, man.
376
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,482
Well, you...
377
00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:07,114
You got her goin' Elian Gonzalez on me.
30377
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